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holydepths-blog · 5 years

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✩ watergate :3

this took too fucking long

Disagreements:

Who is more likely to raise their voice? i feel like emma cos she’s more angry dramatic and he’s more emo dramatic but i was also gonna say he probably should to accomodate for his heightWho threatens to leave but never actually does? neither of them, they’ve both left one another repeatedly. Who actually keeps their word and leaves? both of them, see above. Who trashes the house? i don’t think either of them … i can’t see him ever doing it but if he did she would kick his ass things need to be NEAT Do either of them get physical? basement gate tease ! but no … it’s soft …. that’s been erased from my memory … they’re emo not violent How often do they argue/disagree? all the time but about #dumb shit nowadays … used to be more serious but now? you like chocolate ice cream better? … idiot Who is the first to apologise? if they had a penny for every time mickey has apologised to her both of them could quit their low salary jobs and move to france

Sex:

Who is on top? bold of u to assume they aren’t both switches Who is on the bottom? ^Who has the strangest desires? Any kinks? mind ur fucking business … snuggling is a kink Who’s dominant in bed? i don’t think dominant has ever been in either of their vocabulary where’s the john mulaney gif abt soup in the lap … regaurdless … probably he has to be she’s babyIs head ever in the equation? she suck the dick for free and mickey is a good boy, he knows how to go down on a womf If so, who is better at performing it? i don’t know how sex works is it easier to eat thrussy or suck a dick … they both try the only thing that matters is that once he said she was better at sex than [ redacted ] Ever had sex in public? private public … like not dressing room public but like, romantic lookout in a car public … hope no coppers come 2 shine their flashlight Who moans the most? idk if this is my sexism or my lesbian but women should, legally, be required to moan more than menWho leaves the most marks? he better swallow his masculinity and get used to concealer but i feel like that wld not be an issue for him, king ! he can’t borrow hers though it won’t match Who screams the loudest? WHO YELLSWho is the more experienced of the two? mickey. fucking duh. Do they ‘fuck’ or ‘make love’? they make love :3Rough or soft? soft … unlike his penis How long do they usually last? haha 8 seconds joe goldberg tease? idk how long sex even lasts in general …. solidly average is my guess Is protection used? he better wrap it before he taps it my girl cannot afford plan b . so yesDoes it ever get boring? not …. boring but ….. consistent. when emma gets too drunk she asks odette for sex advice bc she doesn’t want to bore ickey Where is the strangest place they’d have sex? nowhere is strange if ur brave enough.

Family:

Do your muses plan on having children/or have children? …. yes ….If so, how many children do your muses want/have? she wants 27 children actually but literally anything from 1-30 will suffice …. they need a lot of help on his inevitable farm Who is the favorite parent? mickey is the fun parent so u already know who it is Who is the authoritative parent? REMEMBER the clip i sent u from the marky mark movie … she’s always the bad guy until he gets #fedup and he has to remind her that she’s not doing it this time AJSDKF Who is more likely to allow the children to have a day off school? Who lets the children indulge in sweets and junk food when the other isn’t around? honeslty both of them unless emma hoards all the candy … selfish Who turns up to extra curricular activities to support their children? both of them they make fucking SIGNS …. its a little league game u dont need to paint the football stripes on ur faceWho goes to parent teacher interviews? they both go but mickey is better at them because emma always goes into teacher mode and tries to talk about Who changes the diapers? mickey does he’s a NURSE he is not grossed out , she is . baby poop is rank Who gets up in the middle of the night to feed the baby? where tf is that gifset from prison break when u need it … she does but only because she hates diapers and it’s only fair to pop a tiddie out every night for ur kid in exchangeWho spends the most time with the children? ummmm FAMILY FUN NIGHT x Who packs their lunch boxes?Who gives their children ‘the talk’? mickey he is obligated as a medical professional she don’t teach sex ed …. Who cleans up after the kids? emma but only because she’s a neat freak Who worries the most? both of them try to pretend they’re VERY cool and nonchalant and this is actually very easy until one of them cracks (probably her) and they both worry together constantly . solidarity babey ! ….. moreso her tho u cannot change my mind Who are the children more likely to learn their first swear word from? auntie odette change my mind we said FUCK watergate lives , emdette rise

Affection:

Who likes to cuddle? both of them …. constntly …. disgusting Who is the little spoon? [ jake peralta vc ] everyone likes to be the little spoon, it makes them feel safe ! LOOK HERE buddy …. he is and i dont take questions , even when he was 10 ft Who gets naughty in the most inappropriate of places? can he fucking keep his hands AWF …. thats coming from me not emma she appreciates it Who struggles to keep their hands to themself? both of them …. its CONSTANT … hand on the shoulder , touching someone’s back as u walk past …. SOFT ! n then the one gif u sent from superstore where amy slaps jonah’s ass that’s emma How long can they cuddle until one becomes uncomfortable? they actually fall asleep cuddling and wake up complaining abt falling asleep in a uncomfortable position… shut up abt ur back pain ur not 80 Who gives the most kisses? KISS kisses …. he. but know … she’s always kissing him on the cheek What is their favourite non-sexual activity? this is gonna sound g*y as hell but stay with me here ………. just being in the same place , even when they’re doing diff stuff . TOGETHERNESS …. vomit time Where is their favourite place to cuddle? the couch , i retract my statement about them not being 80 they actually fall asleep watching tv Who is more likely to playfully grope the other? casually ? she … to actually initiate eye emoji ? he How often do they get time to themselves? all the time , they know 2 other people

Sleeping:

Who snores? he does im hcing this for ur own character If both do, who snores the loudest? she doesn’t SNORE she’s a lady Do they share a bed or sleep separately? they’ve been in 200 different stages of relationship ……. OTHER than depending on that , she sleeps better w him there :3If they sleep together, do they cozy up together or lay far apart? they start far apart cos she’s a blanket hog but she always ends up next 2 him Who talks in their sleep? she mumbles sometimes ….. its nothing coherent What do they wear to bed? she owns 47 different stupid size xxxxxxxl shirts that were 2 bucks from walmart and wears only that . i bet mickey owns a bathrobe, bourgeois pig … Are either of your muses insomniacs? idk she reads a chapter of whatever dumb shit she’s reading and has tea or wine and conks out ….. idk his business Can sleeping pills be found by the bedside? idk abt taking them and ik its not the point but shes anal retentive abt keeping medicine in the medicine cabinet so THERE BETTER NOT BE Do they wrap their limbs around each other or just lay side by side? AS I SAID … they start out on opposite sides of the beg and end up more tangled than tangled (20whatever) Who wakes up with bed hair? his hair is floofy ,,,, Who wakes up first? i feel like that depends on his shifts …. she wakes up at the same damn time every week day …. weekends though she sleeps in for 10 yrs so him Who prepares breakfast in bed for the other? emma tries and he has to leave bed anyway because the fire alarm goes off What is their favourite sleeping position? she prefers it when she has all the blankets Who hogs the sheets? she does Do they set an alarm each night? they have JOBS does she look like pippa to u Can a television be found in their bedroom? yes so she can cry over dumb rom coms over somewhere other than the couch …… he’s invested in them , change my mind Who has nightmares? i already know ur about to say he does so im calling the cops on u end of story Who has ridiculous dreams? all of emma’s dreams are indistinguishable from bad acid trips Who sprawls out and takes up most of the bed? she sleeps in the fetal position he seems like a sprawler …..Who makes the bed? emma …. its gotta be CLEAN and if he ever says “why make it we’re just gonna sleep there again” its on SIGHT What time is bed time? whenever she passes out , always before midnight , considering they’re 72Any routines/rituals before bed? i bet they brush their teeth at the same time to see who can do it faster like they’re five year olds …. or that gifset from new girl where he’s like “ u read my walking dead fanfic ? ”Who’s the grumpiest when they wake up? emma takes three cups of coffee to be able to be her CHIPPER self ….

