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transhoverfish · 3 years

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Just curious..

What do you like and don't like about each of the Subnautica games? (If there's anything to hate about these games, they're amazing)

tbh i dont have many complaints about either game, although i have felt that playing both quickly after the other does,,, make the differences super noticeable. things in sub1 i never had a problem w or didnt bother me much have become more bothersome now that ive played bz

like the battery meter on tools and the option to choose where each go in the slot? having to mess w all my tools to get them the EXACT order i wanted (for maximum efficiency of course) was always sort of annoying to me but nbd. now i can barely STAND how the tool menu works/looks in sub1 bc the bz version is.... so much better

I ALSO have a few gripes w bz that have slowly started to bother me more and more as i play. and by a few i mean one thing specifically. the CRASHING. obvs both games have a bit of a crashing and framerate and pop-in issue, but bz is just,,,, so much worse when it comes to crashes.

ive had sub1 on pc and ps4 for like, 3 years now?? and ive dealt w maybe around 5-10 crashes total in those three years, very sporadically? since ive bought bz less than a month ago ive dealt w at least 30 crashes. if i play for an hour it crashes at LEAST 1 time, usually 2 or 3 on average. i quit playing due to crashing more often than i quit after a save and exit. and although ive played sub1 considerably less on the switch, its still not crashed a single time, which makes me think it might be a bz problem and not a switch problem, but idk. i save often enough that i never lose more than 10 minutes at worse, but still,,,,,the crashing is constant. if the loading times were as bad as sub1's (which thankfully they are not), i would probably only play every once in a while bc i just cannot get more than 30 minutes in w/o a crash.

speaking of loading screens holy SHIT sub1 takes like 3 minutes at best to load in a NEW save. i could literally get up and make myself lunch and be back before it loads up on a save with more than 1 small tube of a habitat built in. bz has sped that up a lot which makes the loading screen feel even worse (once again, fixing a problem and then going back to that problem in sub1 just accidentally makes the game a bit more frustrating)

other than those few technical problems, most of which could very well be due to my own old ps4, laptop that doesn't quite meet the spec requirements, and attempt to play subnautica on a SWITCH of all things; the only genuine complaints i have about both is the ending in sub1 being 'make the rocket' after the lost river/lava zone segments is the worst part of the game and i almost never fully finish playthroughs bc that much resource collecting and grinding at the v end is hell! aaand the ice spires can compete with the dunes for "large open area full of death and bullshit that nobody ever wants to go to" bc i spent an hour and a half in the arctic spires the first time i went there in survival! and despite exploring it extensively in creative and having a base right outside in survival i STILL get lost constantly. for the record im usually good at navigating back to somewhere in these games w/o signals, esp if ive been there multiple times. i just get lost in the arctic spires constantly. the ice worms dont help!!!

I JUST REALIZED IVE TYPE. A LOT OF COMPLAINTS. SORRY ABOUT THAT AKRBKABRJRBS ILL GET TO THE THINGS I LIKE NOW I PROMISE

the soundtrack in both games is AMAZING and i geniuenly just listen to them both for fun and get the songs stuck in my head sometimes. theres one from bz in my head right now it plays in the lilypad islands and i cannot remember what its called rn.

the sound design is both games is also really good?? i sit on the bz start menu and listen to the pengwengs, and sub1 in particular is like my favorite sound design in anything ever. i go in creative and just chill next to the creatures SO OFTEN. crabsquids, warpers, and sea dragons specifically sound so nice i could fall asleep to crabsquid noises they're so nice??

the ways the pdas are used for story telling is super nice, and ive always loved the little insights into the characters lives it gives u!! figuring out what happened to sam in bz and listening to all the final pda's in sub1 is always one of if not the favorite part of the games, i listen to every single pda every single time i play, i always feel just as sad for ozzy and keen and fred and the mercury crew and AAAAAA im very attached to these characters <33

also marguerit maida. need i say more.

SO if i talked about everything i liked in these two games i would b here for 3 hours so know that there is much much MUCH more i adore about them and my complaints about the arctic spires and crashing and loading times very much pale in comparison to all the good from the two!! bz is still very recently released so i believe the crashing issues will be dealt w in the future!!

i have many strong feelings for both games AND ive heard that apparently they've already confirmed a 3rd in the making? 👀 didn't look that up admittedly but if it IS true ill 100% b backing it up bc i ADORE this universe and its silly little fish and the silly little people i wanna hug. im full of love and subnautica takes up at least 67% of that love its my whole entire world i cannot imagine shutting up about them and ryley and robin anytime soon <3333

#my brain yanked my disdane for the spires out and threw it into the world huh #i had to explore in creative bc i read trivalve eggs could b found there and i was NOT doing that in survival #LABDKABKRBAKF #ice worms + cold + snow stalkers + not being able to see at ALL during night or storms??#the spires are SO PRETTY and i love snowstalkers and ice worms so much but hooooo boy. no thanks!!!!#even w the whole cold suit u freeze so fast!! but u cant GO fast bc the worms!! aaaaaaaa!!!!!!#i dont usually have too much trouble there but the last time i went i got stuck and got attacked like. 4 times by 2 worms??#somehow me and my bike survived #but MAN that was not fun. whats the point of the hoverbike if it cant outspeed the worms and u get pushed off it when they attack??#might as well just walk and run everywhere u get me??#other than the arctic spires and the crash timer that starts to tick down after 20 minutes bz is a fantastic game #LABRKABRKBS #fr tho i like them both a lot and bz is a lot of fun!!! the trivalves made me cry in joy when i first hatched them KABDKABRK #and the seatruck is my fav vehicle. friendship ended w cyclops now seatruck is my new best friend #below zero #subnautica spoilers #below zero spoilers #ask

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ssweeneys · 4 years

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i’m having a REALLY bad day

or really past couple of weeks where work is concerned and i just wanna vent bc you know sometimes people out there in the working world understand ya know???

its long, beware. idek if i’ll keep this up its more so for me to just let it out.

so like i’m an office admin for a company (we’ll leave it nameless for protection purposes) and like i supervise receptionists for my office so i’m kinda an office manager but not technically? if that makes sense.

anyway. people these days just don’t want to fucking work like EVER and like to start jobs and then up and vanish to collect that unemployment which to me is really just dumb since there are rules to it in every state and nine times out of ten you’re making like 60% of what your normal paycheck would be and thats surely not enough to live on, so like ??? i don’t get it.

there’s been a constant rotation of receptionists come and go over the last couple of months and two girls who work for me have stepped in on numerous occasions. one lady is in her 60s and doesn’t know anything about computers and is kind of dense?? to say the least. nothing against old ladies. i actually find a majority of them cute or hilarious bc they say what they think and dont give a f*ck who it offends and sometimes that blunt honesty is refreshing and you just need it in a world where people bullshit you 24/7 to further themselves for selfish gain and yaddy yada

anyways.. over recent weeks she’s become more and more intolerable to deal with. i ask her to do things and she gives me attitude and its like the simplest of things.. like email this person, make sure you let this person know they got a package, etc, etc. she can’t do even the most basic of tasks without screwing up. her attitude is just atrocious.

and due to people coming and going i’ve had to alter our schedule a lot. recently, one girl requested off so i adjusted the older lady’s hours (lets call her--carla) mind you carla only works 1 day a week and i’ve been super generous in giving her the entire week of christmas off so -- yeah.

anyways the girl who requested off (we’ll call her nicole) told me she didnt need those days off anymore and so i fixed the schedule one more time to her original days/hours.

now, i print off the schedule every time a change is made and whoever is at the reception desk i tell them to let the other girls know and post it right by the computer they sit at every day so theres no excuse for anyone to say i didnt make them aware. well carla is not the brightest bulb as we already established and she doesnt pay attention so we pretty much have to coddle her apparently and make sure she understands (although its pointless bc she doesnt no matter how hard you try to explain something to her) ANYWAYS she comes in on nicoles day when she wasnt supposed to anymore bc the schedule was fixed, posted, etc. and she gets mad when i ask her why shes there. and yes, i understand that the rotation has fucked us all over and up in so many ways. she is not the only victim here. this has been stressing me out left and right and to no end for MONTHSSSSS. so like i get it? i’m sympathetic to that. i understand the confusion and frustration, i’m right there with them.

HOWEVER, because she’s annoyed/mad/whatever she gives me attitude all day yesterday and is flagrantly disrespectful. i’m her supervisor, regardless is someone upsets you, act professional.

but she doesn’t. we know that. or at least I DO. anyhow.. she’s mad. she’s pissed off right? she’s got an attitude. she sees the new schedule, she brings it to me in my office and asks if its the correct one for tomorrow WHICH SHE IS ON!!! let me make that clear. she was on. she asks if its correct, i’m in the middle of composing an email so i take a moment to respond ‘yes’ she huffs, storms off and goes “you know what? nevermind” i’m like.... okay?? i brush it off. i’ve been brushing off her poor attitude all damn day and i dont say A THING. BC I GET IT. I UNDERSTAND. IM SYMPATHETIC TO THAT. we all have bad days. we all get a little frustrated sometimes. we’re human, yeah?

yeah. right. ok.

so then like... carla is working the morning shift for nicole. both carla and nicole showed up. carla pitched a fit bc she came in and was already there and didnt want to go home so nicole was so sweet about it and said thats okay, she can work i understand. bc even though nicole is like half her age, she’s MATURE.

at this point i dont even understand why carla is so upset? she got to stay. she got the hours. she’ll be making the money. all is good right? WRONG.

when the next girl comes in for the afternoon shift, i over hear carla telling her about the mishap that happened that morning (yesterday) and my office is literally maybe 6-7 feet from the front desk so i can hear EVERYTHING that goes on. i mean this is my job. i’m pretty much in charge of making sure the office is running, our employees are happy, etc.

so yeah i over hear carla telling this girl that and i quote “yeah nicole came in this morning and the schedule was switched around and i stayed because i was already here. (then something unintelligible I cant make out bc her voice lowers) you know, it really pisses me off that this keeps happening.”

SHE SAID THIS. TO A NEW GIRL. MAKING ME, NICOLE, EVERYONE LOOK BAD EVEN THOUGH SHE GOT WHAT SHE WANTED, NICOLE APOLOGIZED, I APOLOGIZED FOR THE MISHAP, IVE DONE EVERYTHING FOR THIS LADY TO PACIFY HER OR WORK WITH HER OR COMPENSATE HER.

so its so infuriating, disrespectful and really downright disgusting for her to trash me, my name, etc to someone. but you know what? I DONT SAY ANYTHING. I dont cause a scene. I go about my business and let it roll off my shoulders bc at this point I know if I say anything its just going to turn ugly and I’m in a professional setting. Sometimes its better to bite your tongue, hold your head up high and move the fuck on about your business.

NOW... oh now, we’re on today. carla is scheduled to work. she came into my office, confirmed it, she was FULLY AWARE OF THIS.

so nicole calls her 5 mins before shes scheduled to clock in and is politely like hey you on your way? and carla is like oh no i don’t work today.

BITCH! THE FUcK YOU MEAN????? WE CONFIRMED THIS LITERALLY!!!!!!!!

omg i cannot at this point i really cannot

but lets proceed... so carla. she’s like yeah i dont come in, tells nicole to check with me. nicole comes to me, i smh and just sigh and am like ok i’m sorry can you please call her back and tell her shes supposed to be here and if theres any issues, transfer the call to me. so nicole calls her, they’re talking, carla is being a cunt (sorry at this point you are) and so i talk to her and shes like you know, this is so frustrating i came in there i asked you if i was supposed to work and you said no (the other girl she trash talked to idk who to name her) and IM LIKE SITTING THERE GOING ????? WHEN????? TO MYSELF BC WE JUST HAD THIS CONVERSATION

MY PATIENCE IS SO THIN, ITS NON EXISTENT AT THIS POINT IM OVER IT

IM TIRED

IM SO FUCKING TIRED AND SICK OF HAVING TO PICK UP THE SLACK AND DO EVERYTHING MY FUCKING SELF BC NO ONE CAN COME TO WORK, DO THEIR JOB AND GO HOME.

can i just make a point too that we make $12 an hour here. sometimes we are LITERALLY SO BORED we have nothing to do. we can read books or watch netflix if no one is around or i even have time to rp at times. so like THIS IS THE EASIEST JOB IN THE WORLD A FUCKING MONKEY could do it.

all you do is answer phones and transfer calls or send an email

its LITERALLY. THAT. FUCKING. SIMPLE????

so like i just dont get it

but back to the point... carla is arguing with me, basically saying my communication sucks, i’m unprofessional (which is laughable but ok) etc...

and i just cant hold it in anymore?? and i’m like well carla, i’m sorry you feel that way and i understand where you’re coming from but i don’t appreciate that you were disrespectful yesterday, you told (new girl) that you were pissed off about what happened and proceeded to talk about me in a really unsatisfactory way.

and she WANTED TO TRY AND SAY THAT THIS WAS A DEFAMATION TO HER CHARACTER. WHEN SHE FUCKING SAID IT!!!!!!!!!!! i mean you can’t but if you were to ask anyone i know i have freakishly good hearing and it gets on my family’s nerves all the time bc i need quiet when writing and i have to beg them to turn their tvs down low just so i can concentrate.

