All of my thoughts on Assassin’s Creed Valhalla!

Of course there are major spoilers for the game and ending. I know it’s been out for like three months now but you never know so I’m putting it all under the cut. And yes this is pretty long. A summary is at the end of the entire text.

also pls don’t send me hate like y’all did for what I said about odyssey literally these are just my opinions on the game if u dont care for them pls just skip I have a lot to say about it and there is actually quite a few things that I really enjoyed when playing the game and if u do read it pls don’t hesitate to shoot me messages and talk to me about the game bc I really enjoy the franchise and I need some more people to talk to in this fandom.

What I enjoyed about the game!!

The blending in with the monks/prayers in the streets to get pass the guards!!!!! Dude!!!!! I know it’s like a really small detail but it just made me so happy because it reminded me of when you had to do that in the first assassin’s creed game. It’s a nice touch of nostalgia and really liked it.

The “glitches” (while some were annoying) I’m super super happy that they were kind of bringing back the glyphs from assassins creed two. I loved doing them because I loved trying to get the little movie. It was really nice of them to bring that back so we can get another little movie like the one from AC2 again.

I think we can all agree: Hytham was a great character. I wish he was more involved in the story than already but that’s just me. I really liked his character so much he’s my favorite from the game.

Desmond having some Easter eggs and basically coming back into the series again was great. It was also a nice touch to see the vault from assassins creed three (the place where des dies). It really makes me miss connor and his band of assassins. I miss assassins creed three :( I want more about Connor please put out some more comics with him in it or some easter eggs please I’m begging you. Also fuck u haytham kenway I hate u.

Shaun and Rebecca being back and now it’s canon that they’re together is fucking awesome. I’m actually really happy about that and I missed them so much. I’m glad they’re in the story again. (Rebecca dude I was so worried that she died like no fucking joke I was so upset I thought syndicate really killed her off).

The game itself actually did very well keeping with the lore we were given from assassins creed origins and was actually doing pretty well trying to connect it to the first assassin game.

Speaking of lore I do think they did the best they could to expand upon the not so well liked lore from odyssey and try and fix it but also it did feel a little confusing but I guess that’s just because i didn’t finish the Asgard missions yet so who knows.

The scenery was very very beautiful and I throughly enjoyed walking around and just admiring the view no matter where I was on the map.

Reda just becoming immortal is so funny and the fact that he was just sitting there telling stories about Aya and Bayek.. please my heart. I love them so so much. The letter Bayek wrote??? Soulmates I’m telling you.

Also I did like that they fixed their plot hole for why Bayek and Aya aren’t known for anything history wise in the story (or mainly why Bayek isn’t in the assassin’s history books and Aya, as Amunet, is really the only one written down). I’m very glad that they explained it and I really think I’m just super happy that Bayek was brought back for some easter eggs within the game.

Basim is very handsome and I liked him but I don’t know how to feel about the ending with him. Yes I do love his character and it was super cool to hang around him and do a couple of missions with him but also it felt weird that now you’re technically playing as the bad guy.

Eivor was really cool to play as. I enjoyed running around as them and doing missions. I like the fact that Eivor was basically like “yo you guys [ pointing to the brotherhood ] are fucking crazy but you guys [ pointing to the templars/order of ancients ] are really fucking crazy and weird.” I really loved basically being an assassin and using the hidden blade again. (Yeah I know they technically aren’t an assassin but yknow just an honorary one).

The Canterbury Tales!! The fucking pardoner’s tale!! That was super cool to do I loved those stories and being able to do them in the game made me super happy. I know it doesn’t actually fit the timeline given it wasnt written until like centuries after the game took place but I just thought that side mission was neat!

Fulke was a very cool templar and I thought her character was really really interesting. I wish they did more with her honestly.

What I didn’t like about the game:

So! Speaking of templars! Boy oh boy I have a lot to say for that subject. So for “the order of ancients”:

— I think my biggest problem with this game (as well as odyssey) is that the templars (“OOA”) aren’t actually important to the game anymore. They’re barely in the story now like out of all 20 or so people you have to kill within their order only like 5 or 6 are actually important to the storyline and that’s my biggest problem with it, because now killing the templars is just like a “well since you’re in the area you can kill this dude” and I really hate it. I truly believe that’s why I didn’t like odyssey that much solely bc they made doing the most core part of the video game series a damn side mission and that also goes for Valhalla.

— Also so many of the templar stories, like scenes we get after you kill them, were just so bland. They don’t make them like they used to and that’s another big core part of the series lost.

— They’re straying very far from the main plot of the series and that’s why these last two games didn’t feel anything like an assassin’s creed game. (And you can’t say that “it’s just different because they’re taking place in a time way before the templars were called templars” bc assassins creed origins did very well to changing their game and how they play but also keeping the main goal from previous games: To be an assassin and kill the templars.)

— Also they need to not show us the outline of who the templars are because I could tell who “the father” was as soon as I was able to see the order tab. Please Ubisoft do better.

I know I said this before however the fucking Beowulf mission. My God Did I Hate That. I was really looking forward to the dlc and to see what they did with the story sucked. In Odyssey we got actual Greek monsters and gods and I expected to be given that in Valhalla for the norse deities. And it didn’t happen. (As of right now I can’t comment on the Asgard missions because I haven’t finished them but I’ll probably edit the post and put them in later)

As of right now with the ending and lore shit I’m really kind of indifferent with it. On one hand they are trying to fix the lore that they kind of fucked up in Odyssey by adding more things to explain it better but also that means they added on unnecessary stuff that makes no sense. On the other hand I really hate that Layla is now technically canonically dead because shes now in the grey and basim now has the one thing that would’ve kept her alive. I really wanted them to do more with her like they did with Desmond. I genuinely enjoyed her as a main protagonist and it sucks that she is now dead. Layla deserves so much better honestly!!!!

Also on des: While I don’t want to smack away a fan service gift that includes desmond; it did kind of feel weird that he’s back in the series. Honestly I don’t know how to go about this. I’m super excited that technically desmond is back in a way but on the other hand I wanted them to focus on Layla more and :( Idk man it’s complicated. They have to stop changing the story’s main protagonists Layla deserved to be in more games and hopefully she will be because her “death” felt so cheap. I also wish they explained what happened with her during the year apart from odyssey and Valhalla.

The side missions I have no problem with except for the fact that the little side mission icon just stayed in the place you first show up to to get the mission. I miss the old side mission mechanic bc this new one felt really really confusing and it made me get lost quite a few times.

This one might just be me but I guess they’re expanding more on the gods reincarnating but they’re not focusing on the sages anymore? Like when will Elijah Miles (the newest sage) be shown?? Odyssey fucked up that lore bit but now they’re not even talking about it because any isu god can reincarnate or can take ahold of anyone if they interact with a piece of eden or something. Idk this one little bit is super confusing for me right now and I don’t like that it’s confusing so I will be doing more research on the isu (again) to understand what the fuck is going on with this damn part of the lore.

I know that this is a game where you kill people but this whole game felt so gore-y that I like had to drop it for a bit. Like dude I didn’t really expect that. This one I really feel like is just me. I did not expect to like hear bones breaking when I played it.

The storyline felt kind of all over the place like yes I could understand the big part of the story but also it was all over the fucking place. I just miss the old plot I really do that had a system that was so good it caused several games to follow it’s lead. (I miss AC1 please remaster that damn game)

Also maybe it’s just me but the story felt so slow at the beginning when ur going to England. Literally I hate to say this bc I love this whole series but I was more happy about finally finishing the main storyline than I was while playing the game.

All in all: I did like the game. I did have fun even though some parts were rough. I’m super glad that they got rid/fixed the ship mechanic because I hated every fucking naval battle in assassins creed and that’s something I was worried about doing when I saw that we had longships in the story. The game was enjoyable and it had a lot of great side characters like Hytham, Gunnar, and Yanli. Basim was a treat, though I hope they explain more about him bc I’m going to be honest he’s a bit confusing with this whole loki thing. But yeah this is all I have so far on the game. If you actually read all the way down here comment or like shoot me message to talk about it bc I really really want to talk about the game. Pls pls pls.

For better or for worse, I have a job that is exempt - to a great degree - from the widespread need for isolation (in the world of news radio, the show must go on). However, I do get days off and thank goodness for that because my brain can only take so much constant pandemic talk.

So! I offer up ‘the ultimate music list’, something I started doing on YouTube last year. Maybe earlier. It’s a living list, it will never be complete. Anyway, listen to the way my music mind rambles! All songs listed on the other side of the keep reading line (not linked, you gotta do some of the work):

