#and then we also explained what gay panic actually means just for good measure even though she's never said that (bc she's cishet) | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mka1098 · 3 years

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I’m Gay Panicking But It’s Fine - A Solangelo One-Shot Fanfiction

Thank you to @windbyfire for letting me use your fanart !

Might be a bit of OOC it's my first Solangelo piece; they are just too cute for me not to try and write them. Also, I'm straight (feel free to make fun of me like my friends, I take all the hits) so my attempt at gay panic is just not great. I just tried to think of my friend when they gay panic. Haha, hope you guys like this piece, and here's the link to the podfic/audio version

Audio listen along: https://youtu.be/xRLTIr6ZqwE

I'm Gay Panicking But It's Fine by Mka1098

Nico is a generally petulant, cold-faced, and stoic person. He smiles only during the darkest and latest of nights and barely grunts a word at people. His expressions are perceived as less than friendly and perhaps the only people who weren’t afraid of him and his ghost powers could be counted on one hand. (Percy, Annabeth, Jason, Hazel, and Renya). So it was a total shock to him when the golden-haired Will Solace bounced next to him right as he was leaving his cabin at 2 PM in the afternoon.

“Uh… hi?” He says in the quietest voice. Will smiles brightly at him.

“Hi, Nico.” The blonde says. Nico frowns. He feels as if he’s being smirked at. And oh, it is not a welcomed feeling, not for him. Enough people believe they can mess with him and those said people were sent right to Will’s own wing.

“What do you want?” He asks with a bit of bite in his tone. Will shrugs.

“Just wanted to say hi.” He says evenly. Nico scowls at him.

“That’s it?” His tone is harsh. “You just wanna pop over here and say hi? For no reason?” Nico says snarkily. Surprisingly, Will doesn’t run and scream in terror; he doesn’t start to shake either. Instead, his smile seems to grow infinitesimally bigger and he shoves his hands into his pockets.

“Yep.” He pops the P of the word before turning sharply left and away from Nico. The blonde doesn’t even look back at the confounded boy he had left standing. Instead, he smiles at some of the other campers and heads into cabin 6.

Nico stares back at him dumbly, even as he disappears into the cabin. “What the Hades?” He mutters quizzingly to himself. Nico crosses his arms tightly on his chest. There are some other campers, gossips for sure, who are staring at him. They are murmuring hush whispers while clearly pointing at him. He sends them a murderous glare; the point gets across and they scramble away quickly. Nico sighs. Sure being dark and broody is helpful when one wants to be alone but there are times when he doesn’t want to be alone. Alas, how on this earth is one supposed to make friends when they have the appearance of a walking skeleton. Nico keeps walking towards the mess hall. He needs food; he needs it now. His stomach shouts at him to hurry up. Hm, if only Jason was here then maybe he’d believe him that yes, the Nico Di Angelo does still run on sustenance-- well, something other than happy meals.

Few campers are still in the mess hall when he arrives. They stick to their own tables, their only sibling. Nico has no sibling, not any that are here at least. Sitting down, he summons plain salted noodles, slightly butter and light garlic; diet coke rather than water. He sighs as he smashes a forkful into his mouth. Pasta’s great and all but he eats it because they are simple carbs. Plain pasta isn’t overpowering, it isn’t too earthy or meaty or lettuce. It’s just enough to keep him upright. Nico sighs again as he finishes half the bowl, quickly getting sick of the dish. As he scrapes the rest of the pasta into the fire, he wishes he had a friend next to him.

“Welcome back.” Nico groans as the harsh light attacks his eyes. He attempts to get up but is shoved, gently at least, back down. “You just woke up; it’d be awful if you fainted again.” The voice chuckled. Nico’s eyes register just enough to see curly blonde hair next to him. The figure is wearing a white coat and holding a clipboard; it’s Will.

“What happened?” Nico says in a slight snarl.

“Shadow travel,” Will responds dryly. “Did you know you have a limit on distance and time?” He asks with an innocent voice but his eyes are letting on more than he’s saying. “It seems to me that your body uses a lot of energy to travel around that way and it lowers our blood sugar significantly.”

Nico scowls at him and blinks at the feeling of a hollow ache within him. “Yes, I did know that.” He says. Will makes a half-smile, half-smirk.

“Great, then I’m going to need you to manage your shadow traveling a bit better,” Will says. “I will come up with exact rules soon but know it’s going to be more limited now.”

Nico feels fury well up inside of him. “Not over my dead body.” He growls. Wills chuckles at his threat, annoying Nico even more.

“One-” Will puts a finger up. “-if you were a dead body then I did my job wrong. Two, as if you’d go so quickly. And three, doctor’s orders.” He says firmly, leaning in. Nico crosses his arms indignantly.

“And what if I don’t listen?” He snaps.

“You will.” Will sounds so sure of himself. Nico’s eyes darken.

“And how do you know that?”

Will leans in; he leans in very much. Nico gulps subconsciously and for a moment is shell-shocked by the smug look on Will’s face. His eyes are full of bright lights and mirth. His mouth is pink and completely sure. Nico never really talked to Will before… well yesterday when he had randomly said hi when Nico woke up. He had always known the blonde, how could one not and vise versa. He knew Will was smart and capable and a wicked good doctor; Nico just didn’t know how commanding and snarky he was either.

“Oh, I have a feeling.” With that, Will leans back and rips off a piece of paper, and hands it to Nico. The boy stares at it; it has times and measurements. “Your rules,” Will says easily. “Doctor’s orders.” He leaves with a flourish of his coat and Nico is left still on the bed with shouted orders to rest.

Nico is surprised-- pleasantly surprised. Everyone at camp is afraid of him and his ‘scary’ powers. But Will is not. It’s a nice change. A hint of a smile appears on Nico’s face. He actually listens for once (because he is not Percy Jackson)

“What is that?” Nico stares at the cards in Will’s hands. He shrugs. Nico scowls at him deeper. “What is that?” He repeats.

“Mythomagic cards.” Will smiles brightly; Nico wants to put on sunglasses. “I was playing with a couple of my patients when I remembered that you used to be a huge fan of the game. That was how you identified Dionysus right?” Will teases. Nico feels his face warm up, something that never happened before. Indignantly, he turns away with a huff. “Huh? Don’t like it? Mm… could’ve sworn you still liked the game; oh well, see you later then.”

Will only takes about 3 steps before Nico caves. “Wait,” Nico calls out quiet but Will hears and spins around as if he had shouted at the top of his lungs. “I- I still like the game, okay?” Nico says, trying to act hardened but it wasn’t working as well as he was hoping it would.

“Perfect!” Will says with a grin on his face. “Come join me.” He puts a hand out between them. Nico stares at it. What? Noticing that Nico didn’t move a muscle, Will quirks an eyebrow up. “Huh? Too much for you to handle?” He teases. “Sorry, just say it.” He brings his hands back to the pocket of his sweatshirt but smiles welcomingly for Nico to follow him. Nico frowns before giving in and following the blonde. He still catches the smirk residing on Will’s face.

“You don’t need to look so smug; I still like the game,” Nico growls. Will tilts his head to the side.

“I hoped so.”

They enter the hospital healing wing and there is a group of kids in clean white robes that seem to light up when their eyes catch on Will. They are young-- ages 9...10...11...12 perhaps. “Dr.Solace!” They chorus before even noticing that Nico stands next to him. Will smiles brightly; he looks almost like an angel of medicine with the sun shining through the window. “You’re back!” The kids continue. Will laughs and leaps onto one of the empty gurneys. Nico walks and stands awkwardly next to it. The kids don’t spare him much of a glance-- he wants to melt into the shadows to escape but finds that the wing is so lit up with light the nearest shadow could barely cover his entire hand.

“I am!” Will says, eyes Twinkling. “And… I brought a friend.” He presents his arms out like a magician showing his newest trick. The kids stare at Nico. Nico stares back awkwardly. Uh… what is he supposed to do now? He waves; a tight forced smile is on his face. The kids look at him intently and then back at Will. They smile, a move Nico did not expect, and nearly giggle out. What on… what? “Guys…” Will says with a head shake. Nico looks at him with a head shake. Is there a blush on his face or has Nico forgotten breakfast again? “-don’t laugh. This is Nico.”

A kid falls over, chortling. “Oh… we know.” He says mischievously. Will sends him a hard look. The kid turns back to Nico and thrusts a stack of cards in his hands. “You’ve ever played?” Nico looks at the cards… amateur set.

“Yeah.” Nico grunts. The kids here are all too young to know his past-- they don’t know what these cards mean to him. “Course I do… I’ve got seven of these.” He continues. The kid’s eyes widen like saucers; the other kids gasp dramatically.

“No way!” The kid lights up like a firework. “That’s so many! I only have that one of everything. But I do have two Apollos!” The kid explains.

“No, you don’t! You don’t have Athena.”

“It didn’t come with!”

“That’s no excuse.”

Nico is confused and stares at the bickering kids, unsure of what to do next. WIll seems to have noticed his discomfort because he leans over slightly. “Tanner, he’s one of Ares’s kids. Lara’s mom is Athena. They like to fight a lot but they’re friends.” He explains. Nico quietly nods, observing as Lara and Tanner begin to shove each other's shoulders. Will allows them to fight for a minute longer before cleaning his throat and stenly glaring at them. Lara sheepishly takes her hands off of Tanner’s shoulders. “That’s enough; do you want to start the game now or what?” Will smiles, holding his cards up. Nico copies the motions, inspecting each player carefully.

“I’m ready to win.” Lara brags. Without meaning to, a rare smirk raises to Nico’s face; it feels equally foreign and nice.

“That’s funny because I’m sure I’m going to win,” Tanner shouts at her. Lara stickers her tongue out at her.

Nico lowly huckles, hiding it behind his stack of cards. Will seems to be the only one who notices it. The blonde looks at him with a smile and eyebrow quirk. Nico scowls. “What?” He snaps.

Will shakes his head. “Nothing. Just nice to see that look on your face.”

Nico stares at him, unsure of what he means. So instead of worrying about it, he resorts to slamming these kids at Mythomagic. No one knows it better than he does.

“Woah! How’d you do that?” Lara shouts at him when Nico unsurprisingly wins. He shrugs.

“Easy move.” He says lazily. Lara glares at him but it’s nothing like her older sister’s stare so he’s not fazed at all. “You’ll learn it in time.” He all but teases. She snarls at him; he slightly grins back.

Will laughs and forces Lara to put her cards back in the pile. “He’s a big fan of the game, don’t take it personally.” He tells her. Tanner looks back at Nico with wide and impressed eyes.

“Really?”

Nico feels awkward-- never once has anyone looked at him in awe. Why was this kid doing these? What did he want from him? “Uh- yeah. I have most of the extra packs. You know, it’s fun.” HE babbles out, wanting to melt into the ground. Tanner leaps up onto his gurney.

“That’s awesome!” He cries. “Can you play with us more?” He asks. His eyes go big and wide and Nico finds it in himself to not shut him down with a harsh no. tanner looks excited, Lara looks interested and Will looks smug. Nico snarls at him.

“What’s got you all happy and sunshiny?” He asks. Will just keeps smiling, still looking like a medicine angel or whatever.

“It’s nice seeing you have fun. I’m so used to you groaning in pain on one of these.” He motions to the gurneys. “You should play with us more. Lots of the kids love the game.” Will asks. His smile seems welcoming. Nico is still unsure if he should or shouldn’t agree. “Besides… how else will those extra card packs come into use?” Will teases.

Nico decides that he’ll agree to play with him more often. “Touche.” He mumbles and Will knows he’s won. The kids are a bit loud for his taste but the game is fun. It’s nice playing with people who love Mythomagic almost as much as he does. And Will… he’s nice… a little too nice but not awful. He’s a nice friend. Maybe…

When Nico leaves the hospital wing to retreat into his own cabin to nap the day away, he leaves with a new ten-year-old fan, a planned gaming session next Tuesday, and Will’s touch lingering on his shoulder. He buries himself in his four blankets and knocks out for twenty hours.

He admits… it’s weird having a friend-- at the same time, it’s so nice. Will is friendly and bright; slightly annoying but sometimes it makes him smile in a way that makes him also want to bury himself into the ground. How could a person look so sweet yet not disgusting? It didn’t make sense! The last time a person had smiled like an angel and been cute without being awful was Percy and Nico didn’t need another round of that.

“Hey… Will, can you- do you think you can help me with something?” Nico says, very nervously. The feeling’s very odd for him; he’s more brooding than awkward on a day-to-day basis. The young patients behind Will seem to giggle slightly. The blonde smiles back at him, looking as golden as his father in a tiny way.

“Yeah… with what?” He asks, leaning forward on the gurney.

Nico opens his mouth to respond but is distracted for a second. Who on Gaea’s earth gave Will arms like that? They’re strong, that’s clear but not overly muscled and big. Lean but firm and oh dear Zeus, why can’t Nico stop gaping at them. Why are they so gorgeous? Why are they so distracting? Oh gods. Nico swallows and forces his eyes away from the view. If Will had noticed him staring, he certainly doesn’t show it. His smile is as serene and pleasant as ever. Nico swears his face isn’t bright red but it may be.

“Um- Per- my dad wants me over for dinner and… I don’t know, I wanna make a good impression on my step-mom; she’s not trying to smite me so I think it’d be nice.” Nico admits, fighting the urge to shadow travel away. God, he’s so awkward. Nico blames Will’s newfound arms for the feeling-- technically though, Nico had been awkward since he called out Will’s name while walking slowly into the room.

“Yeah, of course!” Will smiles brightly.

“Really?”

“Definitely. My shift’s wrapping up anyway so I have the time.”

“Oh.” A smile sneaks its way up on Nico’s face. He hates it. “Thanks.” He says meekly. Will shrugs, calling that it’s no problem and that he’ll meet him at his cabin in about ten minutes.

When Nico closes his cabin door, he questions his own sanity.

He further questions it as Will explains which fork is which and which spoon goes where. Oh if he thought his arms were a distraction before then it was the entire center star of a solar system now. With his doctor coat, most of Will’s arm had been covered and only the forearm showed and a sliver of upper arms-- now his entire arm is on display and Nico’s mouth is basically probably drooling. It’s all lean muscle and beautifully tanned skin.

“Nico? Hello~?” Will waves his hand in front of his face and Nico jumps about a foot in the air. Will snickers; Nico does not.

“I hear ya, salad, soup, all that,” Nico growls in an attempt to hide his gaping. Will chuckles and folds his arms over his chest. Huh, wow… biceps-- very nice. Nico feels dizzy.

“Great, then I will be on my way then,” Will says easily, walking towards the door.

Everything in Nico’s mind and body screams at him to not let the boy leave. He steps up and puts a hand on Will’s shoulder and wow, it’s an equally terrible and glorious idea. He jerks back like he’s been burned; Will takes notice and looks at him like he’s gone insane. He probably is a third way there.

“I- I need help picking something nice to wear.” Nico blabbers out, a very unlikely thing for him to do. “Pure emo black probably isn't the best impression.” He continues like an idiot. He secretly asks for the earth to open up and swallow him whole. Then again, he could probably have that arranged if he really wanted it to happen. “I don’t know what to do, you know…?” Cue awkward grin. Cue facepalm. Cue Will’s weirdly cute head tilt.

“Well your father is Hades so I don’t think she’d really mind this-” Will looks him up and down; Nico’s face becomes red. “-ensemble. But I do get where you’re coming from. I’m thinking… nice but still My Chemical Romance?” Will teases him. Nico scowls at him. “I kid-- actually no I don’t.” Will makes a quick turn and thrust open Nico’s closet. It’s a total mess and explosion of black clothing. He’s unsure if he should be embarrassed or not. Either way, he is. “This… not bad...this one is actually better-- okay, I got one.” Will throws his newfound sartorial choice. Nico catches it in his hands and looks quizzingly at them. “Nice non-ripped jeans, striped black and white button-up… just wear black sneakers and comb your hair out of your face a bit,” Will instructs him.

Nico nods. “Not a bad choice.” He laments. WIlls rolls his eyes and scoffs.

“I’m gay-- course I have some style. What’s your excuse?” He says snarkily.

