I somehow just spent 4 straight hours making grid guides for myself, I think I have a problem

why are you defending cyberpunk so much? its a really buggy mess, it barely works on even some of the best pcs, they lied when they advertised it working on the ps5 but not ps4, and there were a ton of issues even before release happening with their social media team

my point is that people pick and choose when they wanna throw their arms up over the standard that is AAA gaming releases, and has been since prooooobably da2′s release (14 months to produce and release a game). maybe even earlier if you consider kotor2′s release (aka, given 11 months to make a game).

my point is that fallout 76 was an unplayable, game breaking, exploitative game riddled with many of the same issues. and i dont know anyone who continues to play it to this day but i know faaaaaar more people who refunded it or cancelled their orders just prior to launch because they didn’t want to brick their consoles.

my point is that one of the biggest blowbacks towards crunch was in regards to rockstar and red dead redemption 2′s release, a game which is now heralded as one of the best of all time, despite the way it treated everyone who worked on it. the moment it fixed everything, people forgot about just how hurt people working on that game were

my point is that skyrim is treated with this gentleness and fondness for dragons flying backwards and giants leaping into the sky and glitched quests (and how trophies, still to this day, sometimes will never work so you will have to put in another 100+ hour playthrough to be able to MAYBE get something). the irony in sony going after cp77 but STILL not forcing companies to fix broken quest lines

remember daa, with the silver mines? how if you happen to get that bug, that’s it. you basically have to restart. all ur items are gone, you can’t proceed. boom. bioware has never made an effort to fix it. they just released awakening as is, and proceeded onto their next project.

you also have to take into account that, okay sometimes they can’t pick up on all the glitches prior to testing like one or two are gonna slip through! but there’s a difference between that and a glitched out unplayable mess. cp77 honestly isnt unplayable, in fact it is one of the better games ive played at launch in a long time. do you know what gets these ppl notes and likes on the internet? blowing this shit out of proportion. in my 30+hrs of playing already, where im still just wandering around and picking up side missions and checking out clothes and whatever, sincerely have not seen half the shit ppl have said. not that it isnt true! the screenshots and vids are there! but people are piling it on, completely and totally, just for the sake of interest.

remember when mass effect andromeda dropped, and they had that beta test version that like journalists got to play, and how the models for cora and ryder had weird kind of motions and how sara ryder’s facial expressions are still a meme to this day? and how it kept getting piled on sooooooo much when it was like... not actually like that gameplay wise, and the story was quite nice, but who actually talks about that when you can talk about how bad the game looks ugh loading sequences ugh 360 head spins. fallout 4 had those weird smiles coming from npcs that are quite haunting, weren’t fixed.

you can actually tell that cdpr paid attention to writing a story that works, the endings are cathartic and not 2edgy2bedifferent like me3′s fucking starchild bullshit. also speaking of games who spent so long in production their story fucked up: persona 5 and final fantasy 15 are examples of spending too long being worked on with the story that despite how good it looks, it is a vapid excuse of a game that you HAVE to play either sequels or the dlc to get the full brunt of it. remember persona 5′s advertising? COMING SUMMER 2013. final fantasy 15 was ff versus for the lonnnngggeeesssstttt time too before square enix took it upon themselves to fuck it up and then GET MAD when ppl pointed out the story was kind of shallow (and also “why arent you releasing ff7r already”)

oh and then we also have things like kingdom hearts 3, which was quite frankly? awful and was FULL of corporations just getting their hands on it and doing whatever with it story wise (disney wanted frozen to feature so bad they intervened completely). borderlands 3 which keeps messing with the dlc and im amazed they even keep trying. bl3 was the sequel no one asked for, because it had no idea what it was doing. it was setting up to a story that i think very few ppl are now interested in.

