#and maybe if i had these from a younger age or more frequently i would've been able to notice 'that's not platonic/a rolemodel' | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

robinsno1lesbian · 1 year

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older!nancy who is the mother of the reader’s best friend and after getting to know each other after the readers frequent visits to her house, they end up getting closer than you think 🙈

𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐋𝐈𝐏𝐒, 𝐌𝐘 𝐋𝐈𝐏𝐒, 𝐀𝐏𝐎𝐂𝐀𝐋𝐘𝐏𝐒𝐄 - 𝐍.𝐖.

𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: when your best friends leaves to go to college, and you’re left behind in that little bookstore you run, you're surprised to see nancy wheeler there. 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 4487

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: 18+ mature content! (MDNI), implied age gap (reader is 18+!!), mention of teen pregnancy, period typical homophobia, bottom!nancy wheeler & top!reader, vaginal fingering, oral, nancy is really inexperienced, scratching (?), first time with a woman on nancy's end, not proofread (let me know if i missed anything!)

𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞: aaaah @cinnamoncunt i love your requests!!! i promise the professor!robin headcanons are on their way! anyway i didn't really get into the friendship between reader and nancy's daughter because this was written in a bit of a rush lmao- i hope you don't mind <3 (especially the ending. i might edit it later today-) also i kind of added some stuff to it because I'm currently reading "last night at the telegraph club" and i couldn't stop thinking about that book somehow lmao

the weather is keeping customers away, which leaves no one but you in the bookstore. it's your mother's, but she can't take care of it all by herself. this is why you stayed in hawkins, even years after graduating: to help her.

you know she can use all support she can get.

looking back at it now, you're thankful that you've stayed; running a bookshop is better than you had imagined. it gives you the perfect opportunity to ramble about your favorite hobby and you get to know the people in town better. you've even met your best friend in your store.

she's a couple of years younger than you and still there was something intimidating about her: she did not seem like the girl you would normally befriend. if anything, she seemed like the type of person who would've made fun of you back in highschool. turns out you were wrong.

she came around more often, buying a new book from you every time. eventually, you began talking more until her visits became annual hangouts in the store, which led to the two of you hanging out at your or her place at least three times a week.

and then she left to go to college.

of course you don't blame her for leaving, even though you admire her for doing so. you will probably always be here, in the small town of hawkins, stuck behind the window of your bookstore as the world goes on somewhere outside.

you flip to the next page of the book and shake away the thought of your best friend, who is somewhere at the other end of the country. maybe one day you will find the courage to leave too. you're about to start the next chapter, but the familiar noise of the bell at the entrance rings through the store. you get up from your spot between the shelves in the back to see who is crazy enough to leave their house to go book shopping with this kind of storm going on.

it catches you by surprise to see nancy wheeler in the doorway.

she's your best friend's mother and even though you never interacted much, you could never deny the fact that she is absolutely gorgeous. she had her daughter at a young age and raised her all by herself, that you do know. but she never talked about it much, and you didn't want to bother her with questions about this.

now nancy wheeler is standing right in front of you, water dripping down her soaked jacket.

"ms. wheeler" you greet, your voice thick with surprise that you try to oppress.

the brunette is wearing a wide coat and a light beige blouse underneath; one that's been entirely soaked by the rain and hides little from your eyes.

no, you remind yourself, no, no, no. stop that right now.

"y/n, hi" she smiles quickly. "i- uhm-" nancy glances through the store. she's never been here before, at least not that you can remember.

"i didn't have anything to do today so- with how much my daughter told me about this place, i thought why not go there myself"

you wonder if nancy ever gets lonely these days. the absence of your best friend has already settled heavily in your heart. you can't even imagine what it's like for a single mother who only ever had her daughter around.

"oh of course" you nod. "well...nancy-" her first name feels odd on your tongue but you try to go with it. "are you much of a reader?"

you could punch yourself right then and there. what kind of question is that? and why did you choose to focus on that, out of all things?

"oh" she raises her brows. "well...in the past months i didn't really have time to read that much but now- i think i'd like to read a bit more, yeah" she fumbles with the button of her coat. is she nervous? flustered? you wish you could tell. "okay" you nod. "well do you have any preferences? any genre you like?" "oh- uh- i didn't think about it that much" her cheeks flush a soft shade of red.

she's definitely nervous, that much you know now, but you can't seem to figure out why.

"you can look around a bit if you like" you offer. "I'm always here in case you have any questions"

she nods with a tight-lipped smile and steps toward one of the many rows of shelves but turns on her heel just before she can reach it.

"what do you read y/n?"

that question catches you off guard, especially since the erotic lesbian fiction novel is still hugged to your chest. you think of the shoebox that you have hidden underneath a loose floorboard in the back of the store. of all the books that are stacked up in there, each one of them carefully annotated and marked by your own hands.

books that could probably get you killed in this town.

now it's your turn to blush.

"ms. wheeler- uhm- nancy- i don't think you would like the books i read" you mutter. "oh but how would you know silly?" she chuckles before nodding her chin in the direction of your crossed arms. "what's that one about?"

"this? oh it's nothing i- i was just..sorting it in...back there" you look over your shoulder, to the corner where the floorboard is still laying around carelessly, leaving a gap in your floor. one that contains the filthiest lesbian books in all of hawkins. you send a quick prayer to whatever higher power there might be that nancy won't go there to check.

"well" she reaches out her hand. "i think i'm gonna take that as a sign" "nancy i don't think that's a good idea" you warn.

but she is determined, puts one hand to her side and furrows her brows. you cruse yourself for carrying it with you so mindlessly. "fine, I'll take the risk" the second you hand her the book, regret creeps through your body. this is the end, you think. she'll go straight to the police with that and they will probably raid your store for selling inappropriate content. or worse, they might even arrest you. you've heard of the things they do to people like you. all across the country. you gulp audibly as you watch nancy in horror. she turns it in her hands before reading the backside.

you know the words by heart and by the way her eyes scan the pages, she's about to get to the part that will make your whole world fall apart.

nancy does raise her brows, but the gesture doesn't seem to be one of disgust. she tilts her head slightly and looks up at you, the book still firmly in her hand. her cheeks are reddened in a way that you can't seem to figure out.

"oh- so that's why-" she gasps.

you avoid her gaze. every single nerve in your body seems to be on fire as you try to come up with an excuse, an explanation at least.

"look nancy- i'm sorry- i told you this wouldn't be what you-" she cuts you off and simply says; "i'll take it" "what?" you're taken aback by her answer. albeit you're still extremely flustered her reaction is something you least expected. nancy wheeler, however, just shrugs. "i'll take it" she repeats. "this seems...interesting" "how about that" you offer, knowing damn well this book isn't listed on the register of books you sell. "you can borrow it, and if- if you don't like it you can bring it back?" cold sweat is running down your spine. "deal" she nods.

you quickly check her out, give her a paper bag to carry the book and watch as she leaves.

"it was nice seeing you again y/n" she says and takes your hand in hers for what is supposed to be a shake. except that she doesn't let go immediately. her hand lingers in yours as your eyes meet.

you can't fall for nancy wheeler, you remind yourself. you can't.

⋆

the air has gotten colder over the past few days. a sign that autumn is right around the corner. in the darkness of the night, nancy wheeler can see the condensation of her exhales as she walks.

she's carrying a small paper bag with her, and her heart is racing in excitement. she has spent the last nights staying up late to read the book you have given her. nancy doesn't know what she expected but it hadn't been that. it hadn't been a strange kind of heat coiling in her lower abdomen, hadn't been the strange urge to press her thighs together at the words written on the page.

she has never read something like that before, but she somehow knows that she needs more of that.

she looks down at her feet, her heels clicking against the cold ground. she's wearing a dress that's way too cold for the weather and her coat hardly does anything to warm her at all. she pulls it tighter around herself as she heads in the direction of your store.

⋆ "ms. wheeler" you raise your brows. you were about to close when she shows up. "back already?"

if you're being honest, you didn't think you would ever see her again after she has taken your book with her. but there she is, standing in your doorway, and she is carrying said book with her, packed in the same bag still.

"call me nancy, please" she reminds you. is that nervosity in her voice?

"i- uhm" she steps further into the store and the door falls shut behind her.

