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castielsangel-blade · 3 years

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So it's taken me a bit of time to get my thoughts in order on the finale and, of course, I did not like it. In fact, it left me with more questions than answers and not in good way that stories sometimes do. This was just... not good.

Below, I'm going to list some reasons why I didn't enjoy it. But, as an aside, if you did like it, then I'm glad! I'm happy you're not hurting about it!

So, the episode starts off kinda, y'know, happy-ish. It's a little uneasy because we have no idea where it's going, or what they're gonna do. Sam's on his run, Dean's waking up, and Miracle jumps on his bed. It's nice. But they only show the brothers, which leads me to my first reason.

1. Eileen isn't there. In fact, no one is.

Eileen was Sam's established love interest, so, surely, we should see her or at least hear her mentioned considering she got dusted off-screen in the previous episode. And Sam's a very caring person, he would definitely go check up on her but we got nothing. No mentioned in passing, no picture in his room, no glance at his phone screen to see a message from her. Just... nothing.

After they're all ready for their day, Sam sits across Dean and Miracle in the library and asks if he found anything. It turns out to be a pie festival or some shit and that shows us that Dean wasn't even looking for a hunt. He was just surfing the 'net while he petted Miracle (I love that damn dog) affectionately. So, they go to the pie thingy and this next part, Dean got a lot of crap for but I honestly get it.

When Sam said he thought about and missed Jack and Cas and Dean replied with that he did too, but then "brushed it off", I honestly think that was on par with his character. Dean this past season (and all seasons, but especially this one) had really grown. He would talk about things bothering him to an extent. In my opinion, mostly to Cas. Sure, he'd eventually tell Sam but usually after some huge fight but it just came naturally with Cas. And it's because it's just easier to talk to your friends and let them see you in a "weak" moment than with your family—especially when said family is someone you've protected for a majority of your life. I think that was definitely in character (although my headcanon is that Dean cries late at night when it's just him and only Miracle is there to comfort him).

So next, a case just falls into their lap and they soon discover that it's a hunt John never completed. And here's my next reason.

2. John was said to be one of the best hunters, but he didn't know that was a vamp nest.

Look, it just doesn't make any sense. Sure, they wore masks and did some other weird shit to throw hunters off the trail, but the most prominent sign points to vampires! Sam got it in one, so, really, what the hell?

So they go and find the nest pretty easily and it's a simple MOTW ep. And the boys have fought some major Big Bad's in their day, so run-of-the-mills vamps should be pretty easy, right? Apparently not, which leads me into my third reason.

3. The actual vampire didn't even kill Dean their usual way. Didn't turn him, didn't rip out the throat or anything like that. In fact, the vampire simply got lucky.

Sure, you could argue that their plot armor was gone, but that's not fair. The Winchester Brothers are amazing hunters and they do know how to actually fight. That wasn't Chuck, at least, not all of it. The vampire did just get lucky and that's the devastating part. Dean didn't go out in some huge, end of the world battle. He went out with a stab to the back (one could argue that that's the network stabbing his character in the back and I'd honestly agree). Dean died terrified. Which leads me into my next reason and also an opinion that I haven't seen anyone else share.

4. Sam could've healed him or gotten him help.

I don't knock Sam for this. Dean was genuinely frightened. But this brings me to my opinion. So, Dean, as we all know, has spent his entire life thinking he's not good enough, that he's meant to die bloody, he's just a soldier, a grunt, that he doesn't matter, not the way Sam does. I feel like Dean was aware that Sam could've helped him pretty quickly considering the fact that Sam was a witch trained under Rowena, and he chose to let himself die at that moment. He figured this was the way he was always gonna go and since he doesn't have to worry about another big bad coming onto the board, I think he felt that it was time to stop cheating Death—it always ended messy. Sure, I do truly think he wanted to live his life (more on that later), but I think in this moment, he actually wanted to die. He'd lost Cas, and Jack was in the wind and dust and rain and whatever the fuck else. All he had was his brother and Miracle and Sam could take care of himself now along with Miracle. In that moment, that's all he could think about.

5. No one else attended Dean's funeral.

Maybe Sam didn't tell anyone so he could just mourn alone, but there's no way, had anyone else known, that they would let Sam be alone after losing the only biological family member he had left. That just doesn't make any sense. It certainly wouldn't have gone over well with Jody and Donna; they'd at least show support for Sam. But Claire, Alex, Patience, Krissy even???? Garth, Bess, and the kids??? Or every hunter in the US of A seeing as, despite causing a lot of the bad shit in the show, they did clean everything up and saved/helped a lot of people. Out of respect, surely they'd show up.

6. From the official looking document sitting on Dean's desk that we see as Sam's mourning, Dean was looking into a job.

This is important because it means that he was getting ready to retire (also why he wasn't looking for any hunts). He wanted to live his life for Cas and everyone they lost, so their sacrifices weren't in vain (and he died anyways, jesus christ).

So after that brief time alone, Sam packs up everything and Miracle and they leave the bunker. This next reason is kinda stupid, but it really did hit me hard.

7. No one knows all that history is down there. And if they do, no one can get to it.

Sam had to have locked it up so all that knowledge didn't fall into the wrong hands. You could argue that he told his son about it, seeing as his son does have an anti-posession tattoo, but we don't know. All we know is what we were shown, which is Sam had a son named Dean and he played catch with him, helped him with his homework, told him something about the supernatural (hence the tattoo) and that's it. We get nothing else.