Work:

Who is the busiest? she has like a 6 hour work day so he for sure Who rakes in the highest income? i just googled nurses versus preschool teachers and he makes twice what she does …. laughs nervously …. glad she’s going back 2 school but elementary teachers STILL make less …. mr talbot got COIN ! Are any of your muses unemployed? no , freeloading is ILLEGAL Who takes the most sick days? i feel like the two worst jobs to go into sick are a literal hospital with immunocompromised people and a preschool with toddlers who dont wash their hands …. equal maybe Who is more likely to turn up late to work? despite her original beef with odette in the apocalypse verse emma is NEVER late to work Who sucks up to their boss? she cooks dinner , a nice LASAGNA for whoever to heat up and mickey has to break it to her that making whoever her superior is eat what tastes like glue will in fact , damage their relationship What are their jobs? hes a nursey boy …. shes a teacher Who stresses the most? about life in general? her. about work? probably him. he’s dealing with LIVES she’s got the alphabet Do your muses enjoy or despise their careers/occupations? they better they aren’t getting paid enough to hate it Are your muses financially stable? they’re not rich but they’re not dying and that’s what matters

Home:

Who does the washing? emma because it relaxes her Who takes out the trash? he better , she does not like to LOOK at things once they are thrown out … its smelly Who does the ironing? neither of them have ironed anything in their lives Who does the cooking? HE HAS TO IDC if he isn’t fuckign gordon ramsay she’ll kill them Who is more likely to burn the house down just trying? emma Who is messier? if he leaves a single sock on the floor he is automatically messier than her Who leaves the toilet roll empty? that’s satanic neither of them Who leaves their dirty clothes on the floor? he does …. its just not REALISTIC that she does Who forgets to flush the toilet? that’s gross ……hopefully neither ….. DISGOSTEING.mp4Who is the prankster around the house? anything STUPID is hers and hers alone but i feel like he’d do something relatively innocent and it would go HORRIBLY wrong like , hey emma come get y’all juice ….Who loses the car keys when it comes time to go somewhere? despite being organized in every other aspect of her life emma has never kept track of keys in her life its a disease Who mows the lawn? he does , he shld do it shirtless so she can objectify him Who answers the telephone? mickey, she truly stares at it hoping it’ll go away Who does the vacuuming? emmaWho does the groceries? she would make HORRIBLE decisions ,,, he shld make the list and she shld get it Who takes the longest to shower? no sexism but she’s a girl Who spends the most time in the bathroom? see above

Miscellaneous:

Is money a problem? yES like … they can afford groceries , make rent , but for literally every american except jeff bezos money is a problem in some area . this isn’t a hc just a capitalist hellscape How many cars do they own? two …. neither of them are very nice cars Do they own their home or do they rent? rent unless/until he gets the farm of his dreams Do they live near the coast or deep in the countryside? countryside thats where FARMS are … but like rn , coast cos there’s the ocean in town Do they live in the city or in the country? see above bbgDo they enjoy their surroundings? the goats of the future and the noisy neighbors of the current and past eras both leave something to be desired , but in general yes What’s their song? not to go all modern au but remember when stereo hearts was on their 2011 mixtape AJSKDF …. issa bop and its arguably the most cutesy singable on the playlist What do they do when they’re away from each other? bitch idk ? exist as human beings ?Where did they first meet? idk she probably met him for coffee or sum before moving in together to make sure he wasn’t a serial killer How did they first meet? they were roommates … oh my god they were roommates …. she prolly put an ad in the paper very lucky she did not get murdered x Who spends the most money when out shopping? i feel like neither of them are big spenders but her sticker and colored pen budget is larger than it should be Who’s more likely to flash their assets? i thought this was talking about tits for a second but im assuming mone ? they keep it humble Who finds it amusing when the other trips over? they both do , bullying one another is a bonding experience Any mental issues? more than you know my guy Who’s terrified of bugs? if she sees a SPIDER she floors it , but she releases most other bugs …. he better kill anything w 8 legs tho Who kills the spiders around the house? mickey , as described above wow im psychic Their favourite place? they can make any place work together … gay but true , just like me Who pays the bills? she has a special binder just for taxes Do they have any fears for their future? all the fears actually Who’s more likely to surprise the other with a fancy dinner? she cannot cook but she has 10/10 ordered takeout , put it on plates and been like :the happy version of the pensive emoji yk the one: i cooked it while the reciept is still on the counter Who uses up all of the hot water? thats very selfish she wld never but she also showers first bc she doesn’t trust him not to ….. Who’s the tallest? they , in american , are the SAME HEIGHT ,,, fuck centimeters Who’s more likely to just randomly hop into the shower with the other?Who wanders around in their underwear? clothes are oppressive let them both do it coward Who sings the loudest when singing along to the radio? it probably turns into a competition until they’re both singing at the top of their lungs …. omg watergate you’re gonna burst a vocal cord oh my god they can’t hear us they have airpods in What do they tease each other about? literally everything …. one of them BREAHTES wrong and the other is like “ ah didnt realise the asthma express was in town “ Who is more likely to cringe at the other’s fashion sense at times? mickey literally dresses like the fresh prince so u already answered that for me Do they have mutual friends? can the real jack detler please stand up Who crushed first? she ……. did not immediately fall in love with him let me tell u , it took her some solid MONTHS to realise she was in deep for his bitch ass Any alcohol or substance related problems? i wld hope not , #stubie twWho is more likely to stumble home, drunk, at 3am? them , together , for getting kicked out of the bar for singing Who swears the most? neither ?

#vampiresmiled #004. emma / phillips » all posts.#006. emma / phillips » featuring mikhail.

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paleorecipecookbook · 7 years

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RHR: What Nutrients Do Kids Need to Thrive?

In this episode, we cover:

Do kids need different food from adults?

The nutrients kids need most

Ways to monitor your child’s nutrition

[smart_track_player url="http://ift.tt/2pezB2S" title="RHR: What Nutrients Do Kids Need to Thrive?" artist="Chris Kresser" ]

youtube

Chris Kresser: Hey, everybody. It’s Chris Kresser here. Welcome to another episode of Revolution Health Radio. This week, we have a question from Terra. Let's give it a listen. Terra: Hello, Chris. My name is Terra and I've been following your work for several years now. Our family has pursued a functional medicine-type lifestyle for the last couple of years and we've overcome a great number of health issues as well as escaped a toxic mold situation that was wrecking our health. I do have a question for you specifically regarding children. We've had our kids on mostly the same dietary plan as we've had for the last couple of years. We are all gluten-free and most of the kids are also dairy-free except for the few that tolerate it in small portions. With that being said, our kids are on the very small side. All of them except for one are under the first percentile for height and they are very small in weight as well. I will say that my husband is Asian and he is five foot three, and I am only five foot six. So we're not the largest people on the planet. With that said, I will say that they are also smaller than most all of their peers. I'm just curious if I should be doing anything different in regards to their nutritional needs on a daily basis as children. I know people often will tell me that they need milk or that they need grains or that they need all these things to help them with their growth. But I also know the downfalls of those different things. So I'm just curious what your thoughts are regarding children specifically and any additional nutritional needs that they may need. Thank you so much for your time. We really appreciate it. Chris: Thanks so much for sending that question in, Terra. This is one of the most important topics for me as a father myself, and I just am so passionate about the health of future generations and making sure our kids are getting the nutrition they need and also just avoiding things in the environment that could worsen their health. It's a hugely important issue. I can't think of many topics in the whole health world that are more important than this. Thanks again for bringing this up.

Do kids need different food from adults?

Chris: Before we talk more specifically about your question, Terra, I want to step back and discuss this issue a little bit more generally first. I think one of the most ridiculous aspects of the Standard American Diet and our overall approach to food in this country is this idea of kids’ food being different from adult food. For example, if you go out to a restaurant with a kid, one of the first things they're going to do is bring you a kids’ menu. If you look at the kids’ menu, generally, it's some combination of pizza, like cheese pizza; macaroni and cheese, or some other kind of super-simple pasta dish with butter or maybe cheese on it; burgers and fries; grilled cheese sandwiches; this sort of thing. Then of course we have the mega-industry that is kids’ breakfast cereals like Trix and Cap'n Crunch, and I don't even know what they are anymore, I'm just thinking back to the ones that we had in my childhood. Super Sugar Crisp, cereals that are just absolutely full of sugar and other crap, totally processed and refined. We've got a whole range of packaged lunch products like Lunchables, juice boxes, things that you squeeze out of a tube and a whole bunch of other processed and refined foods that we're supposed to give our kids and have them take to school. It's pretty typical now for families to prepare an entirely different meal for their kids, whether we're talking about breakfast, lunch, or dinner, than what the adults in that family are eating. I think that's a direct result of this food culture that we've developed in this country with this idea of kids’ food being separate, which, by the way, is a notion that was predominantly created by Big Food to sell more stuff. I mean, if you don't have the notion of “kids’ food,” then you're just feeding your kids the same kind of foods that you're eating, and you're going to end up spending a lot less money on all of these so-called “kids’ food products” that we're led to believe that we should be giving our kids, so this is a big commercial opportunity for Big Food, and they spent a lot of money on marketing and advertising to make people think that somehow they're depriving their kids if they don't feed them this kind of food.

Is a Paleo diet OK for children?