yes cdpr lied. yes there are issues with their social media team. who do you actually blame though? the investors? corporations like sony and microsoft who no doubt wanted the game released as well? project managers, their bosses, the CEO? shareholders? fans who wanted the game now instead of putting up with another delay because lets be real: if a company needs to delay the game, they need to delay the game. its a demand and supply thing going on and the ppl who sit behind desks just see numbers they dont give a fuck about the people and we all know this. it fucking sucks.

this is not the first company, this is just the most public blowup because this game was teased in 2012 and people have held out for years and i get it! i do! ive been waiting for this game for years as well. and we can argue about how you shouldnt preorder games or not play stuff at launch or like how you should already have the latest console that has been sold out since it was announced and wont arrive in your country until march ! this can go back and forth and we can talk circles around cdpr but the point is: this isnt the first instance of it. it wont be the last.

if sony actually gave a fuck, they would review every single goddamn game that has been released to this day and has had bug reports. they dont. this is to clear up their public image. these companies truly dont give a fuck. bethesda admits to relying on fans to make their games playable with modding and to ALSO keep track of their story because it doesnt matter to them.

ive been spending time away from the system and felt vaguely bad about it, as ive been so involved in myself and fandom oriented things SINCE i discovered dbh n dove in head-first

but i suppose while its typical, n at times unhealthy, its not hurting me too much to do my own thing again. the gods r keeping me away from alcohol so im craving everything under the sun, n thats natural; but im also in a good situation with friends that will trip drugs w me in a safe environment n such things that i didnt expect to find the experience of so early in my life, n i consider it my own sense of reward for everything ive struggled with over the years; sitting down n writing fics n rps for days on end isnt inherently as bad as it used to be, until it gets in the way of sth else, or when im just sitn here drinking while i write like i was.

also, my friends n fam will still b there, even if i cant connect or wind up being fairly neglectful; after the years ive had to rely on them to literally exist or deal with anything, i think they appreciate the break. particularly the last time i asked dave to wake up with me to help me get sth done the next day, he was a bit peeved, n i dont blame him! my worst depression days were spent w him having anxiety attacks together n weve both grown so much since then, ofc he was annoyed tryn to babysit me when i dont sleep n yet expect to do Thing next day, as is typical of me

but ive learned to situate myself.... into what i am, how i am, n my awkward habits. sure i could lay in bed early for weeks on end n pretend ill get sleep eventually, or i can stay awake n ride it out on mania drive the next day, or i can get my lil 3 hr nap in n go late, or whatever. but the fact of the matter is i need to  get off my ass n do Things whether its in a healthy way or not, n this is sth i need to reiterate to myself, repeatedly. i always thought i was gonna be young n mentally immature forever, but ive felt myself grow n become comfortable over the years, n what Actual Adults Say suddenly makes sense. i m 26, im in the form of a grown ass adult n i gotta act like it; i cant b throwin hands over videogame arguments til i piss someone off enough to hit me, i cant throw tantrums when i dont get the rp that i want right, but i dig so deep into my interests that i settle into there n build myself an emotional fortress by pure mistake of getting TOO invested, n thats the part of me im still discovering how to handle n get over. i dont believe im autistic or adhd or anything like that as a solid diagnoses, but i do know i hold symptoms for all of those things, n part of those symptoms is not wanting my fun box taken away or i Scream, n its terrible. but im also not so (mentally ill) that i cant get over it or learn new ways to cope, with meds or otherwise

i guess while this blog is generally for spiritual stuff i suppose handling myself as a person overall and trying to figure things out even when i thought i had it all figured out is part of personal AND spiritual growth, n when i do get the chance n find the focus, my brother, my friends, my adopted dads will still b there n probably appreciate that they dont have to watch my back for being suicidal or anxious or having to taper me off of my own alcoholism tbh. ive come a long fucking way n honestly i DESERVE the right to sit down n ship myself w any character from anything ever cuz cringe culture & mental illness stopped me from enjoying myself as a kid, a teenager, & a young adult. adulthood is about being a child again tbfh