"i read your book" now this does surprise you just as much as seeing her again. "my- my book?" "yeah" a smile flashes across her face. "well" you push yourself away from the countertop that you've been leaning against to cross your arms over your chest. "how did you like it?" there is an obvious shake in your voice. "you didn't mention that you read it too" she shoots back. "the annotations are yours, aren't they?" you inhale sharply. "what about it?" "i- i never read anything like this before" she mumbles in thought. "i didn't even- i mean- is it really like that?"

suddenly you understand; nancy must've spent all those years alone. you never heard anything of a boyfriend, let alone a husband in all these years that she spent raising her child. you wonder if she did anything at all in all this time. if she ever even had the chance to explore her sexuality any further.

you look out on the dark street nervously.

"come with me" you say and take the lead to walk her to the back of the store. you're hidden from the view of the street and have a place to sit.

"so" she says as she lowers herself onto the sofa that you have bought in an antique store years ago. "is what really like that?" nancy clears her throat. "being with...a woman" you sit down next to her. you don't miss the way your legs touch hers. the past days felt like torture; not just because you didn't see nancy, but also because you couldn't help yourself but think of her: her brown curls spread out on bed sheets while she's reading, her delicate fingers flipping through the pages. her beautiful back arched while your head is buried between her thighs... "y/n?" her voice snaps you back to reality. "tell me" "yeah" you breathe softly and nod. you're aware of the indirect confession you've made. but somehow you don't think that nancy will judge you. or at least you hope she won't.

"have you- have you been with many women before?" maybe you're imagining it but it seems as if she's leaning in closer and closer as the seconds pass by. "i- uh- no" you shake your head. it's hawkins in the 80s after all. when your eyes glare back at hers, she has definitely gotten closer, her face lingering just inches away from yours. "show me" she murmurs and you can feel her hot breath against your skin. for a second, you just stare at her; her eyes dark while she holds your gaze. nancy's head is tilted sideways just the slightest and if you were to lean forward now you could just... the woman in front seems to draw you in magnetically. and the closer she gets, the more your doubts start to vanish.

until you are so close that you can feel her open mouth on yours and you share a breath. your hands sneak behind her body, and grab her by the back while her fingers curl up in your hair. "nancy" you mumble with your eyes falling shut. "we- we shouldn't" she opens her eyes and nods. "i know"

and then her mouth is on yours. you can taste the sweetness of her chapstick and inhale the expensive scent of her floral perfume. nancy wheeler is filling all of your senses until all you know is the sound of her voice, the smell of her body, and the shape of each letter that makes her name. her lips move in sync with yours, and she only leans back occasionally to get some air. this kiss is so different from anything else you've ever known. her lips are somehow softer, her movements slower. it's like you've never wanted anyone or anything as badly as her. when she parts her lips you gladly slip your tongue into her mouth. you hum satisfied when she gasps at the new sensation. it might've been years since she's been kissed for the last time so you make sure to give it your all. your hands roam her sides and dance over her ribcage while she pushes her body more into yours. eventually, you give in and grip her by the hips. she yelps as you lift her up and sit her down on top of you, her legs straddling your hips. she puts her hands on your cheeks and caresses your skin softly.

"is it always like this?" nancy whispers. her voice is shakier than usual. "no" you chuckle and bite your lip. "no, it's never been like that before"

"i want you" she admits, carefully watching your face for any reactions. "i want you the way they had each other in your book. i want you to show me"

your mouth falls open slightly and you nearly choke on a moan. her words are clearly enough to drive you mad.

"are you sure?" nancy nods firmly. "i had time to think about it. i- i couldn't stop thinking about you" "yeah?" "yeah" you close your eyes and take in the weight of her words. does she really know what she's asking for? is there a way for this to be right? nancy's hand sneaks its way under your chin and she lifts your gaze upon her. "please" she mouthes. "it's been so long y/n...i need you. please" a sense of desperation is written all over your face. it's the knowledge that you can satisfy this desperation that gives you the courage to continue.

"undress me" she rasps, her own fingers already pushing the first button through its hole. but you push away her hands and make quick work of pushing her coat to the floor and unbuttoning the front of her dress.

she's wearing a light, lacy bra beneath. it hardly covers anything, just a thin layer of fabric over the soft skin of her breasts.

you run your fingers over her chest and lean in to pepper open-mouthed kisses over her jaw, all the way down to her neck. she shivers when your fingers crawl up her back to unclasp her bra. "is that okay?" her head has fallen back, exposing her neck to you, and her eyes are closed. her chest is rising and falling rapidly and she's breathing through her open mouth.

"please" you do as you're told and the item lands on the growing pile of clothing on the floor.

"nancy" you hum. "you're so beautiful...so beautiful" delight and pride wash over you when you see a soft blush creeping up her chest. "am i?" she sounds genuinely surprised by your praise.

"of course you are" you lock eyes with her when you lean in and wrap your lips around her nipple softly. "y/n what are you- oh" her eyes roll back and she moans. "you're absolutely gorgeous" you whisper in between kisses to her bare breasts. the feeling sends waves of heat between your legs.

nancy's hands cage you in when she pushes your face further against her. "oh god" she bites her lip. "that- that feels so good" you don't even have to open your eyes to push the opened dress down her body. it pools on your lap leaving her completely topless. "you like this?" she nods enthusiastically. you take note of the way she grounds herself down on your lap involuntarily the more you suck on her breasts, alternating between her tits. "what do you want?" she furrows her brows and shakes her head. "i- i don't know, i- you-" that is when you remember that she probably never had anyone with the ability to make her feel good. especially not another woman. "it's okay, it's okay" you assure. "i'll show you, okay?" nancy nods her head so hard that her curls bounce around her face. "okay" you smile softly. "get up and take of your dress" she does as she's told, which leaves her in nothing but a matching pair of lacy panties. you're still sitting in front of her and wrap your arms around her lower abdomen to pull her close to you. you press soft kisses to her lower belly until you're satisfied with the goosebumps that have risen beneath your lips. instead of lowering your lips even further, you tap your thighs and gesture for nancy to sit back on your lap. her eyes are glowing with excitement and lust while she wraps her legs around your hips. you can feel the heat that's radiating from her through your jeans and it takes all your strength not to touch yourself right then and there. you crane your head back and nancy's lips are on yours immediately. her palms hold your face as she kisses you hungrily. you gladly let her kiss you the way she wants to until your lips are puffy and sore. "i think- i always thought you were so pretty" she admits. "i just never thought this was possible" "oh we're just getting started" nancy watches you with curious eyes when your fingertips run down her bare spine. "but keep talking" you encourage her. "i wanna hear everything" "i- god-" her hips rock forward again and you grin. "i- i thought of you while i read...of your pretty face and...your hands on me" "my hands?" you raise your brows and, to test your theory, let your index finger slide between her thighs. to your own surprise, you can feel the wet patch of her arousal even through her panties. your index grazes over where her entrance is up to her clit. you hook your finger over the little bud of nerves and nancy gasps loudly.

"like that?" "yeah" her voice is raspier than you've ever heard. "more of that please" you know you could tease her for hours but you choose not to. her wetness is enough to tell you how badly nancy needs this. you press one hand to her hips while you use the other to move her panties aside and gather her arousal on your fingertips. "fuck you're so wet nancy" "fuck" she whimpers her first curse of the night. "more" you're not sure nancy actually knows what she's begging for but you know that you will give it to her. show her. you circle her clit a couple of times and take in the way her legs shake around you. "can i?" you whisper as you move your digits down to her throbbing entrance. nancy wraps her hands around your back and her nails dig into your flesh. her lips are right next to your ear and her sinful whimper of "please" burns itself into your memory forever. it's nothing, whatsoever, to the long and high-pitched moan that leaves her mouth when you slowly push two of your fingers into her. you move them inside her until the first knuckle, giving her time to adjust to the fullness. "y/n" she cries out. her nails scratch down your ribs. nancy's hips ground themselves down on your fingers, taking them all the way in so the base of your knuckles meets her cunt. you carefully watch the way her face tightens in concentration and pleasure. her eyes are still closed but her mouth has fallen agape again.

you stroke her neck and whisper sweet praise into her ear. "just like that nancy. you take me so well..." after a while you pull out her her slowly but she doesn't give you a chance; her hips chase your fingers and she whines desperately. "no please...feels so good" you hush her. "i won't stop, look at me nance" her eyes meet yours and she lets you pull out your fingers until you only have your fingertips inside of her. then, without your eyes ever leaving herm you thrust into her again and she nearly screams. "shhh" you try to soothe her and stroke her hair out of her. "is- is that it?" nancy asks. you can't help yourself but chuckle. "oh no, that's not it yet"

with that you start pumping into her at a quicker pace, the heel of your hand hits her clit and she rocks her hips in the same rhythm of your thrusts.

