Aber wenn du genau hinguckst, ist es grad mal ein daumenbreiter Abstand. Also rein theoretisch musst du keine Angst haben.

DRUCK STAFFEL 6 // FATOU JALLOW

[insp]

The ask prompt is too long to fit into an ask TT_TT but here's the doc for it docs(.)google(.)com/document/d/1yDI7iFRhOJ8ENv_IwZAo3rDSUqj80EiJROS10RzRbj4/edit

the lengths u are going for this,,, much appreciated you're very sweet!!!

prompts + answers under the cut!!

INTRODUCTION

Name: aloera

AO3 account: aloera

Fandoms you write for: bnha

How many stories have you written so far: 19

FANFICTION PROFILE

What's your favorite fandom to write for? hmm,,, used to do pjo and eah (ever after high) and eah was fun as fuck i will say!!! i think bnha is my fav mostly bc i made the most friends in this fandom :D

What's your favorite character/person to write for? bkg and kirishima!! cannot choose do not make me <3

Fic you'd want to improve? probably what we deserve? i rushed the beginning and the confession is a bit stilted imo

Hardest fic you've written? between lion and men -_- bc there is so much canon compliant stuff i've gotta write out before i get to the divergence and its HARD

Easiest fic you've written? come home to me!!! it happened so easily,,, no second guessing no writers block just vibes <33 was lovely i miss it

What would you say is the most "famous" fic you've ever written? also probably come home to me? its got the most interaction

first line of the first fic you've ever written and published. [not including my 2014 ffnet fics] "The bell rings, class starts, and Katsuki and Midoriya are inexplicably absent." from come home to me

Have you ever done a collab with another writer? yes!!!!! on two separate occasions and its so fucking fun i highly recommend trying it out its the best

Do you beta? if asked but honestly im a shit beta lmao

Do you like joining fic fests/exchanges? depends on what i have going on irl but in general yeah!!

FANFICTION PREFERENCES

Fluff or angst? definitely fluff

"OCs" or "Reader" inserts? reader inserts!! have been going ham on them recently

Blurbs or drabbles? blurbs!!

One thing you love about fanfiction i just. i really love slice of life romance?? and most media doesn't give you that bc its dedicated to plot and action and that's valid!! but fanfiction fills in the gap which is really nice

One thing you don't like about fanfiction most of the stuff i don't like is less about actual fanfiction and more about how people behave about it

What is/are your favorite fandom author/authors? IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS ONE!!! TURN IT UP!!!

bnha: hiuythn, rae_tnub, Moniix, Ata_Lanta, wrunic, chezka, PurplePersnickety, surveycorpsejean, mahadevi, arxaris, deviance, Oceanbreeze7, MikeWritesThings, bonnia, wonhaebunny, dinosuns

voltron: hiuythn, Oceanbreeze7, DeerstalkerDeathFrisbee, arahir, dinosuns,

and honorable mention to loveclouds im not even in the haikyuu fandom i just love their fics So Much

these are just the ones off the top of my head i have so many favourites idc if i'm only supposed 2 have one!! die mad about it!!!

What is your favorite trope? secret relationship + relationship reveal til the day i die babie <3 <3

Least favorite trope? hm,,, probably just like. angst lmao i cannot stand 90% of it

A fanfiction cliché that you can't help but love? coffeeshop aus,,,, so good

Do you have a type when it comes to pairings? the otp where its like. piece of shit + himbo = love. ex. krbk, catradora, jade/beck

Favorite setting/au? hm,,, truly i cannot pick one KGKSJNHKj but i really like college aus!! and modern aus!! and roommate aus!!

Explain the meaning of your favorite line of dialogue you've written as if someone hasn't read it in context. “He doesn’t know,” Katsuki says, softly. “My timer stopped and nothing happened. He’s not mine.”

the line is from what we deserve!! it's a soulmate au where your timer counts down to the moment that you meet your soulmate!! bakugou's timer ends at USJ when he and kirishima attack kurogiri at the same time (impulsive kings <33) but kirishima's timer doesn't end until kamino because that's when he accepts himself as bakugous soulmate!! unfortunately, when bakugous timer has reached 0, he turned to see that kirishima's was still ticking and therefore believes that kirishima isn't his soulmate.

this line just,, idk. it's really sad. bakugou is such an action-driven character? if something doesn't go his way he Makes it go his way. he's got this insanely volatile quirk and he's got impeccable control of it!! but his love for kirishima isn't something that he can change and he's not going to ruin kirishima's chance of finding his own soulmate because he loves him and wants him to be happy. i really wanted to focus on how resigned he is? and how unusual that is for a character like him.

Favorite trope/genre to write? again, secret relationship with relationship reveals <33 fluff in general is my wheelhouse!!!

A trope/genre you haven't written but think would be a fun challenge? idk if this counts?? have been working on some dead dove concepts!! its super different from what i normally write so its a cool challenge

The one trope/concept you'll never touch and why probably cheating/infidelity?? it just looks,,, super difficult to write well and i don't have enough of an interest in it to try it out

Which do you prefer to write: longer or shorter fics? shorter!! low attention span gang <3

Ideal length to read? 5-10k?

Ideal length to write? 4-8k!!

How long was the longest fic you've ever written? control fraek is around 28k i think?

Have you ever written an AU? yeah!! i've done restaurant au's, soulmate au's, pro hero aus, and fantasy aus (general, not the bnha fantasy ending)

What's your favorite AU trope? hm,, probably when two people in authority are in a secret relationship? ceo's/uni professors/etc etc

Have you ever written smut? yeah!! was. difficult tho

What's your comfort genre? (the one you fall on most in writing/reading) fluff,,, hurt/comfort,,, fix-it fics with happy endings <3

If you were to start writing in other fandoms, which would they be? maybe jjk?? the characters are really cool!!!! fr i might go back to my ever after high roots i love the characters and setting so Much its so fun!!! idec if no ones into it anymore!!!!!

Is there a trope you think you could be easily recognized by in your writing? i've had people say they saw the mention of buff hagakure and recognized it was me so. probably that skdjhnksjd

WRITING STYLE

How would you describe your style? i tend to use shorter sentences and pretty simple words i think? and i gravitate towards lighthearted concepts that allow for ensemble casts and humour!!

Describe your style in three words romcom but fanfic

Favorite words to use when writing? the word reverent!! fuckin love including it!!

Dialogue tags or no dialogue tags? (she said, he said, they said, etc) dialogue tags!!!

Favorite dialogue tag (other than said, if you use them) again idk if this counts but "they said softly" is unmatched

Long sentences vs short vs a mix short <33

What colors would you use to describe your writing? hm,,, depends on the fic i would say?? control fraek is dark green to me?? kinda like a forest at night yk?? scary but there's still life there. sugar cookies is yellow like early morning sunlight, when it rains is yellowy-orange like a caution sign. not gonna list all of them cause theres a lot its just. do u get it? the colours change based on the vibe of the fic.

What song or music genre would you use to describe your writing? think. i am constantly trying to emulate that moment at the end of wasteland baby when hozier goes "im in love/im in love with you."

What kind of metaphors do you rely on? religious metaphors my beloved <33 they're just so pretty!!! i also love comparing stuff to water for some reason?? like that ocean vuong quote thats like "what are you now?/water." it goes hard!!!

What's something you'd say is experimental in your writing at this time? definitely action!! i have,,, no idea how to write it so anything i do is really just me playing around and seeing what works and what doesn't

Do you prefer to write by hand or to type? i've tried both!! personally i prefer typing because it goes way faster but i will say that writing by hand lets me get words down when i'm going through writer's block

What is your preferred place to write (notebook, laptop, cellphone, etc.)? laptop!!

What app/apps do you use to write (word, notepad, etc.)? google docs skjdnkjh its fine on desktop but mobile is,,,,, disgusting

Do you keep a notebook or file/notes page in your phone/device for notes on your writing? ngl i just have everything organized in my drive?? one folder per fandom and then sub folders for ideas+hcs, unfinished wips, and finished fics. multichaps get sub sub folders so i can organize outlines and drafts

Do you listen to music to help you write? yeah!! playlists organized by fic vibe :D

Where do you usually go to write (bedroom, living room, etc.)? mostly in my bedroom??? but moving around to different stops helps too i think!!

How long does it usually take for you to write? again this depends on what i have going on irl, how attached i am to the idea, my mindset at the time, etc!! i am,, the least consistent person skjnhdkjh.

What's your favorite font to use when writing? times new roman my beloved

Other writing habits? sometimes i'll write in the dark?? bad for my eyes but for some reason it gets the words flowing

CONCEPTUALIZATION

How do you conceptualize your ideas? (See specific moments like they're a movie, writing specific lines in your head, don't know until you put the words on paper, etc.) i tend to get inspiration from movies, books, poems, or other fics!!! sometimes one line just makes me go oh,, i want to write something like that,,, and then it helps me create an idea that makes me feel the same way?? i did this with control fraek!!!! i wanted a scenario where bakugou was cold and calculating and i was like hm. to do that he’d have to be focusing on something important. and from there i was able to flesh out the rest of the idea.

Which comes first: the pairing or the plot? with krbk its always always the pairing,, i'll be sitting there like wow <33 i love them <33 what if one of them had amnesia <33 (which, yes, wip!!) otherwise it's usually the plot!! and i slot in characters that i feel make sense

Have you ever used a prompt? yeah!! used a prompt for wlw week 2020 and it was fun as hell

Do you write around the story around a specific scene you want to get to or do you start from a plot idea definitely the first!!!! i almost always write like,,, a super messy scene thats 90% dialogue, keep it in my head, and then write the entire fic around that one moment

Do you find that you include a projection of some part of yourself in the way you write a character? a lot of the time when i write love confessions or love in general i'll have one of the characters think or say that the other person makes their head quiet? and it's because that's what i feel whenever i'm in love?? a quiet mind. i project on characters yeah but i think most of the projection actually goes to the way that i write love

Do you research some of the things you write deeply, partially and kind of wing the rest, or play entirely by ear (in this case, go with whatever base knowledge of the subject you have)? most of the time if i do research it'll be about the setting (ex. the izakaya in to have and to hold) or if i'm having the characters interact with an object that they like. need to know how to use (me, in control fraek: google. hey google. does someone die if they get shot in the foot??? no???? awesome thank u <3)

Have you ever had an idea for a story and forgot about it? lmaoo yeah all the time i'll find like 500-2k words of concepts in my gdocs like i do. not remember this at all

Is there a trope you think you could be easily recognized by in your writing? probably krbk secret relationship lmao

Are there concepts you've tried that turned out better than expected? yeah!! i fully thought the action in control fraek would be awful but it turned out not bad??? which im happy with

Are there concepts you've tried that turned out worse than you expected? again, what we deserve, i personally think it would have worked out better if i'd paced it slower and drawn out the pining but i. do not feel like going back to fix it so its staying the way that it is. pining is so fucking hard to do AHHHH i get so tired with it!!! im like just date already!!!!

PROCESS

How do you come up with titles? in rare occasions (literally. all my multichaps for some reason) the title comes after writing like .5 words of the first chapter im like YES this is it!!!!! sometimes i write the whole thing and pick out one line that fits (what i did with come home to me) a lot of the time i just. steal from songs or poems that i like

What's your favorite emotion to cause on your readers? i like making people happy!!!! love when people comment saying they're cheered up

What's your favorite emotion to write? lovelovelovelovelovelove

Have you ever cried or felt any emotion while reading something you've written? never cried?? but sometimes i'll rereading my hurt/comfort fics 4. yk. comfort

Do you write in order or whatever comes to you? in order!! unless i have a scene that i Need to write and i'll quickly jot it down so that i don't forget

Usual way you procrastinate while writing? ...doing asks like this, making playlists, discord, watching netflix. what don't i do smh

Do you outline or free write? i am. so shit at outlines. i mostly free write and write lil notes for stuff that i wanna add later

Do you set word goals or scene goals (scenes you want to include)? yes!! like i said i'll write loose notes for scenes that i want to add later!! it gives me something to write towards :D

What do you consider when writing your scenes? what goes into making the atmosphere and mood you want? to set a scene i do two things? the first is like,, the five senses bc that always sets the scene really well and makes it feel Real. i'll visualize stuff in my head like its a movie and write out what i would want to tell the set designer?? if the lights are low, if the space is busy, if it's supposed to exude comfort or not.

for putting forward the character's mood one thing i've found that makes a difference is sentence length!! long sentences are good for making a character seem flustered and nervous or not really in control of their emotions? good for love confessions. short sentences are good for when the character is focused on something or short on time. good for fights!!

What's something you never considered to include in your writing that you can't leave out now? def buff hagakure,,,, once i thought of it i was like. if i don't include this at least once in every single fic how could i look at myself in the mirror!!!!!! how could i face anyone!!!!

How do you start a story? establishing a fact about the character or describing the setting! option a is one single thread of gold, option b is between lion and men

How do you end a story? either by tying it back to the beginning or doing like a funny kind of closing??? option a is sugar cookies, option b is a godless society

How do you get out of writer's block? change something!! move something!! i go from typing to handwriting, moving from my bedroom to my living room, switching wips to work on something else!! i do sprints as well?? give myself like fifteen minutes to write something and sometimes 200 words opens up the way for another 2k. sometimes i'll just delete like 500 words and start fresh

Do you edit? or do you toss your writing out there? i edit!!! i'll go over it myself then send it to one or two betas (bee my beloved <33)

How do you edit? do you use spellcheck, grammar checkers, etc? bee is my grammar checker bc he is So Good with grammar. i use grammarly as well for spellcheck stuff mostly?? sometimes my edit process is just like "am i tired of looking at this!! yes <3" and then i post it

PROGRESS

Do you usually like what you write? yeah!!! i post stuff that makes me happy and that i'm fine with rereading!!! i write stuff for self-indulgence reasons first and foremost and i think my writing reflects that sjhnksj

Have you ever written something you didn't like but posted anyways? nope!! even what we deserve i LIKED even if i see a lot of room 4 improvement!! if i don't like smth it's not getting posted

Do you find yourself rereading your writing often? yeah!! the reason i wrote so much krbk secret relationship is because i loved it but i'd read all that there was so i just,, wrote more,, ngl its kinda nice being in a place where i actually like my writing bc i can write stuff that i want to see and really enjoy it!!

Can you tell us anything about your current WIP? sure!! i'm currently working on when it rains which is a fic where bakugou gets hit by a crying quirk!! i'm gonna be using it to explore So Much of all might's character and his relationships with bakugou and aizawa (and i think some people from his past!!)

Can you give us a sneak peek on your current WIP? “You did something. What the hell did you do?” Kirishima sounds pissed off. It would amuse Katsuki if he wasn’t fighting just to stay standing.

“Nothing he didn’t ask for,” Shinsou replies.

“K’ri… shima,” Katsuki croaks out. “‘S fine. Not him.”

His chest collapses back into the familiar dry heaving after that but Kirishima shuts up. He doesn’t apologize to Shinsou.

Kirishima’s a good friend, stubborn and loyal. He stands by Katsuki’s side like an attack dog, blocking him from the view of anyone ogling at his tears.

The last line you've written Ochako knows more than she'd realized. She knows enough to keep her guard up.

It’s not enough.

Open a wip. what’s the first line?

Katsuki wakes up feeling like absolute fucking shit.

INSIGHT

What's your favorite thing about writing? touched on this before but it's mainly just being able to write the things that i want to see and actually enjoy them!!! actually reread them!!!! i thought "wouldn't it be cool if bkg and kirishima owned a restaurant together" and then i wrote it and i like it enough to reread it!!!! being able to create content for myself makes me. so happy

How do you keep yourself inspired? this is gonna sound narcissistic maybe but honestly i'm just really excited about my ideas and where i'm gonna take them and the idea of "i'm gonna get to That scene" keeps me going through the entire thing. also my friends!!!! i'll talk to them about fics and their reactions keep me hyped up enough to finish!!!!

What is your favorite thing to write? just,, slice of life romance,,, stuff thats silly and makes people laugh!!

What do you think your strengths are in writing? i'm good with dialogue!! i do lil voice acting sessions with myself to make sure everything sounds natural and like it's coming from that character skhjnskj

i'm comfortable with my portrayal of love as well??? i spend a lot of time thinking about what it is exactly that i'm trying to get across and i think it turns out well!!

What are things you wish you could practice more? on one hand i wanna get better at writing angst on the other hand i dislike writing angst. do you see my issue

One way you've improved your writing since you began? characterization!! i think i've gotten better at writing characters that are all Different and bring different things to the table!!! i used to project a lot more and it would compromise the characterization because the character was like 70% me and 30% them? not to say that projection is bad but if you do it too much it just,, doesn't read like the character and from a reader's standpoint the narrative can become less compelling

One aspect of writing you're still working on? writing action!!! i. literally hate writing it but i write for a fandom about superheroes so. Unfortunately i gotta learn.

A piece of writing advice you've learned while writing saw this on another tumblr post but they said sometimes if you're struggling with a scene, the problem is five lines back. i've found that to be true!!!! sometimes u gotta delete a chunk and start a little ways back!! i did this with too busy being yours because i was stuck for Weeks and i deleted like 25% of what i had but it helped me actually finish it :D

A bit of writing advice you can't stand when people shit on show don't tell for being overrated lmao bc when u read their writing you can Tell

Something you wish you knew when you first started writing? ,,,,honestly i kind of wish i could know some of the stuff that i used to when i first started writing?? technically i'm better now but creatively i was must better when i wasn't stressing about whether anyone would like what i was writing. so i guess i wish i knew that i should keep that confidence? i kinda wish that i wasn't as insecure about other people's writing styles because i never used to be!!

Something you've learned in life that you apply in writing there's no point in feeling inferior?? writing one genre isn't better than the other. being in one fandom isn't better than being in another. the kind of language you use or the length of your paragraphs- none of that stuff like. matters. what matters is that you're having fun and happy with what you're creating!!!! enjoy other peoples writing but don't let it make you feel worse about yours :D

So season 2 of fantasy high is over and honestly left me floored. Im right back to rewatching the show from the start.

I know that 99,9% of you dont care about it and were probably annoyed by the amount of posts about it on my blog, but please. You NEED to check it out.

Its a dungeons and dragons campaign about high school age adventurers played by a group of Comedians (if you know college humor you will recognize them) and its honestly spectacular. I knew nothing about d&d before watching this show, so you need no previous knowledge. The players consist of veterans and new players, its actually the first campaign for one of them and you kinda get to learn with them.

Its amazing, youll laugh, youll cry, there isnt a single dull moment. It has stellar lgbt rep with lgbt members on the cast. It has incredibly well done anxiety rep, depression rep, Autism rep, multiple characters and players of colour. Ive honestly never seen such organic diversity in any media ever. The length might be a bit intimidating, each episode is at least 1 hour and the first season alone has 17 i think and there are oneshots and a second season. If you want to start with a shorter campaign, you can start with "escape from the bloodkeep" which has 6 episodes and basically tells the story of what happens in mordor after sauron dies. Its currently being uploaded to YouTube.

Anyway, here is the Trailer for fantasy high. PLEASE check it out

70′s Love story

disclaimer: this is something i wrote a long time ago, ive teased it a few times but i never got around finishing it, not sure whether y’all are gonna like it but here it is, at least as much as it was written. 

