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on-my-vigilante-sht · 1 year

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Capitol Punishment IV

Haymitch x Reader

Summary: The Capitol continues to torture it’s victors no matter how long ago they won through punishment, exploitation, and worst of all; their relationships.

A story in which Haymitch’s lover is a plaything for the Capitol.

Warnings: Canon level violence, rape (though never explicit), alcohol, murder, systemic poverty, exploitation, rebellion (?), more reliance on movie than book, suicidal thoughts

Word Count: 3.9K

Part III | Masterlist | Part V

Your head rested on Haymitch’s lap as you stoically watched the girl from District 1, Glimmer, kill the girl from District 4.

As the careers began to walk away, Haymitch took the remote, shutting off the feed. “Hey!” you protested.

“You’ve seen enough— we’ve both seen enough,” he insisted. “Y/N we watch these games every year and have to endure seeing our kids get slaughtered. And you get upset every time.”

“But these kids have an actual shot at winning!” you insisted. Both were already adored by the Capitol and Peeta, being the son of a baker and having the strength to show it, resembled the careers more than previous District 12 tributes. As for Katniss, she was a hunter and a survivalist. If she could get her hands on the bow Glimmer was fumbling with, the odds of this game would drastically change. “You don’t need to protect me like I’m a child.”

“I’m just trying to protect you because I love you and it hurts me to see you hurt.”

You stopped, unable to respond to that. He was right, every year you invested in these kids and no matter what, whether they ignore your advice or not, the end up dead and it was taking its toll on you. A toll only Haymitch saw because you refused to show weakness to anyone who may hold power over you.

Before you could respond the elevator dinged open and Effie fluttered into the penthouse. “Haymitch! Y/N! Haymitch! Y/N!” she squawked. “Turn on the games!”

Annoyed yet confused, Haymitch complied. Your eyes widened as you saw what was happening. Katniss was running through a forest fire. You audibly gasped when you saw a fireball be launched at her, sending her to the side. You held on tightly to Haymitch’s sleeve as the fire continued to surround her, a projectile burning her at one point.

The gamemakers’ disaster didn’t end until she jumped into a small pool of water. Unfortunately for Katniss her relief didn’t last long before the careers spotted her. Glimmer was the first to spot her, pointing and shouting. The others began to shout after her, running towards Katniss with smiles as if they were hunting turkeys. Peeta followed after them, carrying a spear, looking reluctant.

Katniss looked exhausted but she made her way out of the pond, running into the forest until she found a big tree. You held your breath as she scaled the tree and the careers approached. Fortunately she was a couple feet up in the air by the time the careers reached her.

Cato, from District 2, began climbing the tree after her but broke a branch only a couple steps up. And by now Katniss had settled on a thick branch about 70 feet in the air. A camera locked in on Peeta’s face, showing his concern for his years long crush.

“I got this,” Glimmer declared, notching an arrow. Judging by the clumsiness of her movements she wasn’t very experienced with it. She aimed up at Katniss, releasing the arrow which missed her by a long shot.

“Why don’t you throw the sword,” she taunted, eliciting a laugh from Haymitch.

“Got any ideas, loverboy?” Cato snarled.

“Why don’t we just wait her out?” he suggested. “It’s either she comes down or starves to death.” The careers all looked surprised, as if a non-violent strategy had never occurred to them. Seeing as that was the only real viable option, they began to set up camp.

The camera turned up to Katniss who by now was settled on her branch, assessing her burn wound. You cringed at her pained expression as she tried to soothe the burn. “Haymitch she’s going to die of infection if she doesn’t get medicine.”

“I know,” he said, already standing up. “I’m going to kiss come Capitol ass.” You stood up with him but he quickly stopped you. “No, Y/N I love you but this will put you right in their palms.”

Grateful for Haymitch’s concern for you, you cupped his jaw gently, pressing a quick kiss to his lips. “Thank you,” you whispered.

“I’ll go with him,” Effie said, scrambling to the elevator with him.

Once they reached a viewing room for the sponsors Haymitch grabbed two glasses of champagne. Spotting a sponsor who was intently staring at the screen, and more importantly, not speaking to anyone else, he headed over. “She’s a tough one,” Haymitch caught the man’s attention. “Kind of ironic that the girl on fire got burned. Champagne?” he offered the peacock of a man.

With a smug look he took the glass. “Haymitch Abernathy, Katniss is yours right?” he asked, gesturing to the screen.

“Yeah she is. Gotta say it’s really nice to have two kids make it this far.”

“Ah right, loverboy is also yours,” the man chuckled. “Let me guess, you want medicine for Katniss.”

Haymitch smiled dryly. “Yes, she needs it. I’ve seen what your medicine can do and once she’s healed up, she’ll be back in the game stronger than ever.”

“Is she half as ruthless as Y/N L/N was?”

Inside Haymitch froze at the mention of your name but seeing as the man didn’t talk about you further, he pushed through it. “Half is a good estimate,” Haymitch laughed. “What I can tell you is that she’s a provider for her family and she’s got that sweet little sister she volunteered for back home. If anyone has a reason to get out of that arena, it’s her. She’s got no one else to take care of her family.”

The man thought for a second, nodding before reaching out his hand to Haymitch. “You’ve got a deal. 200 for the medicine and I’ll place a thousand on her to win.”

Haymitch grinned eagerly, shaking his hand too. “Thank you, I appreciate it.” Haymitch ensured that the man reached the betting/sponsor booth to get the medicine to Katniss before turning towards the elevator, intent on heading back to you.

“The Victor of District 12.” A hand clamped onto his shoulder along with the words stopped Haymitch in his tracks. He turned, finding a man with orange skin and bright red hair, grinning at him.

“Can I help you?” Haymitch asked as kindly as possible.

“I wanted to ask about Y/N L/N, the other District 12 victor.”

Haymitch tried to swallow his disgust. “What do you want to know?”

“Is she available anytime soon? A friend of mine got a taste of her, said she felt heavenly. I wanted to give it a try, take her for a spin, you know,” he laughed. “See if she’s tighter than Capitol girls.”

At that comment Haymitch couldn’t hold it in any longer. Seven years of watching you be used and abused were released in a single punch, sending the man to the ground. Before Haymitch could kill the redhead, peacekeepers were dragging him out of the room. “Keep her name out of your fucking mouth!” he yelled.

He was dragged off into a van and then had a bag placed over his head.

He wasn’t sure how far he went, only that he was manhandled out of the van until he was stood in a building. When they pulled the bag from his head he realized just how screwed he was.

“Hello, Haymitch,” President Snow smiled evilly.

“Y/N! Haymitch has been arrested!” Effie burst into the room.

“What?”

“He punched a man. Come on, we have to find him,” she said, tugging on your arm. You were surprised that she was so eager to help Haymitch but went along with her.

