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#and started crying bc im TOO EMOTIONAL ABOUT IT
axolotleo · 1 year
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thinks about how jay and nya have different love languages so jay is the one constantly saying i love you and the one time nya says it back is when she’s SACRIFICING HERSELF TO SAVE HIM FROM DYING THE WRITERS WERE SO EVIL FOR THAT I AM ON THE FLOOR-
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verysmallcyborg · 3 months
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having the conflict of “rest is good” and “i hate being bedridden. i want to do things. but everything is Overwhelming and i’m tired, but not Tired Enough to keep sleeping”
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orcelito · 2 months
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Thinking about using the journal I got for writing my dad's eulogy for trying to process my grief with it. The letter from me I found in his lockbox is still in that front sleeve, along with one of the memorial folders they had at the funeral.
I think I don't want to write it all on here. I think I've talked about my emotions too much as of late.
#speculation nation#negative/#kind of. i guess.#the thing about grief is that it really just never ends.#so im done with the funeral. the time is over. here i am. hes dead. im alive. time to move on.#but it's not that simple. of course it's not.#but would my followers who followed me just for my writing even Care?#honestly surprised i havent lost more followers. or any? idk i havent been paying much attention to numbers#but i know it hasnt really gone down much if at all#i just feel. like im not the person that people initially followed.#and i dont know when im going to be that person again.#there's no enthusing here. anytime im making text posts it's about The Situation.#i wonder how evident my grief is to you all. i feel it in my every breath.#i havent been working yet i feel weak. it's hard to feel much at all.#either im existing and im helping with packing or im crying again bc i remembered my dad cant help me pick out a car now#(in the Vaguely In The Future me buying a used car idea. for after i get my license. whenever that is.)#or im crying bc of jackets or colognes or a letter in a lockbox or a stupid minions hat picture in a too-big frame#or laughing bc Dad In A Bag (his ashes are downstairs. im far too unbothered by their presence)#ive been having an... okay time. we watched Dune today and i started building a lego set. it was nice.#but im only ever Okay. emotions hard to access. interests certainly not accessible.#making it hard to be creative at all. im literally only going through the motions here.#theres no heart. i left it behind when i got that 2 am call and had to rush to the hospital to watch my dad die.#i left it behind when i touched his cold arm for the last time. when i walked out of that room & knew id never see him again.#i know a week is still far too soon to be over it. but im sick of feeling this way.#it still doesnt feel real. feels like im following the bad end route just to see. i should still be able to reload my past save.#but this is my life now. forever until the end. out of nowhere hes dead and hes never coming back#and it's just really fucking hard to care about just about Anything else right now.#i prommy im gonna use the journal next time i get the urge to vent about this. im sick of this crap too.
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sga-owns-my-soul · 6 months
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haha ignore this i need to vent
i'm so fucking done i'm so fucking mad at everyone i'm pissed at my cousin for fucking me over i'm pissed at my clients for being fucking idiots i'm pissed at my city for NEVER HAVING WORKING FUCKING TRANSIT i'm not okay i'm so not fucking okay and i don't even have my fucking headphones bc they fell out of my jacket in my cousins STUPID FUCKING CAR THAT I BASICALLY PAY FOR BUT GOD FORBID SHE DRIVE ME HOME so now i get to spend over 2 hours (after i've spent 3 hours on transit/waiting for her this morning) on public transit to get home WITHOUT my music and my clothes are ruined with cat hair from my clients today so that's fucking great and OF COURSE everything in the fucking city is delayed bc WHY WOULD WE MAKE ANYTHING EASY FOR ME NO ITS FINE ILL JUST FUCKING SUFFER TO MAKE THINGA EASY FOR EVERYONE ELSE BECAUSE GODFORBID I GET TO CATCH A FUCKING BREAK
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arsenicflame · 1 year
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i mean, i still don't actually talk to people, but my god getting back on tumblr has been so good for me. who knew interacting with people who share your interests could be so good for your mental health?
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kordbot · 6 months
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what is it about finding paradise that always makes me fucking WEEP
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oaughghhhh i love you murderbot
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biolums · 1 year
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a moodboard.
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johnfdonovan · 2 years
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LEVIIII how was mcr i hope they were AMAZING :D
LITERALLY LIFE CHANGING i feel like a new man...... so so good thank you for asking!!!
