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sugarysweetsprites · 4 years

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ALL THIRTY OF MY ENTRIES FOR FAKEATHON 2020 COMPILED BELOW THE CUT

ROUND 1: HOMETOWN MONUMONK - Derived from monument, monk

did you know I like maybe four miles away from a field of 109 identical 7 foot corn statues

FAKEATHON ROUND 2: THE USA ROBINOX - Derived from robin, autumnal equinox

Round one was our hometown, and I did my current city. But my childhood belongs to Connecticut, so I wanted to do a connecticuter. The american robin is the state bird of Connecticut, and as a part of New England it has a colonial history, hence the style. A type of garnet is the state gemstone, hence the species name.

Mostly though, I associate Connecticut with the vibrant autumns. The falls of New England are magic.

FAKEATHON DAY 3: CANADA CURTLE - Derived from curling, turtle

Very simple this one. Canada has a lot of curling events, right? Put the CURLING STONE. On the TURTLE. and you get the CURTLE. Dudes in this other server I’m in really love this one

FAKEATHON DAY 4: MEXICO CASOLURO - Derived from first two letters of the cards it’s based on; el CAtrin, el SOl, la LUna, la ROsa

A very fun one to work on. These are based on those Loteria cards - Specifically, the sun, moon, rose, and the dandy. The 4x4 grid on the inside of its cape is a reference to the 4x4 grid of a loteria play mat. Just threw crap at the wall here and got this funky friend.

FAKEATHON DAY 5: BRAZIL CAPYERA, CAPOBARA - Derived from capoeira, capybara

Not new designs, so much as designs I really needed to give another go. Much happier with these. And frankly, couldn’t think of a concept more wholly Brazilian short of slapping the flag on them.

FAKEATHON DAY 6: FRANCE CHÈVAÇAY - Derived from chèvre (French for goat), Chevalier (French for knight), valençay (French variety of cheese)

F🥐R🎨A🍷N🚬C🥖H

I stole the grease type from someone in that fakemon server it fit this cheesy boy too well

FAKEATHON DAY 7: SPAIN POMEGRIA - Derived from pomegranate, bandurria

Typically tried to avoid the lady-in-dress motif, but felt too justified here. Spain is home to pomegranates, with the blossom being the national flower. The body shape was inspired by the instrument the bandurria, with the base of the body being a halved pomegranate, and her “earrings” being both the tuning pegs and pomegranate seeds.

FAKEATHON DAY 8: UNITED KINGDOM MEMORI - Derived from memento mori, memory

I could’ve uh. Had this idea at a better time huh :^)

FAKEATHON DAY 9: ITALY MEDITIVE - Derived from Mediterranean, olive

Tried going more off-the-wall, but it didn’t quite work. Based on olive branches clearly - olive oil was often used as lamp oil, hence the fire typing. I meant for it to resemble a nuns habit or monastery robes, a la Italy’s heavy catholicism, with the floating olive leaf circlet as a halo. It was… good ideas that didn’t come together perfectly. Probably my least favorite of the lot

FAKEATHON DAY 10: NORDICS MINKJAVIC - Derived from mink, Reykjavik

Look when I think Iceland I always think black metal. This is the second time I’ve done a heavy metal pokemon. The first one was more badass. This one’s instead uh A lot : )

FAKEATHON DAY 11: EGYPT DJEDLY - Derived from Djed, deadly

One of the easiest to draw for… obvious reasons. Based on a canopic jar, sort of like an off-brand yamask or cofagrigus. It’s meant to open up twice; If you take off the lid, you see the fleshy eyeball dude in the lower corner. And if you pull that like a handle, you see what’s inside… and die with that knowledge : )

FAKEATHON DAY 12: ETHIOPIA CAFFIEND - Derived from caffeine, fiend

Obviously hyenas live in Ethiopa. But moreover, Ethiopia is also known as pretty much the birthplace of coffee, and coffee drinking/making is important to the culture. So I thought, why not make a hyena that’s super happy cause it’s always super hyped up on caffeine? Dunno if the electric typing makes much sense, I just thought caffeine = energy = electricity

FAKEATHON DAY 13: MADAGASCAR TENROCK - Derived from tenrec, rock

Tenrecs are endemic, yeah, but this wasn’t just based on a native animal. It was based on the land of Madagascar - specifically, the gorgeous and incredibly sharp structures of Tsingy de Bemaraha National Park. I’ll post a photo above the art, when I saw Madagascar was a theme day I knew I had to base something on that park.

FAKEATHON DAY 14: SAUDI ARABIA MASQAREEN - Derived from masquerade, Qareen

This is based on the Islamic idea of the Qareen. People don’t 100% agree on what Qareens are, but they are consistantly considered to be spiritual doubles - Every person has a Qareen associated with they’re spirit. This is based on one idea, them as dark spirits who attempt to lead their companion-spirit astray. I chose them because even though they’re evil from the start - hence the dark typing - they can become good based on their companion - in this case, trainer’s - actions and whims.

Since they’re counterparts to humans, I thought having them mimic humans would be fitting. It’s body is ALMOST humanoid, it’s many pink extremeties ALMOST resemble clothes. It would be a zoroark like situation, where it could make illusions to resemble human.

FAKEATHON DAY 15: RUSSIA MATEESHKA - Derived from mastryoshka, tea SAMOSHKA - Derived from samovar, matryoshka

Fun fact, I actually used to collect matryoshka dolls. Have a whole box of them in the basement somewhere. So I felt I had to. I have a thing for designs that look a little snobby, Samoshka certainly fits that little niche of mine : D

FAKEATHON DAY 16: INDIA BOVIQUIN - Derived from bovine, palanquin

I like ride pokemon, and I like customizable pokemon. So I made one that’s both! It’s supposed to be based on the water buffalo. The simple colors are because it’s supposed to be customizable - As in, the fabrics hung from it (and maybe the markings painted on it) could be swapped out, so I wanted something simple as a base. Sort of like Furfrou, but the customization doesn’t wear off

FAKEATHON DAY 17: CHINA LONGRUSH - Derived from Long (chinese for dragon), brush, rush

I expect here will be a lot of chinese dragons this round, I wanted to avoid the obvious. But… this is one of the best concepts I’ve ever come up with. The second I had the mental image, I knew that was it

FAKEATHON DAY 18: JAPAN SPIROUS - Derived from spirit, cirrus, pious

This is a myth from both China and Japan, but I associate it with yokai primarily. This is based on Hangonkō, incense that brings forth the spirits of the dead. Hence it’s body obscured by the clouds - It’s literally being summoned by the incense it carries. In retrospect, this could have been an interesting pokeball mimic with different colors.

FAKEATHON DAY 19: INDONESIA WHALEEN - Derived from baleen whale

The Philippines are home to the coral triangle, a stretch of ocean that’s home to a stupidly large amount of coral life. So I initially wanted a coral mon… but it’s known for its reefs. So why not make the whole reef?

FAKEATHON DAY 20: AUSTRALIA OPALINE - Derived from opal, mine

One town in Australia I’ve loved since middle school is Coober Pedy. Known as the opal capital of the world, it’s a desert town that’s so hot, almost all the residents live in houses carved into the ground. Even many businesses and hotels are underground! Coloring was fun on this dude :3

FAKEATHON DAY 21: ANTARCTICA SOUTHAIR - derived from south, hairgrass.

I wanted to do something unexpected. So rather than do that obvious penguin or similar, I went with southern hairgrass, the south most flowering plant. Did it’s closer meant to loosely resemble any wet clothes, but since there are no Inuit populations to Antarctica, only loosely. It’s species, the 1000-to-1 pokemon, Refers to both its chances of survival and the fact of the body is comprised of many many blades of grass

FAKEATHON DAY 22: SOMEWHERE HOT - DEATH VALLEY HELINDRA - Derived from helios, indra

The reason I chose the Indra butterfly is because it's native to death valley. I figure, if death valley gets HELLA sun, why not instead of it living in spite of the harsh sun, living so well because of it?

FAKEATHON DAY 23: SOMEWHERE COLD - GREENLAND STUFFIN - Derived from storm, stun, puffin

I know there are myths that say puffins can bring thunderstorms, so I thought why not turn a puffin into a storm cloud? But uh. It kind of just. Is a puffin isn't it :/

FAKEATHON DAY 24: ANCIENT CIVILIZATIONS KYTHURA - Derived from Antikythera, Urania

One of my favorite remnants of ancient times is the Antikythera Mechanism. It was an ancient Greek computer. With proper gears and mechanics and everything, that was used to plot the locations of the planets and the stars in stunning detail. This first go around turned out… not that great, I’ll be honest. But I wanna do something with the Antikythera Mechanism. It shouldn’t take TOO much tweaking to make this something I love

FAKEATHON DAY 25: FUTURE WORLDS COCOWATT - Derived from coconut, watt

One of my favorite images of the future is, instead of all streets having street lights, some having bioluminescent trees! I wanted to make something to that effect. Even though we have Exeggutor I chose palm trees cause they already have a street-lamp-like shape. Finally got to bust out my super neon pencils :3

FAKEATHON DAY 26: RANDOM COUNTRY - IRELAND AMANEELIE - Derived from amanita, unseelie

I have irish blood, so I wanted to do an irish mon. I took the idea of the fairie ring in a weird direction - when it extends its arms and the little purple "hands" touch, anything in the loop of its arm - the fairie's ring - will become hideously poisoned. Visually referenced the deathcap. Just like imagining these things in a secluded dense forest, floating along like swimming jellyfish

FAKEATHON DAY 27: THE OLYMPICS SYNCRA - Derived from synchronized, tetra

This is similar to wishiwashi, in that it's a schooling mon. But instead of it having a schooling form, it's ALWAYS in a school of five fish, constantly swimming in unison. Clearly based on synchronized swimming, I wanted the tails to be super long, so they'd flow all elegantly when they maneuver around. Kinda... power rangers in execution, innit

FAKEATHON DAY 28: THE OCEAN EXPLORB - Derived from explore, orb

The idea to turn the bathysphere into a pufferfish-like dude just came together really clearly in my head. I imagine their attack would be terrible but their defence would be amazing - basically, they aren't out to fight, they just wanna explore the oceans :3

FAKEATHON DAY 29: THE MOON MOOMOON - Derived from moomoo, moon

its the cow that jumped over the moon

FAKEATHON DAY 30: LEGENDARY CORRA - Derived from core, cor (latin for heart), terra

I figured, we’ve done every part of the earth this challenge… except the interior. So for the legendary representing the world, I based mine on the core of the earth. The body itself is meant to resemble the phylotypic stage of an embryo - the stage of development where most species are virtually identical. It cannot leave its lava bubble. At the center of its body is a heart glowing with all the colors of magma.

The FIRST person to make a legend of korra joke is getting slapped

#fakemon #fakeathon #fakeathon2020 #pokemon #My Art #Non Spritework

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hazeleyesirwin · 5 years

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i’ve seen you before: part one

summary: an entirely self-indulgent soulmate au where past lives are common and link you to your soulmate

(this is a little scary for me because this work is really personal to me.)

Word Count: 4k or so???

part one

Some people believe they have past lives; that our souls can’t just exist in our bodies and then go nowhere or to heaven or hell. They can’t just be floating around. I believe strongly in this concept. Our souls have to start over. Of course, some souls are new on earth and some don’t come back for whatever reason. But, generally, we all have at least one past life. I also believe our soulmate is always our soulmate because it’s the souls that are connected, not whatever physical body the soul inhabits. Friends also stay together through their lives. Sometimes adding or losing one or two through the centuries. Those friends the soul is connected to cause a sense of peace within the soul. The soulmate makes the soul feel complete and at peace. Some people have dreams with flashes of their past lives, some have intense deja vu, some have actual tangible memories from other lives. I have all of these from time to time. Dreams that leave me walking around during the day with this intense deja vu. Two or three vivid memories. Our souls are looking every day through our bodily eyes for its partner. Some would say the soul is looking for its other half. I believe we’re all whole by ourselves, but we’re better when our soul is at peace. A soulmate also doesn’t have to be a romantic partner in every life. A friend, sibling, mentor, or lover could have the soul your soul is looking for. For the purposes of this story I should tell you my soulmate is a romantic partner. This is the story of how my soul found peace with a soul it met in a coffee shop in LA.

My friends, the ones I’ve had for at least two lives now, and I moved to LA shortly after graduating college. We settled in fairly quickly. It felt like the right place at the right time. I’m the most spiritual, you could say, out of the four of us. I’m also the most connected to my past and the oldest soul amongst us. All of us wanted to work in the entertainment business. Chloe as a dancer, me an actor, Kass a talent manager, and Ken in any way she could. I got up earlier than everyone else as usual and went to get coffee down the street from our apartment. I decided to take the binder full of scripts with me to work on lines for upcoming understudy roles I had. I got my coffee in the biggest mug they had in the shop because after coming here every morning for three months, my favorite barista Christina knew I needed the extra caffeine. I thanked her and leaned over the counter to hug her and kiss her cheek, saying something about getting drinks later in the week. I took my mug and my giant binder to the rustic wood table by the picture window. I settled in and opened the binder.

I heard the bell at the front door jingle about an hour later and looked up; no one was ever in here this early when there was a starbucks a block away. When I looked up I saw a shock of short, clearly dyed red hair that was slicked back. The man that the hair belonged to was wearing a black t-shirt and black skinny jeans. He didn’t bother to take off his sunglasses when he came inside until he got up to the counter, pushing the glasses up onto his head which pushed back the one red curl that had fallen out of the otherwise perfectly slicked back style. Christina started to flirt with him after he ordered, so I looked back down at the lines I was supposed to be committing to memory. All I could see was the bird tattooed in jet black ink on the back of the guy’s neck. I looked back up to see him facing the other way. I shook my head and tried to focus. When I couldn’t I decided to give up on lines for the time being. I closed my binder and stood, picking up my mug. I walked over to the counter and set down the mug, then tossed a goodbye over my shoulder to Christina before walking out the door and turning down the street to begin the walk home.

I couldn’t get the image of that guy’s tattoo and red hair out of my head so much that I nearly walked out into traffic while blasting the most unromantic song I could in my headphones. I felt a hand grab my wrist and pull. I turned sharply and took a step forward, ending up with my face directly in a worn black t-shirt. I took a step back and mumbled an apology, not bothering to look up into the face of whoever had just saved me from my own absent-mindedness. Scientists and my high school acting teacher have said that smell is the sense most connected to memory. So, when I say he smelled so familiar, you don’t think I’m crazy. It was like walking into your own house after being gone a while; familiar and unfamiliar all at the same time. It was like home when you had been calling somewhere else home for a long time. That feeling made me look up into his face. My eyes met red hair, sunglasses, and dimples that were the only thing stopping his smile from taking up his entire face. He pushed his sunglasses onto his head like he had done minutes before in the coffee shop. His eyes met mine and I wanted to cry. Brown around the edges and green like trees in the spring around his pupils. My daze was broken when he spoke,”You okay?” I nodded and took out my headphones,”Yeah, I’m okay, thanks.” “You look a little dazed, how about we sit down over here for a minute?” He suggested.

He took my free hand and led me over to a bus stop where there was a bench. He sat and I sat beside him on the hard painted green metal. “I’m Ashton by the way. I don’t usually just go around saving girls from walking into traffic. I actually saw you leave the coffee place and you looked upset. I had to go this way anyway so I just… kept an eye on you I guess. I don’t know why I told you that. It’s a little creepy.” I laughed softly. He was charming. I was so screwed. “I’m Michaela. And I’m weirdly okay that you followed me. I usually don’t let strange men, who followed me at least two blocks, hold my hand.” He glanced down at our hands that were still intertwined. “Well, considering we just got to Kindergarten third base, can I maybe buy your coffee tomorrow morning?” Ashton asked. “That would be nice,” I replied.

When I got home it was noon already and Chloe was standing in our kitchen with her arms crossed,”Where the fuck have you been, bitch?” “I have a fucking date tomorrow!” I dropped my binder on the bar then heard Kass and Ken come out of their rooms. “You what?!” Ken cried from the doorway of her room. “I have a date tomorrow morning!” I screamed back. “Holy shit, I guess getting up at the crack of dawn finally paid off for you,” Kass commented, walking over to the fridge and pouring water from our Brita filter into a glass. We’re earth friendly in this household. “What’s his name?” Chloe asked. “Ashton,” I answered. Kass full on spit out the sip of water she had taken, “Ashton as in Irwin?” I nodded,”I wanted to flip my shit, but he’s so different than I thought he would be that I didn’t have a chance. He didn’t even mention the band so I’m not going to until he brings it up. I’m not gonna be that crazy bitch. I didn’t know it was him until he introduced himself.” “How the fuck did you not know?” Chloe stared at me in disbelief. I shrugged,”He’s different.”

