#and parts I am glad are gone
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see, ppl can say what they want about the resi 3 remake, but the remake got Mikhail perfect. Also i actually really love weird Puppy Nemesis lmao
#GET OFF OF HIS TRAIN SHITBIRD#ilu grandpa you did your best#I think the remake is fine#there's parts of the original I miss a ton#and parts I am glad are gone#mostly I'm just confused by the rose colored glasses everyone remembers wrt a nemesis that doesn't exist#he was never a random stalker he always had scripted spawns and due to the ps1 limitations the “random” was down to two or three options#with that said re3 remake coming off the heels of re7 with pretty good stalkers like jack and margeurite#and then directly off the heels of re2 with one of the best programmed game stalkers i've ever seen#he's a letdown for sure#I loved the pre-release rumors saying nemesis would chase you into safe rooms#that should have been a real thing#Oh wow is it really time for our regularly scheduled resident evil obsessing??#I wanted to name Nikolai after Mikhail but mercury spatted me with a newspaper and told me I had too many M names#I have had this fondness for hero grandpa for a long time okay#anyway I know that absolutely no one follows me for resident evil so lmao ignore my rambling#it's fine though#because no matter if you follow me for solivaga or homestuck :)#I've fed you resident evil no matter what#what do you mean parts of the harley manor are inspired by the spencer mansion!?#HAHA GOT'EM#what do you mean there's a ton of resident evil refs in soli#RAT STRIKES AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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TWICE. LOST GALAXY HAS SHOWN AN UNSUITED GINGAMAN CHARACTER T W I C E. FIRST GOUKI AND NOW SHELINDA I AM LOSING MY MIND
#like did they just not care or did they assume no one would notice#i guess tbf i can see how the lil Shelinda could have gone unnoticed but the gouki one was so so bad#but its so fucking funny#cause when the episode started i thought 'oh this is about Damon - i wonder if they are gonna pull from the Hayate v Shelinda fight'#and then thought 'nah Shelinda isnt in a suit they cant really use any of that footage'#only to eat my fucking words cause they used a long shot with her vibing in the damn corner lmao#before watching gingaman i just couldnt ever get in to lost galaxy but oh boy am i so glad i gave it another shot#the way they use parts of ginga feels so bizzare and delightful#idk how to explain it but it just FEELS different to how other pr seasons feel...#maybe im just too attached to gingaman lmao#or maybe its the super jarring colour and quality change every time we jump to gingaman footage 😂😂😂#lost galaxy
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THIS SUCKS!!!!
#SORRY I HAD TO GET THIS OUT OF MY SYSTEM#she's not gone yet but. very soon.#if i had to guess i would say sometime during the night or tomorrow. very very soon.#ive already said all my goodbyes and we sang around her bedside one last time and i think im as ready for it as ill ever be#but that being said. how the fuck do u get ready for your mom to die.#but it's not all bad.#my aunt was sitting by me while we sat at my mom's bedside and just shared stories between singing#and she wiped the tears off my face and traced my veins and held my hand while we both cuddled my dog#and idk. im the black sheep of the family but that doesn't mean i'm not part of it. even when shit sucks.#and these last couple months have been rough because first i lost my friend suddenly and now the thing we've been waiting for#for 3 years is finally happening#and idk. in a way i'm glad it's happening because i won't have to watch her suffer anymore. and in a way i won't suffer either.#just kinda ripping the bandaid off yk.#anyway i am contemplative and mostly at peace this fine night. we'll see what the morning brings.#winter speaks#personal#grief tag