I FUcKIng HEARD THESE EXACT WORDS COME OUT OF HER MOUTH!!!! and she wants to sit here and say that i’m defaming her character.

NO BITCH. Im repeating what I fucking heard you say!!!

why would i make that up? why??? how does that benefit me in any way??? what does that do for me???? NOTHING! ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!!! i’m not benefitting from anything here.

in addition when talking to her on the phone i bring up the fact that she brought the schedule to me (the correct one which SHE IS ON) and asked me to verify if it was correct. but then proceeds to say in the same breath (contradicting herself) that she’s going off the old one????? like okay????? but you’re wrong?? SHE EVEN SAYS ITS AN OVERSIGHT ON HER CHARACTER, SHE ALREADY MADE PLANS YADDY YADA, SHE CANT COME IN TODAY

moral of the story is... she’s dumb. she’s a fucking cunt. and i hate people who try to spin things and victim blame and tell you you’re defaming their character when you call them out on something real they actually said because they’re scared little pussies and can’t just admit its what they fucking said.

yo i’d have a lot more respect for you if you just admit it. i’m not even mad??? i dont give a fuck what you think or feel about me. when i leave here every day i dont come home and cry about work or how people feel about me there.

work me is different from real me. I. DO. NOT. FUCKING. CARE. work people do not know me on a real level only a professional one. i am here to do a job, to make money, to pay bills, to LIVE. i am not here to fret over the opinions of people who do not follow me home, who do not know the real me. WHO. DO. NOT. FUCKING. MATTER.

POINT FUCKING BLANK.

THANK YOU AND GOODBYE

like seriously?? GOD FUCK! i’m so angry.

if you read all of this, like thanks for letting me vent to a total stranger lmao you’re a real one, may you be blessed today and always.

onto that note... i gotta get back to work. (lmfao fucking irony at its finest)

#im not even gonna read over this #its raw #its real #what the fuck ever

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morriggan · 5 years

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kh3 comes out in a week (!!!!!) and i have some kh hottakes and kh3 predictions/wishes bc im emotional and ive been playing this series since i was 5 years old lmfao but feel free to chat w me about them!!!!!!!

i love xion just as much as the next person but why would they waste the BEST character theme and battle music on this tiny tiny character that showed up for 5 seconds compared to the series in total lol.

if they dont confirm that riku and sora love each other as more than friends (even if they dont end up like, together) then im lowkey callin queerbaiting. is that a stretch? idk

i really want for the end of kh3 that some characters dont go home, and at least three of them stay back (rebuild the land of departures?) and become fulltime masters and take on kids to train

i want sora to GO HOME AND STAY HOME (for a while at least) at the end

i want kh3 to be the last real game (they can make spinoffs all they want idc but they should End It for good here)

i know this is the end of the xehanort saga but according to nomura, he said kh3 isnt the last of soras story but like..... why not. it should be tbh

kh would be more accessible if they just modeled it more after ff i think. it doesnt need to be dark or mature or anything but if they handled the crossover thing better i think a lot more people would be down for this series (even w the complicated plot)

speaking of, they have to clear up a million plot holes in kh3. was sora the only chosen one and then the keyblade just required more people later on? never explained. how can roxas be “saved” when sora is alive? makes no sense, based on everything dictated in kh2 and days

mickey should not be one of the 7. his role shouldve stayed super limited and mysterious like it was in kh1. his inclusion as a major character in kh2 and onward is..... awful lol.

they shouldve introduced a new original character as one of the 7 and tied in khux at the same time (we know time travel is do-able bc idk young nort was able to do that)

i fully know this would make the plot more wild but if we tie in an original character from daybreak town, it would come full circle and make khux like, idk, worth it

i want the FORETELLERS TO COME BACK AND BE IMPORTANT TO KH3

also i need an explanation for why larxene and marluxia cant wield keyblades when they are nobodies of keyblade wielders..... like thats why roxas was unique right so... why squeenix

overall i think khux was a huge mistake but its so fun to play that i almost dont care anymore lmfao

aqua better be saved or im throwing the whole game in the trash lol

AQUA KAIRI BONDING MOMENTS TOO OH MY GOD

i want many more cutscenes explaining all the drama happening between ansem the wise and xehanort and the other apprentices. what was the lead up to xehanort going from seeing AtW as a father figure to then betraying him and stealing his research and identity? like throw me a bone here that shits interesting!!!!

pls no more drive form grinding for upgrades just to reach treasures and collectables (see: kh2.5 and the stickers, and the cavern of remembrance)

let me be clear, i love hidden dungeons that are challenging. just let me rely on leveling my base stats over relying on my drive form upgrades and abilities to finish these dungeons

mad that everyone got cool new outfits (except kairi sweet girl im so sorry they made u look younger than u did in the first game i hate it. u deserved better baby) but lea. lea is still in the black org coat and there better be an explanation for that at the very least (or they just did trailers w him in the black coat and he does get an outfit that they didnt want to spoil??? i highly doubt this but i can hope)

i caved in and watched the leaked kh3 intro and a few things: 1) it really doesnt spoil that much and if u want to watch it but ur scared, literally dont be its fine. 2) its good, but squeenix has REALLY lost its touch w intro movies nowadays. they cram every second w symbolism and they dont take their time to just.... show us something good. like i couldnt blink at all during this intro lmfao. its a little annoying but despite all that, its alright. 3) the first minute of face my fears is CHILLING, WIG-SNATCHING, LIKE UTADA IS A LYRICAL AND MUSICAL GENIUS, but then the rest of the song is objectively awful im sorry its true and im gonna say it

last hot take: i usually hate remasters and re-releases, but im glad squeenix released all the kh games on one platform eventually. that being said, kh1.5 and kh2.5 dont have shit on the original ps2 titles. i completely realize i sound like a bitter old man but i dont care, the original numbered titles are better on ps2.

#p #i wanna talk about kh more but like literally no one in my life knows what the fuck i'd be talking about so this is my only outlet lmfao

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glowyves · 6 years

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Can you do small introductions on each loona member? Or i mean not all of them if u dont want ik theres like 27 of them but just little descriptions of what u think of em would be cute

a chance? to talk abt the loves of my life?

heejin: you knwo that friend who like if u fuck around during the school yr and need someone to help u out w notes and getting yourself together bc u know shes always on top of her game? thats heejin. girly is an all rounder tbh she can sing dance and as much as ppl like 2 clown her for her rapping shes really not all that bad. LIKE shes just so versatile. she showed that thru mixnine which lol i didnt watch besides cuts but if u watch her performing on there and then see her performing with loona 1/3 it’s like complete opposites but she manages to shine no matter what like it’s effortless for her. shes such a sweet girl too i really do feel like theres a reason she was picked to go first bc she has such a likeable personality. shes funny, hardworking, humble (but not to the point to where she downplays her worth), and just seems like a real ride or die type of friend

hyunjin: MY BABY i hav such a soft spot for hyunjin and it’s hard not to??? she comes across as a little quiet at first and she acts like she doesnt care but she does u know she does shes not fooling anyone idc how many times shes told yeojin 2 shut up on camera i know she’d be one of the first if not THE first girl 2 be by her side (and any members side) if some shit went down. shes such a determined little thing too and when she has her eyes on something she goes for it no thinking abt it no questions asked she just does what she wants and thats something so impressive for a girl her age to be able to do. i feel like shes the type of person to just sit in the back and watch more than participate bc she doesnt mind if the other girls take the spotlight like shes such a chill, laid-back soul. i aspire to be like her. and shes so fucking funny really it’s almost criminal how hard she makes me laugh. ALSO she has the best reactions it’s a disgrace more than anything that i dont hav a folder of just her making stupid faces

haseul: the absolute love of my life? THE jo haseul?? theres a reason shes the member i latched onto the most at the beginning and ultimately kinda the member that tied me down to loona for good. like i was onboard w them from the get but it’s her that sealed the deal. i dont joke when i say she really is their guardian angel and no matter what u think of her in the comparison to the other girls u cant deny the fact that shes born leader material. she makes the other girls feel good and at-ease yknow. like she was always around vivi in the 1/3 loona tvs and u could tell it was like 2nd nature to her being by her side as vivi navigated her way through a country and language she wasnt all too familiar with. and like w/ yves for another example like yves if all facts check out was only w/ bbc for a three week period before they debuted her so obviously she wasnt familiar with any of the girls which is why she was so awkward at first. but haseul? bless her soul she did all that she could to make her feel at home. and she has such a beautiful voice i feel like not enough ppl praise her for it. also fuck yg for making her feel bad during mixnine she deserves the world and he can suck my big toe

yeojin: miss thang miss thang. what 2 say what 2 say. first things first shes a trooper. shes a baby i mean a lot of them are babies but yeojin is an actual baby baby i almost fainted when i learned how old she is. but despite her age shes so firm yknow. when shes doing things she wants to do them right to the best of her abilities and shes always striving to be better which is so admirable bc for me personally at that age i was a goddamn mess i couldnt be doing and juggling even a third of the shit she does. and shes right next to hyunjin when it comes to making me laugh shes just so loud and full of energy even 2 the point where i get tired watching her and im loud and full of energy but her being loud and being full of energy kicks my being loud and being full of energy in the ass. if any of that made sense. but theres never a dry eye in sight when shes in the room and u can tell shes such a joy 2 be around as much shit as the other girls give her lol i just feel real protective of her bc shes just so full of life and laughter and i just want her to be out here living her best life

vivi: it needs 2 be said that i have such high respect for any kpop idol who’s from another country bc theres just so much thats going against them. miss vivi is away from home away from her comfort space away from her friends and family away from a place where she can speak proficiently and fluently bc shes struggling to learn a new language and?? on top of that shes doing all the other standard idol stuff. thats some tough shit thats some scary shit but she takes it all on with a brave face and an open mind. and being able to slowly watch her build up more confidence in the language and basically everything else has been such an honor. like when im out here on my weak shit feeling sorry for myself i gotta think 2 myself what would miss vivi do? how would miss vivi tackle this? i lov this girl honestly i would die for her she does so much and i feel like not all of it is fully appreciated but she’ll have her moment i know she will and it’ll only be a matter of time before ppl see how amazing she is

kim lip: giiiiiiiiirl. lip is such a strong person. like in all aspects. shes crazy talented it’s a little scary to think abt how much she’ll grow once they properly debut as a group and she gets more experience bc?? she just has so much going for her. her charisma is off the charts she can easily pull a crowd if her solo being a real big jumping point in spreading the loona name says anything at all. and shes such a good pick for the oec leader she definitely has those vibes like u just cant help but listen to her regardless of whatever bullshit she says and she says a lot of bullshit but do i liv by that bullshit and eat it up like shes spouting out the new testament u can bet ur ass i do. lip is definitely one of those girls that u cant help but be drawn to like u just want 2 be her bff bc once u remove her from the stage she has such girl next door vibes i feel like she’d be the type of girl u see in the club and u make small talk by the bar bc u made eye contact by accident and all of the sudden before u know it youve spent ur whole night w her and u hav her phone number and plans to meet up next week bc shes so friendly

jinsoul: i make fun of her a lot. but w good reason: shes easy 2 make fun of. shes so quirky but not in the ironic way like shes really quirky and a bit of a walking disaster but it’s charming and she makes it work. even if shes not ur fav? shes still? kinda ur fav? even if u dont know it? if i made a list of some of my fav loona moments i assure u she’d be included in about 80% of it like shes such a staple to the group i really cant imagine her not being w them i mean i cant imagine the group w/o any of them but jinsoul especially. sometimes i watch loona vids knowing good and damn well shes not gonna be in them but i still end up thinking where is jinsoul?? bc not 2 speak for everybody (i will tho) but no one can get enough jinsoul. also her voice? i love it it’s one of my favs in not only loona but kpop in general. both speaking-wise and singing-wise. it’s just so pretty i really did astral project the first time i heard sitr & love letter. true out of body experiences 10/10 would recommend the yelp reviews are in shes 100% worth It. what is the It shes worth? idk but whatever It is .. shes worth It.