8. Sam spends the rest of his life with a blurry, unimportant wife (see family photos in which she's featured in absolutely none of them), and mourning the death of the brother, one of his close friends, and his son.

Now people can argue that Sam wasn't a father figure to Jack (or more like an uncle), but he definitely was. Cas, Dean, and Sam were all parental figures to Jack, that's the story. That aside, Sam had this air of sadness around him because we weren't given much else with Kansas' Carry On Wayward Son playing, so we don't know if he ever truly healed even a little. It honestly looks like he didn't. Like, at all.

9. Cas is apparently alive, but he didn't go meet the brothers or meet Dean in Heaven which is OOC as fuck

We're all assuming that the time skip in between ep 19 and 20 is a week, right? Because they stay pretty even with the flow so it's not so confusing. And it was about two weeks since Cas died in 18th episode and a week since Jack became the new god. Dean got there and it was already all reconstructed, so it must not have taken that long, so why didn't Cas, who considered the brothers his family, not go see them back on Earth? Maybe there were terms and he had to stay with Jack to mentor him or something but we don't know. They give us absolutely nothing to go on. And even if he couldn't leave Heaven or something, he must've known that Dean was there, so why didn't he meet him in there. He could have but we don't know. They just said fuck it all and ended the episode before we really got any damn answers.

10. Why did two different versions of Carry On Wayward Son play back to back?

It didn't seem to really go with the flow of anything and it was honestly kinda weird. Seriously. I get that the original was a peppier and that when we see Dean driving and Sam growing older. And it switches to the slower version as Sam is on his premature deathbed and then it stops when the brothers reunite. It was just... odd. All I could focus on was that during the ending.

11. Bobby must've sat there for like 5 seconds if Dean just drove down the road and Sam was already dead.

This one is also not a big deal but I thought it just didn't make sense. Time goes differently. And it wasn't even that long that Dean was in Heaven and Sam was already there. So, like, Bobby must've just gotten a beer and sat down when Dean turned up and he was like "shit, boy. Don't you know how to quit dyin'?!" because, honestly, I would have.

This are all of my big reasons right off the bat. There are more deeper reasons, but this is it for now. I really hope any of this made sense. But, like I said before I started this list, if you liked it, cool! I'm not in the business of telling people how they should feel about certain things. I just wanted to share some reasons why I didn't like it.

#supernatural #spn #15x20 #15x20 thoughts #dean #Sam #Eileen #Castiel

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chasseurdeloup-retired · 4 years

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Suffering in Silence || Jared and Kaden

TIMING: Current LOCATION: Downtown PARTIES: @themidnightfarmer and @chasseurdeloup SUMMARY: If you give a mime a lift...

Being stuck inside sucked. A lot. Kaden was running out of Meerkat Manor episodes to watch and even then, he was getting bored. And the stripes hadn’t faded even a little. Nothing had worked, not even a tiny bit of bleach (which was objectively a terrible idea). He needed a drink, but more importantly, he needed to smoke. And he was out of cigarettes. He could ask Regan for a whole lot of things, but a pack of smokes was not one of them. No way was she encouraging his bad habit. A six pack of beer? Maybe. “Cancer sticks”? Definitely not. There was only one thing to do, then. He slapped on some of the foundati-concealer-whatsit that was vaguely skin colored on his face, grabbed a scarf, some gloves, and made sure his outfit covered every inch of his skin that he could. When he’d walked to the liquor store, the sky was clear and sunny. He could feel sweat beading at his temples as the sun beat down on him and his very concealed outfit. Kaden may have bitten off more than he could chew and got two six packs, a few more bottles of wine, and a nice gin on top of the box of marlboros. “You got it?” the cashier asked as Kaden tenuously balanced all the alcohol. The weight wasn’t a problem, hunter strength. The volume, a little more so. “Got it,” he said with a grunt as he pushed out the door, trying to give the man a friendly nod that probably looked more terrifying than anything else. As soon as he was out the door, two whole steps down the sidewalk, the sky opened up and rain poured down from the sky. Oh no, he could feel the makeup dripping away, into his eyes, and he struggled to keep his balance. “Putain de merde,” he said to himself, but it was barely a croak.

Jared was just doing his weekly shop, filling up on things he needed as well as what he guessed would cook alright in his new instant pot. As always the nymph had passed over driving his truck into town and -now that his tractor was all patched up- was gleefully housing his shopping into the cab. He may have been taking up four parking spots, but there were so few shoppers at this time of day he wasn’t worried. He’d never had any complaints before. Although this was likely due to the fact no one in town had ever seen him drive his truck, they likely thought all he had was the tractor and the horses. Pushing his last bag in Jared readied himself to go, patting down his pockets just to make sure he hadn’t dropped anything inside. In the few seconds it took for him to do this the rain started. The clouds had rolled in without him noticing, but seems everyone else had cleared out fast. The store closed for lunch just as the rain started to pelt down on the sidewalk. Hauling himself into the cab double speed Jared looked out over the rapidly emptying parking lot, only to spot a mime, a sad looking mime staring up forlornly at the sky as if the look in itself would halt the water. It was a tragic sight, and Jared took pity. Pushing open the back window of the cab he called out to the sad mime. “HEY, NEED A LIFT?”