Nico can only blink back at him. Gay, gay, he’s gay. Oh of course he’s gay! His inner monologue is stupid. I’m gay, he’s gay. Oh my gods, we’re both gay. I could date him! I wanna date him? Do I? No! I don’t! Maybe? Yes? No? He has great arms… it wouldn’t be bad. And a pretty cute smile-- plus he’s gay. Wait… why is he staring at me with that look? Nico opens his mouth but no words come out. Wills starts to full-on laugh. He’s laughing, oh my gods, I’m dead. It’s cute… AH, I’M EVEN MORE SCREWED! Wow, his arms… I should watch him do his blood tests one day. Nope...that’s weird. But would it be hot? Probably…AUGH!

“Are you okay?” Will gasps in between his chuckles. Whatever is happening in Nico’s mind is the mental equivalent to a keyboard smash.

“Yep,” Nico says, preparing to shadow travel. He steps backwards into the shadow and begins to melt away.

But much to his shock, Will’s eyes widen and his hands shoots out, grabbing Nico by his hoodie sleeve. Will drags him back into the light and aggressively points a finger in his face. His expression is a mix between worry and lots of anger. He’s never been like this before. Nico is shocked and weirdly intrigued.

“You’re not getting away with that-- not from me at least.” Will scolds him. Nico stares at him blankly. He’s mad… it’s lowkey hot. Uh- should I be breathing right now because I don’t think I am. I mean, he’s a doctor he could fix me. NO! BAD IDEA! I’ve never seen him so mad. Or mad at all. Huh. Huh... I don’t think my brain is functioning. “-as your doctor… it is an order.” Will finish but Nico caught only 10% of what he said. Nico gulps, not out of fear but out of… well he doesn't even know.

“Noted,” Nico says dryly. Will huffs and nods, looking at him with a fierce glare. It’s now he understands why Percy gets that stupid dazed look on his face when Annabeth is yelling at him. He’s really hot right now and I don’t think that's okay. Nico wants to shadow travel again but it would probably be risky. Not that he doesn't want to see angry Will again, it’s more so… he’s already pushed it.

“Good,” Will says haughtily before leaving the cabin.

Nico stares out his window till Will’s curly blonde hair is no longer visible. He then falls into his bed, face-first into a pillow. He blinks into the pillow-- and does so for a very long time. His brain is fried and it is because of Will.

I’m panicking

“I need your help.”

“Really?”

“Yes! Please help me now!”

“Okay, okay, what for?”

Nico looks around him and then back at the IM. “I think I’m panicking.” She raises a brow at him and drily says, no duh. He glares at her; Renya isn’t phased in the slightest. “But really-- I feel like my heart is about to explode.”

“Is your heartbeat really going that fast?” Renya questions. Nico throws his arms up in the air.

“Maybe? Probably not?” Nico sighs and drags a hand down his face. “...I saw Will.” He admits.

Renya’s face turns into an interested smile. “Go on.”She says. Nico feels his face heating up and the following urge to jump into an ice bath. Gods, he hated blushing like a ten-year-old girl.

“Everyone was going swimming…” He continues. The smirk on Renya’s face grows. “-and I decided that maybe I should go too, you know, for fun.” He mumbles.

“Nice to hear you’re not hermit-shelling yourself.” Renya teases. Nico glares at her. SHe only shrugs.

“But-” Nico points up a finger. “Will and his sibling decided to go swimming in the lake too. Which I guess makes sense or whatever, everyone in camp is burning up today but I still wasn’t expecting it.”Nico ignores Renya’s snickers.

“You didn’t realize that he: as a part of the camp, was going swimming in the lake?”

“Shut up!”

“You literally called me to freak out over this.”

Nico just nearly swipes at the message. “I discovered his arms a couple weeks ago and I couldn’t look at him the same; now I’ve seen him without a shirt and I can’t look at him, full stop. He’s hot-- like really hot. Literally looks like his dad; what do I do?” Nico walks around in a circle in his cabin, tugging at his hair in a frenzy. “I stared at him for a complete minute. I don’t think I breathed or blinked or moved at all. Just- I stood there.” He continues.

“Nico,” Renya says seriously. “You’re panicking.” She deadpans. He turns to scowl at her. She raises a brow in defiance.

“I know that!” He cries out. His eyes catch to the uncovered window where there is a perfect view of bare-torso Will ran by. He is silently laughing, hair flying back and eyes nearly closed. Nico gulps and his brain pauses for a minute or two. How are the campers around him even functioning!? It’s like watching a piece of art but not in an objectifying way. “I’m gay panicking but it’s fine.” Nico sputters out. The words are a total mess that falls in front of him. Renya cackles like a witch.

“Will walked by?”

“Yes!”

Nico grabs a blanket from his bed and huddles it around his body. He groans loudly and falls to the ground. Renya’s eyes trail down with him, quietly witnessing his breakdown. She doesn’t even make a sound as he mutters deliriously about how Will is affecting him and that his brain is now melted.

“You know, it may just help to tell him you like him. Might stop the panicking.” Renya offers. Nico glares at her from the ground and forces an arm out to wave around madly.

“What part of-” His arms are now a helicopter rotor. “-this makes you think I could confess.”

Renya rolls her eyes. “You’re an emo-depressed boy, not an emo anxious boy.” She says drily.

“I could be both!”

“But you’re not.” Reyna chuckles. “It’s fine to tell him you like him. He’s not as blind as Percy; he’s as gay as you are so that means he knows what he’s doing. You’ve said it before, he’s very clearly smirked while you blushed. Why not tell him? Will’s not the type to lead a person on. He probably is just waiting his time and having fun with it. It’s more torturous for you than him.” Nico makes a sound of pure gay panic for an impressibly long time. Renya allows him to do so. “I gotta go soon.” She looks off the IM for a second and nods. “However, you still need to at least consider it.” She points at him threateningly.

Nico nods meekly from the floor and watches wordlessly as the IM disappears.

If anyone is able to die from gay panicking, Nico’s unwilling trying to accomplish it.

Nico wants to die but he can’t seem to turn off his mouth. The words he was spilling weren’t the ones he had practiced with Renya but Will is smiling at them nonetheless. He’s sure the red on his face has taken over and he’s become a tomato head. Nico feels miserable and thanks all deities for making sure no one else is walking onto the scene.

“-so yeah that's kinda what I wanted to say...yeah.” Nico prays for his father’s realm.

Will lets out a laugh and if it wasn’t so horribly sweet and cute, Nico would have shadow traveled away. “That’s very nice and brave of you to say,” Will says. He leans out and presses a kiss to Nico’s cheek. Nico nearly falls over. “And I like you too. But I’ve been waiting for you to make a move since you started staring at my arms like a lifeline.” Nico gasps and points at Will accusingly.

“You noticed?”

“How could I not.”

Nico glares at him harshly. “I don’t like you no more.” He mutters. Wills sighs but with a smile on his face. He opens his arms and closes them around Nico’s form. Nico is shocked by the fact that he is still standing. His inner mind is frozen still. “Oh.” He says dumbly.

Will chuckles, the sound resonates lowly and vibrates from his chest to Nico. “Does this make up for it?”

Nico scowls but doesn’t deny anything. His heart is beating much faster than it should but it’s kinda okay with him. He decides that, yes the hug makes up for the torture Will put him through: freaking arm tease. It’s warm and comforting and he really likes how Will smells.

“Yeah. It does.”

Awe... aren't they just so cute? I wrote this pretty late at night so my own speech patterns ended up slipping in. By the way, the emo-depressed/anxious boy thing is literally a thing I put in from my own personal conversations. I have a very wonderful NB emo anxious depressed boi in my life. I hoped you guys liked this story and found it either funny, cute, or slightly relatable...maybe. - Mka1098

#solangelo #nico di angelo #solangelo fanfic #solangelo fanfiction #will solace #pjo #percy jackson fanfiction #they are just cute gay children #nico is panicked #will is hot #gay panic #gay panicking #nico is gay panicking over will

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beclynn-herondale · 4 years

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Thoughts on Cassandra Clare ? Are u pro cc ?

dear Anon,

So I am gonna start this out with I wouldn't say I am pro CC,

do I enjoy her writing? Yes

Do I think she does ignorant and hurtful things? Also yes

Do I think it is okay to criticize her In a non hateful way? Yes, i don't approve of hating on someone that's something you can never take back, nor do I support pulling people apart cause let me tell you it fucks people up I have experienced this it is one of the worst things you can do to a person, you make them doubt everything about themself and for some you can fuck them up mentally and it can lead to more extreme measures.

Criticism doesn't need to be hateful or mean, it can be civilized and educational instead, in my opinion we need to educate and explain why it's wrong not hate them or cancel them that's not gonna solve anything, it's not gonna erase what the person said or did, you're only causing more pain and hate and let's be honest there's enough of that already.

Do I agree that she doesn't handle her POC well? YES

Do I acknowledge she said some islamophobic things? YES

Do I agree she may fetishises? Yes

Do I acknowledge she mistreats her wlw ships? Yes but also I do understand that LGBTQIPA+ rep is harder to get in cause publishers can be assholes and the world is still not as accepting of LGBTQIPA+ as we wish it would be.

Do I think it's wrong that most of her POC are half white? YES, and she needs to acknowledge it and give better representation.

Do I think her incest fetishization is wrong? YES, but also I wish you all would stop bringing Clace into this I have my reasons on why I love them but also keep in mind they were teenagers who Valentine manipulated and tried to take away what they loved most, he saw how much they loved each other and used it to try to destroy them cause he knew how powerful they are together and that together they could take him down, but also he saw that he was losing control over Jace and an abuser can't stand that, I know cause I have abusers and everytime I do something that's out of their control they do something to get it back. I saw through it from the beginning and maybe that's why, but it was never a story about incest, was some of it wrong? Yes but also they loved each other so much and you can't just stop loving someone with the snap of a finger, if you did then It wasn't really love, it would be lust, so the fact that Jace and Clary never stopped loving each other proved how much they did love each and that it wasn't lust. Listen I'm not saying it was right or that CC handled it well but I am saying that I get Clace and Valentine knew what he was doing, also CC is who you should be criticizing, as you can see Clace is actually later on a healthy couple and we need that for Heterosexuals just like we need healthy mlm and wlw relationships, the world is so negative right now so why do we have to make it more negative?

So instead of focusing on the bad parts (I'm not saying to not acknowledge them cause I do, but i also acknowledge people grow and change ) let's focus on the good parts as well like how much they love each other, Jace showed me that I can heal from my abusive past and that I can love and be loved in return. They showed us to never give up. Jace showed us Family isn't Blood. Clary showed us that you can be both a warrior and still be whatever hobby you like. Even Simon said in City of Heavenly Fire that they are a team and that's development and in my opinion what a relationship should be. Emma Carstairs said that they are girlfriend and boyfriend but also best friends again an important part of a relationship. Let's acknowledge the fact that Jace went from and Ignorant, angry, broken, mentally unstable boy to as he says a happy man and he isn't who he was at 16, he has grown a lot and it's time to acknowledge it, you wouldn't hold other characters to their past mistakes so why do you do it with other characters? And yes in order to acknowledge the growth we need to acknowledge the mistakes but I have done that myself and I love Jace cause he wasn't perfect, he wasn't automatically a the best person, he had to grow, he had bad qualities and that is human, and I don't think we are gonna hate people for being human? Jace showed abuse victims they can be happy and heal. And honestly I hate how I have to explain personal things for people to understand how important he is to me, and I am tired of hearing how I should find a different character to love this much cause Jace is shit, well I will say I am very much like Jace so i guess I'm shit too then, but also I have sadly tried to not but I can't help but love this character cause he came into my life when I was not great and I needed him and he's always there for me in my darkest moments along with Clary, I could be having a panic attack and guess what I see fanart of Clace and I feel better and it calms me down. Also of it weren't for Clary's bravery I would have had something really bad happen to me recently but because I remembered how brave Clary was and still is I made the brave decision and saved myself from bigger trauma then I already have. Recently Clace is one of the only things keeping me going. So just be respectful and try to understand. Also again it wasn't incestuous. Also when you say Jace is terrible it makes people like me who love him and relate to him feel evil and like we are terrible people for liking him, at least for me it does, i am constantly doubting myself after someone told me Jace is shit and a terrible person. Keep in mind when wording things what you are saying and how it will effect others. (Please be civil about this and remember that we all interpret the story differently, I saw things a lot of people didn't see) also we need to keep in mind that TMI Gang were all teenagers except Magnus and Alec and Alec was a young adult at the time, when they all went through all that stuff and had to save the world, they had to things Teenagers shouldn't have to do and make decisions they shouldn't have had to, and let me tell you as someone who has had to do things as a teenager that I shouldn't have had to, it sucks and you don't know how to feel about it or how to act about it.

Do I think some of her POC are stereotyped? Yes, but also some people like the characters for that, and some see other things in them that. I am no way saying your opinion is invalid, you can be offended and hurt by the stereotyping and feel unrepresented, that's your right. And I really do hope she does better in the future, cause I want POC to feel as represented as i do, and you all deserve it.

No CC's books are extremely important to me, but I can also acknowledge she can be problematic, but everyone can in their own way, and sometimes we need to be called out. So we should criticize her in a none hateful way. Hate Breeds Hate.

And do I think she should give her LGBTQIPA+ couples explicit scenes? Yes but I can understand how CC may not want to mess it up and maybe she is trying to handle it right, and publishers don't always allow LGBTQIPA+ explicit scenes. CC did have to fight for Alec to be Gay in the time she was writing him. Am I hoping for better rep? YES!! And maybe TLBOTW will give us that but I don't know.

Also even if you don't agree or don't understand, Listen To POC When They Say Something Is Racist! Hear their opinion and take their opinion and thoughts into consideration.

I would also say to stop whitewashing characters and find models, actors/actresses, singers, that are the same race and ethnicity and use them for reference for art and edits, and writing descriptions in fanfics and books. Educate yourself on it and ask people, get other prospectives.

But no I wouldn't say I am Pro CC but i am not Anti either, I acknowledge her mistakes and ignorance, I acknowledge her mishandling of POC and wlw and her problematic ways. But I also enjoy her books, I can criticize the author and still love the books.

So in conclusion Listen to POC when they say something is Racist and take it into consideration. Acknowledge that you may not know why someone loves a character, and respect them. Try to be more sympathetic towards others. Remember you can criticize the author and still love the books. Educate yourself and try to learn. Try to understand others. Ask yourself if what you are saying is the right way to be going about things. Just try to be nice and respectful and listen, try to see where the other person is coming from.

( again like I always say you don't have to have the same opinion and you don't have to agree that is your right however you can be kind and respectful and civil)

( I will add more later )

#tsc #the shadowhuter chronicles #cc #cassie clare #cassandra clare #tmi #the mortal instruments

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jinniesmeow · 5 years

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good evening. this is a very long rant. if you’ve been tagged in this, it means I have a message for you :’) it’s at the bottom of the post, and that’s the most important part, so dear mutuals, feel free to just go read that part and don’t feel forced to read all that bullcrap I've written. thank you if you do, thank you if you don’t.

if we’re not mutuals and you’re reading this, well I guess thank you because this is hella long and cliché af. I'm sorry to everyone for this. though it kinda has nothing to do with what I'm saying, I was feeling particularly gay tonight and I'm in my feelings right now so yeah. if you’re willing to read, just click, you know how that works.

first of all, hello. thank you if you’re reading this, whether we’re mutuals or not, this isn’t a private post so if you’re reading this, hello to you, I hope you’re having a wonderful night or day and I guess sorry for what you’re about to read if it’s considered TMI. I don’t know everyone on here so I'll start with the basics. I’m zia, aka users jinniesmeow, yunholy, hwangitzy and very recently yuzukhei. I'm (almost) 19, and in case you didn’t know, I'm French. and Italian, fortunately or not, idk. 100% European and white anyway, and my ancestors were all 100% racist and homophobic (I mean Poland and Italy? come on.). My sister, who’s turning 23 this year (she’s not on Tumblr), and myself are the first generation in my family to be queer on whichever side of it it is you’re looking at.