I got consumed in my own thoughts for a moment, again seeing nothing except red hair and tattoos and Ashton’s hazel eyes that I could fall into. Ken’s voice broke me out of my thoughts,”Do you think he could be your soulmate? Did you recognize anything about him?” I started to tear up, which was not an uncommon occurrence for me. Still isn’t. “He smelled familiar. His hand felt familiar in mine. His eyes look how my mom’s hugs feel,” I had to sit down, actually lay down flat on our tile floor. “Do you think he’s the guy you haven’t been able to see in your memories and dreams?” Kass asked. I covered my face with my hands to hide the tears streaming down my face and nodded. “Oh my god, Mich. That’s amazing. Also, please introduce us to his friends for God’s sake I’ve been single for so long there are cobwebs in my vag,” Chloe joked. I laughed and sat up, wiping the tears off my face. My phone rang as Ken handed me a tissue. I picked it up and saw that Ashton had typed his name in all caps with three hearts after it when he put his number in my phone. I clicked the answer button and held the phone to my ear,”Hello?”

“Hey, it’s Ashton. I felt like I needed to call you. I don’t know why. Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m okay. Are you?”

“I’m alright. I don’t know why I felt like I needed to call.”

“I’m glad you did. It’s nice to hear your voice.”

“You just heard my voice twenty minutes ago.”

“I know, your voice is just nice.”

“Cheesy.”

“Yeah.”

“Do you want to get dinner tonight instead of coffee in the morning? I want to see you again. I can’t seem to get you out of my head.”

“Cheesy.”

“Shut up.”

“I would love to have dinner with you tonight, Ashton. Pick me up at 7?”

“Yeah. Hell yeah. I’ll be there. Wear a dress. We’re going big.”

“Okay. See you then. Bye.”

I took the phone down from my ear and clicked the end call button.

“Dinner tonight? Dude, you’re so gonna get laid,” Kass teased. I got up from where I was sitting on our stained tile floor,”Okay, he said we’re going big so I gotta find something to wear.” “Bet you wish you would have unpacked like I told you to a month ago,” Chloe raised her eyebrows at me. “Yeah, for once, you’re fucking right I wish I’d listened to you,” I replied, wandering down the hall to my room where there were still three boxes to unpack. Formal clothes being one of them. I picked up the box marked “fancy shit” and set it on my unmade nest of a bed. I scratched at an edge of a piece of packing tape until it started to lift then tore it off the top of the box. I pushed the cardboard flaps open and the first thing on top was my senior prom dress. I picked up the purple satin and looked at it for a moment before discarding it in a heap on the off-white carpet. Chloe leaned on the doorframe at the entrance of my bedroom,”That black wrap dress you have would be good.” “That’s what I’m thinking. Do you have shoes I could wear? I need heels, he’s literally a tree,” I watched her disappear in the direction of her room. She reappeared a moment later with simple black heels,”He’s only six foot.” “Okay, that’s seven fucking inches taller than me,” I scoffed. I took the shoes and shooed Chloe out of my room to shut the door. I sat on my bed and let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding. Nervous doesn’t begin to describe what I was feeling. There was a pit with butterflies coming out of it in my stomach. My heart was racing. I was honestly a little light-headed. Something in the back of my mind was screaming “This is it! The moment you’ve been waiting for since you were five and were told about the whole soulmate idea”. I pulled myself together the best I could and started to get ready for what could possibly be the first date with my soulmate. Now I sound like a bad contestant on the Bachelor. Sorry. Let’s move on, shall we?

I finished getting ready at 7:30 then had to sit around and panic for what felt like a year. It was actually fifteen minutes. He was early. I think my heart might have actually leaped when he rang the buzzer. I let him in and he knocked on the door. Kass and Chloe got to it before I could. It was a scene out of a movie. Slow-motion. I turned around just as I finished putting in my earring and brushed my hair behind my left ear. Ashton was standing there in a black suit with a red shirt under it. No tie. He was holding white roses. Chloe and Kass stepped aside and beckoned him in like Lurch from the Addam’s Family. He walked in and his eyes never left my face until he pulled me into a hug, whispering,”You look beautiful,” into my ear. It felt like all my broken pieces were being pulled back together in that hug. Ashton pulled away after a long moment and gave me the flowers. “Thank you, they’re beautiful,” I said softly,”I would put them in water, but we might want to leave before our spectators get popcorn and start watching us like an episode of the Kardashians.” Ashton turned his head in the direction I motioned and saw Ken, Kass, and Chloe watching us from the sofa. “I’m gonna take her now, don’t wait up,” He took my hand and led me out the front door.

We walked down the concrete staircase to the bottom floor then down the block to where Ashton had parked. He drove a black muscle car that gave off major douche vibes, but the way he opened the door for me put my mind at ease. He got in the car and looked over at me. “What?” I asked softly. “Nothing,” He replied, smiling gently. He put his seatbelt on and pulled out of the parking spot. We drove for about half an hour before Ashton pulled into a parking lot that was in front of an old theater. Ashton turned the car off and got out, coming around to open the door for me. I got out of the car and felt Ashton’s hand on my back, leading me toward the door of the theater.

When we got inside the theater, it was crisp red and gold. Classic. It felt like somewhere Ashton fit in. When I looked up at him all I wanted in the world was to kiss him. He was explaining that there was an experimental theatre piece he had wanted to see, but no one would go with him. There was an indescribable fire in his eyes. He laced his fingers with mine, leading me over to the usher collecting tickets at the door. He then led me down to our seats that we in the perfect place. Just far enough from the stage that we could see all of it at once, but close enough we could really hear the dialogue with the actors not using mics. There were a few older folks in the house, as well as two young women who looked like they were on a date as well. The show was far from sold out. The seats were covered in that itchy red school auditorium fabric. The drapes on the stage were the same color. The house lights dimmed, in the same moment I felt Ashton’s hand on my knee. I didn’t realize it had been shaking until he stopped it. “Breathe, love,” He whispered. He offered his hand for me to hold. I laced my fingers through his then put my other hand on top of his. His hands were so much bigger than mine, but it felt like a perfect fit to be connected like that. The stage lights came up and redirected my attention from Ashton’s hands to the stage.

The play was more emotional than either Ashton or I had anticipated. By the end, I was failing to choke back sobs and stop the tears from streaming down my face. Ashton turned toward me and wiped away my tears with the hand I didn’t have a death grip on,”Well, kind of a first date ruiner, huh?” He asked softly, which coaxed a laugh from me through my tears. He led me outside. He started to walk toward his car immediately, but I stopped, closing my eyes and turning to let the warm California breeze dry the tears on my face. When I opened my eyes, Ashton was watching me. “You okay?” He asked. I nodded. He reached out his hand for me to take and we walked to his car together. He opened the passenger door for me again and I got in.

Twenty-five minutes of driving, slightly too fast, we pulled up to a gate and Ashton rolled down his window to enter a code into a little box. The gate slowly opened. A few minutes later, Ashton opened my door and walked me up to his front door. He unlocked it and walked in, pulling me behind him. When he shut the door behind me, he finally spoke,”So, I was thinking we could make dinner together. And, maybe you could stay with me tonight?” “Bold move, Ash. Trying to get into my pants on the first date,” I smirked at him. “Okay, first of all, did you expect any less of me? Second, I just want to be near you. Sex or not,” Ashton explained. “Why?” I asked, before I thought about what was coming out of my mouth,”Wait, don’t answer that. Sorry.”

“After being around you for less than a day, I already want to spend every waking moment with you. Something in me is connected to something in you. You know it, I know it. Your friends knew it from the way they were staring at us. My friends know it because I was with them when I called you and they gave me shit about it for the rest of the day,” His eyes were greener than before as he looked at me. “We should make dinner before you make me cry again,” I changed the subject slightly. “Hey!” He protested,”Technically the show made you cry last time, not me.” “Sure, babe, let’s go with that story,” I replied. The world around us slowed to a crawl as Ashton kissed me for the first time. He tasted like mint gum and smelled like aftershave. I reached up to cup his jaw in my hands. His skin was prickly under my fingertips. He pressed his hands into my back to pull me closer.

My friends in purple, holding wildflowers. They look so different, yet they’re the same. A dream I knew well. I always saw my friends, my family. Never the man dressed in a uniform that looked vaguely familiar. I feel my face being tipped up. I look into hazel eyes. Ashton. I have an aching feeling this is one of the last times I’ll see his eyes in this life. I reach up to brush back the curl that always falls in my husband’s face. Husband. “You may kiss the bride.” Mint and aftershave. Prickly skin under my fingertips. Hands pressed into my back to get me as close as possible.

Ashton broke the kiss and looked at me. Hazel eyes filled with the same love I had seen a moment before. I brushed Ashton’s cheek with my thumb and smiled gently at him,”We better get cooking.” He agreed and led me into the kitchen. I kicked off my heels and realized once again how much shorter I was than him. Ashton walked back into another room and came back out with a hoodie. He handed it to me to occupy my hands so he could reach down and untie my dress. “Horny bastard,” I whispered. His hoodie was warm from the dryer as he pulled it onto my body. His hands lingered at the hem. I reached up and pushed back the red curl that fell in his face. I pressed my lips to his again.

When I walked back into my apartment early the next morning I shut the door as quietly as I could, but I got caught. Kass and Chloe both emerged from their rooms as soon as the lock clicked. Ken emerged a moment after them. “Bro, we had a system and you were late,” Kass said, looking at Ken with her arms crossed. “Sorry, fuck, that would’ve been such a good bit,” Ken apologized, pouting slightly. “Anyway,” Chloe interrupted their bickering,”How was fucking one of the members of one of the biggest bands in the world?” I pressed my lips in a flat line for a moment before replying,”We didn’t fuck.” “Oh whatever,” Kass protested,”You’re wearing his clothes.” I looked down and tugged the sleeves of Ashton’s jacket over my hands then looked back up at my best friends in the world who were waiting for answers. I thought about lying. I thought about keeping what had happened between Ashton and I a secret. I thought for just a moment about telling them maybe I was wrong about him. That maybe he wasn’t my soulmate. The image of those same women in purple, holding wildflowers and tearing up at a wedding for a doomed marriage flashed before my eyes. “We went to a play. Then, we went to his and we cooked together. He’s taking me to lunch when he gets done at the studio today. If one of you wants to come, I think he’s bringing Calum,” I explained. I was partially cut off by Chloe yelling “Dibs!” then celebrating her claim on Calum with what looked like a well-choreographed endzone dance.

“Wait, hold on, when do we get to meet the rest of the band?” Ken whined. “I haven’t even done that. We went on one goddamn date slow your roll. The only reason I’ve met Calum is because he and Ashton have breakfast together every Tuesday morning so he was there when I got up this morning,” This response made Kass throw herself on the couch and groan loudly. “Okay, okay, but Ash and I were talking about maybe getting everyone together and going bowling or mini-golfing or something really cliche like that,” I tried to comfort her slightly with my words. “Already?” Ken asked gently. “What do you mean?” I replied. “Like you said, you’ve been on one date. We know you. You definitely didn’t fuck him last night. You’re already thinking about introducing your friends? It’s fast,” She looked at me with concern in her eyes. “It doesn’t feel fast. It feels like we’ve been together forever. It feels like we’re supposed to be together forever. I saw his face in one of my flashes last night when he kissed me. He’s the one I married in every life before. I can’t stand the thought that I might not get to spend much time with him in this life like previous ones. I want as much time as I can get, even if it means moving fast.”

Tattered green plaid couch. Doilies. Linen against my skin. Tears streaming down my face so fast nothing I do can stop them from soaking the collar of my dress. Sobs rip through me harder than any pain I’ve ever felt. I feel a hand on mine. I try to look up through blurry eyes. Two sets of arms around me. One set of hands holding mine. Soft, soothing voices I know well whispering that I’ll see him again someday. One means heaven, one means another life, one means in my dreams. A flag in my lap. I don’t want it. I want him. Forever was supposed to be longer than a day.

END OF PART ONE

#ashton irwin #5sos #soulmate au #luke hemmings #ashton #calum hood #michael clifford #au #soulmates #original character #ashton au #ashton imagine #ashton fic #ashton irwin fic #ashton irwin imagine #ashton irwin au

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le-petitmort · 5 years

Text

Part II – This thing is about to be a thing

In one-point-four seconds I came to the realization that I am quite literally…the dumbest motherfucker ever. First, I never got her digits. Second…I never got her digits. Disgraceful. Where was my situational awareness? It was akin to a scrawny defender putting pressure up court on the opposing team’s guard, not paying attention and running smack dab into a pick set by a seven foot chiseled like a bronze formed by the hands of Donatello, NBA center. Basketball metaphors…get used to them.

Anyway, it knocked the wind out of my sails. The reason being is that I had formulated this grandiose plan for her to make the first move beyond the first move. To engage the conversation. Open the forum. Get the small talk out the way. Allowing me to pitter patter and tiptoe my way past the threshold of awkwardness and straight to the glory road of getting to know her intimately.

By intimately, I’m not talking about straight to boom, boom, out go the lights carnal skullduggery complete with passionate wet kisses, heavy petting and cock to pussy communication. I was angling for dinner first. Not wine, dine and sixty-nine dinner either. I had it built up in my head that I was going to treat this one like a lady. Later on, I could whisper filthy invitations in her ear that would make her coo, as my hand deftly slid up her thigh towards paradise. Getting to that point would be the hard part. Or maybe not.

Maybe, I had put this particular pussy on a pedestal. Perhaps she was a cum guzzling cock whore who jumped bed to bed trolling for fat cock in the ocean of fuckery that is Brooklyn?

Mayhap, she was one of those chicks who secretly delved into her passionate side by stroking the kitty by the light of her iPhone to kinky images on tumblr. Trolling for virtual cock with selfie side boob action, a toothy smile of seduction and a user name like…say…wantonbabygirldreamsandtequilamemories.

Perchance, all that was completely off base and she was raised right by her parents. A pristine catholic girl with of heart and mind of gold, devout in her love of our lord and savior Jesus Christ who would be spending good Friday getting ashes thumbed on her forehead…or whatever it is Catholics do on that religious day. I’m agnostic so, I have zero idea and I highly doubt she’s Ms. Goodytwoshoes since I had already noted in passing that she likes a smoke and a cocktail in the evening. Plus, she wears those fancy stocking that scream “unwrap me Daddy and see the present beneath”.

Let’s get back on point. This is how much I’ve thought into her. The epitome of pussy on a pedestal syndrome. Now, we’ve had an actual conversation. Albeit, a very short conversation. Brevity is sometimes good…except when you don’t get the digits.

The face to face was going to have to happen. Overcoming my fear of ineptitude and delving into my inner rico suave. A little more toned down though, than an unbuttoned white shirt to the navel, smooth talking lothario schtick. But, more than simply me. Yep, this girl has me all sorts of fucked up.

You’re probably wondering, “what’s with all the self-loathing, dude?”. I admit it’s got to be a bit of a turn off so, here’s the back story. No, I am not a virgin who sprawls across the couch in my jockey’s eating flamin’ hot Cheetos whilst penning dirty poems to lewd images on tumblr under a username such as…bigdongdaddysearchingforhootchiecocksluts. I’m also not the kind of man who walks into a room, drawing in beautiful, leggy, big busted vixens like steel to a magnet. I’m somewhere in the middle.

A relationship failure who gets too wrapped up in his work. Which can come off as neglectful to a significant other. But, I’ve had a plan since I was eighteen that I’d be retired on a beach in Mexico by the time I was forty, with my gorgeous wife and two adorable children playing in the sand as I sip a corona and reminisce about all the good times.

You see, I like plans. I don’t like flying by the seat of my pants. Life is analytical. Meant to be linear with a point A, B, C and onward. Peaks and valleys are for the weak. Which is why, when I first spied my dream girl promenading down the crooked sidewalks of Williamsburg, I stopped the initial urge to go in for the kill and went with formulation of a process. Fucking up in love multiple times will do such things to a man.

The plan was off though, for now. I wasn’t going to be able to slap another ”call me, maybe” note on her morning coffee to pique interest. That was already done. Mutual admiration and quite possibly mutual eye fucking were already in play. She had said it herself! Not so much in those words. But, I’d been noticed. How had I not noticed her noticing me? I really am daft at this shit…or maybe I need a lightning bolt of confidence in my life?