Seinabo Sey - I Owe You Nothing Janelle Monáe – Django Jane Janelle Monáe - PYNK Janelle Monáe – Make Me Feel Sudan Archives - Come Meh Way Sudan Archives - Come Meh Way & Wake Up | A Take Away Show St. Beauty - Not Discuss It Japanese Breakfast - Boyish St. Beauty - Caught Kali Uchis - After The Storm ft. Tyler, The Creator, Bootsy Collins Kali Uchis - Tomorrow (ft. Tame Impala) Kali Uchis - Dead To Me Kali Uchis - Body Language (Intro) Kali Uchis - Just A Stranger Kali Uchis - In My Dreams Kali Uchis - Flight 22 Sigrid - Strangers King Princess - 1950 Sigrid - Don’t Kill My Vibe Sigrid - Plot Twist Moonchild - The List Amber Mark - Way Back The Internet - Girl DeJ Loaf - Changes Erykah Badu - Window Seat Erykah Badu - Afro Blue M.I.A. - Matangi M.I.A. - Double Bubble Trouble M.I.A. - Paper Planes A Tribe Called Red - The Light II Ft. Lido Pimienta A Tribe Called Red - Sisters ft Northern Voice PRINCESS NOKIA - BRUJAS PRINCESS NOKIA - TOMBOY Solange - Cranes in the Sky Solange - Don't Touch My Hair ft. Sampha SZA - Broken Clocks SZA - Drew Barrymore SZA - Go Gina SZA - Prom SZA - Pretty Little Birds Sade - Flower of the Universe Sade - The Sweetest Taboo Sade - Paradise Sade - Turn My Back On You Sade - Smooth Operator Sade - Cherish the Day Erykah Badu - On & On Jill Scott - A Long Walk Erykah Badu - Tyrone (Live) Janelle Monáe - I Like That Christine and the Queens - Girlfriend Humble the Poet - H.A.I.R. Lush - Desire Lines Lush - Never-Never Rachel Sermanni 'Take Me Out' - Franz Ferdinand Cover Memory House - When You Sleep (Yours Truly Session) Sumner McKane - The Turncoat Nothing Matters When We’re Dancing - The Magnetic Fields (Sense8 Remix) (feat. Zoe Wise) Julia Holter - I Shall Love 2 Dua Lipa - New Rules [Initial Talk 80s Rules Remix] Lady Gaga - Venus (80s Synthwave Version) Ruelle - Take It All Kraak & Smaak Ft. Parcels - Stumble Calvin Harris, Dua Lipa - One Kiss Timecop1983 - Girl (feat. SEAWAVES) Aretha Franklin - Mary, Don't You Weep (Live at New Temple Missionary Baptist Church, Los Angeles, January 14, 1972) Sarah Vaughan - Misty (Live from Sweden) Ellie Goulding - My Blood (Kastle Remix) Darksynth Paradise - A NewRetroWave Mix | 1 Hour | Retrowave/ Darkwave/ Electro | Sudan Archives - Nont For Sale Christine and the Queens - 5 dollars Christine and the Queens - Doesn’t matter Christine and the Queens - The walker Christine and the Queens - Damn (what must a woman do) Christine and the Queens - Goya soda Christine and the Queens - The stranger Lone - Poltergeist Screamin’ Jay Hawkins - I Hear Voices Lost Years - Pressure Windows 95 Start-up remix Windows 95 Startup Sound (Slowed 4000%) Seoul - Silencer Blackwater Holylight - Willow Her's - Low Beam Here We Go Magic - Alone But Moving John Maus - Bennington AC Temple - Yield Lana del Rey - Summertime Sadness (SxAde Synthwave Version) Ariana Grande - "Into You"  80′s Remix Demi Lovato - Cool for the Summer   80′s Remix Fifth Harmony - Sledgehammer   80′s Remix Lady Gaga - Perfect Illusion   80s Remix Ariana Grande - Greedy [Initial Talk "90s state of mind" Remix] Happy Hippie Presents: Miley Cyrus & Ariana Grande - Don't Dream It's Over Mariah Carey - Touch My Body [Initial Talk 90s Splash! Remix] Dua Lipa - IDGAF (Initial Talk Remix) 憂鬱 - Sun Lady Gaga - Joanne (Where Do You Think You’re Goin’?) Robyn - Honey Dolly Parton - Here You Come Again Floating Points - Nuits Sonores Sade - The Big Unknown Amanda Shires - Leave It Alone Crockett - City of Ghosts [Full Album] Toni Harper - "The Velvet Hammer" (stereo), 1959 Cristina - "Things Fall Apart" Dexter Gordon - What’s New Warren Zevon - Things To Do In Denver When You're Dead - Rochester, 1994 Le1f - Wut Katie Herzig - Sweet Dreams (Are Made of These) Raymond Scott - "Boy Scout In Switzerland" - Quartet San Francisco (arranged by Robert Gilmore) Jan A.P. Kaczmarek - Aimee & Jaguar Main Theme Toni Harper - "The Other Woman"  Toni Harper - The meaning of the blues Vanessa - Upside Down Anna Ternheim - Summer Rain feat. Nina Kinert, Ane Brun, First Aid Kit and Ellekari Larsson of The Tiny Ella Fitzgerald & Bill Doggett ~ Rough Ridin' Eraldo Bernocchi, Harold Budd,Robin Guthrie - South Of Heaven (Winter Garden) Slum Village - Fall in Love (Instrumental) Shonen Knife - Twist Barbie Dave Berry - This Strange Effect Sarah Harmer - Basement Apartment The Original Stroll - February 1958 Gertrude Lawrence - My Sweet Gustav HOLST: St. Paul's Suite (III. Intermezzo, IV. Finale) Rumskib - Secrets Caterina Valente - Stranger In Paradise Borodin - Prince Igor - Polovtsian Dances Darshan Ambient - Mirage Girl Crisis - Smooth Operator Girl Crisis - Paranoid Mulatu Astatke's "Mulatu" Vivien Goldman - Launderette Jonatha Brooke - West Point Lesley Gore - You Don’t Own Me Matthew Schoening - Emotional Clockwork Molly Nilsson - Hey Moon Kate Bush - Cloudbusting (The Organon Mix re-edit) Stravinsky conducts Stravinsky FIREBIRD COMPLETE The Carter Family - Wildwood Flower Grimes - Vanessa Kenneth Bager Fr. one (...and I kept hearing) Land of Talk - It’s Okay Nite Jewel - Artificial Intelligence Geneva Jacuzzi - Clothes On the Bed Thom Yorke & Jonny Greenwood - Karma Police | Glastonbury Festival, Pilton UK (8/9) Maps of Norway - Traffic Simian Mobile Disco - Cruel Intentions Aerosmith - Crazy Bruce Kaphan - Undeserved Ending The Pains Of Being Pure At Heart - "Everything With You" Thao with the Get Down Stay Down - Body Janelle Monae - "Tightrope" 5/18 Letterman Simian Mobile Disco - Hustler Ladyhawke - My Delirium Marion Cotillard & Franz Ferdinand - Eyes of Mars Ladytron - Destroy Everything You Touch (live) Kate Bush - Army Dreamers Tegan and Sara - Living Room Kate Bush - Cloudbusting Beatrice Eli - Girls NewRetroWave End of 2017 Mix - (The Future Beckons) - [80s/ Retrowave/ Outrun/ Retro Electro] Vaporwave / Chillwave - Ultimate Mix The Chordettes "Lollipop" & "Mr. Sandman" Sufjan Stevens - Tonya Harding Taylor Davis - Stranger Things Violin Medley STRANGER THINGS MEETS CLASSICAL GUITAR Grace Sings Sludge - Difficult To Love Satchmode - Happiness Part 1 River Whyless - Life Crisis Stefano Barone - Batman - Alexander Supertramp Bebel Gilberto - "Aganjú"(Ao Vivo) - Bebel Gilberto In Rio Katie Melua - Diamonds are Forever  Carly Rae Jepsen - Run Away With Me Beulahbelle - You Only Live Twice (Living Room Version) Grimes - We Appreciate Power Meshell Ndegeocello - Sensitivity Kodacrome - Buckets Röyksopp - Remind Me Lizzo - Juice Lizzo - Truth Hurts Lizzo - Good As Hell Electrelane - To the East Electrelane - I only always think Sean Paul - Get Busy 憂鬱 - Azure Day (Full EP) 憂鬱 - Slow Suzanne Vega - Luka | The story behind the song Seoul - Real June Broken Social Scene on House of Strombo Show Big Boi’s Favorite Verse: Kate Bush’s “Running Up That Hill” Cherry Glazerr - Nurse Ratched  Jan A.P. Kaczmarek - Aimée & Jaguar Mister Rogers Remixed | Garden of Your Mind Grant Green - Idle Moments Hole Reunion after 15 yrs. Teeth - Care Bear ST. VINCENT covers BIG BLACK at BOWERY BALLROOM NYC May 22 2011 Broadcast - Man is not a bird (Teac A-4010 s Reel to Reel) Billy May - So Nice (Samba De Verão) Pogo - Mellow Brick Road Anna Calvi - Jezebel (Attic Sessions 5) Anna Calvi - Joan Of Arc (Attic Sessions 4) Anna Calvi - Surrender (Attic Sessions 3) Anna Calvi - Sound & Vision (Attic Sessions 1) Anna Calvi - Wolf Like Me (Attic Sessions 2) Clementine - ALL BLUES Skip James - Hard Time Killin’ Floor Blues Anna Calvi - Suzanne And I Total Slacker - Thyme Traveling High School Dropout Siouxsie & The Banshees- Metal (Elizabethan Suite 1977) Second Chorus (Charlie North Remix) The Castaways - Liar Liar Alex Gaudino Feat. Christal Waters - Destination Calabria Loose Ends - Hangin’ On a String Pizzicato Five - The Audrey Hepburn Complex Edie Brickell & New Bohemians - What I Am The Bangles - Walk Like an Egyptian The Human League - Love Action (I Believe In Love) The Human League - Don’t You Want Me The Human League - (Keep Feeling) Fascination Wang Chung - Dance Hall Days PJ Harvey - Hanging in the Wire PJ Harvey - Rid Of Me PJ Harvey & Thom Yorke - This Mess We’re In PJ Harvey - We Float PJ Harvey - This Wicked Tongue PJ Harvey - A Place Called Home The Sundays - Here’s Where The Story Ends Flock of Seagulls - Space Age Love Song The Psychedelic Furs - Love My Way Hall & Oates - Out of Touch Hall & Oates - I Can’t Go For That (No Can Do) Toto - Rosanna Toto - Africa Fleetwood Mac - Little Lies Tears For Fears - Head Over Heels Philip Bailey, Phil Collins - Easy Lover Spandau Ballet - True Tears For Fears - Shout Sigrid - Don’t Feel Like Crying Orchestral Manoeuvres In The Dark - Souvenir The Jesus and Mary Chain - April Skies The Ocean Blue - Between Something and Nothing No Joy - Hollywood Teeth Tamaryn - Last Tamaryn - Softcore Tamaryn - Cranekiss Ashrae Fax - CHKN Echo & the Bunnymen - A Promise Ashrae Fax - Intexus The Motels - Only the Lonely Other Colors - Dark Things Bauhaus - All We Ever Wanted Was Everything George Clanton - It Makes the Babies Want to Cry Ben Howard - Nica Libres At Dusk Elton John - Bennie and the Jets Elton John - Don't Go Breaking My Heart (with Kiki Dee) David Bowie - Life On Mars? Elton John - Someone Saved My Life Tonight  St Vincent Breaks Down Her Most Iconic Songs Pharoahe Monch - Simon Says (instrumental) Death Valley Girls "Disaster (Is What We're After)" A Tribe Called Quest - Electric Relaxation Tame Impala - The Less I Know The Better Childish Gambino - Redbone De La Soul - A Roller Skating Jam Named Saturdays Choir! Choir! Choir! Sings David Bowie - Heroes Kishi Bashi - This Must Be the Place (Naive Melody) Talking Heads - This Must Be the Place (Naive Melody) The 6ths - You You You You You Squirrel Nut Zippers "Put A Lid On It" Joni Mitchell - Help Me Pat Metheny, Joni Mitchell, Jaco Pastorius, Michael Brecker - "Shadows And Light" Joni Mitchell - All I Want Joni Mitchell - Free Man In Paris Joni Mitchell - California Joni Mitchell - In France They Kiss On Main Street Joni Mitchell - Amelia Joni Mitchell - People’s Parties Joni Mitchell - For the Roses Joni Mitchell - The Hissing of Summer Lawns Joni Mitchell - Black Crow Joni Mitchell - Hejira Joni Mitchell - Coyote Joni Mitchell w/Peter Gabriel - My Secret Place Joni Mitchell - Down To You Joni Mitchell - Refuge of the Roads Joni Mitchell - Slouching Towards Bethlehem  Joni Mitchell - Shades of Scarlet Conquering Joni