Indeed, (if you didn’t know somehow, now you do) both her and I are pansexual. thankfully, our mom is far from being homophobic and racist and she’s a very open minded person, like really. neither of us have ever had a coming out, and none of us plan on doing it. I totally understand the necessity for some people to come out to their relatives and all that, but here’s why I personally refuse to do it: I don’t get why I have to tell people I'm not straight. I think it only fuels the fact that being straight is seen as the norm, because do straight people ever announce they are straight? exactly. being queer (gay, lesbian, pan, ace, whatever) is not abnormal, it’s not unnatural, so I refuse to have to scream it to everyone, and I don’t mean by that that I'm trying to hide my queerness, because I'm very open and honest about it, and I always have been. I hope one day, we won’t need to come out anymore and that people will stop assuming our sexuality. until then, I'll let people get flustered whenever I imply that I'm not straight without having ever stated it clearly before because fuck that shit.

anygays. so, like I said, I've always been very open and honest about my romantic and sexual orientation. I know lots of bi/pan people “realise” they are queer when they’re a bit older, during their teenage years or early adulthood, but (un)fortunately I am not one of those. I have literally always known I liked girls too (in the first place, I mean). actually, I’ve always thought attraction and romance were about the person, like, I mean it was an evidence to me ever since I was a child, and how can I explain that I got slapped in the face when I discovered that it was not a universal thing, that it was not “the truth”. so there I was, in the middle of elementary school, openly saying I liked girls in front of everyone because I thought it was normal. I mean, it is, but you get what I mean.

on top of that, the term “pansexual” has been occulted and invalidated for years, and most people didn’t even know of it until like maybe 3 years ago. remember, I'm 19, and there I was in middle school at 13 years old telling people I was pansexual when they’d barely even heard of bisexuality (while everyone else was like ‘I'm straight!! ew the gays’ btw). honestly, I cannot count how many times I've been called a pedophile, a necrophile and zoophile. by my very own friends, yes.

same with high school, but I'm not going to repeat myself. just for the precision: no, I have never been physically or mentally bullied for that, however, I was mocked a lot because of how tall I am (I was 1m73/5′7 at 14) and because I can be quite androgynous since I don’t have big boobs. I have large hips though, so those fucking males didn’t miss the chance to pick on me for that too. obviously though if I've never been full on bullied it’s because: 1. I've always had friends and I've never been a ‘loner nerd’, 2. I was tall and intimidating, 3. I was respected for my intelligence and grades and wasn’t being full of myself about being a top student, and 4. because I was neither fat nor a person of colour, obviously, and those are privileges I'm very aware of. I have still been called a ‘woman with a dick’ and other transphobic shit and was often treated as if I were a boy, though.

I still identify as a girl. I have been so, so complexed about so many things about my physical appearance for so long, I can’t count how many hours I have spent looking at my naked reflection in the mirror, feeling disgusted, wishing I had bigger boobs and that I would “look more like a girl” and so on. how much I have hated my body is something I can’t even measure. as of today, I've realised there is no such thing as “looking like a girl” and I've made a lot of progress on liking my overall appearance and accepting my body, sometimes I even think I'm hot™ and definitely think men don’t deserve me but for some fucking reason I can’t choose my sexuality (crazy right) and I still am attracted both romantically and sexually to them :/

anyways. now you know how long I've known that I'm a pansexual and throughout all these years, every time someone talked about the community or when pride came, no one mentioned us pansexuals, and I've seen us being invalidated so many times I really started doubting myself. I was like, “it’s like being bisexual, I'm just being butthurt and pushing it too far” but at the same time I never stopped calling myself pansexual. to some people, it’s just a preference in the choice of words to say you’re bi or pan, but to me there is a difference, even if it’s the smallest ever, and yes. being bi and being pan are “basically the same thing” and both orientations are very close but that very difference means everything to me. I am attracted to people, romantically and sexually, regardless of their gender. that is exactly it. and it’s very important to me.

I'm sorry if this is a mess, it’s hard to say things in the right order when I have so much to say, but I'm going to go back to what I was saying in the beginning about my family. I talked about my mom. my parents have been separated since I was 6 and haven’t spoken to each other in like 12 years btw. so, as for my dad, I know he wouldn’t care. he’s not homophobic, not racist. he does say homophobic and racist things sometimes, without realising it, like a lot of people do, and that doesn’t make him a homophobe. I know he doesn’t care if I'm gay, and I feel good just knowing that. however, remember, my family is italian. everyone around us is 100% straight (except for my cousins, I'm pretty sure one of them is bi-curious and the other is ace, but they aren’t open about this at all and have probably never questioned their sexuality lmao) and then there are my sister and I in the middle of it, and we’re like “yup, we’re the gay cousins”. the italian side of my family is huge. like really, my father has a total of 24 cousins (and I don’t mean the little ones and all that, I mean first degree cousins), so imagine how many of us there are in total when you’re counting everyone’s kids, spouses, grandkids and great-grandkids (you read that well, some of his cousins are old, some are even deceased). and they’re italian. and 100% into their religious set of mind that has them believe their god forbids being gay and that we’ll burn in hell. whatever, would’ve been going there anyway, gay or not so it’s not like I care, all the more reasons to be a fag.

and yes I have proof they are racist and homophobic, I've heard the things they’ve said. so, I, whomst has had depression for basically all her life and also has every existing form of anxiety there is, don’t exactly feel comfortable around these people. and on top of being gay, I listen to “Ching Chong music”!!! how do I have to put into words that I know exactly what they think of me? I even have blue hair now so like, blending in even less than before. so yeah.

to add on to that feeling of worthlessness, when I entered high school, I was still a top student without doing any type of work whatsoever, but then depression got the best of me (like for real this time how am I even still alive tbh) and I fell so hard I could barely stand going to school anymore. my last two years of high school (it lasts 3 years in France) have been disastrous. I barely attended and could barely manage keeping my grades above average, because I had zeros on 99% of my homework since I never did it. still had good enough grades on tests though, and it saved my ass.

honestly, I don’t even want to talk about these years and how I was feeling, because it’s still too fresh for me and I'm stil trying (yes, trying) to heal from it. I can say without a doubt that they were some of the worst years of my life though. however final exams came and my ass managed to get a really good grade without revising anything, this way I could send a big, huge, fuck off to my teachers who had been shitting in my face for years and making me feel like the hugest shit on earth. I hope they choke on their jealousy. then I went to uni for about three months, where I majored in English, but eventually decided to stop because I couldn’t go a day without having a panic attack on the train, because I still couldn’t get my ass to do any work, because I was bored out of my mind and just when I had started feeling better after leaving high school I was sinking further down. I spent months staying home without seeing anyone but my mom and doing nothing but watching Netflix (the French catalogue isn’t as interesting as the American one btw). then, I finally found the guts to go see a therapist. not gonna say it was a mistake, but I'm glad I stopped because this bitch was just here to take my money. I took antidepressants for a few months, and I have stopped really recently, actually. in all honesty, I have gotten much better, thanks to my own doing, I've worked so hard on getting better and I'm proud of how far I've come.

today, I can finally say for the first time ever in my life that I am proud of who I am.

the whole point of saying all of this shit you have (maybe) read is not because I want people to give attention to me or anything like, I don’t want pity or anything and truly don’t think there are any reasons for people to feel any pity towards me. I'm saying this because I want to thank the people around me for just existing, for supporting me, for making me feel validated. because you might not realise it, but (a lot of) you are often talking about your problems, and it makes me realise that I'm not the only one feeling this kind of way. it makes me realise there are people who might understand me, even just a little. and when I see you talking about your sexual/romantic orientation (or lack of so) it also makes me feel accepted. I see you guys reblog such validating things, and then some of you even have pride flags in your layouts, and you have no idea how my heart feels about it. if you weren’t aware, I'm a twitter person. I've spent so much time on there, I have met lots of people, lots of which are part of the community and openly supporting it, and yet I have never felt more validated than since I've been on here.

I've also met the people I consider “the most” as my internet best friends on here, like my best best internet friends, if that makes sense lmao, and not actually on twitter (although I might be pushing it because I have actually gone from IVL to IRL with most of them so like... whatever.) point is: I have met amazing friends I'm so thankful for on here. and all the people I see in my dash, to all of you, thanks for everything too even if we don’t really talk and if we haven’t had actual discussions before. now if you want to, you can always come to me to talk about whatever the fuck you want.

so, here, I want to thank all of you, because today I'm finally starting to think maybe, just maybe, that I want to keep on living and that good things might happen to me. I have no plans for the future, since I never imagined myself getting this far in life, but I'm still willing to give it a try.

please, if after you’re reading this, you’re thinking about telling me cliché things about staying strong and all that, I'm going to ask you not to do it. it just feels like pity to me. or choose your words wisely, I'm begging you, because I can’t stand thinking anyone would pity me. please don’t feel like that, that’s not the point of this.

I'm doing this as a thank you, and as a message to everyone out there who’s read this. I hope my words mean something to you. maybe help you? it’s ok to be confused about who you are. it’s ok not to like yourself, it takes so much work to get better and all that, but just know that you can do it, it is possible to do it. it takes time, it will hurt, but it’s an option. it’s not impossible.

now. I have some people I want to send a quick message to. I guess some of you will be surprised, but just read what I have to say please, and know that from the bottom of my heart, I mean it.

@hwangwhatjin Emily. I don’t even know where to start, and soon I won’t even be able to see what I'm typing anymore because the tears I've been fighting while writing all this crap have started flowing all of a sudden the second I typed your name. you’re the first friend I made on here. we started off nothing, and I was a no one, and yet you still talked to me and all that. you’re honestly one of the most tolerant and kind people I have ever met in my life. you’re the exact opposite of prejudiced, you’re so open minded, so not giving a shit about other people’s quirks (I mean it in the right way) that don’t concern you directly, like people are who they are and you don’t give a damn about it, it’s amazing. I know this doesn’t sound like a compliment, but I can’t find the right way to put this. you’ve also always been there to listen to me whenever I wanted you to, and you have never judged me once. you have no idea how thankful I am for having you in my life. I wouldn’t want to have anyone else hold the title of bro. I love you so, so much, and I'm sorry we haven’t been talking lately. I hope I can help you just like you’ve helped me and support you as much as you need me to in the future, and I want you to know I'll always be there for you, I'll never let you down. you have no idea how much I can’t wait to meet you so I can wrap you in a blanket and give you hot chocolate while I light up a gingerbread scented candle (yes, I remember) and put on some blink-182 and stroke your hair because it’s what you deserve. you’re one of my best friends, like ever, and it’s such a pain we’re so far from each other, fuck this damn channel. one day I'll just swim to you to hear your wonderful accent you say you hate so much. anything to see you. I'm sorry I'm so old, I wish it were less of a problem, but as you grow up this gap will be less and less of an obstacle, so let’s just be patient, yeah? I love you, bro. roach bros to the end of the line.

@pikachulein Laura. ok. where do I start and how do I stop my eyes from sweating so much. you know, I'm just gonna say it. in my opinion, soulmates aren’t the people we’re especially meant to be with in a romantic way, and we might even have several of them. I just think they’re people who just bring you so much, and people who are like another version of you, but different. kind of like I described in my Felix au, actually. when I call you my soulmate, I really mean it, because I'd never thought I'd meet someone who understands me so well because they relate so much, someone who basically shares the same mind because hell, when have we ever had different thoughts on something like... it will never cease to amaze me. it’s only been a few months since we’ve known each other, but I actually think you’re one of my closest friends. hell, on the day we meet, because I'm not taking no for an answer, I don’t even know how I'll be holding up like, I won’t know how to act. so in advance, I'm sorry if I'm so weird at first. you’ve listened to the story of my whole life and you’ve shared your experience back, and you have no idea how thankful I am for that. maybe you haven’t realised, but you’ve been of a huge help to me. thank you for being so understanding, for not judging me, for being so open about everything with me, thank god I have someone with whom I can talk about literally any subject without it feeling uncomfortable or like i’m being judged. I have so many things to say I can’t even find the words, honestly. I’m just so thankful that you exist and that I have you in my life, and that you actually like me as a person too. thanks so much. you’re my best bitch, together we’re the baddest bitches of the pan squad and I can’t wait to travel across Europe with you for real. the world ain’t ready for us.

@hanniesunshine Isabel. you’re just the biggest ray of sunshine ever. everything about you is so pure I'm even scared to be one of the people you talk to because I feel like you don’t deserve to talk to me (I mean like you deserve much better than me) and that I'm way too filthy for you. you’re always so good and kind to me, so, so supportive, and I can’t even thank you enough for that. honestly, every time I see you somewhere, kakaotalk, WhatsApp, Tumblr, I just can’t help but smile because you’re the purest and brightest being the earth has ever seen and I can’t believe you would actually want to talk to someone like me. I'm so sorry for everything. I'm so sorry for being such a cold bitch (and for using this word) sometimes, and for almost never finding the right words. thanks for always being so eager about reading my content. I'll keep supporting you, and I'll do better in everything!! I love you, so, so much. I'll always be there for you if you need me or want me.

@sleepyracha Marie. I'm so, so sorry I'm so inconsistent and that I don’t talk to you as much as I used to, I hope we’re still okay. I just want to thank you for being the open minded person you’ve shown me you are and for supporting me all the time, and for very interesting conversations about literally anything. I promise I'm learning Spanish and that soon we’ll be able to talk together in another language than English. I hope you’re doing well and that you know I'm always there for you, and if Tumblr isn’t the best place for you, tell me where you want me to be for you. congrats on passing this year, you’re someone amazing and you’re so chill, it feels so good to see someone like that. thank you for even talking to me in the first place, thank you so much and I love you.

@lesbianbias Nina. you’re such a soft and pure person, I'm so glad you were my skz anon and that I got to meet a wonderful person like you. you’re always showering me with love, and I always feel like I don’t deserve it. thanks so much for all the support, please, please never change. I love you and you’re amazing. thank you for being so chill as well. I'll make sure I'll return that love to you.

@xiaocity siya. thank you so much for listening to me, you know what I'm referring to. I know you’re one of those who really deeply understands me and I'm thankful we got to talk, even just a bit. I'm always there if you need me, thank you for supporting me and my works, and be more confident in your writing, it’s good!! I think we actually have a lot in common too, so if you ever feel like talking, feel free to drop by in my dms.

@littlefallenrebel Sophie. we haven’t talked that much, but I feel like we should talk more. we have a lot more in common than we think, I'm sure of it. thank you for being you, thank you for the messages you’ve been spreading with your posts and reblogs. you’re an amazing person and I'm happy you’re my mutual because you’re a truly good person.

@visualgiggles sam. thank you for your reblogs, whatever they’re about they never fail to cheer me up, whether they’re about tolerance or just memes, even the latter help me regain faith in humanity. we haven’t talked that much but I would gladly talk some more with you if you ever wanted to. you’re a wonderful person and I'm thankful you’re my mutual.

@dreamypansexual I don’t think we’ve ever talked, I'm not even sure I know your name so I don’t want to say something wrong. but that doesn’t matter, because you’re still one of the people who make me feel the most validated here. hell, you literally have a pan flag as your layout (your user... I mean yeah). your posts are always making me feel so much better because it proves me that there are still such tolerant and open people out there, so thank you.

@cloudyyboii honestly, I think it’s kind of the same as with your friend right above between me and you. it doesn’t matter though, thanks for the validation and the tolerance you’re spreading around. love you.

@jxsng Kylie. I don’t think we’ve ever had a private conversation, but whatever. you’ve shown me lots of supports in every other way and you’re such a sweet and open person, I'm thankful you’re my mutual. I feel small next to people like you because I feel like you hold the whole world in your hands, you’re one of those meant to go places and it shows. I'll always support you too. thank you for everything and I love you.

@ggukksrose shims. you’re definitely one of the people who make me feel validated the most, so from the bottom of my heart, thank you. I always see you sticking up for others and telling the haters to go fuck off, and you even did that with me. you’re an amazing person, and I admire you for the confidence you’ve managed to achieve and I wish you the best in the future, I hope you’ll only get better and better with your fights and if anyone ever messes with you I'll be throwing hands. just say the word. I love you.