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The city of Brighton and Hove wasn’t the ideal place to live in the period of 1970’s, but despite everything Y/N made it work. Some parts of the city were threatened with demolition while others were being built, but the level of unemployment in Brighton and Hove was still very high, especially in the central districts. Therefore, Y/N had a bit of a problem at first; because inheriting a pub after her father’s passing wasn’t an option. It’s not that she didn’t want it, but more that she wasn’t fit for that kind of a job, since then an eighteen-year-old, didn’t know much about running a bar where all bikers of Brighton hung out; so her godfather, or the best friend of Y/N’s father, took over the business. That’s why Y/N choose to do art; a little bit of everything – street art, painting, drawing, embroidery – name it, she’s done it. It wasn’t the highest income, but it was enough for a now twenty-year-old to afford the rent and additional costs.

Living with one parent was hard for Y/N, but it was way harder after her father’s passing. When her mother left them, only to remarry some rich snob from London, it was tough on the young girl who was supposed to grow up without a mother, but her dad did everything in his power to make her feel as loved as possible and to make life easier for his little girl. Her father was one of the most respected men in the area; everyone knew him and everyone loved the kind biker who always had his little girl with a mop of curls in his arms. So after his death, Y/N’s godfather Niklaus took the responsibility of further raising her and making sure that the girl grew up to be as wonderful as her father was.

Y/N’s apartment wasn’t too big; it was a small one-bedroom apartment. The main room contained the necessary kitchen equipment, a dining table, and the remaining space could be considered the living room. Her bedroom, however, was much smaller due to the fact that half of it was used to make a bathroom and the other half had a platform bed and several but small bedroom cabinets for different uses. Despite it being a rather small apartment, the rent was still high, therefore when Niall came to Y/N looking for a couch to sleep on, they split the bills and it ended up being affordable for both of them.

Speaking of Niall, he had been Y/N’s best friend for years; he was one of the kindest people with a heart of gold, but he was forced to leave his parent’s house as they did not accept him for who he was, so Y/N was the first who immediately offered him a place to stay and food to eat. And Niall was a great roommate, amazing even; not only did he clean after himself and willingly help with all chores, but he also always assisted Y/N whenever she was choosing what to wear and Niall was damn good at it.

Like her father, who had been a biker living the rocker life for over twenty years, Y/N too became a massive fan of the rock’n’roll music and their style of living. Her wardrobe mostly consisted of denim and leather clothes, with worn-out band t-shirts and worn-out combat boots and converse shoes. Sometimes her appearance could remind one of the hippies, with her bright colours, patterned and floral clothes; but that was rare, it only happened when Niall had enough of seeing Y/N in different shades of black so he would make her wear those clothes.

So when Y/N, a sweet and soft spoken girl who always wore a smile on her face, met Harry who was the exact opposite of her, it was quite unusual. Because Harry was someone you wouldn’t know was nice, unless you met them. He had sullen face; a frown on his face, mean stare – a face that looked mad ninety percent of the time, but inside he was a nice and caring person although he rarely showed it.

Harry was this twenty-two-year-old boy who lived alone in the city of Brighton and Hove. He had been obsessed with motorcycles ever since he was around six years old, and he later on started working as a mechanic at the age of sixteen. At twenty-two, he continued being a mechanic although he only works with motorcycles – that was his forte. With that, Harry had earned himself the respect of fellow bikers who accepted him as one of their own. The older bikes thought of him as their son, while the bikers around his age considered him a brother and a friend.

With that one specific pub where all bikers gathered, Harry too became one of their regulars, famous for his significant leather jacket with a Harley Davidson logo embroidered on the back and Styles embroidered on the left side of the front; as well as his restored motorcycle parked at the front. In the past few months Harry also sang on almost every Friday and Saturday night, after the people in the pub discovered the young man’s talent for singing and songwriting. But that pub wasn’t only important because there he felt the most at home but because that’s where he met Y/N.

The day when they met, started for Y/N off by Niall violently shaking her to wake her up, since she was going to be late for work. As the day went by and Y/N was finishing her work, she planned to visit Nik (who she usually called uncle Nik). Y/N didn’t have a habit of spending too much time in that pub; she only went there at the end of each month when uncle Nik would need her to help him out with the bills and payment since she had the brains for that sort of thing. It was a usual day until she met the unusual boy.

As she walked into the pub, she went straight to the bar where all the papers were laid out for her. Quickly waving at Nik, who was sorting out the back, she sat down on a stool and started doing her thing. It didn’t take her a long time to finish doing the bills, so she put them behind the bar before sitting back down and taking a book out of her backpack. Y/N loved reading, and when she was reading she was so invested in the story that she would forget about her surroundings, which usually ended in someone scaring her, just like then when a certain voice startled her.

‘’What’s a girl like you, doing in a pub like this?’’

‘’Do me a solid and leave, yeah?’’ Y/N looked over at the boy leaning against the bar, looking straight at her with a smug face.

‘’You look a tad too young for this place, we do not approve of underage drinking here.’’ The boy with Styles written on his leather jacket said.

‘’Well, you look like a prick, but you don’t see me complaining.’’ With an annoyed expression and a fake smile she looked straight into his eyes; his pine green eyes with yellow spots. The boy chuckled at her.

‘’It’s a bummer you think of me like that, doll. Only looking out for you, this can be a very dangerous place, especially for a girl like you.’’ Y/N wished she could wipe that annoying smirk off his face. He was cocky, far too cocky for Y/N’s liking.

‘’Listen, Styles’’ her eyes fluttered form his chest where his name was written up to his eyes again, ‘’Blow off, and stop being a jive turkey. I am well over the age limit and I sure as hell can go wherever the hell I want to.’’ If there was anything Y/N hated, it was when men were arrogant especially towards women. Men are pigs – she always thought. So in those cases, Y/N loved using derogatory terms, the same ones they used for women.

‘’Bloody hell, feisty little thing, aren’t you, foxy?’’ An attractive woman or Foxy – there it was, another term Y/N absolutely hated. She could see Styles leaning forward a bit, suddenly inhaling the horrible smell of cigarettes. He brought his lips closer to her ear. ‘’Not that I, personally, mind but a mouth like yours could get you in a lot of trouble. Be careful, aye?’’ He lowly spoke before pulling away and meeting her gaze again.

‘’Styles. You’re not harassing my niece, are you?’’ Nik said, with a towel hanging from his shoulder as he leaned onto the counter.

‘’No, no, of course not, Klaus.’’ The young boy straightened his back, standing taller; as Y/N gave him a very smug look because it seemed like no matter how confident he was, Nik still had the authority.

‘’I’d sure hope so, lad.’’ Nik nodded at him. Y/N got up, putting the book she was reading away before she was rudely interrupted, making her way towards the exit. ‘’Bye uncle Niklaus.’’

As the door shut behind her, she could hear the door opening again before a voice spoke up behind her.

‘’I never caught your name.’’ The Styles boy jogged quickly next to her.

‘’That’s because I never told you, Casanova.’’ He chuckled at her once again; he was a decent looking lad, Y/N though, but he seemed far too up his ass.

‘’Is that so?’’ He cocked his head to one side, ‘’Then do come by again, yeah?’’ He flashed her one of his best smiles.

‘’So it’s not dangerous anymore, huh?’’

‘’I’ll make sure to protect you, angel.’’ It was weird, because Y/N liked how he winked at her after saying that. She liked his whole look, his leather jacket, leather pants, a pair of boots. She only hummed in response before she turned away leaving him behind.

‘’My name’s Harry, by the way!’’ He yelled out after her, a smile on his face, but Y/N didn’t see it because she didn’t turn around but just waved her hand in a flipping him off manner.

Harry Styles – the name of a boy who was soon going to steal her heart. Of course Y/N told Niall about everything and of course Niall gushed about the biker boy with her. She told him about how full of himself he was, and how cocky he acted, but how sweet his smile was and how kind his green eyes were. Of course she denied finding him attractive, but Niall knew better.

For a few days, Y/N did not go back to the pub being swamped with work, but one time uncle Nik called her house phone, to come by the next day after work. Y/N worked for this old couple in their sixties called Charles and Tonya; technically she didn’t work for them but more like with them. Tonya owned an old art store, where people went in and out buying different arts for different purposes, but Charles was the one who asked a seventeen-year-old Y/N (and her father, of course) whether she would be willing to sell them her art. Which later became a little business of theirs, Y/N would get paid to do some embroidery on jackets, jeans, bags and so on, as well as paint some nice landscapes or portraits; and sometimes Tonya would give her extra money for her art when people insisted on paying a bigger price for her masterpieces, as the customers called them. Sometimes even, people would put in orders for a certain thing, and Y/N was always happy whenever she got a call.

After working on several items and their embroideries, Y/N decided it was enough for that day so she packed her backpack before heading to uncle Nik’s pub. Some days Y/N liked to walk and some, like that day, she took her baby blue bike and would stroll around town on it, with a little brown basket attached at the front. Leaning her bike against the walls of the pub, Y/N went inside greeting her godfather.

‘’Hey there, zippy.’’ Uncle Nik said, hugging Y/N tightly.

‘’Hii’’, she sat down in front of the bar, looking around, ‘’How have you been?’’

‘’I’m good, yeah.’’ Nik turned around grabbing a small envelope, and placing it on the bar. ‘’This is yours, zippy.’’ Ever since she was a kid, uncle Nik called her zippy as she was an energetic child who never stopped running and skipping around.

‘’What’s this?’’ Opening the envelope, she saw money inside and immediately pushed it back, ‘’No, no, this isn’t mine. I’m not taking this.’’

‘’Yes, you are, It’s your pocket money.’’ Y/N gave her uncle a deadpanned look. ‘’Don’t give me that look, young lady.’’ He added with a warning in his voice.

‘’I don’t need it, uncle Nik, I promise. I have my own.’’

‘’I do not care. I promised your father I would take care of you, and this is yours.’’ Gesturing to the money, he continued, ‘’Use it for paint, or cotton threads, just take it, alright?’’ A reassuring smile on his face.

She stayed in the pub for a little while chatting to uncle Nik, but also hoping a certain someone would walk in any second, but he never did. Uncle Nik continued doing his work, when Y/N said goodbye to him and headed towards the exit. Dropping her backpack in the little basket, she jumped upon hearing someone cough behind her. Turning around, Y/N saw Harry; his tall figure leaning against the wall, one leg bent in the knee holding the heel of his boot against the wall, the leather pants hugging his legs tightly, with a leather jacket draped from his shoulder. A half burned cigarette laying between his index and middle finger, indicating that he must have been standing there for a few minutes already. Harry took one more drag on his cigarette, exhaling the smoke before he spoke up.

‘’Fancy seeing you here, love.’’ A smirk was taking over his face while his eyes trailed up and down her body.

‘’You know smoking is bad for you, right?’’ Y/N didn’t exactly want him to know that she hoped to see him, but she mentally slapped herself after saying that out loud.

‘’Perhaps, but girls find it sexy, or so I’ve heard.’’ Pushing himself of off the wall, he walked the short distance between them, leaning on of his shoulders on the wall.

‘’Not exactly sure, what’s so sexy about dying before turning thirty.’’ She said matter-of-factly, crossing her arms over her chest. Looking directly into his eyes, trying too hard to intimidate him.

‘’That’s a bit morbid, isn’t it, love? Listen-‘’ Y/N took the cigarette from his hands and lighting it off after she tossed it on the ground and stepped on it. ‘’Now that was just rude, babe.’’

‘’I’d advise you to stop, but you do whatever you want to.’’ She picked it up from the floor, tossing it into the bin.

‘’How about – I forgive you for my cigarette, if you come by tonight. What do you say?’’ His flirtatious game didn’t work on Y/N, well it did, but she wasn’t giving in.

‘’I’ll have to see if I’m free, sadly.’’ Y/N said, her voice full of sarcasms. Turning away from him, she swung her leg over the bike, sitting down on it.

‘’C’mon, babe. You’ll love it, I assure you.’’

‘’Weren’t you the one who told me it was a dangerous place, for a girl like me?’’ Y/N furrowed her brows, placing her index finger on her chin. She was taking the mick out of him, loving the hard work he put into flirting with her.

‘’Don’t you worry your pretty self, I’ll knock out ever guy that even looks at you.’’ Harry got closer, the bike tire standing between his legs, as he leaned against the handlebars.

‘’Not promising anything, Styles.. Sorry.’’ She shrugged her shoulders at him, thinking that she was probably going to show up, but decided against telling him. She moved backwards with her bike, causing Harry to stumble a bit.

‘’Cute bike. A very cute bike.’’ Harry smiled at her, the dimples popping out and his lips stretched into a wide grin.

‘’Goodbye, Styles.’’ Rolling her eyes, Y/N started leaving, getting further away from the pub as she heard him yell after her.

‘’You still haven’t told me your name!’’ He was waving his hands frantically at her.

‘’It’s Y/N!’’ Pressing on her breaks, Y/N turned her head to look at him.

‘’See you tonight then, pretty girl!’’

Unfortunately, Y/N didn’t make it that day to go and see Harry, as she continued working a lot and due to the tiredness, she fell asleep and didn’t wake up until nine in the morning the day after. But after Y/N came back home from that little conversation with Harry, she gushed to Niall telling him all the details. Her tummy felt all giddy just talking about him, and it seemed like she was developing a certain type of crush that was more than silly. Niall was excited about the green-eyed boy almost more than Y/N was; he was so happy whenever Y/N talked to him about Harry even though they only met twice.

On that Saturday morning, once again Niall was the one to wake her up; seeing as she looked half dead he got a bit concerned. But once he found out that Y/N didn’t go and see Harry because she fell asleep, he started throwing pillows at her. If Niall had been home, he certainly would have woken her up, but as Niall was out till quite late, he couldn’t exactly do that.

‘’You’re so daft!’’ Niall said, throwing back the pillow at her.

‘’I didn’t mean to, okay?! Stop attacking me!’’ Hiding under the blankets, Y/N tried to defend herself.

‘’I even laid out a dress for you! You were going to look so shagadelic, Y/N!’’ He face-palmed his own self, because of how daft his best friend was.

‘’Niall! Stop it!’’ She took the pillow under her head and threw it at him, ‘’And for fuck’s sake! Do not use that word ever again!’’

‘’I will say whatever I want to! And that was the whole point of going there! To finally lose that bloody purity ring!’’

‘’Oh my God, Niall!!’’ Y/N yelled out, ‘’I was not going to shag him! He only invited me because- because he was being nice!’’

‘’Liste-‘’

‘’And I’m not wearing that stupid ring! I might have not… you know.. but I don’t have that stupid ring on!’’ She argued, but Niall only came closer and sat down on her bed.

‘’Right now, you’re going to wash your hair and I will lay out an outfit for you. And you are going over to the pub and apologise to the boy!’’ Giving her a stern look, he got up to look through her clothes while Y/N only groaned.

And that’s what ended happening. Niall laid out tight leather jeans – ‘’You’re wearing them! End of story.’’ – pairing them with combat boots and a white The Rolling Stones shirt. She added her significant denim jacket, with embroidery she had done on it. This time she decided to walk, as she wanted to mentally prepare herself to be in the same room as Harry. As usual, a lot of motorcycles were standing outside, she got around them and went inside the pub, releasing a breath like it was her last. The music was lowly playing, but the pub wasn’t as half as empty as she expected it to be. It was crowded, several groups of people sitting in the booths, but no one looked like a Harry. Squinting her eyes to take a better scan of the crowd again, but nothing, there was no Harry.

‘’Looking for someone, babe?’’ A way too familiar voice said behind her, scaring her.

‘’Bloody hell!’’ He almost made her scream; putting a hand over her heart she took a good look at him. He was standing behind the bar, leaning his elbows against it and once again with that stupid smirk on his face.

‘’Sorry for scaring you, love.’’

‘’It’s- it’s fine..’’ Taking a sit on the stool, she started feeling very panicky, not knowing what to do or say.

‘’I have to admit, babe, last night’’ He looked down, before looking directly into her eyes, ‘’While I was waiting for you,’’ he placed a hand over his heart, faking a sad expression, ‘’my heart was aching. A lot.’’

‘’I-I’m, I’m sorry! I-I am-‘’ Maybe Y/N was naive to believe his fake sadness, but she was a soft soul who didn’t like hurting others. ‘’I overslept Harry, I swear.’’

‘’I knew you would have a good excuse, puppy..’’ A fake sigh escaped his lips, trying to contain himself from breaking into a smile while she struggled to get a word out. ‘’But it’s okay, I guess. I can’t say I expected you to like me, really..’’Shrugging his shoulders, he leaned his head into one of his palms.

‘’No, no, no! Harry, I-I did want to come, I-I swear! It’s just- I was working a lot and I got tired, bu-but I planned what to wear already and I just thought to have a little nap before I come here..’’ Y/N reached her hand over, holding one of his in a way trying to assure him that she, in fact, wasn’t lying. ‘’But I overslept... An-and I only woke up like two hours ago.. I’m sorry, Harry.’’ Her voice was so sincere, that it broke Harry’s heart how kind she was, apologising to him for nothing. So he came over around the bar, sitting next to her, placing her small hand in his.

‘’I am messing with you, my love.’’ Harry chuckled, ‘’It was a shame that you never showed up, but I guess, I could forgive you.’’ Gasping, Y/N hit his chest repeatedly.

‘’Why are you such a prick?’’ It kind of bothered her that he was acting like that, because she was worried that he could have been mad at her, and there he was taking the piss. Y/N stood up from the stool, taking a few steps away from him wanting to hide in the bathroom. But as soon as she got up, an alarm went off inside Harry’s head, making him take her hand to spin her and pull her in his embrace.

‘’Nooo, don’t be mad at me now, pretty girl.’’ Having his hands around her and having her close to him felt like heaven. ‘’Forgive me, puppy?’’ He whispered; a hand in her hair playing with it, his lips pressed against her head.

‘’You’re being very mean to me..’’ Her voice was small, barely understandable. She wanted to fight him hugging her, but she seemed to enjoy it way too much.

‘’How about I make it up to you?’’ He asked, humming afterwards, still holding her tightly despite the stares he got from his lads sitting on a few meters away. ‘’Tonight, at Rover’s Diner, yea’? Just you and me.. what do you say?’’ Harry lifted his head to take a better look at her.

‘’I-I-‘’ Did he just call me out on a date?, Y/N thought, but she might have said it out loud.

‘’Yes he did, babe.’’ Laughing softly, he shook his head at her being so cute yet mesmerising.

‘’Shit...’’ Y/N coughed, feeling her face get warm from embarrassment. ‘’I’d-I would really like that...yeah..’’

‘’Good.. would you like me to pick you up?’’ He said, releasing the tight grip he had on her, but still holding onto her.

‘’N-No. I will meet you there.’’ Y/N looked up at him for the first time in a while, taking in the features of his face; his pink lips that looked very soft, his green eyes with the tiniest amount of yellow in them. She started wondering what would it be like if she were to have him as her muse, but Harry interrupted her thoughts.

‘’Okay. Then be there at 8 o’clock. Do not fall asleep on me again, got it babe?’’

‘’Y-Yeah, I won’t.. promise.’’ She chuckled nervously, feeling her face get warm again because of how Harry made her feel.

‘’Tonight it is then, baby.’’ Harry placed a soft kiss on her cheek. He slowly let her go before he went back behind the bar, as that was his whole purpose – watching the pub while Nik was out paying bills. But luckily for Harry, he went behind the bar just before Nik came back.

