i feel like too many people are assuming something evil's up with jack. like i won't deny the possibility but "spooky child" feels like such a low hanging fruit esp when it seems pretty plausible that celia just genuinely freaked out when she started "sleepwalking" and made a lot of self sabotaging behaviors that ended with her having a kid. like, jack is one of the first things she thinks about the first time we see her wake up. she calls georgie up to keep him company even tho he's asleep to make sure he's not alone when she gets back (which is what she should do, dont get me wrong). it's clear she cares a lot about her kid, which i assume wouldn't be the case if he was some kind of weird supernatural child that took over her life

i think there's just some inherent disbelief that celia could be a working mom. like idk we don't see it a lot in fiction so it seems extra unusual, but the fact that it's a Big Deal is kind of part of her character. the fact alice reacts so strongly to her having a kid & the fact she mentions it immediately when she goes on a date with sam is part of the struggles of being a young mom. she has to be more responsible than other people around her, because there's someone else she has to take care of. it makes her relationship w sam inherently more serious which in turn creates a bigger gap between alice, sam & celia bc they can't "go out & have fun" like she wants. jack is ALREADY important to the plot just by being a baby.

glad to see that ppl are aware that nimbus doesn't deserve the hate they get bc it stems from them being nonbinary! but i also see them be compared to cayde a lot, which i understand. but ppl are like "they're basically another cayde" and idk how i feel about that. it seems weird and ignorant to sideline them as cayde but nonbinary when nimbus is more than that despite our lack of interactions + lore w/ them. ppl already had a hard time comprehending how they processed their grief through humor and their recklessness in the deterministic chaos mission so it's no surprise they just view them as a cayde comparison :/ sorry, i could be overthinking things i'm not sure. what do you think?

I feel similarly, it feels a bit reductive to just boil them down to another Cayde, though I understand the comparison. People mostly say it because a lot of the hate for Nimbus is the, genuinely, fake outrage over a character being a little silly and humorous at odd times which is strange because everybody loved Cayde who acted the same. And imo, with fewer good reasons for it as well; although both Cayde and Nimbus hide behind a persona to mask their feelings, I feel like Cayde, one of the Vanguard leaders with hundreds of years of experience under his belt should be a little less silly than a rookie Cloud Strider who's never had anything happen to them in their short life until the start of the expansion.

They're both different characters, but share some similarities in how they're perceived so I understand the comparison especially when people ONLY hate Nimbus for "making jokes." And you have to ask "If you dislike characters making jokes, how can you like Cayde then?" It's always people's first association when someone complains about a character making jokes. I don't think people often think of them as just copies of each other, it's just a natural comparison to draw when people pretend to be bothered by jokes.

I also feel like both of these characters have jokes that are a product of their time; this isn't unusual of course, but people tend to look down on anything new. Naturally, the jokes from MY youth were good and funny, the jokes the kids have these days are cringe and bad. That's essentially it.

I like both of them for their own reasons and I enjoy both of their humour styles. Also, a lot of people thought Cayde's behaviour in vanilla D2 was super cringe btw, I remember people being fairly annoyed that he was "cracking jokes" in the middle of one of the, arguably, worst situations the setting has ever been in (Red War, loss of Light). A lot of people don't remember that, but people did NOT like Cayde's silliness. I understand why, but I never really had an issue with it; it was just a relief from all the gloom otherwise. I think it makes sense to add a little bit of silly, and I think the same applies to Nimbus.

This is why people tend to compare the two! And then you look at all of that and you wonder why Nimbus is the one getting the hate and in most cases it boils down to transphobia. Not always, people can dislike the character for other reasons; but in a LOT of cases, online especially, it's just that. It's evident from the misgendering and the type of hate being hurled around which went as far as insulting the devs and the VA (who is nonbinary and spoke publicly about finding it hard to find work because of their identity). Again, people can dislike Nimbus for other reasons too, but it's really hard to divorce the overwhelming hate for Nimbus from their identity and the state of the gaming community currently.

