#and 2. when i was 11 i went through this long phase of being absolutely fucking terrified of going outside. like screaming crying terrified
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*realizing that more and more things i do/have done in the past are symptoms of ocd*
#i made a post the other day about some other ones#but the ones i'm realizing rn are 1. my life-long skin picking habit that's resulted in scars all over my body#and 2. when i was 11 i went through this long phase of being absolutely fucking terrified of going outside. like screaming crying terrified#because there were a million different ways i could die and it could happen at any time#and the only thing that made me feel somewhat safe to leave the house was this magnet necklace with green gems on it#because i was told that it'd protect me. so i never left the house without wearing it
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“Honey you’re my medicine”- Ethan Edwards
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Bro idk this just popped into my head…
TW: HEAVY HEAVY DEPRESSION IN THIS. LIKE DON’T READ IF DEPRESSION TRIGGERS YOU. A lot of this was channeled from my experiences with depression -Drugs -alcohol
Lowkey inspired by the song People by Libianca
Proofread once!!
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I guess your depression wasn’t as obvious as you thought. You were life of the party, the light of everyone’s life. That’s why when you decided to take the second semester of your sophomore year off to focus on your mental health people were absolutely shocked. You were bombarded by texts asking if you were okay, if people could come over to hangout and see how you were doing but your phone was on dnd. For a whole 3 weeks. Your absence hit Ethan the hardest mostly because he was your best friend since you were toddlers. His sadness turned to anger which turned to guilt.
Why didn’t you tell him how you were feeling?
What could he have done to help?
When did you start feeling like this?
He should have saw the signs earlier. The first semester at Umich you went to almost every frat party with him and hardly ever drank but one night you got absolutely shit faced. One night turned into 2 which turned into 3 which turned into 4 and so on. Ethan always took care of you after always driving you back to your dorm if he didn’t drink or called an Uber for you both, helping you into pajamas and taking your makeup off and putting you to bed. Sometimes one of the other hockey boys helped him as well just to make sure you were extra safe getting home. He just saw it as you finally getting over the freshman nerves and letting loose. He started getting concerned after you started mixing in some marijuana. He never knew you to get into drugs but shrugged it off when you told him to stop worrying and that you were just having fun. Being away from home, your family problems and dealing with the growing pains just got to be too much to handle. Everyone in your life felt so distant and so out of place. The feeling of being a burden and opening up to people made you pull away from them. You started to cope with alcohol and weed. Being on a college campus it was all pretty accessible. Part of you thought the change of behavior might open a position for Ethan to ask you what was going on but he only egged you on and invited the behavior. The developing feelings for him came crashing down on you faster than you could have imagined and you tried pushing them away not wanting to ruin the friendship you had but as fast as they came they imploded when rumors of him and a girl hooking up on the down low surfaced. It sent you over the edge in a way you never thought would or could ever happen. You decided to confront Ethan about it one night in his Jeep on your weekly late night drive and he just laughed about it asking, “what are you jealous or something?” He obviously meant no harm but you didn’t know how to respond. A few minutes later you asked him to drop you off at your dorm since you were tired. When you got back you got so crossed you didn’t even remember the conversation the next morning. Just the feeling of a bad hangover and migraine overtook you which you would take any day over whatever he made you feel that night.
You stopped going to classes after a while and switched to online because you could “focus on other things outside of school” is what you told Ethan. He again shrugged it off.
You wondered how long it would take him to approach you and ask what was going on. You were screaming for his attention, your cries for help weren’t loud enough to him. He carried on with the parties always inviting you but you turned them down time and time again.
It was 11 o’clock at night. The meals your mom prepared for you sat on your nightstand untouched and cold. A slight breeze blew through your open window and the sound of a car pulling into your driveway merely background noise didn’t even phase you.
A light knock on the door went unheard by you. Your mom answering the door,
“Please Mrs. Y/l/n I need to see her. I can’t handle another week of this.” Ethan’s eyes were bloodshot. His hair wet from a shower. He was holding a hoodie. A hoodie you always stole from him when you went out. He kept it in his Jeep just for you.
“Ethan she won’t talk. I’ve tried to talk to her. She has an appointment tomorrow. Trust me honey I’ve tried everything.” Your mom was slightly distraught by the boy showing up so late but he wasn’t taking no for an answer.
“Please let me try and talk to her. I need to see her I’m begging you.” He pleaded with the woman. A sigh of defeat left her mouth as she stepped aside. He didn’t hesitate. Making his way up your stairs he stood outside your door slightly letting guilt and fear take over his body.
Maybe I shouldn’t? He thought but his hand hand already opened the door.
There you laid in your bed. Your room a mess and the smell of food filled his senses. You opened your eyes laying your sight on the boy standing in the doorway. Normally you’d be embarrassed letting someone that close to you look at you and your space in such a messy state but you couldn’t even muster up a greeting. Tears started streaming down your face but no noise or movement came from your small figure.
It broke him seeing you in such a vulnerable state. He made his way over putting the hoodie on your dresser and crawled over you pulling the covers off you slowly, slipping in and pulling them over you both. His arms snaked around your waist pulling you into him. You weren’t even wearing pants, your t-shirt clad body pressed against his. The smell of you and the lack of a shower in days filled his senses only making his heartbreak more. God what happened to you? Is all he could think.
“Ethan,” You managed to croak out.
“Y/n I’m here. You don’t have to talk. You don’t have to do anything. I’m just here to lay with you.” He whispered into your ear placing his face in the crook of your neck slightly kissing it sending a shiver down your spine.
“Ethan I’m sorry.” Is all you could say, the tears ran from your eyes like a river soaking your bedsheets once again.
“Don’t ever apologize y/n. You’ve done nothing wrong just let me help you in whatever way I can.” Ethan felt the tears coming down his face, they soaked your hair.
“I couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t stay there. I don’t know why but everyone. Everything it just got too much. The rumors of you. Everything.” Your voice was small and hard to understand over the sobs.
“Baby I know. I’m so sorry the world hasn’t been kind to you. You don’t deserve this. I’m always gonna be here for you, me, Marky, Rut, Lukey, Seamus. All of us have been worried sick over you. We all love you so much y/n God I wish you could feel that. The rumors are rumors y/n you know I would never do anything like that and especially never to you. I love you too much to ever do that. I’m yours and will only ever be yours.” His voice was shaky but he kept it together. He didn’t want his crying to overwhelm you to much.
You turned around burying your face into his chest making him hold you closer. His hand traveled down your back stopping at the small of it massaging light circles. His other one wrapped around your head lightly massaging it too. You felt an overwhelming sense of warmth cascading through your body at his touch. You needed your best friend and even more he needed you.
“Ethan I love you.”
“My girl I love you even more. More than you’ll ever know.” He planted a kiss on your head. The sound of his heartbeat lulling you to sleep and the warmth and knowledge of your safety in his arms sent him into sleep as well. Both broken in different ways but both healing with the same medicine. Each other.
#nhl hockey#hockey#hockey players#nhl#nhl players#nhl fanfiction#nhl fic#hockey imagine#ethan edwards#umich x reader#umich boys#umich imagine#umich fic#ethan edwards smut#ethan edwards imagine#ethan edwards x y/n#ethan edwards x reader
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IT'S KINDA A LONG STORY
WARNINGS: None
A/N: This takes place in 2017, character is 28.
“You know you’ve been with us for 6 months and I don’t think you proper told us about how you started hunting.” Sam says, closing his computer.
“Well, my grandpa was a hunter, so my father became a hunter. Then I decided to continue the family tradition and become a hunter.”
“Cool. How was your childhood? Mine and Sammy’s were fucked, to say the least? Went long periods in hotels. I had to steal food and a bunch of other shit.” Dean says.
“It was a mixed bag. It’s kinda a long story.” I say, sitting up on the bed.
“We have time.” Sam says.
“Alright, strap in, I guess. As you guys know, I was born in ‘89. My mom got pregnant with me when she was 16 and.
"Had me a month after she turned 17 on my dad’s 17th birthday. My mom came from a very religious family, like super religious, and her getting pregnant with me got her kicked out. My grandma and grandpa let my mom move in. From what I heard, those months were good. My dad was working while trying to finish school while my mom dropped out of school. Mom helped grandma and grandpa with the stuff around the house. When my mom was 8 months and on some odd days with me, she went into labor. She was rushed to the hospital in the town over and had me around 11:45 pm. There were a couple of problems with me since I was premature, but the doctor got everything under control and after a week, I was able to go home.
Anyway, when I was 2, my mom and dad got married. My first memory was Christmas ‘94. I remember opening a fairy princess set. It was nice at the time, but looking back now, it was very cheaply made. But fast forward to my 8th birthday, 97. I remember we had dinner and my father unwrapped his presents first, being older than I got to open mine. I had got nothing but dresses. I remember I broke out crying then when my mom and dad tried to comfort me I yelled that I didn’t want to be a girl, then ran upstairs and hid in my room. A couple of minutes later, my dad came up and entered my room. He just sat on the bed and talked to me while I was hide telling me that there wasn’t nothing wrong with wanting to be a boy and if I wanted to I could. I crawled out from underneath my bed and sat with him. He held me as I cried and we talked. It started with, is this how you really feel? How long have you been feeling this way? Would it make me happier to be a boy? I told him, It was about 6 when I realized didn’t want to be a girl, that I hated the long hair and dresses, and didn’t like my given name. We talked until it was time for me to go to bed. My dad tucked me in and stayed with me until I feel asleep. I must have been asleep no longer than a half an hour when I was woken up by yelling from downstairs. I could hear my mom yelling at my dad, saying I can’t just be a boy and that it’s just a phase. I remember hearing my dad tell her, so what if it is I have to figure out who I am and who I want to be? I just layed their crying while listening to the yelling and ended up crying myself asleep.
The next day, things were tense, to say the least that I can remember. My grandma and grandpa talked to me after the very tense breakfast and asked if I wanted to go by something else. At that time, I didn’t know. They suggest names, even pulled out baby name books, and we looked through them. But I didn’t find a name that I liked so they were suggesting different names off the top of their head and I decide on Y/n after my mom’s brother, my uncle who is most definitely the funnest coolest person I have ever known. I remember the first time he came to visit after I came out and by then I had gotten my hair cut and a new wardrobe. I had told him that I was a boy and that my new name was Y/n. He was super chill about the absolute opposite of my mother, despite coming from the same background. And their one out he called me his mini me.
So fast forward to 99 I’m 10. My mom decide to get me nail polish and make up for my birthday. I was first upset, but that black nail polish called me and I painted them. They looked pretty good, and it made me feel masculine. After I was done with my nails and they were tried and I went downstairs to show my grandma and grandpa. They were in the living room and so was my mom. I show them and my mother butted in by asking if I was finally done with this phase and finally being a girl. I was so upset. I just ran out of the house. I ran into the woods and climbed a top of tree. I was close enough to the house that I could hear my grandparents and mother getting into a screaming match. They yelled at her for 30 minutes, then they came out to find me, but I stayed silent while I cried and they didn’t find me. They looked for another half an hour for me before my father came home from his hunt he left on a couple day prior. They rushed to meet him in the driveway and they told my father what had happened.
And then there comes my mom came out of the house to yell about the whole thing again, saying that she wasn’t going to feed into the delusion and that I needed to start acting like a girl. Shit escalated and my dad yelled that he wanted a divorce and to get the fuck out of the house by morning. Then when things died down, my dad came and found me and I climbed down from the tree and he tried to comfort me. But i just kept crying and eventually I tired myself out and fell asleep. He carried me in and I woke up in my bed the next morning hearing loud crying coming from my mom. She tried to guilt trip and have my dad take her back. But it failed and eventually my uncle arrived and got my mom and her stuff and then she wasn’t in my life. Which in all this my uncle stood beside us, but he did help my mom because of the whole family thing. Anyway, my mom wasn’t completely out of my life. She would leave letters in the mailbox condemning me every couple of weeks.
So then fast forward to when I was 14. I was home alone. When I heard a car pull up. I went downstairs and opened the door and here comes my mom and her boyfriend. I knew something was wrong and quickly closed and locked the door. They started banging on the door and my mom was yelling how she could fix and that I didn’t have to pretend anymore. I called the police and hid in my closet. Listening to the banging. After a couple minutes, I hear two cruisers pull, then a commotion. Then eventually the commotion was over and I heard my name called out by the cop saying it was safe. I realized it was my friends Chris’ dad, John.
I got out of hiding and went downstair and the front door was totaled. It was on the verge of breaking. So I go outside they got my mom and her boyfriend in separate cruiser. John and the other officer, Charlie, made sure I was ok. They got another cop to come out and take my mom from John’s cruiser so John could stay with me. He did, and eventually my dad and grandparents showed up. We pressed charges, they both ended up getting 4 years. And that is the last thing I know about the whereabout of my mom. After that whole situation, my dad and grandpa taught me self defiance, which turned into teaching me how to hunt.
Then when I was about 18, my grandparents go into a pile up caused by a drunk driver and died. It was really tough around then and I threw myself into my shitty waiter job at the local diner. Made decent money and got good tips. With the saved money, I got myself a car with my dad’s help and started traveling, doing hunts. Stayed in contact with dad through this time and still do. He ended up getting close to John after his wife divorced him and they fell for each other. They got married last year, which I attended their wedding, then I took a break from hunting. Then a couple of months ago I started back up my. band, that’s when I met you guys and here we are.”
“Damn sorry about the whole transphobic mom and grandparents thing.” Sam says.
“Eh, I got over it.”
“Pretty hard stuff to get over,” Dean adds in.
“Yeah, I went to a lot of therapy to get myself to this point.”
“Glad it went well for you. Therapists can be tricky. Some help and some don’t.” Sam said.
“I got paired with a pretty good one. Anyway, don’t mean to switch topics, but how does food sound to you guys because all that talking got me hungry?”
“Yes, I love the way you think.” Dean says.
“There’s a diner just down the road we can go there.” Sam says.
“Sounds good to me.”
#dean winchester#sam winchester#supernatural#dean winchester x male reader#dean winchester x reader#sam winchester x male reader#sam winchester x reader#supernatural x male reader#supernatural x reader
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Story Time!
Y'all wanna hear about the time I had a "demon" exorcism?
No? Then don't click read more lmao
So back when I was a middle schooler (like 11-13ish i think) my dad had us going to a "Spirit-filled" or "Charismatic" church, which really translates to a bunch of people who had mental health issues who were not being medicated (seriously they looked for that dopamine hit with the church i realize this as an adult)
Anyway, services lasted anywhere from 4-8 hours, I had already decided it was all BS (actually I wasn't sure where I stood on my faith, I've since figured it out), so I started reading during it, during middle school I was really really into Meg Cabot (She wrote the princess diaries and a ton of other stuff), I was reading one of the books from the boy series (romance stuff which makes a lot of sense if you know that i'm an absolute hopeless romantic, emphasis on the hopeless lmao)
The pastor and my father decided that because i wasn't paying attention to their 2 hour singing and dancing (remember i also had undiagnosed adhd so focusing in general was horrible) and speaking in "tongues" (if you want a theological debate feel free, i've read the passage about it in the bible it's not some bs angel language, the holy spirit just allowed them to know other languages without learning them), so they brought me to the front. Now at this point I was also going through my Emo-lite phase, I was exploring fashion, and I'd read that one scott westerfield book about starting fashions (i have no clue which one it's been like 15 years) so i was dressed a little wild, you know like your average nerdy 13 year old.
Anyway i sat at the front on a weird stool and all of the church members came up and put their hands all over me and started spouting gibberish while the pastor told the demon to leave me. And i wish so bad that i would have fucked with them like started shaking and speaking what little latin i knew, or saying bs like 'the time is near we will rise' just for funsies, but i'm a lot more creative as an adult lol.
they did that for like 30 minutes, then they were all crying and said the demon was gone, i walked back to my seat and picked up my book and went back to where i was.
like these people were unhinged lmao
another time the pastor was giving out prophesies to everyone and they made me get one, the pastor knew i was in trying out for volleyball because my dad and him talked constantly and we had to get lunch with them every week.
Anyway the pastor says, "you will be the star, the power of the holy spirit will be with you, you will be the best at volleyball" or something my dad still has the recording on cassette lmao
So when it came for volleyball in school, i sucked ass (this had nothing to do with the prophecy i have zero hand eye coordination, i can literally only run and play golf haha) i ended up sucking so bad i made C team (we were a small school so everyone got to do something) there was A team then B team, two separate teams, then there was C team, which only got to play on B team when there were home games. Like the only reason i was there was because the coach felt bad and didn't want to cut anyone hahahaha
Long story short, I spent a few years with some deep seeded hatred of religion, I've since worked it out, but still damn
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It’s done......
I can’t believe that it’s finally over.
I’ve been writing MMX Fanfics for 11 Years!!
This Project saw it’s birth in the MMX9.com Community in 2011 and shifted to Tumblr in 2013 once that site went down. It survived the roller-coaster ride of collaborators joining and leaving with varied levels of interest and personal drama until I found myself riding Solo once again in 2014. This Blog was my 3rd and Final attempt at Revamping the Project in 2015 and not only did I catch up, but I saw it through to an absolute End.
I am so proud of myself for finishing what I started.
I’m going to miss X & Zero a lot.
I’ve enjoyed creating all of my OCs; whether gathered from background characters in any of the games or coming completely from my own head.
Actualizing the events of each game has been an absolute pleasure.
It’s made me understand and appreciate the lore way more, that's for sure.
And I love the games all the more for it.
I’m sure I’ll write more entries in the future, but this one is just meant to be a quick celebration for everything I’ve accomplished. And to maybe explain why I bothered with all of this in the first place.
...Because it’s Mega Man X! It’s awesome!!!
No, but really... the quickest explanation is - MMX caught me by surprise as an 8 year old kid, when it came out. I’d played most of the Megaman games growing up and had a high appreciation for the format, but this was something different. This was special, brutal, dark and mature!
And with it, I matured more.
X2 wasn’t as well received for me. We rented it, but I wasn’t good. I never beat more than a few Mavericks. My brother might’ve made it to the X-Hunter Fortress, but we certainly never beat it.
X3...? Forget it. We couldn’t beat 1 boss...
But in 1997, X4 dropped and I OWNED that shit. Not literally, I rented it. Every weekend. But I just kept at it with X & Zero and easily got to Sigma on the Save File within the first weekend of having it. The rest of our times renting it, it was all about trying to beat it. ...maybe I did it with Zero as a kid, but I can’t be sure.
Then... I just dropped off. I was under a rock for X5 & X6.
The only way I knew about X7 was because my best friend’s little brother had a copy of it in his basement. But I never bothered with it.
Never knew about X8 when it was current...
But then, in 2006, the 1st MMX Collection came out! And Holy Fuck was it a Reunion! More like a Nostalgia-filled Revolution!!
And THIS was where I became a Fanatic. From this point forward, I just couldn’t stop playing the games.
Replaying X1 was a pure Nostalgia Ride.
Beating X2 for the first time was wonderful. I knew of the ending, but seeing it live was great.
Beating X3 for the first time was such an accomplishment.
X4 was another beautiful Nostalgia Ride. Truly beating it with both X & Zero was fantastic.
I couldn’t wait to learn of X5 and X6, but... they were so disappointing.
X4, part 2 and 3 they were not.
I learned to get over it in future playthroughs. I got used to the cast, and respected X5 for being the Grand Culmination of everything Inafune had set up.
I began to appreciate X6 for being a true Epilogue Tale, despite all it’s rushed flaws in development and localization.
Getting a hold of good copies of the current PS2′s X7 & X8 were very difficult. But I made it happen.
All I have to say is that I was so glad I didn’t play X7 in 2003, when I noticed it in my best friend’s basement. I would’ve given up on the franchise altogether.
Instead... I took the awkward 3D phase in stride, knowing that hopefully X8 is a significant improvement. Axl was alright.. The story was... meeh. But I did like that we were now thrust into the far future, after a long period of peace and rebuilding.
And X8, when I finally got a hold of that? Beautiful. Wonderous. Worth it.
But FUCK is that Cliffhanger annoying.
...and That is exactly why I stopped at X6.
Despite the last 2 games being good in their own right, they don’t have a proper ending. While the first 6 games, when playing them over and over and over again, the story just made more and more sense, connecting the dots.
I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I couldn’t stop playing the games. It was getting bad. I was also watching a Hell of a lot of anime at the time.
Until one marked day in April of 2011, I asked the X9 Community if they would ever want to see an MMX Anime. And if so, what would it be like?
This was a HOT topic. So many people chimed in.
And before long, it inspired me to work on an Anime Episodic Format of the MMX Series.
Fuckin Herculian Task that was..! But I loved it, every step of the way.
It helped me channel this obsession and fanaticism for the series. It brought back my writing creativity that I’d been missing. And it got me to calm down about the series over time.
Retelling is no easy task. And I’m sure I’ve made some missteps along the way.
But I really loved working on this the whole time and dishing it out to you, week after week, month after month, year after year...
Lore-wise, I eventually knew that everything I had set up would end at X6.
There’s the tiniest strand of Red being around to set up Red Alert in X7, but... he barely cameod in X4. And again, X8 is a Cliffhanger.
To write an X9... would be a True Fanfic in every sense of the Word. And not only has it been done hundreds of times before within the community, [probably better than I could] but... I’m just not interested in that part of the timeline as much.
Writing the Series out made me realize, my most favorite parts of the franchise are probably X1-X4. It’s what I knew the best.
X5 had disappointing presentation, but otherwise the story was solid.
Realizing that most of my beloved OC’s would die was pretty epic and insane in it’s own right. Putting my own spin on Dynamo was a lot of fun.
(I never really liked him. Not gonna lie.)
X6 is a fucking Nightmare..! Pun Intended, I suppose. But, it was always my End Goal. I really wanted to get to the Dystopian Landscape and write a broody, dark world that’s struggling to survive.
...only, once I got there... I found it to be really... boring.
I’d hate to say it, but every time X had to lay down and recover, it got tougher and tougher to keep it fresh.
Especially since I didn’t want to get caught up in the filler of building up new OC’s and potential Red Shirts.
I think I handled it well though.
Before long, the Original Spark ignited, and I had a set of new OC’s with distinct personalities as a backing crew for X & Family.
And here’s the most poetic thing.
In the big picture, I was inspired by Berserk. Guts & Griffith being the closest of friends, but clashing into a Hellish Rivalry wrought with betrayal.
I knew I wanted to tackle some sort of theme like that, and ultimately tell the story that... Friendship Prevails.
But like Berserk, not only did I portray that theme, but also the Berserk 2016/2017 theme of New Beginnings. Without intending to ride on it’s coattails, there’s definitely a parallel of X finding trust and love in new teammates while Guts did the same.
But enough of the comparisons...
I could go on and on, and I’m sure I will again from time to time.
But for now, I’m really proud to have brought this to you.
I hope you’ve all enjoyed Any of the Seasons, let alone X6.
There will Not be a Season VII for the main reason stated above - it leads to a Cliffhanger. But also, that game is just awful...!
Not to mention, with everything I’ve set up w/ the Guardians, it’d be very hard to write them in or out.
Speaking of which... there will Not be an MMZ Anime, so please. Don’t even think about it.
If the Epilogue isn’t telling enough, I start to get very shaky when we get into the far-flung in-between Lore of the MMX & MMZ series.
I just can’t do it guys. I don’t get it.
I’m not invested enough.
I played through all the MMZ games, and they’re cool. They have my respect. But certainly not the love that I have for the X Series.
I’d be churning out an awful product and it’d be chorish at best.
Lore-wise, what happens next is really cool and intriguing though. I definitely enjoy hearing all about what happens in “The Gap” as I like to call it. But at some point I get lost and I really can’t follow it.
A replay of the MMZ Series is probably due in the future.
We’ll see how long that lasts... lol.
Anyway, that’s enough from me, for now.
A True Analysis of the 3rd Arc will follow soon.
#Season VI#It's done......#Post-Wrap#celebrations#Project History#Project Inspiration#Theme Inspiration#Why Stop Now?#MMX#MMZ
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Dear Universe,
Dear Universe,
I am here in my late 20’s. Stuck in my room. No job, no money, and no courage to leave the house. So I am asking you, to please hear my story, and guide me through my next phase of life.
Trauma has stayed in my mind and body for quite some time now. To go a bit deeper, sexual trauma has overstayed its welcome.
My sexual trauma began at the age of 6. My mom and dad got divorced, and I was living with my mom, stepdad, and sister in a grand Beverly Hills house. We were happy. Until my dad who was currently living in Las Vegas decided to drive to our elementary school to see us, and he proceeded to kidnap me. We lived in a small apartment and slept on the living floor together. He was a cab driver so he would leave me alone in that apartment until 2 in the morning. And I waited for him, every single night. He would then play horror movies that had let’s say, very explicit content. Just him and I. I was scared and I latched on to him. Thankfully, my mom rescued me and all was grand for a while until we reconnected with him in middle school. I was super giddy since I didn’t see my dad for 6 years. Until… we were at the Grove (a very prominent mall in LA), and he started rubbing my butt at a counter while paying for a skateboard I wanted for a while. He whispered into my ear, “Hi baby.” People stared. People judged. I froze. I kept quiet. I was 11.
