#and something about spike. idk what but it was spike. :]
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if i had an italian boyfriend i wouldnt be posting videos like "breaking pasta in front of my italian boyfriend" "telling my italian boyfriend i hate his cooking" "psychologically torturing my italian boyfriend". i would make videos of holding my italian boyfriends hand. watching tv with my italian boyfriend. loving and cherishing my italian boyfriend. taking the ice out of his wine. gluing his pasta back together. having crazy gay sex with my italian boyfriend. rip to those tiktok users but im different
#i was thinking of this last night while i was struggling to get back to sleep#there were a lot more fun thoughts i had but i only remember this and one other#and something about spike. idk what but it was spike. :]
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oh, i love the way relationships develop their own personal language of love. when all that joy shows the way they love you. i love when it is a little icon to who they are, to how you get along with them.
my sister takes a picture of a dead bug and sends it to me - this is you. my friend asks me how the move is going; she put a reminder in her phone to check up on me. i put a piece of ice down my friend's back, he returns the favor by holding my phone over my head and making me jump to catch it. jason and i scream-sing green day while going all of 15 miles an hour down country roads. molly is who i go to for a quiet night in with 5 dollar wine.
i go out for dinner with them and have to step outside to take a phone call; when i come back they've ordered my favorite appetizer without needing to be asked. andrew and i have a long-standing tradition of him picking me up to spike me directly into the first soft-looking surface around. i don't even need to speak to my best friend - she and i will just look at each other and have an entire conversation. burst out laughing at 3 PM, high and cackling like we're evil witches. i just moved by myself into a new city - my brother keeps introducing me to his friends that now live close to me. he always says - oh yeah, this is sibling and then pretends to ignore me. for days now, my family has been in and out of my apartment, just tinkering with things; making sure i am settling in nicely.
i usually have watermelon instead of cake for my birthday; kim forces a full yankee candle into the rind so i can have something to blow out and wish on. for 20 minutes on a saturday, all us grown adults crawl into one bed to have a cuddle puddle like we're in high school again. every 20 seconds someone starts giggling, and then we're laughing again. nick calls me from california; we both groan about the price of tickets, agonizing. miranda and i meet up in the city for the first time in years - without discussing it beforehand, the minute we lay eyes on each other, we both strike gruesome little gremlin poses instead of waving. dean always goes for the hug. joe always does a single firm handshake. sometimes i think about my friends and get so happy i just start crying.
oh, how wonderful to live in a world where affection is biologically ingrained in us. how wonderful that affection helps us build our single greatest strength - community. how wonderful that affection is our body's way of saying - thing is good, let's keep. how wonderful, this language, this skein we weave! to show the other person - i might not always say it. but i love that you live in me.
#btw the ''this is sibling'' is legitimately what he says#which is actually very sweet of him bc it's gender affirming#he does not use my name#my family addresses each other as ''sibling'' ''mother'' ''father'' and it is actually kind of cute#in a serial killer way.#idk just very in love with the languages ppl develop which aren't usual#like im a poet#i might write a poem about you#but there's something special about like ''this is my person to be spiked into the ground by''#you know?#btw i live in boston now#please hit me up i want more friends
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"Oh no, someone's attracted to the aesthetics of my -punk movement but doesn't know the praxis and history behind it like I do--"
OK. Tell them. Make it a teaching moment. Everyone who's in your movement learned the background from somewhere at some point, maybe this is that point for that person. Give them a jumping off point that they can dive into later.
"Oh but I shouldn't be responsible for teaching baby -punks about the history and the how-tos and--"
OK. Then don't tell them. You don't have to be responsible for teaching people with a budding interest in your group the ins and outs and how-tos. That's fair and valid! It can be a lot of work. Someone else will handle it
"But I'm annoyed that they would try to claim to be part of/be interested in my community without knowing all the details that I know after being in it for months/years/decades, they're dumb, they're posers, they're--"
OK. Then don't engage with them, if it's that bad. Maybe someone else will come around and tell them the history, maybe they'll pick it up on their own, maybe they'll just enjoy the fashion elements for awhile.
