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1zashreena1 · 4 years

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Princess Gets A Shot -21

18+, m/f, technically OCxDiego Jimenez [Power]

Summary: Diego requests backup and then it turns out that backup really was needed.

WARNINGS: Ridiculous descriptions and ‘the code is more like guidelines’ outlook on grammar. Is it OOC if the character was given essentially zero development in canon???

Gun violence, Soft Murder Panther, the L word, come eating, pussy eating, ass eating, look, everything gets eaten here, Diego being Diego, plus size woman+fit man, actual anal, feeeeeeeels

A/N: Princess took on a life of her own and has essentially become an OC. There are infrequent mentions of her description (specifically as plus size) and her actual name in later pieces (its Bicki). She started as self-insert so she looks like me (plus size, white, short, blue eyes, curly hair). If that is not your thing, I totally understand. And do not feel obligated to read this, I will not be offended!

I’m not a fan of “plot” so be aware that most of this series is just meandering through their relationship, angst-fluff-smut whiplash style. But with dick jokes.

TAGLIST: @chelsfic @symbiont13 @nicke0115 @bunnykjm @rosee-sensuelle @girlpornparadise @mandoplease @heresathreebee @xxsteph-enrixx @jetiikad @joalsglasses @mutantcookiesecrets @demoncatstone @squidlywiddly87 @lockedoutofmyotherblog @poeedamerons @xxidontwikeitxx @kid-from-new-zealand @fleurfatale89 @allalngthewtchtower

Its 11:52am when you start shutting down your computer this Friday. Coworkers start chuckling and you roll your eyes, you know what's coming next. Tremaine pops around the shared wall of your cubicles to grin manically.

"You have the longest dick appointments ever." She waggles both eyebrows excessively and you laugh.

"Its not a dick appointment. I got a ring, bitch." You flap your left hand around in retort and she giggles madly. Your cell chirps and she makes a stern face.

"You better not be late. I bet he'll withhold punishment!" She cackles and disappears behind the felted wall to your snorts.

You grab your stuff and pull the phone out of your purse to check the text.

Take your fiancé to work day?

Increasingly, Diego has been giving you more and more access to the business. He uses literal names and real dollar amounts in conversation, its actually a little fascinating how well he manages an outfit so vast. You ask questions and sometimes help him with spreadsheets or schedules. Its all very professional and you love the contrast of how he runs the business versus his reputation.

Whatever meeting he has tonight must be more social than business if he feels comfortable enough to take you along. You trust Diego and his men to keep you safe.

What's the dress code?

You have an extensive wardrobe now, so some guidance might be helpful.

Typical club

Attached is a picture of a dark, deep, forest green suit.

Your stomach drops and your blood pressure rises. He's gonna look so fucking good.

Uhhhh. Just fucking tell me what you want me to wear

Melted my brain you ridiculous man

Sure, it feeds his ego, but its the truth. He's so hot that sometimes you don't know what to do with yourself.

The gray dress. Black shoes. Got jewelry here for you

…..no panties😛🐈

Aww yiss, you laugh to yourself.

New bling AND head?????? Goddamn bby

Don't worry, you'll earn it

You don't know if you should be amused or worried. Guess I'll find out.

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The new jewelry is a pair of very long sapphire chandelier earrings and a matching anklet. The bright blue sparkles like fire against your fair skin and makes your eyes pop. You've never known another man with such style sense.

You're standing in front of his dresser mirror admiring the earrings as they brush the top of your cleavage when Diego calls you.

"Come here, Princess. I'll give you a hand." His raspy voice never fails to give you goosebumps. When you turn around Diego is kneeling on the rug holding the anklet. Its not the first time he has helped you dress, but something about it is vaguely suspicious. Those chocolate eyes are too smirky.

You step forward and offer your right foot. While Diego fastens the band of blue stones you stroke over some newly emerging silver at his temples with a fingertip. You're so enamored with the distinguished look that it startles you when his fingers brush your inner thighs. In less than a moment Diego has his hand buried in your crotch, fingers finding your folds, and then the middle sinks into you to the knuckle.

"Aiiieee!" You yelp, completely unprepared for this development but not exactly surprised. That single finger is hot and thick, he manages to circle your cervix fleetingly.

"Good girl." Diego purrs.

You involuntarily clench tight even as you glare down at him.

"The fuck. You couldn't warn me first?" Your snarl is undermined by breathlessness as your hips roll for more. Its infuriating and amazing how quickly this man can wreck you.

"Princess." He chides quietly, "I had to check that you followed my orders like an obedient little girl." He smiles widely, clearly pleased with the both of you. Your heart trips and you curl fingers over his shoulder for balance as the heel of his palm grinds your clit. He goes on tauntingly, "Don't show this pretty pussy to anyone else tonight and you'll get a very big reward."

"Asshole. Fuck you." You moan. The dual stimulation is winding you up quickly. You gasp with disappointment when Diego pulls his hand away but it turns into a whine as you watch him suck your flavor off of his own digit.

He pulls the middle finger out of his mouth with a pop. "You will."

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The club is packed but some lackey already has a VIP booth ready for Mr. Jimenez. A huge hand lands on your lower back to usher you along, its a very couple-y move. When you sink into the plush seating Diego sits practically on top of you and wraps an arm around your shoulders. Something is definitely up here.

"So, you wanna tell me what's going on tonight?" You whisper, face buried in his neck to ensure you can be heard over the music.

Diego orders drinks, you're sure its something nasty for him and fruity for you, before turning your way. The hand on your shoulder is petting you.

"I have a new distributor as part of the side deal terms. I cannot shoot her without ruining the deal and we need this deal. But she doesn't take no for an answer. And while I respect her ambition, it is becoming… problematic." Diego scans the club as he speaks, decidedly not looking at you.

Oh really?

"Diego Jimenez. Are you uncomfortable with a woman hitting on you??" You ask incredulously. You're trying not to laugh because he clearly is.

Diego turns to glare down at you and if you were anyone else it would have the intended effect. You just smile beautifically.

"I gave you my word, did I not?" Diego huffs dramatically and glances down at your ring. Oh, baby. "And I don't like her." He shudders.

"I trust you, Diego. I wouldn't have said yes if I didn't." You intone gently. Whatever your man needs, you'll do your best to give it to him.

"Good. Now be possessive. She seems to respect women more than men. And I am not bringing my sister into this, it is ours." Diego mutters as he spots a small group of women coming in from the back. Ours? Without Alicia?? That really means behind her back. Diego, what are you doing?

You lean back casually and cross your legs. If Diego wants a calmly confident woman to belong to, then that is what he'll get.

Julio lets the tall, muscular woman in front lead the group into the booth where they sit across from you. She looks Diego up and down boldly, then licks her lips. You laugh outright and it draws her attention.

"I'm Liz. And you are…?" She leans forward to assess you. Its supposed to be intimidating but you're unconcerned. Her brown eyes are sharp, they alight on your ring as you sip your drink lazily.

"Princess." You smile without it meeting your eyes, its the icy one you reserve for frenemies and men you would enjoy hurting. Liz cocks her head and blinks, you've managed to surprise her.

"So the rumors are true. Didn't peg you as the type to settle down." You can feel Diego stiffen next to you with her reply as she turns back to him. You want to hate her, you really do, but that was a good one. That feeling remedies itself with her next words, "Although. That is more, a lot more, than I would have expected." She gauges your body and sniffs in disapproval.

The jab at your size isn't new. Or particularly innovative either. While you're certainly not amused, Diego, on the other hand, has become deathly still. You transfer the drink to your right hand and slide the left over his thigh so your fingertips slip between his legs. He is like a statue under you, so incredibly tense.

"Nothing he can't handle." You sleaze, arching a brow at her flat chest. Gradually, Diego eases while Liz snorts and rolls her eyes.

"How did you do?" Diego drawls, leaning forward to rest elbows on his knees without displacing your grip. Its a casual display of his comfort with you touching him.

"Its all spoken for. I need another load plus thirty percent. Baltimore is hungry." Liz decides to ignore you entirely. Victory.

"I'll give you twenty-five, you'll give me ten percent more of the profit." Diego continues without her agreement, "You're ambitious, but don't bite off more than you can chew." He dismisses Liz with a wave and you can tell that irritates her.

"Oh, don't worry, I don't bite the pretty ones." She is smarmy and leering. She doesn't even have any style.

"How boring." You purse your lips and look unimpressed.

"Sí. Truly." Diego huffs as he adjusts his jacket to settle back into the cushions, and further into your side. He crosses an ankle over his knee and smiles into your hair. You maintain eye contact with a silently seething Liz as she rises to leave with her girls.

Licking your lips, you slide your hand higher until you're cupping Diego through his pants and squeeze gently. Her eyes widen, then narrow with his relaxing posture as Diego melts into your public groping. She stomps off and the girls follow, one looking over her shoulder to watch you two hungrily. Something about the girl looks familiar but you can't place it.

You wait until they fade into the crowd, then turn to Diego….

Who is slouching blissfully with your dick massage. The sight makes you laugh, its adorable in a kinky way. He smiles slowly, obviously pleased with your performance.

"Perfect little Princess. You are a very good Bad Girl." Diego praises you with a low rumble. He really does look so good in this new suit. His gray shirt matches your dress, he picked it specifically to look like a matched set. A subtle sign of your status together. You're leaning in for a kiss when you hear a muffled popping sound.

Diego lurches forward to crush you to his chest and you can feel Julio at your back suddenly.

Its gunfire.

Julio picks you up around the waist and hauls you over Diego’s head and the back of the sofa to go over the railing and into Bastian's waiting hands. Diego pushes your weight up with him, then dives over, too. Bastian is dragging you toward a hallway by the time you register the location change. Your head whips around to locate Diego, left hand reaching out for him. Diego takes two huge strides to press up against you, Julio is on his back.

Another round of shots echoes in the club as people scream and panic. Its chaos, you can't tell where the bullets are coming from in your adrenaline rush and the enclosed space.

"Go, go now!" The gravelly command lengthens Bastian's strides until you pop out a side door into an alley. Manuela is outside, waving you to the Escalade. Bastian releases you to go around to the driver's side and Diego pushes you forward. You get the back door open just in time for Diego to shove you again so you land on the floor. Curling up, you give them room to climb in, too. Diego slides into the seat above you and covers you with his body, Julio layers on top of your fiancé and slams the door. Gunfire pops off outside in the alley, far too close for comfort. Manuela is still getting in the front when Bastian tears off.

"What the fuck!" You yelp angrily. As the SUV turns out of the alley, Diego tucks your head down further and Manuela returns fire. More shots plunk into the bulletproof body of the Escalade above your head and the window on the other side shatters to rain glass down over Julio. Diego growls ferociously and you reach back to grab his collar while hissing, "Stay down!"

You're not losing him. You refuse.

"Everyone's behind us, full coverage! Two more blocks and we're out, boss!" Bastian hollers as he weaves through traffic.

You keep your grip on Diego. Nothing happens for another few minutes, then Bastian whips around a corner and into the underground garage. You recognize it from the road noise and so does Diego, he sags onto you. The car screeches to a halt and everyone starts pouring out. Julio slides out the passenger side behind you and Diego crawls over you to open the door above your head and tumble out.

You lay there for a minute, shaking. Looking up reveals his men receiving orders and Manuela reloading. A large number of cartel members are guarding the closed garage door and more are headed upstairs to sweep the penthouse.

Slowly, you climb out, unnoticed in the commotion. You take stock of the damage, dozens of holes and indentations mar the black bodywork. Some are right where your head was. Too close.

It enrages you.

"AhhhhhHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" You scream at maximum volume and kick the door shut with enough force to rock the heavy vehicle. The heel of your shoe snaps off to remain embedded in the metal. The garage echoes your fury and nothing else as it fades to silence.

You whip around to face Diego and his men. Everyone is frozen in place, not a single muscle tics. Your fiancé is staring at you with huge eyes.

"Kill. Her." You growl. Your shoes get ripped off and flung away with extreme force. Your voice is wrecked from the berserker scream, you sound demonic as you stalk up to him and grab his shirt. "Kill. Her!" You repeat at a higher volume. Diego squints down at you in obvious concern.

"Do you think the shooting started right after she left BY ACCIDENT?!?" You are heedless of your audience, caring only for Diego's attention. Big hands come up to your forearms, trying to calm you against your will. He watches you closely as you pant, you know your face is red because you can hear your own pulse. You go to break away and his grip turns to steel. Diego slams you back against the door you kicked closed and pins you to the ruined metal by your wrists and hips.

Your anger morphs into fear which then fades into arousal as you feel the raw power of his body, Diego is holding your wrists so tightly it hurts. Quaking, you slowly look up to meet his eyes. The bearded jaw is tense, a muscle in his cheek jumps, and his eyes are burning. But it isn't rage you see in that smolder.

"Leave us. Now!" Diego barks ferociously. Underlings scatter but your attention is captured by the powerful man you agreed to marry. He leans in close, stealing your breath, to whisper, "If I bring her to you, will you do it?"

Will you? Would you really kill somebody?

They tried to kill me.

"Yes, baby." Your voice is low but even. Your nerves may be shattered but your resolve is solid.

Diego moans roughly, his face screwed up in a flood of emotions, then dives down to take your mouth. You open wide but can do nothing else. Body limp in his hold, you don't even want to do anything. His tongue slides on yours and he tastes like dark liquor and desperation. The beard rubs your sensitive skin raw as your mouth is seized, it ignites a fire so hot that you rub your thighs together pathetically. Diego is the only person to whom you have ever wanted to just submit.

The level of trust you place in this man is monumental.

He releases your hands and steps back decisively. The sudden lack of support makes you stumble before catching yourself with a hold in his shirt. You blink dazedly, "Wha??"

Diego grips the back of your neck and steers you to the elevator. The doors open and Julio steps out with an appraising look.

"All clear. Bastian stayed upstairs, I'll take over down here. Gordita." He nods to you affectionately.

"Thank you." Your gratitude is deep and Julio smiles softly. Diego pulls you into the elevator and jabs the door close button. When you turn around to look at him you can see his big body shaking faintly.

"Baby." You breathe and reach for him. Diego allows you to fold him down into your embrace and winds those long arms around you. Its not often that Diego requires reassurance or displays contrition.

"This is my fault, Princess. And I will fix it." The dark voice in your ear is dripping with danger. Your stroke over his hair while he nuzzles into your neck, those huge hands tight on your waist.

"You didn't know. I think I was the target the whole time, despite being virtually unknown. And I agreed to come, if I had declined you wouldn't have pushed me." You squeeze his broad shoulders and kiss his jaw.

"You could have died." He whispers softly. There is real fear in his voice, his defeated posture. It breaks your heart when he croaks, "I cannot lose you."

"But I didn't. You protected me, like I trust you to do. And I could die at any time. Car crashes, freak accidents, medical emergencies, anything could happen." You reason logically. Its probably not helpful in this moment, but its just how you are.

"Fine. Fair. Now stop." Diego mutters, not pleased with your sensibility. "I misjudged. It won't happen again."

You bury your nose in his shirt to inhale, his scent calms your nerves. "I broke a shoe. It probably will happen again."

Diego absolutely loses it and collapses onto you. His rasping howls of laughter are endearing and you giggle with him. His weight makes you hunch over a bit and your cleavage jiggles with his convulsions. Diego buries his face in your ample bust and continues laughing madly.

When the elevator opens to Bastian's anxious face he just shakes his head at how weird you two are.

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Your laughter dissolves into tears the instant you cross the threshold to the bedroom. The adrenaline is bleeding away and you feel numb. Your hands shake so badly that you can't get undressed. Stumbling into the bathroom, you stand in the middle of the room crying against your will while Diego starts the shower. He pops out from behind the clear divider wall and strides right up to you, dripping wet and uncaring.

"Princess." He sighs deeply and strips the dress up over your head, dropping it to the floor. Your hands stroke over his gleaming chest, reminding yourself that he's okay, Diego is whole and unharmed. You lean your forehead on his chest and sigh as he unhooks your bra, it drops to the floor at your feet and Diego goes to kick it away… only for the strap to get caught on his toes, forcing him to flick his foot in ever more violent movements until the offending garment is flung off through the doorway and into the bedroom.

"Fucking bras." He mutters angrily.

Your peals of laughter echo in the tiled room.

"Remember what I said about the adrenaline mix being different when we used the handcuffs?" Your speech pattern is stilted from your jaw shaking violently. Diego's big hands come up to cup your breasts, thumbs rubbing back and forth over your nipples hypnotically. Gradually, slowly, your body melts into him, his bigger frame taking your weight with ease. Your voice is even choppier this time, "I'll adj-j-just."

"I know you will, Princess." Diego murmurs into your hair. Nipples now pebbled from the gentle torture, he moves on to new territory, specifically your ass. Diego grips huge handfuls of squishy flesh and kneads, lifting you to your toes. You moan into his chest, rubbing your skin on his. Backing up, he pulls you along with him, "Here, come."

Bracing your hands on those magnificent biceps, you let your fiancé manhandle you (mostly) softly. Diego backs into the shower and you're swept along with him. His hands glide higher, over your waist to settle around your upper abdomen just under your chest, and then he lifts.

"Eep!" Your tiny squawk is met with a husky chuckle as Diego perches you on the seat in the back of the shower. The tile isn't slippery with condensation yet and you're still too short to hit the high ceiling, so you can stand easily. Conveniently, Diego's face is just above your crotch.

"Turn around." He rumbles. The dark eyes looking up at you are black with hunger. Diego licks his lips obscenely and you whine with want. You have no idea what he's going to do and you want it desperately. The tile is cold on your nipples and you shiver violently. "Now be a good girl and show Diego that pussy."

Its been well over a year, mutual confessions of love, international travel, an engagement ring, and he can still flame your face and melt you with mere words. Your feet spread automatically and you sink your back to poke your ass out. Heat washes over your core and you realize that Diego is inhaling your scent. His groan of pleasure makes you drip. Huge hands climb your inner thighs to pull your pussy wide open to his inspection.

Its both humiliating and excruciatingly exciting to be in this position, precarious enough that you're cautious about moving, completely exposed, all you can really do is take whatever he gives you. One large finger bumps your clit minutely and you squeak, then he uses two fingers placed on either side to retract your hood. The direct pressure of tiny circles on your clit is electrifying, but the addition of a hot tongue leisurely lapping over your entrance liquefies your knees. You're so wet that its audible over the sound of the shower.

"Baby…" You sound like a phone sex operator and it bolsters your courage a tiny bit. "Fuck, I love your tongue."

"Mmmm." Diego's growl is almost sensory overload. He licks every inch he can reach while never faltering on your clit. You can feel his nose sliding between your cheeks and it is enticing. You must have quivered if his next words are any indication, "I'll take this fat ass, too, little girl."