‘’Mornin’ zippy, didn’t know you were gonna be here.’’ Kissing his goddaughters cheek, he went right next to Harry. ‘’Alright there, Harold?’’

‘’Y-Yes, sir. All good.’’ Harry was stuttering, because he, now, felt intimidated by the bearded man who once called Y/N his niece.

‘’Not bothering my niece, are you?’’ Nik narrowed his brows at the boy, in a questionable manner.

‘’N-No, Klaus, certainly not, sir.’’ Nik only nodded his head and went into storage room, as Y/N chuckled at the stuttering Harry.

‘’Oh shush, you!’’

‘’See you tonight, Harry.’’ Fidgeting with her fingers, she kept rocking back and forth on her feet. ‘’Goodbye.’’ She waved at him, walking towards the exit but still looking at him with a little smile on her face.

‘’Bye, baby.’’ He sang, dragging the Y out and winking at her. 

Both of them could feel the excitement in the pit of their stomach, but they showed it in two different ways. While Y/N bounced up and down throughout her walk back home, only to get even more giddy after talking to Niall about the whole situation; Harry on the other hand, kept a stern look on his face, putting up a facade as if nothing happened, only to feel the tingly sensations inside his whole body, nervously waiting for the clock to hit eight.

His friends were making fun of Harry as soon as he sat down next to them. Upon seeing the rather unusual interaction between a very reserved Harry and sweet looking girl, his best mates made it their goal to tease him about her. Harry kept suppressing a smirk, not wanting to give his mates the satisfaction of knowing, but that didn’t stop them as all four of them either nudged his shoulders, winked or made kissy noises at him.

‘’Who’s the bird, Styles?’’ His mate Aaron asked, taking a sip of his beer even though it was way too early for alcohol. A smug look on his face, knowing well enough who the girl was.

‘’Do not call her a bird, do you hear me?’’ A warning tone lingering in Harry’s voice. Clasping his hands together, he leaned his elbows against the table.

‘’Alright, calm down Harold. We know who she is, but I really hope for your sake, you do too.’’ Putting an arm over his chest and pushing him back, the dark-eyed boy said.

‘’Yes, Silas. I am aware.’’ Harry looked straight into his eyes, which had the power to intimidate anyone but Harry. ‘’She is Klaus’s niece.’’ But after adding that sentence, all of his mates looked at him with worry.

‘’You know she’s Raphael’s daughter...’’, Silas narrowed his eyes at him, hoping he was quite aware of that, ‘’...right? Harry?’’

‘’What do you mean?’’ Questionable look on his face. Could she be..?

‘’The original owner of this pub, Raphael... He was like a legend in town, you know him? Well that’s his daughter your smitten with.’’

‘’Fucking hell... Klaus is going to dissect every inch of me if he finds out...’’ With worry in his voice and a tight lip, his mates only nodded. ‘’I’m even taking her out tonight and if he as much as sees me...’’ His own eyes widened with fear, because he knew Raphael but he also knew Klaus.

It did worry Harry that Klaus could get mad at him for taking his niece out, but for now Klaus didn’t know anything about them and he was more worried about how he was going to look like for that night since he really wanted to impress Y/N, both with his looks and his charm.

‘’Do any of you own a shirt?’’ Harry looked at each one of his mates, ‘’Just help me, alright? I don’t own any shirts and I need it for tonight. Please?’’

‘’I have a pink one, with polka dots. My mum bought it for me, but I only wore it twice.’’

‘’I can’t bloody wear a pink shirt, you bloody mental?’’

‘’What do you mean? Yes you can. Pink is very rock and roll.’’

Thinking about it his friend was probably right, there was nothing wrong with pink. Harry sighed deeply and just nodded his head in agreement. The polka dot shirt didn’t look bad on him, he left a few buttons undone but it wasn’t so bad after all. If someone was looking at the four men and that one man changing shirts in from of them, no one would have ever thought that those people are biker who were supposedly a bad influence and very dangerous. Harry put his leather jacket on, before he crouched down to tie his shoelaces of his black converse as he decided against boots this time, considering his plans for that night.

While Y/N, on the other hand, stood in her underwear for almost two hour before finally deciding what to wear. Of course Niall was by her side, but after going over several different combinations Y/N became a little fussy. In the end, they chose a long red floral dress with small flares on the end. It wasn’t tight nor wide and it had a small ribbon being tied around the waist. Finishing her outfit with the denim jacket and white worn out converse shoes, Niall and Y/N headed towards Rover’s Diner. Y/N was feeling nervous, jumpy and happy, all at the same time, while Niall walked with her because he wouldn’t let her walk alone at night and well, he was also there as moral support. But as soon as the fluorescent sign came into view, he kissed her cheek and let her walk there on her own.

Approaching the diner, Y/N noticed one bike parked in front of it which could only indicate that Harry was inside already. Taking one deep breath, Y/N walked into the diner scanning the space before she noticed Harry sitting in one of the booths with a frown on his face. Once he saw Y/N, the frown disappeared instead there was smile when he stood up to greet her.

‘’Hi there.’’ One arm lingering over her lower back and the other going over Y/N’s shoulders, Harry hugged her. ‘’How are you?’’

‘’I’m good, thank you..’’ She sat down across from him, ‘’Yourself?’’

‘’I’m, I’m good, yeah.’’ He chuckled, ‘’Better now.’’ He added, before quickly glancing at her.

Looking at him made her whole face feel warm, the pink shirt looked really good on him; his exposed chest looked toned, bits of his tattoos were peaking. And it made Y/N wonder how many more he had. But after thinking of his tattoos, she imagined him without any clothes; thinking how he would make a beautiful muse – how good his toned body would look painted on her newly bought canvas, how she would highlight those green eyes and the little spark in them. Admiring his beauty, Y/N also just wanted to stick her hand out and poke one of his dimples.

‘’Alright there, love? Look a bit flustered.’’ A cheeky grin on his face, loving the fact that she’s just as mesmerised with him as he was with her. Y/N coughed uncomfortably, due to being caught.

‘’That’s a cute shirt you’re wearing. Very cute.’’ Changing the topic, Y/N complimented the polka dot shirt he was wearing.

‘’Thanks,’’ he said through a little laugh, ‘’I forgot to say, you look very beautiful. Stunning even.’’

‘’Thank you.’’ It seemed like her face getting warm became her usual state around Harry.

‘’Well hello, handsome. What can I treat you to, babe?’’ A figure suddenly appeared next to them; a pretty tall girl with an apron around her waist and an awful sound of her chewing her gum. She was looking directly at Harry, ignoring the fact that Y/N was right there. And it kind of bothered her, bottling up the anger in the pit of her stomach.

‘’Um, can we have two quiches and two iced teas, please. Is that alright with you, love?’’ Harry asked, stretching his hand over to table to hold hers, but she quickly put it under the table, nodding only.

‘’This one doesn’t look much like a speaker to me, bet I could give you the fun you want, lover boy.’’ The waitress said, scribbling down their orders, before sending a little wink Harry’s way.

‘’You might as well then, I’ll just fuck-‘’ Was Y/N overreacting? Probably, but she couldn’t help herself.

‘’I’d appreciate it if you didn’t talk to me or my girl like that again. Thank you.’’ Leaning himself over the table to lightly push Y/N down, who was half-way up ready to leave. The waitress gasped in shock, leaving both of them quickly in embarrassment.

‘’Do forgive me for that, yeah? I wasn’t quite aware that the waitress was gonna be rude.’’ Harry turned his hand, the palm facing upwards, waiting for Y/N to put her own on top.

‘’Yeah. It’s...fine.’’ Ignoring the sensations in her body when he called her his girl, Y/N finally placed her hand into his, only for him to grasp it and leave a kiss on the back of it.

Despite him looking pissed at everyone most of the time, Y/N thought that Harry was lovely and very charming. But that was only the stereotype everyone had for bikers, so Y/N knew better than to judge Harry based on how he looked at first because now, she was enjoying his presence and having an amazing time with him at the diner.

Their night was filled with chats, laughter, jokes and amazing food. From time to time Harry would reach for her hand and just stroke it with his thumb. They learned new things about each other, but only the basic stuff for now. The night was coming to an end, but neither of them wanted it to. After paying for their dinner, they were standing in front of the shop; Harry’s hand holding hers, not wanting to let it go. He closed the distance between them, leaning his chin on top of her head.

‘’I don’t want you to go.’’

‘’Don’t let me then.’’ Nuzzling her head towards his neck, Y/N placed a soft kiss right in the crook of it.

‘’Then let me take you somewhere, baby. Somewhere far away from here.’’ Leading her by the hand, they’re standing in front of his bike. ‘’You gonna be okay on this?’’

‘’Y-Yeah, sure..’’ Swallowing hard, she couldn’t exactly say she wasn’t scared.

‘’What did I tell you the other day about your safety?’’ He hummed, talking into her hair.

‘’That you’re going knock everyone out?’’ Raising her eyebrows, she looked up at him a tad confused.

‘’Well, my point was that I’m gonna keep you safe no matter what. I do care for you, my love.’’

‘’Do you promise?’’ Y/N asked, holding up her pinky finger.

‘’I promise.’’ Hooking his pinky finger with hers, he pressed a light kiss on her forehead. ‘’C’mon then, let’s go.’’ He turned away from her, taking a helmet into his hands and putting it on Y/N’s head.

‘’But where’s yours, Harry?’’

‘’Don’t you worry about me, puppy.’’ He answered, concentrating on clasping the little belt under her chin.

‘’Harryyy, you have to wear one too!’’

‘’I’m gonna be okay, baby. It’s you, who I want safe.’’ Turning away, he raised one leg just above the bike to swing over it, before he reached a hand for Y/N hop on.

‘’But I’m wearing a dress...’’ Her face getting warm once again, because it was a problem. How was she supposed to sit?

‘’Here, take my hand’’, when she placed her hand over his, he held it tight, ‘’Now, with your other hand pull your dress up, enough to place your leg on the other side of the bike.’’

Somehow Y/N managed to sit right behind Harry, but her dress reached her knees now because it wasn’t that stretchy to be pulled further down. Harry pulled his hands back a bit, wiggling his fingers and signalizing to her to put hers there. Every time their skins touched, her whole body felt alive, as if it was electricity sending shocks through her body but it was only Harry’s touch. He intertwined their fingers together, but soon untangled when he placed Y/N’s hands over his stomach.

‘’Hold on tight, alright baby?’’ The second he said that he could feel her grip around his stomach tighten. ‘’You can also lean in, if it’s more comfortable. It’s not a long ride, but better make it good.’’ 

She slid an inch down the seat, pressing her body against his. The horrible smell of cigarettes could still be felt in his leather jacket but Y/N simply didn’t care considering the situation. As Harry started driving, the ends of Y/N’s hair sticking out of the helmet started floating as the wind hit her face. The cold wind sent shivers down her spine, but yet she felt warm holding tightly onto Harry. The ride wasn’t too long, Harry was right, but it was rather bumpy as they went up hill until all they could see were trees. Getting off the bike, Harry reached out his hand and helped Y/N get off of it as well. He intertwined their hands again leading Y/N through the woods with only the moonlight illuminating the way.

‘’You’re not going to kill me, right?’’ Y/N said, looking back at his bike before turning her attention back to Harry.

‘’Perhaps not, but I’ve been told I have some killer looks, so no promises, babe.’’ He winked at her giving her hand a little squeeze.

The walk wasn’t long as they soon approached a small wooden bench with the most beautiful view. Y/N wasn’t sure how or why that bench was there, but it fit perfectly into the whole aesthetic. They both sat down on it, leaving some space between them only for Harry to chuckle and shake his head to himself as he slid right next to Y/N.

‘’This place is really pretty, Harry.’’ And it was; fields of green surrounding them looking like a soft green blanket covering the earth; a three quarter full moon illuminating its light onto the endless fields and the lovely couple sitting on a bench.

‘’What can I say, comes with the charm.’’ A cheeky grin on his face, wide enough to make his dimples appear as he kept looking at the even prettier girl right next to him. ‘’God, why do I feel like you’re gonna break my heart, angel? Hm?’’

‘’Me? I’m not the one who’s going to break someone’s heart.’’ Y/N looked at him, as he brought his head closer to her neck, brushing the tip of his nose against it.

‘’I wouldn’t even dream of breaking your heart.’’ He placed a soft kiss in the crook of her neck.

‘’Yeah? Because I really don’t want you to.’’ Her heart beating faster with each second, as she raised hand and put it on Harry cheek to lift his head a little bit.

‘’I hope no one steals you away from me, baby. And I’m scared, you know, because you’re so, you’re so loveable.’’ His voice came out as a whisper, letting his head lean into Y/N’s palm and closing the distance more and more.

‘’They won’t..’’ Y/N mumbled, the distance between their lips only an inch away.

Harry closed his eyes, as he made the final move closing the distance between them. He kissed her gently and carefully, moving his lips against her soft ones. It felt like something Y/N had never experienced before, her grip on him tightened, pulling him even closer; while Harry’s palm was laying on Y/N’s cheek caressing it gently. There was silence all around them, but it was like fireworks going off in their heads. Y/N didn’t want him to stop, because it was like everything had fallen into its place; it was like their hearts were beating in the same pattern and their minds racing at the same speed, warmth spreading all over their bodies, just because of a simple kiss. Making herself giggle, Y/N broke the kiss smiling so widely that Harry kissed her teeth by accident. Her giggle was a simple sound, yet strong enough to make Harry smile as well.

‘’I swear to God, angel, I’m on the edge of falling in love with you with every passing second.’’ His eyes were still closed, his nose was brushing against hers and his heart was going wild, just for her. Harry never wanted to let go of that feeling, he never wanted to let go of her.

‘’Harry?’’ He hummed as response. ‘’Kiss me again, please.’’

Without wasting another second, Harry connected their lips again. And Y/N, not caring that she was wearing a dress, she pushed herself off the bench placing her legs on each side of Harry’s body, without once disconnecting their lips. The dress crumpled up all the way to her knees, sending shivers through her exposed legs, but yet her body wasn’t trembling from the cold. They kissed until both of them ran out of breath. Y/N was sitting right on top of Harry, pushing herself lightly against him, making a groan escape his lips.

‘’Not only do you make my heart beat faster, baby, but you also make my dick harder.’’ He said, detaching their lips and looking directly into Y/N’s widened eyes. There was a little but proud smirk on his face. He earned himself a light slap over his chest, as sudden rush of warmth took over Y/N’s cheeks.

‘’Stop it..’’ She giggled, hiding her head in the crook of his neck, only for Harry to tighten the grip around her waist; Y/N pressed herself more against him, just to tease him a little more.

‘‘You can’t just move against me like that, baby, it does things to me. But very good things.’’ The closeness of her body keeping him warm, but the way she was sitting on his lap, an innocent act but in a form of intimacy. Y/N was practically asking for him to get a stiffy, considering the power she had on him, it was hard not to get hard as she herself pressed further into him. 

‘’Fine then, maybe I’ll just move away-‘’

‘’No, no, no. No, you stay right where you are.’’ There was something about her that made him fall hard. Perhaps it was her flowery scent of her skin, or her beautiful eyes that sparkled every time he looked her; or maybe it was the way she made him feel, but whatever it was – it caused him to fall.

‘’Are you cold, my love?’’ Harry asked, suddenly remembering that it was quite windy and Y/N was only wearing a denim jacket. ‘’Denim isn’t exactly the warmest material you could have picked.’’ A cheeky smile stretched over his face, thinking of his next move.

‘’How was I supposed to know you were going to take me up to a bloody hill?!’’

‘’Now now, no need for that, babe. Here, I’m gonna take care of you.’’ Running his hands over her body, Harry took Y/N’s jacket off of her laying it right next to him. Then he took his own off and slowly placed it over her shoulders taking her arms and gently pushing them through the sleeves. ‘’Better now, baby?’’

‘’Yeah...’’ She pulled the jacket around her body tighter, the warmth of the inside of his jacket taking over her skin. ‘’Feels nice, thank you.’’ As Harry pulled her jacket over his shoulders, putting it on, Y/N left a little peck on his lips.

‘’Where did you get this jacket with embroidery though?’’

‘’Somewhere downtown, it’s just a jacket.’’

‘’I had to have my done, so how come you have embroidery on yours?’’ Y/N always wore oversized jackets, so her denim jacket fit perfectly on Harry and it looked really good especially with his pink shirt.

‘’Oh that, I did it by myself.’’ She shrugged her shoulders, as if it was that simple.

‘’Wait, really? All of it?’’ His eyes widened in surprise, as Y/N nodded her head. The embroidery on her jacket was beautiful; a big wreath over the back of it, filled with different flowers and colours, a small heart in the middle of it in the colour of a rainbow; on the front of it there were some patches of different band logos, but Harry couldn’t believe she did it all because he knew how hard embroidery was, his mum used to do it. ‘’Wow, it’s, it’s amazing. It’s really really good.’’

‘’Thank you...’’ Y/N was never good with compliments, she never knew what to do or say except thank you, but after each compliment she’d lower her head as the warmth crept into her cheeks. ‘’It’s what I do.’’ She quickly added.

‘’How did I not know this? Why have you kept this from me?’’

‘’I didn’t know you were supposed to know!’’ She hid her face into her palms, but Harry took her hands and placed them on his neck, pushing his forehead against hers.

......

sorry if ends here, like i said i never got around to finish it but i wanted you all to read as much as there is. hope you liked it and sorry for the mistakes.

lemme know whacha think, i’d love to know 

little sunshine girl

WORD COUNT: 4298

WARNINGs: character death, mentions of abuse (only implied) 

NOTES: I worked super hard on this one! I really hope people like it! it was based off a conversation in our discord where Nemu is sick. 

Kinda obvious but this is TDD era 

Also please don’t take any of these interactions between Jakurai or Ramuda and Nemu as romantic! it’s meant to be loving but not romantic,,, don’t ship that you weirdos

I did kinda do some implied Ichi/Nemu but you can ignore it

-

Nemu Aohitsugi was just about the brightest, chirpiest girl anyone could ever meet. Everywhere she went she left a touch of joy and sweetness behind and did her best to make the lives of those around her better- at least that’s what Samatoki thought. He thought she was a beacon that could warm even his cold personality and make him smile ear to ear, he thought as long as he had her, there would never be a reason to frown.

She was, in every way, his sunshine. On some days the only light that could bring him out of a dark place, other days she was simply the backlight that put emphasis on what was already so good.

 The only memories he had of her where she wasn't boiling over with happiness and grinning keenly was that of their childhood- and for that reason, he began to believe that as long as she was smiling, everything was okay…

 Because his little sunshine girl was the only consistent in his life- that and her smile.

Tic… Tic… Tic…

 Over and over, without rest, a clock on the wall nearby rang heavy in his ears. Each second drew out painfully slow yet the tics managed to come without delay.

Today was a cloudy day, inside and outside.

He found himself pacing the halls of the sterile white hospital, a routine adapted over the past two hundred and eight four days he had spent confined to these walls. Spending hours at a time here made him clammy and restless, he could only imagine how Nemu felt.