i kind of can't believe i feel this way b/c i was already pretty cynical on this account, but like....i too am pretty floored by how comfortable europeans feel mustering huge, condescending, ill-informed opinions on this. the people who built huge swaths of their societies and national concepts out of hating, murdering, and exploiting us. my grandma always said they have no shame when it comes to us, but my god, i don't know, i thought maybe they would still pretend to have a little so long as the holocaust was still in living memory. i'm the prior half-and-half anon, and like. something very awkward for me rn is, i live in a very lefty part of the us. and so many of my friends are so eager to examine their own biases and bigotries when it comes to to one half of me. that's not to say they always really do it, but like, some of them do put in good-faith effort, and most at least know it's important to *look* like you give a shit about this stuff. but there is is literally no concept that they should do this with jews. i know for a fact a lot of them grew up with kike and christ-killer being terms used in the home, and plenty of them come from peoples and places that built themselves and their wealth on systemic jewish disenfranchisement and death. but there's just no interest in antisemitism, or, frankly, any real shared belief that this is even a real bigotry and not a temporary fever that gripped germany in total isolation for a decade or so. so i'm left with all these friends who caaaare soooo muuuch about one thing, but not the other, which i worry over, frankly, a lot more. i'm really starting to lose it. like, cool, friend telling me he thinks trump's immigration rhetoric is awful. that's really cool. maybe you could also read literally one article by a jew about antisemitism. no? cool. cool. idk if you've read dara horn's work, but she makes this point in her book people love dead jews that a lot of holocaust education doesn't seem to have done much, and that there's a particular weakness in how much of it has tried to appeal to gentiles by making it seem like something that could have happened to them. i'm really feeling that right now. people really know.....NOTHING about what antisemitism is, or how it functions, or it's history. they only really understand it as a denuded metaphor they can put towards their pet causes. and i feel that from such a weird mismatched pov every single day.

yeah exactly. they truly have no shame. like these people can understand white supremacy and how they may benefit from it but don’t get the same for antisemitism…

and i have read dara horn’s work and think she made a really good point with that

no matter how much dick I get... the urge to do vile things to this man will always prevail

NSFW MINORS DNI - AFAB/GN REFFERED READER - HEAD - TOXIC MASCULINITY (Belief that a penis is needed to make a man) - Sanemi with a CANNIBALISM/DIETY kink? Idk I got a little frisky with the head talk. - He begs for help at one point. HYPER CONSENT.

NEEDY FOR HEAD - WITH SANEMI

-'I don't like it when you get- lower like that. Makes my teeth ache. I feel like you're gonna... bite it off.'

-You're a little offended by the implication. Sure you're a little weird and off putting, but fuck all, you weren't REALLY gonna bite Sanemi's cock off when it came to it.

-You sigh.

-This little fit of his had been going on for a while, now. Sure you can get head all you want, but lord forbid YOU want to GIVE. Lord forbid YOU want to SATISFY.

-'It's not funny anymore.'

-'Wasn't ever trying to be funny.' he spits in turn.

-'Then I'd like an unfunny answer.'

-'I'm being serious, damn! It feels like my balls are gonna go up when you're down there! Why don't you believe me?!'

-Sanemi had never been very explicit about his wants. Keeping your laugh to yourself was a little hard at such a question. Sanemi's face blared red in response.

-'That's it! I'm putting my cl-'

-You lept for him, pulling him back down to the bed. You forgot you had to be kind, and slow. Sanemi never really had the kind of face that begged for such things, but that was part of the problem. Sanemi never really liked to beg.

-'No! NO! I'm sorry- it's not funny, it's- Sanemi, you know how often this happens.' He stilled, more than a little tense at the accusation. 'You are- I know it's hard, but... biting it off?'

-'Y-Yes.' He'd huff. 'I- it just feels weird.'

-'Bad weird, scary we-'

-'Like I'm going to... Embarass myself weird.'

-Your silence followed, and then Sanemi turned even further away from you. He was unwilling to pull his hand from your grasp in an effective way. Instead resorting to a very feeble wiggle and slight whine.

-'Let me go.' He mumbled.

-'No way! No way-' You rush, tugging him down to the bed. You pull him against you. He seems to soften as your breasts press into his forearm. 'That doesn't sound all that bad.'

-Sanemi would rather die. The thought of him... letting go so... early. So explicitly at your will, so weak and helpless, his only call to manhood left in the fight of your biting maw-

-Part of it excited him, he figured. But he didn't figure that deep. If he did, he'd know this and that about submission, and maybe the light sense of masochism that made the concept all that more thrilling.