choerry: i just want her 2 be my little sister wow. miss yerim really has my heart. truly the embodiment of :) . shes so smily and has such a strong energy u cant help but like her. in every loona tv shes in shes making someone laugh or smile and it’s no coinkidink it’s bc shes really just that much of a ray of sunshine and u cant help but fall for her. give her some time i pledge w my life that once they debut she is going 2 shine on variety shows theres no way she wont. she has such good sense and shes so flexible. and if lcm is anything 2 go by shes able to switch it up and kill different concepts and sounds at the drop of a hat. def one to keep ur eye on bc u just know shes gonna go far in the future theres no way she wont she has all the tools in her arsenal to make it big no problem. does she resemble the annoying orange? yes and i’ll hate kim lip forever for putting that image in my head but that wont stop her shes truly a force to be reckoned with.

yves: my baby! u didnt hear this from me but i lov her a lot. she was kinda just thrown 2 the wolves w/ her three weeks of training i can only imagine how nerve wracking it must’ve been for her. here is an army of girls bbc has as potential loona members whove been training for years/knew the other girls who were already chosen as loona members/have even gone along for the ride with the chosen loona members to film their mvs and yet shes the one who was picked to be added after three weeks of her being w the company. three weeks !!! thats a lot of pressure but despite that she gave us everything she got. she was real nervous in the beginning anyone could tell when u watched her loona tv arc but she got over it and by the time chuu’s arc rolled around she was joking around w/ the others like it was nothing. shes so funny too but in an awkward way. like she doesnt mean to be but she says and does shit that makes u ?? and u cant help but laugh. her gig with marishe? i have never seen anything funnier like that bitch really took 100+ photos all w the same face and w the same three poses if that’s not talent idk what is. and i dont think it’s been confirmed in writing yet but shes gonna be such a good leader for the eden unit i feel it in my bones

chuu: when i tell u my heart has skipped a beat over this girl. im not saying it 2 be dramatic im deadass. my heart has skipped a beat multiple times watching her whether it be a fancam or a loona tv or even a selfie. i’ve watched that little instagram update of her in her pig onesie more times than i want 2 disclose. her voice???? oh my god im in love with it. shes such a strong singer like STRONG and u can hear that in heart attack and girl’s talk and see saw but if u listen to her covers shes done before being introduced as a member it’s like !!!!! wow. and she makes a lot of noises. like just incoherent sounds and its so cute i could cry. like i dont have the attention span 2 sit and watch a vlive if it’s not subbed … but i’d do it for her just bc i love hearing her talk i love her voice on any and all levels u could love someones voice. and all her little mannerisms are adorable and this could really turn into me typing a whole mla formatted essay on how i find her 2 be one of the cutest girls in the world but i’ll spare u. and ofc shes not just cute like i said before this girl is talented and i cant wait for loona to grow as a group so she can be on bigger and bigger platforms for more and more ppl to hear her sing bc thats just how it should be

gowon: i lov her i lov her i lov her!! i’d do just about anything for this girl if she asked but i feel like regardless of who u are u wouldnt be able to refuse her even if u wanted to. i latch onto every word she says everything she says is gold. shes so giggly and a lot of that giggling is bc she probably feels awkward but it’s still real cute. shes also lowkey highkey gotta mouth on her like she’ll really come for ppls throats if she feels it’s necessary and thats beautiful to me. she doesnt get enough credit but as pretty as she is more attention should be focused on her talents bc she is a talented girl. her vocal tone is high and ‘cute’ but i think it melds so well w/ the other girls’ voices and theres a lot of opportunity there if and when they decide to create new sub-units/have more duet songs. and my girl can dance im tired of ppl overlooking her bc?? her pre-debut vids are a little stiff ye but theres so much potential there shes such a gem and i cant wait for her to grow more bc i know theres so much she could be doing w/ what she has

olivia hye: when she said love myself today let u go today? i felt that

#this was just me rambling i know theres no substance at all but here take it its all i can giv u . idk if this is what u were looking for??#U SAID SMALL INTROS IM JUST NOW REALIZING IM SRRY I HOPE THIS IS SMALL ENOUGH FOR U #also yall dont hav 2 read it but please like this i typed too much for it to flop lol

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survivormontenegro · 5 years

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Episode 8: “#StayLowAndGoGoGo” - Tom

I MADE IT WOOOOOOOO MILESTONE NUMBER 2

WE MERGED. THANK THE LORD, THE STARS AND EVERYTHING ABOVEEEE.

okay and thoughts. so evan went byebye, which was what needed to happen, super sweet, but him leaking stuff was really a mess. Merge is so exciting, I already love Caeleb, Jones & Mo, three legends already yay!

IM ALSO BACK WITH BENJ MY KING! I HAVE MISSED HIM SO MUCH.

MERGE I AM SCREAMING!!!

I am sorry Evan, we did 100% throw this challenge but hey ajdjdjf even tho we threw this challenge it was a freaking 5-4 points LOL thank god I didn’t do more than just put Marcus Lehman.

Let’s go merge, thank god I didn’t turned into pre merge flop!!

MERGE!!!!!!

IM REUNITED WITH ALI!!!!!!!! KING!!!!!!!!! im so excited omg so we had a HUGE catch up told each other all the tea of each others tribes

He suspected I was the flipper but doesn't care LOL so yay!!! Ugh I have missed him its so great to have him back as someone I can fully trust and rant to about everything! I also had Jones queen to help get me thru the tribe, just wish she replied more lol! ily guacamole . mitch also great, so glad he survived the budva decimation that I caused oops

I don't think anyone suspects me n ali are close, and everyone thinks Julia/ian/Jason are a trio and either ian or Jason have the idol LMAO this is so funny. I was even on call w the tribe and we were discussing it im thinking lolllll ik ali has it and no one else rlly does wowow

we think alex has durmitor idol bc . apparently it was not found pre swap, caeleb claims he made the end but it was gone, jones and mo don't seem active enough to guess

reunited w ian king aswell hes great, gonna meet some new ones like jules aka almia queen and tom the Australian he was cool on the call so its good ik everyone so far on this tribe except 2 ppl really, while 8 people on the tribe have not meet 4 others so I hope im connected well?

I honestly don't know what will happen from here . like is it og vs og tribe? swapped tribes? something new? IDK! All ik is my top 3 allies are ali jones mitch and I want to try get us far !! but idk how to do that so...… stay tuned

Still can’t get over that I made merge AHHHH

But wait...

THIS IS A CONSPIRACY THEORY BUT THE FREAKING COLOR OF THE MEEGE TRIBE IS SIMILAR TO MEEGE IN SWITZERLAND???! AND THE TWO STARTING TRIBES WERE LITERALLY ALMOST THE SAME COLOR. THIS WILL NOT END LIKE SWITZERLAND, IF IT DOES I AM GONNA CRY.

Anyway I got in touch with Mitch and Benj. I talked with Mitch first then I learned it was Benj who flipped during the Noah vote. I mean I honestly thought it was Mitch ahsjdjd but I guess the talk I had with Benj about rocks/ties back then was an omen. Anyway Mitch tells me he forgives Benj so I guess that’s something? Julia confirms to me that Mitch is saying the same thing to her so ok. I then chatted with Benj and he did tell me he was the one who flipped because he was not close enough with Noah to go to rocks for him which is understandable but I’m still weary on Benj.

Tom then tells me Mo and Caeleb are grilling him for JJ and Evan’s demise. Right now Tom feels that Mo/Caeleb/Alex/Jones are a thing and that they’re just using Benj. That’s kinda a good info to use to get benj on our side??

Anyways I don’t know if this is alarming or what but on the tribe call Tom told Mitch and Benj he knew about the Budva idol being found because Julia told JJ and then told everybody. I think Mitch and Benj were shocked that Tom knows? Idk I maybe paranoid but let’s see

Right now me, Julia, Jason and Ali are trying to hide the fact from Benj and Mitch that we made sort of a pact with Tom and Jules to vote together come merge. I trust Tom to know that I think he will vote with us but idk about Jules. Tho Julia and Jason seem to trust her so I hope she sticks with us!!

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Last minute additions -

I got a vote cover from the choosing thing!! Drew didn’t really tell me what it did but if I had to guess what it was I’d say it’d be like,, a dark week thing where votes won’t be revealed? Who knows tbfh

SO I KNOW I'M TERRIBLE WITH WRITING CONFESSIONALS, but this is my first Survivor game, I'm not used to using Skype and it's weird having to type it to a whole other window just to get a confessional but WHATEVER ILL TRY TO DO AT LEAST ONE A DAY. Even if it's just like about random shit! Even it's just an astrology lesson! Anyways JJ, I mean, Alex is coming at me saying he thinks it's 6v6 now and i'm like......who's gonna tell him. BECAUSE EVEN IF IT'S ME NOT DOWN FOR OG DURMITOR ( i love them but game wise idk if i can hang with them ) I DAMN WELL KNOW other people might not be down for that. I'm just tired of the assumptions though I know Alex means well I'm just TIRED ugh he's a pisces moon too so he'll sense it from me so I better act NOT ANNOYED but I can't help it UGH. Did I miss the people from OG Durmitor? YES! Did I miss the gameplay and none of them calling out JJ on his shit and being surprised that JJ got out for being a crackhead? NO. NOT AT ALL.

okay so merge and I have lots of thoughts, i am gonna do it person by person so i cover it all ahh.

Alex C: Okay he lowkey terrifies me ahh. Like he is quite gamey, and both Mitch & Jules have said he is kinda leadery and potentially a bit pushy? I see him as an early merge boot (ideally), because I think he'll get a lot of attention on himself? He is fun though, and I like talking to him - we will see, maybe if idk Jones/Mo/Caeleb goes he will be a more workable ally from an underdog spot?

Ali: trash, disgusting, send him home, I never want to see that mess...

Benj: a KING, I have missed Benj so MUCH. He is such a, SUCH A KING, i love him, I'm so happy we are back together. I think he could be a great duo for me, since us two being close can be kept quite lowkey ha! We will figure it out, but he is going NOWHERE on my watch

Caeleb: Okay he is like... one of the only other newbies left in the game, and is potentially quite lowkey, so I'd like him to stick around for a while I think ahh! He seems super sweet, and could be someone to go to the end with if my faves go bye bye.

Ian: I've said it since round two, and I will continue to say it. Ian is the biggest threat in the game, I've been knew and I'm not dropping it. I will not allow him to go far, like he is super nice, but also... we are not allowing a threat like Ian to walk to the end.

Jason: Similar to Ian, I'm really feeling duo vibes with him and Ian, maybe even a trio with Julia I'm not sure? He scares me less than Ian, and I'd probs want Ian out first versus Ian? He still is also a king tho, even though I always get vibes that he doesn't like me eeeek

Jones: A legend! I can tell already, I fully get legendary vibes from her. But like... it makes me upsetti spaghetti that I really don't think I can let her get too far, like she... is someone I could see as a season winner, so she might need to go sooner rather than later, although getting her out might be easier said than done tbh

Jules: Okay an icon. Jules we LOVE in this house. I literally stan Jules with my 100% full heart, they know ALL and on my watch? they go NOWHERE. my clout is being used to keep an eye on Jules, even tho they are a much better player than me, and they will be able to watch their own back and go super far

Julia: Witch queen. I want her to go really far too tbh, like I love her and am so happy we have actually been able to work together this season. She told me about her self-vote thing she got from the merge feast, which is a big trust display. I think if I can get her woke about Ian/Jason, she could be a big ally and super important about my game long term. I think if we can get Alex C out particularly (since apparently they have history), then maybe she will be more willing to FINALLY make a move on them.

Mitch: I'm always sketched out by him KASDFA. Like I think he would work with me for sure, but I also like... don't know sometimes, like... he knows I was gonna vote him out premerge, can that go away? I think he could be a good ally moving forwards though , we will have to see.

Mo: MY SON. I MISS HIM. I'M SO HAPPY HE DOESN'T HATE, I THOUGHT HE DID. Its super exciting and like I said before, he is doing super good this season and I'm super proud of him. I wanna go far with him, but I think not being on a tribe with him till merge could be an obstacle to that ahh :(

Tom: Tom is a mega-cracked king. Like he is SO entertaining, and on a personal level I really vibe with him. I will not do him dirty, and I wanna go to the end of this game with him. We will see what happens, would love to be a juror voting for him at the end.

