#and I'm open to explaining why of asked in good faith but I'm not gonna argue with anyone so don't bother
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this is a """msp*c l*sbian""" hate blog btw. to be clear
#u aren't welcome here if you're okay with that please hard block me for both our benefits#call it chronically online or a stupid young queer opinion idc that's where i stand <3#and I'm open to explaining why of asked in good faith but I'm not gonna argue with anyone so don't bother#in short: just block me if you're ok with that please 🖤 asking politely#no i can't police your labels but i can say they're reflective of certain thoughts and feelings you have about lesbians +#and therefore i want nothing to do with you#also idc that you don't care or think it doesn't matter. it clearly does to a lot of people
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Part 6: Leaps of Faith
Masterlist - Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5
I hope that you catch me, cause I'm already falling (you put your arms around me and I'm home)
(In which a writer who can see the end approaching starts building towards that ending)
Pairing: Paige Bueckers X Azzi Fudd
Themes: Angst and Fluff
Words: 8.0K
TW: Swearing, Alludes to Sexual Content
A/N: Good evening my lovelies <3. Happy Sunday and Happy Mothers day! First of all, I wanna thank y'all for being ever so patient with me. I know I've been pretty bad about updating lately and y'all have been so sweet with your asks and I really appreciate it. This fic is very close to its end. I probably could have ended it with this chapter but there's a very specific ending I want to write so this one is more of a self-indulgent filler but I think y'all will like this one. There will be one more chapter and then an epilogue of sorts. Once again, there are most likely logistical inaccuracies. I'm not even gonna lie, the editing on this one is shoddy so there are definitely grammar errors/typos. For now, ignore them and I'll go fix them later. As always, even if we're near the end, feel free let me know what you liked, what you didn't and anything you'd like to see before we get to the end. Have a wonderful week my angels <3
April 2024
“It’s a little early for ice cream hon,” Azzi jumps at the sound of her mother’s voice, startled eyes following the direction of the noise to find Katie leaning against the kitchen door, with a raised eyebrow.
“It’s a little early to scare the living bejesus out of me mom,” she says with a hand to her chest.
If possible, Katie’s eyes roll even further at her daughter’s sarcastic tone as she makes her way over to the kitchen counter. She’s gotten herself a spoon and everything, ready to steal some ice cream for herself, when she notices the flavour. Next to her, Azzi stiffens.
“You hate mint chocolate chip Az,” Katie says quietly.
“I couldn’t find the strawberry ice cream,” Azzi defends stubbornly, her face taking on a guarded expression.
Katie walks over to the freezer, opening it and pointing at the strawberry ice cream, Azzi’s favourite, that’s sitting in plain sight, “it’s right there.”
“Well,” Azzi splutters, “I’m trying something new,”.
“You hate trying new things.”
“I’ve grown up I guess.”
“Azzi.”
“Mom.”
“Azzi, why are you eating ice cream you hate at 4 in the morning?” Katie finally asks in her best mom voice, sighing when she gets a mumbled response from her daughter, “in words Az, please.”
“Paige likes it,” Azzi admits slowly, and before Katie can say anything, before Azzi can dwell on what she’s said, she launches into a rant, “god knows why. Actually I know why because she’s stupid and weird and likes the dumbest shit. Who the fuck likes mint? Who the fuck likes mint and chocolate together? Gross. This shit is disgusting. It tastes all wrong. Paige is just-,” Azzi throws her hands up in the air, “she just doesn’t understand that some things don’t belong together. They can’t. They’re too different and it just- there’s a fucking balance to things you know? And she just- she doesn’t get that. It’s just- it’s not meant to be.”
“That doesn’t explain why you’re eating it right now,” Katie says carefully.
“Because I miss her,” the truth bursts out of Azzi like an erupting volcano, burning itself into every crevice of her skin, “because for some fucking reason I don’t hate the taste of mint chocolate chip. Because maybe they do go together and maybe I’ve been the stupid one this whole time.”
Since she’d stepped out of the hotel in Cleveland, all Azzi could think about was going back, saying fuck it to all the useless logic she’d come up with and going back to the only thing in her life that had ever made sense her Paige. But as it often did in that clichéd battle between head and heart, her head had won out. And she’s never questioned why her head wins so much, why she’s always chosen to listen to the practical side of her brain, until now. Until now when the urge to turn back time, to make herself stay in that hotel room, is all that’s consumed her for the last week.
“Azzi,” Katie wraps her arms around the younger girl, “what happened with you and Paige?”
Azzi hesitates for a second and then everything’s spilling out of her lips, the good, the bad, the inbetween, all of it tumbles out like an uncontrollable waterfall. There’s something freeing about being able to say it all out loud, something freeing about the tears Azzi finally lets roll down her cheeks. She grips the edge of the counter to keep herself from keeling over, starting to feel herself crumble under the heaviness of all these stupid feelings.
“It shouldn’t be this hard,” Azzi whispers, “we used to be so easy.”
“Oh Az,” Katie rubs a thumb against her daughter’s cheek, “you used to be kids. You’re all grown up now. It’s always harder when you’re older.”
“Well, I don’t like it. I just want to be the way we were again.”
“So why don’t you?” Katie asks like it’s the most simple solution in the world and Azzi shoots her mother an exasperated look.
“What do you mean? How do we even do that? We can’t be just friends again. We tried. Were you not listening at all?”
“Azzi, sweetheart, you’ve never been just friends.”
“That’s not true,” it’s a futile attempt at arguing against what’s become more of a fact than an opinion in Azzi’s life. It’s a truth she’d let herself acknowledge once and then buried deep within her, scared that once unleashed, it would ruin everything. Except, it turns out, even without it, things had still turned to dust.
“Do you remember when you came home from Minnesota that first summer with Paige? You were either moping around or you were on call with her. There was no in between. It got better eventually, the moping stopped but the calls? I think you fell asleep on facetime with her almost every night. And you were tired every morning after, you barely had time to eat before school but every time I suggested that maybe you cut back, that was never an option,” Katie smiles fondly, “it’s when I knew.”
Azzi does remember, remembers talking about everything and nothing, remembers laughing and crying, remembers when Paige’s breathing was the only lullaby that could relax her into sleeping. And she remembers battling with that voice in her head, the one convinced there’s something more, silencing it with I’d do this with anyone. But that wasn’t true then and it’s not true now because Paige has never been just anyone, never been just a friend. Because even if Azzi’s never been brave enough to say it out loud, Paige is and has always been everything.
Despite knowing the answer and maybe dreading it just a little bit, Azzi asks it to her mom anyway, “what did you know?”
“That she was your person. You were too young, I couldn’t call it love just yet but I knew Paige was different then, she was yours in a way none of your other friends were. You were different around her,” Katie nudges her daughter, “Azzi you’ve always been just a little bit in love with her and she’s always been just a little bit in love with you too. The two of you have just been a matter of time.”
Azzi closes her eyes, and unlike other people, she doesn’t see darkness or little spots of light, she just sees Paige. Her mother’s words wash over her, like acid in her self-inflicted fight the feelings wounds and yet, the idea of she’s loved me too feels like a band-aid being delicately placed on the scars of her heart.
“And place,” she whispers, eyes still closed, “we never seem to get time and place right.”
“Why do you need to?”
Another exasperated look is sent Katie’s way at that question, “we live on different sides of the country mom, what do you mean why do we need to?”
“I mean the two of you have barely ever been in the same place. But you made it work, when you had even less, when you felt even less. But you’re adults now. You have other resources now. And I know timing is difficult but- it’s you and Paige. What are you so scared of Azzi?”
Azzi sucks in a deep breath, “what if Paige runs away again?”
“What if you run away again?”
“Excuse me?”
“Who was the last person to walk away, Azzi?,” Katie sighs when Azzi is adamantly silent, “I know she hurt you by leaving. I know she hurt you by pushing you away. But you did the same thing. You chose UCLA,” Katie holds up a hand when a frustrated Azzi tries to interrupt, “and it was the right decision for you Azzi and she should have supported it. But that doesn’t meant you didn’t hurt her and then you chose Zoe-”
“I didn’t choose Zoe-”
“Yes you did Azzi. Sweetheart you’re my daughter and I will always tell you the complete truth even if it’s not what you wanna hear. And the truth Azzi is that Paige might have hurt you in 101 different ways but that doesn’t mean you didn’t hurt her back in 99 different ways too.”
“You think I don’t know that?” Azzi whispers, “that’s the problem mom. It hurts when she hurts me but it hurts even more when I hurt her. I don’t want that for us but I just- I just don’t know how to stop it without stopping us.”
“You haven’t even tried, baby. Paige held out a hand and you ran away.”
“She left first. How am I supposed to trust that she won’t just do that again," all that’s missing from Azzi’s stubborn whine is a foot stomp.
“Because she came back. It took her a little bit, I know, but she came back and she’s ready to fight, the question is, are you?”
“Why are you defending her?” Azzi splutters, “who’s side are you even on?”
“There are no sides to this sweetheart. The two of you are on the same side. So maybe instead of fighting against her, take that hand, fight with her.”
***
The WNBA draft is a momentous occasion this year. With a hyped draft class like no other, and the promise of even greater ones in the future, there’s a sense of celebratory hope dangling in the air. When the invite had first come in, Azzi had known the same one would be sent to a certain blonde in Connecticut as well. And a part of her had wanted to hide herself away from that possible collision, but every other part of her wanted nothing more than to get just a glimpse of the blonde.
One moment Azzi is surrounded by flashing cameras and the echo of her name on everyone’s lips, the next everything around her is fading away her eyes meet Paige’s on the other end of the WNBA draft orange carpet. It’s nothing new really. Since she’s met her, the blonde has commandeered all of Azzi’s attention whenever she’s nearby. Sometimes it feels like all of her other five senses fade away to give birth to a secret sixth one, one that’s solely dedicated to Paige, one that’s terrifyingly all-consuming. And yet, despite the heaviness of we’ve said too many goodbyes, for the first time in what feels like eternity, Azzi feels like she can finally breathe.
And then Paige looks away.
And Azzi’s back to struggling for air.
It’s selfish of her, she knows, to expect something, not when she’d been the one to leave them stranded on different islands. But Azzi doesn’t seem to think logically when it comes to Paige and even as she tries to turn her focus back to posing for the camera, every inch of her body is dangerously aware of the blonde’s every move, just a mere few feet away from her. Her conversation with her mother is echoing in her head, giving rise to dangerous desires of what if i grabbed your hand and we ran away together.
Paige is a natural on the orange carpet, all dazzling smiles and twinkling eyes. She glides through it, inching closer and closer to Azzi, but never giving away any sense of discomfort. And if it was anybody else, maybe they’d never catch onto the nerves hidden beneath Paige’s facade of calm, cool and collected. But once upon a time Paige used to be Azzi’s favourite puzzle and she has every part of the blonde committed to memory. It’s in the way Paige’s teeth gnaw at her lips for the briefest of seconds, in the way her right index finger is begging to tap a beat against where her hands rests on hips, in the way she’s blinking just one too many times.
And then with one more heavy footed step from Paige, the distance between them is barely a couple inches and they let out identical breaths of air, both of them keeping their focus on the cameras in front of them. It’s loud, too loud, and still all Azzi can focus on is the sound of Paige breathing. The air around them is thick with tension. It feels a bit like they’re silhouetted against a sky made of words they’ve left unsaid and clouds of all the bitter mistakes they’ve made are hanging over their heads. And when their pinkies brush together, and a jolt of electricity sends shivers of I miss you more every day again her skin, Azzi questions if she’s ever made the right decision when it comes to Paige.
“Wait wait wait,” Ari cuts in, as she squeezes herself in between the two of them, “I wanna get in between the two of you.”
A harsh cry of no sits heavily on the top of Azzi’s tongue as the older woman forces a break in whatever little bit of contact she’d had with Paige. She feels a little pathetic, the way every little inch of her skin is craving for that touch back. It had been nothing, a barely there moment and still Azzi thinks, when she goes to bed tonight, if that was all she’d get of Paige, then it’ll be the only thing that’ll feature in her dreams.
“Alright one with just Paige and Azzi,” Ari directs the media, stepping out of the way and pushing the two younger girls together. And it’s laughable that a little brush of their pinkies had Azzi feeling any type of way because when they’re suddenly pressed together, every inch of Paige’s side fitting into Azzi’s like it belongs, the way the world suddenly bursts with light and colours makes Azzi wonder if every moment without Paige has simply been monochrome.
It comes to them naturally how to pose together, arms winding around each other’s waist, heads involuntarily leaning against the other’s. And the smiles might be for the cameras but Azzi knows hers is the most real it’s been all night. It might be temporary, she might lose Paige in the chaos, but for now Paige is here and Azzi has learned how to be content with whatever little she can get.
As the media moves to capture other people, the logical thing to do would be to separate, to let go of each other. But instead they stand there, still completely wrapped around each other, heart rates in sync as they breathe in each other’s presence. And then Paige’s hand falls from the small of Azzi’s back to tangle their fingers together and they let out identical sighs of relief, something so cathartic in the purposefulness of that touch. Everyone is too busy to notice that the two of them have fallen into a whole other world, one where there’s only two of them and every emotion that they’ve only reserved for the other. There’s no words exchanged as Paige guides the two of them out of the spotlight, somehow keeping their hands clasped together in secret, despite the ever growing crowd. And Azzi doesn’t know this building at all, doesn’t have the faintest clue where she’s being led to, but as long as it’s Paige pulling her along, she doesn’t care where, she thinks she’d go anywhere.
Paige stops abruptly in a secluded corridor, turning to fully face Azzi. And the sincerity in the blonde’s crystalline blue eyes, as they roam every inch of Azzi’s body before coming to fixate on her face, steals the air away from Azzi’s lungs. Paige has gotten better over the years at building walls, but with every new lock she places on her emotions, there’s a key to open them that seems to always find its way to Azzi. In the delicate golden hue, Paige shines brighter than any star ever could and in the dim light Azzi can make out every bit of hurt and love and please can we just have this moment that Paige can’t put into words.
“Hi,” Azzi whispers softly, hands itching to reach out and caress Paige’s skin.
“Hi,” Paige says back, even quieter. She stares at Azzi as if she’s memorising every little detail and then her face crumbles. Azzi feels her heart drop at the single tear that trickles down Paige’s cheek as she lets out a broken whimper. And this, this unspoken power they seem to have over each other, the uncanny ability to just hurt each other without any bit of effort, is what scares Azzi the most. It’s too much. They shouldn’t be able to do this.
