#and started crying bc im TOO EMOTIONAL ABOUT IT
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thinks about how jay and nya have different love languages so jay is the one constantly saying i love you and the one time nya says it back is when she’s SACRIFICING HERSELF TO SAVE HIM FROM DYING THE WRITERS WERE SO EVIL FOR THAT I AM ON THE FLOOR-
#i was organizing my legos and i just#picked up seabound nya and the jay minifig that i always keep together#and started crying bc im TOO EMOTIONAL ABOUT IT#agony#i havent finished crystalized yet either so they might hit me with more sadness and i am completely unaware#ninjago#lego ninjago#jay walker#nya jiang#nya smith#jaya#ninjago seabound#galaxyhantalks
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having the conflict of “rest is good” and “i hate being bedridden. i want to do things. but everything is Overwhelming and i’m tired, but not Tired Enough to keep sleeping”
#mysteriously had 2 AWFUL panic attacks already like hey body? whats up with that?#and my damn eyes hurt every time i start crying LOL#horrible week for emotions bc also lonely and inflicted with the gay yearning again#(trying to zone out about someone help take care of me while sick and then getting sad)#forgot my thermos at my desk too so im Dreading the headache of getting up
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Thinking about using the journal I got for writing my dad's eulogy for trying to process my grief with it. The letter from me I found in his lockbox is still in that front sleeve, along with one of the memorial folders they had at the funeral.
I think I don't want to write it all on here. I think I've talked about my emotions too much as of late.
#speculation nation#negative/#kind of. i guess.#the thing about grief is that it really just never ends.#so im done with the funeral. the time is over. here i am. hes dead. im alive. time to move on.#but it's not that simple. of course it's not.#but would my followers who followed me just for my writing even Care?#honestly surprised i havent lost more followers. or any? idk i havent been paying much attention to numbers#but i know it hasnt really gone down much if at all#i just feel. like im not the person that people initially followed.#and i dont know when im going to be that person again.#there's no enthusing here. anytime im making text posts it's about The Situation.#i wonder how evident my grief is to you all. i feel it in my every breath.#i havent been working yet i feel weak. it's hard to feel much at all.#either im existing and im helping with packing or im crying again bc i remembered my dad cant help me pick out a car now#(in the Vaguely In The Future me buying a used car idea. for after i get my license. whenever that is.)#or im crying bc of jackets or colognes or a letter in a lockbox or a stupid minions hat picture in a too-big frame#or laughing bc Dad In A Bag (his ashes are downstairs. im far too unbothered by their presence)#ive been having an... okay time. we watched Dune today and i started building a lego set. it was nice.#but im only ever Okay. emotions hard to access. interests certainly not accessible.#making it hard to be creative at all. im literally only going through the motions here.#theres no heart. i left it behind when i got that 2 am call and had to rush to the hospital to watch my dad die.#i left it behind when i touched his cold arm for the last time. when i walked out of that room & knew id never see him again.#i know a week is still far too soon to be over it. but im sick of feeling this way.#it still doesnt feel real. feels like im following the bad end route just to see. i should still be able to reload my past save.#but this is my life now. forever until the end. out of nowhere hes dead and hes never coming back#and it's just really fucking hard to care about just about Anything else right now.#i prommy im gonna use the journal next time i get the urge to vent about this. im sick of this crap too.