And he does. His right hand spreads you wide and he licks up over your asshole, the beard scrapes your pussy deliciously raw as you keen wordlessly. Diego dives back down to spread your slick higher with each lap. The textural contrasts are driving you insane. That sinful tongue presses into you with each pass, deeper and deeper until the tip dips inside.

Everything fades away for a moment and the only thing you know is Diego between your legs. He moans and presses further, it feels indescribable. You’ve tried anal before with fingers, it was uncomfortable and did nothing for your orgasm. This feels completely different. Your hands flail, then the left reaches behind you to thread fingers into his hair. The engagement ring catches and pulls a little, making Diego jerk and sigh. Fucker has a commitment kink, the thought makes you choke.

The growl from behind you rolls up your spine and directly into your brain. Diego changes tactics to reach around your front and rub your clit the same way you do, but never stops fucking your ass with his tongue.

"I want," you whine into the wall, hips jerking. Diego rubs the goatee harder. You suck in a shuddering breath, "Wanna come. With some part of, of you. Fuck! Inside me. In-inside. Please." Your plea is met with an appreciative rumble that makes your eyes roll back. Your begging continues, "Anything, fuck, baby, please. Please please."

Diego pulls back to sink teeth into the left globe of your ass. Your yelp is muffled, but still ridiculously high pitched. He pets over your posterior, then you feel slippery fingers where the tongue was only moments ago.

"That can be arranged, Princess. Anything...huh? What about anywhere?" His breathless taunt gives you pause. One well lubed finger presses against your rear and you truly do want it. You already feel loose and pliant, buzzing with endorphins. Swallowing hard, you nod tightly.

"Yeah." The tiny squeak of submission makes your predator practically vibrate. Diego pushes gently, you can feel the slick of lubricant, both natural and artificial, everywhere. The pressure pulses gently, each push just a tiny bit more intrusive, until the tip of his finger is inside your ass.

"Fuck, bonita. Such a good little Princess." The rough praise only loosens you further, but you squirm with the new and odd sensations. "So tight," he continues with a groan, "You let Diego fuck this fat ass? Huh? Take it like a good girl?"

"Yeah, yeah. Oh my god, fuck." At this point you might agree to anything as long as he makes you come. Your back sags further and you gasp as his thick finger sinks in to the knuckle. Its a lot and you freeze for a moment. Diego holds steady, letting you breathe and assess. When no protest occurs to you, he resumes rubbing your clit and Oh holy fuckin' shit.

You know its only one finger, but he feels huge to your inexperienced body. Full and stretched, not in pain, necessarily, but you can't say its comfortable, precisely. What you can say is that it drives you wild to be pinned to the wall and pleasured almost forcefully. Your entire pelvis is trembling tautly, you can feel the orgasm welling up, building ever higher. Tears escape and your mouth goes without your consent. "Please, oh fuck. Pleasepleaseplease, yeah baby. Yeah. I want it. I want."

"Pretty Princess. Go on. Come for Diego while he fucks both your holes." The finger in your ass rotates as he repositions his hand, there's a brush of contact to your folds, and then, Fuuuuuck, then two fingers slide home in your pussy.

Your entire consciousness collapses down to your core and then snaps. Waves of contractions so strong that they make your abdomen spasm wash over you. You clamp down on every part of him that's inside you and wail. The ecstasy is only compounded by your every sense being overfilled with Diego.

"Yes, mi amor. Come for me. Come all over your Diego." The possessive tone is gratifying as Diego rides you out. Your legs shake, then buckle, your upper ass lands on his broad shoulder and Diego is quick to extract his right hand. The feeling of his finger withdrawing rapidly is intensely weird. The left hand abandons your clit to catch you in the chest, allowing your limp form to slide down his front. His hard cock leaves a sticky trail up your asscrack before it comes to rest poking into your lower back. Your legs are still wobbly and you hang onto his thick forearm for balance.

"Oh god. What the fuck. What. The. Fuck." You ramble. Did I really just come with his finger up my ass??

"Bend over." The strained rumble comes as Diego is lowering your hands to the bench, folding you in half. You teeter briefly, but manage to keep your balance. Diego grips your hips sternly and thrusts his dick between your cheeks.

"Uhh, what. You're not gonna, I don't think I can take-"

"Relax." Diego chuckles, but it is definitely strained. Those big hands squeeze meaningfully when you lean away tensely. Diego continues thrusting in long, lazy strokes as he growls, "Come on your back. Wanna see this pretty ass covered in my come."

Oh. Okay then. Your brain is too scrambled to be concerned. It only takes a dozen or so strokes before Diego is snarling and snapping behind you, painting your butt and back white.

"Ahhh, yesss. My good girl. Perfect little Princess." He slaps your ass to produce a jiggle and you crash forward into the wall. Diego flops onto the bench beside you and pulls your cooked spaghetti form into his lap. His come smears between your back and his front, Eww.

You start giggling again.

"Now what?" Diego asks wryly. He's limp beneath you, that big body twitching periodically. You take in his huge feet below your dangling ones, his long legs melted under your weight. The broad chest rises and falls rapidly, it jostles you gently, he's still recovering. His scratchy chin lands on your right shoulder and Diego lolls his face into your hair. Your fingers lace with his and rest on your rounded belly.

"You're so nasty." You chortle. "I fuckin' love it."

#damnit diego #murder panther #rough me up then dick me down #24 fucking 7 hours in this house #zash writes #lick all the things

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hyperpsychomaniac · 3 years

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Who Says You Can't Go Home - Chapter 3

Darkwing Duck (90s series) fanfiction

Sequel to my recent fanfic The Other Side of Me

Summary: Down on his luck, the Negaverse Launchpad crashes at Launchpad’s parents looking for help. Launchpad, who has avoided visiting his family since he started working with Darkwing, returns in a panic to ensure his double isn’t causing trouble. And then it gets awkward.

Chapter 1

***

Launchpad left the Gator outside and stormed into the hanger. “Why am I always so stupid?!” Forget the planes. He just wanted to find something to throw.

Until he stepped inside. He’d forgotten how pristine his parents’ hanger was. Unlike the dilapidated hanger he’d been able to afford in Saint Canard, this was tidy and immaculate. Every plane was clean and painted. Every tool had its place, outlined in white paint on the numerous tool boards, so there could be no excuse to not put them back where they belonged.

The nostalgia hit him like a slap in the chest. This was where his love for aeroplanes had started, and grown. And it was impossible to separate those feelings from memories of his family, being here with him, and sharing every triumph and crash along the way. He’d missed this place. He wished he’d come back sooner. Launchpad gulped at the lump in his throat. “Yeah,” he said hoarsely. “Why am I always so stupid?”

The only clutter was on the work bench in one corner, which had a half pulled apart piece of equipment on it. And beside the work bench, his father’s desk. It had been there for as long as Launchpad could remember. The diagrams and spreadsheets and post its stuck above it would inevitable change, and accumulate, but they were all along the same theme. Ripcord tracked every scrap of maintenance information to do with every plane in the hanger, at least until his wife told him to get rid of all that useless paper and he’d cut it back down to a more reasonable level. There was certainly a degree of organisation to it, be it something only his father could really follow. But, seriously, talk about overkill.

Launchpad picked up the maintenance drawings left out on the very top of the pile. Despite his annoyance at his father’s over-complication of what should be a simple task, this was the easiest way to see which plane Mom and Dad were currently working on.

“Okay, I get you’re ticked at Mom and Dad. But if you screw around with Dad’s paperwork he is really going to lose it.”

Launchpad dropped the paper back in its spot. “I wasn’t going to.” He turned to face his sister and flung a hand out at the wall behind him. “I can’t believe he’s still doing this.”

“I told him last time I visited I could help him computerise it,” said Loopey. “But I think he likes it all out where he can see it.”

“That’s not what I meant. They’ve barely got a dozen planes. How much time does he waste with this?”

Loopey raised an eyebrow. “Not everyone runs their planes to failure.”

Launchpad snorted. “I do not run my planes to failure. I run them until they crash. Then I have to repair it all anyway. That seems to keep on top of it.”

Loopey shrugged, then rubbed her arm. “Listen, I didn’t know Mom and Dad lied to get you here. I’m sorry.”

Launchpad leaned back against the desk. “Its not that they lied. It’s just… I was worried! But they’re not bothered by the other LP at all. I think Mom may have scared him into behaving himself. They don’t need me to keep him in line. And I just… I wasn’t ready for this. I came out in a rush. If he wasn’t here, I wouldn’t have even come!”

“You think, maybe, that’s why they weren’t honest? I know the last few times I’ve visited, they missed you. Especially Dad.”

He wanted to say it was complicated. That they’d end up asking too many questions, and he just wasn’t smart enough to make up something which wouldn’t put DW in a spot. “Yeah, well, looks like Dad’s got a replacement now, so.”

“Oh, Launchpad. Really?”

“Yeah, I know. I’m being childish. But I didn’t want to disappoint Dad and I knew he’d be upset that I haven’t seen him, or hardly spoken to him. I knew it was going to be awkward. But then he was there with the other Launchpad he just seemed… fine… and I wanted to be able to talk to him like that, but there’s all this… stuff… we’d have to go through first. I was going to come back at some stage. It’s just… hard. And now everything’s blown up. What am I supposed to do?”

Loopey put an arm around his shoulders. “Come on, lets take the planes out. You need to clear your head. By the time we get back, Dad’ll have calmed down too. I think you two just need to sit down and talk, you know. It’ll be fine. He’s just a big softie who hoards maintenance manuals. It won’t be as bad as you think, I promise.”

Launchpad smiled faintly. “Yeah, maybe. Lets do that. For so long I’ve just been flying the…” Thunderquack. He cut himself off with a gulp.

Loopey chewed her lip. “Whatever you’re doing right now, Mom and Dad are going to be proud of you.”

Yeah. If only he could tell them.

“Come on. You pick first. Hint: make sure its something small and manoeuvrable. There’s a place I really want to show you.”

***

“If its trouble you’re looking for, I’ve got a few ideas.”

Gosalyn whirled around at the familiar voice, fists bunched.

The Negaverse Launchpad leaned on the porch railing behind her, twirling an unlit cigarette in his fingers. She hadn’t even heard him approach. “I mean, I kind of owe you one. That was getting awkward. I’ll help Gosalyn find the snacks was a perfect excuse to get out of there.”

“You don’t fool me one bit.”

“You don’t like me very much, do you?”

“You beat up Launchpad!” Gosalyn jabbed a finger back at the house. “I bet you didn’t tell his parents THAT, did you?”

The cigarette slowed in its dance about his fingers, and Launchpad looked down at his boots. “I did, actually. Brought Mrs McQuack to tears. And the look on Mr McQuack’s face… I thought he was going to punch me. And I would’ve let him. But, of course, he didn’t. At least I know where Launchpad got his good heart from. I don’t know what would’ve happened to me these last few months if it weren’t for these guys.”

“What you did was still wrong. And mean.”

“I know. But Launchpad and me, we’ve already talked about this. I apologised, and he accepted it. At least, I thought he had.” Launchpad pulled out his lighter, paused, then headed off the porch and down the front path. He looked back over his shoulder. “Well, are you coming? Mrs McQuack will kill me if I light up right outside the house.”

Gosalyn chewed her lip. Awkward adult conversation, or the seedy guy her Dad definitely would not want her hanging out with alone? There was really no contest. She leapt down the front steps and jogged to catch up with him.

Launchpad grinned at her.

“Don’t look so smug. I said I’d be watching you. I can’t watch you if I just let you wander off, now can I?”

The Negaverse Launchpad shrugged. He lit up as they walked, then pointed to a churned up section of dirt just beyond the greener gardens surrounding the house. “That was where I landed when I crashed here.”

“I bet you don’t crash as good as Launchpad.”

“I thought I did a pretty good job for my first time. And with a snapped arm.”

Gosalyn immediately stared at his arm.

Launchpad flexed his hand with a slight wince. “It’s getting there.”

“How’d you snap your arm in an aeroplane?

“Genius that I am, I thought it’d be fun to hang out with air pirates. I figured they’d be a little nicer over in your dimension. They were, sort of. Unfortunately, thanks to your Launchpad, I think I’m developing a conscience. They were nicer, at least until you call them on their crap and tell them you’re leaving.”

“And they broke your arm…?”

“No. I broke it punching my way out of a poorly constructed jail cell so I could steal my aeroplane back.”

“Ow?”

“Yeah.” Launchpad sucked on his cigarette. Smoke wafted from his nostrils as he spoke. “But I’ll be damned if I let anybody else bully me into staying somewhere I don’t want to be.”

Gosalyn kicked at a stone along the dirt track. Launchpad had explained to her, back when he’d come back home after setting up his double with his own plane, why he’d done something nice for the guy who’d beat him up so bad it’d left him sobbing on their living room sofa. But she wanted to hear it straight from the source. “Launchpad said Negaduck wasn’t very nice to you.”

Launchpad looked away. “No, he wasn’t.”

“So what did…”

“Did you want to get into some trouble or not?”

Gosalyn scowled at him, then folded his arms. Fine, he could change the subject. She didn’t have to make it easy for him though. “I don’t know. You are still Launchpad, sort of. I don’t think you’d be game to get into my kind of trouble.”

Launchpad snorted smoke, and laughed. “Seriously, kiddo?”

“Launchpad won’t even play baseball in the house with me.”

“I ain’t your Launchpad.”

“Oh yeah? You wouldn’t even smoke outside the McQuack’s house because you’re scared you’re going to get in trouble with Launchpad’s Mom. So what have you got to offer?”

“There’s an art to getting into trouble that I’m only now starting to understand since I left the Negaverse. Over there, you can cause as much chaos as you want. Especially if you work for…” He swallowed, then covered it with a cough. “Well, over here, there’s an art. I’m not scared of the McQuacks. They’ve just been really nice to me and I don’t want to upset them by setting things on fire in their front garden. But that doesn’t mean I can’t set things on fire.” He winked. “They just can’t find out.”

“Hmm. I think you just don’t want them to yell at you.”

Launchpad shrugged. “That too.”

“So, we’re going to set something on fire?”

Launchpad rubbed at his beak, then snapped his fingers. “No. I think you’d like the potato gun.”

“There’s a gun for shooting potatoes? What did the potatoes do?”

“Not for shooting potatoes. For shooting potatoes. AT things. And because if I brought an actual rocket launcher onto their property I would definitely get kicked out.”

Gosalyn’s eyes widened. “Keen gear.”

***

As the two planes - one red, one pink - climbed into the air, Launchpad felt the lead in his stomach start to dissolve. The wind whipped through his feathers and blew his scarf back. It was cold and clean and it tore away at the last shreds of exhaustion better than any cup of coffee could. This was what he’d been missing in the Thunderquack.

Loopey’s bright pink plane pulled ahead of him. She waggled her wings, then tapped the side of her head.

Launchpad adjusted his headset.

“… still testing,” his sister’s voice came through the radio. “Hey, you big doofus. Loopey is the best.”

“Yes, I can hear you now. Squirt.”

Loopey snorted. “Seriously. I am not twelve anymore.”

“Gee, I don’t know…”

“I’m assuming you’re feeling better? You seem to have your sense of humour back.”

Launchpad settled into level flight. “Yeah. Thanks for this. I really needed it.”

“Good. Now, try to keep up.” Loopey dropped her plane down to skim the desert floor and accelerated.

Launchpad fell in behind her. His sister flew deliberately; she definitely had a place in mind. He followed her silently for a few moments, thinking. Where the heck had he not flown around his parents’ place? Sure, he’d left long before his little sister had been old enough that they could go out flying together, by themselves. Some new obstacle was not just going to grow out of the desert floor. Unless… “Loopey?”

“Yeah?”

“Where are you taking me?”

“The canyon.”

It was the only place he could think of. But hearing Loopey actually say it still made Launchpad baulk. “Woah. Wait. The canyon?”

Loopey laughed. “Oh wow. Serious deja vu, big brother. You say that just like Dad used to.”

“Um, yeah. When he told us never to go fly there.”

“Yeah. When we were kids. We’re not kids anymore.”

Launchpad frowned. His sister had a point. “What was the reason he didn’t like it again?”

“He never said. Look, its a tight canyon. If you behave like an idiot, or you’re fifteen and don’t really know what you’re doing, you’re going to get in trouble. I’m not surprised he didn’t want his teen-aged kids flying through there and getting hurt. But we’re both adults now. We’ve got thousands of hours under the belt between us. We know what we’re doing. I’ve been dozens of times. You know, when I actually come to visit our parents. And… maybe once… when I was a teenager…”

Launchpad snorted. “Loopey!”

“Don’t you dare tell Dad that last bit!”

“Heh. I’m glad we’re on our channel.”

“He was just worried about us getting hurt. You know what he’s like. Trust me, it’s fine.”

“So, they know you go there now?”

“No, are you kidding?”

Launchpad laughed. “Okay, yeah. I think if I go to the scary forbidden canyon behind Dad’s back I can probably just about manage to talk to him when I get back without acting like a three year old. Get the rebellion out of my system. Thanks, Loopey. You really are the best.”

“And don’t you forget it. Okay. There it is. Two o'clock.”

A sheer cliff rose out of the desert surface. Loopey banked towards the crack she’d indicated and Launchpad followed, tight on her tail.

“It varies in height. But deep enough for two planes, so skilled pilots such as ourselves should be able to pass. It you decide you need to bail, check what’s up there first, or you’ll clip your wing on a branch or a rock or something growing over the edge. There’s a few narrow bits. But if you just concentrate, and stay on the line, you’ll be fine.”

The desert sped past beneath them; the crack raced towards them. “Got it.”

“Oh yeah,” his sister said as she lined her plane up with the entrance. “It’s a race.” She darted into the gap.

“Hey! Little sneak!” Launchpad didn’t bother sending the message through the radio. He grinned and barreled in behind his sister.

A pink tail darted around the first bend. Launchpad floored it, and concentrated on eating up the distance. She’d gained a slight lead. And her flying had gotten better since he’d last seen her. Her plane swayed along with the undulations of the canyon, perfectly in rhythm. She’d definitely done this before.

But the canyon walls were no tighter, comparatively speaking, to threading the Thunderquack through the skyscrapers of Saint Canard. Launchpad did that every second night. If he didn’t need to cover for DW, he could’ve told his sister that. Launchpad shook off the thought. He kept on her tail, cutting the corners tighter and tighter.

He saw his chance, he dipped the plane down, wheels just clearing the rocks below, and swooped underneath her, taking the lead. “Hah! You’re going to have to do better than that if you want to beat the great Launchpad Mc…”

Loopey shot clear over his head, did a complete sideways roll, rocked left and right, then angled her plane at the last minute to clear the next bend.