Is this moment it? Is that all I needed was the knowledge that there was a connection from across the room that I hadn’t felt? Was there truly distant simpatico? Was kismet closer than the vacuum of my unsure, fearful mind? Do we already have a thing for each other?! Holy fuck. These are the questions whirring in my head at 5 AM. Just like the ceiling fan spinning full speed above my bed. I’m one hundred twenty miles an hour of jubilation and angst. As much as I pride myself on a linear lifestyle, I climb to the mountain summit and hurl myself into a canyon of doubt with every passing second spent thinking about her.

I can hear the city coming to life. The traffic beginning to snarl. The metal clank of bodega doors rolling open. A single bird stationed on it’s perch singing.

I should be ambling into my office, coffee cup in hand starting my so-called work day. Instead I’m counting the minutes before I jump in the shower, clean up and go finish business with my future paramour. Yes sir, I’m forcing myself to project a dose of swagger. Laying here, mean mugging like an NBA power forward who just euro-stepped his way to a thundering game-changing dunk. I’m a winner, baby! Shelve that pitiful shit, bruh. You da man! Get fuckin’ fired up!

Which is why I basically pimp walked my way to the coffee shop when the time came for action. Outfit: casual. A hoodie from my alma mater, jeans with a strategic knee rip, green Nike air force ones on my feet. I popped straight through the shop door towards the familiar blonde at the counter like I owned the place. Ya boy iz in da house! Woof, woof, woof!

“Large straight black and a skinny latte, please.” I winked, expecting she’d question why I was getting two drinks instead of one.

She went straight to brewing and giving me the inflated total. “Twelve even. Name, please.” Ok, babe, maybe you don’t understand that lives are about to change in mere minutes. A whole cosmic galaxy is about to open up. Astronomers like Neil Degrasse Tyson will be talking about the cavalcade of stars falling out of the sky because two lips met at an overpriced local coffee shop in Brooklyn. Guess I’m getting ahead of myself there.

“Stephen…with a P.” I responded.

Apprehension and giddiness course through me. Giddiness seems unmanly but, my excitement isn’t. I’m bouncing heel to toe as our drinks magically appear before me. I check my phone one last time. Knowing her punctuality, we are currently at T minus 2 minutes and counting. Ps. I am not a stalker…to reiterate.

I grab the steaming drinks and fly towards the door, nearly tumbling over a shorty with her nose buried her phone. No time for apologies, I must nail down a cozy table on the sidewalk. I want this first meeting to be something the entire five boroughs of New York stops in awe to witness.

But, there she is coming through the door just as I reach for it. The coffees are in one hand and I can feel them about to crash right into her. I swivel my wrist, going for the save. No fucking way am I flinging a skinny latte across the object of my forever affections. Fuck no. Shit. There it goes. Whoa…steady as she goes. Eye widening panic! Boom goes the dynamite! My fingers grip the cups harder and safely held. Crisis averted.

Cool and casual like that. “Here you go Iona.” I handed over her drink with a smile.

“Iona?” She looked at me puzzled.

My eyes darted, alarmed. “Uh, yesterday…when you made your order here. Uh…you told the cashier your name was Iona?” Now it was time for my own quizzical. “Your name is Iona…right?”

She blew out a breath. The kind that shoots upward, blowing a dangling strand of her bangs from her rolling at being caught in a fib eyes. “That’s a thing I do. To sound exotic.” She gave a quick shake of the head and nodded to the counter. “I change it up every day. Glenda, Marion, Billie Jean...Iona. Whatever I’m feeling like that day.”

Her hand casually reached for a true introductory shake. “My real name is Tuesday…and I already know you’re Stephen…with a P.”

My smile was contemplatively wry. “Isn’t Tuesday an exotic enough name already? I mean…I’ve never met a Tuesday.”

“Yeah, well, a girl has to have many faces. One must stay intriguing and beguiling.”

“I’m intrigued and beguiled.” I shot back. Somehow feeling comfortable in my skin for a change.

The corners of her lips curved. “Mutual.”

Relaxation immediately struck. My entire being at ease. A wordless infinity.

“But, I’m sorry Stephen. Much as I’d like to sit down and get to know you, I have to be to work in five minutes. I’m all about a strict schedule.” Nice! She really is perfection.

“I completely understand that.”

Tuesday fished a hand into her oversized tote, withdrawing a business card which she handed over. “I neglected to leave you my number last night. I was a little jittery over it all…well...you know.” Our eyes locked. Mesmerizing. “Will you call me for dinner?” She questioned as if there was some sort of doubt.

“Absolutely.” I opened the door, leading her through. Two fingers steadied at the small of her back. Feeling a response as Tuesday’s back comfortably adjusted.

She turned to me on the street, one last parting moment. Words breaking apart the sweetest lips I’d ever laid eyes on. “Thanks for latte. I like a man who gets me coffee in the morning…cliché, I know.”

“The pleasure was all mine.”

Tuesday paused, giving thought to one last message. “Just so you know…I don’t do personal calls or texts during the work day. So, don’t bother. I’m married to my career. I have a plan.”

I gave the thumbs up. Fucking perfection.

-bart 4.20.2019

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shatteringzimmermann · 6 years

Text

part 9

2.7k, concussion/illness/asshole jack returns for a hot second. Not sure if the ending is logical for a concussed/ emotional reaction?

Parts One & Two / Part Three / Part Four / Part Five / Part Six / Part Seven / Part Eight /

“You can’t tell me you’re not mad and then avoid me for nearly a week.” Shitty stood in Jack’s darkened doorway, the light behind him blacking out his features. He must have heard Jack’s pre-game nap alarm go off because the second Jack hit dismiss Shitty was there.

“For the fourth time, I’m not mad. Having to repeat myself so many fucking times is getting really old.” Jack tried to keep his movements slow but he still found himself practically ripping the sheet off. “I’d think you of all people listen to me. Guess not.”

He crossed his bedroom to the bath and shut the door against Shitty’s continuing argument. The little box of tea Eric had sent with Lardo sat on the counter next to his toothbrush and toothpaste. The leaves inside were loose so he’d had to go and get one of those little metal ball things but Eric was right, one cup of the stuff and Jack felt more relaxed when he got into bed than he normally did. He kept it in his bathroom to keep Shitty from trying to mix it with his weed after a bad week of classes.

Splashing cold water on his face, Jack brushed his teeth to get rid of the funky sleep breath he always got. Shitty was waiting for him by his bedroom door, wearing pajama pants (Wonder Woman) and his arms crossed over his bare chest. His mustache twitched when he caught Jack’s glare.

It wasn’t often that Jack tried to intimidate people off the ice. But with three inches and nearly fifty pounds on Shitty, Jack stood right in front of his friend. “Either you start trusting what I’m fucking saying or you can stop calling me your friend. You don’t get to pick and choose what you’re going to believe.”

As expected Shitty wasn’t intimidated. He glared right back. “And maybe I know you well enough to know that there’s something ribbing at you and you aren’t the kind to fucking play this shit as close to the chest as you are. You of all people know how dangerous that is for you to do.”

Jack snorted, loud and rude. He moved into the kitchen and pulled the bread and peanut butter out from the cabinet next to the fridge. “Fuck off, Shits.” He said it with his back turned because at the end of the day, Jack Zimmermann was a coward in many ways. He read texts from Eric and made himself put his phone down without responding. He started running more on the treadmills at the gym than risk running into him on the street. When Jack did have to venture outside he did so with a baseball hat pulled so low his eyebrows were nearly covered and he never looked up from his feet.

“Call Wade,” Shitty said. Jack heard him walk across the hard floor of the kitchen over the plush carpet of the living room and then the shutting of his bedroom door.

Jack’s shoulders were so near his ears he could feel his muscles trembling. The jelly jar was cold in his hand and he tried to keep from panicking as that sensation clung to his fingertips and slid, so slowly, up his forearm. He made his sandwich quickly and left the condo. When he got into his car to drive to the arena he realized he’d left his phone on his bedside table.

Jack huffed loudly. He wanted to rage against this growing cold, this feeling like the chance for something so close to perfect was so near his grasp but it turned at the last moment and he was left with an outstretched hand and an empty heart. The scrapes on his hands were nearly healed but he pressed the remaining scab on the base of his thumb into his steering wheel. The dull ache grounded him a bit, but there was wildness under his skin he couldn’t leash.

He put his key in the ignition, turning over the engine, and pulled out of his parking spot.

The next day Jack woke up in his bed unsure of how he’d gotten there. His curtains were closed against the bright morning sun which was normal, but the searing pain cleaving through his head when a tendril of sunlight reached through the narrow slit and onto his darkened bed was not. He swore loudly and then again internally when the noise and the action was another pair of knives in his skull. The second pillow was cool against his skin when he pulled it over his pounding head.

Someone knocked on the door like they were trying to be quiet but also trying to be heard. Jack grunted. It was apparently loud enough for them because a few moments later his door squeaked like it always did when opened too slowly. Soft footsteps on thick carpet.

“Hey man.” Shitty sat on the empty side of the bed.

Jack knew he was supposed to be mad but he couldn’t really remember why. He ached too much to care.

“Try breathing something other than polyester stuffing for a second and take some meds.”

“No weed,” Jack mumbled.

Shitty chuckled. “Nah, just the shit your doctor gave me. Come on, sit up. I even brought water so your perfect ass doesn’t have to get out of bed.”

Getting into an upright position was an ordeal. His body couldn’t decide if it wanted to puke or pass out. His left shoulder and neck felt like someone had taken a few swings of a baseball bat to them. He cursed under his breath and reached for the glass of water Shitty offered.

“How much do you remember?” he asked. To Jack, it was an unnecessary confirmation of a concussion. Possibly a bad one.

Jack grimaced but forced his brain into action. It took longer than it should have. “Flashes of...eh, earlier? Yesterday? Driving through the intersection of Wright and Williams on the way to the rink. Snowy on the ice during warmup.” Beyond those glimpses he had flashes of memory, single shot images that left him more confused than aware. He had no context for them beyond being during the game. “Did…eh…did I get in a fight?”

It was too dark to see Shitty’s face but Jack had the feeling that might have been a good thing. “By proxy,” he said. “But no, not you specifically. You got fuckin’ boarded by Pierre a few minutes into the first period.”

Jack cursed again. The medication took the sharp edge from the pain but he was still left with the heaviness of it. “Did we win?”

“Jesus, dude. No, it’s fine, don’t ask me what the very mad doctor said about the state of your brain. But no, the team didn’t win. Tater spent more time in the box than I’ve ever seen and he didn’t even care when he busted three of Pierre’s teeth out. The Terriers won in the shootout.”

“If my head was that bad I’d be in a hospital not my own bed,” Jack pointed out. “How did I get back here? Marty?”

“Oh, uh, nah man. I was at the game.”

His words caused a wild maelstrom of thoughts to race through Jack’s head. “Did I know that? Did you tell me you were gonna go?”

“Uh, no, I didn’t. Tater got us tickets. Lardo and me,” he added as if sensing Jack’s next question. He hesitated.

“What,” Jack said.

“So I talked to Tater about the tickets a few days ago and he said he could get us three so-”

The pain jabbing at his muscles and brain turned to ice. The words bubbling in his throat turned into frozen bile.

“Please tell me he wasn’t there to see me go down like that.” Jack didn’t have to explain who exactly he meant by he.

“He was really worried about you, man. Said you stopped responding to his texts. And by really worried I mean like, freaking out because he thought he did something wrong and was terrified he’d upset you.”

Sliding back down into bed was only marginally less painful than getting up had been. “I’m going back to sleep.”

“Bra-”

“Goodnight, Shitty.” Jack curled on his side, facing away from Shitty and away from his still-cracked-open bedroom door.

Shitty got up, mumbling about it only being three in the afternoon and not night. He fixed Jack’s curtains so that no sunlight breached the safety of the dark. And then he left, quietly shutting the squeaky door behind him.

The next time Jack regained consciousness he was so disoriented he couldn’t tell where his bed ended and the sky began. Everything was black and spinning. The air in his lungs became too thin to breathe. He fought with the blankets tangled around his ankle, a feeble attempt despite the strength lining every inch of his body. Sweat coated his skin. One of the thoughts floating through the murky black of his confused mind was about how he was going to puke all over his sheets because his trembling body wasn’t going to let him get up.

Cool, light hands that were not his own released his ankle from its trap. Jack groaned and heaved into the trashcan suddenly shoved in his face. Sweat poured down the back of his tender neck. When he finished the can disappeared.

Moments or minutes later there was a cool wash cloth pressed against his forehead. Jack sighed at the shock it sent through his overwhelmed system. The person he figured was Shitty murmured something as Jack fell asleep.

The next time the dark depths of too-heavy sleep released him Jack lay on his back, aware of which way was up. He could hear Shitty in the kitchen, talking to someone- Lardo? – but then another voice joined. The shut door between them kept any conversation from reaching Jack but he knew the cadence of that muted voice.

Bathroom, his brain helpfully supplied before Jack could spin back into the abyss. As long as he didn’t move his head or left arm too much it wasn’t terribly painful to move although his stumble through the dark definitely would have failed a sobriety test. The small plug-in nightlight in his bathroom set off a pain in his head that had him nearly down on the tile. He kept his eyes slitted to barely nothing as he brushed the vomit funk from his mouth. When he put his toothbrush down on the side of the sink he hoped the toilet seat was already up.

He knew he should eat. The walk back to bed had left Jack so exhausted that he wasn’t sure if he could make the walk to the kitchen. It would be too bright anyway.

Jack wasn’t sure how long he sat there when someone knocked on his door.

“Yeah,” he said, voice raw and rasping. He grimaced, suddenly aware of how sore his throat was.

Shitty’s head poked inside amidst the brightest light Jack had ever seen. He winced enough that Shitty slid inside quickly and closed the door so that only a sliver of manageable light shone through.

“How’re you doin’?” he asked, sitting on the end of the bed next to Jack.

The water and meds in Shitty’s hand were some of the best things Jack had ever seen. He downed them before answering. “Like shit.” He handed the glass back in case he dropped it.

“Want some food? Bitty made dinner and there’s tons of leftovers.”

“Shits. Jesus.”

Someone in the kitchen howled with laughter. It stopped quickly, muffled under a silencing palm.

“Which part of that was bad? The food or the leftovers or the Bitty part?”

Jack knew exactly which one pulled at something in his chest. “I can’t eat anything substantial,” he said. “I’ll just puke again.”

Even in the low light Jack could see Shitty’s eyes flare. “Again? When was the first time?”

“What do you-” Jack closed his eyes and groaned. “That wasn’t you earlier, was it.”

“Lardo and I went and got stuff from her apartment. She’s gonna be here when I have to go to class so that you’re not alone.”

“I don’t need a babysitter,” Jack snapped.

“No shit,” Shitty replied. “You need someone who isn’t going to let you stay in here every hour of the day and wallow.”

“I’m not wallowing.”

The light from the kitchen shut off suddenly. Jack could feel Shitty shift toward the door. A few moments later Lardo appeared, carrying a small candle. The light was gentle enough that Jack’s head didn’t rebel from it.

“Hey,” she said quietly. “We raided the candles from the cabinet over the fridge. Hope you weren’t saving them for something special.”

Jack didn’t even know he’d had candles up there. He told her so, and she smiled. “I didn’t think so. You have some weird ass taste though. Although the penis-shaped one made Bits laugh so hard he had to go into the hallway.”

“Crisse. I remember. Those are from the team, right after I came out. Said my game on the ice was good enough but my game was lacking so they got those to help.”

She grinned. “You’ll have to thank them for me. I now have the mental image of an overjoyed Bits lighting a rainbow-colored dick candle.” The candlelight softened her already beautiful face. There was a glow to her that jack didn’t think was caused by the candle.

“Is Eric okay?”

Lardo blinked. “He doesn’t have a concussion so I’d say he’s doing just fine.”

“No, I…” the words he thought he wanted to say slipped from his mind. “Nevermind.”

“Do you want him to come in and say hi?” Lardo tried to keep the hope from her face but Jack could see it.

He shook his head, barely moving it because of the stiffness setting in his traumatized muscles. The physical pain was easier to focus on than the raging storm within himself. He’s right there, part of him screamed. He’s right fucking there. The other part of him turned away from that begging voice.

Lardo deflated a bit. “Okay,” she said. “But your stomach just growled loudly enough they could hear it outside so I’m gonna go bring you something. A biscuit okay?”

“I have biscuits?” He’d had enough concussions through his career to know that his sense of smell was always affected by the injury but he’d never resented it before now. His condo must smell heavenly.

Lardo smiled, getting up. The knees of her jeans were covered in what might have been dust. That explained how the two shortest people got candles from a cabinet even Jack could barely reach. “You do now. Butter or honey on top?”