It was going to be a long, awkward walk, but Kaden was sure he could do it. At least the stack of liquor was mostly coving up his face, right? And he had hunter strength, it’d be fine. Hunter balance wasn’t exactly a thing, but he had everything in hand right now and it was mostly steady. The wine bottles wobbling would certainly not fall as he continued his pace. A voice called out and his instinct was to hide his head behind the tower of alcohol in his arms. Shit, shit, shit; they all leaned to the left so he angled himself towards them, righting and steadying the whole thing. That was too close. Hopefully they didn’t see that. Or they weren’t talking to him. Only. Oh. They were talking to him. He caught a glance of the guy in the tractor staring at him, looked friendly enough. At first, Kaden tried to say “No thanks, I’ve got it,” but nothing came out but hoarse whispers. What the fuck? He tried again, same result. Alright, fine, he shook his head no and tried walking again, only now his heart was racing. Why couldn’t he speak? Was he turning into a-- No, that wasn’t a possibility. No.

In his panic, Kaden felt his toe catch on s bump in the sidewalk and he stumbled, doing everything in his power to keep the stack of liquor upright. Fuck, that was close. Too close to seeing all his recent purchases fall and shatter on the ground. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the tractor was still there. With a heavy sigh, Kaden turned to the guy and said “Fine. Thanks.” Not that he heard most likely, not unless he had hunter hearing with how quiet and frail Kaden’s voice was at the moment. He walked to the tractor and looked at it confused of where to even start placing his items. “Uhhh, help?” The words were more mouthed than anything. Putain, he needed to get home and fast. He didn’t need anyone he actually knew seeing him like this.

He waited patiently for the guy to turn around and decide what to do. From Jared’s perspective, the tripping looked like a theatrical pratfall. Miraculously keeping the items balanced at the last second was impressive and the nymph wrongly attributed it to the act he thought was being put on. He spared a moment to cheer when the mime caught his balance again, clapping a few times and laughing in appreciation. He supposed mimes who wore their gear out to the shops were really dedicated to their craft, so of course they’d put on a show as soon as they knew they had an audience. After the second pratfall Jared figured maybe they truly didn’t want to get a ride and readied to move on. The nymph fussed with the windshield wipers, only spotting the mime had come closer once they were right at the doors. Jared jumped in surprise and swore a little. As much as he didn’t condemn mimes like the rest of the town seemed to, the make up was rather a shock out of nowhere, especially as it looked like there was some sort of real skin tone melting off of it in the rain. “Decided to get a ride after all huh, bud?” And with that the farmer threw open the cab door and climbed down. He gave the mime a grin and took the top most box from the stack in his arms and slid it into a safe spot under the seat inside. This followed by the next and then he gestured the mime in and out of the rain. “You’ll have to sit on the boombox, sorry about that bud. Never needed another seat.”

“Thanks,” he shouted, but it was still barely at full volume. The mimes who did this to him were dead the second he had a chance to hunt them down. This was a level of humiliation that Kaden hoped he never got to repeat. He was fairly certain this might be worse than Regan and Blanche laughing at him in unison. Still, he was grateful that this guy was helping lift the stupid boxes into the stupid tractor. And it was nice to climb out of the rain and into the covered cabin of the tractor, even if he did have to awkwardly situate himself on top of the boom box, trying to find a spot for his legs around the boxes. Maybe if he was lucky, he’d either never see this farmer kid again or the next time they did see one another, Kaden would be wholly unrecognizable. Then it dawned on him. He should probably tell this guy where to go. “Nine hun—“ His voice was still shallow. What the hell, was something caught in it? He coughed and tried to clear his throat, pounding his chest with his fist, hoping to dislodge whatever weird phlegm might be making him hoarse. “Nine—“ Fuck, it was just as bad, maybe worse. He looked around for pen and paper, anything to write on, but there was nothing. Putain. With another heavy sigh, Kaden tapped on the kid’s shoulder and pointed to the left. Guess he’d have to direct like this.

Once everything was all squared away, and the mime was sitting down as comfortably as could be expected. Jared hauled himself into the cab and situated himself in the chair, moving only slightly into the mimes space to pull the back window closed again, securing them away from the rain. The nymph thought for a moment he’d heard a sound from the mime and looked over at him curiously, but it seemed to only be his imagination as instead of mouthing any longer, the mime elected just simply to point. Jared started up the tractor and nodded away. “Don’t worry I totally know where you’re headed with all the booze.” In his mind, and once he’d given the mime a once over there was only one place he could be going. There were many mime based establishments in town, but for some reason all the layers of clothing screamed that those layers were abnormal. In that perhaps what was underneath was not safe for the public eye of a store. This had to be one of the mime strippers. Starting the engine up Jared pulled out of the empty parking lot and started towards the place. “So, had to stock up huh? Ran out of beer? Is one box enough?”