the sensation of her slick running down her thighs has a wicked idea occurring in your head. you curl your fingers up at a particularly deep thrust and nancy's eyes roll back. "oh my god, there, right there" she babbles. you slowly withdraw yourself from her, leaving her entirely empty this time. "no" nancy whines helplessly. "no don't stop" but you hold onto her and flip both of you over so that she's laying on her back. you kiss down her torso and her eyes widen when she realizes what you're up to. when your kisses reach the hemline of her panties, you hook your fingers underneath them and, with one final nod of nancy, you pull them down her long legs and she kicks them off.

she is beautiful and glistening in the dim lights of the room. you run a finger through her and her body whole shudders. nancy spreads her legs wider for you, giving you the chance to see all of her. oh and you do; gladly taking in every inch of her body. she smiles and stretches arms above her head, making her own back arch off of the sofa. you place a palm on her belly and move it down slowly, feeling soft skin passing by beneath you. finally, your gaze falls upon her needy cunt. the sight of it is enough to make your own pussy throb in your pants. her clit is practically aching for you and who are you to deny her that? you look her in the eyes and lean down, placing your first kiss on her clit. nancy's mouth opens wider and pleasure is written all over her face. without further undo, you dart your tongue out and lick a stripe from her entrance up to her clit. her taste has you moaning for the first time of the night. "fuck you taste so good pretty girl" you mumble with a mouth full of pussy. "that's- that's disgusting" nancy stammers but you can tell by the sound of her voice that she's enjoying this. she's just struggling to find the right words. "no one's ever gone down on you?" you ask and lean back. it doesn't surprise you when nancy's hips buck up and go after your mouth. she shakes her head in the pillows, her fingers gripping the soft, velvet of the sofa right next to you. "n- no- feels so different-" she slurs. "more"

"thought so" you grin and get back to lapping at her cunt. at the same time, you bring down your thumb and rub circles on her clit. her hands find a hold in your hair and she pulls your closer, guiding your tongue to where she needs you the most. but you let her, regardless of the stinging pain in your skull at very hard pulls. "does that feel good?" "y-yeah" she moans. "spread your legs a little wider for me baby" you put a palm on her inner thigh. "and I'll make this even better"

once she has done so, you bring your fingers back to her entrance and focus your tongue on her clit. you lick into her once more before pushing your fingers back in and coaxing another loud moan out of her. you set a faster pace than before but she takes it all, just moaning and whining for more the entire time. your hips move at their own accord, trying to gain some friction from the crotch of your jeans. "it's too much y/n" she yelps. "i feel- feel like- i don't know i-" "it's okay" you look up at her for a second, never stopping your fingers from thrusting into her. obscene squelching noises fill the entire room. "just let go" and then your head is back between her legs and nancy does as you tell her. "fuck, fuck, fuck" she cries out and her walls flutter around your fingers. "fuck y/n-" and then she cums.

you add a third finger just when her orgasm starts washing over her. her back lifts off the sofa and she lets out a beautiful cry of pleasure. you can even see a tear running out of the side of her eye. her cum coats your chin and the sofa below you but you will take care of that later.

for now, you're too focused on licking up as much of her arousal as you can get while she comes down from her height.

you sit back on your knees once you've cleaned her up with her tongue and watch her with loving eyes. she's so beautiful like this. her chest still rises and falls rapidly and the aftershocks of her orgasm make her legs shake but there's a wide smile on her lips. nancy's eyes are still closed when she speaks up again. "i've never felt this good" she admits.

#nancy wheeler #nancy wheeler x reader #nancy wheeler x fem!reader #nancy wheeler x female reader #nancy wheeler x y/n #nancy wheeler x you #nancy wheeler imagine #nancy wheeler smut #nancy wheeler fanfic #nancy wheeler x jonathan byers #older!nancy wheeler x reader #stranger things #stranger things x female reader #stranger things imagine #stranger things x reader

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snowangeldotmp3 · 10 months

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🔀 and stonathan!!

revealing myself as a frequent adele listener...oops.

"let me photograph you in this light" -- brain went immediately to stonathan for this one, can i declare this a stonathan song? (though i don't often write these two, i need to change that)

im thinking...jonathan staring at a photo he'd taken of steve between the apocalypses, or maybe it's a handful of photos, or maybe just two of jonathan's favorites in particular. one where steve's smile is soft and gentle and warm. another one where steve is cheesin' so hard his eyes are crinkled and jonathan remembers this being the one of many times where his brain screamed kiss him, kiss him, kiss him.

(he did. later, that is. but if he should make it clear here that he kissed steve first, not the other way around.)

they're older now, they all are. aged by years of war they never wanted to be a part of. unwilling soldiers. jonathan's just glad they made it out alive, others were not so lucky.

still, a certain jealousy brews looking at these photos. what if we'd been more normal? what if we'd had normal, high school years? and a quiet, ordinary life?

now, jonathan is not one to want for normal. normal is boring and something he does not often strive for, but for a second, he allows himself to imagine a world where he and steve met under more ordinary circumstances--though now that he thinks about it, they probably never would have crossed paths in the first place if they'd met without interdimensional monsters bringing them together. so maybe jonathan should be a little grateful for that, at least.

looking at these photos now, while steve is still asleep (and likely won't be up for at LEAST another hour--beauty sleep, he always says) it reminds jonathan that not long after these pictures had been taken, steve had almost died. he would have died had they not gotten him to the hospital when they did.

jonathan hates to say it, and his younger self would combust at the thought, but he doesn't know what he would've done if steve died that night.

but steve isn't dead, he's snoring--quite loudly, he might add--from their bedroom, and jonathan is sitting here looking at photos that feel like they're from another life while he waits for the bacon to sizzle. there are no more monsters, and they aren't young anymore. they're aging and growing old and jonathan wants to be mad that they never got a "normal" life, but he can't find it within himself to be angry.

normal is overrated, anyway.

send me a 🔀 and a pairing, and i’ll shuffle my playlist and make an au based on the first song that comes up

#got mail! 📩#messrsbyler #stonathan #this was...a lot longer than i thought it would be...#see originally i was going to kill steve. and have this be angst but i started this at like 830 this morning and decided that was too early #for grief angst lolol #anyways. hope you enjoy!! i really need to write stonathan more this is the first time i've written them ksdhgkjhs #stranger things

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synckin · 1 month

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journal #1 - thoughts looping in my mind

so i don't know what these'll consist of quite yet, but i want to start talking more on here instead of just reblogging random things. having the place to jot things down might be nice, especially for longer stuff: rambles, aimless thoughts, hopefully somewhat comprehensible but i make no promises. i've been a bit busy with school, so i don't know how frequent these'll be? but i hope to on a semi-regular basis at least. that'll be easier to do when life is less busy- anyways. i guess a general overview is as good a place to start as any.

siffrin. a name that never really belonged to me, not really, but i'm the one who left with it in the end. i still don't remember what our name actually was. i don't remember too much about the island in general, bits and pieces of the universe. my biological family.

euphrasie… is alright, i guess. i don't think i ever stepped foot in dormont again or talked to her after. i know logically it wasn't her fault, but with her role in them, i don't think i was able to bear it. i kinda wish i had, though. maybe then i would've connected the dots- or maybe not, redaction effect and all. i'm glad that's not present here even if there's not a lot i can remember still. at the very least, though, it would have been… not nice to talk to her, but to gain any knowledge of the island she had.

the king is the king. what more do i need to say? i hate that my brain defends him on any point whatsoever- he actually was good at parenting, believe it or not, but. he was an awful person and i grew up to be too much like him for my own liking. i still wonder what would've happened if the island had never gotten redacted, what kind of person he would be, but that feels a bit selfish of me to imagine since then i probably would've never met any of my family.

i may have had a biological younger brother too..? i hesitate because the source of that was a dream and the only other kin dream i've had for siffrin was. well. i'd very much prefer it to just be a dream, teehee. but if that one was a memory then i'm not sure of the age difference between us, where he ended up with the redaction. i'm sure euphrasie and the king got caught outside of it searching for me; that's only logical- maybe he was still on the island, but depending on how young he was, i don't think they would've left him alone… i don't know, but if he existed, i hope he did alright and still is wherever he is now.