If we think about this from an evolutionary perspective, of course it's absurd. There was no such thing as kids’ food. There was just food in hunter–gatherer cultures and even up until very recently in this country. You don't have to go back to the Paleolithic era and you don't even have to go back to the early agricultural period; you can just go back, in many cases, even just 50 years, certainly 100 years in this country, and you would find that kids were eating the same things that their parents were eating and their grandparents were eating, and when they sat down to have a meal at the table, they were all eating the same foods. Now, certainly very young kids, for example, the kids who don't have teeth yet or kids that aren’t able to chew certain foods, they may have needed some modifications like meat being cut off the bone and cut into smaller chunks so that they are able to chew it well, but they can largely eat the same food as adults. This is exactly what happened in our home. We have a daughter, Sylvie, who's almost six years old, and she's eaten the same food that we've eaten from the beginning. If we're having dinner and we have salmon, kale, and sweet potatoes, that's what Sylvie has. If we’re having breakfast and we have eggs, some greens, some bacon or plantains, that's what she has. If we go out to dinner, the only thing she does with the kids’ menu is color on it with crayons, which I think is an appropriate use of the kids menu. That's the only appropriate use of the kids menu. We will almost always order for her off of the adult menu, and it's pretty fun to see the look on the waiter's face sometimes when we order a medium rare New York steak with broccoli and red potatoes for her, and then the look on their faces when she finishes a good part of it is always interesting as well. In general, I think we need to get away from this notion that there is separate kids’ food from adult food. That's one of the biggest problems overall with nutrition for children. Now, of course that's not Terra’s question. Terra, it sounds like, is feeding her child a Paleo-friendly, gluten-free and mostly dairy-free diet (except for the kids that tolerate it in small portions), and that's fantastic. What I just said there doesn't apply to Terra particularly, but it's something that comes up a lot in discussions with parents, and just my observation about the food system overall and the role of nutrition for kids in that system, so I wanted to mention it.

The nutrients kids need most

But getting back to Terra’s question specifically, “Do kids need any special nutrients above and beyond what adults need?” The answer to that is no, they need the same nutrients. However, it's even more important, arguably, that they get adequate amounts of those nutrients because those nutrients are so crucial to the developmental process overall, and we now know that there are really important windows for development that if the child is not adequately nourished during those windows, that can unfortunately lead to lifelong consequences. I guess I would say the stakes are higher for making sure those nutrients are adequately represented in the diet. As you know, kids are still growing, they're still developing in so many different ways, and so those nutrients that we talk about as being important for adults are arguably even more important for kids, so let’s talk about what some of those are. Fat-soluble vitamins You’ve got fat-soluble vitamins—A, D, and K2, in particular, but also E. And the foods that will be richest in fat-soluble vitamins would be organ meats for vitamins A and K2, cold-water fatty fish for vitamin D. Cod liver oil is a great source of vitamins D and B. Fermented foods are a good source of vitamin K2. Dairy—particularly hard cheese can be a good source of K2 if it’s tolerated. Pasture-raised egg yolks can be a decent source of K2. Natto—the fermented Japanese soy product—is the highest source of K2, but I have to admit, I have a really hard time with natto. I don’t like it myself. I wouldn’t expect Sylvie, our daughter, to like it. If you can get your kid to eat natto, that’s great, but there are other sources of K2 that are probably more reasonable for most kids. Choline and glycine Choline and glycine—pasture-raised egg yolks are a fantastic source of choline, and one of the best sources is organ meats, as well, and then bone broth, of course, is a really great source of glycine. Glycine is really important to balance the effects of methionine, which is the amino acid that’s found in muscle meats. Part of the issue in the US, and the industrialized world in general, now, we tend to eat a lot of muscle meats, which are high in methionine, but we don’t eat as much of the fattier cuts of meat or the collagen-dense cuts of meats, the gelatinous cuts like oxtail, brisket, or shanks, which are really high on glycine. Traditionally, our ancestors ate from nose to tail, so all of the different parts, and what we now know is that it’s this balance of glycine that you get from the more gelatinous cuts and then the nutrients you get from eating the organ meats like choline, and all of the B vitamins and the fat-soluble vitamins that balance the effects of methionine. If you eat too much methionine with not enough of the glycine and the other nutrients that are found in organ meats, then there is some evidence, actually, that suggests that that can increase the risk of cancer. We know once you already have cancer, there's benefit in restricting the intake of methionine and leucine. And so, there's an argument to be made for not just eating very high amounts of methionine without also eating enough glycine and some of the fat-soluble vitamins, choline, and B vitamins that would be found in organ meats. Iodine Then we have iodine. That's an important nutrient, and that is found primarily in the sea vegetables and dairy products, if they're tolerated. A good way to get sea vegetables into the diet would be things like adding some kombu into any soups or stews. It adds a really nice umami flavor and it's very rich in iodine. Nori sheets that are made with olive oil—sea snacks—these are pretty popular with kids. Sylvie loves them. The downside is that nori is lower in iodine than just about any other sea vegetable, but it's still a pretty decent source and they can be really good snacks. Another way to get the sea vegetables into the diet is to use kelp flakes in addition to sea salt as a seasoning or a salty flavor. We might put kelp flakes on Sylvie’s scrambled eggs, for example. That's a good way to get them into the diet. And then, I mentioned dairy products are probably the highest source of iodine in most people's diet, and it's not because iodine is in the milk itself. Iodophor is a cleanser that's used to sterilize the tanks that hold the milk, so the iodine from that cleanser actually gets into the milk and we ingest it that way. Those are some options for iodine. EPA and DHA Then of course we have EPA and particularly DHA, which has been shown to be a crucial nutrient for brain development, very, very important for kids, and cold-water fatty fish and shellfish, preferably low-mercury species. That's the best way to increase or get enough of those nutrients. Zinc, iron, and copper We have zinc, iron, and copper—a very wide range of benefits, and organ meats and shellfish are by far the most nutrient-dense sources for those particular nutrients, and certainly they are also found in a variety of other animal products and then copper in some other plant products. But it's important to know that with all three of those particular—zinc, iron and copper—the absorption of those nutrients from plant foods is much lower, typically, than the absorption from animal foods. It doesn't mean the plant foods that contain them don't have a lot of other benefits and that you might not get some of those nutrients from the plant foods, but you're not going to absorb nearly as much as you would from shellfish, organ meats, muscle meats, or other animal products. Calcium Then we have calcium, obviously important for skeletal development and bone. If you're completely dairy free, then one of the best options is consuming bone-in fish, so Vital Choice, which I've spoken about before, it’s one of our favorites. At vitalchoice.com, we order canned salmon with bones still in it, and there are also anchovies, sardines, and other fish that still have the bones in. Once they're canned, the bones get really soft, so you can just eat the fish with the bones, and that's a fantastic source of calcium. It's also a great way to get EPA and DHA and highly absorbable protein and selenium, so you're killing a number of birds with one stone with that. And then, dark, leafy greens can be a great source of calcium. Of course, dairy products are a fantastic source of calcium. I've written and spoken about this a lot before. I believe that full-fat and fermented dairy can be a healthy addition to the diet if the child tolerates it well. That's the big question mark. But if there are no signs of any kind of reactions to dairy, no skin breakouts, no digestive issues, no sinus congestion, then full-fat and fermented dairy—the research has been overwhelmingly positive. It helps prevent cardiovascular disease, diabetes, obesity, and a number of other conditions. And note that, that is not true for low-fat or non-fat dairy because it appears that many of the beneficial compounds in dairy are found in the fat itself. That can be a really useful addition to a diet if they tolerate it well. Phytonutrients And then of course, all of the phytonutrients that are present in fresh fruits and vegetables are very important, and the fiber that's present in those foods is really crucial to feeding their beneficial gut bacteria, which we know is one of the most important things that we need to focus on for ourselves and our children. Protein And then finally protein, making sure that kids are getting enough protein for the development of their muscles, tissues, and enzyme scaffolding. If you think of protein, that it's kind of like the scaffolding of the body, it's what is necessary to build that scaffolding and all of those support systems.