#going to use this as an excuse to talk abt it ramble in the tags bc the stakes are low on here and i need to get it out of my system#absolutely no obligation for anyone to read this but#best night of my life ? i think#and definitely the best gig of my life bc it felt like so much more than just a concert. and how can any other gig compare to THAT#we had to travel up and stayed over night etc etc so it was a big thing bc of that but more so bc ITS MCR#very much part of the generation that was too young to see them when they were around and then they split#so i never thought i would get to experience this in my life#and they obviously mean so much to me / i've never stopped being emo / they're my fellow freaks#i always think about the time i was watching black parade is dead and my mum was like 'this is good bc you'll never be able to see them'#BUT THEN....#took a decade but WE DID SEE THEM WE HAVE SEEN THEM#we've seen gerard before and frank twice so its not even like a 'omg they're real' moment but it was still just. so overwhelming#(in the best way possible)#they started w foundations and it took about a minute before i started crying lol#and just continued to do so on and off for their entire set (2 hours!)#i just kept thinking abt how monumental it was to be seeing them and hearing these songs live#and hearing a whole stadium full of people singing along too. god#there's this video someone outside of the venue took where you can hear everyone singing along to wttbp and like. fuck man#my chemical romance#i just felt so appreciative and emotional i've never lived in the moment quite like that day and im trying really hard to carry on doing#that now and just living day to day#sounds so stupid but i don't care it genuinely made me want to be a better person and not want to wallow in my depression 24/7#the line in foundations when gerard says 'you must fix your heart and you must build an altar where it rests'#maybe i don't have to kill myself. maybe life can just be trivial and these small joys are enough. maybe
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coridallasmultipass · 2 months
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foolsdiamond · 3 months
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I love studying space flight and the history of sending animals into space, but I cannot read too much on it or else I get gripped with an intense, painful empathy for these animals
Gordo the spider monkey survived being launched into space. survived being in space. survived reentering the earths atmosphere. and died somewhere between the landing, and the vessel being lost in the ocean.
imagine being launched into the sky, experiencing weightlessness, and surviving crashing down. only to drown as the thing that kept you safe on your journey up becomes your permanent prison.
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orcelito · 9 months
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Turns out depressed mood has won out
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depresseddepot · 1 year
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cultexposed · 2 years
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                                          @culthidden​  ♥ ‘d
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*✧・゚:*✧・゚:    ───    🔪                She  is  silent,  her  mind  is  so  focused  on  the  papers  scattered  along  her  desk  she  does  not  process  the  fact  the  door  to  the  bottom  apartment  had  opened  and  shut.  No  breeze  shuffling  her  papers,  nor  sound  of  expensive  shoes  could  pull  her  brain  from  staring  at  the  photographs  in  front  of  her.  She  should  not  be  here  this  late,  past  4  am.  To  be  honest,  her  mind  should  be  consumed  on  their  next  podcast  episode  but  instead  her  heart  is  stuck  in  the  place  of  her  hometown.  Perhaps  moving  back  was  a  mistake,  setting  up  here  was  a  mistake  but  the  content,  the  money,  what  the  listeners  wanted  weighed  s  much  more  than  her  own  well  being. She  recognized  how  unhealthy  that  was  but  to  bottle  things  up,  shove  them  down  and  just  wait  until  these  odd  hours  and  get  consumed  by  the  demons  of  her  past  was  the  only  way  to  cope.  If  childhood  in  Barren  Falls  taught  her  anything  it  was  be  kind,  remember  your  place  and  blend  in  with  the  walls.  Things  were  simply,  easier  that  way  especially  with  the  near  fact  her  family  was  killed  over  two  decades  ago.  Unclosed  cases,  not  understanding  how  the  dots  connected  and  nothing  else  like  this  ever  happening  in  her  town  always  made  her  heart  ache,  her  brain  hurt.
For  a  moment,  just  the  second  her  eyes  flickered  closed  to  relieve  the  pain  of  tears  welling  she  felt  herself  back  in  her  bedroom.  Eight  years  old  stuck  under  her  bed  with  all  the  stuffed  animals  she  had  as  blood  splattered  from  across  the  hallway  onto  her  cheek  and  across  her  floor.  The  feeling  of  her  brother's  cold  hands  when  she  tried  to  wake  him  up  and  the  sticky  wetness  of  her  night  gown  pressed  to  her  skin  and  her  hair  pressed  to  her  face  because  of  his  blood.    