This continued on when my sister and I were sent to live with him in middle school. He saw me coming out of the shower, naked. He stared for a bit too long. I was 13. He finalized this treatment after he got into an argument with my sister. With her “winning” the fight, I was left there for him to pour his anger on. He let it out. He told me my mom cheated on him with my sister (as a baby) in the hotel room while they were doing the nasty. He told me slapped her in front of everyone at the buffet when he found out. I froze. I kept quiet. He told me I was a good little girl. I kept his secrets, thinking it was love for not only my father but now my mother. My perspective on sex was tarnished even before high school had the chance.
Thankfully, we moved back home with my mother for high school. I had absolutely no interest in sex and focused on anything that could relieve such desires. Sports, and activities. I tried my best to be one of the “boys.” I was safe. Especially, living with my mom.
But then college came. Since my mom could only afford to take care of my sister, I thought the only way I could get a proper education was through my dad. He promised me full tuition, a dorm room, a car, you name it. And I believed it. I went back. But it felt different this time. I was very excited about college but felt a bit uncomfortable with my dad. But I ignored all signs and kept lying to myself that I loved him. It was my college years after all.
I had fun. I joined a sports club team, worked part-time at one of the centers there, and made some cool ass friends. But, sex is a big topic in college. I felt pressured. I was scared of sex. Scared to lose my virginity. And instead of being patient, I just went for it. With probably the worst guy on campus. It was dry, painful, and fast. There was no love. But I wanted love. I wanted connection. And I wanted it to be with him. So we tried again, again, and again. But nothing, I received nothing but pain.
After graduating, I moved back home to LA. Ah, safety. I was a recent grad, ready to start my career. I got an awesome job managing a Downtown commercial building. I was good, I worked hard. Very hard. I was going to go far. Until I met a man there. An older man. Handsome, tall, who had money. Everything my dad wasn’t, except for this personality. He took an interest in me, and we went out for drinks. I got hammered. He took me back to his place. I rushed into the bathroom to do the vomiting. I passed out. I locked the door. I remember I locked the door. Somehow, he got it unlocked, carried me to his bed, and did it. And for some reason, I thought that was okay.
And I kept going back to him. For 4 years. I went crazy. And I recreated. This is what I thought my worth was.
I even had friends. So-called friends. One male and one female who touched me, thinking I was asleep. I froze. I kept silent. Stayed friends with them for a while. I kept recreating the pain. The memory.
I didn’t even know. I didn’t know I was assaulted. I didn’t know this was not normal. I kept making excuses. I kept hurting myself. I stayed silent. From childhood to adulthood.
So universe, I am asking you to hear my story and help heal me. Please give me the courage to use my voice. To learn. To move on.
And to those who were or are currently in the same situation as me, I hope my story can help you know, you’re not alone. We are in this together, and we can heal together.
Thank you,
Sarah.
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TOGETHER AGAIN SPOILERS
A thread of lore, Easter eggs, episode connections, and background details from Adventure Time: Distant Lands: Together Again! Let me know if I missed anything! This is adapted from my original Twitter thread.
Keep reading ⬇️⬇️⬇️
1. I was expecting them to perhaps do a classic style title sequence for this episode, but I wasn't expecting them to straight up use the original title sequence. The only difference is this final screen saying "Distant Lands".
2. The background of the title cards is also the hill from the title sequence.
3. The ice cream having "50 flavours" and having an image of an enlightened soul is an obvious reference to the 50th Dead World as we see it later in the episode.
4. Continuing with the metaphor, the dirt in the ice cream could be a parallel to the fact that Jake's Nirvana actually wasn't perfect, because his inaction was allowing for injustice to perpetuate.
5. This whole scene feels immediately slightly off. Finn has his Scarlet sword and is out on a classic Ice King adventure, but he speaks in his grown voice and all the slang feels much more forced than it did in the real season one. Turns out this was deliberate.
6. The snow golem speaks with a baby voice like it did in the pilot episode, even though in canon it has a deeper voice. This further hints that something is not quite right.
7. The first major break in continuity is these snow golems resembling Uncle Gumbald and Peace Master, who Finn didn't meet until later in his life.
8. LSP sitting on Finn's head like this is reminiscent of Pen Ward's piece for the 2018 Ble crew zine.
9. Finn being given the choice of helping somebody but ending up helping everybody reminds me of "Memories of Boom Boom Mountain". It's the kind of resolution that wouldn't happen so much in the late seasons of the show, which helps make this scene feel even further out of place.
10. Jake is half frozen by Ice King in pretty much the exact same way as he was in "Prisoners of Love", and even has a very similar line.
11. The Snail is seen here. The crew have said that the Snail has been deliberately left out of previous Distant Lands specials, so its placement here is another very deliberate hint that this whole sequence is "trying too hard" to be like the early seasons.
12. The book "Mind Games" appears a couple of times, as seen in several previous episodes of Adventure Time. The first is as Finn is approaching the library in his dream. It also appears as one of the items in Finn's backpack later.
13. Jake is hurt when Finn fist bumps him with his metal arm, revealing that this scene is not real. This is also a callback to the title sequences of "Islands" and "Elements".
14. A whole bunch of familiar skeletons are seen in the bird's nest: Dirt Beer Guy, Abracadaniel, Me-Mow, Lemongrab, Mr. Pig, and the Snail again. This doesn't necessarily mean that all these characters are dead, since this scene is just a hallucination.
15. Old Man Finn! He's still got the chest tattoo of Jake, and this time we know that Jake is dead, so the theory that Jake died before "Obsidian" seems pretty likely. He looks similar to his old man design from "Puhoy", with the same facial hair.
16. There are several cameos of familiar characters who apparently died at the same time as Finn. The first is this duck, who previously appeared in "Ocarina".
17. The second is Donny, from the episode... uh, "Donny".
18. This goblin guy is an unnamed background character from “The Silent King”.
19. This old lady first appeared in "The Enchiridion", way back in season one. Old ladies are a species in the Land of Ooo, so I guess she wasn't actually very old back then, given she just about outlived Finn.
20. This is the cobbler who first appears in "His Hero". Amazing that he lived so long given all the trouble he got into in that episode.
21. Land of the Dead! This place was first seen in season two's "Death in Bloom", and now we are finally learning its actual purpose. It's a sort of gateway and hub to all of the other dead worlds.
22. There are some more minor cameos at the gates: a house person from "Donny", a soft person from "Gut Grinder", and a wood person from "When Wedding Bells Thaw". And, of course, the gate guardian himself from “Death in Bloom”.
23. Finn completely ignores the gate guardian in the same way he did in Death in Bloom. This also has the convenient effect of not having to reveal how Finn died, leaving it up to the audience's imagination.
24. Mr. Fox! We already knew he would die at some point because BMO had his skull in the finale.
25. Finn has his design from the first Distant Lands poster in this scene. Turns out it's young Finn in old Finn's clothes. But they gave him a shirt in the poster so you wouldn't be able to see the tattoo.
26. The clapping that Finn does while he's looking for Jake is a callback to "James Baxter the Horse", when Jake tells Finn to listen for that same rhythm if they are killed and need to find each other in the afterlife.
27. Mr. Fox talks about a "past life quotient", suggesting that there might be some kind of limit to how many times somebody can reincarnate. Finn's reincarnations are also seen in this scene; a callback to "The Vault", and confirmation that reincarnations share the same soul.
28. Boobafina, the goose who Mr. Fox was in love with in his debut episode “Storytelling”, apparently reincarnated into a tugboat. We've already seen that objects can have souls in the episode "Ghost Fly".
29. Finn is initially assigned to the 37th Dead World, which is the same one that Jake went to when he died in "Sons of Mars". We can only guess at what the other numbers on the ticket mean ;)
30. Tiffany! Despite several lucky escapes throughout his life, Tiffany has finally died. I like the use of this imagery to express Finn's conflicted feelings about him.
31. The 50th Dead World has long been established as the "highest" dead world, and the one synonymous with Heaven within Adventure Time's universe. It was first mentioned in "Ghost Princess" back in season three.
32. It's unclear what happens to souls which are destroyed within the dead worlds. It is a similar question to asking what happened to the ghosts that were killed in "Ghost Fly".
33. Death doesn't speak at all in Together Again because his voice actor, Miguel Ferrer, passed away in 2017 long before production began.
34. Finn phases through New Death when he tries to attack him, just like what happened way back in "Death in Bloom".
35. The 30th Dead World contains Tree Trunks as well as many of her love interests; Mr. Pig, her alien husband from "High Strangeness", Danny and Randy who first appeared in "Apple Wedding", and several more who we don't recognise, including at least one who presents as a woman.
36. Literally yelled when these two showed up. Joshua calls Finn a crybaby, which is a callback to "Dad's Dungeon".
37. The wall of weapons in Joshua and Margaret's house includes the iconic Demon Blood Sword, which was broken in "Play Date", as well as Margaret's auto-loading crossbow from "Joshua & Margaret Investigations".
38. Jermaine is sidelined a few times through the episode, in reference to his attitude in "Jermaine" where he feels that Finn and Jake were always their parents' favourites. I would have hoped things would be a bit better by now.
39. Fern gets name dropped while Finn and Jake are reuniting. A shame he doesn't actually show up in the episode.
40. In this scene, Finn says "What time is it?" This is a very subtle reference to the 2010 cartoon "Adventure Time".
41. In a couple of shots during this fight scene it looks like Jake might have a tattoo. It seems like it only becomes visible when he stretches out his arm.
42. New Death's amulet in this scene resembles parts of the Lich's cape, foreshadowing his influence on New Death.
43. There are several more cameos in the 50th Dead World: Booshy from "High Strangeness", one of the Marshmallow Kids from "Scamps", and Ghost Princess and Clarence, who were seen ascending to the 50th Dead World in "Ghost Princess".
44. Finn didn't interact with Booshy in "High Strangeness", but it seems they must have met at some point before they both died because Finn knows his name.
45. It seems like people in the 1st Dead World are slowly melted away until they become part of the landscape. Nasty.
46. Lots more cameos in this scene: a gnome from "Power Animal", a gnome from "The Enchiridion", a Bath Boy from "The Vault", Blagertha from "Love Games", Maja the Sky Witch, a troll from "Dungeon", Chocoberry, Choose Goose, Wyatt, a spiky person from "Gut Grinder", and possibly more.
47. Tiffany's insults are consistently nonsensical and amazing, as they were in the original series.
48. The Candy Kingdom looks extremely different. Peppermint Butler is wearing the crown so he might be in charge now, which is supported by the kingdom's very magical-looking augmentations. It’s not clear whether Finn and Jake were expecting to find Princess Bubblegum or Peppermint Butler, since both have the initials “PB” and both could be going by the title of “Princess”. Perhaps Peps and Bubblegum share the princess duties now that PB is living with Marceline more of the time.
49. Peppermint Butler has a "Boss" mug, although it's not the same colour as the one from "Obsidian".
50. Jake's ghost has the same design as he did when BMO killed him in "Ghost Fly". I also absolutely love Finn's ghost. This scene establishes that ghosts are just visitors to the mortal plane from the dead worlds.
51. Life has only appeared in animated shorts before now. Namely, "The Gift That Reaps Giving" which establishes her relationship with Death, and "Frog Seasons: Winter". This episode gives her a concrete place within Adventure Time's pantheon: she is in charge of reincarnation.
52. A translation of Life’s angry French dialogue by Shado: “After all I did for that boy. After all I did for him. No, it's not possible. It's not possible no, that... that makes me so mad but it's not possible.”
53. We finally have in-universe confirmation that Shoko's tiger is a previous life of Jake. This was previously confirmed by one of the writers, but wasn't canon until now.
54. I feel like Finn pulled off Shoko's look even better than Shoko did. I wonder whether Finn has gained the memories of his past lives now that he’s dead.
55. No Easter egg here, just want to appreciate this image.
56. There is an elemental symbol on the wall here, as seen in "Jelly Beans Have Power".
57. Tiffany's dramatic internal monologue is a recurring gag, as is his habit of nearly dying from falling into holes.
58. The Jake suit makes a cameo in the fight against New Death. It was last seen in the episode "Reboot”.
59. Finn's backpack contains a few familiar items: the t-shirt with the pocket from "It Came from the Nightosphere", Finn's underwear from "Little Dude" and other episodes, and a copy of Mind Games as I've already mentioned.
60. The Lich's Hand is present in the background of Death's... death scene. This is probably the unseen "friend" who New Death keeps talking about.
61. The Lich's menacing monologues often begin with a single command. Previously they have included "Fall" and "Stop". This time, the command is "Burn".
62. Jake uses the word "boingloings", which is a callback all the way to "Hitman" in the third season.
63. Jake's blue shape-shifter form from "Abstract" appears very briefly during his fight with Finn.
64. Finn's lumpy space person form also makes an appearance. This design was last seen all the way back in the second episode of the entire show, "Trouble in Lumpy Space".
65. Jake steps on the Lich's hand in a very similar way to how he stepped on Ash in "Memory of a Memory", which is itself a Monty Python reference.
66. The credits include a dedication to a few AT cast and crew who have passed away. Polly Lou Livingston was the voice of Tree Trunks. Miguel Ferrer was the voice of Death. Michel Lyman and Maureen Mlynarczyk were both sheet timers on the original series. Rest in peace.
67. The message that Finn and Jake write out on the ouija board is "BUTT", which Peppermint Butler takes as a distress signal. This message is also used as a distress signal by the Hot Dog Knights in "The Limit".
68. Peppermint Butler's reversed dialogue from the scene where he makes contact with Finn and Jake is "Kee-Oth Rama Pancake", the spell from “Dad's Dungeon” for banishing demons.
69. That appears to be President Porpoise with all of Tree Trunks’ other lovers.
70. In this scene, Life is humming part of "Lonely Bones", the song which Death tried to record for her in her debut short "The Gift That Reaps Giving". It's hard to notice because it's so brief.
71. Finn and Jake's cover is blown while in the Land of the Dead because Jake loudly farts, which also happened in "Death in Bloom".
72. The place where Mr. Fox explains the perception mechanics of the afterlife is the exact same location as the River of Forgetfulness from "Death in Bloom", which, as it turns out, was imaginary.
These are sort of out of order at the end because I was adding stuff to the Twitter thread as it got discovered. That’s all for now!
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absolute mess of my random ninjago headcanons if you still want them:
-Cole is HoH and wears an earring on the ear that hears better so people remember which direction to talk
-Jay and Lloyd are both ADHD (Lloyd is autistic as well) and united they are a force of chaos. they nerd out over starfarer and other hyperfixations they've shoved at each other over the years, and have gone to cons together
-Cole and Zane are also both autistic. Zane is aware of the notable difference between how he communicates/behaves and how the average person does. Cole often doesn't know and doesn't care. This results in both of them being different flavors of socially awkward but Cole being 10x more confident about it. It ends up helping Zane to feel more accepted and to gain confidence in himself as well.
-Garmadon had a section of time between seasons 2 and 3 where he was no longer evil but was just a weirdo because he was trying to enjoy life again and went through some Phases. he attempted to learn a bunch of jokes for a while. it was painful. but Lloyd, Misako, and Wu were just glad to see him happy and free again
-Nya gives really good hugs, but is hesitant to ask for affection for herself. she fears depending on others too greatly, and this was a strain on her relationship with Jay until they talked some things out.
-Jay's music taste is like *7 dubstep songs in a row, anime theme song, more dubstep, money machine by 100 gecs, more dubstep, random 80's love song with the opposite vibe of the entire playlist, more dubstep, 6 consecutive 100 gecs songs, thunderstruck by ACDC, more dubstep--*
-Cole cannot STAND this
-Kai is dyslexic but didn't know it for years and thought reading must just be Like That
-Pixal helped Zane run diagnostics on himself when she was in his head. Without her he has a bit more difficulty figuring out where he is damaged or if he needs maintenance. he's somewhat out of touch with his body at times
-Lloyd, Jay, and Nya all bit people when they were kids
-Kai has therefore been bitten by both Lloyd and Nya. and threatened by Jay
-Wu genuinely doesn't remember his age at this point. like why keep counting
-Zane bribed his way into Lloyd's heart with food very early into the friendship and they've always been chill with each other since
-Kai always felt untalented as a kid while Nya seemed to be able to pick up a wide range of skills and hobbies, so his abilities as a ninja are more personal and vital to him than to most of the team
-every single one of them has accidentally called Wu dad
ooug u sent a lot!!! thank you! the numbered points r corresponding to the hcs points
2.
they're debating if it's worth going for the other con days after the first day
4. garmadon would've been alive for way too long so he's also has time earlier going thru different phases
6. ed also collected old music that he might've found/bought and would play them a lot at home so there's just a bunch of super old n obscure music in the mix
8. the others would've noticed smth might've been wrong once he starts trying to reading smth long out loud
11. kai being bitten by nya n lloyd can just be excused since they are kids. jay has no excuse, he will die if he actually bit kai.
12. both him and garmadon didnt keep any track from the beginning since FSM didn't need to remember when they were born, it's not like they would've needed to fill out some kinda documents or smth? i don't think so at least. right now they do have fake birth dates just for the sake of documents tho
14. when they were younger, kai didn't have any time to focus on hobbies and wanted to help out his neighbors that took him and nya in as much as they could and any free time he had he would spend it w nya or attempting to blacksmith
15. in the beginning when only a few of them did call wu "dad" by accident, they would make fun of each other for making such a mistake but once all of them has accidentally called wu "dad" at least once they would just stop making fun of each other bc theyd be made fun of back
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Twilight Rewrite Companion Jones Style
Fandom: Twilight (Movies)
Pairings: Edward Cullen x Reader, Rosalie Hale x Emmett Cullen, Alice Cullen x Jasper Hale, Esme Cullen x Carlisle Cullen
Warnings: Abuse, Cursing, Extreme violence toward the Reader, Edward’s still centuries old and Reader’s still a teenager, This is so fucking long
Author’s Note: I have a weird relationship with Twilight. When the movies were first coming out, I was in middle school. I went to a very small middle school, and the group of girls that I was stuck being “friends” with since I was 4 years old were not very nice to me. I didn’t know they were straight up bullying me at the time, but I still took it upon myself to quietly hate everything that they liked. Twilight was their obsession. Their love grew to the point where this group of 11-12 year olds intensely pretended to be vampires themselves for 2 years (which honestly is nothing out of the normal for girls that age). Because they loved Twilight so much, I absolutely hated it. It didn’t help that I once had bruises on my wrist because one of them bit me there.
Fast forward to 8th grade. The girls I was still sort of friends with had mostly fallen out of their old obsession. Yet, Twilight found it’s way back into my life. Up until that point, I had only read Babysitter’s Club, Magic Treehouse, and Dork Diaries. The first YA books I ever read were Twilight. This was because of my mother. She’s an avid reader. Somehow, Twilight is one of her favorite book series. She’s read all 4 books 4 times. Upon realizing that I was getting into reading myself, she practically (lovingly) forced me to read them. I read them the second half of my 8th grade year, and the first half of my freshman year (I didn’t usually read during the summer). I guess I liked reading them because, after all, they were still my first heavy reading books I’ve ever read. But even while I was reading them I still didn’t like Bella. I still found her annoying. Not as annoying as the movies, but still annoying.
As I got older, I became more and more aware that I wasn’t the only person who didn’t like Twilight. They were actually objectively bad movies. Because I was into Tumblr and Fandom in general, I was vaguely aware of how they Twilight fandom thought and acted. Most of them hated Twilight just as much as I did. But they still got so much love out of it. I liked that.
I decided to watch the first movie again a few months ago. I had been fighting the urge for a while. The bottom line was that I went through a small Robert Pattinson phase, and how can you go through a Robert Pattinson phase without rewatching Twilight? While rewatching it, a scene popped into my head that you will read in this rewrite. I won’t give it away because it’s technically a spoiler. From that scene, the whole rewrite started to develop in my head, and it wouldn’t leave me alone until I started writing it down. So, here we are.
As of right now, this rewrite will only be the first movie. Because of that, I will not be including Jacob or any of the wolves. They don’t play that big of a role in the first movie, and it’s less for me to write. I really hope I won’t rewrite the other movies as well. Rewrites are a lot of work.
This has been the longest Author’s Note I’ve ever written. Let’s get into the story.
*******
Man, the internet wasn’t kidding when it said that it was almost always cloudy in the state of Washington.
My dad decided to move us to a small town called Forks of all places. I remember him mumbling something about his cousin giving him a house here for cheap.
His room is on the first floor of the house while mine is on the second, and they’re on totally opposite sides of the house. So, that’s nice. And it’s not like I’ going to argue against him about moving, anyway.
Everyone’s staring at me on my first day of school. I must be their only source of entertainment, being the one new kid in a small town. I’m not a fan of their stares.
With enough death glares, I manage to get most people’s eyes off me by lunch. That is, until I feel yet another gaze burning a hole into the side of my head. This one is more intense than the others. That doesn’t stop me from whipping my head in its direction.
The source takes me off guard, though I try not to show it. He is unbelievably handsome, and he is sitting at a table filled with equally attractive individuals. His stare is unflinching. He’s staring at me like I’m an enigma. Like I don’t belong.
First of all, what the fuck. How rude do you need to be?
I send him back a look that obviously says, ‘What are you looking at, asshole?’ and that gets him to focus back on his food.
The next time I see him is Biology. I didn’t think it was possible to happen so fast, but my opinion of him drops even more.
I catch his name from the teacher when he asks me to sit next to him. Edward. It’s nice to put a name to the gorgeous, yet completely inconsiderate boy.
Throughout the whole class, it looks like he is going to throw up. He makes it obvious enough that it’s apparently my fault. Does he have a sensory problem or something? Literally no one has ever reacted to me this way.
He’s so anxious to get away from me that he takes off a second before the bell rings. Asshole.
I run into him again at the guidance office. He’s trying to get out of Biology, the class he has with me. They deny him, and he rushes past me, mumbling he’ll “just have to endure it.” Asshole!
Late that night, I’m crying in bed when I hear a sound at the window. It scares me. I go check it out. It scares me even more when I a m reminded that my windows don’t have locks. At least my door has a lock and I’m on the second floor. Who would climb to the second floor of a house just to get to me? Who even could? To able to sleep, I tell myself that the sound was just something random made by a house I’m not used to. Unexpectedly, I dream of Edward.
He’s absent for the next week of school. When he does show, it’s like he’s a completely different person.
He tries talking to me. “Hello.” Awkward start. “I’m sorry I didn’t get a chance to introduce myself last week. I’m Edward Cullen. You’re Y/n L/n?”
I can’t believe my ears. “You’re talking to me now?”
Edward doesn’t get a chance to respond. The teacher starts talking. He instructs us to identify some stages of mitosis. Edward offers me the microscope.
“I’m glad I’m smelling better today.” I passive-aggressively remark, peering into the scope. “Prophase.”
As he scribbles my answer onto the worksheet, he scrambles for an excuse. “Oh, you thought that was about you? No. I had a bad lunch that day.”
“One bad lunch has you out of school for a week?” I sarcastically wonder. “Anaphase.”
He responds, “I had...food poisoning.”
“Right. And what I saw in guidance?” Admit you fine me repulsive. “Metaphase.”
Worst rationalization yet. “I just don’t like this class.”
That marks the end to the little back-and-forth we had going. The thought crosses my mind that maybe I shouldn’t have grilled him, but he was behaving like an asshole, so I returned the favor.
Though, again, he is acting very different today. A lot more positive. In an attempt to change the subject, he even asks me, “So, are you enjoying the rain?”
“You’re asking me about the weather?”
“Yeah. I guess I am.” He seems almost as surprised by his actions as I am.
I decide to play nice. “It’s definitely something to get used to. Do you like it?”
He chuckles. It must be some kind of inside joke with himself. “I have no choice.”
“Who were those people you were sitting with at lunch? Your friends?” I keep the conversation going.
Edward smiles. “They’re my siblings,” he explains, “Well, adoptive brothers and sisters, but we’ve been together so long that it feels no different. Y’know?” He clearly loves them very much. He also has a smirk on his face that tells me we’ve run into another one of his inside jokes. I wonder if his family understands them.
“That’s really nice that you’ve found each other.”
He continues, “None of it would’ve been possible without Carlisle, my adoptive father. He brought all of us together.”
For the first time, I smile at Edward. Maybe I was too hard on him. Maybe he was just having a bad day when I met him. I know all about those. He doesn’t seem too bad, now that he’s opening up.
The way that his faces, I can tell he’s not used to sharing this much this fast about himself. It’s sweet. He focuses more on the project we’re working on.
When class ends, Edward follows me out into the hallway, and I manage to get him talking about his family again. “So your sisters are Rosalie and Alice, and they are respectively together with your brothers Emmett and Jasper?”
He shrugs, “I know it sounds weird, but--”
“No, it’s fine,” I reassure, “I mean, yeah, this is a bit of a gray area, but you all weren’t raised together. So I think that makes it alright.”
He smiles. I think people at this school look at them like outsiders. Having someone listen and understand must be refreshing to him. He clears his throat, and tries to steer the conversation off of himself. “So, why did you move here? Your parents couldn’t have made you move and change schools for no reason.”
