My mom needs to stop accusing my kitten of peeing on the floor every time she sees any spilled liquid. It's true that the baby had a bunch of accidents but she's doing better!! She's using her litterbox most of the time but my mom sees any water on the floor and is like. Your cat peed again 🙄 always sounding as if it's my fault. And on a few different occasions she got angry at Salem for doing a mess even though it was clearly water on the ground, not piss. Leave my baby alone

Book Thirty-Eight: Rose Madder

The first time I picked this book up, I was fifteen, and on a family vacation in Mexico. I have no idea how I found this book; I don’t remember selecting it from a book store, and my moms is not a fan of Stephen King, or horror, so I doubt it was something she had purchased for herself. 

In all honesty, I remember bits and pieces of our trip to Mexico, but the most memorable part was reading Rose Madder. It imprinted on me in a way I can’t fully articulate. It remains my favorite Stephen King book because sometimes the scariest monsters are the ones we share a life with. 

The second reason Rose Madder is so memorable for me... when I was in third grade, I auditioned for Really Rosie, and tormented my sister by singing it constantly. To this day, I still remember ALL the words to Carole King’s lovely song. I can barely remember a grocery list, or my gas card pin... but I remember, “YOU’D BETTER BELIEVE ME, I’M A GREAT BIG DEAL!!!! BEEEEELIEEEEVE MEEEEE!” In one of life’s more disappointing moments, I was cast as Rosie’s pet cat and spent most of the play crawling around on my hands and knees. Humiliating. 

In addition to being a double shot of nostalgia, Rose Madder is also a finely crafted, suspenseful piece of writing. It’s also a book I thought I knew like the back of my hand. But upon re-reading, I picked up on the following King universe mentions:

The novel starts with Rosie reading Misery’s Journey, and a later reference to Misery’s Lover (Misery Chastain from, well, Misery).

Several Ka references!

“I’ve seen bodies on fire and heads by the hundreds poked onto poles along the streets of the City of Lud.” (Dark Tower)

“On the wall was a framed picture of two women Norman recognized. One was the late great Susan Day.” (Insomnia)

Some of these references would have been lost on me, had I not taken the Constant Reader pledge to read every single book in chronological order. It almost makes this entire project worth it, just to find those Easter eggs. 

Rose Madder is the story of abused wife Rose Daniels (nee McClendon) who finds a small spot of her blood on her bed sheets one morning, and decides she needs to leave her husband, Norman. She knows it’s now or never. If she stays, he will eventually kill her. As it is, he’s beaten her badly enough, and even caused a miscarriage in the past. 

So, Rosie steals Norman’s debit card, withdraws some cash, and hops on a Greyhound bus to Chicago, where she hopes to lose herself. But Rosie has no idea what to do when she gets off the bus in Chicago. Thankfully, a helpful Traveler’s Aid worker, Peter Slowik, steers her towards Daughters and Sisters, a home for battered women, run by his ex-wife, Anna Stevenson. 

At Daughters and Sisters, Rosie breaks down before building herself back up again. Her body starts to heal, she meets other women just like her, she gets a job working at a hotel, and she starts to shed some of the shame and guilt associated with being Norman’s punching bag. 

One day after work, Rosie wanders into a pawn shop to sell her wedding ring. After their engagement, Norman told her he could have either bought a new car, or her engagement ring... that’s how expensive it was. Spoiler: Rosie finds out it’s a cubic zirconia. She’s pissed. But on her way out of the shop, she finds an intriguing painting of a blonde-haired woman in a rose colored toga, looking out over a field and ruins. Rosie can’t explain it, but she needs the painting, named Rose Madder. She swaps out her worthless engagement ring for the painting, and makes the acquaintance of shop proprietor Bill Steiner. She also meets Rob Lefferts, who is fascinated by her throaty, Elizabeth Taylor-esque voice, and offers her a job reading audio books. 

Life is finding it’s rhythm for Rosie; she has her own apartment, she’s making more money than she could have ever expected, and she is casually dating Bill Steiner. But sometimes she looks at Rose Madder, and gets the feeling it’s alive. 

One night she has a vivid dream that involves her going into the painting, and helping the woman pictured by rescuing her baby from inside a labyrinth, and avoiding a bull stomping around. The woman is so thankful, she promises Rosie that she’ll return the favor some day. 

Spoiler: it wasn’t a dream. 

Meanwhile, Norman is stewing over the embarrassment of his wife leaving him and stealing his debit card. Honestly, he seems more embarrassed about the debit card than anything else. Because... toxic masculinity. Using some sneaky police tactics, he tracks her to Chicago, and tortures and kills Peter Slowik in an attempt to get information out of him. Slowik tells him about Daughters and Sisters, and Norman is on a mission to find Rose.

Daughters and Sisters just so happens to be having a fundraising picnic that weekend, and Norman thinks it’s the perfect time to get his Rambling Rose back. He goes deep under cover, shaving his head and outfitting a wheelchair with feminist propaganda. But despite his best attempts, he’s still recognized as, “Rose’s crazy biting husband who probably killed Peter Slowik.” And... the next scene is so epic... Norman gets the shit kicked out of him by Gert, one of the women from Daughters & Sisters who is compared to Refrigerator Perry. Oh, and as payback for the damage Norman did to Rosie’s kidneys with his repeated kicks and punches; Gert pees all over him. It’s glorious. 

Norman eludes capture, heads over to Daughter’s and Sisters main house, where he finds Rose’s new address, and kills Anna Stevenson. 

Now... this is where the Stephen King twist shows up. 

Rosie and Bill escape into Rose Madder, where they are pushed into the maze, and the woman turns into a spider (It?) and kills Norman... who had stolen a Ferdinand the Bull mask from some kid as he was fleeing the picnic, and inside Rose Madder, it turns him into an actual bull. But now he’s a dead bull, so that’s a plus.

Rosie and Bill step back out of the painting, and life continues on. Rosie slips a few drops of something into Bill’s drink, and he forgets the whole Rose Madder adventure. They get married, they have a baby, their careers flourish... but Rosie has fits of rage. She remembers the last thing the woman in the painting told her, “Remember the tree...” So, Rosie heads out to this park she and Bill went to once, and she buries some pomegranate-y fruit seeds and Norman’s ring under the tree. And she just kind of lets it all go. As you do. 