You rode the elevator down but as soon as the doors opened you were met with Peacekeepers. “Y/N L/N, please come with us.” Figuring they’d take you to Haymitch, you followed them, not screaming in protest for once.

You were placed in a luxurious car, Effie having been barred from coming with you. She was currently shrieking, demanding to know what was going on but you just ignored her, eager to get to Haymitch.

The car drove you a couple blocks down the street before you reached a very grand building. The President’s building. You were led inside and up the stairs to Snow’s office which you had only been in once before. The grand doors opened, revealing Haymitch kneeling on the ground, facing Snow with a gun pointed at him. “Y/N how nice of you to join us,” Snow welcomed.

You ignored him, lunging at Haymitch until a peacekeeper caught you around the waist. “Let him go,” you protested. “He didn’t do anything wrong.”

“He punched a man in the face. That’s punishable by death for the district citizens.”

Your heart dropped to your stomach. “Please don’t, I’m begging you. I’ll do anything.”

“Anything?” a man with orange skin and bright red hair, stepped in from the side of the room. He had on a devilish and excited expression. Despite his fire spirit like appearance, you hadn’t noticed him. Too focused on Haymitch and Snow.

“Yes, anything,” you agreed. “If you want me you can have me. Please just let him go.”

“Y/N-”

“That’s not up for you to decide,” Snow cut Haymitch off. “Whatever punishment must be fitting for Mr. Abernathy’s crimes. Whether you take the punishment or he does. Mr. Summer, what do you think?”

“I think a whole night with Mr. Abernathy’s district partner would be fitting,” he said smugly, sporting a black eye.

“I’ll do it,” you eagerly agreed.

By now the gun has been put away and Haymitch was turned to face you. “Y/N you don’t have to.”

“No I’m not going to let you be killed. Especially when I only have to spend the night with someone. I’ve been doing that for the past seven years for nothing. Right now it’s actually worth something. Please let me do this for you,” you were begging.

Haymitch looked down nodding before looking up to meet your eyes again, trying to convey that he loved you. No matter how obvious your relationship may seem to those who watched you, you both had agreed to never utter your affections for each other in front of Capitol people.

The man who Haymitch had punched was now eagerly waiting by the door. “Go on Ms. L/N. You’re the one who made the deal.”

You once again looked at your lover, trying to convey your love for him before standing on shaky legs. Following the fire man out of the room.

Haymitch had been released by Snow almost immediately after you left. He was dragged through the building, into a car, and quite literally pushed out of said car when they arrived at the tributes building. He wanted to run back to the President’s building to find you but he knew how furious you’d be if he put his life in jeopardy again. So he swallowed his anger and stomped into the building and back up to the penthouse.

You didn’t return until noon the next day. When you entered your room Haymitch was passed out on the bed with two empty wine bottles. Whenever you were taken it was typical for Haymitch to drink himself into a coma but it was less common while you were in the Capitol. You immediately went to the bathroom, turning the water as hot as you could possibly stand, wanting to cleanse yourself of such a vile man. But even when you stepped out of the shower after a solid 10 minutes of scrubbing you still felt unclean. You had never been with someone that long.

You walked past Haymitch who was still passed out, probably for the night. You didn’t want to have to look into his eyes that you knew would be full of pity and anger. So you headed to the only person you knew would be able to help you. Getting onto the elevator you hit the number four, descending down into District 4’s floor.

Once the elevator opened you were greeted with a living room decorated exactly like yours 8 floors up. “Finnick,” you called, stepping in hesitantly. You felt weird just walking into someone else’s “home.”

“Yes?” you could hear Finnick’s confused voice call from another room. He appeared in a hallway a second late. “Y/N, what are you doing here?” he asked. You swallowed, feeling tears prick your eyes. Seeing your reaction, Finnick knew exactly what that meant. “Oh I’m so sorry,” he empathized. He came over, giving you a hug. At the first gentle, comforting touch you’ve felt all day, you broke down into sobs. He quietly tried to soothe you, leading you to the couch while you sobbed into his chest.

When your sobs finally subsided he spoke. “What happened?” he had comforted you many times over the years but you only ever cried like this when something new or exceptionally cruel happened for the first time.

“Hay-Haymitch got arrested,” you slowly choked out, “for punching a guy that said some things about me. Snow was gonna kill him. But instead I agreed to sleep with the guy so Haymitch would be let go. I spent over 12 hours with him, Finnick!” you cried.

“Oh Y/N,” he spoke gently, stroking a piece of hair behind your ear like parental figure. “I’m sorry that happened to the both of you. But hey, at least you have someone fighting in your corner… literally,” he laughed gently. You laughed with him, sniffling. “I’m sure you were scared for him but if I know anything about Haymitch, its that he loves you more than anything in the world and he’d much rather punch anyone in the face and die for you than allow you to be hurt. And if I know anything about you, its that you’d sleep with everyone in the Capitol before you let anyone hurt him. So just remember that you both have each other in your corners… and me of course.” You let out another laugh. “I’m surprised you’re down here. I’m sure Haymitch is terrified.”

You shook your head. “He’s passed out. Drank at least two wine bottles, probably more. That’s usually how he copes. I just wanted to talk to you then keep my mind off what happened,” you changed the subject. “What’s going on in the games?”

“Uh well Katniss killed the girl from District 1 by dropping a tracker jacker nest on the careers and now she has a bow. Cato, the kid from District 2, wounded Peeta. Last anyone saw he was disguising himself into the rocks by the river. And Katniss has formed an alliance with Rue, the girl from District 11.”

Your hope for Peeta was dying now. Like you feared for Katniss before, you knew his wound would get infected, especially since he was probably covered in dirt and mut in order to hide.

Finnick turned on the television so you could watch the games. Immediately it was on Katniss, perched just inside the clearing where the cornucopia was and where the careers had set up camp. Before you could even figure out what was happening she let an arrow fly, sending a bag of apples tumbling, triggering the mines you has watched the kid from District 3, Byte, use to protect the mountain of supplies. It all went up in one glorious blaze, sending Katniss flying back into the tree line. Fortunate seeing as the remaining careers all quickly returned, Cato breaking Byte’s neck. Well there goes Beetee’s bet, you thought to yourself. He had probably thought the same about you when Peeta was wounded.

The camera then shifted to little Rue who was running through the forest until she tripped, falling right into a trap. A net quickly fell down upon her, trapping her on the ground. “Katniss!” she yelled.

You felt your heart break at the sheer terror in her voice. You let out an audible breath when Katniss came running, quickly cutting the girl out of the rope. As she was checking up on the young girl, you could see the boy from District 1, Marvel, appear with a spear.

“Katniss,” Rue caught your tribute’s attention, pointing behind her at Marvel. Katniss quickly whirled around, notching an arrow and firing straight into his chest, killing him. Unfortunately it was too late after he released his spear, sending it into Rue’s abdomen.