So overall final thoughts. I have a dream F4 alliance of 'The Flippers and the Flop' aka me, Tom, Jules & Benj, since those three flipped on their original tribe and I'm a flop. So I want that as F4, Julia at F5 (but maybe further, I love her too), and then for the rest:

6th: Mo 7th: Caeleb 8th: Mitch 9th: Jones 10th: Jason 11th: Ian 12th: Alex C.

We will see and figure it out and be flexible. Its gonna be a mess, but we will see. I just wanna make confirmed jury, then I just wanna play a bomb game, like finalist-schminalist, i just wanna end the season and my game not being an actual joke KASDFLAS.

hi i just wanted an idol

Okay so i dont know like when the last time i did one of these was but lets just start at last tribal council; I am lowkey so glad that evan is gone and we didnt try anything too fancy he really would've made merge that bit messier. But uhm also why the heck did he have to vote me grrr i wanted to try to not get any votes for a really long time but oh well cant have everything good happen in life.

M E R G E!!!!!!!! Yesssss finally merge has happened the playing field is even and i am ready to rumble. Bit nervous to see where abouts i stand in the tribe because i didnt feel very included in the original durmitor tribe and there are two people i havent met in benj and mitch.

Okay so like wtf is going on right now, sure say hello and all that shit but why is Mo, Alex and Caeleb like proper interviewing me, who do you think you are ELLEN? No youre not please stop investigating on what happened between jj and evan vote offs like i do not owe y'all anything..... i was probably going next if we didnt have that first swap! I am more than happy to tell them like what happened just it will be altered in favour of myself and they wont get the full indepth explanation.

Sorry I don’t have a vid confessional today laid ease

But um ya I think I’m getting TARGETTEEEEEEEEED or at least someone within the durmitor dominators group is. WHich is SKETCHY!! Idk it just feels really obvious since that core group of 4 literally,,, tag teamed all 4 of us first ,,, hello??? Mam?? I get we just met like 2 days ago but you could be a lil more discreet ab everything 😤

But ik we can’t just assume based on that,, If we’re just going by that logic then their hitlist is Alex, Caeleb, myself, then Mo. but idt it could be that,,, concrete?? They could just be playing us like Noah/Michael/Mitch TRIED to do before,, but we got them so ya 🥰 anyways,,

If we can somehow get a plan out of them or at least a name then we’ll be ok,,, that way we’ll at least know what’s going on for SOME PART. Mitch and julia seem kiiiind if close? So hopefully she’ll tell him some shit and come back to me ab it - if I have to play the idol then,,,, I guess,,, I will,,, but I don’t want to. Like let me save it for when IM in trouble at least sksksk who knows,, maybe I AM in trouble and I’m just a crackhead 🤷🏻‍♀️

But ya that’s my rant I’ll be back soon laid ease mwah

Okau so like woo! i won the first immunity of the season how bloody exciting! I honestly was confident going into the challenge however i didnt know whether or not i was going to win. I love the fact that i got shot 0 times so i literally could've gone asleep and potentially still won lol. But at this point my mission of staying low and go go go'ing has to be intact i cannot seem like a big threat in this game it doesnt get me far. So im telling everyone that im surprised and that it was really just based on luck and based on nothing so my target does not grow! So glad to have immunity in this game honestly first merge boot probably wasnt going to be BUT i know this round can get fucking messy so anything could've changed #StayLowAndGoGoGo

okay this is a grr grr angry confessional. WHY IS EVERYONE BEING DUMB AND JUST BEING ATTACHED TO TRIBE LINES. Like I messaged Jones, Mo and Alex about it yesterday, and Jones my meme queen gave like a good response, but Mo particularly I was like... wut?

Like Mo is my org son from all the way back in Azores, so I always have his back... but like... when someone messages you about being uncomfortable with tribe lines and not wanting to stick to them, giving the HEAVIEST HINT POSSIBLE that I'm not attached to like Ian and Jason, your response should not be 'I'm just accepting my fate'... Like that is such a red flag to me, no player should just... be resigned to stuff? Like Mo PLEATHE.

In other other news, we love Jules still. Tom is being weird recently, I think he doesn't trust me anymore, so I think my dream at the moment is a F3 of Jules and Benj, Tom 4th and Julia 5th? Mitch terrifies me (and he knows I shot him, which caused even more distrust), Alex is super nice but is like... evidently not trusting of me, Mo is my son but I wanna SHAKE HIM, Jones is my fave I love her already, really like Caeleb too he is so nice.

I'm just frustrated, I feel like.. people aren't willing to do enough and its making me frustrated I just wanna scream. Like at this point, I expect to go midjury, like 9th, and I'm thinking who I'd vote. I would vote Jules, because they are always on the ball and their read is unmatched, I'd vote Ian because he has playing smart since round one, I'd vote Benj because he is one of the few that has his head screwed up about not blindly sticking to tribe lines.

Of the rest? I'd like to vote for Tom/Jones, but would probs need to see more gamey game from both. I could respect Mitch's story to get to the end, but don't necessarily see myself voting him. I could vote Julia or Jason. The one who is currently least likely to get my vote is probably Mo, I am just... frustrated with him. Like he could do SO GOOD, I just wanna give his head a proper wobble, like.... LISTEN TO ME. I am telling you I would flip just READ KSALDFA.

I ranked who I'd vote for in FTC if I was a juror so far and its currently:

Jules > Ian > Benj > Mitch > Julia > Tom > Jason > Jones > Alex C. > Caeleb > Mo

And the order in which I trust people is:

Jules/Benj > Julia > Tom > Ian > Jason > Caeleb > Jones > Mo > Alex C. > Mitch

I have thoughts. I know its been a hot sec since I have sent one in but I have been just busyyy. So this one might be long and it'll have all my thoughts post-merge.

My first thought: Being reconnected with old tribemate (Jules and Tom). I love Jules. She's so kind and wonderful, might be hard to reach occasionally but when she messages its always full and heartfelt. I think that can go a long way in this game as she's fun to talk to and makes you feel like she's with you. So that also mean shes very dangerous of course. Tom is less so fun. He's kinda sarcastic kinda hard to read kinda edgy. He always acts like he's a little too busy for things. But he is fun and he has fed me a lot of information about Budva post swap, so thank him for that. BUT I'm like lowkey really annoyed with him. Losing that last challenge on purpose was dumb as hell. I know Evan is deceitful and hard to work with, but like hell keep that in your head and get him off as an easy vote right after merge. Because If they hadn't lost and instead we had gone to tribal (Durmitor), then we hopefully would've lost Mitch, secured the dynamic as 7 OG Durmitor vs. the 5 OG Budva, and it would have been much harder for Tom and Jules to chose the Budva members over the numbers. Obviously this works best for me and OG Durmitor but that just means that I don't know what Tom and Jules are thinking and overall that means I can't really trust them.

Second thought: That challenge was actually really fun. It put this merge into perspective and CLEARLY showed where people are at right now. The fact that OG Budva was so organized in their slaughter and got out Alex like hella fast and then me before we got out any of them was so showing. They are tight and they will remain to be tight. The fact that they were able to be so coordinated seems scary as well. AS it might mean that Tom or Jules or even Mitch or Benj is actually working with them to make sure we didn't win that immunity. Plus Tom won it and that is scary to me because I already was wary about trusting him in the first place. Putting thought one and two together makes me wary overall, because that means that together Tom and Jules and Mitch and Benj might be choosing to work with old Budva (I mean Tom and Jules don't have any inhibitions about voting out old tribemembers so) and old Durmitor might just be screwed.

Third thought: Annoyed that I was shot and destroyed second. I thought I was making a good impression with everyone. Maybe its not a good indication but also sad face.

Fourth thought: New tribe members! I love them all to an extent. Ali seems to be fun to talk to and likes chatting back and forth. But also he did say he was surprised I was out so early and since I know that Alex didn't shoot Julia then he was definitely shooting me. So I don't think I trust that all too much and he might be too sneaky. Jason seems nice. Not much to say our conversation has been pleasant but only so. The same with Ian tbh. They seem cool but thats it. Julia is fun and her background makes her seem like a total bad ass and a really cool lady, but she's been soooo hella dismissive of me. I don't like the way she's playing the game. I think she's putting on an act and playing a character to throw people off. I heard she was like sad or crying(?) that someone shot her and Tom confronted me about it. And sure I shot her but like hell thats the game. I'm 90 percent sure she was shooting me. I'm annoyed, and people seem to love her which just makes me think she's being dismissive to me because she thinks I won't be around too much longer and she doesn't have to put in the effort. And that's dumb, like if I do go I really hope this is the start of the Jury because I will have something spicy to say to her in the event she makes it to Final Tribal. Or maybe things will change and I will learn to really like her and stuff.

Fifth Thought: Game plan for tomorrow. My strategy going forward is simply to be not targeted tomorrow. That is truly the crux of it, because at this point I think I might get votes. I know that apparently I have a habit of getting votes in a new tribe (David and then Noah) so honestly I can see it happening, especially if they are worried about Alex having an idol and they got him out of the challenge first just to vote me. But if I can survive then I think I can go a little farther. The power struggle right now is 3 groups of 4 battling. There's the total Budva members, the total Durmitor members, and then the middle ground (Jules, Tom, Benj, and Mitch). I asked Tom who was more important the original tribes or the new ones and he said he wants it to be old but most likely will be new which basically means that he will vote with Budva. So in the event I survive with numbers I'll ride that until I need Alex (and his idol that I'm prettttty sure that he has but I can't be sure) out and will try to rally that we need him to be gone. If I survive but I'm not on the side of the numbers I wanna create a good bond with Ali and Jules as were all newbies and work that until we can start eating Budva from the inside. I'll see though DKSDSKDSK. I don't think it would be wise to concrete that before this first vote because their reasons for voting off JJ and Evan was apparently that they were making alliances with everyone. I don't want them to see me that way.

Sixth Thought: Okay another Idol Bridge BIG OOF. Those are hard as hell, and I am so confident that both tribe idols are gone which means there might be 3 idols out there pretty soon which is scary as hell. Durmitor Dominators are hoping to work together to get it and maybe we can actually use that together rather than having it hidden like this time. (Which I really think that Alex has it but whatev). If I'm idoled out imma be so sad but like also okay thats an okay way to go.

Have fun with this. Feel free to chop it up into mini confessionals or use it in its entirety. Up to you! Love ya hosts ur beautiful

okay a gamey and a dumb update.

julia proper wants to flip on ian and jason which iconic... its truly time. I wasn't necessarily going to vote them out first, but if that's what is gonna happen, that is what's gonna happen.

in a memey update, JJ just got cast in another game and it reminded me of a JJ-ism I never confessed about. JJ was on call and showing me... a pet in a glass box, but i didn't know what the pet was or what it was supposed to be, because I couldn't see it. but he was like wow isn't it cute, so i fully called a stick which was the only thing i could see, cute. a STICK.

anyway so like.... back to game. i think the merge boot will be ian or jason which dun dun dun! its probs overdue and will happen, or it'll be me! we will see anyway

why am i drinking white wine with julia on call at 3am, we are truly the wine mum duo drinking our way till the end

I think I'm in the middle of everything atm, which is a weird place for me to be. I'm not in the center, I'm not looking from the outside in, I'm not really a part of anything major or in any alliances and it's an odd feeling. I know I need to do something to secure myself in something but everything in this game just feels up in the air, it's odd. I don't know if it's just how Survivor is, but it's a very strange feeling not having a proper grasp on what's going on with EVERYONE. I have ideas but not a lot of real confirmation for much besides Jason/Ian, Mo/Jones, etc. Anyways. IDK WHAT ELSE TO SAY OKAY I'm boring AF this game

Ok so for starters the immunity challenge ended after 2 hours of its posting adhgfjgs Tom won so big woo for him.

The Budva baes agreed to target Alex/Mo/Caeleb/Jones in this challenge and we got Mitch, Tom and Jules to work with us. Well kinda because the four (Me, Ali, Julia and Jason) of us were the ones who did most of the shooting to eliminate the Durmitor four and we just like went back and forth eliminating one another. I was the first to die in my group so big yikes!! I don't know if that's an omen idk but I do know that I was killed by grandma jones. So I killed grandma too oops!

Anyway, fast forward to today. I got an idol clue from the Hamburger but idk if this will help me get the idol hfjhsgf. So I shared it to Budva Baes and with Tom. Who knows we might get it idk.

In other news, on call Jules flipped because of an earthquake jgfjshgf

A tribe call happened that had almost everyone except Jones and Benj join which lasted about like 3-4 hours?? Anyway, me, julia, jules, jason, ali, mitch and alex played cards against humanity so that was fun!