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i will actually scream if they make my "izzy plays a part in reuniting stede and ed" canon. i will scream. i do not expect it and i certainly do not expect either izzy/stede/ed or izzy/lucius to go canon, but if izzy plays a part in bringing stede back to ed like my blog canon. i will scream
(also yes obviously lucius is alive that's not even a question shush)
also edward is exactly the level of dramatic angsty babygirl that i expected him to be
but the izzy reuniting stede/ed. listen. i don't expect it. i don't care that i've predicted canon accurately before with other shows. i don't expect THAT LEVEL OF GREATNESS. but-
#WHAT IS IT WITH THE IZZY AND STEDE SCENE#WHAT IS IT#I NEED TO KNOW#i watched the thing#SCREMIN#i am feral#i have gone feral#glad to have known you all#; havu liveblogs stuff#; outofsmoke#our flag means death spoilers#lordy fuck#i mean izzy playing a big part in reuniting stede and ed will still be my blog canon for him#i will add a verse for canon canon if it differs a lot
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okay thats interesting! in the SF try-outs during the song "legally blonde" she sings about how she cant be legally blonde, while in the official version AND THE DEMO she sings about letting her be legally blonde. which means that at some point they changed the lyrics around, and then changed them back! laurence o'keefe.... nell benjamin.... what occurs in your twisted minds
#covers mouth sorry so sorry guys#im a huge fan of beacon of positivity + good boy (elle puts a leash on emmett confirmed) + love and war (not in the demo but part of SF)#+ i liked some of the lyrics in the demo version of so much better (it called back to beacon of positivity!!! (i am insane)) such as:#I dream of your name next to my own but mine's looking fine up there alone#but i greatly prefer all the official songs we got. well. maybe good boy over ireland wouldve been fun (i think ireland is boring)#but itd play into the 'all men are dogs hurr hurr' joke that im glad they avoided. anyways. what was i saying.#right i havent listened to every version of everything yet (for example theres a SF version of chip on my shoulder i need to watch)#(and just the SF vers in general. shes hidden from me... why was emmett there before the remix... let me see their conversation)#but from what i have heard they made a lot of changes that were sorely needed. in take it like a man demo shes so much meaner??#it made me sad. it wasnt a duet + they wrung out the romantic tension (no subtext by calvin klein... sigh) + shes meaner!!!!#in the bway vers hes baffled but enjoys going along w it + she genuinely likes him even when hes wearing his regular clothes#but in the demo vers she keeps calling him stuff like ugly duckling and talking about how the geek is gone :( but she likes that geek..#the lines 'how much do you think i earn??' and 'kindly shut up :)' are funny but speak to a dynamic between the two that makes me sad...#follow me for more beautiful opinions on a fifteen year old musical#(heaves. do you know weird it is to see comments from 15yrs ago when this was actually showing. my brother is fifteen.)#god im so sorry i should be put down like a dog#lgb bootleggers are intense. i swear they got a bootleg every night or smth bc we got her shoe flying off + SF + kyle as understudy etc#go watch a so much better compilation sometime how did they take so many bootlegs?? how did you find them??#and its awesome cause these were filmed on 2007/2008 tech which means they have 15 pixels maximum#SORRRRYYYYYYYYYY
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i think the funniest thing kpop stans have convinced themselves of is that their dumbass opinions are the majority and that random (normal) people would agree w them and WOULDN’T suggest they seek immediate therapy
#like ur just a friendless loser u are not the oracle of truth i beg of u to shut up#10k likes on twitter means nothing ur STILL a loser irl JSNDKSNKDNSLSNSLABDKS#part 789: I am so glad I have gone outside several times in the past few days some of y’all haven’t been out since like 2015
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.