You felt more tears well in your eyes as Rue fell, Katniss catching her. You could barely watch as Rue took her final breaths and again when Katniss buried her in flowers.

Finnick got up from beside you, immediately going to the bar cart. He poured two of some sort of cocktail, bringing one over for you. “My own creation,” he explained, handing it to you. You took it, realizing that it smelled and tasted like pure alcohol. Nevertheless you downed it. “Do you ever think of a world where there’s no games?” Finnick suddenly asked.

You shrugged. “I guess.”

“What about no Capitol?”

“Finnick…” you warned. You and he were the most closely watched Victors, neither of you could afford to think about stuff like that. Especially with Annie and Haymitch in your respective lives.

“There are rumors,” he continued. “Even some of the most powerful are done with this,” he gestured to the screen and the lavish wealth in the room.

“We can’t afford to be hopeful. Not with Haymitch and Annie.”

“Haymitch approached me.” You were taken aback. You had never heard of anything like that from him. “People tend to slip around him because of his alcoholism but he’s been approached about revolution.”

There it was… the dreaded yet long awaited r-word. You were about to get up and leave, not wanting to deal with the repercussions of this conversation, even if Haymitch was the one to initiate it with Finnick. As you were headed for the elevator a Seneca Crane’s voice came over a speaker. “Tributes, may I have your attention? A new tule has been instated. Two victors may be crowned so long as they come from the same District. Good luck and may the odds be ever in your favor.”

You immediately rushed up to your room, eager to find Haymitch but when you arrived there was no sign of him. Unsure of what to do and reluctant to leave the “safety” of the penthouse you decided to wait. You sat down on the couch, continuing to watch as Katniss finally found her district partner.

“Peeta!” she called in fright as she began to dig him up from his own handiwork. “Did you hear the announcement?”

“I did. We could go home,” he said optimistically.

“We could go home,” Katniss agreed, showing hope for the first time ever. The only ones left, except for the tributes from 2, were singles. As much as you wanted your tributes to finally come home you knew there were several issues. 1. Peeta was severely injured and would be holding Katniss back if anything. 2. Clove and Cato were both relatively healthy and you could see them rejoicing on another screen. 3. They’d have to somehow outsmart the girl from District 5 who was always lurking yet never came out to fight. And 4. After Rue you knew Katniss would never willingly kill Thresh.

The camera then changed to the District 2 tributes hiking through the forest, looking for either food or other tributes. You watched as they clumsily tried to kill a squirrel, both throwing blades at it. You knew Clove was an exceptional knife thrower but the squirrel was too small and quick for her to hit. Having never gone hungry a day in their lives they weren’t coping with the loss of their supply stash well.

The cameras moved to Thresh who had a decent assortment of plants stashed in his bag as well as a scythe. As for the girl from District 5 she was currently curled up near some rocks, decently hidden.

You had to admit that if Katniss and Peeta didn’t win you’d want it to be Thresh. From what Chaff had told Haymitch he was a good person who had looked out for the people in his district, including young Rue when they had been reaped. Similar to Katniss.

Katniss and Peeta had staggered into a cave setting up for the night, trying to figure out what to do next. “We’ll get you some medicine,” she said.

“I don’t get many parachutes,” Peeta protested.

“We’ll figure something out,” she promised. You could see the cogs turning in her head before she pressed a chaste kiss to Peeta’s cheek. You could practically hear the cheers erupting from the Capitol people who had become enthralled in the romance.

Seeing the relative state of calm the game makers had decided that not much would happen and they dimmed the lights, creating night.

Soon enough Haymitch was entering the room. “Did you hear?” you asked.

“Yeah,” he smiled, “and I made that happen.”

Your jaw slackened in shock. “What?” How did he get an audience with someone powerful enough to amend the rules? “How?”

“My incredible persuasion skills,” he teased, wrapping his arms around your waist. “We’re gonna bring them home.”

You wanted to cry you were so overwhelmed with emotion. “We’re gonna fight to bring them home,” you agreed. “Peeta needs medicine. The stuff we sent Katniss for her burn isn’t doing anything.”

“I know the sponsor booth is closed for tonight. We’ll go first thing in the morning.” He punctuated the sentence with a kiss to your forehead.

The games stayed on all night as Haymitch and you slept. The camera switched between District 2 and 12 since that was the closest thing they had to interesting content. You woke up the first time to the beeping of a parachute. “I thought the sponsors booth was closed,” you groggily asked an even more so groggy Haymitch.

“I managed to convince some people to get them something right before the booth closed. I don’t know why they’re just now sending it,” he explained, face still half pressed into the pillow.

“Do you know what they sent?” you asked, hoping for medicine so 12 would have a fighting chance.

“I don’t. Hopefully medicine,” your lover said as if reading your mind.

“It’s soup,” you answered, slightly disappointed as Katniss opened the container. “At least it’s something.” Haymitch pulled you down closer to him as he fell back asleep with his face pressed into the crook of your neck. You still watched through hazy eyes as Katniss fed Peeta the soup, kissing him occasionally. They’re going to have to make out if they want to get medicine you thought as you drifted off to sleep reluctantly.

The next time you were woken it was due to Haymitch shaking your shoulder vigorously.

“…feast at the cornucopia for something each of you need,” was all you heard before the typical Capitol sign off.

“What’s going on?” you asked, still reluctant to be awake.

“They’re gonna give them medicine.”

Part III | Masterlist | Part V

#haymitch #haymitch x reader #haymitch abernathy x reader #haymitch abernathy #thg #the hunger games #the hunger games x reader #capitol punishment

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thatsthewrongwallcraig · 8 months

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hiii it's the domestic lover kappa hc and the "ive never felt that way about anyone" anon 😭😭 after reading the carousel fic you've made me develop a crush on gabe too LMAAOOO umm anyways 🤭 he's such a sweet boy like always trying to do right by you and i just wanna hold him and just reassure him that i'm not going anywhere EEEEEEEE HAHAHAH sorry especially whiny gabe???? id do anything for him idk idk maybe it's just me but i'd love to see your take on this

Dear nonnie, I'm so so so thankful for all your asks! I love and enjoy writing them so much!! ✊🏻😩🫶🏻

Cake

Summary: Whilst holding Gabriel in a close embrace, you force yourself to face some facts…

Pairing: virgin!Gabriel x nurse!fem!Reader

Word Count: -1.1k

Content Warnings: Hurt/Comfort, A Lot Of Emotional Constipation, Kinda Angsty, A Little Bit Of Making Out 18+!,

A/N: I successfully made myself cry over this…my heart is ACHING for Gabe!

Sequel to Carousel!