Mitchell - Cool Water (with Willie Nelson) Joni Mitchell - The Jungle Line Joni Mitchell - Song For Sharon Joni Mitchell - Cold Blue Steel and Sweet Fire Joni Mitchell - Night Ride Home Joni Mitchell - Taming the Tiger Joni Mitchell - Snakes & Ladders Joni Mitchell - Raised on Robbery Joni Mitchell - Jericho Joni Mitchell - Lakota Joni Mitchell - The Beat of Black Wings Joni Mitchell - You Turn Me On I’m A Radio (Live) The Delfonics - Ready or Not Here I Come Funkadelic - Maggot Brain Incredible Bongo Band - Apache The Stylistics - People Make The World Go Round Manual - Crockett’s Theme Jessica Pratt - This Time Around Jessica Pratt - Poly Blue Jessica Pratt - Baby, Back Jessica Pratt - Aeroplane Tony Allen - Stick Around Basia - Promises Basia - New Day For You Basia - Cruising For Bruising Basia - Drunk On Love Basia - Third Time Lucky America - Tin Man Weyes Blood - Andromeda Ladytron - Far From Home Ladytron - Deadzone Ladytron - The Island St. Vincent & Dua Lipa | Masseduction / One Kiss | 2019 GRAMMYs Janelle Monáe - Make Me Feel (LIVE at the 61st GRAMMYs) Still Corners - The Trip Still Corners - Strange Pleasures FM-84 - Bend & Break Robyn - Send To Robin Immediately The Ultimate Kate Bush Experience - Shambush Kate Bush - Wuthering Heights Kate Bush - Running Up That Hill Kate Bush - Hounds of Love [Full Album] Kate Bush - Babooshka Kate Bush - The Sensual World Kate Bush - Hammer Horror Kate Bush - Love and Anger Katie Lee - Stay as Sick as You Are America - You Can Do Magic Blonde Redhead - Magic Mountain Harry Nilsson - Gotta Get Up In These Streets Lorelle Meets the Obsolete - Unificado Sneaks - Ecstasy Linear Movement - Way Out Of Living Alex Lilly - Pornographic Mind Caribou - Melody Day (Four Tet Remix feat. Luke Lalonde Adem and One Little Plane) Def Leppard - Hysteria Sigrid - Sight of You The Charlie Steinmann Orchestra And Singers - It's Such a Good Night (Scoobidoo Love) Alice Coltrane - Blue Nile Les McCann - Roberta Pharoah Sanders - Astral Travelling  Pure Bathing Culture - Scotty Jamila Woods - EARTHA Patricia Barber - Too Rich For My Blood Mary Jane Girls - All Night Long LL Cool J - Around the Way Girl Keep Shelly In Athens - Bendable Absolute Jest: I. Beginning · John Adams · San Francisco Symphony · St. Lawrence String Quartet · Michael Tilson Thomas Tears For Fears - Everybody Wants To Rule the World Futurecop! - Fade Away (feat. NINA) Steve Gunn - New Moon Moving Panoramas - ADD Heart Elizabeth Barraclough - Don’t TV Me Klymaxx - Meeting In the Ladies Room Salt Cathedral - Go and Get It feat. Big Freedia & Jarina DeMarco Brian Eno - Ambient 1: Music for Airports [Full Album] Calexico and Iron & Wine - Midnight Sun Cate Le Bon - The Light Cate Le Bon - Daylight Matters Jack White at Château de Fontainebleau I A Take Away Show Tammy Wynette - Your Good Girl’s Gonna Go Bad Stella Donnelly - Die Portishead - Sour Times Portishead at Roseland New York City Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Cheated Hearts Warpaint - Disco//Very - Keep It Healthy  Jessica Pratt - Fare Thee Well Jessica Pratt - Here My Love Alvvays - Saved By A Waif Alvvays - Dreams Tonite Alvvays - Forget About Life Alvvays - Plimsoll Punks Tame Impala - Patience Godzilla: Old Rivals - Bear McCreary( Godzilla: King of Monsters Soundtrack) Alloy Tracks - Somewhere Over the Rainbow | Godzilla: King of the Monsters (Beautiful Trailer Theme) Girl Crisis - The Sign Siouxsie and the Banshees - Captain Scarlet Boards of Canada - Macquarie Ridge Tōth - Practice Magic And Seek Professional Help When Necessary (Full Album) Wyatt - Attention Fontaines D.C. - Hurricane Laughter (Darklands Version) Matthew and the Atlas - Counting Paths Matthew and the Atlas - Old Ceremony Sufjan Stevens - Love Yourself Computer Magic - Hudson Grizzly Bear - Mourning Sound Lana Del Rey - Doin Time Chastity Belt - Trapped Kero Kero Bonito - Make Believe Eberhard Weber - T. On A White Horse Endre Hegedus - VI. Golliwogg's Cake-Walk, Debussy: Children's Corner / Suite Bergamasque LCD Soundsystem - oh baby Dominique Young Unique - Throw It Down Leikeli47 - Money Santigold - Look At These Hoes Handsome Boy Modeling School - Holy Calamity (Bear Witness II) Perfume Genius - Slip Away DJ Shadow - "Nobody Speak" feat. Run The Jewels St. Vincent - Fast Slow Disco Marion Cotillard and Metronomy - Is She Really Going Out With Him Patti Smith - Gloria King Princess - Cheap Queen Ingrid Michaelson - Best Friend Kindness - Hard To Believe Kim Petras - Clarity Kim Petras - Another One Cowboy Junkies - Dreaming My Dreams With You Rihanna - Same Ol’ Mistakes Screaming Trees - Nearly Lost You Sailors of Neptune - Car Song Photay - Outré Lux (feat. Madison McFerrin) Ella Fitzgerald - I’ll Never Be The Same Timecop1983 - My First Crush (feat. Trevor Something) Toro Y Moi - Cola The Cinematic Orchestra - Wait For Now/Leave The World (feat. Tawiah) Charli XCX & Christine and the Queens - Gone Hayley Kiyoko - I Wish Jambalaya Brass Band - Tumbao Frosty and the Diamonds - Destination Mars Plumb - Blush (Only You) Evanescence - Anywhere Courtney Barnett - Avant Gardener Christine and the Queens - Need You Tonight (INXS Cover) Dua Lipa - Be The One (80's Power Ballad Remix) Bomba Estéreo - Corazón Zola Jesus - Wiseblood (Johnny Jewel Remix) The Bangles - Going Down To Liverpool Trills - Hush King Princess - Prophet Emily Wells - I’m No Heroine Ariel Pink - Bubblegum Dreams Missy Elliott - Throw It Back Missy Elliott Performs 'Get Ur Freak On', 'Lose Control' & More | 2019 Video Music Awards Miranda Lambert - Way Too Pretty for Prison Miranda Lambert - The House That Built Me Miranda Lambert - We Should Be Friends Miranda Lambert - Mama’s Broken Heart Maya Hawke - To Love a Boy Flowers (Eurydice's Song) - (Anaïs Mitchell - Hadestown) Young Ejecta • Welcome To Love Kelis - Bossy ft. Too $hort Lindsay Lohan - Bossy Natalie Cole - Lush Life Grimes & i_o - Violence The Highwomen - Redesigning Women Lana Del Rey - Season Of The Witch Anita Carter - Ring of Fire Jack Hylton - Wedding of the Painted Doll Earth, Wind, and Fire - Fantasy DJ Boring - Winona DJ Boring - Goodbye Michael Rob Reich - Shimmytown Shuffle Sarah Vaughan - Spring Can Really Hang You Up The Most King Princess - Playboy School of Pop Broken Social Scene - Anthems For A Seventeen-Year Old Girl Jenny Hval - Lions (feat. Vivian Wang) Minny Riperton - Les Fleurs Nikolai Rimsky-Korsakov ‒ Procession of the Nobles Firebird - 13. Infernal Dance Of All Of Kashchei's Subjects Kylie Minogue - Dancing Someone Still Loves You Boris Yeltsin - All Hail Dracula! Jana Hunter | You Belong Here Bat For Lashes - The Hunger Bat For Lashes - Laura Zero 7 - Swimmers Tame Impala - It Might Be Time Hannah Williams & The Affirmations - Woman Got Soul Galantis & Dolly Parton - Faith feat. Mr. Probz The KLF - 3am Eternal The KLF feat. Tammy Wynette - Justified & Ancient Pet Shop Boys - What Have I Done To Deserve This Pet Shop Boys - Always On My Mind Pet Shop Boys - West End Girls Til Tuesday - Voices Carry St. Vincent - Laughing With A Mouth of Blood Spice Girls - 2 Become 1 Tennis - Runner Giles Reaves - ‎"Sowelu (Wholeness)" Taeko Ohnuki - Sunshower (Full Album) 80s Japanese Fusion Summer Mix (Fusion Jazz, City Pop, Funk, Soul...) Tamaryn - Dreaming The Dark (Full Album) Swing Out Sister - Breakout Ayane Yamazaki - 眠りの理由 "Women Of Country Performance" | Live from CMA Awards 2019 Reba McEntire - "Fancy" | Live from CMA Awards 2019 Seal - Crazy Seal - Violet Tame Impala - Posthumous Forgiveness Richard Wagner - The Flight of the Valkyries The Black Angels - Yellow Elevator #2 Bonnie Raitt - Unnecessarily Mercenary Norah Jones - Flipside Genesis Owusu - WUTD Lana Del Rey - Mariners Apartment Complex 10,000 Hz Legend - Don’t Be Light Air Miami - See Through Plastic Kitchens Of Distinction - Margaret's Injection Sebastian Böhm - Blue Monday (Official "Wonder Woman 1984" Trailer Music) Primitons - All My Friends Heavens To Betsy – Waitress Hell Romania - Planes Dionne Farris - I Know CeCe Peniston - Finally Robin S - Show Me Love La Bouche - Be My Lover Stilz - Wavelength Tennis - Need Your Love The Fixx - One Thing Leads To Another The Fixx - Saved By Zero The Fixx - Red Skies The Fixx - Stand Or Fall Kajagoogoo - Too Shy Nik Kershaw - Wouldn't It Be Good Howard Jones - Like To Get To Know You Well Jane Child - Don't Wanna Fall In Love Information Society - What’s On Your Mind (Pure Energy) Icehouse - No Promises The Spiral Starecase - More Today Than Yesterday Caroline Rose - Feel The Way I Want Frank & His Sisters - Mwanangu Lala KIRLIAN CAMERA - Blue Room Look Blue Go Purple | Cactus Cat Look Blue Go Purple | Circumspect Penelope Look Blue Go Purple - I Don't Want You Anyway The Bats | North By North Best Coast - Everything Has Changed Best Coast  - For The First Time War And Peace / Gab Is Stabbed · Joseph LoDuca Tashaki Miyaki - I Only Have Eyes for You (the Flamingos cover - Little Big Planet 3 OST) Angel Olsen - Who’s Sorry Now Anna Calvi - Love of my life | Empty Space #5 The Flamingos - I Only Have Eyes For You Supergrass - Moving Supergrass - Late In the Day Supergrass - Richard III Panda Bear - Sequential Circuits Computer Magic - Be Fair Computer Magic - Fuzz Computer Magic - Spaces The Amazing - Tell Them You Can’t Leave Anna Calvi - Hunter Anna Calvi - Swimming Pool Carly Simon - Nobody Does It Better Duran Duran - Rio Duran Duran - Save A Prayer Duran Duran - My Own Way Anna Calvi - Eden Anna Calvi - Indies or Paradise She & Him - I Can Hear Music Soloist Mari Silje Samuelsen - Antonio Vivaldi - "Summer" from four seasons Vivaldi Four Seasons: "Winter" (L'Inverno), complete; Cynthia Freivogel, Voices of Music  Para One · Arthur Simonini-La Jeune Fille en Feu (Bande originale du film) Agnes Obel - The Curse (Berlin Live Session) St. Vincent - Los Ageless Billie Ellish - No Time To Die King Princess - Hit The Back (Dance Video) Men I Trust - Show Me How Lady Gaga - Stupid Love Agnes Obel - Fuel To Fire Beach House - Space Song Sufjan Stevens - Visions of Gideon Agnes Obel - Broken Sleep snarls - Walk In the Woods Dixie Chicks - Not Ready to Make Nice (Live from MMXVI Tour) Dixie Chicks - Gaslighter Conspiracy of Owls - "Ancient Robots" Conspiracy of Owls - A Silver Song Sigrid - Home To You Tierra Whack – Unemployed Jenny Hval - Accident Caroline Polachek - So Hot You're Hurting My Feelings