We arrive at my locker. “Well, it’s just me and my dad. My mom died in child birth.” I’m okay with sharing this bit about myself because he’s spent the last 45 minutes giving me his life story.
Unsurprisingly, he is shocked and empathetic. “Oh, my god. I am so sorry.”
“It’s okay,” I brush off. I can’t help but smile at his heightened concern. “It’s not like you could have known...Hey,” my smile fades, “What’s with your eyes?”
It’s like he knows the answer, but wants me to say something different. “What do you mean?”
“I thought they were, like, dark brown or something, but now they’re light ember--”
He’s quick to cover. “It’s...the fluorescents.” And just like that, he’s turning away from me and walking towards the exit.
Okay, looks like we’ve wandered back into rude Edward territory. Did I say something wrong?
Outside of the school, I see him again. He’s with his siblings. They’re on the other side of the parking lot. They’re all staring at me. I stare right back. I so hard, in fact, that I don’t notice an out of control van coming right for me until it’s honking its horn and it’s too late.
Or, it should’ve been. Edward’s suddenly next to me. I can swear on my life he pushed that van back with his hand.
I ask him the first thing that comes to mind, “Are you okay?”
He’s incredulous, “Of course I’m alright, are you--?” He’s been looking at the van this whole time. When he turns to me, he flinches back because we are so close.
“How did you do that?” Finally, I ask a smart question.
He doesn’t answer, pulls away from me, and leaves just as the swarm of people starts to gather. I can still feel his hand on the small of my back.
Let me tell you something. Never have I ever liked hospitals. All they remind me of is my mother and pain. I want to get out of here as soon as humanly possible.
I’m sitting in an examination room when an important looking doctor comes through the door. The second he lays eyes on me, he looks confused and concerned. It makes me uneasy. When he comes closer, I read his name tag. “Carlisle--Mr--Dr. Cullen.” I inwardly cringe at how many corrections I make.
He smiles. He seems to find my slip-ups endearing (I only find them embarrassing). “It’s nice to meet you too, Mx. L/n, though I wish it was under better circumstances. Edward goes on and on about you at home.”
“All good things, I hope.” Edward talks about me to his family? “Does my dad know I’m here?” I ask while Dr. Cullen is examining my eyes.
He finishes that, then checks my chart. “No, it doesn’t appear he’s been called yet. My apologies. We’re quite busy today. I could call him right now, if you’d like--”
“No, that’s okay. I don’t want to worry him. Besides, there’s nothing wrong with me, right?”
He studies me for a moment. “Well, you might experience some post-traumatic stress or disorientation, but your vitals look good. No signs of any head trauma.”
“Good. So, I don’t see any reason to call my dad,” I shrug. “I’ll catch the bus, or something, and won’t drive home, okay?”
He still seems hesitant.
“Look, I’m just embarrassed. I had plenty of time to see the van coming, but I didn’t react,” I explain. I skip past the ‘I have no idea how’ part, and go right to “Your son probably saved my life. I just don’t want my dad making a big deal out of nothing.”
Surprisingly, it’s bringing up his son that gets Dr. Cullen to leave me alone.
On my way out, I see Dr. Cullen again. He’s talking with Edward and one of the other siblings, Rosalie, in a hallway. They catch me eavesdropping.
I ask, “Edward? Can I talk to you for a minute?”
Rosalie and Dr. Cullen disperse, and Edward makes his way over to me. “What?”
“What?” I repeat, expectantly. I decide to take the calm route. “How did you do that?”
“Do what?”
I don’t like Edward playing dumb. “Move across the parking lot so fast,” I clarify.
Now, he’s obviously feigning light-heartedness. “What are you talking about? I was standing right next to you.”
“No, you weren’t.” My words hold no malice. “I know that because I was having a staring contest with you and your family. I blinked, and suddenly you were holding me.”
He looks away from me, trying to come up with something else. “Listen, you hit your head. You’re confused.”
“Don’t pull that with me.” I’m not having it. “I saw you stop the van, too. You pushed it away.”
“Well, nobody’s going to believe you, so...” He tries to play it off here, like this conversation doesn’t mean anything to him, but I can see it in his eyes. He’s scared. Scared I’m going to tell everyone I know about this secret he has.
I’ve been leaving against the wall this whole time, but I straighten myself when I see how serious this is for him. “I’m not going to tell anyone,” I say, looking straight into his eyes. “I just want to know.”
That’s when I see it. He starts to scowl. “Can’t you just thank me, and get over it?” He’s being rude to me again. But I see that now, and every other time he’s been like this, he only acts this way because he’s scared to let anyone get close. He’s scared to let me get close.
“I’ll thank you, but I’m not getting over it.” My tone is teasing, but there’s so much truth behind it.
Edward storms off, and I watch him go.
I get a couple days off due to the hospital visit, so the next time I see Edward we’re going on this biology field trip.
I’m about to go up to him, but this random kid comes out of no where and. It scares the hell out of me. Edward’s scowling at the boy, and I soon find out why because the boy asks me to Prom. Edward isn’t scowling because of that, no. I don’t know how Edward notices it before I do, but the kid’s asking me out on a dare. He and his friends probably thought it’d be funny for him to ask the loner to Prom. A couple of boys by the bus start laughing as soon as this kid gets out the question, and even he looks like he’s holding back a smile.
Edward looks like he’s about to kill every cruel participant of this equation, but I speak up before Edward gets the chance.
“I’m sorry, I won’t be able to make it.” No, I’m not done. “Also, if I went to Prom with you, I’m afraid I’d be smelling like wet dog for the rest of the year.” I leave him there to find a seat on the bus.
Because no one else would sit with me anyway, and Edward got on the other bus with Alice and Jasper, I end up sitting alone. I try not to mind.
“I’m sorry that kid was such a jackass,” Edward suddenly apologizes at a greenhouse, the destination of the field trip.
Deciding not to bring up him avoiding me by getting on a different bus, I brush off, “It’s fine. I wasn’t planning on going to Prom, anyway.”
His gaze grows inquisitive, but I ask a question before he can.
“You going to tell me how you stopped that van yet?”
“Yeah. I had an adrenaline rush. It’s very common. You can Google it.”
I stop and peer at him. “That was the most rehearsed statement I’ve ever heard.”
Edward rolls his eyes. “Whatever.”
I scoff and try to walk away from him.
Outside of the greenhouse, he’s next to me again. “Look, I’m...I’m sorry that I’m being rude all the time, I just think it is the best way...Y/n, we-we shouldn’t be friends.”
“You’re the one who keeps walking up to me!” I yell, “Oh my god, just say you regret saving me, and leave it!”
For what I think is the first time, something I say causes him to freeze completely. “You think I regret saving you?”
“You make it obvious enough that it’s apparently caused you so much trouble.”
He clenches his jaw. “You don’t know anything.”
Cutting through the tension, Alice suddenly appears between us. “Hi! Um, are you going to be riding with us?”
Edward backs away from me and bangs on the bus door to get the driver to open it up. “No, our bus is full.”
He approaches me again at lunch the next day.
I try to keep my head down and ignore him, and I curse myself when I drop an apple.
He kicks it up with his foot and catches it. “Hey, Y/n.”
“Alright, that was really fucking cool,” I admit, trying to hide a smile. “But that doesn’t mean you and I are buddy-buddy now. I’m still mad at you. And anyway, what are you even doing, talking to me? I thought you didn’t want to be friends.”
Edward sighs, “I only said it’d be better if we weren’t friends, not that I didn’t want to be. If you were smart, you’d stay away from me.”
“Okay, two things.” I put down my lunch tray, and turn to him. “Like I said yesterday: you’re the one that keeps coming up to me. I’m not complaining. I want to be friends with you, too. But then we come to the second thing: Stop saying belittling comments like that to me. ‘If you were smart?’ ‘You don’t know anything?’ Stop saying things like that to me.”
He reels back. “I’m...sorry.”
“It’s okay. I know why you do it.” I go on to explain how I’ve picked up that he’s only rude to me because he wants to push me away. “Why are you looking at me like that?” I ask once I’m done.
He thinks for a moment, then responds, “You can read me so much easier than I can read you. You know that?”
“No, but it’s nice to know,” I smile.
The rest of the day passes just fine, the only real problem happens after school. I miss the bus, and I’m walking home when the same kid who jokingly asked me out to Prom approaches me. His buddies are with him.
I’m alone, so the looks in their eyes scare me.
“Wet dog, huh?” the main kid sniggers. “You don’t wanna get to close to me ‘cause you don’t wanna smell like wet dog?”
“Listen,” I take a few steps back, “I only said that because you and your asshole friends thought it’d be funny to--”
“Oh, so you think we’re assholes?” another one of the guys growls.
One of them reaches out, but I catch his arm and knee his groin. “Don’t touch me!” I scream. I don’t think I’m going to get out of this.
Suddenly, a car comes screeching in out of no where. Edward hops out of the driver’s seat. “Get in the car,” he orders, and I am just so relieved to see him.
Once inside, I’m a witness to the still unfolding scene. Edward must be having words with my attackers because they all back away in fear.
“What did you say to them?” I ask as soon as he gets in the car, but he’s too angry to respond.
A minute or so of extremely reckless driving later, Edward has us back on a street. He gets out, “I should go back there, and rip those guys’ heads off.”
“No, you shouldn’t.” I have no choice but to reason.
He’s shaking with rage. “You don’t know the vile and repulsive things they were thinking.”
“What? And you do?”
He pulls back. “It’s not hard to guess.” After a moment of lapse, his hand starts tightening around the steering wheel again.
“I’m fine,” I reassure. “Look at me, I’m okay.”
Edward glances at me to confirm my words. He breathes a little easier then. “Let’s just talk about something else...”
I keep the conversation up until Edward pulls up to some restaurant. “What are we doing here?” We had been talking about how bad the school lunch was today.
He shrugs, “Well, I know you didn’t eat much at lunch today. You must be hungry.”
“Yeah, I guess...”
“Come on, my treat.”
“Wow, the servers are very friendly here,” I comment, making a joke about how our waitress was practically drooling over Edward.
He seems embarrassed by how she acts around him.
“Are you sure you don’t want to eat? You must’ve had just as much food today as I’ve had,” I point out, already digging in.
His lips twitch up. “Trust me, I’m good. I’m on a um, special diet.”
Another one of his inside jokes. It’s been a while since we’ve run into one of those.
Things are quiet between us for a bit, and he’s just watching me eat, so I decide to inquire, “So, how often do you talk to your family about me?” I’m only teasing a little bit.
Edward almost looks alarmed. “How do you know that?”
“Relax.” I don’t know why he’s so worked up. “Your dad knew who I was when I went to the hospital after the almost-accident.” I see him flinch at the reference to it. “I was just wondering if you’ve told your whole family about me.”
“Of course I have,” he assures matter-of-factly.
Sometimes, he can be so cryptic. “Okay,” I break, “You have to start giving me some answers.”
He looks annoyed. Then, he chuckles, “Yes, no, to get to the other side, uh, 1.77245--”
“I don’t want to know what the square root of pi is.” I’m starting to get impatient.
He furrowed his brow. “You know that--?”
“Eddie!” I push, “That’s not the point of this conversation.”
Another smirk takes root on his lips. “Eddie?” he repeats.
I give him a look that makes him apologize for continually changing the subject. Then, I patiently ask, “Did you follow me today?”
“No,” he lies.
I get up from my seat.
“Wait.” Edward catches my arm. “Don’t leave...I feel...very protective of you.”
I sit back down.
Edward continues. “I was trying to keep my distance unless you needed my help. Then I heard what those low-lives were thinking--”
“You can read minds?”
His mouth shut. He wasn’t supposed to say that.
It would explain a lot. How he figured out those assholes were tricking me before I did, how he knew I was about to be attacked.
Edward decidedly goes on, “I can read every mind in this room...apart from yours.” He lists some thoughts he’s hearing from around the room, then his eyes come back to me. “And with you, there’s nothing. It’s very frustrating.”
“So that’s why you were giving me the death glare my first day of school,” I realize, “You were trying to read my mind.”
He cringes, “I was staring at you kind of weird, wasn’t I? Sorry.”
“It’s okay,” I assure and lay a hand on his arm. “I got used to your weird.”
A real smile prods at his cheeks.
“So, why do you think you can’t read my mind?” I continue, “You think there’s something wrong with me?”
Edward starts to laugh. “I tell you I can read minds, and you think there’s something wrong with you.”
I start to laugh, too. It feels nice to finally be a part of one of his inside jokes. I drop my head, and when I look back up at him, his smile’s faded.
“What is it?” I coax out of him.
He is tortured. “I don’t have the strength to stay away from you anymore.”
“Well, that’s okay, because you weren’t doing a very good job of it in the first place, Eddie.” If he can derail the conversation, then I can break whatever intense mood he’s got going.
I get him to smile again. He asks, “So, that’s what you’re calling me now? Eddie?”
“What? I like it.”
The ride to my place is quiet, but still comfortable. Eddie’s cranked the heat up because I shivered once. I’m almost sweating now.
“Okay, that’s enough of the heat.” I reach to turn it off, and Edward touches the dial at the same time I do.
He’s freezing.
“How are you still cold?” I inquire in a reaction.
Eddie doesn’t answer me. He keeps his eyes glued on the road. He’s clearly uncomfortable by the question.
I take a deep breath. No time like the present. “How about you just tell me now? It’s not like I won’t believe you. You’ve told me you can read minds tonight.”
He’s anxious. His eyes dash from the road, to me, and back to the road. “What are you talking about?”
“Eddie, I’ve known something was up since the almost-accident.”
His head snaps to me. “Would you stop referring to it so passively? You could’ve died!”
“But I didn’t because you were there,” I softly remembered, “You ran across that parking lot within a second and stopped that van with your hand. Your eyes change color. You’re still freezing, even though the heat’s been going since we got in the car. Do you want me to go on?”
Edward tries to say something, but he stops himself.
“Okay.” I take it as an invitation. “You don’t eat or drink, you don’t go out in sunlight, you drive like a lunatic, like you know you won’t get hurt--”
“I get it!” Edward snaps. His eyes are on me now, not the road.
I get the feeling that we have no chance of crashing.
“Say it, then,” he angrily urged, “If you’re so sure, say it!”
I didn’t back down from his glare. “You’re a vampire, aren’t you?”
I could practically see the shiver run down his spine. It was all out in the open now. There was no going back.
Edward asks me, “Are you afraid?”
“No, I’m not,” I answer matter-of-factly.
He scowls, and pulls over. We’re at my house. “Then ask me the most basic question. What do we eat?”
“I know you’re not gonna hurt me, Eddie,” I shrug off.
“You think that because you believe the lie,” Eddie laments, “It’s camouflage. I’m the world’s most dangerous predator. Everything about me invites you in: my voice, my face, even my smell. As if I would need any of that.” He opens the car door, and takes off. I see him briefly appear at the end of the street, then he’s back at my side, all within a second. “As if you could outrun me. As if you could fight me off.” He runs away again, this time into the forest. It’s dark, but in the moonlight, I can see an entire tree be ripped out of the ground and thrown farther into the woods. “I’m designed to kill,” he tells me a moment later when he’s in the driver’s seat again.
I stay silent.
He whispers, “I’ve killed people before.”
I see what he’s trying to do. He’s trying to scare me away from him. I still don’t respond.
He ups the ante, “I wanted to kill you. I’ve never wanted a human’s blood so much in my life.” I don’t know if he’s consciously doing it or not, but he’s leaning closer to me. His hand is almost on my cheek.
“Don’t run away from me,” I quietly urge, as he flinches back when I reach for his other hand. I interlace our fingers, but it costs me his hand on the side of my face. I softly repeat, “I know you’re not gonna hurt me, Eddie.”
Finally, he stops trying to scare me. “My family, we’re different from others of our kind. We’ve learned to control our thirst. But...your scent...it’s like a drug to me. Y/n, you’re like my own personal brand of heroine...I still don’t know if I can control myself...”
I brought my gaze down to our connected hands. This is the most intimate we’ve ever been.
He murmurs, “I wish I could read your mind...What are you thinking? Are you afraid?”
“Eddie, the only thing I’m scared of is you leaving me,” I admit. “Just don’t do that. We can figure everything else out.”
He doesn’t promise me he won’t go, but he does express, “You don’t know how long I’ve waited for you.” Edward takes his free hand, and wraps it around our connected ones. His gaze lingers there for a moment before moving up to meet my eyes. “And so, the lion falls in love with the lamb.”
At least for now, I think we’re okay. I smile at his statement. “What a stupid lamb.”
Edward smiles, too. “What a sick, masochistic lion.”
Soon after, he convinces me to get out of the car, to leave him for the night.
He’s back the next morning to drive me to school.
When we pull up to the building, he opens my door for me. We’re laughing about some joke we had going in the car. My smile fades and I shrink into his side when I notice everyone’s eyes on us.
“This is what it’s like to be you, huh?” I haven’t gotten this treatment since my first day of school. “Everyone’s staring.”
Edward jokes, “Not that guy. No, he just looked. I’m breaking all the rules, anyway.” That last part seemed to be aimed to his brothers and sisters, whose car we just passed.
I’m guessing they don’t want him attracting too much attention, since they’re all vampires. Then again, they already have the attention of the whole town, looking as beautiful as they do.
Eddie doesn’t seem to mind their scowls. He puts his arm around my shoulder. “Since I’m going to hell.” He says that part a little louder. His siblings can obviously hear.
Throughout the day, we hear whispers that there’s been another animal killing in town. Edward quietly informs me that it’s not an animal. There’s another vampire in town. Eddie’s scared that I might be in danger, but I remind him that I’m safest by his side, where he can protect me.
He doesn’t like talking about vampire stuff during class, so he takes me to a clearing in the woods after school where we can be alone.
“So, does a person need to be dying in order to become a vampire?”
We’re laying next to each other in the grass as I ask any question that comes to mind.
He’s laying on his side, always watching me. “No, that’s just Carlisle. He’d never do this to someone who had another choice.”
“How long have you been like this?” Just how old is my vampire boyfriend?
“Since 1918. That’s when Carlisle found me dying of the Spanish Influenza.”
“What was it like?”
“The venom was excruciating, but what Carlisle did was much harder. Not many of us have the restraint to do that.”
“How bad it it?”
He knows to what I’m referring. “When we taste human blood, a sort of frenzy begins. It’s almost impossible to stop.”
I can tell his mind is on his nightmare of possibly doing that to me one day, so I bring the discussion back to his father. “But Carlisle was able to stop.”
“Yes. First with me, then with Esme.”
“So, is Carlisle the reason you don’t kill people?”
Eddie shakes his head. “No. Well, he’s not the only reason...I don’t...want to be a monster.”
“Well, you’re not, so that’s nice.” I remind him, only half-joking.
A smile crosses his face, but he glances down. He doesn’t reply to my statement. “My family, we think of ourselves as vegetarians because we only survive on the blood of animals. But it’s like a human only living on tofu, you know? It keeps you strong, but you’re never fully satisfied.” Edward starts laughing. “It wouldn’t be like drinking your blood, for instance.”
Seeing his smile lights up my face too. “It’s good to know I wouldn’t taste like tofu.” I think for a second, and another question pops into my head. “Can the rest of your family read minds like you can?”
He smiles, and lays back down on his back. “No, that’s just me. But Alice can see the future.”
A grin breaks out across my lips. I realize, “Did she see me coming?” I turn over to my side and tuck my arm under my head.
Eddie shakes his head. “No, she can’t see your future, just like I can’t read your mind. You’re an enigma to all of us. She can get some snippets of you from...my future, though. But, you have to remember: Alice’s visions are highly subjective. The future can always change.”
I sigh. His mood has soured again. I wish something would come along to lighten him up.
Fortunately, my wish comes true. It comes true so much more literally than I thought it would. The sun peaks though the clouds, and I see Edward for the first time in the sunlight. He’s sparkling.
I immediately start laughing. “Hooolyyy shiiit. Whaaat???”
His eyes were scared at first. Like he actually thought I’d be intimidated by his reflective skin. But when he sees that I’m laughing, a smile forms on his lips, too. “Uh, there’s something else I haven’t told you about being a vampire.”
“Are you kidding me? You didn’t tell me that you fucking sparkle.” I can’t calm down. I’m still laughing. “Oh my god, this is why you and your siblings don’t come to school on sunny days! Eddie, I’m sorry, but this is so fucking funny.” I’m sitting criss-cross now.
He joins me. “I...I never thought someone would react to my skin like this.”
“Well, that baffles me. But, here I am. And I’m having a great time.” I walk up to him, take one of his hands in mine, and examine it closer. “Jesus, I love this.”
Eddie smiles even wider, and shakes his head. “You know what? I’m going to take you to meet my family tomorrow.”
“But what if they don’t like me?” I pull my gaze away from his hand to meet his eyes.
“So, you’re worried, not because you’ll be in a house full of vampires, but because you’re afraid they won’t approve of you?” He apparently finds this very amusing.
“Shut up.” I roll my eyes.
Eddie stands and pulls me up using the hand that I’m holding. He’s still smiling. “Come on. I should take you home.”
The thought of being away from him and being in that house again makes my smile falter.
Eddie tells me he’ll pick me up tomorrow.
When I enter the Cullen home the next day, I immediately notice that their living space is open and beautiful. I give Eddie my compliments, and he just makes comments about how I must’ve expected a crypt or something. I give him a look, and he just keeps chuckling.
As we’re heading up the stairs, he tells me, “This is the one place where we don’t have to hide.”
That’s really sweet. I take his hand, and we continue up the stairs.
Edward suddenly gets flustered. “I told them not to do this...”
We get to the kitchen, and some of his family are making dinner.
A woman comes up to me. “Y/n, we’re making Italiano for you.”
I hear what she’s saying, but my eyes drift to Carlisle. It’s that same look he gave me when he first saw me in the hospital.
Edward introduces me to the woman. “Y/n, this is Esme. My mother, for all intensive purposes.”
“Y/n, could I see you in my study for a moment?” Carlisle inquires in the friendliest voice I’ve ever heard.
He and Edward share a look, and I follow the eldest vampire into the other room.
We’re only gone for about five minutes, and when Carlisle and I return to the kitchen, he brings the conversation back to the meal. “You’re giving us a reason to use the kitchen for the first time.”
Edward looks like he’s been scolding his family for making dinner. He and Carlisle share another look. Nothing happens. I breathe.
Esme brings my attention back to her with her calming voice. “I hope you’re hungry.”
Before I can say anything, Edward gives away, “They already ate.”
Rosalie, Edward’s sister, breaks a glass bowl she was holding. “Perfect.”
Overdramatic, much? “Well, yeah.” I keep my feelings to myself. “I figured, since you guys don’t eat...”
Esme smiles, “Of course. That’s very considerate of you.” She turns to her adoptive daughter to emphasize her point.
Edward suggests, “Just ignore Rosalie, I do.” He puts a hand on the small of my back.
Rosalie holds her ground. “Yeah, let’s just keep pretending that this isn’t dangerous for all of us.”
I step forward to face Edward’s sister head-on. “Rosalie, you gotta understand, I would never, ever tell anybody anything.”
As soon as I left his grasp, Edward was by my side again.
Carlisle says, referring to Rosalie, “She knows you’re on our side.”
Emmett clears up, “Yeah well, the problem is, you two have gone public now--”
Edward tenses a little.
Esme quickly scolds Emmett.
Rosalie continues, “No, they should know. The entire family will be implicated if this ends badly.”
“Well, I’ll try my best to make sure that it won’t,” I assure.
The blonde vampire seems thrown off by my resoluteness.
Just then, Alice and Jasper come in...from a tree branch outside a window.
“I’m Alice. It’s so nice to meet you!” She hugs me, but quickly jumps back. “Oh. You do smell good.”
“Alice...”
I find it cute how embarrassed Edward is getting around his family.
Alice smiles, “It’s okay. I can’t see their future exactly, but I have a feeling we’re going to be great friends.”
The rest of the family seems to be set in a state of unease at the reference to Alice’s power, but I just beam back at her. I think we’re going to be great friends, too.
Jasper and I make eye contact.
Carlisle speaks up, “Sorry, Jaspers our newest vegetarian. It’s a little difficult for him.”
“It’s a pleasure to meet you,” Jasper struggles to relate.
Alice reassures her significant other, “It’s okay, Jasper. You won’t hurt them.”
Edward cannot believe our morbid reality. “Alright, I’m going to take you on a tour of the rest of the house. Everyone just stay here.”
I just laugh when he tries to lead me away. “Eddie, come on.”
Most of his family are amused at my nickname for him. Rosalie remains pissed off.
“It’s nice meeting you too, Jasper,” I return Jasper’s sentiment. “It’s nice meeting all of you.”
Esme smiles, “It’s wonderful to meet you, too, Y/n. Especially after Edward has talked about you so much.”
Eddie grits, “Esme...”
“He has?” I ignore him.
Emmett cuts in, “Yeah. Dude never shuts up about you.”
I’m still giggling as Edward drags me up towards the second floor.
He apologizes, “I’m sorry about them.”
“They’re fine, Eddie.” I’m still smiling. “Sure, Rosalie’s not my biggest fan, and Jasper literally wants to kill me, but I love your family.”
