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#and i cant take time off bc then i leave everything to [relative coworker] and shes gonna be doing 3 peoples jobs then instead of 2 (still
bunnyb34r · 2 years
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Why are all my days off spent anxious about work 😭
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lenin-it-to-win-it · 5 years
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just gonna rant about my health issues to no one in particular for a bit under the cut sooo
im just so fucking tired of being sick all the time like. its been almost 2 years now of actively Going To Doctors And Having Tests Done And Trying To Get A Diagnosis and fucking!!! nothing works!!! and i only have until the end of this coming school year to get it figured out before my insurance runs out otherwise im just fucked!!! because im sure as hell not gonna be able to afford a fucking mri every six months making 10 bucks an hour at some retail shithole but so far ive seen SIX different fucking doctors (not counting 2 ER visits) because they all just keep shuffling me back and forth like “idk maybe have someone else deal with this? weird lol” or like “have you considered that maybe you might have anxiety :) you seem stressed :)” 
like yeah its a fucking stressful situation getting progressively fucking sicker for two goddamn years wasting thousands of dollars and reaching the end of a fucking ticking clock because almost every doctor ive seen is an incompetent jackass who does NOTHING but waste my time and money and then fucking condescend to me about anxiety like!!! yeah i probably DO have anxiety and depression and autism and what the fuck ever else but this isnt THAT 
and the literal ONE TIME i had ANY treatment that worked AT ALL helping with my eye spasms (literally One of Many Symptoms that i deal with on a fucking daily basis that still manages to completely fuck up my life) is something i cant take anymore because it damaged my fucking eyes!!! possibly permanently!!! i already HAD issues wtih light sensitivity that this medicine made WAYYY fucking worse and guess whats one of the WORST things at setting off my eye spasms??? anything to do with fucking light so YEAH thANKS for that @ the opthalmologist who had me take those damn eye drops for two months straight, which other neuro opthalmologist said was bullshit when i saw her again, not that im letting HER off the hook either since she REFERRED me to that incompetent bitch in the first place and then had NO solution other than “hm well you definitely shouldnt take that medicine again, but theres literally No Other Treatment, maybe blow another $400 in a few months to come see me again so i can continue to Not Help You In Any Way”
and its getting wORSE ALL THE TIME!!! and the best thing doctors can think of is “hm well maybe wait a bit to see if it gets worse? and maybe then we’ll know what it is?” well its getting worse!!!! but they still dont seem to know what it is!!! like at first it was just my vision going out of focus for a few seconds at a time, then it was a few minutes, then i was having visual distortion (or maybe hallucinations? who knows! certainly not any of the fucking doctors ive seen!), then awful fucking eye strain headaches, then spasms in my neck, then my jaw, then my arms, then my legs, now all fucking over, and now i get sick and dizzy just by moving my HEAD too far or too suddenly and like at work earlier today i was just stumbling around for two hours bc there was too much pressure in my head and everything felt tilted and i was just grabbing at every surface trying not to fall with my head like on my shoulder bc keeping my neck straight was too fucking hard and i swear to fuckign god a couple nights ago there was this weird buzzing on the side of my face??? and like it felt like my mouth was moving slower than it should??? but i dont even KNOW if thats a Real SymptomTM or if i was just freaked out and tired and imagining things or if i really am just getting to be a paranoid delusional nutcase about my health because every little thing terrifies me at this point, like ive been coughing for a couple weeks and instead of being like “oh its a bad cold” im like “maybe now my immune systems fucked up too maybe this is A New Symptom” i literally cant tell anymore i have no fucking idea 
and i dont WANT to think about all this All The Fucking Time but i do!!!!! i literally HAVE to bc it affects my life in every fucking possible way and i cant escape it like even rn the light from the fuckign computer is hurting my eyes and i cant even see what im typing half the time bc my eyes keep going out of focus and my teeth keep chattering and my head hurts or ill go to get a drink of water but then just Stand there for a few minutes bc i dont trust myself to hold a cup full of water and not spill it bc im having spasms or ill have to wear sunglasses at the dinner table bc my fucking idiot asshole dad got the BRIGHTEST possible lightbulbs for the dining room and i physically cant stand them 