I can’t say enough about this book. If you have friends or family members who are like, “Meh, I don’t really LIKE Stephen King,” or “I don’t really LIKE horror,” THIS is the book you need to put in their hands. 

Oh, there was also one Wisconsin reference... it was thought Norman might have been spotted in Milwaukee. 

Total Wisconsin Mentions: 27

Total Dark Tower References: 38

Book Grade: A+

Rebecca’s Definitive Ranking of Stephen King Books

The Talisman: A+

Needful Things: A+

Rose Madder: A+

Misery: A+

Different Seasons: A+

It: A+

Four Past Midnight: A+

The Shining: A-

The Stand: A-

The Wastelands: A-

The Drawing of the Three: A-

Dolores Claiborne: A-

Nightmares in the Sky: B+

The Dark Half: B+

Skeleton Crew: B+

The Dead Zone: B+

Nightmares & Dreamscapes: B+

‘Salem’s Lot: B+

Carrie: B+

Creepshow: B+

Cycle of the Werewolf: B-

Danse Macabre: B-

The Running Man: C+

Thinner: C+

Dark Visions: C+

The Eyes of the Dragon: C+

The Long Walk: C+

The Gunslinger: C+

Pet Sematary: C+

Firestarter: C+

Rage: C

Insomnia: C-

Cujo: C-

Nightshift: C-

Gerald’s Game: D

Roadwork: D

Christine: D

The Tommyknockers: D-

Next up is The Green Mile, which I am reluctant to start. I read it when it first came out, and I remember barely being able to read the last chapter because I was crying so hard. And based on our current climate, I’m not sure this re-read is going to be any better. But, onward. 

Until next time, Long Days & Pleasant Nights,

Rebecca 

a few things about Christchurch

This morning I got an email from one of the local politicians. Not pushing any policy, in fact she didn’t even mention her party at all. 

As we try to get back into our regular routines, it may be difficult knowing what to think after Friday's senseless tragedy. Perhaps you're feeling numb and aren't sure what to feel? Perhaps, with all of the media coverage you're feeling overwhelmed? Maybe life is a bit surreal right now, and 'normal' activities somehow don't feel right. We all grieve in different ways, and in some cases, we may also be reliving old traumas. If you or your family need assistance and aren't sure where to look, please  contact me or my office.  Many Government, Council and not-for-profit agencies have combined resources to address any needs that have arisen from this tragedy, however it is not always clear where to start.

Just offering empathy, offering up herself and her office as a place to connect with support. Getting the tone right, perfectly. 

Yesterday one of the local schools, who were in lockdown at our library on Friday, sent us chocolates, one individually handwrapped package from every student, with a handwritten note of thanks. You are heroes. Thanks for making us feel safe and charging our phones. Thank you for all your support - especially the Milo and Mamma Mia! Thank you for all your kindness. Thank you for looking after our girls while the world tilted on its axis.

People I work with who have young kids have said their kids have been playing lockdown. These kids weren’t old enough to remember peeing in buckets during the earthquake so it’s been a WILD new experience for them. 

One primary school had had a lockdown practise some time earlier and they had told the kids they had to stay inside because of the wasps in the playground. So on Friday one boy came home after the lockdown on Friday was lifted and told his parents “Fucking wasps!”

Other libraries around the country have been sending us flowers. 

A man yelled at me at work, angry about why there was so much Māori signage in the library, and I had to have a long sobbing cry in the staff only area. Two days after a white supremacist terrorist attack and you choose to come and be racist at your local librarian. Fuck you.

The word “Salem” has been written in chalk in front of the pool across the road, along with the ‘they are us’ and a lot of hearts. I’m sure it’s kids getting the spelling of salaam wrong  but their hearts are in the right place.

There have been so many ‘understanding Islam’ books coming through for holds for people. Staff are doing displays, people are actively trying to learn.

Every night I hear helicopters. And I never realised how massive guns were till you actually see them being toted round by the actual police. 

On the way to work yesterday, a couple of tourists asked me how to get to the memorial yesterday. Usually when I get asked that it’s the for one of the earthquake memorials. Now we have so many to choose from. So many places of mourning in this little city. I cried the rest of the way to work.

Just, kia kaha,Ōtautahi. As-salamu alaykum. 

But I Am Not A Superhero. Chapter 2.

Chapter Two. November 22, 2017.

It had been a few days since Shane asked me to visit him and I told him that I would. I was sitting in the living room, in gray sweatpants, a black tank top and gray hooded sweatshirt. It was sort of chilly so my eight-something pound body was cold. My mother and Sophia had already left for work and school, so I was utterly all alone. Well, besides the pets, of course. I was watching ‘Live with Kelly and Ryan’ while I sipped my coffee when my phone dinged.

‘I wonder who that might be.’

I knew it wasn’t Shane because he went to bed an hour ago.  I put my blue coffee cup down and grabbed my phone, then I looked at it. I had a Facebook message from my best online friend, Jennifer who lived in Salem, Oregon. She was a mother of an autistic sixteen year boy.

We met on a Harry Potter Facebook group about a year ago and we soon became very close, in so many ways I thought of her as a much older sister. I actually hadn’t messaged her in a few days because I was totality sidetracked by Shane and packing for my trip.

Jenn- Good morning, I haven’t heard from you in a few days, so I am checking on you. How are you? Are you doing okay? Did your depression hit you again?

I clicked on the message bar and typed out my message to her then I hit send.

Jessa- Hey! I am doing okay, just been kinda busy. I have huge news! No depression, I am actually happy.

I put down my phone next to my right thigh so it would be easier for me to pick it back up. I picked up my coffee cup and took some sips from it. I was kind of watching the show that was on. I never actually watched ‘Live’.

I just turned on the news in the morning when I got up around seven o’clock each morning then around eleven in the morning when ‘The View’ turned on that is when I would change the channel to ION so I could watch my crime shows for the rest of the day.

I have a very boring life. I thought to myself as I sipped my coffee.

I heard my phone ding again and I picked it up as I put my coffee cup down on the end table that was next to me on my left.

Jenn- Happy is good! Why are you happy? What is your news?