#things i am excited about at my new job#it's nice to SEE AND INTERACT WITH PEOPLE EVERY DAY#jesus between covid and working from home that was getting seriously hard for me to achieve#i find the subject matter interesting (it's medical stuff and helping patients which is way more interesting to me than the finance shit#i was doing at my last job where i just like helped financial advisors get richer)#my bosses are kinda young and cool which is nice because mostly i have worked for boomer men older than my dad#i get to people watch and learn new things and it's challenging but not TOO overwhelmingly difficult#it's admin stuff which i kinda enjoy in a dorky sim management job sort of way (i do that kind of shit for fun in video games all the time)#the one thing im worried about rn is that the person who's training me that im filling in for is leaving soon and they're my fave part#of coming to work right now because i just like hanging out with them and they have like this hypnotically soothing aura#and sweet kind personality so im afraid once theyre gone (a) i will suck at doing it all without them and#(b) it just wont be nearly as nice but#i must think positive thoughts and hopefully i can use their mentorship as inspiration too#i spent all last year failing at being a self directed online student and juggling random part time shit so i am SO GLAD#to have full time work and work that isnt horribly boring and lonely like the finance work from home one before it#ps the person who is training me worked for 12 years as a 911 emergency phone operator if you want a picture of how calm and nice they are#like they can make anything seem ok and fine and remain calm no matter what and their voice is the gentlest thing on earth lol#i get free asmr all day basically#p
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truly my family did such a piss poor job raising me that i literally credit music, tv shows, movies, and books, for actually teaching me anything
#also ngl i think it might've been for the better#im actually kind of glad i shut off the rest of my family as being Not Good and tried to find better things#on the other hand it also could've gone REALLY badly depending on what i watched and internalized lmfao#it's been buckwild lads ive listened to so many conversations of family members growing and healing and stuff#and im happy for them ofc#but im also sitting here like. yeah i knew this family was dysfunctional at best if not straight up toxic.#at the age of like. 5#and been trying to Not Be a Part of It since i was in my teens#yes i am being kind of judgy about this and i blame the part of me that's still kinda bitter and resentful over my childhood on it#these thoughts brought to you by me listening to the songs that were my crutches as a kid
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very considering a kitten at this point because this cat is SO needy and SO yelly. like she doesn't seem sad at all, but she is like velcro. yelling velcro. and i'm very wary to do ANYTHING that requires me to be gone for any length of time 'cause she'll be so, so lonely.
#it's gonna be at least a couple of months of making sure i'm financially equipped for another cat but#i am Considering.#part of me would like to consider an adult cat but lenore is small and weird and i think she needs to be the Boss to start with#this is another not unexpected difficult thing about living alone#also distressing to think about kittens when i'm gone eight hours a day#but i can't leave#rn#even for a night#i have folk around who would feed her but she will be SO SAD#i already feel bad leaving her for WORK#i do think she would have been a good solo cat if she'd always been a solo cat#but she's ten and she's never been the only cat so she's lonely#i am just. sad every day about horatio. i think they would have done very well out here together.#i AM very glad that if he was going to go very soon anyway that he did it before i left both for my sake and for carrie's sake#because that would have been fucking awful.#but it still sucks so much
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The always weird feel when a program/game makes changes and the older players (gatekeepers) kick up a fuss about how it changes things regardless how bitterly people (general, perhaps not them) complained about how it used to be set up.
It is interesting to see the different approaches to how the game is played via these complaints. Things it doesn't even occur to me to notice are really important to them
#I don't understand why changing the start of the game matters to them?#they are very far past it and there's so many other places but if you're a newbie you don't need that big of a challenge#(and it's been a complaint here and there about how hard the start is when later parts aren't that much harder)#and now we're going off about never used inventory items being nixed and HOW DARE#it's funny because I do keep all these inventory mementos but I'd have never have known (and also I'm really really glad a bunch are gone)#idk - if it's too easy then maybe not for you? why do you care if you're so far past that point anyway? oh no - those challenges are gone!#you will never notice and there is more than enough to keep someone slower playing#anyway I am done vague bitching and will do something more productive#(this is why i'm not on the discord because all those overachievers hang out and bitch there and Will Not accept opposing opinions)
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AAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#personal#everything is so frustrating…………..when i’m not there……………#so much has fucking happened…………………..#a part of me is glad but like oh my god………………………….#i wanna like talk/warn my sister abt it but AKFJKSFKSHFJ I CANT#WHO AM I TO SAY BE CAREFUL#her sibling BUT THIS PART OF HER LIFE DOES NOT CONCERN ME AND I FEEL I WOULD BE OVERSTEPPING………..#but i also could be completely wrong !!!!!!!!!!!!! i don’t wanna sound like a smart ass !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! bc she knows our mother as good#as i do but !!!!!!!! does she ?!?!?!?!?!?!?#AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHKFJFHGJDHGJHS#AND MY DOG !!!!!!!!!!! i’m gonna faint#everything around me is falling apart…………… and they barely have anything to actually do w me………..#it’s just cuz i’m gone……………. i’m freaking out………………#i cant micromanage algjkshfkdh LOL#also random but the new mobile tag system is actually pretty good for a lot of long tags#anyway