or like im already dreading having to explain all this shit to my professors this semester about how like “oh so i probably wont be able to keep up with daily readings, especialyl not if theyre on physical paper and i cant scale up the text because my eyes just spontaneously stop working and i cant read..... and ill need a computer to take notes, i can Usually hold a pencil but one time i had a spasm in class and flung it across the room and it was super embarrassing and i ltierally skipped that class for weeks because of it so id really rather not deal with that again.... and even though im a fuckign AMAZING public speaker like, state champion debate level public speaking, ill still probably get super fucking nervous and suck at any kind of in class presentation bc ill just be thinking about my spasms the whole time and wont be able to focus....... and ill have to wear sunglasses all the time too so hopefully thats not an issue........ and also ill probably miss a lot of class bc whether or not i can handle walking half a mile Varies Wildly from day to day and also i have a lot of doctors appointments and sometimes im on medicine that completely ruins my sleep schedule so you know... looking forward to a great semester, hope i dont completely fail your class” 
and i have fuckign work tomorrow where ill have to deal with trying to pretend like even the most minor tasks arent painful and difficult and deal with awful btichy entitled customers complaining that im not SMILEY enough for you like the motherfucker who asked me how i was and i said fine and he was like “jUuUUuuuST fINE” like shut the everlasting FUCK UP with that ive met my obligation leave me ALONE my day isnt FINE im in awful pain and i HATE you and everyone like you or ill have to deal with my coworkers giving me weird looks while im having spasms or outright MOCKING me for them like the asshole that called me TWITCH (and a whore, but thats Another Fucking Story) or just not knowing how to deal and making bad taste jokes like when my teeth are chattering bc I Physically Cant Make It Stop like “haha are you chewing an invisible piece of gum lol” like no bitch im a neurological nightmare and my brain doesnt work and im Barely Holding Together would you PLEASE shut the fuck up 
and most of the time i just feel like everyone thinks im a fucking freak like even just sitting in the waiting room to see the neurologist or opthalmologist or whatever and everyone else there is Old and im the only person even remotely close to my age there and even the doctors dont seem to take me that seriously bc of it like “oh shes young, cant be that bad, all these old people out here are gonna die like tomorrow so why worry about this girl, its probably just anxiety from being on her period or having a test to study for lol” like straight up when the movement disorder neurologist was examining me she was like “im not used to seeing anyone this young or healthy’ and i know she meant it relatively speaking but like!!! clearly im NOT healthy or i wouldnt BE here like obviously something is wrong with me and its ruining my life and its serious and id like it fixed thanks!!!!! 
and i feel like No One Gets It like, obviously there are people wayyyy sicker than i am who suffer a lot more or people in similar situations but like. i dont Personally Know someone like that i can just talk to and like, of course i have friends who can Listen but.................................. theres a difference from being able to listen and being able to actually Understand and sometimes you just cant Get It unless youve gone through it like i really dont think ANYONE in my life has any idea how serious this is or how much it affects me and i know i cant expect everyone to just Always Think Of My IssuesTM but little things!!! like maybe NOT having the brighest possible lightbulbs in the dining room!!!! my brother NOT having his birthday party at dave and busters, which i had TONS of spasms at last time i went (and im even worse now!) AND the staff gave me shit about wearing sunglasses so now im nervous about That too or just! idk! people respecting and listening to me when i tell them that i Cant Do Something or that Doing That Thing Hurts and not just brushing me off or telling me im overreacting and then getting all shocked pikachu face when their dumbassery actually physically HURTS me and i get pissed with them for it!!!!
i dont think anyone gets how much it scares me all the time or how its Always on my mind and i literally cant think about anything else like. this could be the rest of my life. this could end my life. i dont know what i have. i might get diagnosed in the next month and have it completely cured, i might get a diagnosis and still be sick forever, i might not find out until its too late and i have LITERALLY NO FUCKING IDEA WHICH ONE!!!! ITS GREAT!!!!!!!! WELCOME TO MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!