Ally's Apocalyptic Ad (Tripple threat)

Well hi there honey ～

The Quarantine has compelled me to post another ad onto FYRA, since there isn’t much you can do other than spend your days inside, I figured I’ll use this as a perfect opportunity to reach out to those who are interested in a specific role-play with me! :)

The name’s Aaliyah or Ally for short, and I will cut right to the chase. I am looking for a mature role-player, preferably 21+ but will also accept 18+ (just to be sure that you are of legal age, otherwise it’ll be uncomfortable).

I recently turned 27, with 12 years of experience, and hope to meet someone who shares a passion for creative writing and formulating interesting plots and characters. In case you are curious about me as a person, I am a full-time student and a young writer who works at the gym on the side, but also enjoys other creative outlets such as drawing and photography.  But at the moment, as the pandemic is spreading, I am reduced to attending online courses, thus have loads of free time on my hands. Be sure that you’re able to uphold a stable Roleplay. And if I do not message you back right away, I hope you can forgive me. I will make sure to let you know if either my capacity is full, or if I am not able to respond right away due to technical issues (or other reasons). If you are hitting a hiatus, that is more than fair! A simple message to put things on hold will completely suffice, but I would like to keep in touch in case the story bears great potential. I very much enjoy video-games, tv-shows, comics, films, books, and the list goes on. Hopefully, I can attract some kindred spirits. I roleplay both Canon and Original! 
But currently, I am looking for something very specific, and that something is heavily focused on Supernatural / Gothic / Horror / Urban Fantasy genre. So if there’s no luck in finding a fitting Canon based story, we can always switch to original world-building. For fandoms, I have only picked out four very specifically that I am more than willing to do. I have a heavy craving for a role-play based around dark gritty plots, deeply well-written characters and a whole lot of sass. So if you’re in the mood for something spicy, hit me up.

What it comes down to:

What the Partnership should be: I strongly encourage an active roleplayer who is not afraid of sharing 50% of ideas, plotting, length, detail but most important of all, passion. A bird cannot fly with only one wing. Communication: I’m a chatterbox, so I love making new friends while brainstorming! Communication is the bedrock of it all. It strengthens our compatibility and the story. Should there be something that bothers you, or if you think your characters are not given any proper attention (be it a mistake on my part or if we’re both at fault here), don’t worry about it. Just tell me and we can figure things out. I have no issues with rewriting scenes for a better narrative, or, correct a mistake. We can always exchange and see what would benefit the story most. The Way of Writing: Not a fan of one-liners or text-talk. No half-assed replies. And certainly no ‘quality over quantity’ when you can have both. What I expect for you to have is a basic grasp of grammar. Not to say you need to write a perfectly articulated novel - obviously, a no brainer. I don’t either, but if I get the feeling of my partner wavering in their effort and not investing as much as I do, I have to give them the chop, unfortunately. Too often have I encountered partners who showed strong enthusiasm at first but as time progressed… they slacked and eventually only put an adequate amount of effort into their side whilst completely disregarding my characters.

How I write:

My writing: Third person perspective usually, although I have made some exceptions in my years of writing. My style is a wide spectrum and very flexible, which means that frequently, the word count can go up to 1000+ per reply - though it depends on the given situation and partner. And yes, I do double, preferably even, most likely in canon universes. However this again wholly depends on the type of story, partner, and the cast of characters. I am very open and willing to discuss. 
Rating: So you are writing with someone mature. I have 12 years of writing under my belt. There will be violence, there will be swearing, there will be gore. Intimate, uncomfortable topics such as drama, erotica and other topics close to that will always be included with me as a partner. I have few limits but I will respect the boundaries of my partner. And lastly, I won’t fade to black or skip out on the nitty-gritty, unless it doesn’t serve a particular purpose in forwarding the story, then I can make an exception. Characters: I write both canon and OC characters. Face claims, GIFs, drawings, mood boards or just a plain physical description should suffice. Characters ought to be written as opulent, flawed, unique, talented, heroic, villainous, spiteful, angry, and everything in-between, beings. Don’t be afraid of making them human. Romance: Openly play and accept characters of both genders, preferable m x f pairings, but I am open to m x m and f x f relationships as well. I have more experience with m x f relationships, so I am more flexible with this one. If the chemistry of two characters compel me, I’m on board! When it comes to sexual situations and intimacy (intercourse, foreplay, all that funny business), I am not particularly squeamish about it. I encourage eroticism, but always in a tasteful, sensual manner (that goes for romance as well), though it is never the main focus of any of my stories, rather a tool for furthering the plot. Erotica is welcome but not the center of any of my roleplays, so I’d rather have it develop naturally and not rush it from one ‘sex-scene’ to the next. Content: Drama, violence, action, romance, pretty much everything's a-okay. I have no qualms with explicit subjects that may be uncomfortable for the general public. Roleplays are fictional stories and we best keep viewing them as such. Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me, right? If there are things you are uncomfortable with, name them and I shall respect your boundaries. My roleplays imply and involve brutality such as psychological and physical trauma among other things. It may be difficult to read and write, but it is all part of the plan and a way of progressing the story. However, that’s not the end of it. I 100% endorse beauty, serenity and placid moments as well. It is all needed for our characters to grow and evolve. I love it when it all comes full circle… everyone- and everything has a beautiful and hideous side. This is for adults and I am not here to coddle, I am here for a challenge.


And finally, here are the things that I am looking for interest-wise! If your fields of interest are not listed here, I am sorry, but I won't be compelled to do anything but those things mentioned down below. Sorry :(

☞ Castlevania *** ☞ Devil May Cry **** ☞ Hellsing *** ☞ Hellboy ** ☞ Constantine *** ☞ AU / Where all universes clash into each other **** ☞ The Boys ** ☞ Bayonetta ** ☞ Buffy *

As for original plots, I am very keen on urban and gothic fantasy, but I am also inclined to do fantasy/alternative reality, mythology, etc. I have plenty of ideas up my sleeve, some of them fully fleshed out and some of them mere rough concepts still in progress. Either way, I would rather have these ideas introduced throughout email or whatever platform we choose to communicate on. I also have a strong penchant for world-building, especially worlds on a metaphysical plain or different planets, dimensions like the underworld, netherworld, purgatory, heaven, etc.

Original themes:

☞ Supernatural / Metaphysical (Demons, Angels, Spirits, Monsters, Hunters, Cosmic Horror,  etc.)
 ☞ Mystery
 ☞ Crime
 ☞ Action
 ☞ Horror
 ☞ Romance
 ☞ Thriller
 ☞ Monsters 



As a precaution, here are the things I am not interested in:

☞ Slice of life
 Topics that aren’t listed in my ad (although I am not against trying something new, I have had many messages that suggested we roleplay something completely out of my field.) 
 ☞ Anime cliches
 ☞ Solely smut focused plots

Aaaand should I hit a hiatus myself, I will notify asap!


Platforms I use are email and google-docs. I also have a Discord account in case we plot and chat outside of the RP. However, Google Hangouts has proven itself as a sufficient chat-medium for OOC-chat, so I rather stay on email (in case you also have a Gmail account).

If you message me, please use the referred codenames below so I know your specific interest. :)

♠ 𝕮𝖔𝖑𝖉 𝕭𝖑𝖔𝖔𝖉𝖊𝖉: Canon 


♥ 𝕭𝖑𝖔𝖔𝖉𝖞 𝕶𝖎𝖘𝖘𝖊𝖘: Original 


Even though not mandatory, it is preferred. I would love to read a small description of yourself and your passions. Message me here: EMAIL: [email protected] Excited to hear from you! Sincerely yours -Ally

The Velocipastor

Premise according to IMDB: After losing his parents, a priest travels to China, where he inherits a mysterious ability that allows him to turn into a dinosaur. At first horrified by this new power, a hooker convinces him to use it to fight crime. And ninjas.

Premise according to us: Every so often, in an otherwise ordinary life, a movie comes along that is so visionary, so transformative and so ahead of its time that your life is never quite the same afterwards. It probably goes without saying that this is not that film. But damned if we didn’t enjoy the heck out of it anyway.

Wow, that’s high praise there. Honestly, coming across this gem after some of the dross we’ve sat through of late was like going to sleep beside the Trumpster (you nestled in your comfy bed, him prostate and unblinking in his cryovac chamber) and waking up to see a shirtless Justin Trudeau standing over you holding a breakfast tray piled high with croissants and a huge bowl of Nutella.

Mmmm, Nutella. That’s so good smeared across croissants! Right... yes... croissants. Because that would definitely not be the only place we would be smearing Nutella in this scenario. But moving right along…

Ah yes, back to The Velocipastor. Now, where were we? Well, I was about to share my general rule of thumb about this kind of movie. Which is that if the words ‘WTF’ come out of my mouth within the first five minutes, followed by vigorous thrashing of the rewind button, then we’re onto a winner. And these guys managed it with the below shot. *cue supermassive spoiler alert*

You see, during the film’s first few minutes or so, a horrific car bomb kills the family of the film’s hero priest right before his very eyes. But instead of a glorious explosion of sound, violence, body parts and middle aged parental polyester across the big screen, the director merely added a descriptive tile in a font I think came standard with Windows Office 98. I mean, have you ever seen a more excellent manifestation of having no budget than this?