“Show off!” Launchpad drew in a breath and focused. He’d underestimated his little sister. But, like most people, he doubted she had as much experience crashing as he did. And experience crashing meant he had experience getting close to a crash without freaking out.

She knew the bends, but she was not getting anywhere near as close to those rocks as Launchpad knew he could. He caught up quickly. The canyon decreased in depth. Loopey was keeping down low, so he pulled up above her. His wings were about a foot or two from the top of the canyon. If he had to bail, he’d lose the race on a technicality. But the position meant he could also keep his sister from pulling any fancy moves on him.

“Launchpad, pull up! I’ve got to clear that…”

Now that was just low. There was plenty of room to… Launchpad saw the rock jutting out of the canyon wall, down at his sister’s level. In the position he’d forced her into, it’d cleave off half her wing.

Launchpad yanked up on the control yoke, at the exact moment his sister slammed her upper wing into his wheels. He shot out and over the edge of the canyon. Below him came the scrape of tortured metal and pulverised rock billowed up into the air. “Loopey!”

Launchpad banked his plane around, bleeding off speed as quickly as he could. He still shot back over the canyon far too fast. A flash of pink caught his eye, bouncing along the canyon floor, but disappeared again just as quickly.

Launchpad scrambled for his headset. “Loopey, Loopey! Come in. Are you okay?” Then he yanked his finger off the send button, leaving the channel open, and forced himself to wait.

The siblings’ channel, the one they’d used ever since their parents had given them their first two-way radio set, and they’d called each other from either end of the house, was filled with nothing but static.

“No, no, no…” Launchpad banked around again and landed the plane. He trundled right up to the canyon’s edge and leapt out, heart hammering in his chest. He cupped his hands to his beak. “Loopey!”

He caught sight of her plane below. The dents of his wheels were in her upper wing. The very edge of her wing had been sheared clean off. The canyon wall wasn’t that steep. He could climb down. Launchpad alternated between sliding and grabbing for handholds. His shoulder slammed into the dirt behind him in his rush and he skidded the last few feet down.

He was on his feet in an instant and ran for Loopey’s plane. “Loopey!”

Loopey leaned heavily against the side of her plane, hugging herself and drawing in steadying breaths.

Launchpad barrelled into her. “Loopey, I’m so so sorry.”

Loopey threw her arms around his neck. “The hell were you doing, Launchpad? I was telling you to pull up.”

“I know,” Launchpad sniffed, face buried against her hair. “I thought you were messing with me so I’d lose.”

“Not with something like that.”

“I know.”

Loopey pushed him gently back. Launchpad cupped a hand to her cheek and wiped away a stray tear from her feathers. “Please don’t cry.”

“Pft.” Loopey waved his hand away. “I just scared the crap out of myself. Besides, you are too you big dummy.”

Launchpad rubbed at his eyes, then turned his attention to Loopey’s plane. “Well, you managed to land in a canyon. That’s… impressive.”

“I cleared most of that rock after I had to ram you out of my way. Still clipped the wing though. That tends to slow you down pretty quick.”

“You’re not going to be able to fly that back, you know. Even if we fix it, we can’t take off in here.”

Both of the siblings turned to each other and winced.

Loopey snapped her fingers. “The jeep. It’ll be able to tow it out. And we can bring the parts to fix the wing. Just need some sealant and we can bolt or rivet that loose strut back down.”

“We can climb back out of the canyon. I’ll fly you back. We might just be able to get it back before Mom and Dad find out.” Dad. Launchpad groaned. “I think I need to sit down.”

“Woah, hang on.” They both sat in the shade under Loopey’s wing. She put an arm around his shoulder. “You okay?”

“I don’t know what’s scarier. The thought of facing Dad, or nearly killing my little sister.”

“Hey, this was not all your fault. This was super dumb. I should’ve at least taken you though the canyon to scout it out before we tried racing each other. That bit of rock I nearly ran into… it wasn’t even there last time. Something must’ve shifted.”

They sat under the wing for a few minutes more. Launchpad felt his heart starting to still. Well, turned out crashing was a whole lot scarier when someone you cared about was doing it. Who knew? They still had to get that plane back without letting their parents know what they’d done. It still set him on edge. But… it was better than the alternative.

“Hey, Launchpad?” Loopey said eventually.

“Yeah?”

“You know that awkward moment when you realise your parents were right?”

Launchpad groaned and put his face in his hands.

***

Chapter 4

#darkwing duck #darkwing #launchpad #launchpad mcquack #loopey mcquack #nega launchpad #negalaunchpad #gosalyn mallard #dwd #dwd91 #darkwing duck 1991 #darkwing fanfiction #darkwing duck fanfiction #disney ducks #90s cartoons #fanfiction #fanfic

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leagueofawesomedudes · 4 years

Text

2020 LOAD Week 7 Preview

Alright boys, we’re friggen back. I sat at my computer watching a rant-filled groupme conversation as I flipped back and forth between the 37 tabs of the historical data LOAD spreadsheet when I came to the decision 6 weeks is long enough. No longer will you be deprived of my majestic, dare I say, God-like pen to paper fantasy football previews. That’s right, pucker up your buttholes and be ready to masturbate with your tears of joy, laughter, and distraught as I destroy each and every one of you. No Browns talk, no putting it lightly, no bullshit.

Before I start, TJ we appreciate your commissioning efforts in the 2020 season. This is not in spite, I just really missed the preview articles and is my push to somehow keep them around.

And now back to your regularly scheduled cheek spreading unadulterated fun.

“Jared, wait for this sick drop” The Injured Reserve (1-5) vs.

“Burg, I think these guys actually want to fuck me” Can’t Guard Mike (3-3)

If Jon’s not ferociously defeating the CoCo (Covid19) or nervously giggling as the Squad guys make questionable sexual advances on him, he’s putting together a solid team. I mean you can’t knock a guy with a 3-3 record when you’ve scored the most points in the LOAD. Buuut I’m going to anyway. Suck it Jon. Casey’s still recovering from drafting Joe Mixon in the first-round last year but I will say has elevated his strive for the playoffs. He even did a trade! Good job man someone had to respond to Dom eventually. Your participation in the Groupme on game days (mostly Monday nights) is welcomed and if you ever schedule a tee time at 7am that doesn’t also require a 2 hour commute I’m totally down. Unless Doug’s there I’m all set on my 401k. Unfortunately for Casey, Jon is returning Michael Thomas after his teammate altercation (HideYoWifeInNawlins?) and looks to earn a playoff spot the old-fashioned way with his record.

Jon > Cholly

“The Snowman” SheDiggsMyCobb (0-6) vs.

“Why’s the Snowman doing all my coke” Pelting Coopers (4-2)

Bennett as much as I appreciate you on my side of the Kicker argument your record is almost making me want you on the other side. We’ve all seen the “historical” data showing where you stand but you do realize you have to get W’s or you fall behind right? This is what you get for recklessly abandoning your strong stance on a roster full of white players only housing 4 on the roster? And to think we all depended on you. Dom I have to say we all enjoy you a lot more without the bullshit time advantage our previous waiver wire system afforded you. The FAAB system has given us all new found time and sleep on our hands but unfortunately for you has also opened the door to the testing facility every other Wednesday. No one blames you with the LA puh and that hair of yours. Speaking of trade rapes, no one talks enough about the Hunt for Edelman straight up during a tough Browns opener and an extremely intoxicated Chad. Well done sir, whether ethical or not, well done. Bennett stays as defeated as his meat on page 113 of XNXX and counting, and takes the L.

Salami > Benito

“What’d you say you use to slow balding? My friend was wondering” Dj Play Moore Drake (2-4) vs.

“Bro check it it’s River, like Rocky River, where I live, get it?!?!” jared donovan’s team

Man, I’ve seen few people more confident than Paul heading into the season. He had the mock drafts, the magazines, the insiders, hell even Reddit! And yet here we are. You all thought I was trade raped but yet here. we. are. Our loving Paul with the closest thing to an unbreakable spirit, almost broken. I do think there’s potential for a rebound this year, but Jared is totally trying now and never was before last year so it won’t happen this week. New house, new puppy, same Jared. Guy throws a moving party on my birthday weekend of all weekends. Just when you think Jared can’t surprise you any more, he gives me an entire day to show off how fucking big I am in front of all my friends. No ladies, your boyfriend is still not bigger than me. Thanks again dude it was the highlight of my 2020. Jared somehow gets one of the top QB’s in the league AND Darius Slayton for a rookie QB potentially on the rise and he’s in a spot to continue to do some damage in the LOAD. Paul, you’re going to need one of Jared’s 3 hour long showers to recover from this beatdown.

Jerry > Pav

“I’m not triggered but CEH’s game was undisputedly the 1st game of the year” 2 Younghoes 1 Kupp (4-2) vs.

“Wait I don’t have Wentz anymore?” Under the Influwentz (2-4)

A Mr. Douglas Yeckley is the latest to join the fiancé gang and I personally can’t wait until I hit my annual quota of 1 face to face hang out at the Secret Santa to congratulate him in person. I’m still trying to figure out if he checks his email more than the groupme and actually knows he’s the second-best fantasy manager in the LOAD. Yahoo favors the autodraft, can’t wait to see how he does without it next year :) Sam, Sam, Sam. Trying to determine how I feel about writing this on your birthday. I can hate on your dedication to Fantasy as much as I want, but gosh darnit do I have to respect it. Especially with Ashley calling all of your shots this year. We all know she’s been the brains behind this operation this year. Just wait bud, that spreads into all decisions you make real soon. The old “well her lease is up so it makes sense” is how it alllll starts my friend. Won’t be long until that hair of yours starts to look like mine and Pauls. And just because I always root against you, I’m sticking to my guns.

Fur > Sammy

“You said she’s 18? Nah too old for me” Street Charks (3-3) vs.

Dad (6-0)

Battle of the daddys. Chad out on the streets, and Shawn in the burb life. I’ve been sitting here trying to determine which one of their kids has a better chance of coming out with a bomber on. History repeats itself so I think we have the answer. It’s not often I’m called a trend setter, but this may be the start. Shawn needs to watch out as Chad’s newly shaved arms not only make him look more jacked, aerodynamic when he fights, but it also packs an extra punch in fantasy. Shawn’s the only remaining undefeated team left, but I feel the walls are closing in on him with some injuries to the roster. Even as he’s reading this Chad’s defending Shawn in his head, and giggling as he hears “Right Shawn?” “No, left Shawn”. Just hoping I can get one random, witty comment from Shawn in the groupme from this and I’ll feel accomplished. You’re upset of the week boys, you heard it here first.

Wardog > Carothers

***Game of Ze Week***

“It’s actually classified as hair-thinning, that’s all” Kickers & Defense (4-2) vs.

“Oh yeah? Well my friends all tell me I’m the best commish they’ve ever had” Tony Time (3-3)

If you thought I was going through all of this trouble to write this and not putting myself as the game of the week you’re dumber than Malik. And with that, I’ll lead into a fan favorite, story time:

It’s a brisk Fall morning amidst a global pandemic but more importantly, fantasy season. The squad members have begun to wake and start their days. It’s Friday, so Solden has already been trying to get the troops going as Chad frantically thinks of things to talk about. A small tickle from his mustache causes Tony to slowly open his eyes, taking in a deep breath as Petey licks his face. It’s a calm 8:45, so he still has time to drink his coffee outside before starting his day. As he scrolls among the 37 groupme notifications he figures, why not download the Yahoo app and see what’s going on. Notifications? Hmm I wonder what that could be. His eyes widen. Mouth drops. Sweat begins to pour as The Darth Vader coffee mug slips from his grasp. *Justin Herbert – Questionable (ribs)* *Dionte Johnson – Out (back)*

*Clyde Edwards-Helaire – Questionable (Ankle)*. This can’t be he says. I rallied them all yesterday it mustn’t be! These trades were fool proof! He frantically sprints over to the computer as Petey sits next to his empty food bowl. “At a time like this?!? Not now Petey!!!” He repeats in his head chant-like “The spreadsheet will have the answers, the spreadsheet will have the answers” as he frantically logs in. No… No it can’t be…. He had it saved to the desktop he’d just edited it the night before for 9 hours! Noooooooooooooooooo!!!!

“Tj wake up” He jumps. He checks his mustache to make sure it’s still there. It was just a dream. And all is right in the world again.

Solden > Tj

What’s that Jon? I can’t hear you with Trumps dick in your mouth. Boom Roasted.

Tj is your full-time job as a Commissioner or at Park Place? Boom Roasted.

Dom a 3 is still a 3 in LA we all see the snaps. Boom Roasted.

Shawn locked yourself out of your house lately? Boom Roasted.

Sam when’s the coronavirus peak coming? Boom Roasted.

Jared it’s going away right after the election, right? Boom Roasted.

Doug I’m not talking about work at Secret Santa. Boom Roasted.

Chad a 3 is still a 3 in Lakewood we all see the snaps. Boom Roasted.

Casey I miss driving you to O’Bleness. Boom Roasted.

Paul I’m writing this while I’m working from home at home. Boom Roasted.

Bennett I’m writing this while I’m working from home at home. Boom Roasted.

Malik you’re an idiot and can’t read this. Boom Roasted.

Damn that felt good. Until next time boys. Solden out.

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alifeenhanced · 4 years

Text

What Online Business Tools Do I Use?

When thinking about the tools I have bought over the years for my business it always makes me shudder.

To understand why we have to go back in my life for a bit of a history lesson . . .

Jeepers, I know I am getting on, but I am not that old.

On with the story . . .

The Parable Of The Fool

I am going all the way back to 2014 when I first got interested in making money online.

First, let me warn you. If you are new to online marketing, then make sure you read this. It is important and will save you a chunk of hard-earned cash.

In those early days, I was a total novice. I assumed making money online involved creating up a single page website, posting it online, and then waiting for the money to roll in.

I believed what the guru's were telling me. 'Get it online, it will be there forever bringing money into your bank account.'

Believe me, it doesn't work like that.

If you receive an email from anyone saying that, then scroll to the bottom of it and hit the 'Unsubscribe' button. You do not want advice from anyone like that.

Now learning about how to make money online is tortuous for the majority of people. 'Newbies' who come into this industry often need to make money because they don't have any to start with.

The problem is you get drawn into buying cheap products from JVZoo and Warrior+. Most are not going to solve your problem.

At the price offered they are not going to be a complete solution. It is like getting 5% of a jigsaw puzzle. Even if you manage to put the pieces roughly where they should be you might get an inkling of the picture. That is if you are lucky.

The next thing you do is buy another product with another incomplete solution. It doesn't help, because it is a different picture.

What you need is to buy a package with a complete solution, except these cost big money. And you don't have big money.

Also, many of these packages are still incomplete solutions. They may give you 50% of the picture. Why? Because the guru wants you to buy their coaching, which is where they make the real money.

Even then, the coaching might not be the whole story. For that, you have to pay yet more money for their 'Mastermind' program.

It is not all doom and gloom though. On the odd occasion, you stumble across someone like myself who has been around the block and will help you. Are you feeling better now you have found me?

Most of the packages people buy when they come into online marketing never get used. It's a sad fact.

There are several reasons why:

The package is incomplete

The package is a solution to one small problem

The package is not supported well by the owner

The package does not do what they say it does

I could go on.

It is very easy to get into the mindset of believing the copywriters who market these products. They are professionals whose purpose is to make you feel you are making a big mistake if you don't buy it.

In the end, you jump from one product to another. You believe Product B will give you the knowledge you lack to make Product A work.

It won't.

Flitting from product to product like this is what people call 'Shiny Object Syndrome'. It affects the majority of wannabe online business owners in the early days. Even experienced people who should have learned their lesson can stay afflicted.

It is a bad disease and it costs you a lot of money. I know because I had a bad case of it.

Back To The Present (Almost), But Still On My High Horse

A few weeks ago I went through my list of tools and training I had purchased over the last 5 years. The main email address I used to sign up for these products in the early days was expiring. I no longer use it so didn't want to pay another year's domain registration fee.

My plan was to revisit old tools and training to update the email address to my current one.

What I found was shocking. Like stun gun shocking.

90% of the stuff I had purchased more than 2 years ago no longer existed!!! Gone. Kaput. It had dodo written all over it.

Even some of the more up to date stuff had vanished too. The domain names were no longer registered.

They had shuffled off to the resting place of digital ones and zeroes - binary heaven.

One of these training packages I had paid $497 for. It was for a lifetime account.

One thing you learn is that a lifetime account usually means for the life of the product. It is not for your lifetime. The lifetime of a product can be as little as 6 months!

Now, before you go into complete despair, there is hope. My aim is to help you avoid some of the pitfalls I encountered.

You may ask why most product vendors don't offer this advice too? The answer is if they did you wouldn't buy their stuff in the first place.

The truth is, there ARE some good people out there. I have products that are still valid after 5 or six years. In fact, they are still marketed today. Some of these are inexpensive products too.

Going through my backlog of woe, I discovered who some of the good guys are. For instance, my first mentor John Thornhill has the majority of his products still working and available for sale.

The same applies to a marketer called Kevin Fahey.

Both of these guys produce their own training and tools and are still active today. John Thornhill has launched the careers of a few decent marketers. His 'Partnership To Success' coaching program is responsible for putting these people on the map.

His training is good and his philosophy passes on to his students. If you complete his training you have a high chance of success. This is because John backs you all the way. Your success is his success. His business grows as your business grows.

You can find out how to access John's coaching program for just $1 by clicking this link.

'Stop Rambling And Get On With It'

Anyhow, back to the job in hand.

I sifted through all the training packages and online tools I had purchased over the years. I didn't dare add up how much I had spent. I wanted to be able to sleep that night.

What I ended up with was a lot of tools and a lot of training that had taught a lot of the good stuff I now know. Yes, there is some decent stuff out there thankfully.

I made a list of the useful products in a spreadsheet, with notes explaining what they did. I included login details and URLs and denoted if they were a tool or training.

I found some gems. The list I compiled offset some of the annoyance of so much deadwood. In fact, one or two of them will play a major part in what I build for my business. The best part is I bought them when they first hit the market and paid a pittance for a lifetime account.

One package I paid $49 for a lifetime account. The same package now costs $92 a month because the tool has become popular. I purchased to top package that they have since developed even further.

Stick with me over time and I will teach you how to get these types of products at these 'early-bird' prices.

My Good Intentions

My intention is to build a list of the products I use and the products I recommend. This will be available on my website. It will help you make the right buying decisions.

I also intend to provide reviews of many of these tools and training so you can judge if they are right for you too. I promise I will be honest in those reviews too.

I will also review some of the major products as they get released. These will be the ones the marketers will be pushing hard. I want you to know if they are worth buying or not.

My aim of these reviews is I want to build your trust. I can't see how I can achieve that if I recommend products to you I wouldn't use myself. Especially if you don't use them either.