At the very least, he was allowed to leave…

He was waiting just outside of the familiar room that was decorated with stuffed animals, flowers and balloons wishing his younger sister to get well, it was only a ten-minute check-up, but it felt like hours and with each passing second, he grew more and more anxious

“Sir you can’t smoke in here,” a nurse remarked when he reached for a cigarette, the only thing that could calm him down at this moment.

He dropped the fantasy quickly and instead sat himself down on a nearby bench, staring out the window of the hospital out into the courtyard where a few children played together- whether these children were dying, or their mothers were off giving birth or their brothers were having broken arms set- you would never tell. They were all simply children playing happily… for a second the world seemed without illness and pain, but before a small smile could form, he remembered where he was and for what reason.

maybe after the doctors are done, I could take her to a park he mused, ignoring the dread that set into his stomach at such a prospect.

She couldn't walk anymore, not without the help of two doctors and a pair of shaky legs- actually, she couldn't do much anymore… she couldn't laugh without coughing straight after, she couldn't sleep with an oxygen mask, she couldn't-

he began to spiral down, listing off one by one all the abilities she had lost to this unfair illness.

Even so, he thought about how on her worse days where she couldn't do much else, but sleep and half respond to conversations, she never lost her ability to smile brightly and try to retain positivity in her words… she was brave like that.

 “Mister Aohitsugi.” His spiral was cut off. the door opened and his attention was snapped over in an instant. One of the many doctors who he had spoken to in the course of the past few months drew him to the door and- without even thinking- he made his way over.

The doctor flicked through his notes carelessly, seeming unamused and bored in the action

“I'll keep this quick.” the doctor began, his voice blank and without emotion “Her condition is declining quickly and her body rejects every medication we give her… we've done all we can at this point, my estimate is that she has five more weeks...” with a small sigh now, he looked up at Samatoki “the most we can continue to do is treat her but it will only prolong her life for a month at the most-”

“What kind of… what kind of bullshit are you spouting?! I said to do every damn thing to make her better and I meant it!”

“I-I understand that but she still refuses to go to Chuuoku and we simply can't-”

“don't tell me you can't do shit!”

Fortunately for the poor doctor, a familiar face was making his way past on his rounds.

“Samatoki!” Jakurai called out, pulling the angry brother from the other man “show some restraint.”

“T-This mother fucker-”

“is doing his job.” He stopped him, nodding at his work college to dismiss him “I understand the situation, Samatoki, but you need to calm down.”

“how the fuck am I ‘posed to keep calm when he tells me there's nothing left, he can do.” he didn't yell this time, the sadness just set in slowly

Jakurai took a moment, glancing inside the room where Nemu was currently sleeping

“how do you think she'd feel to see you like this? Your sister is scared, she needs you to be calm or it'll only make matters worse”

Shit

He got him there…

“whatever,” he grumbled, making his way into the room.

Week One

Today was a sunny day, inside and outside, it was one of the days she was able to stay awake and act as if nothing was wrong at all.

Today as well, she was given sunflowers, she wasn't sure who put them there, but she loved them nonetheless, she loved the colour yellow in general. She loved the warmth and vibrancy that carried itself within the colour.

Outside her window was a scene of Yokohama, bustling traffic, businessmen making her way to work, a park nearby full of school children… she sighed a little.

 “good morning, Nemu-Nee Chan!” Ramuda sang loudly, ignoring the nurse insisting it wasn’t time for visitors. He broke her attention from the window as he skipped into the white room and filled it was life instantly. With him was a large stuffed bear, larger (both by height and width) than him. She giggled a little at the sight since she couldn't even see him from behind the oversized gift and, in a matching sing-song tone, responded

“good morning Ramuda!”

 He sat the bear on the hospital bed by her legs, smiling from ear to ear “do you like him? I got the biiiiiiggest bear I could find! Just for Nemu-Nee Chan” He chimed, hugging her over her shoulders whilst being as cautious as a Ramuda could around the plethora of wires plugged into her, working to keep her conscious.

“of course!” a sweet laugh followed, she picked up the gift give to give it a hug once free from Ramudas grasps, Nemu found herself rubbing her nose in the fur and taking in the scent of candy and other sweet things Ramuda had left on it “so soft~”

“I'll bring you another one tomorrow then!” he rolled to the balls of his feet, hopping a little

“o-oh that's not necessary” Nemu shook her head “I don't think there's enough room in here actually-”

“pyon! It's no problem! Adorable designer Ramuda will find room! ☆”

He looked around, humming a random song “hmm yes! White is so last season, how about…” he paused

She glanced to her sunflowers, once again feeling the happiness that came from the warmth

“yellow?”

“yellow!” He held his arms up “not as nice as pink but still sooo cute ☆ next time I come here I'll bring all the yellow I can find, we can decorate together! ☆”

She nodded but her attention went back towards the window again “yeah… sounds fun…”

“hmm?” He turned back to face her, pressing his hands to his hips and tilting his head “What is it? You look sad!”

“Ah- it's nothing” she waved her hand to dismiss the question

“buu buu!” He made a cross with his arms and shaking his head “Lying to Ramuda is a biiiiig no-no!”

once more she couldn't help but laugh- even in asking what was wrong, he could fill his actions with such an energy that made it impossible not to snicker.

She watched the people still, focusing on a group of teenagers making their way to school together. Three girls and two boys.

“Hey, Ramuda? Is it warm outside today? It looks nice.”

“Hmm? oh!” He skipped over, holding a lollipop out to her- wait where did he get that? He has no pockets…  “I get it! The hospital is totally boring right! Theeeen… Let’s go! ☆”

“Go? go where?” Nemu took the candy, unwrapping it

“out on adventures, of course!” He held his arms up to cheer, the oversized sleeves that otherwise covered his hands fell to his elbows.

She gave it a moment of thought, she had wanted to go to the bayside for a while now but the overprotective instincts of Samatoki made it impossible for her to even suggest leaving the hospital

“...Nii-Chan will kill you if you take me out” she popped the candy in her mouth- oh! strawberry flavour!

Without any hesitation, as if he did not fear such a prospect, Ramuda giggled and skipped towards the door to retrieve a nurse “that's no problem ☆”

-

After calling a nurse over he sat back to watch them help the younger girl into a wheelchair and hook the IV to the side.

He looked down to grin to himself without being seen

How weak…

 “Don’t stay out too long, within the visiting hours” the nice woman instructed, sending a side glare the emphasize the point of visiting hours to Ramuda before setting a blanket over Nemus lap. Nemu nodded obediently, looking to Ramuda as well to make sure he was listening and had the intention of behaving.

He trotted over, grabbing the handlebars behind her, ready to head out with his favourite onee-san.

 “Rules are boring but don’t worry! I’ll have her back in no time ☆”

Week Two

Today was a cloudy day, inside and outside. A day she felt tired and spent most of her time asleep, but it was one of those days sleeping gave her bad dreams as well- dreams acting as a reminder of her own mortality.

Opening her eyes, she was a blurry figure beside her and felt the warmth of their hand holding hers.

“Nii-Chan…?” she was still drowsy, her words slurred and her mind scrambled

“He’s at work” the blur reassured, slowly her eyes focused on the jet-black hair and reassuring smile before her

“Oh, Ichiro…”

“that's a better guess, good afternoon.” he nodded as she opened her eyes fully now, trying to sit up but falling down under her own weight into the pillow below her, her own drowsiness wearing off as she remembered where she was and why.

“Hey, just stay down, okay?” He stood up to fuss over her like he did when either of his brothers had come down with a cold. He pulled her blanket up and readjusted the abundance of teddy bears Ramuda kept bringing her, so they sat by the side of her head “does it hurt?”

“always” she sighed, wincing at the sting that prickled in her lungs with each breath she managed to take “it always… hurts…”

He gave her a concerned look, an expression she had gotten far to use to from him- sometimes she wished he didn’t make such a face

“Do you need more painkillers? let me go get a doctor for y-”

“No.” she took hold of his hand again. His hands were always so warm, or was it just that she was always cold now? She couldn’t tell “stay here a little, please?”

“...yeah, sure…” He sat back down.

On her bedside table was a new vase of flowers- this time daffodils, but the warm yellow didn't change how cold she felt, how unhappy everything seemed.

“did you bring those?” she stared at them tiredly, wanting to reach out and feel the petals, her arm moved barely an inch when she tried to move, her hand felt too heavy and dropped to the bed again instantaneously

“wha- Oh… oh um yeah” he nodded “your rooms super yellow so I thought they'd suit”

Nemu forced out a laugh and a smile, her lungs moving from a prickling to a stabbing.

Just breathe… Just breathe…

“Ramuda decorated for me...” Her grip on his hands loosened, the gentle sound of rain picking up outside, she was starting to drift back off to sleep

“...how was your day?” She mumbled, trying her hardest to resist the need to let her eyes drop.

“You don't need to make conversation with me if its h-”

“I want too.”

He sighed a little, brushing the bangs off her face… they had become a little overgrown since she came into the hospital all those months ago.

 Nemu had thought it was just a cold, how silly of her.

She missed a few days of school to recover but only felt worse, with each day she slept more and more… some days for 18 hours at a time. Naturally, her brother was worried and matters only got worse when he noticed she had lost so much weight in only a few days, how little she ate, how little she could muster up any energy to do anything other than sleep.

 Being as stubborn as any Aohitsugi was, she went back to school a week after the symptoms began, she had missed so much already so no one was able to rationalise with her, nobody could have told her to just take one more day off and wait to get better.

Although it was August, she had layer upon layer on as well- a sweater and a scarf sat over her uniform and she still shivered.  

Ichiro remembered it still, he was with Samatoki when he got the phone call.

He has a clear memory of him almost dropping the phone, cursing any god that may have been listening that he would kill everyone if she was hurt.

Nemu had collapsed at school her first day back, she was walking down the hallway with her friends and suddenly she was waking up in hospital…

 Samatoki just took her there for a check-up after picking her up, he just wanted to see the doctor quickly and get a stronger medication but… she never left after that. She never got to come home.

 “Ichiro?” she spoke up again, snapping him out of his daydream

“Huh? Ah…” what was the question again? Oh right “it was good… we're moving into a new apartment soon, so I’ve been packing”

“That’s nice”

“Ichiro?” another voice piped up, she lifted her head up and saw two boys standing in the doorway, both of them were almost a spitting image of the boy beside her. One was taller than the other, he was the one to speak up “Are you done yet?”

He turned his head to them, keeping a hold of her hand “I said wait in the hall, didn’t I?”

“It’s been an hour!” the shorter one complained, crossing his arms in annoyance

Nemu managed to put two and two together, she had never met his brothers before, but they did look enough like him that it was safe to assume their relation to her friend

“They can stay here” she whispered, unable to really speak much louder than that

He nodded a little “come on then, get your asses over here and be polite.”

She wanted to laugh again, she really wanted too. Her smile stayed on her face, that was the most she could do

He really was too much like her own brother, at least he was like the version of Samatoki that had only just begun to take care of a child- rough around the edges and a little curt, but otherwise kind in his own little way

Reluctantly the children made their way over, staring down at the ghostly figure before them- if they hadn’t seen her awake and conscious, they would have very well assumed she was dead. It made them both shiver on the inside.

“I’m Jiro.” the taller of the two spoke up, stuffing his hands in his pockets.

“Saburo.” the shorter one followed, crossing his arms over his chest.

“It’s nice to meet you both.” she nodded, finally letting her eyes drop

Cloudy days always made it hard for a girl made of sunshine to stay and chat. She gave up on staying awake and let her own fatigue take over her body like she did just about every other day.

 -and she felt one last gesture

Ichiro pressed a small kiss on her forehead, ignoring the disgruntled noises his brothers made in response to their brother being so gross

“Sleep well, I’ll see you tomorrow”

“Hmm… thank you…” with that, she drifted off

Hopefully, it would be a sunny day tomorrow.

Week Three

Today was a sunny day, inside and outside. It had been nice all day, at some point a few birds sat by her window to keep her company, she had deemed them a family and gave them names to match but she had already seemed to have forgotten.

 She looked down at her phone, a text from her brother on the screen. He was responding to a photo of the birds and promising he would be over in just a moment- then again, a moment in Samatoki time was never any less than two hours.

 “Good evening, Nemu” the deep voice of a familiar doctor greeted her, she smiled towards him and nodded. The filter of the orange and pink from the sun setting in the distance tinting Jakurai in a warm light that matched the yellow accents of the fresh flowers Ichiro brought her earlier that day.

“Hello, Sensei” she set her back against the frame of the bed, folding her hands into her lap.

“No need for formalities, I’m off of work for now” he reassured, taking his place in the chair beside her bed.

It was common for him to spend his break or time off work with her, partially because he knew she was alone, partially because they had a tradition and he wasn’t one to break a habit so easily.

Knowing this tradition, she adjusted herself to sit at the edge of her bed with her legs crossed as Jakurai turned his back to her.

Without any spoken arrangement, they both knew their roles. Nemu began to brush her fingers through his soft hair, humming a little song as she did so.

“I always wanted long hair” she commented, parting the purple locks into three and starting to work on a braid

“Is that so? It took quite a while to grow it out” he put on a smile.

“I bet!” she found a knot, carefully untangling it as she spoke “probably took you like… eighty years”

He laughed and nodded- careful not to ruin her progress on his hair “of course.”

 There was a silence, but it wasn’t out of awkwardness, the pair were just able to enjoy their time together and didn’t always feel the need for idle small talk.

He inspected the colourful room, a pile of paper cranes catching his eye. He picked one up, admiring the neat folds

“Did you make this?”

“Hmm? Yes!” she beamed proudly “Ramuda taught me how, do you like it?”

Another deep chuckle followed “of course, it is very nice.” Jakurai studied the floral patterns of the paper she used- yellow to match everything else “I can show you a different kind if you’d like?” he took some paper, making quick work of his hands and in no time producing a crane that looked no different from the ones she had already done- but then he pulled the tail and the wings flapped

“Oh my gosh!” a big grin grew over her face, her hands clapping together, abandoning the half-done braid she was working on “can you show me, sensei?!”

He handed her the crane, watching as she played with the tail in awe, trying to figure out how the folds worked

 “Of course.”

  Week Four

 Today… today was a cloudy day, but only inside.

Today was the day everything finally felt dark, everything finally felt cold and Nemu finally felt scared.

Nemu had her cloudy days but out of them all this was the worst,

She knew what was happening, she knew her body was finally quitting on her.

 No one came to visit her today, the yellow of her room seemed faded and dull and all the flowers seemed wilted…

Today she couldn't sit up or move for that matter. She was too tired, her body hurt too much to do anything… even breathing was difficult.

 It was dark outside when the door creaked open, she would turn to see who it was, but she couldn't muster up the energy to take her eyes away from the roof

“Nii…” she breathed heavily, both assuming and hoping it was him.

“I’m here.” she heard a reassuring voice speak up. She felt the weight of the bed shift when he sat on the corner. His hands laid over hers, a sadness in his eyes

“sorry kid, work held me up”

She nodded slowly, letting the warmth of his hands roll up her arms and through her body. Just in this instance, he was made of sunshine.

There was a silence, or it could have been that he was talking, and it was even too much effort to listen. She couldn’t hear, maybe that was it.

Fear crept through her stomach, clawing its way up into her throat and forcing a lump to grow- if she wasn’t completely exhausted, she would have managed to cry.

“Nii-Chan…” she pulled her strength together to squeeze his hands, how do you speak again? She couldn’t remember. A few tears slipped down her cheeks… once more her own mortality consumed her thoughts.

“What is it?” he clung tighter onto her hand, his other going up to brush through her hair- it wasn’t as soft as it normally was.

She took a moment to think of her words again, finally, she choked out

 “I don’t… want to die…”

 Shattered.

His heart shattered. His mask shattered. His world shattered.

Samatoki often said life is not fair, but today he finally understood the full extent of the meaning behind his slogan.

If life were fair, she wouldn’t have gotten sick

If life were fair Chuuoku wouldn’t restrict their medical care

If life were fair this completely curable illness would not be taking her away from him

At least… at the very least… if life were fair, he could have taken her place

 but there wasn’t any time left for ifs.

 He felt his body tense, the words ringing in his ears over and over. For once in her life, she couldn’t even smile. She couldn’t giggle and joke around… Even on her darkest days she always had some light left in her, some radiance or positivity

Even when she failed an exam, even when she had a bad day, even when their mother died-

 -and for the first time since their mother died, he felt like he needed to cry.

He felt like he needed to scream and curse at the world, to hurt anyone he could as if it would help the situation at all.

 But he didn't.

 In the back of his mind, Jakurais words rang true once more…

“she needs you to be calm or it'll only make matters worse”

He could see how scared she was- even through the fatigue and the desire to just give up her own fear kept her wide awake and crying as if she had a bad dream and he wasn’t home to comfort her.

 Being a notoriously impulsive man, it took all his strength to restrain himself and put on a brave front.

His little sunshine girl couldn’t do it anymore, so he took her place… at least in this instance.

 Putting on a calm smile, he set himself in the bed next to her, putting both his arms around her as she trembled

He ran through his words… he could have told her ‘you won’t die’ or ‘I won’t let that happen’ but he couldn’t lie to her. They both knew the reality of the situation and promising her such things wouldn’t help anyone, not anymore.

Reminiscent of their childhood, she buried her face into his chest, repeating ‘I’m scared’ into nothing more but a mess of choked sobs.

He remembered the times she was much smaller but just as fragile, the times yelling would overpower any other noise in their home, the time's plates smashing, and their mother crying would leave them both hiding in his bedroom under a blanket where he would hold her tight.

“You’ll be okay” he reassured in his memory and in the present

She doesn't respond, she can’t.

Nemu grips onto his shirt and he pulls her closer, kissing the top of her head delicately. The gentle beeping of the heart monitor became the only noise in that room for the next few hours

She dozed off to sleep, her breathing became faint and progressively her grip got looser and looser, he knew what was happening, but he didn’t fight it. He didn’t want her to be so scared anymore… he didn’t want her to hurt.

 “Goodnight, Nemu…”

 Week Five

-Never came for Nemu, but for everyone else, it was an empty, cloudy day.

 Inside and outside.