"But they shouldn't claim to be part of the -punk community if they don't know the--"
I feel like we have a few options here. People can either talk to them, share the history, share the values, share the praxis. Or they can just chase off anyone who even thinks about dipping a toe in their community, and then wonder why it's dying off later down the line.
I dunno, maybe I'm too naive and patient or whatever. But if people are entering your -punk spaces without knowing The Rundown of what you feel they need to know, maybe being nice about it and informing people instead of immediately assuming stupidity and malicious intent could help you make a new friend. Even the loudest voices in a space had to learn from somewhere, and not everyone has the luxury of being in the space as the History was Happening--whether it's an age thing or a not being aware of the space thing. Or maybe I just don't see what the big deal is behind people hating people who like the aesthetic of something and don't know the behind the scenes history about it yet.
Because I believe in the word 'yet.' No one comes into this world knowing everything about everything, and we're all constantly learning new things. I'm not gonna degrade someone and call them a poser for not knowing what I know. Because if it were me, interested in a scene but getting chased out and called a poser? I wouldn't hit the books and study up, I'd go 'that fuckin sucks, those people sucked' and then avoid anyone and anything having to do with it.
So chase people off and call them posers if you want. But if your community starts dwindling, don't be fucking shocked.
#out of queue#ani rambles#punks and posers#i cant even call this a 4am hot take because its 7pm but like#idk i keep seeing posts about like 'how DARE people think I bought my punk clothes how DARE they not know the how-tos and DIYs'#or 'ugh people only care about the ~aesthetics~ of my movement if you don't know shit get out of here' and like#maybe I'm just a shy ass introverted nerd whos scared of social rejection! but I avoid that shit like the plague#so if someone were to reject me based on not knowing about something I'd never even heard about? something i was JUST getting into?#there's a high chance I'd just scram and never look back. i don't wanna be the one who causes that emotion in someone else#granted this is coming from someone who STILL doesn't know how to make her own patches or worked up the courage to do direct action praxis#outside of offering neighbors to my tomatoes and trying to talk to people about what I'm passionate about#but still imo unless someone's a malicious intentional bad actor i dont see the point in scaring newbies off#thats how movements die imo#i know this is my solarpunk blog but its not a solarpunk specific thing#i think the main post that inspired this was about store-bought versus self-made spiked leather jackets#which honestly just feels petty to me but who knows.#might delete later
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here me out . .
Nevermore X SBG au .
you can applaud me now ☝️
#I know I know I’m so smart#What do U guys think their spectre forms would look like#Is that what they are called idk I forgot I haven’t read it in a few#I need to reread it it’s so scrumptious#I want one of them to have spikes on their back that sharpens or softens depending on the scenario and who they are with#Idk why but ashlyn ?? Jumpsxare her and BOOM they shoot up and stab someone#But if her friends are there they soften into feathers#Trust me it’s a big process to think about#IT APULD BE COOL OKAY#how would the killies be placed in hmmmhmhm#Aiden totally has something smile related#Not like a jester someone already has that tho ghmmm idk help me out#I forgot I left this for an hour and came back confused on why this was up#Silly me !!!#school bus graveyard#sbg#sbg (webtoon)#school bus graveyard webtoon#nevermore webtoon#nevermore webcomic
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there’s something about a piece of media that is so good that everyone is collectively losing their mind over it and your brain starts to get creative and it won’t be at peace until you deliver something so beautiful as an hommage and idk it’s just a great feeling to relate to something so strongly and passionately
#yes i am talking about the episode 3 of the last of us#lol i am aware that i gave the definition of a fandom but what i’m trying to say is that#good media will inspire and motivate people#idk how to explain it but like….. it was so beautiful that i def noticed a spike of creativity in everyone’s gifsets#their story was so beautiful that you want to celebrate it by trying to create something beautiful in your turn#manda who has not touched photoshop in like 5 months made 2 gifsets#a lot of my mutuals also had inspiration to do beautiful stuff too 🥹
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actually my writing is always and has ever been sexy and it's because i am so good at writing human beings
#q speaks#it's not enough if my blorbo is cute she needs to be a human being and thats what im good at#if i just wanted cute moeblobs i'd. idk i'd watch clannad and cry or something#anyhoo i had a spike of dopamine being reminded about the dynamics ive cultivated between my character(s) and my friends characters
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i should get more method by smoking more weed + remembering the million times i got too fucked up and thought i was going to die or just very but not too fucked up and how it felt in the moment. the confusion, weird fixations, wack visuals, nausea, dissassociation, shame, real and vivid fear of death.