Many of these products I will make a commission from if you buy through my link. They won't cost you any more money than if you bought them anywhere else. The commission payment comes the product vendor as a thank you for recommending you.

It is the same philosophy as the profit a retailer makes on any product they sell you. They make money for recommending a product to you.

To continue to make commissions I need people to trust me. I won't gain trust if I recommend everything that hits the market. Especially as most of it is poor.

It is sad, but this is how most marketers operate. They recommend products to make their commission. Their commission is all they care about. This is why so many poor products keep appearing on the market.

My role is to guide you away from these and to products that are helpful and provide a useful function. I will tell you why they will help so you can decide if you are one of the people who would benefit from them.

Sound reasonable?

Avoiding The Pyrite

Finally, I want to wrap up this state of the (Jenkins) nation.

'Hoorah', I hear you bellow.

In the last few weeks, I have purchased some other products that I felt filled the gaps I needed to build my business.

They weren't cheap. I have got past that stage. But they are effective.

I have the experience now to tell the difference between gold and fool's gold (also known as pyrite). Can you tell I used to sell gemstones and crystals?

I have most of the tools I need to start my business. I will let you into my vault where the gold resides over time. So pay attention over the coming weeks and months.

Until next time, although I will leave you with one thought:

If it has the price tag of fool's gold it most certainly is. If it has the price of gold, seek expert advice before parting with your fortune.

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sheriflavored · 4 years

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I was talking to a friend earlier about the weekend. I told him D and I went fishing and shooting this weekend. Then we started talking about guns. He loves guns too, we had no issues going back and forth with (the my very limited knowledge of) guns. He brought up an experience he had with a girl he has a crush on (who I also know) and how one time he overheard her having a conversation with some friends about paintballing. He said the group asked if she wanted to go paintballing, which she responded, “Why would anyone participate in something so terrible” (reference to guns). But it was paintballing. I can see where she’s coming from since I also know who she is and aside from politics, I like her a whole lot as a person. But she is one of many people who very adamantly falls into the anti-guns bucket. And here’s where I have a problem. To be clear, I have absolutely NO PROBLEM with folks liking guns or not liking guns. I believe that everyone can make their own decisions and have their own POVs on guns but I don’t think you can truly have a conversation about guns without acknowledging the mental crisis/lack of good affordable healthcare. So while I personally think that reaction to paintballing was unnecessary it begs the question for debate--do we, as the US, have a gun problem or do we have another deep rooted issue we should address where this current gun problem is a symptom of? Joe Rogan recently state “This country has a mental health problem disguised as a gun problem, and a tyranny problem disguised as a security problem”. I don’t think the root of the problem is a mental health problem as the true root cause. I think the true root of the problem is lack of affordable healthcare. People don’t just pay an annual/monthly premium and are offered any healthcare service they need. People can’t prioritize their health before checking their bank accounts and creating budgeting spreadsheets to see if they can afford to live. When we think of going to the hospital, we immediately imagine big dollar signs and starving before the next paycheck comes in. It absolutely shouldn’t be like this, and it absolutely shouldn’t be like this in a leading world power of a country. That’s the problem here, we don’t treat the people of our country like people. We have ingrained in ourselves that our lives have a price point and constantly wonder if we are worth the money to stay alive. So yes, the severe mental health crisis is a symptom of a poorly implemented healthcare system in the US. People can’t even entertain the idea of going to the hospital or seeking medical attention without asking, “Am I worth it?” On top of that, there’s just a general stigma around mental health issues because they aren’t tangible/visible for everyone to see. As if insomnia, depression and anxiety aren’t really things that can affect a person’s quality of life. Gun violence is not only a symptom of mental healthcare and transitively from the horrendous healthcare system (dare we even call it that?), but a combination of various other issues we have. Namely, a lack of access to education and a standard of living (healthcare, universal income, etc). Guns should not be yielded by folks who lack stable mental health and good education. You would think that’s so simple and easy right? But if we take a look at every psychopath (loosely) who has killed another person for self gratification...there’s likely some kind of mental break or lack of education there.

I’m sure other issues as well but I don’t think we should ban all guns from everyone because there are bad apples. I can probably talk for a while on this subject but just something that’s recently been bothering me quite a bit.

#personal #2020

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violetsystems · 4 years

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#personal

If you haven’t really noticed already I’m a creature of habit and schedule. Which is probably why I’m back here writing this morning. Mostly because I feel like I have some constructive things to talk and open up about. Emotions aside they can be too easily manipulated sometimes. Everything I put out there gets manipulated in some way or another. It’s whether or not you feel you are respected or not. And lashing out at one thing can suffocate the atmosphere in other realms. That’s a long difficult talk that I’ve had over and over again on here for years. How I have to keep an open channel but it gets jammed frequently. It’s been a lot more quiet lately. There have been some changes in my life in the last couple of weeks on vacation. More money for one but less at the same time. I live inside of a monthly spreadsheet for personal finances so none of it really matters. I have goals. I spend a lot less but I budget everything out I need. I think with the stability I’ve carved out for myself I worry less about the future in that regard. I have a job. It sucks sometimes. This city can be a beast but it’s far less confrontational than New York. My dad often says that the same problems you find in a job you will find anywhere. He also kind of gave me the advice to stay the course and keep doing what I am doing. I’m already prepared for the bullshit here. I already know where I want to be. Neither of my parents know specifically what my plans or dreams are. They know I travel to New York now instead of overseas. But the specifics are frustratingly hazy. They never pry too deeply. Which is why i love them both. I took my mom out for lunch yesterday in Chinatown. She took the train and I met her at the stop. We ate roujiamo at the usual spot. I told her if I ever travelled alone again internationally it would be to China. She replied that I could also visit Hong Kong and say hello to my cousin. I told her I’d rather stay away from the drama even though it’s still China all the same. I would probably hit up Shanghai and Macau. The only two places I’ve been in China alone for any period of time. I spent a day in Macau once. I ate Indian food at this restaurant alone just before hopping the ferry back to Hong Kong. The owner sent the server over to invite me to join her and her son at the table. It’s a moment of kindness that sticks with me to this day. I was in a tank top covered with tattoos. Knowing where you are valued for just being you and knowing where you fit in is a sanctuary in and of itself. Lately I feel like I finally do have a reason to stay in Chicago. Even if it’s just to paint the walls of my apartment which hasn’t been touched for over a decade. Kind of like my personal life.

For the record I’ve spent my time alone getting my shit together. Chicago is cheaper in the long run. You wouldn’t know it from the taxes. I was in line at the dispensary and this guy behind me was remarking how shitty the experience was for him. I couldn’t tell if he was an op or an undercover. That’s why I always stay measured and positive in my responses to people i don’t know in public. I said Chicago as a city made 3.2 million in sales the first day. Colorado as a state in 2014 made 1 million in taxable revenue. There aren’t very many places to purchase right now. So if you believe in taxation with representation I think the future looks bright. The medical dispensary does not sell flower right now to reserve for its medical patients. I believe that’s fair. I also believe it’s not a good idea to abuse the medical system when recreational is getting its feet on the ground. I also know big Marijuana exists and lives in a mansion outside of the city. Illinois has been fairly good about being mindful of the social justice aspect of the transition. But things are still a bit messy and deceptively capitalist. I bought a small jar of candies to try. You could only buy one. It doesn’t really change much in my situation. It does give me options. It doesn’t mean you shouldn’t act responsibly. The ambiguity is still there. It’s in running distance. It’s in a weird industrial medical district about a mile from my house. I run past the FBI building to get there. I flicked the sign off yesterday without a second thought. They should already know where I live by now. I’ve been on the same schedule for years. And frankly I’m through taking shit from anyone from here on forward. I’m sure there’s no hard feelings. Just hard candy. Life in Chicago for me has been harder than normal. I stop complaining and started living it. I don’t go out and yet everyone knows who I am. I should rephrase it that I don’t go out to clubs. I don’t drink anymore. New Year’s was pretty quiet. Most of my friends spent them with their significant others. I spent New Year’s day throwing out trash. People keep saying my space feels larger than it did. I bought another larger litter box for my cat. She hops out of it now like a princess. If someone were to show up at my door without notice it wouldn’t be a big deal. If the love of my life simply teleported into my living room I’d be ready for them. But really finding stability in a chaotic world is hard for anyone. There’s people that find stability boring and they probably don’t read anything of what I write. I walk outside of this apartment and it’s a little like Pulp Fiction on overload sometimes. I’m a little less overwhelmed by all of it but it is exhausting. Which is why I spend more time on my home and making it more livable. It feels a lot more like New York these days. Which I’ll be back to near my birthday. I haven’t celebrated it really for years. I got a call from an alderman wishing me well in New York last year during fashion week. Truth be told I hardly ever leave our political ward. Just like I don’t spend my time where it’s not appreciated.

A ward is a local authority area, typically used for electoral purposes. You can probably apply the same thinking to brand loyalty. But being more mindful of how and where you spend your time and money can yield interesting results. I do think people worry less about me these days. The idea of being too risky can make a lot of people uneasy. It can also attracts some real shit shows. Just like our president tried to push brand America, there’s something to be said of brands New York and Chicago. I might even stretch it to include Los Angeles and Oakland. But the truth is Chicago has become far more diverse than I had ever expected it to become. For all the talk of murder and guns, our homicide rate is down for the third year in a row. I live in Pilsen which is a predominantly hispanic neighborhood. Chinatown is right next to us. So is the medical district. I walk all over the place on foot. I never really feels unsafe. Sometimes I feel bothered. On my block people mind their own business. But you have to be approachable. And you have to adapt. Then there’s the trick of knowing when to walk away. If it sounds maddening and frustrating it is. But I don’t really show it. People keep talking about finesse and how somehow I need more of it. And then people keep stealing my style and ideas and pretending I don’t exist. Everyone except a small pocket of resistance that likes to wear pink gear around me. It’s like I operate in my own little area of authority. I always call it an aura of accountability. I’ve made some sacrifices in my life to be a good person and get passed over. But these days I feel like people understand the logic of why. That being said people are still intimidated by me. I wonder sometimes if that’s my own fault. I do have a lot of bullshit to navigate. People never seem to leave me alone. Often I imagine I’m just some character in a movie when I leave the house. Not like the lead role. I blend into the background. I have my role and my lines. I don’t veer too much away from the NPC dialog tree. I stick to the main quest line and grind my reputation with hidden factions. I also play a lot of World of Warcraft on the side. I can’t say that life totally sucks although I really wish I could share it with someone. I kind of already do. Why would I still be writing if I didn’t? I don’t know what any of it means. I’m completely in the dark about everything. Everything except my finances and mental peace. Staying in between the lines and not crossing them is tricky. Especially when people step on your toes every chance you get. I spent a lot of time making a space for myself where the only toes getting stepped on are my own. Mostly by my cat. She adds a lot to the space. I feel less angsty and a little less bored. Today I felt inspired enough to write about it. Probably won’t check in for a couple of weeks. Just going to lock myself up in this ward and play it safe. There’s enough politics here to keep me busy without worrying about the rest of the world’s sovereignty and secret wars. <3 Tim

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kshitizsingh11 · 6 years

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Pin Parvati Trek - A Spellbinding Journey Through Seasons And Landscapes

'So, tell me, why do you like travelling to incommodious, unusual places?' A less interested friend asked as we sipped from our mugs in some outdated tavern. The tone of the argument was defamatory, and I surely wanted to come out all guns blazing with the perfect answer, but, did I really have one?

I have always known there's something about travel that I like, and this little something made me feel good about life. The definite answer, however, was what I lacked, until very recently when I came to know what the wild basically means and what wandering is all about. This piece accommodates all the answers I never had, and the rest of my story on one of the most challenging trails in India, the Pin Parvati Trail.

About The Trail:

Located in Kullu district of Himachal Pradesh, Parvati Valley has nowadays become the hotshot destination for backpackers in India. A lush green setting and some of the country's finest footslogs make it worth a visit. Apparently, it was during one of these visits to Kullu, that I came to know about the Pin Parvati trek, and ever since, I had been intrigued by the idea of isolation that this one had on offer.

Pin Parvati trail marks the shortest route between Kullu and Spiti. It traverses the extents of Parvati Valley before crossing into the colorfully deserted Pin Valley, over a massive Pin Parvati Pass (5319mts).

The Idea:

The more I investigated about the trail, the more compulsive I became to explore the mystical valley to its depths. Pin Parvati Pass found a place on the bottom of my to-do list, a list lengthier than the Indian Constitution. All thanks to a silly miscalculation, though, that I forced myself to give priority status to Pin Parvati.

In June, 2016, while on a motorbike ride to Pangi & Spiti, I had plans to traverse all accessible terminals of both. However, due to loss of time on some severely damaged terrains in Pangi, and my inability to keep up with the itinerary, I had to skip visiting certain corners of Spiti. Pin valley was one of such corners.

This abdication did not go well with me. I felt stifled by my corporate responsibilities of returning to work. All I could think of was the one, single advice that each of my Royal Enfield cowboys had for me, 'Dude, you do not want to miss Pin Valley.' This abdication did not go well with me at all!

Hence, coming to grips with the fear of screwing-up the rest of my Spiti ride, I made myself a promise. I told myself, 'Does it matter much if I couldn't take the road to Pin valley? It does not! I’m going to gather all the balls that I can and I’m going to walk up to this place in a year's time starting now.' Evidently, the pep talk came good. I found a new adventure to look forward to, and here I am, writing about the finest of all my quests.

The Mindset:

Now, that the foundation was laid, I spent the next few months contemplating how best I could prepare for a trail this big. I leafed through article after article, blog after blog, just to realize how limited the available content was. All of these pieces had the need of physical stamina written all over them, but none did mention how important psychological preparedness is. Sorry guys, for writing you off, but, I don't see a 5km daily run getting me through an expedition like this, I need more that than. Above all, I need to have basic levels of respect for nature, and isn't that the whole point of doing such a trek?

So, hybridizing all that is making rounds on the internet and all that I think is important for a hike of such magnitude, hope for the best and prepare for the worst. You are going to walk on some of the highest reaches of the highest mountain range on this planet, do you really expect it to be easy? With all this in mind, I moved on to level 2 of my groundwork, which was to find a suitable trek operator.

The Prerequisite:

Having a little bit of trek experience to go with, I knew what sort of trek operator would suit me the best. More than anything else, I wanted an operator who could offer me a small group size (which is always the best practice) and a spare day on my itinerary. This spare day would eventually aggrandize my team’s chances of successfully completing the expedition, even if we get hit by a bad weather day or any other likely to happen incident. Conspicuously, calling off the climb was the last thing that we wanted.

So, after a month-long research and dozens of interviews with numerous operators, I finally struck a deal I was hoping for. A very special thanks to Thrillophilia, my newly found travel experts, for fixing me up with Kailash Rath Treks. Kailash Rath, as a trek operator, were humble and diligent right from the onset. These guys had answers to all my silly problems; the load was finally off my back. It was about time to start gathering the supplies and load the frigging rucksacks.

The Essentials:

Apparently, I have been an inactive, perfunctory sloth for most parts of my life. As my mum would put it, many of the things I do, I just do, without any fire in my belly. Thankfully, structuring my rucksack is not one of those things; I prefer investing a lot of time in planning the weights on my shoulders. This particular part of the column might just be the deal for those planning their first big hike.

Here’s all what you need to do! First up, save a Microsoft Excel file somewhere in the secluded corner of your desktop display. Then, start jotting down all of the most essential commodities that you shall / might need to survive the trek; no fancy items please, none at all. Now, as you start realizing that everything you need for survival is there on the excel spreadsheet, call it a wrap! Trust me, there is no room for even a few grams of non-essential crap on your rucksack, and this I learned the hard way. Being a rookie, I was foolish enough to carry all sorts of space-occupying weights on my first trek. Novels, note-pads, stationery to name a few. I ended up cursing myself almost every single time I opened my baggage. From then on, I’d made it a point not to waste important space on a never-to-be-read book, or something similar. Days, in the high Himalayas, are spent negotiating harsh terrains, and the evenings are mostly about getting along with the team and the support staff. It becomes hard to find time for any other hobby.

So, summing it up, this is how a weight effective rucksack should be organized: Picture your rucksack as a bundle of four, vertical compartments. The top compartment should hold everything that you might need in case of emergency (rain covers, medicine kit, etc.). The second layer should hold the heaviest of all commodities in the baggage (jackets, woolen lowers, etc.); it certainly becomes easy to manage a rucksack, when all of its heavy chunk is concentrated at the back of the rib cage. Subsequently, the third compartment should be used to stuff-up all the rest of the things, except for a fresh pair of clothes. This fresh pair, which will come in handy towards the end of the hike, should constitute the forth and the lower most compartment of the rucksack. These four compartments, with balanced weights on either side, make a formidable rucksack.

From failing to complete my bike ride a year ago, to planning the most audacious of all non-technical climbs in India, I surely had come a long way. And even though I was applauding myself, I had no idea of the magnitude of mess I was about to get into. My team was going to be among the first few to attempt Pin Parvati Pass in the annual season. All gunned-up for the mammoth hike, we made way to Kullu on the 23rd of June.

Day Zero: The Elementary Education of What Lies Beyond

After an overnight drive from Delhi, we checked into the trek operator’s basecamp. Located in a small Himachali village named Rumsu, the basecamp was an impressive setting deep into the woods. On entering the premises, we were given a brief on what the day’s chronology is going to be, and what regulations need to be followed in the camp. We felt like being back to school, but notably, this time we were sloshed with hangover. We soon found ourselves in the midst of an adventure we didn’t prepare for.

As the day progressed and we sobered up, things started to get much interesting. We had an hour-long session with one of the founding members, who told us everything we didn’t know about mountain sickness. We came to terms with the deadly HAPO and HAKO, and ways to survive such catastrophes. It, most certainly, was like being back to school. By the time we were done with the lecture, supper was served and soon we slipped into our beds. We were glad to have come this far. Finally, it was time to call curtains on the planning stage, and chalk-down the most fascinating chapter of this story.

Day One: Waking Up On a Vacation Day

A lot of things we do in life, involuntarily trigger a vivid, unique emotion. A vibe so positive, that it’s hard to be surrogated. Waking up on a vacation day has always been one of such feelings for me. Even as a child, nothing was more stimulating than getting ready for a picnic or a school trip. Apparently, things were not much different this time.

Woken up by our psychological alarms at 3 in the morning, we got some added time to freshen up, and more importantly, to get last-minute-assurances of everything being in place. The plan was to depart from the basecamp by daybreak. Soon, the rucksacks were loaded on the roof-rack of our transport vehicle, and a hot cup of farewell tea was served before we finally made way to Barshaini.