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agentdammers · 6 years
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Grand Torchwood Rewatch 1x11
FIRST RULE OF WEEVIL FIGHT CLUB IS NO FUCKIN HETS ALLOWED IN WEEVIL FIGHT CLUB. It’s “Combat” my dudes!!!
content warn: pisstaking, fun having, everyone is terrible, owen harper call me its been 3 weeks and you still havent called me i’ve been home every day
- god, “anti weevil spray” is such a terrible and immensely fucking funny concept. IT’S ALIEN REPELLENT JACK. you’ve acquired Alien Repellent. do they sell that on the aisle next to the ant killer, or,
- i hate how gwen abandoning rhys at the restaurant is still kind of framed as though he’s in the wrong!!! He raises his voice because he’s such a HORRIBLE UNREASONABLE boyfriend, obviously!! “Don’t ever speak to me like that.” what do you want him to do gwen, jump for fucking joy? All you’ve done is run out on him, be totally fucking absent when you Did grace him with your presence bc you’d rather not be there, and LIE to him including bringing a total stranger into your home and claiming to him that she was a relative. And that’s only the stuff he KNOWS about, that doesn’t include fucking uhhhh Cheating On Him with your obnoxious twink coworker? Get a grip!!!!!
- continuing on the topic of gwen, she’s now obviously lost to that Torchwood Stockholm Syndrome that manages to afflict every member of the team and makes them Dumb as all Shit. once you become part of torchwood, your life becomes torchwood, and you forget how to be a reasonable fucking person outside of it and not do stupid shit like keep secret alien technology to fuck around with and seemingly forget that other people have feelings and that your actions can have damaging consequences. ....but thats just my 2p.
- angry bar dude calls owen a dickhead me: ah? i see you’ve met before?
- “That’s none of my business...” TOSHIKO DOIN WHAT LITERALLY EVERYONE DOES AFTER THEY’VE ALREADY STARTED DISHING THE GOSS ON SOMEONE
- now, listen, this has been on my mind since 1x01, but who dresses the weevils? and why do they all wear overalls!!! is this ever addressed? in any of the books, or anything? do they ever explain who puts clothes on these animalistic creatures bc they dont seem like it would be something that they would do of their own volition???
- THE WAY JACK YELLS AT A MAN LAYING FACE DOWN IN A WAREHOUSE AS THOUGH HE’S JUST THERE FOR LAUGHS AND HE’S GONNA GO “AW SHUCKS, SURE BUDDY! I’LL ANSWER YOUR QUESTIONS!” IS SO FUCKING FUNNY I CANT COPE
- “If you ask me these guys are using weevils to carry out the perfect murder. No fingerprints, no traces of recognisable dna...” jack they fucking beat the dude up before they set a weevil on him. if it was a “”perfect murder”” why do some stupid bullshit like that first that would potentially cover someone in your fucking dna im shitting this Fucking Show, i tell ya
- speaking of Fucking Show: ah ! owen looks absolutely fucking plastered in foundation in the following scene in the van when gwen breaks it off with him
- WAIT ALL IS FORGIVEN, OWEN IS WEARING THAT TIGER SHIRT I LIKE
- Mark Lynch Wants Owen’s Butt Whole and THAT is what the kids call......... relatable content
- the “harper’s jellied eels” website bit is genuinely really good and funny it fuckin owns
- “Teeth like a shark.” jack harkness confirmed to have never seen a fucking shark in his life apparently if he thinks weevils teeth are owt like them
- anyone else fucked up that jack just let a weevil loose??? like how could you know that it wouldn’t run into some poor random person walking the streets and bite their face off.... but then again, tbqh, this is an extremely minor thing when you think of the scale of torchwood’s irresponsibility wrt Fucking Everything.
- Weevil tyler durden/mark emits horniness in fucking WAVES guys holy shit!! you could bottle it. sell this dudes aura as a humane alternative to rhino horn. Dude has now got owen home on the first date and immediately whips his shirt off, your boy is UNSTOPPABLE!!!!
- drinking game fans, TAKE A SHOT for another reference to something in the darkness
- though i will always Love jack being called out on terrible behaviour, there’s something about tosh saying “we would never deliberately put a human being through that!” to a weevil being beaten up thats like....... mmmmm i’m pretty sure yall have done Worse to people before though babe.... like, Pretty Sure...
- i can’t decide if the scene where gwen drugs & confesses to rhys is consciously showing that gwen is so fucking corrupted by Torchwood Stockholm Syndrome that she’ll go right ahead and do stupid immoral shit??? tbh i’ve grown so fond of rhys just bc i feel so bad for him, being lied to, cheated on and now, fucking roofied.