i guess i should talk at least a bit about the loops, huh. as far as i know, they went pretty similarly to what's shown in the game. a couple minor distinctions, nothing drastic enough to be too canon divergent or to consider myself from an au. i don't remember how many loops i went through, but it was in the triple digits- maybe the higher end, i don't know for sure, but it didn't hit quadruple. nothing really too notable about the contents, i don't think. i don't remember a lot of what did happen, but a lot of it blurred together even back then. constant repetition will do that.

as for loop… i still feel bad about calling them that but i don't remember what they would've preferred to have been called after everything. maybe just siffrin again…? but i don't know if they ever returned after. i hope they did, but that's probably selfish of me. they were a part of my family. i considered them a part of it, and i love them just as much as i do everyone else in our little group. i'd say that i don't know what i'd do without them, but, well. their very existence is the answer to that, huh. …anyways. they mean a lot to me. more than they realized. i miss them a lot. i miss everyone, but especially them. i would have never made it without them. i have a lot more to say about them, but i'll save most of those for another entry.

i still don't think i deserved a happy ending- it should have been theirs. it always belonged to them. but i love them, and i love my family, and things ended up the way they did. post-canon's also a blur- i have an idea of how they affected me but no concrete memories to pull from for it. granted, most of my memories are just vibes anyways- what feels right or wrong. probably the clearest thing i have from after the loops is that i'm pretty sure mira became a head housemaiden eventually. euphrasie had already chosen her, and between everything she did for vaugarde and the change belief i can't imagine things went any other way.

i can't really think of anything else to add. i hope to write these more frequently, especially once i'm done with college. having things written down to reference is nice- it's hard to keep things sorted out in my head alone, and even just sending them out into the void, maybe someone will. i don't know actually. i still mostly just lurk in one of the servers i'm in where people talk about their own memories often, and the other has multiple people who haven't played the game yet and who i don't want to spoil it. maybe this'll make it easier to open up in the former. maybe it'll just be nice getting my thoughts down. there's a lot to talk about, after all.

#🕰.entries

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cagedchoices · 7 months

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Okay so this is a second attempt at trying to make kind of a age/appearance reference sheet while also tying in a small amount of verse info so here's hoping that it will actually kind of make sense this time?? Especially since I don't really use icons very much anymore and I get the feeling that sometimes it can be hard to get a feeling for what Caleb would look like outside of the context of W/estworld. Even I kinda forget from time to time so this is for my benefit as much as anyone's. Under a cut because it's long.

SEASON 3 PRE-CANON

ignore the fact that this is a 40 year old man for just a second, everyone keeps casting him in projects that involve playing characters who would've looked significantly different when they were younger and we all just. keep letting him get away with it?? (lookin at you E/l C/amino... also the B/CS cameos...)

Realistically, Caleb would've looked around THIS young when he went into the army, This was a 19/20 year old actor in this case playing a 17/18 year old character. Appearance-wise, he will look more or less like this in any verse I'm writing where he's a teenager, and also in College V1 since that's a verse where he goes to college instead of joining the army.

By the time Caleb gets OUT of the military, he'd be around 25 or 26 years old. This is what he looks like in flashbacks in the show...

This is roughly how he would look instead, although I do keep in mind that the actor was about to turn or had recently turned 30 here, he at least looked young enough to be playing a character who was 24/25 years old.

I generally envision Caleb maintaining an appearance similar to this any time I do threads in verses where he falls between the ages of 25 and 30 years old, mainly Modern V1, and maybe my yet-to-be-developed S/tar T/rek verse. When it comes to canon, it helps put into perspective just how young he still was when Serac's system completely destroyed his life. He wasn't really a kid anymore, but in a lot of ways he still kind of was.

SEASON 3 CANON

As season 3 canon goes, Caleb is 35 years old, being played by an actor who is 40 but looked pretty much the same way when he was 35. This used to be the age and appearance I'd default to for any thread based in W/estworld canon or post-season 3, and I'd also use it when I had no idea what verse I wanted to use.

SEASON 4 PRE-CANON

From the end of season 3 to roughly 1 year later, Caleb is 36 and not changed much from before, although he does seem to have let the beard grow a little longer and actually kinda be a beard. His hair grows out a little more while he's in the hospital and starts to lay flat, and he gains a small scar on his left cheek from a laceration which is held closed by butterfly stitches until it heals. We never actually see it, but I headcanon he has a scar on the right side of his abdomen, from where he got shot and had surgery to remove the bullet fragments.

I haven't used this particular appearance for much outside of a few post-season 3 threads set during the riots/war waged against Incite, as it's really not that different from season 3 canon. But maybe I should use it more?

SEASON 4 CANON

Season 4 Caleb is at least 42 years old, pretty well synced up with the actor who would've been the same age when this was filmed. I will often default to writing Caleb at this age in particular because in my experience, muses over 35yrs tend not to get as much attention as young 20-somethings or early 30-somethings, and muses over 40 frequently get even less attention in the first place.

For specific threads, I mainly use this appearance, who I call "Scruffy Caleb," in my season 4 canon and post-canon verses, and then I also use it for the verses Fidelity, Modern V2, T/LOU, P/eaky B/linders, and R/ed D/ead R/edemption. Like before, Caleb has a scar on his left cheek, and he has a scar on the right side of his abdomen. If I'm writing any sort of AU where the events of season 4 happen but human Caleb manages to survive, he gains a new scar on the left side of his abdomen.

#it's still me — faceclaim.#headcanons.#long post.#verse info.#i guess??#i guess

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imaginationintowords · 3 years

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Folklore [song series]

this is me trying

Modern Day AU! Steve Rogers x OC!Reader; Bucky Barnes x Natasha Romanoff

Plot: Inspired by Taylor Swift’s new album folklore. The story follows the timeline of Bucky and Elizabeth’s life throughout the years.

word count: 3592

[a/n: I’m so sorry that it’s taken me so long to update this and my other story. i’ve been busy with school and work. thank you for your continued patience and support]

previous part

Series Masterlist

Age: 20 Year: Dec. 2014 Location: Brooklyn, NY

"How have you been James?”

Bucky looks out the window to his right. Hands grasped together in his lap as he sits on the dark green sofa across from the woman he's been seeing for the last 5 months.

He ponders the question, making sure to answer it honestly. He looks back at her giving her his full attention again.

"Good," he answers truthfully, a small smile planted on his face. Life has been good. School is going incredibly well. My job is going better than I could've imagined. Really learning a lot."

"How are things going with Natasha?" The older lady asks.

“Great. Really great," Bucky says with a slightly bigger smile.

"Good. I'm glad to hear that," she smiles back, proud to the see progress James has made since his first visit moths ago.

After the blow up he and Steve had, Bucky fell into a depressive state. He refused to talk to anyone about what had happened. It wasn't until his younger sister Rebecca came to talk to him:

"I get you don't want to talk to any of us about what happened last week," she said as Bucky laid in bed looking out the window, his back facing her, "But you can't just stay in bed, hiding for the world. Starving yourself isn't going to solve anything.

"Sulking is only going to make you worse. It's not healthy, Buck. We're all worried. Ma is incredibly worried. She's barely been eating. I hear her wandering the house at all hours, because she can't sleep."

"You don't want to talk to us, fine. But you need to talk to someone. If not for yourself, but for Ma. Please," she begs, before leaving Bucky alone to ponder what she said.

He knew he wasn't coping the healthy way. He hadn't realized how much he was affecting his family by shutting down. The last thing he wanted to do was worry his mother. So he got himself up, took a shower, ate breakfast with his family. They were surprised to see him come down, but tried not to draw any extra attention to it. Rebecca gave him an understanding nod, which he reciprocated. After breakfast, he began his research. He decided to listen to Rebecca's advice and find someone to talk to someone to help him make sense of what is going on in his mind.

And that's how he ended up in Dr. Abraham's office.

"Have you contacted Steve yet?" She asks.

"No," he answered fiddling with his fingers, "I feel embarrassed about the way I reacted."

"That's normal, James," she assured him, "But in order to repair any damage that's been cost, you need to talk to Steve. To move forward. From what you've told me he's a very understanding person. I'm sure once you've apologized and explain to him the steps you've taken to help your mental health, I'm sure he'd be willing to accept you back into his life."

"I'm not so sure," he looked down at his hands.

"You won't know until you've tried. Listen, I'm not here to tell you what to do or what not to do. I'm just here to help you navigate your thoughts a little better. In a more healthy way. If you're really serious about living a more healthier mental life, I think you should talk to him. You don't want to really throw this lifelong friendship away, do you?"