Ways to monitor your child’s nutrition

If their diet is very rich in all of these various micronutrients and macronutrients, then I probably wouldn't worry, especially given your height and the height of your husband. However, if you are concerned, you might consider having some testing done for nutrient status to make sure that they are in the right ranges. If you have access to a functional medicine provider, they could do some serum testing for nutrients. There are also some urine organic acids testing through labs like Genova, for example. The ION Profile or NutrEval can be helpful in identifying deficiencies of certain nutrients. You also want to make sure that the kids are getting enough to eat overall and that their calorie intake is sufficient. Usually kids will eat according to their hunger. If they're hungry, they’ll let you know about it and you feed them and it's relatively simple. But in some cases if there are any issues, you didn't mention any health problems, Terra, but if there are any issues, for example, like SIBO or any gut issues, undiagnosed parasites, or anything like that, those could potentially affect appetite, and perhaps the kids are not eating as much as they normally would otherwise. Depending on what their overall intake is of carbohydrate, sometimes what we've seen with adults is that when people go on, unintentionally, a kind of low-carb Paleo type of diet, their overall calorie intake drops as well. If they're really active they may not be getting enough carbohydrates to fuel their particular activity levels. I think the idea that kids have to eat grains and dairy to be healthy is preposterous because for the vast majority of human history, kids and adults were not eating grains and dairy. That was the natural human diet. It didn’t include those foods. But, there is something to be said for getting enough food and calories overall, and so things like sweet potatoes, plantains, yuca, taro, these starchy tubers can be really important for kids to make sure they're getting enough calories and enough glucose to fuel activity levels, especially if you're not including grains, dairy products, and things like that. If you're not including those foods in their diet, then I would do that because it's possible that if they're not really eating those carbohydrate sources, then they're not getting enough calories overall. Those are my thoughts. I hope that's helpful. It sounds like you guys are doing a great job with their diet and I imagine that they're doing fine, but if you want to have a little bit of extra assurance, you could consider having some of that testing done and make sure their nutrient status is good overall. You could also do some calculations using something like MyFitnessPal or nutritiondata.com on what their overall calorie intake is, what your estimates are based on what you're feeding them, and then compare that with what the calorie intake should be for a kid of their age and their height and weight. That might be able to help give you an idea of where they are on that spectrum and if you may need to add some higher-calorie foods to their diet. Last thing along those lines is I've talked about things like white rice in the past. As many of you know, I think that white rice, which is just starch, can be a fine addition to the diet as long as it doesn't replace more nutrient-dense foods and as long as it's well tolerated. That can be a way of increasing calorie intake as well, particularly carbohydrate if they're not getting a lot of that elsewhere. Okay, Terra, thanks again for your question. Thanks, everybody, for listening. If you have a question, go to http://ift.tt/1DErq19, and I'll talk to you soon.

Source: http://chriskresser.com May 05, 2017 at 03:53AM

#paleo #recipe #food #delicious #healthy #yum #diet

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thetoolswetook · 5 years

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14/5/19

Closed curtains Cold clothes and Old routines I’ve been dancing in your traffic God And The Machine The greatest mistake of my life Was saying goodbye To you I’m cheating on myself with you I’ll be fine Acting like I’m fine All the fucking time I hate myself for thinking the things I never say But ——— it never feels the same Just paint those scars and forget it ever happened If only to make my ghost a martyr A Box Full I spent all my life Learning my lines Only to find I’m stuck with stage fright Heights of heaven / Depths of hell I had a dream that was a different life, Everything else was different But you and I the same Overthinking Day drinking Drugs Or Love Are you going to walk slow for the whole of your life? Burned to death looking for your shade I’ve been Lying Down and Crying All alone Salt drips down my ear lobe How is it fair That I must travel this life Without your infinite light And guidance? If I die to the road I just want you to know I choked on what I loved That’s more than enough

You make me tremble like a loaded gun You make me shiver in the summer sun

Heaven, honey, home

I’m so scared of dying With so much left unsaid

Learning how to fly Try to touch the Sky Always felt so fine Until you got blinded by the light

Icarus

You walked in and damned me Because now I can’t live without you Now I’m just roadkill on your stretch to something better

You give me forever And it scares me to death ---- Passive passion

I’m not who you want

I’m not who you need

Exhausted, by it all

Being on this earth made your soul fragile - I hope you made it out

Bone Music

Lilly white

And if I have to break my heart, to share it with you, I will

When you cross my mind, I beam with pride

Her/Hurt

I bite a chunk of skin off my bottom lip,

For every word I never said, but wished I did

I only often speak about death,

Because I love my family and my friends,

And I’m scared of their lives coming to an end.

So I guess it’s just my way of not being able to forget.

A pedestal to you is a gallows to I.

You’ve given up on yourself

Teach me how to love,

Or fill me up,

With lots of drugs,

Till I am stuffed.

Hopefully that will be enough.

Every time I sing you to sleep,

My troubles subtlely dilate.

You think it’s beautiful, more or less,

But between the cracks in my voice, I’m crying for help.

Though I’m exhausted, I try not to sleep through the days,

Because I hate the thought of you seeing the look on my face, when I’m dreaming of a better place,

And painfully, miserably, I must awake.

I have spent years of my life, feeling guilty,

For being ill behind this white picket fence

But everybody bleeds differently, I’ll use that as my defence.

Whether a disease is noticeably killing you on the outside,

Or it’s just a minor fault of the chemicals inside your mind.

That’s fine. The degree of your suffering is something I cannot define. Still, I hope you’ll heal in time.

I find it hard to shoulder burdens far less heavy than some, and sit awake at night telling them “It’s okay to be numb”, when maybe in your shoes I would simply just crumble - But in the eyes of our issues it’s so important to stay humble.

No matter who you are - Where you are or what you do. We’re similarly different... That much is true.

Our key similarity also holds us apart: The dull numb ache of our beating hearts.

So, now you know; You’re never alone. And in that knowledge, I hope you find hope.

Acid test

Like Home

Hide your ghost in my shadow

Mourning Song

You were there when I was alone, I just need to let you know, every word that I had said I had truly meant. I hope you know

And now I’m as alone, as I’ve always felt

If I could look into your eyes for the rest of my life, or walk the whole entire world with your hand in mine, I would never be ready die.

How I wish I was someone else. Someone far away. -

------

Endure the throes of yesterday

Just to maintain the throne you own today

How am I to know what I have thrown away?

A victory lap, or a funeral parade?

When I fell from the apex of it all

I promised myself

Now I’m sailing on the seas that I used to drown in

Oh what a burden it is

To be blessed with a beating heart

And bludgeoned with a purpose

You are the middle of the compass

But I have to fade away

To find myself again another day

Lured like a sailor to a siren

Man Of Sorrows

Arma Christi

I’ve been watching the binding crack

And the veins pop out your neck

Open the door to find there’s nothing left

Filthy as lard - Guilty as charged

Rain sodden, down trodden - so so sick of the rain

So so sick of the rain

On my parade

Strength in solitude

Wherever you go when you are dead,

I hope it’s somewhere that we can meet again

Tears Of A Clown

How can I find you help

When I can’t even find myself?

A little white cross

A little blue dot

I’ve started stepping on the cracks

What happens when we fall out of love?

I really want to live

To see the look on your face

When it all falls in place

Nuclear Family

B U T T E R F L I E S

Airborne Pheromones

Sweetheart Grip

God’s Eye

As it’s reflection bounces off your face

The end of the world’s such a pretty place

-----------

Let me live forever with you

Lonely Lamb

Married to the way

You bury every day

Ophelia

It pumps in my rib cage

Cold metal

Pressed against my temple

Will I ever find peace

With myself

And the pieces of myself

That I left

Behind

All the happy fat people

Are watching me starve

Our Greatest Glory

We are defined not by how we fall, and who pushes us, but the way we wipe the dirt from our knees and plant the earth back beneath our feet

I’ll never let you know

But it Helped Me Out Of A Hole

I’m ashamed to feel it, but not to talk about it

The last time was cathartic, my friend. I only came back here to give my life meaning again

Let this be my Funeral Portrait (hidden mother)

An empty stomach

A plethora of food

A mouth wide open

No teeth to chew.

We all make mistakes - Don’t let your mistakes make you.

Every laborious lesson learned, I bare to you.

My friend is ill. Where do I begin?

As much as I love to help, I’m sorry that I have to.

Running from my life

For my life

Spite-filled and bitter

Curse me with your

Kiss

We cherished what the sun said

Perished with the sun set

Greek Tragedy

The Inbetween

Colour-Starved

Light of my life - How I miss you so

Melatonin

In between dreams

I Am An Island

I lie in bed at night

And dream of a better life

With my eyes wide open

Every magpie

Must take flight

Nothing left to live for

Nothing left to lose

What’s the time in Texas?

I wrote you this message

I know it’s hard to find the time at the end of every day,

Half the world away

Dear Calamity

When I grow up I want to be something to someone

Making peace with my devils

When I breathe my life down the back of your neck,

What happens next?

No Joy

Morfydd

Two nuns in love

Cognitive Dissonance

Phantom Limb

I sometimes wonder - Am I in your nightmares, or do I just wake you from them?

What once was a burden, is now a blessing

Because forgiving

Is not forgetting

The love that we once willed

The love that we watched wilt

-----

It’s always been a long plight for happiness, or fulfilment. Not sure which one. You have a long time on this earth and the best way is to take things step by step. Assess your surroundings, and move on to the next healthy step. Over time, you soon learn that the constant yearning for more is both healthy and frightening. Of course, it sees you often climbing above those around you, but when do you discover the ladder comes to an end? When the last step suddenly becomes a leap of faith?