I smiled softly as I typed out my message with my two thin boney thumbs. People said that when they either got a message from me or saw me texting that said I typed really fast. Never knew why I typed fast, I just knew that I always typed fast.

Jessa- I am going to be in California for a while starting on Dec. 7th. I am very happy and very excited.

I didn’t tell her about Shane, because obviously she wouldn’t believe me. I mean come on, actually knowing a semi-famous person, yeah right. Nobody would believe me.

I picked up my coffee and took a few sips from it, I was finally waking up.

Bella jumped up next to me and put her little head on my lap, I petted her with my free hand, “I know, sweetie. You hate it when Momma is gone at work. She’ll be home later tonight, I promise.” I told her then stood up, “I’ll be right back.” I said as she gave me a sad look, “I said I will be right back.” I shook my head at her.

I walked to the bathroom and I did my business then washed my hands. I walked back out to the small hallway and tripped over Persephone’s sister, Lucy. She was a very pretty looking tuxedo short haired cat. Lucy was playing with a small orange pom-pom. I caught myself with a hand on the wall, “Silly cat.” I said softly then walked back to the couch.

Bella sat up so that I could sit back down in my spot, “Thank you for keeping my seat warm for me, sweetie-pie.” I patted her head, “Did my phone ding?” I asked her as if she could answer me, I knew perfectly well that she couldn’t. I checked it and saw nothing. I put my phone back down then pulled my legs up onto the couch so that I could get more comfortable.

I must’ve fallen asleep because when Bella and Tobias started barking at something I jerked awake, “What?” I asked, completely startled.

I looked out the huge bay window and saw the mailman walking off of the porch, “Oh shut up, he brings us nice things. He even brings you your toy box.” I said to the dogs. Bella got a monthly box called ‘Bark Box’. She would get two toys that fit her size and she would two or three full size bags of heathy treats.

I picked up my phone and unlocked it, to see if I gotten any messages while I was asleep. I realized that I slept for an hour when I looked at my phone. I had one new message from Jennifer waiting for me, so I clicked on it and read her message.

Jenn- Just you? Or are you going with your family?

I quickly typed out my message then hit send.

Jessa- I am going on my own! I am going to stay with a friend of mine for a while.

I grabbed my empty coffee cup and stood up, walked to the kitchen to make another cup of coffee. Bella of course, followed me. When I reached the counter where the coffee maker was, she brushed against my right leg, letting me know that she was beside me.

“Hi, baby.” I said softly to her, “I know you gotta follow Momma and you follow me when she isn’t home, because you are still a baby at heart.”  Bella was a five year old but still acted like a five month old.

I brewed myself a cup of coffee and added some Reese’s creamer then walked back to the living room.

Tobias was sniffing around the end table where my coffee cup was sitting on while I was sleeping, obviously looking for food or something to chew on. He was nearly a year old and still acted like a two month old.

“What are you doing?” I said to him raising my eye brows. He gave me that ‘I am a sad dog’ look and jumped down slowly, “Thank you.” I said as I sat down.

I drank my second cup of coffee as I thought of the things that I would bring with me to California. I knew that I would bring a few books, because I was almost always reading a book. I also knew that Shane was a night owl as I was an early bird, so most likely I would be alone in the early mornings, so I needed stuff to entertain me while he was asleep.

Then I thought of what I had in my black dresser drawer, I chewed my lower lip, I lost my coloring in my face, “Would Mom poke around my room while I am gone?” I asked out loud, knowing that the pets couldn’t answer me, “Or what about Sophia?” I made a face. She used to snoop around my room when I was out with friends, I knew this because stuff would be moved and whenever I asked my mother she would say it wasn’t her and I’d have my door shut so I knew it wasn’t any of the pets. So, obviously I was worried she’d find my X-rated drawer that I had in my bedroom.

I quickly left my seat on the couch and walked into my room and crouched down to open the bottom black dresser drawer, I grabbed my two glass dildos and my flesh colored nine inch realistic dildo then I placed them all in a plastic bag. Then placed the plastic bag in the blue bag that my other mindless stuff would be packed into, “Hopefully Shane won’t want to help me unpack. That would be awkward.” I muttered softly as I zipped up the blue bag that was besides my bed.

My mother knew about one of the glass dildos but she didn’t know that I added to the collection, so I was afraid that she would freak out and who knew what she would do with them.  

I walked back out to the living room and found Bella’s face in my coffee cup, “There is nothing in there, you silly girl.” I told her shooing her from my spot on the couch.

‘What is with my pets and coffee?’

I heard my phone ding again, Jennifer must’ve messaged me again, so I looked at my phone and read the message then replied to her.

Jenn- That is amazing! You will have a great time.

Jessa- I hope so! I am kinda scared too but excited more than anything else.

After I replied to Jennifer, I watched mindless television for about an hour without any messages coming through, so I almost fell back to sleep.  

About a half hour of trying not to sleep, I heard Shane’s ringtone. I found myself smiling as I answered it, “Hey, I thought you were going to sleep?” I asked, jokingly.

I heard him roll over and sheet covers rustle, so he was still in bed. I tried not to imagine him in bed, but it was hard. I wondered what he wore to bed. “I tried to but the ghosts wouldn’t let me.” He sighed heavily.

He had done a few videos talking about his three ghosts that he had at his house. One of the ghosts was a younger man, which actually followed him from his other house that he had with his mother. Another one was his grandma, and then the last was an older man that actually died in his house that he was living in now.

‘Creepy.’

So the ghosts that he had at his house weren’t that too dangerous, they were just pranksters and his grandma just kept a watchful eye on him. Even knowing about them, I still wanted to visit him. Unexplained noises and seeing dark shadows didn’t bother me like other “normal” people.

It was because I believed in ghosts. I have ever since I was a young child. When I was about nine years old, we lived in Novi, Michigan we were living in an apartment and I swore that my bathroom was haunted. It was always ice cold in there even when it was in the summer and I never felt alone in there when I was alone.

“Stupid ghosts.” I told him, folding my legs so that I was in a ball on the couch, “Did you know that in one of your many food videos that there was an orb that shoot across the counter behind you?”