@cypher-yngi Emerson, am I wrong? we’ve never talked though we’ve been mutuals for so long. from what I've seen, we have a lot in common and I'd be more than ok to have even a simple conversation with you, even if you said Orangina was good. you’re also one of those who have helped me feel valid and realise I'm not alone in this world, so if you’re ever feeling alone, and if you want to, let’s be alone together, maybe? gotta love FOB. also, you have amazing music taste. and you're a fellow yoongi stan, and that itself says a lot about the kind of person you are. thanks for existing and I love you.

@wonwonbebe ah... have you ever told me what your name was? I have terrible memory. doesn’t really matter. I love you, I'm so thankful that you were my anon and can’t believe you actually went through all that just to talk to me. you have no idea how thankful I am. you’re a wonderful person, and I'm so, so happy to see that my mutuals are all so amazing and tolerant. thanks for all the positivity.

@psycho-robin-chan robin, right? we’ve talked a bit before. if you read what’s above, you’ll probably find some parts a bit familiar, haha. I actually loved this conversation with you, if that makes sense? it’s always interesting and it feels good to let it out. I also like seeing I'm not alone, and I like to think that when I speak about such things with people I might also be helping them feel better. so thanks, you also make me feel valid with your posts and reblogs, and you’re such a tolerant and open and chill person at such a young age. never change anything! thanks for being here and supporting me.

@mirohell sage! we haven’t been mutuals for long, and I'm not expecting you to read everything I've written, it’s ok if you don’t, really. I just wanted to thank you real quick because you’re already showing me lots of support and I feel like we’ll be getting along well. if you want to read this, I'm sorry for putting so much on your shoulders so quick lmao, you’ll basically be knowing so much about me without having asked for anything. feel free not to read it, I'm repeating myself again but really, the actual important part of this post is this one where I thank you all individually. so thank you!! I'll do my best in supporting you in the future as well, and not only by showing your edits some love haha

@theminho min! we haven’t been mutuals for long either, but thank you for caring about me. thanks for even just following me. thanks for this message you’ve sent, it means a lot really. you don’t have to read all that I've written above either,, don’t feel pressured, I just wanted to thank you personally too for just being here and for the support. feel free to come talk to me whenever you want (if you ever want) and I'll be supporting you always!!

@justlovingkpop my sweetheart, you’re just too cute and so supportive and loving. thank you so, so much for everything and for coming to talk to me!! I'll go reread some of your work soon to because I've missed it. thanks for existing, and know that I'm always there for you. love you lots.

@strawb-milk-tea my babyyyy I'm going to repeat it but thank you and I love you and you’re so cute and you’re NOT a potato ok, you’re so, so pretty like I knew I was gay but phew... I feel valid too when I see you. long live the gays.

@five-pence hey there! it’s been a while. hope you’re doing well. thank you for supporting me, thank you for making me feel valid as well, and I love you very much. I'm here whenever.

@jooheonenthusiast yo. we’ve basically only talked bc of that one post I made, and it’s been enough to show me that you’re an amazing person and a bad bitch. thanks for your support and fuck the homophobes. I love you.

@marriael adellum. you’re a really kind person. you’re so pure. and you make me me feel very much valid, love your profile pics from the last days by the way. thanks for existing and I'm glad you’ve joined us on the network, it’s a pleasure to have someone like you around. hope I'm not too much of a pain in the ass.

@channiiebby gryphon. we’ve never talked privately, but you’re a sweetheart. thanks for being you. you’re valid and you know it, and that makes me feel valid too, so thanks for showing me it’s okay to be who you are. I love you.

that’s it. I'm out of words. I've been at this for like 2 hours now. if I think of anyone else, I'll just reblog and add them. but right now I feel totally empty because of all the emotion hive poured into all this and I need to recharge, so good night and I love you all. thank you for your time and attention.

happy pride month everyone,

your friendly neighbourhood pansexual, zia.

#on this note #good night everyone #I love y'all #rants #personal #<33 #sorry for bothering you all with this

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humanlighthouse · 6 years

Text

Because I’ve been asked countless times to make a list like this, here are my Poe Recommandations™:

For when you want to read something so beautiful you wanna cry:

- Eleonora (fluff, description porn), for that kinda lines “And now, too, a voluminous cloud, which we had long watched in the regions of Hesper, floated out thence, all gorgeous in crimson and gold, and settling in peace above us, sank, day by day, lower and lower, until its edges rested upon the tops of the mountains, turning all their dimness into magnificence, and shutting us up, as if forever, within a magic prison-house of grandeur and of glory.”

- The Domain of Arnheim (pure unashamed description porn) for this line especially : “This basin was of great depth, but so transparent was the water that the bottom, which seemed to consist of a thick mass of small round alabaster pebbles, was distinctly visible by glimpses—that is to say, whenever the eye could permit itself not to see, far down in the inverted heaven, the duplicate blooming of the hills.”

- Landor’s Cottage, which is supposed to go with Arnheim.

- The Island of the Fay, and Morning on the Wissahiccon, both super short and super beautiful.

- Ligeia, because it’s the most beautiful description of a woman ever written and it’s like four pages long and yet still leaves you wanting more. I swear, you would marry her yourself by the end of it. Ligeia is my queen (also she’s named after a siren from Greek mythology and I love it!)

- The Bells (it’s a poem), because you can actually HEAR THEM

For when you wanna shiver from both terror and poetry:

- The Masque of the Red Death (cw: gore, death (duh)), for its introduction, I won’t spoil it here but I’ve read it hundreds of times and I still get major chills every time.

- William Wilson (cw: death, also it’s super gay and my favorite Poe story ever) : “I fled in vain. My evil destiny pursued me as if in exultation, and proved, indeed, that the exercise of its mysterious dominion had as yet only begun. [...] Where, in truth, had I not bitter cause to curse him within my heart? From his inscrutable tyranny did I at length flee, panic-stricken, as from a pestilence; and to the very ends of the earth I fled in vain.” (yeah I wasn’t kidding with the gay overtones)

- The Pit and the Pendulum. Spanish Inquisition! Pits! Rats! Giant swinging pendulums! Torture! Fun! A plot twist!

- Berenice, a true Horror Classic (cw for serious body horror)

- The Raven. I shouldn’t even have to write this, but yeah, it’s amazing. (but it’s the only time he ever mentions a raven, why are people so obsessed with this?? he mentions cats a million times but no, we got stuck on the ravens)

For when you want Maximum Drama:

-The Assignation. They have ZERO CHILL. Also the description of both are awesome but the description of the guy is majorly gay.

- The Oblong Box, again, I won’t spoil anything but it’s really good.

- The Tell-Tale Heart, which is probably the best written Poe story of all. The pacing is simply perfect.

For when you want to hate the world a little less:

- The Thousand and Second Tale of Scheherazade (yes, it’s the actual title). It’s written as a tale, except Scheherazade explains the wonders of the world as if they were magic stuff and it’s so nice.

For when you want to laugh (yes, really!):

- The Cask of Amontillado. The Mason joke will never fail to be funny.

- X-ing a Paragraph. He writes a whole fucking story for the sake of a pun, and that is dedication. He also wrote somewhere that a pun was good in the measure in which it makes you want to punch the one who delivers it, the dude understood.

- The Philosophy of Furniture. He wrote an actual essay on how he thinks a room should be furnished and it’s accidental comedy gold. He is just so dramatic about everything (”The abomination of flowers, or representations of well known objects of any kind should never be endured within the limits of Christendom.” See also: “Its leading feature is glitter—and in that one word how much of all that is detestable do we express! Flickering, unquiet lights are sometimes pleasing—to children and idiots always so—but in the embellishment of a room they should be scrupulously avoided.”)

- Lines on Joe Locke. It’s a super short poem but it’s his second best dig at someone ever and it’s hilarious.

For when you want something weird but great:

- The Man of the Crowd. Nothing actually happens but it’s so good?? I always see “Nighthawks” by Hopper when I read it, and since it’s one of my favorite paintings, I’m completely okay with it.

- Hop-Frog. The ending is still one of the most satisfying he ever wrote.

Do NOT read these though:

- The Narrative of Arthur Gordon Pym. Pym’s stupidity will make you want to punch something. Also, it’s full of Coleridge references and weirdly racist stuff. It’s bad. And long. So it’s like... doubly bad. If you want some actually good Coleridge re-telling, A Descent into the Maelström is great.

- Eureka. I did my master’s thesis on it and I STILL have no idea where he’s going with it. It’s long. It’s weird. It’s surprisingly religious. It had diagrams and equations. (but if you feel up to reading 100+ pages of religiousy science, by all means, it has some pretty visionnary stuff. He talks about evolution 11 years before Darwin, he talks about the atomic bomb one whole century before it happened, and he is officially the first person to mention what is now called “Obler’s Paradox” (aka why is the sky dark if there are so many stars?). Yes, Eddie-boy was a proper genius. Actually, Eureka is really good, just not as a first contact with Poe?)

And the best thing is that ALL OF THESE ARE AVAILABLE FOR FREE ONLINE (check Wikisource) so now go forth and read some Poe my darlings!

(Oh, and for those of you who can/wanna/do read French, the French translations are, for the most part, done by Baudelaire himself, and they are. just. so good. The Domain of Arnheim is especially breathtaking in the French version.)

#actual poe scholar™#edgar allan poe #the real one this time #american literature #next level procrastination #I SHOULD BE WORKING #ON MY ACTUAL THESIS ON POE #poetry #literature #books #nerding out

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ohheyits · 7 years

Text

Commission #1 Superhero Fight

Here’s the prompt I got from a super generous Anon: Tegan has superpower abilities, so does Sara but they both don't know about each others. They get in a fight.

If for some reason you aren’t happy with what I wrote send me a message with what you put in place of the first and last name so I know it’s you and then your grievance. I’ll do my best to fix it if it isn’t up to your expectations. Either way I hope this does your prompt and donation justice so I don’t have to!

I went for more of a fluff angle here so this is based in a more more pre-quincest era. Hope you still enjoy quindom!

Sara’s been patient, more than patient really. She’s asked Tegan three times now to turn down the stupid music she’s been blasting through the shitty computer speakers she’d bought at the thrift store to no avail. Sara’s tired of asking nicely, tired of taking Tegan’s moody shit. Some people want to get somewhere in life, like studying so they can get into a decent college instead of smoking weed all day even though their sister has asthma and is in the room right next door trying to do her homework.

Sara clenches her fists, trying to push down the urge to just punch Tegan right in the gut. Man would that feel good though, she muses, wrenching open her door and stomping back across the hall for the fourth time that afternoon.

“Tegan!” She barks. “For the last time, turn the fucking music down before I kick you in your stupid face!

The music is cranked up louder in response and Sara snaps, twisting the doorknob angrily and busting inside, glad for the first time that their mother had had Bruce remove the locks off of their doors a few months back.

Tegan sits up in bed more than a little shocked, eyes widening then narrowing within a split second, anger contorting her face.

“What the fuck Sara get out!” She yells, face turning a deep shade of red, the blunt that had been resting between her fingers falling to the floor boards smoking, now nothing more than a glorified roach.

Sara crosses her arms, foot tapping as she tries to calm herself slightly and control her breathing to prevent most of the smoke from entering her slightly weaker lungs.

“Tegan.” She says in a slow, measured monotone. “Turn down your music and at the very least open a window if you’re going to smoke alright? You know Mom is going to know as soon as she gets home from the smell.”

“Sara.” Tegan mocks her sister’s tone. “How about shut up and get out.”

“Alright fine. Maybe I’ll just tell Mom about you and Jeremy’s ridiculous act then. Anyone with a brain and two eyes could see how gay you both are. I mean jesus could you make it any more obvious?”

Tegan stands up slowly, shaking a little. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Really Tegan? Because I definitely think I do.”

“Sara. Stop.” Tegan’s teeth are clenched and the outline of her body starts to waver slightly, almost like the pavement of a parking lot on a particularly hot day.

“Then turn off your music and learn a little respect for other people. The whole world doesn’t revolve around you ya know.”

Sara feels like something's off here, like maybe she should just stop and walk away the bigger person like her mom always tells her to, but she’s too invested at this point. She steels her resolve.

“Promise me you won’t tell Mom.” Tegan says, taking a step towards her sister.

“Not until you promise to be more respectful. I mean this is just getting ridiculous!” Sara exclaims, throwing her hands frustratedly into the air.

It seems random and entirely like she’s taking things way too far, at least in Sara’s opinion, when Tegan throws the first punch. She only notices after things slow down way too much to be normal that Tegan’s fist is plumed in flame.

She dodges it way easier than she should have been able to. In fact, in the time it took for Tegan to complete her awkward lunge forward, Sara’s managed to sidestep and notice intimate details about the situation she definitely shouldn't have been able to notice at all. Sure, she’s heard explanations made by doctors in the videos her teacher shows in science class about how adrenaline causes us to think that time has slowed down and blah blah moving on to further explanations she doesn’t care about, but this isn’t some freak part of human nature. This is real.

She is literally able to walk circles around Tegan as her twin slow-mo tumbles to the ground, her now extinguished fingers splayed and smoking as she tries to catch herself. Honestly, with what is happening right now, the whole Tegan suddenly catching on fire thing seems plausible. Unreasonably so.

And then suddenly just like that everything rights itself and Tegan is confusedly scrambling to her feet in time that seems way more normal, as if what just happened was a bad dream and since then everything has clicked back into place. Did all of that really just happen?

Her answer is yes, that definitely did, because Tegan is staring at her fingers like they just caught on fire and suddenly the tips literally do again, Sara watching as her twin nearly jumps out of her shoes in surprise and panic before realizing that it doesn’t hurt, shoulders visibly relaxing. What the actual fuck?

Tegan looks up and they make eye contact, anger with one another suddenly evaporating at this newfound ability.

“Sare tell me you see this too.” Tegan mutters. “That fuckin blunt must’ve been laced with something this is the last time I don’t roll’em myself.”

“No Tee that is definitely happening. Just like uh, like how I dodged you like it was nothing. That definitely happened too.” Sara says, trying to wrap her head around the conundrum before them.

“Ah you got lucky you fucker.” Tegan says, momentarily too distracted by the opportunity to gloat to notice that flame has now sprouted on her shoulder, strangely not burning up the tattered flannel she’d stolen from Bruce’s laundry last month. It looks like a pauldron, shooting high enough to tickle Tegan’s wide jaw.

“Um Tegan I definitely didn’t and also your shoulder’s on fire.” Sara deadpans.

“Ah! What the fuck is this!” Tegan yelps, jumping for a second time as she looks down and notices, the flames seeming to grow larger and more fierce as her emotions peak. Sara is glad that she at least is able to remain calm in this situation, because if they both caught on fire every time they got upset, the world would be in big trouble.

“Just try and calm down and it’ll go away Tee!” She yells, wishing she could somehow trigger that weird slow time again so she could get any and everything flammable away from her sister before she destroys their house or something. THAT would be hard to explain to Mom and Bruce when they got home, that’s for sure.

“Sara I am literally on fire how the hell do you expect me to calm down!” Tegan counter’s, panic from earlier starting to resurface in her eyes and actions.

“It’s not hurting you TeeTee, just relax.” Sara changes tactics, her voice taking on a more soothing lilt, and slowly, the flames subside once more. Tegan sags, awkwardly shuffling to her bed and sitting down as Sara crosses the room and turns off that damn music.

“What the hell is going on Sare?” Tegan says. “What happened to you?”

“I-I don’t know.” Suddenly faced with dealing with her own new found “ability” is hard. Now she knows how Tegan felt just now. “It was like… It was like time slowed down; like I turned one of those slow motion cameras on and my eyes were the lense’s. And then everything went back to normal after you fell. I have no idea why it happened.”

“Man I wish I was more into comics right now.” Tegan moans. “I bet all the answers are in there.”

“Those are fiction Tee.” Sara replies absentmindedly.

“Are they?” Tegan replies.

They both look up at this revelation, this bizarre and yet now normalized question, eyes locking.

“Shit, that is trippy as fuck.” Sara says, giggling a little.

“I know right?” Tegan says, flopping backwards on her bed. “Hey, at least now I can light my own cigarettes though!”