Kaden tried his best to hold on to something, anything, as the tractor rolled down the way. This was completely and utterly ridiculous. Oh well, at least the town wasn’t too big, it wouldn’t take long. Kaden was about to tap and point to the next turn when the kid pulled up to something and stopped the vehicle. His brow furrowed and he tried to ask why. There was no voice that came out. Not even a croak. Just air. He tried to scream with everything that he had, but only silence came out. It was like his vocal cords were paralyzed or cut out or something, it didn’t matter because he couldn’t speak. Kaden looked out the window to see how far he was from home. Maybe this was close enough. He pressed his head against the window and peered out. The Stripe Club? Kaden tapped on the kid’s shoulder and started aggressively gesturing his arms in an “x” shape, shaking his head no. If he couldn’t scream no, he was going to do the next best thing. He tried to point ahead, out the front windshield, away from here. There had to be something to write on here, there had to be. There was a slam on the window and Kaden jumped. There was a hand on the window. A white gloved hand. Attached to it was a mime, smiling. Another slam on the other window. Another mime. Kaden gestured “no” and “go” again as enthusiastically as he could manage and reached over to honk the horn. “Go!” he tried to shout, still wordlessly.

Jared was confused, very confused as he rolled to a stop and the mime didn’t immediately start to gather their many layers of clothing about themselves ready to hop out and make a dash out of the rain. Unfortunately for the other man, the nymph was a little slow to pick up on things, even this early into mushroom season. Sometimes he was extremely observant and tuned in with someone, but more times than not lately -especially given how his week had been going with what had happened at Pats- he was dottled. “Not here? The cafe maybe? Does the cafe serve alcohol?” Still so wrapped up in the others appearance that he couldn’t fathom the man was simply a person with stripes. Jared also jumped at the sudden sound, but he missed the initial fear that he perhaps should have felt. “You’re friends have come to get you bud, were you playing coy with me?” He laughed. But finally. FINALLY. The panic registered. The horn sounded and the nymph was jolted out of the early mushroom season haze that had taken him over unnoticed and he came back into reality. Foot on the gas the tractor jerked forward twice before ramping up enough momentum to move. “Not friends then, but...you’re a mime?!”

Kaden wanted to yell Not the fucking cafe! but it was useless. What if he just pulled the kid out of his seat and drove away himself? Tractors couldn't be that hard to drive, right? Thankfully, he wouldn’t have to, the tractor roared into action and started to pull away. The relief he felt was short lived as more hands started to cover the windows. How? How? Were they hanging onto the tractor somehow? Or floating? Oh god, they had to be floating, their terrifying painted faces tilting and moving in exaggerated expressions. Kaden considered cowering in the back, covering his head and shutting his eyes and just hoping he woke up safe in his bed, but somehow, some part of him knew this was actually happening. How could he tell this kid that these were monsters trying to kill them without a voice? While he was covered in stripes and face paint? He refused to mime it. And they didn’t have time for that. He settled for drawing his finger across his throat and then pointing at the fuckers outside. That might paint a picture, right? Kaden reached out and tapped the kid’s shoulder and aggressively pointed forward once more. Please, please take the fucking hint, kid.

The rain continued to pour, but it didn’t seem to impact the mimes stuck to the outside of the tractor at all. Jared started to speed up as more hands started to seem to glue themselves to the tractor, the faces appearing afterwards out of the gloom like it was a thick fog and not just a heavy downpour. The nymph swore and swerved in the hopes that it would have some of the mimes fall off, but no dice. If anything the image got worse. One mime seemed to have slipped, but their body was keeping up with the vehicle, one gloved hand adhered to the windshield, like a flag in the wind. He didn’t have a clue what was going on, but the mime in the cab was making….death threats? Fuck what had he gotten himself into. Was this some sort of ruse? Was this a mime mob hit or something. He had nothing to offer them and he said as much as he continued to drive and swerve. “I don’t have anything for you, fuck. Are you trying to steal my tractor? Please don’t I just spent the rest of my savings on fixing it.”

“I don’t want your fucking tractor!” Kaden attempted to say. And hey, that was a whisper! Barely audible, but that was an improvement, right? He still wasn’t sure that the kid heard it, but things seemed to improve the farther they got from the mime strip club. He looked back and saw that the last mime was struggling to hold on. Just one more good fast turn ought to do it. But they had to get out of here and fast. Merde. How in the fuck could he tell this guy where to go? He was clearly clueless and navigating wouldn’t work. Why didn’t he have paper and fucking pen? Maybe he could text someone and ask for a p-- Oh. Oh. Kaden reached into his pocket for his phone and furiously typed into the notes app, shoving the phone at the kid and pointing at what was written there, “900 Peaberry.” Putain de merde, if the kid didn’t understand after this he was just going to walk in the fucking rain.

Over the top of the noise the rain, tractor, and his own racing heartbeat was making Jared had no chance hearing the barely audible whisper of the mime sitting to his left. One mime left, flapping in the wind ominously, so the nymph pushed the window open with one hand and peeled the mimes glove off. In a terrifying fashion the glove came off with another identical glove underneath seen for only a moment before they’d turned a corner and the mimes were gone apart from the one sitting to his left. He swerved in surprise when a phone appeared under his nose, but squinted at the screen and then back at the only mime left. “This is where you were going? Okay. Okay cool. Fuck you’re not like those other mimes right? What the hell just happened?”

