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ordinaryschmuck · 4 years

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What I thought about We Bare Bears: The Movie

Salutations random people on the internet who probably won't read this. I am an Ordinary Schmuck. I write stories and reviews and draw comics and cartoons. Today, I'm going to do one-fourth of what I do best by talking about We Bare Bears: The Movie. Now, if you're a member of the cartoon community, odds are you've heard of We Bare Bears. It might not be as well-remembered as shows like Adventure Time or Steven Universe. But We Bare Bears has gained its own following through its charm and simplicity. So much so, that the series got it's very own movie, acting as the series finale to the beloved show. And to honor that milestone, I thought I'd share my thoughts by listing the things I liked and disliked about the film. Keep in mind, this is your last chance to avoid spoilers if you haven't seen the film yet (even though it’s been out for more than a week). Because I'll be spoiling the heck out of the movie by listing plot details, characters, and little touches that I think are worth mentioning. With that out of the way, let's dive on in with-

WHAT I LIKED

The Baby Bears meeting: To me, this was the first indicator that the movie was going to be the end. The Baby Bears meeting always felt like a moment saved for the series finale to me. Because answering the question of whether, or not, the Baby Bears find a home isn't something we need an answer to. But learning about how they met? Now that is something I'm sure most fans were curious about. And in true Baby Bears style, it's big and epic while still being downright adorable. Not to mention that Grizz's line at the end of how not looking alike is the best part about being brothers is not only sweet, but it also sells the main moral of the movie. If I had to nitpick, a part of me wonders how their separate journeys got them all in that one spot. But that's just another question that doesn't really require an answer, so I'm alright with not receiving one. Besides, that's what fan-fiction is for. GET ON IT WRITERS!

The Bears Running Through the City: I'm sure some people are tired of the cliche of having characters run through the city because they're late for something. But to me, I think that type of thing works for a series finale. It offers one last glance at familiar environments, but familiar characters as well. Not only do you get to see the people who love the Bears the most, but you even see the Human Bros in the background as the Bears run. This scene also sets up the conflict of the film as the Bears accidentally wreak havoc to get to where they're going. Even more so than usual. Plus, the scene serves as an excuse to hear the extended version of the theme song. And personally, I just love it when a series finale finds a way to incorporate the theme in a way that's better than the opening.

The Bears Complaint File: This was another indicator that the movie was going to be the end of the series. Usually, when a show like We Bare Bears finally acknowledges consequences to a character's actions, it's safe to say that the end is nigh. Because this presents the idea that the characters are close to being the straw that broke the camel's back. Which is something you can never do twice.

The Bears Viral Video: There are going to be people out there who'll find the Bears' video of outdated memes cringy. And to those people, I say: "THAT'S THE FRICKEN POINT GENIUSES!" Seriously, the characters themselves point out how what they're doing is going to be cringy, so it's safe to say that it was very much the intention from the writers. Besides, We Bare Bears always had scenes, and entire episodes, that acknowledged modern trends. And unlike other shows and movies, We Bare Bears doesn't use memes to stay fresh and hip with the kids. Instead, the show-and movie for that matter-uses trends to tell a story that will be timeless. Albeit dated in a few years. The only complaint I'll accept is that you didn't find their video funny, which can be valid. As for me, yeah, I chuckled. Speaking of-

The Comedy: We Bare Bears might not be the funniest show I've seen, but it still gets a chuckle out of me from time to time. It works with an absurd sense of humor, which is either your thing or it isn't. As for the jokes in the movie, most of them work pretty well, and the ones that don't aren't too bad. Personally, my favorite scene is when the Bears slowly drive away from Wildlife Control. The fact that that plan worked was so absurd, I could not help but laugh.

The Blackout: This was the straw that I mentioned earlier. The Bears have finally crossed a line that turns several people against them. In fact, it's very reminiscent of Ed Edd and Eddy's Big Picture Show, where the characters are forced to leave after doing something unforgivable. Although, there's one thing that We Bare Bears: The Movie does better than Big Picture Show. In Big Picture Show, fans never really saw what the Eds did that was so horrid. We were just told that it was so bad that our trio had to leave everything behind. Never seeing the answer always bothered me as a kid because I was always curious about how their last scam was somehow their worst. This is why it's nice that we actually get to see what the Bears did that was so unforgivable in We Bare Bears: The Movie.

Agent Trout: At some point, if you found Trout to be the most unlikeable piece of trash that he is, then you found the writers' possible intention. Trout acts as the movie's main antagonist, and on top of that, a character you're not supposed to like. And granted, there have been movie antagonists that are pure evil, but audiences can't help but love them anyway. But personally, I feel like making Trout a likable antagonist would have spoiled the point of the film. The movie's message, which I'll get into later, is about how being strange is ok, and that anyone can fit into society. Because society changes and people become accepting of these changes, every day. Trout is meant to represent the type of people who refuse the idea of change. He is a character who believes everything should operate as nature intended, which in this film's case, having bears reside in their natural habitats. And I honestly think Trout does his part as an antagonist really well. He's easy to hate for all the right reasons, and it's satisfying to see him get his coupons. It's also even better that we don't know his motivations to be so cruel to the Bears. Because there are real-life people out there who share Trout's mindset, with zero reasons behind why. Plus, his design is really great, being devoid of color and drawn with sharp edges in comparison to the bright and smooth looking characters. It helps him stand out from most characters in the show, while also making less overly threatening that the hunter in "Yuri and Ice Bear."

Officer Murphy: As far as I know, Officer Murphy was never really that big of a character. In fact, I don't even remember if the show mentioned his name until this movie. So to some fans, it might come off as a surprise that Murphy is given such an enormous role in this movie. Regardless, the position Murphy has is a great one. He is meant to represent the positive type of law enforcement. The officers who don't punish people due to who they are or what they look like. Instead, Officer Murphy is an officer who upholds the law to protect others. Take note of the fact that Murphy never wanted to physically or emotionally hurt the Bears. He understood that the Bears crossed the line and needed to be punished, but never to the extremes that Trout took. Speaking of Trout, Murphy acts as a great comedic sidekick for the antagonist. There's this nice running joke where Trout shoves random food in Murphy's mouth when Murphy makes an unwanted comment. And said running joke also leads to a great payoff in the movie's final act. So while I'm surprised at Murphy's inclusion, I gotta say that I really appreciate it.

Mystery Machine Cameo: I'm the biggest Scooby-Doo fan you'll ever meet, so believe when I say that seeing the iconic van just made me giddy.

Pizza Rat: I'll be the first to admit that Pizza Rat was a scumbag for betraying the Bears. But gosh darn it he was hilarious. I'm not kidding, whenever Pizza Rat showed up, he got funnier and funnier with each scene. Especially with his hatred of the rat with Spaghetti.

Grizz’s Nightmare: There are two things I really like about this scene. The first is that Grizz's nightmare is easily the creepiest the show has gotten. Seriously, something tells me that Trout's face being on the death train is going to be in kids' nightmares for weeks. The second is that there is some outstanding visual symbolism in this scene. It shows how Grizz is under a lot of stress for carrying the weight of protecting his brothers at all costs. Not only is that the best symbolism the show has ever used, but the scene gives the perfect insight into Grizz as a character. It's rare that we ever get to see the serious side of him, so I appreciate this one last glimpse into his personality.

That Epic Car Chase: If I'm being honest, there were not that many scenes that showed this movie being anything else than an extended episode. But this scene, however, was the most cinematic that We Bare Bears have ever been. The quality animation and cinematography help make the scene action-packed and surprisingly tense at times. Like I genuinely felt worried for my favorite trio of weirdos. There's not much I can say about this scene other than it was pretty impressive as well as awesome.