Wait, so there was no explosion, no body parts and no gore...  and that’s a good thing? YES! A very good thing. Because it shows they get the essence of B-grade monster movie making, which is that the budget may be small, but the tongue-in-cheek ideas don’t have to be. Talk about happy days!

Still, exploding parents is a pretty awful thing to happen to someone so young, right? Totally. But luckily our hero priest Fr Doug has the wise words of mentor Fr Stuart to ponder as he mourns his loss while sipping - nay sculling - the blood of Jesus Christ in a way we’re fairly certain the Vatican would not be keen on. “Your parents died Doug. That’s what parents do. They die on you.” Dibs putting that on a commemorative T-shirt.

So how exactly does a shattered soul such as Doug then rebuild from there? Well it’s simple. You go to the place where, in the words of Fr Stu, “you think God will not follow.” In this case, China*. And we know it’s China because, despite its resemblance to an everyday tract of north American wilderness, we are offered a few subtle clues. Namely the word ‘China’ appearing on screen in massive type and the sudden arrival of a warrior chick in a white martial arts suit and a vaguely racist bamboo peasant hat. Mind you, we don’t get too much of a look at her since she’s busy copping an arrow straight through the chest from a random ninja in the forest. Then comes the indignity of spending her final moments with our hero priest, who takes one look at the gushing bloody wound and arrowhead embedded prominently in her torso and reaches for the obvious question only a man anyone would ask in the circumstances: “Are you hurt?” Honestly, in her shoes, we would have passed him the cursed dinosaur tooth of the Dragon Warrior too.  *note this film predates the arrival of the coronavirus.

By the way, just rewinding matters for a second, I couldn’t help but notice that Doug somehow managed to drive to China ... from the US: Yes, we clocked that too. But rather than get bogged down in logical exploration, let’s just assume Sarah Palin was the film’s geography consultant and move on.

OK, done. Next minute, we’re suddenly back in the US, where Doug is having some bad dreams and feeling hungry* and a prostitute called Carol is being roughed up by her pimp Frankie Mermaid, whose subtle moniker refers to the fact he’s “swimming in bitches”. Frankie old mate, you are so going to die. But not, apparently, before sending Carol out into a dark forest to drum up some business. *if you get what we mean

Wait, is that really where hookers hang out these days? #askingforafriend Well not if they want to make any money, no. But hey, no sacrifice is too great in the pursuit of #plotdevelopment. And just as we type that here it comes, in the form of an armed offender keen to separate Carol from her cash. If only there was someone, anyone, who could just randomly stumble into the forest and rescue our damsel in distress. Oh wait. Is that Fr Doug? Boy, he looks kind of hungry* *if you get what we mean

Next minute: It’s the next morning and a surprisingly buff Fr Doug is in the hooker’s bed. But not like *that*. Because she just wants to chat. Or at least to engage in some very unsophisticated single entendres about how “last night was amazing” even though “it all happened so quickly”. Fortunately her blow by blow* account sets Doug’s mind at ease, except for the bit where he turned into a dinosaur and ate someone. Which he does not believe. Because, and say it with me here religious zealots, “Dinosaurs never existed.” * Wash your mind out with soap - this is a common expression, not a sexual euphenism... yet.

Of course they didn’t. Well I assume she eventually convinces him he’s part velociraptor and that they should use his powers to rid the world of evil. But we don’t want to give away the rest of the movie do we? No, we most certainly do not want to spoil the sure-to-be-hugely-unexpected plot twists of a movie called The Velocipastor. And honestly, half the fun is in the surprises. So instead, let’s just share a few of the queries we asked each other along the way: * Did that guy really just say he’s going to survive the Vietnam War without taking a single hit? I mean, has he ever seen a war movie? * Really? You bought nunchakus to a fight with ninjas? Really? * Wait, does that exorcist have goblin ears?  * Are they honestly going to boink for the first time under a chenille duvet?  * No, I mean seriously, under a chenille duvet????

Wait, if our hero is a priest, then who is the prostitute boinking? Sorry, can’t answer that. But *cough* The Thorn Birds *cough*.

Well at least tell us Frankie Mermaid bites it bad: Again, mum’s the word. But let’s just say confession isn’t always good for the soul, especially when you may or may not be confessing to a certain earlier car bomb murder.

Intriguing. Well to something you can tell us, did the film get good reviews? To answer this let’s turn to our beloved critics over at the IMDB: “This movie cured my cancer and my acne, my asthma is gone and I don't need my glasses anymore.” Nuff said. Final verdict? Yep! And that’s without even mentioning the best ninjas versus dinosaur fight scene EVER committed to film. EVER. Which I really wanted to film and post here but #respectforcopyright.

Vanilla vodkas needed to sit through it (out of 10): None. And that would be true even if we hadn’t just drunk our own body weight in sugar-free soft drink.

ive seen that some people are nervous about checking out Love Death + Robots given that its a mature anthology series with different teams for each  episode. if you’re one of those people, here’s a soft review of each ep with relatively few spoilers to help you judge for yourself.

just off the bat, basically every episode has gratuitous violence and/or varying amounts of gore so if that’s not your thing this show probably isn’t either.

SONNIE’S EDGE: this one goes out to all the wlw monsterfuckers. great plot if you can overcome the male-gazey character design, male-gazey wlw sex scene, and heavy r*pe themes; it even engages with and actually subverts the trope of ‘woman became badass fighter b/c of rape trauma’. it’s heavy on the gore, and also unfortunately the type of sci-fi where at some point cis women just universally stop wearing bras for some unknown reason. hope it gets a sequel with a better director. shame it’s the only short to have any LGBT rep unless you want to count genderless robots.

THREE ROBOTS: so long as CGI dead bodies and suicide references are something you’re cool with, this one is honestly really cute and mostly harmless. it’s like Wall-E and The Last of Us had a baby. THE WITNESS: a interesting, short, self-contained plot with a Spiderverse-esque art style ultimately brought down by how reliant it is on cis-feminine nudity for shock value. we see the protagonist’s boobs and genitals so much that it feels contrived even by cyberpunk standards. you could technically argue there’s gay male rep in this but he’s like Ruby Rhod from The Fifth Element without the nuance so i shant.

SUITS: farmers with mechs. no sexualisation of female characters at all! one of my favourite art styles and honestly a really entertaining little action film. they have 17 minutes to get you to care about the characters and their relationships and somehow they manage it. probably my favourite!! SUCKER OF SOULS: as long as you’re okay with a monster having its dick out for 10 seconds this one is also a fun, simple action romp. HEAVY on the gore tho. also two cats have sex at one point b/c shock value

WHEN THE YOGHURT TOOK OVER: the shortest piece of the anthology, but one of the more enjoyable. it’s silly, funny, and wants you to turn your brain off for six minutes for some vague political satire.

BEYOND THE AQUILA RIFT: a fully animated, hyper-realistic CGI cishet sex scene, gratuitous female nudity, etc. honestly they could’ve cut it all out and the piece would probably flow better given that, shockingly, our watching two people have ‘rough’ sex adds nothing to the plot. at least it’s vaguely consensual?

GOOD HUNTING: this is where the gifs of the sexy robot lady come from, which is why it might surprise you to learn that it’s a piece of sci-fi media with East-Asian main characters which actually addresses English colonialism and racism! holy shit!! still, warning for gratuitous cis-feminine nudity, r*pe themes, and rich english people.

THE DUMP: short, pretty alright. the twist is pretty obvious after a few minutes and it uses cismasculine nudity for shock value which is always “fun”. not like people who are attracted to men might wanna watch mature media and see their gaze on screen.

SHAPE-SHIFTERS: listen, i love werewolves, but fuck this evil, racist short and here’s why.

HELPING-HAND: like SONNIE’S EDGE it suffers from that sci-fi trope where cis women just stop wearing bras under their tank tops because it looks edgier. but otherwise, it’s one of the best shorts! gets pretty graphic gore-wise at one point tho, so watch out for that. also, if you’re like me and seeing people in extreme physical pain makes you uncomfortable handle this one with caution.

FISH NIGHT: cute moments, simple but effective concept, great art style, light on gore, and i think the only case of cis male nudity on the show not designed to disgust the viewer to some degree!! wahey!! maybe next season we’ll even get a male character actually designed to be sexually attractive.

LUCKY 13: wait, do i spy a WoC as the protagonist? holy shit, the director doesn’t even flash her nipples at us!! astounding!!! also its Samira Wiley, yay!!!! plot is revolving around a fantasy military with combat shown repeatedly and graphically so if that’s not your thing it’s best to skip it. but otherwise, this is one of the stronger pieces.

ZIMA BLUE: beautiful, simple, philosophical, satisfying, and manages all that without any boobs or genitals being flashed at the screen. holy shit! maybe some should let all these cishet male directors know that’s an option before they start on season two. prolly my second favourite, tbh.

BLINDSPOT: generally harmless, more about action than plot. character design seems a bit male-gazey but eh. whatever. 

ICE AGE: this chill lil 10 minute piece puts us at a grand total of 5/16 shorts where absolutely no one gets even vaguely naked, and also i think the only one out of all 18 that has any live-action in it. yay!

ALTERNATE HISTORIES: like THE DUMP this one’s kinda just there for the shock value of itself. the animation style’s fine, but it feels like a YouTube skit from 5 years ago, complete with an instance of the ‘man in a dress’ trope. you can easily skip it tbh.