Edward assures, “You don’t have to say that just because they can still hear us.”
I honestly forgot they could. “I promise you, I’m not...Graduation caps.” I notice what much be a hundred of them on one of the walls.
He looks at the display. “It’s a, uh, private joke. We matriculate a lot.”
I smile, and look to him. “I like being in on your inside jokes.”
He takes me to a room at the end of a hallway. “This is...my room.”
A full grin breaks out on my face as I wander inside. “It’s beautiful, Eddie.” I notice, “No bed...because you don’t sleep, do you?”
He shakes his head.
I lay down on a couch he has. “Comfy,” I tease.
I sit up. “Jesus, you have so many books! And look at all this music...” I wander to his shelves of CDs, and click play on his radio. A classical song plays. I smile as the melody drifts into the room.
Edward walks over to me. He looks like he’s preparing himself, then he takes my hand and pulls me to him by the waist. He’s clearly scared, having me this close to him.
“Breathe,” I quietly urge to comfort him, and jokingly add, “through the mouth,” so he won’t have to smell me as much. Slowly, I lay my head on his shoulder.
He tenses, but eventually calms down.
We sway for a moment or two, then I lift my head to smirk, “You know, I’ve never been much of a dancer.”
Eddie smirks too, and teases, “I could always make you.”
“I’m still not afraid of you,” I remind.
His smile widens. “You shouldn’t have said that.”
Suddenly, I’m being thrown over his shoulder, and he jumps out these open doors he has in his room. We land on the trunk of a tree.
“Jesus Christ! Eddie! Not fair!”
He laughs.
“Warn me the next time you do something like that!”
He shrugs, “Okay. Here’s your warning.” Eddie takes off at an alarming speed and climbs up the tree. It’s like this is taking no effort at all for him. He stops for a second at the top of the tree. “Do you trust me?”
God, I hope I don’t regret this. “You know I do.”
“Hang on.”
Edward jumps, and we’re flying through the trees. Climbing, jumping from one tree to the next--I can hear my laughter over the wind whipping in my ears.
He takes me to the top of what is probably the tallest tree in the forest and we stay there and talk for what must be hours. We don’t get back to the Cullen house until dark.
The rest of the evening is lovely. Rosalie is as cold as ever, and Jasper is hard to read, but I get along with the rest of the family just fine. Esme and Carlisle seem to adore me, thank God, and Emmett is very warm and welcoming. Alice is the most enthusiastic. She gives me her phone number, and calls me a few hours after I’m back at my house and my father has fallen asleep.
“Yes, I did have a lot of fun tonight.” I answer her eager question, endeared. “I can’t wait to see you again, t--OH my god! Sorry Alice, your brother just broke into my home.”
She giggles, “I knew that was going to happen. I just wanted to get as much time with you as I could. I’ll let you go. Goodnight!”
“Goodnight, Alice.” I smile as I hang up the phone.
“Sorry about her,” Edward apologized, “Alice can be overbearing.”
“I think she’s sweet.” I move closer to Edward, and sit cross-legged. “How did you get in here?”
He’s smiling. “Through the window.”
“Do you do that often?” I ask expectantly, a smirk playing at my lips.
Edward replies, “Just the past couple months.”
Probably ever since he saved me from that van. “I thought I saw you in here! Jesus, I thought I was dreaming.”
He smirks, “You dream about me?”
“Very funny.”
“What? You’re the one who said it.”
I roll my eyes.
Edward divulges, “I like watching you sleep. It fascinates me...That sounded creepy, didn’t it?”
“A little bit,” I agree. “Maybe try wording it different.”
He quirks his eyebrows. “How do I word that different?”
We laugh.
“I don’t know!...Just, let me know next time you do it, okay?”
He smiles, “As you wish.” Edward grows serious then. “I came here to try something.”
Sensing his unease, I frown. “What is it?”
“...Stay very still for me, okay?”
Understanding washing over me, I nod.
Then, I see Edward move the slowest I’ve ever seen him move. He inches closer. Our noses meet, and he stops, debating with himself again.
I want to say something, reassure him that this is okay. He can do this. I stop myself. I don’t want to scare him away.
It takes him so, so long, but he reaches my lips, and I breathe for the first time in my life. He told me not to move, I know, but I lean forward on instinct. I need to be as close as I am to this boy.
Eddie pulls back, and I immediately regret moving. I peek, expecting to see the ever-present fear in his eyes, but his eyes are closed. He’s smiling. His lips are shaking, but he’s smiling because he’s so proud of himself, and my heart swells. He kisses me again, and I nearly cry. He’s really doing this. He’s not pulling away from me. Our foreheads, noses, our faces are together, and I could not be more filled with bliss. We’ve never been this close. I wish to always be this close to him. This is perfect. In this moment, we are perfect.
I know that I love him. I’ve known for a while, but right now, I can finally touch that feeling.
I kiss him again. And again. One more time. My hands are in his hair. My heart isn’t even beating anymore. It’s going too fast for that. Everything is going fast now. I sit on his lap. I kiss him again. Then I kiss him deeper yet.
That pushes him past control. He takes my hips and moves so he’s on top of me. Edward kisses me with an overwhelming passion that is so great I feel I am drowning in it.
At some point, I think I groan out in pain. It’s not Eddie’s fault, but he accidentally presses on some bruises I have and his reaction is so fast--
“STOP!”
I sit up in my empty bed. I thought Edward would leave, but he’s still in my room. He’s got himself pressed against the farthest wall from me, but Edward’s still here with me. That has to count for something.
I wonder briefly if the sound of Edward hitting the wall woke my dad up. “Sorry,” I tell Edward.
He’s holding his breath. “I’m stronger than I thought.”
Yes, you’re so much stronger than you know. “I wish I could say the same for myself.”
He shuts his eyes, and turns his head away from me.
I can’t stand even that. “Look at me.”
Eddie’s eyes lock eyes with mine. “I can never lose control with you.”
“I know...Come here.” Please, don’t leave.
Slowly, he gets closer to me again. When he sits on the edge of my bed, I move to sit all the way onto my pillows to make him more comfortable.
My bones ache a little the farther away I get from him, but I ask, “Is this more comfortable for you?”
He doesn’t respond, but he starts breathing again.
Edward and I talk for the rest of the night, and I wake up the next morning laying on his chest. I’m surprised he let me this close again.
As my eyes open, he’s looking out my window. He’s got one arm tucked behind his head, and the other one is curled under me, holding me close. Eddie informs me, “There’s going to be a storm today.”
“Good to know.”
A smile forms on his lips and and he inquires, “Do you want to play baseball with my family and I?”
“I’m sorry, what?” I sit up to get a better look at the smirk playing at his lips.
He explains, “Well, we like to play, and we can only play during thunderstorms. You’ll find out why if you come.”
“So, I guess I’m going,” I giggle.
He smiles like he wasn’t just a world full of cryptic. “Great.” Eddie sits up, too. We’re sitting criss-cross, facing each other. He asks me a more serious question. A very serious question. “Can I meet your dad?”
“Well...it’s already eight-thirty,” I notify after glancing at my clock. “I think he left for work already. Didn’t you hear his truck start up?”
He contraries, “Actually, I heard him get out of bed, get ready, then leave and start his truck. That was about an hour ago. But I didn’t mean I meet him right now. Later today, maybe?”
“My...father...has always been weird about me dating,” I explain. “Can we...hold off on that...for a bit?”
Eddie blinks. “Okay...”
His family’s in a big clearing in the woods outside of town. Everybody is dressed completely for baseball. Wow, they must really like the sport.
What follows is the weirdest ten minutes of my fucking life so far. They ask me to be umpire. Here are some highlights: Emmett warming up like he’s fighting literal air, Rosalie giving me murder eyes when I call that she’s out, Eddie and Emmett crashing into each other mid-air while they’re both going after the ball, and, no joke, Rosalie calling Emmett her ‘monkey man’ after Emmett climbs a tree to get the ball.
It’s nice to see Edward so at ease here. The whole family is free to be themselves. Even Jasper has loosened up a bit.
But then, Alice freezes. “Stop!” she warns.
I’m suddenly reminded of last night when Edward flew across my room and away from me.
The Cullens seem to hear someone approaching, and they all rush toward me.
Alice informs, “They were leaving, then they heard us.”
It occurs to me that the strangers must be the vampires responsible for the deaths in town. That must also be why the Cullens are gathering in front of me: to hide my human scent.
The only thing that’s scaring me is the fear in Edward’s eyes. “I shouldn’t have brought you here. I’m so sorry,” he laments.
“It’s okay. Hey.” I’m holding his hand, and I grasp his upper arm in my free hand because I know me touching his cheek would be too much for him. “Let’s just focus on getting out of this, okay?”
He bits his lip as he nods. “Just, stay behind me.”
Three vampires walk out from the woods. Edward’s grip on my hand tightens the closer they get. I can feel that he’s preparing take me and run if things go sour.
Carlisle takes the lead for us. The leader of the other group, Laurent, is polite. This would be a friendly conversation between two groups if it wasn’t for everyone else on both sides giving their opposites the death stare.
Me? I’m not ashamed to say I’m too scared to move. I just hold onto Edward and hope that this will be over soon.
Laurent somehow convinces Carlisle to let him and his friends play baseball with the Cullens. Edward gets the chance to start leading me away, but then bad luck strikes. Wind blows my scent in the new vampires’ direction.
Then, Esme’s at my side. Edward’s at the front of the Cullens, being held back by Carlisle. Laurent reels his own people back. He doesn’t want violence.
One of Laurent’s people, James, is the opposite. He’s out for my blood. I can’t read minds, but I can tell that much. I can also guess that James’ girlfriend, Victoria, isn’t opposed to draining me as well.
As soon as they are gone, Edward speeds me to the car he brought me in. Now he’s in the driver’s seat, driving us away from the almost-battlefield.
“Fuck, I am an imbecile!” Edward curses himself out. “James is a tracker. The hunt is his obsession. I read his mind. My reaction on the field set him off. I just made this his most exciting game. He’s never going to stop.”
I need him to calm down. “Okay. So what can we do?”
He answers immediately, “We have to kill him. Rip him apart, and burn the pieces.”
I’m taken out of the moment by how violent his words were. I know that vampires are nearly indestructible. I guess I should have also put together that the way to kill them would be extremely brutal.
“I’m getting you away from Forks.”
My head snaps up. No. No, no, no, no, no.
Edward keeps planning, “We’ll get a ferry to Vancouver.”
“No.” I finally get words out of my mouth. “I-I can’t. I have to go home.”
He disagrees too fast. “You can’t go home. ‘Cause he’s gonna trace your scent there, it’s the first place he’s going to look.”
“I don’t care. I have to go back home.” I know it’s irrational. I know my best bet is to go with Edward and not look back. But I can’t leave town.
He doesn’t understand. “If it’s your dad you’re worried about, just let me get you out of here first. Then, I’ll come back and tell him--”
“Edward, take me home now!” I can’t remember ever raising my voice at him.
His eyes snap to meet my own. He starts searching them.
I know what he’s looking for. I don’t let him find it. “Drop me off at home. Stay in the car. I’ll...I’ll come up with something about leaving. Then, we can go, alright?” I don’t break our gaze.
Edward doesn’t either. “...I’ll give you ten minutes.”
“That’s all I need.”
When the car is two houses away from mine, Edward stops it completely. I prefer the car here, but then I noticed why Edward breaked. He senses one of the hunter vampires nearby.
Edward tells me, “I’m going to run into the woods. Count to five, then get out of the car and run to your house. Don’t stop no matter what you hear.”
“But Ed--”
“Please.”
He agreed to come to my house despite the danger, now I should agree to do this. Swallowing my fears, I nod.
Edward leaves the car. One. Two. Three. Four. Five. I follow his instructions.
Once inside, I take on a whole different posture. I am now more ‘presentable’ for my father. I am without Edward. I may not be facing a human-hunting vampire, but I am facing a monster all my own.
“Who’s your boyfriend?” he asks lowly.
My blood runs cold. “...Who are you talking about?”
“Don’t act like I’m stupid,” he almost cuts me off. “A loud sound woke me up last night. I could hear you talking him. Who is he, and how long have you been seeing him?”
All I can do is shudder. “A couple of weeks...I met him at school--”
“THIS IS WHY!” He stands up straight out of his seat, and I flinch so hard I nearly fall to my knees. “THIS IS WHY I DON’T LET YOU DATE! BECAUSE YOU’RE SO MUCH OF A WHORE THAT YOU’LL LET ANY DOG OFF THE STREET INTO YOUR ROOM!
“You probably already gave it to him, didn’t you? But I’m surprised he’d even want you, given how used up I’m sure you are--”
“Stop it--”
“DO NOT TALK BACK TO YOUR FATHER! You little--” He hits me.
He’s backed me almost into a corner at this point, and I fall in front of the fireplace. There’s a red mark on my check now. It’s in the shape of his hand. I move to get up. I get kicked in the stomach.
“Stay down, you useless piece of shit.” He spits on my arm. “I had one rule. Keep to yourself, and don’t let anyone know what trash you really are. You couldn’t even do that.” He picks up a fire poker.
A realization washes over me. There’s no way around it. He’s going to try to kill me.
He’s always hit me, for as long as I can remember. And now he’s going to end it.
I beg. “Please! Please, don’t.”
“Will you shut up?” He raises the poker over his head. “For once?!” He brings it down.
I kick his knee in.
Out of shock at the sudden movement and the blinding pain, my father dropped his weapon and clutched his leg as he fell to the ground.
I stand on the foot that kicked his knee in, and pick up the fire poker myself.
“You better do this right if you’re gonna do it,” he snarls. “I’ll fucking kill you if you don’t. You understand? If you’re off by a goddamn centimeter, I’ll take that thing and run it though your skull, you selfish, little brat.”
Just for a second, things go quiet. I hear two full breaths pass my lips as I look down on him. Then, I hear his struggle as he reaches for my pant leg. Before I can completely lose my balance, I swing. The blood makes a splattering sound. I open my eyes. I see his disfigured face staring up at me. He’s still alive. He moves to grab me again. I hit him again. I’m scared he might still try to hurt me, so I hit him again, and again, and again. Somehow, he’s still twitching when I collapse next to him.
My body turns to the door as Edward enters. I see it all on his face.
Eddie comes in determined. I think he bought us some time with the fight he had with James outside. He wants to get me out of my house and out of town as soon as possible. But then he hears my dad’s memories.
Up until this point, I’ve been using the radius of Edward’s powers to my advantage. It seemed my father was never close enough for Edward to read his thoughts. That isn’t true now.
I know Edward can see it all. Me beating the shit out of my father, my father almost beating the shit out of me first, and my father beating me all my life because my mother died in childbirth.
It’s the last one that does Edward in, I can tell. In his eyes, I can see his heart break when he looks to me.
My father finally dies from his injuries. I can hear my father stop breathing, but I don’t look away from Eddie.
“Come on, we gotta go.” Edward holds his hand out for me to take.
I take it.
He rushes me to the car. He starts driving. Silence.
A whole minute passes. Edward finally speaks. “All this time...you’ve been using the fact that I can’t read your mind against me.”
Yes, I know. That’s not the most sympathetic statement to say after you find out someone is being abused, but he’s so used to knowing everything that’s going on. To go from that to finding out that someone you care about has been staying quiet about getting hurt, it must be a lot to take in.
“I’m sorry.” I’m used to being the first to apologize. I’m usually the only one to apologize.
Edward shakes his head. “No,” he nearly growled, “No. You shouldn’t apologize. You-you don’t need to apologize. Just...I could’ve helped you, Y/n. Why didn’t you just tell me?”
Suddenly, a loud bang sound at the roof of the car.
I flinch. My first thought is that it’s James. The rising tension between Edward and me didn’t help.
“It’s okay.” Edward takes my hand in his. I can’t tell if it’s a conscious effort or not. I can tell that he’s only annoyed by whoever is on top of the Jeep. Eddie soothes, “It’s just Emmett. Alice is in the car behind us.”
He pulls us up to the Cullen estate, and we go inside. Laurent scares the hell out of me when I see him.
Edward and I originally think otherwise, but it turns out that Laurent is here to help. He tells us what he had just told Carlisle: James is the best hunter that Laurent has seen in his 300 years, we should also not underestimate Victoria, and Laurent wants no part in this fight.
Laurent leaves, and I thank god that there is one less vampire to hide from. I am quickly removed from my thoughts, however, because Edward’s just lunged at Carlisle.
“Edward!” I yell out in alarm. “What are you doing?!”
Rosalie and Esme pull them apart before Edward can do any damage. I’m sure Edward would never truly hurt his father, but I don’t know why he is suddenly so angry.
“You knew!” Edward snarls out, fighting against Rosalie’s gasp. “You knew, and you didn’t do anything to save them!”
Oh.
I think back to when Edward first brought me to this house, the same day he took me flying thought the woods.
“Y/n, could I see you in my study for a moment?” The question made me shudder.
“He can’t know, right?” I silently thought to myself as I followed him into the other room.
Closing the door behind me, I stayed close to it as Carlisle wandered over to his desk. “When you live with six vampires, it can be hard to find privacy. That’s why I had this room built. It is completely sound proof. No one one the other side of that door can hear us speak.”
I was impressed. “That’s possible?”
Carlisle nodded, “Trust me, it is. We’re also too far away from Edward at the moment for him to hear my thoughts.”
“So, why’d you bring me in here?” I decided to be brave.
He just looked at me, sympathy clear in his eyes. “It’s your father, isn’t it?”
“How do you know?” I asked, trying not to cry.
“To put it simply, I can smell the bruises on you, Y/n,” he revealed, “At the hospital, I thought I smelt other patients’ blood, but I realized I was wrong as soon as you walked into my home.”
My heart broke. If Carlisle knew, that meant every vampire in the house knew. That meant that Edward knew.
Carlisle went on, “Bruises happen when small veins and capillaries break and red blood cells leak out of those blood vessels. Vampires can smell any difference in blood, Y/n.”
“Why are you the only one who’s saying anything?” I wondered. Had everyone but me been in on this private joke of helping me keep up my act?
Carlisle explained, “I believe I am the only one who realizes what your scent truly means. Edward told us when he first met you that your scent was unlike anything he had ever come across. I assume the rest of my children think they are experiencing the same whenever they smell you. But they aren’t. They are smelling what I just described.”
“Then, what about Edward?” It was a solid question.
Carlisle got a wistful look in his eye. “The scent of your bruises gets overpowered by the effect the overall scent of your blood has on Edward. I believe I am familiar with what he is experiencing as well. Esme had the same effect on me before I turned her.”
Thoughts came to mind that what Eddie and I have might be as great as Esme and Carlisle, but they were outnumbered by worries. “So, Eddie’s going to know. If you know, and he can read your mind, then he’s going to know as well.”
“...Not necessarily.” Carlisle was clearly concerned for me, but he gave me another option. “I’ve known Edward for a century. I am very familiar with his abilities. I know that if I focus enough on other thoughts, and don’t explicitly think about this, he shouldn’t be able to see it. At least, not if he doesn’t know specifically what he’s looking for. It’s how I kept him from getting too suspicious from when you entered the house to when we entered my study. I could keep that up...That’s if you would like me to.”
“You promise that if you do this, he won’t know?” My voice was shaking, but it held at least a little strength to it.
Carlisle nodded, “As long as he doesn’t know what he’s looking for, this should work. I promise.”
“Do it.”
He was hesitant. “Are you sure? Edward can help you. We can all help--”
“I’m sure,” I cut him off. I sighed, “Thank you, really. But I...I just can’t. And Eddie...Please, I just don’t want him to know.”
Carlisle was still unsure, but luckily, he agreed. “As you wish.”
The whole conversation took about five minutes. Remembering it only took a single moment.
“Eddie, it wasn’t Carlisle’s fault,” I admit, “I told him not to say anything.”
He stops fighting against Rosalie, and turns back to me. Understandably, Edward’s confused. “What?”
Rosalie lets him go.
Edward approaches me. He takes my hands in his. “But...but he hurt you,” he says, referring to my father.
“He hurt me my whole life, Eddie,” I sniffle, “I was used to it. I guess, in some sick way, I was trying to protect him when Carlisle found out. But then, when he had that fire poker in his hand, I saw that look in his eye. He was going to kill me. I realized that I...I couldn’t leave you, Eddie. So, I fought back. And...and I’m glad he’s dead. I’m glad I killed him. But before, I couldn’t let you know. I just couldn’t. You reacted exactly how I knew you would, and I can’t bare the thought of causing you pain. You’re my safe haven. When we met, and we really started being together, you helped me forget how shit my life really was. You showed me what it was like to truly be cared for by someone.”
He’s slouched over, and won’t meet my eyes. “Yeah, once I stopped treating you so cruelly.”
I leaned down to make eye contact with him. “You pushed through all that, and I couldn’t be happier that you did.”
“Guys, we gotta go,” Emmett announced, in a rush as he entered.
Jasper and Alice are behind him.
Edward takes me to the garage with the rest of the Cullens.
“I’ve had to fight our kind before,” Jasper announces, “We’re not easy to kill.”
Emmett argues, “But not impossible. We’ll tear them apart, and burn the pieces.”
Oh. So that’s just the patented way of how to kill vampires, I guess.
Carlisle speaks his mind. “I don’t relish the thought of killing another creature, even one as sadistic as James.”
“It helps if you think of all the things he’s done, in James’ case, the things he’ll do if he’s not stopped,” I offer, thinking about my now dead father.
“Rosalie, Esme.”
I flinch when Edward lets go of my hand.
“Could you put these on so the tracker will pick up Y/n’s scent?” He throws a couple of my jackets to his mother and his sister.
Rosalie catches my jacket, but argues, “Why? What are they to me?”
Eddie is giving her a look that is just begging her to help.
“I’m nothing to you,” I suddenly attest. “You and your family have been together for decades, and I just got here. I understand that. But what I feel for Edward? That connection goes deeper than anything I’ve ever experienced, read, or seen. I know I am here to stay. You’re my family now, Rosalie. Please, help me.”
I can feel Edward getting closer to me in case Rosalie makes any move against me. I know she won’t.
She locks me in her steely gaze. A few seconds tick by. Wordlessly, she leaves. She took my jacket with her.
“I’m gonna run Y/n south,” says Edward, “Can you lead the tracker away from here?” He can’t say James’ name.
Esme disagrees, “Edward, no. James knows you would never leave Y/n. He’ll follow you.”
Alice offers, “I’ll go with Y/n. Jasper and I will drive them south.” She adds, “I’ll keep them safe, Edward.”
“Can you keep your thoughts to yourself?” Eddie asks.
Alice answers like it’s obvious. “Yes.”
What are they talking about? Was it something Alice saw in her visions?
Once I’m in the backseat, Edward’s at the window. I take a moment to memorize his face the best I can. “Okay...I’m going to need you to kiss me.”
He’s understandably taken off guard. “What?”
“Baby, I know you still don’t trust yourself, but this might be the last time I see you.” Saying it out loud physically hurt. “I’m just so scared--”
One of my hands is resting on the car door, and he puts his hand on mine. “Nothing’s going to happen to me. There’s seven of us, and there’s two of them. Once everything’s done, I’ll come back to you, and we’ll be together again, okay?”
I nod. I have to look down because if I keep looking at him, I’ll start crying. Tears spring to my eyes when he puts his free hand on my cheek and brings my lips to meet his.
The kiss has the opposite effect I was hoping for. I thought it would calm me down being this close to him, but it just makes my heart race as fast as it did the first time Edward kissed me. Only now, instead of the rush of dopamine, I’m reminded that I could likely never experience it again.
I know Eddie feels the same once he breaks the kiss and I see his eyes.
We lean our foreheads against each other, and I just take a second to breathe and be with him.
Eddie separates us, and the fear is even clearer in his eyes. “Y/n, you are my life now,” he relays like it’s the most important message of his immortal life. He dries my tears.
I do the same for him.
Jasper pulls the car out of the garage two seconds later.
I watch as Edward takes off into the woods with Esme, Carlisle, Emmett, and Rosalie.
“Everything’s going to be fine, Y/n. I promise,” Alice comforts in her usual, light-hearted tone. “I see you all over the place in all of our futures, so that’s gotta count for something, right?”
Yes, I guess it does. “So you really know that this is going to turn out alright?”
Alice hesitates. “Well...not exactly...”
Jasper explains for her. “She sees the course people are on while they’re on it. If they change their minds, the vision changes. Her visions started to change when James decided to start hunting you.”
Alice puts her hand in Jasper’s. It reminds me of Edward and me.
She soothes, “But I have every faith in our family. It’s still extremely likely that everything will turn out the way it’s supposed to turn out.”
“Y/n...I’m sorry about your father,” Jasper says. “I’m sorry for the way he treated you, and I’m sorry for what you had to do.” His words are still coming out as forced, but it’s not as bad as before. It’s good to know he’s getting used to me.
I catch Alice looking at me sympathetically through the rearview mirror. I’m glad she didn’t have to see what I did to my father in a vision.
Speaking of visions, she receives one. She tenses up, and squeezes Jasper’s hand.