“Ok good for you I guess, but I kinda want to know how my whole thing is triggered. Like for you, it seems like when you get emotional or angry you end up with little fires sprouting up all over. Also how does it not catch your clothes on fire, I definitely don’t understand that one. But anyways, like what is the trigger for me?”

“Um... anger, frustration?” Tegan offers.

“Yeah but then wouldn’t it have triggered the first couple of times I came and knocked on your door? Cuz trust me, I definitely was feeling an abundance of both of those then too.” Sara ponders.

“Yeah sorry about that Sare.” Tegan says, voice low with regret.

“Honestly not even worried about that anymore. This is much more fascinating.” Sara waves her hand as if physically brushing away the apology. “Just don’t be such an asshole next time.”

“Riiiiight.” Tegan says, stretching. “Oh we should totally have our own comic book now! We’d need some cool superhero costumes and stuff first though…” Tegan trails off before her eyes light up suddenly again. “What about flight-or-fight, like the adrenaline fueled survival instinct. We talked about it in bio class remember? You swung at me and as soon as you did the time-thing happened for the first time.”

“Could be… how do we test it?”

“Um… well I-arghhh Tegan stop!” Tegan leaps onto Sara in the middle of their conversation, putting her in a headlock and squeezing.

Just like that things slow down again; Sara can feel every flex of Tegan’s arm muscles, every noisy exhale of her sister’s breath. It’s too easy to get out of her grasp when Tegan can’t react any where close to quickly enough counteract her moves. She escapes and can’t help the laugh that sneaks out when she’s met with the sight of Tegan so still, and yet with that face of such triumphant surprise.

And then everything is back to normal, Tegan sitting on her bed and staring at her sister. “No fucking way man. This shit is wack.”

“Tell me about it.” Sara murmurs, trudging over and plopping herself down beside her sister.

Tentatively, Tegan reaches over and puts her arm over Sara’s shoulders, stiffening but slowly relaxing into the return of affection as Sara rests her head Tegan’s shoulder.

“What the heck do we do now Sare?”

“Excellent question.”

“Great answer.”

“I know.”

“...Can we at least get some capes?”

“No!”

#quindom #quincest #fluff #teenage tns #ohheyits comissions #commission 1

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prinxiety-logicalitysanderssides · 7 years

Note

1-97 NOW ITS UR TURN I DONT EVEN CARE THAT THIS IS MY MAIN U GOTTA SUFFER TOO

I. BLOODY. DID. IT. ITS TAKEN ME /TWO DAYS/ BUT I’VE DONE IT @princeyandanxiety and I’m tagging @use-it-ironically Ironi u do it too pls. I was subjected to this after I subjected Bella to this so now u have to.

Btw this is NSFW ( some of it) and mentions suicide/depression cause I went there. There is some serious truth tea in this god damnit. I put thought and love into this. And also memes but mostly LOVE and boredom. I also feel like I forgot to answer a question or two but whatever. This is 97 questions long. And it’s 2818 words.

By the end of this, you will understand that I am a wreck

Ask me things1. What’s your middle name? No.

2. What are you listening to right now? The sound of typing cause I’m not listening to music. Also the sound of my breath and the wind in the trees. V/ relaxing. (( that was yesterday, today I’m listening to MCR and sanders Sides videos at a loud volume on chromecast on my tv))

3. What was the last thing you ate? ¼ of a cup of icing sugar. I ate it out of the measuring cup lmao.

4. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? My mum. I do talk to other people, I swear! I’m just not good at phone calls

5. Do you drink? No and I won’t in the future. Lemonade all the way if I have to drink smth.

6. Do you smoke? No and I never ever will.

7. What is the first thing you noticed in someone? Someone as in??? Random or??. In Randoms I usually notice people’s faces and then clothes, especially if they’re eye catching. I notice memorabilia/fan stuff pretty quickly as well.

8. What is your hair color? Brown but I use hair dye to make it partially blue or purple or red sometimes. It doesn’t work very well unless I bleach my hair and I can’t do that till I’m 16 which sucks. I use hair spray every now and again, I have white hair spray and glitter hair spray, and I used to have blue as well. Glitters my favourite . I also have a full rainbow of hair chalk but my friends and I dropped it at one point during the Hair Incident of Grade Eight which is what I’m calling it now.

9. What is your eye color? Blue/Grey ish. 10. Do you wear contacts/glasses? Nope. My mum says I will if I keep looking at my screen for hours on end though. I don’t want glasses cause my 20/20 vision is serving me well and I like it.

11. Dogs or cats? Rabbits.

12. What’s your favorite animal? Rabbits/see above

13. What’s your favorite television show? Gilmore girls. Hands down the best.

14. What’s your favorite movie? I don’t really have one? Princess Bride, Sound of Music and the Captain America movies. Oh and Heathers.

15. What’s your favorite band/singer? I can’t choose but Alessia Cara comes to mind? Scars to your Beautiful? And MCR. And Panic! At the Disco and Fall Out Boy. I’m an emo nightmare tbh

16. How old are you? Bich no u can guess. I’m a minor tho.

17. Do you have a crush on anyone? No. But I want a girlfriend/datemate ( all the boys my age are awful and the girls/nonbinary people r better)

18. What’s your sexual orientation? Pansexual. To keep it simple anyway.

19. What’s your favorite color? Aqua blue/ the green of Australian forests

20. What was your most embarrassing moment? Going up on stage in like,, grade six, for a talent show, that I decided to volunteer for THAT DAY and literally singing which is fine but I kept shuffling not dancing and the other kid I was doing it with was kinda dancing and we fucking sucked. But I’m at a different school half the city away now thank god.

21. Do you ever wish you were someone else? Characters in stories, yeah, but like, I want to be in their universe, with their mind and my mind combined so I’m more them than me but I also remember that I want to give people a piece of my mind and fix the universe and make everyone happy but also have angst before that. I project a lot tbh. Oh well.

22. What were you like when you were a kid? I ran away from the class a lot, a ‘difficult’ and 'problem’ child. I have ADHD.

23. What would your dream house be like? Huge, I would want to have lots of pets and secret rooms and a big library and have it surrounded by country side and let scouts have camps near by and stuff

24. What last made you laugh? There were a few things but I forgot damn. But probably my bunnies antics I swear they r ridiculous sometimes( all the time) (( that was yesterday, today its sanders Sides videos again whoops))

25. What is your favorite word ? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) its called a Lenny and I love it

26. What is your least favorite word? Poo. Or moist. Both are awful.

27. What turns you on? Coffee when I wake up

28. What turns you off? Sleeping pills

29. What is your star sign? Aquarius

30. What are your favorite books? TAMORA PIERCE’S 'The circle of Magic ’ quartet and all of its sequels and Tamora Pierces 'The Lionness’ quartet and her 'Protector of the small’ quartet, really, all of her books. Also the Obernewtyn series which is FUCKING AMAZING. ITS BY AN AUSSIE AUTHOR, ISOBELLE CARMODY WHO IVE MEET TWICE AND THEY R SMAZINGSOWNFKEFKWJCKD YES.

31. Do you have any siblings? Only child, suck it.

32. Do you like to dance?Yes, but I’m not a professional or up to date with the latest ~moves~

33. What is your definition of cheating? This is hard cause my definition is in my head but it’s hard to explain. I’m gonna try though.( ACTUALLY I’m gonna come back and write this later) (( lmao I never did go back and write this but it basically depends on what people in a relationship have agreed it to mean bc I’m tired and this is complicated))

34. Have you ever cheated on someone? No I’ve never dated anyone.

35. Do you regret anything? A few things. Not gonna get into them tho. I do regret not working harder in grade seven and eight.

36. Do you have any phobias? Not really no. I hate leeches with a fiery passion and there are spiders next to my shower which I don’t like but other than that, no.

37. Ever broken any bones? No and I’d like to understand what it feels like tbh

38. Ever come close to death? When I walk anywhere cause I’m yes. Does being suicidal back when I was eleven count? And the fact it recurs every now and again? Also

39. What is your religion, if any? I piece together my own world view, based on many philosophies and science.

40. Have you ever been to a psychiatrist/therapist? I’m going to one rn actually. School counsellor who is great and has lollipops and also let my friends and I play monopoly in her office all lunch. I lost. The bell was about to go so I just flipped the board upside down cause why not? My friends made me clean it up lmao 41. Are looks important in a relationship? Depends

42. Are you more like your mom or your dad? I pray I’m more like my mum as my dad is an awful person tbh

43. What is your favorite season? Whichever one I’m not sneezing in/ when it’s warm/ I don’t really have one

44. Do you have any tattoos? No 45. Do you have any piercings? I did have normal ear piercings but they grew over

46. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had? None

47. Have you ever had a crush on a fictional character? Have you met me

48. Who is your celebrity crush? Thomas Sanders

49. Are you a virgin? Again, have you meet me. YES. Obviously.

50. Do you get jealous easily? Define 'jealous’. I mean, kind of. Not usually.

51. What is your favorite type of food? Pasta.

52. Do you ever want to get married?Depends, I mean, LGBT marriage isn’t legal in Australia for whatever fucking stupid reason ( the reason is homophobic pollies, literally 90% of Australia wants fucking gay marriage goddamnit)

53. Who was your first kiss with? Lmao I haven’t had one

54. Have you ever been cheated on? See above

55. What is your idea of the perfect date? ?'not sure tbh?

56. Are you an introvert or an extrovert? Extroverted introvert. I like meeting people and i have lots of friends but I also need my space. I’m an introvert.

57. Do you believe in aliens or life on other planets? After seeing the 'thingu’ video, I hope not. I do believe in other life but not as sentient as us? Well, at least I don’t think we will find any sentient aliens now that we elected trump tbh

58. What talent do you wish you’d been born with?Be a great dancer?

59. What is your saddest memory? Not today Satan

60. Do you believe in love at first sight? I believe you can find someone aesthetically pleasing at first sight, at first talk, you can like them for their personality. So kind of? But not really. Movie love sucks tho. Unrealistic.

61. Do you believe in soul mates? Kind of. I wish we had a soulmate au irl

62. Have you ever dyed your hair? See above ( yes)

63. Has someone ever spread a nasty rumor about you?I don’t really look at gossip so??? No? They could be talking about me all the time lmao I got bullied from 11-13 years old but that’s different and now I can’t be fucking bothered to listen to bullies

64. Would you go against your moral code for money?Depending on the circumstances. I’m not evil. Very rarely would I ever do that and I have never actually done that.

65. What are three things most people don’t know about you? . My teachers think I have asbergers(autism) and I agree but my parents don’t . NSFW as hell?? I mean most people would look at my chumb face and think I’m innocent i would guess. . I want a datemate? Like I haven’t really acknowledged that but like every opnow and again this Year and

66. Who are you jealous of? People who get more likes than me

67. Do you sleep with a stuffed toy?Yes, but only if my bed is clean IE It has been washed within the last week. Sometimes I don’t wash my sheets for a month and i don’t want to subject my Rabbit toy to that. She’s thirty-nine years old.

68. How long was your longest relationship? No

69. Is the glass half empty or half full?Half empty, I drank half the water.

70. What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you? Nsfw fanfiction for sanders sides. Nah, I don’t really know as I’m still in high school I’m in Grade Nine . So like? How would I know? (But seriously pls write more nsfw)

71. Who is your most loyal friend? My best friend Addy? ( she was the one we tried to comb her hair) or you people

72. Are you in a relationship? Ok this is getting annoying

73. If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favorite thing about him/her? Come ON.

74. Are you a bad person? Depends. Is the scale puppies to trump or a grumpy cat to trump. Cause I’m in the low-middle of the first scale and at the bottom of the second.

75. Are you a lover or a fighter? I wanna fite but I don’t bite and I’m usually just high as a kite.

76. What did you do on your last birthday? Like… nothing. Mum and I have to save money for scout camps ( there’s a big Venture I’m going on at the start of next year, AV2018) and I couldn’t be bothered to have a birthday party when I would have to have one just before or after term starts, my birthday is the 24th of Jan. Usually I have my party like a week after school starts again but I couldn’t be bothered.

77. What is your favorite quote and why? “I’m sceptical that you could, yet intrigued that you may” I got it off a screenshot on tumblr ALSO “What are you looking at?” “ Something Replusive” “I’m not a mirror Karen” from the fanfiction Iris Zero, my fav Hetalia fan fic about Romerica. Also “I’m hella pan with a hella plan” off tumblr.

78. If your best friend died, what would you do? I would be a fucking wreck and I’m not gonna think about it.

79. If you had to go back in time and change one thing, what would it be? If i went back and time and changed smth, i wouldn’t be me anymore, but I would go back and get a proper depression diagnosis bc we knew I had it but I’m a good actor so the doctors couldn’t diagnose the kid who was fucking suicidal great job Australia ANYWAY

80. If you only had 24 hours to live, what would you do? My mum texted me this morning ( btw I did this ask over a couple days) with 'If you die today would you like the last thing you spent your precious life hours on to be tumblr??’ I responded with 'yes’ to be a bitch and also bc I kinda would? I would get all my friends and all of the food I wanted, write my will, etc. I’d go fucking ridiculous with what I’d do tbh. All the adventurous activities .

81. What is the strangest dream you’ve ever had? One time when I was 11, I had a dream I was a princess with a guy servant and a girl lady in waiting/servant and we were all bffs, ( looking normal so far lmao), and then we were getting chased around my kingdom by a guy with a floppy dick which was flopping around like a bendy/wobble pencil. Both friends sacrificed themselves to stop him and made me keep running away lol

82. Are you happier single or in a relationship? I don’t know

83. Who were you in a past life? The human embodiment of Anxiety Sanders

84. What is your happiest childhood memory?Lazy sunny days with my mum. Chores and relaxing. Cooking.

85. Have you ever experienced unrequited love? Not,,,, really,, see above, I,, haven’t really had any experience with love

86. Have you ever had an imaginary friend? I don’t think so?

87. If you were the prime minister , what would you do? Fucking Marriage Equality, Safe schools is mandatory, sexual assault/homelessness/youth in crisis support is fucking fixed and improved, Scouts is connected to schools, primary school system revised, improved and fixed, high school system improved, counselling is better overall, science in all grades, maths teaching is improved over all, teachers can get constructive criticism from students and will LISTEN to them. Abuse is redefined as both emotional and psychical and people start to understand that, neurodivergents are fucking accommodated more, same for disabled people. Mental illness are listened to for fucks sake.

88. What is your ideal career? Engineer, scientist, musician, YouTuber, anything that makes me happy and makes people happy and supports people. I also want money tbh so A) i can donate to charity B) i want to transition and all I fucking love memey products.

89. What is your political affiliation?/90. Are you conservative or liberal? Liberal. When I vote, I will weight my options and choose which ever is the least awful tbh. I’m an intersectional feminist meaning I support poc, the wider LGBT+ community, feminism, people with mental illness, neurodivergents and disabled people.

91. Is the male or female body closest to perfection?Male doesn’t get periods so u decide

92. Do you like kissing in public? I’ve seen people kiss in public ONCE in my life so like?? Do what you want

93. If you could change one thing in the world, what would you change? Unlike my prime minister answer, I’m thinking smaller here : everyone is allowed to transition/get married/ all LGBTAI+ rights are legalised

94. Where would you like to live? Huge house full of secret tunnels and it’s all waterproof and I keep rescue pets and secretly help refugees there so they can get a normal life again. There would be huge libraries. In the countryside as well. Tazmania probably. Or Melbourne in a nice house with my rabbits and datemate/s

95. Where would you go on your dream vacation?I’d want to go on a world tour and meet all my mutuals and the people I am fans of.