THE SECRET WAR: bunch of Russian dudes in Siberia fighting monsters. relatively fun, light on any form of representation other than straight white dudes, and one of the most gratuitous in terms of gore. gotta give it credit for setting up and resolving a pretty broad plot in only 16 minutes with only one exposition flashback.

red sparrow rewritten

so i saw red sparrow yesterday, and it was … well, i didn’t love it. as someone who’s not normally too bothered by that type of thing, there was too much sexualized violence and gore for me to actually enjoy it, so

here’s how i would have done it:

we’ll keep the beginning. dominika is the prima ballerina, taking care of her ailing mother. she suffers a career ending injury, threatening her ability to care for her mother and herself.

her rich, connected uncle vanya makes her an offer. he’s been kind, but distant. he proves to her that the injury was no accident, and just like in the movie she goes to the ballet, and finds her coworkers who did this, and she beats them with her walking stick. she doesn’t kill them, but it’s close, oh so close, it’s more luck that they don’t die than anything else.

the movie had vanya want her, had him attracted to his niece, and her mother makes a comment about not liking the way he looked at her as a child. we’re going to take that out, because it’s unnecessary. it doesn’t add anything, doesn’t come up plot-wise, it’s only purpose was to make it extra clear that we Don’t Like Him and he’s a Creep. which we figure out, like, pretty damn quickly, we don’t need it. complicated people are more realistic, are more interesting than one dimensional villains. if there’s one thing this movie desperately needed, it was to stop beating a dead horse, and then trying to have sex with it.

so her vanya sees her for what she is: his niece. his dead brother’s daughter. he tried to be helpful after his brother’s death – he took her out to eat at nice restaurants, loving the way she pretended to be a little lady, and her serious eyes and serious mouth. but he’s busy, and he’s not good with kids. but she wants to be dancer, and she’d good, so he gets her the audition that gets her into the company, uses her too, brings his slimy political “friends” to watch his beautiful niece dance. she’s a perfect specimen of russian beauty, control, and skill, and he shows her off thusly.

he’s not a good person, doesn’t do good things. but he tries to be helpful. so he comes to her with the offer – sleep with this man and while he’s distracted switch his phone with one they’ve bugged, and he’ll see that she and her mother are taken care of. of course, he’s rich and connected enough to do that anyway, but he won’t do it for free – because he’s not a good person, and he doesn’t do good things.

she wants to refuse, but he pressures her, saying her mother will suffer if she doesn’t do it. so she agrees, and it sickens her, but she does it. then we get to the scene where the man starts to rape her (so unnecessary, so unneeded, she’d already “consented” to this, she would have slept with him, but the movie couldn’t let dominika go through anything un-traumatized). the movie had Boy Assassin come in and kill him while he was still on top of her, still inside her. he could have come in earlier, but waited until he was already fucking her.

yeah, no.

for all the sex and gore and death, dominika doesn’t kill anyone with her own two hands in this movie. which – give me a fucking break. we can rape this woman multiple times on screen, but having her kill someone? too much. are you trying to show she’s better than that, because guess what, she’s not. you have her beat two people bloody for ending her career, but killing the people who torture her and assault her is too far? fuck that.

he gets rough, too rough, and dominka decides fuck this. he’s an old man, she’s a freaking prima ballerina. do you have any idea how strong she has to be? she’s violent, we know that, and so she grabs the phone off the bedside table and beats him to death with it.

you want sexualized gore, fine, here’s how you can have it: by the time assassin boy comes through the window, dominka is sitting there in her slinky black lace underwear, chest heaving, covered in the blood of her would-be rapist while his corpse lays beside her.

and it’s a big deal, and no witnesses, so she’s once again offered the same choice: death, or sparrow school. but maybe it’s a little easier for us all to swallow if:

“your father was a sparrow,” vanya says, offering her a cigarette, watching her with eyes that are hard and sorry all at once. he’ll kill her, but he won’t like it. dominka wonders if that’s supposed to be some sort of comfort.

“my father is dead,” she says. she takes the cigarette, leaning forward so he can light it for her.

he shrugs. “death comes for us all. perhaps you will be like my dear brother, and serve your country for many years, and die for it, in a humiliating and painful way. perhaps you will live to a ripe old age, and die in your bed, in a humiliating and painful way.”

“perhaps i will die today, in a humiliating and painful way,” dominka finishes.

“you don’t have to,” he says, “there’s sparrow school. it didn’t break your father. i don’t think it will break you.”

there’s a third option. he could save her. but he won’t, he won’t stick his neck out for hers, not for free. she doesn’t want to die today. “alright,” she says, “i will be a sparrow.”

and sparrow school goes much the same – she’s still too smart, and stubborn. she refuses to strip and squirms at all the sex training. and she was almost raped, was assaulted, and that’s traumatic enough. but he didn’t get inside her before she killed him, and she clings to that, hardens herself around that.

so when her fellow student tries to rape her in the shower, she beats him off just the same way. but it’s not because of ptsd, its not her being retraumatized all over again.

it’s her drawing her line in the sand.

in sparrow school, in her missions, she will have to let men and women touch her. her body doesn’t belong to her, it belongs to the state. and she’ll do what she has to do – she’ll lie, she’ll kill, she’ll get on her knees and use her hands, her mouth, she’ll bend over and take it in the ass, but not this.

her pussy is belongs to her alone. they can take everything else, but not this. she wouldn’t let that old man have it, and she won’t let her country have it.

this attempted rape isn’t her breaking. it’s her figuring out where she stands, what her line is. they can kill her, but they can’t take this from her, she’ll kill herself first.

that’s when dominka flips, when she goes from good to great. her teacher tells her that she’s selfish, and to give her would-be rapist what he wants. she does the same thing as the movie, stripping and spreading her legs in front of the class and telling her almost rapist to fuck her, sneering and bored, and he can’t get it up, because he didn’t want sex, he wanted control, and she wasn’t going to let him have it.

now that she knows what she won’t give up, the rest of it is on the table, she doesn’t flinch or squirm away from it anymore. and her teacher is disapproving, because she won’t let anyone fuck her, gets around it while still succeeding, but this is how dominka survives, how she becomes the best.

she gets pulled out, and told to take this mission, to get the american cia operative nate nash to trust her and get him to tell her the name of the mole, of the traitor in their ranks. her uncle takes her to dinner, the same place he took her as a child, and says, “you don’t seem broken.”

“are you disappointed?” she asks, and she sips at her tea to hide her smile when he orders two of everything, just like when she was a little girl.

she’s not a little girl anymore, and her uncle is a horrible person. she wishes that meant she wasn’t fond of him, but it doesn’t.

“on the contrary,” he says, “i thought you would be well suited to this work. you’re good at it.”

“i’m good at everything,” she answers, because it’s true. she wanted to become a prima ballerina, so she did. she decided to become a sparrow, and so she did. less than a fifth of class is still there. still alive. the fact that it wasn’t her choice sours it a little, but not much. her circumstances forced her there, but her accomplishments got her here, out of sparrow school and into the her favorite restaurant as a child.

he tells her find the mole, and she’s free, she’ll have paid her debt to the state, and he’ll see to it that she and her mother will be taken care of, and she won’t have to work for them again, if she doesn’t want to.

he’s lying. dominika doesn’t want to do this work, but she doesn’t want a lot of things, so she smiles and nods, and wonders if there’s any way out of this life besides death.

so things go as they go, she meets nate nash, and he clocks her immediately, figures out who and what she is in five minutes, because he’s just that good. and dominka plays her game, with her uncle, with her sparrow roommate, with everyone.

she tries to play it with him, but it doesn’t work. nate cares about his mole, cares about people, cares about her. you can’t con an honest man, and she wonders how an honest man got himself tangled up in this work. it can’t be good for him.

so the only con left to her is not to have one, to be honest and open and see what he does.

in the movie, she asks if she can trust him, and then fucks him. it’s supposed to show how he’s healed her trauma, how all dominika needed to get over her rape was a good man, was to fall in love. but that’s bullshit, that’s not how trauma works.

but dominika wasn’t raped here. here, she’s asserted again and again that she doesn’t fuck, not like that, that it’s the one thing she won’t do. so when she has sex with nate, when she straddles him and kisses him and she’s the one who puts him inside her, it’s not about trauma. it’s about trust, and when we see her have sex with nate, we know she likes him, trusts him, as a person and not an agent. because dominka the agent doesn’t give her pussy away. but dominka the person is a person, who fucks people she likes, who likes sex on her terms, when it’s with someone she likes and trusts, and that’s nate.

you’re not stuck comparing her and nate to her and her rapist. you just get to appreciate the fact that dominika for the first time in maybe this whole movie is doing what she wants, is finding joy in something, in someone.

she plays the americans, and the russians, plays them all. it goes almost the same, except: when assassin boy kills her sparrow roommate, she doesn’t let him grab her, she flips him on his back holds a knife to his throat and says to go, that she’ll clean up his mess. we don’t have to see dominika forced over a naked woman in a bath of her own blood and a bag over her head. the american traitor chief of staff that dominika helps the americans find doesn’t get run over by a truck and killed thirty seconds later, because what’s the point of that, what did that achieve? nothing, it was just one more dead woman on screen. instead she goes home and is taken into custody, where she’ll be put on trial for her crimes.

the russians know someone betrayed them, and they think it’s dominika. she endures the torture, refuses to give in, and is released and sent back to find the name of the mole. she sleeps with nate again, because she wants to, and then the assassin boy comes in and tortures him, and she helps. and for a moment we wonder if we got everything wrong, if she is loyal to the russians, if she decided that all of her belonged to them. but she isn’t, and didn’t, and she kills assassin boy instead of knocking him out and contacts the embassy so her and nate are taken to the hospital.

so we end up in the same place, with the general we’ve seen throughout this movie looking at her and saying, “i’m the mole. i’m his source. you can turn me in and leave, run away from this life. or you can turn me in, and take my place. no one will doubt you, you’ll be able to do so much good.”

and she watches him with her serious eyes and serious mouth. he tells her of how he turned after they refused to let an American doctor saver his wife, after he saw how retched and awful this country was. she looks at him for a long moment, and says, “russia is good. we have the best ballet, and alcohol. my mother is a good woman, and she is russian. there are many good russians. you betray them all when you betray the government.”

his heart sinks. “they are not good people.”

and because this is an interesting movie about complicated people, and not blatant cold war era anti-russia propaganda, she laughs. “you think american government is made of good people? it has good people. it has bad people. so does ours. we are not so different. you are just angry. russian government killed your wife, so you want to kill it.”

“so you’ll turn me and go live a quiet life, i suppose,” he says. he thought he knew her. he was wrong. he can’t be too upset at that – she’s the best of them, after all.

“no,” she answers, “i am angry too. i will help the americans. i will take your place. americans like to think they are better, so they try to be, sometimes. russians know what we are, and do not hide from it. i will help. i will take your place. but i won’t do it for russia, or for america. i’ll do it for me.”

and she does. except, just like in the movie, my favorite part of it, she doesn’t turn the general in. instead she has carefully framed her uncle, always her plan from the beginning. she didn’t want to find the mole. she wanted to make it look like her uncle was the mole. he could have saved her, and instead he damned her.

“are you proud of me?” she asks, as they’re walking away from each other, her to the russians and he to the americans. and he can’t help but smile at her. because he’s twisted, and maybe she wasn’t before, but she is now.

her people shoot him before he can make it to the americans, and she doesn’t bother to turn around and look at him, she just runs.

she rises in rank, in esteem, she turned in her precious uncle, of course she can be trusted. she and the general are good friends, and it isn’t strange at all, both of them so trusted and powerful.

she thinks of nate often. it’s too dangerous for her to see him, it’s too much to risk. but they manage coded messages sometimes, and she daydreams of a world where she can have him, where they will live long lives and die together, in a way that’s neither painful nor humiliating.

it’s a pipe dream, but she’s done impossible things before. she doesn’t see why she can’t to them again.