After Alex and Jules left the call, the five of us who remained then proceeded to plan for the vote. As of now I think we're gonna throw our votes towards Caeleb because apparently he doesn't talk to them that much? I do talk with Caeleb but nothing game related so I guess I'm on board with that. We're not gonna target Alex rn because Julia mentioned that Alex might wanna work with budva people? or that maybe just a ploy, either way Julia and Mitch thinks Alex has the durmitor idol so that's something to be weary.

If I had my way I want to target Jones because during the call, Mitch and Julia expressed how they want her to stay and how they insta love her and to me that's kinda dangerous. But rn I don't think the numbers are their for me to go after Jones. Another hot topic on the call we had was Benj. I'm really becoming more weary of Benj because umm idk even tho we talk I feel like he's hiding something.

So far, the plan is for Julia to approach Jules about voting Caeleb. Jules is important for this vote because she's like in the middle rn and we need numbers. Also ghasgdd julia got a freaking auto-vote on herself for this incoming tribal council so we are screwed if they vote for Julia. Tom is also important but me and Jason have an alliance with him that Ali and Julia are not aware of so he's good hopefully.

Anyways as of now, the plan is Caeleb (which kinda sucks because I kinda like him) but who knows whats gonna happen. Just hope things go in my favor for this vote.

Apparently I’m a secondary target for the vote, but I’m like oddly at peace? Maybe it’s because I’m super tired but being anxious is never fun so I’m relieved that I’m so calm.

This tribal is so freakin messy. Literally everybody be crackheads and I am a freakin crackhead. I knew Mitch was gonna do me in again, I am sad that JJ blew up chances with Tom working with us, and I can't trust Jules because she's right in the middle. I think Benj is still with us. But gosh they'll vote me tonight and I wannnnna survive. If only I could like strongarm whoever has this freakin idol into playing it for me.

Anyways, I love Grandma's boys. They're all sweet and nice and wonderful and I want us to get this to work out. I hope Alex can work his magic, but also I hate that this has turned me into someone who is just riding the coattails at this point. Maybe I need to do some FREAKIN crackheadidness but hell we'll freakin see.

ALSO

Jones has the IDOL OOOOOOOOOO. I think she might play it for me if things are looking bad. Literally my grandma is the most amazing I love her. Things be crazy and cracked here in Podgorica but the spice is nice.

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okay this confessional is a call out post, to basically the entire cast except for jules and benj. like its negative and mean, so I'm gonna scream, and then write some actually strategy and smart stuff KLDSAFAS.

Julia. I LOVE YOU WITH MY WHOLE HEART, but. You have got us into such a pickle and are playing the middle too aggressively, dragging me kicking and screaming with you. Why would you make a Budva chat yesterday, to flip on it TODAY, that is such, SUCH a quick turn around

Alex. You are so sweet, and I really enjoyed the call yesterday, but you are already terrifying as an ally and are giving off JJ game vibes. This 'alliance' I'm in, of Jules/Julia/Me/Alex/Mo/Jones... terrifies me, WHY IS NOBODY TALKING. And then I love how Alex was like 'lets vote out someone from each side across two rounds' and then like... suggests Jason, a) one name b) one vote. And then it's like... he goes okay maybe Mitch the following round? Another OG Budva? I have to laugh, I have to LAUGH, this alliance is so fake askdlfaf. I love everyone in this alliance as people, but as allies I'm not feeling it.

Jones. You are a legend, and naming my plants was so fun, but you go so crickets its really scary, like it just looks SO sus. I wish you were more open gamey, I really wanna work with you grrrr.

Mo. Mo is my son, and I love him, but oh. my. god. is he frustrating to play with JLSAKDFAF. I have never played with someone who is so passive and who literally... does not say anything. Like on calls, he is so fun because he is the sweetest and a great guy, but his only comments and contributions have been 'I think I am going' and 'I have accepted my fate'. mo, MO, you can't be doing this and pulling these shenanigans, you are so likable just... give it a go and play the game HNNNGH.

okay that was mean and negative but I fully needed to scream. To clarify my situation, last night Julia made a chat of all the Budvas - Benj after the call, and we settled on voting Caeleb? But Julia wants to flip, and formed this group with Alex of them two, me, Jones, Jules & Mo. Like Julia, I get playing the middle, but this is playing. the. middle. I didn't want to be in such a middle position I hate this so much SKADLFASF.

It's really frustrating. I want Ian/Jason/Alex out because they all terrify me on a game level. But Julia has put us in the middle in a way that we are gonna have NO NUMBERS TO MAKE A MOVE UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Like I just wish she ASKED me before she made a group with Alex that I got dragged into.

I feel like me and Jules have to just... get in with Mitch. Its the only way. And Caeleb too I guess? Like I think the alliance I'm going to need is like... Me/Tom/Jules/Caeleb/Benj/Mitch... like that's a 6, and with Julia might be the numbers we need going forward.

I'm like... not gonna win this season I know it already. Jason is gonna be furious with me, as is Ian. And then I'm gonna have to flip BACK in two rounds. This is literally the exact game I've played before that hasn't worked.

Having said that, the main thing I did wrong before was that I didn't own my moves. So I need to own it, when I vote out Jason I need to talk to Ian and pull me in, so we can just... remove Alex. I just want everyone gone already askdlfa, its so so so tiring.

Here is what I want to happen now:

Ian > Alex > Jason > Mo > Jones > Mitch > Caeleb > Julia > Tom > F3: Me/Jules/Benj

but like... its just... im in such a bad mood about all this, its really... just enough.

Also for the funsies, if I was a juror, at FTC from most to least, this is who I'd vote for so far:

Jules > Benj > Mitch > Ian > Julia > Jason > Tom > Caeleb > Alex > Jones > Mo

So this tribal is shaping up in our favor... hopefully. I think Jason's for sure going now at least. It should be a 9-3 vote if everyone's telling the truth... which would make it so easy to split the votes because I'm pretty sure Jason or Ian have the idol. The most we can hope for is make them think Caeleb is going home for sure.

Pray for me. I don't wanna be a merge boot. I feel like I have a lot more game to play.

im about to save jason and fix all my problems.

i'm gonna push the vote onto ian, saying jason is very nervous and seems like he will play an idol, pushing the vote onto ian. Then I will tell Jason before/after (to be decided) the vote that I saved him, thereby securing his trust so that we can make a move on Alex next round.

I have NEVER played so aggressively, and tried to take control so much in the vote, but Julia put me in a crap situation. But I'm not gonna like... sit here and have it happen, I am here to play a good game, I said so in my application.

I think this is the way of ensuring minimal blood on my hands, and I've wanted Ian out since round two KLASDFA.

I wake up and I then learn that HOW IN THE WORLD ALEX KNOWS THAT CAELEB IS A TARGET THIS ROUND???

Mitch told him? Like what the hell is happening???! I talked with Alex and he says he’s ok with Caeleb which is really weird??

Tom then goes online and tells me Alex has been going around telling people different names and he told Caeleb my name >.>

AND NOW JULES AND BENJ ARE MIA AND ITS REALLY SKETCHY

I am gonna get voted!! I can feel it ahsjdiff so much for my never voted out status :(((

50 minutes till tribal and the plan is to vote out Jason but make Jason think it’s Ian or Caeleb? Unless I’m getting blindsided which in that case, well done. I’m really tired and I just want some Mac and cheese and a nap.

why is the one time alex and jones pip up to squash my beautiful plan. like go back to being crickets at all signs of game talk thank you very much.

alternatively... tom and jules could come in clutch, flipping caeleb to vote out alex that works too.

i'm annoyed with jones/mo/alex they can go. like i've wanted jason and ian out as a duo for ninety-five years, but maybe i wanna keep them around.

Jones is fuckinf PISSED

THESE BUDVA ARE CRACKED AND WANNA CHANGE THE VOOOOTE SKSKKSJSJSKSJ WE HAVE LITERALLY 40 MINUTES

If Jason idols himself, I’m idoling Caeleb and I’m gonna gonna kill someone

If Jason idols Ian and we get Jason out I’m laughing my ass off

If Jason idols himself and I idol Caeleb and I’m SOMEHOW IDOLED OUT then fuck that shit I’ll literally kill someone

I just wanna tell these Budva in space jam then it’ll be ok

I DO NOT WANT TO BE VOTING JASON AT ALL THE FUCK I WANT TO GET ALEX THE FUCK OUT OF HERE BUT NO CAELEB APPARENTLY WANTS TO VOTE JASON I HATE THIS THEY REALLY ARE TRYING TO GET MY HOMIE JASON OUT!!! WAS I CONSPIRING AGAINST HIM AND IAN ALL WEEK? MAYBE SO! BUT I DON'T WANT HIM OUT YET!!! I DON'T!! WE ARE TRYING TO BLINDSIDE ALEX BUT THIS AIN'T WORKING UGHGHGHGHG *STOMPS ON THE GROUND* UGHGHGHGH I HATE THIS GOODBYE

me flipping my vote to make it a 5-4-3-1 sending Ian out... I'm either the second coming of Natalie Anderson or 11th place.

The moment Mitch, Julia and Ali stopped responding to me and Jason I felt it. That we were being bamboozled and it looks like we did.

Tom and Jason were true to me and the end and I love them for that. Screw snake Julia because she really fucking played me like a fiddle lol and fuck Ali, mitch and benj hahahahahahahahaahahahahahHaha Because it really hurts! Alex is a scheming lying bitch and at least Mo half lied to me oof

At least my vacation is saved. I love the hosts, Drew, Seamus, Johnny and Asya for having me. I stan Nicole G forever. Bora Bora will always be my home. Goodbye tumblr survivor!

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smol-pilots · 7 years

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i am so annoyed :)

honestly. i get jealousy. i really do like i used to be (and i basically lowkey still am) very jealous of people. like people hanging out w other ppl. without me. idk why but knowing that they are out there without me, somehow made me think that they like them better than me. which is ridiculous i mean ppl have many friends, it’s good to have many friends. i got really dependent on ppl and when i saw them hanging out without me it made me feel like shit. like “mhm see that? that’s it. this confirms all of your fears you pretended not to have. they’re gonna leave you. this is it. they don’t like you the way you like them. just watch it, you’re gonna end up alone in no time.” (honestly this voice scares the shit out of me, it’s like satan himself is hugging me over my shoulders from behind, trying to weight me down and whispering bad things into my ears idk). anyway and this has been happening for years, every friend that i had, i felt this way. but! i never acted on it. i never complained, i never whined. no actually, that’s not true, i was acting a bit terribly once. i tried to prove myself that they liked me more so i set up all those little tests they didn’t even know about. i dont think they even realized i set them up bc it was always little things like “imma wait to see if they message me first, that means they love me” and things like that. and they failed them all and that kinda broke me. we’re good now but it took years. and in the mean time i kept going through that shit. but i never acted on it again because after that i wasnt only afraid of them leaving me, i was afraid of myself pushing them away by making myself think this way. after some time i got better. i tried not to get so attached, or at least establish this healthy attachment. i still get jealous sometimes but as i said, i don’t act on it anymore. i will silently suffer and they will wonder what’s wrong but after like a day or two max, i’ll get over it. once i mentioned this to one of my friends, and i said how much i hate my clinginess and they were like “what? you’re clingy??” and i was completely shocked like i thought everyone could see it?? but apparently not, which is good. at least i think so.

anyway and now here i am, emotionally in a very interesting state like i love people so much?? but very platonically and at the same time i have friends that i see a few times a week, friends that i see almost every day, friends from whom i dont hear every day and we’re fine and there are friends that i wasnt really in touch with every day or even every week over the past few years and i got used to it. i was sad but it became normal to me. weird thing is, and that’s the reason i started writing this,how weird it feels when u feel other ppl being jealous. like suddenly im the friend that’s hanging out with other friends. and i’m a bit angry bc every time i get jealous i try to do everything not to show it. but here they are and i can literally sEE the tests they’re giving me and it’s horrible. go with me there, let’s meet there, pls let’s go do this ... quite a few times they wanted me to cancel plans that i’ve already made with other ppl, despite knowing that that had been planned for weeks in advance. not to mention the amount of guilt i feel every time i have to cancel something i simply couldn’t do because there was no time or i had other things to do. they guilt trip me and tell me i take time for everything and everyone else and how much free time i have, watching tv shows till 4 in the morning but i dont use this free time to spend it with them. i get jealousy! and clinginess! but i am angry bc i always try so hard to overcome it and they seem as if they don’t even try or as if they don’t even realize how that makes me feel! and only now i’m realizing how different we really are and how many things i dont tell them and i don’t even know how to change that! but now they’re angry with me for not spending time with them, my mom is angry with me when i do, because hello??? exams??? and i’m angry as hell because if there’s one thing that i hate is being pressured into things like that either gives me anxiety, it makes me hate things, it makes me angry, annoyed. i mean when im with them, it’s okay at the time, i forget, i have fun, everything seems nice but when we’re apart... like i am fully aware why this person is acting this way. i see the reason they feel this way. i’m really trying not to rub things in their face. but honestly, where were you when i needed you and you were the one who wasn’t there for me? im just sick of this shit. this only made me realize how not close we really are. i mean we’ve gone through things but i stopped telling them things. and now it feels as if they don’t even know me. i’ve changed so much i think not only throughout the past five years but i’ve changed in the past few months also. i don’t want to lose them but i’ve gotten used to not hearing from them for a while or not seeing them and i don’t mind it that way. i love them and i think i love them more if i only see them from time to time. maybe that’s the reason this friendship even stayed alive. i dont know.

i feel so bad for writing this. i feel even worse for posting this. on the internet, for everyone to see. i want to write about it but idk why i had to open tumblr for this. i want to talk about it so badly and i do talk about it with my sister and with my mom but they are involved in it and if i tell my other friends i’d feel even worse bc it would mean i’m gossiping and they’d judge this person etc and then i also kinda feel like i’m oversharing and then i start questioning whether they’d share something like that w me if they had the same problem. u see, and then I get caught in this. i’ve tried so hard not to think about it bc i knew the moment i would really think about it, i would have to admit what i feel about them and this situation and i’d feel bad and now that it’s happened i’m just sat here, ive been writing this for hours now and just thinking about it. i can see it only getting worse and i don’t know what to do.