96. Describe yourself in one word.Chaotic ( good lmao)(( jk every time i take that chaotic/neutral/lawful quiz I get lawful good but lawful good is was I aspire to be and chaotic good is what I am. ))

97. Describe yourself in one sentenceVery. Fucking. Complicated. Wreck. Who Loves All My Mutuals and Friends So Much.

#me #asks #97 question ask

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briellebouquet · 5 years

Text

i’m sick and i don’t know what it means. what with. how to fix it. i guess i haven’t tried hard enough. going to doctors a bunch over the last year doesn’t make up for the fact that i ended up cutting off of meds cold turkey. and then ruining christmas.

trying first to explain to my younger brother B how hip hop isn’t actually dumb or bad. he used to love hip hop. it was confusing and difficult to understand. shortly after mental health came up. he used the word ‘pussification.’ i tried to explain that it isn’t something that can just be controlled. turned off, or gone around even. turns out he’s as stubborn as i am. pussification. i couldn’t even communicate the latent sexism. and the fact that i was trying to sort out my own, uh, pussification. in the sense of weighing the how-to, pros, and cons inherent in transitioning. that i had only within the preceding few months even solidly accepted that i was into guys, and would be pursuing what at the time would’ve been a gay relationship. it stung, hearing what felt like an assault on my emergent trans identity, sexuality, and mental health struggles all at once. but i held on tight.

i broke later. discussing something related to capitalism, wages if i recall initially though it branched out, with my aunt. then my brother A jumped into it. and my dad. and B again. and from the periphery my other aunt. me against the world. it was polite enough at first but ultimately, i ended up so buried trying to communicate disclaimers and softening my arguments so as not to offend anyone, that the people arguing against me would interrupt me before i’d even gotten to the point i was trying to make. the interruptions at a certain point got aggressive. i was passionate, but i didn’t get heated until right before i broke down. i got flustered and panicky and said “i need to stop” and hurried past everyone from the back corner of the room over to the stairs, then down into the basement. i sobbed and cried. my dad came down and apologized and cried too. he often does. it means alot that he cares enough to regret these things. but it doesn’t stop them from happening.

strung out on meds after being denied long term disability by insurance (Sun Life) on the grounds of it being a pre-existing condition. I was under a month (might have been just a week but i can’t remember for sure) from the ‘pre-existing condition’ clause no longer applying. i went off of work for having panic attacks and breakdowns. hyperventilating in the bathroom. crying on shift. picking beard hair out of my face to the point of it leaving patches and having to shave. they paid me short term disability, then denied me long term after leading me to believe it was just a matter of paperwork going through. which left me out of money and out of work. no money, no meds, i thought. i mean, while waiting for their decision, i had lost upwards of 30 pounds. unable to afford food. going a day or two at a time on an apple poached from the fruit dish upstairs. then caving and stealing eggs and making them while my dad and his wife were at work when i got so hungry i stopped being able to move. that was my life. i stayed on meds through a bunch of that, but when they turned off my income, i lashed out and immediately dumped by remaining meds, shortly before the christmas shitshow. a couple of weeks prior i think. if i didn’t have an income, i didn’t owe it to anyone to keep taking them. they weren’t working. and i wouldn’t even be able to afford a co-pay for renewal. might as well get withdrawal over with, i thought. i stopped going to therapy after the third appointment where she shrugged and told me change how i think about things. it wasn’t working. i wasn’t having success. and it got so awkward and uncomfortable trying to explain why the treatment wasn’t making sense to me, and having her respond the same way, that i couldn’t get over the threshold when the next appointment came. i canceled via email and made up an excuse and said i’d reach out again to reschedule if that was okay. knowing i never would.

losing my income, i sold both of my guitars, still a bit before christmas. got nickel-and-dimed pretty bad. got like $800 which i paid $400 to dad for rent, and the rest, i used for groceries and fast food dopamine chasing. i didn’t have much in my life. giving in and irresponsibly getting a sub for $8 honestly kept me going. especially after losing my guitars. i still love singing, and occasionally write bad poetry, but music was my capital O Outlet. i miss it so much. i miss having ideas and being able to fumble my way through the process of trying to pull it out of my head. i don’t know when i’ll be able to get a guitar again. in this time period, i continued losing weight and struggling to find food. especially once the guitar money ran out. it didn’t last terribly long. somewhere in january i went to social services and now i’m receiving a small monthly stipend that i usually burn through by the 15th or 20th. sometimes i burn it at bars. i go to bars to read. i can be at a bar and feel like i’m socializing even when i’m not. when i’m there alone. shallow pleasantries with a server. chatter all around me. it helped. coffee shops too, but most of them close early, and i stay up all night so i don’t have to be awake while my dad is home and active. coffee shops don’t work as well. but alcohol and pub food is extremely expensive when you’re dead broke. so, like i said, i run out by the 15th or 20th. between a few pub trips, coffee shop runs, fast food weakness, and groceries.

i went the long way around, but it’s been a few months on social security payments and weeks at a time being pinned in the bedroom with dad and his wife periodically expressing frustration with me for being here. it’s led to me trying to be invisible. but i also run out of money and ultimately poach food from the fridge. when there’s cans of pop i break down and take them sometimes. i hate myself for it. i try to replace them when i do have money, but then i drink those too. i get panicky to the extent that i haven’t been able to refill my water when they’re awake and home, let alone use the stove. even when i have food. even going to the bathroom i try to time out so i only have to leave the room when they’re in bed or not home. i know this is messed up. they’re not being directly cruel. it’s more passive aggressive. and apparent in how they speak to me, when we’re in situations where we speak. situations that are occurring less and less frequently as i back away, and they back away too. i can feel the frustration. sometimes dad lets comments slip i think by accident. it’s clear that i’m not welcome here. and i get it. i’d want my place to be my own place too. but it’s also been a terrifying experience for me, trying to cope with being unwanted. it’s been just about a year now, here. not for one second has it been good. it’s humiliating. i’m 33. i just want to live on my own and not starve. god i want to live on my own and not starve so bad. so that’s where i’m at.

i’ve been reading lately about autism. i’ve been diagnosed with cluster B BPD which shares symptoms with autism. and there are some autism indicators that i at least don’t think i share. but also lots of accounts from autistic people that i’ve experienced directly day to day. or have figured prominently in the leadup to gruesome lifequakes (i’ve had 4 or 5 at least.) so now i’m thinking, am i autistic? or have i created confirmation bias as i desperately search for a diagnosis that will lead to effective treatments? i had told my therapist and my psychiatrist and my parents and my MD that i think if i had a safe, private place to live, and enough money for food, that i could at least do a better job working on treatment recommendations. i think that would go a long way. maybe the BPD treatments and meds, thus far completely ineffective by any tangible noticeable measure, would work better if i weren’t breaking down at work, or freaking out about not making rent. the System couldn’t make that happen i guess. so now i’m living in an immensely unhealthy environment, eating poorly for 10-15 days every month, too afraid of people to even socialize let alone go jobhunting again, and trying to diagnose myself with something that will get me help. real help. i’m suicidal. i’m fucked up. i’m hoping i can get on EI disability soon, but even that only lasts for a few months so it’s a bandaid.

i have a doctor’s appointment re: HRT for transition and i’m going to cut my food budget so i can buy makeup and a wig in the meantime. femme clothes will have to wait unfortunately. i’m fighting back suicidal ideation by imagining my future as a woman, planning to volunteer at Pride (god i hope i can make a friend or two, being alone hurts so much i can’t stop crying about it) and hoping that i can get a referral to a new psychiatrist soon. One that’s trans friendly. i had a rough experience with the last one when i came out to him. a new therapist too probably. i can’t see myself getting over the discomfort and trying to get back in to see my old one. my visits with her were limited by the province anyhow - her job isn’t to have permanent patients.

if i can get EI disability, move out into my own place without a roommate - a bachelor suite that’s safe and comfortable would be enough, - buy some thrift store femme clothes, start learning makeup, and get on HRT + a referral to a good psychiatrist and therapist... if i can have some of those things work out, even. maybe it’ll start getting better. maybe i’ll be able to look in the mirror again. maybe i’ll be comfortable going out in public. maybe i’ll make a friend or two through volunteer work. maybe this year, i’ll be able to at least conceive of a way to buy a decent electric guitar. but i mean, all of this stuff, even making and keeping friends, requires money. and i’d very sincerely rather die than get the customer service work i’m ‘qualified’ for right now. i’ve been to the ER after screaming about suicide and bawling at work twice in the last couple years. i can’t honestly say i’d go to the hospital again if things got that intense. stabilize first, then work.

i guess all of this depends on whether or not the canadian safety net is strong enough to keep me afloat. applying for EI has taken forever and will only last i think 4 months. the government absorbed my tax refund into my outstanding student loan debt. social security doesn’t pay enough to cover rent literally anywhere. housing assistance may or may not approve me - i can’t even apply usefully until i have EI income, since housing assistance does not = free rent and i sure as hell don’t have a damage deposit saved up.

things don’t look good. i don’t know what i’m sick with. i have no money. and i’m living in hell. this isn’t coherent or well written, i know. it serves no functional purpose. but it feels better to dump it on the internet than it did to scrawl it in my diary in apoplectic fits as it was all happening. maybe some day i’ll try to tell a real story. to tell a story, usefully. to some end other than weakly grasping at small measures of catharsis. i hope some day i can. for now, it’s enough to scream “i’m hurting” and walk away. so now i’m gonna go outside into the violent wind, and walk away.

goodnight. if you read, or even skimmed this, thanks. it’s bad and heavy, i know. so thanks. goodnight :)

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argyle-s · 6 years

Text

THE SHAPE OF THINGS TO COME CHAPTER 4/?

Rating: Mature

Read at Ao3

Start at the Beginning

After saving Alex's plane, Kara recruits Winn and Maggie to help her become Supergirl.

Update: This story has now been betaed by @ifourmindbeso. Any remaining mistakes are entirely my own.

Chapter 4 - In the Light of Day “Pretty cool, huh?” Kara asked as she walked by Winn.

“A plane-saving lady?” Winn scoffed. “How is the world supposed to take her seriously if she can’t even come up with a suit? What… Metropolis gets him and what does National City get? Some rookie superhero?”

Kara laughed. “Maybe she wasn’t expecting to save a plane last night. Ever think of that? Maybe she was out having drinks with a friend. Or maybe, maybe she just needs her best friend’s mad cosplay skill to help her come up with a suit.”

Winn looked over at her. “Seriously? That’s what you’re going with?”

Kara shrugged. “What? You think having super powers automatically makes you know how to sew stretch knits? Does every origin story come with a free serger? Is there a super hero manual that explains how to pick bomb-proof fabric?”

“You’ve given this a disturbing amount of thought,” Winn said.

“Maggie got called in to work, so I went home early,” she said.

“Sorry.”

Kara shrugged. “It happens.” She turned her back to Winn and took a second to heat vision Cat’s Latte before announcing “She’s here.”

***

“I know many of you are used to being second best but it's new to me. The most incredible event in the history of National City and yet we have no exclusive of any kind.”

“We don't have much to go on. The image we're working off is low res... I guess she's around 5'9”. It's tough to Gauge with her height measured up against an airplane.”

“Hair color brown. Or black.”

“Or maybe her hair is just dirty. You know, from soot. The plane exhaust,” James said, cutting off all the rambling.

“James, you make an excellent point. Do you think there's any connection between this hero and...” Cat asked.

“To my friend in blue? I don't know. I mean, not that he mentioned, but if she's anything like him, she's a hero. Saving people is what they're born to do. She'll be back.”

Cat smiled. “Hmm. She better be. This girl is the answer. She is exactly what I need to save the Tribune. Besides fatty foods, there is nothing people love more than a hero. We are going to blow her up. We will feature her online and in the paper, but we need images, we need video, we need an interview, and exclusive content. So go. Go get me that girl. And, Keira... Go get me a lettuce wrap.”

Kara nodded, a smile on her face. She’d forgotten just how good that little speech had made her feel the first time around. How much confidence it had given her, especially after the fight with Alex the previous night. She turned around and started to head out of the office, only to find James falling in beside her.

“It's funny,” He said. “That was the first thing he did. Save a plane, I mean.”

“Must run in the family,” she replied as she walked over to Winn. James gave her a slightly puzzled look as he headed for his office.

“Winn, come with me.”

“What? Why? Where?”

“The roof.”

“The roof? What’s on the roof?”

***

Winn looked around nervously as Kara led him up onto the helipad. Kara felt a little bad for him, because she knew he hated heights almost as much as Cat, but she also knew this was the only way to convince him.

“Hey, uh, just whatever you have to say, can you make it quick? I'm not really into being this high up,” he said.

“Listen, Winn, I'm going to tell you something about me that only a handful of people in my life know. Can I trust you to keep a secret?”

“Yeah, yeah, of course.”

“Good. I just really need someone to be excited for me. There's something about me that for most of my life, I've kept hidden. But last night, I embraced who I am and I don't want to stop.”

“Um, Kara, I know you’re gay.”

Kara laughed. “Please, like that’s a secret. Winn, what I’m trying to tell you is, I’m her. The woman who saved the plane.”

Winn stared at her for a moment, then he started laughing. “Okay, that’s a good one. You almost had me believing you were serious for a second there. This is because I made fun of her for not having a suit, it’s it?”

Kara sighed and walked over to the edge of the building.

“Kara. Hey, Kara, what are you doing. No, stop. Kara, you’re going to get hurt.”

Kara just pitched back off the edge of the roof, arms out, letting herself fall for a couple of seconds before she flipped over and shot straight up, flipping over again and coming down in the center of the helipad.

“Ta da!” Kara said.

“You’re her!” Winn shouted. “Holy shit, you can fly!”

Kara gave him her widest smile. “Yep. And now I need my best friend’s mad cosplay skills to make me a suit, because Mom did not put a serger in my escape pod with me, and I do not know how to sew stretch knits.”

Winn nodded. “Okay. Yeah, okay.”

“The good news is I do have bomb proof fabric.”

Winn stared at her for a moment as a smile slowly spread across his face. “This is gonna be so cool!”

***

The elevator opened and Kara stepped out, rushing as fast as she could and wishing she already had her Supergirl suit because it would have made getting Cat’s lettuce wrap a thousand times easier. Of course, it would probably have been faster if she hadn’t taken the little detour to reveal her secret to Winn, but that had been necessary. She was not doing this without her support structure, which in the first few days had consisted entirely of Winn.

Of course, that was before Kara had deliberately rigged the game. Which probably explained why Maggie Sawyer was standing next to her desk when she walked into the bullpen, talking to Cat Grant.

“Hello, Ms. Grant,” Kara said as she approached them.

“Keira,” Cat said, turning around with a somewhat predatory smile on her face. “You didn’t tell me you were dating a member of NCPD’s finest.”

“Well, that’s because we’re not dating, though I do appreciate the vote of confidence in my game. Also because you’ve never shown any interest in my love life before.” Kara held up the bag with Cat’s lunch. “Your lettuce wrap.”

She turned to Maggie. “What brings you to CatCo?”

Maggie held up a large paper bag. “You left your purse and jacket at the bar,” she said.

“Oh,” Kara said, trying to give her face just the right about of panic. “Thank you. I went back for them and they were gone…”

“Well, I wouldn’t be much of a friend if I let your things get stolen, would I?”

Kara felt Cat watching the back and forth and knew the woman was picking up that there was a lot more going on, which was actually helpful in the long run, but inconvenient in the short term.

“Ms. Grant, would you mind if I took a few moments to talk to Detective Sawyer?”

“Oh, no. Not at all. After all, she was nice enough to return your things. Which you left in the bar, where you were not on a date,” Cat said.

Kara blushed about five shades of red as she realized Cat thought she had caught her in a booty call.

“Thank you,” was all she said. She gave a small nod to Maggie, then turned and lead her towards the nearest conference room.

“So,” Kara said, as she closed the door behind them.

“That was you,” Maggie said.

“Yeah.”

“So, are you and Superman...?”

“He’s my cousin. Younger cousin.”

“Younger.”

“Yeah. It’s a long story, but the basics are, he came straight here, while my pod got knocked off course. I spent twenty-four years in suspended animation before my guidance system rebooted. The long version is a bit more complicated than that, but there are not enough tissues in the room for me to go through the entire thing.”

Maggie shook her head. “You know, back when we met, you told me you had trouble finding someone with shared life experiences. I figured there was a bad break up, or maybe a girlfriend who died or something.”