- O??? Baby Boy??? Baby???
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- side note: makeup artists Know burn gorman looks good with a split lip, and so they run wth it (see also: pacific rim uprising)
- Ah? Did mark touch owen’s dick before they went to weevil fight club? I Think So !!!
- To be honest the funniest aspect of weevil fight club for me, apart from all of it, is that some dudes found an alien in cardiff and their immediate thought was “woah, wicked. lets punch it”
- another side note but about mark: something about his features are very...... david zayas, like a combination of him and rufus sewell but younger and buffer. h e l l o
- MARK & OWEN HAVE BOTH NOW CALLED EACHOTHER “GOOD BOY” AND HONESTLY!!!!!!!! HOLLERIN!!!!!! OH, HORNY!!!!
- owen and ianto confirmed to form their own club for Nihilistic Sad Boys Ready To Embrace Death
- LMAO WHY DOES JACK LEAVE MARK TO GET MAULED TO DEATH??? HE COULD’VE PULLED HIM OUT? HE COULD’VE SHOT THE WEEVIL AGAIN AND INCAPACITATED IT? HE COULD’VE DONE LITERALLY ANYTHING BUT HE DIDN’T, HE JUST PUT HIS GUN DOWN? god, why is he fucking l i k e  t h a t, u know??? he’s so willing to let other people outside of his own team die.
- owen sexy update: hospital owen............... sexy
- and on a final note, i do like how this episode sets up the bizarre relationship owen will have with the weevils that comes into play in s2. like its not strictly necessary i suppose because it would be explained by them perceiving owen’s unnatural living death state but also, its just kind of cool to think that it was a thing that actually existed anyway even before that.
next rewatch post with probably be a double season finale, and apart from there being time travel & the Real Jack Harkness i don’t remember a fuckin thing about how this series ended so i’m going in blind!!! wish me luck!
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egobangin-tonight · 7 years
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gOD okay im doing a rant about work bc i dont know where else to put it and i need to Screm™
(Its v long srry)
For people who are new, I work in a hospital, i work in an ER, and im a secretary. All i do is answer calls, transfer calls to doctors and nurses, and set up transportation for patients when theyre deemed ready to go upstairs (by the doctor and the nurse) after the admitting department has provided a bed for the patient.
I cannot stress that last bit enough; i set up transportation AFTER all steps have been checked off. I am the LAST person in a chain of events that allows a patient to get upstairs. As a secretary I have no actual power; i am physically unable to interact with any part of this process except for the one assigned to me.
SO
Around 12:20, i get a call from a man asking for a status update on their father. Elderly man whos been waiting for a bed for about 2 hours now. Our ER is insanely crowded compared to most hospitals and today our census was around 90-100 (which is average for us). Having a long wait time is to be expected, especially since the floors patients get admitted to are equally booked and crowded.
So i tell the man the typical response i give to people inquiring about relatives waiting to go upstairs, “the patient is going to be staying overnight but there is currently no bed assigned.”
“so do you know when he’ll be going upstairs??”
“No, from my screen it says that they are still currently waiting for the bed to become available on the floor. So until the space is freed up somehow, they will have to stay in the Emergency Room.”
Now this is usually when they say “can i speak to the nurse taking care of so n so; i just want to make sure theyre okay” or “oh thats okay, i just wanted to make sure they were on the board”. But no, this dude couldnt be okay with either of those choices.
“So you cant tell me when theyre going upstairs?”
“No, I cant. Were not the ones who distribute the beds. Thats Admittings responsibility.” (I literally just gave him is answer 30 seconds ago)
“So who can I talk to to get information on my dad?”
“…do you…do you mean his current status? Because then I can transfer you to his nurse-”
“No i mean information on his bed.”
“Admitting.”
“Can u transfer me there?”
So I transfer him. Poof, gone, goodbye, hope he gets his answers.
IMMEDIATELY, he calls back. “Is this the emergency room?”
“Yes, how can i help you?”
*repeats the entire thing again*
“Sir, i CANT help, admitting is the only department that can give you any answers. If theyre transferring you back to me, its because they cannot help you.”
“But there has to be some kind of waiting list. If hes going upstairs, who determines who gets a bed upstairs first?”