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haha ignore this i need to vent
i'm so fucking done i'm so fucking mad at everyone i'm pissed at my cousin for fucking me over i'm pissed at my clients for being fucking idiots i'm pissed at my city for NEVER HAVING WORKING FUCKING TRANSIT i'm not okay i'm so not fucking okay and i don't even have my fucking headphones bc they fell out of my jacket in my cousins STUPID FUCKING CAR THAT I BASICALLY PAY FOR BUT GOD FORBID SHE DRIVE ME HOME so now i get to spend over 2 hours (after i've spent 3 hours on transit/waiting for her this morning) on public transit to get home WITHOUT my music and my clothes are ruined with cat hair from my clients today so that's fucking great and OF COURSE everything in the fucking city is delayed bc WHY WOULD WE MAKE ANYTHING EASY FOR ME NO ITS FINE ILL JUST FUCKING SUFFER TO MAKE THINGA EASY FOR EVERYONE ELSE BECAUSE GODFORBID I GET TO CATCH A FUCKING BREAK
#no i'm not okay#i'm fuckimg crying on a train#that's on the LITERAL OPPOSITE END OF THE CITY FROM MY HOUSE#i spent just under 3 hours working today#and i'm spending over 5 hours getting to and from work#i'm so fucking done i'm so sick of being alive#holy fucking christ can ANYTHING not be fucking shit!!!!!!!#i hate being alive!!!!!!! i don't want to do this anymore!!!!!!!#and i can't even fucking kill myself bc god forbid the people in my life be sad#they can't lose me but they can fuck me over constantly!!!!!#god fuck i'm so fucking sick of this#i need a fucking break#humans aren't meant to work this much and im going to start actually commiting violence about it#tw suicide mention#personal rambles#ignore this#i'm just being too sensitive 🙃🙃🙃🙃#i'm just Letting My Emotions Control Me 🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃#disclaimer i'm safe i'm not actually at risk of hurting myself at all i promise#i just wanna die but i'm not gonna do anything
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i mean, i still don't actually talk to people, but my god getting back on tumblr has been so good for me. who knew interacting with people who share your interests could be so good for your mental health?
#the sense of community yall make me feel. im so emotional#most of my interests r. super niche so getting into a proper fandom where people interact and care about it???#like sure i don't talk to people but. yall are my friends. i dont feel so alone#like its so dumb but knowing even one (1) person might listen to my sewing ramblings because they WANT to is such a ????#it fills me with warm fuzzy feelings is the best way i can describe it#irl i always feel like i piss people off when i start going off about it but theyre too polite to like. not interact you know?#they aren't gonna tell me to shut up or anything but they would rather i did#but if i write a post on here. its entirely your choice to read it so if you do its bc you want to and the thought. that people want to#hear what i have to say??? in any capacity??? sobbing crying#nyxtalks
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what is it about finding paradise that always makes me fucking WEEP
#finally got to the final memory and jesus christ it always makes me so emotional :[#we are kindred spirits colin and i...... its why his arc just hits so close to home for me#i cant think about it too much or im gonna start crying again WAURGHHHH#EVERY TIME. EVERY TIME i get to this memory i just start weeping at some point#god. good fucking lord#um. good game or something. made this post bc i needed a moment
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oaughghhhh i love you murderbot
#fuck man#ive READ this book before but it still gets me!!!!!!#the way it cares abt all of its clients while still trying to maintain the facade of 'i dont give a shit about humans'#ok but you give a shit about YOUR humans tho. and yooure very protective of them.#and you got emotional when one of them wanted to hug you. and when they genuinely listen to you like youre your own independent person#art telling them to keep the comm link in case theyre within range again.... crying my eyes out#mb not saying goodbye to art bc then it would get emottional. god. me too buddy#starting rogue protocol now!!!! this is the one i stopped on last summer!!!! new territory!!!! im excited!!!!!#reaction time
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a moodboard.
#im so tired. borh emotionally and physically and i feel just like. so overstimulated#talked to my grandma. i havent talked to her in a few years because my dad made me feel like i had to isolate myself from his family. so#yeah. i had to walk away before she ended the call because i started crying abit. i just am so emotionally fragile i cant handle anything#i was fine after that. had an amazing day even#but right before i wrnt to recuperate in my room. like bc im so exhausted etc. my mom asked about my grandma#and i was like she sounded fine but my sister was saying she sounds different and that she needs to be in a wheelchair because the pain of#her spine cancer is too much and i just like. ywah i knew that i just literally dont have the emotional capacity or ability right now to#talk about it or be honest like that im just so. i dont know i had to leave again because i almost started crying#im coming to terms with the fact that i need to visit her and i want to its just. its going to be so hard#im just. how am i supposed to handle all this when im already so emotionally wrought.#ok i just made myself cry i need to sleep and calm down#i just need to. stop fucking thinking. for once in my life#jace.txt
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LEVIIII how was mcr i hope they were AMAZING :D
LITERALLY LIFE CHANGING i feel like a new man...... so so good thank you for asking!!!