“Paige,” Azzi’s fingers twitch but she hesitates, not knowing if it’s the right thing, “fuck- P what’s wrong?”
Paige doesn’t reply, eyes wandering down to where Azzi’s trying to keep her hands still against her sides and when she looks back up, her eyes are bloodshot, “what’s wrong? What’s not wrong Azzi? You won’t even fucking touch me.”
“I didn’t-” Azzi struggles to speak, “I didn’t think you’d want me to.”
“Can you just- fuck- can you just stop overthinking things for once in your life. Of course I want you to touch- you know what nevermind. This was a bad idea. You made yourself clear and I’m just- fuck- I should- I should just go.”
She sounds adamant enough but all it takes, when Paige moves to leave, is the strangled cry that leaves Azzi’s lips. The sound is enough to pull Paige right back in. She takes one look at the tears brimming in Azzi’s eyes. And then she’s pushing Azzi against a wall, hands on either side caging the younger girl between her body and the hard surface behind. She presses their foreheads together and Azzi feels like every part of her might just be a part of Paige too.
“I miss you. I miss you so fucking much. It’s barely been two weeks and I- fuck- Azzi- I’ve missed you every single second and now you’re here and I still miss you. And it really fucking hurts.”
“I’m sorry,” Azzi whispers, finally letting her hands cup Paige’s cheeks, and it’s worth it for the way Paige seems to completely melt into her touch, “I’m sorry I keep hurting you. I keep thinking I’m doing the right thing but- I don’t know- I feel like I’m always doing the wrong thing when it comes to you. I don’t- I don’t know what to do.”
“Just let me be with you,” Paige’s voice is wrecked with desperation as she presses herself as close to Azzi as possible, “I’ll be your whatever- whatever you give me- whatever you want- I just- I just want you Az- whatever little bit you’re willing to give me- I’ll take it- and if you want me to wait- fuck Azzi- I’d wait forever- you know that right? However long it takes, baby. Just want you- just want us.”
Leaps of faith are scary. Azzi’s never been great at taking them, too cautious, too much of a worrier. She’s more of a step back from the cliff kind of person. If she doesn’t jump, she can’t fall. But here’s the thing, when she was fourteen, Azzi jumped off of her first hypothetical cliff. It had been on a plane, when after avoiding one too many deep questions, Azzi had admitted to a girl she barely knew,that maybe she could like girls. It was the first time she’d ever let herself acknowledge that truth about herself and the girl next to her was a stranger but there was something about her, something that screamed i’ll hold your hand and if you jump it’ll never be alone. And ever since then, that girl, Paige, has always been there. Hands outstretched, ready to jump off any ledge. Because if there’s hard ground underneath, then they’ll learn how to fly together and if there’s water, they’ll figure out how to swim. With Paige there has always been the promise that, whatever it is, they’ll figure it out together. And it’s with that promise in mind, that Azzi takes the leap of faith.
“Me too,” Azzi whispers, heart beating erratically.
“What?” Paige searches Azzi’s face, as if waiting for her to take it back.
“Us. You. You and me. I want that too,” a ghost of a smile begins to creep onto Azzi’s face, and for the first time in god knows how long, she feels feather light, a little bit like she’s floating on a rainbow.
“You mean it?” Paige asks earnestly, hands moving from the wall to clutch at Azzi’s waist, “don’t play-Azzi- okay- you mean it for real?”
“I do. I want this- I want this so much and I’m still- I’m still really scared and maybe it’ll be a disaster but I- I want to try. With you.”
Azzi used to think she knew all of Paige’s smiles. Her small, not quite fake, but only for cameras and people she didn’t quite know, smiles. Her just for my friends smile that was filled with mirth and childlike joy. Her basketball smile that transformed into a smirk when she got too cocky. Her only for Drew smile, soft and filled with so much adoration and pride. Her Azzi smile, the one only the brown-skinned girl gets to experience, a smile that made Azzi’s her heart swell with love. But the smile that stretches across Paige’s face now, is one Azzi’s never seen before. This one throws Azzi’s entire world of balance, so bright, so big, so full of emotions. If she could, she’d tattoo that smile onto her skin forever.
“We’re really doing this?” Paige asks, still a little stunned. It wasn’t what Azzi had planned for tonight. She hadn’t really had any plans for what would really happen. But then Paige had walked in and all Azzi could see was forever she was tired of fighting against.
“We should take it slow okay-” Azzi wraps her arms around the older girl’s neck, keeping their foreheads still against each other’s, “I don’t- I don’t wanna rush into things and fuck it up. I can’t- fuck- I can’t lose y-”
“You won’t,” Paige swears, squeezing at Azzi’s wait, “I won’t let you. We can take it slow. We can take it however you want- I just- we’re doing this?”
“Yeah,” Azzi can’t help the grin that fills up her entire face, “yeah we’re doing this.”
And as they surge forward to claim each other’s lips, and as they meld every inch of themselves into each other, and as they smile and cry into the kiss simultaneously, and as they etch promises into each other skin, and as they let themselves finally fall into each other, for each other, it feels a lot like coming home.
***
July 2024
The early morning sunlight casts a dark shadow across Paige’s face, causing the still asleep blonde to scrunch up her face in irritation. Azzi, who’s been awake for nearly half an hour now, can’t help the fond smile that creeps onto her own lips. She shifts herself to block the sun and Paige lets out a content sigh, burrowing herself further into her pillows. And the thing is every moment with Paige is special but there’s something about waking up to her in the morning. Azzi’s always awake first and it gives her ample time to just admire the girl in her arms, blond hair tousled all over her pillow, lips parted slightly open, and one arm always, always, splayed across Azzi’s torso, holding her close. Over the course of time, Azzi’s found out that the second she moves, Paige seems to feel her leave, waking up instantly.
There had been an adjustment period if Azzi's honest. It had taken her a while to shake that fear of Paige not being there in the morning. The first morning, she’d been scared to open her eyes, even if she could feel Paige’s presence right next to her. That had been one of the few mornings that Paige was fully awake first, hovering above Azzi to wake her up. And when she finally did get the courage to open her eyes, the first thing Azzi had seen was Paige, blue eyes sparkling with unfiltered adoration, a smile filled with promises of every morning just like this. And that had been enough.
Azzi reaches out to brush a hand through Paige’s soft blond hair, mesmerised by how pretty Paige looks in the morning glow. A lot of Paige belongs to the world now and Azzi’s not opposed to sharing really, because someone so fucking perfect, deserves to be celebrated like that. But there are some parts of Paige that belong to Azzi and Azzi only, some parts Azzi cherishes as being only hers. This is one of them and Azzi takes a snapshot of it, knowing she’ll need it to function in a few months, when she won’t get the real thing.
“Are you watching Paige sleep?” Azzi almost jumps at the sound of Drew’s voice at the doorway, having been too immersed in Paige to have even heard the door open, “that’s kinda creepy Azzi.”
“Jesus Drew, whatever happened to knocking?”
“I forgot?” Drew grins, before he plops on the bed, the force of it making the whole frame shake a little bit.
“Drew!” Azzi chides, “you’re gonna wake her up.”
Drew cocks his eyebrows, sparing his sister, who seems unphased by the sudden little bit of chaos around her, still fast asleep, an unimpressive look, “please she can sleep through anything. Besides, it’s already 9. I thought we were gonna do things. I been up for aaaages.”
“She’ll be awake soon,” Azzi smiles, ruffling the younger boy's hair. Drew rolls his eyes and it’s remarkable how much he resembles Paige, not just by face, but the mannerisms too.
He huffs for a second before his eyes sparkle with an idea, “what if we pour water on her!”
“Drew!” Azzi chastises again, trying not to giggle.
“Boo,” Drew crosses his arms across his chest, “you used to be so cool Azzi.”
Azzi laughs as she’s reminded of a younger version of herself, scheming with Drew on how to wake Paige up. And it’s not that she’s beyond that really, tucking the water idea for a rainy day, but Paige looks too peaceful this morning and she wants to preserve that look of serenity on the older girl’s face for just a little bit longer.
“Hey Azzi,” Drew says after a while and Azzi hums in response, “when you and Paige get married, I can still be a groomsman right? Even if there’s no grooms?”
“Wha- where did that come from?” the brunette’s eyes widened at the question, sitting up a little straighter.
Drew peers up at her with all the innocence of a pre-teen, “you are gonna get married right?”
“I don’t-”
“It’s too early for your yapping Drew,” Azzi’s saved from answering by Paige’s tired voice entering the conversation. She looks over to find Paige’s eyes already on her, a soft smile playing on her lips as she looks up at Azzi. If Drew wasn’t sitting right there, Azzi would lean over and kiss her and let Paige deepen it until they were both satisfied.
“Oh thank god,” Drew cheers dramatically, “I thought you were gonna sleep forever.”
Paige scoffs, the arm that’s still wrapped around Azzi’s torso tightening its hold, “I wish.”
“Well you’re awake now so get up,” Drew whines, moving from his spot on the end of the bed, to flop on top of Paige’s body instead, “get up, get up, GET UP.”
“Get off,” Paige groans but there’s no real force behind it. Azzi watches with a fond smile, as Paige flips Drew over so that she can tickle him, eliciting rounds of laughter from the younger boy. Something in her heart flutters, her mind going back to Drew’s question. She’s never really been one to think too hard about marriage and children and that domestic suburban life, leaving it up to fate, but now- well, maybe.
“Okay aight aight enough. Go get ready for breakfast and we’ll be down in a second,” Paige says, ushering Drew off of the bed.
“You can just tell me you want me to leave so you can kiss Azzi you know?” Drew scrunches up his nose, “you two are gross.”
Paige sends him a stern look and gets a dramatic eye roll in return but as he always does, Drew does as he’s told, mock saluting the two of them and skipping out of the room.
“He’s right by the way,” Paige says softly, turning back to where Azzi’s leaning against the backboard, “I do want to kiss you.”
Azzi smirks lopsidedly, “what’s stopping you?”
She squeals in surprise when Paige pulls her, the force of it causing both of them to tumble onto the front-end of the bed. Azzi ends up on top of Paige, hands resting around her neck, the blonde’s hands holding her waist in place.
“Good morning,” Paige grins, clearly proud of herself as she chases Azzi’s lips to pull her into a searing kiss.
“Good morning,” Azzi whispers back, thumb caressing Paige’s left cheek.
“Just so you know,” Paige pulls away, a determined glint in her eyes, “we’re so getting married one day.”
***
October 2024
Azzi’s mood has been rancid for the last couple of weeks. It’s terrible she knows; it makes her irritating to play with and a nightmare to live with. But even if this had been expected, that she would be on one end of the country and her heart would be on the other side, it doesn’t stop her from constantly being in a state of missing Paige. And it’s different from before, now that there’s a certain surety of of course i’ll see you soon but soon never really feels soon enough.
“Azzi can you please get the door,” Kiki calls from her room when the doorbell rings.
“I’m busy,” Azzi grunts back, snuggling further into her pillow with a book she isn’t actually reading, “you go get it.”
“Azzi please, I’m literally in the middle of getting dressed,” Kiki yells exasperatedly.
If it wasn’t for the fact that she’s pretty sure her teammates are about this close to plotting her murder, and deservedly so, Azzi would sink back onto her bed and let the incessant doorbell noise continue. But she does love her teammates, thinks Kiki probably deserves to change in peace, and it forces her out of bed, grumbling away about annoying visitors. Until she actually gets a look at the visitor. Paige stands on the doorstep, confident as ever, a bouquet of roses and peonies and lilies in her hand.
“You’re here,” Azzi breathes out, staring in awe.
“And thank fucking god she is,” Kiki quips from behind her, “maybe we can finally get our old happy Azzi back and not this bitch.”
Paige laughs, “watch how you talk about my girl Rice.”
“You’re here. You’re really here,” Azzi whispers again.
“I heard you missed me baby,” Paige says, her cocky smirk betrayed by the softness in her voice. And then Azzi is flying into her arms, throwing Paige off balance.
“So fucking much,” Azzi admits into Paige’s neck, eliciting a giggle from the blonde, “Kiki’s right. I have been a bitch.”
“Just a little bit,” Kiki calls out again but there’s a new fondness in her voice. It’s funny how her team, even the haters, have slowly become Paige fans. They’d been hesitant at first, just like the UConn girls, but now well, it seems the basketball world’s Montagues and Capulets have learned to accept their star players’ relationship.
“Missed you too Az,” Paige’s tone is vulnerable as they break away, “alright, go get changed, I wanna take you somewhere.”
“Or…,” Azzi presses her lips to Paige’s neck, leaving a trail of open-mouthed kisses, “we could stay here and do something else.”
Paige shivers under her touch, stepping away to keep some semblance of control “n-no I have plans,” but she can’t help but kiss Azzi’s pout away, “it’ll be worth it, I promise. Besides,” she bites at Azzi’s ear, “there’s always later.”
***
“Your big plans are to bring me to the supermarket,” Azzi cocks an eyebrow as they walk down one of the many aisles, “you turned down sex for this? Should I be offended?”
Paige doesn’t say anything, concentratedly looking at signs, trying to figure out a specific section, before an aha! moment dances over her face, and she pulls Azzi with her, the younger girl going willingly, despite the eye roll. She stops triumphantly in front of the sushi section and Azzi looks at her quizzically.
“I’m getting you supermarket sushi,” Paige says pointedly, “and then you can get me mac and cheese.”
And if you brought me sushi I’d have brought you your favourite mac and cheese. Oh. The realisation of what Paige is doing trickles around Azzi a little bit like rain after a long summer drought. She thinks back to the bouquet, everything suddenly making sense.
“You’re such a dork Paige Bueckers,” Azzi says softly, tapping the older girl’s nose.
“Your dork,” Paige grins cheesily, “now hurry up and pick one. I don’t wanna miss the sunset.”
***
Once she catches on it, it doesn’t surprise Azzi to find that Paige has everything planned out perfectly, down to the exact spot in the park- the one by Paige’s recovery airBnB, the one they’d taken countless walks in trying to repair their friendship- where the two of them can be away from everybody else, in their own little bubble. And she has a picnic blanket, that’s a little small but they don’t really want space from each other anyways. They lean against a tree, food set up in front of them, Paige’s laptop, carefully piled on top of a couple of books to be the perfect height, set a little bit further away.