The Bears’ Plan Fails: It's weird saying that I like this, but I do. The movie could have gone down the same route as The Simpsons Movie by having the plan work for the sake of a joke. But no. We Bare Bears: The Movie actually employs logic and says, "you can't move to a new country, without a passport." And I can't help but give kudos to a movie that doesn't allow a simple solution.

The Third Act Break Up: Ah yes, the one cliche scene that makes audiences go "Really? We're doing this song and dance again?" Now, here's my defense: When it comes to something made for kids, you gotta be more forgiving of cliches. Odds are, some children watched this movie, and this will be their first third act break up. So you can't really fault the film for wanting to use a popular cliche. Granted, you could wish to have your kids watch something original, but that's a request that gets harder to do with each day. Besides, some cliches, like the third act break up, aren't bad unless they're done correctly. And I honestly think the movie uses the cliche just fine. The tension between Grizz and Panda has been built up throughout the film, so one final blow-out was bound to happen. Plus, the Bears don't really break up, but rather argue. If Panda had walked off dramatically, after saying "we're not brothers," then I would consider it a break up. Instead, it comes across as characters saying things they don't mean due to the heat of the moment.

Trout’s Bear Sanctuary: This was depressing but in a good way. The colors being swapped out from the show's usual bright pastels to dull and gray? That perfectly explains how dire the situation is without outwardly stating it. And yeah, I got a little misty eyed when watching this scene.

Grizz Talking to Baby Grizz: Another scene that I thought would be endgame would be having the grown-up Bears meeting the Baby Bears. I always dismissed this idea because I kept reminding myself of how it was impossible. I mean, how can you make characters meet a younger version of themselves? Turns out, the answer to that question was to have the younger version of a character act as a conscience. And yeah, this scene was pretty sweet and charming. And once again, my eyes started to get all misty. The tears didn't fight hard enough to get out, but they still fought pretty hard. Also, was it just me, or did it sound like Baby Grizz's voice actor was beginning to hit puberty?

The Bears Cheering for Grizz: I'm not the only one who thought it sounded like the bears were chanting/roaring Grizz's name, right? Because that's what I heard during this scene. Also, this scene was pretty epic, while doing its job to get me hyped up for what happens next.

The Moral: I've touched upon this moral earlier, and I want to make it clear how important it is. Some people feel as though they don't fit in anywhere, mostly because law enforcement has a history of punishing those that don't. But as Grizz says: "Nature adapts." The same goes for society. More and more people are fitting into groups that make them feel welcome. And those groups become more accepted with each passing year. Now to be fair, there are scum bags like Trout, who seek to punish people who are different. But again, there are still good souls like Murphy that attempt to do the morally correct thing no matter who/what you are. And I have to give kudos to We Bare Bears: The Movie for showing the brighter side of things. Because let's face it, we all could use something positive as of late. And I'm sure there are going to be people out there who'll call this movie 'preachy' and 'overly optimistic.' To those people, I would like to once again point out that this is a kid's film. Yes, kids are smarter than we give them credit for. But that doesn't mean you should give the harsh truth about how hard issues won't have simple solutions. They at least have until their teen years before that happens. Besides, look at the ending shot of bears normally fitting in with the rest of society. If you can see that and not love the symbolism being represented, then this film clearly is not for you.

WHAT I DISLIKED

It’s More of an Extended Episode Rather Than a Movie: Before I explain, I want to make it very clear that this is mostly a nitpick. Like I said before, there weren't many scenes that made this movie feel like, well, a movie. The animation never seemed better in comparison to the show, there weren't that many cinematic scenes, and the story didn't feel all that epic either. I honestly feel like the bears went on grander adventures than the one they went on here. Like the first time they became wanted criminals in "Captain Craboo." Yeah, remember that episode? It was emotional, intense, and actually kind of epic at times. And that episode was a half-hour long! The movie was an hour and eight minutes, and it still couldn't outdo the quality of "Captain Craboo." I know that I'm being a little harsh. But when I see "the movie" attached at the end of a show's title, I expect something grander and more epic than the original show. And yeah, We Bare Bears: The Movie is good for an extended episode, but not for what I consider for a movie.

What Supporting Cast?: Here's where looking at the movie as a series finale becomes an issue. This is the last time we'll see ALL of the characters from the show. So giving no proper goodbye from the supporting cast, who have all been significant people in the Bears' lives, feels wrong. The best-or rather worst-example of how wrong this is would be Nom-Nom. This was a character who was on the road towards redemption. So to have his last appearance show that he's the same jerk as he started is disappointing. The worst part is that the movie had the right idea with Charlie's scene. He helps the Bears one last time and says he's happy to do it for all the times they helped him. It's a touching moment and honestly feels like a proper goodbye to his character. And I can't help but see ways that the movie could have included the rest of the supporting cast. Have Ranger Tabes join Murphy and Trout due to her being a bear expert. Have Nom-Nom stand up for the bears at the Internet Animal rave. Have Chloe literally do anything other than stand and watch her best friends in the world be in danger! I understand that the Bears are the main characters who deserve most of the closure. But that doesn't mean other characters should be left in the dust because of it.

Panda’s Kind of Annoying: Cards on the table, I'm not the biggest fan of Panda. I don't think he's the worst character or even a bad one. But to me, he always came across as so whiney and annoying, and he's somehow worse in the movie. I get that he's a straight man who's meant to be the voice of reason, but there's a way to make a character like that entertaining. Some amazing straight men are specific iterations of Leonardo from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles or Velma from Scooby-Doo. Those are characters that know how to be the calm of the crazy storm that their fellow cast. They offer witty comments and charismatic one-liners that prove they could also hold off on their own at times. Panda never really did that for me in neither the show nor the movie. He has his entertaining moments for sure, but most of them get overshadowed by his weaker ones. So while I don't exactly hate Panda, I can't really say I love him.

Ice Bear Does Next to Nothing: I'm not the only one who thinks Ice Bear was underutilized, right? In fact, We Bare Bears: The Movie is also similar to Ed Edd and Eddy's Big Picture Show in how to write its main trio. Both films pay more attention to the relationship between the leader and the straight man, where the comic relief is there for jokes and to give the occasional contribution. However, it's easy to forgive with Ed, because his character has little to offer other than being a loveable doofus. But Ice Bear? He has so much personality, so much backstory, and so much more to his character that you could make an entire movie just about him. Plus, going back to the fact that the film is a series finale, this is not a proper conclusion to his character. Sure, it's nice to see the Bears be accepted for who they are, but what about all that stuff with Yuri? Are you seriously telling me that the show wouldn't do anything with the fact that Ice Bear fell in love with Yuri's daughter?! I don't know, maybe it's just me, but I really wish the movie had something more in store for Ice Bear.

On The Road Song: Out of all the good qualities that We Bare Bears have, having good music isn't one of them. The few songs that the show has are not bad by no means but aren't really songs I would find myself listening to on repeat. The same goes for "Road Trip Song." It's perfectly fine, but nothing more than mediocre. Plus, weirdly, it's the only song in the movie. I mean, if you're gonna introduce something like a musical number, at least go all out with making a musical. I'm not saying the film should have been like Steven Universe: The Movie in terms of a soundtrack, but at least have two or three more songs. As is, it just feels like a weird detour on the road to Canada.

The Bears Survive Falling Off a Cliff:...That’s it. Just the ludicrousy of the fact that the Bears survive a fall like that. When you think about it, it removes a lot of the tension when you they could survive huge feats like that too.

Overall, We Bare Bears: The Movie gets a well earned B+ for me. When you judge it as a movie AND as a series finale, it loses a lot of points. But when you look at it as an extended episode? You get something that has a great moral, an outstanding antagonist, and a nicely put together story. Like the original show, I'm probably not going to remember it in about ten years down the line. As for the here and now, I'm glad I took the time to watch something so much more than BEARable.

(Now if only we got that Amazing World of Gumball movie. GET ON IT CARTOON NETWORK!)