So, do we sit on the ground, smug with the knowledge that we’re never going to fall? The gluttony of comfortable complacency? Or is that adrenaline rush we feel as we climb to the top maybe worth the time we spend in limbo, falling back down? The question really is, do we feel the risk of failure is worth the sense of fulfilment? And once you’ve turned that corner, you face the really ugly problem at hand.

Fulfilment is NOT happiness. Your ivory tower is hollow. Your money and your attention can buy you nothing. Was the journey even worth it? Do we climb this ladder through the clouds to see a wasteland? Do we then yearn for that cold, hard ground we once lay upon?

There are more questions you must ask yourself. Would I have spent a lifetime of comfort sat wondering what could have been? And whether this self-sabotage in the name of overthinking was worth it? Or will I spend a lifetime of regret, free-falling from a great height with remorse in my heart, but proud callouses on my hands? And the final question you must ask is - In the long run - Which poisonous decision will be less painful?

-----

It found me when I was young

It sits in the crease of my lung

It keeps me awake with its incessant hum and

It da da da da da

---

Funeral Portraits

Pagliacci

Helped Me Out Of A Hole

Ophelia

Lonely Lamb

In Retrograde

Take Care

Our Greatest Glory

Paradise Lost

In A Birdcage

Blood In The Snow

Pandora

No Teeth

Without Wax (Open Letter)

Burning Bush

Beyond Belief

All.ways

-----

Every laborious lesson learned, I bare to you.

So, I write this letter to you, and everyone else in fact, My hurting heart, without wax. I’ll be the black cloud looking down

Out of your depth

In over your head

The rhythm of life, ebbs and flows

Nobody knows

Another begrudged,

Lap of the sun

It’s the death and the birth. For better or worse.

Sick and tired. Sick of crying.

The side of the bed where you once slept is cold as hell

I am not defined by the illness in my mind

Still got my heart in a birdcage

Those days

Maybe weeks

Maybe months

Made me weak

Give up on me

Like everybody else

Even myself

In your eyes I saw it die. Like it or not - Paradise Lost

And now my body shudders every time I hear your name. I know not of a love like ours; We’re chained.

Was it a magnetic field, or gravity, that brought you back to me?

When you walked in the room, how was I to know,

That we were sat together, like blood in the snow?

Every angels wing is clipped and bent - The devil made me deaf

If I could look into your eyes for the rest of my life, or walk the whole entire world with your hand in mine, I would never be ready die.

Live and die in black and white

Just so you know,

I swallowed every single bow,

That tied me to you

I’m doomed. A pulse-less moon.

Floating to and from, the maelstrom of,

You. A limp harpoon.

Floating from and to, my sibling moon. Begging for guidance.

Leave your dreams alone

“A dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world.”

Pandora

Pagliacci

It’s fine

To sit and cry

Every night

If that’s what you want

Please just be my friend

I haven’t got much else

--------

It really broke my heart when I read you say

“It’s better to burn out than to fade away”.

As much as I respect you, I could never take your advice;

Though I resent it - I cherish my life.

----------

In Glorious Memory Of The Love I Lost

On the outside we’re fine,

We’re just two miserable magpies.

I remember the crack in your voice when you said “I’m leaving”. Just another person that left me behind

This Dream Of Mine (Dramamine?)

I remember it all. The rise. The fall.

I remember it all. The climb. The crawl.

I remember the ————

It’s the death and the birth. For better or worse.

Sick and tired. Sick of crying.

I think I’ve lost my mind. Where has it gone?

I’ve been missing things for so long

I thought you were a magpie, turns out you are a crow. One for sorrow, two for joy. Now I’m all alone.

The Last Letter

To the moment I sleep, from the second I wake, I dwell on my mistakes

But you always cared

I’ve stared at these paper walls for so long

You don’t want to make me well. You just want to know what makes me sick.

Mourning Song / Celebration Song

The side of the bed where you once slept is cold as hell

I am not defined by the illness in my mind

I lie awake at night thinking of all the days I’ve wasted

Still got my heart in a birdcage

Those days

Maybe weeks

Maybe months

Made me weak

All of the pain that we harbour

I wish we were kids in the garden

Not just skeletal targets

Spill my guts

So sick of love

So sick of

I’m

All out of rhyme

All out of rhythm

All out of time

------------- An open letter of sorts - My musings and thoughts.

I pressed your flowers in to my book, so when I miss you I know just where to look.

Whenever I see the tapestry your blessed hands have wove for me - The poetry, the misery, it all meant so so much to me.

Just give me a lobotomy, and cure these things inside of me so maybe I can then be free, to love you for eternity.

But

The side of the bed where you once slept,

Is cold as hell.

The side of the bed where you once slept,

It’s empty now.

I tried to hold your hands, but they were always pushing me,

Towards my hopes and dreams.

If, in another life,

My heart is beating fine,

And love is on my mind,

You’ll be the first in line.

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denisalvney · 7 years

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RHR: What Nutrients Do Kids Need to Thrive?

In this episode, we cover:

Do kids need different food from adults?

The nutrients kids need most

Ways to monitor your child’s nutrition

[smart_track_player url="http://traffic.libsyn.com/thehealthyskeptic/RHR_What_Nutrients_Do_Kids_Need_to_Thrive.mp3" title="RHR: What Nutrients Do Kids Need to Thrive?" artist="Chris Kresser" ]

youtube

Do kids need different food from adults?

Is a Paleo diet OK for children?

The nutrients kids need most

Ways to monitor your child’s nutrition

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mangolianblossom · 7 years

Text

The Resetti Monologues

(Disclaimer: This is not 💯 Original, I found it on DeviantArt by someone under “ActionTeamInc” and I decided to revamp the whole thing. Their account is technically dead, they last updated in 2012.)

Here’s the original: http://actionteaminc.deviantart.com/art/The-Resetti-Monologues-197661585

[WARNING: Semi-NSFW content, mainly the language/swearing]

1st Reset- (Once the player leaves their home, Resetti pops out of the ground and faces the player)

Resetti: Hello. The name’s Resetti, Mr. Resetti. If ya want the full name, look it up in the phone book.

Have we met before at the café perhaps? Eh? it doesn’t matter. On behalf of everyone at Nintendo, I’d like to say thank you for purchasing Animal Crossing.

What version is this, again? Uhhhh… Think mole, think! Ah screw it! There’s too many of those damn games to name in the first place!

You may not know it (name) but you and me, we got issues to discuss.

Now back at HQ the Reset alarm just went off meaning YOU just reset. Or maybe you turned the power of without saving, sound pretty familiar, huh?

What was that? Did you just admit it? Did you say what I think you said?

AHA, WE’VE GOT OURSELVES A SUSPECT!

Now listen up and listen good kid, cuz I get real tired and REAL angry when I got to repeat myself. It’s MY job as part of the Reset Rehabilitation Bureau to keep kids like you in line.

Every time you reset it’s like pulling the fire alarm at school with no fire around. You go and do that and a teacher or a principal’s gotta lecture you and give ya detention right?

Well same scenario here kid, no offense, it’s just my job; I get paid to belt out the bad. So no more resettin’ kid, we clear?

Good! Before I leave ya alone, one more thing.I’ve been told I’ve got sort of an acid tongue and I’m a bit of a hothead at times. I scare people in a way and I get ‘em all upset.

But I kept it nice and calm today since it was your FIRST offence for now, okay? So let’s all try to keep on good terms, alright? Good!

Now…..SCRAM!

2nd Reset- (Once the player leaves their home, Resetti pops out of the ground and faces the player)

Resetti: Oh it’s just you again… No I’m not really THAT angry about you resettin’. After all it’s just HUMAN nature to do the opposite of what you’re told!

It’s like some kind of problem kid’s have today with social morals, big part of society. Saw some bigwig named K.K. Slider talkin’ about it in the papers.

Well guess what punk those social morals are what make society function a whole lot better! So straighten up real soon, ASAP!

Now back to your little problem, or what I like to call my encroaching headache. Every time you reset, these lights and sirens go off on a switchboard back at HQ and start playin’ the electric mambo at full blast and on full bass!

KINDA FREAKIN’ HARD TO MISS DON’T YOU THINK!!! …. take a deep breath… Inhale….. Exhale…….much calmer…Much better…Relax.

I think a kid with an attention problem such as yours can understand what kind of pain that brings me.

Here’s some examples of resetting in the REAL world. Let’s say you tank a test, can you reset take that thing and take it again!? Say ya over slept, could ya turn back time and get your tush outta bed on time!?

No, that would be stupid! So think about that when you’re about to reset, that it’s stupid!

(Sarcastically) Awww, look at ya giving me that “how-long-is-guy-gonna-keep-it-up” look. Ya look so adorable when ya do that.