Nightmares

The rake x reader Request: do you know the creepypasta ‘the rake’? ive got such a crush on it and I would love a nice smutty one if you would be willing to do more monster types You had always had nightmares. Ever since you were a child. They were vivid and haunting beyond belief. Your mind would dream up anything and everything from gothic horror to the most amazing dreams. As you grew up, you turned your dreams into reality by becoming an artist. Your dreams inspired you to create some of the most unusual creatures and places. With age, you learned to control yourself in your dreams. Not the dream or nightmare itself, but your actions. No longer would you be unable to move or running on the spot but not getting anywhere. In fact, you often took to mocking the more horrific dreams because the dark humour amused you. there was one which was a more consistent than the others. A presence which you quickly grew attached to. You saw it less and less of a threat and now more of a protector. The first time you met the creature properly, you were convinced it was in a dream. You had woken up with the need to use the bathroom. Barely opening your eyes, you swung your feet out your bed and quickly went to the bathroom. You didn’t turn on the light, knowing the way around like the back of your hand before returning to your bedroom. But with time, your eyes had adjusted a little more and, as you walked in, you were greeted by a monster. It was crouched at the foot of your bed and had turned towards you. Large eyes and a gaunt face. Its flesh was a light grey/white colour and its limbs were elongated and lanky. It looked human, or at least humanoid. With two arms and two legs, a torso and head with no hair on its body. And apart from large eyes, it seemed to be without a nose, and its mouth was pressed together in a fine line. For a moment, the two of you stared at each other. Normally, you could pinpoint what may have inspired your night-creatures like if it resembled an animal you may have interacted with or been interested with the day before. But you couldn’t explain this. It had to be another dream. In fact, you had ‘met’ the creature a few times before this. It had been in your mind a few times long before now. For about 2 years. You sometimes had issues where you would wake and a dream would spill out for a moment. You could be dreaming of a minotaur and when you open your eyes, its there in your room for a moment. You had seen the creature a few times when you woke and rolled over but always shrugged it off. The thought of a creature watching over you as you slept was strangely comforting because you knew it couldn’t be real. Sometimes, you dreamt of the creature when you felt needy, or partly desperate. The thought of a beast like this taking you had always driven you insane with desire, so it was common for it to appear in your dreams when you needed it. Walking into your room, you gave the creature a wide birth as you returned to your bed. Its eyes followed you closely, tilting its head to the side as you sat on your bed. You thought of speaking to it, but your mind was blurry and tired. You had a long day ahead of you tomorrow so you decided that if you could have a sleep within a sleep, it may help you. crawling under the covers, you lay down, breaking the eyes contact. A strange noise, barley over a whisper, reached your ears. Like a mixture between a hum and a purr with a slight crackle through it. You couldn’t help but smile, the noise comforting you somehow. “good night.” You whispered and slowly drifted off, every so often, that same purr echoing in your dreams. The next morning, you woke up with the dream still fresh in your mind. But it felt a little different. Looking to the end of your bed, you saw nothing. throughout the day, you couldn’t help but allow your mind to wonder back to the creature from your dream. It certainly wasn’t a nightmare. The creature, while strange to look at, didn’t try to harm you or cause you distress. And, worse of all, you felt a pull towards the creature. You had never felt so attracted to something or someone. And yet, the presents of this thing sent shivers down your spin. You wondered how tall it was when standing, how its skin felt, how it moved and what it thought. Frustrated with yourself, you grabbed your sketch book and started to draw the creature. Maybe if you moved it from your mind to paper, it would help. Once you were finished, the likeness close enough to satisfy you, you had felt tired and decided to call it a night. And he appeared again. This time, you had felt it at the end of your bed. The weight of the creature. Opening your eyes, you were surprised to see it wasn’t staring at you. Instead, it had your sketch book opening on the bed. its fingers were moving over the page. Long and slender but looked more like claws towards the end, the fingers seemed to be carving something on the opposite page of your sketch book. Curious, you sat up and moved down your bed to look. In capital letters, was the work ‘RAKE’. “Is that your name?” you asked, looking to the creature. Its eyes found your own and that same purr/hum came from its chest as it nodded once. sometimes, your creations would name themselves in your dreams, which you liked because it took some pressure off your mind to try match a name and your subconscious took care of it. “Rake.” You mused over the name, your eyes instantly going to his fingers that, now you were closer, were claws. moved by curiosity once again as you slowly extended your hand towards its own. It froze but allowed your fingers to brush against its own as you examined it. The tips were clawed and felt hard to the touch, like nails, but then it became softer as you went further up his finger and they became more like human hands. “interesting.” You mused as you turned its hand over so its palm was facing up. Placing your hand on top of its own, you couldn’t help but smile had how much bigger its hand was than your own. Your eyes moved back to Rakes, who was watching you closely as you had expected. “im just curious, is all.” You smile, a playfulness in your tone but you didn’t want to push the creature. Not even in your own dream. moving backwards, you lay back down. “My names [y/n].” you don’t know why you gave it your name, or why it would want it. But it felt right as you closed your eyes over. You could feel its gaze fixed on you once more. -------------- present time ------------ When you woke, you sat up and stretched, until something caught your eyes. Lying on your bed, was your sketch book. You had left it on your desk the night before. Sure, Rake had had in it your dream, but that was a dream for Christ sake. Or was it? Fear flashed through your body. True, the last 2 dreams had been a lot more vivid and felt real, but they couldn’t be. Reaching for your book with shaking hand, you picked it up and opened it. The sight made your heart stop. The picture of the Rake had been ripped out, but on the opposite page to where it had been, you could see the indent of where its name was. Running your fingers over it, you could feel which the page indented with the pressure. You jumped, throwing the book away from you as you looked around the room, your heart now racing. It was real and it had been here. Twice. Would it come back tonight? What did it was? You spent the whole day in fear and wanting more information. So you took to the internet. However, what you found sent chills down your spin. People had been getting killed at night. It had been reported a few times over the last few weeks in various places near you. How had you missed this? You tried to find anything about a survivor, but nothing came out. People reported a figure in the woods, moving on all fours, white with long limbs. you didn’t know what to do as the day dragged into night. You couldn’t go to bed, you were too scared to ever close your eyes. So you sat on your desk chair but moved it so it was pressed into the corner so nothing as behind you. You had a large kitchen knife and a few other things to possibly ward off an attack by you. you also put on a summer dress which you used as a nightgown because it was easy to move in. if you needed to move quickly, the dress allowed you that freedom. All that you could do was wait. but waiting was easier said than done as your eyes grew heavy. You began to blink for longer and longer, your eyes struggling to open after they closed. blink. there was nothing in your room. blink. Nothing. Blink. nothing. Blink. the rake. you jumped when you realised you had fallen asleep long enough to allow it into your room once again. It was perched on your bed once again; its knees dawn up to its chest as it stared at you. it looked between you and the bed. “why not asleep?” Its voice sent a shiver through your body. It was deep, low and had a little crackle to it like its purrs. But you didn’t know it could speak at all. “I-i-I-“ You stutter, unable to move from fear. But this cause more confusion for the creature. “Why scared now?” it asked, moving for the first time. Stretching out one of its legs, it stepped onto the floor and moved its whole body down. Its crawled towards you on all fours. “Because you’re real.” You responded, your eyes darting to the knife which had fallen to the floor. You must have dropped it in your sleep. But the Rake saw. A hissing noise filled the air and you looked back to him, nearing screaming. Its mouth had grown and now showed a number of teeth. It pounced forward at you, making you raise you hands to cover your face out of fear. But no pain ever came. Instead, you felt it take your right hand and guide it away from your face. The rake was now crouched in front of you, but due to its size, its eyes were level with your own. “Why haven’t you killed me?” You whisper to it. “interest. Curious.” It reply’s, the words rolling off its tongue as it begins to run the tips of its sharp fingers along your palm and up your forearm, not nearly hard enough to draw blood. A shiver ran through your body as the long nails raked over your skin. But it was short lived as your door bell rang twice and you heard your elderly neighbour call your name. Rake twisted towards the bedroom door and hissed, becoming more aggressive in his stance and demeanour. Instantly, fear ran through you as you grabbed its wrist. “No, please. Shes a friend. Just, just let me see what she wants.” You begged, unsure if your pleading with do anything. But apparently, it did. Rake moved back a little, allowing you to stand up. You noticed him move to your bed and his normal spot before you ran to your front door. Your neighbour, Mary, asked if you were okay as she had heard screaming and you looked pale. You laughed it off, saying you had just had a nightmare which she seemed content with the answer. She knew your dreams were often bad. She left and you closed the door over and returned to your room. You could see the rake in the same spot, waiting for you to return. You closed your bedroom door over and leaned against it, unsure of how to proceed. Slowly, you walked closer to the creature, to him. Since he was on your bed, he was now taller than you were, but you didn’t mind that too much. Standing at the foot of your bed, you raise your hand slowly so not to startle him. Rake allowed you to move your hand closer to his face so you could ever so softly brush the tips of your fingers over his skin. His eyes closed at the contact, his body seeming to relax as you grew more confident with your movements and cupped his cheek. The rake started to move forward, stepping off the bed as you took a step back and allowed your hands to drop to yours sides. The sheer size of it, standing fully in front of you was enough to make you stare in awe. It towered over you when it stood up straight. You weren’t sure if this as a intimidation tactic or why it had felt the need to step off the bed. its large hands raised, and you could see them both by your head in your peripheral vision, but you didn’t dare drop the rakes eye contact. You felt like you were in some type of hypnotic trace, unable to allow the part of you which was in charge of self preservation to demand you run. But you couldn’t. You felt one of its hands twist itself into your hair, gently pulling your head back. You broke eye contact to obey its demand as you closed your eyes, fear and adrenaline coursing through your body. Then you felt it. A breath upon your bare neck. Your eyes snapped open and you saw it had lowered its head down to your neck. You could feel its mouth open and its sharp teeth grazed the skin on your neck. You let out a soft gasp but made no attempts to stop it. In fact, your body reacted to the danger of its touch in an unexpected way. You arched your back, your head falling further backwards without its demand. You felt the hand which wasn’t in your hair trailing down your sides before grabbing the loose material of your nightgown. Its claws tore the fabric, ripping a hole in the side of your gown. With this access, its hand slipped under the fabric, touching your bare sides and sliding to your lower back. Another gasp as your hands reached out, finding its chest. But you didn’t push it away. No, your hands slid up and to its shoulders and you hung onto it for support as it bends you further backwards. With its hand on your back and the other in your hair, you allowed it to lower you to the floor as it crouched between your legs. Its mouth moved down to tease your collarbone and even gently bite the area. You gasped, a soft moan leaving your lips. Lust had long taken over your body as you felt your insides swirl with the feeling. You could feel yourself becoming hot and bothered as you clenched your thighs together in some sort of desperate attempt to control yourself. But you were past the point of no return. You knew of your attraction to this creature, its body appearing in your deepest and darkest dreams, the ones which you woke up panting and gasping for air as you cursed your body for still feeling the need. It moved the hand on your body, turning it over so the craws were facing out from your skin before tearing the material down to the hem of your nightgown. You dug your nails into his shoulders as you felt the material fall away from your legs. But the rake wasted no time as it pulled away from your collar. The hair in your hair retreated so it could tear the upper part of your nightgown. It started by placing a claw to your neck, trailing it down the front to the neckline of the nightgown before beginning to tear the fabric. Since it only only had thin straps, you moved your hands from its shoulder to pull them down, along with your bra straps. With that, you arched your back to reach under yourself, unclasping your bra and pulling it from your body to throw it away. your actions certainly pleased the creature as its head ducked down, its touch touching your skin and trailing across your right breast. You moaned, arching into it as it licked at your nipple, its teeth even grazing over the soft bud. Your hands fell above your head, offering your body to it completely as you allowed the pleasure to overtake any fear in your body. It moved to your left breast, offering it the same treatment. The cool air made the saliva on your right breast go cold and send a shiver through your body. then a snarl left its throat as it moves from crouching to kneeling between your legs, pressing its body against yours. your legs wrapped around it, pulling yourself close so you could gently grind against it, the friction offering a little relief against your now swollen clit. But because of its position, your legs were around its torso. It would have to move higher for you to feel if it had the anatomy of a male. you hadn’t seen if it had when you were looking it over. But you so hoped it did. You moved your hands to the back of its skull, feeling the soft skin which covered its head. Another growl left its lips as its head snapped up to look at you as your hands found its cheeks. There was something so primal and dominating about tis gaze that broke you. Sitting up slightly, you were able to guides its lips to your own in a desperate kiss. Its whole body froze at this, allowing you to take control off the kiss. You were surprised but it moved further up your body, hovering over you as you kissed it deeply. Wrapping your arms around its shoulder, you arched your back up and felt its chest press against your own, which cause a shiver to run through both your bodies. It seemed to like it as its arm moved under your back and pulled you up against it again. Then you felt the hardness now pressed between your legs. It throbbed slightly as you rocked your hips against it, creating a friction that made you moan into the kiss. You wondered how the rake had a cock or rather how it hid it. Perhaps it was in a sheath which allowed protection except when ‘needed’. You didn’t know, but you were most certainly happy to have made the discovery. Its free hand clawed at your sides, making you gasp and groan into the kiss before moving to your panties. In a single rip, it tore the side as the other hand left your back to mirror this and finally pull them away from your body. But it didn’t break the kiss the entire time. In fact, it seemed to be enjoying the kiss and unable to break away from it. Even when you pulled back for air, it slammed its lips back to your own. Finally, you felt the bare cock pressing against your slit. It rubbed against the area for a moment, in a almost teasing way before the rake seemed unable to control itself and slammed into you, filling you completely in a sudden movement. You threw your head back as your fingers dug into its flesh in both pain and pleasure as you moaned and gasped for air. A snarl left the rakes mouth as its whole body shakes at the feeling. Raspy pants left its lips as it began to move inside you, the speed quickly picking up. both its hands moved to grab your hips, the claws digging into your sides as you welcomed the pain. You kept your arms around its neck, playfully digging your nails into its skin when its own claws got a little too much to balance the pleasure with, in which case it would release. The room filled with your moans of pleasure and its low growls and groans along with the sound on its hips meeting yours. The rake lifted your hips off the floor slightly, add a new angle as it began to pound into you at such a speed you thought you might be driven insane. You cried out, begging for more and it was more than happy to provide with a low growl that vibrated deep in its chest, it thrusts becoming harder. Your eyes squeezed shut as your hands fell from its shoulder to your own hair. You took handfuls, pulling as you gasped for air. Your back arched and your chest against its own. There was a loud snarl and you felt its hand leave your hip to grab your right hand and pull it away from your hair. Your eyes opened in shock as it moved your arm back around its neck before it replaced your hand with its own. It took a chunk of your hair and pulled, making you cry out and arch your whole back and neck off the floor. Your other hand flew out your air to grab at the rake, only to feel it duck its head down to your neck again. This time, it didn’t just gaze your skin. You felt the nips of its bites along your lower neck, collar and shoulder to the point you cried out in pain. Its head snapped up to meet your gaze and you saw your blood on its mouth along with concern in its eyes as its hand let go of your hair. Its hips began to slow but you couldn’t stop. You were so so close and you needed it. You knew it was just trying to please you, that was obvious in the way it was trying to do what you were doing. You moved to slam your lips to its own once again. This time, you could taste your own blood on its lips and something in you broke. You darted your tongue out, licking its sharp teeth as another growl left its chest and the speed was picked up again. This time, it was harder and faster than before. You wrapped your arms around its neck, bringing yourself as close to it as physically possible as your whole body seemed to tense in anticipation. its arm slipped under your back and shoulder once again, raising you off the floor completely in its arms as it slammed into you, its own thrusts becoming sloppy but almost demented. The knot in your lower stomach tensed one final time before your orgasm swept over your body in a wave of pleasure and bliss. It felt like your skin was on fire as you moaned against its mouth, your walls pulsing in you. apparently, that was all the rake needed before a loud growl left its chest, filling the room and almost shaking it as it came deep inside you. The first thing you remembered after you came was the soft furnishing of your bed as you moved there by the rake. As it placed you down, you felt it pulling fully out of you and you suddenly felt very empty. you opened your eyes when you felt the bed dip at the end and saw it had returned to crouching at the foot of your bed, this time facing the door. You didn’t even notice the blanket that had been carefully placed over your nude body until it fell down as you sat up. “Rake?” You called out, your voice horse from the noises you had just been making. It turned its head to you, obviously confused as to why you didn’t fall back asleep. “Now what?” You ask, scared of the response. “Now I protect.” It said, its low voice sending a shiver through your spine. “Protect?” You ask, moving out from the cover to its side. “Protect. Never mated before. Now I have a mate, I must protect.” It nodded, more to itself than to you. “Im your mate?” You ask, a soft smile on your lips. “does that mean you’ll stay?” A single nod sends your world into joy as you smile widely at the rake. You press a soft kiss to its cheek before moving under the covers but with your head at the foot of your bed, next to it. Whatever was happening, whatever it was, nothing could ruin your moments of bliss as you drifted off into a nightmares sleep.

Kania | The Maze Runner Trilogy

Chapter 1 [Trust; विश्वास]

'The only thing worse than blind trust is blind mistrust.'

She wakes up to the consistent and routine beeping of the IV monitor. Her eyelids seem to be stuck together, but she manages to open them nonetheless. A sharp, fluorescent white light enters her eyes, which causes her eyelids to flutter. After a bit of an effort, she finally opens her eyes and soaks in the familiar sight of her hands connected to wires. There's a steady flow of a light green liquid making her way inside her body through a drip, and she only now realises that she's wearing an oxygen breathing.

Lifting her head a little, she sees Chancellor Paige talking to a couple doctors through a glass window directly opposite to her position. She gently rests her head back on the pillow and closes her eyes, but is in no way trying to go to sleep once more. She can't really remember what happened before she woke up, but that may be an aftereffect of the anaesthesia. She is still a little dizzy.

Her breathing is steady and deep, and she feels very relaxed. But in the back of her head is this kind of throbbing, so faint it isn't even there, but it feels... different. There's something in the back of her mind that's making her slightly uneasy, and the feeling is only increasing with time. She can remember a very foggy face... pale skin... dark hair...

'Kania. You're awake.' Her eyes open to see the face of Chancellor Ava Paige. Her saviour.

She tries sitting up more, even though she's incredibly dizzy and her eyelids are getting heavier, involuntarily. She winces, because in an effort to sit up, one of the wires connected to her forearm moves and it causes a pinch of pain.

'Sh. Don't move, you're weak, and we don't want the wires getting out of place, do we?' the older woman says in a gentle voice, perching gracefully on the stool beside her bed. 'And after all, it's just me. Ava.'

Kania can't help but let a small smile grace her face. The Chancellor had always been so kind to her, it felt strange. After spending seven years of her life in the Scorch with a herd of other survivors, half of whom were partly infected, Kania still always had a feeling of loneliness inside of her. The others were all older, some of them even family, so the girl always felt like an outsider. Yes, they didn't treat her too poorly, but they were their fair share of rude. But Kania never blamed them, for it was understandable. If she herself were out in the Scorch, she'd want to watch her back first. It was her basic nature.

But Chancellor Paige was always another story altogether. Since the day she'd been brought into W.C.K.D. headquarters, the strawberry blonde woman had been exceptionally kind to Kania. Helping her with assessments that she couldn't grasp, soothing her when she had panic attacks, Ava Paige had been there for her all the time. Kania felt this enormous respect for her; genuine respect from the bottom of her heart. Dare she say, Miss Paige had become somewhat of a parental figure for the dark-haired girl.

'I know, Chancellor.'

Chancellor Paige sighs. 'I've told you to call me Ava so many times already, Kania...'

'I know, Miss Paige. I just can't bring myself to. I have great respect for you, and it's difficult for me to address you by your first name.' The older woman smiles at this. She gets a faraway look in her eyes, and it remains for a second or two. Abruptly, the Chancellor blinks, and her smile evaporates into a more serious expression.

'Kania, that is all well, but I needed to speak to you about matters of utmost importance,' before Kania can ask, the woman explains further. 'You are to be shifted away from this branch, and to another, smaller laboratory. Janson will be the head there.'

Kania's eyes widen. She didn't like Janson. Not at all. The man was grumpy, had a sleazy look about him, and always sneered at Kania, instead of speaking normally with a constipated expression on his face, like he always did. And furthermore, why was she being transferred to another laboratory? After... the incident, hadn't Chancellor Paige forbidden her from doing experiments any further? So then, if she wasn't going to be helping in experiments and tests, why did she have to go to a laboratory, specifically? Why not just regular quarters?