Tagging the horny horde:

@crypticsewerslut @quicksilversg1rl @cc-luvr @icarus-star @milaeth @roryculkinsgf @spookyorchid @arch1viste @whoareyoi @angelsanarchy @blueberrypancakesworld @rocketqueen-world @r0ttenmess @doddernix @svgarcaine @amayalul @basementgrl222 @kristennero-wallacewellsver @iiheartsai @fan-goddess @shady-the-simp

Your skin is warm like an oven

Your kiss is sugary sweet

Your fingers feel like cotton

When you put your arms around me

I feel like I'm just missing

Something whenever you leave

- Cake By Melanie Martinez

With your fingertips deeply hidden away in Gabriel’s hair, his cheek resting right against your collarbone from where his warm breath breezed over your bare skin, you let your eyes wander through his room. Of course, you’d entered and left it plenty of times in the last 2 years but it slowly dawned on you that you actually never really took close notice of all the little things and trinkets he surrounded himself with.

The wall right next to the door giving way to the corridor was practically plastered with posters of his favorite movies and pictures. Photographs from times long gone, the sun shining brightly into happy faces of an intact family captured on a piece of shiny photography paper. You looked at them, studied them closely one after the other, and with every passing second the reality of your situation settled into your chest. What in the everloving fuck where you doing here? Why was your “patient”, a resident of Ward 4, cozily nestled in between your legs whilst your fingers played with strands of his hair, twirling them around your digits again and again? You’d be royally screwed if someone were to find out about any of it, that much you knew.

“Gabe..?” Your voice was low as you addressed him.

“Hmm?” He hummed back, his fingers tracing the curve of your breast lazily, sending a comfortably warm wash over your skin.

“You gotta promise me that you won’t tell anybody about this…” You felt your voice breaking off as your brain jumped to the necessary cause of you feeling so strongly about it.

There was much more to it than just the fear of losing your job and probably ending up as a juicy headline in the local tabloids for a week or two and by now you had to force yourself to face it.

“Because…”, It left your mouth in a heavy sight, “Because I don’t think I could deal with not seeing you anymore.”

The last thing you’d expected was for Gabe to laugh out at your words. At first, you felt a mean sting of hurt jolting right through your chest but it eased up as soon as Gabriel raised his head from your chest to beam at you with the brightest smile you’d ever seen on his face.

“I promised you already, didn’t I?”, He chuckled softly, slowly pulling himself up to nudge the tip of your nose with his, “Promised you to be a good boy about it, no? Wouldn’t wanna be without you either.”

“Yeah, you did.”, His lips brushed over yours and you smiled against them, feeling how your body rendered hungry for his touch again, “It’s just…I couldn’t…I- I can’t fathom losing you, Gabriel.”

“You won’t, I’ll make sure of that, I promise.” Gabe quipped before pressing his lips to yours, teeth playfully nipping at your bottom lip until you darted your tongue out to push into his mouth.

You allowed his words to settle right in your heart that was thumbing against your ribcage a little faster with every next kiss Gabriel planted to your lips, his tongue now curiously exploring your mouth as well. For a moment, you just pushed everything else to the side and breathed him in, your body craving to soak up as much of him as you possibly could. With Gabriel right above you, it took every last bit of self-control from you to not simply wrap your legs around his hips and pull him into you. One thing after the other, you had to repeat it to yourself in your thoughts over and over again whilst your hands ruffled through his hair, tenderly shaking it out a little for it to fall into his face.

“Can I ask you something?” Gabe reluctantly broke from the kiss to look at you with a slightly watery sparkle in his eyes.

“Sure, of course, angel face.” Right after the words had left your mouth, you felt just how much truth and intention you’d been putting into that seemingly simple pet name of his.

Sweet, sweet Gabriel really had an angel’s face, especially when he smiled at you like this. It made your knees weak and your heart ache for him.

“Do you love me?” He asked carefully and the question itself made time stop for a split second.

You felt your mind short-circuiting for an instant, thoughts crumbling into oblivion as the way his eyes widened in anticipation violently pulled and tugged at your heartstrings. It made an awful lot of sense to you how he asked you first. It was a last-threshold safety measure. That way he could act all indifferent and unfazed in case you were to answer with something he didn’t want to hear. However, you knew that he wouldn’t have to.

“Yeah, I do.” It trickled from your lips in the very same second you could feel your heart breaking apart inside your chest.

You did, you were in love with Gabe but the last shreds of sanity and responsibility revolted as loud and painful as they possibly could.

“You…do?” A tell-tale accumulation of forming tears pooled at his lower lashline, Gabriel wasn’t expecting that for an answer it seemed.

“Uh-huh, I’m afraid I fell head over heels for you, angel face.” On the inside you felt like falling apart, your conscience screaming at you that this ship was bound to sink, that the entire endeavor was doomed from the start with Gabriel being locked up in here and you being his godforsaken nurse.

There wouldn’t be anything good coming out of this, yet you refused to believe that all of it was wrong.

#tam rambles #asks are appreciated #asks are always open #rory culkin #gabriel x fem!reader #gabriel 2014 #gabriel x reader #gabriel smut

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thesnailtail · 22 days

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Ok so, Firebug I have a few questions because honestly I’m pretty bored and I have WAYYYYY too much time on my hands:

1. What’s ya favourite song(s) in Project Sekai that’s not from MMJ (if I did not exclude MMJ I think you’d name all their songs. and tbh so would I)

2. Have you seen any Ghibli Studio movies, and if so what are some of your favourites? (I love their movies so much aaaaaaaaa 😭😭😭)

3. Ok so, this isn’t a question but please tell me more about your ‘Phantom Theif’ AU pretty please s’il vous plaît 🥺🥺

4. Ok so, do you have any like costume ideas or character designs for your ‘Phantom Their’ AU because I may or may not want to draw them… Firebug you’ve made me obsessed with this but I can’t blame you this AU is amazing, your magnum opus even

Ok that will be all. Uhhhhhh., expect me to send you some more random asks in the future. I’m just a silly enstars fan who has too much time on her hands… ok so I may have already repeated myself ….

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨ sparkles as usual !!

;; OK!!! OK!!! YAY!!!

;; 1) im offended you think that mmj is my only music taste (it is), really how could you think that (ive shown you my playlist)

;; but seriously I'm a sucker for all of the april fools covers EXCEPT ifuudoudou. as for permanent covers? l/n lost one's weeping is banger and i love it; vbs has odo <3; wondershow's ego rock, adventure log and childish war are all very silly; and niigo's phony, villain, MKDR/DSCF and non-breath oblige are so pretty!!

;; 2) ive watched 2! i need to watch more, ive watched a whisker away and spirited away, they both killed me !!!!

;; 3) first of all i don't speak french and you know this (/silly), second of all ive told you all there is about it right now :(

;; 4) OK!! so you've seen and reblogged minori's design for her phantom thief costume!! as for the other outfits, ive drawn airi with her "fear trad" and shizuku with her "the garden's beautiful pale-coloured flowers style"!!