I get it punk, I get it, I’m half-past a lozenge and an Aspirin anyway, ‘bout time I get tunnelin’.

But don’t reset again. Because next time I’ll have on my angry hat! And trust me, it’s one very ugly hat, worse than an ugly sweater from yer mother!

Before I go one more thing. Before ya tuck yourself to bed, brush your teeth! You got moss growing in between!

Now…….SCRAM!

3rd Reset- (Once the player leaves their home, Resetti pops out of the ground and faces the player)

Resetti: Oh great…. it’s the one and only retard again!

(NAME)!

What did I tell you the LAST time I was over here, huh? I can see you making a mistaking once or twice but this is your THIRD REMINDER!!!

Maybe it’s time to see a doctor or somethin’, huh, skippy?!

I mean not resettin’ ain’t that FUCKIN’ hard! You DON’T press a button! It’s THAT simple, even a retarded monkey like CHAMP can do it! And I’m pretty sure you qualify in that category.

Look around in your stanky ass world; you SEE a button labeled RESET in (town name) (player’s name)?!

No dumbass you don’t, so don’t play this shit with me!

The thing is every time you pull this lame ass stunt, a guy YELLS in my EAR on the PHONE! Think that’s fun ASSHOLE?!

GAH!!!

Huuffff….Haaaaaahhh…Hoooooo….whew

Man, you really got me worked up today y'know?

But this ain’t the tip of candle, oh no. Push me one time punk, and I’ll show you what TRUE fury I have in me!

You gettin’ me kid!? Are the lights on up in there!? They better be this time because I’m NOT going to be wasting my voice with your ass!

Before I leave, one more thing. clean yer ears tomorrow mornin’, you got spuds growin’!

Now…….SCRAM!

4th Reset- (Once the player leaves their home, Resetti will this time be waiting outside far from their house)

Resetti: Hey! jackass! come over here for a bit, I wanna talk to your retarded ass!

(leave the acre or read the bulletin once) Hey! where the FUCK do think you’re going!? What are ya, deaf AND stupid!? Now get your nary ass over here you little punk!

(leave the acre or read the bulletin twice) I’m getting tired of your stupid ass you ignorant shit fucker! Now get the FUCK over here before my skull caves in from the stress you put me through you little bastard!

(leave the acre or read the bulletin thrice) That’s IT you little shit! ONE MORE TIME!!! One more time of that bullshit, and you’re clearly fuckin’ with me! Do it, I dare you! Do it and see what happens!

(leave the acre or try to read the bulletin a fourth time, but Resetti burrows over to where you are standing) GAH HA HA HA HA HA!!! You thought you could run from ME?!?! I’m the LAW around here you little bitch and don’t you forget it! Now yer gonna listen every single Goddamn word I have to say. So let’s put our listening ears on!

(Once the player has headed to Resetti or if he has already burrowed over to them) You know you’re a real piece of work of y'know that? What would your mother think?!

You know I had to put up with some fucked up head cases in my time, but you top my list!

And don’t be pressin’ the A and B button like you don’t give a shit, that ain’t gonna get you outta THIS jam!

You know, every time you reset a villager in (Anytown) gets kicked in their damn nuts, or if it’s a female, the cunt. Or maybe you’re one those people with other friends or none at all.

But, the last time I checked the whole Tom Nook n’ Crazy Redd thing was pretty popular! Hell in one place, Crazy Redd is like fuckin’ Coca-Cola over there, they can’t get enough of him!

But enough of the stock market crap, we need to stop this fugly habit of yours FAST! Right here, right now before I get an ulcer!

Enough already kid my throats raw talkin’ to yer stupid ass. And these tunnels don’t make themselves!

I dig through solid earth without knowing where the FUCK I’m going except for my family giving direction over the Bluetooth earpiece, AND IT’S ALL AT ONCE!!!

On top of that, if I miss the target sometimes I dig through the Earth’s MANTLE!!!! IT’S AN AWFUL JOB FER ME!! So think about others than yourself for once, ya douche!

Before I go, one more thing. Change your hairstyle, you look like a fag!

Now……SCRAM!

5th Reset: (The player leaves their home, this time, Don burrows out of the ground)

Don: H-hey!

WAAAAHH!!

Oh my god! That seriously scared me! I thought I was gonna pee myself again!!

Hey there and all that jazz, the name’s Don Resetti. I’m Sonny Resetti’s big brother.

Sonny’s out sick and decided to call off work today, he said maybe I was best to handle it.

So Listen, my bro can get a little hot-headed at times and his language has been known to be a bit…questionable, and a bit explicit. Sonny is also a bit pigheaded, moleheaded?

But don’t get me wrong, the little guy’s got a heart, a big one. If didn’t do what he did, he wouldn’t care about his job. y'know? The world would stop turnin’, y'know what I mean (name)?

If Sonny’s behavior has offended you in any way, the Resettis would like to apologize in advance.

Oh wow! I forgot why was here. I’ll be moleskin if I don’t do my job properly!

Ahem, Do Re Mi Fa So La Ti Do… 🎵🎶

Resetting ain’t good, so don’t do it! Also save your game too, effort can be a bad thing to waste. Are we um, Crystal-like clear on that?

Okay! Im glad that’s cleared up.

See ya!

6th Reset- (Sonny bursts out of the ground, angrily flailing around with his pickaxe. But he is facing the wrong direction)

Resetti: GRAAAAGGHH!!!!!!

Where’s (name)?! Where is that no good, backstabbing, son of a bitch!?

(turns around)

THERE YOU ARE!!! You know (name) you’ve been a real splinter in my dick recently. I just got over a cold and YOU DO IT AGAIN!

Here I am, enjoying a nice piping hot bowl of chicken noodle, UNTIL THE RESET ALARM WENT OFF AND SPILLED IT ALL ON MY CROTCH!!!

MY DICK HURTS SO MUCH THANKS TO YOU!!

That’s the kind of effect you have on people. You resetting is like killing a rabbit in (player’s town), then some fuckin’ giant ass monster appears in (friend’s town)!

You’re an asshole that affects the world (name).

What’s that smirk? Do think that this is funny? Think I’m some sort of stand-up mole?

WIPE IT OFF FAST YA HEAR?!…….This isn’t funny at all, this shit’s serious.

My brother Don came out here and was “Mr. Nice Guy” with ya right? Well guess what Fort Fucker, “Mr. Nice Guy” gone now, used up that opportunity.

Now I have to deal with your stupid ass antics, AGAIN! So get some Trojan condoms motherfucker ‘cuz I gonna REEM your ass when I’m done with you!

Before I go, one more thing: Stop staring at people as they enter a room, ya look like a retarded dummy!

Now…….SCRAM!!

7th Reset- (Resetti bursts out of the ground, with a demented grin on his face, the grin is so wide that if he smiled any more his mouth would slide off in seconds)

Resetti:

HOWDY HOO (name), LET’S CHAT FOR A BIT!

Can I get ya glass of water? A plate of cookies? A sandwich? Well anyway, you reset AGAIN! Anything I can do to make you stop?

(Mr. Resetti’s smile diminishes and goes into a rage) FUUUUCCKKKKKKKK THHIIIIISSS!!!!!!!!!!!!

I can’t be nice to you, you don’t deserve it! It almost makes want to vomit knowing you reset this much, you fucking bastard!

YOU MAKE ME SICK TO MY GODDAMN STOMACH!!!!

Don told me,“Oh, why not be nice to (name)? Maybe he’ll stop and listen to you.”

FAT FUCKING CHANCE!!!

The thought of ME being nice to a dirt muncher like you makes wanna roll over into an early grave!

So how about this…

FUCK YOU!!!!

FUCK YOU!!!

FUCK YOU!!!!

AND FUUUUCK YOOOU!!!!

AND IN CASE THAT MESSAGE DIDN’T GET ACROSS IN ENGLISH!!! (Shows giant middle finger to player)

THAT’S RIGHT MOTHERFUCKER!! I KNOW SIGN LANGUAGE!!!

If I EVER have to come over here again, I’ll shove this pickaxe SO FAR up yer ass it’ll take the WHOLE hospital to remove it!

Before I go, one more thing: Watch the news!! ya might learn something, dumbass!

Now…….SCRAM!!

8th Reset- (The ground opens up as usual, but a geyser of (coffee) shoots into the sky for a second, then dies down to reveal Sonny in a white pajama top splattered with crap in one hand carrying a newspaper and another with his usual pick axe, his mining helmet is splattered with shit as well)

Resetti: You dirty bastard… You had to do it while I had the runs.

You just HAD to RESET while I was on the shitter!

One moment I’m shitting out my organs AS USUAL due to my ongoing stress with ya, then the NEXT THING I know the ALARM for Reset-Happy-Retards goes off!

Guess what happened next?