#personal #i don't even know what more to say i'm just #sad that this is happening #like my mother was like ok but u gotta reach out to them first so they'd see i love them too #but it's not helping and also i'm again forcing myself and it never really is enough

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celestialallstars · 5 years

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Episode #7: “That was what we in the business call a "bruh" moment.” - Stephen

NEVER MIND HE DID IT THE ABSOLUTE MADMAN DID IT HE USED THE VOTE STEAL SUCCESSFULLY AND GOT KORI RIGHT OUT OF THIS GAME. IN YOUR LIFE HAVE YOU EVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE THAT?

Oh I am so PUMPED! Kori leaving has all but confirmed most of the things we all thought already- Michael/Drew/Matt/Chloe are together. On top of that, Alyssa and by extension, Jack probably is also with them. Which leaves the remaining 4 of the OG Tuatha group (Rhys/Mitch/Stephen/Bryce) then Mitch. This also leaves Bryce/Loris/me. What does this tell me? I can't have Orfeo lose because it is sudden death for Bryce/Stephen/Loris...so I need to make sure my tribe loses. BUT I also need to make sure one of Jack or Alyssa leaves. Whether they are numbers for the others or not, I need people I'm with to gain upperhand before it is too late and if Orfeo keeps losing, even if we get to merge, I don't think it will matter because they will get numbers. So Operation: Snakegrass is now in effect

That was what we in the business call a "bruh" moment.

KORI WAS SLAIN! Not by an idol like I worried, but by an advantage that was much more powerful in that given situation! My game has effectively changed here on the Orfeo Tribe. I'm no longer trying to form an alliance that controls the outcomes of votes, I can only really look out for myself.

Michael, Matt, Drew, and Chloe are very likely to let go of the majority now that they have it. They aren't my rivals anymore. Not until the merge, anyway. Unfortunately, that means if we lose another challenge, Bryce and Loris will need to be the people who go home, barring any insane changes. I'm going to need to pander like I've never pandered before. I can't be mad with Michael until his time comes. Don't worry though, if I have any say in it, he won't make it past the first merge vote.

But, that's assuming I survive that long! I'm sure Bryce and Loris are just as freaked out as I am, so I need to out-pander them. I wish it didn't have to be this way, but that's just how the cookie crumbles.

Operation: Snakegrass so far got the first half downpack with us losing. Jared talked with Mitch who says he is close to me and Rhys. With Zach in the mix, we might be bale to get something going, but now we gotta be careful...anything can happen at this tribal methinks!

WOOP WOOP WOOP WOOP. Safe again! It’s so good to be back on the immunity train Choo choo. It’s also really good because I really don’t want to vote out anyone on my tribe and all the people I’m not as connected with are on the other tribe so keeping my tribe safe even tho I know Stephen and Bryce may not trust me 100% right now is CRUCIAL for my game going forward.

likeee ok. i have some hot goss i suppose. so i knew kori was leaving pre-tribal. bryce leaked the vote steal (michael - > loris - > bryce) and so it was meh. i was truly fine with either kori or matt leaving though because those two are legit like 2 of the only 3-5 people i dont feel like i got a connection with.

throughout the time between tribal results to challenge, i get asked by a few people to throw [bryce, loris, drew, stephen somewhat, chris]. chris mainly proposes that bryce and loris are with us and they're in danger, which is likely true. i just like.. i didnt throw because im triggered by that but i also like probs didnt try my hardest. who knows ! not me. anyway. AFTER I FLOPPED I LEGIT HAD LIKE 4 OF THEM PM ME SAYING 'THANKS FOR THROWING KING' LIKE FUCK OFF LKSDJGLDKGMLKDSGMLKDSG I DIDNT THROW but tbh i might play that up so they think im a generous queen xx

chris seems to want jack or alyssa out, as does jared. chris/rhys made alliance with me them jared and mitch which is cute. i feel like i should leak bc someones going to but im also too lazy to.

im lowkey really anxious though cuz i dont want my tribe to snap at me for thinkin i threw or blindside me. like NNNN and we're so close to merge. BUT if things go accordingly, one of alyssa or jack should leave. i like both a lot but i think i'd prefer alyssa out. we have a 'f2' or smth but we dont rlly talk and i feel like because we never were on the same tribe til now, our allegiances just fell elsewhere (which is fine but its just hard to maintain that).

i dont want to get blindsided/voted off yet. 14th isnt cute... and like... im so close to merge. my guess is merge will be at 12/13 so... im so close. (its probs f8 but who cares). i just hope i can be safe enough that i dont go. i feel rlly good with chris/jared... rhys decent too. mitch not so much but im gonna try to forge a stronger bond. i think the girls are gonna choose 2 rid of jack but idk.. i hate this cuz i really like jack and getting to meet him beyond just a VL was great n i truly enjoyed this. so if he ends up leaving, and he reads this, i want u to know u are great n i love u n playing w u was fantastic!! same with anyone. like everyone left is fairly active and deserve to be here so im content.

god. anyone wanna speak up is gonna come out when i get blindsided LOL.

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Sooo the 24 hour puzzle challenge cracked some things out of the water. Alliances got exposed left and right and now im in a 5 man alliance with og orfero and og tuatha against og cyrena. This is all becauase sharky leaked an alliance in one of his screenshots consisting of drew/michael/clohie/alyssa/jack/matt or some varient. In order for their numbers to weaken, we need to get rid of jack or alyssa. It doesn not help their case that they have not been on a tribe with anyone outside of og cyrena except drew and michael (who are on the other tribe). Right now, my alliance is debating on splitting the votes or making it unanimous but we are afraid of idols. We think that regardless of what happens, the one og cyrena left standing won't trust us any longer. I am excited to see where this tribal goes because the game is finally picking up speed!!!!

this game is carzy i hate it im legit. this is a video of me:

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Hello I’m typing this compassionate with them with voice to text hello and say do you want to be your day because Drew Carey dick completely but now I’m scared Zach is going and I don’t want him to which is sad and I don’t know at the last round nothing at the boots that I thought he didn’t I kind a got fucked over

ok that was a disaster I give up. hi . drew carried immunity thank god. but now I’m scared Zach goes because I love Zach. umm I’m basically guaranteed merge unless I get super blindsided because I can just legacy if I think I’m going :^). I voted Matt just in case his vote steal was fake because either he lied and went home or he told the truth and lived but like the thing is Michael and drew don’t want me to tell Matt I knew so I can’t justify why I voted him to him MEANWHILE I told Bryce about it. and Bryce tells Matt he knew completely throwing that out the window but oh well. I love chloe... Bryce.. Michael.... Zach... drew..... Jared... Mitch..........I definitely forgot someone there oh RHYS.... love him and idk I think I’m good with a lot of the cast wooo because I like everyone else too 💗💗💗 when I win we won’t be shocked

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The other tribe is super boring like I don’t know what’s happening and there’s like an hour and a half left so like I’m just sat here bored as shit like DO SOMETHING!

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Audio might be bad, so basically, Chris has taken me under his wing as maybe his most trusted ally, and pitched me on a side vs. side type deal.

Side 1- Chris, Bryce, Loris, Zach, Mitch, Stephen, Rhys Side 2- Alyssa, Michael, Drew, Jack, Matt, Chloe

I am fully feeding into Chris' game at this point because for myself, working to advance his plan puts me in a much more powerful position than I believe he is anticipating.

Having incredibly close relationships with the Chris/Zach duo, a F2 with Bryce, an alliance with Mitch/Stephen, Rhys confiding in me about his game fears (and Rhys' thoughts being fed to me by Bryce), and an idol--- I really just need to work on Loris some more to establish myself with the most powerful position.

So, I've been very busy. But this tribal I have yet again sat back and haven't done much into it as I have been preoccupied. However it allows other people to take the heat, and I'm aware I'm not doing a lot. So I can spin it into a winning case as long as I do enough come the merge.

The vote is set to be a split on Alyssa and Jack, However Alyssa and Jack havent spoken about the vote which scares me. Which t hen puts me in a paranoid states as I've spoken to people less today. But we just made a new 5 person alliance (chris, me , jared, zach an mitch) which seems super extra if theyre planning on blindsiding me.

It is 7:18 PM and I have no idea who is going home. This is the most stressful fucking tribal I've ever been to

omg so alyssa going home wooh? she talks to me more than jack so i wish he left but like one has to leave so w/e. chris is a king i love him so much he threw for me zach is so annoying and didnt throw said he was but like he literally was trying 80% like girl just throw. i love rhys still and jared.. hope he still likes me idk we feel off. wooh yaa um like loris and i hate that michael and drew both told him about the double vote but not me like isnt that so quirky we hate those elara girls (is that the season they played)

JARED AND MITCH ARE SNAKING ME AND ALYSSA WITH THEIR NONCOMMITTAL RESPONSES I CAN FUCKING FEEL IT IM GOING HOME

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Alyssa is voted out 3-2-2.

#episode #shinebright

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survivorwakea · 5 years

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Episode #2: “yee yee can’t wait to DOM” - Anabel

a joint tribal!?!?!?! THIS IS JUST TOOOO FUCKING MUCH!!!!!!

Tbh like I wanna win but I also don’t want to put in a lot of effort just for us to lose Bc I fully expect some other tribe to go try hard and I can’t see our sorry sack of losers being the best at any challenge much less one that requires effort

Okay so like anybody who thinks that this round is going to be anything near simple is absolutely oblivious to what game we are playing. This is going to be complete chaos. Whatever game plans you have come up with you can just toss out the window because I don’t think there is a single person that has any idea of what to aspect or even how the hell to handle this. Shot completely shot

I’m starting to get more and more annoyed with these people as time goes on. Are y’all aware this is for immunity and yalls games are on the fucking line? Because it definitely doesn’t look that way. NO EFFORT AT ALL BEING PUT INTO CHALLENGES. And the stakes are higher than fucking ever this round.

this fucking challenge is legitimately draining me bc i keep fucking up and i feel like joey and jared hate me lol.... i might jump out a window but we’ll see

it’s 1am, jared just told me he was proud of me and im legitimately SOBBING. this is the most exhausting challenge i have ever participated in.