#we bare bears #we bare bears: the movie #review #what i thought about

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5hining-aus · 5 years

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SHINee As High School Teachers

So I got a request asking for the guys as different types of teachers and, since I’ve actually had the idea for a while (kinda convinced that the requester is a mind reader ngl) I figured that I’d start off with them as HS teachers. I had some fun with this and threw in a few little things from my own high school days as well. Enjoy!

Jinki - Chemistry Teacher

So you know all those videos that show teachers doing super cool experiments with their students? He’s one of those teachers

He’s a pretty calm teacher most of the time, but may the gods have mercy on your soul if you mess around in the lab

Lab safety is his #1 concern, like if you aren’t wearing the proper gear then you are out of there

The only time his students have ever seen him even slightly raise his voice was when the class’s resident asshole decided to pretend to pour something on their lab partner

It was a harmless solution (the more volatile stuff is reserved for his upper-level honours classes) but still, it was more the principle of the act than anything else

100% has made coffee on a Bunsen burner

Also, always has a different coffee mug, like nobody ever sees him with the same mug twice. The only exceptions are the mugs that he’s gotten as gifts from his graduating classes (which are displayed on their own little handmade rack when not in use)

He has a tradition of teaching his graduating classes how to make flamethrowers (but shh, administration doesn’t need to know that)

Another tradition (albeit, an unofficial one) is that, on the first day of class every year, he’ll trip over THE SAME FLOOR TILE. It’s not even broken or anything, yet he still trips over it

He actually has a Doctorate and could be teaching at the University-level, but he decided to teach High School so he could try to get more young people interested in the sciences. It worked and a lot of his former students who went into science-related fields attribute their decision to go into said fields to him

He almost cried when one of the students from the very first class he ever taught came to him one day and told him that they had decided to go for a PhD in Chemistry because of him. And you bet he was there cheering them on when they went in to defend their thesis

He has like almost an entire wall of his classroom that is dedicated to his current and former students’ scientific achievements

Has a reputation for being a crazy scientist, but pretty much everyone who’s ever been in his class absolutely adores him

Has a lot of weird inside jokes with his students

Always wears some type of short-sleeved button-up shirt and khakis/chinos. On lab days, he adds a white lab coat, massive safety goggles, and all other necessary protective clothing

Jonghyun - Music Teacher

His classroom is in the school basement, but he’s made it really cozy and nice

Uses beanbag chairs instead of desks like 90% of the time (loss of beanbag privileges is an actual consequence he has for students who are breaking his rules)

A lot of the Choir and Band kids like to hang out in there at lunch and he kinda just lets them do whatever they want as long as they aren’t being too rowdy or breaking school rules

CONSTANTLY grumbling over the fact that the Arts Department is always overlooked when it comes to funding

Has, on more than one occasion, used his own money to buy instruments for the class because gosh darn it, no class of his is going to be using shit-tier instruments

He treats his instruments like they’re his children, always keeps them nice and clean and tuned

Has a framed picture of Roo on his desk. His mom and sister are his computer background

Definitely one of those teachers that can get on a topic completely unrelated to his subject and spend the entire class talking about it

Always has a compliment for each of his students. Even if they’re doing horribly, he’ll have something positive to say

In addition to his classes, he’s also the faculty advisor for the School Band and the School Choir

Has attempted, multiple times, to get school approval to take his students to rock concerts for field trips. He has yet to succeed

Just like a super chill teacher

Kibum - Art Teacher

First of all, don’t call him Mr. Kim, he prefers Key or Mr. Key

Another basement dweller, he fought Jonghyun tooth and nail for the best classroom and he won

Despite his classroom being the best classroom in the basement, it’s still in the basement and gets super cold during late Fall and Winter. To combat this, he keeps a Sunggie in his supply closet at all times

Do you know that gif of the guy in a black turtleneck going “It’s art?” That’s pretty much Kibum. He has said those words and made that exact hand motion many times

One of his students actually printed out a blown-up picture of the gif and gave it to him. It’s now hanging up by his desk and he always points to it whenever someone asks why a painting is the way it is

Kibum is one of those teachers that the students either love or hate. Most of his students love him, but there’s definitely a few who hate him

His smocks are always immaculate, like how????

Wears a beret about 50% of the time. He also gives all his new students their own berets on their first day (they’re embroidered)

Literally could not give less of a shit about the school’s dress code

Like, as long as nothing’s hanging out/overly revealing and as long as there’s no inappropriate messages/images on the clothing just, like, let the students wear what they want

But noooooo, the school “has an image to uphold” so that means no tattoos, no non-earlobe piercings, no bleached or unnaturally dyed hair, and no hair over a certain length for male students

Constantly arguing with admin about the hair, tattoo, and piercing restrictions. He claims that body art is just as valid as traditional art and that the students should have the right to express themselves however they see fit

Stocks up on hair gel and concealer so his students don’t get dress coded

He’s the faculty advisor for the Drama Club and the Art Club

Like Jjong and the Band+Choir kids, the Drama and Art Club kids can typically be found in Key’s classroom during breaks

Brings CommeGa in with him the week before exams

They have little berets and smocks too

Minho - History Teacher

His class covers a bit of every culture/country’s history, but the main focus is Korean History

He gets SUPER into the unit on Ancient History. One time his students walked into class to see him decked out in traditional clothing from the Silla Dynasty, complete with hair extensions and everything

Oh, and he redecorated the whole class room to be period-accurate as well

Is just generally A Lot™ when he’s teaching

He knows that History can be a bit of a boring subject for some people so he tries to do fun things in class to try and make it interesting

He’ll give his classes the textbook-version of history, and then he’ll turn around and explain which parts were complete BS

He doesn’t sugarcoat much. Sure, he may not go too deep into the more disturbing parts of history (his students are just kids after all) but he’s very honest about what actually happened VS what the textbooks say happened

Definitely the teacher that everybody has a crush on (he obviously doesn’t condone it)

Likes to take his classes to historical villages for field trips

He’s the coach for the Soccer, Baseball, Track, Basketball, and Swim Teams as well as the faculty advisor for the Filmmaking Club

He’s a busy, busy man yet he always has time for his students

Another universally beloved teacher

Since he pretty much has the Film Club at his disposal, he’ll sometimes make short little historical films to use during his lessons

Prints out history memes and hangs them around his classroom like the nerd he is

Taemin - English Lit. Teacher

In my opinion, there are few forces in the educational system more chaotic than an English Teacher, which makes it a perfect fit for Taemin

If he had a dollar for every time he had been mistaken for a student

A little trick he likes to play on his Grade 9s is one where, on the first day of school, he’ll sit at one of the student desks and just wait for a bit until somebody asks where the teacher is. Then he’ll just be all “Surprise, welcome to English 1! I’m Mr. Lee and I’ll be your teacher!”

On the flipside, the amount of parents that don’t believe that he’s a teacher irritates him so much (he’s literally been asked for ID at Parent-Teacher Conferences)

Like, he’s fine with joking from his students, and even a bit of shock from parents is ok, but damn it, he didn’t get a Masters in Education to be treated like this

Anyway, he’ll get REALLY into it when he’s reading Shakespeare

One time, he stood on a desk and read it like that. One of his students from another class walked by, saw him, and just kinda poked their head in and was like “Mr. Lee? Are you okay?”

Jonghyun likes to bring him in when he does the piano unit in his class

Like Ming, Tae’s another nerd teacher who has found that memes are an excellent way to connect with his students

He’s co-advisor for the Drama Club along with Key

Drama, drama, drama. No drama, drama, drama

They’ve almost gotten into fistfights over the true meanings of plays

He’s also the coach for the school’s Dance Team (the school’s AWARD WINNING Dance Team, as he likes to remind people)

“Oh, your team got first place at Regionals? Talk to me when you get a National title.”