His hair had smelled like honey. Faster than a heartbeat Jack could feel himself imploding, breath too loud and the pain in his system not yet covered by his medication. Shitty’s arm was around him immediately, other hand reaching for his in the wavering candlelight. Jack felt so stupid, for such an innocent question to set him off.

That screaming, brave part of him continued to rage. Stop running from what you know is right, it yelled. He squeezed Shitty’s hand and noted that, this close, he could smell Shitty’s hair.

“Eric,” he rasped. Lardo was gone instantly, the room darkening into oblivion. She murmured to Eric in the kitchen and Jack could hear bare feet crossing the tiled floor.

Jack wanted to stand up, to greet Eric properly with a handshake or a quick hug but when he shifted his legs to stand pain that was more than his injuries shot through him.

When Eric opened the door, candle in hand, something in Jack collapsed. He looked at Eric with a suddenly tear-stained face and pulled his good arm from Shitty’s hold. Eric crossed the room and laced Jack’s trembling fingers with his own. He offered Shitty the candle, who took it and got up to slide it onto Jack’s bedside table. He shut the door when he left.

Eric stood between Jack’s spread knees, gentling his free hand through Jack’s hair. Hot tears still poured from Jack’s eyes so he pressed his face into Eric’s shirt. Eric curled around him, murmuring softly, as the shield Jack had been working so hard to create crumbled away.

#omgcp #omg check please #check please #this was EXHAUSTING i hope y'all like it #anna is lame #jack zimmermann #eric bittle #lardo #shitty #soulmate AU

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ourlittlebitofnothinguniverse · 6 years

Note

All for the video game ask. (do I need to mention only if u r comfy w/ it at this point). Love you!!

alright u done done it now bitchhhhhhhh are u READY 4 THIS SHIT (dshfa;lkj thamk i am so pumped ur my biggest enabler) i already answered a couple of these for anon but i’ll go ahead and answer them here as well

1. First game you played obsessively?hmmmm i wanna say the legend of spyro the eternal night? i played it so much i could beat the whole game in four hours. i’ve heard lots of ppl actually hated the legend of spyro trilogy but honestly they can suck my ass i loved them

2. A game that has influenced you creatively? Writing, drawing, etc.uh besides my answer for anon of skyrim not many games have actually just straight up influenced my art style but i’ve been playing this game called Fe (not fire emblem just Fe) and i really want to draw fanart for it bc it’s super cute if that Counts as influence?

3. Who did you play with as a kid?if this is meant in terms of co-op games nobody bc we didn’t have anyif just in general, my sister for the most part. i’d watch her play things like resident evil and she’d help me with the hard parts in medievil and crash bandicoot warped (read: racing levels)

4. Who do you play with now?myself lmao i don’t rly like co-op and multiplayer games and i prefer to play most games by myself

5. Ever use cheat codes?like i told anon, no bc i don’t know how they work and i’d probably only use them for the sims anyways

6. Ever buy strategy guides?not really? once we bought the collectors edition for diablo II when i was little and it included the strategy guide which i stayed up all night to read (bc i had run out of other reading materials in the house) but like i don’t really use them idk

7. Any games you have multiple copies of?the sims three and i know you know the reason why but in case anybody else wants to know: i didn’t know they had actually completely changed the game since i had played it last probably a decade ago so i bought it @ walmart this year and then i got mad bc it apparently SUCKS ASS now so in search of a copy of the original version i bought a second one from amazon bc the Image being used WAS of the original case but it really was the new version so now i have two SHITTY SHITTY VERSIONS of a game i used to love that i will never play bc it’s shit except maybe i will bc apparently it has real life music in it just replaced with sims language which is amazing and this response is far too long for the question but i asked u if u were ready so u signed up 4 thisi also have an xbox version of it tht i got for like christmas or smth years ago and a,,,,,, ds version??? that i got last year bc somebody was selling “the original version of the game including every expansion pack” for only like $30 and it definitely said disk version but when i got it it was this Pre-owned Dirty Ds Cartridge Covered In What Looked Like Strawberry Jelly and when i tried to contact them they shut their page down so there’s that which equals four shitty shitty copies of the sims three and i will never be more mad about anything than i am about this

8. Rarest/Most expensive game in your collection?uh well back when i had a job i spent A Lot of money (to me it was a lot) to get the collectors edition of the last guardian so that would be my most expensive. other than that i would have to say one of the hardest to find (maybe not rare but not common)games i have currently is medievil for ps1 bc it took me like a week of searching to find a copy in good condition online for sale bc i rly wanted to own it again since we had to sell all my old games when we moved to oregon which sucked bc we had a Bunch of cool games (mostly early ps era)

9. Most regrettable purchase?did you see my rant about the sims three for answer 7? yeah

10. Ever go to a midnight game release or stand in line for hours?never lived in an area where that is A Thing

11. Have you ever made new friends from playing video games?i wanna make a homestuck joke here (srsly probably not like i said i don’t rly do any type of co-op or multiplayer games so)

12. Ever get picked on for liking games?not really?? is that a Thing?

13. A game you’ve never played that everyone else has?uh idk literally any COD game, basketball games, Fallout games, overwatch, anything that’s co-op, shooter games or sports related etc idk i’m a simple fellow these types of games don’t appeal to me

14. Favorite game music?idk what this means? like genre-wise??? idk abt stuff like that i just like good game music but i’ll tell you the fuck what, hiveswap music fuckin SLAPPED

15. If it was a requirement to get a game related tattoo, what would you pick?fuck shit idk man i don’t rly want a tattoo maybe uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh smth that could be vague

16. Favorite game to play with your friends IRL?idk rip lmao

17. Ever lose a friend over a game?Nah man i can’t even imagine smth as dumb as that unless they’re screaming racist or sexist slurs bc then friendship is terminated but otherwise like wtf it’s just a game,,,

18. Would you date someone that hates gaming?i mean?????? sure????????????? they don’t have to game with me??????????? unless they tell me I can’t game bc they don’t like it in which case Bye u controlling piece of shit

19. Favorite handheld console?u kno those games that used to come in sonic happy meals? yah (jk uh i don’t have much experience w/ handheld consoles besides nintendo ds-es and they’re cool)

20. Game that you know like the back of your hand?like i said i played spyro the eternal night so often i could beat it in four hours so probably that one.

21. Game that you didn’t like or understand as a kid but love now?the only games i didn’t like as a kid i p much still don’t like now

22. Do you wear game related clothing/accessories?i am Poor

23. The game that you’ve logged the most hours into?currently skyrim or stardew valley

24. First Pokemon game?I didn’t get to play any pokemon games until this year actually but i got myself pokemon y and ultra sun so those are my first two! although you Could technically say pokemon go bc i played that for the first time like One month before i got y and ultra sun but like idk if tht counts so *shrug emoji*

25. Were you ever an arcade game player?i never lived where arcades were a thing tbh

26. Ever form any gaming rivalries?Why

27. Game that makes you rage?there’s this absolutely adorable and INFURIATING game called so many me that’s a puzzle platformer but the controls are so ridiculously precise that it’s absolutely the WORST to play bc unless you do it just right at just the right millisecond you will die over and over and over

28. Ever play in a tournament?nah

29. What is your gaming set up?the livingroom tv and my mom’s xbox one or my bedroom with my ps4 i got for my birthday and my xbox 360 that i got like 7 years ago

30. How many consoles do you own?alright so If ds-es count i own,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, roughly seven? i have my new ps4 i got for my birthday last year, my 7 year old xbox 360, another xbox 360 i bought from a kid @ school, a ps1 i bought last year for the Nostalgia that’s in rly good condition, a rly old ds lite a rly old 3ds and my new pokeball 2dsxl. i would also say that the ps3 my aunt left when she died is mine bc my mom never used it and she had bought most of the games For Me and Her to play together anyways so the idea that she left it to my mom is,,,, Weird but my mom claims it was left to her so Shrug emoji

31. Does the 3DS and/or Virtual Boy hurt your eyes or give you headaches?“virtual boy” i love it omg. uh not really i don’t use my ds-es that often bc i don’t have a just wild amount of games but when i do use them it doesn’t rly mess w/ my brain or eyes too much

32. Did you ever play a game based on your favorite show/cartoon/movie/comic?probably not?

33. Did you ever have any bootleg games or plug-n-play games?i don’t think so tbh

34. Do either of your parents play video games?my mom does but she really only plays like three games (the newest assassins creed, skyrim, and stardew valley)

35. Ever work in a game store? Or do you have a favorite game shop?nope

36. Have you ever shed actual blood, sweat or tears over a game?man have u ever heard of brotherhood a tale of two sons? mom told me abt it and she didn’t warn me abt how it ended and i had to leave the room and cry bc it broke my heart

37. Have you played E.T. for the Atari 2600? Do you think that’s the worst game ever, or do you have another nomination?i didn’t know that was a thing

38. A game you’re ashamed to admit that you like?i can’t think of any tbh. oh wait i take that back sonic unleashed it’s terrible but i love it

39. A sequel that you would die for them to make?maybe not a sequel but they rly need to come out with another stardew valley type thing or maybe expansions or smth so that you can talk to and befriend more ppl and stuff

40. What to you think of virtual reality headsets or motion controls?never been able to try them but they look super fun and i can’t wait to see how they improve the technology

41. A genre that you just can’t get into?multi-player games period. also first person shooters and sports games. there’s more but i can’t remember the title of the game bc i don’t know what genre it would be lmao

42. Maybe it wasn’t your first game, but what was the game that started you on your path to nerdiness?i assume this means game related nerdiness not just my inherent nerdiness in general so probably the very first spyro game

43. Ever play games when you really should have been concentrating on something else?all the time my dude

44. Arcade machine that has consumed the most of your quarters?none

45. How are you at Mario Kart?probably shit i’m not good @ steering in games

46. Do you like relaxing games like Animal Crossing or Harvest Moon?i love them! i have like 100+ hours logged into stardew valley and i only got it in like november of last year

47. Do you like competitive games?not really

48. How long does it take your to customize your player character?so long. i either have to make them gorgeous or beautifully hideous

49. In games where you can pick your class, do you always tend to go for the same type of character?yah tbh lmao. i have like eight thief stone khajits in skyrim rn

50. If you were a game designer, what masterpiece would you create?i have a Lot of ideas and not all of them are good

51. Have you ever played a game for so long that you forgot to eat or sleep?forgetting to sleep, yes. forgetting to eat? no

52. A game that you begged your parents for as a kid?i was a very sheltered kid i didn’t know about new games coming out when i was little bc we didn’t have any way for me to find out About Them. i’m making up for it by begging as an adult for ni-no-kuni II and the new spyro trilogy remastered

53. What’s your opinion on DLC these days?depends on the game tbh some of it is good and a lot of ppl who make mods are rly talented but sometimes the big companies just make dlc to make more money so it can be rly shitty so it’s kinda a 50/50

54. Do you give in to Steam sales?heck yes rn i’m waiting for house flipper to go on sale bc i’ve been waiting for it to come out since i found out abt it

55. Did you ever make someone you hated in the Sims and did mean stuff to them?no my style of playing the sims was more along the lines of make a hundred houses that are all P Much The Same House and making a hundred familys and never playing literally any of them hadflskja;sdfjdslkhja i just liked building stuff and that’s why i’m pissed abt how much they changed the sims three bc it used to be Way Better

56. Did you ever play Roller Coaster Tycoon and kill off your guests?we didn’t have it but i did have zoo tycoon and i’d release the dinosaurs sometimes

57. Did you ever play a game to 100% or get all of the achievements?legend of spyro the eternal night

58. If you can only play 3 games for the rest of your life, which ones do you pick?uh!!! that’s too much pressure and i would get so bored playing them for the rest of my life even if i loved them so i will not choose

59. Do you play any cell phone games?sort of? i’m big into abyssrium and i like viridi if those Count?

60. Do you know the Konami Code???????????????????????? guess not

61. Do you trade in your games or keep them forever?keep them forever!

62. Ever buy a console specifically to play one game?i got the last guardian before getting the ps4 does that answer ur question? (jk that is not the only reason i wanted and got the ps4 but it was One big reason)

63. Ever go to a gaming convention or tournament? nah

64. Ever make a TV or monitor purchase based on what would be best for gaming?not really? i just use whatever i currently have bc i am lame

65. Ever have a Game Genie, Game Shark or Action Replay? Did it ever mess up your game’s save file?nope

66. Did you ever have have an old Nokia with Snake on it?not a nokia but we had this one handheld thing that had a bunch of games in it that included snake i just can’t remember what it was it had like letters and numbers and it needed like regular batteries and you could only play the games that came programmed on it

67. Do you have a happy gaming-related childhood memory you want to share?i cannot think of any right off the top of my head even though i know i played a lot of video games and loved them when i was little. hm it might not count as like a gaming-related childhood memory and more of just a memory of a game but we did have one really interesting little game that i absolutely loved i think we only rented it but u were a scientist who could turn into a mouse and it was absolutely amazing i loved it i have no idea what it was called hm

68. Ever save up a ton of tickets in an arcade to get something cool?not really we didn’t have arcades around where i grew up

69. In your opinion, best game ever made? there are a lot of rly good ones i can’t choose a best game

70. Very first game you ever beat? like i told anon i’m p sure it was crash bandicoot warped

WHEW this was rly fun thank u for enabling me it took me like two hours to answer this i’m so happy. ilu 2 man hope ur day has been rad!

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adapted-batteries · 7 years

Text

And the Hidden Amulet

Fandom: The Librarians

Rating: General/sfw

Relationship: Jassekiel

Word Count: 7017

The Library sends the LiTs and Guardian off to Colorado, where an ancient cave suddenly revealed itself, complete with markings that make the LiTs nervous. Body swapping doesn’t really help matters either.

Also posted on my Ao3.

This is a continuation in the Land Pirate AU I’ve written in before. While it’s not exactly necessary to read the previous stories, some things will probably make a lot more sense if you have. “You Sultry Land Pirates Ruined My Dig!” is first, and “The LiTs Go Clubbing” is second, which this story follows.

This is the last fic I’ve got for the shipathon. The past two months have been great, and I’m super glad I participated.

-----

It had been two months since the Club 10 incident. Morgan Le Fey went off the radar again, or hid her tracks better than last time at least; Jenkins made it his priority to keep an eye out for anything of her handiwork. For the most part, the clippings book and their ongoing investigation on Dulaque had kept them busy, so when nothing rattled the clippings book and they had no progress on what Dulaque was up to, the LiTs grew somewhat restless.

“Jacob...what are you wearing?” Cassandra asked as Dr. Stone walked into the Annex.

“I figured I should find somethin’ to compare with your edgy wardrobe that didn't scream cowboy,” he replied, fiddling with the taupe scarf around his neck. He’d found a cream long sleeve shirt, some olive green pants, and grey work boots.

“I think it's an improvement,” Ezekiel quipped from his relaxed position, feet up on the desk while he scrolled on his phone. “A Nathan Drake vibe beats hick from Oklahoma any day.” Stone gave Ezekiel a confused look but paid attention to the pair of eyes currently on him.

Cassandra had been looking him over methodically. “You need more...leather. Maybe a splash of color too,” she commented, turning on her heel to make a quick trip to the costume room. Stone looked to Ezekiel, who just shrugged at him.

“Cassandra knows how to pick wardrobe, trust me,” Ezekiel said. He then looked up at Stone, eyes focusing obviously on his pants. “That being said, you look a lot more ‘edgy’ with fitted pants like those. A good looking ass and killer legs are always assets, mate.”

“You just want me for my body, don’t ya,” Stone teased, purposely jutting his hip out as he folded his arms across his chest.

“You know it,” Ezekiel chuckled, waggling his eyebrows.

A minute later Cassandra returned with things in hand. She laid them on the desk Ezekiel had claimed, then started handing items to Stone and giving him instructions. “Push your sleeves up, it highlights your biceps more, makes you look slightly more intimidating. The leather cuffs break up your arm while adding a rogue aspect to you. The shirt by itself is bare, so the leather straps are both practical for holding things and cool looking. The light blue cloth necklace adds a bit of color, and it looks like something you wear for personal reasons, giving your character more depth.”

Stone fiddled with the accessories for a moment. “Better?” he asked no one in particular.

“Definitely,” Ezekiel said with a smirk. “Now you look like our hired muscle.”

“When Colonel Baird isn't around then I technically am,” Stone added.

“Speaking of that, how is your training with her going?” Cassandra asked as she sat on the desk.

“Pretty good. I'm getting to the point where she doesn't kick my ass quite so much,” Stone replied, rolling his shoulders like talking about training made him suddenly sore.