Jasper inquires. “What is it? What do you see?”
She’s silent only a moment longer before--
“No!”
Something with the force of a car rams into the side of ours. While our car is spinning from the crash, my car door gets ripped off and thrown into the woods somewhere. I’m only awake long enough to notice that I am being taken. I hit my head in the first impact. I pass out from a concussion a few seconds later.
I wake up in a room full of mirrors. A ballet studio? I vaguely remember seeing one in town, but I never thought much of it.
I guess this is where I’m going to die.
“Hey! You’re awake!” James is standing a few yards away from me. “Sorry, but it would’ve been too easy to kill you while you were sleeping.”
I’m sitting up straight and leaning against one of the pillars of the studio. Once I notice the danger I’m in, I get to my feet. My head is aching from where I hit it earlier.
“Aw, little birdie’s scared.” He speeds up close to me and sniffs up the side of my face. “That’s adorable.”
Fuck it. I know I’m pretty much doomed, but I’m not giving up just yet. I put my hands on the sides of his face, and use my thumbs to try to stab out his eyes. I have no idea how, but it works. It only buys me about two seconds, but it works.
He yells, and I use his very, very temporary blindness to duck behind him and run.
I’m barely on my forth step from him when I’m thrown into one of the mirrors. My hands are suddenly bleeding, and my head and hip hurt a lot too, so they’re probably bleeding as well.
James crouches down in front of me. “I can’t wait for Edward to see what I am going to do to you. It’ll break his little heart.”
“Leave him out of this!” I seethe. “He has nothing to do with--AAHHH!!!” My vision blurs for a moment when James breaks my leg clean in half with just a flick of his wrist.
He smiles at my agony. “Oh, but Edward Cullen has everything to do with this! Usually, once my prey is dead, all the fun’s over. But his rage after you’ve gone will give me months of excitement.” He takes my bloody hand in his and inhales. “God, you must be delicious. I don’t know how Edward has held himself back from draining you entirely...” James bares his teeth, and I know he’s about to take a bite.
I scream.
Then, James is gone. He’s thrown across the room, and Edward’s in his place.
Edward’s panicking. “Are you okay?” A lot of adrenaline must be running through him, because he only just notices my open wounds. Edward freezes.
I want to say anything to calm him down, but there’s no time.
James takes Edward by the neck and pins him against the mirrors on the opposite wall.
“You’re alone ‘cause you’re faster than the others,” observed James, “But you’re not stronger.”
Edward bit back, “I’m strong enough to kill you.” He turns out of James’ grasp and throws him across the room. Suddenly, he’s holding me again. “I’m sorry.” He sounds like he’s going to cry. “I’m so sorry.” Edward picks me up and jumps up toward the balcony on the second floor of the dance studio.
At this point, I’m bleeding from my head pretty bad, so my words sound as woozy as the rest of me feels when I try to tell Edward, “It’s not your faul--AH!”
He’s pulled back down, and I go sliding across the glass on the floor. A large piece cuts up my broken leg.
Edward’s thrown at the windows up by the ceiling, and James is at my side again. James takes my wrist in his hand, and looks Edward straight in the eyes as he bits into me.
The scream that I let out burns my throat, but it fades from my ears. I can’t think of anything else but the pain. The feeling of fire spreads from the bite on my wrist to the rest of my body too fast. I can’t stop it. I need somebody to stop it.
Eddie. Where’s Eddie? I need him. I need him so badly I can’t breathe. I can’t breathe. Somebody stop this! Somebody please, please stop this! Eddie! Eddie, please help me! It hurts too much! Eddie!
“Eddie!” His name finally slips past my lips, and in the same moment I am finally able to take a breath. Just one breath, then it’s gone again. I can’t breathe again.
Alice is kneeling at my side. When did I fall to the floor? When did the rest of the Cullens get here? She’s telling me, “It’s okay, everything is going to be okay!”
I still think I am going to die.
But that’s fine. I don’t care, really. I just want Edward to be at my side when I go.
I think Alice went away, at some point. Now she’s back. Carlisle and Edward are here, too.
Eddie!
I take his hand.
He looks down at the bite on my wrist. He looks terrified, like his worst nightmare is coming true.
“Shhh.”
‘It’s okay, Eddie,’ I try to say, but it doesn’t get out. I grip his hand tighter, trying to comfort him. It doesn’t help with my pain, but it reminds me that he’s here. He’s with me. I try to think about only that.
Carlisle has his hands on the open wound on my broken leg. He informs Edward, “Their femoral artery’s been severed. They’re losing losing too much blood.” He turns his head to his daughter. “Alice, your belt. Make me a tourniquet. Tie it above my hands...Go.” He orders Alice away because she’s getting distracted too much by my blood. Carlisle refers back to his son. “You could make a choice. You could let the change happen.”
Do I want to become a vampire?
“No,” Edward answers immediately. “No, no, no, no, no.”
I know it’s killing him, seeing me like this.
He turns away from me a little, and squeezes his eyes shut. I know that’s him stopping himself from drinking my blood. He looks like he’s going to cry again. He’s so disgusted with himself.
I can feel the pain of not being able to properly talk to him under the pain of the bite. The agony of all my other of all my other injuries is insignificant. I hate myself as a scream of suffering tears from my lungs. I know what this is doing to Edward. I wish I could stop. A tear slips down my cheek because of this.
Edward uses his free hand to wipe it away. “I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry. I’m going to fix this. Carlisle, what’s my other option?”
‘No, baby. It’s not your fault,’ I wanted to say, but I can’t, and it’s too late.
Carlisle responds to his son, “You could try to suck the venom out.”
“No. No, I won’t be able stop. Y-You do it!” He’s so scared.
“You find the will to stop!” For a second, Carlisle loses his practiced patience while being this close to human blood. He quickly regains it. “I don’t have the same connection to them as you do. You have the best chance out of all of us at stopping yourself.”
Edward keeps glancing between the bite on my wrist, and the cut on my leg. He’s sure he won’t be able to stop. He wants to save me so bad, but he has no faith in himself to do it.
So, I force air into my lungs. That bubbles up another scream, but after I push that down, I grit out, “Eddie?”
His eyes snap to mine.
I can tell that Carlisle is baffled at how I have the strength to speak right now. I’m surprised too, but that doesn’t matter right now. What matters is I can finally see Edward’s eyes again.
“Hey.” More tears spring to my eyes, but I smile. “I want you...ta’ listen to me...okay?” I want to scream again so badly, but not right now. “You can do this...I know...you can do this...”
He starts shaking his head.
I nod and respond, “Yes...you...can...” It hurts so much. But I know I would go through it for weeks if it meant I could be with him for an eternity. But he doesn’t want that. I don’t think about why. I just focus on what needs to be done. “Listen to me...Eddie...Eddie, I know you can do this.”
Edward looks like he’s shaking as he brings my wrist to his lips. For a few seconds, he keeps eye contact with me to remind himself to keep his sanity. But then, his eyes slide shut, and everything starts going blurry for me.
Carlisle warns Edward, “Stop. Their blood is clean. You’re killing them.”
Edward’s eyes remain closed, and his lips stay on my wrist.
I know I’m the only one who can bring him out of this. My free arm doesn’t even feel like it’s there anymore as I move it. I make contact with the side of his face. It’s weird. I can’t feel most of my arm, but I can feel his hair on my fingertips. It’s soft. I’ve never touched his face before. I’ve always tried my best to keep my pressure points away from his nose in an effort to make him more comfortable. I figure all that’s out the window now with my blood on his tongue.
Over Carlisle’s intense voice, my words come out softer than a whisper. That’s all I have the strength for for now. “I’m okay, Edward...”
His eyes snap open as my own slide closed.
I dream about the nights that Edward snuck in through my window to hold me. I find that odd, because last time I checked, all of my dreams are nightmares of my father. But the more I think about it, I put together that I haven’t had a single bad dream since Edward gave up on trying to stay away from me.
I hope I did enough to be able to see him again.
“Did you hear that?” I recognize Edward’s voice right away. “Their breathing changed!”
Esme sounds like she’s next to him. They’re both on the right side of my bed. “Edward, Carlisle said that Y/n probably won’t be awake for the next few days.”
“But just listen. Come on, don’t you guys hear that?” Edward’s not giving up.
I’m not surprised he’s the only one to hear my slight change in breathing. He probably memorized how I breathe a long time ago.
��Edward, this is the fifth time you’ve gotten you’re hopes up about them waking up.” Emmett’s not convinced either.
“Well, he’s right this time,” I defend. My voice is weak as shit, but I know they can all hear me.
Alice immediately hugs me. “Y/n!” Obviously, she’s not using her real strength, but her arms are still bone-crushing.
“Hey...” I gasp.
Jasper comes to my rescue. “Alice, ease up on Y/n. They just woke up.”
She realized her mistake. “Sorry!”
“Look at you, Jasper,” I tease, “Being able to be around me, without looking like you wanna kill yourself, and in a hospital no less.”
He smirks, “Well, it isn’t so bad now, with your leg stitched up.”
“Oh, yeah. My leg,” I realize. “How is it?”
Carlisle enters. “Y/n.” He explains his convenient appearance. “I was a few rooms away when I heard you talking. It’s a relief to have you back with us.” He informs, “As for your leg, you have a clean break on your fibula and tibia. You’re going to be recovering from that for about the next six months. You also have a few broken ribs, and a cracked skull. James certainly did a number on you.”
Edward tenses up at the sound of my attacker’s name. His hand is in my own, and he hasn’t said a word since I opened my eyes.
I ask, “And what happened to James?”
“We ripped up and set that douchebag on fire!” Emmett excitedly boasted. He’s standing at the foot of my bed. “And we did a number on that dance studio too, pun definitely intend--”
Carlisle, I think a little embarrassed of his son’s glorifying of violence, cuts in, “We took care of all of that. All you need to do now, is rest.”
“Thank you guys so much. I would be dead ten times over if it weren’t for you...all of you.” I’m almost overwhelmed with emotion. I turn to Rosalie with my last words to emphasize that I truly mean all of the Cullens. I know she’s done a lot for me, too.
At first, I just get her usual cold stare. But then, she gives me a short nod.
I take that as us having a sort-of understanding now. I don’t question her further.
“Um, I hate to cut this gathering short,” I turn back to everyone else, “but could I have a few minutes alone with Edward?” I know that privacy is going to be nonexistent now with this family, but it’s about the decorum, you know? And I’m also hoping that they at least don’t intentionally eavesdrop while they’re gone.
The rest of the Cullens file out of the room, and Edward and I are alone.
“Hey,” I sigh in relief as I finally get a good look at him.
In his eyes, I see all his emotions. He’s partly relieved to be alone with me again, that also shows in his sigh once his family is gone. Mostly, however, he’s scared. I can tell that Edward is terrified.
“Oh, Eddie,” I breathe, tears springing to my eyes. “Come here.”
If he goes any faster, Edward would be using his vampire speed as he climbs into bed with me. Never has he reminded me so much of an actual seventeen year old boy. He tries to hug me close by pulling me in by my side, but we are both reminded of my broken ribs.
A hiss of pain automatically leaves my lips.
The only reason why he doesn’t go flying across the room like he did when we first kissed, I’m sure, is because he’s afraid of further hurting me. He does, however, pull away from me entirely. I see the panic in his eyes.
“It’s okay! I’m okay,” I immediately comfort. “Look at me, I’m okay.”
There’s so much self-hatred in his eyes. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry...I’m the reason you’re here.”
“You’re the reason I’m alive, yes,” I clarify.
He scowls. “You know what I meant.”
“Please, don’t blame this on yourself,” I beg, “You protected me the best you could at every turn.”
“And it still wasn’t good enough!” he shouts.
Suddenly, my worst fear pops back into my mind. “Hey.” I take Edward by the sides of his face. “Hey. Look at me.”
He does.
“You better not think, for even a second, about leaving me,” I declare.
He’s taking deep breaths, like he’s trying to will himself to do something. “You’d be better off.”
“No, I wouldn’t be,” I argue. “I would never, ever get over you leaving me. I would never move on. I would be miserable for the rest of my life, you hear me? You leaving me would be worse than any physical pain I could ever experience, and I should know because I’m pretty sure I just lived through the worst of it.” I should not have said that part.
Edward squeezes his eyes shut. So much pain and conflict must be raging in his head.
I gently stroke his cheek with my thumb.
He leans into my hand. When he opens his eyes, I know the worst of it is over. Eddie’s no longer planning on leaving me. He still looks guilty as hell, though. “I’m so sorry,” he repeats.
“I’m okay, baby. I promise,” I affirm, cuddling into him.
Eddie surprises me. He pulls me closer to him. Not by my side, of course. His hand’s on my hip.
“This is new,” I joke. He’s never let himself this close to me.
He smirks. “I’m trying something new.”
In the next month and a half, the Cullens welcome me into their home. I barely ever leave.
Emmett keeps me updated on current events. I had no idea how much reality TV he watches. Most of the time, I have no idea what he’s talking about, but I would rather him give me the latest on Supernanny than have him describe how he killed his latest bear.
Jasper doesn’t exactly sit next to me, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t talk to me. We’ve had many in-depth conversations while situated across the room from each other. He reads almost as much as Edward. I don’t read as much as either of them, but they’ve both gotten me to pick up some novels. My favorite book that Jasper has recommended to me so far has to be Pride and Prejudice. The best part was Jasper’s face when I told him I had never read it before.
Alice, of course, never lets me get bored. She’s got tons of magazines for me, whether I like or not. She also stays up-to-date with all of the drama at school, for some reason. The subjects on her mind that take most of my interest are people’s futures. Because she talks so much, she regularly runs into talking about her abilities. I find it so interesting how easily she processes all the possible futures that run through her head. Also, I’ve noticed that she (not-so-subtly) skids around Edward’s future. I wonder how much of my future she sees in his.
Eddie barely leaves my side, by the way. The only times he’s not within my immediate eyesight are the extremely fast hunting trips he goes on. It’s like all his guilt about what happened to me got replaced by overprotectiveness. Well, more protectiveness than before (and somehow that’s possible).
Esme is the only one keeping Edward from completely smothering me, I think. So many times, I’ve heard her pleasant voice drift across the room. “Edward? It’s okay, you can give Y/n some space. They’ll be safe. And you gotta remember, they’re still human, so they still need to breathe.” The joke made me smile. It even got Edward to bashfully back off a little, too. I think she’s the only person capable of doing that. Except for, maybe, myself.
Carlisle is the exact opposite of my father. Eddie’s father is so unbelievably smart, and just so kind. He checks on my injuries all the time, you know, because he’s a doctor. At first, I wasn’t completely okay with him touching me, because of how my father treated me. Edward had to be right there next to me, holding my hand. Carlisle was entirely understanding of all of that. He made sure I was comfortable every step of the way. It just amazes me that Carlisle can be this good when I’ve had to deal with my father my whole life. I wonder if all other fathers are as good as him.
Rosalie still gives me the cold shoulder most days. I don’t mind. I know she knows we’re family now. There’s no way around that. I know she doesn’t hate me, at least not as much as she did.
The first time I leave the Cullen residence since everything is to go to Prom. Oddly, it’s Eddie who convinces me to go. Up until this point, he’s been hesitant to bring me out into the public while I heal. On top of my fragility, he still feels horribly guilty for what happened, no matter how much I tell him that I don’t blame him at all. Then, Prom rolls around, and suddenly our roles are reversed.
My whole life, my father was not one for letting me out for anything but school. He was furious every time I came up with an excuse so I could go see Edward. School dances and other formal events were especially forbidden. I guess I’m still a little scared of the man even though he’s gone. But then Edward made this case that he wanted me to live a normal life (or at least as normal a life as we can manage). He also told me that he wouldn’t let my father come near me again, even if he was alive. I don’t know how. Eddie manages to make me feel so safe. So, here we are.
Prom is objectively beautiful. I think I remember hearing something a while back about the theme being Monte Carlo. Alice was the one who made sure Edward and my outfits fit the theme to a T. The whole family looks amazing, and it’s fantastic to be included in that.
Edward and I only stay in the main area for barely a half hour. We both get annoyed at the loudness of the party pretty fast.
Outside, there’s this pretty gazebo that’s covered in fairy lights. That’s where Edward takes me. He pulls me close to him, and we start swaying to the slow music that’s playing.
“Look at us. Dancing at Prom.” I smile at him. “And you said we didn’t have a normal life.”
His lips up as well. “I didn’t say we didn’t have a normal life. I said I didn’t have a normal life, and I wanted the difference for you.”
“Too late to turn back now,” I joke and lean into him. Silence floats between us, and I just listen to the music and think for a bit. I figure now is as good time as ever to bring it up. “I could’ve taken it, you know.”
Eddie stays quiet.
“It was hell,” I continue, “The worst thing I’ve ever experienced, but I can do it again.” I don’t need to name what I’m talking about.
Edward knew. “You don’t know what you’re saying. You don’t want this.”
“Yeah, I do,” I reply gently. I made my mind up while I was still in the hospital. “I never, ever want to let you go, Eddie. I want this.”
Obviously, he doesn’t like what we’re talking about. The emotions I see cross his face are a little bit of anger, annoyance, and sadness, but mostly, it’s fear. He laments, “I’m not going to end your life for you.”
“You really think you’d be ending my life?” I wonder, my eyes flicking between his. “Baby, my life so far has only been pain, guilt, and fear. But...eternity...with you? That’s more than life. That’s everything.”
“But your life doesn’t have to be painful anymore,” Eddie answers so fast that he almost interrupts me. “I said that I wouldn’t change you, not that I was leaving you. You’ve made it clear enough that that isn’t an option,” he tries at a joke, but I can’t acknowledge it now. “I’m going to be with you the rest of your life. I’m going to protect you. You can finally live a normal life.”
“A normal life is nothing compared to you.” Flashes of Edward as he is now with an elderly me light up my head. I hate it. I move away from those thoughts immediately. “Alice said that she saw me like you. I heard her.”
He attempts to remind me. “Her visions change.”
“They do. They’re based on what people decide. I’ve made my decision.”
Edward pulls back from me a little. “So this is what you dream about? Becoming a monster?”
I take his shoulders in my hands. “How many times do I have to tell you? You are not a monster. Your family are not monsters. Controlling the blood lust is something that can be taught. I’m willing to learn, no matter how hard it is. I want to be with you for the rest of your life, Edward. I want to be with you forever.”
Right there, Edward gets a bittersweet look in his eye. “Forever?” he repeats. Slowly, he starts dipping me down, and leaning in towards my neck. “And you’re ready right now?”
“Yes.” It’s the truth, but I know that it’s definite he won’t do anything now. He’s only trying to scare me away. I thought we were past this, but it’s clear to me now how much of a feat this next goal of mine will be to pull off.
Edward doesn’t bite me, of course, but he does kiss my neck. He pulls away fast. He’s still upset. “Is it not enough just to have a long and happy life with me?” He straightens us up.
“Not even a little,” I reiterate.
Agitated, he turns away from me.
Gently, I put my hand on his neck to encourage him to look at me again.
He does.
“But it is enough for now,” I clarify, hoping to put an end to this argument for the time being.
Eddie understands.
We rest our foreheads together, and just breathe.
“I am proud of you, though, for kissing my neck.” A few months ago, I know he would have thought that impossible.
My statement breaks the ice. He’s smiling again. Well, at least he is for a moment. Then, his face grows serious again, as Eddie’s face always does. He leans in again, and kisses my lips.
We haven’t kissed since we went our separate ways before I got captured by James. Even after Eddie was able to stop himself from drinking my blood, Edward’s still cautious with me as ever. I still revel in kissing him as much as I always have.
When we part, Edward whispers to me, “I am in love with you.”
Those words bring tears to my eyes, even though I already know. “I haven’t said that yet, even after all this, haven’t I?”
Eddie swipes the tears from my cheeks, but seeing it makes him cry as well. He shakes his head, because I don’t think he can form words at the moment.
“Edward Cullen, I am in love with you,” I solidify. “I think I always have been.”
*******
Author’s Note: Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING. I can’t believe I actually wrote this, but fuck it, I’m proud of how it turned out. Fill up that heart and reblog if you liked it as well. I would also really appreciate a comment if you left one. If you would like to read more, I have more fics over on my page. You should check it out. Have a nice day, night, or whatever time it is for you!!! <3 <3 <3
#twilight#twilight x reader#twilight rewrite#twilight rewrite companion jones style#edward cullen#edward cullen x reader#carlisle cullen#esme cullen#emmett cullen#alice cullen#rosalie cullen#jasper cullen#robert pattinson#companion jones#took me six months to get this out#tw abuse#tw parental abuse#abuse#parental abuse#tw violence#violence
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The Red Queen hair analysis part 2
9.5ish)
One small phase where the slight wave is coming back in the episode where we learn for the first time that she still has feelings for Will and where she doesn't hold back who she was so strictly
10.) the long road to redemption
I love this so much. Of all the stages is just mwah chef's kiss.
Because it's a prefect in-between. Her open hair in the back is reminiscent of the old Ana, the girl she used to be and the girl she wants Will to remember because she wants him back. While the front still has some of the height and the round form of her chess silhouette. Because she has barely stopped acting like the queen. She is still over the top and bitchy and a cold fury. but she is also more open and more vulnerable especially when it comes to Will and how she wants him back. And the hairstyle illustrates so perfectly how she is stuck between those two personas how she's desperately trying to go back in time. And what is also so beautiful: In the scene where we get her small honest redemptions her hair style in the front flattens as a sign that she is leaving the Red Queen more and more behind her.
11.) Breakdown
Where Ana through mental torture is completely falling apart, her hair gets also deconstructed. It's a really brutal scene and it still gives me the absolut chills.
12.) Redemption (and death)
So Ana after the torture got finally a break and uses her new insights to finally redeem herself. She's not longer the girl she once was, but she also isn't the queen anymore. She's in the now, on her redemption path, still trying to balance her old selves and trying to find who she wants to be.
13. Resurrection 1 and true loves kiss breaks the curse
So this is when Jafar resurrected her and against the laws of magic makes her fall in love with him. And to torture Will even more, she basically has the same hairstyle like in phase 1, even before Jafar resurrected her and she was lying in the coffin. But instead of flowers her hair is bound with a red piece of fabric. So and then Will kisses her and it's true loves kiss after he made a speech about love and forgiveness. So here it shows that despite everything that went down and all the years that went by, the girl she once was and he fell in love with is still there but
1.) More mature and grown up
2.)still bound to her identity as the Red Queen symbolised by the red bow. And until the kiss also bound through a curse. But when the kiss happens her past as the red queen, just like the bow, fades into the background
14.) 2nd resurrection
I can't exactly remember how this went down. However this is the first time we see the current Anastasia. She is not the old Ana anymore, she is not the red queen anymore and she is not the white queen yet. So we see her ultimate "open hair and curls/waves aesthetic. It has elements of almost every hairstyle she had before except for the Red Queen one. She is now literally free and emotionally open and herself
15.) The white queen of wonderland
So this is the last one and basically a result of everything she went through, her whole development and everything she chooses to be.
Her hair is bound back but it's not at all strict, it's wavy/curly, strands are hanging freely and the way it's parted shows a very soft, and very flat rendition of her former hair silhouette. Also instead of red, pink or white, she chose a lilac fascinator which is close to all those colours but also something new and fresh entirely. I think she mainl wears the fascinator here because it's a wedding tbh.
However her new hairstyle it's mature and elegant but in contrast to all the times where she tried to appear that way, it looks effortless, more natural, not like an act or a way to get accepted. She really found herself and her new aesthetic is basically picking the best things from every style she had so far, just like her now being the white queen is basically her development into the best person she could become.
Seriously even though I did not always explain it well, I love love love her character design and development and how we can grasp the one through the other. She is such a fascinating, complex, flawed character with the most beautiful redemption arc and I still love her to pieces.
Enough to make two long ass posts about the significance of her hair XD
yeah hope you enjoyed it I'm open to your (probably more eloquent) interpretations =)
#ouatiw#once upon a time in wonderland#ana#anastasia tremaine#the red queen#the white queen#emma rigby#my beybey#red queen hair analysis part 2#i still love her so so much your honour
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Stars Align
pairing: harry styles x y/n
warnings: fluff, ig you could consider it angst but its really just mysterious
word count: 2k
hello! i apologize for kind of disappearing, my fic rec account has kind of blown up and ive been super busy with that.
this is my entry for @sweetlygolden 's Harry On Holiday Challenge! i chose strangers in the same city, and the line prompt “That is the worst sunburn I’ve ever seen.” i honestly already have a part 2 planned out but we'll see how it goes!
“How much longer are you going to stare at that pretending like it’s interesting.”
Her soft voice surprised him, and he whipped his head around to see who had been speaking to him.
For the first time in a while, Harry was able to get away for a little. Of course, he travels a lot for work, but this was the first vacation since he can remember where he was alone, doing whatever he pleases. He chose Italy for this special occasion, because it’s always been one of his favorite places, and he missed the freedom of wandering around the boot shaped country without a care in the world.
The day's adventures had brought him to La Galleria Nazionale d’Arte Moderna e Contemporanea, which is a museum that he's been wanting to see for quite some time. He started the day off by getting a cappuccino and a crespelle from a wonderful little cafe down the street from his hotel.