She didn't get to ask, however, because – 'Please do not question the reasons or motives, Kania. You are still not to do any experiments or tests whatsoever. Just have faith in me. I need to do this for the cause, greater good. For-' the woman doesn't get to continue on, however, because a young blonde female who Kania vaguely remembers to be Dr. Sanders barges in quite loudly. She's dishevelled, her cropped hair is sticking out in various directions, the files and papers in her hands are in disarray, and there's a panicked not in her voice. 'Chancellor Paige, it's-'

'I know,' the woman in question says calmly. Dr. Sanders leaves.

'Kania,' Miss Paige turns to her as she stands, 'I apologise heavily for the short notice, but I must go now. Please co-operate with Janson-,' there's a sound similar to shattering glass in the background, '-and remember,' Miss Paige's dark brown eyes pierce Kania's black orbs,' Wicked is good.'

And with that she leaves, and Kania passes out at just the right moment, co-incidentally.

. . . . .

Kania is bored. Ever since she's landed here, which was roughly six hours ago, she's been locked up in this pathetic excuse of a room. It's drab and grey, and feels more like a prison cell than a "comfortable living arrangement", as Janson had put it. She feels kind of hungry too, but not at all thirsty. She does have her key card, but Janson said that she can't go out of her room unless absolutely necessary. Why, she doesn't have a clue, because it honestly isn't as if she's going to commit bloody murder if she gets out, is it?

So finally, Kania decides she's going out to ask some of these robot-like people for food, and if Janson asks, she'll say so. Simple. And anyways, Janson is quite dumb in her opinion, so.

Kania is lost. It is safe to say that the girl doesn't know her way around this maze of a place, and she's lost. She's been wandering around this dull place like a lost soul for over forty-five minutes at least, and she just can't find a decent route. The black-haired girl is lost, and frustrated.

She's just turned a bend, when she notices a group of people; more specifically, a group of boys, lead by a guard. They're going the same way as her – they must've been exiting the room which she can somewhat make out through a glass window, which means they're facing the other direction, so they haven't yet spotted her. She furrows her brow a bit, and quickly backs up. She doesn't want to get caught by one of these guards; she doesn't want to answer to Janson. It seems that one of the boys heard her, because she meets a pair of brown eyes. As soon as she does, she backs up completely out of sight, and decides that if she's stayed this long without food, she can wait a little more. Maybe someone will bring it to her. Patience is key, after all.

A gaunt guard does bring her a plate of barely edible food goo which Kania grudgingly consumes. W.C.K.D. really dropped their standards here. But she's still bored. So after she eats enough of the "food" that her stomach stops grumbling, the girl stealthily heads out of her room, barefoot because it makes less noise, and starts roaming the corridors once more.

She walks lazily, because there isn't a lot to do here so she wants to spend as much time as she can doing this. After walking for about ten minutes, her foot steps on something and slips. She almost falls flat on her face, but steadies herself against a wall. Looking down with a slight scowl on her face, she notices something – a key card. Lifting it, she sees that it belongs to a 'Devan McAllister'. There's no picture on the card, but that's expected. But wait a second. This key card is different than hers. Pulling hers out, Kania compares them – same colour scheme, same size, same logo, but his says 'Level II' on the bottom right corner, below the W.C.K.D. logo; Kania's doesn't.

Narrowing her eyes just the slightest fraction, the girl casts a look around the area, making sure no one sees, and puts both the key cards back in her trousers' pocket.

After loafing around for another half hour or so, the girl comes across a strange sight – there's a doctor and two medics pushing a stretcher along – and so she hides behind the nearest bend, sneaking a peek. The doctor opens the doors using her key card, and so the stretcher is pushed inside.

This peaks Kania's interest. There weren't any experiments done on human bodies before, back when she used to work. What are they going to do to that person? What if the person isn't even alive? But even if so, why's it happening with such a... forbidden air? Something weird is happening. The girl is sure of that.

Kania waits until the doctor and medics come back out, which is after about forty-five minutes. The girl waits. One minute... two minutes... that's enough time, Kania thinks, and making sure there's no one around, trots to the door swiftly, swipes her key card. The doors don't open. She tries once more. They still don't open.

She pulls out Devan's key card. Maybe this'll work.

Swipe. Wait... green light and a beep! The doors open, and the girl heads inside.

The sight inside wants her to puke her intestines out. There are... creatures of some sort, disgusting creatures, being preserved in glass cases. Kania reaches out a hand and touches one of the cases – and there's a sharp spike of pain in the back of her head. With a hiss, the girl rubs near the nape of her neck, where she felt the pain.

Still rubbing, the girl reaches another set of doors, and they open almost instantly, without even needing the key card.

When the doors open, Kania's breath hitches; it completely stops in her throat, and blood rushes in her ears.

What in the name of God is this?

There's bodies, all clad in vests and shorts, and strung up with wires. Looking closely, the girl realises what the wires and cables are for – they're extracting some juices from the people's heads; from their brains. Her breath's coming in short bursts, and she's going to panic, she knows, she just knows. Short breaths, eyes starting to water; they're tells of her body Kania understands.

What is all this? The Chancellor had promised her-

'Ah!' Kania yelps, her body seizing up, teeth gritted, eyes wide open. They've electrocuted her. As the girl falls tot the floor with a thud, the last thing she sees before blacking out is a male figure looming above her, talking to someone out of her sight.

'What do we do with- call Janson!'

She blacks out.

4. 5. 7. 10. 26. 31. 34. 41.

4. A set that flopped but deserved better

this one

5. What is your favorite movie/TV show to gif

miraculous ladybug is my favourite hands down

7. Who are your top 3 gif makers

@bananagreste @agresties @ladyofacat (i may be biased bc they’re all my friends lmao) 

10. What was the first gif you ever posted

rip in pieces

26. How many un posted sets are in your drafts right now

ive got none actually alksfdjbldskj

31. Do you schedule/queue posts or do you post right after you’re done

i schedule them! sometimes i do post them right after but i mostly queue them 

34. A set that took you a long time/was really hard but you’re really proud of how it came out

my love square game edit which reminds me that i still need to finish the other sides

41. What is your least favorite part about your gif making process

making sure the colouring is consistent for every single gif :) :) :)

ask me questions for gif-makers!

About the Game

Grand Theft Auto is an open world action-adventure video game developed by DMA Design and published by BMG Interactive. It was first released in Europe and North America in October 1997 for MS-DOS and Microsoft Windows. It was later re-released on 12 December 1997 in Europe and 30 June 1998 in North America for the PlayStation. It is the first installment of the Grand Theft Auto series, a series that has sold more than 150 million units as of September 2013. The story follows a group of criminals in three fictionalised versions of US cities as they perform bank robberies, assassinations, and other crimes for their respective syndicates.

The game was originally intended to be named Race'n'Chase and to be developed for the Commodore Amiga, starting in 1996. However, it was nearly cancelled due to production issues.

Its successor, Grand Theft Auto 2, was released in September 1999.

Gameplay

Grand Theft Auto is made up of six levels split between the three main cities. In each level, the player's ultimate objective is to reach a target number of points, which is typically achieved by performing tasks for the city's local crime syndicate. Each level is initiated at a telephone box and has its own unique set of tasks. Successful completion of a mission rewards the player with points and opens the opportunity to attempt harder missions for higher rewards, while failure awards fewer points and may permanently seal off opportunities for more tasks. Completing missions also increases the player's "multiplier", which increases the points the player gets for doing other tasks. When the player amasses a total of $1,000,000, the next city is unlocked.

There are eight playable characters in the game, four male and four female: Travis, Troy, Bubba, Kivlov, Ulrika, Katie, Divine, and Mikki (the PlayStation version only includes the four male characters, however). In actual gameplay, there is no real difference, since all player-characters wear the identical yellow jumper, although they do wear different coloured trousers and hair colours to each other and have the correct skin colours. Players may also name their character which, with the correct name, acts like a cheat code and alters gameplay.

The player is free to do whatever they want, but have limited lives upon doing so. The player can gain points by causing death and destruction amid the traffic in the city, or steal and sell cars for profit. To get to the large target money required to complete a level, players will usually opt to complete at least some missions to build up their multiplier. Some criminal acts have an inherent multiplier; for example, using a police car for running over people doubles the number of points received. If the player is arrested then their multiplier is halved. Unlike in later games in the series, the player can be killed, or "wasted", in one hit without body armour. If the player is wasted then they lose a life. In both cases the player loses their current equipment. If the player is wasted too many times, they must restart the level.

Even during missions there is still some freedom as most of the time the player is free to choose the route to take, but the destination is usually fixed. It was this level of freedom which set Grand Theft Auto apart from other action based computer games at the time. The PC releases of the game allowed networked multiplayer gameplay using the IPX protocol. Some places in the game have to be unlocked by completing missions.

Synopsis

Grand Theft Auto takes place in 1997 in three primary settings, all of which are modelled on real locales: Liberty City is based on New York City, Vice City is based on Miami, and San Andreas is based on San Francisco. All three suffer from rampant crime and corruption, with constant feuding between the local crime syndicates, random acts of violence from street gangs, organised thievery and murder, and corrupt city officials and police officers.

While Grand Theft Auto: London 1969, Grand Theft Auto: London 1961 and Grand Theft Auto 2 would use different locations, these three cities have been individually revisited as the settings in later Grand Theft Auto games, with differing layouts - for example, Liberty City was the sole city in Grand Theft Auto III, Grand Theft Auto Advance, Grand Theft Auto: Liberty City Stories, and Grand Theft Auto IV, Vice City was the city in Grand Theft Auto: Vice City and Grand Theft Auto: Vice City Stories, and San Andreas, becoming a state based on regions of California and Nevada, was the setting for Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas and Grand Theft Auto V.

Development

The development of Grand Theft Auto began on 4 April 1995 at DMA Design in Dundee. It originally had a protracted four-year development, which included a title change and numerous attempts to halt development

The game was originally titled Race'n'Chase. It was originally planned to be released on MS-DOS, Windows 95, PlayStation, Sega Saturn and the Nintendo 64. However, it was never released for the two latter consoles. During the development of Grand Theft Auto, many people overseeing the game's progress attempted to halt the development, which led the crew at DMA Design to have to convince them to allow them to continue.

There were specific milestones planned for Grand Theft Auto

An original design document, dated 22 March 1995, was posted online by Mike Dailly on 22 March 2011. The author of the document credited is K.R. Hamilton, and the released version is 1.05. It contained information about elements of the game discussed in various meetings held from 23 January 1995 to the writing of the document which also contains many similarities to the 1986 Commodore 64 Miami Vice. According to the original design document, the introduction to Grand Theft Auto is a pre-drawn/rendered animation. The Windows 95 version was developed using Visual C++ v2.0. The DOS version was developed using Watcom C/C++ v10, Microsoft MASM 6.1 and Rational Systems DOS extender (DOS4GW) v 1.97. The program used to make Grand Theft Auto was said to produce "a 3D array which can be used by both the perspective and the isometric engines". It was said to consist of "a grid editor which is used to place blocks on a grid, with a separate grid for each level", and "allow any block to be placed at any level". It was said that the world may have had to be 256×256×6 blocks.

The original concept of Grand Theft Auto was "to produce a fun, addictive and fast multi-player car racing and crashing game which uses a novel graphics method".

David Jones, the game's producer, cited Pac-Man as an influence. He noted that the player runs over pedestrians and gets chased by police in a similar manner to Pac-Man.

Gary Penn, creative director of DMA at the time, cited Elite as a major influence, "But I'd been working on Frontier, which is very different and there were definitely other people on the team who had things like Syndicate, Mercenary and Elite very much in their minds as well. That combination definitely led to the more open plan structure there is now. The game as it stands now is basically Elite in a city, but without quite the same sense of taking on the jobs. You take on the jobs in a slightly different way, but incredibly similar structurally. It's just a much more acceptable real world setting. The game was cops and robbers and then that evolved fairly quickly -- nobody wants to be the cop, it's more fun to be bad. And then that evolved into Grand Theft Auto".

Ports

The original Grand Theft Auto was developed for MS-DOS, but then later ported to Microsoft Windows (using SciTech MGL), PlayStation (developed by Visual Sciences using their "ViSOS" framework), and Game Boy Color. The Game Boy Color version was technologically unabridged, which was quite a technical achievement due to the sheer size of the cities, converted tile-for-tile from the PC original, making them many times larger than most Game Boy Color game worlds were because of the handheld's limited hardware. To cater for the target younger generation, however, the game was heavily censored, with gore and swearing removed.

The PC version comes in several different executables for DOS and MS-Windows, which use single set of data files (except for the 8-bit colour DOS version which uses different but similar graphics). It was previously available as a free download as part of the Rockstar Classics (alongside Wild Metal and Grand Theft Auto 2), however the free download service is currently unavailable.

Grand Theft Auto was to be released on the Sega Saturn, but due to the console's rapid decline in popularity before development was finished, the project was halted and the game was never released.citation needed After the PlayStation's successful release, development began on Grand Theft Auto 64, a port of the game for the Nintendo 64, rumoured to have graphical enhancements and new missions. However, development was cancelled without ever having a public appearance.

Cover Art

The cover art for Grand Theft Auto is a photograph of a New York Police Department 1980s Plymouth Gran Fury rushing through the intersection of Fifth Avenue and 56th Street, with Trump Tower in the background of the picture. The same cover art was also an alternative cover for Grand Theft Auto 2 in selected markets. There was also a cover featuring a yellow Buick GSX. There are other covers, but the one shown above is the most common.

Soundtrack

Grand Theft Auto has seven "radio stations", plus a police band track, which can be heard once the player enters a car; however, each vehicle can only receive a limited number of these radio stations. In the PlayStation port each car only had two stations.

PC players can remove the CD once the game is loaded and replace it with an audio CD. The next time the character enters a vehicle, a song from the CD will randomly play. This can also be done in the PlayStation port.

The game's main theme is "Gangster Friday" by Craig Conner, credited to the fictitious band Slumpussy, and is played on N-CT FM. With the exception of Head Radio FM, the names of songs or the radio station names are never mentioned in-game. However, the soundtrack is listed in the booklet which comes with the game.

The Collector's Edition of the PC version included the soundtrack on a separate CD. The track-listing gives the names of the fictional radio stations, bands and their tracks, and for some of them the fictional album that they are from.

Reception

The game was a best-seller in the UK. The game was a commercial success, though it received mixed reviews upon release.

GameSpot's 1998 review for Grand Theft Auto said that, although the graphics may look "a little plain", the music and sound effects are the opposite, praising the radio stations and the sound effects used to open and close vehicles. They also praised the freedom of the game, favouring it over other games that make you follow a specific rule set and complete specific missions in a specific order. 

IGN were critical of the graphics which were said to be "really quite shoddy" and dated. They were also unimpressed by the "fast-food programming and careless design", including the controls. Overall the game was considered to be fun but with problems which could have been fixed.

Departure into Emptiness: a Taoist approach to the climate crisis and other contemporary issues (sample) via /r/taoism

Departure into Emptiness: a Taoist approach to the climate crisis and other contemporary issues (sample)

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https://preview.redd.it/h4b8diucg5g51.jpg?width=472&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ddae1e29690086bf3d24677f6e39b4119b790e10

I.

Not as much! That is the imperative of our age: less plastic, less CO2, less consumption, less stress. That sounds like a renunciation: of meat, of flying, of driving cars.

But does this necessarily have to be a renunciation? It would be renunciation to deny yourself the fulfill­ment of a deep desire. Not doing something because there is a better choice: that is freedom.

There are good reasons to use that freedom: need­ing less can be full of its own pleasure. It means be­ing less dependent and - instead of constantly chas­ing after the satisfaction of needs - having more time for the really important things.

“Those who have lost by being moderate are rare.” (Confucius, Analects, IV.23)

II.

Doing and leaving are what shape our perception of the world. A woodcutter, a biologist and an in­vestor perceive the same forest in a completely dif­ferent way. Whoever is taking on a task must be careful not to be taken over by the task. The more the focus is on predetermined goals, the more the view of collateral damage is lost.

In a world of numbers and financial streams, every­thing becomes a means to an end. The earth be­comes a raw material warehouse and people become human capital. Everything becomes a utility. What is useless or not useful enough from an economic point of view is in danger. Primeval forests are being cut down; animal and plant species are becoming extinct; in the name of utility a huge destruction is underway.

It would often be better if less were done. But this is difficult to achieve, because many people despair when they have nothing to do. They cling to their occupations. Often work is the centre of their lives - and for many it is the source of their identity.

In our performance-oriented times, this can be seen with extreme clarity. That it is not a new phenome­non, however, is proven by a more than two thou­sand year old text from China:

“When the farmer has nothing more to do with grass and weeds, he has nothing more to hold on to; when the merchant has nothing more to do with alleys and markets, he has nothing more to hold on to. Only when the people of the crowd have their daily work, do they make an effort. The craftsmen depend on the skill and handling of their tools to feel themselves. If he can­not accumulate money and goods, the scrooge becomes sad. If power and influence do not expand steadily, the ambitious man becomes desolate.The slaves of power and wealth are only happy when in the process of change. If they find a time when they can act, they cannot stop acting. They all follow their path with the same regularity as the cycle of the year. They are caught up in the world of things and cannot change. So they run along, internally and externally trapped, sinking into the world of things and never coming back to themselves. Oh, how sad!” (Zhuangzi, XXIV.4)

So what can be done is done - and that is often much more than what needs to be done. We virtu­ally suffocate under the mass of products that our productivity produces.

III.

Idleness. A word that has fallen into disrepute. Idleness, as the proverb warns, is the root of all vice; and more than a few even see in it the worst of all vices: the refusal to perform in a performance-based society.

The calls for deceleration, which are becoming louder and louder, have rehabilitated idleness to a certain extent in recent years. In the wellness sector at least it has found a firm place - and in countless magazine articles when it has to do finding oneself or burnout syndrome.

Idleness requires free time. This is more than leisure time: it is a time free of constraints, empty time that can be filled with what the moment offers.

Caught in the daily hustle and bustle, it is difficult to develop new perspectives. One is so busy mop­ping up the water that one does not even think of turning off the tap.

In order to get a grip on things at any time, your hands should be free. Being idle means to have time to do the right thing at the right moment.

IV.

Inspiration. The Muses like idleness. To be kissed by the Muse is the pictorial description of what many artists experience: a higher power seems to guide the creative process. This process is more of a letting happen than a conscious creation. Not the conscious ego - it paints, it writes, it composes. This state is called Flow.

In this way, making art becomes a communication with something unknown. Are higher powers at work here? Or is it simply neurobiological processes? Either way, it seems like a miracle.

But the flow does not come on command. You can only create good conditions for it. There's an an­cient Chinese story about that.

“A wood carver carved a bell stand. When the bell stand was finished, all the people who saw it were amazed at its divine work. The Prince of Lu also looked at it and asked the Master, ‘What is your se­cret?’ The latter replied, ‘I am a craftsman and know no secrets, and yet there is one thing that matters. When I was about to make the bell stand, I was careful not to consume my life force in other thoughts. I fasted to bring my heart to rest. When I fasted for three days I no longer dared to think of reward and honour; after five days I no longer dared to think of praise and blame; after seven days I had forgotten my body and all my limbs. At that time I also no longer thought about the court of Your Highness. Thus I was collected in my art, and all infatuations of the outside world had dis­appeared. Afterwards I went into the forest and looked at the trees in their natural growth. When the right tree came before my eyes, the bell stand was ready in front of me, so that I only had to put my hand on it. If I had not found the tree, I would have given up. Be­cause I let my nature interact with the nature of the material, that's why people think it's a divine work.’" (Zhuangzi, XIX.10)

V.