Shane didn’t sound shocked, “My drunken foods video? Yeah, I saw the orb when I edited the video. I left that bit in the video to see if any viewers would spot it.”

“I remember you saying that Cheeto was hissing and meowing at you in the beginning of the video, well that was probably why. I know that animals can sense ghosts and whatnot.” I said to him as I watched Lucy and Persephone play around on the cream colored cat tree that was next to the huge bay window.

“I know. Cheeto can sense the ghosts in my house.” He said then he sighed then I heard him move covers from his bed then heard footsteps, “Give me a few seconds. I gotta pee.”

“I had heard you pee before, Shane. It had been years ago. So it’s okay.” I said, blushing slightly. Thankfully he made it so I couldn’t actually hear him. He probably put the phone to his chest or something.

In one of his older videos, he had peed kind of on camera. Don’t worry, none of the viewers could see anything that they shouldn’t have seen. If you get what I am trying to say, he wouldn’t been able to post that kind of video on YouTube. All the viewers could see was his face and nothing else. He was very open with his viewers.

The video in question was called ‘This Video Is Too Personal.’

I heard the flush then he washed his hands, “I am so tired but I need to finish editing videos and post the one for today.”

“You work a lot.” I said, sighing softly, “You post four videos a week and edit the ones you already videotaped. You have been doing YouTube for ten plus years without any major breaks. As I remember you always posted every day on all three of your channels for years.”

“Trust me, I am well aware.” He said laughing slightly, “I probably have the longest running YouTube channel ever.” I heard the coffee maker brewing so he was in his kitchen.

‘He was right, though. He made his first ‘Shane Dawson TV’ video in 2008 and he hadn’t stopped ever since.’

“That is fucking crazy. At least you love what you are doing. You do love what you are doing, right? I said, playing with a strain of my hair that was in my right eye and bothering me.

“Of course I do! I adore what I do on YouTube. Trust me, if I hated what I was doing, I’d fucking stop. But as of right now, I have no plans on stopping, maybe doing three videos per week instead of four.”

I heard him move the phone away from his mouth as he holler something to Uno and then I heard him feed both Cheeto and Uno, “Sorry about that, Uno was acting like an ass.”

“No problem, I understand.” I said smiling at Bella, who was looking at me with her Cocker Spangler looking ears raised slightly so that they looked like little furry pigtails. “My dogs are assholes at feeding times.” I looked at Persephone and Lucy who were fast asleep on the cat tree, “The cats are even more assholes than the dogs though.”

He heard his laugh again, “I get that, I had some cats that were assholes.” I heard him open a cupboard door and him setting a pan on his stove.

‘He was probably making himself breakfast. We made a weird pair, he ate his feelings while I drowned myself with galleons of coffee and hardly ever ate a full meal.’

I laughed with him, “Yeah. Cute, furry lovable assholes that have claws.” I petted Bella’s ears, “I’ll always be an animal lover. Maybe even be a crazy cat lady.”

“I could see that. You always said that you loved cats.” Shane said, “I wouldn’t mind having a houseful of dogs and cats.”

I laughed, twirling that same strain of my hair, “I also thought of something that we could do while I am there, we could have a horror movie marathon. I know you have a lot of great horror movies.”

“I do, so that sounds like a plan. Maybe we can start on the first night you get here.” He actually sounded excited and I couldn’t help it but I smiled, because it was so adorable.

“So that I would be too scared to sleep? Oh great idea, Shane.” I shook my head a little, “I do love horror movies but I don’t like watching them at night because I won’t be able to sleep.”

I could hear him talking softly to someone then I heard the sound of shopping bags or something like that, then he came back on the phone, “Sorry my weekly food delivery has just arrived. I’m back.”

“You get your food delivered for you?” I asked, half amused and the other half in shock as I shook my head a little.

“Yup, I just put what I want on a list and a person gets the food for me then delivers it to my house.” He said, putting away his food delivery away.

“I knew that you use Uber now but I didn’t actually you used that food delivery thing also. Perks of being rich, I guess.” I joked, standing up and walking to the kitchen, searching for something to snack on. Not because I was hungry but because I was bored.

“No, not because I am rich, you could use it too. It’s an app.” Shane said, balling up the bags, I had to pull away the phone from my ear as he did so because it was a loud noise. Then he threw the bags away, “It’s easier than actually going shopping and dealing with other customers. Now back to the subject of movies, you know damn well that I’d protect you at night. I wouldn’t mind wrapping my arms around while you tried to sleep either.”

My stomach did a cart wheel while my heart stopped and my mouth went dry. I had to remind myself to take a breath.

‘He was just messing around. You know, Shane just being Shane.’ I told myself shaking my head.

“Yeah, yeah.” I said as I found a four snack pack of chocolate puddings and I grabbed two then a spoon. I pealed one open as I walked back to the living room and took a few bites.

“What are you doing?” Shane asked, “You sound like you are hunting for food or something. Did I make you hungry?”

“Kinda, yeah. I am eating a few things of those pudding snack things.” I said as I scooped another mouthful and put it in my mouth, “I think a veteran group that gives us food sometimes gave us the pudding packages.”

“A veteran group?” Shane asked me.

“I thought I told you a while ago, my mother and father were in the Air Force, so Mom found a Facebook group bout a year ago to help us for things. Like for example, they helped us move. Like with people to move boxes and heavy things. Then every other weekend they send us a few boxes of food and other items like soap, shampoo, and toothpaste.”

“That is awesome. Please tell Momma Barnum that I say thank you for her service.” Shane told me then I heard the noise that an oven makes when you turned it on.

“Of course, I will.” I said, smiling softly, twirling the spoon in my hand, then took another mouthful.

“Oh, that is why you guys were in Germany! That makes sense now.” Shane exclaimed and I swallowed my mouthful of pudding before I laughed.

“Hey don’t laugh at me, missy. It’s early here and I haven’t gone to bed yet.” He said, I could him moving around and then I heard eggs cracking against the pan.

“You are making eggs?” I asked Shane.

“Yes, I am.”

I took another bite, finishing up my first pudding cup, “So you do know how to cook?” I asked jokingly, “From watching some of your videos, I was scared that you didn’t know how.”

“Actually, yes I do know how to cook. Mom taught me so I cook somewhat well, there is some things that I have trouble with, but all in all I’m a good cook.” He said after he laughed.