;; then casuals are just their post 3rd-anniversary casuals!! :D

;; WRBLWBTLNTLTHWLTBA thank you for complimenting my silly lil au :3

;; sparkles!! ✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

#AIR!!!!!#<- you tag because friendship!!!

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flimsy-roost · 1 year

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I'd like to talk about the latest Pokemon Center plush line!

I tend to avoid official nintendo merch, because I give that company enough of my money already. But White was the first Pokemon game I ever played (after saving my allowance for months for it and a used DS lite), so I have a very special place in my heart for gen5/Unova pokemon. When I heard they were releasing a line of Unova "Sitting Cutie" plushes, I wanted to at least check it out.

And I did! And I mildly disappointed my wallet! There are some bangers in here! But there are a lot of... decidedly un-bangers. Tippy-tappers at best. So I wanted to take the time to walk you through some of the ways this line fell short of its central claims: namely, Sits and Cuteness.

"Sitting"

I'd first like to address the distinguishing claim of the line; that each of these plush can sit up unsupported (or, more generously, could be propped up stably).

It would be easy to only give examples of pokemon that shouldn't have been considered for this line at all, of which there are many:

fig. 1) in what universe, praytell

But there were many more that were so, so close to plausibility in the face of physics, that really only needed a modified design direction.

Let's compare Eelektrik (left) to Serperior (right). Eelektrik is extremely top-heavy and prone to tipping, problems which could perhaps have been mitigated by a coiled design (like Serperior), or even as a flat. It could be argued that the current form stays true to the original art, which should always take precedent. I see you, and I hear you, and I disagree

A skosh below the "no way in hell" category of sittability, lay a group of lesser design sins broadly defined as "questionable in the face of a stiff breeze." For many plush in this category, the product designers could learn a thing or two from Toxel:

fig. 2) a well-balanced bean

Put another way, the popular rule-of-thumb "four on the floor," most commonly begged for in the context of starter evolution lines, may be applied to great effect:

Top-heavy Golurk? Four on the floor!

Tall, spindly, misguidedly "source-accurate" Genesect? Four on the floor!

Think of his poor Tepiggy spine! FOUR ON THE FREAKING FLOOR

Purrloin, look! Your big sibling has it down! Get at that generational knowledge, girl!

"Cuties"

I'm not aware of a single official merch line in existence that lacks at least one cursed artifact. Plush are particularly susceptible, and this line is no different.

While I have to give the designers props for a perfectly lovely Mienshao, they canonized my bestie as having a cringe childhood:

All this Mienfoo wants are uppies. How's she gonna kick ass when her feet go straight into her torso? Her glowup will never come if she can't even land a pound.

Entire evolution lines fell prey to design decisions here. Please compare gen5 Elgyem and Beheeyem to their inbred and deformed purebred domesticates:

fig. 3) has IV breeding gone too far?

Let us also more closely examine the full Sandile evolution line compared to wild type examples, as I consider these among the least forgivable offences:

Why is the plush Sandile so sad? Perhaps he knows what is to come.

Where sass? Why snoot so droop????

NO MY CREATCHURE?????? NO NONONO NOT THE SNOOT!!!!!!!

figs. 4-6) look how they slaughtered my boy

Finally, I would like to highlight a subset of the line that has Witnessed The Horrors. These are more subjective in their cuteness. You know the saying; one man's uncanny gremlin is another man's terrified blorbo.

Meet Drilbur, who has recently Seen Some Shit!

fig. 7) the boy who inspired this post, with WT reference

The bug-eyed-ness is what tips this into horror movie prop for me personally. I should not be able to see both his eyes from a diagonal. I could understand how some people could find him endearingly goofy, but my litmus tends to be: would I be amused to open my eyes to see him in the dark at 3am, or would I shit my pants? Drilbur here leans towards the latter.

Here is an example of a shell-shocked friend I find cute:

Crustle, normally hiding safely under their rocky shell, is leaned back to fulfill the barely-followed criteria of "sits," and so turns their eyes to god to ask why he has forsaken them. I love it.

BONUS CONTENT: KERMIT DEINO!!!!

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fuckyeahjasonschwartzman · 10 months

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im becoming a fan bc of spiderverse and i love your blog <3 ive seen a couple wes anderson movies/scott pilgrim but are there any movies or shows you’d recommend? thank u!!

okay so fair warning, outside of the animated movies, the wes anderson ones, and spvtw, pretty much all jschwartz movies and shows are going to contain something mildly graphic at the least. usually it's weird sex which I think is awesome but I can't recommend viewing if you're a minor (most of my followers aren't tho so I'm not worried)

anyway, here are recs with my personal thoughts! (reading the little reviews is not mandatory but suggested? I guess if you want a better idea of what you're getting into)

Shopgirl (2005)

Besides Steve Martin's absolutely rancid performance, I'm actually a huge fan of this movie and I think it's so enjoyable. it's not a masterpiece, but there was clearly a lot of intent and thought put into the design choices and cinematography (I've written papers on the color symbolism!) and though the story isn't amazingly coherent because it was adapted from a much better written novella, it is still at least enjoyable. I love the atmosphere, and I think it's a very unconventional romance film that explores the unhealthy relationships that are glamorized in similar media as sexy and desirable (ray porter is a character that existed before, and yet still makes fun of toxic love interests like christian gray). and I like how it extremely accurately represents what it's like being a severely depressed lonely woman.

I'm inherently biased here because I watched this movie for the first time while I was in an abusive relationship and it still really resonates with me. most people luckily do not experience that so I'm a bit of an outlier here :')

2. I Heart Huckabees (2004)

I have no deeper reason for loving IHH I just find it delightful. it's weird, it's confusing, its kinda gross, it's shocking and you don't start understanding it unless you think about it really hard for a while. it's essentially a beginner's guide to different schools and concepts in philosophy, which I'm a big ol sucker for. lovely message that I believe is handled better than a lot of movies who go for the existentialism thing. not a fan of the director, but this movie is pretty enjoyable and leaves you with a lot to think about (if you're into that). LOVE the score.

3. Spun (2002)

INITIAL WARNING THIS MOVIE IS DISGUSTING. and I love it. it's so fun and experimental especially with the editing and cinematography, the pacing is insane, not to the mention the animation, the color correction, the everything... has one of the most amazingly satisfying closing shots in a movie, ever. but it's definitely not for the faint of heart, if you can't sit through watching someone snort meth off a urinal stall or a close up of someone injecting themselves with a needle, this is definitely not for you. (not to mention the sex, again).

4. Marie Antoinette (2006)

yayy finally an option that most people agree is good! unless you're French. I was almost named Antoinette after my French g-g-gma (got named after my French g-g-g-gpa Raymond instead), plus rococo is a huge interest of mine so I adore this movie. it was shot on location at Versailles, the costumes are GORGEOUS, and almost everything is accurate! it has a mixed classical-modern soundtrack and aesthetic that I find very effective in getting its message across. however I do tend to like this movie more than most because I know who everyone is and what's happening already! it's based on a biography by Antonia Frasier which is sitting next to me as I type this lol.