"No, I don't," he shakes his head.

"Good. Remember to be honest," she tells him, "Vulnerability isn't a bad thing. Your feelings aren't a nuisance. it's how you handle them is what matters. I'm not saying you have to talk to him as soon as you walkout of here. I just want you to start making the notion of doing so. Our time is just about up, how about we do this. Some homework for the week.

"I want you to write a letter to Steve. Bring it in next week, you don't have to read it. But I would like to discuss it. What do you say?"

"Okay, I could do that," he agreed.

Christmas week

Steve and Elizabeth flew back home a few days before Christmas. They put their bags in the trunk of their rental car.

The car ride was silent for awhile, both tired after a long flight, now sitting in traffic on their way back to their parents' place. This would be their first time back to Brooklyn since the whole Bucky situation. The road trip back to California was fun, but there was a looming sadness over Steve. It's not like he regrets standing up to Bucky he doesn't. He just wishes thing would've played out differently. He really wished Bucky would've talked to him before he left back to California.

"How are you feeling about being back?" Elizabeth asks, while they sat in traffic.

"I don't know," Steve sighs, "Feels weird going back home and not talking to Bucky."

"Maybe you should try calling him. It's been a few months. I'm sure he'd be willing to hear you out," she said, rubbing his right arm.

"I don't want to push him," Steve said through gritted teeth, his grip on the steering wheel getting tighter.

Bucky had been a touchy subject the last few months. During the first month Elizabeth would ask Steve if he'd heard from him, the answer always being no, followed by Steve shutting down. After that Elizabeth stopped asking, noticing how much it was affecting Steve, but the constant reminder of it wasn't helping. She knew that if Bucky ever did call, Steve would tell her. The only thing she could do was be patient and be there for Steve whenever he needed her.

The holidays kept everyone busy. On Christmas Eve. Steve spent it with Elizabeth's family at her grandma's house. Elizabeth found herself watching Steve play with her younger cousins, she couldn't help but giggle when they roped him into a tea party. She found herself imagining a future where Steve would do the same with their own children. She quickly shook the daydream away. Reprimanding herself a little for even thinking about kids at their young age.

On Christmas morning Elizabeth and Steve spent it with his parents. It was a nice peaceful day just lounging around in their pajamas. For dinner, Elizabeth's parents went over to have dinner at the Rogers' house. It was a nice little send off dinner for their parents who were leaving for Mexico to spend the New Years for a couples' getaway.

Elizabeth and Steve were heading to the Hamptons to spent NYE with Wanda, Thor, Loki, and Scott. They had planned to have a nice, peaceful trip.

While Steve and Elizabeth were at the Hamptons, Bucky and Natasha were spending their NYE at his family's beach cottage in Port Washington.

They were cuddled on the couch surrounded by take out containers, watching the New Years Eve special waiting for midnight to happen.

Bucky got up about 15 minutes to midnight to grab something from the kitchen. He walked back into the room with a new bottle of champagne and two champagne flutes.

"Got some champagne," he said holding it up for Natasha to see.

"Um," Natasha awkwardly shifted in her seat, "Actually about that."

Bucky looked at Nat confused, putting the bottle and flutes down on the coffee table before sitting back down next to her.

"What's wrong" he asked, grabbing the tv remote to mute the tv, and give Natasha his full undivided attention.

"So there's something I haven't told you," she says looking down at her fidgeting fingers.

"You're worrying me Nat," Bucky said, grabbing her hands to help ease her nerves

She looked up to meet his worry filled eyes.

"I'm pregnant," she announced.

Bucky eyes widen at her announcement, instantly dropping her hands. The look on her face showing she was telling the truth.

"How is that possible?" He asks in disbelief, "We've been so careful. We use double the protection. Condoms and you're on the pill."

"Actually about that," she nervously shifted under his intense gaze, "I haven't been on birth control in a little over two months."

"What?" Bucky yelled, quickly rising from his seat, "What do you mean you haven't been on birth control in a little over two months?"

"I got off of it," she shrugged trying to play it off, "It's my body and I can do what I want with it. And I just wanted to give my body a break, I've been on the pill since I was 15."

"I get it's your body, Natasha, I'm all for you doing whatever you want," he stresses, "but you should've told me. I'm your boyfriend, we have sex frequently. You should've at least had the respect of your sexual partner, letting him know that you were no longer on birth control. So in that case I could've been a tad more careful."

"We were using condoms," she half heartedly defended herself.

"They aren't 100% effective Natasha," he gripped his hair, in complete disbelief over this entire conversation, "You even know that. That also doesn't defend yourself for not telling me. You should've told me."

"I'm sorry. It's not like I was planning for this to happen," she yelled.

Bucky just stared at her like she just grew two heads. How is she not freaking out, he thought. They were clearly way too young for this. Which is why they took precautionary measures.

After a few moments of silence Natasha spoke up, "I'm keeping the baby."

Bucky didn't know what to say. He felt the room closing in on him. He started having a hard time catching his breath.

"James," Natasha quietly said, getting up to check on him. He raised his hand, silently telling her to stay where she's at.

He headed for the back door, the house felt too suffocating for him. He walked through the the small yard to the gate that led to the beach. Stumbling around.

To a stranger they would just think he's drunk. In reality he was just having a panic attack.

It was all too much. His mind was racing.

She's pregnant. With a baby. My baby. I'm going to have a kid. I'm going to be a dad. I'm not ready to be a dad. My dad was shit. God I can't be like my dad. I'm not ready for all of this.

He put his hands on his knees, hunched over trying to catch his breath. But he just couldn't. He did the only thing he could think of. He pulled out his phone and dialed the only person he knew would help.

Steve and Elizabeth were laughing with their friends, waiting for the countdown to begin. Steve felt his phone vibrating in his pocket. He moved his shoulder off of the back of the couch, where Elizabeth was cuddled up against.

He pulled his phone out and his heart dropped at the name that appeared. He quickly got up and walked out of the living room and upstairs to the room where he was staying in for the week.

Wanda raised her eyebrow at Elizabeth, who just shrugged her shoulders, equally as confused.

"Bucky?" Steve answered the phone, closing the door behind him. He could hear Bucky hyperventilating on the other side.

"Steve," he tried to get out.

"Buck, what's wrong?" Steve asked, pressing the phone even closer to his ear the sound of everyone downstairs counting down to midnight.

"Steve, I-," Bucky was struggling to get out.

"Buck, please try to calm down," Steve stressed, "Inhale, hold it for a few seconds and then exhale. You need to calm down. I can't help you, if I can't understand you."

Bucky tried his best to calm himself down, with Steve talking him through it.

"Now, can you explain to me what's wrong?" Steve asked, hearing Bucky's breathing leveling out more.

"I-I'm not re-ready Steve," Bucky stutters, sniffling his nose.

"It's okay take your time, I'm here whenever you're ready."

"No, it's Natasha.”

"What's Natasha? Is she okay?" Steve questioned, getting more concerned.

"Yes, she's fi-ine," he stuttered again, trying to say the words.

"Where are you Buck?" Steve asked, looking around for his shoes and keys.

"I'm at the beach cottage."

"I'm in the Hamptons. Is there any way you can meet me back at my place?"

"Yeah, I think I can," Bucky said a bit more calmer now.

"Okay, I'll see you soon."

When midnight struck Elizabeth went upstairs to check on Steve, making sure everything was okay. She could hear him on the phone talking to Bucky, trying to calm him down. She waited outside of the door to give them some privacy.

Twenty minutes later Wanda went to go check on them, to find Elizabeth sitting on the floor.

"Is everything okay?" She whispered.

"I don't know," she answered, "I'm waiting for Steve. You can head back down, I'll be down shortly."

"Okay. We're here if you guys need anything," Wanda said before walking back down.

After another 25 minutes Elizabeth heard Steve hang up the phone. She softly knocked on the door, and let herself in. She walked in to see Steve frantically going around the room collecting his things.

"Steve is everything okay?"

"It's Buck. He called me while he was having a panic attack. Something about Natasha," he tells her.

"Is she okay?"

"I think so. I was able to calm him down. I need to get back home," he said putting his things in his suitcase.

"Okay. I completely understand. Do you want me to go with you for the drive?" She asked.

"I don't want you to have to cut your time here short," he says, feeling guilty for bringing this on her.