The  sudden  feeling  of  hands  on  her  shoulder  cause  her  to  nearly  fall  out  of  her  desk  chair.  A  small  scream  was  let  out  of  her  mouth  before  she  quickly  covered  it.  The  pain  and  hurt  quickly  replaced  by  fear  and  then  annoyance  as  she  turned  her  head.  A  familar  watch  in  her  gaze  before  a  shake  of  her  head.    ❝Why  are  you  here  so  early?❞        While  she  was  annoyed  at  the  constant  fear  he  seemed  to  find  hilarious  she  was  grateful  for  the  distraction.  The  scares  from  her  friends  were  constantly  the  only  thing  to  bring  her  feet  back  to  the  ground  when  she  floated  away  into  bad  memories  or  worst  case  scenarios.  She  took  a  moment  before  lightly  placing  her  hand  on  his  and  for  a  moment  she  let  it  linger,  just  a  second  before  she  pushed  it  off  the  back  of  her  seat.      ❝  If  you  want  to  give  me  a  heart  attack  were  going  to  the  edge  of  the  forest  at  the  end  of  the  week  you  could  wait  till  then.❞
She  placed  the  photographs  of  her  own  trauma  away  into  a  file  and  tucked  it  into  a  cabinet  on  the  side  of  her  desk  before  she  rose  from  her  seat.  Her  arms  rose  above  her  head  before  she  turned  to  face  him.  Dark  circles  underneath  her  eyes  from  moving  all  of  her  things  to  setting  up  the  office  and  finishing  the  research  she  hadn't  slept  in  a  day  or  so.  But,  if  she  was  being  honest  she  was  afraid  to  sleep  here.  Of  what  lurked  in  the  dark  corners  of  this  place  Vinnie  seemed  so  at  ease  with.  In  fact,  at  the  moment  she  was  so  envious  of  how  he  looked  her  gaze  fell  as  she  shifted  past  him  arm  brushed  against  his  as  she  grabbed  the  coffee  pot  from  the  corner  of  the  room  and  a  new  foam  cup.      ❝  I  was  about  to  go  take  a  nap  for  an  hour  so,  if  you  need  something  nows  the  best  time  to  ask.❞
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81folklore · 8 months
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heaven - OP81 - part 2
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pairings: oscar piastri x private!secret!reader (fc: gracie abrams)
summary: a very sweet softlaunch ends pretty quickly
authors notes: first of all a huge thank you to everyone who has liked, reblogged and taken the time to read my works it means so much to me and im so so grateful!! next, this is something i made at 1am so please bear with me😭. i am working on the lando and charles stories i PROMISE but i want them to be special and i currently have zero thoughts about where to take them so it might be a while🫣 also i almost finished this when tumblr DELETED IT?? i want to cry😁 ALSO i started this at like 1am and i cant be asked to do tweets rn so insta smau it is
part 1 part 3 masterlist
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yourusername
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liked by yourfriend2, user7 and 583 others
ahahah i love the beach and my friends
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yourfriend2: dont be fooled she called me crying after the fourth photo bcs she lost 5 games of uno in a row
yourusername: i called you in confidence and this is how you repay me??
user6: its fine we know how emotional uno can get😁
yourusername: ??
user7: im so single hahahahhaa (im dying inside)
user10: is it confirmed that this is oscar?
user9: im not being funny but oscar doesnt even follow her so i think yous are just reaching
user10: …they have the same dog??
yourfriend6: might aswell post his face at this point
yourusername: leave me aloneeee im having fun!!
oscarpiastri
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liked by clementnovalak, paularon_ and 93,357 others
second part of the season incoming 😁👊 (after a very competitive round of uno)
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user7: ready to see you up on the podium🧡
user10: uno you say?
user3: right could they be more obvious😭
yourusername: its race week babyyy
*liked by oscarpiastri*
user17: literally what is happening why are all of the grid softlaunching😭
user8: and why does it always end in the hardest of launches
yourusername and oscarpiastri added to their stories
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yourfriend2: 😭😭
yourusername: i am sick and tired i just want to POST him but softlaunches are so fun😔
yourfriend2: its really fun when everyone already knows?
yourusername: no but we are in too deep now☹️
user6: god you guys are insufferable
user23: JUST POST THE CUTE COUPLE PHOTOS ALREADY
user23: i lied please dont im so single it hurts
yourusername
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liked by oscarpiastri, landonorris and 6,572 others
the world through my eyes☀️
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oscarpiastri: i love you sososo much
oscarpiastri: my favorite person in the entire world
yourusername: ur literally my sunshine🫶
yourfriend1: god you make me SICK
yourusername: ..okay😁 oscarpiastri i love youuu🤭
landonorris: i hate people in love (you guys are very cute)
user10: THE NOTE OH
user18: THE HARDEST OF LAUNCHES HAPPENED
user7: he is her world oh my lord
user63: and the fact that hes her sunshine too😭😭
user63: literally crying myself to sleep
oscarpiastri
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liked by danielricciardo, yourusername and 143,572 others
my happiness
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yourusername: teheehee thats me🤭
yourusername: i LOVE YOUUU
yourusername: i didnt know you took photos of me like this☹️
oscarpiastri: of course your my favorite🧡
yourusername: oh could you get any cuter🫠
yourfriend4: thought you should know yn is currently jumping up and down and giggling while looking at this
user23: I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU NOT TO POST THESE?? I CANT HANDLE THIS??