#going to use this as an excuse to talk abt it ramble in the tags bc the stakes are low on here and i need to get it out of my system#absolutely no obligation for anyone to read this but#best night of my life ? i think#and definitely the best gig of my life bc it felt like so much more than just a concert. and how can any other gig compare to THAT#we had to travel up and stayed over night etc etc so it was a big thing bc of that but more so bc ITS MCR#very much part of the generation that was too young to see them when they were around and then they split#so i never thought i would get to experience this in my life#and they obviously mean so much to me / i've never stopped being emo / they're my fellow freaks#i always think about the time i was watching black parade is dead and my mum was like 'this is good bc you'll never be able to see them'#BUT THEN....#took a decade but WE DID SEE THEM WE HAVE SEEN THEM#we've seen gerard before and frank twice so its not even like a 'omg they're real' moment but it was still just. so overwhelming#(in the best way possible)#they started w foundations and it took about a minute before i started crying lol#and just continued to do so on and off for their entire set (2 hours!)#i just kept thinking abt how monumental it was to be seeing them and hearing these songs live#and hearing a whole stadium full of people singing along too. god#there's this video someone outside of the venue took where you can hear everyone singing along to wttbp and like. fuck man#my chemical romance#i just felt so appreciative and emotional i've never lived in the moment quite like that day and im trying really hard to carry on doing#that now and just living day to day#sounds so stupid but i don't care it genuinely made me want to be a better person and not want to wallow in my depression 24/7#the line in foundations when gerard says 'you must fix your heart and you must build an altar where it rests'#maybe i don't have to kill myself. maybe life can just be trivial and these small joys are enough. maybe
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.
#hhhhhh fuck im thinkin about c77 and how i gotta play it again#but im literally gonna fucking cry like a baby#i gotta finish my streetkid fem v and nomad male v still#i gotta start the phantom liberty quests#bUT IM BABY AND IM GONNA CRY#it makes me feel too many emotions#just the 'cause we lost every thing. we had to pay the price' that i just typed has me tearing up#im such a big crybaby when it comes to death#i cant handle it#but its such a good fucking story ugh fuck#maybe ill boot it up and finish kerrys quests since at least i know that ends on a fun note#just ughh#even kerrys quests kill me tho bc hes only into v for johnny#I DIE OKAy i m ded this game killed me lmao#vent#delete later / /#i guess bc this has no point i just needed to vent bc im a big baby who cant handle big emotions#i still havent watched ttgl its been right next to me for like a week and im too baby bc i know ill feel too many emotions#..from enjoying it too much lol#i cry seriously i cant consume media its too much flavour all at once
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I love studying space flight and the history of sending animals into space, but I cannot read too much on it or else I get gripped with an intense, painful empathy for these animals
Gordo the spider monkey survived being launched into space. survived being in space. survived reentering the earths atmosphere. and died somewhere between the landing, and the vessel being lost in the ocean.
imagine being launched into the sky, experiencing weightlessness, and surviving crashing down. only to drown as the thing that kept you safe on your journey up becomes your permanent prison.
#dont even get me started on felicette#im less emotional now about the need to euthanize her for scientific data#but if i think too hard about it i start crying#they picked her bc shes sweet and friendly and calm. they picked her because she was perfect#and she didnt know the prize she won was a curse in disguise#im sick
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Turns out depressed mood has won out
#speculation nation#negative/#sitting outside for a bit. bc i just... need to decompress.#not crying or anything. just. felt wound up a bit too tight.#didnt. actually tell anyone where i was going. whoops.#i need to go back inside before too long. but it's a lot of sitting and a lot of remembering.#im not very good at that part.#i really am not graceful when it comes to Any emotions now that i think about it.#me dressed in all black sitting in the shadow of a funeral home#within view of the road. like art in motion.#i dont know. being a glaring marker of this location's purpose is still somehow better than being surrounded by people.#im just. exhausted. and the service still has yet to start.#and i am so. fucking. sick. of wearing a dress.#as soon as i get out of this shit im gonna manspread to the extreme. fuck being lady-like.#... i probably will need to go back inside soon. but maybe just a few more minutes out here...#being outside always helps me decompress. there's just something about fresh air and open sky that makes it feel like things will be ok#things just dont feel real right now. it doesnt feel real. i dont know if it will ever feel real.#i hate living through death. i really do.