i can tell y'all i have had someone make active attempts on my life but there is no death as frightening as the idea of dying in a puddle of puke and other bodily fluids feeling so disoriented and so much physical pain and discomfort that you'd pay a million dollars to crawl directly out of your body. there's easier OD concepts to stomach like one depressants but the concept of dying on a psychedelic or an upper or even a stimulating dissociative is terrifying. or dying from contaminants which injure you a lot more than whatever you were meaning to take ever could.
i want to write angel having a seizure the way i did. i want to write him compulsively adding different substances because just the one isn't enough. i want to torture this lil guy as he tries and fails to save himself :3
#as i always say please test your drugs im begging you#delete later#getting too personal up in here#but fr the world of serious substance use is a crazy place to even visit let alone live in#the entirety of reality just does not work the same way#its beautiful and scary and you dont want to become a permanent resident there#but its a lot like toxic relationships and maladaptivelt returning to them over and over#i want to parallel angel's drug abuse with his relationship to valentino#because even if you OD or have some kind of serious problem from it or get spiked with something awful#chances are you will always have that curiosity and urge to try again. try more. different new novel fun#bc even when it feels like hell its a unique hell. and more importantly its not your life anymore#no worries about being abused or homeless or very sick if the drugs bring a whole new hell#sometimes when you almost die you just get grateful it wasnt the real world that almost killed you#sometimes when youve looked in the void you laugh at how ridiculous your pain and grief and life is#its all stupid! none of it matters! we are all going to die and your exit card from the real world is in a box of mints#idk. sometimes a drug is an enhancer of reality and sometimes a different reality altogether. a lot of the experience depends on why you#take it. if you get high socially youre going to lean into related effects more heavily. if you do it to escape or explore thats what youll#get. ive never had the level of Problem Angel does but I Get It. i get why#im too broke to sustain a Problem of that nature lmao. like ok if i spend all my money i can lose my mind for a week#then ill be withdrawing and hungover from 20 diff things and penniless. no ty#however i will rarely say no to sharesies ill suck ya dick for my DOC 👍#JOKING. ish
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#god! why is having a meltdown the most embarrassing thing in the world? even a day later#i hate beeing aware of every single thought and feeling i'm feeling while not being able to put a finger on what it is#and also being aware of every feeling and thought people around me are probably having#and then not knowing what the fuck to do to stop them from acting angry at me or just not talking to me at all#i know seeing someone going completely insane is not a fun feeling for people but i'm not doing it on purpose#could we pretend it didn't happen when it's over?#it's not that i'm not telling you what's going on in a calmed manner because i hate you and want you to worry#i'm not talking because i CAN'T and even if i could I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S HAPPENING#i spent all day yesterday trying to avoid having a meltdown and when i finally failed#i was crying by myself in silence not bothering anyone#but of course my mom seeing me cry made my anxiety and embarrassement spike and then my brain was gone#so not being able to explain to her what was going on made HER upset with ME and i just couldn't deal with that so i had to go to sleep#but i woke up today and she's being so cold to me and i can't help but feel guilty because I KNOW it's because of me that she's like that#and there's nothing i can do about it#i want to apologize but i literally don't know what to pologize for cause i didn't do anything wrong?#i don't think i did? and what's the point of apologizing if i don't think i did something wrong?#i'm not going to be those people who say ''i'm sorry you feel this way'' cuase that's not an apology!#i fee like shit mentally. physically. emotionally AND have to deal with my mom acting angry and offended and cold#idk what to do#i should have stayed in bed#but no... i'm ranting on the internet#angel talks#personal
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also ok . i know i have been irlposting way too much but my parents are going to a concert 2 hrs away tmrrw for a Very Famous Person and it’s outdoors but certain to be crowded and it’s like uhmmmmm. a little ironic and frustrating is all. not to mention i am afraid for my siblings and my lives a little bit and also for my parents lives or whatever. lol