As the tractor swerved and careened away from the oncoming onslaught of mimes, Kaden tried to hold onto the inside of the cabin and the seat, attempting to maintain his balance while peeking back to see if the last of the mimes were gone. He let out a sigh of relief when he saw they were safe. For now. And it looked like the kid was actually taking him home. Putain, he would never leave again. Not until he didn’t look like a reject from a Dr. Seuss book. “Yeah this is--” His voice was still hoarse. Fucking hell, you had to be kidding. Kaden nodded enthusiastically instead and then offered the kid a shrug. It was about all he could manage apparently. Kaden felt relief wash over him as he saw his building drawing closer through the rain. Home. So close to home. Kaden tapped the kid on the shoulder and then pointed at the building and gave him a thumbs up. Once he rolled to a stop, Kaden practically threw himself out of the tractor and started quickly gathering his things. Shit, she should have bought two boxes of lights at this rate. He was going to need them.

Jared and the mime finally seemed to be on the same page, and he pulled to a stop in front of the desired building at last. The nymph pushed the shopping over to the door and looked down at the mime in the rain. He wasn’t sure he’d ever be giving a mime a ride ever again, but he smiled anyway. “Hey bud maybe next time drive to the store so you’re not struggling like that.” He then paused, wondering idly if mimes were allowed to drive, it seemed like they should be allowed but he had no idea of mime law. “Or at least a wagon and an umbrella just in case.” He finished before giving the guy a small wave. He was going straight home. Straight home to reflect on himself. Maybe he should stop being so friendly. It didn’t seem to be doing him any favours anymore...

#suffering in silence #wickedswriting #writing #chatzy #jared #themidnightfarmer

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kenzieam · 4 years

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Destroyed - Chapter One (Chris X OC)

Rating: M

Warnings: Violence, language, drama, angst

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@iammarylastar @captstefanbrandt @jewels2876 @moonbeambucky @badassbaker @everythingisoverrated @jeremyrennerfanxxxx123 @oliviastan17

I KNOW I’M MISSING TAGS, PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF YOU WANT IN

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What happens if Chris survived the bank robbery?

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Five Years Later

The sun beat heavy on his bare shoulders, the skin pulling slightly with the beginnings of a sunburn. Chris tightened the final bolt then straightened, ducking out from under the reach of the truck’s hood, stretching his spine with a groan as he dropped the wrench with a clatter in with its mates then pulled a rag from his back pocket to wipe his hands.

He let the sun warm his face for a moment, eyes closed and contemplated; should he get a start on figuring out what was making the Adler’s van run so rough, or go eat lunch?

That was his life now, and he was content with it.

He’d just made up his mind, lunch first, Adler’s van second, when a new sound pierced his thoughts. Dropping his head from the sun’s warmth, he turned to look over his shoulder.

A late seventies Toyota Land Cruiser wheezed towards him. Although old, it was in decent shape, either an older restoration or just plain well cared for, but right now, it needed help. Chris watched as it wound down, seemingly like a wind-up toy petering out, and gasped one last time before stalling a few dozen feet away. All clearance lights, already dimmed, died instantly and Chris, although not a betting man, not since gambling with his life five years ago, would have laid odds on what the Toyota’s problem was.

The driver’s door opened as Chris approached and he felt a sudden jolt of electricity. Not even Erin’s kiss in that bar as they’d learned their cover had affected him like this. A woman stepped out, no… scratch that, an angel appeared.

Long auburn hair, faint strands of blond catching the sun; thick and wavy and just perfect for Chris to card his hands through. Sunglasses of probably the same vintage as the Cruiser were pushed up into that glorious mane to reveal a set of cat-shaped eyes in the most unique and breath-taking shade of lilac-grey Chris had ever seen. Faint wrinkles of worry marred the smooth heart-shaped face and then she was looking right at him and Chris felt like he’d been kicked in the guts.

“Hey- , uh. Car trouble?” He stuttered, feeling his face start to flame.

The faintest of smiles. “Yeah.”

“Sounds like your alternator.” Chris scrambled for steady ground; known terrain when the earth was practically shaking beneath his feet.

“I thought so,” she murmured, sounding resigned. She met his eyes and Chris felt a fresh jolt. “Do you think it took my battery out with it?”

A lopsided grin, the majority of people he helped had no idea what an alternator even was, let alone knew how it worked.

“I’ll check that, if you got it here fast enough, it should be okay.”

She bit her lip for a moment. “How long will it take? I have to get to work.”

“Not long, I can have it done by this afternoon if I’ve got the part laying around.”

The woman flinched slightly. “I work late, I won’t be able to come back until tomorrow.”

“That’s fine. You said you had to work? I can take you-“ Chris was babbling and he knew it, forced himself to shut up. “I mean, if you’d like.”

The faint smile again, a hint of pink in her cheeks. Maybe he wasn’t the only one being thrown off his axis right now. “I can’t ask you to do that.”

“No, it’s fine.” Chris was inexplicably terrified of losing contact with this woman and if he’d had more time to think about it, it probably would have bothered him, this sudden attachment. “I’m just heading out to lunch; I can give you a ride. Where are you going?”

Her eyes met his, that strange lilac-grey seeming to pierce into his soul. After a heartbeat, something flickered in her gaze, something Chris would swear was fear. “No, thank you.” Her voice was firm now, insistent and Chris felt an unexpected and unexplained pang of disappointment. She reached into her purse and pulled out a flip phone.