The clippings book shook on its stand, catching all of their attention. The three crowded around the large book on its stand.

“Rock-slide reveals ancient cave, hikers discover hidden cave, mysterious drawings found on new cave walls...they’re all dated for tomorrow. Sounds like we need to check out this cave,” Cassandra said.

Stone studied the newspaper clippings. “These are all from Colorado, but Native Americans didn't make cave paintings, so either someone else did it or they’re-”

Colonel Baird walked in just as Stone got towards the end of his sentence. “Magic? What does the clippings book have for us today?”

Stone looked up at her, startled. “How did you-”

“Ezekiel texted me the highlights, and I was on my way back anyway,” she answered, gesturing with her phone as she came to stand next to Ezekiel to read the clippings. “Looks like we’re going spelunking,” She glanced at Stone, mildly amused, “and Stone here is ready to go.”

“I wasn’t...ugh,” Stone huffed, crossing his arms. He glared at Ezekiel and Cassandra who were both restraining giggles. “Go on and get ready.”

“Be back in five!” Cassandra said, giving Stone a kiss on the cheek.

Ezekiel slipped around Cassandra to do the same. “I think you look pretty sexy,” he not-so-quietly whispered into Stone’s ear, giving him a cheeky pat on the ass for good measure, then offered his arm to Cassandra. The two sauntered off to find some hiking gear.

“Cassandra help with the outfit?” Colonel Baird asked, trying to hide the smirk on her face.

“Uh yeah, I only managed half of this,” he replied, fiddling with the leather cuff on his wrist to hide the blush Ezekiel caused.

“Hey, that’s progress,” she said. She gave him a friendly punch in the arm then started heading out the doors for her own gear. “There should be some backpacks in the supply room for us.”

“I’ll go get ‘em,” Stone said, following after her.

---

Jenkins sent them to a visitor center in the forest. It was fairly crowded, people taking advantage of the last few days of summer before the fall rolled in, but no one paid them any mind as the group stumbled out a side door marked “Authorized Personnel Only.”

“Alright, the cave was on Logan Peak Trail, so we need to find the trail head,” Colonel Baird said once the group regained their footing.

“Got it,” Ezekiel said, casually sliding a map out of an unsuspecting tourist’s back pocket as they walked by.

“Dude, seriously?” Stone scoffed, rolling his eyes at him.

“What? She didn’t say how she wanted the information,” Ezekiel countered, opening up the folded paper.

Cassandra scanned the map for a moment before pointing at a spot. “There’s roughly where the cave is, so the trail itself should be right...here,” she paused, looking up to match the map to the various paths branching from the parking lot. “There, to the north, next to the bus.”

“What’s the rating on that trail?” Colonel Baird asked while she watched people coming and going from every other trail but that one.

Ezekiel flipped the map over to the trail listings. “Um...it’s an expert level, complete with steep inclines, some rock climbing, and the loop itself runs almost twenty miles, and connects to others,” he answered, not looking as thrilled as he had before.

“Based on the satellite images, the cave is somewhere between miles four and five,” Cassandra added, poking Ezekiel to flip the map back over. “We might have to scale a small cliff face about two miles in, but I don’t remember seeing anything else on the way.”

“This is why I had you guys get good hiking boots,” Colonel Baird said, turning towards the trail in a much more excited manner than the rest of the group. “Librarians, let's get our hike on.”

The group met her excitement with various grumbles and mumbled words.

---

Three sweaty hours later, the LiTs and their Guardian saw the freshly revealed cave, set into a steeply sloping rock face that softened as it joined the trail. The mouth was five foot wide at most. Boulders and rocks were scattered about, but none covered the trail itself.

Colonel Baird started up the slope to give the cave a look, but the others staggered over to a flatter boulder to rest. “It slopes down towards the back, but I can’t see anything once it curves,” she stated, flicking a beam of light from a flashlight around the walls of the cave. “We just need to take it slow, be careful...guys?” She turned around, not having to search hard for them.

Cassandra noticed Colonel Baird. “Can we have like, five minutes?” Ezekiel and Stone both looked up at her, guzzling water with pleading eyes.

Colonel Baird sighed, knowing she wasn’t going to get them moving any faster. “Fine. Five minutes, then we go inside.”

Even though they knew she was going to give them precisely five minutes, they still groaned and grumbled up the slope to the cave entrance. The complaints stopped once they went inside, replaced by their footsteps echoing down the tunnel. With the curve, the floor grew more jagged, becoming a set of large, shallow steps that opened to a larger chamber fifteen or so feet across and deep, and twenty feet high.

The walls, where they were smooth enough, had white symbols all over them that eerily reflected their LED flashlights. In the middle of the room was a four foot tall pillar of rock with a rounded top that jutted up from the ground, but otherwise the room was empty.

“Any idea what these symbols are?” Colonel Baird asked the room. The LiTs had gone in, but she stayed at the entrance, keeping an ear out for anyone coming in the cave.

“It’s not Native American. In fact...it looks similar to what those kids had on the floor in the basement of Club 10,” Stone replied, lightly tracing one of the symbols with his fingers.

“Do you think she came here?” Cassandra asked from the other side of the room where she had been looking for anything suspicious with Ezekiel.

“If she did, it would’ve had to 've been a couple centuries ago. That I can tell, the paint is a mix they used in early to mid 19th century America,” Stone said.

“You know that by just touching it?” Ezekiel said, glancing over at Stone dubiously.

“I wasn’t diggin’ in the sand in Iraq ‘cuz I didn’t know my stuff,” he retorted. “And while you guys were gettin’ ready, I checked into any literature related to this park and area, and didn’t find any mention of a cave. The oldest item, a diary, was dated eighteen forty three.”

“Okay, we get it, you’re a history nerd,” Ezekiel mocked, walking over to Stone to check out his wall for anything suspicious. “So secret cave that’s been sealed for at least a hundred and fifty years, with symbols that look a lot like what we saw with Morgan Le Fey, and a weird pillar thing in the middle. Any guesses?”

“Whatever it is, it can’t be good,” Colonel Baird said. “Stone, do you know what these symbols mean?”

“After our run in at Club 10, I read through all the Library had on magic in Europe in that millennium.” He paused when Ezekiel dropped his jaw slightly. “Yes...all. Reading is literally what I do,” he quipped, shaking his head to get back on track. “As far as her specific style, there wasn’t much I could find. She’s good at coverin’ her tracks, but what she was teachin' those kids cropped up a lot in several areas over a few hundred years.” Stone had been flicking his flashlight around the room, but suddenly stopped on a particular symbol. “There, something a lot like it came up a lot in the Celtic stuff. It was a ward, a symbol of protection. What exactly it did depended on who wrote which book, but everyone agreed it was part of a ritual for protection.”

“But not all these symbols go with that ward,” Cassandra started, flicking her hands in the air in front of her. “I remember looking over your shoulder when you had a book open, I’ve seen, well not the symbols specifically, but variants, similar patterns.” After swiping at nothing, her face lit up in recognition, then she swiped the air in her grand gesture of dismissing what she saw and aimed her flashlight at another symbol. “That one, it’s really close to the one I saw for detecting beings in an area, but it’s not the same.”

“Okay so someone was setting up magical security...but for what?” Ezekiel abandoned the wall for the pillar in the middle. “Something could have been here, if someone took it before we got here.”

“No, there weren’t any prints in the dust at the entrance. The rock slide happened recently, and the park rangers haven’t gone in yet, otherwise there would’ve been a notice at the start of the trail,” Colonel Baird explained.

“Then whatever they were protectin’ is still here,” Stone concluded, deciding the pillar needed more of his attention. “These wards, they were some top level stuff. Only a trained practitioner did them. Whoever painted these walls could have easily magically hidden whatever it is.”

Light tapping echoed around the room; Cassandra had pulled out a magical scanner she and Ezekiel had built together, and was waving it at the wall. “Did anything you read say anything about the wards regenerating, or if they decay?”

“That was another point people liked to argue on. Some said they were one use things, some said they regenerated the next day at sunrise, some said that they had to be recharged by a person after use,” Stone replied, eyes still on the pillar.

“Well whatever theory is correct, these wards have no magic in them,” Cassandra announced, pivoting towards Stone and Ezekiel. “The only reading I get is from the pillar, and it’s strong, like artifact level strong.”

Ezekiel had been feeling the base of the pillar for a trigger mechanism, so Stone touched the top, which shifted with his push, suddenly tumbling to the ground on the other side. The inside of the pillar had been hollowed out about six inches deep, housing a small, ornate wooden box. “I think I found what was givin’ off readings,” Stone said, gingerly lifting the rectangular box out of the hole. “This, the style, it’s old. Traditional carvings from thirteenth century France.”

“Cool box...so what’s inside?” Ezekiel said, standing up next to him.

Stone had to restrain himself from yelling about how rare a find like this was. Instead he focused his energy into carefully opening the box. A gold amulet about half the size of his palm sat inside, the red gemstone set in the middle reflecting light off its multifaceted surface. He pulled the necklace out carefully, intently studying it.

Ezekiel looked like he hadn’t been expecting jewelry. “Fancy looking necklace...okay. When’s it from?”

After some sniffing, and a lick, Stone replied, “It’s as old as the box, if not older. I’d put it at…”

Something felt weird. He looked up; the room was off slightly, something changed. He still had the amulet in his hand, but now the gem was green, and he was on the other side of the pillar, alone. He shook his head and continued his statement.

“Uh, yeah, I’d put it at late twelfth, early thirteenth century, the gold from the mines of the Mali empire probably.” Stone ran a hand through his hair. His wrist felt bare, and when he brought his arm down he noticed the leather cuffs Cassandra had given him were gone. In fact, his whole outfit looked more like his normal clothes, not the outfit he’d been working on before they left.

“What, suddenly self-conscious mate?” Ezekiel quipped, drawing Stone’s attention to him. Stone could’ve sworn Ezekiel had a light grey shirt, but now it was much darker, a navy, too much to be a trick of light.

Stone shook his head, deciding to play off his confusion. “Nah, I already know you want a piece of this,” Stone said, waggling his eyebrows.

“Uh…” Ezekiel looked really caught off guard, and Stone wasn’t sure why. They did this flirting thing all the time. He glanced to Cassandra, who was also giving him a funny look, in a light green shirt, not the blue she had been wearing.

The amulet, it must have changed something, his perception maybe, or it transported him somehow, to somewhere. Maybe they’d understand him…

Stone’s voice faltered mid sentence. He looked around, not quite sure where he was. Ezekiel was suddenly next to him, and he’d somehow gotten on the other side of the pillar without noticing. He still had the amulet in his hand, but it was red, not the green he remembered seeing just a moment ago.

“Um...uh,” Stone lost his words, his train of thought completely derailed.

“It’s alright if you don’t know the time period, we can look it up when we get back,” Cassandra said, walking up and putting a reassuring hand on his arm.

“No, I know, it’s gotta be early thirteenth century, gold from Mali most likely,” Stone confirmed, shaking his head. He glanced to his wrists; when did he put on those bracelets? Wait, his whole outfit was not what he walked into the cave wearing.

“Are you alright?” she asked, looking at him with concern.

“Uh...I don’t...um, didn’t you have a green shirt?” Stone stammered, eyes flicking around to Ezekiel. “And you had a navy shirt, for sure.”

“Nope, I definitely walked into the Library this morning wearing this shirt,” Ezekiel said, looking at him with concern as well. “You sure you’re feeling okay?”

“I think so,” Stone mumbled.

Ezekiel offered his hand to Stone. “Here, let me have a look at the amulet.” Once the amulet touched Ezekiel’s hand, Stone shuddered. It was slight, but Ezekiel caught it.

“Now why would Morgan Le Fey, or someone she worked with or trained, hide this here?” Ezekiel thought aloud, looking at the red amulet in his hand, hoping to move past whatever had just happened to Stone...

Ezekiel had been watching Stone ever since he picked up the amulet. Stuttering while doing his history nerd thing, that wasn’t normal at all. Neither was forgetting what clothes they had been wearing all day, and looking around the room like he didn’t know how he got there. Except now he felt the same way. That amulet had definitely been red just a moment ago, there was no way he could have confused that with the green it was now.

Everyone was looking at him expectantly, but why he didn’t know, since he just asked them a question. Maybe he hadn’t actually said it out loud? Guess it wouldn’t hurt to repeat himself. “Uh, so why would they need to hide this amulet?”

Apparently they hadn’t been expecting him to ask that. Cassandra raised an eyebrow at him. “Well, it must be valuable, whether monetarily or magically,” she suggested. “We just don’t know what it does, yet anyway.”

Ezekiel glanced back at the amulet. “With the wards, it’d have to be magical. Maybe whatever it does is controlled by a command.”

“That’s an idea, though what would activate it we have no clue,” Cassandra started, eyes focused on the amulet for a moment before she turned to look at the box, sitting unattended on the pillar top. “Stone, is there anything on the box that might help us?”

Stone grabbed the box, holding his flashlight close to it. “I can certainly look.”

Something about Cassandra seemed different, Ezekiel couldn’t quite put a finger on what though. It was like she hadn’t been hardened by years of thievery with him. She reminded him more of what she was like when they first met five years ago; innocent, a bit naive, too trusting for her own good, determined to convince him that she was worth opening up to.

Apparently that meant he was looking at her with a face that revealed he was thinking about how he low key had a crush on her for a while (guess that happens when you start actually trusting someone), complete with biting his lip.

“Are you alright Ezekiel?” Cassandra asked, snapping him back to reality. If there had been more than just flashlights for light, he could confirm his suspicion of her blushing under his gaze...

Stone was being really odd. Flirting with him was not a normal thing at all, nor looking at himself like he forgot what clothes he put on this morning. Ezekiel hadn’t paid a whole lot of attention, but he for sure didn’t remember Stone looking like he belonged in a video game a second ago, and the amulet was not red either.

“Wasn’t the amulet green?” Ezekiel said, looking from the necklace in his hand to Stone’s weird wardrobe change. “And you definitely hadn’t been wearing those pants when we walked in here.”

“What? I’ve been wearing ‘em all day, and ya even said ya liked my ass in ‘em,” Stone retorted, looking at him with concern. Stone put the back of his hand up to Ezekiel’s forehead for a moment, then switched to cupping the side of his face. “Are ya feelin’ alright?”

The sudden tenderness from Stone was too much for Ezekiel. Instinctively he backed away a few feet, eyes wide, not a clue why Stone was being this way like it was normal.

Stone looked at him with even more worry. “What’s wrong?”

“You wouldn’t do that, you don’t…” Ezekiel stammered, not really processing what was going on very well.

“I don’t what?” Stone said, keeping his distance even though Ezekiel could tell he was restraining himself.

“You’re straight!” Ezekiel snapped, not really meaning to be so loud, but his nerves were very on edge.

Stone looked at him, more confused now than anything else. “I dunno what happened to you...don’t you remember kissin’ me this morning?”

Ezekiel’s jaw dropped. What Stone just said made absolutely no sense; he definitely didn’t do that today, that wouldn’t be something he’d forget easily at all. “...what? I didn’t...”

Cassandra knew something was wrong with Jacob and Ezekiel, like they weren’t quite who they should be. Jacob stuttering mid-sentence, saying she had been wearing a green shirt when she definitely wasn’t, could’ve just been some odd memory loss, but Ezekiel suddenly thinking Jacob was straight was the thing that made her realize there was a problem.

“Are you two alright? You’ve both been acting weird...did something happen?” she asked. Stone looked like he was thinking, and Ezekiel responded with confused noises more than words. On a hunch, she took the amulet from Ezekiel’s loose grip, and saw him shudder. “Okay, where were you just now?”

Ezekiel shook his head, looking around the room, before answering. “I was here, but not quite. It was like you didn’t remember us at all, our past, and Stone changed his clothes…”

Ezekiel’s clothes changed, his shirt going from the grey she just saw, to a navy. He’d been mid sentence when she arrived wherever they were. “...and you said I kissed you this morning?”

Stone, definitely not wearing the cream shirt and olive pants anymore, made a noise that was part amused, part disbelief. “You definitely didn’t do anything like that.”

That gave Cassandra the information she needed. “I think I can explain that,” she started, getting both of their attention. “We must be shifting universes, and you guys are a parallel universe to mine. Everything’s mostly the same, but not quite, like the amulet. Where I came from, it had a red gemstone, but yours is green, and my Ezekiel had a grey shirt, but yours is navy…”

Cassandra figured out why Ezekiel was so freaked out about things Stone definitely didn’t do. When she took the amulet from him, she went somewhere, to the place Ezekiel had been describing, confirmed by Stone’s obnoxious looking adventurer's outfit. They’d been swapping universes via the amulet, its red-gemmed counterpart currently in her hands where the green one had been just a moment ago.