Right afterwards he walked to the museum, taking in the sights around him on the 20 minute trek to his destination. Before the woman behind him snatched his attention, he was staring at a painting of an abstract house. The house was only painted in blue, and the artist had used the different shades and tones of the color to create the details in the painting.
He had been staring at it for a good amount of time, which he assumed is what prompted the stranger to talk to him.
It’s his 3rd day on the trip, leaving him 4 more until he has to be back in L.A. for work. He has no plans, no schedules, no job to do. It’s just him and the world. At least, that’s what he assumed it would be. The vacation is supposed to be a solo one, however, he’s currently staring at a stranger that decided to speak to him. And for some reason, he is drawn to her. Compelled to spend time with her after just a simple sentence was spoken between the two of them.
When he fully turns around she jumped, a bit startled by his bright red complexion. “That is the worst sunburn I have ever seen!”
It was true, Harry had managed to get himself a nasty burn on the first day in Italy. He usually tans instead of getting a sunburn, but when you’re used to the dreary weather of the UK, it can be hard to forget how strong the sun is in other places.
So he had laid out on the beach and fell asleep, waking up a few hours later with tomato red skin and a burning sensation covering the exposed skin.
“That’s what happens when y’fall asleep on a beach in Rome,” he chuckled, smiling awkwardly at the woman before him.
She’s beautiful, there is absolutely no denying that. She was wearing a simple spaghetti-strap black dress that cut off right at the knee. There were no designs, no embellishments, just a black dress that hugged her figure perfectly. Her lips have a deep red lipstick smeared across them, and he couldn’t help but notice how the color complimented her skin tone. Her simple black pumps completed the outfit, and her hair was tied back in a loose ponytail, with a few of the front strands falling out of the hair tie and framing her face.
“I’d assume so.” Her demeanor is serious, even though there's a smile on her face. She’s…..intimidating?
Harry hasn’t been intimidated by anything since he was a teenager. Once you perform in front of thousands of screaming people, who also happen to idolize you, things don’t tend to phase a person anymore.
But for some reason, her presence caused butterflies to fly around in his stomach, a feeling he hasn’t felt in a long time. He actually enjoyed the feeling, it reminded him of when everything was normal.
What also reminded him of normality was the fact that she seems to not have the slightest clue of who he is. If she does, she’s sure as hell good at hiding it.
“You’ve been looking at the same painting for 10 minutes, just wanted to make sure you hadn’t fallen asleep.” A small laugh escaped her lips, and the noise agitated the fluttering butterflies residing in his tummy. Her voice is mesmerizing, and she sounds like what Harry imagines an angel to sound like. She has an American accent, and it eased his nerves slightly that she was also a tourist.
He turned back to the painting to look at it, but it was also convenient in that she wouldn’t be able to see his undoubtedly flushed cheeks.
“Yeah m’not sure what it is ‘bout it but there’s somethin’ special with this one.”
“That’s Prismi lunari by Fortunato Depero, he was very talented.” Harry spun around once again to face her, shocked at her knowledge of the random artwork.
“You know that off of the top of your head?” He tilts his head and looks at her, furrowing his brows in confusion. He’s pretty sure there was no label for the painting, and if there was it was way too small for her to see from where she’s standing.
“I know a lot of things.”
The statement was simple, but Harry wondered if her words paired with the smirk on her face are code for something else. “How long have you been here?” Her question snapped him out of his thoughts, and he looked up at her and smiled. He flicks his wrist and directs his attention to it, reading the Gucci watch adorning his wrist.
“Well I got here at 11, so about 5 hours.” It honestly surprised him when he realized it was 4 o’clock, but he knows how wrapped up he gets in artwork so he must have lost track of time.
“Jesus christ! I can barely stand to walk around a museum for an hour!” She blows out a puff of air, mocking being out of breath. They both laugh at her comment, Harry laughing a bit harder than her. “What’s your name?”
“Oh! M’Harry, s’nice to meet you.” He stuck out his ring-clad hand, and her delicate fingers wrapped around his as she shook it.
“Well Harry, wanna get out of here and walk around with someone who knows the city?” She points at herself, and the small smile she gave him earlier transformed into a silly grin.
“Well m’not sure how well an American can know the city, but I’ll bite.” Usually he would never do this. Going off with strangers is never a good idea, especially because of his status. But there’s something about the girl that makes Harry feel safe. They had just met yet he feels like he could trust her with things he hasn’t even told his best friends.
“An American who’s been living here for a year, that is.” His eyebrows raise slightly, intrigued by her new admission. But before he can even open his mouth to speak, she grabs his wrist with her daintily manicured hand and whisks him out of the quiet museum.
The air was humid, quickly drawing beads of sweat from his forehead. He’s also quite baffled at how she was completely unphased. Not a single drop of sweat was dripping on her body, her soft skin untouched like an old porcelain doll, preserved for years in perfect condition.
“I’ll show you around a little, we can go to this wonderful little vintage store I know.” She had turned to face him, her hand moving from his wrist to cup his one hand in both of hers. “Um- at least, if you want to.” For the first time, she was nervous. Although she will never admit it, Harry makes her extremely nervous. Extremely.
When he turned around when they first met, her jump of surprise wasn’t just because of his bright sunburn. In fact, it wasn’t about that at all. It was about how fucking attractive he is. He really looks like one of the statues that was put up in the museum. His sparkling green eyes send a shiver down her spine, and the tattoos peaking through his thin white t-shirt cause a fire to build in her stomach.
Having someone to talk too while he traversed the streets of Rome is a lot more enjoyable than Harry had anticipated. He purposefully told all of his friends that he was going to be MIA while on this trip. But the fact that she is a stranger changes it in some way, in a good way.
The cobblestone streets are surprisingly smooth, and they walk next to each other in a comfortable silence for a long amount of time. The silence would only break when she would point out something in their field of vision. At one point, Harry pauses, standing still in the middle of the street with a thinking look on his face. He realizes that he doesn’t know her name, which seems ridiculous to him because they were walking around a foreign country like the best of friends. She turns to him, matching his confused look when they lock eyes. “I just realized I don’t know y’name.”
Instead of reacting like he would expect one to react when asked that question, her pupils dilated and for some reason she appears to be scared. Why would someone be scared when you ask for their name?
‘Maybe she thinks her name is embarrassing’ Harry thought, still looking at her with a confused look, but now it was laced with a bit of suspicion.
He watches her sigh, and her hand went up to her ponytail and pulled the black elastic out, her soft hair cascading down her shoulders. With another sigh she said, “Y/N. My names Y/N.”
“That’s a really beautiful name.”
“Oh! There’s the store!”
He found it odd that she was so eager to switch the subject, but goes along with it nonetheless.
The vintage store is lovely, and Harry was able to find a beautiful ring and necklace set, matching gold roses on both of them. They looked around the shop for about 15 minutes, Harry being the only one to make a purchase.
The sun had set by the time they went outside, which isn’t surprising considering that it was almost dark when they walked into the little shop. They stood, facing each other outside of this small little shop in Rome. Two strangers, who just happened to cross each other's path. Harry knows this won’t last forever, and he also knows that he wants to see her again. In a leap of faith, he pulls the gold necklace out of the small brown bag and looks up at her.
“Here, I got them so we could match.” It was bold, but Harry feels connected to this girl, and he doesn’t know it, but she feels the exact same. The smile she gave him when he handed her the necklace was bright and genuine, the creases next to her eyes proving its authenticity. He motioned for her to turn around, wrapping the necklace around her neck and clasping it while she held up her hair.
“Thank you Harry. This is the best day I’ve had in a while.”
“Likewise.”
“I hate to do this, but I have to go. Have a wonderful rest of your trip Harry.”
It was then that she placed a small, tender peck on his lips, barely lingering for a second before pulling away.
“Wait! Can I get y’number?” Her smile slanted into a smirk, and she pulled a small card and a pen out of her small black clutch. She placed the card up against the brick wall, leaning it against it and scribbling something down on the paper. When she finished writing, she pressed her lips against the card, handing it to Harry.
He looked down at it, expecting to see a series of numbers, but he was met with a simple note, scribbled on the piece of cardstock next to the red lip print she had left.
May the stars align in our favor once again. - Y/N
He looked up frantically, planning to ask her to write her number down as well, but he was met with nothing.
She had disappeared into the night, leaving as quickly as she appeared earlier that day.
#HarryOnHoliday#harry styles#harry styles blurb#harry styles fanfiction#harry styles fic rec#harry styles fic#harry styles writing#harry styles one shot
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hands to yourself (gbd)
ethan is sick of the pda and challenges you and grayson to a 3 day no touching bet. but what happens after 72 hours is a different story...
word count: 4.9k
warnings/tags: smut (it’s about damn time ladies), angst, lots of sexual teasing, lets have some fun shall we
feel free to send in requests! and check out my masterlist if you wanna :)
Many things happened when you were making out with Grayson. Getting clocked in the side of the head with a pillow was not usually one of them.
“Will you two keep it in your pants for two fucking seconds,” Ethan grumbled, obviously the perpetrator of the flying pillow that had connected with your face a few moments prior. He had good aim, you’d give him that.
“Fuck off,” Grayson grumbled, but he detached his lips from yours, settling to lay on you instead. It wasn’t an unusual position for you to find yourselves in - Ethan in the chair, you and your boyfriend sprawled out on the couch while you watched a movie. Most times you’d be laying on top of Grayson, cheek on his chest, his hand running gently up and down your arm or back. Sometimes he’d lift your shirt some so he could scratch your back, skin soft under his fingers. Other times - like now - he’d be wanting the attention, scooting down and nuzzling up on your chest so you could play with his hair or trace shapes on his skin.
Either way, it seemed to get under Ethan’s skin.
“You fuck off, I live here too I don’t need to see you two all up on each other 24/7,” Ethan shot back, obviously annoyed. It didn’t usually bother you - he went through phases where he’d get lonely and be a bit more annoyed at the PDA - Grayson was quite handsy if you were honest. On the other hand though, it could get annoying sometimes. You would like to be able to make out with your boyfriend on your own couch without the comments from the peanut gallery. And it annoyed Grayson 10 times more than it did you.
“Chill guys,” you sighed, not wanting it to get any worse.
“Nah, we’re about to take a trip in the van and I’m not about to wake up to you two fucking next to me cause you can’t keep it in your pants,” Ethan huffed back, movie long forgotten as he got heated. “You literally cannot keep your hands off each other, it’s gross.”
For some reason, that comment got under your skin a bit more than anything he had said prior. You were a mature adult who could control herself if she wanted to. And you could prove it too.
“Bet.”
Grayson stiffened, lifting his head. He knew how competitive you could be - it was one of the many reasons he loved you - but combined with Ethan’s inability to lose, it got dangerous sometimes. Bets were never good when they were between you and his brother, and you could tell he was worried.
“What are we betting?” Gray murmured, not liking where the conversation was headed.
“Okay fine.” Ethan perked up a bit, loving an idea of a challenge and completely ignoring his twin. “One week, you all can’t touch each other when I’m around.”
“Absolutely fucking not,” Grayson immediately shut it down. You put a hand on his arm, calming him a bit. This was between you and Ethan now.
“A week is too long. I’ll give you three days,” you offered. Grayson turned to you, incredulous.
“Absolutely fucking not?” He said it to you this time, but you squeezed his arm again, signaling for him to hear you out.
“I can do three days,” Ethan offered. “But if it’s only three, then you all can’t touch each other at all. Like even when I’m not around. Strict no touching policy for three days. It’ll be a good cleanse for you horny fucks.”
“Fine,” you agreed, narrowing your eyes at him.
“What?!” Grayson balked. You just grinned.
“But. If we make it the three days, you’re never going to say another snide comment about us touching. Ever.”
Ethan paused at that, really considering what he would be giving up if you managed to pull off the bet.
“Fine. But, if I win, I get to say whether or not you can be all lovey dovey and shit, and you have to listen.” There was a wicked look in his eyes; if he won he’d be ruthless, no doubt.
There was a whole lot at stake. But the prospect of being able to do whatever you wanted with Grayson, wherever you wanted, without Ethan’s commentary was too good to pass up.
“Deal.”
“Oh, so I don’t get a say in it? Cool, cause this doesn’t affect me at all,” Grayson chimed in, obviously annoyed.
“Okay, but how nice would it be if he couldn’t say shit about us,” you quirked an eyebrow at Grayson and he sighed, running a hand through his hair.
You were right, and he knew it.
“Fine,” he conceded, knowing you’d get your way no matter what he said. “I’m in.”
“Shake on it,” Ethan said, getting up from his chair and walking over to you. You reached out, giving him a firm handshake and a nod. When you let go, he turned his wrist, looking at his watch.
“Alright, it’s 11:35. Time starts now, disperse,” he grinned, gesturing to the two of you. Grayson moved off of you with a huff, scooting to the other end of the couch.
As soon as he was gone, you realized just what you’d signed the two of you up for.
It was going to be a long 72 hours.
day one
It was only 9am, and tensions were already running high. Ethan wasn’t giving up any ground - he hadn’t even let you and Grayson sleep in the same bed the night prior. Which meant Grayson, being the gentleman he was, let you take the bed and he took the couch.
So, feeling well rested and in a good mood, you headed for the kitchen. Grayson was there, as you expected, typical avocado toast in hand. But when he saw you, he immediately groaned, dropping his head to the counter as you opened the fridge.
“What?!” You asked, laughing a bit. When he looked up, you could see the frustration in his eyes.
“Could you at least try to not make this any more fucking impossible than it already is?”
“I’m just getting yogurt...” you said innocently, holding up the cup you pulled from the fridge only a few moments prior.
“Yeah, but you could at least wear a fucking bra,” he pointed out, eyes trained on your chest. You hadn’t really thought about it - you were in one of Gray’s shirts, which was oversized on you. But now that you looked, you could tell that the cold air of the fridge had made your nipples hard, the ghost of them obvious through the fabric.
“Bras are uncomfortable,” you countered, pointing your spoon at him.
“Yeah? Well so are blue balls.”
His voice was so serious that you both just stared at each other for a minute, and then you couldn’t help it. You broke first, starting to giggle and then both of you were cackling like middle schoolers.
Once you’d finally calmed down and wiped away the tears you were crying, you continued eating your breakfast, perched on the counter by the stove. Grayson’s eyes were on you, specifically on your tongue as you licked yogurt off the spoon.
“You know, Ethan won’t be up for another few hours. He’d never know,” Grayson wiggled his eyebrows at you.
“Nah, we don’t cheat in this house. A bet is a bet.”
“Well this bet sucks.” His voice was garbled around the last bite of toast that he was chewing.
“I know. But hey, it’ll be worth it. Then we can do whatever we want, and he can’t say shit,” you reminded him.
“We’re gonna drive him nuts,” Grayson grinned, and just those words sent goosebumps rising across your skin. Stop. Stop that. You couldn’t let yourself get lost in a daydream, especially when you weren’t allowed to touch him - that would just be self torture.
But it was too late. Now all you could think about was how normally right now, he’d be standing in front of you between your legs, hips pressed against the counter, his hands in your hair, lips on yours.
“Uh... babe? You good?” Grayson’s voice pulled you out of the image. His brows were furrowed, and you watched as he nodded to the floor, where a small dollop of yogurt had splattered. It must have slid off your spoon while you were lost.
“This bet sucks,” you repeated his earlier words, suddenly very much regretting your decision.
“Friendly reminder that you started it,” he grinned deviously. “Were you daydreaming over there?”
“No.” You answered too quickly. Dammit.
“Oh... well in that case, I guess I’m just gonna keep myself busy then. Might go build. Or lay out. Not sure yet.” That mischievous glint was in his eyes and you groaned. He knew exactly what he was doing - something about the focus he had when he was working on a project, with his tool belt low on his hips, sunglasses on and shirtless - it got you weak in the knees every damn time.
And he knew it too.
All you could do was glare at him as he got up and washed his plate before heading back to your room. Sure enough, 20 minutes later he was outside, carrying wood across the yard to where his saw was set up.
You sat in the living room, watching him work while you drank your coffee. Watched his muscles ripple under his skin as he hoisted 2 by 4′s over his head, powerful arms doing it with no effort. He could hold you up with those arms, hold you up while he-
“Good morning, this just in from pining central-”
You turned at the voice, glowering when you realized it was Ethan with a smug grin on his face.
“Shut the fuck up,” you grumbled, sticking your tongue out at him.
“Ooooo, touchy,” he teased, reaching out and ruffling your hair. You reached back to slap his shoulder, but you were smiling. “Or... no touchy.” Ethan cracked the joke, obviously proud of himself.
“That was actually terrible,” you shook your head.
“You’re just mad cause you’re gonna lose this bet,” he said, raising his eyebrows as he headed back towards the kitchen to make his breakfast.
“Not a chance in hell.”
day two
Sleeping on the couch wasn’t ideal, that was for damn sure. Not because it wasn’t comfortable, but because you didn’t have Grayson next to you. After his long day of building you knew that he was sore, and you’d insisted that he took the bed instead.
But that also meant that he had slept in for once, making your morning mission a little bit harder than usual. You snuck into the bedroom, tiptoeing at first, then walking normal when you realized that he was still snoring. He was curled up on his side, shirtless and sleeping soundly, his left arm curled around a pillow that he was holding to his chest. It took you a minute to realize that this was how you usually woke up, with his arm wrapped around you before you turned over and eased him onto his back so you could cuddle.
Stupid pillow. You pushed the thought from your mind as best you could, going over to your drawer and picking out a bikini to wear. It was beautiful out, the perfect day to get some sun. You changed quickly, grabbing a towel from the bathroom and your sunscreen before you headed out to the pool. It would at least help you kill a few hours. You were discovering that things were boring when you couldn’t make out with your boyfriend.
It was two hours later when you heard the doors open, signaling that someone was coming out of the house. You peaked over your sunglasses, unsurprised to see Grayson there.
“Did you just wake up?”
“No. I’ve been awake.” His tone was short, and you frowned.
“What’s wrong?”
“Don’t play innocent,” he grumbled. You sat up further on the yellow lounge, confused.
“What?”
“You’re doing this on purpose. Out here, all laid out in a tiny bikini when there’s nothing I can do about it. You’re a tease.” He sat down on the other lounge, staring at you. You could tell he was hard underneath his gym shorts.
“I just wanted to get some sun... But, two can play that game. You’re telling me you building all day yesterday was innocent?” You looked at him accusingly, expecting him to laugh. Instead, his eyes just darkened.
“Oh, does me building do something to you?” He knew the answer to that. It fueled his ego that him doing something so simple could turn you on so much, and you hated that you had no control over it. “What exactly does it do to you, hmm?”
“Stop it,” you muttered, but your body was reacting anyways. Your skin was flushing just from his words.
“Stop what? Stop making you wet?”
“We can’t do anything about it, don’t make it worse,” you pleaded. He was right, you were wet, and you wanted nothing more than for him to fuck you right then and there. But you were more strong willed than that. It was only another 30 or so hours. You would make it.
“I’m going to shower,” you said, standing up and heading into the house. You knew his eyes were on your ass, and you were unsurprised that he got up to follow you, carrying your towel in wadded over his dick in case Ethan was out of his room.
You tried to ignore him as you headed to the bathroom, taking your hair down and starting the water to give it time to warm up. To your surprise, he lifted himself up and sat on the end of the counter, giving himself a perfect view of the glass shower.
“What’re you doing?”
“Watching.” There was a heat in his voice that went straight through you. You swallowed heavy, turning to him. He got like this sometimes, where his dominant side would come out. Usually it was halfway through sex, when he was pulling on your hair, or when you had a particularly bad attitude and he corrected it quickly with a rough fuck.
But there was an intensity to this that had your mouth dry as you started to undress under his gaze. You reached behind your neck, pulling on the string that kept your top together. When the bow came undone, the fabric began to fall, though it didn’t fully reveal your tits until you untied the back and it fell to the ground.
Grayson said nothing, eyes unwavering as you moved to your bottoms. You shimmied out of them quickly, kicking them to the side. Unfortunately, they landed directly in front of him. You knew he’d see the wetness that had pooled in them; it was obvious. That wasn’t going to help matters.
“We can call off the bet. If you want.” You blurted it out - until the last few minutes you didn’t realize how desperate you were to have his hands on you.
“No. We can’t. Now shower, before we run out of hot water.”
You did as you were told, walking over into the water and letting it run over your skin. You kept your eyes closed mostly, but you could feel him watching your every move. As you washed your body, your hands lingered over yourself for just a moment, desperate for relief.
“Don’t you dare.” Grayson’s voice was deep and demanding, making your eyes snap open. He very rarely took that tone with you.
“Touching myself isn’t against Ethan’s rules,” you pointed out, knowing it would piss him off to hear his brother’s name right now. If he wasn’t already going to destroy you when he could, he definitely was now.
“It’s against my rules.”
Just those words were enough to almost make you cum right there.
Why, why had you made this bet.
day three
Getting out of the house was the only option, you couldn’t take it anymore. Especially after the pent up energy established yesterday, you couldn’t handle the stares and the constant need to have his hands on you. If you stayed too long, you’d break the bet.
So, you treated yourself to a bit of a shopping spree for the day. You picked out new clothes from a few stores, even picking up a shirt for Grayson you knew he would love, and some shoes for Ethan. You went to lunch, taking your time, even going to get coffee later on. It was a nice break from the tension, though every time you looked at your phone and saw your lock screen - a picture of you and shirtless Grayson in the mirror - it sent tingles down your spine, reminding you of what you were finally getting back tonight.
Your final stop was a lingerie shop. It was always fun to look at all the pretty lace patterns and colors - usually you just window shopped, but you were trying to draw out the process as long as you could. An emerald green number caught your eye, laid out on one of the tables. It was lace and silk, delicate but sexy at the same time. On a bit of a whim, you bought it, adding the bag to those already on your arm as you headed home. You took the long way, happy to see that it was already 7pm by the time you pulled in the driveway.
Four and a half more hours. That was it. Just four and a half more hours. Surely, you could do it.
When you came in, Ethan was eating cereal, and had already begun sulking. That lifted some of the tension that was hanging over the house, specifically coming from the direction of the living room where Grayson was practicing handstands.
“Awe, is somebody sad they’re going to lose the bet?” You teased, sitting the bags down and digging around for his shoes.
“Time’s not up yet,” he grumbled.
“Well, I got you a pity gift,” you smiled, passing him the box. “Enjoy.”
“Thanks, I’ll need a distraction from you all sucking face constantly,” he rolled his eyes. You knew he’d be grateful for the shoes once he got over his loss.
“Hey Gray, I got you something,” you called, heading to the living room with your bags. He was still in his handstand and he brought himself down slowly, a smooth landing.
“Lemme see,” he smiled. The frustration he’d had yesterday was still there, but he was trying to be helpful, as were you. Spending the day apart had made it easier, and with the finish line in sight the both of you were in higher spirits.
“I can’t remember which bag it’s in,” you mumbled, starting to sit them down so you could look through them. Grayson picked one up, and before you could say anything his hand was in it, no doubt feeling the lace and silk.
He froze, eyes darkening again.
“Is this for later,” he practically mouthed the words, barely speaking so Ethan didn’t hear him.
“It can be,” you whispered back, blushing. He only nodded, a wicked excitement in his eyes.
After the teasing and tension yesterday, you were a bit worried that your new set wouldn’t even survive the night. He had a bit of a habit of ripping things when he got dominant. You supposed you could just buy another one if you had to.
You kept yourself busy after giving him his shirt, looking for distractions anywhere you could. You ate a quick dinner, then decided to take a nap.
“I’m going to sleep,” you announced to the boys, heading towards your room.
“It’s 8:30,” Ethan said, confused.
“Well, I’m probably going to have a long night, so,” you grinned at him. Grayson choked, looking up at you.
“Gross. Go to bed,” E grumbled. You obliged, heading to your room. You killed another hour or so on your phone before realizing that you might actually fall asleep. Not wanting to ruin the surprise, you changed into your lingerie, looking yourself over in the mirror. It was just as flattering as you hoped it would be, accentuating all your favorite areas.
Grayson was gonna lose it.
You climbed back onto the bed, comforted by the feeling of the soft cotton on your exposed skin. You curled up, getting comfy and eventually drifting off to sleep.
The next thing you felt were two large hands on your waist, putting you on your back.
“What the?”
“It’s 11:36.” It was Grayson’s voice, and it clicked.
The bet was over. Thank fuck.
You were suddenly wide awake, and you couldn’t get your hands on him quick enough. His skin was soft and warm as you reached up to his shoulders, running along the muscles until you got to his neck. You pulled his face down to yours, crashing your lips together. You’d never felt anything so good in your life.
“We’re never doing anything like that ever again,” you mumbled against his lips, hands back on his skin, at his waist now, curling around his back trying to pull him closer to you.
“Agreed,” he said, kissing you again before he bailed to the side, reaching over and pulling you on top of him. And suddenly you were touching everywhere. His thighs were against yours, and you could feel his dick against you, his torso wide and strong beneath you as his hands roamed down your side, over your hip and around to your ass.