I like the idea of him driving the team around in a minivan or smth, just full on soccer-momming it

#SHINee AU #SHINee imagines #SHINee scenarios #SHINee as Teachers #SHINee As High School Teachers #SHINee #5HINee #jinki #jonghyun #kibum #minho #taemin

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sun-kissed-star · 6 years

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what are some newsies blogs i should check out because i am new here

OK BUCKLE UP FELLAS

@poorguysheadisdoingwhatnow has amazing headcanons and never fails to hurt my heart with her fabulous writing

@newsiesheadcanon also has awesome headcanons, even though they might make you cry

@your-brother-crutchie has made me cry with his writing, you’re in for a wild ride if you check out his blog

@ben-cook-can-cook is the greatest gal you can have in your life, she’s so funny and her posts/fics are legendary

@seizethegay1899 is one (1) amazing person I’ve been following for the longest time ever and they never fail to make me smile

@disney-princess-sized is the biggest Ravey Shipper™ around and she’s damn good at convincing you they’re meant to be, it’s her legacy

@elmers-half-a-cup is super nice and just a really great writer

@brooklynbadbois memes and smiles for days, I love her a lot

@tony-higgins is the bane of my existence because her fics are so good but she makes it a point to rip my heart out and stop on it with each one

@dank-crypitic i don’t know how to describe her, all i know is that I love her so, so much despite the teRRIFYING EDITS YOU SEND ME

@who-is-the-king-of-new-york great writing and headcanons! I haven’t talked to her much but I’ve been following her for a long time.

@newsies-fics I live for how much your friends mean to you. She also has a lot of reblogs of great content for our favorite dancing bois

@we-dont-sell-papes has a big heart and fights for her friends any day, I’d die for her

@racetrackcook is so nice, not to mention the queen of all things Ralbert. Between her and my Sprace trash, we’ll be unstoppable

@got-the-east-side amazing fics and AUs! super friendly! what’s there not to love?

@elmer-s-s0cks AMAZING WRITING GIRL WTH H O W

@wetcoffeejpg I just really, really, really love her art, she’s an incredible artist

@races-erster an amazing person and so nice go give her the apPRECIATION SHE DESERVES thanks for your time

@notes-the-newsie a whole lotta reblogs and Good and Gay Content™

@the-supporting-character Very much lives up to her url because she’s so very supportive and leaves the nicest comments on stuff! Also a great writer and a just a very wholesome person

@bexlynne shoutout to this bean for editing my stories and helping me figure out storylines. She’s so nice and leaves asks wherever she goes and writes great angst for my boy Race

@newsies-everlasting SUNNY I LOVE YOU she’s the person to go to with questions and asks, she’s easy to talk to and so nice!

@i-got-personality the fandom’s Crutchie, she’s got the poisonality we all need to get through a rough day and seeing her on my dash cheers me up no matter what mood I’m in

@shes-the-apex-predator can be summed up to FUSE NO but hey we all love her and this fandom wouldn’t be the same without her

@shes-a-plum a constant mood, lots of textposts that basically sum up the human condition. She’s wonderful and so kind.

@sunshine-musicals-yea LOVE HER she always checks up on me, thank you for mom friending me and putting up with how annoying I am. An amazing writer, a great friend

@ridin-in-style hmmmMMMmm this person? endlessly loving and supporting her friends and reblogging all the newsies aesthetics and art she comes across? It’s more likely than you think.

@and-a-snip Just an overall great person to go to for endless support and reblogs of headcanons and fics!

@the-1992-newsies-is-better LAY I LOVE YOU SO MUCH! She scares me sometimes but she loves Racetrack Higgins almost as much as I do and she’s very soft, don’t let her fool you

@albertdasillva GREAT WRITING and also a great personality! Has all the gay newsies you’ll ever need. She holds a special place in my heart, love ya babe

@mush-mike-and-ike Deserves all the appreciation in the world. Has lots of love for the rest of the fandom and some greats headcanons!

@daveys-pet-snake GAY NEWSIES ALL AROUND, LETS GO FELLAS also so nice and cares so much for her friends?? like what?? stop that?? you’re making me smile so much from the love that radiates from you??

@races-papes hilarious? makes me laugh? more great newsies content? sounds good to me.

@voice-foundshoe-lost LISTEN I LOVE HER AND HER WRITING A WHOLE LOT very dedicated to our newspaper sons and I respect that. You go girl.

@thebiggestyamfan the sweetest ever, she pops up all over and honestly I’m living for it.

@c0ronas great writing (as always!!), just constant references, and I, too, love Race, so she’s therefore counted as one of the many people I hold near and dear to my heart

@thestoryweneededtowrite AGH I love everything about this blog you have no idea. So creative, quality content, 11/10

@thatguylex STOP KILLING OFF MY BOYS GOSH DARN IT but yeah anyway I love him and I wanna give him a really big hug because he deserves it (unless you don’t want that, then a fistbump is cool too!)

@purenewsies Such a very pure person, just like the newsies. Stans my boy Elmer and writes some great stuff!

@jeremyjordan-am-i-right If you love Jeremy Jordan as much as I do then I have the blog for you, right here fellas, let’s all go appreciate this man

@headcanons-making-headlines Has some awesome hcs that are totally canon, what are you talking about, and shitposts which is really all you need in life

@broadwaycantdie ITS ALL NEWSIES TRASH WHEREVER YOU LOOK AND I’M LIVING FOR IT. Go talk to this lovely person! Reblogs All The Headcanons and Fics (now there’s a headline even Elmer could sell)

@anotherday-anotherdestiny President of the Trans Racetrack Higgins movement. That’s all you need to know to know her blog is Valid™

@timesarehardfornewsies she’s a big mood for forever and a talented, amazing gal

@race-ace Quality indeed with all this happiness going around when I see this lovely person on my dash

@thatfancyclam OWNS MY ENTIRE HEART, dubbed me the Queen of Sprace, she’s the light of my life with all the positivity and love that she throws out

@seizetheimagines very, very talented and creative. She has a big heart and a lot of passion.

@crutchieee-morris MY PARTNER IN CRIME I WOULD DIE FOR HER SHE’S AMAZING AND I WOULD BE CONSTANTLY LOST WITHOUT HER

@soak-em So sweet! She’s Sparks’ second-in-command as Crutchie in my heart.

@shes-the-king Has some really great Sprace stuff, but also just a lot of different ships in general! I haven’t talked to them, but they seem really nice from what I’ve seen.

@gothemcityshipper Great hcs and super friendly, from what I’ve seen! (we should talk more, babe!) I’d 100% check her out if I was you.

@sqecs I feel like his posts are just such icons in the newsies fandom,,,, he’s made me fall off my bed from laughing so hard so his blog is pretty Great

@imjusttheoutgoingsidekick I LIVE FOR ALL THE HEADCANONS! Very accurate posts too, like I feel like you’re seeing into some minds to get this information.

@unofficialfansie Also has a lot of great headcanons! I haven’t been following her for very long but I stan her anyway, she’s just great that way.

There’s probably so many more I missed agh, I love you all!! Not sure why you put up with me in this fandom because I feel like a grain of sand next to you legends. Love you guys

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memedokies · 7 years

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(almost) every anon ask since fall 2016

if u havent noticed i am BAD at answering asks so here’s a Big Dump of most of the asks i’ve gotten in the past few months

ps; i’ve excluded pokemon suggestions bc i plan on getting to them at some point

Hihihi!!! What brushes do you use in fire alpaca?? i dont do much in firealpaca (esp not lately lol) but when i did use it a lot i just used the fill bucket and the standard/default brush to fill in gaps n such lol! i dont really draw in it, i used flash/adobe animate for the lineart and just fill in color in firealpaca :3

when did you start animating? uhh when i was around 11 or 12 when i started digital art i guess? i just used photoshop for the longest time then got flash when i was like 15 or so

How did you get flash? i got the creative cloud dealie, its technically required for my school :—-0

hello!! what are you majoring in in vcu?? im thinking about going there for college im in communication arts! omg cool lmk if u come here ill tell u where to get the best bubble tea

how many fps do you use for your wiggly animations? i work at 24 fps in flash on twos but just end up using photoshop’s 0 second frame delay/ “no delay”?