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everybody (me) is always so excited to start a new thing but not enough people (me again) are giving me the fruit slushes to help me get through the long journey of being a novice
#I am very proud of myself for not purchasing more gear at this point#I don't like that I've too often gone to retail therapy rather than endure the agony of the present#glad that I'm not doing that much anyone#my blog#if I make it through this part will Ira Glass come to my house and give me a little medal for enduring my own expectations for myself#holler if you too have to endure the terrible burden of impractical expectations for yourself#trying to remember what a kindly teacher told me that we are all musicians - even on the first day of the journey#practicing is really hard but so nice when some skills gel together and I make some pretty sounds or sight read something
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coming to terms with the fact that the last time i saw harry was in 2021 and i won’t be seeing him again any time soon is making me want to jump off a fucking bridge 🫠
#i am so fucking glad he’s taking a break#this tour has gone on forever#i was exhausted just keeping up with it#so i can’t imagine how tired harry is and how excited he must be to take in everything that happened these past 2-3 years and finally rest#but i can’t say i’m not sad that i didn’t get to see him this year or last and hear harry’s house live#it’s sad that i couldn’t be part of those memories#and be part of the crowd that harry found so much joy in#and play even the smallest of roles in making these shows special for him#i know that sounds insane#like i know my presence or lack thereof wouldn’t make any difference but#idk there’s a part of me that feels bad i couldn’t be part of that#and part of fan projects and bringing encouraging signs and rainbows and flowers for him#and it obviously feels like shit knowing that i will never be able to go back and experience love on tour ever again b/c this era is ending#and even though this wasn’t my fav era#it’s still something that i wish i would’ve gotten the chance to experience#there will be more tours and shows and eras but right now i’m just holding space for being sad#also before anyone comes at me#i am very grateful to have gotten to attend the first us leg of lot#i do not take that for granted#but i didn’t get to hear one of my favorite albums live#despite feeling like it would happen for me eventually#but it never did
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🙃
#I can’t remember if I’ve talked about it publicly on here but spark notes version and then we’re going to move on because it is relevant to#the issue at hand: when I was a kid not only did my parents abuse me and my sister but they also abused animals and mostly it was just that#they were neglected and starved to death but there was also a lot of my dad kicking the animals and my mom throwing the ones that she could#pick up across the room in anger and sometimes they would hit things and like generally stuff like that and I always knew it was wrong#it always scared me right? but I didn’t understand how wrong at the time because I kind of just thought everyone’s parents must beat the#shit out of animals just like I kind of thought everyone’s parents abused them a little bit#and then when I became an adult and got away and lived with other people with pets I realized how much people care about their pets and like#to the extent that they will buy all this extra stuff for them just because and treat them to all kinds of shit like doggy daycare#and more than anything I was just confused and I still am pretty much because it wasn’t right but I was taught that animals don’t matter and#my example of how to treat them was more like objects than living beings and I don’t agree with that I know that’s not kind and I’ve read a#ton of books on the right way to treat animals because I don’t want to be like my parents so like I’m trying right? like I’m genuinely#trying to be better I promise you but here’s the part that’s really bothering me that I’m not sure I can tell people in real life because I#don’t think someone who didn’t grow up like me would understand? and like I’m glad most people didn’t grow up like me but im just talking to#myself here and maybe someone will see this that understands: I think there’s something broken in my brain#and I can’t feel that like thing everyone seems to have about their pets I’ve been talking to people all week about how it’s a trial run and#im not sure im going to keep her and everyone has been emphatically telling me that their lives are so much better because of their pets and#they tell me about all this hardship they’ve gone through to give their pets nice things and whatnot or to clean up after them when they#destroy their belongings but you know it’s SO WORTH IT and I feel like something is broken in me because I don’t feel that way about any#animal like I enjoy petting animals and I enjoy giving them love but and here’s a part I feel really bad about I would be just fine if this#cat wasn’t here I am just fine on my own and they seem like more effort than they’re worth kind of I mean she is causing hell and I am being#patient I am cleaning up after her diligently I am reading the articles on how to make her separation anxiety better I am trying to be a#good pet parent and I just don’t feel it like she’s a lovely cat she’s so sweet even if she’s a menace and a problem causer but I don’t feel#what everyone else seems to feel and I’m confused and hurt and I feel broken#I don’t understand what else I could do to be better
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✩ ‧₊˚ ✩ LUCKY — GOJO SATORU.