-Maybe it scared him a little knowing you could hurt him there if you wanted to, and maybe he got a little hard when he got scared. Maybe Sanemi missed being scared,

-When you talk him into it, he's most reluctant to see your teeth, but you let him play with the connection between his tip and your tongue. Giving him all the power to pull away when it just gets too much.

-Your tastes buds are far different from the ribbing of your pussy. They're delicate, and you have far more control over that muscle, so when you take Sanemi fully in your mouth, he's flung to the bed.

-He's seeing god, he thinks. He can almost imagine your jaw clamping down, taking it all away from him, keeping it for yourself.

-He's enthralled by how willing he is. By how bad he wants it to be all yours. How delusional he is for thinking you'd even think this way. This is simply an act of pleasure to you, but one of Divinity to him. This is God, for he, such a simple man, cannot grasp the eccentricities of religion when they are found anywhere other than the beads of spit between his base and your lips.

-He begins sobbing, almost hoping you'll make it stop. He can't feel this good, he can't know the world feels this good. How cruel to send him back to war when he's knows the sound of a song birds throat.

-He's a head pusher. He can't help it. He feels too good, he's blacking out half way through, which isn't very long. Not at all, practically convulsing on the bed.

-'Oh!- Ah--- Y/N- Oh- God- God- Ah!' And all the ooh's and aah's as he cums sobbing down your throat.

-It's enough to spill out of your lips, and find its way back to his pubes, all covered in your spit and snot. And he's breathing heavy and shaking still because god knows that cock never really gets to cum it all away- those balls can never truly be empty.

-'Oh- god- god- help- help-' He's choking, grabbing his face to brush the tears away.

-You're a little dumbfounded. You're not sure what the fuss is, but you're excited to try deep throating him for the first time. That'll probably make him die or something, he might die-

I think I already talked about this and I've seen others mention it but it's been on my mind again:

Is it weird that grian is usually drawn looking like a teenager or just a kid in general while the others look like adults

Silver would be a very different person if he was raised by Shadow. Silver is naive precisely because he wasn't raised by anybody.

yeh you right!

i think the way i imagine dadow is different from how most other people imagine it; where silver still grew up on his own and it was only after he first went back in time he meets shadow in the future n he becomes his dad, basically to explain why the first time silver came across shadow in the past he wasn’t immediately like “dad?”

so i imagine silver comes across old man shadow at fourteen and is like “shadow??? wtf???” and from there the father-son relationship begins, so silver’s naïveté would still make sense ‘cus he wasn’t raised by shadow from day one

i become more and more convinced that Scully reacts like a person with Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria when Mulder shows signs of being interested in spending time with people who are Not Her. Starting with prime plagiaristic schlub Jerry Lamana, former partner, so it's not just a romantic jealousy. The Lone Gunmen are exempt from this somehow, probably because the guys always support Mulder but also don't monopolize his time. But anyone else, especially a female someone else, makes her spiral painfully.

Yes, there's an element of protectiveness. Everyone around Mulder seems to take advantage of him, he practically goes barrelling out asking to be misused and misled. But it's really, clearly not just that, because she goes into big distress and starts doubting her place in her life, regardless of the rationality of it, or what Mulder has shown or communicated to her about his feelings for her in the past.

It's endearing, but it's not, despite what collective fanon plays on to enhance angst scenarios, grounded in the reality of mulder's actual textual behavior and sentiments towards her, i.e. that he's ever given any indication that there's any way he'd accept someone else as his partner or give anyone else the majority of his attention. Rationally Scully know this, to the point that she was worried that he wouldn't survive if she died of the cancer. But RSD isn't rational, it's a maladaptive reaction, and one that makes a lot of sense with her being some flavor of 'quirky 90s character' ND who's always been socially just as much an outsider as Mulder has.

I don't think it's an intentional portrayal of that specific type of reaction, but i don't think Scully's jealousy/fear of being unseated is meant to show that her place with him is in actuality tenuous. And i personally believe that within the parameters of their indirect communication style and via all the massive gestures and risks they've taken for each other, the security of their bond actually is mutually well established. It's just those reaction flashpoints for her, where he pays attention to another woman in the course of an investigation/crisis incident and despite the fact that they've gone to the ends of the earth for each other, she starts thinking, 'well maybe he's done with me, maybe this is the time he's found someone more interesting he likes better, it's all over.' But even with Diana I don't think this is grounded in Mulder's actual behavior or level of interest in any ~interlopers. It's a reaction that she's having but it's disproportionate.