Hey love your animations! What do you animate with? adobe animate 2017! (previously flash)

You mentioned a YouTube channel but I can’t seem to find a link to it? Do you post processes on there? https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCovvoZxlQjFaIA7A3w_94Zw theres not much atm but i plan on posting a lot more, including process/speedpaints!

i really like your art style gosh darn!!! everythings so fluid and stylized and nice aaa (also ur animations are goals) do u have any tips for someone still developing their artstyle???? WAH TYSM!!!!! compile art you already like and incorporate aspects from their styles into yours, BUT dont limit urself to one style! if u like something then try it out! do straight up copies (as PRACTICE, DONT CLAIM IT as your own ofc) of stuff you like to see how they work and what you’re clicking with. spending time on fundamentals is MEGA helpful so keep going back to that too! USE REFERENCES!!! draw …from ur soul…what makes u ..FEEL good

how do you make that burn effect on your lineart? it makes it your pieces look sharper and even more interesting, it’s super cool!! when i used to use flash for lineart and firealpaca for coloring a lot, setting the lineart layer on BURN with the coloring layer seeping a lil past the lineart would get this effect automatically

(like on the whiskers. u can see it gets a brighter brown(?) and the warmer yellow on the ears)

but since then i’ve been using sai+photoshop more so i just do it manually! i’ll use this funny pic of me and my cat as an example lol

^i select the lineart/everything i want the funky color around

^slam that INCREMENT button a couple times

^make a new layer under the lineart

^fill that puppo with ur preferred color! something brighter works best, or even straight up white

that’ll give you something like this

then i open it in photoshop

and i mess with the pink line layer’s blending mode..color burn usually does the trick but depending on the Look you’re going for, saturation, multiply and overlay have some similar effects that look cool.

i also usually get rid of the outermost edge of pink line that’s visible around the lineart, just so it looks a little cleaner? to do that you just select around your lineart, increment/expand selection, and delete/erase in the selection of the pink line layer

uhh yeah! lmk if anyone needs clarification on this, i have some other #TIPS on makin ur art look crusty and funky so…lemme know if you’re interested :—3

What do you use to animate? And, a more specific question, how do you make transparent animated gifs? adobe animate 2017! (previously flash) i export my animation from flash as a png sequence then open it in photoshop, where the background will be transparent and save it as a gif from there nyaaa

if anyone needs more clarification lmk and i’ll make a proper walkthrough :-0

Hello!! Ur art is rlly pretty and so inspirational and nice to look at!! 💗💗 I was wonderin’ if ya had any tips on choosing shapes for characters? Like, when you draw shapes for a certain character, it looks rlly like it fits with the character’s personality n stuff!! ( e.g: Your Love Live! drawings!! The characters look so good in your style.) I’ve always admired how u did that n was hoping for some tips maybe?? Anyways, have a good day!!💛💖💟💜💝💞💖 HOOGA!! TYSM!!! and YEA you basically guessed it, i mainly just think about the character’s personality and translate that into a shape or Pheeling…

especially for anime characters i look at the Very Subtle differences in the character’s original design..or possibly canon implications…for example kotori has slightly different eyes (it also says on her wiki page she has soft droopy eyes!) so i make sure to incorporate that Detãile

anime wiki pages that have details like that is nice, for love live they have cute lil “charm points” which is really cool n helpful! listening to how a character is described in their world can give clues to what differentiates them which you can make more clear in your design

taking into account each characters context is good too, what they do/hobby/personality and how that could affect their appearance/posture/attitude

YEAH its really fun to figure out certain characteristics and make it evident in their appearance! or. idk thats just what i do lol. hopefully this helps!

Have you ever seen the anime jojos bizarre adventure? alas i have not..i have some friends whom are into it so i’ll prob end up watching it sometime lol

sorry if this is obvious but!! are you the creator of Fork and Knife: Food Fighters?? your gif of fork is super cute btw!! yes i am!! wah tysm!!

Hey my little sister found your animation on an online art gallery and she really loved it! omg cool, thanks so much!!

Your style is so lovely!! OHG thanks!

your blog is so precious i love it a lot! your art is so cute too ^u^ waa thanks!!

Your art and animations art really cool! Keep up the good work! You are amazing!! aahg thank you!! :’333

your art is fuckening amazing hh broe…tysm

Oh my gee, I used to follow you on Deviant Art, and now here I am, finding you on accident. You’re still as talented as ever. =w= b hUIOpugh deviantart, my homeland..my origin.. thank you!!!

- O mg I love your art! 💕💕💕 thank you!! heart emojis!!! 💖💖💖

- your art and animations give me so much inspiration, thank you! everything about your style is so fun and it cheers me up omg this validates my top tier goal in life, im so glad!! thank you SO much!

Your style is so charming and adorable ;__; thank you!!

ur art is so gross in the best way possible this is the biggest compliment ive gotten thank u so much. i love making gross squishy awful drawings

IM SO HAPPY I FOUND YOU!!!! IVE BEEN LOOKING FOR YOU FOR AGES!!!!!!!!! I LIVE FOR YOUR BEAUTIFUL ART!!!!!!!!! THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!! BHOLY CRAP THANK YOU!!!

your art style is very cute ! 🌱 oohg thanks!! thanks for the little sprout emoji, i love her

GOOD ART!!!! good art good art good art EVERYWHERE I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!! OHHGG THANK YUO

how do ya draw such cutely its driving me nuts Nuts NUTS !!! I LOVE SPARKLES AND BRIGHT COLORS AND FUNNY ANIMALS..its my lifeblood..thank u..

You’re a really rad artist! I’m Glad there’s some cool artists that are local! Have a good time at VCU! oh wow thanks!!

Ur shapes r so good thanks i LOVE a nice wholesome shape!

I rlly like ur art style my dude thanks!!

hi! just wanted to let u know that you’re wonderful and i wish u well in everything u do this is making me bVERY HAPPY THANK YOU SO MUCH!!

Im love You!! IM L OVE YIOU

that meowth boy is so good. i love him as he is my son THANK YUO i too, love meowth a Lot

I love how your art is basically lines and curves, it’s very cute oo thanks!

i love your art style so much!! it’s so zesty? i cant think of a better word to describe but its like. zesty & refreshing & rly rly cool !!! THATS A BEAUTIFUL ADJECTIVE I LOVE IT thank u so much!!!

You seem like you would watch Osomatsu-san. I could see you drawin dem bois in you hella rad art style. osomatsu was the wildest ride of my life. tho i dont think i could physically be able to sit down and draw them seriously ever…

Pls make more angry cat comics theyr so halarious plllls 👀 more are on the way!!!!!!

Have you done a meet the artist i sketched one when the meme was still poppin..is it too late lol? maybe i’ll still do it

#asks

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alexknight002 · 7 years

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Pit Saves Canada - Chapter 2: Attack on Cananada

AN: Wow, I can't believe how many people have read the story already! Although I've only posted it a few days ago, it already has 7 reviews on fanfiction dot net! So thank you all of my readers. Unless you're Tim, then fuck you, Tim. This chapter will have some REAL ACTION and it will be so cool and edgy that you will literally have an orgasm.

Chapter 2: Attack on Cananada

"I can't believe I'm finally in the great white north! What a beautiful place!" Pit loves Canada, if you couldn't already tell. "I'm going to do EVERYTHING here in Ottawa!" The angle twins were in a gift shop in Ottawa because Pit wanted to buy 20 more sets of Canadian-themed clothes. Right now, Pit was still wearing his Mountie costume, and Pittoo was wearing a Kill la Kill shirt because even though it's anime, at least it's edgy anime.