Chris stood rooted to the spot, frozen, until the woman raised her head. “Would you like me to sign anything first?” Her voice was tentative again, as if she worried she’d angered him.

Chris swallowed hard, hating that she was slipping between his fingers and at the same time, absolutely stunned that it mattered so much to him already. What the fuck is wrong with you, King? “Yeah, follow me. I’ll make out a work order.” He turned and strode into the shop, heart hammering a frantic tattoo in his chest. Reaching the counter, he grabbed the necessary paperwork and a pen. “Uh, name?”

The woman had reached the other side of the counter and now shifted her weight, almost uneasily, as if she was leery even of giving Chris her name. “Raen.” She finally answered, pronouncing it like ‘Rain’. “R A E N Casteel.”

“And a number to reach you at?”

Another pause, as if weighing her options. Chris had studied body language and received more than enough training in the F.B.I. to read this woman’s behaviour. She had been hurt by someone in the past, badly, and was either running from it still or was just permanently marked, forever cautious around strangers, especially men. His heart ached with a sudden desire to pull her close and crush away all her bad memories, show her that not all love and all men meant pain; and track down the ratfuck that had made her this way to begin with. Finally, she offered a number, chewing on her bottom lip.

“Okay,” Chris scrawled the number, mind racing as he tried to organize his thoughts. He’d never been so thrown by someone in his life, not since her. In the space of only a few minutes, he’d gone from content and hungry, his biggest decision of the day being when and what to eat, to being absolutely swept up in a mysterious woman, ready to fight for her and kiss away her sorrow. But no.

He couldn’t.

He’d fallen hard for a woman before, and it had nearly killed him. He could not do that again.

“Alright.” He cleared his throat, forcing a casual tone. “I’ll look at it and give you a call and an estimate.”

“Thank you. If I don’t answer, please leave a message.”

“Sure.”

The woman gave him one last hesitant smile, then dropped the keys on the counter, turned and almost fled the shop, the door banging closed behind her. Chris watched her hurry away and disappear around the corner.

Jesus wept.

He wanted to help her, and not just by fixing her vehicle.

As soon as his doctors discharged him from the hospital, as soon as it wasn’t abject agony to move anymore (because Chris had gone cold-turkey on all hard drugs after), he’d left the F.B.I., taking all the compensation and bonuses offered to him for his service and sacrifice. Breaking the lease on his apartment, he’d loaded his truck (not the monster he’d driven as Undercover Chris, but his own) and pointed it east, intent on leaving L.A. and California and the west coast entirely, not stopping until the icy dread that ran rampant through his veins finally ebbed and he could draw a deep breath again.

Staying in L.A. meant memories, it meant driving past old haunts and neighborhoods, remembering his shitty past and even shittier career as a Special Agent; one that had started promisingly enough, especially for a delinquent kid who had more in common with the thugs he chased than the agents who hunted them, but had cratered hard when he’d accepted his last assignment.

Deep cover, a chance to advance and take out an asshole at the same time. Dangerous, but definitely worth it; and then he’d met her.

Erin Bell, his awakening and his ruin. His rise and his downfall. In her he’d found a partner, a fellow survivor of a hellish childhood and for a time, he’d been in love. Blinded by the light, as the song went.

He’d let himself believe he could have it all, that he and Erin could give the middle finger to Silas’ gang, to the F.B.I., Sheriff’s Office and the whole fucking world and just run off together with a shit-ton of stolen money.

How wrong he’d been. At the last moment, his conscience had finally intervened, and he remembered the fright and tears in that blonde teller’s eyes as Silas had screamed at her, the abject terror in her innocent face. As he’d watched Silas drop the duffels, spewing tell-tale purple clouds and storm back into the bank, the haze had lifted from his mind and even Erin’s horrified, pleading stare hadn’t been enough to bring it back.

No one gets a fuckin’ scratch. He’d vowed, but he’d been the naïve one then.

“F.B.I.!” His words hadn’t had the desired effect, Silas hadn’t fl0undered in shock or dropped to his knees in acquiescence; it was like he’d known and, looking back, he probably had, trading Arturo for Chris at the last moment, the psycho had at least suspected someone was a mole and Chris had been the one to break cover.

The memory of the burn from the bullets was something that still woke Chris up from a dead sleep, multiple points of agony in his torso, a line of fire on his scalp. That last bullet Silas gave him, aimed as the kill shot to his skull as he lay gasping and already dying on the grimy industrial carpet of the bank; had, depending on your viewpoint, either saved or doomed Chris, missing his brain and splitting a line on his scalp instead. Silas hadn’t noticed as he’d stalked out and Chris carried that scar to this day, visible at all times because although he hated thinking about his past, he’d kept the shorn head and facial hair.

If asked, he couldn’t explain why, but maybe it really was to remember, even though he hated to. Seeing Undercover Chris, with a buzz cut and goatee everyday in the mirror was his penance. He couldn’t, he didn’t deserve to go back to the neatly-groomed man he’d been before, hair longer and fluffy and worthy of a woman running their fingers through it; he wasn’t that man anymore, for better or worse.

He’d driven until his truck had made the choice for him, quitting in this mid-sized town in New York state, lasting long enough for him to limp it into this very mechanic’s shop. A chance comment from the owner, that he needed a new mechanic, had been the catalyst for Chris to stay, at least for awhile.