contents. baths + non sexual nudity, established relationships, tired toru :(, lots of kissies and praise for the babie :(, solid proof in the form of writing of how embarrassingly lovesick i am for this FOOL
it’s past midnight when satoru walks into your bathroom. he doesn’t even question why you’re in the bath so late—just gives you a lopsided grin tiredly as you smile.
“you’re home,” you brighten.
“look at you,” he coos, staring down at you with amused eyes, “waitin’ for me?”
satoru is tired—you can tell from the way the his shoulders are slouched and his blindfold is clutched in his hand. “i was,” you hum in agreement, “c’mere.”
it’s all it takes. he’s stripped down and waiting for you to move up so he can slide behind you in seconds, hand waving to motion you forward. but you’re stubborn—you shake your head as you hold an arm out for him.
“baby,” he whines, “c’mon i was out fighting big bad curses all day. jus’ lemme hold—”
“no. just come here, toru,” you insist.
there’s something about it—something about the way your voice is so gentle, so insistent, so knowing. it’s like you can read him more than he can, sometimes. satoru is tired, you can see it, you can feel it. you can’t carry his burdens, but you can hold him while he holds the weight of the world for a night.
maybe it’ll do for now—maybe it’ll even be enough and more.
“what? feelin’ like pampering me today?” he teases, “aren’t i a lucky guy,” he hums—but he climbs into the tub anyway, settling between your legs, leaning his back against your chest as his head falls back against your shoulder.
instantly, two gentle kisses plant themselves against his head, and his eyes flutter shut. he’s starting to feel the beginnings of a headache form—the gentle thump in his skull just barely there, but persistently present.
your thumbs rubs along the sides of his head, enough pressure to soothe the pain like you know it’s coming—he thinks you must.
“you are a lucky guy,” you giggle, “look at me. such a catch.”
he grins, chuckling that boyish chuckle of his freely in your arms as he relaxes. it’s been a while since he’s relaxed, you think—it’s half past midnight and he’ll be up with the sun in a bit to head back to the school, but it’s nice to know he’s relaxed. even just for this short, rare moment.
“oh yeah,” he nods, lips curled into a grin as he cracks an eye open and peers up at you, “s no catch like my pretty ‘lil baby. i’m living it up.”
“glad you know your privileges,” you murmur contently, shaking your head in amusement as you wrap your arms around his body. one hand rubs over his abs—he wants to tease you about feeling him up, wants to make a sly comment about missing his body more than him while he was gone. but there’s something about it, about the way it’s so slow and soothing and soft—it’s so painfully soft, satoru swallows.
finally, he lets his body go slack against yours, sliding down so his head rests against your chest and the water soaks more of his body. it’s warm. the water and your arms. it’s all so, so warm and forgiving.
“aren’t you gonna tell me how lucky you are too? i’ll listen, don’t worry. no interruptions.”
“yeah?” you chuckle, threading fingers through his hair and pulling a soft sigh from him, “wanna know how lucky i am?”
“course,” he murmurs, “well, i already know you’re lucky. it’s me after all—but i’m not opposed to hearing it.”
“how humble of you, satoru,” you snort.
he grins wider—he hasn’t had a chance to smile all day. not properly, at least.
“feel free to start any second,” he says with a wink. then his eyes flutter shut again as your thumb traces his cheek, ever so gently running along the soft angles of his face.
it’s pretty—everything about him is pretty. there are no ugly parts to satoru. just the parts painted from cruel hands. they’re beautiful too, you like to think, in their own, fragile little ways.
“okay,” you whisper, pressing a soft kiss to his head, “i’m very lucky,” you murmur into his hair.
he hums, mumbling a quiet, “knew it.”
“lucky i have such a handsome face to greet,” you pepper kisses along his forehead and find his cheek, giving it an affectionate little bite that makes him huff out an amused chuckle. “and he’s so tall too,” you add, resting your chin on his shoulder.