5. Funny People (2009)

HEAR ME OUT. OKAY. mark taylor jackson was my "ohhh shit this dude's hot" moment and this movie was The Beginning for me. YES, it's an Adam Sandler movie co-starring Seth Rogen and Jonah Hill. AND YES. I FIND IT TO BE AN EFFECTIVE DRAMA. I don't like drama in film in general, I find most to be very unrealistic and unrelatable for me so I get bored easily, but I do think this weirdly works? I love how it's kind of an introspective look at Adam Sandler's career, with liberties taken, and the characters seem to actually have some chemistry and realism to them, even in the sillier moments. jason schwartzman is super cute. need I say more.

6. S1m0ne (2002)

ok, admittedly jason isn't in this one too much. and yet it's still worth mentioning because it's an insanely underrated and likeable movie! if anything al pacino is hot, and the entire premise is so unsettling and dystopian in an ACTUALLY WELL HANDLED sci-fi manner (good sci-fi concepts tend not to be "what ifs" but allegories for things that are actually happening already). S1m0ne is a criticism of hollywood, celebrity culture, and mass media, and it's genuinely just so creative to me. another contender for the best ending shot in cinema. ALSO, very pretty cinematography and a very fun early 2000s feel to it. the writer/director also wrote the Truman Show iirc!

7. Bored to Death

saving TV for last. let me tell you one thing! if you're looking for jason schwartzman at his best, you need to watch this show. it is so funny, so entertaining, and best of all, every character in it is so terrible and fucked up and it's wonderful. it's crazy, but grounded in reality, which makes it even crazier. jason schwartzman plays a hopeless romantic author who's boredom and disappointing love life lead him to becoming an "unlicensed private detective" who accepts jobs through craigslist. also there are zach galifianakis and ted danson, who play the two other main characters. the entire premise of the show is these three guys getting high and solving mysteries together and it's phenomenal. there's an actual episode where jason runs down the streets of brooklyn in full leather bdsm gear. there's an episode about furry sex. It's so weird and perverted and SUCH a good comedy noir(?) I can't not recommend it, despite having the worst fucking ending out of anything ever cause it got canceled.

tldr: I like bad movies

there are a ton more I could go ok about but these are the ones I personally enjoy the most. good luck

#jason schwartzman #I can't morally recommend the overnight or slackers but if you want to feel like the high mg edible just kicked in then those are there too

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strangerhands · 6 months

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10 fandoms/10 characters/10 tags

waaaaaa omg thank you for the tag em 🫶 @runa-falls!! its been 800 years since i got to do a tag game (and make my own post for once..) so thanks! this actually made me happy but also a little "oh shit. people know i exist..?" i also made this post unnecessarily long but its me so whats new

ummm its all. only. oscar. not sorry (a little sorry)

1. marc spector + steven grant + jake lockley, moon knight-my absolute beloveds. moon knight is so special to me. the boys are so special to me. theres really nowhere near enough i could say here about them but if you get it, you get it. its also what got me into oscar (even though i discovered immediately that he was in annihilation and x-men: apocalypse WHICH I WATCHED YEARS AGO GODDAMMIT)

2. robbie paulson, law and order: criminal intent-listen. hes my girlfriend. my babygirl. my love. my sweet boy. the one plaguing damn near every Thot. most niche character here. wish he was real. wish there was more content of him out there but good god if fran (@/midgardian-witch, who also made that gif) hasnt been holding it downnnnnnn. bless.

3. poe dameron, star wars sequel trilogy-beautiful brave sweet husband who would maybe drive me a bit insane irl but in a good way (mostly) i wanna protect him. (also the only star wars films ive seen sorryyyyy sorry. yes it was for him. and adam driver.)

4. miguel o'hara, spider-man: into the spider-verse + spider-man: across the spider-verse-ohhh you beeg grumpy beautiful man. he would not like me. bite me pls (also still my two favourite movies oat.) craving some milk and cake suddenly... (his hair wings..<3)

5. cecil dennis, revenge for jolly!-pathetic little dirty alley cat man my beloved. my little princess. also my babygirl girlfriend little guy loser boy. (AND THE CURLSSSSSSS. AND SAD COW EYES.)

6. nathan bateman, ex machina-asshole who i unfortunately love. we would not get along irl but thats what fics are for!!!! he would make me cry. (but what if i could fix him..) i have a soft spot for him...

7. llewyn davis, inside llewyn davis-sad beautiful talented man. you can crash at my place any day. i would let him leech off of me idec lemme help you baby. i could show you what love is. (the curls and outfits...... i Crave.)

8. santiago garcia, triple frontier-woof. this guy. damn. yeah. sorry santi but i wanna bite your knees

9. blue jones, sucker punch-literally. asshole piece of shit but good god. whore. so slutty and beautiful and PATHETIC. i would let him be mean to me and then cry in private. but also put him in his place. its complicated. (whoever did his eyeliner and club wardrobe in that movie... i owe you my life. thank you. thank you. you deserve everything. thank you.)

10. mikael boghosian, the promise-oh. sweet beautiful intimate lover man. THAT scene... absolutely killed me. THAT SHOULDVE BEEN MEEEEE. i need him. (i am taking this moment to remind yall of the titty bite. yea. not sorry. youre welcome.)

honestly i couldve put nearly all of oscars characters but alas.

no pressure tags, hope none of you mind! i know this is very sudden and unexpected from me. only tagged some mutuals so its not 10 :p sorryy (sorry if youve been tagged already)

@my-secret-shame @saturn-rings-writes @spacecowboyhotch @villainsoftheweek @f4nrir @kouichijo @mugensword

again, no pressure to do this. hope everyone tagged is doing well! i havent interacted with some of yall in a long time<3

all gif credits go to their respective creators! i have no idea if tumblr automatically shows who made them or not, so sorry if it doesnt.

#tag game #yaayyyy #also kind of funny i got tagged when ive been thinking about starting to write again soon...👀

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moralesmilesanhour · 6 months

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Ooh wait I forgot to do this. Seems like an appropriate time so [game show music plays]

Malika's official spiderverse ranking (REAL)!