“Hey, I told you you’d have to come to Thanksgiving dinner to unlock my tragic backstory.” Maggie laughed, and Kara found herself smiling a bit at that, but she kept going. “Look, Maggie, things are about to get really, really nasty. Superman and I, we weren’t just nobodies on Krypton. We’re both the heirs to dozens of dynastic titles, and because we’re the last survivors of those houses, all of their enemies will be coming for us. What’s more, my mother was the Kryptonian equivalent of a federal prosecutor and a federal court judge and when Krypton died, more than one of our prisons was broken open. Now that they know I’m alive, the criminals my mother sent to those prisons are going to be coming straight for me.”

“The smart thing for you to do would be to go home and forget what you saw in that alley last night. Pretend it never happened.”

Maggie looked at her for a moment, then shook her head. “Fuck that,” she said. “You went out last night and exposed yourself to all of that to save lives.”

“My sister’s life, Maggie. My sister was on that plane. It was not an unselfish gesture.”

“Yeah, but what about next time, and the time after that, and the time after that? I’ve seen the good your cousin has done over the years, the lives he saved. If you’re anything like him, this city, hell, the whole world needs you. And if I can help, what kind of person would I be if I refused?”

Kara smiled, and held out her hand. “Welcome to the team,” she said.

***

Of course J’onn was waiting for her when she got home.

“You can’t be here,” she hissed as she walked towards him. “What if Alex shows up?”

“She won’t,” he said. “I’ve got her putting together a tac team whose job it will be to bring you in for questioning.”

“Yeah, I figured that was coming,” she replied as she stepped by him and unlocked the door. “You couldn’t just drive over with her and let her introduce you. By Rao’s light, you are such a drama queen.

“We need to talk,” he said as he followed her inside.

“No, actually we don’t. I’m expecting company, so please, skedaddle.”

“Skedaddle? What kind of word is that?”

“One I picked up from someone I probably shouldn’t have been hanging around with in the first place, but there it is. Now, I’m serious. Winn and Maggie will be here any minute.”

“Did you know about the bomb?”

“You seriously think I would have let my sister get on a plane if there was any danger she’d get hurt?” Kara asked, and she felt just a bit guilty, because she *had* done just that, but only because she already knew how it would turn out and had taken every precaution to make sure her sister was safe.

“No, but I can’t help but feel like you knew this was coming.”

“I knew something was coming. I heard Vartox had been at the airport about two minutes before I got word about the plane being in trouble.”

“Vartox did this?

“Unless Aunt Astra sent two assassins to National City at the same time.”

“Great. I’ve read his file. He’s a nasty piece of work.”

“Yes, he is. But he’s also predictable. He likes carnage, but he’s a planner, and he’s obedient. He’ll check in with his control before he moves again. We’ve got a couple of days. I doubt he’ll move again before Monday.”

“I take it you have a plan?”

“I do.”

“Want to share?”

“Yeah, I’m going to kick his ass, then let him go.”

“What?”

“I need to get a message to Astra. When Vartox comes after me, I’ll give him the message, and then you move in a strike team to drive him off. We’ll give him time to report the message back, then take him down for good.”

“I hate that plan,” J’onn said.

Kara shrugged. “Yeah, well… that’s because it sucks, but it’s the best plan I’ve got right now.”

“That’s encouraging,” J’onn said.

“Well, if I can just get her the message, we might be able to end this without bloodshed.”

“I don’t see that happening.”

“Honestly, neither do I. The Coluan is going to have to be put down. Probably my uncle Non as well. The others though, we might be able to negotiate a conditional surrender. Bring them into the fold. That many Kryptonians working for the DEO would be a hell of a response force come the day.”

“It would be, if we can trust them.”

“If I can bring Astra around, we’ll be able to trust anyone she vouches for.”

“I don’t suppose you want to tell me where you’re getting all your information.”

“Doesn’t matter. The well ran dry the moment a picture of me hit the news. I can make a few predictions based on how well I know the players, but one of the reasons I haven’t fed you more names over the last year is the risk of poisoning the well, which is exactly what I did when I caught that plane.”

“I knew you were holding out on me.”

“Yeah, well, someday I hope you’ll forgive me, but if we had pushed them into accelerating their time table, it wouldn’t have been good. Alex wasn’t ready, the DEO wasn’t ready, and honestly, I’m not ready, but I should be if Vartox will hold off until Monday morning.”

“And if he doesn’t?”

Kara shrugged. “I fight him in my yummy sushi pajamas and a pair of bunny slippers.”

“That’s not funny.”

“No, it’s not, but right now, I’m not too far from that.” Kara said. “One other thing. I’m going to need to you work up a security clearance on Jimmy Olsen.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m pretty sure my baby cousin is a blabber mouth, and spilled the beans about me. Olsen has been dropping hints. He’s about as subtle as a coyote with an anvil, but he’s been working with Kal for eleven years or so. If he already knows who I am it makes sense to read him in on it.”

“Sometimes I hate when you’re right.”

“Well, I’m right about you needing to leave. Winn’s just pulled up downstairs, and I need to help him carry in the sewing machines.”

“Sewing machines?”

“If you’re gonna fight a war, you gotta wear a uniform.”

“Did you just quote Captain America to me?”

***

“She’s not flying around the city, fighting aliens in that,” Maggie said as she looked at the first design sketch Winn held up.

“Oh, come on, it’s great,” Winn said. He turned to look at Kara, and she just looked right back at him, completely ignoring the puppy dog eyes.

“She’s not wrong,” Kara said. “I wouldn’t wear that to the beach.” She took a drink of her orange juice, then asked, “And where’s the cape?”

“Capes are lame. You can tell your cousin I said so. Actually, never, never do that.”

“Lame or not, capes make you more maneuverable when you’re flying,” Kara said.

“Really?” Maggie asked.

Kara nodded. “The extra drag helps you corner tighter. Also, the fabrics we’ll be using could insulate a fusion reactor, and serve as a micro-meteor barrier, so I’ll be able to wrap them around someone to protect them from fire, explosions, stray bullets. You name it.”

“Okay,” Winn said. “So, we’ll go with a cape.”

Kara nodded. “And don’t forget the El coat of arms,” she said. “When I go out there, I want people to know who I am.”

Winn nodded. “You know, now that I think about it…” He started flipping through his sketch book until he found something. He turned it around, and Kara smiled. It wasn’t quite right, but it was clearly a working sketch of her first suit.

“We’d go with blue,” Kara said.

“Of course, but we’d do the skirt in red,” Winn said.

“Black sheer tights underneath,” Kara said.

“You really wanna go save the day in a skirt?” Maggie asked.

“I like the skirt,” Kara said. “I think it’s cute.”

“Okay,” Maggie said.

Kara could tell she wasn’t quite convinced, but that really didn’t matter. She wanted the original suit, because anything else would remind her too much of the war, and what it was like after Cadmus. After things started going south.

“I don’t like the boots though,” Kara said, turning back to the sketch.

“Yeah,” Maggie said. “You’re going for superhero, and Doc Martens are about two decades out of fashion.”

“Hold on,” Winn said. He flipped over a couple of pages, and held up a sketch of a pair of knee boots. “How about these?”

Kara smiled. “Those are perfect. Can you put pockets in the boots for my phone and some other things?”

“Sure,” Winn said. “I do have one question though.”

“What’s that?”

“If this fabric is so tough, how are my dinky little sewing machine and serger going to work it? Heck, how am I going to cut it?”

Kara smiles. “Oh, did I forget to mention that?”

“Mention what?” Winn asks with more than a little trepidation.

“Konex,” Kara said.

“Yes, Lady Kara,” a disembodied voice replied, causing Winn and Maggie both to jump, just a bit.

“End stealth mode,” Kara said.

“Whoa!” Winn shouted as he jumped up from his seat and backed away from the gold and silver robot appeared out of thin air above the table where he was sitting. “That’s… um… that’s… Kara, what is that?”

Kara laughed. “This is Konex,” she said. “Konex, scan and approve for level two command access. Winn Schott Jr. Formal address, Mr. Schott, familiar address, Winn. Konex, scan and approve for level two command access, Detective Sergeant Margaret Sawyer. Formal address, Detective Sawyer, familiar address, Maggie. Addendum. Detective Sergeant Margaret Sawyer is tier four law enforcement. Set ancillary privileges as appropriate under Earth, United States of America, State of California and National City laws. Addendum. Mr. Schott and Detective Sawyer are pledged allies of the House of El. Access Levels House General, Cadet Branch General, Cadet Branch Compartment Three. Approval Code, Kara, El Mayarah, Su-Von.”

“Acknowledged. Greetings Mr. Schott, Detective Sawyer.”

“Um… hi,” Winn said.

“Hello,” Maggie said.

“Konex and his brothers Kolex, and Kelex are tier four cyber constructs. Konex was my personal attendant when I was growing up.”

Kara watched Winn’s face, and could tell he was torn between being slightly frightened, and completely fascinated.

“You had a flying robot butler?”

“Butler, doctor, teacher, playmate.”

“That is so cool,” he said as he stepped forward, reaching out and stopping just short of touching Konex. “You’ve had him all this time?”

“No,” Kara said. “The original body was destroyed along with the rest of Krypton. But Konex is technically software. His memories had been downloaded into a storage unit on my ship. I had Kelex, Superman’s attendant, build a new body for Konex about a year ago. Konex built Kolex a couple of months ago so I could bring him back here while Kolex runs my secret lair.”

What Kara didn’t add, because it would have needed weeks of explanation, was that she hadn’t even known about Konex or the sanctuary crystals stored in her pod until nearly a year after Myriad. She’d asked Kal about how he built the Fortress, and he’d told her about the set of crystals hidden in his pod. She’d gone and asked the hologram of her mother why she wasn’t given a set, and the hologram had politely explained to her that she was, and they were still stored in her pod.

Having her own Fortress, which she’d dubbed Sanctuary, tucked in neatly a couple of hundred miles off the California coast had seriously upped her Superhero game. It had also given her, J’onn and Alex a place to operate out of after the situation with the DEO had gone south in the fallout from Cadmus.

“Wait, secret lair?” Winn asked. “You have a secret lair, and you didn’t share?”

Maggie just shook her head.

“Well, it would have been a little hard to explain why I had a secret lair without mentioning the part where I’m an alien.”

“Yeah, that’s actually a good point. I’m not sure I forgive you though.”

“Yeah, yeah. You say that now, but wait until Konex shows you the Kryptonian fabric extruder.”

***

Kara stared out into National City from the roof of her apartment building, listening to the sounds, letting it all wash over her. She didn’t open herself to much, because if she did, she’d hear the cries for help, the pain, and the struggles. Noises she hadn’t been entirely able to ignore for the last year. She had dozens of rescues under her belt, starting with the eight campers who’d died in the California wild fires a year earlier in the original timeline. Her super-speed, and a few tricks she’d learned from Barry, Oliver, and Bruce over the years had kept her from drawing too much attention. She suspected NCPD and NCFD might be scratching their heads over some of the things she’d done. Muggers suddenly hanging from a street lamp by half a roll of duct tape. Fires that mysteriously went out before the fire department arrived. A mud slide that froze solid in the middle of summer, fifteen feet from the road, giving them time to finish an evacuation before it thawed enough to be a hazard.

She couldn’t help it. She’d been Supergirl for so long, even a war across dozens of different universes couldn’t take the desire to help away from her and now that she was almost there, almost to the point where she could help out in the open again, every moment she wasn’t helping weighed on her.

“You okay?” Maggie asked from behind her.

Kara nodded. “Yeah. I suppose it might not seem that way, but I am.”

“That’s good,” Maggie said. “You wouldn’t do anyone any good out there if your head wasn’t in the game.”

“I know,” Kara said. “Experience was a bitter teacher on that point.”

“Sounds like there’s a story there.”

“Not one I want to remember,” Kara said, and it really wasn’t. Barry had tried to talk her out of fighting the day after Alex had been killed, but Kara hadn’t listened, and the results had been ugly.

“I keep thinking you’re too young, you can’t possibly know from experience, but something tells me you do.”

“I am a ruined vessel of sorrow and regret. But I am free.”

“Something from Krypton?”

“No. Mass Effect 2. Winn made me play the whole trilogy.”

“I’m afraid to ask.”

“You’d like it, it’s a series of video games about a Lesbian Space Cop, her partner, who’s a dinosaur rooster thing, and her hot blue archeologist girlfriend.”

“Sounds like something the little troll would be into.”

“Nah, he plays the male version of the main character, and hooks up with the gay shuttle pilot in the third game.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Winn’s bisexual. He’s just… He’s not perfect, there’s a hell of a lot more baggage there than you’d think, but after I told him I was gay, he never once made so much as a suggestive comment.”

“I think that outfit he tried to put you into counts.”

Kara laughed. “Yeah, you should see some of the ones he’s drawn my cousin in.”

“Oh,” Maggie said, right before she giggled. “Did he show them to you?” she asked, barely able to hide the mirth in her voice.

Kara frowned, not getting the joke. “Yes?”

“Oh, to be a fly on the wall when he makes the connection…”

Kara’s jaw dropped, and after a second, they both exploded into a fit of laughter.

“Oh, God,” Kara said, “I needed that.”

“I don’t doubt it,” Maggie said. “You looked like you had the weight of the world on those unfairly muscular shoulders.

Kara raised an eyebrow. “Don’t tell me you’ve got a cape crush.”

“No, no, no. I adore you Kara, but you are definitely not my type.”

“Not into aliens?” Kara asked.

“Actually, Darla is a Roltikkon,” Maggie said.

“Wait, you mean to tell me the girl you’ve been crying on my shoulder over on and off for four months is a telepathic alien?”

Maggie shrugged. “Yeah,” she said. “That’s how I found out she was cheating on me. When you can read someone’s mind every time you kiss, sooner or later, stuff like that comes out.”

“I’m sorry,” Kara said.

Maggie shrugged. “I’m over it, thanks in large part to this really friendly Kryptonian who let me cry on her shoulder.”

Kara smiled. “Glad I could help.”

“I need you to promise me something, though,” Maggie said.

“What is it?”

“What you’re doing. It can’t just be about humans. There are a lot of aliens here, and they don’t have any recourse. No way to seek justice.”

“I know,” Kara said.

“Do you?” Maggie asked. “I don’t mean to be harsh, Kara, but you pass for human every day.”

Kara reached out and took Maggie’s hand, giving it a squeeze. “I know, Maggie. Trust me.”

“Okay,” Maggie said.

Kara looked away, staring out into the city. “I didn’t want to do this alone, Mags. Not like my cousin. It’s easier for him. He was born on Krypton, but he doesn’t remember. He didn’t watch it die. I have issues. Anger. Rage. I sometimes, I forget that I can’t let those out. That I’m not normal. I need help, people who know me, who can remind me what it means to be a hero when all I want to do is tear someone apart. That symbol that Winn is sewing on my costume, it’s the Ancient Kandorian Glyph for a word that literally means hope, but it also stands for my family’s motto. El Mayarah. It means ‘stronger together’. But the person I want with me the most isn’t ready to accept this. Not yet. I thought… hoped you and Winn could be that for me, be the people I drew strength from, but it wasn’t fair of me to ask you. You don’t owe me anything. You can still walk away.”

“No, I can’t,” Maggie said. “Kara, whatever else you are, you’re family. You have been since the night I met you. I’m not sure why I felt that way about you so quickly, but I did, and I do. I’m here for you. But we’re going to do this the right way. No back alley beat downs. No Star Chamber justice. We do this in the light of day.”

“I can’t promise that,” Kara said. “The part about the light of day. There are reasons I’ve stayed hidden, and some of them are pretty scary. And there are times even police don’t tell the public the entire story, to avoid causing a panic, or because it will lead to reprisals against innocent people. I’ll promise you though, that if I hide something, it will be because there’s a good reason.”

“Those prisoners you mentioned?”

Kara sighed and gave the city one last look. “Come on downstairs. Winn deserves to know what he’s getting himself into just as much as you do, and I don’t want to tell this story twice.”

***

“How do I look?” Kara asked as she stepped into the living room.

“Good,” Winn said, smiling at her from his spot on the couch.

“He’s right. I’m still reserving judgement on how practical the skirt is, but it definitely has style.”

“The swagger helps,” Winn said.

“Yeah,” Maggie agreed. “The swagger definitely helps.”