"And I'm not going," said Pittoo, while looking up edgy anime memes on his phone.

"Yes you are! And you're going to love it! I made a list of everything that I'm going to do in Canada!" he said, taking out a Dictionary-sized notebook. "Number 1: Masturbate in a Tim Horton's bathroom!"

"Wtf why would you even say that?!" yelled Pittoo in horror.

"Haha I'm joking!" Pit luckily said. "You need to cheer up, Splatoon! Canada is a beautiful place! Just look outside! There's so much nature everywhere that wild animals are roaming the streets!" He pointed outside at the many moose, polar bears, and beavers running around and letting people pet them. "Look, a Chespin is coming into the store!"

A wild Chespin walked into the store and said "Chespin!"

"Wait..." said Pittoo. "Oh no! Oh no no no no! Don't you dare! I know what you're trying to do! Don't you fucking dare! I've seen enough of those shitty tumblr fanfic quotes to know what you're about to do SO STOP! I fucking swear, I will shoot you! I have this gun right in my hands, and I swear to Saitama I MEAN SATAN FUCK that you'll be dead if you do this. SO STOP IT RIGHT NOW YOU FUCKING FURRY BITCH!"

Chespin took a step out the door. "Chespou-"

*BANG*

Chespin fell down dead as Pittoo lowered his gun. He regretted nothing.

"WHAT THE HECK PITTOO YOU MURDERED HIM!"

"HEY, I WARNED HIM, AND HE STILL DID IT!"

Palutena, Icarus, and Bean walked up while all wrapped in a giant Canadian scarf.

"This is a group hug scarf," explained Palutena. "You go up to someone and then wrap them in this for a group hug! That way they can't get away!"

"Do you two want to join our group hug?" asked Icarus.

"Yeah!" yelled Pit.

"Fuck no!" yelled Pittoo.

They didn't listen to Dark Pit and wrapped them both in the scarf.

"AH GET ME OUT!" squealed Pittoo edgily. "HISS! HISS!"

"Hey, cashier, do you want to join in our group hug?" Palutena asked the girl working at the counter.

"Sure, eh!" she exclaimed happily and joined in.

"Everyone else in the store, you can join in, too!"

"Yay!" everyone yelled and then joined in the hug.

"WTF GET ME OUT OF HERE!" whined Pittoo.

"Canada!" said Pit because Canada.

LATER:

The angle family all got on a tour bus so that they could see all the great sights in Ottawa. They saw the Notre Dame Cathedral, the Parliament building, the National Gallery of Canada, and even the Canadian White House! Pit was screaming in happiness the entire time while Pittoo put on the same noise-cancelling headphones from earlier.

"I hope I can meet Trudeau! He is my true hero, and I want to take a picture with him and get his autograph and take another picture and get another autograph and then take another another picture and then-"

Suddenly, a GIANT ROBOT tore the roof off of the bus! "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!11111111111111111111111111111111111" screamed everyone.

The evul robot trapped Palutena, Icarus, and Bean in a glowing cage and then flew away before anyone could do anything.

"NOOOOOOOOOOO MOM AND DAD AND OTHER DAD!" yelled Pit and Pittoo.

"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH WE'VE GOT TO DO SOMETHING!" screeched Pit.

"SHIT WHAT DO WE DO?!"

"I DON'T KNOW!" and then they both ran in circles screaming until they realized that there were robots everywhere.

A familiar voice rung from the robots. "People of Canada, you may now welcome your new leader, ME, DONALD TRUMP! I now have enough money that I bought the entire United States and am now their overlord. And with my new power, I have the authority (and money) to take over your country. Sit aside and let us take you over and harvest your country's resources. Also, if you're wondering about your shitty former leader, he have him in captivity. That is all for today. Goodbye, and enjoy your new lives in the United States of Trump."

"OH SHOOT TRUMP TOOK OVER CANADA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! THIS IS THE WORST DAY EVER FIRST OUR PARENTS WERE KIDNAPPED AND THEN CANADA WAS TAKEN OVER BY DONALD TRUMP!1111111 AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!11111111111111111111111"

Everyone ran in terror to the nearest Tim Hortons and barricaded themselves inside.

"Do you have any ideas of what to do now?" asked Pittoo.

"I know! I'LL CALL OVERWATCH!" Pit took out his phone and dialed a number. "Hello, is this Overwatch?

"No, thees is Tito Dick 'Dickman,' baby," Tito Dick replied.

"Oh, soory, wrong number," said Pit, hanging up. "I don't know Overwatch's number, and so I accidentally called Tito Dick."

"If you didn't know their number, then what did you type into the phone?"

"I don't know, I just typed in a random number and hoped it would be the right one."

"That makes literally no sense. And wait...OH FUCK YOU SAID DICK!"

"Wait, no! I WAS JUST SAYING HIS NAME I DIDN'T CURSE!"

"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH MY EARS YOU CURSED AAHAHHAHHAHAAHAH!"

"I'M SO SOORY!" screamed Pit and then they both cried into each other's arms. "Oh yeah WE NEED TO SAVE TRUDEAU AND ALSO SAVE CANADA!"

"I have an idea! We can form a team to SAVE CANADA!"

"Did I hear someone wanting to form a team?" asked a voice in the distance. It was...Johnny Test?! "I can help with my AWESOME talking dog! We can do TOTALLY RADICAL things like rebelling from authority and riding on EPIC skateboards!" he yelled making whiplash noises and other sound effects everwhere.

"Never mind, Pittoo and I will go by ourselves."

"Yes, we must...GO ROUGE!" said the formerly satin-worshiping angle. "We just need to know where Trump took the Prime Minister!"

"Look, he posted something on Instagram!"

The angle opened an image of Trudeau taking a selfie while being escorted by guards. It was captioned, "Guys, I've been captured and taken to the Pentagon by Donald Trump!"

"That's it! We need to go to Washington D.C and save him!" exclaimed Pit. "And look, a ride is right there!" He pointed to a nearby moose. But it wasn't a regular moose. It was a radioactive moose that could travel at high speeds! The angle twins jumped onto its back and sped away.

They quickly got to the border, but faced trouble once they got there.

"Oh no!" exclaimed Pit. "Trump built a wall on the Canadian-American border! "Quick Pittoo, use your anime powers!"

"ONE PUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNCH!" screamed Pittoo as he punched a huge hole in Trump's wall.

Then things started going smoothly again. The moose was so fast that they got to D.C within 5 minutes.

"Look, it's the Pentagon!" pointed out Pittoo. They began to invade the Pentagon, Pittoo fighting with a katana and Pit using a hockey stick.

MEMEWHILE:

"So, Mr. Canada," said Trump trying to be tough. "Where do you have the weapons hidden."

"I don't know what you're talking about, eh?" Trudeau said with a poker face much better than Umi's in Love Live School Idol Project.

"I know you have Canadian super-weapons hidden in Ottawa, and I need to find them!"

Suddenly, an alarm went off. While Trump was distracted, Trudeau slugged him in the face and ran. "Soory aboot that, eh?" he said while running off. But he couldn't get too far before some evil agents like the ones in the Matrix came up and pointed guns at him. "You darn hosers!" exclaimed the Prime Minister.

Luckily, Pit got there just in time to knock the agents out with his hockey stick. "Justin Trudeau, IT'S REALLY YOU!" Pittoo soon got up behind them and sheathed his katana.

"Quick, we have to get out of here before Trump sends in reinforcements. I have a portal gun with me that can take me back to Ottawa, but it only works when powered by maple syrup!"

"Good thing I have some with me!" said Pit, taking out a jug. He poured the syrup into the portal gun, causing the portal to open up, and they hastily jumped through and appeared in Ottawa.

"CANADA, I MISSED YOU!" screamed Pit, kissing the ground.

"You were only gone for a fucking hour," complained Pittoo.