(Excluding Miles G and Miles' family sorry guys)

Miles Morales ‼️

Duh. He's like, the Main Guy and the reason why most of us are here. He's weird!! He's lame!! He's smart and annoying about it!! Just like me fr 🔥🔥🔥 hope he gets therapy soon and maybe some meds

2. Hobie Brown

Lives up to his character description in every way possible. He IS an anarchist and he WAS in fact, "this cool the whole time". Bonus points for being the first guy to fuck off to his dimension the minute he did what he had to do (help the youth and ruin Miguel's day). Extra points for Gender

3. Pavitr Prabhakar

He just debuted and he's already got several iconic one-liners under his belt. Banger suit redesign and FAWK Marvel for that first costume ‼️ It's really the curly fringe that does it for me like EATTT

4. Margo Kess

Idgaf she's literally goated. Had she gotten more screen time slhe would've been number 3 tbh. She's here to slay and found a way to stay her ass at home while being part of an elite Spider Squad. Women in stem

5. Jessica Drew

"But she's on Miguel's side!" And wrdgaf 🤣 she beats bitches up not just with webs but with A MOTORCYCLE!! And she's one of the only Spideys not masked Jessica is literally here to clock in, do her job, and clock out. She's #real I can't take that away from her. Bonus points for Issa Rae

6. Spot

I know. Look, I KNOW. But this is quite literally one of the most genius and thematically-coherent supervillain reveals I have ever seen in a superhero movie. HE WAS THE BAGEL GUY I WAS SO GAGGED! I left the theater and had to stare at a wall like this is excellent usage of pre-existing comic book characters to further one of the movie's messages, which is to not underestimate people!

7. Gwen Stacy

DONT GET MAD AT ME FOR PUTTING HER BELOW SPOT I CAN EXPLAIN

Okay look, she's cool. She's a punk that does ballet and she is part of the Hailee Steinfeld Cool Girl Industrial Complex. But she hasn't done anything that blows my mind yet and she clearly wasn't taking Hobie's advice like girl sjdlslk. I also doc points for pissing me off so sorry to her. On god we gon get you a girlfriend and some therapy as well 🙏🏾

8. Miguel O'Hara

Ohh brother this guy STINKS‼️ But they went sooo crazy w his character design shout out to Kris Anka. Bonus points for Oscar Isaac but minus points again for throwing a trash can at a high schooler. He only eats cafeteria food and has NO BITCHES! But upon reading about his character backstory ive decided that this guy is so unhinged and pathetic that it is now comical. Therefore I can't hate him. LEWSER

9. Peter B Parker

Sorry peepaw we're gonna have to put you down. At least Miguel can say that he has strong principles and believes in his own flimsy theory out of trauma. Miguel also doesn't really know Miles, , but Peter MENTORED HIM. Bro literally helped train living, breathing proof that anything was possible and that there was no "right" way for Spider-Man's story to go and he still let Miguel convince him otherwise. YOU HAVE A BABY THAT WOULD NOT EXIST WITHOUT MILES! Sir you may be a genius but you are not smart. Then he has the nerve to insult this kid's intelligence multiple times like don't piss me off. The betrayal puts him lower than Miguel because you've disappointed me peepaw 💔 and put a coat on that baby. I love him but he SUCKS

That's it 🫶🏾 please don't take this too seriously these characters are not real and thus cannot read this and I'm also kind of joking here

#blabbering #semi shitpost

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jinlias · 2 years

Note

How about 7 and 12 angst pleaseeee? Need me some angst rn. Anyone you see fit for twice or itzy. Thank you!!

“baby, can you check the time for the movie again?” ryujin comes out of the bathroom, one towel around her body while she held the other to her head drying her hair. it’s just a habit, both her to always ask you to roam through her phone and you for doing it.

there was never a reason not to, ryujin never had anything but good intentions in mind, but, maybe her heart remained elsewhere.

byeol

6 days ago

b: hey

b: can we talk?

5 days ago

b: ryujin?

b: i just want one more chance

b: i miss you

4 days ago

rj: i miss you too

rj: but im seeing someone

b: can you please just meet me for coffee?

3 days ago

rj: i’ll think about it.

2 days ago

rj: im free tonight.

b: thank you, im omw

2 hours ago

b: wanna hang later?

rj: can’t, date night. raincheck?

b: sure, lmk.

ryujin doesn’t question how it takes you the slightest bit longer to drop her phone or how you never answer her question. she only watches you pick up your own device and type.

ryeongie

y/n: chaeryeonggg, was the movie you watched with ryujin on wednesday good? i think i’ll watch too

cy: movie? on wednesday?

cy: i havent seen ryujin since our dinner.

cy: did she tell you that?

chaeryeong keeps typing and untyping, but eventually opts for calling you, the ringing startling you.

“is everything okay?” ryujin chuckles, turning off the blow dryer. “did you not find the movie?”

“didn’t you see this movie already?” ryujin tenses in place, her face immediately looking like a deer caught in headlights “why did you lie to me?”

“what?” ryujin places the hair brush on the dresser.

“you told me you went to the movies with chaeryeong, she didn’t even know.” she hates how calm you look and sound, your hands resting on your lap carefully. you’re already dressed, you chose to wait until she was out to finish getting ready. “did you see byeol on wednesday?”

“what are you talking about?” your girlfriend’s voice raises for the first time in the time you’ve been dating. you don’t reply, instead showing her the conversation. “you went through my phone?”

“it was open and i read it.” you shrug. “what happened that night ryujin? did she come over? did you kiss? did you fuck?”

“what are you insinuating?” she finally turns around and rests her weight on the dresser, her arms crossing in front of her

“im asking you what happened” you repeat “because ive been here all day ryujin. you texted her you were too busy with me to see her today and proceeded to fuck me and tell me how much you love me and how im the light of your life. but this entire time you’ve been thinking about her. haven’t you?”

“y/n that’s not-“

“do you think about her when you look at me?” you get up now, reaching her.

“baby, i love you” ryujin tries to cup your face with her hands, but decides not to when she takes in the hurt in your eyes.

“yes or no ryujin. it’s an easy question.”

“yes” she looks at the floor embarrassed, and your scoff in response makes her flinch. she fucked up. so bad.

“i fucking knew it” you grab your bag quickly, your phone already in your hand and she watches you storm out of her room.

“where are you going? please let’s just talk”

“there’s nothing to talk about ryujin!!” you finally stop in your tracks, your keys in one hand and your necessities in other. “you’re an unfaithful bitch and i can’t change that. im not gonna sit around and watch you play with my dignity like this.”

you only break down in your car, on the drive to chaeryeong where you knew her and yeji would console you through it.