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So, we finished in second again. That is the good news. The bad news is, only one tribe wins immunity. So we’re at tribal with Haumea and Kanaloa. The question is, do we go with Haumea, and take away potential swing vote power from Kanaloa, or do we go with Kanaloa, and try to whittle another tribe down to 4? Decisions, decisions.

wow y’all i just called jared for like 45 minutes and he might be the kindest human on the planet ugh... im keeping him. he’s the new johnny. bye johnny helLO jared. and jared isn’t even straight!! so that’s another thing he has over johnny BESIDES being nicer than him (just kidding i love johnny so much johnny if ur reading this u will never be replaced)

can’t believe we won immmmm this is crazy i love this tribe and this game and that challenge yee yee can’t wait to DOM

So it looks like a 14 person joint tribal is coming like what the fuck! I'm excited though. This vote I can see being based off of activity. It's probably the safest move but I am saying that now, things can change later.

this joint tribal really got me fucked up. of COURSE we lose immunity. what a shocker. it’s not like ben fucked up two times in a row when we were so close to being in the 30s... if he would have never fucked up, we LITERALLY would have won. i’m so mad. but ugh. anyway. being at this joint tribal is a blessing and a curse. a blessing because i have 24 hours to kinda build other relationships outside of my tribe incase of a swap, while the other immune tribe is missing out on building relationships. a curse for the obvious.. i don’t wanna be voted off! yes, i have the idol, but i wanna just play like i don’t have it for now and i don’t wanna rely on that. i need to save that for the future. obviously, i have elmo’s back. even fucking bens back even tho he got me real mad. ian? he can go at anytime, i truly don’t give a fuck. he’s rude and disrespectful and i’m sick and tired of his slick ass remarks. adam? a non motherfucking factor. but i don’t want ian nor adam leaving in this tribal, just because i think i faked it so good and they actually think i like them. justin messaged me and i LOVE justin so i’m feeling good about that. taylor messaged me and he’s a king in training.. he could use a little more work. and johnny messaged me and he seems iconic. only red flag is.. he’s straight..! i know.. a big red flag. other then that, i have chloe on the other tribe and i talked to her a bit and i think we’re on a mutual understanding not to vote eachother out. so as of right now, it’s kinda just a wait and see who wants to thro the first name out, because i don’t. and to be completely honest, i don’t care who goes home. it’s to early to even throw a random name out and maybe have it come back and bite me in the ass. i really don’t care who it is. i’m willing to vote out absolutely anyone right now besides myself and elmo. so. we’re gonna have to sit and wait, but i’ll make sure it’s not me.

this is an interesting round bc i think logically in a normal situation a tribe with fewer numbers would be in the middle here but since the general vibe at least right now is that the blues (bar chloe and thomas i think?) are inactive so that tribe could end up being targeted

I think that there isnt rly a reason to make a big move at f19 in the game so i think most ppl will jump to whatever vote they hear first but at the same time usually u dont want to be the first one to throw a name out because ppl can pin the vote on u and make u a big threat etc i definitely need to talk to everyone on my tribe just to get their vibes i talked to zack and ben a lil and they both seem to agree that we should work with haumea

idk who will be the target but my prediction is either asya or dean honestly rn im just trying to be social with everyone bc if there is a change of plans or whatever then i dont want to be the one who will be paying the price

anyway im somewhat calm right now? i dont know if there is a plan already in the works without me but i highly doubt it also if there will be a plan that shouldn't involve me, im fairly certain that i would hear from it

What’s going on? Honestly idk. Not even sure who is on the other tribe and we aren’t far enough into the game for me to care too much (jk jk I care but also damn I don’t have time to get to know 5 more people). Luckily I already know and love Elmo. I’m really hoping I can sway him to vote for someone on his tribe instead of ours. But we will see. I don’t have much time today to play so I’m hoping I use the little time I have wisely.

So major Internet connection issues forced me to unofficially sit out of the challenge. They carried over today and now I've barely spoken to anyone about tribal. I'm so out of the loop it's actually hilarious

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Heading into what I believe will be a three tribe swap of 6 players each, I feel good. Not having to go to Tribal is making me a bit nervous tho, I need to get some blood on my hands in order to establish a place for myself in the game.

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So first tribal for our tribe Haumea, and it's a joint tribal! Whoa! I've never been a part of a joint tribal, but I'm just trying to lay low and let everyone else decide what will happen. Of course socially I'm trying talk with everyone so I don't get targeted for NOT talking to people. It's also great for starting to build that foundation with some of the other players so when the eventual swap comes I can already have connections. It's like using 2 -in-1 paint & primer🖌️ it's just more efficient, and time saving 😂 It seems that the consensus may fall on Dean from Kanaloa. I think it'd be a smarter move because it would anger the least amount of people. Leaving Kanaloa with only 3 members. But of course some things are never that easy, So i guess we'll see. Connections-wise I really like Elmo and Zacky, and would be interested to know more of and potentially work with Asya too. Johnny has definitely taken the leadership role of our tribe, which I'm completely okay o. Takes the pressure off of me and means I can just sit back, relax and enjoy the shield.

Oh god I feel so sick right now writing this. Being chucked into a tribal with like 12/13 other people most of whom I didn’t know was insane. Especially sort of feeling like I was on the bottom. All day people have been saying to me about Dean being inactive and I’ve been like ok cool I’ll vote him if that’s how it swings. And not it’s basically confirmed he’s the vote I feel sick that I have to turn my back on someone I’ve worked with the last couple rounds and who would told me he’d look out for me. But at the same time how can you look out for me if you’re never here and have put in very little effort to ensure that we didn’t end up in this position. I barely even had a proper chance to talk to the guy he’s been so inactive but I still feel like such a terrible person

https://soundcloud.com/bodhi-small/week2/s-seqAf

my tribe won immunity but we thought we lost it so that was funny

it allowed me to exercise my connections with people. it showed me that me and jared are close and that me and joey arent close! so im gonna go fix that if i can but hopefully we can win to the end

________________________________________________________________

Dean is voted out 11-1-1.

#episode #sailaway

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not-tryin-2-have-a-debate · 7 years

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part 2 poetic waxing

i keep getting really mad at my ex the second i realize i was thinking something thats not real

because to the best of my knowledge she read this blog and heard me talk about my expiriences for so long and then she,,,,completely misunderstood them and tried to replicate them in a way that doesnt. make sense. and isnt what this is. and im still hoenstly really offended by that because wow. and i just wanna say like. especially since this blog is pretty much entirely Unseen now

im still terrified to recognize myself as psychotic

i dont want to be psychotic

im afraid to talk about it with my doctor or even touch on the symptoms and eps of it and im terrified to get put on pills for it and its a shit show

i think with the people im closest to i try to normalize the idea of being that way with myself

and i pretend the idea of being psychotic doesnt terrify me and say it freely because its not going away and im scared and i need to learn to not be so scared if im going to deal with it in any capacity i need to be able to recognize it

it was a long process.

i didnt start being that way overnight and i didnt recognize it until way after it started

and its not just 1 thing

to me the embodiment of it and the whole problem is that youre just constantly trying to figure out whats real and whats going on like your being hit on all sides

id describe my perception of and ability to perceive reality as a wall thats always being eroded down but can also have parts break off or have holes blown in it at any second...and im constantly trying to build the wall back up and reinforce it and repair it. but i usually dont have a fully formed wall and even if i got there id only be able to maintain it for so long until half of it got blown up again. etc etc wall metaphor if i leave it itll just fuckin collapse entirely

but yeah yknow like.

a delusion isnt just ‘when you think something that isn’t real.’

and like not to dip a bit too much into tumblr vocab and context or whatever but like,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,the way Neurotypicals take symptom descriptions at total face value is...tiring. idk how else to describe it. theres so much context missing.

these symptoms for me started up when i was a kid and got worse.

it was because i have so much family history with this shit that i finally noticed it and compared and recognized the beginning to get worse problem

because ive seen it in my brother and my uncle and my grandma and my family for years and i know it up close and personally

i dont just have some kind of kooky thoughts that i recognize arent real while im having them. my ability to do that at all came with practice and time and repitition.

i dont know when im not dreaming.i see and feel things that arent there.

i think thoughts that i cant recognize as mine and are usually a bunch of nonsense word salad shit.

i have real prolonged trouble recognizing myself as a human being thats physical and has human limits.

i have toruble percieving the present. i have trouble remembering the past.

i constantly really for real feel like ive seen this before.

every time i have deja vu i like have a whoel fuckign Moment lmao

i assume people think the worst of me and want to hurt me.

i assume the end of the world is happening out of nowhere and i really think its happening.

i think God is trying to punish me.

I think spirits are coming after me.

I really believe it.

I spend my day crying and panicking and hiding from shit that isnt real.

i convince myself my whole life is some kind of divine punishment.

its on top of that and

its after years of that

and years of seeing family members older than me and farther into it than me degrading at the same time

that i think some dumb shit and immediately catch myself

or that i think im getting psychic messages and can immediately be like ‘ok calm down’

its because im trying to convince myself im NOT like a psychic prophet and ive been able to recognize it before that i can see a message for what it is and recognize what im doing

its bc ive corroborated the expirience with my brother after doing it for years and years already

i didnt wake up one day and start thinking i was a prophet but also recognizing thats crazy yknow

i thought i was a prophet and then as i grew up i started realizing that it was crazy because i found resources and saw what my family was going through and got so sick of the worst parts and thought something had to be wrong with that picture

and even then the messages arent a delusion

having dejavu and being suspicious of it isnt a delusion

wishing something was true isnt a delusion

believing in gods and spirits and weird reincarnation stuff isnt a delusion

they’re parts of a whole and thats only a few of the parts

like an example of levels

really liking a celebrity isnt psychotic

wishing you were married isnt psychoticdaydreaming about being married to them isnt psychotic

imagining they’re talking to you or they’re addressing something in an interview to you isn’t psychotic, in and of itself (imagining the message but also kind of beliving it also isn’t )

actually beliving they’re addressing you in an interview or something isn’t a delusion, and though its like Psychotically-associated isnt An Automatic Sticker Of Psychosis slapped on your forehead

forgetting you aren’t acutally married sometimes isn’t a delusion.actually beliving you’re married to them is a delusion.

you won’t be able to recognize it as that until later.

the other behaviors, for you, since youre having a delusion, will come off of that.

someone non-delusional who really loved to dream about it might convince themselves into some magical thinking about the celebrity.

for you though, its because you’re married. you’re literally actually married so of course they’re leaving little hints for you! you never get to see each other!

you rationalize it.

because you believe it and having someone put a crack in things you believe in is scary for anyone.

i mean especially wow if someone told you were werent actually married to your spouse and didn’t even know them? they didn’t even know youre name or that you existed? that would be horrifying. of course youd come up with rationalizations.

and that delusion probably started because you really liked them and because you were lonely. but also because youve been having some issues and either are psychotic, were developing psychotic symptoms, or like Had The Propensity To Be Psychotic in general yknow like. the seeds were there or you were already living life as a psychotic tree and this was just a new branch.

after a while they might start to get it.

they might start poking holes in there own reasoning and being brave enough to follow that path.

and hopefully from there theyll get to the still-beleving-it-but-also-recognizing-its-’fake’ stage.

there are a lot of reasons i dont want to be psychotic.

no one should want to be.

anyone who says they want to be is either someone who’s a disgusting creep thinking other peoples crisises are some hot edgy mysterious shit OR theyre a psychotic person trying to humor themselves and be okay with themselves.

and you should be ok with yourself but that shouldnt replace wanting to improve and manage that really scary world-ending parts of shit.thats a whole other topic though

i dont want to be psychotic because im terrified of slowly loosing my mind. thats a freaky prospect that no one should really want. i only want that when im suicidal and wish i just didnt have a mind to think with at all kind of shit.

i dont want to be psychotic because i dont want to keep having these episodes and seeing this shit and thinking this shit. a lot of it is absolutely terrifying. other things are less active but like...i wish i could trust anyone ever. i wish i could trust my own judgement. i wish i didn’t get obsessive and weird about contamination and not be able to eat food or need to contain myself from freaking out if certain people touch me. that shit isnt cowering from God under a desk but its annoying and i don’t want to be doing it. i wish i could stop doing it.

i don’t want to be psychotic because once youve had it confirmed that you believe things that arent real that makes it just that much harder to trust literally anything you think.i have to check everything with people because what if im wrong or assuming or jsut being crazy or i thought something up that isnt true.and we all seem to have an amazing knack for like doign that whenever we were actually with reality, and forgetting to do it when we do actually have something a little confused lol. maybe thats subconscious.

i dont wanna be psychotic because i want some things to be true!! you know!! and learnign they arent is, again, confusing and really scary. no matter what it is. but if its something that you like or that brings you some kinda positive shit then thats even worse to have taken away and have be a lie. and even worse a Crazy Lie.

i don’t know how much of my religious views to trust and thinking that anything i believe in or think is up for questioning brings up a whole lot of good things that i dont want to be up for questioning.part of the reason im scared to go on meds is because im really worried some good things will turn out fake and go away.

im worried about what all could just like...dissappear. what if the whole world changed. what if im wrong about more than i thought or something that id never even considered.

like.....im out of steam now but.

yeah. idk

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survivorsolomonislands · 7 years

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Episode 9 “Find out who your true friends are” -Aromal

I DID IT I BEAT 15 DAYS I BEAT 13TH PLACE AND I MADE JURY AND PROBABLY MERGE I FEEL HOT

(a little bit later)