So like, the problem is that he 1) does not work here and 2) does not understand what the actual issue is. Because his dad is most certainly next in line. The problem is that the floors are so filled to the brim with sick patients that theres No Space For Him. Its not us trying to withhold beds, its us having more sick patients than we can handle.
And its even more complicated than that: some people are special needs and require an enclosed room. Some people are in isolation, some people are contagious, some people are a fall risk, some people need security, some people need 24/7 surveillance. Because the floors are so packed, we have Hallway Beds which is basically just the ER but with less patients so its calmer and quieter. Some people dont qualify for the hallway placements or ‘Overflow Beds’ because of the aforementioned needs.
Basically, his dad needed a bed on a floor that was at max capacity and unless there were some extreme last minute changes, there wouldnt be any space.
So i tell him “We CANT speed up the process any faster, we have to wait for people to leave the floor and make space for him.” Its like a car on the curb blocked in by two other cars. Yeah, you want the space that car is in, but until those other two cars are dealt with, youre just gonna have to sit there.
He asks if he could get transferred again so I transferred him.
They IMMEDIATELY transfer him back. So i transfer him again. This time, before they transfer him back to me, they tell us to transfer him to our Charge Nurse. So we do that. And for 5 minutes, hes on the phone w our Charge before she tells us to transfer him back to admitting. So we transfer him AGAIN.
and he calls us !! Either they hung up on him or they ignored the call but he calls back asking for the Charge Nurse. And when she refuses to pick up, he asks for admitting.
This went on for over a fucking hour. An hour of ONE fucking ignorant entitled selfish piece of shit calling and harrassing us to page “The Charge Nurse” “Admitting” “The nurse taking care of my dad” “The DOCTOR taking care of my dad”.
And every single time he called it was for one of these people. And the problem was that we all talked to him!! All of us!! I talked to him! My coworkers did! The charge, admitting, the nurse, the doctor !! They all answered and he still kept calling. And it was getting to a point where we started ignoring his number because he was stopping us from answering OTHER calls.
And he would call from other numbers because we werent answering his call.
Just
AN HOUR AND A HALF of nonstop calling for what ?? To expedite your dad upstairs?? To skip everyone else whos been waiting ahead of him? Why do u think your dad deserves special treatment??
No one understands how our paging system works; i just hold the call and it gets set to 1 of 19 speeddial numbers. And i page that specific speeddial number overhead in the loudspeaker. I cannot physically force anyone to pick up that number; if they hear it and choose to ignore it, i can never MAKE them answer it.
At around 1:30, i notice that his dad has received a bed. Which is good! So when he calls, im still fucking irritated but i tell him “is this about your dad? Bc he now has a bed and-”
“Oh I already know that, i already talked to the charge nurse and admitting and made that happen”
What?
“You made that happen?”
“Yes, im just trying to talk to the doctor for something else”
So I transfer him to the doctor and stare at my coworker bewildered bc…this dude is full of shit lmao Theres no way HE did it, this is not any random fast food joint where you can complain to the manager and get shit done your way. Everything is done in order, no amount of yelling or grovelling is gonna make anything go faster. Because its not that we dont FEEL like admitting people, its that we as an entire unit cannot FIT that many people.
So either 1) the patient left. Either AMA (against medical advice) or discharged. And discharge is more likely because if the patient that left was an elderly or bedconfined patient, then an ambulance couldve picked them up to bring them back to a nursing home or something similar
2) the patient in the room was downgraded to a hallway bed WHILE they were on the floor. Which is believable but AWFUL. Hallway beds are just stretchers in the hall, and you can get an Actual room when one opens up: all it does is allow you to be in a floor with a max of 30 people instead of a floor of up to 150+ people. So to get bumped down is terrible
Or 3) someone who had a hallway bed and was waiting for a regular bed got bumped and skipped in favor of this random dudes dad. Which is EQUALLY bad
But also, I really didnt know what this dude wanted. Because now that hes got the bed i would assume thats finished and he could just go to sleep or something. Once the bed is assigned and the last charting is complete, getting them upstairs is SUPER quick compared to everything else. About 20 mins max to pick up the patient and travel across the hospital to get them upstairs.