Art is often the art of omission. Capturing the at­mosphere of a place with just a few strokes of the pen or grabbing the audience with a few notes is considered high art. It is often important not to do too much. If you try to speak a text in a particularly beautiful way, you will quickly appear artificial. If at a jam session all the participants constantly wanted to show all their skills, it would be very exhausting to listen to. Only when others hold themselves back can individuals come to the fore with their solos.

As much as through the emphasis of its tones a rhythm gets its special character through its pauses. A scale gets its special sound by omitting certain semitone steps.

The white area left blank on an old Chinese ink painting appears like the water of a river or like wafts of mist between the mountains. The emptiness here is an essential element of the composition.

In the early twentieth century, abstract painting de­veloped through an increasingly consistent omission of all references to objects from the outside world.

This led to an undreamt-of freedom in dealing with colours and forms. And since there is no predeter­mined meaning in abstract paintings, they are an in­vitation to the imagination to go walking.

VI.

Let it happen! Trust in the momentum of the cre­ative process! That was my basic attitude for decades when I was artistically active. For me, abstract paint­ing became a voyage of discovery. Painting always had a meditative aspect for me. When I painted, I let the spontaneous impulses of my body take their course; I let my hands do it, without a plan, without thinking. I tried to leave the door to chance as wide open as possible. What happened to me often went far beyond what I could have thought up by myself.

I playfully found my artistic way. Over the years I did a lot of different things: pictures made of ce­ramic tiles, lit objects, digital art, abstract anima­tions ...

It was not a planned development. One thing led to another, each connected to the other, appearing in retrospect to be logical. But for me, every new turn was a surprise. I saw my own artistic development in the way that train passengers sitting with their backs to the direction of travel see a landscape. I never saw what would come next.

I learned to have faith in the continuing process. And that I would discover more in my journey I’d ever dreamed of.

VII.

Cognitive methods. The modern sciences are atheistic in their methods, i.e. the recourse to reli­gious beliefs is taboo in the scientific framework for good reasons. This does not mean, however, that one needs an atheistic default position to do science. The atheism of science is purely methodical and not ideological. Even those who are scientifically active have questions that cannot be answered in this way. Then one can decide for or against believing some­thing specific. As long as the scientific activity remains unaffected by this, all is well.

Besides, the sciences cannot prove an atheistic world view because their method is atheistic. They cannot prove what they presuppose. That would be a circular argument.

Just like a methodical atheism there is also a me­thodical spirituality. As an artist, I become more open to inspiration when I feel that there is some­thing greater than my conscious self, and that I can open myself to this something in my creative process. I just need to have the capacity to be amazed. Miracles are more likely to happen when I beleave they are possible.

As little as scientific knowledge can support athe­ism, so can artistic experience serve as proof of a higher powers.

The word "inspire" comes from Latin and means "to breathe in". It raises the question: who is breath­ing in? But all answers to this question remain speculation.

It is possible, perhaps even reasonable, to talk about creative work with religious or esoteric vocabulary. Then one interprets experiences within a given pat­tern of explanation. This makes them easier to com­municate. This is legitimate, but it proves nothing with regard to the pattern of interpretation.

Beyond all doubt, the experience itself remains: In­tuition can flow more freely the less conscious con­trol you exercise. It is an experience that probably all people can have, no matter what they believe or don't believe.

VIII.

Success. Basically, it's quite banal: of course my art will be better if I'm painting, focused on what I'm doing, and not constantly thinking about what oth­ers will say or whether my work will yield enough money. The freer my head is, the more attentive I can work. With attention comes wonder and with wonder comes awe. With awe I have a good chance of succeeding in what I do.

In his book Effortless Mastery the New York jazz musician Kenny Werner makes the observation “(…) that there are good players who, for some reason, have little impact when they play. Everything works fine. They are ‘swinging’ and all that, but still, some­thing is not landing in the heart of the audience.” (p.10) He attributes this to the fact that they are caught up in their thoughts and are far too much guided by ideas about how right it should be. “One must practice surrendering control to a larger, or higher force. It’s scary at first, but eventually liberat­ing.” (ibid)

I very often experience my painting when others talk about their art, be it music, painting or litera­ture. Whoever wants to taste abundance must be­come empty.

IX.

Emptiness is of crucial importance in Daoist phi­losophy:

“How the nose breathes and the ear hears, is essentially emptiness. All things use what they don't have on the basis of what they have. If you don't believe this, just look at a flute or a pipe made of reeds.” (Huainanzi, XVI.6b)

This is not about an abstract or metaphysical idea of emptiness, it is about the very concrete emptiness between things or within things. It's about empti­ness interacting with what's there. An emptiness that can be experienced.

Emptiness means potential. An empty space can be filled, empty time can be used, an empty sheet can be written on.

Not burdening oneself with unnecessary things means freedom. To become empty in this sense is the best way to find oneself.

To be empty means to have room for abundance.

In "Huainanzi", a book written over 2000 years ago as a collection of knowledge for the Chinese em­peror, it reads like this:

“A restless spirit does not feel well even on a nicely pre­pared bed with soft mats. Nor does it appreciate a meal of wild rice and juicy beef. Even sounding strings and flute tones do not give him any pleasure.

Only when the anger dissolves and the restlessness dies down does the food taste good. The bed becomes com­fortable, the home safe and being on the road a plea­sure.

From this point of view: our nature is open to joy, but it is also open to sorrow. Whoever struggles with things that do not give pleasure to his own nature and hinders what gives pleasure to it, will certainly become a sor­rowful person, even if he possesses all the riches of the world and is revered as a son of heaven. In general, hu­man nature loves peace and silence and not discord and noise. It loves rest and quiet and not trouble and toil. If the mind is permanently free of desire, it means peace. If the body is permanently free of tasks, it means rest. The one who allows his spirit to wander in peace and quiet, who allows his body to indulge in idleness, who simply waits for what heaven gives him, will find joy in his inner being and will be free from worries from the outside. Nothing can change his insight, be it as great as the whole world. Even if the sun and moon darken, nothing can stop him from his path. Even when he is low, he feels blessed, even when he has little, he feels rich.” (Huainanzi, XIV.59)

X.

Desires tend to take over control. The ambitions of the ego endanger inner freedom. They lead to com­pulsive behavior and a limited view of things.

“Among the people of Chu was one who stole gold. Just when the market was at its busiest, he came, took it and left. When they detained him and asked, ‘How can you steal gold in the middle of the market?’ he only replied, ‘I have seen no one. I only saw the gold.’ When the mind deals with desires, it forgets what it is doing.” (Huainanzi, XIII.10)

XI.

Overcoming the ego. Many religions and spiritual teachings demand this. Overcoming it sounds like a hard struggle, a heavy effort, an act of will, in short, a strong ego to tackle this task. How could the ego be overcome in this way?

Asceticism can become a trap. The ego indulges it­self in the rigid self-control it can exercise. There must be other ways to deal with the ego. This was also thought about in ancient China:

“The scholars in these times of decay do not understand how to get to the origins of their spirit and return to their roots. Above all, they try to model and polish their nature, to refine or suppress their original reactions in order to meet the demands of their time. Therefore, when their eye desires something, they intervene with prohibitions; when their mind delights in something, they restrict it with rites. They run further and further in circles, prostrating themselves, while the meat goes bad and inedible and the wine sour and undrinkable. Outwardly they tame their bodies, inwardly they scourge their spirit. They destroy the harmony of Yin and Yang and inhibit the original way of their nature of responding appropriately to fate. This is why these people are full of worries throughout their lives. Those who follow the Dao are very different: they regulate the original responses of their nature, cultivate their consciousness, nourish it with harmony, and direct it appropriately. They enjoy the Dao and forget the low things; they rest in their potential and forget the trivial issues. Since their nature does not desire anything, they achieve whatever they desire. Since their mind does not seek pleasure, there is no pleasure they would not participate in. Those who stick to their natural answers preserve their potential. He who yields to his inner nature preserves his harmony. Physically relaxed and unrestricted in their attention: such standards and regulations can serve as a model for the whole world.” (Huainanzi, VII.14)

XII.

Regulation instead of blocking. Not asceticism but self-cultivation is the path that the Huainanzi describes. To rest in one's own potential means knowing one's abilities, but not having to prove them all the time. This makes it possible to react ap­propriately in ever changing situations.

“Planning things in advance is not better than learn­ing techniques. Acting is not better than having options for action. Intervening is not better than leaving things to the Dao. If you act on purpose, there are goals that you will not achieve. If you strive for things, there are things you don't attain. So human beings come to their limits while the Dao pervades everything.” (Huainanzi, XIV.24)

This kind of restriction does not mean renuncia­tion, but the greatest possible sovereignty. And on the way there, it is not the effort that counts, but finding balance and peace. The less willpower is needed for this, the better.

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Submitted August 10, 2020 at 04:17AM by JuppHartmann via reddit https://ift.tt/2PEuJ5Z

10 Tips On Just How To See To It Your Wedding Photographer Is A Specialist

10 Tips On Just How To See To It Your Wedding Photographer Is A Specialist

 Wedding photography is an exciting field with numerous photo hobbyists seeking to make some extra money on the side offering cheap wedding digital photography.

After paying hundreds for just the outfit alone, don't bother the church, the flowers, the function and all of the food and drink. It's very tempting to schedule a cheap wedding photographer; besides, the photography is most likely the last point you wish to think of.

Selecting your wedding photographer is one of the most crucial point to do when planning your wedding. As a matter of fact it should be the first thing you do. Intimate Wedding Photographer Asheville

First-rate wedding professional photographers Asheville obtain scheduled up months in advance so do not leave it to the eleventh hour to book. Nonetheless claiming that, there could be a couple of dates not booked, so give them a ring and also see if your day is complimentary.

Obviously everybody yearns for the gown to be gorgeous, the flowers magnificent, the food to be delicious as well as the function to be charming. The wedding photographer, nevertheless, actually ought to be among the leading things on your checklist of essential things.

If you pick a poor quality wedding photographer, it will be felt in every picture that you consider.

Nothing is much more substantial than your wedding digital photography. Why's that? Well, just think of it - what takes place when your wedding mores than? The flowers are dead, the gown obtains freeze-dried (or whatever it is the cleaners do) and also placed in a box, the cake is consumed, and also a year after your wedding you won't even remember what you ate. All you'll have left from now are your memories - and your pictures are the entrance to those memories.

To the ideas:

1. Does the photographer have several pictures from the same wedding to reveal you?

I 'd be worried if they were all from the same wedding. Correct professional photographers have taken wedding photos for various brides and that ought to mirror in their work.

On the other hand if you only see one photograph from each wedding I would think that the photographer just gets one good photo from the entire day.

You require to know that they are consistent and also have taken photos at several weddings with a minimum of three different photos from each wedding in their gallery or book.

As a typical overview, photographs from 3 recent wedding events are appropriate.

2. Does the photographer listen to you?

A photographer that speaks constantly concerning exactly how great they are is somebody you should be wary of. If a professional is not prepared to pay attention to you after that they are not extremely expert, I indicate how do they know what you are looking for?

3. Do you actually similar to this individual?

You will be investing the most important day of your life with a stranger, ensure you like them. If the photographer's personality clashes with yours, you could be in for a miserable day - or at least an unpleasant one.

Why threat being unhappy on the most vital day of your life? That's why checking out the photographer's personality is, in my opinion, more important than examining their profile. Will they be officious? Offensive? Aloof? When you speak with a possible photographer Asheville, obtain a feel for them and also see if they are somebody you would certainly want to be good friends with. If the solution is "yes", after that put them high up on your listing!

A Professional has style. A professional photographer will have a distinct design as well as preference. The photographs may be in black and white or in colour; you might see great deals of control in the pictures or none.

An amateur photographer impersonating a professional will certainly not have much of a style. Their pictures will look dull and also off-color. If their design is all over the place after that you can bet your life that they are not experts.

What are the pictures like?

 1. Are the images level?

2. As well dark or as well light?

3. Can you see the details on the wedding dress or is it simply a white blob?

4. Do individuals in the pictures look awkward or distracted?

5. Do the group photos look unpleasant?

6. Are the histories in the pictures jumbled?

7. Do the histories contend for focus for individuals aware?

8. Are the people checking out the camera?

9. Do they still have their heads?

 If you respond to yes to these inquiries after that I would certainly say that the photographer is not an expert. There are exceptions though; with the Photojournalistic design, most individuals aware are not checking out the camera and the histories can be a little disruptive.

Additionally ask the photographer where the photograph was taken; in some cases they have actually done the best that they can do. This is specifically true with registrar wedding celebrations, where the pc registry workplaces are usually positioned in or near industrial areas where the histories are not extremely rather anyway.

4. Does the photographer appear expert?

This is one of the most challenging one to determine as lots of people understand to clothe wisely as well as it's easy to learn the formality of the electronic camera, the terminology to describe the photographs as well as market their discussion.

You can never ever recognize for sure however there are a few guidelines:

5. Ask if they do photography as a full time job?

 ¥ i. If they answer of course then it's one factor in their favour.

¥ ii. If they say no, then ask them what else they do. If it's a completely different field, like structure or workplace work, after that they aren't a professional photographer, they will certainly have absolutely nothing to lose if they ruin the pictures of your wedding.

 6. The length of time have they been in business?

i. Anything under a year is suspicious, mainly since they will most likely not have adequate experience with properly covering weddings outside the workshops and also courses.

ii. A couple of years is excellent, the photographer has most likely had enough wedding experience to understand what to anticipate as well as just how to deal with any situations that might emerge.

iii. Anything over three years is great (as long as it is their full time employment) as it shows that they are doing quite well and also they ought to have a good track record.

Inquire about the photographer with your pals as well as associates; see what track record they have actually achieved. If it's good after that they can be relied on, otherwise then do not trust them, think of it as a self-confidence ranking.

7. The amount of weddings have they photographed?

i. This is essential, if they offer you a number under 20 then be on your guard and take every one of the various other answers right into account when ultimately choosing whether to reserve them or not, especially consider how many years they have been in business. If they have actually just done 20 wedding events in 2 years, then probably you should not book them. 20 is a really low variety of weddings for two years; you can expect a specialist photographer typically to photo at the very least 20 wedding events each year.

ii. If they give you a figure over 200 as well as they have actually stayed in business for just a number of years then they are coldly existing. There is no feasible means for them to have covered numerous weddings in 2 years.

iii. For a company that has actually been running for 2 years, an affordable number for weddings covered is 60.

8. Does the photographer take place seminars as well as courses if so which ones?

i. If they have not gotten on any type of training courses or to workshops and also state that they are entirely self-taught, then they are most definitely amateur digital photographers. Expert professional photographers frequently attend seminars and programs to maintain fresh, and their skills honed to a detail.

ii. If they have actually been on a few courses when they started up after that they are not committed to high quality as well as excellence within their photography as well as most likely cut corners a lot. Be wary of these.

iii. If they attend basic training courses, not specific to wedding digital photography after that question their commitment to their craft.

iv. If they take place expert training courses on wedding digital photography frequently, then outstanding! This confirms that they are committed and focused on their craft.

I often attend expert programs on particular styles of wedding digital photography This is to maintain me fresh and at the top of my profession. I do pick up from books and also practise commonly but you can just get until now learning by yourself and there is definitely no substitute for hands on experience and also training.

9. Does the photographer have an agreement?

A photographer who does not have an agreement is not to be trusted. If you purchase any kind of sort of solution, from plumbing to photography there should be an agreement. This is to safeguard you from anything that can fail and also so you know specifically what you are obtaining. The contract can either be long and also complicated or succinct.

The digital photography contract guards against a photographer not completing their end of the deal. It likewise safeguards you from them taking your cash as well as running. It also permits you a legal entitlement to the solution you have paid for as well as additionally tells you what you are permitted to do with the pictures. The contract must additionally have an area connected which tells the photographer every one of the details of the wedding.

10. Does the photographer ask you regarding the pictures that you would like taken on the day, do they ask you regarding family relationships and household politics?

The photographer should ask you regarding the photographs that you would certainly such as on the day, a wedding is a great occasion that congregates lots of estranged family members and there is normally only this particular day to photo them all together. Several family members will be originating from much flung places as well as the photographer should know to get these important people.

A wedding is an extremely psychologically charged event and also the photographer must ask as well as understand about any type of possible issues between member of the family so they do not begin any kind of fights.

In addition to knowing every one of this, the photographer ought to ask for an intermediary within the wedding party, it's generally an usher from both sides of the family, some one who recognizes every one of the relative by view. Remember the photographer has possibly never ever fulfilled your household prior to so appointing them somebody that knows every person that will exist is vital to obtaining everybody you would certainly such as photographed in the right location at the correct time.

Everyone has a budget, try your ideal to extend that spending plan as well as publication a specialist photographer for as long as you can obtain them, you won't regret it.

Michelle Jones a professional photographer who likewise functions as well as owns works for Ludlow Photographer, being experts in Portrait, B2B as well as PR event editorial photography.

She has actually been taking specialist Photos for over one decade and is extremely applauded for her work. Michelle takes photos in both classic and also contemporary design.

 There is no way that you will never fall in love. The area is ideal considering that it promotes spectacular landscapes describing love and also stories of some sort. And if you have actually chosen the stunning Yard State to have your wedding held, the occasion should be recorded via working with an expert photographer. Any one of those angles making the occasion very unique will certainly make sure to be captured by a remarkable engagement photographer Asheville - these are those sensations of exhilaration for the wedding day, assurance, dedication as well as most specifically the primary factor that you are getting into the event -love.

There really is a need to advise those that are still gearing towards their special day, although it is important to think about wedding digital photography, it is also needed to capture those angles occurring during the engagement. It is necessary to made them understand that wedding occasion will sure to be made a lot more charming through the pictures taken during the involvement. Amongst the feasible things that could be done is to have a slide show discussion of collection of involvement photos throughout the wedding, wall surface of pictures at the function or enhancing the primary area with some of the picked images or a tarpaulin banner.

The couple can additionally capitalize on having any of the possible involvement tasks recorded. To name a few -practice session supper, cake sampling, stag parties, dress fitting, bridal shower as well as interaction party. In order nonetheless to have every one of the pictures be incorporated and conveniently settled, hiring one person or group is advised.

The typical and also can be anticipated shots that will be taken for an involvement digital photography are those when pairs are playfully chasing each other or posing a pleasant accept. The couple will certainly sure to be happy to flaunt their engagement fires with their best fits on as they take their positions in the beautiful views.

 When preparing any kind of wedding relevant occasion it is extremely important to pick certified, experienced experts. There are many different elements to think about when preparing for a wedding. This additionally consists of the entire engagement procedure. Although many people think of the wedding and also everything that enters into getting ready for the special day, a considerable quantity of time as well as effort is often provided to the involvement process. In several ways, the engagement procedure prepares pairs for their wedding in a variety of means.