“...Ezekiel had said you somehow changed outfit,” she continued, looking at Stone with mild amusement, “which at first didn’t make sense, but I can’t deny what I see in front of me.”

“So have we been teleporting?” Ezekiel asked.

“Not exactly. The amulet must link the consciousness of the person to their counterpart in another universe, but only if both are holding the amulets,” she explained. “Our Ezekiel came back rather freaked out...what happened over here?”

Stone bit his lip before answering her. “I told him that he kissed me this morning, which ours did.”

“Oh...well that I know of our Stone and Ezekiel’s relationship is not that, well at least not yet anyway,” Cassandra replied.

Ezekiel was looking at her again like he had before he presumably returned to this universe. “What about us? Me and you?”

Cassandra couldn’t help the blush that came up from his gaze. “Uh, well personally I don’t feel that way...and I have Estrella now…”

“Who’s Estrella?” Stone asked, giving her a curious look.

Cassandra felt the smile before she even said anything. “My girlfriend. I guess me here hasn’t met her.”

“The name doesn’t ring any bells. Maybe she met her before you...she became a thief with me,” Ezekiel said.

It took a second for Cassandra to process that last bit. “I became a thief?”

Now it was Ezekiel who was smiling wistfully. “Yeah, just over five years ago.”

“Sounds like she had quite a life before the Library. I was just a janitor,” Cassandra started, not quite sure if she wanted to go back to what she had been wanting to ask. A few moments of awkward silence helped push her along. “So, Stone and Ezekiel, and me and Ezekiel…”

Ezekiel snickered faintly before clarifying. “It’s kind of a polyamorous relationship.”

“Kind of?” Cassandra asked, not sure what he meant by that.

“We’ve been busy, not exactly had time to explore anythin’,” Stone added.

“You know, just some unknown impending doom from Morgan Le Fey and Dula-” Ezekiel said nonchalantly, but Cassandra cut him off.

“Wait! Don’t say anything. If we gain information we otherwise wouldn’t have by ourselves, we could end up damaging our own timelines, or create new ones. We already know there are other branches from our reality.” Cassandra paused, motioning to Colonel Baird still standing near the entrance of the cave. “Our Eve traveled through them a couple years ago. I probably should go before I have a chance to say anything else.”

Cassandra was about to put the amulet back in the box, but Stone stopped her. “Hold on. Before ya go, I wanna test somethin’.” He slipped his backpack off and dug around for the scarf he’d taken off before they hiked. “Here, grab the amulet with this. I wanna see of skin contact is what activates it.”

Taking the scarf, Cassandra wrapped the amulet in it, nothing seemingly different. “I’m still here, which tells me it’s using my electromagnetic field, my aura, to connect. It was a good idea though.”

“Would it still connect if it was in the box?” Stone asked.

“No, it shouldn’t. In the top of ours anyway, there is a cancellation ward,” Cassandra explained, holding the box so they could see, “though your symbol looks like what our Stone drew to compare our symbol to.”

“Whoever put the amulet here must have been from your universe,” Ezekiel suggested.

“It could explain why there wasn’t any magic in our wards here,” Stone said.

“Our wards didn’t have any charge either. They symbols might not be compatible with your magic, but they should still cancel the amulet’s effects since it leaks our magic, and vice versa, to connect,” Cassandra theorized. She knew it was nearing time to leave. “I’m sure your Cassandra has put two and two together. It would be best if I return to my universe.” Stone gave her a nod.

“Have a nice...trip?” Ezekiel said, not quite sure what phrase to use.

Cassandra couldn’t help but laugh a bit. “Good luck on your mission,” she said, looking at all of them.

“You too,” Colonel Baird replied.

Cassandra placed the amulet back in the box, closing the lid softly. Her eyes unfocused for a moment, then she looked up at everyone. “Oh good, I’m back. So much unresolved tension.”

Ezekiel snorted. “Apparently not for you though. Do you know an Estrella?”

“No, but apparently she’s my girlfriend over there,” Cassandra replied.

“Alright, We can chat about relationship differences back at the Library. Let’s get heading back,” Colonel Baird said before the conversation could go any farther. After all the sort of teleporting, everyone happily agreed with her.

---

Exhausted and sweaty, the Librarians and their Guardian stepped into the Annex. Jenkins, who they had called minutes before to activate the backdoor, was in the process of organizing the perpetually cluttered main table. “Welcome back,” he greeted. “I assume your mission was successful?”

Colonel Baird slid her backpack off and carefully took out the box. “I’d say so.”

Jenkins stared at the box with a face that was even graver than the when he found out Morgan Le Fey was active two months ago. “You...found it.”

“Yeah...whatever it is,” Ezekiel said, not thrilled with Jenkins’s expression.

Jenkins opened the box, confirmed the amulet was there, then closed it again. “It is one of a pair, the amulets of world switching...sounds more intimidating in Latin. The amulets, if worn by the same person in each universe at a time that lines up, allows the consciousnesses to switch.”

“Yeah, we figured that out…” Cassandra said, glancing to both Stone and Ezekiel.

“So your counterparts were sent to retrieve their amulet too...Morgan must be on the move,” Jenkins added.

Stone looked at Jenkins, confused. “How do ya know it’s her?”

“She was looking for our counterpart, oh, early Renaissance. There was rumor she found it, but nothing came up that I recall. I can check the previous Librarians’ diaries and logs. Perhaps one of them prompted her to hide it for safe keeping,” Jenkins replied.

“But the paint of the cave, it was two centuries old at most,” Stone said.

“It’s plausible that she had it with her until then, or moved it then,” Jenkins suggested.

Ezekiel had been trying to piece it together, but there was still a part he didn’t understand. “The symbols, they weren’t from our universe.”

Jenkins glanced to him, more helpless than exasperated. “I do not know everything, Mr. Jones. Perhaps her counterpart and she were working together.”

“Do you think she caused the rock slide to retrieve it?” Colonel Baird asked.

“Not likely,” Jenkins answered. “If she had, you wouldn’t have found anything.”

“Then why didn’t the Library send us out earlier, before she had a chance to go back?” she further questioned.

“Nothing notable regarding the cave would have come up in the local papers, thus the Library had nothing to send you to. It’s also possible that the rock slide activated the wards, I assume she had them there,” Jenkins paused to get the nods of confirmation before continuing, “and once used, the amulet was no longer hidden from the Library. For now, we can prevent anyone from using the amulet. I’ll go find a place for it.” Taking the box in his hands as if it was going to disintegrate if he gripped too hard, Jenkins strode out of the Annex.

Not more than a second after Jenkins left, the backdoor glowed, and a battered Flynn holding an expensive-looking china teapot under one arm stumbled into the Annex. Colonel Baird immediately went over to him. “Welcome back...rough trip?”

“You could say that,” Flynn panted. “They did not want to give up their magical healing teapot.” He looked around the Annex for a moment. “Where’s Jenkins? Ah, I can take it to his lab. Hopefully he can fix it up, I could use a drink.” After pointing to the side at a thin line in the ceramic, he limped off to the same door Jenkins had went through.

Colonel Baird watched him staggering off. “I’ll brief him on what we found while I patch him up,” she told the LiTs before striding after him.

“Don’t have too much fun,” Ezekiel snickered.

“Speak for yourself,” Colonel Baird replied without looking back. She caught up to Flynn as he stepped through the doorway.

Cassandra, Stone, and Ezekiel awkwardly stood around, no one making any move to leave. If the Library had crickets (that weren’t contained in the bug room), they would perfectly accent the tension in the room.

Stone was the one to break the silence. “Kinda feels like we’re putting off the inevitable.”

Cassandra shrugged. “We have been busy…”

“This whole mess with Morgan and Dulaque, it’s been two months. We don’t know how long it’s gonna take, and we can’t guarantee we all make it through,” Stone continued.

“Way to rain on the parade,” Ezekiel quipped, not enthused with the serious route it was going.

“No,” Cassandra started, glancing from Ezekiel to Stone, “he’s right. What we’re going up against is big, and dangerous.”

Ezekiel folded his arms across his chest. “So what, are we just a thing now?”

“Well we kinda already were,” Stone said.

“We could...make it official, clean up then go get dinner?” Cassandra suggested, looking at the both of them. Stone gave a “sure,” and Ezekiel gave a “yeah,” with no suggestions. “So...what sounds good?”

“...pizza?” Ezekiel suggested after no one said anything. Cassandra and Stone looked at each other in amusement; they expected nothing less from him.

“Pizza it is then,” Cassandra confirmed.

---

An hour later the freshly-showered LiTs arrived at a local pizza joint they frequented. The sun had started to set, and the dinner crowd filled the restaurant.

“But how is the seating arrangement going to work?” Ezekiel said as they walked up to the front door. “A booth means someone gets left out, or all of us have no room whatsoever.”

“We could get a table, one of the square ones with a chair on each side, then it’s more evenly spaced,” Cassandra suggested.

“I guess that will work,” Ezekiel decided, smirk growing on his face. “We can save the cuddling for later.”

Stone looked at him, an eyebrow raised. “Later?” Cassandra was busy talking to the hostess to get them a table, no help to explain what Ezekiel meant.

Ezekiel left him hanging until they were seated at their table. “Yeah, We have a great couch at home, Cassandra likes the super plush ones. And courtesy of me, a nice flat screen and netflix,” Ezekiel finally explained with a menu in hand.

Stone peered at him. “Are you wantin’ to ‘netflix and chill’?”

Cassandra attempted to hold in her laugh, but failed. “What?” she said through giggles as Stone’s gaze zeroed in on her. “I knew he was going to try it.”

Stone huffed, but he playfully kicked at Ezekiel’s feet under the table. Once the pizza was ordered, and later arrived, the table grew silent (besides moans of cheezy satisfaction, mostly from Ezekiel) as the hungry LiTs devoured their food.

---

“What’s this couch made of, clouds?” Stone asked, somewhat seriously as he seated himself in the middle of the plush couch at Cassandra and Ezekiel’s apartment.

“For all I know it is,” Ezekiel said from next to the tv as he fiddled with the dimmer switch on the lights.

“It’s great, isn’t it?” Cassandra said as she plopped down next to Stone after setting some drinks on the little coffee table in front of them.

“I don’t know how you stay awake on this,” Stone replied, stretching his arms across the back of the couch.

“Here, watch this.” Cassandra leaned over Stone, shoving her hand into the gap between seat cushions. Stone figured out what she had been digging around for when his feet suddenly came up with what he had assumed was the non-reclining middle seat of the couch.

“Woah, even better,” Stone said, settling back into his newly reclined position. Cassandra gave him a goofy smile as she pulled her own lever, reclining her seat.

“What do you wanna watch? Action, drama, sci-fi,” Ezekiel offered as he sat down on the other side of Stone with a controller in hand.

“How ‘bout a documentary?” Stone suggested jokingly.

Ezekiel had been settling in, about to make his seat match theirs, but the question made him sit up and stare at Stone in disbelief. “How dare you suggest that in this house,” Ezekiel scoffed, hand on his chest.

Stone decided to push further. “Oh I know some good social ones, or there’s a bunch on all the art periods too. One of my favorites is on the-”

Ezekiel cut him off by putting a finger to Stone’s lips. “One more suggestion of educational television and you won’t be coming back here.”

Cassandra leaned against Stone’s side. “He’s actually serious about that. Ever since we started at the Library, he deemed home a strict relaxation zone,” she whispered, not intending to be quiet. Ezekiel took his finger away, but kept it pointed at Stone.

“Well, after today’s hike, I can’t say no to that,” Stone replied.

Ezekiel kissed Stone, then settled back against his side. “Good answer.”

---

Cassandra ended up picking Back to the Future when Ezekiel scrolled through options, with no complaints from the other two. Stone hadn't been expecting Ezekiel's extensive surround sound setup, but of course shouldn't have expected anything less from him. It reminded Stone of seeing it with friends when it first came out in theaters all those years ago, minus that characteristic theater smell, way too buttery popcorn, and well worn seats of the little theater in his hometown. He definitely preferred the cloud couch and the two ex-land pirates pressed into his sides.

None of them intended to fall asleep mid-movie, but the LiTs were more tired than they realized. Cassandra was using the left side of Stone’s chest as a pillow, his arm draped loosely around her shoulders. Stone had his head back against the couch, mostly kept straight by Ezekiel’s head, whose forehead pressed right above Stone’s ear. Stone’s other arm was smushed between him and Ezekiel, hands still intertwined.

If it weren’t for the loud thunder in the scene where Doc and Marty are preparing to return to 1985, they probably would’ve stayed asleep. Instead, Stone flinched, jostling the other two awake.

“Sorry,” he said around a yawn.

Ezekiel had sat up, looking entirely too cute after waking up. “It’s fine. At least we can watch the end now.”

The tinny thunder cracked again; this time Cassandra jumped a little. “I’ve never liked storms in the older movies, too sharp and crackley.”

“All those movies used the same sound clip, ‘Castle Thunder,’ which was originally recorded for the nineteen thirty one Frankenstein film. When the film industry went digital, they quit usin’ it,” Stone explained, earning a look from both Cassandra and Ezekiel. “What? I took a film course in college for an elective.”

“No, movie nerd is my spot, you get art and history,” Ezekiel said, waggling his finger at Stone for effect.

“Don’t worry, the class was a broad overview, and I took it in the nineties,” Stone replied, ruffling Ezekiel’s already messed up hair. “You can still one up me.”

Ten or so minutes later the end credits rolled. Stone got up with Cassandra, collecting the drinks that didn’t really get consumed like intended while Ezekiel powered down the console.

“The couch may be comfy, but the bed is better for the back,” Cassandra said after they put the drinks back in the fridge.

“Thanks for havin’ me over, guys, it was nice...including the falling asleep,” Stone said, intending to head for the door.

Ezekiel hesitated for a moment before preventing Stone from leaving by kissing him. “You could stay over, if you want,” Ezekiel said once he pulled away.

“Uh, I mean, if it’s not any trouble,” Stone said, mildly dazed from the kiss. “The couch won’t hurt me.”

“Nonsense,” Cassandra said. “The bed will easily fit all of us.” Stone hesitated, glancing from her to Ezekiel and back, which Cassandra took as reluctance. “That is if you want to, or you can stay on the couch if you want, whatever you’re comfortable with.”

“Oh, no, bed’s fine, it’s just, um, well,” Stone stammered, suddenly feeling embarrassed, “it’s just I kinda spent the past two months wonderin’ what it’d be like to...um...not that we have to do that-”

Cassandra cut off his rambling with a kiss of her own. “You are adorable. Not that we haven’t been thinking the same thing, but I think we can all agree that we’re exhausted from today. We can...explore that...some other time.”

“What are you guys, teenagers? You can say ‘sex’ in this house. I’m all about clear communication and consent,” Ezekiel said, clearly too tired to do any awkward skirting around the point. He only barely held back the laugh that tried to free itself when both Cassandra and Stone looked at him with wide eyes and red cheeks. “Oh my god you guys are dorks. Come on, I’ve got some pajama pants that should fit you, Stone.” He grabbed Stone’s hand and gently tugged him down the short hallway to the bedroom.

Cassandra was right; the king size bed was clearly big enough to fit them all. It took up half the room easily. Ezekiel dug around in one of the drawers in the dresser, triumphantly pulling out the pants and tossing them to Stone. Cassandra, who had disappeared for a moment, reappeared with a toothbrush still in its packaging, and handed it to Stone.

Not even ten minutes later, everyone had done their before bed routines. Ezekiel had given him an appreciative look over when Stone walked into the bedroom shirtless. He wasn’t sure how Ezekiel knew he didn’t tend to wear a top unless it was cold; more than likely Ezekiel just wanted to see him with his shirt off, he figured.

They opted for a similar order as they were on the couch; Stone in the middle and Cassandra and Ezekiel on either side. Stone found his eyelids drooping as soon as his head hit the pillow. “G’ night,” he mumbled, giving each of them a kiss on the forehead.

By the time he heard her reply, an echo of his statement around a yawn, he was almost asleep. He thought Ezekiel was already off in snoozeland, but just as Stone slipped into unconsciousness, he heard a faintly whispered “love you” in his ear.

Maybe he just imagined it, but Stone was sure he fell asleep with a smile on his face.

-----

Post Notes: Stone's outfit is the outfit he wore in the alternate universe where he was the Librarian in “And the Loom of Fate.” Also the Library having backpacks prepared for them comes from @hamelott ‘s fic which I thought was cool. That I know of, Logan Peak does exist in Utah, but in Colorado I don’t think there is one, at least that’s what google told me.