But hes apparently been bugging the doctors to complete their charts, harrassing the nurses to do the same; the entire 20 or so minutes i was ignoring him was to essentially get them to finish the chart. But like…??? They have other patients?? And they had to stop what they were doing to answer the calls. And even they stopped responding because they knew that if they heard their name over the loudspeaker, it was because of this dude.
So finally, at like 1:50, I pick up the line. And hes asking for the doctor. And i ask him WHY is he calling the doctor, because theyre not gonna pick up for him, and all i can do is page overhead.
And in the most fake, cali girl kind of voice (bc he DID have a cali girl voice only now it was clearly fake chill) “well, i WAS trying to get the doctor to pick up the phone but maybe you can help me instead.”
“Oh, I’ll definitely try my best.”
“So is there anyway I can get my dad upstairs a bit faster?”
And im like u fucking idiot, you fucking dick wasting all this time, all MY TIME “See you called at 1:30”
“Yes.”
“And i asked, i specifically asked 'was this about your dad? Because he has a bed right now’ and you dismissed me because you felt that the doctor could give you answers, not realizing that if you had just told me 'yes, its about my dad’ i wouldve told you that everything was set up and that we were waiting for transportation to bring them upstairs.”
“Well yes but-”
“So because you thought you were cutting out the middle man, you made me page these nurses and doctors overhead to get NOTHING done. When I couldve just answered you from the getgo.”
And im so irritated and HEATED bc this dude called for 30 minutes just to make his dad skip ahead of everyone else and there was NO way i was letting that happen.
“So is he just waiting for transportation to go upstairs?”
“Yes.”
“Is there anyway I can do that myself?”
“??? No?? Only the transporter can bring them upstairs.”
“Why?”
“???????because its their job????????? Thats what they do???? Bring patients from the ER to the floor.”
“So you mean to tell me that I have to wait? Wait like I had to wait for admitting to get off their asses and get my dad a bed?”
“Thats generally what happens when theres a line of people; you go in order”
So i tell him, “Do you work here? Because unless you are a transporter you are physically unable to bring him upstairs” and hes like “well i should be because no one else in this hospital is doing their job. How is it I managed to get my dad a bed in just three minutes?? How is it that if hes being transported from one department to another, why cant I just wheel him up in a wheelchair.” Im answering his stupid questions as simply as possible but hes just refusing to listen. Like why we need to have transporters transport patients (bc the ID is the only thing that unlocks the door, bc the transporters are the only ones with access to the whole building) or like why its going to take longer because we have limited transporters tonight.
And like..i need to leave…bc i just have no tolerance for people anymore. I cant do it, i get so livid, i wanted to break my phone and smash it into the wall. If this fucker was out on the block i wouldve been throwing fists; he WOULD be catching these fucking hands.
I cant remember word for word what he was saying because it was just him yelling and cursing at me about how this entire building is incompetent, how we told him to wait until his dad got a bed and if he had listened, if he hadnt INTERVENED, he would STILL be waiting, that if he was working there things would be going alot more smoother, shit would be getting done, how theres no reason the place should be understaffed because its the holiday weekend and we should be prepared for this (not realizing that the department literally understaffs us BECAUSE its the holiday weekend and the census is always lower than usual)
Just him assuming no one was doing their job, then complaining for almost TWO HOURS and then assuming that his complaining worked when in reality it was just completely coincidental; that if he really 'got a bed in three minutes’ i wouldve seen a bed appear at 12:40, not 1:30.
And they taking it out on the transporters as if they WANT to be understaffed and stuck transporting patients to 7 different locations across the entire building; patients who need to go to the floors, to sono, to CT, to MRI, and then required to be taken back. To be so understaffed that people delegated to cleaning have to stop and pitch in once in a while to help their coworkers. And he had the NERVE to try and skip past people who were patiently waiting, who were waiting longer than his dad had been waiting.
He asked to speak to the “Head of transportation ” and i wanted to laugh so hard, i could not stop myself from mocking him “oh the HEAD of transportation! Let me transfer you.” Straight to the fucking operator lmao kiss my ass have fun trying to find that person at exactly 2:03am on a monday morning and a HOLIDAY no less
The dad eventually went upstairs. He waited like everyone else in this ER and from this point on, if he wants to cause a scene, im sending the son Straight to the floor his dad is sleeping on so he can harass them because i am done™
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