#purrs#like the way my *** terrorized ne for wanting to. and i repeat. walk around campus without even seeing anyone. but now you’re going to an#outdoor concert and will likely be the only one wearing masks? idk. i don’t like it. and we have nowhere in the house for anyone to isolate#so if they get it we will all get it. and i DO NOT want to get it. i do not want it. i want it to stay away from me. my throat felt a tiny#bit funny on tuesday (it was ok i just swallowed something wrong) and was so intensely anxious about FEELING myself get covid by the second#that i couldn’t focus on my work and barely got anything done. and this feels like a recipe for disaster. like the absolute irony of our#family being on lockdown STILL and barely going anywhere and me having to fight to work in person 2 days a week with like basically 1 person#in the office who wears a kn95 / n95 at all times…. and then you go to a fucking ***** **** concert in one of the front rows where ppl are#gonna rush the stage etc etc. it just is scaring me. i know my mom would be devastated to not go but also like. lol. i missed my graduation#and all my senior stuff and i know it was a spike but it fucking sucked so why do you get to go to this concert when you’ve been to redacted#concerts like 50x in your life… idk. bitter and jealous about it but it just infuriates me because if it was something i cared about a lot#she would shut it down bc it would endanger all of us and now here she is taking THE biggest risk anyone in our family has taken since#my brothers graduation which was also outdoors at a concert venue but like. most ppl were masked and rates were rly low and it wasn’t a#concert. this is very different. idk. im so scared i will get it i do not want covid i od not want long covid i want my brain exactly the#way it is i want my body exactly the way it is i want my life exactly the way it is and it just feels uhhhhh unfair and cruel. lawl#ALSO NOT TO MENTIKN the part i left out which is like… what if someone Does Someting. lol. i will lose my shit all day tomorrow and all#weekend too. i can’t take it i really can’t#also ok yeha i didn’t finish that thought but like the double standard of it. ***** **** is her lifelong idol so she can go see him at this#huge fucking dangerous concert but i can’t meet up with my friends in groups of 1-3 outdoors masked distanced etc. like ok#it’s the whole im the parent you’re the child shit. well it’s gonna be really funny if she gets us covid after putting me thru hell in#2020 in ways that have permanently damaged our relationship. play stupid games win stupid prizes and this is the DEFINITION of a stupid game
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made the mistake of watching one of those fake emergency broadcast videos on youtube (specifically one based in quebec where a good chunk of the world was rapidly covered in 14+ meters of snow in the middle of summer) and even tho it wasn’t supernatural spooky scary it hasnt left my fuckin head and now i cant stop thinking “what if something like that happens. what if there’s a demon attack. what if there’s some kind of creature in ur hallway right now. what if a fuckin scp was real and your only warning was an emergency broadcast just like that”
I dont even believe this kind of shit is real WHY is my brain so fuckin paranoid about supernatural shit. lowkey it happens every night but it’s always worse when I watch something even slightly supernatural horror adjacent. why. I only even watched the stupid video BECAUSE it wasnt a creature/scp/supernatural horror based one and I thought I’d be fine :(
#I’ve always had anxiety around alert noises tho :/ my mom was paranoid abt storms and so had a weather alert radio when I was a kid#and since she was always afraid of bad storms that made ME scared and I dreaded every time I heard that radio go off#and it’s the automatic alert sound for so many emergency broadcasts it still gives me an anxiety spike to this day#so maybe that has something to do with it. but why also spooky horror creatures.#it’s never normal shit like ‘’what if a guy broke into our house’’ or anything no it’s always a fuckin demon or something#I should be clear here and say these paranoia. things never actually tip me into an anxiety or panic attack or anything dont worry#but. it IS annoying. and I’m so tired of it. and I’ve come up with coping mechanisms but idk how to make them Stop#bc just saying ‘’bro it’s not real’’ does nothing bc i KNOW its not. but they still keep happening#would these count as some kind of intrusive thought. bc it definitely causes me distress but it’s not like. the harmful idea kind#and idk what the nuance is and what actually counts as an intrusive thought and not just Brains Thinking Shit#And Sometimes That Shit Is Distressing#idk. I’m procrastinating getting my water from the living room bc a lot of my Bad Thoughts are centered around that hallway/living room area#maybe I’ll just turn on the light or something. I dont want to make my dad get my water for me#bc ‘’I watched a slightly spooky video this afternoon and now my brain is convinced demons will kill me’’ is a hard thing to explain#I mean he’d be nice about it and get my water I’m sure but I also dont want him to worry abt me kdbdbdkd#ok. I’ll turn on lights and go. and hopefully I can actually sleep tonight kdbdbdk#I’m not sticking this in my post tag bc I dont want to find it again and trigger another paranoia night lmao
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Just need to share that I missed Bastille at reading because some absolute fucking tosser spiked me, just like why I don't get it
Anyways, did anything major happen at the gig? Like no outrageous content or maybe a wardrobe malfunction... ?