After a three-hour drive from the basecamp, we hopped off at Barshaini (2200 meters). This small himalayan village on the confluence of Tosh and Parvati rivers, marks the starting point of the Pin Parvati trail. Here, we got the chance to formally meet our support staff for the trek, and with them, we began the long walk.

The itinerary for the day was a moderate 12 km hike to the picturesque Kheerganga (2800 meters). Initial stretches were a fine walk through boundless apple orchards, before we arrived in Nakthan village; the last village along the course of the trail. Nakthan, surrounded by some staggering landscapes, is a perfect place to cool off and get a breather.

Moving on, the trail gradually transmogrifies into a dense jungle of long-standing Deodar trees, as we make our way to the spiritually acclaimed Rudra Nag. Now comes the sole grueling part of the day’s hike! Plentiful water crossings and a steep, yet spectacular climb through the woods, guide us to the Mecca of hippies in India, Kheerganga.

Kheerganga, as I have known from my previous visit, is a serene setting deep into the mountains. However, today was a different story, the long weekend story! I was flabbergasted to see thousands of people running around, whining over unavailability of accommodation. Thankfully, we had tents of our own.

As soon as the tents were up, we dumped our baggage and moved out for a walk in the area. It was time to pay the mandatory homage to Lord Shiva, and to cram-down some nutella pan-cakes (No prices for guessing what I mean).

By the time we returned to our crew, dinner was almost ready. We had our bit, and soon retired in our tents.

Day Two: Beyond the Crowds

Day two began with an early morning dip in the famous hot water spring. This Sulphur spring is the primary reason why Kheerganga has lately become one of the most sort after trails in India. Undoubtedly a distinguished experience!

The Sulphur bath was then followed by a trudge to the neighboring Shiv temple for some handy blessings. All been done, we finally made way back to our camps, where breakfast was waiting.

This was a special day, the day we walk past the crowds, and into unexplored territories. However glad we may have been, none of us had the slightest estimate of how remarkably the trail was about the surprise us from here on.

Beyond Kheerganga, lies the finest valley walk there could ever be; a trail traversing through 12kms of unparalleled natural beauty. This, to me, is the most relaxing day of the expedition where one can enjoy the magical walk in the wild without paying much heed to the not-so-narrow, well-defined tracks. A perfect opportunity, perhaps, to enjoy a bit of music, and get the cameras clicking.

After five hours of hiking, we reached the campsite for Day Two, Tunda Bhuj (3330 mts). Home to almost every natural element, Tunda Bhuj is as complete a camp site as any can ever be. A perfect blend of mountains, rivers, waterfalls, rainbows, flora & wildlife make it a treat to nature lovers. We were happy to have finished the day’s hike in broad daylight, giving ourselves sufficient time to absorb the surreal view, and for some out-of-the-world banter.

Day Three: The Grind Begins

Precipitation, in the high Himalayas, is a vitalizing phenomenon. Here, most of the resident species of plants and animals thrive in the rainy season. Most humans, however, are not too blessed with the art of survival in never-ending rain. And this, was the first of many lessons, we learned over the next few days.

When we started our climb on day three, little did we know of how the clouds were about to pour havoc on us. Today, the trail gets dangerously narrow, with intermittent stretches of remarkably steep and slippery mountains. We experience hiking past the natural tree line, a visible line along altitudes above which trees cease to grow. Now, I am not sure about how many of the readers have experienced this, but walking past the tree line is like the beginning of a magic show. From here on, each step is accompanied by a series of landscape transformations, something I had never seen before. I was flabbergasted to see magic unfurl in such isolation; I instantly understood why, of all trails in India, Pin Parvati is such a highly regarded experience. However, like any other magic show, this one came at a price too.

As we rose above the natural tree line, we became further exposed to the mayhem of the omnipresent rain. We struggled our way through to the first sizeable obstacle along the trek, the legendary Pandu Pul. A sequence of two natural rock-bridges over Parvati river, Pandu Pul is believed to be created and used by powerful Hindu deities, The Pandavas. Must have been a cakewalk for them, I believe. For us, however, it was terrifying!

Surfing through photographs of Pandu Pul on the internet, while preparing for the trek, I wondered why hikers call it such a challenge. I was deceived, we all were! I eventually ended up strangled, in the middle of an almost-upright, slippery rock, having no clue where to land the next step. No wonder I survived the episode, but the memory of a murderous Parvati river flowing right beneath me, will never stop terrifying me.

Thanks to the experience of our crew members, we were finally helped across to the other side of the river. It was a cheerful team reunion, as all of us had one common thing to agree to: come what may, we are not going back to Pandu Pul!

Soon, the rain was gone and we were welcomed to our camp site by a bright, rejuvenating sunshine. Here, we spent the next few hours absorbing the sun and the spellbinding view of snow-capped mountains. A perfect end to a rather long day!

Day Four: I Am a Wild Flower

Waking up to the sound of rain, striking hard on the flysheets of our tent, was undoubtedly discouraging. The first challenge was to lift our spirits, and start the day’s trek on a high. Nonetheless, even meeting this challenge couldn’t ensure a smooth-sailing day.

The hike from Pandu Pul (3850mts) to Mantalai (4100mts) is, otherwise, a gentle 15km walk in the meadows, with just one steep climb before Mantalai. For us, however, this turned out to be the longest day on the trek. We were caught struggling against speedy winds and hard-hitting rainfall, as we crumbled our way through the wild-flowers of Odi Thatch. Moreover, we soon realized that even the water-proof packing could not save our baggage from the rain, all of it was now drenched, including the sleeping bags. Perhaps, it was one of those days where everyone needed to find their own motivation to keep pushing forward. I, for instance, found my peace in the little of everything that I saw around me. Never in my life, had I been so exposed to the powers of nature. Yet, I managed to shun all my trepidations and walk on. I thought of how everything fell in place to get me here, so far from all worldly problems; I thought of how, in such isolation, I can finally stop giving the usual attention to life’s most trivial issues. For the first time since owning a wallet in my life, I did not know how much money do I have with me. I did not want to know it either! All I wanted to know was how possibly can I make the most out of this moment. The rain did not bother me anymore! I was now dancing my way through a place where all of nature’s children are treated indifferently, a place where life is all the more challenging, yet meaningful!

Finally, after eight hours of hiking in continuous rain, we reached our campsite for the day, Mantalai.

Sitting right beneath the glacier, Mantalai is the main source of Parvati river, and here, it majestically takes the form of a lake. It had been a cold and tiring day! As soon as the tents were up, we changed to a comparatively less wet attire, and slipped in our drenched sleeping bags.

Day Five & Day Six: The Mighty Pin Parvati Pass!

4 days, 60 kilometers, a nightmarish Pandu Pul, and lots of rain! We surely had come a long way. Parvati valley had been a hostile mess of some of the most beautiful landscapes; now, it was about time to part ways with the mystical valley, and begin the colossal cross-over to the other side. The day started with a brief stretch of gradual terrain, before we were thwarted by a huge water-crossing along our course.

Our days of clumsily walking in the valley were over. Waiting just around the corner, was a steep ascend to the 4960mt high Base Camp – 1 (Parvati side Base Camp). This had to be the most strenuous climb of the trek, and on top of it, the rain was persistent as ever.

As we battled our way up the mountain, we witnessed some staggering transformation in landscape. The green of the grass gradually made way to silvery-snow fields, and we found ourselves engulfed in the white territory of the Himalayas. Soon, the rain also transmogrified into flakes of snow falling from the sky. We were approaching the highest camp site on the trail.

Base Camp – 1, set up in the midst of snow-clad peaks, is one of the most thrilling camp sites there could ever be. It was incredibly cold; we lodged ourselves in our tents as soon as they were up.

By sundown, the winds picked up, and what earlier was a gentle snowfall, now turned into a ravaging storm. For hours we feared that the blizzard might sweep our tents off. Eventually, we ended up panicking ourselves to sleep, until we heard a familiar voice coming from outside the tent.

“Bhai Ji (brother), the weather condition is not good at all. If, in case it gets any worse, we will have to descend to a lower altitude. Kindly make sure all your baggage is packed beforehand!” our team guide blatantly said all of this in one go. Conspicuously, it took a few minutes for the scenario to sink in, and as soon as it did, I jumped out of my sleeping bag and dashed out of the tent, to access the situation for myself. The world outside the tent, to say the least, was boreal beyond imagination. I somehow managed to hold on against the wind, and reach the kitchen tent where our crew had been putting up.

Now, the Himalayas are no place for tomfoolery, and this I thoroughly comprehend. Sitting at 5000 meters above MSL, no one can afford to be casual about such adverse conditions. Nature was testing us in its own backyard. There, I sat with my crew in the kitchen tent and told them how willing everyone was to pursue the summit. We anxiously waited for the storm to pass, and even though the condition did not get any better, it did not deteriorate either. Seeing this, I could barely hide my excitement over the possibility of a summit push. But, my excitement alone did not necessarily mean that we’d eventually end up attempting the Pass. I still remember the words of our trek guide, how mountaineering is more of a mental game, than physical; how it is so important for everyone in the team to be on the same page, positive and energetic. Gladly, everyone in the team was on the same page. I was proud of my ‘fearless’ bunch of mountain mongers, who were just ‘a little afraid’ of descending from the same side and revisiting the Pandu Pul. Unanimously, we decided to start the hike by daybreak.

It was summit day! Soon after we set foot on the ultimate climb, the winds too began to fractionally calm down. This could not have come at a better time. We thanked the Gods, and moved on to what was a challenging last push to the summit.

No wonder the Pass is just a few hundred meters in altitude from the base camp, negotiating these few hundred meters is a real test of stamina. We literally had to lift our way up, through an almost vertical wall of fresh-falling snow. Once on the Pass, the first few minutes were spent catching the lost, illusive breath. Then came the moment of actualization!

There was so much more to be felt, than what actually can be written about the feeling of standing on the mighty Pin Parvati Pass. Perhaps, it was my biggest accomplishment; perhaps, my moment of epiphany. I quickly reminded myself of every little thing that this journey had taught me. I knew, making my way back home, I now have a hundred more reason to be happy and thankful about everything around me. I was glad to have made it here, so was the rest of my team. We spent some time in the mandatory photo session and then began the long descend on the other side of the mountain.

After a strenuous summit day in an oxygen deprived environment, a downhill walk to the Pin Valley National Park was an experience to savor. We disembarked from the mountain range right next to the Pin glacier, where, waiting for us was the infamous Pin Nala.

Much hype was built around how this water stream, spurting out of the muddy glacier, is one of the coldest of its kind and exceedingly difficult to negotiate. We, however, had been looking forwards to this last, major obstacle right from the time we set foot on the Pin Parvati trail. And for all that we had seen in the last few days, Pin Nala turned up to be a walk in the park.

All the sizeable challenges were now surmounted. Soon, we reached the final campsite on the trail, the picturesque Base Camp – 2 (Pin side Base Camp, 4280mt).

Day Seven: A Dream Is Realized!

Getting up on day seven of the expedition was the sweetest of all experiences. Today was significantly the closing day to this remarkable journey; a journey which not just includes the last 7 days, but dates back to the missed opportunity of visiting Pin Valley in 2016. A fine, 30 km stroll in the colorful desert autonomically bought back the memory of everything that contributed to this outstanding quest. It was like a victory walk in paradise, with no one being in hurry of reaching the destination. We made frequent pit stops to get a grip of the astounding scenery surrounding us, and to secure some of it in the camera too.

Just before sundown, we arrived in the legendary Mud village. Having sauntered in the wild for as much as 130kms, it was a good feeling to be back amongst humans and habitation. I instantly realized why this Buddhist village is regarded as one of the most beautiful settlements in the Himalayas; a perfect finish line to a perfect trek!

The Testimony:

'So, tell me, why do you like travelling to incommodious, unusual places?' I remember being asked this question from a friend, and how I fumbled with the reply. Apparently, I wasn’t so uneducated anymore. I buried my ignorance somewhere while walking in the rain, from Pandu Pul to Mantalai. Nature had taught me the lesson to life’s most important questions. It reminded me of how naked and exposed we all are, as naked as we were when we came into existence. It reminded me of how short life is, too short to be wasted on inconsequential issues. I was happy to have survived a place where nothing mattered more than the fluctuant next breath, a place which taught me that building a bank balance is not the sole purpose of life, but happiness is!

Signing off with a few photographs from Spiti Valley, and the mandatory homage to my amazing team. I hope this piece was worth a read. Be kind to give your feedback and connect with me at:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/the_bustling_monkhood/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kshitiz11

And here's one for my amazing team. Without these guys, I wouldn't be writing about any of this. Cheers fellas!

1 note · View note

commanderlurker · 7 years

Text

Tuesday

Monday

Cullen’s wearing his blue shirt. Must be Tuesday. Fuck, how can it only be Tuesday? Jesus Christ. At least I brought lunch today. Sure it’s left over pizza, but still, making an effort, right? I’ll get that loaf of bread on my way home tonight. Definitely.

Urg. Whose salad is that in the fridge? Right. Dorian. Who else could’ve made it. Wonder what else’s in here. Let’s see… yoghurt, more yoghurt, some kind of soup. Not sure if it started life as soup but it’s soup now. Ew. Gross. That one’s a biohazard. I’ll just… yeah. Close the fridge.

Coffee? Anyone want coffee? Just me? Well, I am the only one here.

Oh thank the Lord, the coffee machine is fixed. And I’ve got my special cup. Yes. Today is going to be a good day. I can feel it in my loins.

“Morning, Lou.” Speaking of loins...

“Hey, Bull. How’s it?” Yes, today is going to be a very good day. God. Look at him. Like, really look at him with his top buttons undone showing a scandalous amount of chest. “I like your shirt.” Yes. Good. Nice excuse to be staring at his chest.

“Thanks. Had it a while. You’re looking happy today.”

Oh my God. Don’t blush. Just smile. Yeah, that’s a good one. “Well, I got coffee. What more could I want?” You to lay your hands all over me. Just once. Or twice.

“Heh. I know, right? See you round.”

Okay. Got my coffee fix. Got my Bull fix. No mail duty for me. Straight into work. Clear out those emails. Ha! Cassandra’s done the reply all to the Friday night drinks email. Classic. And Blackwall’s gotten in on it too. These guys. Ah, shit. What’s this? System upgrade… Change to payment cut off… Fuck. Fuck and shit why did this have to happen. Now I have to have all my invoices processed by lunchtime! This is bull shit. I’m calling my union rep. Except I’m not in the union, am I? What one would I be in? Is there a union for generic office drones?

Just hunker down and do your work, Lou. It’s only one day. Got that raid to look forward to tonight, remember? The whole guild’s gonna be there. Aww yeah. Get in.

Work work work work work. Something something work work work. I don’t think she was singing about this kind of work…

Oh, and there’s Solas. Late as usual. With an even bigger cup of coffee this time. Maybe he keeps his ego in there.

Urg. This provider hasn’t totaled the hours. God. Do I have to do everything for them? Where’s my calculator? No, come on Lou, use your head. Give that brain a workout. Right. Three and a quarter, plus four and a half, plus three and three quarters… I don’t have any quarter length fingers… watch. I’ll draw a watch face… and… okay. Does that look right? That doesn’t look right. Gonna add it up again. Same answer. Still doesn’t look right. Fuck it. Gonna check with the calculator. Doop doop doop. And I was right! Would you look at that! Genius. I knew that arts degree would come in handy.

Woah, hey! Where did these forms come from? They just appeared! Out of nowhere! Where’s Leliana? She must have dropped them off without saying anything. Or maybe I was so engrossed with my work that I didn’t notice her. I should thank her next time I see her.

Right. God. Look at them all. What’s the time? Morning tea time yet? Please let it be ten--

Nine fifteen.

Why God! Whhhhy? How can this be?

“Are you okay there?”

Shit. Caught having an existential breakdown. Say something, Lou. Cullen’s staring at you like you’re having a stroke. Am I having a stroke? No. You’re being a fucking idiot. “Yeah, I’m good. No worries. Thanks.”

“Okay then. I was wondering about this invoice…” What’s this? Cullen asking for my advice? My opinion? Like I know what I’m talking about. Jesus. He’s kinda leaning into me. He smells pretty good. Freshly showered and with some musky masculine deodorant. My god. I’m not attracted to him, am I? He is kinda hot. God, don’t go there Lou. One office crush is enough. You don’t need two.

“Yeah, so I think that one is the client number, and that one is the customer number. I think they just got them around the wrong way. No need to send it back though.” That sounded helpful. And I think I even managed to say the right thing.

“You don’t think?”

“About sending it back? No. I mean, that client is only in the system as a client, so they’re clearly not a customer as well. There’s no confusion. Other than that they’ve put the numbers in around the wrong way.”

He’s tapping his chin and frowning. Why is he making such a big deal about this? Just use your initiative, Cullen! I know you’ve got it! That’s why you wear the same shirts on the same days every fucking week! You’re an individual!

“Hmm, I’m not sure. I think I’ll check with Vivienne.”

“But--”

“Thanks, Lou.”

What the fuck, Cullen? You come all the way over here to ask for my advice and you’re just going to ignore it anyway? Jesus Christ. What’s the point of me even being here. Fine.

God, I’m thirsty. Tea. I’ll go make a tea. But morning tea is soon. I can last.

No. No I can’t. Gonna make tea.

No one in the break room. Good. I can scratch my arse. And look out the window. Look at all that sunshine. Look at it all. And look where I am. Breathe, Lou. Give it another year and you’ll have enough saved up to leave and see all the sunshine you want.

Blerg. This milk smells off. Ew, it tastes off too. Gross. I’ll just put it back… No! Don’t do it! Break the cycle! Chuck it out!

Down the sink you go, glug glug glug.

“What are you doing? Stop!” What? Leliana? “I was keeping that.”

For what? Don’t ask. Just apologise. “Sorry. I didn’t know.” Easy does it. Put the lid back on. Put the rancid milk away because Leliana is keeping it. Christ on a cracker. Okay. Lesson learned. Do not use initiative.

I’m just gonna be nice and quiet and no one will bother me. Shit this tea is awful. Should’ve stuck with coffee.

Work work work work work.

Email. Ignore. No, better read it. Hmm. Nope, ignore.

Work work work--god damn that fucking song.

Aaand, it’s time for morning tea. Better not fuck about. Got to get this pay run done by lunchtime because someone is doing a system upgrade. Probably Dorian. Why can’t he do it after hours like a normal person. He probably has a social life. Definitely has a social life. Hey, don’t be so hard on yourself, Lou. You got friends! They just all live in other parts of the country. Or overseas. And you’ve never met them. Or know what they look like. No, I know what Alistair looks like. We’re Instagram friends! And he has a cute doggie. Bet the dog would be better at tanking than him. Anyway. Morning tea.