Kara turned around, looking at herself in the mirror. The suit was nearly identical to her original Supergirl outfit. The only real difference was the hidden pockets in the boots. The original suit only had one for her phone. This one had two phone pockets, one for money, and one which held an anti-kryptonite shield. She hadn’t told J’onn about that last one, because if she had, she wasn’t sure he’d have given her the kryptonite in the first place. She knew J’onn had come to trust her, but this J’onn was still the J’onn that she’d known her first few months at the DEO. The J’onn before he confronted the White Martian.

She stopped and took a deep breath. So many of the befores were going away soon and she could start rebuilding her family.

She turned around. “What have you got for me?”

“Car chase on the 112 Freeway,” Maggie said. “You in?”

Kara smiled, remembering how this went the first time. “I got this,” she said. “Konex, you ready?”

“Yes, Lady Kara,” it said as it vanished into stealth mode.

“Wait, you’re taking him with you?” Winn asked.

“How else do you expect a live camera feed,” Kara said before she launched herself out of the window.

***

Her first time living through this day, Kara was still a weak flyer. She was running on instinct alone, and didn’t have the advantage of a cape to aid with maneuvering. When she’d tried to catch the car, she’d flown into an embankment when it cut a corner far too sharp for her. This time, she had years of combat flying experience under her belt, and could turn on a dime at anything less than supersonic speeds. When the car skidded around the corner, Kara took the turn without a second thought, and put on just a bit of altitude. She used her X-Ray vision to aim, then used her heat vision to cut the battery cable on the car. A few seconds later, she landed next to the car as it rolled to a stop, jerked the door open, and pulled the driver out, dragging him to the rear, and bending him over the trunk. As the cops approached, she gave him a quick once over with her X-Ray vision, then turned to the closest of the cops.

“He’s got a knife in his right boot,” she said. “Don’t forget.”

The cop nodded as she stepped back, only letting go one the man had the suspect’s arms secured. She tapped her fingers to her forehead, a quick acknowledgment, then kicked off, taking to the sky again as she took flight.

“Okay, what else have you got for me?” she asked.

***

Kara ducked through the window of her loft, smiling as she caught a whiff of fresh pizza. She’d circled the block twice while Winn was paying the delivery guy, but now that the coast was clear, she was eager to eat. Konex followed her in through the window and decloaked once he was safely inside.

“Hey!” Winn said. “A car chase, three ambulances carried to the hospital, a mugging, and a bank robbery. Not bad for your first day.”

“Not bad at all,” Kara said. She looked around, and frowned. “Where’s Maggie?”

“She left right after the bank robbery,” he said. “Said she got called in to work because apparently there’s some alien flying around playing superhero.”

Kara signed. She’d been looking forward to sharing their success with both Winn and Maggie, but she couldn’t blame Maggie for having to work.

“Pizza?” She asked.

“Yeah,” Winn said, pointing to the table. “Five extra larges.”

Kara laughed. “Flying burns a lot of calories,”

“Man, I always wondered where you put it all before, but I’m guessing your appetite is just gonna get bigger, isn’t it?”

Kara nodded as she picked up two of the pizza boxes. She didn’t even bother with a plate. She just carried them over to her sofa and plopped down, flipping open the top box and digging in.

“So, are we done for the day?” Winn asked.

“You have plans?”

“No,” he said. “But I was going to see if I could borrow Konex for a bit.”

“What for?”

“I wanted his help with my Winter Soldier outfit,” he said. “Most of it is really easy, but the metal arm is a pain.”

“Tell you what,” Kara said. “If you can show Konex how to tie into 911 dispatch, along with police, fire and ambulance dispatch, as well as the emergency broadcast network so he can run superhero central when you’re not around, he’ll help you with your costume.”

“Awesome!” Winn said.

“No Kryptonian technology though,” Kara said in her Supergirl voice. Winn’s face fell slightly, but Kara ignored it. She knew she was going to have to introduce several Kryptonian technologies to the world at large, but she was going to do that in a very carefully controlled way, and she needed to make sure the patents stayed in friendly hands. That meant either Wayne Enterprises or Themyscira Enterprises. Letting Winn use any Kryptonian tech risked Maxwell Lord, Simon Tycho, or Lillian Luthor getting their hands on it.

The two of them ate in companionable silence for a while, and Kara used the time to rest for the confrontation she knew was coming.

“Four-alarm fire at Gates and Igle.”

The sudden sound made Winn jump, but Kara had been expecting it. She swallowed her last bite of pizza, and stood up.

“Konex, stay here with Winn. Let him show you how to run the equipment, and incorporate as many functions as possible into your internal hardware. Winn, after this, we will be done for the night. Let Maggie know, then, go home and get some sleep.”

“See you tomorrow?”

“I’ll text you,” Kara said as she jumped out of the window.

#supergirl #supercat #supercanary #sanvers #fanfiction #the shape of things to come #kara danvers #alex danvers #cat grant #maggie sawyer #sara lance #j'onn j'onzz #susan vasquez #lois lane #clark kent #james olsen #winn schott jr.#future shock

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adambstingus · 7 years

Text

5 Tiny Groups Of Nobodies That Are Shockingly Powerful

Conspiracy theorists drone on and on about the secret groups who really control the world — the Illuminati, the Jews, the Skull and Bones, the Rothschilds, the Jews, the Vatican, the shapeshifting reptile people, the Jews, etc. Well, it turns out that there actually are hidden groups that surreptitiously control aspects of your daily life. It’s just that you haven’t heard about them. Generally, the folks secretly manipulating the world are big on that “secret” part. Spoiler alert: It’s not the Jews. Jews are not a secret.

The U.S. Medical Industry Is Controlled By 31 People

If you live in the U.S., you know healthcare is wildly expensive. Or maybe you don’t. Because you’re dead. From not being able to afford healthcare. Supposedly, this is all a natural consequence of the free market doing its job. Who can control that market? It is so wild. So free. Like a majestic Palomino prancing in a glade.

In reality, the price of medical procedures is almost entirely decided by 31 people, all sitting in a room together and throwing darts at a bingo card.

Rachel Murray/Getty Images for Baskin-Robbins Above: an artist’s impression of the room.

The American Medical Association Specialty Society Relative Value Scale Update Committee (nicknamed RUC, because AMASSRVSUC is an abominable Elder God summoned to our plane by successfully pronouncing his unwieldy name) consists of a mere 31 physicians, each representing one of the different medical specialties, but all tasked with deciding what literally everything they do should cost. You might have heard of this practice before, but using different words — in basically any other industry, it’s known as “price fixing,” the culprits are called “cartels,” and the whole thing is incredibly illegal. In the case of American medicine, it’s standard government-approved practice.

Here’s how it works (or rather, “works”): The committee assigns every medical procedure a number of relative value units (RVU), which account for the amount of work a doctor performs, the costs to the practice, and malpractice liability.

everydayplus/iStock The ARM (arbitrary random markup) is built into each value automatically.

And though the RUC technically only makes “suggestions,” the Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services (CMS) accept the committee’s recommendations 90 percent of the time. Private insurance companies in turn base their negotiations on whatever CMS pays through Medicare. In a healthcare system dominated by fee-for-service payment models, physicians’ pay is based on how many RVUs they produce. Three types of specialist — orthopedic surgeons, neurosurgeons, and general surgeons — are members of the “Two Million Club,” meaning each type of physician makes, on average, more than $2 million a year for their hospital, based on their RVUs.

Interestingly, assigning RVUs is a zero sum game; if the RUC wants to increase RVUs for one procedure, they need to decrease it for others. Needless to say, the arguments can get pretty heated, since the members know they are essentially negotiating their salaries. Specialists absolutely dominate the RUC. As a result, the committee is partly responsible for the gap in pay between specialists and primary care physicians. This has led to a shortage of primary care physicians in the U.S., and an emphasis on complex procedures at the expense of preventive health measures. RVU assignments may also explain why 15 minutes became the standard amount of time for each doctor appointment. Typical wellness visits are not given very high RVUs, so doctors are pressured to crank through patients like Pringles.

gpointstudio/iStock A child’s smile, though, is priceless! (It is worth nothing.)

Fine Restaurants Succeed Or Fail On The Word Of A Tire Company

For the past half century, restaurants all over the world have bowed to the power of one small, omnipresent cartel: Michelin. Yes, you’ve heard of them. You probably assumed the name was unrelated to the tire company, but if so, you were mistaken. For some reason, a tire company decides the fate of fine dining.

To be fair, their expert does look like he’s had some experience with eating.

Michelin’s unlikely influence in the world of high-class cuisine began in 1900, when hardly anyone owned a car. They started publishing the Michelin Restaurant Guide as a free brochure that mapped the best restaurants in France (their home country), using a three-star rating system. The rather flimsy subtext was “You could visit any of these places right now if you had a car. A car with tires. Specifically, our tires.” It was a cheap, desperate gimmick, and it didn’t really matter.

It was like that time a beer company put out a trivia book, and everyone responded reasonably.

But over the next hundred years, Michelin continued to publish its annual guide, and its standards began to evolve. Today, earning a single Michelin star is the restaurant equivalent of winning an Oscar. Having two means you’re one of the top dining establishments in the entire world. Three Michelin stars means you’re the kind of place Bill Gates has to budget for, and you’re serving meals that Caligula would call “a little over the top.”

So who decides the rating of all these restaurants? Well … nobody knows. Their reviewers are anonymous. Even the company executives don’t know their names or what they look like. Very rarely will a Michelin reviewer grant an interview, and it’s always given with strict instructions to obscure all personal information. Severe penalties are given to any establishment that tries to fish for some. Nobody knows how many reviewers even exist, or what their training is. And since they’re completely unaccountable, there’s no way of knowing whether they even ate at any damn place or just hand out stars to their chef buddies.

All we know is they’re presumably really good at changing tires.

Nevertheless, the Michelin Guide is such a huge deal that losing a Michelin star can easily bankrupt a restaurant. In fact, at least two world-renowned chefs have committed suicide after discovering that their rating had been downgraded. That’s quite a lot of power for a few connoisseurs to have, considering that, technically speaking, they work for a damn tire company.

A Small Town In Macedonia Influences American Elections

We’ve all been in a panic lately about foreign powers maliciously influencing the American presidential election. And while most fingers are being pointed squarely at Russia, nobody seems to be looking at Macedonia, a tiny country in Eastern Europe that’s influenced more elections than Putin could shake a stick at. And he’s a stick-shaker, that guy.

But calling him that breaks Russia’s law against gay propaganda.

Though President Trump has made every effort to define “fake news” as anything he doesn’t like, from The New York Times to a particularly difficult word jumble (some of the words go diagonally, Donny!), fake news is a real problem. In the run-up to the 2016 election, social media was swamped with false viral news stories, and when the real media tried to trace them to their sources, they discovered that most of them were, weirdly enough, coming from the small Macedonian town of Veles, which has a population of around 50,000.

The teenagers and young adults of Veles have become rich off an entire cottage industry of fake news, having set up around 100 websites dedicated to making up stories about American politicians and sharing them on Facebook for ad revenue. And when we say rich, we mean these kids are making upwards of $100,000 a year from Google Ads — all in a town where the average annual wage is around $4,800.

Its next-biggest industries are turnip farming and begging.

According to the young men in question, they don’t have any ideological reason for focusing on pro-Trump articles — those are simply the ones that succeed. During the election campaign, they also tried making up pro-Hillary and pro-Sanders bullshit, but people weren’t sharing it. In Veles, new nightclubs have opened this year just for local youths to spend their money on. The impoverished streets are now lined with brand-new BMWs, all purchased with ad revenue from viral articles they wrote about Hillary Clinton being diagnosed with Ebola and Trump having a secret Iron Man suit.

Half Of The World’s Opioid Supply Comes From One Valley

The U.S. and Canada are currently dealing with one of the biggest drug crises of all time. Drug-related deaths are higher than ever before, particularly from opioids like heroin, opium, morphine, codeine, and OxyContin. These drugs all come from the seeds of one plant: the opium poppy. And by sheer volume, almost all of those plants come from one place: Afghanistan.

Which is weird, because when has anything bad ever come out of Afghanistan?

Not only does Afghanistan produce almost 90 percent of the world’s poppy extract — both the good stuff that gets delivered by a doctor in a hospital and the bad stuff that gets delivered by a guy named “Docta” in the alleyway behind Arby’s — but fully half of that 90 percent comes from a single valley: Helmand Province.

Those fields aren’t grass.

The poppy seed trade in Afghanistan is so massive that it accounts for around 15 percent of the country’s GDP, and although poppy seeds are also a non-mind-altering culinary ingredient, the bulk of this annual harvest doesn’t wind up sprinkled on a disappointing muffin. Afghanistan has the biggest drug economy in the world, leaving even South America’s cocaine industry in the dust and making Pablo Escobar’s empire look like a Kickstarter project.

We hope this doesn’t lead to Afghanistan becoming a dangerous place sometime in the future.

The 2001 American invasion of Afghanistan only made this issue worse. The ruling Taliban had a lot of really, really shitty ideas, but one of their better ones was “zero tolerance on opium production.” When the regime fell, poppy production and exports skyrocketed, despite a multi-billion-dollar effort by the U.S. to curtail it. Technically, the practice is still illegal in Afghanistan, but the government knows how much money it rakes in for the country and how well poppy farmers, uh, “tip” the authorities.

Every Beer Brand In The U.S. Is At The Whim Of One Obscure Bureaucrat

Each of the hundreds of American beer brands — from Coors on down to the craft brew your hipster uncle whips up in his basement — has its own unique name and label. And every single one of them has to be individually approved by one single bureaucrat. Also, he’s a lunatic.

The Alcohol and Tobacco Tax and Trade Bureau’s Malt Beverage Labeling Specialist is the title given to the one person in charge of approving or denying the name and label design of every single beer that is sold in America — an industry that grossed $252 billion in 2016. Until his retirement in 2015, that person was Kent Martin, who demanded that people refer to him simply as “Battle.”

That’s not the crazy part. That’s the awesome part.

Battle was feared like a dictator for the decade that he worked as the TTB’s chief beer dude. Since there are no clearly defined regulations on what can or cannot appear on a beer label, Battle was handed the power to approve or veto the designs of one of America’s biggest industries based on little more than his intuition … and how much he likes puns. Because beer brewers seem to love them.

Battle was renowned for being irritatingly pedantic. Among those beers he vetoed, one was called “Liquid Wisdom” (rejected because “the name contains a medical claim” — a medical claim to … wisdom?), one featured a King of Hearts playing card (any image of a heart apparently implies a health benefit), one had a picture of a hamburger (supposedly misled customers into “thinking the beer includes a meat product” — how ripped off would you feel if you bought it and it wasn’t Baconator-flavored?), and one had a picture of Santa Claus, but according to Battle, Santa looked drunk. And Santa doesn’t get drunk. That’s an official government opinion.

Other labels should have been banned for implying the beverage contains alcohol.

Brewers knew that his word was law, and in all his time in office, there was only one known example of someone winning a battle against Battle. A California brewer wanted to market a beer called Weed Ale, which Battle vetoed because of the marijuana implication. But the beer was brewed in the town of Weed, CA, named after Civil War hero Abner Weed. It took an intervention from the ACLU, a senator, and goddamn Congress before Battle agreed to back down. Turns out his name wasn’t just bravado — the dude would fistfight God himself if the Almighty dared to put a Whopper on a Pilsner label.

Adam Koski took a big step toward secretly running the world when he wrote half of a fantasy book. Nathan Kamal lives in Oregon and writes there. He co-founded Asymmetry Fiction for all your fiction needs. Ryan is currently a medical student at the University of Pennsylvania. He is the host of the Penn Health-X Podcast, which focuses on healthcare management, entrepreneurship, and technology. Check out https://soundcloud.com/pennhealthxpodcast for more info!

Also check out 6 People You’ve Never Heard Of (Who Secretly Rule The World) and 6 Random Nobodies (Who Secretly Run The World).

Subscribe to our YouTube channel, and check out The 5 Most Hilariously Insane Ads In The History Of Local TV, and other videos you won’t see on the site!

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/2017/09/13/5-tiny-groups-of-nobodies-that-are-shockingly-powerful/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/165309565232

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samanthasroberts · 7 years