If the perspective switching tripped you up, the order it goes in (separated by italic paragraphs) is: AU Stone, canon Stone, AU Ezekiel, canon Ezekiel, AU Cassandra, and canon Cassandra. Before Stone grabs the amulet and after cannon Cassandra returns to her universe is omniscient third person narrator, mostly centering on Stone. The idea was cool in my outline...but a lot harder to write in a clear enough manner, so sorry if it was a bit confusing.

#jassekiel week #jassekiel #the librarians fic #the librarians shipathon #shipathon17 #librariansshipathon #jacob stone #cassandra cillian #ezekiel jones #eve baird #flynn carsen #jenkins #body swapping #flynn writes #land pirate au

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currentlylurking · 7 years

Text

DannyMay Weekly: Mistakes/Regret

(This isn’t late I just haven’t had internet for a week.)

It had seemed like such a good idea at the time. Danny would get immunity from Dash for as long as this lasted, Star would make sure he got an A in physics, and once they had finished he’d get two free dates with whatever member of the cheerleading team he chose. The A-list had power, and as long as they needed Tucker, they were happy to use it for whatever he wanted.

But this? Tucker hadn’t signed up for this.

“I roll to seduce the elf king,” Dash said, and rolled his twenty-sided die as Tucker watched in horror.

.-.

It had started off simple enough.

He’d found a note in his locker asking that he meet some mystery person behind the school during lunch. Learning that it had come from Dash, Kwan, Star, and Paulina had been slightly terrifying, but he’d worked past it.

“You like nerd stuff, right?” Paulina had said, and like an idiot, he’d said yes.

The four of them had fallen in love with some story about Dungeons and Dragons and wanted to play. However, they needed someone to run the game for them. Kwan thought Tucker would be easier to bribe than Mikey to keep quiet about it.

Tucker had resented that, as true as it was. He’d added in Dash having to avoid Danny before being swayed, and agreed that the four could meet him in his attic on Saturday. Tucker had no experience with tapletop RPG games, so Paulina had given him a guide on how to run a game of Dungeons and Dragons, and an almost threatening bit of advice. “You’ll be our Dungeon Master, and a good Dungeon Master always says yes. Don’t you agree?”

Confused and slightly terrified, Tucker pretended he did. That had been his first mistake.

His second was allowing them all to design their own characters.

Paulina had brought a professionally done drawing of her character, which was just her in a medieval-fantasy-esque dress. “Her name is Princess Melody Treble, she’s a lawful neutral high elf noble and wizard.”

Tucker had stared at her. “She’s not a bard?”

“Of course not!” Paulina had looked appalled, “You can’t judge people based on their names!”

Really, that should have been Tucker’s first clue that this would end badly.

Star had written a fifteen-page backstory because, well, that’s what Star did. “This is Sympathy Hellforge, a tiefling rouge with an urchin background who is lawful neutral.” Tucker had nodded and turned to get Kwan’s character, but Star was faster. She’d flipped open the first page of her backstory and cleared her throat. “Sympathy and her twin sister, Empathy, were orphans by age nine…”

Half an hour and a box of tissues later- Kwan had been deeply moved by the tale of the two fictional siblings- they were finally ready to move on to the next character.

“This is Timothy Green,” Kwan had said, and held up his tear-stained stick figure drawing. “He’s a neutral good gnome cleric of Pan with the entertainer background who likes being picked up and warm hugs. He used to be a dad.” He’d turned to Dash, “Who’re you playing?”

Dash, who’d suddenly looked embarrassed, gave Tucker his character sheet.

The first thing Tucker had noticed was that every single one of the character’s stats were 19. Secondly, was that Dash was playing a chaotic good human fighter with the folk hero background- a bit cliché. But the third, and arguably worst thing, was the name.

“Your character’s name is Dan Phanta.” Tucker had stared at him, “You’re playing as Danny Phantom, and all your ability scores are as high as they possibly can be.”

“I’m really good at rolling dice,” Dash said.

Tucker opened his mouth to inform Dash that that’s called cheating, but was stopped when Paulina cleared her throat.

“Remember what I told you about being a good Dungeon Master?” she said.

Unsure whether he should be more terrified by the name Dungeon Master or Paulina’s possible wrath if he didn’t perform it correctly, Tucker only nodded.

So really, there’d been a lot of mistakes on his part from the start. Tucker was perfectly fine with admitting that. But this? This wasn’t fair.

He’d sent them off on a quest to rescue a princess, since that seemed ‘fantasy’ enough. “You enter a hall, and sitting in the middle on this fancy throne is a gaudy-looking elf man-”

Dash smashed his hand on the table and threw a twenty-sided die on the table. “I roll to seduce the elf king!”

As Kwan nearly fell off his chair from laughing- and Tucker from pure shock- he faintly registered both Dash’s shout of ‘natural twenty!’ and Paulina’s terrifying, judgmental glare.

Tucker adjusted his glasses and looked over his notes. “Uh, he is… charmed? Yeah, he’s charmed by you. And thoroughly seduced.”

Paulina’s glare relaxed as Dash pumped his fist in the air.

“Nice,” Star said, “I’m going to say to him ‘Excuse me Sir, but we’re looking for a young woman who was taken from her home by orcs. Could you help us?’”

Tucker stared at his plans, and the battle he’d set up, and wondered how Danny and Sam were spending their evening.

.-.

As the horrible, horrible game continued, Tucker was almost positive that he’d angered a ghost. Maybe last time he’d gone with Danny to visit Dora he’d offended one of her subjects. Maybe the gem of fantasy was actually a ghost with a grudge. Either way, he had to have upset something supernatural for this to still be happening.

“So, the four of you have found a map,” he said, any trace of enthusiasm deader than his best friend. “And you feel a pull towards the town with a dagger stabbed into it, but it’s not necessary. Aside from the river, it’s the only thing on the map-”

“I vote we check out the river,” Star said.

“So do I,” Paulina said, staring Tucker down. “But before we do, Melody’s also going to grab the dagger. It was stabbed into the map, it has to be good for something, right?”

“Oh, yeah, right.” Tucker had not planned for this, and now stared blankly at his notes.

Paulina tapped her nails on the table. “What does it do?”

“It… gives you plus one on survival checks?” Tucker said as he tried and failed to pretend he knew what he was doing.

“While they’re doing that,” Dash said, “Kwan and I are going to loot the bodies of those orcs we killed for better armor.”

“Wait,” Tucker started to say, “they’re not wearing any-”

“I rolled a nineteen on armor finding.”

“Is this a wisdom or intelligence roll?” Kwan asked, and Star started to give Tucker an annoyed look.

“Wisdom,” Dash said, “so seventeen for you.”

Star crossed her arms, “When are we heading to the river?”

Distantly, Tucker heard his phone ring. That settled it; there was definitely a ghost out there who hated him.

.-.

“You arrive at the river,” Tucker said, almost completely monotone, “it looks deadly.”

“How deadly?” Kwan asked.

“Very.”

“I’m going to make a survival check to see if we can cross it,” Paulina said, and rolled her die. “…That’s a nine.” She gave Tucker a pleading look. Star narrowed her eyes.

Tucker stopped slouching a little bit. A nine was… a fail, wasn’t it? So he didn’t have to get them across the river? “With a nine, you can see that the river is super deadly, and you want to go to the town.” Dash and Kwan were whispering to each other. Tucker ignored that.

“I’m going to persuade her to stay,” Star rolled her dice, “that’s a fourteen, so I tell her ‘we’ll be fine, it’s not that bad.’ And I’m going to take a running start and leap across it.”

Tucker stared at her. “What?”

“Before she does,” Kwan said, “I’m going to tie my rope around her waist and to one of the trees behind us. And I’m going to tie Dash’s rope to that and the tree. And then I’m going to hold them there!”

Tucker was still staring. “Why?”

“And then I’m going to leap across too,” Dash said, giving Kwan a fistbump while Star nodded approvingly. Before Tucker could say anything, he’d rolled his die and another natural twenty stared up at them.

Tucker stopped functioning. He had the mental image of an error screen and just stopped functioning. He had no idea what anyone else rolled; at this point, it didn’t matter.

“Sure,” he said, “yeah, sure- you leap across the river, and guess what? You go so far and so fast that you just break the sound-”

Tucker’s window shattered and Danny Phantom slid across the table, taking character sheets and dice off the other end with him.

“Hi, Tuck,” he said, weakly waving a hand as he pulled a piece of paper off his face, “nice to see you, could really use your help- why is almost my name on this piece of paper?”

“Ghost boy!” Paulina shouted, and Danny scrambled to his feet.

“Hello-” he cleared his throat and lowered his voice, “hello, citizens! I did not mean to interrupt… whatever this is.” He motioned to Dash’s character sheet. Danny lost his superhero voice for a moment, “What is this, anyway?”

“Dungeons and Dragons, Phantom!” Kwan said excitedly, shaking the shoulder of Dash, who looked like he was experiencing an error message of his own. “Do you want to play with us?”

Still holding Dash’s character sheet, Danny looked over at Tucker in confusion.

“I regret everything, dude,” Tucker said, “everything.”

#Danny Phantom #DannyMay #DannyMay weekly #The campaign is my own but Tucker is a bad DM #Star's pretty good at DND #Dash is really good at rolling dice #Paulina's looking out for her friends #Kwan's just happy to be there #things i write #currently talking

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drimmolo · 5 years

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Finally

So aside the fact that i lost two big blogs draft and rage quitted making blogs all together for a very long time, I think the readon i haven’t done that many journals is because I spent most of the time researching.

Just a whole lot of researching.

I need to research a lot of reference pictures and ideas in order to have a clear idea in mind for what i want to do so I am honest when I say that I spent the entirety of february just researching and thinking about ideas.

Now that I am done I can finally start gushing it all out in these journals and normally lay down my process.

For 2000AD

After reading the script I was really happy because I actually liked the story, it reminded me a lot of a manga kind of plot so it was easy to imagine in my head how to divide the panels and pace the story. The only problem i had was that we were limited to only four pages, and the script had divided the actions per panel in a way that each panel had at least 3 actions happening at the same time. Before getting into that however let’s talk about the story itself, the characters and the setting.

So we don’t actually get that much detailed nformation about how anything looks like. After reading through the script a third third, i highlighted all the things I had freedom to design. Here’s the finished result:

As you can see, we basically have the freedom to design everything. What we know for sure is that Axel Lott is young, handsome and athletic while The Tooth is tall, lean and everything about him is sharp. We also know the ray gun is hefty. There. Those are about almost all the adjectives we are given. Funnily enough, there’s not even one part in the script that mentions that this happens in the future, we only assume so cause the story comes from future shocks. Anyway I’m rambling now: point is that i realized i had the freedom to decide the feel of the entire story through the setting and theme of the comic. Whcih is also probably why i took such a long time researching and coming up with designs and ideas. Since we were given almost no guideliens on how anything looked like, the kind of feeling the reader is supposed to get from the art is completely up to me. I can easily turn this into either a dark and gory story or fluffy and warm story. It’s all about how i want to design this.

At the beginning I wanted the story to have a very elegant feel: i wanted everything to be slightly art nouveu themed. The clothes, the guns, the buildings...i wanted to make everything look graceful..almost like a couture show? I wanted to use as inspiration Alphonse Mucha and have lots of flowery designs and roccoco decorations. But when it got down to designing it ...my hand was not having it, and neither was my inspiration. It just felt forced, i just could not come up with anything that felt right...that felt like the idea in my head, which is why I don’t even have any concept art doodles. I realized that while my idea was cool and that it intrigued me, it’s not what my subconscious had for this story. So I went back to the beginning.

What did i like about the story? What did it remidn me of? Easy: cheesy action and mangas. So i decided to start from there: how would i go about drawing cheesy actions and manga? what would I highlight? What feel would i give it? Well first of all, it would happen in what i define my personal dream world, so that would mean that it would be a urban fantasy setting. Secondly, i focus on expressions and characther development, so that means I would highlight on how the main characthers clash against each other, how their personalities are expressed through their faces and actions and bodies. Thirdly, designs would be based now on how cool they look, but on how realistic it would be: would the characther actually wear this? would a hybrid actually look like this? would a building like this work for an organization like this? I would focus on not making things look pretty or thematically interesting, but as “ah...i could see this actually happening..i could believe this” i can get it to look like. When I got my thoughts together, and tried to finally get my hand again at some concept art, I finally started drawing with inspiration! I guess i’ll leave mucha and art nouveau for another time. Here’s some concept art for the main characthers, the hybrids, and the gun!

You’ll notice that I have widely ignored the part where the script says that the hybrids look vicious. Well I mean, rather than ignored I’d say that I simply deduced that they looked vicious because they were ANGRY that they were being collared and mistreated by strangers and that their creators had been killed. In all honesty, I can’t help but think: if i wanted to sell some hybrids to some war loving companies, i would not sell some random hybrids that simply look like some beefed up steroid dudes with animal heads glued on top that can punch things slightly harder than normal beefed up steroid dudes. I mean the script says that “WISDOM had targeted six munitions giants, stealing prototype weapons...the latest was lance biowep, maker of hybrid bio-weapons”. Nowhere in these sentences does it says that these weapons have to be the “kill and destroy” type. The script says that the hybrids are a shark, a lion and a rhino, and im sorry but these animals don’t destroy just whatever they see in their path, that’s somethin machines do. These animals are simply somewhat strong! If you wanted to make actually strong “kill and destroy” hybrids, you’d use animals that have physical capabilities that surpass nature, like I dunno mantis shrimps (the lil dudes can punch at over 50 miles per hour and hard enough to shatter aquarium glass...see now if that was made into a hybrid...i could see that messing stuff up). But if we go for animals the ones in the script, no no no, them being bulky would make 0 sense. So that’s why i went for those designs: the lion is agile, intimidating and has a dominative personality, perfect for interrogations that will make anyone spit it out immediately, the shark is a female (since in the ocean the females are always stronger) from the mako species meaning that in the ocean it is unrivaled in terms of speed and matches in terms of aggressiveness even the great white sharks...great for bringing down entire submarines with just a small fleet of them. Now the rhino. I can’t remotely understand why out of all the animals in the world you’d choose a rhino to use for hybrid experiements outside of the fact that it has a cool horn. So I designed him to actually be a failure. As in, since these are all prototypes, I thought “hey we tried to make a rhino hybrid and hes really good at heavy lifting stuff but to be honest we don’t know what else he’d do...he’s also a coward and whatever frightens him will be charged at with the huge horn he has....yeah...” ... See? it don’t sound smart. Plus rhinos and humans have nothing NOTHING in common except the fact we both don’t have hair. What I drew is what i think is the only possible way for a hybrid prototype between a rhino and a man to look like. End of the story. Don’t mix humans and rhinos.

About the main characthers! It was quite easy for me to create them since from the beginning i had quite a clear idea of how i wanted them to look like. There’ no denying that they are heavily inspired from manga, especially the Tooth, whose final designs came to mind after watching a character called Ban from a manga\anime called “The Seven Deadly Sins”. Looking back, I can also see i subconsciously thought about Midoriya from Boku No Hero Academia when desinging Axel Lott...with the whole young look hair and the freckles. However it’s only because of that! Axel comes from axelotls...so it comes natural for me to think that he should also have hair that would reach the sides of his face, and have freckles just like them. Also axelotls are super tiny, so axel also gets to be a tiny dude, which also makes a nice contrast against the Tooth. I really wanted T. to look slighly feminine, maybe it’s because i subconsciously connect sharpness with elegance and femeninity. I had some troubles with his hair but I really like his final design.

Their clothes.... ....ok I was really looking forward to designing their clothes but gods help me it took me a week to finalize them. And by them I mean T.’s clothes, cause axel’s clothes were quite simple...i mean the boy is naked half the time and the other he has a suit so it was not that hard. The uniforms of the WISDOM workers also came pretty easily, since it was simply the first scrapped design of T.’s clothes. It was too basic for the absolute eccentric sharp diva T is and thought hey that would make a good uniform for his goons. But yeah...T’s design was.....a horrible performance on my part. In my mind I was so sure about how i wanted him to look like but i guess my mind and inspiration and hand were not collaborating. The script described it as a tight-fitting black jumpsuit .... and interestingly enough, at first i wanted him to wear heels and wear a jumpsuit for women...like a gala jumpsuit...but it never really looked right. When i thought about it, the script never talked about him not wearing anything else so I wanted to put something over him like a jacket ..i mean you can’t tell him a man like him doesn’t have an eccentric but practical outfit...i just don’t believe it. I went through a lot of designs as you can see. In the end, thanks to the character Ban, I finally ended up with a design that i liked. The long gloves with have reinforced knockled to make he will punch those teeth out!