#literally paid <300 to seem them and got spiked the night before so was completely fucked#and like i wouldnt mind if it was like something fun#but whatever the fuck it was just like made me vomit for 48hrs and made me believe my head was full of rocks#thanks random scumbag#and like it also would have been fine if i wasnt projectile vomming#also shout out to the guy who offered me ket to help#like dude very sweet but i really dont want to vom up ket as well lol#whats fun about wasting drugs on someone you arent gonna see idk#i was so careful too#like only used my own water bottles and all that shit then some fucker stabbed me in the leg with some shit during a gig for someone idek#lol#anyways im all good just needed to rant dont mind me
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I love texting someone something I was anxious about sending and all of a sudden they stop replying
#love that for me#it's not like it spikes my anxiety 100x more than it already was#and like.. we had been talking too?#it's not like we weren't talking and I sent them something with no answer#they literally Stop replying#especially in a group chat it makes me so much more anxious#and the most recent one that happened#I asked them if I said something wrong#and I asked them to clarify why they were upset#and that's when they stopped replying#so like I guess I'm at fault? And I'm also just confused?#why does it seem like when I'm nervous about sending something#that's when people decide to stop replying and/or ignore what I said#cuz it hurts and it makes me feel bad and also like..#did I say something wrong??#I've been thinking about it forever#and it's been 24 hours since he replied the first time#and he's not said anything since#mtxt#idk what to do#like do I just give up lol or pretend it didn't happen#or like.. ask again idk
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my canon event was wanting to draw
#starrr talk#i NEED to say the ideas oughhhhhha#1) coltis yaoi am i right. its gonna be a comic on how colt feel about(its gonna be more funny then serious LOL)#2) shelly has to go to the dentist or something and she cant keep colt alone with spike because he will die(she leaves him with pam)#3) more coltis yaoi uh oh(they loose a match and colt complains and mortis goes 'lol your pretty when ur mad' and kiss him)#4) something with the twins but idk what#5) the grom is DEAD??(heavy is dead parody)
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Honestly it’s exhausting to be skeptical of things and then end up being right about it
#I don’t know if this makes sense#but I went to an event where everyone preaches having a sense of community and that everyone is accepted or whatever#and every person who interacted with me there was rude as fuck lol#as soon as I stepped out of my car and into the parking lot I could tell something was off before I even went into the building#the first guy at the entrance treated me like I was some dumbass#and then when I was in there someone came up to me but he started talking to me in a singsong kind of voice like I was a child or challenged#or something and it just made me feel bad#I’m not really one to put personal business on the internet but I have a physical disability and growing up people would talk to me in weird#voices because they wrongly assumed I was incorrect in the head I guess#and like him doing that just brought back all those bad feelings I had growing up#now I know he didn’t do it because of my disability because I learned to hide it very well so people wouldn’t treat me as subhuman#there was zero chance this man knew I am disabled#but it still hurts idk#like it makes me wonder what else about me gave the impression that I should be talked to in that manner#then another guy had some weird spikes/hooks on his belt and he caught my sleeve as he went by me#and I don’t know if he thought I was trying to touch him or something but he immediately made a face at me like he was considering hitting#me for a moment#I don’t know how to describe it other than if you know you know#and he unhooked whatever it was from my sleeve and didn’t even say sorry or anything#last thing that happened was someone shoved me (it was accidental) and I fell back into someone and when I turned around to say sorry they#just had this look of complete disgust on their face#at that point I just kind of dissociated from the show and sat by myself on a bench in the back#it really didn’t help that everyone seemed to know everyone there and I was literally the only person standing by themselves#idk I just went back to my car immediately after it ended and just sat there feeling extremely stupid for even showing up#I honestly tried to enjoy myself there despite everything but I honestly didn’t enjoy it at all#and it makes me sad because I really wanted to be a part of this but it wasn’t in the cards I guess#I spent the last few months hyping myself up for this ‘sense of community’ too#my fucking bad#wow this got long#if anyone actually reads all this shit I’m sorry
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☆༉ — SATORU GOJO. pretty brown eyes.
