#and having a third party affirm that the position you're in is actually more fucked up than u thought is both validating and exhausting
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#started going to therapy again in the hopes of coping better with my fam situation#but my therapist is pretty adamant that the situation is too toxic for me to be able to heal in#and i know he's right but also i'm not in a place rn where i can leave said situation or have the emotional capacity to try#and having a third party affirm that the position you're in is actually more fucked up than u thought is both validating and exhausting#bc like before i was just like ''my mom is entitled to still be close to the ppl who sexually abused me''#and was able to just blame all my rage and frustration and hurt on myself#but now that it is starting to resonate that Wait That's Actually Fucked Up#just existing around my mom has become so much more exhausting#& i've spoken to my therapist abt this but i'm venting here bc i'm really feeling it today#it's sounds dumb but having someone explain to u that ur rightfully at ur limit at all times makes it so real somehow#ofc i'm at my limit at all times in this environment most people would be too!!!#i'm just so tired 😭😭#tired and overwhelmed and tired and overwhelmed#and#ugh
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Turk Cloud
for monkey's paw askbox fics
okay yes this one i can do, this one is in my wheelhouse
here have some time travel fix-it
(i swear i have no particular dislike for reno i actually think he's fun to write, he just tends to die a lot in stuff i make????)
anyway the next one of you fucks that tries to insist shinra would be especially progressive because city and avalanche would be homophobic because hick criminals gets a faceful of they/them raytheon shrapnel
happy pride
"Fix things from the inside".
That had been the plan when Cloud had joined the Turks. His mako tolerance was too low for him to ever survive in Soldier, but the Turks were where the real power was. Turks made rules and broke them. Enforced policies. Changed lives. Usually for ill, but in Cloud's case, for good. This timeline would turn out better than the last -- even though, all things considered, his own had turned out pretty good. But things could always be better.
That attitude had lasted him until maybe a week into his second month. Two months turned into four, which turned into a year, and then two of those, and then three, and then....
Once again, Cloud sat down at his desk, furnished with positive affirmations, and opened his first email.
This one was, thankfully, an impersonal company morale booster, although its contents made Cloud's blood pressure subtly rise anyway.
Hey, all!
We're pleased to announce that, thanks to your hard work and support, our fundraiser for slum awareness week raised $25,000 for the Wutaian War Relief Fund! None of this would have been possible without all of you here at the Shinra Family, whether we're giving out of
Cloud felt his eyes glaze over as the email turned into a two page spread highlighting the struggles of one rags to riches middle manager, and how the Wutai War affected them. He deleted it and moved on to the next email.
This one was unfortunately a direct request for his presence in the Science Department, and could not be summarily deleted. He sighed and marked it for later.
The third email was an automated notification from the workplace messaging program, Wark. One of the Soldier Seconds wanted to know if he'd be going to the quarterly icebreaker party; Shinra prided itself on creating a friendly, psychologically safe atmosphere, which must have been why they asked questions like, "Does anyone here have any mental illnesses they struggle with?" and, "What is your worst memory?" and, "Who here has some good coping mechanisms to deal with burnout? Cloud, I really liked what you mentioned in your email to HR where you just have a good, long cry after work. It's great you're managing your emotions in a healthy way like that!"
Suddenly the labs seemed a lot more appealing. He deleted the third email and rose from his desk to head down to the labs.
He passed a wall entirely papered over with rainbow flags on the way to the elevators. Shinra might not have wanted to bother having a healthcare plan to cover things like hormones or childcare to save money, but at least they still cared enough to print out rainbows on a sheet of paper and staple them to bulletin boards. Helped keep riots from breaking out.
Cloud himself had been sent to "discourage" the last shit-stirrer.
He didn't even flinch as pneumatic hiss of the door to the labs opening gave way to agonised screaming. Hojo was there waiting for him.
"About time," he said. "I need you to take these reports to Tseng; I have some things I want to cross-test with Ancient cell tissue."
What did you need me for, then? he thought. Could you not have emailed him yourself?
Aloud, he said, "Sure. By the way, the president wanted to speak with you again regarding your budget."
Hojo scowled, and Cloud, to his great revulsion, found himself sympathising. Installing Rufus as the president had been step one to Changing Things, but aside from regularly giving speeches about how Shinra was a forward thinking company always hunting for fresh ideas, he'd done nothing but slash budgets and crack the whip. Then a few days later he'd smooth things over with a "mental health questionnaire" to remind employees that he cared.
It had done wonders for Shinra's stock prices, though. Already he was being heralded as the dawn of the new age of mako energy -- a youthful, charismatic figurehead, Shinra's first gay CEO, wililng to talk about the grind of rising to meet the challenges of inheriting a billion dollar industry from his dad, by cutting down on unnecessary spending.
Cloud thought about his time in the military, where he'd been thrown in solitary for having a nervous breakdown over his first kill, of Tifa barely making ends meet, of Aeris being dragged off the streets to draw blood once again, and sighed.
The screaming had started up again. One of the specimens clawed desperately at the glass with what was left of its arms. He couldn't make out what it was saying through the reinforced plating, but it was clearly pleading to Cloud to be let go.
Cloud straightened his tie and looked away as Hojo hit a couple buttons on the console to sedate it. It had been painted a sunny green, for Mako Poisoning Awareness Week.
"Well?" said Hojo sharply. "You have your orders. Go."
Cloud trudged back to his desk and resumed his seat in time to check his fourth email -- a message signifying a meeting at 2 pm, to "answer questions".
When he'd first started this job five years ago, he'd taken that literally, and had been stupid enough to actually ask questions to be answered. Questions like, "Hey, where did Reno go? He hasn't shown up to work all week," whereupon he was informed that they couldn't share specific details at this time, but that his departure had been a mutual decision that was best for both parties.
Which was how most corporate "removals" at Shinra went, as it turned out.
Cloud's head snapped up as he heard the sharp rattle of gunfire in the distance. Those weren't Shinra guns. He looked up at his desk calendar and checked the date. Could it really be...?
He switched back over to the Turks chat room in Wark and quickly hammered out the message:
Strife: Hey guys i think there's a terrorist group in the building we have an active shooter situation. do we stand down for mpaf or what
He got an immediate response.
KetShee [BOT]: Please bear in mind that the makeup of this Wark is very diverse, and some people feel excluded by the use of the term "guys". Maybe you could try using people, team, all, folx, everyone, or y'all? (More info)
Cloud's eye twitched.
He stood slowly, made sure his sidearm was loaded, and then left for the stairs again, this time going to the upper floors. With any luck, he would have time to "hand in his resignation" to the president before hitching a ride back to his own timeline. Tifa, at least, had a lot of nice outfits he could borrow that violated the dress code here, and knew how to huck a mean molotov.
#asks#spitegarbage#forfdorfsorf#terror-billie#i hate this fanbase lol#my deepest apologies for setting off the fight/flight reflex in everyone that's ever worked a corporate job#rainbow capitalism
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