“that all he is?” he pouts, “just a pretty face? you’re breaking my heart, baby.”
“no,” you say quietly, grabbing his hand and brushing a thumb over his knuckles, “he’s also kind. too kind, sometimes,” you say quietly, “he comes home a bit later than usual every once in a while because he took his students out to eat. he loves them a bit too much, i think.”
“no such thing as too much love,” he hums, squeezing your hand.
you smile, admiring him as he lays against you, small in your hold even with the larger than life weight he carries.
“and he’s strong,” you add, “really strong. it’s not fair sometimes,” you whisper, “he’s got so much on his plate.”
“he handles it fine,” he assures, “he always does.”
“and then he still makes time for little old me,” you say fondly, kissing his shoulder, “never lets me feel lonely. he’s too good to me.”
“there’s no such thing as too good for you,” he gasps offendedly, pouting like you’ve insulted him, “he’s definitely not—”
“and sometimes, he comes home tired. and he tries to act like he’s not because he’s a bit of a prick who doesn’t let me help, but i’m smart and i know him well so i’ve figured it out. and if i’m extra lucky, i might get to hold him for a bit like this and help him relax.”
you squeeze him gently for emphasis, holding him closer as you press your nose into his neck and breathe in his smell. it’s like cologne that’s rudely expensive and that sweet smell only satoru has—it’s all you want to breathe in for the rest of your days.
you hope he’ll allow you that much. something tells you he will.
satoru swallows thickly at that, rubs a thumb over your bare thigh as he rests his free hand over it, the other still in your grasp.
and then, quietly, “maybe he’s fine just coming home to you,” he shrugs, “who can stay tired with such a sweet face waiting at home?”
“i don’t know,” you say thoughtfully, “he’s got a lot to take care of. wonder how he does it.”
“he’s probably the strongest,” he shoots with an easy grin, “sounds like the strongest to me.”
“he is,” you nod, “he’s a lot more than that too. i’m lucky he’s mine.”
“oh yeah?” he drawls—there’s something a little shaky about his voice though.
you choose not to mention it, pressing soft, delicate kisses along his jaw as you murmur, “yeah. he makes me feel really, really lucky. love him so much.”
“love you too,” satoru breathes, “guess we’re both really, really lucky.”
don’t talk to me i don’t want to be perceived. that’s enough softness for a lifetime so the next time i write him he’s getting hit by a bus
#teepods.writings#drabbles.#gojo x reader#gojo fluff#gojo x you#gojo satoru x you#gojo satoru x reader#gojo satoru fluff#jjk x reader#jjk x you#jjk fluff#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jujutsu kaisen x you#jujutsu kaisen fluff
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Ever see a depiction of St. George and the Dragon? It's pretty fair to say if you've seen one, you've seen them all: Georgie on a horse stabbing a flailing dragon creature, princess piously kneeling in the background, vague landscape alluding to the homeland of the artist's patron.
The most varied part is the dragons. No one had a real definition for the thing, it seemed. For your pleasure and entertainment, I have ranked some medieval depictions based on how impressive George's feat seems once you see the dragon.