"Steve, something is clearly going on with Bucky. I want you to go to him, but maybe it's best if I drove. I haven't had a drink in hours, and you seem too frantic. Please let me help," she pleaded, placing her hand on his stopping him.

Steve looked up and noticed the worry on Elizabeth's face.

"Okay," he gave in, "We'll need to leave as soon as we can."

Elizabeth nodded, quickly grabbing her weekender bag and start shoving things in. If they forgot anything's he knew Wanda would bring it back.

They said their quick goodbyes and were on the road within 5 minutes, with Elizabeth behind the wheel and Steve fidgeting in the passenger seat.

Bucky took a few minutes to himself on the beach, trying to make sure his anxiety was at rest before he headed back inside. When he entered the house, Natasha shot up from her seat.

"Happy New Years," she awkwardly said, trying to cut the obvious tension.

"Umm," Bucky scratched his head looking everywhere but at Natasha, "We need to leave."

"What?"

"I mean, you can stay if you want and I'll pick you up tomorrow," he rephrased, "But I can't stay here. I need to go. Steve is meeting me at his house."

"Steve?" She was taken back by that mention, not expecting to hear Bucky say his name. He hasn't mentioned Steve in months.

"Yeah, I called him," Bucky says rubbing the back of his neck.

"Well that's good right?"

"Yeah, listen. I really need to go, so are you going to stay or come with me?"

"To see Steve?"

"No. I would drop you off at your place," he tells her, "I'm seeing Steve alone."

"Will she be there?"

Natasha didn't really know exactly why Steve and Bucky weren't talking, at first. Then she heard that Steve and Elizabeth were dating, and it all made sense. The only person that could tear Bucky and Steve apart. She never told Bucky that she knew. Figured it wasn't worth the fight. Especially not now when she was carrying his child.

To an outsider it might seem like she got pregnant on purpose, but that wasn't the case. She knew they were too young for this, at least that's what she thought when she first found out about the pregnancy a week ago. But now that she's sat with it she's taking it as a sign that this is meant to happen. She's just really hoping that Bucky would see it, if not now but eventually.

"Listen, Natasha, I don't have time for this," he looks her in the eyes, "Are you coming or not?"

"I'll get my bag," she remarked with a snark tone, walking passed him to their shared room.

A couple of hours later Bucky was pulling up in front of the Rogers' house. 2:15 am read the clock in his car. He looked to his right, out the passenger side window to see a dark figure sat on the front steps of the house.

Bucky took one last breath before exiting the vehicle.

As soon as he opened the front gate Steve stood up from where he was sat on the stairs.

Once Bucky approached him both young men threw their arms around each other. Gripping each other tightly, fighting back the tears that threatened to fall. They stayed like that for awhile. Relishing in the comfort of being back in each other's arms. Their silent fight no longer important. All they knew in that moment was everything was going to be okay, because no matter what they'll always have each other.

Steve walked into his parents' living room holding two mugs of coffee. As he rounded the couch, he handed one to Bucky.

"Sorry, if I ruined any of your plans," Bucky apologized, "Tell Elizabeth I'm sorry for taking you away."

'Buck, don't worry about it," Steve waved him off, "She completely understands. And truth be told, I wasn't necessarily feeling in the New Year's mood."

"Yeah," Bucky sighs.

"Do you want to talk about what happened tonight?" Bucky nods his head, placing the coffee mug on the coffee table in front of him. He shifted his body to the left to face Steve.

"She's pregnant," he announces.

"What?" Steve asked, not expecting that to be the reason, he quickly placed his mug next to Bucky's.

"Yeah, my reaction exactly," Bucky said.

"What? How?"

"Apparently Natasha hasn't been on the pill in a couple of months," Bucky explains, "And even though we always used condoms, they aren't exactly 100% effective."

"Did you know she wasn't on the pill?"

"Nope," Bucky tells him, "If I knew I wouldn't been a bit more cautious."

"So she told you she was pregnant?" Steve said getting back to it.

"Yeah. She was so nonchalant about it. Like it was no big deal," Bucky stressed,

"How is she just so calm. We're not prepared for this. I'm not ready for this Steve. I can't be a dad. I don't even know how to be a decent human being."

"That's not true Buck," Steve disagreed.

"Come on Steve, we haven't talked in months, and we both know it's not because you didn't try," Bucky says, "I was so caught up in my own jealousy. And selfishness, that I never even considered your feelings or Elizabeth's. And I don't think I can ever make it up to you for treating you like you're nothing to me."

"You were hurt," Steve tried to excuse.

"Doesn't excuse the way I behaved," Bucky says, "I know that now."

"I've been seeing a therapist," Bucky informs him, "I never realized how much my mental health was taking a toll on those around me. So after our fight, I found someone to talk to. To work through the shit that's going on in my mind."

"How's that been going?" Steve asked.

"Good," Bucky gives a half smile, "Really good. She's good. I've realized a lot about myself that I didn't know. Working through all the issues I've had with my father leaving."

"That's good Buck. I'm proud of you, truly," Steve beamed, patting Bucky on the shoulder.

"I really am sorry for the way I behaved," Bucky repeated again.

"Buck, you really don't have to apologize again," Steve told him.

"I need to Steve," he said, "I can't believe I acted that way. I should've been happy for you and Elizabeth. I'm glad you two have each other. Seriously. I couldn't imagine her with anyone better, same goes for you. I won't cause any more issues for you two. It's not worth not having you in my life. You're my brother Steve, and I don't want to miss anything."

"Thanks, Buck. It really means a lot to me to hear that," Steve smiles, "Because I don't want to miss anything in your life also."

"Yeah, especially now," he says, the reality of why they're there dawning back.

"How are you feeling now about the baby?"

"I don't know, man," Bucky shakes his head, "I'm afraid I'm going to screw this up, like everything else."

"But now you're working on that," Steve reminds him, "And you're not going to be doing this alone. You have people who are always going to be there. I may be in California now, but I'm just a phone call away. You're not alone. But you do have to try Buck. That's all that you can ever do. Try your best, no one's asking you to be perfect, but as long as you're trying your best, that's what's important."

Age: 21 Year: 2015

The sounds of a baby crying woke Bucky up from his sleep in the early depths of the morning. He quietly and quickly got out of bed, making his way to the small New York kitchen to make a bottle.

He walked into the small nursery where the two-month-old baby wailed from hunger.

"It's okay," Bucky shushed gently, picking up the small baby, "Daddy's here."

He adjusted the small baby in his arms before placing the bottle in the baby's mouth.

"There you go," he encouraged the small one, as soon as he heard the sounds of the baby drinking.

Bucky sat down on the chair in the corner of the room, opposite of the crib. He just stared as the newborn drank their bottle, while simultaneously falling asleep. Even though he was completely exhausted, he had never felt more happier. More at peace with where his life was at.

As long as he kept trying his best, he knows he can do this for the rest of his life.

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ofgentleresolve-a · 3 years

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@jeoseungsaja sent in: 🍻 + "What's the meanest thing you've done?" (Patrick and Hyuk, perhaps? If it works? C:) || unfortunately bad decisions make great stories ( ft. drunken confession meme ) || still accepting!

A laugh. And then he shakes his head. "REALLY now, Hyuk? You really don't hold back at all, do you?" It would've come out as a chuckle instead if it weren't for the one and three-fourths emptied beer bottles shimmering in the light in front of him. Patrick? Drinking? Sleeves of his button-down folded up to his elbows? An improbable scenario, especially when there's Elise ( and until a year or two ago, Hiro too ) to consider. But his old friend is in town again and Elise's attending her third ( or is it fourth, it's hard to keep count now ) sleepover for the night. So when Hyuk looks to him for a suggestion, the pub they used to frequent in their university days tumbles out of his mouth first.

He leans forward though. His cheeks are warm as he takes another sip of his beer. His tolerance over the years has lessened- back in their university days he could down a shot or two with ease and still walk the line more or less normally. Now, nearing his forties, he's tipsy from just two beer bottles. "I've never told you, have I, about how I met Hiro? The first time."

He's told himself over and over again, it's because she's younger, that he's more likely to bring up Elise rather than HIRO. It's because he's known for her for longer, played more of an active role in her life than he has for Hiro. It's only common sense.

When Patrick talks about Hiro, the earliest memory he recounts always starts from when Hiro was fourteen. That's the age most people assume Hiro was when they met.

But that's not the entire truth.