As a kid, knowing through bitter experience that his own mother was an unreliable source, Chris had kept himself alive with his hands. More specifically, using his hands to fix and tinker. A few hours working on the neighbor’s broken lawnmower earned him enough to eat for a week, the car he’d traded a day’s worth of small engine work for and spent two months of weekends working on before selling to the plumber down the street helped him make it when his mother finally OD’d and he’d needed to keep himself afloat, keep the nosy housewives on the block from calling CPS and reporting a child left alone. Not that they’d have been overly concerned for Chris’ wellbeing, his mother had supported her drug habit by spreading her legs for anyone with cash or drugs, and most if not all of these women’s husbands had partaken at one time or another, meaning Chris was practically guaranteed abandonment when the real object of their fury and indignation was gone, and only her son was left to blame.

That history had been his fuel for a time, spurring him to apply for the F.B.I., encouraging and driving his ambitions to make something of himself, to be more than the fatherless son of a crack-whore.

And, for a time, he had been. He’d been more. Chosen for the assignment, entrusted with the delicate task, but he’d fucked it up, as it was in his genes to do and it still burned sometimes to think about it.

And now, working at the shop had kept him busy, tired him out enough that sometimes he was even too exhausted for the nightmares. So, when the old man had announced his retirement two years later, Chris had offered to buy the place.

For almost three years now he’d been here, running his own business, continuing and building on the shop’s reputation in town, paying Karma back with steady and honest work.

But was Raen another Erin? Another flash fire that would only leave him staggering and burned, another paradigm shift in his already jagged and torn existence?

He’d worked so hard to rebuild his life, was he ready to risk it all again?

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky #au bucky barnes #sebastian stan #destroyer #destroyed #destroyer chris #chris x raen #destroyer chris fanfic #destroyer chris fantiction #destroyer chris angst #destroyer chris drama

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lillesbianthatcould · 6 years

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answers to anon

Is a kiss considered cheating? yes

Have you ever faked orgasm? i don’t think so

If you could have one superpower, what would it be? FLY 100%

Do you think you are going to be rich in 7-8-9 years? haha definitely not

Tell us some funny drunk story. i’ve only been ‘drunk’ once and it wasn’t super exciting or anything. i remember running around in circles in the grass w/ my friends seeing how many i could do before i fell down or threw up lmfao

Why are you no longer together with your ex? well, i’ve had quite a few ex’s and none of them are even SLIGHTLY comparable to my current girlfriend. tbh no one ever could be in any way. she’s my soulmate and i wouldn’t trade her for the world.

If you had to choose one way to die, what would it be? in my sleep, in bed with my gf holding my hand.

What are your current goals? to get through the next 6 months or so without too many hurdles, and to do exceedingly well with the certificate i’m planning to get in order to get a full-time job so i can live by my gf (:

Do you like someone? obviously yes ^^

Who was the last person to disappoint you? probably one of my old friends

Do you like your body? i’m beginning to honestly

Can you keep a diet? if i put all my effort into it, i’m sure i could manage. i just don’t want to lmao.

If the whole world listened to you right now, what would you say? love yourself first

Do you work? yep

If you could choose only one food to eat to the rest of your life, what would it be? probably either cheese or potatoes

Would you get a tattoo? already have one, want soooo many more

Something you don’t mind spending all your money on? presents for my girlfriend or my friends

Can you drive? yes, i wouldn’t have a relationship if i couldn’t tbh

When was the last time someone told you you were beautiful? uhhh idk

What was the last thing you cried for? a stupid reason lol

Do you keep a journal? yeah sorta

Is life fun? sometimes

Is farting in front of people irrelevant? it’s funny ?? lmao

What’s your dream car? definitely a 67′ chevrolet impala

Are grades in school important? yeah i mean, they weren’t my biggest priority when i was in high school, but they are pretty important if you’re wanting to get into a 4 year college and whatnot.

Describe your crush. she’s fucking stunning. so intelligent. extremely sweet and kind. overall the most amazing woman i’ve ever known. (besides my mom ofc)

What was the last book/movie that really impressed you? the glass castle. great movie.

What was your last lie? probably about eating lunch - i always tell my gf or mom that i ate, when sometimes i don’t (not because i’m restricting myself but because i’m either too lazy to make food or because nothing sounds appetizing).

Dumbest lie you ever told? i haven’t told many crazy lies or anything that i can remember..

Is crying in front of people embarrassing? nah, at least not to me. i always try to tell my friends, “crying is good. we all need to do it. don’t worry about looking dumb because you won’t to me.”

Something you did and you are proud of? uhh well it’s not a huge deal but on my last trip up to see my gf, i gave this lady at the grocery store a ride to her house because it was pouring rain and she lost her keys. i felt really bad, i wasn’t gonna make her walk home with a whole cart of groceries (she had a limp and was on the older side) and although it wasn’t my safest idea, it was still nice and she called me her savior like 100 times and said i was an angel from heaven, so that was sweet. (:

What’s your favourite cocktail? i don’t drink lol

Something you are good at? umm idk tbh.. i’m pretty decent at basketball????

Do you like small kids? yes as long as they’re respectful and sweet

How are you feeling right now? pretty good!