“That is great, I was worried we’d have Taco Bell every single night or something.” I joked again.

“Nah, not every night.” Shane said, I heard him moving around his kitchen, probably getting a plate and a fork for his eggs, “Trust me, I won’t starve you. You will be well fed while you are here.”

“I am glad, I am used to Mom’s homemade cooking.” I told Shane, then I heard a soft ding, telling me that I just got a message. I quickly put Shane on speakerphone so I could see who messaged me.

It was my mother.

Mom- Headed home, had a low blood sugar problem at work and they told me to go home. Want something to eat?

“I get that completely.” Shane said with his mouthful of egg.

I texted my mother as I spoke, “How is your breakfast? I love scrambled eggs with peppers and hot sauce.”

Jess- That’s scary. I am in the mood for Burger King. You know what I like from there.

“Yes, very good. What are you doing? I can hear you typing.” He asked with another mouthful of egg. It didn’t bother me that he talked with his mouthful of food.

“Mom texted me, so I texted her back. She had a low sugar problem at work and they sent her home for the rest of the day. She asked if I wanted anything to eat from anywhere.”

“That sounds awful. Is she diabetic?” He asked, concerned. My heart melted, knowing that he cared about my mother, even though he hadn’t even met her.

“Oh yeah, she is fine, she probably drank some orange juice or ate a few pieces of chocolate to raise it. She has had diabetes since she was pregnant with Sophia, so she knows what to do. Thank you for your concern about her, though. That means a lot to me.” I told him.

“Of course. She sounds like a badass. Serving in the Air Force, raising a physically disabled child completely on her own for most of your childhood, having diabetes. She raised you wonderfully, you are sweet but you can kick some ass if need be. You are well rounded you don’t have your hand out for things. You take risks and don’t wait for people to make things happen for you.”

I felt my cheeks reddening as he spoke, I ate my last pudding cup in four bites then took care of my trash, “Thank you.” I put my spoon in a bowl that had water already in it then walked back in the living room, I heard Mom pull into the driveway, “Mom is home now.”

I walked back to the living room so that I could grab Bela’s collar s it would a little easier when Mom walked into the front door with the fast food.

“Oh, do you want me to let you go?” Shane asked me, he sounded like he was outside in his backyard, probably taking Uno outside.

“Only if you want to.” I said softly, not really wanting to hang up, I actually could talk to him all day long, but I knew that he had other things to do.

“I feel dead on my feet, so I am going to try to sleep. Tell Momma Barnum that I say hi.” He said to me.

“Will do.” I told him then saw that Tobias ran to the front door like I feared, “Hey, Tob come back here.” I said to Tobias as my mother walked in and Shane said, “I’ll call you later.”

“Okay, Shane. Bye.” I muttered softly.

“Bye Jess.” Then Shane hung up. I tossed my phone on the couch besides me, “Tob!” I hollered at him, getting upset that Tobias was not moving.

“Get back, dumb dog. Let me in.” My mother said, holding a Burger King fast food bag and a large soda. Tobias was bouncing around in tiny the entry way, not really letting my mother inside the rest of the house, luckily I had Bella so it wasn’t too jammed up for Mom to get inside the house.

“Tob! Move, you big dumb dog.” I hollered at him and then finally he laid back down on his blanket. Bella was still lying next to me because I still had a hold of her own collar so that she wouldn’t jump on Mom.

After Mom walked in and shut the heavy wooden door. I let Bella go so she could sniff Mom to see where she was before she got home.

“Was that Shane?” My mother asked me, pointing at my phone that was still lilt up and beside me. She smiling softly at me. I nodded my head, smiling back at her, “Yes it was.”

She handed me a large soda from Burger King, “I got you a burger, onion rings and an A&W root beer. All your favorites.” She sat down, kicking off her purple nursing shoes.

I took the soda and set it down on the end table besides my coffee cup as she put the bag on a wheeled tray that I used for all sorts of things, but I mainly used the tray to eat on.

“So, do you still like him?” My mother asked me, I bit my lower lip as I unwrapped my burger, utterly silent. My mother eyed me, “Oh Jess, you do! Why can’t you just admit it to yourself? He is a nice guy, also not bad on the eyes.”

“Mom! He is my age that is just gross!” I wrinkled my nose then I pretended to gag.

She gave me a side look, “I meant for you. He seems to like you also.”

I cocked my head at her, grabbing the messy burger, “Mom, please stop. He is just a friend. A very best friend. Nothing more, so shut up.” I said then took a bite.

“I am not blind, Jessa. I can see it, you do have feelings for him. You’ve always had feelings for him.” She said as Bella jumped on her lap and she wrapped her arms around Bella, “Hey sweetie. Yes, Momma is home for the rest of the day.”

“Fine.” I sighed, “Sure. I like Shane, but he’ll never like me back.” I shook my head as I swallowed my bite, pushing back my bit of hair that flopped into my eye as I shook my head, “He said a long time ago that he thought of me as a younger sister. Would you ever want to date someone who you thought of as a sibling?”

She wrinkled her thin nose, “Oh. Well, it had been years since you two had talked. Feelings can change. He did suggest for you to visit him, not any of his other friends.”

I thought of what she just said, chewing my food. She did have a point, like most mothers. He did suggest for me to visit, none of his local friends, none of his guy friends. He asked me. His female friend that he had for years.

‘Maybe his feelings changed, but how? We hadn’t talked in years.’

--

It was around three o’clock and I was waiting for Shane’s new video to be posted. I already knew what it was about because he had tweeted about it and told me over a phone call. In the video was about him selling a very used pair of his underwear. He just wanted to see how much the bidding would up to in a twenty-four hour period.

I clicked the refresh button my YouTube webpage that I had open on my laptop and saw that his video was there on top. He just posted it!

I clicked on it and watched it with my headphones in. I had learned fairly early on that if I watched any of his videos I needed headphones, because one day when I was twenty-three I had thought I was home alone so I decided not to have headphones in while binge watched Shane’s videos. Unfortunately I wasn’t home alone, Step Father Number Two was home and rushed into my room, thinking I was watching gay porn.

How embarrassing!