“So what NBA game are we watching?” Azzi asks with a smile and Paige groans, “what? Was that not part of the plan?”
“Dude come on. It’s the beginning of October. Please tell me you know the NBA season isn’t happening yet,” Paige rubs her temple, only a little endeared by the comment, “are you sure you’re a basketball player?”
“There are games in October. I swear I’ve seen them before,” Azzi says sceptically.
“Yeah at the very end of the month, not right now.”
“Well then close enough,” Azzi says indignantly, “I don’t need to know the exact day.”
“Whatever you say baby,” Paige acquiesces with a smirk and it earns her an elbow to the stomach, “what the fuck? That shit’s domestic violence you know?”
“Big words Bueckers, didn’t think you knew them,” Azzi teases, placing a kiss against Paige’s offended expression, before settling herself against the blonde’s side, sighing contentedly when she gets a kiss on her temple in return. They’re cliché enough to put on Love and Basketball, but Azzi doesn’t really end up watching much at all. In between slow kisses, she almost falls asleep a couple of times, the comfort of Paige’s arms like a blanket wrapping her in the warmth of this is my fairytale.
“THE POLAROID,” Paige’s shout breaks Azzi out of her haze as she feels her body being shaken off, the blonde rummaging through her bag for the camera, “we have to take the polaroid. My wall needs it.”
“Oh yeah a tiny polaroid picture of us inbetween all your Lebron posters, a perfect fit,” Azzi drawls only to be met with a scathing look from Paige.
“It’s for important things and Lebron is the most important of them all,” Paige explains with complete seriousness, as she finally finds the polaroid camera and shimmies back to Azzi with it in hand.
The sunset is beautiful. Pink, purple, orange and blue, all blending together to create the perfect picture. But Azzi thinks it’s not nearly as beautiful as the girl in front of her, not nearly as beautiful as the date Paige had planned, not nearly as beautiful as the future she can so clearly see now. Her mind drifts back to the night of the phone call, and she can almost hear Paige’s sobs again, can still hear her own voice breaking. Back then, they had seemed impossible, a butterfly like dream that danced out of their grasp.
“Hey,” Paige captures her chin with two fingers, “where’d you go?”
Azzi shakes her head, “nowhere. I’m right here. With you. Where I should be.”
“Sappy goof,” Paige snorts but she kisses Azzi like she’ll take those words and hide them in the labyrinth of her mind, protect them there forever.
Taking the picture is a task, both of them bickering about angles and lights. It’s unnecessary arguing, in true Paige and Azzi fashion really but there’s something so mundanely domestic about it that Azzi finds herself wanting to memorise this moment too. They finally get the frame just right, somewhere in between what they both wanted. Azzi smiles at the camera, her Paige smile, as the blonde in question presses her lips against her cheeks.
Click.
And Azzi hopes, that however many years later, when they have a home of their own, amidst all the photos that they’ll take over the next years, this one will be hung somewhere on their wall, a testament to finally realising every dream they’d dared to dream together.
***
December 2024
There are pebbles being thrown at her window and Azzi has to stop herself from laughing when she peers down to see Paige, freezing cold in the Virginia December air, staring up at her with a goofy smile. She shakes her head when her phone rings, knowing it’s Paige and answers it with her own foolish grin.
“What exactly are you doing?” Azzi asks, “come back to bed.”
“You said I was unromantic. I’m trying to be romantic,” Paige’s teeth chatter in the cold, as she balances her phone in one hand, still throwing rocks with the other.
“I didn’t say that and throwing rocks at my window is supposed to be romantic? You’re going to wake the whole house up.”
“That’s what they do in all the good rom coms. And you said and I quote ‘we’re kind of boring’. You might be boring Azzi Fudd but I most definitely am not.”
It had been a throwaway comment Azzi had made at dinner with some friends from high school. One of her friends had been going on and on about some adventurous trip that she and her boyfriend were going on, and then asked Paige and Azzi if they had any of that planned. To which Azzi had replied that they were a little too busy, considering they were college basketball players still in season, and besides they were “kind of boring” people. She hadn’t meant it in any type of way. Personally, Azzi likes boring. Paige however, seemed to have taken the comment to heart and Azzi had woken up at 2 a.m. to an empty bed and the sound of something being thrown at her window.
“Okay I’m sorry. I’m sorry. You're really interesting baby and the most romantic person in the world. Now will you please come back to bed,” Azzi concedes, already missing the feeling of being cuddled up in her blankets with Paige’s body heat keeping her nice and toasty.
“No,” Paige says indignantly, “come down here.”
“Paige, it's freezing. It’s gonna start snowing any minute.”
“Exactly. That’s exciting.”
“Sleep is exciting,” Azzi whines, but she’s already padding around her room looking for a warm sweater, grumbling under her breath about the warm California sun she’s missing. She tiptoes down the staircase, wincing at the one step that creaks just a little too much, before pushing herself out the door. And it’s freezing cold, there’s sleep in her eyes, but it’s all worth it Azzi thinks, it’ll always be worth it, just to experience Paige’s smile.
“Knew you’d come,” Paige grins cockily, mittened hands pulling Azzi into her.
“Yeah yeah. What are we even doing?”
“Azzi Fudd,” Paige bellows dramatically, “may I have this dance.”
Azzi stares at Paige’s outstretched hand wondering if this is some sort of cry for help, but one look at Paige’s face tells her that the girl in front of her is being absolutely serious.
“This is your idea of exciting? Dancing in the street while it’s freezing with no music?” Azzi raises an eyebrow, but she takes Paige’s hand.
“It’s spontaneous,” Paige says the last word with a flourish, as she spins Azzi, “why not dance in the street when it’s freezing with no music?”
And well, that’s a fair point. If anyone were to look out their window that night, they’d probably think the two girls were somewhat crazy. Laughing and giggling and tripping over each other as Paige hums a melody and Azzi occasionally joins in. It’s ridiculous and corny and cliché and perfect. And then the first little bit of snow falls, white drops circling around the two dancing girls, snowflakes catching on their eyelashes. The dim glow of the streetlight is enough to catch identical smiles on the two girl’s faces as they revel in each other.
“You know some people say if you make a wish during the first snowfall, it’ll come true,” Paige whispers, still waltzing the two of them around, cheek pressed to Azzi’s, “you wanna try?”
And the thing is Azzi doesn’t really believe in all of that, in magic but something about Paige, something about this moment feels magical. It makes a believer out of Azzi.
“Yeah,” Azzi smiles, “let’s make a wish.”
They stand still, holding hands, eyes closed, both a little breathless, as they make their wishes. And when they open them, if it feels a little bit like maybe their wishes have already been granted, well they’ll share it in a secret smile but never out loud. After all, wishes don’t come true if you speak of them.
***
April 2025
7 seconds to go in the National Championship and Azzi’s UCLA Bruins are down by two points. It’s her last chance, having already declared for the 2025 WNBA draft, to win a national championship, to bring home their first basketball national championship since the 1978 team that had won the AIAW championship, to win their first NCAA championship ever. It had taken some sheer luck to get to this point if Azzi’s honest. As a two-seed in the Spokane region, they’d benefitted from their one-seed having been eliminated early and then getting to face a Cinderella six-seed in the final four. On the other side of the bracket, UConn, the favourites coming for a repeat, had been stunned by another team, the team that UCLA was now facing. That had caused a bit of a second-hand sting and Azzi’s not really trying to take revenge for Paige, but it'd be a lie to say the get back at them for me babe from earlier this morning isn’t ringing in her head.
The play is simple, set screens for Azzi, get her open, get her the ball. A two would get them to a tie and three would win it outright. Either will do. It’s a little too reminiscent of last year when Azzi had failed at tying the final 4 game and she can still feel that loss on the tips of her fingers. They break out from their last timeout, breathlessly running to their spots on the floor. The whistle blows, Kiki inbounds the ball and everything is a blur. All Azzi knows is the shot clock is winding down. She runs off of what feels like a million screens. And then she’s open on the wing, for a millisecond. A perfect pass from Kiki makes sure the ball lands straight in Azzi’s hand. And she doesn’t think, doesn’t breathe, doesn’t even notice the defender put up a hand, she shoots the ball. There’s two people on the court that know for sure that ball is going in the minute it leaves Azzi’s fingers, the shooter herself and her biggest fan in the stands, who’s been just a little bit in love with that shooting stroke, since before anything else had even begun.
With a delicate swish, the ball falls through the net, the buzzer sounds around the arena, the crowd explodes in blue and gold, as the UCLA Bruins win the 2025 national championship.
Everything stills in Azzi’s brain for a second, her thoughts taking a second to catch up to reality. She’s never really been one to emotion on the court, keeping herself steely guarded through most games, even at the very end. But now, triumph and pride and just utter happiness at finally achieving one of her biggest dreams, comes roaring to the surface, manifesting itself throughout her entire body, as she lets out a scream of joy. Her teammates engulf her and she gets lost in a sea of hugs and tears and bright, decadent smiles.
As thing start to calm down, there’s really only one thing on Azzi’s mind and Paige’s words echo in her ears, because if I’m gonna end up fucking crying, then I want it to be on your shoulder. And if I’m gonna end up celebrating, I want it to be in your arms. And Azzi thinks maybe Paige had discovered one of the biggest truths of their life with that, the truth that at the end of day, in any moment, big or small, happy or sad, the one person Azzi wants next to her, is her Paige. It’s been that way since she was fourteen, and too young to really understand the meaning of wanting someone forever, and she thinks if she has her way, it’ll be like that for the rest of her life, the rest of their life.
Paige is beaming in the crowd, standing next to Jon and José, a #35 jersey proudly adorning her torso. She waves when she catches Azzi’s eyes, always her biggest cheerleader. And Azzi throws caution to the wind, fuck it, not caring that there’s still a large crowd or that cameras are likely to follow her every move. She pushes her way into the stands, stopping right in front of the blonde.
“On a scale of one to ten, how bad would kissing you right now be?” Azzi asks, still a little breathless.
A myriad of emotions flicker through Paige’s face before settling on a mischievous smirk, “probably pretty bad but you should do it anyways.”
Azzi grins before merging their lips together and everything else fades to the background, until she’s consumed by nothing but Paige. They break apart far quicker than either of them would like and Azzi expects to feel just a little bit of fear at what she’s just done, likely given the media a spectacle they could run a million and one stories about but instead, with her forehead still pressed against Paige’s, she feels nothing but calm.
“I’m so in love with you,” Azzi whispers and Paige’s eyes widen. They’ve known it for a while now but it’s the first time either of them have said it.
“Say it again,” Paige demands.
“I’m so in love with you,” Azzi says again, grinning so hard, she thinks it might become her permanent expression, “like really fucking in love with you.”
“I’m so in love with you,” Paige whispers, pulling Azzi into a bone-crushing hug.
And this might not be the moment where everything finally comes together. There’s still so much life left to live, so much that they still need to work through, so much they’ve yet to deal with. But for now, Azzi has a national championship and she has the love of her life, the rest will work itself out, or so she hopes.
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JEALOUSY
Negan × female reader (Alexandrian reader, Rick's daughter)
Summary: Negan gets JEALOUS after he finds something in the readers room.
Warnings: 18+, smut, blowjob, spanking, fingering, clit rubbing, nipple sucking, unprotected sex, overprotective Negan.
Note: This is my first fic, so I don't know what I'm doing😅. Feel free to request some ideas for the future.
"Take your time. Make it good."
Olivia stuttered out a few words before rushing out of the kitchen.
"So, kid.. How about a tour around?" Carl sighed and began showing him around. Negan had taken off his boots and sock, enjoying the softness of the carpet. He checked out the sink, then some other rooms. There was one room that really had his attention. One that Carl didn't wanna show him. "C'mon, what's in there?"
"Nothing special." Carl mumbled.
Negan on the other side, wasn't having it. He opened the door anyway and stepped inside. There was a crib in one of the corners of the room, a bed in the other. He walked over to the crib and picked up Judith. "Look at this little angel..." He rocked her in his arms while she cooed softly.
"So, who's room is that?"
"Y/N's"
"Oh, Y/N's..."
Meanwhile you were just getting back from a supply run with your dad. You both got out of the truck, opening the trunk for Negan's men to see that everything was there.
"You go, I'll finish here." Rick said, while one of Negan's men was looking trough the stuff. You walked back to your house, your shorts lifting up a bit as you did so.
You saw Carl and Olivia sitting at the porch. Carl was holding Judith.
You entered the house without asking any questions. You took off your boots and started walking up the stairs to your room, stopping mid-stair when you heard someone shout "What the fuck?!".
You immediately recognized the voice. You continued walking. When you got to your room you sighed before opening the door. He was there, looking at your thrash bin that was next to your desk. You immediately regretted going in.
"Care to explained?" He said, looking up from the bin, while pointing at it.
"Ummm..." You were speechless. How do you explain that? He'd kill you.
"I want to know. Why do you have a condom in your thrash bin? A used condom."
"I think you can guess."
That only made it worse. He walked up, towering over you. You gulped as you felt his hot breath against your skin. "Who was it?"
"You don't know him..."
"I'd be very fucking glad to meet him, let me tell you that, sweetheart." He gently lifted your chin so you could look at him. It was like he was staring into your soul. His eyes were cold, almost showing no emotion, but there was one thing you could see. Jealousy.
"Get on your knees."
You accepted your faith, getting on you knees in front of him. You knew what he wanted, but you weren't gonna do anything else without a command. "You know what to do."
You nodded.
"So do it."
Lifting your hands off of your thighs where they were resting, you reached for his belt, unbuckling it. You unbuttoned and u zipped his pants, already seeing his hardness through them. Sliding them down along with his boxers, you couldn't help but stare at it. It was big with just the right amount of thickness and the tip was red, already leaking pre-cum.
You wrapped you hands around it, giving it a few strokes before he was solid like cement. Low groans escaped his mouth as you licked the tip, then further to his balls. You took him in your mouth, already gagging on the half of it.
"You can take more. You will take more." He grabbed a handful of hair and pushed you further until your nose was touching his public hair. "There you go. God, you look so pretty with my cock in your mouth."
Your eyes watered from the need of oxygen. When he thought that was enough, he let you pull away, still keeping his hand in your hair. You took a deep breath before going back to pleasuring him with your mouth and hands. Soon you felt him twitch in your mouth, as he gripped your hair harder.