"He was ten." Hyuk, with his addled mind, can do the math. Hiro is twenty and guess what happened about ten years ago? "That day, the ACCIDENT-" he pursues his lips together for a moment. "Hiro lived in the block of flats next door to her lab. His parents were inside when it exploded. In a span of a few seconds, he lost both his parents and his home."

He takes another sip. A long one too. "He quite literally ran into me when I got there. He was trying to go back in there. Thought he could find his parents before the whole thing collapsed. I stopped him. Slapped him too- told him there was nothing to be done. If he went back in there he'd be DEAD too.

"I didn't think of much of it at the time. I assumed he would have some kind of family around who would take him in when I dropped him off with the police." This time Patrick downs the rest of the beer. The bitterness stings in his throat. "He didn't. He was put in a boys' home instead.

"Admittedly, I was too wrapped up in losing Felicity and investigating to even consider checking in on him. I might've lost Felicity, but he was a child. He just lost his family and his home without any warning. If she were here instead of me, her first priority would've been making sure Hiro was okay. Not the truth."

After all, what good does the truth do? Even if they had gotten to the center of it, it still wouldn't have brought Felicity or any of the others BACK. He leans back, hand loose around the neck of the bottle.

"He's a good person, you know Hyuk. Reminds me quite a bit of you in our uni days- witty, intelligent, passionate. Reckless too." Here he chuckles, shaking his head. "Forgive me, I couldn't help myself there. But maybe this was God's way of giving me a second chance when I found him vandalizing university property with his friends. But he was...troubled back then. Wary." Angry. "Making havoc was probably his way of getting out what he was feeling back then. But the look in his eyes- it was like he was already dead inside. He's gotten better over the years, but sometimes, it's still there."

Patrick places the bottle back on the counter with a clank. "I can't help but think, maybe if I had been there for him from the beginning or even just sooner, would he still look that way? Would he be able to put the accident to rest?" And then he turns to Hyuk with a polite, if not tired smile. After all, that's a GENTLEMAN is supposed to do. Smile, stay strong, even through the worst of times.

"Well, I suppose there's no way of knowing for sure, is there?” He raises his hand for the bartender’s attention. “Why don't we go for another round, Hyuk? This one's on me."

#jeoseungsaja #( verse: give mercy. )#until the end and then a little more ( ft. patrick & hyuk )#that would truly be wonderful ( answered. )#the barren loneliness as a part of myself ( writing. )#( answered: patrick. )#tbt ( ft. patrick & hiro )#yikes that got emo real fast....#lmao he really ran away with this one #gonna tag this as writing bc this is actually backstory #but alex!! thank you so much for sending in!! :DD #( and giving me a chance to flesh patrick out a little more - next time i'll include more of hyuk bc their friendship is wonderful~ )#jeoseungsaja ( ft. lee hyuk )

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morbid-n-macabre · 5 years

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This is Cody Posey. Cody murdered his entire family when he was 14 years old; a few years later, at age 21, he was released back into society.

Cody had been living on a ranch in Hondo, New Mexico with his father, Delbert "Paul" Posey, his step-mother, Tryone, and his step-sister, 13 year old Marilea Schmid. From day one Cody's life had been troubled; two electricians would later recall doing some work for Paul when Cody was approximately 18 months old; apparently baby Cody did something which his father didn't appreciate, and Paul took his belt off. The electricians claim they had to physically pull the man off of this baby. Cody's biological mother, Carla Burst, couldn't deal with the abuse, she left Paul pretty early on. A bitter custody battle which stretched out over the years ensued; Carla finally gained full custody after Cody was beaten black and blue with a board by his father. The boy was thrilled to be with his Mama, but tragically Cody's happiness would only last a few months; there was a roll over car wreck which took the life of Carla Burst. Cody begged and pleaded not to be placed with his father, but that's precisely where he was sent.

From here on out Cody was abused each and every single day. The boy was beaten and forced to work 7 days a week on the ranch, from dawn to dusk, often without any food at all. But simple beatings and work wasn't the worst of it, Paul was sadistic bastard; he used an electric cattle prod on his son, beat the child with a lasso, dragged him behind a horse, and this is only some of the physical abuse in which this child withstood! Sadly Paul's wife, Tryone, was no better, and even Cody's stepsister was recruited to join in on the abuse; Marilea was rewarded for telling her parents whenever Cody did something his father wouldn't approve of. Even at school Cody could find no solace; he was watched like a hawk by his perfect stepsister who was just slightly younger than him, and beaten for every and any little thing. For Cody there were no buddies to hang out with, no football teams to cheer for, no days spent riding around on his bicycle, no little girlfriends to crush on. Cody was nothing more than an unpaid ranch hand and his father's whipping boy, and that's it. Well, I say unpaid, but that's not completely true: Cody was allowed ten dollars per month. Paul cashed the monthly SSI checks which Cody received from his mother's death, yet the boy reportedly worked every single day for months with holes in his boots until he could save enough allowance to purchase a new pair of work boots! Yes, child protective services was called several times throughout the years (I read somewhere that the abuse was reported 7 times!) but nothing was ever done; it's just one of those cases where everyone dropped the ball.

All of this went on for years, and maybe the teen never would've retaliated but Tryone and Paul finally pushed the boy too damn far. You know that old saying: There's only so many times you can kick a dog before he bites back? Cody finally bit back. On the evening before of the murders, 4th of July in 2004, Cody claims he was called to his parent's bedroom; when he walked in to see what was required of him, Cody found his stepmother, Tyrone, laying completely naked in her bed. Paul ordered that Cody be intimate with Tryone while he watched, and his nude stepmother attempted to pull the teen to her chest. When Cody refused, his father burnt him on the shoulder with a scrap of metal and a torch! The teen bit Tryone, an act for which Cody was burnt by his father once again. He somehow managed to get away from the situation, the teenager ran to his bedroom where he claims to have cowered in fear the rest of the night. Paul and Tryone had been abusing this young man for years; they'd beaten, tortured, isolated, starved, and humiliated him, but they would not sexually abuse him. In the morning Cody went out to perform his usual duties which included cleaning out the horse stalls. He wasn't performing this "chore" quickly enough, and his father slapped him; Cody later testified that this was when "I more or less lost my mind", it's thought that the teen likely dissociated. Cody grabbed a .38 Special out of his sister's saddlebag, went into the house, and walked up behind his step mother who was nestled up on the couch with a book; the teenager blew a couple of holes through his female abuser's skull. When his father and step sister heard the gun blasts they immediately ran to see what was the matter; the teen shot Paul, then he turned the gun on his sister. How could he leave Marilea alive when it had been her job in life to tattle on him for everything? When his family was dead, the teen loaded the bodies up in a backhoe, dumped them in a ravine, then covered them up with piles of manure. That right there says a whole heck of a lot about the way Cody felt, doesn't it? He physically buried his family in actual crap! Afterwords the teen discarded the murder weapon in a local body of water, drove his murdered father's vehicle to the store for a bottle of Sprite, then he went off to stay with a buddy until his arrest.

So the ranch was owned by a well known local reporter named Sam Donaldson, and by the 6th of July Sam had grown concerned. Paul had been strangely silent, so Sam and his wife decided to drive out to the property and see what was going on. Though Cody had buried the bodies in a crappy shallow grave, he hadn't even attempted to clean up any of the blood or gore; after walking into the home Sam called police. Cody was promptly arrested and charged with triple homicide, crimes to which he quickly confessed; the three corpses were soon recovered.

Much of the abuse in which Cody had survived came out during trial; literally dozens of witnesses testified on the teenagers behalf. A ranch hand named Isabel Vasquez testified to having seen Paul hit Cody in the stomach and shoulder with a pipe for no reason whatsoever, he had watched Paul strike the teen with rocks the size of golf balls, and in the photo I'm enclosing Isabel is demonstrating how Paul used a large metal hook to punish Cody for not moving bales of hay quickly enough.

The physical and emotional abuse was backed up by many witnesses, but of course nobody had been around during the attempted sexual abuse. That said, there's evidence which points towards it being the truth: during the investigation police discovered incestuous pornography on Paul's personal computer. This type of porn, much of it parent/child incest, had often been frequented while Cody and his sister were at school.