What would you name your daughter/son? son: atticus / daughter: mable

What do you need to be happy? music

Is there some you want to punch in the face right now? yes always

What was the last gift you received? i think it was when my friend zoe surprised me with sweet-tarts on my break at work and it was so nice. i love her sm.

What was the last gift you gave? it’s technically not a gift but i just mailed some random cute stuff to my gf and she opened it on skype like an hour or so ago (:

What was the last concert you went to? green day in st. louis, missouri!!

Favourite place to shop at? either h&m or old navy

Who inspires you? morgan freeman tbh

How old were you when you first got drunk? like 16 i think

How old were you when you first got high? probably early 16 also.

How old were you when you first had sex? 17 i think ?? or i had just turned 18

When was your first kiss? we don’t speak of that

Something you want to do until the end of this year? bANG MY GF

Is there something in the past you wish you hadn’t done? ohhh so many things

Post a selfie. ok i will

Who are you most comfortable around? honestly cami

Name one thing that terrifies you. the ocean

What kind of books do you read? the typical basic-as-fuck teen novels

What would you tell your 12 year old self? don’t spend so much time on any of those people. you’ll lose them all in like 5 years. it’s so fckn sad but true like… i am not friends with a single person i was friends with back then.

What is your favourite flower? roses bc i’m baSIC-AS-FUCK

Any bad habits you have? uhhhh overthinking, comparing myself, not eating when i’m stressed, talking to people that aren’t worth my time, giving too many damn chances.. the list goes on and on.

What kind of people are you attracted to? idk nice people?? people who have the same sense of humor as me. idk like if you like trump,,,, we probably wouldn’t work out lmao.

What was the last thing you cried for? i think i already answered this but it was over someone i’m no longer friends with. idk it was earlier today & not worth it.

Is there something you don’t eat? Some food that truly disgust you? PINEAPPLE

Are you in love? very

Something you find romantic? i like random notes or texts or cute shit to remind you that the other person is thinking about u

How long was your longest relationship? it is the current one i am in - 1 year and over 8 months so far.

What are 3 things that irritate you about the same sex? uhhh idk this is a weird question for me

What are 3 things that irritate you about the opposite sex? again ?? it’s weird ??

What are you saving money for? i should be saving it for moving away lmao. but i’m using most of my money on christmas presents for my gf, friends & parents.

How would you describe your bad side? HANGRY

Are you actually a good person? Why? idk think so ? maybe ? but sometimes i think i’m the worst person ever so ????

What are you living for? my future plans with my girlfriend honestly & cause i have the sweetest niece now (’:

Have you ever done anything illegal? yeah

Do you like your body? some of these questions are repeating lol ^ it’s also Q #11

Have you ever made someone feel bad about themselves intentionally? yeah but not directly i don’t think :/

Ever sent nudes? all day erryday

Have you ever cheated on someone? nah

Favourite candy? anything sour especially sour jolly ranchers uggfuugfgf

Is there a blog you visit every day, or almost every day? Tag it! @wulfwire it’s my alpha gay (; she’s da best, go follow her !!!

Do you play any computer games? What is your favourite game? i don’t really have time to play anymore ://

Favourite TV series? THE OFFICE UHGGHHFGHD

Are you religious? Does God exist? i used to be christian and believe in god and whatnot, now i guess you’d call me agnostic?? like i believe in *something* but not in ‘God’ necessarily.

What was the last book you read? Did it impress you and why? i haven’t read in so longgggg

What do you think about vegetarianism/veganism? i mean, you do you. i know for a fact i couldn’t do it because i’m so picky and depend on dairy products so i know i could never go vegan and idk man it’s just so much work.

How long have you been on Tumblr? since july of 13′ so wow. over 4 years… 0.0

Do you like Chineese food? ehh. i’m trying to like it more!

McDonalds or Subway? mcdonalds probably.

Vodka or whiskey? neither bleh

Alcohol or drugs? drugs ?? i guess - only if weed counts ??

Ever been out of your province/state/country? yes many times

Meaning behind your blog name? don’t wanna talk about it

What are you scared of? lots of things; insects mainly, and open water - like not even just the ocean, but even lakes and ponds too.

Last time you were insulted? i can’t remember ?? damn, that’s a great feeling

Most traumatic experience? probably the time i was having seizures for 5 years straight. thankfully i’ve been seizure free for about 6 years now.

Perfect date idea? something corny or cheesy idk. i love simple things like going to a park and talking for hours and eating ice cream and laughing about nonsense.

Favourite app on your phone? tumblr for sure, or 8-ball pool *cause i’m such a cool kid*

What colour are the walls in your room? navy blue

Do you watch Youtube? Who is your favourite youtuber? always and forever a fothermucker (; @jackskellin

Share your favourite quote. “i’d rather be hated for who i am, than loved for who i am not.” - miles mckenna

What is the meaning of life? who knows, man. just enjoy the ride.

Do you like horror movies? eh not really, i’m a total baby. but my new friend is probably gonna end up making me like them cause that’s all she watches.

Have you ever made your mum cry? What happened? yeah probably a bunch of times. we used to fight all the time. we both weren’t mentally great a few years ago. mainly due to my dad dealing with being an alcoholic. we’re much better now, thankfully.

Do you feel lucky or special in a way? yeah i definitely feel lucky a lot of the time.

Can you keep a secret? always.

#me #answers

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