Tag Game | Meet the Writer

I was tagged by the super @silverscreenwriter . Sorry it took me ages! I’m catching up on tags today. (And hopefully soon I’ll actually work on my book...I’m in a slump in all things.)  Rules: answer the ten questions, ask ten questions, tag ten people.

1. Why did you start writing?

I’ve always written, actually. My mom is a published author (kind of a niche market, she’s LDS (aka Mormon). She writes LDS fiction, but also historical fiction that’s christian generally. In case anyone’s interested her name is Anita Stansfield. She’s also got some books published under the pseudonym, Elizabeth D. Micheals. <-- I did the cover art for the books under the pseudonym. Go to the Amazon if you’re interested. Anyway!) My mom was always (still is) writing, and I think I inherited the need to do so from her, though our styles and subject matter vary drastically. (I’m not a Mormon, for example! My books have made up gods etc.) I always had stories in my head and I remember writing even when I was VERY young. I took creative writing classes in school and have just kept on all through my whole life! 

2. What do you use as inspiration for your stories (websites, music, photos, videos, places, etc)?

All of the above. I have two playlists on spotify for my overall series, and then playlists for individual characters or pairs.  I use photos for face claims, and I do my own art of my characters. I have pinterest mood boards for them and for my worlds. And there are certain TV shows that inspire me even though they’re not the same thing? (I kind of feel like my set up is slightly unique.) But Firefly totally has a vibe to it that inspires me, so does Game of Thrones. (Yeah, I know... what? Those two shows are PRETTY DIFFERENT.) I’ve also gotten inspiration though from random places like Legend of Zelda, Pirates of the Caribbean, Doctor Who . . . they all get my creativity flowing!  Also other fantasy novels. I love reading. Especially Branderson’s Work. 

3. If your protagonist and antagonist each had a song, what would those songs be?

Well, I have 5 main protagonists... so you get them and my antagonist. 

Protags:  Roary:     Arise by Flyleaf Jolene:    Glory and Gore by Lorde Avalette:  Suddenly by Superchick AND Castle by Halsey Ja’ek:       Iron by Woodkid and Dragonborn (Skyrim Theme) by Jeremy Soule Selnam:   Soldier by Fluerie  Antags:  Nazlanga: Castle by Halsey AND Everybody Wants to Rule the World (Lorde Cover)

4. Where is your favorite place to write?

In my room at my computer. All my stuff is together here and my room is kind of my safe haven. <3 

5. What books and/or authors have influenced your writing style?

Brandon Sanderson (Stormlight Archive, Elantris), Mercedes Lackey, (lots of them), JK Rowling and a REALLY LONG LIST. I read a lot of different things by different people. 

6. Is there any specific way you deal with self doubt or writer’s block?

I normally just shove through it. I learned to just keep typing as it were as I’ve gone through NaNoWriMo a few times. Lately though I’m in a bad slump in all things as I’m putting my horse to sleep next month and I don’t know when I’ll get back to writing.  However, really, just keep typing. It might be garbage but I can work with garbage! Putting words on the page is hard, but I’ve gotten good at just doing it. I can fix it later!  As for self doubt, I haven’t dealt with a lot of that over my writing. More with my artwork. And that’s a work in progress. I’m learning to turn my thinking around and counteract negative thoughts.  THERAPY IS COOL! (seriously 10/10 would recommend.) 

7. Out of everything you have written, what work is your favorite and why?

Well, that would be Solar Kingdoms, the main original thing I’m working on. Really the only original thing I’m working on.  I wrote a lot of pirates fanfic before that and I liked them. I still RP Jack when writing with friends. But that’s different. Haha! 

8. In your current WIP, is there a character you identify with more than the others?

Avalette, which actually makes her the most difficult to write. I feel her though, if you know what I mean? 

9. What is the best writing advice you have ever been given? The worst?

Best: Write what you would want to write, write what makes you happy. 

Worst: FOLLOW ALL THE RULES TO A T. (No. Some of them are shit, let’s face it. Rules are made to be broken. If you break them properly, then you’ll have gold.) 

10. If your WIP became a movie, what actors do you see playing your main characters?

HAHAHAHA, oh man. Okay. This is hard. Because I have face claims for them but that doesn’t mean that they’d actually work as the proper person to act them. But I’ll try.  Roary - I see Simon from Firefly, only blonde. It’s the way he talks in that show and the shape of his nose. It’s so Roary. (Can you say sassy sarcasm anyone. “My sister is incorporeal possessing a spaceship. We had a rough childhood.” and “Right, I’m sorry if she tipped anyone off to your carefully concealed herd of cattle...” Omg. So Roary.) He’s probably too old now though. But someone similar to him.  Avalette - I have no idea. She’s vaguely Kate Winslet looking in my head but that’s not quite right. And Kate is too old by now. I need Kate Winslet and Kate Blanchet to have a baby that’s short and tiny. She’d have to be short and bloody brilliant. I need someone who has incredible control of their micro expressions and can exude power AND anxiousness like a pro. Possibly Emilia Clarke?  Ja’ek - I need Charles Messure, Jason Momoa and Johnny Depp to have a baby. Realistically, Jason Momoa has the look I need. But Ja’ek is shorter and Jason would need some prosthetic on his nose to give it the weird shape Jack’s has. It’s important okay, his nose. I don’t know why. But it is. 

Jolene - Jessica Chastain maybe? Although I’d like someone English to do it. She probably could pull it off though. <nods>  Selnam - Someone similar to Omar Sharif. Only I’d like his skin a bit darker. Even though he’d be covered in burn scars. An actor of color for sure, Selnam’s world is kind of based on middle eastern stuff.  Nazlanga - Probably Stephanie Beatriz. The character is from the same world Selnam is from and I think Stephanie would be PERFECT for her. She’s the villain, yeah, but she’s got serious depth and a pretty great story arch that’s all her own.  I hope I can write her to do her justice. I think Stephanie could act her and do her justice! 

And the 10 people I’m going to tag are: @teacups-and-tealeaves @stephrawlingwrites @karsawriter @dreamswithadashofspice @leapwriter @writebruh @ruinedambitions @incipientwrites @biblio-fiend @bethanywritesbooks 

MY QUESTIONS:  1. What’s your favorite genre to write?  2. What are your top five favorite songs to write to?  3. Which if your characters is the most difficult for you to write and why? 4. What do you do when you have writers block?  5. Who is your most supportive ‘fan’? (Friend, teacher, parent etc?) and why? 6. What are your favorite types of scenes to write?  7. What Author(s) have most influenced you?  8. How do you plot your work? Or do you not?  9. If you have face claims for your main characters who are they? If not, describe them physically for me!  10. Which of your characters is most like you personality wise? 

Hello Supercult West! This is Supercult South Bad Movie Professor Cameron Coker (BS in “Hitting Stunt Men with Cars” with a minor in “Saving the hot girl, and leaving the guy to get eaten by a Mummy”) and I’m reaching out to you from across the country to help hype tonight’s screening of basically the best genre film in the world, the Seventh Curse! Which genre, you ask? All of them.

Released in 1986, this Hong Kong adventure film is based on the Dr. Yuen adventure novel series by Ni Kuang. The film is basically a Chinese language fusion of Indiana Jones, Alien, and Army of Darkness and if that description alone doesn’t keep you in your seat for the next 78 minutes then you may need to get your head examined. But just in case, let me give you the low down on why this is probably a better film than all three of those films combined.

They have to put actual film on the poster so people won’t think that they’re advertising a book, or a stageplay, or a cutlery set or something.

Superfluous! How dare you! Removing even ONE of these ridiculous action set pieces would ruin this film!

Hahaha! What a great story! Now tell us the one about the time your leg exploded on your one night stand!

It’s almost as creepy as that baby dinosaur muppet from the Dinosaurs TV show.

I don’t think this guy got the memo.

Now THIS GUY! This guy got the memo!

Send back the cult guy opening act! I came to see The Cure!

Look, I know you’ve got some sort of mystical death curse or whatever, but can I get a refill of scotch?

Overacting is relative. If everyone hams it up, nobody’s hamming it up.

Don’t worry, the film has a lot more squares than this. Like at least 3 more squares.

First off, Seventh Curse has the pacing of an avalanche on methamphetamines and enough blood to give a young Peter Jackson a hard on. The stunts, explosions, and gore are cranked up to eleven, there’s a fight scene every couple of minutes whether it makes sense to have one or not, and from the opening titles onward, it never lets its foot off the gas. This film has kung-fu doctors, pool parties, blood curses, fighting shaolin monks, mutating cups of KFC gravy, evil effeminate Chinese Marilyn Manson cult leaders, gruesome practical effects, flaming pillow fights, pants wetting-ly scary skeleton zombies that know kung-fu, neon green cave lighting, bazookas, alien monsters, demon babies, alien monsters fighting demon babies, and a magical shrine heist straight from the cover of the Advanced Dungeons and Dragons Players Handbook. Depending on the release version (the original, the first video release, or the DVD edition) there are even 3 different endings to this film. Don’t worry though, every single one of them ends in a cheesy 80s freeze frame. It’s pretty much a perfect film from a Supercult perspective.

But what’s the story you ask? What’s all this about an adventure novel series? Well you see, all you needlessly logic seeking weirdos, Ni Kuang is an incredibly prolific Hong Kong writer. He’s written over 300 chinese-language wuxia and novels and more than 400 film scripts. To put that into perspective, Steven King has only published a measly 63 novels and 200 short stories. *cough* Get Rekt! *cough*

Ni Kuang, my nominee for Supercult Saint

So anyway Kuang wrote an amazing sci-fi, supernatural, action, comedy, horror, mystery, thriller, 145-book series about a guy named Wisely. He also wrote a completely different 32-book adventure series all about this other guy named Dr. Yuen. Sometimes these two globetrotting bad asses go on adventures together. They’re basically Sherlock Holmes and Watson and they go around solving mysteries, defeating evil, and then telling groups of glamorous women about their adventures at their mansions over glasses of cognac that sponsored the making of the film. Because both characters take part in this film, technically every other film adaptation of either character’s story is technically in the Seventh Curse series, which means that Supercult classic The Cat, also known as Wisely’s Old Cat in Chinese is technically a distant sequel to The Seventh Curse.