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#vent#i had a lot of tags typed out but idk#long story short i wish my parents paid more attention to me#that sounds so weird to say lmao#i have a coworker who can make me cry on demand if she says something nice and encouraging to me#and i had to make a very scary phone call at work today and cried for like 20 minutes straight while trying super hard to stop lol#i cried a) bc of the call b) bc my coworkers were being nice and motherly to me and c) bc i was humiliated#and then ofc the coworker that makes me cry all the times sees right through all the fucking facades and says#''just remember that there is nothing shameful about being emotional'' like. okay. just adopt me while you're at it#like a single word from this woman literally turns me into a scared 12 year old again and she absolutely knows it#idk what this post is about#i wish i didn't have the emotional maturity of a scared 12 year old#like im trying very hard to be professional and not get too attached bc i get paid dogshit#but. :(#once i start tearing up it is over for me for like. 20 min MINIMUM. usually more like an hour#i do not just ''stop crying''#i have too many chemicals in my brain all the time and they have to come out !#wish I could hear encouraging words from mother figures without bursting into fucking tears though#is there a way to train myself to stop crying so easily without like. causing irreparable emotional damage lol#cause its quite inconvenient
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@culthidden ♥ ‘d
*✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: ─── 🔪 She is silent, her mind is so focused on the papers scattered along her desk she does not process the fact the door to the bottom apartment had opened and shut. No breeze shuffling her papers, nor sound of expensive shoes could pull her brain from staring at the photographs in front of her. She should not be here this late, past 4 am. To be honest, her mind should be consumed on their next podcast episode but instead her heart is stuck in the place of her hometown. Perhaps moving back was a mistake, setting up here was a mistake but the content, the money, what the listeners wanted weighed s much more than her own well being.
She recognized how unhealthy that was but to bottle things up, shove them down and just wait until these odd hours and get consumed by the demons of her past was the only way to cope. If childhood in Barren Falls taught her anything it was be kind, remember your place and blend in with the walls. Things were simply, easier that way especially with the near fact her family was killed over two decades ago. Unclosed cases, not understanding how the dots connected and nothing else like this ever happening in her town always made her heart ache, her brain hurt.
For a moment, just the second her eyes flickered closed to relieve the pain of tears welling she felt herself back in her bedroom. Eight years old stuck under her bed with all the stuffed animals she had as blood splattered from across the hallway onto her cheek and across her floor. The feeling of her brother's cold hands when she tried to wake him up and the sticky wetness of her night gown pressed to her skin and her hair pressed to her face because of his blood.
The sudden feeling of hands on her shoulder cause her to nearly fall out of her desk chair. A small scream was let out of her mouth before she quickly covered it. The pain and hurt quickly replaced by fear and then annoyance as she turned her head. A familar watch in her gaze before a shake of her head. ❝Why are you here so early?❞ While she was annoyed at the constant fear he seemed to find hilarious she was grateful for the distraction. The scares from her friends were constantly the only thing to bring her feet back to the ground when she floated away into bad memories or worst case scenarios. She took a moment before lightly placing her hand on his and for a moment she let it linger, just a second before she pushed it off the back of her seat. ❝ If you want to give me a heart attack were going to the edge of the forest at the end of the week you could wait till then.❞
She placed the photographs of her own trauma away into a file and tucked it into a cabinet on the side of her desk before she rose from her seat. Her arms rose above her head before she turned to face him. Dark circles underneath her eyes from moving all of her things to setting up the office and finishing the research she hadn't slept in a day or so. But, if she was being honest she was afraid to sleep here. Of what lurked in the dark corners of this place Vinnie seemed so at ease with. In fact, at the moment she was so envious of how he looked her gaze fell as she shifted past him arm brushed against his as she grabbed the coffee pot from the corner of the room and a new foam cup. ❝ I was about to go take a nap for an hour so, if you need something nows the best time to ask.❞
#culthidden#IM CRYING#THE EARLY STUFF BEFORE THEY GET TOGETHER MAKES MY HEART SO SJKAHFJKHAFHJKDS#Mallory knows what she is doing too#but she feels a lot of guilt because she thinks#at least at this point in time HE DOESNT LIKE HER PAST A BOSS AND CO-WORKER#So she is just like#there is something wrong with me he is like my best friend#and i work with him i need to stop#but she cant help it bc he makes her heart soar and makes her feel so safe#I REALLY NEED THOSE MOMENTS TOO#WHERE THEY FIRST START FILMING#IN BARREN TOGETHER AGAIN AND ITS JUST THE TWO OF THEM#AND SHE FREAKS OUT AND HE JUST#He makes sure she is okay after he scares the shit out of her#and she just holds him really tight and IM CONVINCED#The first time they record something together she is like you are literally the only reason i feel#safe her right now and then she looks down and turns bright red#and just walks the other way bc she is like NO I EXPOSED MY SELF#im v emotional about them im so sorry#i have so many new thoughts#*✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ:─── 👻 arc one.