"Fuck, I'm close.. So fucking close."
He shoot his warm seed deep in your throat, groaning loudly before pulling you up on your feet. He kissed you harshly, tasting himself on your lips. Negan then pushed you onto the bed, towering over you. Spreading your legs open and setting between them, he kicked off his pants, that were gathered at his ankles. His jacked following, then his white barely see-through t-shirt. He threw them on the floor before focusing on getting you naked for him. He quickly slid off your shorts along with your panties, throwing them aside then ripping your tank top apart, leaving you only in your bra. You could see he was still mad, even tho he had that stupid grin on his face.
"You're mine from now on, capiche?"
You nodded but that wasn't enough for him. His rough hand slapped your ass, making you cry out.
"Yes. Yes, I understand..."
"Good." He reached behind your back, taking your bra off and throwing it to the pile of clothes on he floor. Immediately his lips were on your breast, sucking on the nipple, probably leaving a hickey. This made you moan like crazy, but it got even louder when he reached to rub your clit with his thumb while his two fingers entered you. Negan started pumping them in and out.
"You like that, baby?" His smirk got wider from the cute little noises you made. "Hell yeah, you do."
You whimpered when he pulled his fingers out, wanting more.
"Don't worry. That tight hole won't be unfilled for a long time." With that, he slammed into you, making you scream out. His hand quickly covered your mouth, muffins your cries. Negan's face buried in your neck as he started moving at a slow pace at first. He kissed your neck as you moaned from the feeling of his cock stretching your out. His pace fastened, as he was leaving wet kisses and love bites on your neck and collarbone. He was now fucking you mercilessly. "What, your tight little cunt can't take me all?"
That nasty grin on his face remained as he was giving you pleasure and pain at the same time. You were clinging to him, scratching his back and shoulders. He groaned as your nails dig into his flesh, but that didn't stop him from going.
"Negan..." You cried out, making him smirk even more.
"I know, baby. I know..."
Your walls tightened, signaling to him that you were close. He let out a low growl, buring his head even more in your neck. "I'm gonna cum.."
"Give it to me, baby. Give me everything you have.."
You came with a loud scream, his name coming out of your lips. He kept thrusting, chasing for his orgasm and soon enough you felt him twitch inside you.
"Oh, I'm gonna cum. Can I cum in this tight pussy?"
"What?! No, Ne-"
"That's a yes." He interrupted you before you could finish.
"No, Negan, please don't.."
"I'm gonna fill you up so good.."
You moaned as he shot his hot cum into you. Not that you minded, you just didn't wanna get pregnant yet. But it felt so good that you wanted to do it again. He was panting softly, still groaning. He dropped his weight on you, careful not to crush your tiny body. He finally pulled out, as you whimpered at the loss off him in you, already missing the feeling of him.
"We're definitely doing this again."
"Agreed..."
"I want you to remember who you belong to, princess."
#negan smith#negan smut#negan#negan x reader#negan fanfiction#twd negan#the walking dead#twd#jeffrey dean morgan
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From the start
So the last few days I've tried to reflect on where my relationship began with Jesus and God. As I was reflecting I realized that despite me knowing WHO God and Jesus were from a very early age I didn't have a personal relationship with God until 2018. So I'm gonna recap on why this is.
When I was little my family was always going to church. My grandparents and mom went to church and I was there with them. Now when I was little we went to mostly Pentecostal churches and I'm not here to put down any denomination for we are not to be divided but come together to form one and worship as one. However, when I was little I would sit there and listen and watch, and there are a few times I could feel the spirit talk to me, but much like I was immature that I couldn't understand fully what the Spirit wanted. Like much today when we take our children to church, we teach them how to behave and act in churc. When I got to my teenage years and joined a local church's choir I enjoyed singing and praising God. I could feel the spirit tugging at my heart but I still couldn't understand what it wanted. It wasn't until 2018 that I found myself in a world where I felt trapped raising a child (he will always be my baby) by myself with a little help of my mother and the father of my son not being as reliable. It was then that a woman I barely knew asked me, "Are you okay?" At that moment I realized that no matter what I did, no matter how much I tried, I wasn't okay because I was pulling the old fake it to you make it. I was physically, mentally, and spiritually drained. That day was when I realized that I can't get no where in this life without asking help from a higher power because everyone else is only human, they make errors, and are not going to be 100% reliable when I need them.
So that's when I started going to church. The lady was nice enough to invite me to her church and that's where I met some of the most wonderful amazing people ever who will do anything and everything to help you. Even if it's just praying for you, sometimes prayers do more for you then what money or items every could. After a few weeks it was during a sermon about resentment and holding onto grudges that the Lord worked on me and showed me where I had erred all my life. That I was so quick to hold onto grudges from something that someone did over 20+ years ago and until I let go of that hatred I would never find peace or happiness. That day I left everything to God, I prayed for a resolution to an issue with my father that I had been facing for many years and guess what! God answered. I was able to make peace with my father and let go of some of the hatred I had been holding onto.
Now I want to recap on why my faith and relationship with God and Jesus didn't start until 2018, despite me feeling him knocking on my heart multiple times before. When I was growing up, you were expected to act a certain way at church, but there wasn't a lot of explaining. Like we were told you raise your hands to praise but nobody could point it out to me in the bible exactly where it said this. Fast forward to 2018 when one of my coworkers who was studying the bible could point it out to me in less than a 5 minute conversation. Now I'm not putting all the blame on the church from my childhood, or my mom, or my grandparents. It wasn't for them to them force me to have a relationship with God. Now that I'm older and more understanding, if I wanted to really know the answer I should have opened my Bible and really tried to read it and let God's word speak to me. So in the end it was because I wasn't ready to accept God and that I couldn't perceive his will. Anyways I just wanted to share this story with you all and I hope everyone has a good day.
John 14:6-7
Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me. If ye had known me, ye should have known my Father also: and from henceforth ye know him, and have seen him.
#jesus#testimony#jesus christ#God#help#love#truth#Christian#Christianity#Bible#Bible verse#bible scripture#word of God
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No, I'm not dying
The flu was nothing new to humans. They had been dealing with variants of it for centuries despite what some assumed. So, really, you calling in a sick day and locking yourself inside your room so the kids didn't get it wasn't a big deal. Or so you and Iruma had thought.
Apparently, it was a big deal to demons. Your phone received hundreds of different texts and calls the main culprit being Balam, who was practically a hysterical when speaking to. Why in Devi's name did he think you were dying?
Asking what he should do for your human burial rights and everything. It kinda pissed you off that he had so little faith in your immune system! And if Balam was being dramatic, Sullivan was being 10x worse.
Balling his eyes out and rambling about not wanting to lose his baby. Honestly, what a headache. It wasn't until after you woke up from a nap that you saw a text from iruma that made you think twice.
'I think there's some kind of misunderstanding. Maybe flu means something else here?' You thought back to all the crying and excessive messages. That might explain something. But you still had 2-3 more days for recovery.
So you simply texted back. 'Kindly remind your grandfather that we are not demons and therefore will not die from demonic disease.' Then you shot a quick text to the sniveling demon outside your door. 'I'm not dying for devi's sake. I just need rest!'
Then you called Balam and demanded he come over now if he was going to be so emotional about this. The large demon was outside your balcony in minutes. You swung open the doors and gave the sharpest glare you could muster with your stuffed up system at work.
"I'm gonna make this very clear, so listen." Your voice a little nasally, but luckily, it wasn't too bad. "I'm not dying. I will not be dying. Humans have dealt with this for generations. it's a part of life. Now stop fussing. All I need is bed rest for 3 more days max and then I'll show you that I'm still alive and will beat the ass of anyone who says otherwise."
You coughed a few times, but the glare you gave when the large demon reached out stopped him in his tracks. "I'm kicking you out of the nest till I get better." He gasped "what no please what if it gets worse or-"
You gave him a look. "I am fine. I will be fine. You can ask questions and give me a full check-up when I am better." You slammed the door back into place. Knowing that if he wanted to, the demon could easily rip it off its hinges. But also knowing he wouldn't.
A knock at your door reveals a tear stained Sullivan looking at you. Or well, it's more like through you. "Humans are so delicate." He murmured. You snorted.
"Of course, we are compared to demons. That just makes all of our accomplishments more amazing! Watch me, Papa, I'm gonna get better, then I'll be kicking down the doors to babyls again in no time." You flshed a cheeky grin.
***72hrs later***
You race down the stairs, wishing the kids good morning. Bestowing hugs and kisses freely as you went. Leaping past a shocked opera and into the dining room where a sulking Sullivan sat.
You started texting your colleagues that you were fine as you made your way over to the slim demons side. "Papa, I'm feeling lazy. Will you carry me to school?" You teased. The demon perked up and looked at you.
You smiled and twirled in place a moment. "Hurry, Papa, I have so much to do before classes start." Sullivan scooped you up immediately spinning you around the room.
Laughter filled the room. Later that day, just as the bell rang for first class to start, you kicked down Balams door. Students shocked yet egar to see you. "I lived bitch!" You shouted before striding over to the trembling demon and pulling him in for much needed cuddle time.
#mairimashita! iruma kun#welcome to demon school iruma kun#reader#lord sullivan#iruma suzuki#balam shichirou#balam x reader
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That is very good, feeling extremely gay is the best.
While I'm here (since I was gonna request this last night/yesterday but I fell asleep), do you have any thoughts/head cannons on Adult!Yellow Jackets (whether you include cannon adult YJ's by themselves or as well as the others that died ((Jackie, Laura Lee etc)) is up to you) as parents/how they are around kids.
Just a thought, since Mama Lottie is the only thing I've been able to think about for weeks and I'm super excited for chapter 2 (no pressure on releasing it of course), and thought this would be cool.
If not don't worry I'll 100% understand if you don't xxx
-🐝
Oh my gosh, this is absolutely perfect for me, thank you so much for asking me to ramble about the girls as moms/aunts. It's my favorite thing to think about. Some of these will expand upon what I said in my SFW alphabet
Yellowjackets as parents/with kids
tw: food shame/judgment with Jackie religious themes with Laura Lee (all positive endings)
Jackie
✰ Jackie had a very strict upbringing to me. She was obsessed with being perceived as perfect and model all the time and I can only assume that was instigated by her parents (mostly her mother)
✰ She seems like the type to have kids, but she's always trying to improve upon how she grew up because she knows how that pressure feels and doesn't want that for her kids
✰ For whatever reason, I see her as a girl mom whose last kid is surprisingly a boy and she's thrown for a loop because she's so used to having girls, and having a boy is suddenly so different
✰ but as a girl mom, she tries to be really open for her daughters. She wants them to see her as just a normal person because that's how they'll then look at themselves. She's also that mom on holidays or family gatherings that lets her kids have control over what they eat
✰ I headcanon her mom was one of those almond moms who was always talking about what Jackie was eating or looked like and she's not gonna let that happen to her girls. She wants them to have a positive relationship with food from the start so they don't have to learn it like she did. She's opening up the pumpkin pie at thanksgiving before dinner is served and giving each of her kids a slice and noone can stop her
Laura Lee
✰ Laura Lee is still very involved in her church and faith in her adulthood and I can see her wanting that for her children too, but she makes it very clear that that faith for them doesn't need to be strictly Christianity. I think she'd probably take them to church when they're little, but she'd be really open to letting her kids know if that's not something they want, they can tell her they no longer want to go
✰ I can perfectly envision her as one of those moms at pride with the free mom hugs shirt on and proudly holding up her sign about how god made everyone beautiful as they are. She's also taking in any kid who needs a roof over their head and a hot meal, no questions asked
✰ I see her wanting to fully or partially home-schooling her kids. Can't really explain why, but it feels fitting
Lottie
✰ We already know a lot of how I look at Lottie as a mom, given my mama!Lottie tag and fic, Bean Sprout, but I'll never skip an opportunity to gush about her more!
✰ she's the epitome of the crunchy granola mom who's taking her kid out to the garden with her, encouraging them to dig in the dirt in their rain boots and overalls to find worms and other bugs and taking them on hikes with the dog. She's got her kid and her dog with her all the time.
✰ She's the kind of mom who wants her kid to try everything at least once, but not in a pushy way. She thinks it extremely important for confidence development that her kid knows that it's ok to try and fail because you can always get right back up again
✰ She's also really good with other people's kids. She likes watching the way kids think and the best way to see and understand that is by getting to know them on their level
Misty
✰ Misty's awkward around everyone, and that extends to kids as well, but she's a little better with kids than she is with adults. She babysat back when she was a teenager, so she still knows a thing or two
✰ part of me can see her as a mom while another part of me doesn't. I think had the crash not happened, she'd be more likely to have or adopt a kid of her own, but in the crash timeline that feels far less likely
✰ that or it's a situation where she thought she wanted to be a mom when she was growing up because "that's what everyone wants" but as she gets older she realizes that no, she really doesn't want to be a parent
✰ but I do think she enjoys being around children to some degree due to her babysitting days
Natalie
✰ So Natalie is an interesting one because my immediate reaction is always no, in no world does she like kids, but then I remember that she's actually pretty chill with kids and we see that when she goes to Kevin's son's soccer game
✰ In no way do I think she'd have a kid of her own, but she can definitely be the favorite aunt, that's for sure. She's gonna teach her friend's kids about the reality of the world, maybe how to get away with some very petty crime (but if they actually do it, she'll be pissed) and she's gonna go and take them to do the things they aren't supposed to, like getting sweets before dinner
Shauna
✰ I think Shauna prefers younger kids. She's definitely having a hard time with Callie and the teen years, but based on how she talks about Callie when she was younger, she enjoyed the younger days
✰ She seems like one of those moms who had trouble making other mom friends, but it's alright because she's go her little girl keeping her company
✰ I feel like Callie was her little mini-me, which makes her growing up harder
✰ she's definitely one of those moms who kept a baby journal when she was pregnant, writing to her baby nearly every day and she managed to keep it up throughout a good chunk of her childhood. she's planning to give it to Callie when she graduates high school
Taissa
✰ Tai gives me the vibe that having a kid wasn't something she initially considered when she was making her life plan, but now that she has Sammy she'd never go back
✰ I'm really hoping we get Sammy and Taissa again in season 3 because when she's in a good space and caring for herself she really is a good and caring mother, and it made me sad to lose that completely in season 2
✰ I personally think Samone carried Sammy and Tai stayed by her the whole time, making sure her wife got the best care she possibly could when they were in labor. After he was born and she got to hold him, she got this overwhelming feeling realizing that yeah, she's a mom now and this is her little guy to take care of
✰ she's definitely an only-child mom to me. I don't personally see her wanting another kid. can't really explain why on that one
Van
✰ Very much like Natalie, Van gives off chill aunt or step-parent energy to me. I don't see her having kids of her own, but she's definitely really good with kids. The only way I see her as a mom is if she gets into a relationship with someone who's already got a kid
✰ She'd be willing to babysit her friend's kids as Aunt Van and she loves hosting them at her house for sleepovers. Breakfast is always fun at the Palmer house, and it's guaranteed to be very sugary
✰ I mentioned it before, but I can imagine her hosting summer parties in her backyard and grilling lunch with a bunch of kids running around playing with water balloons and squirt guns
✰ she's definitely got a box or closet full of cool toys for when she has kids visit. She also loves teaching them about the movies she liked growing up and taking them out on all kinds of outings
#◛⑅·˚ ༘ ♡ kay's at it again♡#◛⑅·˚ ༘ ♡chit chat with kay♡#ask box#yellowjackets x reader#yellowjackets fanfic#yellowjackets#yellowjackets thoughts#yellowjackets headcanons#jackie taylor#jackie taylor headcanons#laura lee#laura lee headcanons#misty quigley#misty quigley headcanons#natalie scatorccio#natalie scatorccio headcanons#shauna shipman#shauna sadecki#Shauna sadecki headcanons#taissa turner#taissa turner headcanons#vanessa palmer#van palmer#vanessa palmer headcanons#van palmer headcanons
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LMAOO!! ok I'm not gonna spoil the R&L video but plspls if you watch it tell us what you think!!