Got my boiled egg. Got my kiwifruit. One cancels out the effects of the other. Second coffee of the day. And would you look at that? Bull’s waving me over. Only Dorian is making a beeline too. Shit. We’re on a collision course. Outta my way Dorian, that man is mine. Take no prisoners, Lou. Trip the bastard if you have to.

Yes, he’s backed off. That empty spot is all mine. And what a graceful flop onto the couch. Managed a shoulder brush, too. Oh he smiled at me. Best. Day. Ever.

“What’s with the eggs?”

“Huh?” Way to go, Lou.

“The eggs. You have one every day.” Look at him, engaging with you in conversation. You could be the only two people in existence right now.

“They’re healthy, you know? Protein, so I can build my guns. Ha! Not guns like yours though. Yours are something else! Ha ha!” God, I cannot take myself anywhere. “And I just really like peeling boiled eggs.” Why did you say that? What the fuck compelled you to say that? Now he’s going to think you have an egg fetish!

“You ever try duck eggs? They’re pretty good, too.”

“Fuck, yeah! I love them! Hadn’t had them for a while thought. Haven’t seen them in the supermarket.” I’ve never had duck eggs in my life.

“Have you tried that boutique place in the mall? I’ve seen them there before. Quail eggs too. They’re tiny though. Now, ostrich eggs, those are real eggs!” God I love his laugh. He’s amazing. Look at us, talking about eggs. Hey, Bull, I got some eggs you can get your hands on if you know what I mean.

God I hate myself. “The mall you reckon? I’ll hit it up at at lunch time. Cheers.” Ask if he wants to come with you.

“Well, I got to get back to work.”

Damn. Now he’s leaving. Don’t leave. Holy shit this couch is like a waterbed. Don’t think about rolling around on a waterbed with him. And don’t fall into his gravity well.

And he’s gone. Reality flows back in. Right. Everyone else. What are they talking about. Blackwall and his fucking chainsaw. Sera’s staring at Cass like she’s the sun. Or the moon. Something. I don’t know. Dorian. Dorian’s good for a chat. Ask him about that system upgrade. That’ll make it look like you’re engaging with the company and that you care.

Oh, Jesus Mary and Joseph, I didn’t expect to get an entire history lesson on computers. Am I nodding in the right place? What the fuck is an API? Do I have one? How would I know?

Right. All that makes perfect sense. “So…”

“So just make sure your Tuesday payment run is done by one p.m. or your schedule is likely to end up looking like a hoard of buffalo have rampaged through it.”

“Right. Yeah. I better get to it then!” Mutter, mutter, why do I bother.

Payment run. Here we come.

Work work work work--God dammit with that song.

Loading these invoices is going well though. Tuesday’s so much better than Mondays. No shit smeared forms to deal with. Just have to wrangle this spreadsheet so the data imports properly… and something’s out. By ten grand. Fuck. Okay. Don’t panic. You’ve done this before. Bigger numbers are easier to fix than smaller numbers. Ah, here you go. You put an extra zero on this line. Recalculate and… Still out. Fucking shit balls God damn.

Breathe, Lou. Don’t be like Cassandra. Keep those windows closed and that computer inside the building. I need a tea. And a pee. Not in that order. Can’t take my cup to the toilet though. That’s just weird. Fine. Tea room first. Go the long way round so I can spot Bull. Damn. Not there. Okay. Cup dropped off, tea bag in so it doesn’t look like I’m one of those so-called filthy bastards who just dumps their dirty dishes everywhere. And… toilet time. Ooh, could play some Angry Birds. No! No time! Just clearing the head so I can tackle this reconciliation. Round the corner to the loos and… Bull! Leaving the gents. What a pleasant surprise! I wonder if he washes his hands. Kinda don’t care if he doesn’t. Is that gross? It’s gr--

Dorian leaving the gents. And Bull giving his ass what looks to be a friendly and very familiar slap. Quick, hide! Back around the corner.

I knew it. I fucking knew it. That fucking little--wait. Were they leaving the toilets together? Did they… in a bathroom stall? Well fuck me. Except not. Yeah, I really hope he washed his hands. Okay, really need to pee now. Shake those shoulders out, go round the corner and--

Slam face first into Bull’s ample, and may I say, pillowy, chest. Jesus.

“Oh my god, Bull. I’m so sorry! I didn’t see you--”

“Hey, no damage done Lou. Your face okay though?”

“Mmm hmm.” I think my nose is broken. And I really need to pee. “Sorry. Would love to stay and chat but I really need to pee! Bye!”

God fucking dammit. Jesus Christ. Get in there. Sit down. Think about your life. No. Don’t do that. You’ll cry. Don’t cry at work, Lou, please. Just pee, for fuck’s sake. There, ah, yeah, that’s better.

Bull and Dorian. Is it serious? Are they together? Like, boyfriends… or friends with benefits? I hate them both. This shouldn’t surprise me though. Rumor mill says Bull’s had half the office. Not Sera though. Definitely not Sera. Probably not Cassandra either. And not me. Ha! Not me! No, not happy-go-lucky-completely-up-for-it-has-fantasies-involving-photocopiers Lou!

Urg. Just get that payment run done. Got pizza for lunch, remember? And a mission for duck eggs! Don’t forget that! But I’m supposed to be saving my money… But duck eggs. Recommended by Bull. He’s fucking Dorian. What do I care. My life is over.

And I forgot to make the tea. Fuck it. I’m at my desk now.

Email from Leliana. A long and terse email about keeping the kitchen tidy. Ha. And there’s an attachment. Shitting Jesus fuck balls. A photo. Of my cup. Sitting there. On the bench. With a big red arrow that looks like it was added in Paint pointing to the dishwasher. Oh my God. Everyone knows it’s mine because it has my fucking name on it. Oh my God I’m really going to cry now. I have never been more humiliated. I didn’t leave it there negligently! You must understand! I had to go to the toilet and didn’t want to take the cup so I stopped at the tea room first but then I walked in on a private moment between two employees and I was so shaken and upset that I just forgot! Please, don’t make an example of me!

Fuck and here come the reply-alls. Yeah yeah, Blackwall. Laugh it up. Not like you don’t have a whole compost heap of tea bags hidden in your beard.. Ah Jesus, even Cullen is getting in on it. Fuckity fuck trumpets. All of you. I hate you all. I’m going to hand in my resignation. Fuck the pay run. I’ll type it up right now.

Email from Bill. Bull. Is he going to make fun of me, too?

From: Bill Q To: Louise Trevelyan Subject: RE: Re: Re: Please Treat The Kitchen With Respect.

Hey Lou,

D*ck move by Leliana, right? She’s really got it in for you. Don’t know why. You sh*t in her cat milk or something? Don’t let her get to you. Chin up. I got your back.

Bull

Well. That’s nice. No, really. Nice of Bull to send that. Better reply.

From: Louise Trevelyan To: Bill Q Subject: RE: Re: Re: Re: Please Treat The Kitchen With Respect.

Thanks. Yeah. I might’ve poured her rancid milk down the sink this morning. But I didn’t know! The bottle just looked like the regular milk we have and it was off, so I thought I’d use my initiative so we wouldn’t get some bullsh*t email about the fridge being gross. Go me. Won’t bother doing that again.

That’ll do. Hit send. I’m still angry at you though, Bull. Jealous. Envious. Whatever the difference is.

Where was I? Right. Reconciling this fucking pay run. And--

What the shit.

Are you shitting me.

No. Can’t be that simple. Shit. Fucking shit balls! It is that simple! How did I not notice that I was working in the wrong. Fucking. Spreadsheet. Oh my God. Lou. I am going to throttle you.

Get the right spreadsheet up. There. Look. Reconciled first time. Submit. Payment run done.

I can’t fucking believe it. I’m too fucking angry to be relieved. If I’d just paid attention instead of groaning forever then I would have noticed. And I wouldn’t’ve gone to make that cup of tea. And I wouldn’t have seen Bull and Dorian. And I wouldn’t’ve forgotten my tea. And Leliana wouldn’t’ve sent that email. And my life would be fantastic. But instead! You went and did this! To yourself!

Fuck it. I don’t care what time it is. Pay run is done. I’m getting lunch. Have to go into the tea room. The scene of the crime. Hold your head high, Lou. Own it. Wear it. Get your pizza then get the fuck out. Don’t look at that milk.

Right. Got it. Out of here.

And it’s raining. What happened to the sun. Fucking shit balls. Gonna make a dash for my car. Here we go. Keys, keys, gotta get my keys. Don’t drop--

Nice save.

And in. Ah. Good.

Eating pizza in the car at lunch time. Classic Lou. Gonna read. Let my kindle around here somewhere… there. Oh, sauce on the seat. Wipe that off. Cool. Gonna settle down.

Good. book. Good pizza. Makes up for all that shi--who the fuck is that?! Get away! Dorian? It’s just Dorian. Fuck’s sake. Why’s he bothering me and not fucking his boyfriend.

Should wind down the window I suppose. “Yeah?”

“Lou. Have you locked the doors? Let me in. It’s pissing down out here.”

Fine. How does he not look like a drowned rat?

Great. He’s giving me the judgemental-yet-concerned look. “I know Leliana’s email was a bit rude but there’s no need to eat your… that… in the car by yourself.”

“You’re here now.”

“Yes. Quite. Lou,” Oh great. He’s turned to face me. Is this going to be a serious conversation? Is he staging at intervention? “You know I care about you as a sister--”

“What kind of siblings do you have? We’ve never spent more than five minutes outside of work together.”

“I’m an only child.” Huh. Explains a lot.

“Me too.” Explains a lot.

Look at him grinning. Such a charmer. No. I’m angry with him. Remember that.

“Two peas in a pod, you and me.” Dorian. Yeah. A real charmer. “I feel I owe you an apology.”

What? “What for?”

Great. Now he looks rueful. “I feel partly responsible for that email. If you hadn’t seen Bull’s little indiscretion then you woudn’t’ve run off with your tail between your legs and forgotten your tea cup. I know how it is. Can’t take your cup into the toilets and all that.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” That was not convincing, Lou. He knows it, too.

“I know that you know that you saw us. Don’t pretend.”

“Are you two serious? Do you love each other?” Jesus, Lou. Please say yes. Rip the bandage off. It’ll hurt now but your heart will heal quicker.

“Christ, no.” Damn. But that means there’s still hope. “He just drags me off for a quickie every now and then to help keep the stress levels down. Lord knows I need it working there.”

What. “Are you for real?”

“Yes?”

“I hear he’s done half the office.” Yes, Lou, get the gossip out. But sit back. Don’t look so eager. And why’s your fucking seat belt on?

“Ha! I suppose he has. But wait... Oh. Oh I see how it is. Hmm. Yes.” Why’s he patting my leg in a pitiful way? “He hasn’t approached you, has he. No. How odd.”

“What do you mean?”

Dorian, there’s no need to look around to see if anyone’s eavesdropping. We’re in a car. Does add a frisson of mystery to the conversation though. “Bull’s… how do I put this. A giver. A problem solver. A… sexual therapist, in a way. He doesn’t respond to people asking him out, but when he sees someone in need and if he thinks he can help, then he’ll approach that person and…” And what? And what, Dorian? Don’t you dare leave me hanging. “He’s a kinky fucker, let me tell you. But I’ve told you too much already. I must be going.”

“Dorian!” He’s opened the door! “Dorian, get back in the car.” Shit, he’s closed the door. Wind down the window. “Dorian! This isn’t Fight Club! This is my vagina we’re talking about!” Shit. I did not just yell that into the street.

“See you back at the office, Lou!”

Fucking--

And I never went and got those fucking duck eggs. Too late. May as well just head back and… work work work--No. Stop. I am declaring this day officially over. No more thinking.

I quit.

#Actual DA fic #with some adoribull #do I smell a hint of plot?#shit

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ecotone99 · 5 years

Text

[RF] A Man in a Suit

A man in a suit sits alone at a small wooden desk. He's inside a cheap motel on the side of a small country highway. He's writing on a faded yellow legal pad full of marks and scratches. For some reason he can't seem to form his thoughts into words and it deeply pains him. He glances at the alarm clock by the bed, it reads 2:36 AM. The man is tired and hasn't written a satisfactory sentance in the past hour, so he decides to take a break and pours himself his third glass of Brandy for the night. He takes a sip and decides to lay down on top of the bed and ends up thinking of a different life where he was a very wealthy owner of a large fruit juice company. After about 15 minutes of daydreaming the man reminds himself of reality, and so, he goes back to the desk where he then goes on to write a full paragraph about success and failure without any mistakes or edits in the next 5 minutes. By the time the man finishes the last sentance, he is briefly entertained by a chorus of two lovers in the next room. After a few minutes and a short dopamine rush, the man begins to feel lonely. The man's mood begins to sink further but before it can take its toll on him, the man is briefly inspired to write another paragraph about love and family. After writing the first two paragraphs, the man has no trouble writing a third and final paragraph to conclude his writing for the night. Once he was done he read through his previous writings two or three times and fixed any spelling or grammar errors he found. Finally, he carries the legal pad to his bedside and laid it on the nightstand. He sat down on the edge of the bed and read it one last time.

" My name is Mark Williams. I'm a used car salesman from Massachusetts. I've chased success throughout my entire life. I always studied hard, I got into a good business school and graduated with honors. Afterwards I went into financial advising and for a few years I was doing really well for myself. I had a big house, a wife, two kids, and a dog. The real American dream. Then a particularly lengthy financial crisis hit and I was out of a job. My wife and I decided to downsize to a smaller house, and then I got an office job making spreadsheets for an insurance company outside of Boston. I hated it. It felt like a huge waste of time but I couldn't find any other job at the time. After a few years the economy cought back up and I tried getting another financial advising job but couldn't get hired because I hadn't worked in the field in so long. I felt trapped. After a while an old friend of mine got me a job working for his cousin as a carsalesman at a used car lot. I gladly took the job because I needed a change in my life, and eventually I grew to hate that too.

This hate grew and I took it out on my wife. It sounds bad, and I do regret it, but it's easier than you'd imagine, to have a small argument turn into a toxic fight whenever you have so much pent up anger. After every fight, I needed to get out of the house to be alone, so I went to a local bar and started drinking. This is process repeated a few times and eventually lead to my divorce, which lead me to drown my sorrows in more alcohol. I loved my family and I wish I could go back and take back the hateful words I said to my wife. But, I understand that they've started a new life that doesn't leave any room for me, and I don't blame them. I don't know who will end up reading this, but whoever does. Don't make the same mistakes as me. Don't waste your breath on hateful words. Don't dedicate your life to a career that will only give you money. Find people you enjoy being around and surround yourself with them. I wish I could go back and change how I lived my life, but what's been done is done, and I am left to pay the cost. " Afterwards the man set the legal pad gently down on the bed next to him. He opened the drawer to the nightstand, reached inside, and pulled out a small silver pistol. He then holds the gun to his head, briefly thinks of a different life, and pulls the trigger.

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wetrumpfeed · 5 years

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Afternoon MAGAthread: YOUR WEEKLY PRESIDENTIAL RECAP!

HAPPY SATURDAY SUNDAY GUNDAY PATRIOTS!

This is u/Ivaginaryfriend here and although I'm a day late (Complicated Business folks) I'm back with all things dank and spicy from the past week! If you happened to miss any past recaps you can catch those here!

Sunday, May 19th:

TODAY'S ACTION:

Proclamation on Adjusting Imports of Aluminum into the United States

Proclamation on Adjusting Imports of Steel into the United States

🔥🔥TRUMP TWEETS🔥🔥:

For all of the Fake News Sunday Political Shows, whose bias & dishonesty is greater than ever seen in our Country before, please inform your viewers that our Economy is setting records, with more people employed today than at any time in U.S. history, our Military, which.... ... ....was a depleted disaster, will soon be stronger than ever before, our Vets are finally being taken care of and now have Choice, our Courts will have 145 great new Judges, and 2 Supreme Court Justices, got rid of the disastrous Individual Mandate & will protect Pre-Existing.... ... ....Conditions, drug prices down for first time in 51 years (& soon will drop much further), Right to Try, protecting your 2nd Amendment, big Tax & Reg Cuts, 3.2 GDP, Strong Foreign Policy, & much much more that nobody else would have been able to do. Our Country is doing GREAT!

Never a fan of @justinamash, a total lightweight who opposes me and some of our great Republican ideas and policies just for the sake of getting his name out there through controversy. If he actually read the biased Mueller Report, “composed” by 18 Angry Dems who hated Trump,.... ... ....he would see that it was nevertheless strong on NO COLLUSION and, ultimately, NO OBSTRUCTION...Anyway, how do you Obstruct when there is no crime and, in fact, the crimes were committed by the other side? Justin is a loser who sadly plays right into our opponents hands!

Watched some of the Fake News Political Shows this morning and continue to be amazed at how every question is asked in the most negative way. The Mainstream Media should be ashamed of itself - But the good news is that the USA is wise to your game of dishonesty and deception!

With the wonderful College, University and other Graduations taking place all over the USA, there has never been a better time than now to graduate. Best jobs market ever, great housing and financing. Go out there, work hard, & have a GREAT life. You deserve it. Congratulations!

If Iran wants to fight, that will be the official end of Iran. Never threaten the United States again!

Hard to believe that @FoxNews is wasting airtime on Mayor Pete, as Chris Wallace likes to call him. Fox is moving more and more to the losing (wrong) side in covering the Dems. They got dumped from the Democrats boring debates, and they just want in. They forgot the people..... ... ....who got them there. Chris Wallace said, “I actually think, whether you like his opinions or not, that Mayor Pete has a lot of substance...fascinating biography.” Gee, he never speaks well of me - I like Mike Wallace better...and Alfred E. Newman will never be President!

I will be interviewed by Steve Hilton tonight at 9:00 P.M. on @FoxNews. Enjoy!

A great win for Brooks. Congratulations to a great champion!

Starting Monday, our great Farmers can begin doing business again with Mexico and Canada. They have both taken the tariff penalties off of your great agricultural product. Please be sure that you are treated fairly. Any complaints should immediately go to @SecretarySonny Perdue!

The Mainstream Media hates to cover this!

SIGNIFICANT TWEETS AND NEWS:

"Leaked Facebook spreadsheet shows employees are targeting conservatives for extra credit

LMAO this dude’s sitting right behind home plate forcing ESPN to show his MAGA hat on national tv every pitch

R.I.P. karma

This Based commentator needs to sue @Bernstein and @Buzzfeed for $250 Million.

🐸 TOP SPICE OF THE DAY 🐸:

Welcome to the Clown World

The cockroach gets BTFO!

Congratulations to our new MAGA graduates who avoided the college NPC trap!!!

HAPPENING IN AUSTRALIA!