So who the hell can they get to represent these beloved, long-running characters? Well, first they get the amazingly talented actor and martial artist Siu-Ho Chin to play Dr. Yuen, which is all fine and good, but then they top it by grabbing Chow Yun-Fat to play Wisely. Yes, that bad ass, shotgun wielding, baby-saving Chow Yun-Fat, star of Supercult Classic Hard Boiled (oh yeah, and some other random film called…uh…what was it…Crouching something Hidden Whatever)! Chow Yun-Fat’s job throughout the entire film is to just show up when things are getting rough and save the day like a handsome Chinese Aslan the Jesus Allegory Lion. It’s fantastic. But wait, order now and we’ll also add in Lam Kgai Kai, the director of Supercult Classic Riki-Oh: The Story of Ricky, aka the one where a guy disembowels himself and tries to strangle Riki with his own intestines, so Riki Mortal Kombat X-Ray punches him in the skull.

Seeing as this is an older, obscure, foreign movie, there is little to no box office or review numbers online. Even if there were it wouldn’t matter though. Because I have now thoroughly convinced you that this is the best film you will ever see in your entire life…or at least in the next hour and a half or so, anyway.

Don’t forget to bring your guns and grenades to this mystical cult fight, everyone!

Supercult West is proud to present, The Seventh Curse!

The Seventh Curse Hello Supercult West! This is Supercult South Bad Movie Professor Cameron Coker (BS in “Hitting Stunt Men with Cars” with a minor in “Saving the hot girl, and leaving the guy to get eaten by a Mummy”) and I’m reaching out to you from across the country to help hype tonight’s screening of basically the best genre film in the world, the Seventh Curse!

Horror films, Bruce Campbell, and trauma

When I was a kid I always used to see the covers of the Evil Dead movies in Blockbuster’s and Video Update. I loved going in to those places. That certain smell, the shelving, the vibrant 80s carpet, the quiet, all those stories waiting to be watched. We used to rent a lot of videos. VHS cassettes are part of my personality in many ways. Blockbuster had the standardized cover for almost every VHS tape, but at Video Update and other rental places they had those misty, textured clear covers. The employees would cut up the original cardboard VHS boxes and slip the into the plastic sleeves. And then stickers with the ratings and genres in garish neon oranges, greens, and yellows would be stuck on top. I saw the Evil Dead covers and was sickly fascinated, hardly able to look, but I snuck a peak anyway. 

Once when I was about 13 my mom bought me this out-of-date magazine...I think it was one of those movie mags geared for straight men and there was this great spread in it about best moments in movies and I wanted that section. I tore out the centerfold of some scantily clad actress I didn’t recognize and cut out a lot of the movie pictures. One caught my eye and I can’t remember if I threw it away or not, but it really freaked me out.

I wasn’t used to watching horror movies or seeing gore beyond the atrocities of concentration camps. Full color 80s gore was usually beyond my access, which was good, considering my age at the time. This image haunted me. I think there were some other pictures of the Evil Dead franchise in there too but I mainly remember this one. 

About a year later I saw previews of Jack of All Trades on tv. I think my reaction was “oooo who’s that handsome guy making charmingly lewd comments” and my parents were like nope! not watching that. So I missed that show entirely at the time and certainly didn’t make the connection between this show and Evil Dead. All these years later a mutual of mine reblogged this beauty, so I knew I needed to watch Army of Darkness at the very least. And then I rediscovered Jack of All Trades and started watching that too. 

And why would I, someone with PTSD, watch horror films? Aside from my attraction to his handsomeness, there’s something about facing horrible things that I feel compelled to do. Bruce Campbell himself phrased it best in an interview with Craig Ferguson. When asked why do people like scary movies, he responded, “They like scary movies because it’s the same kind of people that go to the highest theme park ride. They wanna think like they're gonna die. Because when they're feeling they're gonna die, it's just that then they decelerate theoretically at the end..You can cheat death by going to a horror film.” In light of my upbringing, trauma, and grief I’ve been through, plus my sensitivity to graphic images and my high empathy, you’d think I wouldn’t want to watch these horror films, but there are many factors why I selectively watch them. 

It’s not just the Evil Dead movies, I love American Werewolf in London. Now THAT movie is also pretty rough. Lots of gore, both realistic and hokey. Especially the transformation scene which I caught about 5 seconds of as a child and was terribly horrified but fascinated too. 

It wasn’t real but as it was a physical effect it was physically there. Somehow I can watch some of that. I’ve only seen clips of Evil Dead 1 and 2, but all of Army of Darkness. The latter isn’t as gory so I can sorta handle it better. I think what I like about these movies is seeing people struggle through impossible circumstances, watching someone succeed because I can’t always do that. Army of Darkness is kind of the penultimate point of Ash Williams’ “3000% done” attitude. 

He comes out of the pit and gives this amazing “come-at-me-bro” rant that’s both hilarious and kick-ass. I think at this point in my life his character arch is something that really resonates with me. So much ridiculous crap has happened to me lately that I laugh almost bitterly when I watch this. The line “who wants some?” is especially great because he’s just daring people to test his strength. I feel like that too. I think a lot of people must identify with this. I can see why people hero-worship Ash (and Bruce) because he’s not always wise but he learns and works through things, and yes, cheats death. 

As much as seeing some or too many horrific images can cause someone to develop PTSD, I have also heard that people with PTSD can use horror films to heal, to face issues and even work through them. I think in a way I’m doing that. I face some of the gore and sometimes I don’t. It’s the whole composition (or decomposition...forgive the pun) of horror films in the 1980s that create the feeling that attracts me to them and I sort of put up with the gore because it’s important to character development. And maybe I want to cheat death, feel the thrill of a near death without the pain I felt before. Movies have a purpose, not simply for entertainment but for evoking feelings, solving problems, and even maybe healing wounds. 

End of 2018 Anime recs

I watched a lot of anime this year. I mean a LOT of anime to the point where I had to cut a lot of them out to watch later. It has easily been the best year for anime I’ve ever seen, though there were a few notable stinkers. Out of the ones i’ve watched, or given the 3-episode test to, I’ve liked 100% of them, so if you respect my taste in anime at all, here’s what I would recommend you watch, having consumed all of these at least in some part. In no particular order, I give you the list below the cut.

Hinamatsuri (Full watch) - I went in looking for a comedy, I came out completely in love with this show’s character design and story. It remains really funny, but has a heart in a way I didn’t expect.

Devilman Crybaby (3-episode test) - I already knew the plot and where this one was going from the manga so I just gave this one the 3 episode test and, yeah, it’s really good. Grim and dark and gruesome and I love it. Will be finishing this one out eventually just to see the wonderful animation work that has been put into it.

Wotakoi/Love is difficult for otaku (3-episode test) - I don’t usually go in on romance anime, and I think this one is from a light novel, and I avoid those even harder as a rule, but this one’s concept sounded pretty good. I’d like to see where this one goes, or if it completely ends up predictably.

Aggretsuko (Full watch) - I watched this in the original subtitles before it came to Netflix (or maybe they were pirate subtitles? I don’t remember) but this is the year it became popular. It’s weird that this goofy red panda that loves heavy metal is the most relatable character to me out of almost any anime protagonist of recent memory. Along with Wotakoi, this has one of the rare ‘adult romance’ stories, as well as being funny as hell.

Jojo’s Bizzare Adventure part 5 (Ongoing) - I will continue to reccommend every part of Jojos because even if this part isn’t for you, there might be another part coming up that is more your cup of tea. Not to mention, David Productions knocks it out of the park with adapting Araki’s artstyle in a way I never would’ve thought possible before Part 1 began. The anime-original additional scenes also add a lot to the story, and I can’t wait to see where this one goes next.

Skull-faced Bookseller Honda/Gaikotsu Shotenin Honda-san (Partial completion) - I’m going to go and finish watching the remaining few episodes of this after I complete this list. To anyone who’s ever worked in Retail, the struggles of Honda-san are way, way too real. Not to mention, you know that all of this really happened to a real person as it’s autobiographical.

Cells at work/Hataraku Saibou (Full watch) - I mean...I could say ‘just refer to my Cells At Work saved my life’ post if you want a rec on this one. It’s amazing, educational, good gore, great character design, and personally significant to me, what more could I possibly say than that?

Goblin Slayer (Full watch) - I have lots of thoughts on this one that I will elaborate on in a later review post, but I also kind of want to hold off until season 2 happens. I’m not sure. If you can get past the first episode, which is admittedly kind of rough to watch (I’m getting a little queasy thinking about it) there’s some excellent gore, an interesting story and theming, and it will go places you don’t expect, no matter WHAT you expect. Dismemberment/maiming and rape scenes are in this, so make sure you can handle that before you go in.

Golden Kamuy Season 2 (Full watch) - I can reccommend this one to you if you like Westerns, Period Drama, Comedy...gay porn, I dunno, it’s got something for just about everybody. Character design is off the charts, the story continually breaks and repairs my heart, comedic beats never ‘miss’ for me. I have never read the manga but I’m sorely tempted to see where the story goes next before season 3 drops.

Yuru Camp/Laid Back Camp (3-episode test) - Okay, seriously though, I hate moe`. I think it’s a trash genre meant to sell to the lowest common denominator. And I fucking LOVED Yuru camp. It plays out almost like an educational anime, with a voice-over that comes in to explain camping and bushcraft techniques. I’d say the cute girls are incidental, but they’re characters in their own right, and they read as actual friends. Not lesbian-bait ‘friends’ either. It’s hard to say who it’s for, other than me, who likes camping, but maybe otaku who are interested in camping? People who love cute girls in pastoral scenes? Something like that.

Boku no Hero Academia/My Hero Academy season 3 (Full watch) - I’ve been calling this ‘Naruto without all the stuff that makes me hate Naruto’ or ‘Western comics done better’ or ‘Western comics from a Japanese creator’s experience’ and i’m not sure which one is more accurate yet. Everyone already knows this one, knows how good it is, storywise, character design wise, and animationwise, as Studio Bones always seems to know exactly where to put the money and where to save on it. This is one that’s probably actively better than the manga because the voice acting and animation lends new emotion to the characters beyond what could possibly be on the page. Still if you are trying to avoid or ignore one of the biggest shonen series of recent years, I hope my first three statements will convince you to try it.

A Place Further Than The Universe (3-Episode test) - I wasn’t sure what to expect from this one, because of the zany-sounding premise. A trip to antarctica? How bizzare! But i’m actually eager to see where things go, as this seems awfully grounded and ‘normal’ so far.

Honorable Mentions: Aka the ‘I didn’t watch it but I kind of regret it’ category.

Megalo Box: I ignored this one initially because it sounded like it was completely disrespecting the sport of boxing, but then had the plot synopsis told to me and now i’m regretting that decision, and I want to go back to it.

Zombieland Saga: I categorically ignore any idol anime, especially when it seems to have a really stupid gimmick to it, but then the whole Lily thing appeared and I kinda have to see it now, I guess.

So that’s it for 2018! Maybe the best year for anime ever, but now we have 2019 to look forward to, and I hope my expectations are broken so by next year I wonder how I thought 2018 was the best!