OKAY I have watched it twice now. It is obviously another symbolic work but the first time I was so dumbfounded by all the weirdness that I got like only a couple of symbolisms. The second watch was more fruitful. So let's get to it!
The Brown Diamond
First of all, the moment we got the title and the teaser I knew this would have potty humour and that, also, it would be about anal again.
The standing doggystyle in the beginning is fun but does not have a significance in the story. However, since the title is "The Quest for the Brown Diamond" it might be an attempt to create a subconscious connection between the two.
It is interesting that the very next scene sort of subverts the expectations formed from the previous one: Rhett is a very awkward and reserved, shy, gentle, intelligent man with many phobias, Horst, whereas Link is Sandy, a loud, crude, angry but good hearted man, with an established interest in women. They seem like total opposites of the characters they play, however there is truth hidden in them i.e Rhett is an introvert and he can be gentle and intelligent and Link can be angry and loud despite being a good person. I don't understand what was exactly the concept behind making the characters diverge so much from Rhett and Link in other aspects. Perhaps it was a red herring.
Whatever they said in the end, there is no more genuine statement of affection than "You look weird as hell...... but you always do".
Horst says he has this hair to have a form of natural shield and this might give as a hint as to why Rhett's character has so many phobias and puts up so many defenses; maybe it's about all the things he considered sinful and unacceptable when he was still in the faith.
The whole quest to essentially steal the diamond is Sandy's initiative and passion, while Horst simply follows because that's what he does, he follows Sandy. This might explain Sandy's assertiveness; by every allegorical work of theirs we have seen before it is implied again and again that Link (perhaps counterintuitively) was actually the pursuer of their relationship. Don't forget Carney in Friday's GMMore freaking saying that Link was Romeo between the two, whom Stevie had just described as an extrovert who pursued his relationship with Juliet! And that was the last episode before this video! Isn't all this...WILD? This also suggests that at this point a lot of the crew members know.
Horst opens tentantively the door and Sandy sarcastically says: "Look, Horst contributing already to the project!". They get in the mansion, where Sandy decides to rub himself on every single surface while Horst watches scandalized. The one time poor Horst tries to mimic Sandy, he realises he was trying to rub on a cherub which obviously kills his mood again. So this is likely about how much Link had to "throw himself out there" to make this work and how hesitant and scared Rhett was in the beginning.
By the way
Of course.
This gives me Rhett mixing his words flashback and saying "Link McLaughlin". Except this here is intentional. Then again someone could say best friends and branded business partners could do that too. However, with all the other stuff here, we can suspect this is not that simple of a case.
Horst pumps them both up with energizing food for the quest and it might be associated with the whole theme of the puzzle video, where it was implied they needed some... assistance in their first times. Sandy has to eat some seaweed, an experience he describes as "cunnilungus with the ocean" and Horst eats a sausage wrapped in bologna, which is the point where he breaks character a little, as Rhett apparently finds this too amusing! This all means that the energizing food scene though is heavily sex-coded.
After a straightTM moment, when Sandy builds up the courage to ask his ex-stepson (Tanner? Tunner?) if his mom still thinks about him, he starts looking for the diamond. He mentions he was looking at his Nana's drawers when he was young but then he asks this to be cut from the film as he doesn't want people to think that about him, which means this too is suspicious and in this case it probably implies he was exploring his feminine side. Ironically, this was also mentioned in the last GMMore, when Link asked for a few more years before he starts dressing like Miss Pingy...!
Meanwhile, Horst doesn't look for the diamond but gives as an empathetic, admiring, caring and loving description of Sandy. Yes, Sandy is frantic, angry, a brute but Horst sees through him and understands why he is the way he is. Sandy's childhood is similar to Link's to some extent.
Sandy follows and gives a shorter but emotional description of Horst: he stands out, he is a little weird but he is good and smart. Sandy also establishes he is protective of him and warns the stepson to not hurt Horst.
AND THEN OF COURSE THEY BROUGHT UP THE PUZZLE ARRYFFUJBIOGD Sandy even has a tattoo of the notorious puzzle piece, while Horst keeps it in his bracelet of things he fears and loves. (If you don't know what the deal with the puzzle is please read this).
Horst finds a guitar and starts playing a sweet song... so sweet that it is literally called
Sandy, much like real Link every time Rhett sings and plays music, stops his frantic search and listens hypnotized to Horst's playing. He joins him by the fireplace and they sing together. It is very sweet, very domestic. When the song ends, the silence between them is heavy and uncomfortable but full of warmth. Sandy asks Horst how he is feeling and Horst admits he is still scared. Sandy, pensive but respectful, decides that they should go, as apparently this whole thing isn't working out for them. He expresses regret for dragging Horst into this.
But, lo and behold! At the last moment, Horst finds a secret door and is suddenly the more excited one who reminds Sandy of their quest. In this secret room, they find a video recorded by the deceased owner of the mansion and the diamond, who gives instructions on how to get the diamond. The quest is bound to a riddle and this riddle IS THIS ONE:
To be shared between three, the heart must not be free but the damage is done if the heart is given to one.
Get it? If you have to give your heart to other two, your heart is not free, but then again when the heart is given to THE one only, that's when shit hits the fan (well literally in this video).
Can you believe it? Can you believe this is the story of these apparently extremely romantic middle-aged Southern youtubers?
The heart, the diamond, is of course inside Bahau moon, a three-ass artifact. Reminds of "the way to a woman's heart is through a worm's / woman's anus".
Sandy and Horst hear noises from upstairs and it appears Brandy, Horst's best friend at work, was trying to steal the diamond before them. And that is because Horst told her their secret as “he tells her everything”. What does Brandy symbolizes? Horst loves her a lot as a friend and keeps no secrets from her, Sandy is antagonistic to her. Sandy gets his hand in this ass first and competes with her for the diamond. Horst follows hesitantly again. They realise neither can win over the heart and all be happy. So Horst implores them to all lay off the heart diamond. In fact, Sandy has grabbed the heart and agrees to let it go only if Brandy promises to also not stick her hand to the ass again. Sorry for suggesting this...but can Brandy be a wife, like Jessie? Once they are all out of the Bahau moon and safe, Horst realises that his "phobias and loves" bracelet is dropped inside the artifact. He begs the other two to get inside the Bahau moon once more so he can retreive his bracelet. This might be associated to Rhett always having this pattern that he wants this to stop, to prevent it but then he is the one falling back to it (check Hazel where he tries to save Link but then Hazel takes him first and in the dig-a-hole video where he pulls Link out of his enjoyment only to later suggest a larger hole than Link did and drive the excavator himself). Horst really begs Brandy, tells her to do it for the sake of their “old good memories” together. This whole thing reminds me of that time Rhett was bringing up a lot that his marriage had gone through a milestone, that he and Jessie had had a very big and serious talk that changed but also supposedly “strengthened” their marriage. And then once Link let it slip that he was present during that serious talk of the couple, which one would expect would have happened privately.
Brandy betrays them, takes the brown diamond and leaves them. The Bahau moon starts releasing toxic gas. Sandy tells the camera man to save himself. The camera man still records Sandy and Horst's last moments from outside the window. As they are dying, they hold hands with their still free hand. Sandy asks forgiveness for everything but Horst does not hold anything against him. Before he takes his last breath, Sandy tells Horst he loves him. They die there, trapped forever. This ending resembles Hazel a lot, where they disappear forever in Hazel's forest. In Hazel, Link was also trying to tell Rhett he loves him before what he thought would be their last moments.
This gives the riddle another dimension, because in the end Sandy and Horst remain with their One, meaning each other, also stressed by the love confession, and this kills them. It is perhaps suggested that Brandy (a wife?) got her heart back and went on with her life, while they can't do the same. They stay trapped with the love that kills them.
And here's another ANON I got, I hope they read it cause I am answering here:
Thanks a lot for telling me!!! Yes it doesn't surprise me one bit. The ending is supposed to have that despair and melancholy of always staying trapped, hidden. Just like Hazel. Very interesting that it was braver before the cuts. Perhaps they thought it would make it too obvious? But, too little is obvious for A LOT of their fans, right? I also don't understand, do they actually want people to pick up on it after all, or not? They confuse me so much.
Unless the few of us still imagine all that stuff lol never in my life before have I seen friends act like that but the funniest thing is that I haven't seen people in love act like that either! Will we get an autobiography from them in the distant future, I wonder? Because we should.
#rhink#rhett and link#randl#r&l#r&l videos#the quest for the brown diamond#long text#tw long text#tw long#tw long post#mythical#anon#ask#mail
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To me the problem with lore olympus and rachel is that she keeps the fan feedback too close to her chest, yes it does "affect her because she's very sensitive" which is smth rachel has said before in interviews and stuff, but the problem is that if u let fan opinions get in the way of ur work maybe u should set boundaries with the way u interact with fan content OF UR OWN WORK.
Im not sure if im explaining myself correctly, but the way rachel somehow always tries to prove criticism wrong and has slowly started ignoring the foundations she previously set is making everything just so flat and boring. She doesnt work with what we've already read but trying to somehow "fix" things that are sometimes not clear on the get go.
For example, u (and a lot of people) complained about how demeter explicitly said she always put persephone in white (when persephone has willingly been wearing that color through the entire series). Meanwhile, i remember having read a post from loreolympians on instagram (iirc) analyzing perse's change of color scheme during s2.
The problem with these things is that rachel has most likely been engaging with these fans who take for granted that she plans everything out or that everything has a deep meaning (which to a sense you should do, because having faith in the author is usually how to go about analyzing storytelling), and somehow it's become a strange echochamber and it results in these weird, very blatantly written to be noticed, details or moments htat try to be smart but are just flat bc rachel doesnt give any effort to anything else aand prefers telling rather than showing so she can feel like a good author when fans obviously point these out
Jdhdjd these are just my two cents and sorry for the long rant but yeah basically rachel should separate herself from the fandom and try to write more objectively and focusing on the narrative instead of taking every little criticism of her comic so personally
Honestly, I can get being a little squeamish around criticism, shit I've had analysis stuff on my work that's consisted of praise and it's still sometimes a little overwhelming to read (I've got a big one in my asks right now that took me like 10 minutes to get thru because I had to keep taking breathers and I still need to actually share it LMAO it's not even criticism! it's just got so much in it, ahfdsaklg)
When it comes to criticism, I still get a little "aw man" sometimes. I recently got feedback from Pyrrhic & Victoria on my Reaper redraws and even though I'm pals with them and know they aren't gonna be harsh, it's still an incredibly vulnerable position to put oneself in. Especially when it's projects that you hold very close to your sense of self.
RS has definitely taken it a little too far in tying LO to herself as a person. Criticism of the comic = criticism of her , and her fanbase seems to view this the same way, that if someone doesn't like the comic, that has to automatically say something about them as consumers when... it really doesn't. If anything their reactions to criticism say way more about them as people than the criticism existing lmao
What's more upsetting and simultaneously eye-rolling is the fact that Rachel goes out of her way to look for things to be upset about. On multiple occasions now over the past 4-5 years, she's snuck into groups containing criticism, attempted to strongarm power away from moderators so she could have criticism removed, and basically just ruined her own day over other people's opinions whether or not they were meant to be read by her.
It's why I stand by the fact that people shouldn't be directly messaging RS with criticism or hate because that would just be unsolicited cruelty. While she should be more open to criticism, that doesn't mean she needs to open the floodgates on her DM's because there are plenty of places for criticism to exist outside of her peripheral. But she keeps turning her head to look at it. Like, she'll throw a hissy fit over criticism that wasn't even really directly aimed at her, just meant for the sake of discussion. And that's where I'd really honestly wish she could just get a grip.
Like, I'm sure there's criticism of Rekindled out there already. Shit, I've had other projects from yeeears ago that ended up being made fun of outside of where I posted it. It sucked, but going out and actively looking for it for the purpose of erasing it from existence wasn't going to make me a better creator nor was it going to benefit me as a person.
It's a shitty reality, but the bigger you grow as a creator, the more you will have to separate yourself from your audience. You don't have to stonewall them completely, many people follow these works for the creators themselves, but you're not entitled to everyone's friendship and praise, and if the criticism really bugs you that much, then fucking work on the thing they're criticizing, don't double down on it or try to control how your audience consumes your content.
It's why it drives me so nuts when RS does infiltrate these groups because it's an incredible invasion of privacy as well as the creator-reader relationship. Q&A's, panels, and personal socials are where you go to interact with the creator. A creator sneaking into a Discord group or subreddit or FB group with the intent of "listening in" would be equivalent to J.K. Rowling showing up in person to a book club meeting. It's just disrespectful to your audience and makes you look like a huge asshole. Have some grace and for once, I'll tell Rachel and her fanbase to take their own advice - if you don't like it, don't read it.