user8: god really saw me sad and said ‘heres the happiest and best couple, wallow more’
user16: YOU GUYS ARE LITERALLY THE CUTEST?? THE NOTES?? THE POSTS??
user1: i cant stand people in love (i want to cry and drown in my tears)
yourusername: oh my god im so obsessed with you
oscarpiastri: i loooove youuu
oscarpiastri added to their story
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yourusername: ahhhhh im so☹️
yourusername: osc☹️☹️ur literally the cutest thing to exist
yourusername: my boys🫶🫶
yoursusername: im so in love with you sunshine☀️
oscarpiastri: love you, thank you for showing me happiness🤍
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hey bff! can u do percy x a daughter of psyche? who has the gift of empathy and can heal emotional pain, but it drains her so percy is really protective!
⋆⭒˚.⋆ percy jackson x daughter of psyche! reader hcs
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content: percy jackson x daughter of psyche! reader hcs warning: none this one is too soft for any warnings author's note: okay okay i did my research on psyche for this one and just...awwwwwww wtf its so sweet her and eros like wtfffffff why can't i have a tragic greek love yall doom me with the narrative i beg
you have bewitched him, body and soul
drawn in instantly
im sorry but you would be too if you heard of a girl that could basically heal all of your trauma
very popular among the demigods for that reason
borderline harassed and forced into help ease the emotional pain that a lot of them suffer from
and you wanted to help, truly you did, but it was hard when it took so much out of you
but you just pushed through, wanting the others to feel peace even if it cost you your own
you did it out of your cabin, as you knew chiron would try and stop you, scheduling times for them to sneak in and out
you were on your eight demigod of the day, your vision fuzzy but your hands out stretched as you needed a point of contact to heal them
but then instead of grasping your hands, the fuzzy blob in front of you gripped your shoulders
you could just make out dark hair and what looked to be green eyes before your body gave out on you
after what felt like hours, your eyes fluttered open, and you could feel your ladybug pillowpet under your head, which you turned towards the door of your cabin
there percy stood, shooing away another camper
"but-"
"look at her. she'll kill herself to keep you all happy. let her rest. i won't ask again," percy hissed before closing the door, shaking his head as he approaching you, kneeling beside your bed
"welcome back to the land of the living."
"who was that? are they alright?! i'm sure i could-"
"and i'm sure you could, too. but i won't let ya. you're off for the rest of the week," percy argued and raised a brow at you as you opened your mouth to argue.
you swallowed your argument, nodding your head and offering him a soft smile, which he returned
that was the first time you met and from that point on, it was hard to find one without the other
it got worse once you two started dating
percy might as well have glued his hand into your back pocket of your jeans, as it seemed to never leave
and no matter how much you offer, percy refuses to let you use your powers on him
he thinks it would be an abuse of his position as boyfriend
what he doesn't know, is while he sleeps with his head in your lap and you comb your fingers through his dark hair, you do little spurts of it
nothing major or serious enough for him to notice, but just to give him a little peace of mind here and there
but, for her birthday, once everyone else had left, you offered your services up to sally
percy had told you enough about gabe to leave you, every the pacificist, raging and seething with anger
sally was hesitant but agreed, you two sitting criss cross apple sauce in her bedroom on some rug paul had insisted on
you took her hands into yours and talked through the process, which you typically didn't do with the demigods
you walked her through her own emotions, why she was feeling that, why she dealt with that the way she did, how she might do better next time
you were both crying not even half way through
she pulled you into the tightest hug after, thanking you so many times you lost count
then she sent you home with a boat load of cookies, which she made percy swear on his father not to steal
you were sweet enough to give him a third of your ration, but that's it!! (he ended up with a half, bc you love that boy far too much)
he finds it very amusing to be like 'she's an empath ' at inappropriate times
"she just killed two monsters"
"she's an empath"
"percy! you're girlfriend is crying bc mr. d won't give her another marshmallow!"
"what can i say, she's an empath."
"hey, is that your girlfriend?? she's currently hugging a tree and refuses to let go because she thinks it was a lover in a past life."
"she's an empath- wait, what?"
idk but you are very jane austen coded, you just are
soft and ancient loves are sooooo you!!
those kind of loves where their souls are clearly tied in a neat little bow
percy buys you all those fancy cover versions of the books, making sure they match your aesthetic and all the things
just a boy being protective over his soft babygirl idk what to tell you
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