So yeah, no matter what, I always had headphones in while I watched his videos, just to be careful. After I watched the video I decided to text Shane, to tell him that I watched his most recent video.

Jessa- I just saw the underwear video, I can’t believe you were able to post that bid for a little while, till they contacted you to tell you to take the bid down.

It wasn’t even ten minutes later and he was calling me, I answered it right away, “Hi, I just texted you because I didn’t want to bother you if you were filming or something.”

“No problem, if I am filming I tend to have the sound off on my phone so it won’t be in the video. So did you like the video?” Shane said.  

I walked to my bed and flopped backwards, landing on the middle of the bed, “I liked it. It was a little different from your usual videos. Thankfully you used a better pair of your underwear.” I smiled to myself, remembering when he did a closet tour one year and showed all of his holey underwear.

‘Ew!’

“I had those pair since before I dated Lisa.” He said, laughing a little, “So they are very used.”

“If eBay didn’t call you and ask you to take the bid down, would you actually give them away?” I asked him, full of curiosity.

“No, I was actually thinking of taking the post down before I got the call.” Shane said, “It was a joke that got out of hand. Besides I wouldn’t know what to do with that sort of money.”

‘Shane was being humble. I loved that.’

Having fame didn’t get into his head and change him in any way, like most ‘YouTube celebrities’. He was the same old Shane before his fame hit. He didn’t even consider himself as a celebrity. But he did have two #1 hit books, he had a well-known movie and merch. He was even mentioned in a few gossip videos on a few gossip YouTube channels.

“You could’ve saved it and used it while I visit, or gave it away to charity, or gave it to Momma Yaw.” I said, listing just a few choices for him, “Momma Barnum would’ve fainted if you gave it to her.”

“You got a point.” Shane said softly, “Oh well, the post is gone. I might bid another item of clothing or something else though, so who knows.”

“Maybe your conspiracy theory shirt.” I suggested to him.

“That would be cool.” He agreed with me.

--

We were still talking on the phone and it was close to midnight my time, I was sitting next to black wooden short bookshelf, debating on which books I’d be taking with me. I already had a small pile of books on my bed. The pile had my copies of the Harry Potter series, The Lord of the Rings, The Fault In Our Stars, I had added the saga called The Crossfire Series, they were like the Fifty Shades series, but slightly different, then lastly in the pile a few books I had gotten from my nocturnal book box that I gotten every month.

“I can hear you mumbling to yourself, what are you doing?” Shane asked me.

“I am debating on what sort of books I should bring with me.” I told him, putting the small pile of books in my blue bag.

“You are actually bringing books?” Shane said, dumbfounded. Shane hardly ever read books and yet he wrote two on his own. “Why? I won’t leave you alone, so you don’t need to bring things to entertain yourself.”

As he said that my eyes locked onto the plastic bag of sex toys and I blushed a deep red, “I know but I am an early bird and you are a night owl, what will I do while you are dead to the world?”

“Watch television or movies, play with Cheeto or Uno...” He laughed slightly, “Bring whatever you want, Jess. I was just messing with you.”

I removed The Fault In Our Stars and put it in my oversized purse that I was going to use as my carry-on, “I know you were messing with me.” I got up and pushed back my bed covers then climbed in, “I am getting tired, but I don’t want to stop talking to you.” I admitted softly, blushing.

I heard Shane sit on one of his couches, “We could stay on the phone until you fall asleep or we can stay on the phone till the morning.”  He suggested to me, then he took a gulp of something, knowing him, it was most likely soda.

“We can stay the phone until the morning, only if you want.” I muttered softly, getting comfortable in bed.

“That sound like a wonderful plan.” Shane said.

So we did that, we talked some more until my eyes finally gave up and closed.

SURPRISE! {TVD 1x07 Review}

Hi all! Welcome to the seventh review of TVD season 1. Considering that I haven’t like sat down to watch a full episode of the past seasons of TVD in a few years and my memory might not be the greatest I think I will start with my usual disclaimer: I write my thoughts in real time so if I make a mistake at the beginning of this post, it will be corrected by the end. There will be anti-Damon and anti-Delena sentiments (I’m only mentioning these two because it’s the beginning of the series), and in light of recent events I feel the need to say that there may be some anti-Jenna sentiments too. I will probably bring up other shows and call attention to misogynoir, racism, anti-blackness etc. Also I do not have MS Word right now so I wrote this on Kingsoft, which is eh, so some of the formatting might be off. Ready? Let’s go.

1. Tyler interrogating Vicki when she’s in the car is the weirdest thing because Michael’s delivery is odd, like he doesn’t seem like he’s eager for information because he’s an excited teen, he seems like he thinks she’s a suspect.

2. Vicki does do out-of-control with hunger really well although I still don’t get why she showed up in Tyler’s car because she isn’t enraged by how he treated her, she looks to have gone to him for comfort, which is like, but why?

3. “Oh come on, whose going to miss this idiot?” Damon wanting to kill Tyler in season 1 and making good on that desire in season 8.

4. When Tyler punches Damon Vicki yells “Don’t you hurt him” which suggests to me they were going to make Siring a thing that just happens when you make a vampire without the ridiculous “you need to have feelings first” caveat in an attempt to de-problematize DE but they didn’t go through with it.

5. So Damon is worrying about the council on the other side of the room and Stefan turns his head to look at him and omg that neck, that JAW, Paul Wesley is kind of a divine, guys.

6. Also he looks hella James Dean here and I’m thinking about that time that anon came into my inbox talmbout how Ian was more James Dean than Paul and all of you, my lovely followers, DRAGGED them for like DAYS.

7. It’s funny because this DE “banter” about “If you wanted me dead then I’d be dead.” “Yes you would.” “But I’m not.” “Yet!” legit reminds me of sibling banter? Like I find it really immature.

8. Grams telling Bonnie how their ancestors fled Salem and could just end up in Virgina without experiencing any form of racial persecution is making me roll my eyes.

9. “Have we seen Elena? DO WE KNOW WHAT SHE’S WEARING?” I don’t know, Older Me is OK with Season 1 Caroline, I find her very 16.

10.  “I’m not proud of my past behaviour” so when doesn’t Stefan take responsibility? Like when are these times that DErs keep talking about.