"Any time from Canada is a bad time, Pittoo."

"I agree," said Trudeau.

"OMGOSH I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S REALLY YOU! I'M YOUR BIGGEST FAN!"

"Why, thank you for saving me, eh! I am so gratified to the two of you! What are your names?"

"I'm Pit, and I love Canada more than anything! This is my edgy weeb brother Pittoo!"

"Konichiwa, I mean 'sup," Pittoo edged weebily.

"How would you two like to help me...SAVE CANADA!"

"OH MY MACDONALD, YES! I WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR CANADA!"

Someone walked out of the nearby Tim Hortons, and it was Lucas from Pokemon Diamond and Pearl. "Look, Trudeau is safe!"

A group of Canadians walked in from fighting the robots with axes, hockey sticks, and shotguns. "Hoor-eh!" they exclaimed (AN: GEDDIT!).

All of the Canadians went into the restaurant with the angles and the PM and had a party.

"We're so glad you're safe, Mr. Prime Minister!" said a Canadian girl.

"Why, I couldn't have gotten out if it wasn't for these two angles!" he said, patting Pit and Pittoo on the back.

"OH MY GOSH TRUDEAU JUST TOUCHED ME!1" exclaimed Pit happily.

Suddenly, a man with a gun kicked down the door!

"Prime Minister Trudeau, I'm CIA!" he said, pointing a gun at him.

Then a bulky masketta man walked into the room! "I'm crashing this party...with no survivors!"

AN: GASP! Who is this mysterious masketta man? AND WILL THEY MAKE IT OUT ALIVE? Find out next time! I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, and please tell me what you thought in the comments!

#pit #canada #kid icarus #super smash bros #fanfiction #crack fic #pittoo #dark pit #justin trudeau #donald trump #parody #crack #shitpost

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theworstbob · 7 years

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yellin’ at songs, 4.14.2007 + 4.15.2017

the songs that debuted on the billboard chart this week and ten years ago this week. today: buttrock confessions

4.14.2007

40) "Ticks," Brad Paisley

So I watched the whole entire CMAs instead of Game 7 of the World Series and don't regret a single choice I made (the game went into extras, you don’t really have to watch baseball until the ninth inning tbh), and it struck me how much of a dorky theatre kid Brad Paisley was. He's objectively a great guitarist, like hokey as this song is and as little I know about music I think that's a dope fucking guitar line, but gosh darn, he was trying so hard the whole time at those CMAS! And that puts a song like this in perspective, because, like I said, it's hokey as fuck, but if you can just understand that Brad Paisley's sense of humor is that of someone who understands that being funny is a way to be Liked and is trying his best to be Liked, it sort of comes together and you can brush it off.

75) "We Takin' Over," DJ Khaled ft./T.I., Akon, Rick Ross, Fat Joe, Lil' Wayne, Baby

FUCK DUDE LIL' WAYNE USED TO BE GOOD. Like OK I think we all know I wanted to come here and be like "look at the humble beginnings of the meme man! He wasn't such a meme in these days!" but then there was a Lil' Wayne verse where he wasn't fucking around with Auto-tune, he was just rapping, and he was such a good fucking rapper that I'm actually angrier at the two "verses" he had on those Nicki Minaj songs a couple weeks back. It's not even one of his more notable verses, I don't think, it was just a normal 10-year-old Wayne verse, but I'm still here like, what a treat, a Lil' Wanye feature I don't mind! How lucky we were in 2007!

78) "Little Wonders," Rob Thomas

it is good to remember things that are nice! the lyric video i watched for this song ended with this message from the editor: "Believe in yourself, follow your dreams, and never, EVER give up =)." i would have much rather someone had just repeated those words over and over for three and a half minutes than listened to this song. DANNY ELFMAN?! fuck are you doing here, danny elfman? are you lost?

79) "Hey There Delilah," Plain White T's

There is nothing I could say about this song that would be worth saying.

82) "I Tried," Bone Thugs-N-Harmony ft./Akon

a'ight, see, now i feel better about bumping pink and jordan pruitt from the top 20, because it won't be some buttrock heroes what bumps 'em, it'll be a legit impressive, heartfelt song. i'm kinda surprised i don't remember this! now i just gotta contend with the fact most of both top 20s are gonna be dudes. but like most of these songs are dudes. this week is all dudes. next week is a 7:2 dude-to-lady ratio. last week was 2:1. maybe less dudes? idk, recency bias is doin' work, but at least two weeks from now, we're gonna get some dope tunes.

87) "Get Buck," Young Buck

HOLY SHIT THIS FUCKING BEAT THE TUBA HAS NEVER HAD A BETTER DAY IN ITS LIFE. OK, this is the first 2007 track I think has been unjustifiably forgotten by time. “Say OK” hit me, but I think that was just a moment for me. This is objectively a classic, this fucking beat, man. Young Buck doesn't add a ton to the proceedings, but he doesn't ruin anything, his gruff, shouty flow is perfect for the beat, and I'll admit, I got a dark chuckle out of the "I can serve Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown" line. This was fuckin' rad, y'all, the best "new to me" song I've heard so far. Seriously this beat, how have we not found a better home for it, how did no one else latch onto it. A strong silver medalist in the "Southern rap songs with the word 'buck' in the title" category.

89) "A Woman's Love," Alan Jackson

Alan Jackson, last seen walking out on Beyonce's performance at the CMAs, is here singing a jaunty tune about how one time he fucked.

91) "Love Today," MIKA

i mean it's just a good song, man, i dunno. i'm allowed to just say when a song is solid and something i can jam to, right, when i don't think i have anything to justify? it's low-rent scissor sisters. I'LL TAKE THAT ANY DAY OF THE WEEK. solid week.

95) "Forever," Papa Roach

...oh goddamnit i love this song. No, you don't... Lemme explain. I need to explain, so lemme. So, I listened to a lot of the local buttrock station in my teens, because that's what the radio at the auto shop where I worked was always tuned to, was 93X. And, I dunno, there's a lot of bullshit I forgot and a lot of shit too horrible to purge from the mind, I've heard the acoustic version of Staind's "Outside" more times than any man ever should, but there were some songs where the Stockholm Syndrome hit, and you were like, "Well, maybe Chevelle isn't ALL bad." This was definitely the point where I was like, "Hey, this is the one decent Papa Roach song!" I was legit angry when I realized this was that song, I forgot I ever loved a Papa Roach song, I was 10000% sure this was a cover because there was no way I was going to go anywhere but IN on this song, but no, this is a song I shouted in the shower at least five times. I'm so disappointed in myself right now, but... But, yeah, this is, I can’t quite place where they cribbed the verses from but they cribbed well, the chorus is shouty and fake-deep like all the great buttrock songs, and I love that ending, the “one last kiss” thing over that bass line, without reservation. We have to be true to who we were, and who we are is never fully removed from who we were. I hate this. I hate having to admit this. THE ONE PAPA ROACH SONG I FUCK WITH, AND IT HAS TO BE PART OF THIS PROJECT. I HAVE TO TALK ABOUT A KENDRICK LAMAR SONG SOON, AND HERE I AM, FUCKING WITH A PAPA ROACH SONG, THROWING MY CRITICAL AUTHORITY OUT WITH THE BATHWATER.

97) "Breath," Breaking Benjamin

I have less reservations about loving a Breaking Benjamin song, though, because Breaking Benjamin wasn't fake-deep like Papa Roach. ("My feelings for you are forever." God, that's stupid. I love a very stupid thing.) No, Breaking Benjamin was legit dark, they were a buttrock band I knew was OK because my friend who ended up going to a semi-prestigious art high school of some renown was into them. Is it the same song as "The Diary of Jane?" Yeah, kinda, there's more than a little resemblance, "THE DIARY OF JANE" IS A LEGIT GREAT SONG AND BITING THAT SONG IS A SMART MOVE.