Among one of the most essential facets of any kind of involvement or wedding is digital photography due to the fact that this is the method this very special day will certainly be tape-recorded. Often couples will work with an involvement photographer in order to tape their involvement procedure with the hopes of possibly using this particular photographer for their wedding. Due to the fact that the photographer is so extremely important, there are particular factors that couples ought to consider when trying to find a leading interaction photographer. These aspects consist of experience, testimonies as well as a pleasant demeanor.

Experience is one of one of the most important elements to think about when seeking a top marriage photographer. Although many individuals are seeking to cut expenses in regards to some elements of their wedding procedure which additionally includes the marriage, it is really important to consider just how experience affects the sorts of images that a couple obtains from their photographer. Experienced marriage digital photographers supply couples the assurance that they will have a paper or digital document of their engagement process. Furthermore, an experienced marriage photographer is additionally able to provide their clients different solutions that less skilled people are not efficient in providing in a reliable way. While all the skilled marital relationship photographer cost more to employ, in the long run it is worthwhile understanding that the pictures taken will certainly be of a particular criterion.

Testimonies are also an extra aspect to consider when looking for a top marital relationship photographer. One of the very best ways to determine whether or not to acquire solutions from a specialist is to consider the individual actions from their clients. This includes marriage professional photographers. Individuals are always ready to offer their individual viewpoint about the services that are supplied by such experts as professional photographers. This is particularly real when thinking about a special occasion such as a prom, unique event or involvement. It is very advised that pairs research study the reputations of the marital relationship photographers taken into consideration in order to identify whether their services are well obtained by the public. Carrying out a simple web search on the numerous marriage photographers can disclose essential information concerning the high quality of the services provided by professional marriage professional photographers.

Lastly, that the behavior of the specialist marriage photographer is really important. Couples seeking specialist photography solutions for their interaction and also wedding celebrations must look for a professional that combines both experience with the capability to associate with individuals. Generally, people tend to reply to individuals that have a favorable individuality. It is really difficult to obtain individuals to take photos when they feel uneasy. The photographer employed to take photos for involvement ought to be very easy to manage while likewise exhibiting professionalism and trust.

You've chosen your date, reserved your place and also started looking for dresses. Currently you're seeking a Asheville wedding photographer. There are a great deal of styles of wedding digital photography around, as well as while individuals in the sector might know these styles inside out they be confusing for couples. Bear in mind also that not just are you choosing a design of digital photography, however various types of wedding digital photography can make different needs on your time on your wedding.

Choosing the style of photography you desire at your wedding boils down to three things. What style of images you desire, how long you intend to invest with a photographer on your special day, as well as most importantly of all your own individuality and comfort before the cam.

There are plenty of various photography buzzwords available. Vintage, editorial, imaginative or modern are simply a couple of. Probably more confusingly they are used by various professional photographers in different methods. Eventually it depends on pairs to ask plenty of questions as well as do a lot of research study prior to choosing a photographer, as well as to rely upon seeing full set of images from finished weddings Do not count on the most effective five or six shots from a number of wedding events to decide.

Wedding digital photography designs are a concession between generating superb work as well as maintaining to a timetable. A photographer might create fantastic images, however if he takes as well long to generate them you probably will not enjoy the experience.

If you are reserved concerning having your image taken, wedding photojournalism is possibly your best option. The photography happens without you actually realizing and also you'll look your all-natural best.

Although these two methods may show up polar revers, actually most wedding photographers will certainly use a blend of these 2 designs. There are not many wedding photographers who don't shoot at the very least some official pictures and standard wedding photographers will shoot informal pictures too. Learn what percentage of each a photographer likes to shoot, and far better still inquire what they like to shoot one of the most - chances are this is what they are best at.

Classic Wedding Digital Photography

Classic wedding photography is a design that has been coming into vogue recently, but in great deals of means its a difficult one to evaluate. Vintage can mean anything from making use of old film electronic cameras during a few of the wedding to just a various method to upload production to create 'classic' looking digital files. There are some terrific photographers around, yet remember that if you are receiving files that are greatly edited in a certain style, you risk of your photos looking instead dated a few years later on. If I was employing a vintage style photographer, I personally would want a minimum of a few of the wedding shot on film, I'm not a significant fan of forging things. As always ask questions, see examples as well as make a notified choice.

Editorial Wedding Digital Photography

This wedding category is motivated by the style content of glossy publications, at it's best it can generate great high-end photos. To create this efficiently on a wedding the photographer needs to be highly organised, and would probably require an aide to aid set up some of the shots in advance, although that would depend upon his/her style. Do your study to make sure that the moment needs for this sort of shoot fit in with your plans. If you truly like this type of digital photography yet do not wish to commit too much time to it on your wedding, consider reserving a separate photo session after the wedding. Typically calls a trash or cherish the dress shoot, a separate picture session might be the very best way to obtain the special day you want and also the photographs you'll like without shedding a huge piece of your wedding. It also means that you and your photographer can pick the excellent time of day for the best light and also you have scope for rescheduling if it's putting with rainfall. In several countries, particularly the United States, high-end wedding digital photography is evolving towards 3 shoots: the involvement shoot, the wedding day, as well as a content session. Do not always think that it all has to be performed in eventually.

Artistic or Art Wedding Digital Photography

Essentially an advancement of traditional wedding digital photography, this type of digital photography uses a contemporary take on the traditional set of positioned photographs, although these are both terms that have actually been somewhat over used by the photo community, so again do your research. At its best this category can create relocating romantic images, but some professional photographers can over use the exact same poses, so it can feel a little bit impersonal. Ask to see great deals of shoots and do not hesitate to input your very own concepts at your pre-wedding meeting.

65 questions youre not used to

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you? not until now

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you? hm like a 3? i talk to spirits so sometimes i worry that they’re around

3. The person you would never want to meet? someone i used to know who things are now awkward with

4. What is your favorite word? oblong or shenanigans 

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be? idk like a mulberry tree

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought? that my hair was sticking up from my sleep

7. What shirt are you wearing? pink &  blue stipy crop

8. What do you label yourself as? flamboyant & eccentric 

9. Bright room or dark room? dark room

10. What were you doing at midnight last night? finishing infinity war or reading fanfic sjdfhjlkf

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far? 20

12. Who told you they loved you last? probably my old best friend dom

13. Your worst enemy? i dont really have any enemies. i try to get on with everyone or keep to myself if that’s not possible

14. What is your current desktop picture? a scene from kiki’s delivery service with a window near some greenery

15. Do you like someone? not romantically no. i only ever go to work and work romances are inappropriate

16. The last song you listened to? pussy is gof

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up? id like to say someone like trump, but i think his death wouldn’t really lead to much positive change. maybe a billionaire with an heir who would do better with what they have? i’lll have to research this

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face? nobody immediately springs to mind. 

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do? technically i’d make someone like jeff bezos my slave and then force him to give his money to the homeless, or to pay his workers a higher wage, or something to that anti-capitalist extent. maybe i’d force major ceos to try and combat global warming if it isnt too late

20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional) everyone says my eyes - and i do like them, but im inclined to say my hair. i love my hair so much

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do? id be super hot with colourings like zayn malik or rdj and id probably immediately jack off dsfjlkdsjfkl

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it? no serious answers come to mind

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of? asking people for a favour/for help. answering the phone when im not at work

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal. my subway usual! white bread, chicken stips with melted cheese, cucumber, capsicum, olives, jalepenos, honey mustard sauce, salt and pepper

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it? probably use it to save for a car, or to help fund dad’s trip to america/england that i got roped into having to pay for

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go? i have work tomorrow :/ but i guess if i could get out of that i’d go to greece or something?

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be? ive never had expensive alcohol so i’d probably get like a scotch whiskey or some usual vodka (but pre-mixed. i always puke when i mix vodka myself)

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place? YEEEESSSS, um first rule would be that everyone gets food/shelter/water for free. regardless of who you are. 

29. What is your favorite expletive? used to be shit, now i think it’s just fuck.

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno? my phone

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? g o d. i think i’d erase either my 18th birthday or the day we first moved into the house im living in now

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world! fuck yeah i’d go live with harry styles or someone in america or england or whatever. maybe canada. canada seems cool. 

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back? my mum’s father! i’ve always wanted to meet him. we have a lot in common from what i’m told (i was 2 when he died so i dont even remember him). but we’re both leos! we both love dancing and we both love music and singing (he was a musician. and music is like.....all i have). we both like cigarettes and swearing. we both had shit mothers. he seems a cool dude. he had that leo generosity and gave my mum a car and money when she needed it and i never had a good person/parent like that around and i’d love to know him and now im getting sad so. did not see that coming round the corner

34. What was your last dream about? this is going to sound weird but it was about this gross old fat dude sitting in a car next to me (i think my family started driving people around for money in my dream) and he started feeling me up and i told him off. 

35. Are you a good….[insert anything you’d like here]? person? artist? singer? student? worker? nope. im not good at much. 

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital? yeah twice that i can recall atm. once when i was 9 months for having a cyst on my ovary, and once when i was 19 for having gastro and puking non-stop.

37. Have you ever built a snowman? nah i wish. it doesnt snow in australia

38. What is the color of your socks? im not wearing any atm but the last pair i wore were red and black deadpool ones

39. What type of music do you like? GOD okay my answer is any type of music. but it has to be good. upbeat music? 

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets? sunsets

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor? vanilla or caramel

42. What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer) i dont give a shit about sports

43. Do you have any scars? yeah i have one on my lower stomach from the surgery i got for my ovary cyst, one on my right hand from opening a tin of tuna and slicing my hand immediately (i later got food poisoning), i have some embarrassing ass self harm scars on my thighs, and i think that’s it? 

44. What do you want to be when you graduate? well i graduate uni in just over a week (next saturday) and i have no clue. at the moment i just want to get a job that has a set amount of hours and a set/steady pay and doesnt make me anxious. a desk job that i’m not terrible at. then i can move out. and once im moved out i wont be in survival mode, and maybe then i can start dreaming. but for now im desperate enough to not even have dreams or wants. 

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? i would make me more assertive and less anxious. and a bit more funny. a bit more like an aries or a leo. i think i will be more like this when im moved out and secure with a consistent job and consistent living space. i havent had that for like 6 years.

46. Are you reliable? very

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be? god what a question. where should i work? and should i get a motorbike or a car? and id just ask for general advice

48. Do you hold grudges? absolutely. to be fair, i consider myself a very understanding and fair person, so it takes a lot to get me mad. but once im there, it’s usually justified and hard to change my mind. 

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create? like maybe a bird and a lion. imagine a flying lion. that’d be sick

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had? out of what immediately springs to mind i have 2 equally strong contenders: 1) me, introducing myself to a worker on the first day at my job - “hi, i’m ____ by the way. i don’t think i’ve introduced myself to you yet” “i know.” “oh! sorry haha im just really bad with names and faces haha” "yeah. we went to school together. *walks away*  2) coworker: so how many babies do you think we’ll have to sacrifice to get a bigger back room? me: ........at least 1 million coworker: 1 million? wow! i was thinking like 7! me: 7? wow i really went overboard there. but wait! what counts as a baby? are there age or weight restrictions or? coworker: hm i think it’s like anyone under the age of 4 me: oh under 4? so if you kill a 5 year old and sacrifice it, then you’ve just wasted a kill and it doesn’t count? coworker: yeah pretty much.....i’ve done that a few times, actually. their parents were not happy me: yeah i’d imagine just as much. imagine having to have that conversation with their parents like ‘uhh sorry about that’ coworker: yeah and it was all for nothing too

51. Are you a good liar? yes, when i know the people and situation well. i usually plan out my lies in advance, but for whatever reason im actually a better liar when im thinking on my feet and improvising the lies. have no idea how or why. 

52. How long could you go without talking? fucking forever. i’m great at talking, a very good conversationalist. but fuck i love not having to talk to people. it’s so much effort. 

53. What has been you worst haircut/style? my mum cut a fringe for me when i was 12. 

54. Have you ever baked your own cake? all the time! i love baking

55. Can you do any accents other than your own? nope

56. What do you like on your toast? vegemite, egg, honey & peanut butter, sometimes jam (mostly when im high)

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of? captain phasma

58. What would be you dream car? a 59 cadillac, or most ferraris 

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain. i dont usually sing in the shower, but i do enjoy a good shower dance routine

60. Do you believe in aliens? for sure! our universe is too huge and constantly expanding for there to be just us

61. Do you often read your horoscope? god you dont even want to know how much i fucking love astrology. astrology is my mind. it occupies about 1/3 of all my thoughts and i immediately try to figure out people’s signs within the first .... maybe 5 seconds of meeting them.

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet? maybe p or r or v

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons? dinosaurs

64. What do you think about babies? cute when they’re not mine and i can give them back to their mothers after 5 minutes

65. Freebie! Ask anything interesting you can think of.

Oh Hi!

Oh hey. Haha fuck I sound like my 6 year old self...”Oh hey diary! How are you? Sorry I havent written in a while..” But....yeah. I haven’t. So I think I have quite a few things to catch myself up on. 

I am not really sure if the reason I have’nt been writing. It think its a combination of being really busy (I moved, my cousin got married, my grandma Betty passed away, Ive been working two jobs pretty consistently, I’m still in acting classes, I’m trying to find a new agent) mixed with the fact that I am seeing a therapist once a week, so I guess a lot of the things that I would find myself writing about on here are being worked out with a professional in the real world. 

The trouble with being so busy, is everything kind of tends to feel like its coming at you at a warped hyper speed, you know? Like I feel like a lot of the time I dont have the luxury or the time to really process anything or be in the present moment because I’m too busy worrying about what needs to be done, or I am working....Its something that I have been trying to work on in therapy. I am also meditating before I go to sleep at night-trying to be present and also boost my self confidence. And when I finally DO have a minute to process things, I find myself being really tired and needing to lie down and close my eyes. Its really hard to find that time for me, and I am learning more and more that that time is something that I really need to find a way to prioritize. Finding time to just be with myself and not be distracted by thoughts of what I ‘should’ be doing or what I need to do in the next couple of days, you know? 

I also find myself getting a little sad and scared that I am too busy worrying and stressing and working myself so hard that I am missing out on moments that are more important...Like genuine time with myself or my friends. Really enjoying time in the moment with little things like the sun, blue skies, leaves blowing in the wind, reading a book, painting, writing, etc. 

Anyway..I guess that was just a really long winded way of me saying ‘I have been really busy’. 

So...I’ll just give a quick recap of the past couple of months. 

Okay, so I thiiiiiink I wrote about working on ‘Sacred Lies’ on my last post? But just in case, I will give a quick little refresher. So I got cast as an SOC principle character on a TV show about a cult...and my roommate Daniel actually got cast too, so it was really nice to have a carpool buddy and someone that I could talk to on set. But it turned out that I was actually okay on my own too. The cast was really nice and I ended up making some pretty cool friends with a couple of them. 

Its been prettttyyyy much dead for me since then though. So in terms of acting, I have been unemployed since April. And I knooowwww that I should feel liucky for the opportunity-AND I DO!!!. Its just, I am starting to feel a little antsy...and wanting to get back on something...anything!! I’ve said it many times before, but its really hard for a woman to navigate through this industry. And I’m not even a fuckin minority- I know I have white privelage, and I feel shitty saying this, but....Its been really tough for me as a woman in this industry in the past few months, man. 

Like. I am just going to rant here for a sec. Since Sacred Lies, Daniel has booked 3 more shows and has gone down to LA twice to see casting directors and shit. And I have had....maaayybe 3 auditions? I wanna say 2 of them were one liners. What reaaallllyyyy bothers me is that I can guarantee that these booking have NOTHING to do with his talent, or his resume (think I have spoken about his weird act-y voice and his horrible, narcissistic attitude). It all has to do with the fact that he is a tall, young looking white guy. THATS IT. 

The thing I dont understand about hollywood is this. They FINALLY make these HUGE blockbuster films starring women and people of colour like ‘Wonder Woman’ and ‘Black Panther’ and ‘Crazy Rich Asians’ and they all make MAAAADDD bank. They are so well received that they break box office records. Which absolutely makes sense because there are people who are FINALLY feeling represented and like they ACTUALLY see themselves in the characters on screen. But they still make so many films that have a 1. pro-dominantly white cast and 2. Most of the main characters are played by WHITE MEN. Like...How many Hollywood Rom-Coms have cast someone who identifies as First Nations as a lead? Someone who identifies as Middle Eastern? Muslim? Asian? Lesbian? Trans? Non-Binary? Truthfully, there are maaannny things about the injustices in this industry that I am not even aware of, and I could be overstepping my boundaries by saying all of this, but man. If I am feeling unrepresented and angry as a white woman, I cannot even IMAGINE how angry many of the minorities feel. Fuck it makes me so angry man.  Honestly, I could talk about this for hours until my head blows up or I throw my fucking computer across the room, so I am just going to stop there by saying this. More people of colour need to be cast (especially First Nations actors!!), more women need to be given larger roles and more women need to write, direct, produce, AD, edit, sound design-every single role in film needs more women. Period. 

Okay moving on. My cousin Alex got married this summer! Fuck that was emotional. The whole experience was just so lovely and happy and so much fun. She was married on the lake that we grew up spending our summers on. There was a lot of smoke from forest fires, but it was still so beautiful. Our family was there and it was amazing. I was Maid of Honour (My sister was supposed to be there as Co-maid of honour with me, but she was at school already, down in the states, so she couldn't be there.) and I was also the MC. I was really stressed about it at first, but once I had a few drinks in me, I felt better and had alot of fun (I think the guests had fun too...unless they were all just pretending to laugh at all of my jokes...). I gotta say though, I am not a huge fan of her husband. He’s not friendly, very needy and relies on her too much and their relationship reminded me a lot of what my parent’s looked like when I was growing up. Plus his family is fuckin trash (His bother and his brother’s girlfriend ended up getting in a huuggeee fight the night before the wedding and the cops were called, so Alex’s husband ended up calling her and asking her to come get her...) Anyway. Their relationship isn't any of my business...and as hard as it is to see someone I love be married to someone I dont particularly like or respect, I gotta let it be and hope for the best for her. 

My grandma Betty also recently passed. Which was very sad. I’ve experienced death and loss before, but it was when I was younger. This was the first time that I experienced death as an adult. When I think about how my sister and I got through what we did when we were kids, I just...I dont know how in the hell we did it. Becuase my grandma had dementia, and was very unwell and not herself, when I got the call, I was almost relieved. Obviously I was very sad. But I also felt strangely grateful for the time that I had with her and I also felt very lucky to have someone like her watching out over me. Like I FINALLY had someone in my corner. I still cant believe that she's gone. Saying that she ‘passed away’ is still so strange to say. 

Anyway...thats pretty much it. Lots of life happened in the past couple of months. Lots of crying, anxiety, laughs, reminiscing, hoping, meditating, painting, more crying, more anxiety...just lots of life man. 

I gotta say though, instead of ending this on a note of desperately hoping for ‘something good to happen’ by masking it with “manifesting”, I think I’m going to end it by saying this instead. 

I am going to take better care of myself. And be kinder to myself. I think that something good will come out of that regardless. Whether it be through acting or just my relationship with myself. For once in my life, I am going to take care of myself. Everything else comes secondary (at least for now) and will happen as its supposed to, according to the universe. 

And by saying that, by putting myself first, I think everything I have ever wanted for myself will come when its ready and in a healthier and more welcomed way. 

Okay. Thanks.