Sandy Schmid was Paul's second wife; the two had been married for 5 years while Cody was little. Sandy testified that Paul had always been abusive, and while she was living in the home she had done her very best to protect her stepson from his father's wrath. Sandy also stated that Paul had always had a strange obsession with incest porn. Nearly everyone begged the judge to have mercy on this young man, including the biological father of Cody's murdered stepsister; Marilea's dad, Jake Schmid testified on his daughter's killers behalf! It's a strange situation though, because Jake knew Cody pretty well; Jake had married Paul's second wife, Sandy, so when Jake would pick up Marilea for weekend visits, Cody would come with and spend time with the stepmother. Jake stated on the stand that he had always believed Paul to be abusive towards Cody, that he'd seen fear in the boy's eyes more than once when it was time to go home; Marilea's father also said that he did not hold any ill will towards the young man for what he had done, he felt nothing but empathy for his daughter's killer.

Now not everyone felt sorry for the teenager; the state claimed that Cody's abuse was widely over exaggerated. Their case was that Cody had become angry after his father smacked him as punishment for not cleaning out the horse stalls quickly enough, and they submitted seemingly happy family photos as proof that there had been no ongoing abuse. One of the few witnesses for the prosecution was Verlin Posey, Paul's brother. Verlin claimed that he had never noticed any abuse, nor did he ever see any bruises on Cody. Verlin was seemingly pleased with the idea that his nephew would be spending his life in prison: "One lifetime in prison is a pretty small debt for three.".

Cody was convicted of 1st degree murder in the case of his stepsister, Marilea, 2nd degree murder for killing stepmother Tryone, and manslaughter in the case of his father, Paul. There were also 4 charges of evidence tampering; Cody was looking at life imprisonment. Apparently it was left up to the judge to decide whether the teen was sentenced as an adult or a youthful offender. After hearing all of the evidence in this case, the judge had mercy; Cody was sentenced to psychiatric treatment, and to remain in a juvenile facility until he turned 21 years of age.

In September of '06 a couple of Paul's relatives (I'm willing to bet it was his brother, Verlin) filed a wrongful death lawsuit against the creators of the video game Grand Theft Auto and Sony, among others. In a nutshell, they claimed that the teen had been trained to kill by the video game GTA.

While incarcerated the teen finished highschool and continued his education with college. On October 9th of 2010, which was Cody's 21st birthday, he was released; today he is free, and that's pretty much all we know. He's blending in somewhere, presumably living amongst us.

*I usually *try* to leave my opinion at the door, so to speak, but it's not really possible in this case; this is one killer who I would not mind living next door to me. There is so much abuse which was witnessed by people, so much was left out of this article. They isolated and abused this kid in every way possible. Anyways, I hope Cody is faring well out there, and that adult life is kinder to him than childhood was. Everyone has their breaking point, right? Have you ever thought about it? What could drive you to murder?

#true crime #killer kids #murder #mass murder #murderer #what do you think #what would you do #abuse #child abuse

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thesadiestyle · 6 years

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REPOST >>> 12 Pieces of Unsolicited Advice to My 20 Year Old [Black Sheep] Self

Of course there is a lot more where this is all coming from, but if I had to choose twelve things I wish I would’ve known when I was younger, I'd have to say these would've the most valuable. Why have I decided to post on this? Well, because on Saturday, December 12th, I will be turning 29 years old. I consider it to be the beginning of the end of a rotten ten year time period I created for myself. A majority of which could have been avoided had I been given these little tidbits. Now, don’t get me wrong— I don’t regret the past, nor do I wish to shut the door on it; for it has made me who I am today. All I’m saying is that I sure could’ve saved myself some hassle throughout the last 9 years. Maybe some of you can relate. Here goes.

Keep a journal. Oh, how I kick myself for not doing this! You’ll soon find out that life is full of far too many crazy experiences to go a single day without documenting them in some way or another. You’ll thank yourself for this when you’re my age. I can promise you that.

Make a simple list of dos and don’ts for yourself. This may sound absolutely ridiculous to you right now, especially since you’re likely feeling like you’ve only just now escaped the wrath of living by your parents’ standards, but this is totally different. These are your standards. Your list doesn’t need to consist of anything too complex or too restricting, as you’ll find that many of the items will flip-flop over time. The only real purpose for this list is to serve as a guide for you during those moments you'll feel like you’re in the dark. And trust me; you may think you know it all now, but you’ll feel ‘in the dark’ a lot more frequently than you realize. But, for me personally, the times when I’ve been thrown to the wolves in the dark have proven to be the times I’ve ultimately learned the most. We all require a guiding light at some point, but the goal as growing adults is to be our own guiding lights when it’s all said and done.

Don’t treat anyone as though he/she is your life, because in the likely event that you lose that person, you’ll feel as though you’ve lost your life. The definition of a healthy relationship is one in which both parties can live with and without each other. You’re beginning your journey of finding yourself and establishing a foundation of who you are as an individual. Good friends are important, but come to terms ahead of time with the fact that people will come and go. At the end of the day, you need to be content with coming home to yourself, and yourself alone. And maybe a cat.

Take care of yourself! Take a multivitamin. Eat healthy. Exercise. Stay off drugs. For the love of God, don’t start smoking cigarettes. Your body is your temple, and you're going to be living with it for, well, as long as you choose.

Establish some sort of living structure and live by it. Setting a healthy agenda for yourself may be the very last thing on your mind as you’re crossing the threshold into being on your own, but here’s a secret: structure doesn’t have to consist of limitations. Instead, look at structure as a form of liberation to allow you to do more of what you want to do in more logical, systematic ways.

Learn to budget! Don’t take out any credit cards until you have you’ve found a steady job and have worked there for at least one year. And no, owning that pair of shoes is not more important than paying your rent. I wish I would’ve been taken aside at a much earlier age and told the importance of setting financial boundaries. It’s easy to adhere to a budget once you get the hang of it, but you’ll find that the line between living with debt and living without debt is much finer than you think.

Branch out; don’t be afraid to meet others from all walks of life. You’ve recently reached the point where you’ve been granted much more access to the world. Until now, you’ve been more or less forced to stay around a breed of people/ideas similarly to that of your own. As a sociology major, I may be a bit biased, interacting with different breeds of people will set you at a level of wisdom higher than you’d ever think is achievable. It’ll make you a more well-rounded person in general. Side note (a mistake I’ve made personally)— you can easily observe/explore the habits of other people without adopting their habits yourself. For instance, when I was about 24, I got to know a man who lived under a bridge near my neighborhood in the Garden District of Baton Rouge. While he did show all signs of being a crackhead, I didn’t feel the need to adopt his way of living. Still hired him to mow my yard though for $30 every 2 or so weeks though . . . But, on the the other hand, this brings me to my next point . . .

You are what you eat, and if you lie down with the dogs, you’re going to catch fleas. Reputation is based upon association— and depending upon how much of a damn you give about your social reputation, you may want to take this piece of advice very, very seriously. (Also, I can guarantee you that if you’re anything like me, you care far more about how others view you than you’re willing to admit.)

Be kind to your parents. I was (and still am) lucky to have them around in my 20s. When all else fails, your parents are your center of the universe. I was personally a hell cat. A pistol. Hell on wheels. Whatever the heck you want to call it. And if I could take back all of the stress, thoughtlessness, and worry that I put my parents through, I would do it in a heartbeat. No one’s perfect, but be mindful of the way you talk to your parents. And not to be a Debbie Downer, but also be mindful of the fact that they won’t be there forever. Cherish as much time with them as you can.

There’s NO NEED whatsoever to be an open book. Be your own best friend. Of course it’s fun to tell secrets to your closest friends, but remember that in our 20s especially we're all kinda out for what we want. Therefore— if you choose to be an open book, don’t be flabbergasted when someone uses it against you for their own personal gain. They say high school is brutal, but for me it was the college age that kicked my butt.

Easier said than done, yes, but try your hardest not to compare yourself to others. Everyone is moving at his or her own pace. Maintain tunnel vision. Do what you want to do, even if it takes several tries to get there. Follow your heart in this life, because you’ve only got one heart, and you’ve only got one life to live.

Don’t feel the pressure to get married and start a family just because you happen to be dating someone while you’re approaching the 'national average marriage age’ (or whatever). Do it when, why, where, how, and with whom you want to do it. As a divorcee since age 22, get married for no other reason other than the ones listed above.

. . . Now that I think of it, I honestly could write a thesis on what NOT to do when you’re in your 20s. But if you don’t benefit from this list, you’ll learn on your own sooner or later. And who knows; you might be one of those hardheaded mules who had to learn lessons the hard way. If that’s the case, then keep on trucking— sometimes you've got to wreck a time or two before you realize you maybe reevaluate your method of navigation in this life.

Happy 20s!

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