#lore olympus critical#lo critical#anti lore olympus#antiloreolympus#ama#ask me anything#anon ama#anon ask me anything
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Well, that was a hell of a night. Time to check in with the rest of our companions!
We'll go clockwise around the room, starting with Shadowheart, and I'm just gonna do conversation highlights because these turned out to be rather long chats. :D
Highlights from Shadowheart conversation:
She noticed murals in the grove that appeared to depict Shar warriors (specifically, an elite group called the Dark Justiciars) in combat. Hector gathered that she would have liked to join them, and she agrees it would have been a great honor, but it's a "distant dream," as the Justiciars haven't been active for years.
Hector said her conviction was admirable but that he would not have submitted to the loss of memory she went through in order to fulfill her mission - that he would prefer to know what he was getting himself into. She responded, "That's not a luxury open to many people, us included. I have my faith to turn to instead. You should find something of your own." Which...ouch. (It really is kind of annoying that as a monk I don't have the option to choose a deity as I would with a cleric. It's still an ostensibly religious calling, no?)
She doesn't know why the wound on her hand hurts, but hopes the meaning will be revealed to her when the time is right. She seemed rather touched when Hector asked if he could do anything to help with it, but asked only for patience when she gets struck by it.
He made a vague comment about having to stop traveling with her if she keeps secrets from him, but she called his bluff and he backed down almost immediately. They also discussed the fact that Shar worship is basically illegal in a lot of places, to which her response was (paraphrased), "Arrest me, then. Oh right, we're in the middle of nowhere and you can't."
Describing her reason for faith in Shar: "She took me in when no one else would. Without her, I wouldn't be alive. She is my Mother. She nurtures me, cares for me, loves me. Don't believe the lies the Selunites tell." Hector, as one of those Selunites, *is* inclined to believe them over her - and yet, as someone who has never known his mother, the imagery is...oddly compelling.
He prodded her for info about herself not to do with Shar or the tadpole. She told him that she likes night orchids and can't swim - and also that she can barely remember anything else of herself, as the memories of Shar's secrets were not the only ones that were suppressed.
Asked what she thinks of Hector: "I don't think I've ever had a confidante quite like you - and if I have, I can't remember them." Which...is equivocal enough that it might not be intended as a compliment, but he suspects it probably is, and it makes him feel bad for how warily he's been treating her in return.
---
Highlights from our first conversation with Wyll:
He also had the dream! (Which leads me to believe the rest of the crew did as well.) He, however, is super skeptical of it and assumes it's a trick of the parasite to encourage us to use its power more. Hector agreed, but somewhat uncertainly - it's hard to shake off the feeling of safety that came with the strange guardian, and she did calm the transformation that was threatening to overtake him.
He told Hector a bit more about his pursuit of Karlach - described her as "chaos incarnate, a devil with pure fire for a heart." However, he was reticent about who exactly his source of information about her was, describing only "a powerful friend with a keen interest in...privacy." More secrets; Hector disapproves.
He explained his life before becoming Blade of Frontiers - child of a single father, who did not want the adventurer's life for his son. But Wyll encountered a young boy in the Cloakwood who was attacked by goblins, and saved him - and it stirred in him a desire for action, to protect those who needed it, and an anger at the monsters of the world and the "so-called good gods" who let evil things happen.
He lost his eye in battle, and the stone replacement is made of bloodstone, "carved from the Galena Mountains just north of the Moonsea. A reminder that sometimes, blood must be shed and sacrifices must be made" - but he did not want to tell the full story. It's "reserved for lifetime friends and calmer days."
---
Astarion highlights:
He also had the dream, and is much more excited about it than Wyll was. He's clearly curious about the manipulative powers of the worms, and was not happy when Hector said they should be careful and avoid using them unnecessarily. Hilariously, he burst out in a bit of a sulky snit - "Is there a reason you're always such an utter drip? Do you have some sort of condition? Honestly, it's like you hate good news. Did you actually want something, or are you just here to spoil my fun?" Lmao.
The weird thing is, in spite of everything, Astarion has such an exaggerated affect that Hector finds he can't entirely dislike him, but he doesn't trust the other man's intentions and has no intention of letting him have free reign with the parasite.
Astarion claims to be a magistrate back in Baldur's Gate, which doesn't entirely track with the images we got in his head back when we first picked him up, so I am pretty sure he is lying. (Not that magistrates can't be vampires, of course, which is the one thing he definitely is.)
He doesn't know what might be waiting in Moonrise Towers, but hopes they can find answers - "if we can convince the right people to talk," he said, with a rather disquieting smirk.
---
Gale highlights:
A pretty short conversation, but the most reassuring to Hector so far as regards the dream. This was the first conversation where Hector was able to express uncertainty about whether he believed the dream guardian was to be trusted. And Gale seemed similarly inclined - "Nothing wrong with maintaining a healthy suspicion in such matters. Still, it might be wiser to keep an open mind - our visitor's promises of aid might yet bear valuable fruit."
His description of his magic-consuming condition was...less reassuring. "Think of it as...tribute. The kind a king might pay to a more powerful neighbor to avoid invasion. As long as I pay, there will be peace. But should I ever stop, along comes a war. I can assure you the battlefield would extend well beyond the borders of my body alone."
---
Lae'zel highlights:
A lot of recap here, presumably for people who haven't been paying attention the first six times she told us about the creche. Unsurprisingly, she does not trust the dream and the guardian as far as she could throw them.
They both admitted that neither has much familiarity with the other's race. Lae'zel, humorously, lashed out that Hector looks just as alien to her as she does to him, and that "that large, fleshy nose of yours looks like a mistake." Hector, wisely, did not rise to the taunting.
We got our first chance to actually take a dialogue option reflecting Hector freaking out. Lae'zel gave an entirely-too-vivid description of the actual process of illithid transformation, leading to the very Hector-apropos option Try to suppress your rising panic. She was unimpressed. "That shiver betrays your fear. Suppress it. It is useless. We must find my kind and be rid of the parasite. It's as simple as that."
#bjk plays baldur's gate 3#hector carlisle#it's weird that only shadowheart has the option where hector can ask what she thinks of him#also weird that hector and co never got into their camp clothes this go-round except in the cutscenes
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(Ladybug and Lemon wait for Tangerine's meeting with Maria to be over.)
Of Fruits and Insects (5/?)
featuring: Ladybug, Lemon, Tangerine
wordcount: 455
my other BT fics
"Which am I then?"
"Mm?"
Lemon doesn't look up from his phone, which is of course playing Thomas the Tank Engine. He doesn't even understand why they're here in the first place— He would've debated moral support if they were in the same damn room as Tangerine, but no, he had to go in by himself, didn't he?
"Which train? If I'm not Diesel."
That does have Lemon thinking. Not often he's wrong in how he assigns people. Which engine, indeed…
"On the way to being Skarloey. Narrow gauge."
Ladybug fixes him with an inquisitive look. "Skar-whoey?" Definitelt not one of the main guys, he doesn't recognise the name.
"One of the older engines." Lemon explains, having a hand absently. "Chipper, faithful… Always eager to help, does his best to guide others."
Brows raising in surprise, Ladybug preens under the praise. "Sounds like a good train to be."
"Yeah, well, you've got some time before you're him properly… Shigeru's a full-fledged Skarloey."
"Hm." Ladybug purses his lips thoughtfully. "Gonna be like him in the future, huh?"
"Isn't that the goal?"
Scrunching up an eye, Ladybug shrugs as he shifts in his seat, attempting to get more comfortable. Being compared to characters is one thing, but real people? That feels like more of a hit, more personal.
"… And who is Tangerine?"
Now Lemon looks up. "What's it to you?"
"Ahh, you know," The man clears his throat, looking away. "Should get to know the guy I'm gonna work with."
"Should've got to know him before agreeing to work with him." Lemon debates, earning a sort of 'fair enough' nod. "He's Thomas. Usually say he's Gordon, just to annoy him, but… He's Thomas."
Ladybug smiles at that, falls quiet for the first time in a long while. "Main character material, that checks out… Can't be easy, though, shit's always happening to them."
Lemon hums faintly, looking back to his phone as he decides to check back out of the conversation. Well, that's until—
"Does Thomas have a girlfriend?"
Bingo.
"Tangerine doesn't."
"And what about—"
The door opens, and Ladybug is quick to his feet, mouth snapped shut.
Raising a brow, Tangerine looks him up and down for a moment before shrugging, turning his attention to Lemon. "All sorted, we can head."
Right. Probably weird that he's just standing. Ladybug clears his throat, shoving his hands into his pockets in an attempt to appear casual.
Lemon is suddenly very present in the moment, amused by these two idiots.
"So, I'm a Fruit now?"
"As good as. No doubt you've got some things to learn." Tangerine hums, a slight twinkle in his eye as he begins to lead the way out.
"Lesson one, don't ask so many questions."
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My thoughts on Dr. Stone’s S03E14 (“Deal Game, Test of Wit”)
(Safe to read for anime-only folks.)
My thoughts after watching Season Three, Episode Fourteen:
01. Why, Kirisame, why? :(
02. A second look at the Medusa, and at Kohaku and Ginro's heroism! They're absolutely correct to have completely faith in Senku and their friends!
03. The stars in this opening song are honestly just GORGEOUS...
04. It's very cool how in the previous two times we saw the opening song, Kohaku and Ginro's petrified statues are in shadow, because the scene would have been a spoiler - but now that it's happened, we see a different, more colorful version of the shot and it clearly shows them now. Awesome detail, animators! :D
05. The title of this episode is, "Deal Game, Test of Wit!" :)
06. Yuzuriha has been revived! Taiju's so respectful!
07. Gen's right - she's so good and fast with those stone statue puzzles now!
08. Chrome's back, and Kaseki's now very confident that he and Chrome are maker buddies!
09. It was very sweet of Suika to make a paper hat for Ukyo... who has also now been revived!
10. Umm... thanks for the close-up shot of Kohaku, Ginro, and GINRO'S BLOOD having just been turned to stone... :'( Also, how did they get into that pose, when Kohaku's face was clearly apart from Ginro's body while they were turning to stone?
11. Everybody looks sad and concerned, but Chrome looks agitated, and Senku... whoa, look at his right eye! :O That is a serious, SERIOUS expression! He means BUSINESS!
12. (Although... I THINK his fist was clenched in the manga...?)
13. Would have liked it if Suika had expressed a bit more concern about Kohaku... She just dove right into the Soyuz information XD
14. The five wise generals are off! They're gonna collate their information, and strategize about the next course of action... and... four of them are going to explain to Chrome how they know there's only one Medusa...
15. I like how Chrome pushed everybody's panels apart while he was asking for clarification XD
16. "He runs the show" shouldn't be an idiom that Chrome would use... There's theater shows, but still, I don't think he'd be casually using that idiom... AND Amaryllis agreed. I suppose the Japanese dialogue probably directly translates to something else, and this was just the closest phrase meaning-wise?
17. Mozu! And Taiju!
18. He is speaking so languidly... he really is not threatened at all by the kingdom of science. And I'm so glad Taiju can protect Senku and Yuzuriha this time, by putting himself between them and the enemy! Although he MAY have done that in the second season as well; I should check sometime...
19. Before, it was Ryusui, and now, it's Ukyo who's the one who is thinking to get at least one person out alive!
20. Don't feel bad, Amaryllis! The kingdom of science really need the information you gave them! Of course you had to come!
21. Good job, Chrome! :) You intuition is totally baad! :D
22. It's just weird how smooth and curved and cartoonish Mozu is the anime. He felt like a huge, powerful threat in the manga, but here... I don't know; the way he's drawn makes him seem a bit goofy?
23. Poor Gen... XD It's up to you! Everybody's lives are depending on you!
24. Senku, shh! You might get us all killed! XD
25. Manipulation technique #00: "Pretend your weak card is your ace of spades!"
26. Manipulation technique #01: "People feel more solidarity with you if you're next to them, not opposite them!"
27. Manipulation technique #02: "Try saying something that's a little bit off-the-mark. The urge to correct you will be so strong that they might sign on to something they never intended to!"
28. (Hah! Mozu's power may be one hundred, but according to the arithmetic battle, Kohaku's is one thousand! :D ...Of course, I think the old system also put Ginro at one hundred, so... um... maybe they're not using the same units... XD)
29. ...See, that Mozu frame was supposed to look menacing, but he just looks so silly in the anime for some reason...
30. I suppose that glowing aura around the Medusa makes it otherworldly, but there's NO way Ibara would hold it while it was still glowing XD He's much too cautious to do that!
31. Does Mozu have the same voice actor as Tsukasa? Their voices sound a bit alike...
32. This hidden, almost-evil-looking face of Gen's is like the face he made in Season One, when he had the idea to get everybody in Ishigami Village to make a telescope for Senku's birthday! :)
33. Manipulation technique #03: "It's called psychological reactance. When you feel like you're being forced to do things, your need to maintain control causes you to reject things!"
34. What is that tied-up part on the back of Ukyo's clothing...?
35. Manipulation technique #03.1: "The way to win a deal isn't to make the other person feel defeated. It's to show servitude, setting out a false red carpet for them and stuff. That's what really matters!"
36. Oooh, Senku and Mozu are shaking hands, formalizing their (super temporary, haha) alliance!
37. It's cute that Mozu was really surprised out when he heard Senku's voice through the earring - and very understandable!
38. He's so extra; he has to be ROWED back XD
39. Gen was so worried and relieved... but he did an AMAZING job negotiating for the kingdom of science, and more importantly, for his friends! :D He's such a talented mentalist and manipulator! :O
40. And Chrome's just like, "Well, as long as Mozu's planning on killing us LATER instead of RIGHT NOW, we're good!" XD
41. Gen totally deserves all the congratulations, and a very long, relaxing break!
42. "Mozu joined the party (for now)!!" And he beat up his fellow Treasure Islanders (which Gen seemed to approve of XD) in order to make them believe that he's an even stronger warrior than... himself, hahaha!
43. And that's it for this episode! Gen was, without a doubt, ten billion percent the MVP for this episode; his negotiation tactics were incredible! :O I have a theory about the episode after this one. I can't talk about it now because it would be spoilery, but I will when it's safe to do so! The next episode's title is "Battle in Three Dimensions," and it's going to air tonight! :)
https :// fireflyhwufanficwriter . tumblr . com / MyDrStoneEpisodeMangaThoughts
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this is is infuriating from that last ask you answered. you were gross when you immediately jumped to.