At least Papa Roach couldn’t crack the Top 20. 2007: gaining strength! 20) "Get it Shawty," by Lloyd (3.31.2007) 19) "Break 'Em Off," by Paul Wall ft./Lil' KeKe (3.10.2007) 18) "My Oh My," by The Wreckers (1.27.2007) 17) "Mr. Jones," by Mike Jones (1.27.2007) 16) "Settlin'," by Sugarland (2.17.2007) 15) "I Tried," by Bone Thugs 'n Harmony (4.21.2007) 14) "Movin' On," by Elliott Yamin (3.17.2007) 13) "U + Ur Hand," by P!nk (1.13.2007) 12) "Doe Boy Fresh," by Three 6 Mafia ft./Chamillionaire (1.20.2007) 11) "Breath," by Breaking Benjamin (4.21.2007) 10) "Beautiful Liar," by Beyonce & Shakira (3.31.2007) 9) "Cupid's Chokehold," by Gym Class Heroes ft./Patrick Stump (1.13.2007) 8) "The River," by Good Charlotte ft./M. Shadows & Synyster Gates (2.10.2007) 7) "Say OK," by Vanessa Hudgens (2.17.2007) 6) "Alyssa Lies," by Jason Michael Carroll (1.13.2007) 5) "Get Buck," by Young Buck (4.21.2007) 4) "And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going," by Jennifer Hudson (1.13.2007) 3) "Candyman," by Christina Aguilera (1.13.2007) 2) "Because of You," by Ne-Yo (3.17.2007) 1) "Dashboard," by Modest Mouse (2.17.2007)

4.15.2017

22) "The Heart Part 4," by Kendrick Lamar

I mean, with the way I do this thing, everything that's been said about this song has been said, and I'm hella late to the party, trying to get another round of Pin the Tail on the Donkey started. "You didn't have fun without me, I'm about to have fun WITH you!" No Bob! we already played that game Bob!. "BLINDFOLD ME!" I think it's vitally important that Kendrick Lamar remind everyone that he's the best MC alive right now, because he is, and gosh, he just fucking raps for four minutes. Barely a hook, just Kendrick Lamar verses and flows for a solid four minutes, and I'm really curious how many rappers could sustain a song for four (mostly) uninterrupted minutes just on their own. Minimalist production, it's just your voice and your words. I'd put Danny Brown in that category, but it'd be a bleak-ass four minutes. I want to put Killer Mike in that category, but I have to think there's a reason he works best in a duo. I'd want to listen to what four minutes of undiulted Young Thug would sound like?, but more out of curiosity than belief in his ability. And I mean Kendrick's the only one in the popular consciousness who could do it, no fuckin’ question, there's no one in the mainstream rap world anywhere NEAR his level. (Kendrick Lamar is barely mainstream, of course, and that fact is a source of much consternation on this song, like there's no way the entire Kendrick album breaks the Hot 100 like the entire Drake album did, but he was in a Tay Tay song the one time and that's enough.) Just listening to Kendrick Lamar rap is one of the most thrilling songs I've heard for YAS 2017. Honestly, I'm ranking it too low in the Top 20, but only because I have to think better things are on their way and am wary of that recency bias wave.

49) "XO Tour Lif3," by Lil Uzi Vert

Congratulations on being the modern rap song which followed "The Heart Part 4!" You were always going to suffer in comparison, and while I regret that it happened to you, I hope you understand it had to happen to someone. I mean, this is a three-minute song, and at some point I got bored enough that I forgot I was supposed to be paying attention to come up with an observation and/or a joke and did other things. Not even shit I needed to take care of, I checked Facebook and thought about getting a glass of milk until he started saying all his friends are dead, like what?, oh okay I guess that's how this song ends then, OH FUCK well prolly not worth dipping back in if I got that distracted.

61) "Speak to a Girl," by Tim McGraw & Faith Hill

So over the last four weeks, only three women have had tracks debut on the Hot 100. That's pretty cool. One of the three dudes who wrote this song, about what a girl REALLY wants from a man, was also a co-writer on Jason Derulo's "Wiggle," which is, I mean, I'm going off Wikipedia, I'm hopeful this is too awful to be true, but if it isn't, how does that dude sleep at night? What does that dude believe in? Who is his god, just, to what moral authority is our man Joe London holding himself accountable? Do Not Trust Joe London. Another of the songwriters worked with a band called Confederate Railroad. Country music is the coolest. I'm so proud to like this genre.

66) "Still Got Time," by ZAYN ft./PARTYNEXTDOOR

First of all, we need to take a minute to discuss the sheer disrespect for the concept of caps lock expressed by ZAYN and PARTYNEXTDOOR. This is a mumblecore pop song, and I must insist these dudes cease using all capital letters until they prove they're capable of expressing excitement. Other than that gripe, though, I dunno, I didn't have a bad time! I enjoyed it about as much as I did "Running Back" a few weeks ago, it didn't light this Tuesday evening on fire, but it was a chill groove, and I appreciated the B+ to which all involved contributed. Also, new favorite Wikipedia line: "Shane Lindstrom, professionally known as Murda Beatz." One, professionally known. Two, imagine ever asking someone to call you Murda. Gosh, what a stupid fucking stage name. (Stage name? Backstage name? Why do you need an alias bro you're a fucking producer, you don't get to have a fake name, the fuck makes you think you can have a fake name. Even Swizz Beatz rapped sometimes, what is your goddamned problem Murda Beatz.)

2017′s Top 20! I lowered “Run Up” again. I miss it dearly but I can’t pretend I liked it more than “Green Light.” 20) "Swalla," by Jason Derulo ft./Nicki Minaj & Ty Dolla $ign (4.8) 19) "Light," by Big Sean ft./Jeremih (2.25) 18) "Everyday," by Ariana Grande ft./Future (3.4) 17) "Draco," by Future (3.11) 16) "Guys My Age," by Hey Violet (2.11) 15) "Good Drank," by 2 Chainz ft./Gucci Mane & Quavo (2.11) 14) "Yeah Boy," Kelsea Ballerini (3.4) 13) "Selfish," by Future ft./Rihanna (3.18) 12) "Slide," by Calvin Harris ft./Frank Ocean & Migos (3.18) 11) "It Ain't Me," by Kygo x Selena Gomez (3.4) 10) "Now & Later," by Sage the Gemini (2.25) 9) "Shape of You," by Ed Sheeran (1.28) 8) "That's What I Like," by Bruno Mars (3.4) 7) "The Heart Part 4," by Kendrick Lamar (4.15) 6) "Chanel," by Frank Ocean ft./A$AP Rocky (4.1) 5) "Run Up," by Major Lazer ft./PARTYNEXTDOOR & Nicki Minaj (2.18) 4) "Green Light," by Lorde (3.18) 3) "Despacito," by Luis Fonsi ft./Daddy Yankee (2.4) 2) "Issues," by Julia Michaels (2.11) 1) "iSpy," by KYLE ft./Lil Yachty (1.14) how the fuck did “swalla” make it two weeks Also, I know there was a new Iggy Azalea song, and I’m just gonna say, if having to listen to 21 Drake songs was the price I paid to not have to hear 1 Iggy Azalea song, I will have been glad to have paid the toll. That is a reasonable trade, one I would never say no to. Boy I hope it doesn’t debut next week! Also: “iSpy” in the for-real top five! That’s so dope! I’m happy for that song!

Who won the week?

2007 had the stronger showing this week, and let’s be real, I think it’s out-paced 2017 at this point. 2007′s at the point where “Get It Shawty” is hanging on by a thread while “Grace Kelly” and “Outside Looking In” are outside looking in. 2017 needs to step its game up. We’re two weeks from “Umbrella.” Is that so much to ask, is for just one instant classic era-defining monster jam that shatters the world? Come on, 2017! 2007: 2 2017: 1

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