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heaven - OP81 - part 2
pairings: oscar piastri x private!secret!reader (fc: gracie abrams)
summary: a very sweet softlaunch ends pretty quickly
authors notes: first of all a huge thank you to everyone who has liked, reblogged and taken the time to read my works it means so much to me and im so so grateful!! next, this is something i made at 1am so please bear with me😭. i am working on the lando and charles stories i PROMISE but i want them to be special and i currently have zero thoughts about where to take them so it might be a while🫣 also i almost finished this when tumblr DELETED IT?? i want to cry😁 ALSO i started this at like 1am and i cant be asked to do tweets rn so insta smau it is
part 1 part 3 masterlist
yourusername
liked by yourfriend2, user7 and 583 others
ahahah i love the beach and my friends
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yourfriend2: dont be fooled she called me crying after the fourth photo bcs she lost 5 games of uno in a row
yourusername: i called you in confidence and this is how you repay me??
user6: its fine we know how emotional uno can get😁
yourusername: ??
user7: im so single hahahahhaa (im dying inside)
user10: is it confirmed that this is oscar?
user9: im not being funny but oscar doesnt even follow her so i think yous are just reaching
user10: …they have the same dog??
yourfriend6: might aswell post his face at this point
yourusername: leave me aloneeee im having fun!!
oscarpiastri
liked by clementnovalak, paularon_ and 93,357 others
second part of the season incoming 😁👊 (after a very competitive round of uno)
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user7: ready to see you up on the podium🧡
user10: uno you say?
user3: right could they be more obvious😭
yourusername: its race week babyyy
*liked by oscarpiastri*
user17: literally what is happening why are all of the grid softlaunching😭
user8: and why does it always end in the hardest of launches
yourusername and oscarpiastri added to their stories
yourfriend2: 😭😭
yourusername: i am sick and tired i just want to POST him but softlaunches are so fun😔
yourfriend2: its really fun when everyone already knows?
yourusername: no but we are in too deep now☹️
user6: god you guys are insufferable
user23: JUST POST THE CUTE COUPLE PHOTOS ALREADY
user23: i lied please dont im so single it hurts
yourusername
liked by oscarpiastri, landonorris and 6,572 others
the world through my eyes☀️
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oscarpiastri: i love you sososo much
oscarpiastri: my favorite person in the entire world
yourusername: ur literally my sunshine🫶
yourfriend1: god you make me SICK
yourusername: ..okay😁 oscarpiastri i love youuu🤭
landonorris: i hate people in love (you guys are very cute)
user10: THE NOTE OH
user18: THE HARDEST OF LAUNCHES HAPPENED
user7: he is her world oh my lord
user63: and the fact that hes her sunshine too😭😭
user63: literally crying myself to sleep
oscarpiastri
liked by danielricciardo, yourusername and 143,572 others
my happiness
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yourusername: teheehee thats me🤭
yourusername: i LOVE YOUUU
yourusername: i didnt know you took photos of me like this☹️
oscarpiastri: of course your my favorite🧡
yourusername: oh could you get any cuter🫠
yourfriend4: thought you should know yn is currently jumping up and down and giggling while looking at this
user23: I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU NOT TO POST THESE?? I CANT HANDLE THIS??
user8: god really saw me sad and said ‘heres the happiest and best couple, wallow more’
user16: YOU GUYS ARE LITERALLY THE CUTEST?? THE NOTES?? THE POSTS??
user1: i cant stand people in love (i want to cry and drown in my tears)
yourusername: oh my god im so obsessed with you
oscarpiastri: i loooove youuu
oscarpiastri added to their story
yourusername: ahhhhh im so☹️
yourusername: osc☹️☹️ur literally the cutest thing to exist
yourusername: my boys🫶🫶
yoursusername: im so in love with you sunshine☀️
oscarpiastri: love you, thank you for showing me happiness🤍
#f1 instagram au#f1 smau#f1 social media au#f1 x reader#formula 1 insta au#formula 1 social media au#social media au#oscar piastri x reader#oscar piastri#private!yn!oscar
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hey bff! can u do percy x a daughter of psyche? who has the gift of empathy and can heal emotional pain, but it drains her so percy is really protective!