#byeol is such a pretty name tbh #itzy x reader #ryujin imagine #ryujin x you #itzy imagine #itzy imagines #itzy x you #ryujin imagines #ryujin angst #itzy angst

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irlvernon-moved · 7 months

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— bias tag game *ੈ✩‧₊˚

rules: you're going to pick 10 of your biases (or as many biases as you have and then fill in the rest of the spots with idols you like) and number them 1-10. then answer the questions below! try not to look at the questions before you make your list! (thanks for tagging me @jeonwon-wonwoo hehe)

🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷

max's bias list:

junhui

dino

vernon

woozi

minghao

seungkwan

yeji

hyuka

taeyong

🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷

1. between 7 and 5, who did you bias first?

dk! when i first started getting into seventeen, he was my first bias. i dont think i can ever get over him tbh his voice is one of the best ive ever heard and whenever i hear him sing, it just makes me smile lol he just always sounds like he loves what hes doing, whatever it is

2. between 2 and 6, who are you more attached to?

im definitely more attached to dino. my admiration for him grew over time, it wasnt an instant thing so it means more to me lol

3. if you were to spend the day with either 3 or 1, who would you choose and what would you do?

as much as i love jun, i would choose to hang out with vernon more because we have a lot in common. i told noa my delulu dream is to hang out with vernon, get stoned and watch movies lmao thats all i want in life

4. what is your favorite physical feature about 9?

his smile 🥹 he's so charming and sweet

5. what is your favorite part of 6's personality?

his authenticity! i know idols probably get trained and coached on how theyre supposed to act on different shows and appearances but seungkwan's personality really shows wherever he's on. he's naturally funny and kind <3

6. if you were to tell 8 anything you wanted, what would you tell them?

im so proud of her 😭 i cant imagine how hard it is being a woman in this industry, its already hard enough being a woman PERIOD

7. between 1 and 2, whose closet would you raid?

id raid jun's closet lol i think his style is cozier than dino's so it'd fit my taste better. also have you seen his miu miu clothes???????

8. what is a style that you want to see 3 try?

hmm he always looks good in a suit so id love to see him in a camp theme!!! he'd have a ton of references so i know his personal taste would be 10/10

9. between 5 and 4, who are you closer to in height?

woozi... im 2 inches taller than him 😭

10. between 10 and 9, whose music do you like the best?

i love taeyong's music!!!

🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷

tagging (no pressure!): @fairyhaos @homerunhansol @jeongtokkie @hwanghyunjinenthusiast @kveom @taekurai @woozification @sunmiyane @nayeonblr @kwonhochi @eoieopda @soobiniz + anyone else who would like to! (sorry if you've been tagged already hehe)

#repost because i posted in the wrong blog lol #THIS WAS FUNNNNN #max

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spectrelove · 5 months

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soda lilies show at hotel vegas 11/26/2023

tonight was really cold, i love the cold seasons and usually feel the best this time of year but the chill got under my collar right down to my bones. i think this year i've lost more weight and maybe im getting crispy and vulnerable around the edges just from aging and it's getting a little more difficult to grin and bear the uncomfortable stuff. or maybe it's just cuz im not drunk and/or smoking, so the shock isn't dulled at all.

anyways it was easy to have a good time tonight. as i was saying in that last photo i posted, it's bizarre to be at hotel vegas. full moon. i've just been reflexively reflecting a lot these days. it's been a meaty handful of years with a lot of patchy memories, lots of new friends and maybe some adversaries, and now i think feeling a little more cemented in the scene or whatever it's easy to relax. or maybe it bums me out just a little bit that my hackles are down. whatever the feeling is, it's hard to pin down but it still softens my heart with the hidden blinding white light.

cold and calm. seeing a***'s band contextualized so much about him. this is the one he's been co-writing with his best friend and they really had their time in the sun a few years ago before taking an unintentional hiatus; tonight was their first show in 4 years. from my understanding thru cristian, a*** was a shoegaze boy first and foremost before this skramz (lol) stuff. i hadn't seen him so happy on stage, he wasn't containing his joy very well. i think also knowing how frustrating his other band, the one that pays the bills, has been going, it's so incredibly fulfilling to see what he does when he has agency with his music. i really couldnt take my eyes off of him. 3-piece tn as the lead guitarist bailed, but you couldn't even tell that something was missing. their new drummer is exactly what was needed. my first thought too after their first song was that they need to book more shows immediately. they already had a history and you could feel it a bit with the old fans who showed up -- even the guy who years ago drove up to austin from new orleans just for the show then drove back the next day. he was there. for me it was like joining a movie 2/3 of the way thru.

i am so in love with him. i wonder if i was being obvious about it. just having him near me made me feel like blushy soft static. it feels so natural easy and silly to be with each other and when i realized we were following each other around i was overwhelmed with how happy that made me. almost every torque i make in group conversations is aimed at making him laugh, and it's when he laughs when im just being myself is when the reward chemical in my brain surges. when he gets super stoned and then sticks his tongue out at me all playful when we catch glances. when he reaches out and holds my hand and responds to how hard i squeeze when i'm pulled under by a song. on stage he had the glow. i know that if i stood where i did and didn't know him i would be enamored, totally crushing, and probably think about him for days after. that's how i felt when i first met him but i was too scared to admit it to myself cuz i thought he was too good for me, that i didn't deserve it.

pale fade was so sick. im really fond of buckley and i don't know how this friendship started to crop up but im really happy it did. tonight just felt sweet and comfortable hanging out back with them and shooting the shit. just goobin. so when his band started playing i stood there sort of stunned. i knew what his music sounds like obvs, and ive been listening to the new album for the last couple of weeks almost every night on my drive home from work, but it was my first time seeing them and i was really impressed, and proud of him. he opened up to me over the last couple weeks and now that i know some of the context of his background it just grounded the intensity of the sound that much more. *what he told me in an edit.* there was one song that i need to find, when the lights dropped to red, and his guitarist ian shouted a crazy speech over the droning and then buckley ripped back in and it genuinely dragged me under, the fullbody shivers cascading again. i grounded with a***'s hand.

my conclusion is that they're going to be officially acknowledged by the sub-culture and sit amongst the greats as part of this revival. with portrayal, with ostraca, and with pale fade, the jeremy bolms and the chris and matt taylors are gonna welcome them in. it was something that just popped into my head intuitively after the first song. and buckley said that it was their first show in a month so it was rusty but tbh i couldn't tell. at one point driver's amp head totally blew just from how fucking loud they were playing, and tbh it was just like base level rock n roll hahaha. and buckley playing with that little bear hat on like a south park character. it was great. they're opening for touche amore soon.

stab was great too, just not my style of music at all, much more pop punk influenced. but the set sounded tight. cristian has more bass swagger and added some fun little flares that i really liked watching. dj seemed maybe distracted by something before and after they played. but overall i know they want to play more shows with soda lilies.

everyone unexpectedly got paid. the bartender who basically runs chess club was a longtime fan of soda lilies and knew a*** from his main band too. i carried both bass guitars back to a***'s car with ryan and buckley ran after us. ryan said he was actually a little pissed off at alexis just bc she was being mean at their last practice. hugged ryan goodbye and got in the car w buckley and a***, holding the chainmail hood that was in the backseat of the car, and i was overcome with that sweet satisfaction that happens when i have that bird's eye clarity breaking the 4th wall, that this is a moment i am going to look back on fondly, and that i love being in this moment, and that i am lucky to be in a car with the love of my life and my new friend and that the 3 of us are happy we are all together and things are easy.

happy full moon.

#journal

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