Monday, May 20th:

TODAY'S ACTION:

Proclamation on National Maritime Day, 2019

President Donald J. Trump Announces Intent to Nominate and Appoint Personnel to Key Administration Posts

President Trump Signs Executive Order for Asian Americans and Pacific Islanders

President Trump Delivers Remarks Upon Marine One Departure

🔥🔥TRUMP TWEETS🔥🔥:

The Failing New York Times (it will pass away when I leave office in 6 years), and others of the Fake News Media, keep writing phony stories about how I didn’t use many banks because they didn’t want to do business with me. WRONG! It is because I didn’t need money. Very old .. continued.. ... continued.. ... continued.. ... continued..

Why are the Democrats not looking into all of the crimes committed by Crooked Hillary and the phony Russia Investigation? They would get back their credibility. Jerry Nadler, Schiff, would have a whole new future open to them. Perhaps they could even run for President!

Looks like Bernie Sanders is history. Sleepy Joe Biden is pulling ahead and think about it, I’m only here because of Sleepy Joe and the man who took him off the 1% trash heap, President O! China wants Sleepy Joe BADLY!

On this Cuban Independence Day, we stand by the people of Cuba in their quest for freedom, democracy and prosperity. The Cuban regime must end its repression of Cubans & Venezuelans. The United States will not stand idly by as Cuba continues to subvert democracy in the Americas!

The Fake News put out a typically false statement, without any knowledge that the United States was trying to set up a negotiation with Iran. This is a false report.... ... ....Iran will call us if and when they are ever ready. In the meantime, their economy continues to collapse - very sad for the Iranian people!

Beautiful evening for a MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN rally tonight in Pennsylvania. Thank you, I love you! #MAGA

Megan King, who is running for Superior Court Judge in the Pennsylvania election, has my Full and Total Endorsement. She is tough on crime and fully understands all aspects of the law. Vote for Megan tomorrow (Tuesday).

SIGNIFICANT TWEETS AND NEWS:

Wow....just wow

My condo complex is full of illegals. Seven less now.

Chick-Fil-A line in the ATL airport right now. 10x longer than any other food place

#BuildMe - 3rd in line at Montoursville PA rally 👍

Doug Collins releases Loretta Lynch, Andrew McCabe interview transcripts

PRESS BRIEFINGS, INTERVIEWS, RALLIES:

MAGA Rally Watch Party: President Donald J. Trump in Montoursville, PA 5/20/19

🐸 TOP SPICE OF THE DAY 🐸:

WHO does she think she is?

Pedes, I hereby formally submit my proposal for the new Trump Monument. MAGA

#BuildMe -- The Madman did it!

Happy birthday Brick Bot!

Tuesday, May 21st:

TODAY'S ACTION:

Twelve Nominations Sent to the Senate

🔥🔥TRUMP TWEETS🔥🔥:

To the great people of Kentucky, please go out and vote for Matt Bevin today. Very important. He has done a fantastic job for you and America! #MAGA

I am very disappointed that Mexico is doing virtually nothing to stop illegal immigrants from coming to our Southern Border where everyone knows that because of the Democrats, our Immigration Laws are totally flawed & broken... ... ...Mexico’s attitude is that people from other countries, including Mexico, should have the right to flow into the U.S. & that U.S. taxpayers should be responsible for the tremendous costs associated w/this illegal migration. Mexico is wrong and I will soon be giving a response!

Pennsylvania - Don’t forget to get out and VOTE TODAY for Republican Fred Keller for Congress. Fred is Strong on Crime, Second Amendment, Military, Vets, and Healthcare. He has my Complete and Total Endorsement!

I am pleased to announce my nomination of Barbara Barrett of Arizona, and former Chairman of the Aerospace Corporation, to be the next Secretary of the Air Force. She will be an outstanding Secretary! #FlyFightWin

So even though I didn’t have to do it with Presidential Privilege, I allowed everyone to testify, including White House Counsel Don McGahn (for over 30 hours), to Robert Mueller and the 18 Angry Trump-Hating Democrats, and they arrived.... ... ....at a conclusion of NO COLLUSION and NO OBSTRUCTION! The Dems were unhappy with the outcome of the $40M Mueller Report, so now they want a do-over.

Johnny, we will miss you – you did a great job!

Wow, Mark Levin’s new book opened at #1. It is great – keep it there for a long time!

Shahira Knight has done a wonderful job as my Legislative Affairs Director at the White House. She was outstanding for us and for our Country - will be a tremendous success in the private sector!

After spending 40 Million Dollars, reviewing 1.4 million pages of documents, & interviewing 500 people with the total support of the White House, the Mueller Report was a BIG DISAPPOINTMENT to the Democrats, so they want a DO OVER. It doesn’t work that way-so bad for our Country!

The Democrats are on a fishing expedition, wanting to interview the same people, and see the same things, as we just went through for two years with Robert Mueller and the 18 Angry Dems. Never happened to a president before. Never even happened to President Obama!

Congratulations to Governor @MattBevin on winning the Republican Primary for Governor tonight in the Great State of KENTUCKY. Matt, you are doing a fantastic job!

SIGNIFICANT TWEETS AND NEWS:

Texas Gov. Greg Abbott: Protector of Religious Liberty (and tendies)

If this wasn't the funniest headline of the day, nothing was.

EXPOSED: DNA testing reveals one third of migrants faked family relationship to claim asylum

Imagine that. A coffee company who refuses to virtue signal and spew left-wing bullshit. They just want to sell coffee. What a concept. 👌🏻

FITTON: MASSIVE Victory: Antifa Activist Ordered By Federal Court to Pay Judicial Watch $22,000 Over Her Frivolous Lawsuit

🐸 TOP SPICE OF THE DAY 🐸:

Do you notice the pattern?

The New SAT Exam

Pocahontas was great, but THIS is the DNA test we all want to see

Never bring a milk shake to a gun fight

Wednesday, May 22nd:

TODAY'S ACTION:

President Trump Makes Remarks

President Trump Participates in the Public Safety Officer Medal of Valor Presentation Ceremony

🔥🔥TRUMP TWEETS🔥🔥:

Everything the Democrats are asking me for is based on an illegally started investigation that failed for them, especially when the Mueller Report came back with a NO COLLUSION finding. Now they say Impeach President Trump, even though he did nothin wrong, while they “fish!”

After two years of an expensive and comprehensive Witch Hunt, the Democrats don’t like the result and they want a DO OVER. In other words, the Witch Hunt continues!

The Democrats are getting ZERO work done in Congress. All they are focused on is trying to prove the Mueller Report wrong, the Witch Hunt!

PRESIDENTIAL HARASSMENT!

Without the ILLEGAL Witch Hunt, my poll numbers, especially because of our historically “great” economy, would be at 65%. Too bad! The greatest Hoax in American History.

Everybody, including me, thought that when the 40 Million Dollar Mueller Report was released with No Collusion and No Obstruction (of a crime caused by others), that was the end. But no, the Democrats want to keep it going in an effort to help them in 2020. Bad for the Country!

“The Democrats are in danger of becoming irrelevant because of their decision to keep taking the country on wild goose chases. They ought to start governing. You know, for a change.” Michael Goodwin @newyorkpost

As I have long been saying, and has now been proven out, this is a Witch Hunt against the Republican Party and myself, and it was the other side that caused the problem, not us!

(Video)

So sad that Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer will never be able to see or understand the great promise of our Country. They can continue the Witch Hunt which has already cost $40M and been a tremendous waste of time and energy for everyone in America, or get back to work.... ... ....But they really want a do-over! You can’t investigate and legislate simultaneously - it just doesn’t work that way. You can’t go down two tracks at the same time. Let Chuck, Nancy, Jerry, Adam and all of the rest finish playing their games.... ... ....In the meantime, my Administration is achieving things that have never been done before, including unleashing perhaps the Greatest Economy in our Country’s history.... ... ....Democrat leadership is tearing the United States apart, but I will continue to set records for the American People – and Nancy, thank you so much for your prayers, I know you truly mean it!

I want to welcome you all to the @WhiteHouse as we award our very bravest law enforcement officers and firefighters our nation’s highest public safety award – The Medal of Valor...

In a letter to her House colleagues, Nancy Pelosi said: “President Trump had a temper tantrum for us all to see.” This is not true. I was purposely very polite and calm, much as I was minutes later with the press in the Rose Garden. Can be easily proven. It is all such a lie!

Zero is getting done with the Democrats in charge of the House. All they want to do is put the Mueller Report behind them and start all over again. No Do-Overs!

Democrats don’t want to fix the loopholes at the Border. They don’t want to do anything. Open Borders and crime!

SIGNIFICANT TWEETS AND NEWS:

Out in the Rose Garden

BREAKING: Federal Prosecutors Charge Michael Avenatti With Defrauding Porn Star Stormy Daniels

Hey Burger King

Cohen Admitted It Was ‘Plausible’ That Trump Wasn’t Telling Him To Lie To Congress...(YA THINK so, Mikey?)Cohen is a joke!!

🐸 TOP SPICE OF THE DAY 🐸:

Clown World Rule Of Law

Got asked to Sadie’s today (girls ask guys to a dance) and I couldn’t say no to a poster like this

RedPillDiePie

Dr Ben Carson HUD, brings the spice to Ilhan Omar via twitter

1950's model OR 2019 model ??

Thursday, May 23rd:

TODAY'S ACTION:

President Trump Delivers Remarks on Supporting America’s Farmers and Ranchers

Memorandum on Enforcing the Legal Responsibilities of Sponsors of Aliens

Six Nominations and One Withdrawal Sent to the Senate

Memorandum on Agency Cooperation with Attorney General’s Review of Intelligence Activities Relating to the 2016 Presidential Campaigns

🔥🔥TRUMP TWEETS🔥🔥:

The Democrats have become known as THE DO NOTHING PARTY!

Rex Tillerson, a man who is “dumb as a rock” and totally ill prepared and ill equipped to be Secretary of State, made up a story (he got fired) that I was out-prepared by Vladimir Putin at a meeting in Hamburg, Germany. I don’t think Putin would agree. Look how the U.S. is doing!

I was extremely calm yesterday with my meeting with Pelosi and Schumer, knowing that they would say I was raging, which they always do, along with their partner, the Fake News Media. Well, so many stories about the meeting use the Rage narrative anyway - Fake & Corrupt Press!

When the Democrats in Congress refinish, for the 5th time, their Fake work on their very disappointing Mueller Report finding, they will have the time to get the REAL work of the people done. Move quickly!

Our hearts go out to the people of Missouri as they woke up to assess the damage from storms. You are strong and resilient, and we are here to assist.

.@NWS and @USACEHQ are monitoring the damaging storms and flooding in Oklahoma. Listen to the warnings of your local officials and stay safe. We are with you!

Congratulations to Prime Minister @NarendraModi and his BJP party on their BIG election victory! Great things are in store for the US-India partnership with the return of PM Modi at the helm. I look forward to continuing our important work together!

We will never forget our fallen HEROES. It was our great honor to be with you today! #FlagsIn

The U.S. Senate has just approved a 19 Billion Dollar Disaster Relief Bill, with my total approval. Great!

“Today, at the request and recommendation of the Attorney General of the United States, President Donald J. Trump directed the intelligence community to quickly and fully cooperate with the Attorney General’s investigation into surveillance activities.... ... ....during the 2016 Presidential election. The Attorney General has also been delegated full and complete authority to declassify information pertaining to this investigation, in accordance with the long-established standards for handling classified information.... ... ....Today’s action will help ensure that all Americans learn the truth about the events that occurred, and the actions that were taken, during the last Presidential election and will restore confidence in our public institutions.” @PressSec

“Nancy Pelosi should not be out there doing the kinds of things she is doing. She will diminish herself and her membership. She cannot put a subject with a predicate in the same sentence. What’s going on?” Ed Rollins @GreggJarrett @LouDobbs

“PELOSI STAMMERS THROUGH NEWS CONFERENCE”

71% of Voters rate the Economy as Excellent or Good. The highest number in more than 18 years! @QuinnipiacPoll

Wow! CNN Ratings are WAY DOWN, record lows. People are getting tired of so many Fake Stories and Anti-Trump lies. Chris Cuomo was rewarded for lowest morning ratings with a prime time spot - which is failing badly and not helping the dumbest man on television, Don Lemon!

When is Twitter going to allow the very popular Conservative Voices that it has so viciously shut down, back into the OPEN? IT IS TIME!

“Intelligence Agencies were used against an American President.” @DevinNunes @ShannonBream @FoxNews This should NEVER happen to a President again! Dems are furious at Robert Mueller for his findings - NO COLLUSION, NO OBSTRUCTION. Now they should go back to work and legislate!

SIGNIFICANT TWEETS AND NEWS:

Sarah Huckababe Sanders: “You can’t literally have a meeting like Nancy Pelosi did yesterday an hour before she got to the White House where she accused the president of a crime, said he had engaged in a cover-up, and then show up like nothing has happened. It just doesn’t work that way.”

WATCH: Donald Trump Jr. slams Burr over his Senate subpoena

Trump signing memorandum requiring immigrant sponsors to pay for social services | Fox News

President Trump: "I am an extremely stable genius."

BOOM! - Process Started - President Trump Issues Authorization Memorandum for Declassification...

🐸 TOP SPICE OF THE DAY 🐸:

It's like you want the Brexit party to win, Remainers.

Justin Amash in a nutshell.

It's May 23rd. International Turtle Day! Shout out to Cocaine Mitch! Keep America Great!!!

Space Force Mission- Stop The Black Hole Of Pelosi ben Garrison cartoon

Nancy Pelosi Has A Hardware Malfunction On Live Television

Friday, May 24th:

TODAY'S ACTION:

President Trump Delivers a Statement Upon Departure

Memorandum on Delegation of Functions and Authorities under the Sanctioning the Use of Civilians as Defenseless Shields Act

Memorandum on Delegation of Function under the Hizballah International Financing Prevention Act of 2015, as Amended

Memorandum on Delegation of Functions and Authorities under the Nicaragua Human Rights and Anticorruption Act of 2018

Memorandum on Revisions to the 2017 Unified Command Plan

President Donald J. Trump Announces Intent to Nominate Individual to a Key Administration Post

🔥🔥TRUMP TWEETS🔥🔥:

“If they try to Impeach President Trump, who has done nothing wrong (No Collusion), they will end up getting him re-elected” @LindseyGrahamSC Impeachment is for High Crimes and Misdemeanors. There were no High Crimes and Misdemeanors, except for those committed by the other side!

I don’t know why the Radical Left Democrats want Bob Mueller to testify when he just issued a 40 Million Dollar Report that states, loud & clear & for all to hear, No Collusion and No Obstruction (how do you Obstruct a NO crime?) Dems are just looking for trouble and a Do-Over!

Congratulations to Tom Cotton - his book, “Sacred Duty: A Solider’s Tour at Arlington National Cemetery” just hit the best sellers list. I was at @ArlingtonNatl yesterday & the people there were so grateful for Tom’s inspiring portrait of “The Old Guard.” Great job @TomCottonAR!

Just spoke to Prime Minister @NarendraModi where I congratulated him on his big political victory. He is a great man and leader for the people of India - they are lucky to have him!

Departed the @WhiteHouse and am now on Air Force One with the First Lady heading to Japan and looking forward to honoring, on behalf of the United States, His Majesty, the Emperor of Japan. I will also be discussing Trade and Military with my friend, Prime Minister @AbeShinzo.

(Image)

Mitch McConnell and our Republican Senators have been very solid and strong. We have accomplished a great deal together, in particular with our Courts, 107 Federal Judges.... ... .....The Dems want a second shot at Bob Mueller, are very unhappy with the No Collusion Report. They should not be allowed to play this game any longer - no second chances - must get back to work. So bad for our Country!

In Alaska with our GREAT TROOPS, departing shortly for Japan!

The real trade war began 30 years ago, and we lost. This is a bright new Age, the Age of Enlightenment. We don’t lose anymore!

SIGNIFICANT TWEETS AND NEWS:

Teresa May resigns

President Trump Takes On Pelosi, Iran, and "Witch Hunt"

Memorial Day Weekend MAGA sale at the Trump Campaign website! 25% off all weekend! All the cool kids drink out of Trump Pint Glasses, ya know.

This post didn't age well. Poor Shiffty. I think the walls may be closing in.

🐸 TOP SPICE OF THE DAY 🐸:

Britain reacts to Theresa May's resignation

Melania Trump is Simply Irresistable!!

I was at that meetin' with GEOTUS, He told me keep on sowin my seeds pedes, we're about to see the biggest crop ever.

Bye, Theresa!

Saturday, May 25th:

TODAY'S ACTION:

President Trump Attends a Reception with Japanese Business Leaders

Vice President Pence Delivers the Commencement Address at the United States Military Academy

🔥🔥TRUMP TWEETS🔥🔥:

Democrat Senator Mark Warner is acting and talking like he is in total control of the Senate Intelligence Committee. Their is nothing bipartisan about him. He should not be allowed to take “command” of that Committee. Too important! Remember when he spoke to the Russian jokester?

Another activist Obama appointed judge has just ruled against us on a section of the Southern Wall that is already under construction. This is a ruling against Border Security and in favor of crime, drugs and human trafficking. We are asking for an expedited appeal!

Thank you John, so nice!

In addition to great incompetence and corruption, The Smollett case in Chicago is also about a Hate Crime. Remember, “MAGA COUNTRY DID IT!” That turned out to be a total lie, had nothing to do with “MAGA COUNTRY.” Serious stuff, and not even an apology to millions of people!

Going to play golf right now with @AbeShinzo. Japan loves the game. Tremendous fans of @JackNicklaus, @TigerWoods, and @PhilMickelson — I said what about @GaryPlayer, they said we love Gary too!

North Korea fired off some small weapons, which disturbed some of my people, and others, but not me. I have confidence that Chairman Kim will keep his promise to me, & also smiled when he called Swampman Joe Biden a low IQ individual, & worse. Perhaps that’s sending me a signal?

Great morning of golf with Prime Minister @AbeShinzo at Mobara Country Club in Chiba, Japan!

Great fun and meeting with Prime Minister @AbeShinzo. Numerous Japanese officials told me that the Democrats would rather see the United States fail than see me or the Republican Party succeed - Death Wish!

Great progress being made in our Trade Negotiations with Japan. Agriculture and beef heavily in play. Much will wait until after their July elections where I anticipate big numbers!

SIGNIFICANT TWEETS AND NEWS:

Happy Belated Birthday (May 23), Mr. Attorney General!

President Trump arrives in Japan, kicking off 4-day state visit with trade talks at its center

ANOTHER “DOCTORED” VIDEO OF PELOSI. EITHER SHE IS DRUNK OUT OF HER MIND OR SHE HAS SOME SERIOUS NEUROLOGICAL PROBLEM

As promised, Donald Trump is teaching the Republican party how to win!