I'm so sad bc Dana has been the REALEST w me since day 1 and Mitchell lied to me about his idol so idek if I can fully trust him anymore and aaaaaah Looks like its me Mitchell Matt willow allie aro and whoever Mitch can pull over from the other tribe but I'm really sad my mom was idoled out its just not fair

i hate double tribals i really do especially if its one world since everyone has to say something to someone else in order to save their homies and ALLLL offense i still hate the small talk so like what else is there for me to do besides get ma plants and chill. so the round started off with willow trying to talk to me but then completely going missing but then talking to johnny (home boy af btw. squad in the house) about how she can save all the newbies using mitchell and danas vote which basically confirmed what i already knew of the old makiura alliance being tight. but that only leaves 2 people to get voted out and that is me or ryan which 1. duh and 2. not today satan. i quickly established ma thang with johnny even more so he can continue to give me info that i needed on the newbies like aro/zak having an idol to use on each other, lily having the makiura one, etc but it also got me thinking that maybe i should continue to try talking to the newbies cause they seem festive but then willow goes and lies so i said fuck dat. ryan and johnny made like 2 alliances with us on the same day which i high key didnt see the point of doing bottthhh but ya know be festive. they came up with this idea of splitting votes which i never like doing really since it is really sus af but i told them ayy great plan whatever just to make them not yell at me for not being alive but thEN! i was like this high key makes no sense to do??? so if there is a rat then im just going to stfu so no one can have tea on me and guess what. RYAN THE RAT???? [4/24/17, 8:52:11 PM] Dana Barry: So i know there's a vote split [4/24/17, 8:52:20 PM] Dana Barry: Not to be blunt [4/24/17, 8:52:49 PM] ~~Johnny~~: Okay :S [4/24/17, 8:54:07 PM] ~~Johnny~~: How do you know about the split? [4/24/17, 8:57:19 PM] Dana Barry: Ryan is blowing up your alliances game to gain favor on the other side [4/24/17, 8:57:31 PM] Dana Barry: They literally all know and have been in contact since the plan was conceived [4/24/17, 8:58:50 PM] Dana Barry: I know we havent talked a lot, but i really didnt think you were going to vote me [4/24/17, 8:58:56 PM] ~~Johnny~~: And I’m assuming that Ryan has been getting you guys to vote for someone else? [4/24/17, 8:59:00 PM] ~~Johnny~~: That isn’t LA? [4/24/17, 8:59:09 PM] ~~Johnny~~: Because Mitchell just said that he wasn’t voting for LA [4/24/17, 8:59:13 PM] Dana Barry: Nah it isnt [4/24/17, 8:55:19 PM] ~~Johnny~~: Why do you even think that though? [4/24/17, 8:55:36 PM] Mitchell Kalabang: Is it not true though? [4/24/17, 8:56:42 PM] ~~Johnny~~: It is [4/24/17, 8:57:12 PM] Mitchell Kalabang: I figured lol [4/24/17, 8:57:25 PM] Mitchell Kalabang: If we're being honest I've never been voting for LA [4/24/17, 8:57:37 PM] ~~Johnny~~: Who were you voting for..? [4/24/17, 8:58:07 PM] Mitchell Kalabang: If y'all tryna sneak split vote me out why would I give that up ! [4/24/17, 8:58:40 PM] ~~Johnny~~: Well, I didn’t want you out, and you were getting 2, but now I’m being told information about how you guys found it out [4/24/17, 8:59:06 PM] Mitchell Kalabang: Someone's got some pretty loose lips on ur side [4/24/17, 8:59:15 PM] ~~Johnny~~: Ryan? [4/24/17, 8:59:22 PM] Mitchell Kalabang: Not to name names but there's a reason this person went 6 times without making single digits idk mitchell and dana are savage as fuck fdkughdk (but yeah we all know the rest. and dana got voted out by someone who was too busy sleeping to know what the fuck was happening. if that is not me!) the alliance chat is popping tho of ryan and johnny arguing. turns out mitchell is just annoying and likes to spread shit so who is really the rat. hm. the answer to that is good ol' matt. the most annoying guy to talk to and the main person i have been dying to leave for ages. god. literally he has been against my side since the start of this game and he continues to make things hard for himself.... if you are going to be a rat dont be obvi? i still dont 100% trust ryan but i do trust that matt is fucking ratatouille in the flesh so there is that. cant even just pay attention to his own tribal ctfu. I HATE THESE PEOPLE ESPECIALLYLYLLYYLYLYL HIM

Well this has officially been the craziest episode whatever you can call it of the season. Jacob went home as planned after complete chaos with Willow. Basically she told him I was targeting him just because she felt bad and it's cute and all that she has a good heart, but seriously she needs to get it together before I vote her off too. I think I have a lot of enemies now, obviously Jacob voted me and RTP played an idol and saved his ass after somehow Mitchell and Dana got everyone to vote him which was wild. I am so sad about Dana it's unreal I loved that girl. Now I still have Mitchell who hopefully hasn't lost any faith in me after I told Willow he had the idol, oops, and then lied to him and said I didn't say that because I can't own up to anything I did. Right now I am cooking I think, I got numbers, Mitchell, Allie, Willow, Zak, Aro, and even Johnny, and hopefully when it comes down to it I will be at the tippy top of the alliance since I believe firmly I have close relationships with many of these people. I flushed two idols tonight btw, and Daisy who had one, so in my two tribal councils I've literally just triple flushed idols like a really stinky poo. Ryan is mad at me but is willing to play the game but I don't trust his ass really.

Final Confessional! I just got voted out, and I'm not actually very sad because i went out WITH A BANG and i'm on jury, where I will make it my mission to ruin lives. Effectively, nobody is this damn game can keep their mouth shut, which was both the best and worst part of this season. As I said in my last Conf., Matt was feeding us info, but basically fucked up that line of communication by getting himself caught as a snake. But about 2 hrs before tribal, Mitch and I get word that the other 5 on our tribe are splitting votes 3-2 for me to go out because they thought I could have an idol I guess. So at this point, Mitch and I were voting RTP and it looked like i was definitely goin. Mitch's idol wasn't going to be useful for us there, because even if he had given it to me (which he wouldn't have), there would have been a tie for him and RTP and his ass was grass at that point. So basically, we're tryin to think of options like 1.5hrs before tribal, and so Mitch and I just start goin nuts. I'm saying all this crazy shit to LA to make her vote with me: [4/24/17, 8:30:29 PM] Dana Barry: Listen- i know you guys are splitting for me tonight, but i wanted to talk to you first. [4/24/17, 8:39:09 PM] Dana Barry: I know we havent talked a lot- and there's not really much incentive for you to want to vote with me, but Ryan has been throwing you under the bus for days, basically since the game started. He wants nuTemoana to be a thing post- merge, which automatically leaves you out of any plan he has. [4/24/17, 8:44:06 PM] Dana Barry: I love ryan as a person- but he isn't with you long term, and i know you'd be taking a risk, but at merge we would have numbers. Also i'd be willing to vote whoever you are interested in taking out tonight, which would be a big move for you in this game, because inevitably you will make it far. This would build a lot of trust, which i DO NOT betray unless i find people are coming for me in this game. Sorry this is a lot, just something to consider as someone outside of the core alliance. [4/24/17, 8:45:53 PM] Dana Barry: Obviously this means I have no idol, so if you don't want me out and want options down the line, i'm here and i have no more options. And Mitch is on call with Johnny tellin him about how shady RTP is, and then eventually I get on with them where i'm literally hiding out in the bathroom of the bar to talk to them. So then we're all about to vote RTP, and for a minute there is some consideration for Lexi, but then Johnny is like nah RTP doesn't have an idol. OK-so at this point the four of us could just vote RTP. Then someone tells Lexi to also vote RTP, which she does. EXCEPT SOME FUCKER TELLS RTP TO PLAY HIS IDOL BECAUSE WE'RE ALL ABOUT TO VOTE HIS ASS OUT. LIKE OMG PLS EVERYONE HAVE SOME CHILL. So I know that Mitch has the idol, and i'm the only one on our tribe, so both he and RTP play idol, meaning that because Luca was asleep and voted me, my ass gets voted out. While I'm not sure how RTP found out he needed to play the idol, my best guess is Lex? Idk her well and she would be the most likely to be close to him and then just vote him as a cover for herself. Alternatively, some things were getting funky with the other tribe, where basically Matt and Willow (who was also being fed info by Johnny. like what?) also knew how desperately Mitch and I were trying to save me, and so maybe they reached out to RTP for some odd reason. Am I happy? NO. But also I was so problematique tonight and really caused a problem, which is absolutely my aesthetic and i wouldn't have played it any other way. So, peace out Solomon, get ready for your most vocal juror. Please Mitch- you better be dancin and win this.

Hey! Remember me! I'm still here! Barely.... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H3ykj-8n1M4&feature=youtu.be

Mitchell is the gayest straight boy I know and I know myself when I was 12.

Yay I made both jury and merge! :D Double yayy for making merge with a majority alliance! :D First merge vote is looking like Ryan and even people outside our alliance wants him gone. Rip

This flag making challenge made me mad because I had an okay idea, but then the app I was using crashed like 50 fucking times, and so I lost all my progress. Since i kept loosing all my progress I didn't even finish with the extension oops. But if I had more time my idea was gonna be to also add quotes of what people have said in the tribe chat next to their icons.

Pino Noir Caviar, Myanmar, mid-sized car You don't have to be popular Find out who your true friends are Pino Noir In the boudoir (in the boudoir) Pino Noir, smoke a cigar Revenge can be spectacular Pino Noir x4 (Pino Noir) Pino Noir, leather bar Oh so close and yet so far Pino Noir x4 (Pino Noir) Pino Noir, you're a star Listen to Tom Berenger Pino Noir, Rosenbar Pino Noir Au Revoir

I won my first individual immunity !!! *screams* I didn't think I'd actually win this one but yay. I'm excited but I'm also really worried, people say I'm good at challenges and this win is definitely gonna put a bigger target on my back. It doesn't help that we tried to vote out Ryan either, cause obviously we are gonna have some trust issues now, we're still working together cause he says it's fine but he could just be saying that. It was weird having to talk to someone after voting them, usually the people I vote go home so this was the first time I had to talk to someone and try and fix the relationship and be like it was nothing personal. I'll see how this goes though, I need to try and be more social, its still my biggest problem.

ayo! its time to party aka have a heart attack for the rest of the night cause i hate major votes like this and this is the most important vote since the start of the game.... im gonna die. anyways so prior to the merge i guess some of the female newbies were tired of the attitudes given to them by the returnee males like matt and mitchell (which understandable lmao i hate being told what to do even tho i dont show it most of the time) so they came to pretty much everyone and expressed their interest in switching to the other side namely ryan johnny and i's side. the thing is, i know i can trust allie since she hasnt proven otherwise that she can't but willow is just a very shady person to talk to and she is very much not talking game with me so as of now, who knows what she is actually doing. it also concerns since she is the one that told mitchell and dana about the plan we had to split the votes so that obviously doesnt make me want to trust her to any extent. in hand with that, luca has also been very weird and i can't trust him as far as i can throw him which isnt very far since im barely 5 feet so... bleh. he was trying to get ryan out before the start of the reward challenge and i just do not know man! these newbies suck ass. and not in the good way! but yeah i won the reward hehe and got the idol clue hehe but found nothing... so 2/3 isnt bad i suppose for this round and i knew i wasn't winning immunity since everyone in this fucking community talks the exact same way like what is in the juice? speaking of the juice... these people got very drunk last night and normally i love drunk people but last night.. a moment in time. funny enough karen was also drunk but she was a nice convo to have. but yeah about the drunk people, i dont know if johnny is trying to be the next parvati or he actually believes what he is saying to me for some reason but i will not take the bait. at times like this i appreciate my lack of social skills. but thats all folks. hopefully matt leaves (or ryan tbh as long as it is NOT me) and that alliance is shook to the core.

So we just all said it's supposed to be Ryan and people are deadass so quiet rn that I'm like getting paranoid it's gonna be me but I don't wanna be that person who overthinks and then cut to me overreacting and making a dumb move and losing everyone's trust, so I'm just gonna keep my cool and if it's me tonight or something crazy allow this confessional to be proof that my ass ain't surprised.

DO I HAVE A LOT TO FUCKING SAY IF IM STILL HERE IN AN HOUR!!!

fuckfuckfuck the vote was set to be Ryan but apparently Willow told Zak something about another plan god im so nervous now

#thequeenstaysqueen

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