Paolo Uccello, 1456
This is a terrifying beast. The hell is that. Uccello was one of the first experimenters with perspective, so the thing also looks surreal, like it's taking place on Mars, or a Windows 95 screensaver. I would not want to fight that, I would not want to be tied to that. (Sometimes the princess is tied to the dragon for some reason.) 10/10
Horse thoughts: Maybe if I look at the ground it will be gone when I look up
Unknown artist, c. 1505
This is a rare change of form for the dragon; it's the only one I've seen actually flying (or at least falling with style). It doesn't look particularly deterred by the spear through its throat, either. Also, George looks appropriately nervous. On the other hand, it hasn't got teeth, it seems to be fuzzy rather than having scaly armor, and George is bolstered by his army of Henry VII and his children, most of whom definitely didn't actually die in infancy. Still, wouldn't want to fight it, wouldn't want my pet sheep near it. (Sometimes the princess has a pet sheep for some reason.) 9/10
Horse thoughts: I am so glad I wore my mightiest feather helmet for this
Raphael, 1505
We are coming to Dragons With Problems. This guy looks about comparable in size to George, and does have wings, but doesn't seem to be using these things to his advantage (and has he only got one wing?) And how does he deal with the neck? He does have a comically small head, but holding it up with such a twisty neck seems complicated at best. But most egregiously, he is doing the shitty superheroine pose where he is somehow simultaneously showcasing his chest and his butt, with its unnecessarily defined butthole (more on this later) (regrettably). 8/10 bc it's Raphael
Horse thoughts: AM I THE BESTEST BOI? AM I DOING SUCH A GOOD JOB? WE R DRAGON SLAYING BUDDIEZ
The Beauchamp Hours, c. 1401
We had a spirited debate about this one at work. Again, the dragon has gotten smaller, and this one hasn't got even one wing. He's basically a crocodile. So the debate became: would you want to fight a crocodile if you had a horse and a pointy stick? Would the horse trample the animal, who can't get on its hind legs, or freak out and throw its rider? Would the pointy stick be enough to pierce the croc's thick hide? In this case, George seems to be controlling his horse and putting his pointy stick in the dragon's weak spot, so we can be impressed by his skill and strategy. However, his hat is dumb. 7/10
Horse thoughts: Dehhhh
Book of Hours, c. 1480
Here we have the same kind of croco-dragon, but George's focus on his strategy has gone out the window. He's flailing around, not even looking at his target, he's about to lose his pointy stick, he hasn't got a hand on the reins, and his sword seems to only be poking the invisible dragon over his shoulder. All he's got going for him is that his hat is slightly less dumb. 6/10
Horse thoughts: Yay, new friend! Come play with me, new fr- what is happening
Final dragons put behind this Read More for your safety:
Rogier van der Weyden, c. 1432
I'm thinking this guy is at least semi-aquatic. Webbed feet, wings that seem more like fins, bipedal but top-heavy, jaws that seem more for scooping than biting. Maybe she's crawled up here from the nearby body of water to lay her eggs, and this is all a big misunderstanding. Moreover, George's dagged sleeves seem entirely impractical for the situation. 5/10
Horse thoughts: i got my hed stuk in a jar and now it is this way forever
Unknown artist, c. 15th century
I hate this. I hate everything about it. Why has it got human eyes and teeth. Why is its nose melting. Why has it got a dick on its face and balls under its chin. The fin/wings are back but they look even more useless. Also, George is shifty as hell, schlumped over in his saddle with his bowler hat thing over his eyes. The baby dragon at the bottom eating some hapless would-be rescuer is kind of metal. 4/10 at least the thing is gonna die
Horse thoughts: I Have Smoked So Much Crack
Book of Hours, c. 1450
Remember what I said about the buttholes? First, sorry. Second, yeah, we're back to that. I'll admit this one is less about the danger from the dragon itself than the very specific choices the artist has made. They didn't need to do that. It's a lizard. They don't even have. And it's like they had an orifice budget and they skipped an exit wound for the spear to focus. Elsewhere. It's so detailed. And George had an even dumber hat. 2/10 take it away
Horse thoughts: I Have Smoked So Much Weed
Book of Hours, c. 1415
This is just bullying. There isn't even a princess. That is clearly an infant. Look at that smug look on George's face as he swings his sword that's bigger than the whole little guy. This is the equivalent of when DJT Jr. hunted those sleeping endangered sheep. 1/10
Horse thoughts: ....yikes
And this is the previous one, but now the baby dragon is cute. He's chubby. He's got toe beans. He's Puff the Magic Dragon. His eyes have already gone white, implying that George is just kicking its corpse around for funsies. What's the difference between the dragon and the lamb in the background? That the dragon is dead, like our innocence. This George is truly deserving of the dumbest hat of all. 0/10 plus one more butthole for the road
Horse thoughts: Perhaps it is we who are the buttholes.
#art history#nonsense#hot takes#I am doing a St. George painting and have been wading through reference material#manuscript#fuck me I didn't notice van der Weyden managed to sneak a butthole in his too#the definitive list#when knighthood was in flower
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