“Fuck, you look so good,” he groaned, fingers toying with the fabric of your thong. Your hips bucked at the feeling of his hand on your ass, and it created a delicious friction against his dick that had you starting a rhythm in no time. He sat up then so you were on his lap, gravity causing more pressure as you kept grinding, both of your breathing picking up at the sensation. After the pent up hormones of the last few days, you were sure you could cum just like that, and you wouldn’t be surprised if he did too.
He reached behind you, unclipping your bra with ease, pulling it off your arms and tossing it across the room. Then, his hands were at your hips, fingers digging into your skin, lips at your neck as you worked him over.
“Surprised you aren’t punishing me for being a tease,” you mumbled, then gasped at the bite that resulted from your words.
“Don’t tempt me, we’ve got all night,” he groaned, moving you a bit faster. You clung to him tighter, grateful that he’d decided to just focus on pleasure tonight.
“Just wanna feel you.” His words were hardly a warning as he rolled over, putting you back on the bed. He reached behind himself, unlocking your legs from around his waist before he moved down the bed. His hands went to you hips, scooting you up a tiny bit before he hooked his index fingers into the waist of your thong, swiftly discarding it after it was off.
“Look even better like this,” he hummed, crawling up to kiss you again. You chased his lips when he broke it off, only to gasp a bit when you felt him press a kiss to your collarbone. He moved down, cupping each tit and licking and sucking along your nipples until you were squirming. His progress down your torso was painfully slow, each little nip with his teeth making your whole body jolt. By the time he got to your inner thigh, you were begging.
“Please Gray, please fuck, give me something,” you whined, practically writhing underneath him.
“As you wish.” And then his mouth was on you. He knew you better than anyone - and he wasted no time. He worked you over like the expert he was, tongue flat then fast, with just the right pressure. You never lasted long like this, with your hands in his hair and his hands pinning your hips down to the bed. But this might have been the quickest - it couldn’t have been a minute before you were cumming, pulling on his hair as you let go. Your legs were actually shaking, and he pulled back, thumbs rubbing along your skin as you came down, catching your breath.
“Holy shit,” you choked out, trying to swallow as you gasped.
“That was hot as fuck. Didn’t even know you could cum that fast,” he grinned, obviously a bit proud of himself. You didn’t blame him - with that tongue he could have an ego as big as he wanted. He pressed kisses to your hips, then your ribs, the middle of your chest, giving you time to get your breathing back to normal before he caught your lips with his again.
Now it was your turn. You reached down into his boxers, wrapping a hand around his dick. It was heavy and hard in your hand, but his hiss made you stop your movements.
“Baby, I’m already not gonna last, don’t need you making it any shorter and bruising my ego,” he huffed, obviously trying to calm himself down a bit. You moved to the waistband of his boxers instead, pushing them down his thighs. He took them the rest of the way off, throwing them in the same direction your lingerie had flown earlier.
You spread a little wider, reaching for him as he positioned himself over you, his weight on his forearms which were on either side of you. He dipped his hips, teasing you for just a moment, before pushing in. You sighed at the feeling, wrapping your arms around his shoulders, holding yourself steady so that he didn’t push you up the bed. When he was balls-deep, he kissed your forehead.
“Missed you,” he whispered, and you could have melted right there. “You ready?”
You nodded - it didn’t matter how many times you did this - he was still big, and it always took you just a minute to adjust. Grayson always gave it to you, making sure he didn’t cause you any pain.
He lowered himself down so that some of his weight was on you, and then he snapped his hips back, driving into you with a groan. He was everything you could feel and see, his chest against yours, bodies touching everywhere that they possibly could as he started a quick rhythm.
“Fuck you feel so good,” he groaned, voice deep as he went deeper with every thrust, hitting the spot that had your toes curling, nails scraping down his back.
“Jesus fuck Gray, I’m gonna cum again, fuck,” you said, pleasure loosening your tongue. He moaned at that, burying his face in your neck, biting at the skin he found as he sped up his hips.
“Fuck, fuck fuck,” you squeaked out as your next orgasm hit, every muscle you had clenching up in pleasure.
“God,” Grayson moaned, somehow moving even faster, holding himself up with one arm while the other wrapped around your waist, pulling your hips up to get another angle. “Oh fuck,” he groaned. “Jesus baby, fuck.”
And even in your blissed out state, you felt him cum, cock twitching inside you before his weight lowered onto you for a moment, arm still wrapped all the way around you. As soon as he could function, he rolled the both of you over so he didn’t crush you. You didn’t separate at all as you laid on top of him, weak and satisfied as he stayed seated inside you, both of you fucked out and content.
You knew you were probably making a mess and you neither of you gave a fuck, not moving an inch other than Grayson’s hands wandering, fingers tracing patterns on your bare skin. Eventually he rolled over, sliding out of you gently with a kiss to your forehead before he got up and went to get a washcloth. He cleaned you up, as well as what was left on the sheets before tossing the rag in the laundry. He pulled his boxers back on before climbing back in bed.
“All good baby girl?” He gave you a soft smile as he laid down. You used the energy you had left to climb back onto him, unwilling to have any space between you at all after the last three days.
“I am now,” you sighed, content just to have his skin on yours. You just enjoyed each other’s presence for a few more minutes, and then you felt Grayson laugh a little bit underneath you, making you sit up just enough to look at him.
“What’s so funny?”
“I just realized that we won the bet. I kinda forgot, I was just ready for it to be over. But now we can literally do whatever we want and E can’t say shit,” he laughed, hugging you a bit tighter.
“We could literally have sex in the living room and he can’t say shit,” you grinned, quirking a mischievous eyebrow.
Grayson just shook his head with the biggest smile, wrapping his arms around your shoulders and kissing the top of your head.
“Nah. All mine.”
#this put me through the fucking RINGER#and im SCARED cause it's my first smut on this blog#so pls LET A BITCH KNOW WHAT YOU THOUGHT#grayson imagine#lynds writes#grayson smut#grayson dolan smut#grayson dolan imagine#IM NERVOUS#grayson imagines
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Okayy so today I went through my old drawings, which I made mostly when I was like 10-14. I used to draw a lot, some say I was talented. My father used to draw when he was younger and was quite good, most possibly I got this skill from him. ( Beside all the other personality traits for example being stubborn, which is why we fight quite a lot with each other lol he says his opinion, I say mine, we can’t change each other’s opinion on something so it’s always a never ending fight jshsjf anyway ) SO I thought I would share some of it with y’all because there are some quite hilarious ones and some actually good ones.
I will start with the not so bad ones and I leave the worst ones at the end. So as you can see, I liked wolves since I was a child and what I liked, I drew. A lot. And by a lot I mean A LOT. For some reason I had this weird thing that I wrote what I drew with big f-ing letters above/next to/under the figure so in this case WOLVES just in case you didn’t notice the 4 wolves already. (I did this drawing in 2011. I was 11 years old )
I am still shocked by this huge 2 page drawing to be honest lmao. I did this when I was 10 years old !!! Wtf. Also I was in my horse phase most likely when I made this. Maybe. I am not sure but there are a few horses there which made me think that.
Self portrait thingy. There’s no date on it but as I remember I made this around late 2017, so I was 18. I took a picture of myself in Trondheim when I was in COC in September. I believe I did this for art class in school.
The Discobolus of Myron. I can’t explain but I always liked this sculpture. The form of it. Idk I just like it jsdhsk I wanna redraw this in the next days, I’m really curious how well can I manage, it’s been a while. (2010.11. the date when I drew, I was 11 years old.)
Ok here comes the fun stuff!! Skateboarding and roller skating elephants. Heck Yeahh!!!! AND !! Safety first. Look at them how safe they are. Name one safety equipment. Anything. These elephants got it. Very cool.
My name is not Virág.
My name is 🔥🐲VIRÁG🐲🔥
I wasn’t really a girly girl as you can tell.
This one has to be my favorite AHAHAHAHAAA
We had a hamster. We called him Höri. Höri unfortunately passed away 3 days before Easter. Being a child, me and my sister were absolutely devastated and cried like crazy because we lost our dearly loved pet. So to tribute Höri, I made a drawing of him and wrote a huge ass text there :
HÖRI DIED 2009 3 DAYS BEFORE EASTER
As I mentioned what/who I liked I draw. Well, this one is not really a drawing, more like a funky style of writing his name. I got into ski jumping in late 2010 and one of my first favorites was Adam Małysz. The flying mustache :,)
Don’t ask why I wrote LOL and XD there I have no ideaaa
aaaand hopefully I predicted my own future by drawing I am still flying high over 120 m. I mean c’mon, two people signed it. Me and my mom. This has to become true. Just to be clear towards anyone I wrote there : Virág (me)
I hope you enjoyed this long ass post just a little bit, I had fun for sure jshsgs This is just a very little piece of my early drawings. I have much more when I got older as well. Idk fun fact about me I guess??? Good evening everyone
#I dunno what to write in the tags#drawing#??#Höri dead#3 days before Easter#ski jumping#good evening#fun fact#let me know if you want more#it’s off season I have time#jshshs#oh actually I have some drawings of a few ski jumpers#they are not so great but if u want I can share them
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Guys Like You Chapter 12
Title: Guys Like You
Chapter: 12
Chapter Summary: When two hearts are meant for each other, distance isn’t an issue... right?
Rating: 18+
Warnings: Mentions of alcohol consumption. Angsty.
Chapters: {Prologue} {Chapter 1} {Chapter 2} {Chapter 3} {Chapter 4} {Chapter 5} {Chapter 6} {Chapter 7} {Chapter 8} {Chapter 9} {Chapter 10} {Chapter 11}
Wrapping up filming was a bittersweet event. Mostly bitter to be perfectly honest. While Faye was happy that she had completed her first big contract, she was going to miss the people she had grown close to while working there. She was casual acquaintances with a few people, but the biggest loss was going to be Henry.
You see, now that filming was over and his lease was up at his current rental property, he was moving back to his house in South Kensington. Briar was near hysterical when she found 'her room' at his house packed up. Henry spent most of that day with the little girl either in his arms, or dragging her as she clung to his leg. Not much packing was accomplished on that day.
When it was time for Henry to actually leave for his home, was the worst part of the entire ordeal. Briar had planted herself in the passenger seat and screamed every time someone tried to move her. Faye could almost swear she saw Henry tearing up when he drove away, Briar still screaming in her mother's arms.
He was loyal with his FaceTiming and phone calls, texting her as much as he could throughout the day. Not long after he had gotten home, he had to leave again for another project. This one was only supposed to take four months, but it didn't make it suck any less for Faye. Whenever Henry would FaceTime, she would slap on a happy face, delighted to see his goofy grin as he tried to show her some 'secrets' behind the scenes. Mostly the snack table, and occasionally Kal sleeping at his feet. He was so happy with what he did. Truly, genuinely happy.
While he was away, Faye had taken up a contract with some fashion designer, doing makeup for models before photoshoots and for the runway. She loved what she did, but she found doing beauty makeup was becoming boring and repetitive very quickly. She could barely remember the last time she had applied a prosthetic.
That was the biggest strain on their relationship so far. Yes, the distance was awful, but that was nothing compared to the arguments they had over Faye's job. Henry kept insisting she not renew her contract when it came back around. Faye continuously told him that she didn't have much of an option, she was in England on a work visa. If she didn't work, she couldn't stay in the country. Then Henry would suggest she take another job, and she would tell him that every offer he had was just for beauty makeup. She had had absolutely no offers for special effect makeup, like she wanted, so right back to square one.
After their latest 'disagreement' Henry had told her he was coming to visit. He cited the distance as the reason behind their animosity towards each other. Faye had a feeling it was because they were past the honeymoon phase and starting to notice all the flaws in each other. Like how he lacked detailed planning for anything, and just made general ideas like that would solve everything. Or how she would always get irritated every time he would try to help, insisting she could do everything on her own. He was stubborn and she was obstinate, neither one willing to bend when they thought they knew best.
Faye always made sure to hide her tears until after they had hung up. It wasn't because she didn't want him to see her upset. It was a matter of pride for her. She refused to let him know she shed any tears over him.
Henry would usually round his night out with either a couple shots of whiskey or an intense workout, but he made sure to never raise his voice with her. He wouldn't do that, he wouldn't act aggressively towards her, no matter how frustrated he got. She could interrupt him when he was trying to make a point all she wanted to, he refused to do anything to intimidate her or make her afraid of him.
Briar was blissfully unaware of everything going on. Henry still called her every evening to say goodnight; he had an alarm set on his phone to remind him and everything. She would even sometimes con a bedtime story out of him if he wasn't busy on set. Every time she spoke to him, she asked him when he was coming home, Henry's heart breaking even more each time she asked.
She never asked when he was coming back. She never asked when she would see him again. She always asked the same question, every single day.
"When you come home?"
It was that simple phrasing that tore him apart. She considered him a part of her home. He hadn't known her for a full year yet, but she could still get him to do just about anything she wanted just by poking out her lower lip and batting her eyelashes.
Now, standing at Faye's door for the first time in months, he didn't feel at all like he was coming home. Should he knock? Before he'd left, they had gotten to where they both just walked in to each other's homes. They gave each other spare keys and everything. He still had hers on his keychain, but she had returned hers when his lease expired and he'd just never gotten around to giving her a key to his Kensington home.
Finally he settled for knocking on the door, counting the seconds until he heard the deadbolt slide free and the door swung open.
Faye wasn't sure exactly what kind of greeting she was in for. She expected a cold one, none the less. Maybe a tight smile and a nod; perhaps avoiding looking at her and coming inside, not the giant bear hug she suddenly found herself trapped in.
"I missed you." Henry mumbled into her neck, holding her as tight as he dared, afraid she might vanish if he released her.
"I missed you too." Faye finally whispered, taking a step back to let him in when she was released from his embrace. Henry didn't make it two steps in the house before a tiny human firecracker was launched at him, barreling into him at full speed while screaming excitedly.
"And I missed you too!" Henry told the little girl, snatching her up for a hug.
"I made for you! I go get it!" Briar excitedly announced, squirming down to sprint back to her room.
"She filled out an entire coloring book for you." Faye explained, nodding him to the living room. Nothing had changed, and yet it all felt so different to him. Sitting down on the same couch he'd first kissed Faye on was now so foreign to him. He didn't even have time to speak before Briar was back, leaping into his lap and showing him her well loved coloring book. Looked like adult conversation was going to have to wait until after bedtime, which ended up taking much longer than it should have.
Faye had thankfully managed to get Briar dressed after her bath before she went running at top speed to her room, grabbing the biggest storybook she could find and dragging it out to Henry.
"This one!"
"That one?" Henry gasped, pretending to have trouble lifting the book. "Ugh, but it's so big!"
"That one, that one!" Briar insisted, grabbing his little finger and dragging him back to her room where she demanded he read no less than four of them before she ended up falling asleep in the middle of Rapunzel, giving Henry the chance to slip out unnoticed to go in search of the little girl's mother.
He found Faye sitting cross legged on her bed, working on something in her sketchbook. He cleared his throat to not startle her too much with his presence, the woman giving a small sigh before closing her book and setting it down. Now, one problem remained. How to start this conversation. Ultimately Henry just blurted out the first thing that came to his mind.
"So, what are you going to wear to the season two premiere?" As soon as the words left his mouth, he regretted them. There he went being a dork again.
"Uhh... probably my black cocktail dress. Hopefully I still fit in it. It was from before I had Briar." Faye responded after a pregnant pause.
"Seems a little simple, doesn't it?" Henry asked with a cock of his head.
"Well, I'm not part of the main cast. I get to go to the premiere because I was a member of the crew, but no one gives a shit about the crew. As long as I don't show up in a pair of sweats, no one is really going to care. We're not the ones getting our pictures taken, after all."
"You're not... going with me?" Henry asked, his brow furrowing as the corner of his lips tugged down.
"Henry I... no." Faye sighed, running her hands through her hair in frustration. Best to just get it out of the way and see where they stood once the dust settled. "You really don't understand, do you? I'm not the kind of girl you take out on dates where you might get photographed. I'm not the girl you introduce to your friends. I'm not the girl you want on your arm at some big event. I'm not the girl you take home to meet your family. I'm a fuck up and a loser. I'm a nobody." Faye paused, taking a slow breath, forcing herself to keep the tears at bay for just a little longer.
"Henry, guys like you just don't fall for girls like me."
Taglist: @Xxxkatxo @Weallhaveadestiny @lunedelorient
#henry cavill#henry cavill x ofc#henry cavill fanfic#henry cavill fanfiction#henry cavill rpf#guys like you#guys like you fic
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Exit Strategy (S2, E10)
My time-stamped thoughts for this episode are below. As always I reference Malcolm’s mental health. A lot. So if that’s going to be a trigger for you, don’t keep reading.
SPOILERS AHEAD:
0:40 - Oh it’s Capshaw’s dream. Well. That’s upsetting.
1:10 - .....she was performing surgery on herself?!!? WTF?
1:37 - The fact that Jessica broke into her adult child’s home to steal Martin memorabilia is hilarious to me. Also deeply upsetting. Because - dysfunctional.
1:40 - “In my loft? Where I live?” hahahahahahaha sassy!Malcolm for the win! Also - there is something so so cute about the way Tom delivers this line. <3 It’s precious.
1:46 - “I don’t always wake up screaming.” ....so historically we know this is true. Malcolm didn’t wake up screaming at the beginning of 1x15 when Eve was in his loft....but still... Malcolm’s mental health has been in tatters. I find it highly unlikely that he wouldn’t be waking up screaming. Especially since he was hallucinating last episode!!!!
1:55 - The Never. Ever. Room?!?!?! I’m shook. I’m amused. I’m horrified. I can’t believe that Jessica would let Malcolm keep that stuff in his loft. Why isn’t it locked up in a storage container or something? Jessica let Malcolm - the boy that Martin traumatized - sleep in the same building as all of Martin’s belongings?!?! Nah. Jessica is so overbearing .... I just don’t buy it.
2:21 - “I am ignoring the Surgeon altogether.” Awww look at how proud Malcolm is to tell Jessica about his serial killer cleanse. He’s like, “I finally have news that will make Mom happy!!” <3 <3 Precious.
2:36 - “He’s been calling. Non-stop.” annnnnnnd there’s are sad profiler. He’s putting on a good act for Jessica but he’s still clearly in a lot of emotional pain.
3:15 - Really? The writers have Jessica riding the Brightwell train now? For real? I’m here for it but it feels kind of fast? Forced? Out of left field? I mean Jessica’s totally the type of mom who meddles in her kid’s love life (remember Eve?) but in the middle of the whole Ainsley-Endicott fiasco? Jessica should be more concerned about Malcolm’s mental state and less concerned with his relationship status.
3:17 - Did Malcolm really just admit (sort of abstractly, but still) that he’s interested in Dani romantically? Doesn’t he realize that Jessica will try to interfere?!? He’s basically given her his blessing!!!
3:25 - awwwww....the pic of baby!Malcolm and baby!Ainsley is so cute. <3
3:40 - UGH. I want to know more about that key and what it unlocks so badly!!!
3:46 - “Oh great. Detective Mom.” <3 I love it when he calls Jessica “Mom” instead of “Mother”. <3
4:36 - ......Mr.David and Martin have such an interesting dynamic. Martin listens to Mr. David without showing any signs of anger, resentment, or his usual psychopathic manipulation. Mr. David controls Martin much the way a parent controls their well-behaved child. I just find it so fascinating that Martin treats Mr. David with respect. That’s not Martin’s usual reaction when things don’t go his way.
5:00 - I’m so happy we keep getting more screen time with Hector. <3 This dude’s great.
6:05 - soooo the fact that Jessica stabbed Daryl in the neck is probably going to inhibit Daryl’s ability to speak right? Making Daryl a useless source of information regarding the breakout?
6:24 - I love everything about this scene with Gil’s new car. I love that Malcolm’s “wow, the Coronet’s looking good.” is said with this little smile. As though Malcolm doesn’t really care about the car, but he knows mentioning it will make Gil happy. I love Gil’s rant about “No more Whitly’s around my car.” and Gil’s glare when JT asks about Tarmel’s around the car. I love Dani’s “boys and toys” line. UGh. It was just the little dose of found family that I craved. <3 BUT I do have one small complaint/concern. Gil. He said, “No more Whitly’s around my car.” Whitly’s. Why did he refer to Malcolm as a Whitly?
6:54 - “Some major Japan-y vibes.”.....I’m sorry the word you’re looking for is “Japanese”?!?! Anyone else get super distracted by this line?!?
7:56 - “Old people” HA. OMG. I love this so much. <3 <3
9:11 - As someone with severe social and general anxiety that has at times bordered on a form agoraphobia - Dani’s dismissive tone when she says “he’s afraid to leave the house.” hurts. Especially since it feels really out of character for Dani. She doesn’t usually dismiss people so quickly. Maybe there’s a story there? She had an agoraphobic family member?
10:14 - “NYPD. Adjacent.” Why isn’t Malcolm a member of the NYPD yet? He trained with the FBI. He’s clearly capable of being employed as a detective for the NYPD. Is it because he doesn’t want to carry a gun? Is it because Gil doesn’t want Malcolm to carry a gun? Is it bureaucracy (probably)?
10:44 - Malcolm explaining why the antique pistol won’t fire is adorable.
10:57 - This dude hasn’t left the house since March of 1997. Martin was arrested in 1998. Is this supposed to have some sort of double meaning? Like maybe Malcolm discovered that Martin was killing people in 1997 but the chloroform confused him for a while and he didn’t call the cops until 98′? Is this supposed to be a metaphor for the fact that Malcolm hasn’t been truly alive since 1997? He’s just been in survival mode - he hasn’t been living.
11:22 - “I’m not too good around people.” This dude is Malcolm. Malcolm lives in a state of constant fear and anxiety. Malcolm isn’t so good with relationships or casual human interactions.
11:30 - It makes perfect sense to me that Dani is the detective that Malcolm brings in to talk to Gerald. Forget the Brightwell agenda. Gerald is a scared old man. JT and Gil are authoritative men (they’re teddy bears but they can also be scary). Dani is a woman. Women are typically seen as less of a threat. Though Dani could totally kick just about anyone’s ass. But it makes sense to me that a scared witness would feel more comfortable around the smaller female detective than the large male ones.
12:03 - Ugh. I feel so bad for Gerald. The dude is clearly experiencing some sensory overload on top of his anxiety. :(
12:15 - hahahaha the absolute best part of this little Brightwell moment is Gerald’s reaction. This old man just connected the dots and you can see it ALL over his face. ....but also, it’s a really cute moment. <3
12:38 - “Too late if you ask me.” Is it just me or does Gerald seem protective of Rosalie here? Almost paternal?
13:03 - “You still think like a grand master” Is this supposed to be an illusion to the way that Malcolm thinks about cases? He thinks like the killer in order to solve the case?
13:13 - WHY DOES MALCOLM KNOW SO MUCH ABOUT A CHESS LEGEND FROM THE 70s and 80s?!? Did baby!Malcolm have a chess phase? I want details.
13:22 - I love Gerald. He’s such a cute little old man. He’s scared but you can tell that he has a good heart and that he’s extremely smart. Look at how impressed he is with Malcolm. <3 He’s a lot like Malcolm.
13:27 -”Memory was always my gift.” Memory is Gerald’s gift but it’s been Malcolm’s curse.
15:04 - Malcolm is so close to snapping. Look at this poor boy. He’s at the end of his rope. :(
15:14 - “Looks like you got some sleep.” Awwww proud!Gil <3
15:40 - “Agoraphobia often comes from trauma.” Yep. Malcolm identifies with Gerald. I wonder if Malcolm ever went through a period of agoraphobia? Maybe as a teen?
15:48 - .....is this foreshadowing? When the truth about Endicott comes out is Malcolm going to be deemed an ‘unreliable witness’? Or maybe that’s how Ainsley is going to try and pin the murder on Malcolm?
15:58 - annnnnd we finally got a good shot of concerned!Gil. There’s no way that Gil isn’t reading between the lines here. He knows Malcolm identifies with Gerald and he knows Malcolm is having issues with his mental health, identity, and self-worth. SOMEONE CONFRONT HIM. WHERE IS THE MALCOLM INTERVENTION?!!?
16:20 - “Are you alright? Don’t answer that.”.....because Martin doesn’t actually care about Malcolm’s mental or physical health. Martin is a narcissist who has a story to tell.
16:27 - “No. Me first.” I’m. So. Proud. Of. Malcolm. <3 <3
16:56 - “That felt good.” :) Awwww... <3 I’m proud of Malcolm for this but Martin is totally going to hold it against him in later episodes. It’s going to fuel some sort of anger. Just wait for it.
17:05 - Again. Mr. David acts like Martin’s dad. If Martin were 8 years old.
17:40 - Chrisitan Brole is a treasure. His acting is incredible. Friar Pete is creepy, likeable, funny, and terrifying. Honestly. Give him an Emmy.
20:00 - “*sigh* kid.” This breaks my heart. You can see Gil’s doubt and concern all over his face. He’s doubting Malcolm’s ability to make an accurate profile of Gerald because he knows how much Malcolm identifies and sympathizes with Gerald. He’s concerned about Malcolm because....I mean have you seen him lately? The boy is spiralling and it hurts to watch. But Gil is scared for Malcolm right now. Gil is now worried that the cases aren’t enough to distract Malcolm. That Malcolm can’t work on cases anymore. That Malcolm’s mental health has compromised his ability to work effectively.