>>>crack open some old trauma and, yeah, just sit with it. cry, talk about it if and when you can, realize that shit, that was actually pretty fucked up and i shouldn't have had to deal with that. it's okay for that have fucked you up, that would have fucked anyone up. you don't need to run from that forever, you can just let it be. you aren't alone.
your life isn't about finding a romantic or sexual partner. when and if that happens, that's great, but that's not what you're born for, and it's definitely not the answer to all your problems. don't hurt yourself on the sharp rocks of other people just because you're scared of who you are when you're not performing for someone else. it's hard and it's scary, but you have to make peace with that person. sit with them, accept them for who they are.<<<
why do you assume this person is broken because they can't find someone? maybe there are other factors you dont know?
tell me what words of broken reassurance do you have for us allos who spent decades having done this ableistic work which is apparently required to be loved in your book?what have you got for those of us who treated our traumas, managed our lives into something beautiful and are good with being alone but just,uh, don't want to be alone?
Because not everyone allo who is dating with ferocity is someone has neglected their hurt and has ignored their aloneness. some of us have spent DECADES coming to term with old hurts, processing what was wounded, learning how to communicate in healthy ways, set good boundaries, be alone for 10 or 15 years and be happy tha way and then realized "nope, I'd like to be with someone to share my life for the rest of my life and build something with."
Instead of being dismissive infantalisizing and ablesist about an allo who came to you for help - what are your suggestions for someone who is happy with basically everything else but their dating life? cuz i'm fucking sick of this assumption that people who are dating **dont** like their lives and **dont**like themselves and **can't** be alone. we can. we are.
we are allowed to want this too.
being romantic is not actually a trap you know. we are working on not push it on the aroace community? but don't belittle or blame trauma on us for wanting it. it's cruel and it's fucking insulting.
yeah okay i'm gonna need you to take about ten BIG steps back and refrain from pushing your bad faith interpretations of my words, which were specifically directed at ONE person who specifically asked ME for advice on THEIR situation, into my mouth where they do not belong.
i literally did not say any fucking thing that you are accusing me of saying. you are incredibly out of pocket here and frankly i am not going to waste energy i do not have explaining why you're wrong and how i didn't say the things you are claiming i said, nor do i believe the things you're claiming i believe.
chill the FUCK out my dude and stop wildly misinterpreting things to make yourself angry. think about learning to give people the benefit of the doubt, and, if you think someone said something you disagree with, approach them politely instead of jumping straight to accusing them of being a disgusting bigot.
bye.
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I kinda hate how simultaneously people are
Convinced agreeance with 1 point means activity and identity with a community that is associated with that point and many others
and
So hardcore dickriding buzzword mentality and anti-openmindedness
Like I feel like I can't talk about anything because I get accused of being a member of some grouping of people (yes, accused) who's basis is lack of critical thinking, as you are when you're a group of people who's mentality on something forms a group based around the discouraging of it.
Like I've said before. I'm not proship or antiship. I think any aspect of the identity can be trans and I believe in freedom of identity and expression and in bodily autonomy, but I don't agree on every take the wider radqueer community has to say.
I would kill to just have good faith discussions with someone who I respectfully disagree with. I love discussing stuff. But everyone is 100% full throttle combat and bait and shit. All the worst faith questions type shit.
Like I love having an open mind, because I think all my opinions out, I am confident in the idea that they are sound
Like, I feel like it's an important part of love and tolerance to hear people with opposing ideas and experiences out. You don't have to agree- it's 100% normal and healthy to just agree to disagree, you can even mentally go "well, that person is batshit", but refusing to take any biased information on someone else with a grain of salt is going to make your stability in your ideas be fragile, it's going to make you defensive and a namecaller.
I love when people ask good faith inquiries on why I'm pro transid. I know pride month just ended but I'm still gonna just like say the world's tiniest reminder abt how I used to be more open about that topic. I enjoy explaining to people, I enjoy both when people's ideas change because they heard me out, and when people continue to disagree but now understand my viewpoint.
But everyone just chomps at the bit and sends bait and trolls and puts words in the mouths of others and refuses to open their mind even for a second and its like talking to an angry cougar. A cougar can't understand my words, it's just gonna keep trying to kill me. Twitter rotted discourse brained rabid cougars of tumblr users aren't interested in actually discussing jack shit, they aren't even reading what I write, they're just trying to get their next adrenaline hit from sending me gore in my dms or increasingly more and more generic reaction memes with text describing their supposed violent reaction.
How is love and tolerance supposed to get anything done if we don't create a place where people are interested to discuss their opposing opinions and experiences?? Because people will always have personal opinions and experiences.
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This Is All I Have To Offer- Marigami
So this piece of fanart. has been living in my brain and I quickly wrote this in a few sittings
So this is a Revolutionary Girl Utena au, which is an anime about a girl who wants to be a prince who accidentally gets roped into a bunch of duels (which are won by breaking the opponent's rose that is worn in a chest pocket) to own the "Rose Bride", and eventually the MC tries to save the Rose Bride (kagami is the prince, marinette is the "Rose Bride", or in this fic, the "Ladybug")
The anime is much more complicated than that, but I literally could not explain more (its a fantastic anime, but please look up trigger warnings if youre gonna watch it).
I do think that not having knowledge of the anime makes this super confusing tbh, because characters will seem ooc and I played around with both rgu and ml lore, which will also make certain things inaccurate. But I really just wanted to rewrite the final 2 episodes of rgu with marigami because the vibes are just so good
Warnings: None? Maybe?
•~•~•~•~•~•
"Longg, open skies," Kagami murmured, and the detransformation washed over her, the extra strength fading.
"Are you sure about this?" Longg asked.
Kagami nodded, stretching to warm herself up a little bit. "As sure as I've ever been."
She took out her sword and stared down the dark hallway. Whatever awaited her in the next room, she needed to be prepared for it. She'd always had faith in her own fighting abilities, but fighting in the duels had forced her to improve, because if she hadn't improved...
A blank, pale face with blue eyes that shone with the briefest look of hurt flashed through her mind.
No. That was the past, and she had improved, she had redeemed herself. There was no point in thinking of that anymore. Her mother would have scolded her for being distracted like that.
Kagami took a deep breath, then slowly marched forward. She reached the end of the hallway and there was a door. She opened it with one hand, holding her sword with the other, ready to attack.
She stepped into the room and it was... empty.
No, not empty. There was one person in the centre of the room. Kagami wanted to instinctively relax, because it was just her, and she was reminded of all the moments that they'd shared together: the late-night conversations and the handholding but—
She was wearing that red dress. The floor length red dress with black spots that Kagami would have described as 'beautiful' on her, had she not known what that red dress meant.
"I told you not to come," Marinette said, and Kagami now knew her enough to hear the concern in her voice.
"I know, but did you think that would stop me?" She carefully looked around the room, watching out for a threat.
The room was ominously empty.
"If you weren't going to use your miraculous, you should have just renounced it last night."
"Then I wouldn't have been able to come here. And you know better than anyone else what the miraculous do."
Kagami moved closer, and caught sight of of the extra jewelry that adorned Marinette. A rose gold ring, hair comb, bracelet, she had not been wearing those before.
"Why are Plagg, Pollen and Sass with you?" Kagami asked.
They should have been with Adrien, Chloe and Luka respectively.
"They're not part of the duels anymore, so their miraculouses were recalled."
"Why are you wearing them then? Why are you wearing all of the miraculous from the miracle box?"
Marinette smiled, a hint of sadness in her eyes. "That's because I need to."
"Because the Guardians told you to?" Kagami asked, a little bitter. "Marinette, you can renounce them. You should renounce the ladybug too."
"I can't do that, you know that."
"Because you're the Ladybug," Kagami said flatly.
"Yes, because I'm the Ladybug. It's my duty to serve the miraculous."
Frustration surged through her, but she found it to be less compared to how it felt in the past. This wasn't the first time Marinette had said that, and Kagami knew that she meant it. Still, she wished that Marinette could do more of what she wanted, and express herself in that passionate way she did when she thought no one was looking.
The Marinette standing in front of her, wearing that dress with a blank face, it was a facade, and Kagami wanted to know more about her. Wanted to see those rare smiles more often.
Kagami wanted to set her free, but she'd realized recently that she hardly even knew what she wanted to save Marinette from. So she channeled that bitterness into determination, because Marinette did not need a bitter prince.
"Where's the final duelist?" Kagami asked.
Once she won this final battle, Marinette wouldn't be required to serve whatever agenda the Guardians wanted from her.
"Right here. The duelist to win this fight will be the one to open the door and use the Ladybug to grant the wish. But are you not even going to use your miraculous? What do you think your own sword will be able to do?" A voice said.
Kagami whirled around and found a figure dressed in black, the figure looked a little fuzzy and unlike the other people who had been wearing a miraculous, this person wore a mask. Not a single defining feature could be made out.
"I don't need it."
That was all the warning she gave before she made her move. Despite her words, she wasn't actually that confident. It was easy, with the enhanced strength and agility that came from using the miraculous. But without it, she had to account for the weight of her sword.
That was fine, she thought, parrying an attack, she was more than used to the weight of her sword. A miraculous wasn't enough for her to slack off in training. She'd beaten Adrien just fine when he wore the black cat miraculous.
"What purpose do you have here?" The figure asked. "Why do you want the Wish?"
"I don't need to tell you that," Kagami said, gritting her teeth as their sword slid right off hers.
"You always claimed to have no use for the Wish, but you've always wanted it to repair the relationship between you and your mother, right?"
A whispered confession to Marinette late into the night. She never mentioned the Wish, but deep down, that's what she had thought of. A miracle that would make things the way that they used to be. Marinette had probably known that too. She probably knew what they all wanted to use the Wish for.
"You don't know me," Kagami said, sidestepping and aiming with the intent to disarm.
What would they know about what she wanted?
(How could they know what she wanted, when she'd only just realized what it was that she valued most?)
One swing, and the opponent's sword was flung out of their hand. Another, and they were on the ground in front of her, their rose ready for her to break—
"Reality," Marinette murmured, and the opponent in front of her vanished.
Her entire world shifted, the dark empty room flickering between light and dark, an ancient temple and a modern room.
"Marinette," Kagami called out, wanting an answer.
She turned around, and then there was a tight string wrapped around her, compressing her, restricting her from taking anything more than a few breaths. She followed the path of the string as it led to a red yo-yo with red spots. A yo-yo that Marinette was holding.
"What are you doing?" Kagami rasped out, trying to control her breathing so she wouldn't choke.
Marinette tugged at the yo-yo, pulling Kagami close and causing her to fall to her knees. Marinette bent down and gently nudged her chin up. Kagami couldn't bring herself to glare, too lost in the feeling of that hand touching her chin and those bright blue eyes which were gleaming with unshed tears.
(Why was she crying? Marinette was... Marinette was betraying her, wasn't she? Then why was she crying?)
"Kagami," Marinette murmured, and her heart ached, "you've done a lot for me. You let me have the taste of love for the first time in a long time. I wish that you'd listened when I told you not to come here. You wish to save me, to be my prince, but you can't do that, because I have a role to fulfil."
The hand touching her chin trailed down to her neck, unclasping the miraculous that she wore. The string wrapped around her was loosed. Whatever measly strength she had left vanished, her head falling to the floor.
"Tikki, Plagg, Pollen, Sass, Longg..." Marinette began listing off each of the kwamis' names, "...unify!"
Lights flashed and blinded her. "Marinette, you can't... the miraculous..."
"I am the only one who can withstand them all," Marinette said solemnly.
Kagami couldn't move her head enough to look at Marinette's face, but she was able to hear her scream in agony. "Marinette. Marinette! Marinette!"
The screaming began to die down, but Kagami could see the trembling of Marinette's legs, could see the moment they gave out and Marinette fell to the floor in front of her.
"I thought I would be used to this," Marinette murmured, the words startling her. Used to wearing all the miraculous from the miracle box? "This is my duty, this is the price I need to pay for my past mistakes."
What mistake? Kagami wanted to ask, but then she realized that she already knew the answer. The pained looks that Tikki and Longg would give Marinette, the way that both of them had been ordered to never speak about it, when Marinette never gave orders to the kwamis. Something had happened to the kwamis once, and this was what Marinette deemed as a punishment for being unable to stop it from happening. And it wasn't wearing the miraculous that pained Marinette this much, it was her taking the power that was meant to harm the kwamis.
She should have remembered earlier. Should have listened more intently instead of being too self-absorbed. She could have stopped this, made things right.
"Marinette."
There had been way too many mistakes that Kagami had made. If she'd been stronger, smarter, more full of love...
"Marinette..."
This wasn't... this wasn't about her and her own shortcomings that made her unable to be the prince that should have saved Marinette. This moment—everything had been about Marinette, who had managed to make her home in Kagami's heart. If Marinette was suffering, and Kagami didn't have the power to save her, she would simply have to give herself that power.
"Guardians, if you're watching, you should help Marinette!"
There was no answer. Of course there wouldn't be, what did she expect?
She pressed her knuckles against the ground, slowly pushing herself up. If she needed to make the Wish to save her, so be it.
Marinette was no longer in front of her, but she could still hear her nearby (or maybe a little far away? Her voice seemed to come from above now, but Kagami did not question the miraculous when she'd seen how strange they were for herself.)
She stood up on shaking legs, determined to fix things. She took a few steps forward, fell over, then brought herself back up again. Then again.
"Marinette!"
She headed for that door, the door that she'd been told would allow her to make the Wish. There was no handle on the door, it was more of a wall than anything. She put every ounce of strength into pushing against the door.
"Marinette!" Kagami cried out, and she cried for the way Marinette had gone silent, but was surely still conscious, surely still bearing that pain.
The door wouldn't budge.
"I wish I told you this earlier," Kagami continued.
Her own heart had been as unbudging as this door, until she'd met Marinette and that door slowly opened, slow enough that she hadn't realized until Marinette had walked in. Kagami had tried to shut those doors, but now she was reaching in, slamming them open for the first time in her life.
"You've been with me for only a short time, but you've become someone so important to me. I've lived a lonely life before you, and now, I can't see a life without you being there by my side. Marinette," the name came out as a whisper, reverent, a prayer, "You've made me happy, and I want you to be happy too."