And I do love some yummy angst fic and love triangles and playing Diana up to the ultimate wedge issue! But I do also think it would be interesting to dig into Scully's jealousy/possessiveness/disproportionate hurt. I think Mulder sees it, at least somewhat, he's not ~afflicted with masculine feelings blindness or just being a self-absorbed ass (as some have accused lol), I think he's just bewildered, and doesn't seem to feel able or even allowed to approach these kind of personal emotional issues with Scully -- and she does also get very defensive about things in this vein so. It's hard to find the inroad to get them to talk about it.

But I do think it would be interesting to see, confronting the actual issues inherent in Mulder having/displaying professional or even casual personal interest in other people/women that he doesn't see as serious or impactful long term in his life, and Scully feeling as though she's in a love triangle, which is a very unsettling, even terrifying feeling even if it's not representative. It would be interesting to see Mulder see and confront that, have him saying, basically, nothing about us has changed and I don't plan for it to change, but i see you catastrophizing this and I don't get it. Why do you even think you'd need to compete?

Though i also don't see Scully being able to respond to that beyond deflection or getting emotional to the point of being unable to articulate anything. But it is something she needs to wrestle with, especially as she and Mulder head deeper and deeper into their relationship.

i very rarely get a sense of satisfaction from completing tasks. ive heard people say this is an ADHD thing, but idk. personally i think i might just be bad at being alive

me laughing at the same jokes i’ve heard 1000 times every time i listen to/watch a recording of phantom

I've been thinking a lot about magic healing today.

Like I can't stop thinking about how much truly incredible medical knowledge (specifically what we now think of as folk medicine, or like... battlefield surgery) is rendered pretty much completely obsolete by the existence of people who can mend bones with a thought. About how rare it must be for someone to actually know about how a body functions, when among most adventuring types, there's... actually little practical use for such knowledge, with little motivation beyond curiosity to figure it out.

Like of course, I'm sure there are many settings in which those with magical talent are few and far between. I'm sure there are low-magic settings where having access to magical healing is rare, and/or comes at a prohibitively high price for most commoners. But I can't help but think that... in worlds where healing spells and broad-spectrum healing potions are found in the stock of pretty much every merchant and every thug's inventory, ready to be looted, the work of midwives, village wise-women, herbalists, field medics, surgeons, and a thousand other professions is made pretty much completely irrelevant to so many people, simply because clerics, paladins, druids and such, are able to just.... wave a hand, and eradicate diseases, mend bones, transfuse blood, restore limbs, and sometimes even raise the dead.

Being medically knowledgeable on top of being magically adept would probably not only be rare as hell (hello, Halsin), it'd also take a lot of dedication, and a lot of respect for the body and the natural way of things that... I don't know how many even among the best magical healers would actually have.

I'd imagine that many who usually have steady access to a healer don't actually know jack shit about their own health, and... maybe even those who rely on magic to heal, don't actually know what they're doing all that often.

Idk. I'm just rotating this thought in my head today.

I wanna. Pick them up in my mouth and shake 'em around like a dog obliterating a squeaky toy

venting in tags about gender n shit (long as hell) (u can comment and talk 2 me as always :3)

sometimes researching for avatar redesigns has you 6 layers deep into the Japan's Meiji era allies wiki

...

also like. life update. since coming to college i think i've decided i want to be less online in general, because i don't think it benefits my mental health to be on any online website too much. i know i still have strong ties to fandom and whatnot but i'm trying to reconcile my relationship with the things i've created knowing the headspace i was in when that happened; cs is more of a diary to me than anything, at least where i'm at currently. i DO want to be on discord more this break because there's people i want to VC and catch up with-- but ultimately i think i'm like exactly the worst kind of person to operate with any kind of stability on the internet so we're going to mess around with what that looks like for me for a while. love u guys and once finals are officially up in two days i'll be back to say hi :]

having a novel experience of feeling bad today (cramps) but thinking "i should still try to get some work done" only to remember i don't actually. have any work due? i cleared out my main commission queue for the first time in years? i do have one comm for a friend and some routine patreon stuff to get to, but that's not due until the end of the month. im like. actually caught up and it's fine if i just don't work today.