about. gojo might be the one with the six eyes, but there’s nothing special about those. your brown eyes are real weapon, here.
warnings. minors, blank and ageless blogs do not interact ! sfw, fluff, hurt comfort. slight hints to insomnia, idk how infinity works sorry, reader has brown eyes, afab!reader.
“you could kill me if you wanted to.”
it’s the dead of night when he whispers your name. though low in volume, his tongue curls around each syllable loud enough for you to hear him. “
“‘toru, what are you on about—” digging the heal of your palm into your eyes, you dislodge the crust from your lash line and groan. the red lines on your digital clock read sometime between three and four am— but the digits blur as your mind swims with sleep.
“your eyes. they’re so perfect.” a loving grin etches itself onto his face when you crack one open to look at him, masking over the exhaustion seeping from his pores and the anxiety that spikes in the sapphire pools of his own eyes. “you should be able to get away with anything because of them.”
“baby,” you reiterate and roll over to face him fully. gojo gets like this when he’s overworked and worried, when there’s something big on his mind you’re not quite sure you’d understand. you move to jab a thumb into his forehead, right between his brows to alleviate the ache in his skull but you don’t let your disappointment show when rough skin meets the dull buzz of his infinity.
you forget that his six eyes flow in the dark — that his blue eyes are not as blue as they seem. “you’re talking nonsense, it’s late. get some sleep.”
“my eyes. they could kill me if i worked too hard.”
satoru’s eyes are a lot stormier than most would expect, they can be dark and cold. like an angry ocean tired of tournament. they can be bright, full of hope and loving — you notice that change whenever he’s with your students. they hide behind the frame of his ability, the one that hardly ever turns off despite how it really could kill him.
his mind is always running, his body almost always on empty.
in the moonlight, you see a faint sliver of silver between the flecks of diamond and stormy skies.
he swipes a gentle thumb just over cheek yours to catch a fallen lash. “but yours,” gojo continues, voice thoughtful and low. tired above all else. “those pretty brown eyes…baby, they’re dangerous in a different way. beautiful in another that makes me feel safe. puts my mind at ease or somethin’. one look ‘nd I’d be doing anything for you,”
there the two of you are, face to face in the dark — cheeks pressed to pillows and heads under the covers as if you’re children shielding yourself from the world. creating the safe space to let satoru confess.
“if those pretty brown eyes were the last thing i got to see before i died. then i think i’d be okay.”
“don’t say that.” your face crumples and his infinity falls away as if gojo had been anticipating your touch, the buzz just shocking through your skin as you wrap your arms around his larger frame, pull his head down to your heart beating in your chest. “you’re not allowed to die, satoru. not yet.”
“i know.” for once he’s grateful he can’t see your eyes — he hates the way they shine when you cry.
“i need you.”
“i know.” he’s quiet. “i need you too.”
“then rest, you don’t have to keep watch.” gojo feels the shake in your lungs as you speak. you worry too much about him. but with your hand cascading through his soft locks, and the other squeezing him close he’s finding it hard to resist.
usually when he lays next to you, he’s stiff as a board, always anticipating whatever danger might come next. but the biggest threat to him of all is you, and those big brown bambi eyes of yours — the way they’re wet with love, shiny with tears because you adore satoru gojo. you care about him way too much for your own good.
those eyes of yours are convincingly treacherous , he can’t help but let his body sag and let go of his cursed technique while you rub his back and soothe him.