20:50 - “We’re friends. Partners” Listen to the longing in Malcolm’s voice when he says “partners”. He wants to be romantic partners with Dani - not just work partners. It’s obvious. This boy is an open book when it comes to how he feels about Dani.
21:08 - “And she never will.” there is something about the way Tom delivers this line. How he sort of trips over the words. I can’t tell if it’s intentional or not but it works. It somehow makes it more raw and emotional. Malcolm wants so so badly to tell Dani how he feels but he’s convinced that he’s a monster. That she deserves someone more stable than him. Someone with less trauma. Malcolm is convinced that he’s not safe for anyone to love. Malcolm is convinced he’s going to snap and become Martin.
21:17 - “Sounds lonely.” I love the way Malcolm immediately dismisses this as ‘tactical empathy’. Malcolm has accepted that he will be alone forever. He’s convinced himself he deserves it. I’m willing to bet that Malcolm rarely (if ever) actually feels lonely. Between coping mechanisms, hallucinations, and trauma - I doubt his mind is ever quiet enough for him to notice loneliness.
21:27 - “You’ve spent your life mastering a game. I’ve spent mine mastering how people think.” .....ok but chess is basically about predicting your opponents moves and then Gerald graduated to people watching soooooo they’re really not that different.
22:06 - I love this. I love how Malcolm turns on Gerald only for Gerald to emphatically explain how he lives through that window. Because - isn’t Malcolm the same? How many people have accused Malcolm of being a murderer when really he’s just a man who only feels alive when he’s solving murders and putting away killers?
22:50 - Rosalie helped Gerald much like Dani helps Malcolm. But Gerald couldn’t help Rosalie because he was trapped in his trauma. .....sooooo what’s going to happen to Dani? Or is this just supposed to be a reference to the fact that Dani can’t trust Malcolm because he’s keeping Endicott a secret and she knows something is up?
22:51 - ummmmm 60bpm??!?!? That’s a borderline athletic resting heart rate for a man in his 50s. There’s no way Martin’s in that great of shape. He’s trapped in his cell most of the day.
24:28 - oooookkkkkayyyy so maybe Capshaw isn’t as smart as I thought she was. Martin is playing her like a fiddle. Although that dream sequence from the intro did make it seem like she was only interested in Martin because she craved medical power and respect.
25:22 - Martin didn’t call Jessica his wife to screw with Capshaw. He genuinely still thinks of Jessica as his wife.....this is not good for the future. This tracks with the dreams Martin’s had throughout this season of going back home to his family.
25:44 - Oh yeah. Jessica knows that woman is into Martin.
26:41 - “Isn’t it obvious? It’s the key to my heart.” LMAO holy shit.
26:56 - “I can tell when you’re lying.” “Not historically.”......Martin has a point.
28:27 - This counts as my “someone confronts Malcolm about his mental health” bingo square for the episode right?
28:35 - Look at Gil. He knows Malcolm is lying through his teeth and he’s so so tired of it. He looks so sad and annoyed. Gil loves Malcolm so much and he’s clearly concerned about Malcolm but I honestly think Gil just feels helpless right now. Malcolm is spiralling and Gil can’t help because Malcolm won’t open up.
29:15 - “When she didn’t give up Clayton he killed her. Brave girl.”.....does this mean there’s going to be an attempt on someone’s life this season? Maybe Martin tries to kill Ainsley because she’s going to pin Endicott’s murder on Malcolm? Or Malcolm tries to kill Ainsley because she doesn’t give up Martin’s location? Or Ainsley/Martin try to kill Malcolm because he tries to come clean about everything?
29:26 - “If anyone can get through to this guy it’s you.” THANK YOU. Malcolm really needed that assurance. This dude is so full of negative emotions, self doubt, and pain. Every moment he feels supported, believed in, or loved is immensely treasured.
30:26 - Oh Capshaw. You dumb dumb dumb woman. Look at Martin’s face. Capshaw has freed a monster. That’s Martin’s “I’m a raging serial killer” expression.
30:29 - Holy shit. Look at how quickly Martin put the “I’m a harmless doctor” mask. In the span of about 1 second he went from killer to angel. Michael Sheen is incredible.
31:04 - “You don’t have to be trapped in here.” It breaks my heart to hear Malcolm encourage Gerald to break free from his trauma when Malcolm is still a prisoner to his own.
31:10 - “This is your next move” “No. It’s not”. THIS. This sums up anxiety disorders. Everyone tells you to ‘move on’ or ‘take a deep breath’. They all tell you that ‘everything will be fine’. They ask you ‘what’s the worst thing that could happen.” The problem: most people with anxiety disorders know the majority of their fears (or at least the severity of them) is irrational. Most people with anxiety disorders have tried therapy, drugs, coping mechanisms, breathing techniques, ect. Anxiety doesn’t go away because you want it to. Telling someone to move on - just makes it worse. Especially someone who has lived with severe anxiety so long that it feels like a crucial part of their personality. I’ve had a severe anxiety disorder for as long as I can remember - I don’t want to heal. I don’t know who I’d be without severe anxiety. I’m scared to find out.
32:10 - “Family comes first”........soooo is Martin escaping to groom Ainsley for the family business (murder)? For Malcolm (to save him from Ainsley)? To protect Malcolm from a new Surgeon related skeleton (akin to Endicott)? WHY?
32:33 - ahhhh Papa!Gil. I’ve missed you.
33:25 - I have this headcannon that baby!Malcolm had pet rats at some point (he’d had snakes so I feel like rats would be in his wheelhouse). One day while Malcolm was at school the rats escaped from their cage and scared the crap out of Jessica. Jessica demands that the rats be removed from the home. That’s it. That’s the scene that plays in my head.
33:39 -.....Jessica is wearing a ring on her left ring finger. Why?
34:03 - “Jess it’s good to hear from you but -” They’re dating again now. Right? <3
34:06 - “What?!” Fear and confusion. That’s the look on Gil’s face. We love to see it.
34:25 - “Martin is escaping.” Look at Gil’s face. He’s terrified. He’s staying calm and acting like he’s in control but this dude is terrified that the people he loves most in the world (Jessica and Malcolm) are in serious and immediate danger.
34:50 - .....last I checked Malcolm was claustrophobic with specific closet-related trauma......
35:40 - “There’s only one play for a pawn.”.....does this mean Malcolm considers himself a pawn in Martin’s game? Disposable. Limited options. Replaceable. Of little worth? :(
35:57 - “What would you know about it Judas.” Huh. Pete is pissed at Martin. Is it because Pete views Martin’s nasty relationship with Capshaw as a betrayal akin to Judas’ betrayal of Jesus?
36:36 - Jessica using her heels as a weapon is honestly such a mood. hahaha
36:54 - Poor Jessica. The moment she realizes that she’s trapped with a killer who not only hates Martin but also has an hallucinatory friend is haunting. This woman goes from terrified to petrified. But look at her poker face. She’s brave. She tries to talk her way out of it. She tries to think her way out of it. She’s like Malcolm.
37:42 - Jessica firmly telling Daryl not to take another step right before she stabs him in the neck with a high heel is everything. Listen to her terrified screaming. She can’t believe she just stabbed the man (even if it was self-defence). This woman did the impossible while scared to death. She is a badass. She’s my hero. I love her.
38:12 - “All she had to do was tell me where my brother was. Except they were in love”.....does this mean Ainsley or Martin is going to try and kill Dani?
39:32 - “Don’t you think that’s what Rosalie would’ve wanted for you? This time make the right choice.” Wow. Malcolm is really metaphorically berating himself. What I heard was “Don’t you think Dani would want you to live without fear and guilt? This time - tell her your secret. Come clean. You’ll feel better.”
40:12 - ....so did Dani steal Gil’s keys or did he give them to her? Can we see how mad Gil is about this? Please? .....also the not-so-subtle “Dani is going to be a part of the Whitly family because she hurt Gil’s car” is not lost on me. I’m just more interested in Gil’s reaction to Dani hurting his baby.
40:21 - “I see why you like her.” hahaha Gerald is all of us. Whether or not you ship Brightwell, you can’t deny that Dani is a badass and a good friend to Malcolm. That’s reason enough for Malcolm to like her - not necessarily in a romantic way.
40:30 - Where the hell did Daryl go? If Jessica was trapped where did the man with a high heel in his neck go?!!?!
40:33 - “It’s okay. It’s okay. You’re okay.” <3 <3 The whump whore in me is in love. Forget Gillica. I’ll listen to Gil comforting a traumatized member of the team or Jessica any time, any day. <3
40:50 - I have so many questions about this escape. Are the guys sticking together? If not - do they know where the other guys plan to go/do? Where will they be getting the post-escape change of clothes (you know the ones that aren’t property of Claremont)?
40:55 - I’ll be honest, I’m shocked. They’ve been teasing Martin’s escape all season but I really thought he wasn’t going to escape until the finale. Now I’m so excited for the finale. If it’s not a Martin-Ainsley-Malcolm showdown or a Gil-Martin showdown I’m going to be sad.
41:13. - Martin and Gerald both just took their first breath of fresh air as ‘free’ men after 23-24 years. The symmetry of this episode’s two main plot lines is more obvious than usual.
41:44 - Look at Gerald being Malcolm’s wingman. hahaha it’s so cute. He’s self-appointed himself as Malcolm’s grandpa and I’m here for it.
41:51 - REALLY MALCOLM?!!? YOU CHOOSE TO LISTEN TO A VOICEMAIL FROM THE SURGEON NOW?!?! #MORON
42:29 - Martin’s entire message for Malcolm is haunting. Even now, he’s trying to manipulate Malcolm. “I’m not the man I used to be”. I’ll promise you right now - Martin will be killing at least one person in the next 3 episodes. He’s addicted to killing. End of story.
“I’m doing this for you” ....Is Martin going after Ainsley? I’m genuinely concerned that Martin thinks Ainsley is going to try and kill Malcolm or pin the Endicott murder on Malcolm. I think Martin caught wind of it and is planning on ‘taking care of the problem’ (Ainsley).
42:35 - Look at Dani. She’s terrified. For Malcolm. For Gil. For New York. For herself. She knows how bad this is and she’s scared.
42:44 - “You fath-. The Surgeon.” THIS. Dani realized that Malcolm doesn’t need to be reminded that his father is a serial killer. Dani realized that family is more than blood. The Surgeon escaped. Malcolm is in danger. But Malcolm’s father didn’t escape. Malcolm’s father has been dead since 1997/1998 when Malcolm found out he was a serial killer.
42:55 - Malcolm. :( Look at our baby. :( He’s done. Absolute horror and terror. He looks like he’s going into shock. I honestly thought (*cough* hoped *cough*) he was going to pass out. THIS is what’s going to remove Malcolm as a suspect for ‘aiding/knowing that Martin was planning on escaping’. Same with Jessica. Ainsley doesn’t have a terror driven alibi though. At least - not that we’ve seen.
AHHHHHHHH this was such an intense episode. I can’t wait for Tuesday. <3
If Malcolm doesn’t have a full on mental breakdown soon I’m going to have a stress-induced breakdown for him. Seriously.
Thanks for hanging out.
#jess-rewatches-prodigal#malcolm bright#prodigal son#gil arroyo#dani powell#JT Tarmel#ainsley whitly#martin whitly#edrisa tanaka#jessica whitly#I LOVE this show#whump#rewatch#spoliers#malcolm needs a hug#ps#so good#2x10#exit strategy#e10#02x10#S2
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Wow, hey, the rant’s here.
Just a heads up, this is (of course) gonna contain spoilers for everything up to S3 EP11 “Death Peck/Ponynomium,” so yeah, you’ve been warned. As for season 2, i’ll try to count everything but my god, it's a lot to say.
Seeing as i also have all the time in the world to rant, i will try and get into as many goods and bads, but i’m unfortunately as lazy as i am hooked to the show, so i guess i’ll take questions if i missed anything. at the end will be my plans for fanfics and fanart in the future and my last short thoughts.
Yes this is long as hell but deal with it, it’s my post, I do what I want. Be happy i got a spoiler warning on this or else this would’ve clogged your feed a LOT. (2.8k words incoming!)
I think i was nearly 12 when star vs. the forces of evil first premiered on Disney XD and it was one of the best times of my life, especially since i was just a kid who didn’t know jack about anything in life and just wanted to have fun. At the time, i don’t think i’d say that because… idk, what does a kid know about knowing the worth of ‘now?’
So when i am once again pulled into the temptation and great feeling of nostalgia and into the love of western cartoons such as Steven Universe and Owl House (which I will check out btw), i just needed to push away any worries i had and just return to what i loved when i was young. And it ABSOLUTELY did not help that the last episode I watched was Bon Bon the Birthday Clown, which is literally the front door of what i like to call ‘when-the-show-gets-real’ phase. So finally, years after its premiere and fewer after its end, here’s what i got so far about star vs. the forces of evil. I’ll go over what i consider crucial and all above.
(i’m not going back to episodes for a quick reminder, too lazy
*after about 20 minutes in, i went against my word, but thank u to alyciadweeb for uploading reaction vids, saved me a lotta time.)
Season 1.
I think the episode list was fairly strong in this one. it nicely showed what it had to offer, what was to be expected going forward and how each character acted. Its ‘left-field’ progress is very charming, refreshing and random with each episode and the subject matter of everything under the list of ‘wholesome’ coming from Star mixed in with exciting and thrilling action and fight scenes is just so good.
Some highlights from this season were (and some are very obvious) Star Comes to Earth since it’s basically season one in a nutshell, Mewberty because i find it to be pretty suspenseful and i like star’s form, The Blood Moon Ball (you know why), Fortune Cookies for introducing Toffee nicely and pushing subtle plot, Marco Grows a Beard for Toffee again and showing off what Star is made of, and Storm the Castle. no words for Storm the Castle.
Considering the starco burn, it was nice and slow while staying pretty unpredictable as to how it would continue and even more conclude. Party with a Pony, Blood Moon Ball, and Storm the Castle were great for the burn because it showed what they were willing to do for each other and even through some rough talks, they can understand that they’re both on the same page of trying to stay alive.
Going over CHARACTERS, i think the main ones have contributed greatly to the season and are layered well. Star is naive but not so much to where it’s irritatingly stupid (imo btw), sweet, and so considerate of those who are in need of help such as in Mewnipendence Day when it clicked that PERHAPS monsters had it badly in both the history and present time.
Marco is cool yet awkward, he’s obviously super cautious being the Safe Kid he is, and the way he lets his concern take control to fight or monitor Star regardless of consequences displays just how much good he has for what he cares for.
Oskar and Jackie were pretty likeable whenever they appeared, their cool nature is relaxing and easy to love, and I understand love interests being an addition to the romantical aspect of the show and I can totally roll with it. I was super into Janna’s traits considering her side being stalker-ish (okay, VERY), forward, and a huge trickster, plus her dynamic with Marco is really enjoyable and I could side with their ship.
Ludo was playing a pretty good antagonist, but not enough for me to root for him. I think the ‘antagonist’ should be well made to where you despise them but at the same time you’re hyped the next time you spot him because the story will be pushed in a direction you didn’t anticipate. Which is where Toffee comes in.
This is pretty debateable; Toffee’s introduction is an antagonist’s introduction done right, at least as far as cartoon shows go. Maybe. At his first appearance, he only seemed off, strange, a character with a very ambiguous mission. Before I noticed, he became the one I wanted to see the most, the one that would bring the show its best colors and deepest moments. And his traits just make it so much better, he is meticulous yet his plans are mysterious, unsettling, unusually still and calm, and just truly evil.
And then the next season arrived.
Season 2.
Entering this felt pretty nerve-racking, but I was also excited to catch up to when I last separated from this show. After breaking through the Bon Bon episode and finishing the season, I can say that season 2 was really, REALLY good. To me. And seeing as this prick has 22 episodes, I will try to mention all the crucials and highlights in a messy mixture.
The first episode/season debut did a great job of starting a new plot with new moving parts and staying somewhat connected with the first season. ‘Dip down’ was a really cool ability to see Star unlock, yet I didn’t catch her continuing with said ability. Ludo’s episode was really entertaining and it got me wondering where the plot was going with Ludo still involved. There’s a moment where you just know when to drop the antagonist, and with Toffee ‘gone,’ I would say that dropping Ludo would’ve been the best choice to move on.
[Ludo in The Wild, Wand to Wand, By the Book, Bon Bon, Is Mystery] Except that it resulted in the best pair of villains for the season. Ludo finally became a menace worth taking seriously, someone who had minions who took him more seriously than his previous, and with Toffee technically ‘in charge’ and corrupting magic, it was the best hint to something huge and dangerous growing in the distance.
[Wand to Wand, By The Book, Into The Wand, Bon Bon, Just Friends, Face the Music, Starcrushed] The corruption of the wands was one of my favorite ongoing points in this season. At first, I would’ve never suspected Toffee was behind it all and that it was a result of destroying the wand (it just clicked how he ended up in the wand, omfg, S3). As it kept going, I understood that the wand was never supposed to work completely for Ludo, that it was all part of a much more complicated plan for Toffee to return and just destroy magic for good. As for Star, it’s...I don’t know. The fact that her emotions, either good or bad, were mostly the ropes pulling the wand to function properly was very interesting, and even more so when Star was distracted by her own jealousy and anger towards the Jarco ship.
(And being the fanfic lover I am, I would’ve loved for the jealousy to kick up the evil magic and anger to Jackie because… ._ . Because I like drama and I’m a weeb who likes yandere moments. All love to Jackie though, great character, I just need drama.)
[Mr. Candle Cares, Friend-enemies] Before hitting the romance portion, I just wanna shove in my appreciation for the bond growing between Marco and Tom. Despite being a pretty short 2 episodes, I think they did a good job of bringing the two to a better spot in their relationship and being able to discuss Star without weird tropes such as Tom trying to keep Marco away from Star (which I guess he did, but whatevs) or Tom trying to get with Star for 11 minutes, which would’ve been pain—ful. Much love to the Tomco shippers !
[Camping Trip, Sleepover, Naysaya, Bon Bon, Trickstar, Just Friends, Face the Music, Starcrushed.] Iiiiii..The triangle was great here. I think these episodes did a good job with progressing the Jarco ship and watching Star having to third wheel or try to suppress her feelings was saddening until she was hit with her own truth, which then led to her being the one verifying it instead of hiding it forever. It was relieving that she had the chance, even if it had to lead to separation because of plot, which was the best and worst cliffhanger to leave on.
[Cont. of above.] I didn’t really see a reason to bring back Oskar in the last episode, especially at the highest point and at the very end of the season. I suppose it was for Star to try and develop a new love, something to pull her away from Marco, but like—there could’ve been many other ways to accomplish distance, no? Maybe I’m wrong, but it didn’t feel completely right when I watched it. Also I only included Camping Trip and Trickstar because I like to wonder how Starco would’ve come closer by being alone in the woods and that line Marco gives when he has his joy sucked out is just so out there. They might have been Marco’s doubts or being insecure of how it would go with Jackie, but it’s also funny to think that it was written in because of its seriousness.
[Running with Scissors.] This is just ‘The Hekapoo x Marco Fanfiction’ episode, plus I think it was one of the best concepts for an episode. One thing that does tick at me is that Marco continues to be himself instead of mentally matured since his mind has aged 16 more years.
(this is becoming longer than I guessed, but let’s keep going. Kudos if you made it here, and more if to the end.)
[Page Turner, Into the Wand, Baby, Running with Scissors, Face the Music, Starcrushed.] The Butterfly’s and the Magic High Commission. I was very hooked to Glossaryck and his connection to what I guessed were some ‘very important people.’ It always felt like he played a much bigger role than just the explainer of the Book of Spells, and that he possibly knew what cards were going to be dealt later on. The members of the Commission were all unique, loveable, and clearly held power that I was excited to see. But even after saying all that, my biggest questions rested on Moon and Eclipsa. Moon coming into the picture was a huge alarm and seeing her involved in the conflict for the safety of her daughter and magic kept me on edge. Having Eclipsa pop up often meant she would most likely meddle with oncoming situations in the next season and Baby comparing Star to her made me want to know what that meant for Star, her desires, and goals.
Season 3.
aaaAHHHHHHH—Okay, let’s make this fast. Season 3 hit me really really hard. So what better way to start than with The Battle for Mewni?
[The Battle for Mewni episodes.] As much as I’d like to peek into the romance, I need to stay organized and follow my own plan. This portion was the best way to resume the plot and I legitimately couldn’t stop until I had finished it and witnessed the conclusion. Moon’s backstory brought much more info for Toffee and Eclipsa and gave her own perspective as to how she acted when she was Star’s age; she wasn’t any wiser than Star was in the present, she made mistakes too.
[Cont.] A part of me was worried that maybe evil would have the last laugh, everything just seemed to appear as if the worst was meant to happen. Glossaryck was gone, the High Commission may never return, Star would most likely stay within the wand forever. And then I reached the battle against Toffee and it was one of the most exciting, most moving moments I have ever seen. Plus, I get to see Star not only ‘dip down,’ but morph into a whole new beautiful yet scary form.
And can I just mention how AMAZING the ending song is?! I’m a big music fan, but even without my studies and without experiencing a pile of diverse music, this ending song would continue to give me shivers and bring a smile to my face.
[Cont.] If it wasn’t for the Blood Moon’s assurance that Starco’s souls are bound together for eternity, I wouldn’t reeeaally see a reason for Marco to arrive at Mewni and become roped into the conflict. I would’ve thought that maybe this would be Star’s fight and Marco would face a much longer wait before deciding to leave and stay in Mewni. With all that said, Marco’s experience with Mewni and then returning to Earth is a good way for him to realize that he couldn’t completely forget and that he truly wanted to live there.
I blame River for a majority of it. Dumb meat cape.
[Moon the Undaunted, Stranger Danger, Lint Catcher, Sweet Dreams.] My god, Eclipsa is so likeable and I absolutely cannot trust myself with the choice of trusting her or not. She is so sweet and understanding when both Moon and Star dumped their personal problems onto her, her attitude is nonchalant and cheeky, and I can totally see where Star’s rebellious side came from, both just have their own ways and plans to get what they need. All knowledge is good knowledge after all.
[Scent of a Hoodie, Lint Catcher, Sophomore Slump.] You know, I’m somewhat glad that Starco’s bond is taking a few steps back and even more awkward than before. It was super cute (and gross) that Star continued to miss Marco to the point where she lied in order to keep a piece of him with her. I don’t fully believe that Marco initially returned to Mewni for Star but more so as a result of his days being cooped up in it. While it meant that Jackie understood fully and tore her ties with him as to make the feeling go away faster, it was a new door for Marco to enter and better enjoy than to be the ‘croissant girl.’
[Cont.] The part where the roles were reversed and now Marco was the one dropping into Star’s life was a new take on a used beginning that I enjoyed, and showed that some time needed to pass before things would return to normal.
[Club Snubbed, Demoncism, Lava Lake Beach.] I almost ALMOST had this strong feeling, this permanent question, which was ‘why the hell would you bring TomStar back?’ If it was for the Starco slow burn, I was completely certain that there were better ways to develop the ship. If I remember correctly (if I’m wrong, this is still good), Star had her attention on trying to be the best princess she could be, so why not have her try and use that as distance and denial while Marco continued as he did, like a squire, just someone by her side?
[Cont.] After about 2 days of thinking, I just decided to drop it into the excuse of Star successfully finding a new love in an old flame (ayy, fire pun). Love is just complicated like that, even Marco faced the same feeling when seeing the two and found himself a breakup buddy in the form of the great Kelly (Kellco is great btw). While this explanation suffices, I still have a pinch of doubt in it.
Conclusion.
I am not prepared to drop this show. These characters, this story, all of it just leads me to want more, for the story to continue and it’s what leads me to click the next episode but at the same time want to hold back to make it last longer. Sometimes wanting to feel what you felt before leaves a sharp feeling when it’s all gone. It feels much worse when I’m going through a big part of life, and trying to feel memories just makes you remember that it doesn’t last forever. While the Season 3 ED brings me joy, it constantly reminds me that I’ll have to finish the show soon.
But past the nostalgia, I feel a once dead love for shows return to my heart. This show reminds me that sometimes it’s okay to indulge in entertainment, in great plots and characters that you end up loving forever. I hope that I can find time for shows and bring back the great feeling this show always does when I watch it.
I’m planning to resume my fanfic writing and begin a fanart series based on SVTFOE, but also try and bring and continue other series that I love today and then. And these won’t be WIPS and drafts, I want to go all out.
Thank you for reading all…this. It means a lot. I’ll be back when I finish the whole show. This’ll be a painful, wonderful, great experience, and I won’t take it for granted.
#star vs evil#star vs foe#star vs#i need starco#starco#star butterfly#star vs the forces of evil#svtfoe#marco diaz#eclipsa butterfly#moon butterfly#star vs the force of evil spoilers#star vs the force of evil season 3#tom lucitor#jackie lynn thomas#janna ordonia#toffee
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