11. “Where’s the bathroom, I have to pee -why do I have to pee, I thought I was dead.” Lmao.

12. LOL when Stefan tells Elena he’s going to give Vicki more blood she has the most unimpressed look on her face and it’s making me LAUGH.

13. “It’s hard to resist certain people especially when you’re new”, which is why I keep saying in 1x01 Stefan kept trying to control his urges but the pull to Elena was so strong, which is why showing up at her house abruptly is, well, abrupt because it’s his emotions on overdrive.

14. “It’s hard to resist certain people especially when you’re new, it’s difficult to separate your feelings love, lust, anger, desire, it can all blur into one urge --- hunger.”

15. I like how Damon is all “omg she’s been cooped up in her room all day, she’s a vampire Stefan she should know the perks” and takes her to the front yard and what does he do, he vamp speeds behind her. My guy, you couldn’t do that inside?

16. And you see what happens, she takes off, you jackass.

17. “I met you before, aren’t you Caroline Forbes’ boyfriend?” And no one finds this a problem? Guys, he legit ends up going to school dances as a chaperone.

18. Poor Matt. He looks at Elena with those heart eyes and she looks at him like a brother.

19. “And you’re going as ... you?” LOL Matt shading Angsty Jeremy for the win.

20. OK a couple of things, I get that Stefan is being Concerned Stefan right now and it’s serious, Paul does it so well but his intensity actually is really sexy and it’s distracting me from the fact that Vicki is losing her mind. Two, in True Blood when Bill just turns Jessica and she’s basically acting like Vicki and Bill doesn’t know how to handle it he goes to Eric like “Omg you see what she’s like right??” and Eric just looks at her and says, “Sit down and shut. up.” And she does. Then he grins at Bill like, “See, you gotta be firm with them, newborns can be like this.” And I get that Stefan is supposed to be out of his wits with Vicki but because he’s really intense when he’s like “Really? No headache? Your stomach isn’t screaming at you...” he gives off the impression that a newbie would listen to him, like he’s commanding so I just thought of that Eric moment.

21. I’m sorry, I just, Damon doesn’t look good at seduction so him getting Carol to talk using his manly wiles is like ... I guess.

22. OK this is the first Bamon scene of the series and they’re acting like they’ve interacted before. 

23. Oh sorry, I suppose technically the first Bamon interaction would be when he hits her car with the bird.

24. Damon is just so fucking negligent, leaving Stefan to clean up HIS mess.

25. “But he was worried about the council” then he can stop killing people.

26. It’s funny, Vicki biting Jeremy’s bottom lip and then sucking the blood from it and licking his lips with her tongue ... I actually expected that sort of scene from DE with their crazy intense vampire sex but nah.

27. And Vicki dies. Alllllllll because Damon was bored. And sad.

28. Why would Elena tell Stefan to take Jeremy away and she stay with the body Why wouldn’t Elena be with Jeremy and have Stefan stay with the body?

29. Because then we wouldn’t get a DE scene.

30. I think the scene where Stefan is sitting on the porch listening to Jeremy cry is very poignant and it’s all in Paul’s expression because it’s like we’re seeing more guilt and pain being added to his conscience, the guilt of having to kill Vicki and the pain at having caused Jeremy pain, like we see how that’s encasing him as he sits there.

31. And he doesn’t centre himself. Elena asks how he’s doing and he says, “I wanted to help her” and then asks about Jeremy, he doesn’t talk about how bad he feels, it’s about the people he’s effected.

32. It’s funny when Elena says “It’s what I want” when Damon says he’ll compel Jeremy if it’s what she wants, she looks at Stefan for confirmation and he nods his head and then the proceedings begin, which is really just a metaphor for the entire DE relationship. Elena always looks to Stefan before saying she wants Damon, which is why Stefan always has to tell her to fight for him.

33. So I love that we get an SE scene but really Elena, Damon was responsible for a lot of death in these past 7 episodes and you’re just going to let him go and fuck with Jeremy’s mind without you being there?

34. “I can’t lose the way I feel about you”, it’s also actually a good summary of SE because there is so much pain and so much death surrounding Elena and a part of her wants to forget about everything but the feeling she has with Stefan, that deep-down good feeling eclipses all of the pain and makes feeling and remembering worth it.

35. They really try to form this triangle by having Elena walk into her house and Damon and Stefan staring at her as she goes in but Elena and Damon literally have no relationship. He threatened her twice, tried to kiss her, manipulated her into getting into fights with Stefan and told her people died in a fire that is the sum of their interactions.

OK done! Funny story, I’m at work doing this (now going home) and this guy from upstairs who I may or may not be crushing on I can’t tell, comes downstairs and sees what I’m doing but I had the scene paused on Stefan and Elena staring at each other and he said “What is this, some vampire show?” I go, “What makes you think it’s a vampire show?” “I don’t know, the way they’re looking at each other, I just ... I get a feeling of a vampire show.” “Oh.” “So is it a vampire show?” “I’m not telling you.” “What, why! It’s not like I’m going to go home and watch it.” “Yeah, I know, you still haven’t watched Underground. Or How To Get Away With Murder. Or Queen Sugar. Or---” “I’m just saying it’s a vampire show, they look like people who would be in a vampire show.” “OK fine.” :D

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SPRINGFIELD The Mountain .-States Power Co. is in the process of laying over 11,000 feet of water mains here and expects to have the projects scheduled completed within another month according to Burt Albers, water superintendent for the company. MEDIATE DEUVEB, DOORS - WINDOWS L PlWivIT' W ,s. pee im vm&kSgrgf HENRY BACON to? CAMP ADAIR, OREGON piJV : j Tenth St. from K .St, to M St., four inch pipe; Eleventh St. from Garden Tractors FOR RENT 1668 Willamette Phone 92 K St. to N St., four inch pipe; Twelfth St. from K St. to N St. four inch pipe; Eighth St from K Carson Haefer, 26-year-old for-mer U. S. Marine from Cove, Ore., said Wednesday that as far as he is concerned tl.j government can take the Roza, Wash., farm he won in a veterans' homestead drawing and use it for a coyote pasture. Haefer was one of 28 former GI's who recently won tracts in the Roza project in the Yakima Valley of southern Washington. 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21 marzo

I came back from my quick trip to Paris yesterday and I had a blast! 