“you’re dangerous, yanno,” satoru grunts, lips dragging along your skin with every word. “especially when you look at me like that, with those puppy dog eyes…can’t say no to you.”
but you smile as he drifts off, his tall frame heavy against you — your lashes blinking soft against his forehead as you curl around him protectively. “i’d rather use them to get you to rest, rather than kill you. ‘toru.”
your words are wasted on deaf ears — his deep snore indicating that gojo is finally asleep, doing himself a favour and locking his pretty blue eyes away.
꒰ end. — all rights reserved © tteokdoroki 2023. do not copy, repost, translate & recommend elsewhere.
#gojo x reader#satoru gojo x reader#gojo fluff#gojo angst#gojo x yn#satoru gojo x you#jjk x reader#jjk fanfiction#jujutsu kaisen x reader#idk im sad and i love him#self indulgent slay#✧ ₊˚੭ — writing#tteokdoroki#✧ ₊˚💭੭ — aali just posted#angelshubnetwork
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soulmate au with percy and reader. i was thinking like reader is like a complete nobody at camp and the daughter of some not really known god. percy and reader meet by accident and they figure out they are soulmates. percy at first didn’t want anything to do with it because he had feelings for annabeth but comes around.
Percy Jackson x Fem!reader. (Soulmate au)
-£ Pictured a older version of book Percy, but imagine them staying a camp or coming late.
-£ words: 1.5 words
-£ warnings: Angst, rejection, jealousy, I love annabeth, percy being mean? Idk. Anyway kinda short. What can I say, I love a man with dark hair who has sass?🤷♀️
“Do you ever wonder who you’re soulmates is?” percy sat on the log near the cliff looking over the sunset. annabeth keeping her eyes on the forest below, smiling softly as the orange sun hit her skin.
“I’m not worried about it, they will come to me when the time is right.” she replied with a calm voice.
percy could help himself from looking down at her hand and slowly inching his hand near hers. the marking was just late. he knew that she was his soulmate. how could she not be after everything they went through? besides no one knew him like she did.
fate is a funny thing.
because the person who was chosen to be his, and his alone wasn’t the girl he sat next to. it was you. you barely had any contact with percy. never even spiking a word to each other and yet the world still twined you together.
looking back on it he wished he reacted in a nicer way then he did. anything other then what he did, even faint.
he was running a pile of arrows to the archery training ground when he ran into you. as soon as your eyes met the world was slow for just a second and colors shined brighter then they did. in that moment you both felt something that was more then the gods. something even the gods can’t touch.
“woah,” you whisper with your hands still held onto the arrows he was trying to give to you. his hands didn’t stop clinching onto the wood, he couldn’t believe it.
you blink at him for him to do something other then stand there and stare with a open mouth. sure this type of thing wasn’t normal but he didn’t even move a inch.
but you wished he had stayed quiet, “Look, I um..” he let go of the things you two shared and took a step back with hasted.
“I have to run.” you watched him run off like there was nothing important to keep him here.
At first you thought that he was just shy, in shock, and didn’t know what to say. but you soon figured out he wanted nothing to do with you. you followed him around and tried to talk to him at every chance you got but he would always slip from your fingers.
cornering him in the woods at night wasn’t the best idea but you had but there was not other choice. it didn’t feel good to have your soulmate avoid you.
“There is a mistake.” his voice echoed through the woods, “I feel nothing for you. I am sure you are amazing, but you are not my soulmate.”
he watched the tears pool into your eyes like the waves he controlled. taking a step back from the news from his lips that crushed your soul. “I am in love with another.”
Licking your lips you roll your eyes to try and stop the tears forming. “it’s annabeth isn’t it?” he couldn’t deny it even if he wanted to. the silence he gave when he opened his mouth but nothing came out told you everything you needed to know.
“I do hope you live a happy life,” you walked closer to him only inches away, “especially when she finds her soulmate.” you walked past him and down the dirt path back to your cabin where you broke down.
fate was twisted and cruel for giving you him.
day and night you thought about him. and day and night you got worse. everyone could see the toll of being rejected but no one new by who. not a soul knew about you and percy and you honestly liked it that way. no pity glances when they hung out together. 
soulmate depression was a serious thing and could lead one down to a never reversible illness. your eyes lost their light, no one ever saw you smile, looking as dead like as possible. every positive feeling in your body was drained out.
annabeth looked over at you at diner time as you stared at the plate in front of you, sitting at the edge of the bench. “It’s terrible,” she said and picked at her food with a fork. “I hope they come around.”
the trio stared at you in pity, one of them feeling guilt. “It’s a really bad case, I feel so bad.” Grover looked sad as he almost cried himself. love was supposed to be for real, that’s what soulmates were for! If he had one he would never let them get like that.