🐸 TOP SPICE OF THE DAY 🐸:

When a bunch of your interagency colleagues (CIA, FBI, Department of State) got caught trying to overthrow a duly elected President (the boss) and you had nothing to do with it.

Here's what really happened with Jerry Nadler

The End of the Deep State | It's happening folks.

DONKTUM: Restricting the Range of Consciousness.

WEW LAD, SO MUCH WINNING!

Some tunes to help you go through all this winning:

Summer Days

FACE

Wonderland

6’s to 9’s

Sunflower

MAGA ON PATRIOTS!

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anovel70 · 5 years

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May 2019 Update

My goals this year have been simple as I narrow down my interests from the previous years. At the beginning of the year (before I got busy and forgot to post my stuff), I came up with three major categories of everything I wanted to do in 2019. Since then, things have changed because of my dislocated shoulder and failures.

work - do good at my job, actuary, investment, do my own taxes and loans, organize my life

social - making friends, find a girl, looking clean

entertainment - Pokemon, TV, running

With work, I don’t know what to think of it. I haven’t gotten fired yet, and I hope I don’t in the future. My coworkers have all been laid off or resigned, which probably gives me job security. I’m struggling with learning my role, and no one really has availability to help me. My coworker is still trying to make me look bad, even though I’m new.

As for my actuary exam, I failed. I got 51.5 on the exam while the pass mark is usually 53. I don’t see the pass mark being any different for this sitting. Failure wasn’t a thing I had considered when I made my plan. Now, I plan on retaking MAS I in the fall, Exam 5 in 2020, and Exam 8 in 2021 before taking a break to focus on my engineering exam.

In May, I just want to sit at Starbucks and focus on statistical programming on R. R is widely used by actuaries and I need to get good at this program. Plus, it helps me understand the material even better if I can integrate it to my studies. I’m not going to be studying for MAS I specifically, but I am going to use the guides from various actuary exams to help me learn and use R to solve problems. In June, I should get my official score report back, and I will start studying for MAS I again.

With R, there are four textbooks that are required reading for exams. Even though R is not required, it is still useful to know to put on your resume. I will separate my learning out in chapters. There are 10 chapters in Statistical Learning, 12 chapters in Time Series, 15 chapters in Bayesian, and 8 chapters in Linear Mixed Models. I don’t care about learning R or learning material in the exams. I will only care about learning practical uses of R, and using R to solve problems in these textbooks will be ideal. There are 45 chapters in total, so I will work at them at a rate of one chapter a day. That will bring me to the end of June, which will be time to start studying for MAS I again.

Now that I’m done studying for actuary for now, I want to figure out what my finances are. My mother made me sign up for a bunch of credit cards that I have not kept track of throughout the years. I also want to handle paying for my student loans myself and keeping track of my two bank accounts. I already have an Excel spreadsheet I used for stocks last year. Now I’m going to expand that spreadsheet to include all of finances. I need to include web links, passwords, and usernames in this spreadsheet.

The first quarter of 2019 was bad. I dislocated my shoulder, then I got sick at speed dating at a college with uninteresting girls. In February, I’ve been watching old scenes from Gossip Girl, Friends, and How I Met Your Mother. I have no idea why. I remembered a scene from 2015 I thought was really funny on Friends. The thought just popped out of nowhere. I haven’t thought about that scene in three years, but somehow I remembered it. It was the last episode where Phoebe thought something was wrong with the phalange.

With TV this year, I hope to watch the Office and Pretty Little Liars, but we’ll see how far I get with this goal. Also, I need to continue watching Game of Thrones, 13RW, and Stranger Things. On top of that, I need to watch Kim Possible Live Action, Pokemon Live Action, and Frozen 2. I watched Kim Possible Live Action, and I watched Christopher Robin live action. I found it on the plane. Then I watched a Wrinkle in Time and now I’m focused on the Man in the High Castle. I will start watching Game of Thrones on May 5.

The only good thing that happened to me this year is my trip to Montana for work. I have a friend from Montana, so I was texting her a lot but that sort of ended after I came back home.

The Man in the High Castle is great. It takes place after WWII when the Axis powers won the war. America is divided between Japan and Germany, while Italy is somehow not referenced, even though they helped the Axis powers. I liked the fact that Germany bombed Washington DC to end the war instead of America bombing Japan to win the war. It is almost like a parallel universe. Also, instead of the Cold War happening between the US and Russia, it happens between Germany and Japan, which is really interesting if you think about it. At first, it looks like Japan is the good guys, since they are underpowered and do not have weapons of mass destruction. Plus, their people have more freedom than under Germany’s rule, but still not as free as the US.

All the main characters are very likeable. Even Hitler is likeable in this timeline. Although he is mostly referenced and only shows up no more than twice in the series, he is the one that’s keeping the peace in the world. However, he’s about to die in 6 months, which will start a war that Japan is guaranteed to lose.

So you have Joe, who’s working for the Nazis, but is considering joining the Resistance against the Nazi and Japan because of his affection for Juliana. Juliana joins the Resistance when she sees her sister gets killed and now she wants answers. Her boyfriend Frank lost his family and is framed for shooting the Japanese crown prince because he actually made a gun and was about to do it. But instead, Ed protects him, who is the biggest bro in the series, and now its Frank’s turn to save Ed from Kido. Frank is working with an antiques seller, Childan, who successfully sold a fake antique, which Frank outed in the first episode of Season 2.

Kido is on everyone’s cases and I really don’t like him. He’s the head of the Japanese police and his main focuses are Ed and the shooting of the prince, even though he found the Nazi who actually killed the prince. He killed Frank’s sister and her family when Frank wouldn’t tell him where Juliana went because they wanted a film from her. Once they found someone that stole Juliana’s bag, it was revealed that this person did not have the film he was looking for, so they freed Frank. He’s also after the Japanese mafia who has a film that Juliana needs to get for the resistance, but the mafia has warned him that they will go public about Japanese officials doing illegal activities if anything bad happened to them. Lastly, he’s after Tagomi, the Japanese trade minister who wants peace between Germany and Japan. He does all this, and yet he claims he is “not a monster” in the second episode.

Now let’s talk about how awesome Tagomi is. He wants peace. He gets a German Nazi Wegener to give him plans for a bomb so that Japan will be on par with German in terms of nuclear weapons. He then gets Wegener out of the Pacific States of America (California) before Kido can accuse him of conspiracy. I love the rivalry between Kido and Tagomi throughout Season 1, but it looks like they won’t be in any scenes together in Season 2. Because of Wegener, Kido thinks Tagomi is responsible for the crown prince’s death. He tries to get Tagomi to stop drug trade from the mafia. He disapproves of hiring Juliana to help Tagomi. Kido says goodbye to Tagomi when he was going to commit an honorable suicide since he failed to find the crown prince’s killer, only to realize he could blame Ed. Tagomi also has a vision of a more peaceful America, which is basically what happens in our timeline. He’s one of the few good guys working in the government.

Unfortunately for Tagomi, his contact Wegener gets arrested by a Nazi, John Smith, who’s been giving Joe instructions. John is also a respectable character, and I like him, even though he wants to kill Juliana for being part of the resistance. He wants to get rid of traitors within the Nazi ranks because Hitler does not want another war once he’s gone. Hitler is aware that there will be war and he does not want this. Hitler is portrayed as a good guy who’s trying to resist war, which is strange because we usually see him as a bad guy in our timeline. Also, the Nazi’s sign in America is an eagle carrying the Nazi swastika, which is really cool because Hitler did not completely remove America’s heritage when he took over.

I really want to see stories in other places, like the UK and France. They do mention Mexico and South America, which makes me wonder what happened to places like China or India. Apparently, the characters want to “flee to Mexico”, but what does that mean? Its actually kind of ironic how Mexico is the “safe place” in this timeline since in our timeline, Trump wants to build a wall.

With Pokemon, that’s been coming along nicely. I’ve finished catching the 403 Pokemon in the Aloladex so now I’m hoping to borrow some games from the library. However, a lot of those games are missing, which puts a dent in my plans. I might have to buy a flashcart sooner than expected if I want to catch them all.

Now in Pokemon, I need to make sure I have one Pokemon from each evolutionary line. I also want them to have their Hidden Abilities. If they evolve by trading, I’ll include the evolved form instead of their base form. For Golem, I will have to include both forms, but the Kanto Golem should have its HA. Since I can search by symbols now, every Pokemon in this breeding living dex that I want to keep or has its HA should have a star so I know which ones I should keep. A heart will mean that it has good stats but no HA.

So my week-by-week plan in May is the following:

5/13: Finish up running, finish watching Man in the High Castle Season 3, start learning R, start learning about my finances, clean up my old computer, finish getting gift Pokemon in Ultra Moon and practice for the VGC weekend

5/20: Grab some friends for the long weekend, finish watching GOT last season, play Pokemon VGC weekend

5/27: watch a bunch of movies, RNG Pokemon Black, finish organizing my Pokemon

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mariacedano-blog-blog · 7 years

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Before & After Kitchen Renovation on a Budget By looking at these pictures, you would never guess this beautiful kitchen renovation was done on a budget. Debi Traub, an avid cook, founder of the food blog Simply Beautiful Eating, and food contributor for Martha Stewart, was in desperate need to update her tired Toronto kitchen. This is how she describes her old kitchen: “My old kitchen was a disaster zone. The cupboards were literally falling off the ceiling and the interior shelving was so warped, it was a miracle that they held pots and pans without caving in. I had virtually no counter space as the kitchen was small. We demolished the wall between the existing dining area and the kitchen to open up the space, installed a beautiful island with a small sink and ensured that there was plenty of counter and storage space in the new kitchen. I can use so many areas for food prep now. Being a food blogger, stylist and photographer, the island area is now my true dream kitchen prep spot. I wanted to keep the counters clean and uncluttered. I also have two wall ovens which is great for entertaining larger parties. It has improved our lives greatly by having enough space to work in and entertain family friends.” Take a look and get inspired by this incredible “Before & After” kitchen reno! Before & After Kitchen Renovation on a Budget “I chose to renovate the kitchen, dining room, family room, powder room and laundry room all at the same time. The first items that were purchased were my new appliances which were not delivered until the cabinetry was installed. I purchased all the decor items at HomeSense Canada.” Location: Toronto, Ontario. Size in square feet: 2,000 square foot home Years lived in: 30 years Kitchen After: Is it different from before the renovation? YES! The cabinetry is light and airy looking, the drawers are all soft closing, the countertops are marble and very elegant and the hardware is absolutely a dream (all satin brass and a wonderful contrast to the color scheme in the kitchen). How would I describe my kitchen style? Modern Farmhouse/Hamptons Chic. Kitchen Inspiration My inspiration for this renovation was found in various magazines and online: Martha Stewart, Better Homes and Gardens, Style at Home, House Beautiful, House and Home Magazine, Pinterest and Houzz. Layout Although the layout and cabinetry was custom made, I wanted to add a unique look to the display cupboards so I drew out the glass design for the cabinet maker. Cabinet Paint Color The cabinet paint color is “Benjamin Moore CC-20 Decorator’s White”. Organized I have a pantry area for all my baking supplies, a corner lazy Susan for dry goods and cans, two slide out drawers on either side of the cooktop (one for all my spices and the the other for my oils and cooking sprays). The glass cupboards display all the beautiful tableware and glassware. This is something that was very important for me to have as I wanted it to be a visual focal point in the kitchen. Accessories Decor is from HomeSense. Sink Cabinet I am loving the layout of the cabinets flanking the sink. Everything is within reach and organized. Pulls Pulls are from Restoration Hardware – Lugarno Pull in Aged Brass. Knobs Knobs are Restoration Hardware – Aubrey Knob in Aged Brass. Sink Sinks is Silgranit from Blanco. Faucet I went with Newport Brass for all the kitchen sinks, accessories and even the sink flange, because everyone needs a matching sink flange, right? I had no idea that there was even such a word as “flange”, until I asked if there was a such a thing as a brass sink thingy that goes around the drain. Backsplash The backsplash. I now have one of the largest collection of tile samples in the world. I thought I was 100% firm on the one that I wanted until the day the counters were installed. I placed all the samples up against the wall and decided to go back to the drawing board. Since the marble was in a league of it’s own, I didn’t want anything competing with it. Keeping it simple and clean, I went with a white dolomite marble from Sarana Tile. Tip: Choose a backsplash after your counters are installed. The range cooktop is by Dacor. Splurge & Save As far as items go, Debi biggest splurge would be the appliances. Most of the appliances are Dacor. Dimension Dimensions: The entire space measures 21 x 17 now that they removed the wall between the existing kitchen and old dining area. Wall Paint Color The paint. Oh yes, let’s talk about paint. I can only describe this experience by saying that I own more paint samples than you could imagine. It started out as a simple task. I wanted a pure gray for the walls. What does that mean? Well, a pure gray has no undertones at all. No blue. No green. No purple. No red. No brown. NO NOTHING. Just a pure and simple gray. Did I find it? Yes. I had already picked out a beautiful shade of Martha Stewart’s Lava Stone Gray for my kitchen island and wanted something to compliment it. I found the perfect one, Benjamin Moore’s Silver Chain 1472. I took the colour gradation down 75% because I wanted it very light. It is soft, with no hints of any weirdness, and it is gracing my walls throughout the entire main floor. Tip: Most specialty paint stores charge almost double for a sample. Best bet? Big box stores are 50% less. Kitchen Island Paint Color The grey island paint color is Martha Stewart’s Lava Stone Gray. Countertop The countertops. This is another focal point in the kitchen, and one of the first things I chose. I saw a sample of quartz that I liked and thought that it would be the most practical choice, geared for food preparation, spills and the inevitable mess that is the standard state in a food blogger’s kitchen. And then, I fell head over heels in love with a slab of marble that I should not have installed in my kitchen. Marble is as temperamental as a two year old, but as beautiful as a private island in the Caribbean. Countertops are one of the biggest investments you are going to make during a kitchen makeover. Tip: If you do choose marble, please make sure you have it professionally sealed. The prep sink is by Blanco. Bar Faucet is Newport Brass. Lighting The kitchen fixture above the sink are from Joss & Main – currently on sale! Dining Room Before: Debi’s dining room used to be dark and felt isolated from the kitchen area. Dining Room After: The room now feels open, airy and even bigger! Fireplace Before: Debi and her husband worked really hard to transform this space. Fireplace After: I wanted a very fresh look for this renovation and decided to incorporate a DIY project to save money. The fireplace mantlepiece was one focal point that my husband and I created together as a team. My husband is extremely handy and can build and design just about anything so that’s a big plus. The two of us had a vision for this fireplace. We purchased an electric fireplace unit and it’s set into the wall. I’ve never had a mantlepiece so this was one thing I wanted my home as another focal point in the new dining area. We were walking through Home Depot looking at materials to use to build the sides of the fireplace. I chose each piece of wood and my husband built it from scratch. He even made the side panels by hand and created a riveted look with long strips of the material. I spotted barn wood in one area of the store and said, THAT’S MY FIREPLACE MANTLE!. It is a washed light gray and blends with my new hardwood floor. I wanted the top of the fireplace painted the same color as all the cabinetry and fell in love with a mirror I found at HomeSense so I knew it would be perfect above mantle. It was very easy to install the barn wood shelf and I was really excited to use an air gun to nail it together (supervised of course!) Bookcase Decor Isn’t this beautiful? I love the coastal hues and the brass against the crisp white cabinetry. Flooring The flooring manufactured hardwood by Kentwood – Brushed Oak – Color is Angora. It’s really stunning! The flooring. This was one of the hardest decisions ever. I leaned towards a vintage gray-wash hardwood floor throughout the entire main floor, with the exception of the laundry and powder room. My husband hated the idea of that particular wood flooring. We chose a hardwood sample that both of us weren’t crazy about and in the 11th hour, I changed my mind, and went back to the store with him to pick something else. We ended up with exactly what I had seen a million times on Pinterest. THE GRAY-WASH HARDWOOD. My husband’s reasoning for succumbing to the floor I wanted? He said that it looked different in person than in a picture. Tip: If you are installing hardwood in the kitchen, buy a waterproof rug for areas near the sink and dishwasher. Furniture My new dining room table is made from reclaimed wood and I wanted to keep a natural flow with the rustic but chic look of the room. Get the Look: Lighting Crystal Drop Rectangular Chandelier: Pottery Barn. Debi Debi is looking stunning and very happy at her newly renovated home! Let’s Talk about Budget This is what Debi has to say about renovating on a budget: “Final thoughts. Clearly it would be so easy (and more fun) to splurge on everything, but that’s not reality. Every day of our renovation involved making choices, and almost every time it came down to cost. My husband’s renovation spreadsheet was my worst nightmare. If it wasn’t saved on his computer, I would have ripped it up into tiny shreds. When you find something you like, but it is way out of your budget, research comparable items. Perfect example, I wanted specific island & dining room lighting fixtures and searched high and low in every store within driving distance. The prices were out of reach for us. I went online and ordered them from well known home furnishing sites. I saved thousands of dollars by simply surfing the internet. But, there were certain things I wouldn’t budge on. Those are the items that didn’t make it on the spreadsheet. Let’s just say, happy wife, happy life and yes, we are still married.” Interior Design, Decor & Styling – Debi Traub – Simply Beautiful Eating. (Instagram) Kitchen Cabinetry Consultant – Layout & Island Colour – Monaco Interiors ***Photos are a combined effort – Debi Traub @Simplybeautifuleating & Michelle Belsky @MagnoliaStudios Posts of the Week: @cottonstem: Beautiful Homes of Instagram. Trending on Home Bunch: Open-Concept Family Home Design Ideas. Popular on Pinterest:Latest Interior Design Ideas. Fall Decor Newest Fall Post: Instagram Fall Decorating Ideas. Follow Home Bunch on Pinterest, Facebook and Instagram. You can follow my pins here: Pinterest/HomeBunch See more Inspiring Interior Design Ideas in my Archives. Popular Paint Color Posts: The Best Benjamin Moore Paint Colors 2016 Paint Color Ideas for your Home Interior Paint Color and Color Palette Pictures Interior Paint Color and Color Palette Ideas Inspiring Interior Paint Color Ideas Interior Paint Color and Color Palette New 2015 Paint Color Ideas Interior Paint Color Ideas Interior Design Ideas: Paint Color Interior Ideas: Paint Color More Paint Color Ideas Hello, my friends. How are you today? Things are very busy around here and I have a huge to-do list that I wish it didn’t exist. I hope your day is filled with great moments, health and laughter. We’ll talk again tomorrow! with Love, Luciane from HomeBunch.com Follow @HomeBunch: Contact: “For your shopping convenience, this post might contain links to retailers where you can purchase the products (or similar) featured. I make a small commission if you use these links to make your purchase so thank you for your support!”

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