THAT’S RIGHT–I RELEASED MY BOWELS!!!

I can tell you right now that toilet is never going to be the same again. Even the plumber couldn’t fix that shit, and he passed out from the stench!

You proud of yourself!? Look at your giddy little ass over there smilin’.

OF COURSE YA ARE!!! IT JUST MEANS YOU LOVE THIS CRAP! YOU EAT IT UP!!!

Am I some kind of fuckin’ clown to you!? Some harlequin to amaze and amuse you!?

FUCK YOU FAGGOT!!!

I need a water closet thanks to you, and probably wouldn’t expect any money from you as a loan for it.

Y'know why?

POOR ATTENTION SPAN!!

POOR SOCIAL SKILLS!!!!

POOR BEHAVIOR!!!

POOR MANNERS!!

POOR PERSON OVERALL!!!

You’re just a reset happy little cheater is what you are! I got your number bitch!

If I happen to need an organ transplant cuz something eventually goes wrong with my body, YOU’RE gonna be my donor.

Because I’ll make sure you never see the light of day again!

Did that wake you up from Reset For Shits And Giggles Fantasy Land!? It better, because right now, I want some ME time!

Before I go, one more thing: Wipe your ass REAL good before you get done shitting!

For God’s sake your how old and you’re still making tracks in your boxers/panties?

Get with the FUCKING program kid, only bed-wetting-piss-your-pants BITCH babies do that shit, so WIPE!

Now…….SCRAM!!

9th Reset- (Mr. Resetti appears this time with gray tank top splattered with white goop and sweat. In one hand holding a pick axe, the other, a box of tissues)

SON OF A BITCH!

Y'know I was just beating off to my latest porn I bought, “Moles Gone Wild 7” and you had to FUCK it up!

This one bitch was at her climax and she was squirting like a Super Soaker! But no, you had to go and press that STUPID FUCKING BUTTON again didn’t you?

Now ol’ Resetti gotta put his porn back for ANOTHER day! (like THAT’S ever gonna happen with you!)

I now gotta read you the riot act. Do you know how HARD it to dig one these tunnels with a stiff cock?!

IT HURTS LIKE FUCK!!!

Every now then when I dig the damn thing is getting hit with various rocks and gravel! You want to know what made it like this?!

VIAGRA!!!

Yeah, doc’s been telling to cut down on the stupid shit on my down time. But how can I with YOU around?

Let’s do EXAMPLES again, since those are oh- so-FUN to do!

Let’s say resetting is like my dick right now, it’s a hard habit to break, I know I’ve tried!

But if you BEAT IT OFF enough times then it won’t be a problem anymore, and it’s die down!

GET THE PICTURE?!?! Good!

One more thing: Don’t strangle yourself with a belt while jerking off, you sick fuck, you’ll kill yourself!

Y'know what, forget what I just said, just erase from your whole mind. It’ll probably save me a lot of trips over here anyway.

Now…….SCRAM!!

10th reset: (Big Daddy Resetti appears)

Hello there I’m Big Daddy Rethetti, the father of the Rethetti brothers. You and me kid, we got ithues to dicuth.

Now ath parth of the Rethet Thurveillanthce Thenter, I’m the bosth, but that'th bethideth the point, to keep the general public aware of the dangerth of rethetting.

(you get two answers, “What are the dangers?” and “Ha!”)

(Choose “Ha!”) Are you making fun my acthenth!? You better juth thtop right there pal, Big Daddy don’t play games with clownth.

Do ya wanna prevent the rethetting problem, or you wanna become part of the peanut gallery?

(Choose “You call that an acthenth, sounds more like a hair lip!” or “Sorry I’ll listen.”)

(Choose “You call that an acthenth, sounds more like a hairlip!”)

Thonny was right, ya are just some bathtard with no manners! You need to rethpect your elders! Give me an apology athole!

(Choose “I’m thorry”, or “I’m sorry”)

(Choose “I’m thorry” and Big Daddy will repeat the last speech)

(Choosing “What are the dangers?”, “Sorry I’ll listen”, or “I’m sorry” will go to this dialogue)

Good! The dangers of rethetting are just one in particular, but it ONLY needs to be one.

Rethetting you thee, abolisheth data that YOU earned ath the right ath the player. So in turn, you are only hurting yourthelf.

Thankth, it’s eathy to think of something negative when thingth go your way in game, but that doethn’t mean you rethet and a thart all over. Ya gotta roll with the puncheth, go with the flow.

Tho don’t rethet from now on! ya here? By the way, Don thays hi!

One more thing: thay in school and go to college! You’ll get a good job and get money there!

Now THRAM!

11th reset: (Sonny will appear with his original gear on, but he’s holding a nearly empty bottle of Jack Daniels and is piss-yourself-drunk)

DAAAHH!!!

IT TOO LOUD AND BRIGHT!

FUCK YOU THUNDER AND LIGHTNING!!!

Ooohh great, it’s the walkin’ talkin’ garbage can, the one and only (name)!

You reset again didn’t ya, DIDN’T YA?!?!

Well c'mon, you me are gonna have it oouut! C'mon, I’ll kick yer ass! I shit myself, I’m already halfway there!

(starts crying his eyes out) Why do you do this meeee?! Do you HATE me? I’m not that bad a person. I’m a big (BELCH) teddy bear! (Sobs)

(shits his pants and starts laughing) Dah hah hah haaaah! That gave you something to think about didn’t it? Well gotta go and toss out these undies! THEY LOOK LIKE SHIT!

(shits his pants again and laughs agains) Ha! You got that one didn’t ya! Yeah!

One more thing: alcohol FUCKS you up! But it was funny, huh?

Now, uh…uh…DON’T DRINK AND DRIVE OR SERIOUS SHIT HAPPENS!

(shits his pants for a third time and burrows out)

12th Reset- (Resetti appears this time smoking marijuana, his eyes are pink and halfway closed)

Duuuude, awesome colors, man.

Why am I here again? …Oh, you reset which means I’ve gotta talk to ya before my DAD gives lip about it. Uh…don’t reset or something?

Hey, you want to hear a funny ass joke? A man and a woman are going at it hot and heavy, until they hear a sound at their door. It’s their son Timmy.

Timmy says, “Oh my God” and runs out the room. The father says, “I’ll go talk to Timmy”. He walks down the hall to find Timmy giving it hot and heavy to grandma.

The father says, “Oh my God!” Timmy replies, “Not so funny when it’s your mother now is it?” You like that one? That killed at the family reunion. I’d put Dr. Shrunk off stage with that joke.

Got anything to eat in there I’m fuckin’ hungry! Ah forget it, Mama Resetti’s got them nice Rice Crispy Squares back at the Reset Surveillance Center, which our home now since the family took over.

I know, bum deal right? Got work 24/7 to listen to a loud alarm, then stop what you’re doing, just to tell somebody to stop doing something as little as resetting. It’s ludicrous, man!

It’s especially hard on me because I’m always the main guy to deal with it, but every fifth reset in a row on my family members handles the job for me.

Goes like Don, who you’ve met, my brother, always willing to help out and be nice, comes from my mother’s side.

Then my dad “Big Daddy”, “Mister Hard Ass”, he’s gets on me when my behavior is a little “out of control”. Geez, dad get a grip! I mean he’d be pissed to if he had to deal with crap I had to on a DAILY basis.

Then there’s Mama, she is the nicest person in the whole wide world, there isn’t a nicer or more generous than her.

But finally there’s my cousin, “Vicious” Vole Vinnie, the meanest, most foul-mouthed mole around. He’s been kicked out his home for awhile 'til he straightens up, but I doubt it.

The guy’s a real inferno, I mean I’m nothing compared to him. I might scare people a bit when I talk, but this guy’s the BIGGEST asshole alive! So you’ve been warned, kid.

Wow, this stuff really mellows ya out!

One more thing: Weed is awesome! You should try it out sometime!

Have a nice day, Mr/Mrs/Ms/Miss (name)!

13th Reset- (Resetti appears this time with a brick of cocaine, and slams his face into it)

*SNORT*

HAAAAAH

FUCK YOU!

One more thing: RESETTING AND RAZORS ARE FOR GODDAMN PUSSIES!!! SCRAM BITCH!

14th Reset- (Resetti will appear with a bag of crystal meth, bloodshot eyes, and messed up fur)

I’m so FUCKING pissed off!

One more thing: DON’T RESET!

UP, UP, AND AWAY MOTHERFUCKERS!

(Resetti flies away for some apparent reason)

15th Reset- (Mama Resetti appears with a beam of light from the sky, doves from above, and an angelic chorus singing)

Hello there hon! I’m Mama Resetti, but you can call me Mrs. Resetti.