Her feet slid against the floor and she sank lower and lower, and just as her arms were to touch the ground, the door opened. She pushed herself back up again, and saw that beyond the door was a large version of the box that her miraculous had come in. Black and red, only that it was shaped more like a coffin standing up.
Whatever. Kagami began sliding the lid, relieved that it was easier to move compared to the door. Light from outside shone in the coffin, and deep down inside, she could see Marinette, curled into a ball.
Marinette looked up at her with wide eyes.
"I'm here," Kagami murmured, "I'm here to save you."
Marinette looked down, silent.
"I can't offer you much," Kagami admitted. "I can't promise you that things will always be happy. I can't promise that the world will always treat you nicely."
There were too many people in Kagami's life who didn't treat her with enough care. And Kagami was not a person who liked making false promises. Definitely not to Marinette. She was the last person who needed them. She reached downwards.
"But I can promise you that I am here, and I will continue to be here for you. I offer you my heart and my love, and I will try and take care of you. You can leave this world where only serve the miraculous, you can come into this world with me, and I will be with you through it all. It's not much, but this is all I can offer. Please Marinette, take my hand!"
Marinette gasped. "You should leave, this place will fall apart without me and you'll be hurt if you don't leave now!"
"I'm not leaving you Marinette!" She yelled. "Take my hand!"
"The miraculous—"
"Will still be safe!" Kagami said, and in her heart, she knew that this would be true. Marinette wouldn't be abandoning them, she would be making her own world for once. "Hurry!"
Marinette closed her eyes, her expression pained. Then she opened them, and began reaching up for her hand. Kagami reached further and further, their hands brushing, their fingers linking—
The room shook and crumbled. Kagami lost her grip and Marinette fell.
"Marinette!" Kagami screamed, her voice raw. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry I couldn't be the prince you needed, I'm sorry!"
Multicoloured light blinded her, and pain erupted in her body.
So this is what Marinette always had to go through.
•~•~•~•~•~•
Marinette opened her eyes, and quickly realized that Kagami was nowhere nearby. Kagami had failed to pull her out of the coffin, and because she was the only one still left in the room, she was the one who had to take the remainder of the punishment in her and the kwamis' stead.
"Is she okay?" Tikki asked.
"She is," Marinette replied, and she knew that to be the truth. Even if she wasn't here, Kagami was okay.
Kagami... you've done so much for me.
"What do we do now?" Longg asked. "She... she failed to make a revolution."
"No, she succeeded," Marinette said. The words that she'd said, the feeling of her fingertips sent sparks through her. "I want to go find her. I can bring you all with me, if you'd like."
The kwamis all flew in front of her, looking both relieved and apprehensive.
"What about the next set of duels?" Wayzz asked.
"There won't be. The duels can't be done without a Ladybug."
That was why that room had crumbled. Because Marinette, who had sworn to serve solely the miraculous, was making her own choice. A revolution had happened.
"I'm going to come find you, Kagami," Marinette whispered, "and you're going to show me what a world with you looks like."
Marinette started walking.
•~•~•~•~•~•
Ml taglist: @subrosasteath
Want to be added/removed from the taglist? Just let me know!
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Here’s my first chapter of my redacted asmr fanfic
The stealth and the wolf
Chapter 1- the investigation
I finally made it to investigator and I am leading a huge case! My parents always said that I would not make it at D.U.M.P but here I am lead investigator on one of the largest and most important cases this year. The case entails a shade that strikes at large events taking one or two people at a time. The last event the shade struck was last year's annual Elemental and Energetic games and they took 5 people, they are escalating and are extremely dangerous. I am currently on my way to question the son of legendary D.U.M.P investigator Anthony Greer so maybe he will be a bit more willing to help me but from what I have heard about the troublesome son of detective Greer he will be more feisty than helpful. I arrive to the apartment, phase through the door, and wait for the feisty wolf to arrive home. I hear footsteps and a door open, and a New York accent comes through. "Goddamn rain on my shirt stuck to me and like" he says as he walks into the apartment, I shift my weight on the hardwood floor and the boards squeak alerting him my presence
"Shit who the fuck are you what the fuck are you doing in my apartment" he says as he acknowledges my Prescence in his apartment "doesn't matter" I say quickly not expecting him to be so attractive but "uh no i think it does matter who the fuck you are unless you plan on finding out what it feels like to have your neck between the wolf's teeth so start talking or i start shifting" he says in a threating way "ok then did not have to be rude, anyway I'm investigator Brooklyn Matthews with the department of uniform magical practices" I explain who I am "ok smart ass two thing first of all you working for the department doesn't fucking scare me if you even tell the truth about that and second of all that still doesn't explain what the fuck you doing in my apartment keep talking and talk fast I'm not the most patient guy around" he says with an unamused attitude I pull out my badge and show it to him to prove I'm telling the truth about being with the department
"all right that badge checks out at least but you working for the department doesn't clear up the other question you keep dancing around what the fuck are you doing in my apartment "he asks me "umm your landlord let me in" I say in a very not thought out lie "so my human landlord just happened to give you access to my place upon your request well sure that checks out from a legal perspective provided you managed to convince that human in good faith without using any of your powers because that would be both an endangerment to covert and thaumaturgic manipulation for the purposes of an unlawful search and that could put an otherwise upstanding department investigator in very hot water my dad was a department investigator smart ass you picked the wrong shifter to try to double talk a little basic research might have helped you out there investigator" he says fucking smartass but I'll show him "actually I already knew that former investigator Anthony Greer was your father and that was the exact reason I came to talk to you." I say in a the same attitude he was giving me
"oh that's why you decided to talk to me how convenient give me a straight fucking answer or get out what do you want and yeah i get that you're on an investigation real groundbreaking confession there" he motions for me to tell him "im here to question you about what happened at the recent event you worked security at" I told him "you do realize i don't have to answer any of your fucking questions right yeah well my dad also having been an investigator doesn't just automatically make me more willing to help you maybe you should have considered that me and my dad weren't exactly close and his career choice wasn't some point of pride for me either i'm gonna take a stab here and say that since you're putting such an emphasis on having reached out to me specifically because of my family instead of someone else that the someone else you're circling around is the rest of the pack and if that's the case and you've got a question about the pack how about you grow a pair and ask my alpha what you want to know instead of trying to sneak around getting the scoop from the guy you think will spill his guts just because his dad was a covert cop look all things considered for an investigator you actually seem like you got a decent head on your shoulders and trust me i met plenty over the years to make the comparison so i'm gonna give you this advice for whatever it's worth do this the right way even if it's the harder way go to my alpha ask him your questions and get on with your case and your life" he says in a sympathetic voice.
I shake my head "no I don't need to bother alpha Shaw I came to only question you about the situation" I tell him "so the question isn't important enough to bother my alpha with it but it is important enough for you to talk your way into my apartment with my landlord's permission rather than mine and effectively ambush me in my own home while you make some play to my family lineage I don't owe the department jack shit for having a dad that was part of the crew so if you've got a fucking question then ask me as a person not some concept and get this over with what do you want" he asks with an attitude "you were at the event right " I ask in a serious tone
"there was that so fucking hard christ yes i was at the event with some kind of competition thing the elementals throw every year this year damn was hosting it and they hired me and some other pack members on the security which i assume you already knew but ash and christian and the rest of them don't have dads who work for the department so i get to feel the questions lucky me that patience i mentioned is wearing thin a cute face and good intentions is only gonna buy you so much good will out of me so let's get to the point huh" he says I hope this was worth it "was there any suspisicious behavior or in genral" I ask in my 'detective' voice god I watched way to many fucking old school detective movies "anything suspicious that's a little fucking broad don't you think if you mean were there any problems no not really arden broke up a fight between some pissy water elementals and that was about it, i overheard a couple people saying they felt kind of sick or nauseous or whatever but but we were out in the sun and it was pop-up event food half that shit may as well have been a heart attack waiting to happen i mean big surprise some people felt like shit" I perk up at the confession of hearing that people where feeling sick confirming that the shade was there
" hey another friendly piece of advice from one pretty face to another you might want to practice not lighting up quite so much when you hear somethin you were looking for it's cute to look at but uh not great for an investigator who's supposed to have a poker face well go on spill what about people feeling sick aren't you all perked up what's that gotta do with the investigation" he says this in a curious tone I start to worry about protocol and breaching covert "ummm its not important" I say in a voice hes definently going see through "no no no no no you don't get this don't Wall me out now sweetheart give me the fucking details" he says angrily "i am well within my rights to not speak about the investigation any further" I say in a voice with false confidence
"oh believe me i know you're within your rights blah blah blah whatever. who are you looking for?" he asks in a no fucking around kind of tone "we are not looking for anyone what gave you that idea?" I say my voice changing from false confidence to nervousness "oh bullshit you come into my home you scare the shit out of me you prop yourself up in the corner in a chair like you think you're in some fucking film noir scene The least you can do is answer a few questions of your own who the hell do they have you looking for" he says knowing somethings up I sigh "fine were looking for a shade" I say I pray to god he doesn't say anything to my boss "no bullshit a shade like Clawed its way out of death life stealing can't be reasoned with shade fucking hey look i'm not here to pull some age equals experience bullshit but you got to be about my age how long have you been working for the department and they've got you hunting the shade by yourself damn you got a bigger pair than i do what are you" hes says in a impressed tone
"I'm a stealth and I'm 22 and I've been working for the department for 3 years" I say proud of myself "Stealth of course you are perfect for an investigator so wait hold on that's why you asking me about the event you think the shade was there feeding on people, well yeah i mean it makes sense big event like that plenty of people you can take a little life out of a whole load of people and no one will beany the wiser all they'll come out of it are a few stories of people feeling like shit which can be explained away by the heat or bad food fuck you really think there was a shade there prowling around dahlia and you're gonna take him out huh well that's a lot of confidence i just hope you got the goods to back it up" he says "youd make a great investigator for the department if you werent so stubborn" I say being upfront with him "though uh as long as we're being upfront with one another you could seem pretty damn fine at least a view of you from over here anyway well sorry if that's a little forward but uh that little grin of yours doesn't seem to think it is so there we go besides it'd be pretty damn funny to be told i'm being forward by someone who literally broke into my apartment just ask me a couple questions" he says I like him He's confident and stubborn and fiesty "your confident and a bit forward I like it" I say with a light blush and a smile on my face "what can i say i like confidence especially when it's owned by someone with a cute face well i could think of a lot worse people to break into my place" he smirks while saying "well I should go I have a investigation to continue" I say while blushing a little harder than before
"have a nice night Mr. Greer and Ill make sure to update you on the situation" I say as a goodbye "good night investigator don't work yourself to much and thank you" he says as he closes the door I walk to my car feeling like a school girl with a crush. I get into my car and drive to my studio apartment and get ready to study the case im working on. i grab my redbull and head to my office/ living room to where ive been looking through the case. papers everywhere and its a mess. I order myself some wings and pizza and get on with looking for clues in the case.
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It’s the collective energy of his rabid fan base that comes and asks intrusive questions and gets mad when I don’t share things I know and says I’m gatekeeping. I tried to be open to talking about him for like a week and I immediately banned him as a topic. He will forever be banned as a topic. ///
i agree. that's a good decision, unfortunately his fanbase sees different opinion from theirs as hate (i guess they may have done this to you at some point, if don't, i'm surprised lol) also some spiritual things cannot be shared. Almost every tarot blog about him suffered wave of negativity, projection, intrusive people...
Thanks nonnie! I really appreciate you sending this ask in and giving me an opportunity to elaborate some.
It wasn’t necessarily hate I received but blatant disrespect. And I do not tolerate disrespect. I know I’m open on my blog about my struggles and opinions and beliefs but at the end of the day, that doesn’t mean you know how I am IRL and what sort of things trigger and upset me. As someone who spent years being gaslit by an alcoholic mother and then abusive partner, it was very frustrating to have anons constantly questioning everything I said and pick it apart to twist my words to fit their pre-conceived notions. I spent enough years having people twist my thoughts and words and it led to me deeply being unable to trust my own self. To this day, I immediately assume that whatever I’m feeling is just out of my own issues before I even entertain the thought that the other person is actually doing something and I’m picking it up intuitively.
I partially made this blog out of a leap of faith to trust my instincts and insights. This blog has been a practice in learning to trust myself more and to practice my spiritual gifts. It was not created for me to be subjected to more of the toxicity I already survived. Some anons didn’t understand why I was responding aggressively in asks towards the end of that experiment in discussing him, and this is why. I am highly defensive of my mental health. Like I have worked my ass off to work through this. I still am! I have been in weekly therapy since April 2018, and that doesn’t include the times I tried therapy before throughout my life. It is extremely triggering to me when people attempt to manipulate me or to manipulate what I have said and it does make me react aggressively because I fucking refuse to go back down that road. I am very kind and sweet but don’t get it twisted, there are sides to me I had to develop. You don’t survive things like that without an edge.
Furthermore, if I know something from spirit and have been told it’s dangerous or not good to share with the collective, you pressuring me and saying I’m gatekeeping information is highly disrespectful. I’ve been given gifts not to appease obsessive behavior but to help the collective and if I think information is harmful for collective knowledge, yeah I’m not gonna share it. Why? Exactly what I explained in my collective energy post. If I know something about him that, say, is energetically dangerous to expose because it may attract negative energy to him, then you begging me to go against that and hurt him for your rabid curiosity and obsession shows you truly don’t care about his well-being and are caught up in an illusion of who you think he is that meets some internal need you project onto him.
I also want people to be here and come here to genuinely engage with spirituality and not just him. I think the people who have stayed or found me since have been amazing. I truly do appreciate all the people I interact with here. I want this to feel like a safe space, and to feel like a community where people can find connection and acceptance. And I really appreciate the anons who do want to occasionally ask about him not using his name and keeping it down low. But I am not a “him blog.” I am a spirituality blog first and foremost and want to keep my content focused on that. I have no issue talking in my DMs and have talked with people about him there and all have been very respectful, which I deeply appreciate. And I really don’t mind the occasional ask, some of the ones I’ve answered you can see what kind of questions were put forward. I know I shared my blog to tarot blogs that focus on him because as a fan of his I saw a lot of conversations on these other blogs talking about topics I felt needed in depth explanation and here we are a few months later.
Anyway that was a lot but all day, I feel like I’ve needed to assert that I can share from this perspective now but it wasn’t easy to get here. I think sometimes people see me in this light that almost negates how hard I’ve worked. So I guess that’s why I spilled like this.
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