On our way there, we met some super cool guys from the U.K. that worked in film in London. They made the decision to travel more than they work, so they were in Sevilla for a few days. We ate with them in the airport, where we exchanged information because one of them has a birthday in May around the time we end school. They invited us to London to celebrate his birthday and they’d show us around London as locals, making sure we knew their offer was genuine and not just a “hey well if you’re ever in London!” type of deal. If only I had the money *long sigh of sadness that clearly states that I love London and would love to see it with locals.* 

We had to part ways with our new friends, and we flew into Beauvais (one and a half hours outside of Paris... thanks Ryanair) so by the time we got into Paris it was about 6 PM, then a half hour commute to our hostel, and then when we settled in, it was about 7. We went to Musee de (du? I will never remember because Spanish so nicely only has de) Louvre and saw the Mona Lisa. I would love to spend a whole day there, looking at all the art. We really only got an hour there because even though they’re open until TEN they start closing exhibits at 9:30 which I understand but it was also frustrating. However, after 6 PM on Fridays it is free for people under 26, which is why went despite such little time.

When we got back to the hostel, I took time to research the history of the landmarks we planned to visit the next day so that I could be the tour guide for my roommates, giving them a history lesson throughout Paris.

The next day we started bright (more like grey/cloudy) and early at Arc de Triomphe. On the way there, we came across a cute bakery where I bought 10 french macarons. I decided to eat a macaron at everywhere we went to that day (see instagram post here) and accidentally matched the color of my macaron to the color of every monument we went. After the Arc de Triomphe, we walked to the Eiffel Tower. We got stopped by some women who asked if we spoke English, and I stupidly didn’t pretend to speak another language. Seriously, I need to learn how to say “I don’t speak English” in some obscure, uncommon language like Romanian or Serbian. Maybe Georgian. They were definitely scammers, asking us to donate for a fund for deaf children. We told them we didn’t have cash and she spit at us. They only were asking English speakers (so tourists) and the “money” other people on her donating list had “given” were all written in the same handwriting, with 20 euros donated. *Donald Trump saying “fake news” voice* FAKE CHARITY. Sad! And the night before, my roommates and I made room on the sidewalk so a man could pass us, but despite having more than enough room, he shook his bags at us to gesture that we needed to move more. I love Parisians :-). We also saw prostitutes! Full boobs and all out. It was like a Free the Nipple movement, but in the cold. Let me make it clear that while I had weird and rude experiences with Parisians, I love their city.

I am kind of irritated with people who have told me that Paris is dirty and gross, because it is a city. People who think this probably grew up in a suburb or rural area where they aren’t used to what happens when millions of people live in one place. I mean, I’m from Rio Rancho. Suburbia, I know. But I acknowledge that cities will have metro stations that smell a bit like pee. That there will be rude locals who don’t have time for tourists. It’s all a part of the experience. The metro is old, sure. But so is Paris! There aren’t a lot of elevators. The buildings are much older than elevators! Learn it. Accept it. Love the nice butt and legs all the stairs will give you. Get over it.

Anyway, we took the elevator to the top of the Eiffel Tower where I was severely lacking enough layers to face the wind. I am forever grateful one of my roommates let me borrow her blanket scarf in Paris this weekend because without it I would have been frozen. The view was great, although a little foggy. Someday when I’m rich I’ll eat a meal in the restaurants in the Eiffel Tower and I’ll enjoy a glass of champagne at the top.

After the Eiffel Tower, we walked to Jardin du (de? Seriously, what the heck even is French???) Luxembourg. My roommate and I split a Nutella crepe and I wish we had just eaten crepes everywhere. Cheap. Easy. Delicious. And French!

Lastly, we went to Notre Dame. If I accidentally type Norte Dame, forgive my Spanish. We didn’t get to go inside, but the architecture from just the outside was beautiful. I’m constantly blown away by the amount of effort that goes into the architecture of buildings in Europe, contrary to New Mexico where adobe (or adobe-look alikes) reign supreme. Adobe is cute and all, but are there statues carved into the walls? Are there paintings on canvases bigger than my room covering the walls? No. While adobe feels like home to me, I wish American buildings had the same spunk that European buildings do.

We got back to the hostel to rest up for a bit and then went to dinner with someone I’ve been calling my cousin for simplicity’s sake. She’s technically my mom’s step-cousin’s daughter. But cousin is much more simple. Her name is Clara, and she goes to school at the American University of Paris. My roommates and I ate dinner with her and then hung out at her apartment for a little bit before heading back to the hostel. We crashed out and HARD.

The next morning we had plans to take a river boat cruise down the Seine but we agreed that we were way to tired to even move. As much as I wish I could’ve fought through my exhaustion, I had done what most people do over the course of a few days in Paris in less than 24 hours. I feel like I had the right to be absolutely worn out.

On the bus ride back to the Beauvais airport, we met a family visiting their son (who is also studying in Sevilla!!! different school though) and they took a quick trip to Paris also. They were super fun and from North Carolina, so they loved that I’ve been there several times. The mom was so excited to talk about how it snowed in Charlotte but not Winston-Salem. Her daughter was 15 and wasn’t thrilled that she was required to write a journal for school about her time in Europe, so when I mentioned that I have journals that I love going back and reading about my student ambassador trips I could feel her mom’s thankfulness that I said the journal is worth writing. My 14 year old thoughts on my trip to the British Isles make me smile, my 15 year old drawings of my friends and I doing yoga on a ferry between Naples and Sicily make me reminisce fondly, and my 16 year old memories of somehow becoming the designated tampon teacher for girls who had never used one before Costa Rica but needed to before a rafting or surfing lesson CRACK ME UP. Back to the family, needless to say, that mom and I got along well.

This upcoming weekend I am going to Morocco and weather-permitting, I’M GOING TO RIDE A CAMEL ON THE BEACH! I am most excited for Morocco. For reasons I don’t remember, my favorite place when I was seven at Disney Epcot was Morocco, and I’ve wanted to go ever since. We will have a traditional Moroccan dinner Saturday night and my stomach cannot wait for all the couscous I am about to consume. Bless up.