Percy found himself studying the girl. Her hair messy, her face grime and eyes blank and darker then the last time he looked in them. And Percy was the cause.
“Yeah,” the black hairy boy turned and poked at his food.
It has been week since then and a weight sunk in his stomach when he thought of you, which was almost every moment now. He thought about how you would smile before and how he wanted to see that again. He really thought he liked annabeth but each day that feeling went away.
Maybe he could think things over. But how could he apologize? Would you still want him?
But as Percy thought over the war in his head you moved on. Or as much as you could. there was a sickness in your body but you tried to fight it and spent time with your friends.
one boy took you in quickly. the two of you now glued at the hip and he was the only one who seemed to make you smile now.
“Dude,” Grover knocked his shoulder with his own, “What did he do to you?”
The son of Poseidon darted his eyes lowly at some boy. The way you smiled ever so sweetly like he has been wishing to see for weeks but this- This guy could cause it easily. And those small laughed he could hear so faintly in his ears.
“Nothing.” Percy stated while still glaring at the guy heavily.
the satyr nodded but lingered his eyes on his friend for a few seconds. clearly not believing him one bit.
“I have to tell you something,” he pulled his eyes away from you and to his friend. Guilt covering his face. “You know how y/n got reflected by her soulmate?” his voice shaky.
“Of course, it was hard to watch.” He answered. It didn’t take long for him to connect the dots when Percy lifted his brows as a sign. Grover gasped loudly.
“You did- Oh my god’s. How could you?” His mouth was then covered by Percy as he shh’d him.
Percy took a big breath as he held his hand over his mouth, “I’m not proud of it. It was just, I didn’t feel like we could be. I thought me and annabeth were soulmates until they came along,” he turned his eyes back to your direction to find you laughing slightly with your friends.
“I was terribly wrong.”
As much as Grover was mad at his friend he could see the guilt and regret on his face. He helped him come up with a plan, and gave him a very long lecture about love. Annabeth found out, and cursed him out. Saying that the marks don’t lie and was overly upset he could do that for her.
it took a week of long work for him to build up the courage to finally talk to you.
lucky he knew exactly where you would be. in the same stop he saw you for the first time as his soulmate. In the training grounds. You had been walking back to your cabin looking as beautiful as always even with your gloomy change.
you had a basket in your hand. you hummed quietly and kept your eyes on the dirt path underneath your feet. you were too out of it to hear him walking from behind you. “Y/n.” He called your name.
turning around startled you are met with him smiling at you. the boy who broke your heart standing there with a warm smile on his face as if he didn’t do anything wrong.
“Percy.” You whisper and step back. “I um…Do you need something?” you were shaking almost.
He got closer slowly as he got more awkward by the second, “can we talk?” you were hesitant to expect his offer but you nodded.
“I want to apologize for rejecting you. I felt horrible watching you- Well, get like this.” He kept getting closer and you didn’t know if you should run away or scream at him.
“I was wrong. You are the girl for me.” He saw the tears flood in the corner of your eyes and your lips tremble
“you think that’s enough?” you didn’t yell but he could sense the harsh tone in your voice. And you have that right.
“No, not really.” his frowns. Knowing he needed to do more.
“But I’m willing to work as hard as I need to. If you will have me?”
His green eyes filled with sorrow. the feeling to leave him here, with nothing like he did to you. But you couldn’t. You felt better in his presence as he looked at you.
“I’ll allow it, but we take this slow.” All he could do was smile again and nod his head in understanding.
even if you didn’t trust him. he healed your heart in the matter of seconds.
#percy jackson x you#Percy Jackson x reader#book percy jackson#book Percy#percy jackson imagine#soulmate au#percy jackson x fem!reader
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