⋆⭒˚.⋆ percy jackson x daughter of psyche! reader hcs
content: percy jackson x daughter of psyche! reader hcs
warning: none this one is too soft for any warnings
author's note: okay okay i did my research on psyche for this one and just...awwwwwww wtf its so sweet her and eros like wtfffffff why can't i have a tragic greek love yall doom me with the narrative i beg
you have bewitched him, body and soul
drawn in instantly
im sorry but you would be too if you heard of a girl that could basically heal all of your trauma
very popular among the demigods for that reason
borderline harassed and forced into help ease the emotional pain that a lot of them suffer from
and you wanted to help, truly you did, but it was hard when it took so much out of you
but you just pushed through, wanting the others to feel peace even if it cost you your own
you did it out of your cabin, as you knew chiron would try and stop you, scheduling times for them to sneak in and out
you were on your eight demigod of the day, your vision fuzzy but your hands out stretched as you needed a point of contact to heal them
but then instead of grasping your hands, the fuzzy blob in front of you gripped your shoulders
you could just make out dark hair and what looked to be green eyes before your body gave out on you
after what felt like hours, your eyes fluttered open, and you could feel your ladybug pillowpet under your head, which you turned towards the door of your cabin
there percy stood, shooing away another camper
"but-"
"look at her. she'll kill herself to keep you all happy. let her rest. i won't ask again," percy hissed before closing the door, shaking his head as he approaching you, kneeling beside your bed
"welcome back to the land of the living."
"who was that? are they alright?! i'm sure i could-"
"and i'm sure you could, too. but i won't let ya. you're off for the rest of the week," percy argued and raised a brow at you as you opened your mouth to argue.
you swallowed your argument, nodding your head and offering him a soft smile, which he returned
that was the first time you met and from that point on, it was hard to find one without the other
it got worse once you two started dating
percy might as well have glued his hand into your back pocket of your jeans, as it seemed to never leave
and no matter how much you offer, percy refuses to let you use your powers on him
he thinks it would be an abuse of his position as boyfriend
what he doesn't know, is while he sleeps with his head in your lap and you comb your fingers through his dark hair, you do little spurts of it
nothing major or serious enough for him to notice, but just to give him a little peace of mind here and there
but, for her birthday, once everyone else had left, you offered your services up to sally
percy had told you enough about gabe to leave you, every the pacificist, raging and seething with anger
sally was hesitant but agreed, you two sitting criss cross apple sauce in her bedroom on some rug paul had insisted on
you took her hands into yours and talked through the process, which you typically didn't do with the demigods
you walked her through her own emotions, why she was feeling that, why she dealt with that the way she did, how she might do better next time
you were both crying not even half way through
she pulled you into the tightest hug after, thanking you so many times you lost count
then she sent you home with a boat load of cookies, which she made percy swear on his father not to steal
you were sweet enough to give him a third of your ration, but that's it!! (he ended up with a half, bc you love that boy far too much)
he finds it very amusing to be like 'she's an empath ' at inappropriate times
"she just killed two monsters"
"she's an empath"
"percy! you're girlfriend is crying bc mr. d won't give her another marshmallow!"
"what can i say, she's an empath."
"hey, is that your girlfriend?? she's currently hugging a tree and refuses to let go because she thinks it was a lover in a past life."
"she's an empath- wait, what?"
idk but you are very jane austen coded, you just are
soft and ancient loves are sooooo you!!
those kind of loves where their souls are clearly tied in a neat little bow
percy buys you all those fancy cover versions of the books, making sure they match your aesthetic and all the things
just a boy being protective over his soft babygirl idk what to tell you
#postcards from covey ౨ৎ#all my love ౨ৎ#pjo#pjo fandom#hoo#percy jackon and the olympians#percy jackson#percy jackson x reader
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