Would you like a cookie? No? Okay, some other time then, hon. Well, my lil Sonny is out sick today so I’d thought I’d cheer the both of you up by filling in. Sounds good hon?

Alright, look at adorable smile! I don’t know why my husband and Sonny were so worried about, you seem like a good egg (name).

Of course I feel bad my lil boy’s relapsing from a that “bad stuff” he had in his system… But I’m sure he’ll be as fit as fiddle afterwards!

Now onto resetting. I understand with resetting, it’s like a piece of candy you can’t get enough. But what if all that candy runs out?

The same goes for your gaming system, if you reset too much you going to hurt the poor thing dearie.

So please be a nice, caring, kind, and gentle soul like you are and don’t reset, save your game hon.

Have a WONDERFUL day!

16th Reset: (Sonny bursts out of the ground, angrily flailing around with his pickaxe.)

RAAAAAGGGGGHHH!!

DON’T FUCKING RESET!!!

WHAT’S IN YOUR FUCKED UP HEAD DON’T YOU GET?!?!?

Gaahhhhh…….Hooooo…….Haaaah…..Seeing spots over here…

You know you’re givin’ me ALL sorts of health problems, you know that you little bastard? I just relapsed, now I gotta deal with your shit again!

I got chronic tunnel toe 'cuz of you! I’m on shittastic diet now thanks to your sorry ass.

I have to make yogurt from scratch. Try eating spicy meatball yogurt, it’s awful shit, tastes like cat shit mixed with some Indian food!

Thing is, MY life ain’t fun thanks to YOU resetting.

HEY HEY HEY!! you were gonna do it again weren’t ya?! You were gonna reset on me! Go ahead! do it, I’ll just keep coming back fucker.

Plus I’m not stopping this conversation unless truly understand me, m'kay?

(answer either “Got it” or “Huh”)

(Huh) What are you retarded? Am I speakin’ in tongue to ya’ stupid? Was my last speech too difficult for the idiot with the brain the size of an atom. Don’t make me repeat the whole thing again Fort Fucker, I’m tired an’ worn!

(Got it) Good you better ya gutless door mat, 'cuz if I gotta come over here again, I’m getting a lawyer to sue you for everything you got, so watch it!

One more thing: wash your crotch, it smells like a fucking fish market down there. I travel umpteen miles all over Bum Fucked Egypt, and I gotta smell that shit. Scrub it REAL good ya bum!

Now………SCRAM!!!

17th Reset- (Sonny bursts out of the ground, angrily flailing around with his pickaxe.)

GRRAAAAAHH!!

STOP.

JERKING.

FUCKING.

CHAIN

YOU

FUCKER!!!

GAH…….HAH…hooooooo…..gaaaahhhh…..

Blood pressure’s at an all time high now! You know I get the feeling you hate me, don’t you?

You do this just for kicks. Look at the ugly ass smile…. STOP IT, STOP IT!!! You fucking hurt me…

No one pushes it this far, NO ONE! But I’ll straighten you good this time punk!

Let’s see nothing in the manual for a case like this….

AHA! I’VE GOT IT!

You’re gonna repeat a line I’m gonna state to ya exactly as I say it. Screw it up and we do it over again, punk!

1,2,3! okay no feedback. Now say… “I AM A RESETTING, CHEATING, FAGGOT FUCK OF A PUNK” (it’s varies every

Go on say it professsor!

(Say something different or do it incorrectly) Are you deaf?! Or are you fucking with me again?! Trust me punk we’re gonna be here all day if keep it up. So cut the crap and say the line will ya?

(Say the phrase correctly) Yeah that’s what I thought. That’s you all over. As long as we understand each other then we got no problem. But seriously, kid I’m getting’ pretty tired of that devil-may-care attitude of yours, it’s the fucking pits for me!

One more thing: get some dental work done ya snaggletoothed fuck!

That smile looks so bad it could scare your reflection. Hell, I even shit my pants lookin’ at them damn things.

Now………SCRAM!!!

18th Reset- (Sonny bursts out of the ground, angrily flailing around with his pickaxe.)

GAAAAAAAHHH!!!

RESET RESET RESET!

THAT’S ALL YOU EVER THINK ABOUT PUNK!

I think I get you now, you wanna reset. Well let me help ya, I’ve got a reset button of my very own right here my holster.

I’ll reset everything, clean FUCKING slate, you won’t have to worry about resetting no more. That sound good douchebag, you want that?

Fine, here it goes the grand daddy of all resets!

(Everything goes black for several seconds) HA! Did I scare you? Did somebody wet their pants in real life out there?

Good, because the next time I won’t just do that, I’ll tunnel through your house, you little monster!

One more thing: Clean them undies, ya crapped yourself when I pulled that stunt ya little wuss!

I didn’t expect you to be such a coward, especially after you reset this much, ya prick!

Ya know, just throw 'em away they’re starting to stank up the joint, wimp!

Now………SCRAM!!!

19th Reset- (Resetti pops out of the ground and faces the player with a tired appearance, he has sunken eyes, a droopy nose, and slightly matted fur. Overall, he just looks like he’s about to cry)

Ugh…you just don’t quit, do ya?

You know I’m going to be real calm about this, this time, you know why? Because it’s habitual now. My doctor tells me why stress over something that’s not going to fix itself.

That means you kid, are a permanent problem. Either that or you enjoy doing this for shits and giggles because I somehow entertain you in some way. But whatever…

Look at it this way, (name), if you keep resetting every day for the rest of your life what will you accomplish by honest means?

That’s what I’m talking about, Honesty. it’s the best policy to ever exist. Yeah, so mull that around your noggin for a bit.

I might as well tell you this is my last time tunneling out due to your “problem”. From now on, my cousin Vinnie deals with you.

And let me tell you, after you’re done with him one time, you’ll never want to reset again. So yeah, I said my peace. Hopefully you’ll give this whole reset thing a rest.

*Sigh* Before I go, one more thing: get a dictionary the next time you reset, because you’re gonna need it.

Now…forget it you know by now, I’m tired… *sniffle* (by now, he’s out of his hole on the ground weeping, you have 2 choices. “What’s the matter?” or “Fuck You!”)

(What’s the matter?) Kid, you dunno how hard my life is. Every day, EVERY SINGLE FUCKING DAY! I have to deal with bullshit at every second.

One minute Don’s complaing to me about laundry, the next one dad’s all whiny about me acting out over something little.

And the third, V-Vinnie’s hav-havin’ a dr-dru-drunken poker party! I’m so sick an’ tired of it!!

*Sonny’s arms are stretched out, he wants a hug from you. The player presses A to do so. You can hug him as long as you would like, or until he’s stopped crying*

Heh, thanks kiddo. I kinda needed to get a that outta my body. Don was right, I should be nice to you.

Well, look at the time, I gotta get tunneling before Mama’s done with dinner. We’re having Chicken pot pie! (It’ll be delicious [name]! Too bad you ain’t coming, you don’t deserve none!)

*Tunnels out*

(Fuck you!) You know what, FUCK YOU TOO (NAME)! You make my life a living hell since you reset every goddamn day of the year! I hope my cousin Vinnie burns you in a FIRE!!

*tunnels out*

20th Reset- (Vicious Vole Vinnie pops out…)

Vinnie:

LOOK AT THIS RESETTIN’

COCKSUCKIN’

BUTTFUCKIN’ FAGGOT RIGHT HERE!!!!!

What are you smilin’ at, chump? The name’s Vinnie, “Vicious” Vole Vinnie.

Learn it, fear it, an’ say it. 'Cuz I HATE it when some FUCKTARD like you screws it up!

(Looks at you) HEY HEY HEY! What the FUCK are you lookin’ at loser!?

Settle down before this mole gets really fuckin’ pissed, jackass…

(looks back to your character) Now what the fuck was I talkin’ about before I lost train of thought due to that duckweed over there?

OH YEAH!!

YOU RESET, DIDN’T YA?!?!

Listen good you cum guzzlin’ jizz bag 'cuz I get real irrated if I gotta repeat myself to retarded people like YOU!

When YOU reset, it’s like starting a national crisis back at base.

A loud as fuck siren goes, Don calms every down, AND SINCE YOU RESET SO MUCH, I gotta talk to retarded ass from here on out!

It takes a lot time out MY busy fuckin’ schedule. I mean I was just watchin’ a fuckin’ football game an’ you had to ruin it you inconsiderate little cocksucker.

It’s obvious you have NO consideration for other people or sports for that matter ya cheap bastard!

So if I have to come over here again an’ you interrupt my “ME” time, I’m gonna kick your ass dead kid.

One more thing: Dress normal like everyone else you little pole smokin’ grease bag!

For fuck’s sake it’s miracle no one’s called you a GODDAMN queer yet!

Now…….

FUCK OFF CHUMP!!!

#resetti #original post

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