The buildings! I really wanted the buildings to not be typical, but since futuristic architecture is not my fortè I spend a good amount of hours cooped up in the library looking for books in avant garde architecture to help me out. I was beyong ecstatic to find these two books! Look at all these fantastic images! It was pretty easy coming up with a final design, since all i had in mind was to find a building that simply “did not look from this time”. With the help of these two books, the lance biowep building, the secret hideout, the corridors, and the bunker ended not being a huge problem in terms of desinging.

the gun! I had a vague idea about what i wanted but not something concrete in mind. Once again i spent a good amount of hours in the library looking for books for inspirations. You know at first, for a very short period of time, I actually attempted at looking for inspiration in the actual sci-fi comic book section, but i immediately got bored and went away. See if i actually made a comic ouf of this script, I really would not want my comics to look anything like the traditional sci-fi works (especially like the ones that future shocks has published) because there are few things that go against my aesthetics and definitions of pretty as much as those drawings. So yeah...in every aspect of the designing process I really focused on findind inspiration from sources that had nothing to do per se with sci-fi...which i’m glad i did. i also did some concept art for the null-beam by myself at the top of my head without thinking too much about it, but none of the guns really clicked for me, so i got this book to help me find some better mechanical inspirations, which definetely helped. In regards to the beam itself, I knew for sure i wanted it to look white and almost like white fire, but just for the funs I decided to experiment with different types of beams and their effects on targets, to see if i could mix them up and come up with more interesting ideas! It payed out in the end!!

Thumbnails

Whoooo boy so there....that’s all the stuff i worked on during the first part of the semester. With the designs out of the way, i started working on the thumbnails and by the gods above was it an excruciating experience. I agonized over the fact that the the script had shoved in every panel so many actions...i felt like it had basically ruined the weight of every action by meshing them up together. My options were either to make more panels and divide the actions among them, or put less emphasis on the drawings and so manage to shove everything within one panel. Now while it may seem strange to hear (Read?) this from someone who spent the entire previous blog entry complaining about how many panels there were for page and how in my comics i’d almost never go over 5 panels per page, I much rather prefer to have 8 panels but where each action ha it own emphasis raher than bleak drawings....thats just simply not what my art is about. So yes, the first thing people will notice is that every page has either one or two additional panels. Honetly i really feel like this script really did not make use of the comic as a story telling medium and just used it as a “here’s some pictures to imagine the story better”...my thumbnails really focus on fixing that, which is why you’ll also see that i have cut up some of the dialogue boxes or bubbles among the panels to add more emphasis or better pacing. If i had to be honest, having so many panels in my pages scares me: more panels within the same page means that each panel will have to make space for the other, making them overalll...much smaller than what i am used to. I don’t like having small panels...which i think stems from the fact that I see comics a lot like a story board for animation, which is a mistake. So altought it scares me a bit, I am gonna accept this challenge and see how i work with smaller panels. On another note, people might also notice that the perspective in each panel keeps on changing. When monty came to talk to us, he advised me to make ure that my drawings will look dynamic, since in this comic words don’t do much. When i thought about what makes comics dynamic, I feel a constant change in perspective and direction goes a long way.

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lizardswithoutlegs · 7 years

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HOOOOOWOWOAH BOY

ART ASKS

when i walk into a building i get to eat everybodys pencils and they cant say no

do it

( also thanks for asking ! )

itd bother me a lot less if everybody came to my apartment and took one of these beautiful eggs

YEAH UNFORTUNATELY IM STILL..... WORKING THROUGH THE SAME WAITLIST but im comparatively REAL CLOSE to being done with it and i should be opening up sometime later in...... the Year

Boy Have I

theres This messy thing from a while back and then also

THIS, from even FURTHER back, when i didnt realize how fucking RED all the outlines on my things were because of the monitor i was using, two for the price of one

why not both

i do Not but it you ever see me walking on the street please throw handfuls of teeth at me theyre the only things my wretched body can digest and im always hungry

OH MAN ok so, an art telephone game is based on, of course, the game telephone, where one person says a phrase and then whispers it to the next person, and so on and on until the person at the very end says whatever they heard and if its done right the final sentence is wildly different than what you started with

an ART telephone game is the same kind of concept, except one person draws out a scene or character, and then other artists draw THEIR interpretation of whats going on, and so forth until the last person can end up with something COMPLETELY different than what the first scene was

youd think thered be less room for error with drawings, but as each person ONLY sees what the person ahead of them has made, they can get PRETTY OUT THERE - im gonna be a part of pythosarts game, and theyve done a couple of em before - for example one round started with THESE as the first two drawings

and then fourteen interpretations later, ended up with these as the final two

its good its real good

I Cant Control Where Bigfoot Goes, I Can Only Take Note Of Where Hes Been

YEAH, sort of ! on the main, iguanamouth, i have a bunch of different tags for art depending on what they are but not really a catchall one, BUT i do have an art only blog where everything gets tossed over !

HONESTLY THE ADVICE i got is basically what all art advice is gonna boil down to eventually - you gotta just. do it. you gotta DO it

absolutely nobody you know who draws things well started out at the level theyre currently at, and putting down the things youre visualizing onto paper is a combination of getting the the technical aspects down as much as getting the idea in your head

and that goes with figuring out anatomy and how bodies are put together ! ive got to use references for a Million things,. especially the dragon hoards - theres absolutely nothing wrong with using references for your drawings ! and being able to create accurate representations of things without looking is something that comes more with drawing something over and over and memorizing the body shape more than just, feeling like you should KNOW how to do something

so dont beat yourself up for needing references. if youre trying to shy away from them a little bit but still cant make something look nice without em, try using several different reference photos to put together an entirely different pose ?

theres ALSO the SHRIMP METHOD, which is great for practicing and getting good at one particular thing - this probably isnt SUPER HELPFUL but good luck !

god i tried. exactly ONCE maybe fourish years ago but it wasnt art, i was trying to stream the lion king movie and i had no idea what i was doing, i didnt realize i needed to wear headphones so the sound wouldnt snowball into a feedback loop of my own voice that never ended but i kept laughing and it kept distorting worse and worse, like the audio version of saving and resaving something as a jpeg

it was just me and my friend ronni in the stream and ONE other person who never left and never said anything and i kept addressing them out loud like WHO ARE YOU and that only compounded the noise problem and eventually i gave up

anyway i havent tried since

i uhhhhh dont think i COULD, really - fear especially is something thats kind of subjective and one persons Big Terror could be neutral or even cute to another person

like for me i used to have a lot of childhood fears about the ocean, and how deep and dark and vast it was, to the point where i couldnt play a lot of water levels in video games, even ( but i had almost drowned several times when i was Very young which probably had, a little somethin to do with that )

maybe sometime ill try to explore things IM afraid of, but its hard to encompass a psychological response in an image !! could be a fun experiment, though ! !

a few PLANT ANIMAL AZKZ, HUH, DONT HAVE A WORKING Z KEY

SHIT DUDE THESE ARE... SO GOOD thats the official name EVEN IF i didnt use. a daffodil as the flower base. it doesnt matter

yes

i got A BUNCH of flower and plant themed suggestions and theyre all REALLY GOOD ( way more than these ) but straight up im taking a break from em for a while - if anybody is else is reading this though you should definitely tackle one of em

WASABI ASKS

Do Not Feed Animals The Paste

i keep going back to read this ask because you could replace wasabi with my name and its the exact same. its the same. i feel like i have to hide somewhere

this was real and this is the award they gave us

there were other awards but the judges refused to give them out. they burned them in front of the other dogs. we won

it depends on the age ! wasabis pretty much an adult, so her sheds are pretty infrequent ( usually once every 7-8 months ) BUT when she was still growing back like 6 years ago, she would do a full-body shed every other month !

wasabi accepts tokens of appreciation in the form of : fruit, green beans. No Exceptions

i would never seperate wasabi from her hands

absolutely..... not. not even a little bit h h hh a this isnt a disney animal companion, i dont even know what “kind of like a dog” means with , a lizard who cant make any vocalizations or get up on their hind legs or NOTHIN sometimes if i hold a piece of fruit on my hand and she reaches for it she gets confused on whats what and tries to bite my fingers instead

ONCE WHEN SHE was attacking her reflection in a mirror i put my hand in front of her face to break eye contact and she SUNK HER TEETH RIGHT IN THERE but immediately let go like “oh whoops”

lissten . . . wasabi is so sharp, just absolutely everywhere, and these are the sharpest. the grabbers

heres a lil battle damage from earlier today actually

this is pretty tame BUT the long long lines are from claws, and the thinner, closer together ones are from holding her and her scales scraping against the skin. so not even just the Body is completely safe ! this is not an animal youre gonna wanna get your face real close to if theyre in a walkin mood

she doesnt even MEAN to scratch the shit outta me, its just kind of a byproduct of being a big tree lizard. her tail is absolutely the worst thing to get hit by though. the WORST. lucky me she doesnt attack anything that isnt a dog or a vacuum cleaner or her own reflection

ahhh i got her when i was 16 ! and i dont know her exact age but she was somewhere between 3-6 months when i get her - SHES probably closer to 9 years, but ive had her for about 8

LENGTH THOUGH...... the last time i measured her she was just barely under four and a half feet, but that was a few months ago and its possible shes. Just Slightly larger. shes currently sleeping as i type this so i guess we will never know

duel me

too late for coats..... its all tail action now

ROCK ASKS AND ALSO ASKS ABOUT PUTTING ROCKS IN YOUR MOUTH

oh MAN i feel you . . . . . . . . . . i dont think i could actually Bear To Eat any for real but some of em. just. they. i gotta. just. bite on em a LITTLE just a little bit, a tiny bit, a nibble

when i was real young i used to tap things against my teeth to tell what kind of substance they were made of based on the feeling/hardness/density WHATEVER and i still sometimes do it when im checking stuff out and. it uhhhhh sure is interesting finding out not a lot of people did that

a handful of these delicious raw agates, just for you

please stop spying on me

i DO NOT but you may eat this piece of bornite

meet me at the airport and ill cover your bus fair

theres a lotta different ways to figure out what kind of rocks you got but when you have absolutely no clue on where to start your best bet is to search for the biggest distinctive features of it, and try to narrow it down based on the results

like for something like these pieces of chalcedony, you could try “waxy green translucent mineral”, and from the search results find a few candidates that might be what you have on hand, and then look into each one to see if you can get a definite answer

ive got a handful of rock and mineral guide books that i always pick through whenever i snag something im not sure of, and if youre REAL into it those are always something you could start keeping an eye out for

now this is a REAL superficial way to telling what something is and wont be useful for a good chunk of minerals ( as a lot of samples can look really close to something else ) and THIS is a much more in depth way of telling something apart, but its also a lot more time consuming ! so good luck. and good eating.

Just Try And Fucking Stop Me

ANIMAL ASKS THAT ARENT............ ABOUT MY LIZARD

im married to this one actually

fuck. ok. heres. a secret. a In the ask Post secret. wasabi goes through a period that lasts a month every single year where she carries eggs in her gut, and spends that month not eating and digging around in everything, trying to find the right spot to lay these eggs. and. when it happens i never know what to do with them, and i dont want to just THROW THEM AWAY so i. eat them. i eat the eggs. i fuckin eat the eggs dude

Theyre All Goddesses

unless you plan on having your lizard roam around outside whenever they want, the outside environment doesnt really matter much for most reptiles as long as you set their habitat up right ! BUT i do know that australia has bans on certain reptiles ( iguanas are one of them ) and so youre gonna have to look up whats actually available in that area

bearded dragons are native and those are always a good option, but so are a lot of geckos - its really gonna depend on what youre into ( but i dont really recommend anoles if thats an option, because theyre fast as Hell and dont like being handled )

what the fuck is a bee

oh geez im sorry ! i remember going through this with spiders a lot when i was younger to the point where looking at photos of em used to be a fuckin, TRIAL

you could try a really gradual exposure deal, where you start off with getting comfortable with just images, and slowly working your way to dealing with one in a controlled setting ( like a petstore, maybe ? not HANDLING em or anything, but just being near one in a way where its absolutely impossible for them to touch you )

the shitty thing about this kind of phobia is that even if you KNOW its irrational theres sometimes not a lot you can do about it, but if you can stand looking at photos of them you could try learning up about them, and finding out the types of species youre likely to encounter around your house, and seeing how many ( if any ) are ones you should avoid ?

i know some people that have major problems with snakes are because theyre unsure if the ones they find are poisonous or not, and it might go a long way to confirm that the reptiles you meet wont be able to harm you even if they TRIED ( which is gonna be the case with a lotta house geckos, they cant do SHIT youre a GIANT )

very VERY few lizards have venomous bites, and the worst most of em can do is give you a bloody finger if theyre large enough, and even then its usually not much worse than a cat scratch !

still though, if youre really serious about trying to get past this, dont force yourself too quick into what you think you SHOULD be, and take tiny steps outta your comfort level when you can

this probably isnt uhhh SUPER helpful hh hhah but good luck ! shit im going through this post and its like ALL reptile photos. im sorry

i feel about them, with my hands

MMM it shouldnt HURT them unless theres something Really wrong, considering its a natural procession of growth, BUT its definitely itchy as hell, to the point where reptiles trying to remove it will drag their bodies over stones or walls tryin to get it off

sometimes wasabi drags her whole hind foot over her head like a dog to get it off and it is. a Sight

ahhh honestly there arent a lotta reptiles thatre gonna do much more than TOLERATE the touch and not really, enjoy it, like a dog or cat or bird

but speaking from experience with wasabi, youll probably want to avoid most the head and stick with the top of the back near the sides - wasabi doesnt enjoy having her tail messed with much either, but shes ok with her dewlap and feet being touched

the most important thing to keep an eye out for when youre touching one is their body language, because THATS gonna be a dead giveaway for whether you need to back off or not

closing their eyes is a sign of stress, not enjoyment ! same with tilting the head back, but if thats ALL theyre doing then youre probably not gonna face any retaliation

B U T if theyve got an extended dewlap with a raised body or tail off the ground, not a good idea to interact with em ! thats a defensive posture, and you risk getting hit with a tail or even bitten if your hand gets too close

youve got more to risk with males, who are way more territorial and generally larger, but if they seem pretty chill when you approach and dont stand up and stare at you, youre probably in the clear

COCK of the ROCK

I HAVE im so jealous of anybody whos got to see one in person - actually handling one is a level beyond that which i could even comprehend

OTHER THINGS.....

no but i was bit by a pigeon once

this is the only joke i know

i fuckin WISH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ayy im into it - honestly i havent been following the band so much as just kinda, picking up whatever anybody else mentions and so my knowledge on Gorillaz Lore is pretty uhhhh h hh h scattered but im definitely interested in seeing where this goes

i remember watching the first and second season and it being pretty good - some of the episodes and jokes are hit and miss but you absolutely got me with the creature and alien design

havent seen any of the third season yet though !

i mean the fruit ones could be pretty up there

how bout. an abstract concept. who cares about physical forms wheres the dragon of melancholy

why come theres nothing to eat in my apartment but bread. im good otherwise but its all just bread

i havent watched either of em in YEARS and YEARS but i distinctly remember. these lil dancing mushrooms

oh wait FUCK

FUCK !!!!!!!!!

no... NO.... she is not allowed to eat ANYTHING from the plan shelf, try as she MIGHT

im a little mad that this sill isnt bigger because the only other one that gets sun is in my room and wasabi WIll... absolutely eat those. no doubt. a convenient and expensive salad, for my awful gremlin

god im looking at these and its all jade plants isnt it

little golden books taste the best but they can make you sick if you have too many at once. my favorite genre for snacking is sci fi fantasy but anything over 300 pages tends to get a little tough if you dont break it up with smaller chunks. non fictions always a gamble because the taste is wildly different each time but you can usually tell how ripe it is by the cover color

ayy im already a big fan of some of their stuff, ive got a couple songs from them in my music tag - im especially into i miss you and their shut up and bring it here remix

TOP FIVE THINGS

this is barely related but once i filled up a bathtub with water and then dumped about ten bags worth of mint tea into it and then just. soaked around in the tea. listen it was really nice. id try the cheese

i dont have any ships but i was on one of those model pirate boats once for a school trip. our boat was named naruto and the other one was named sasuke and the captains shouted “make them kiss” and ran them into each other. everybody on board drowned

youre trying to trick me into googling yoshi without shoes and its not going to work

me reading this message from the safety of my apartment :

nice try, but wrong again ! : )

THIS IS GOOD info, thank you

oh SHIT the other side of paradise, take a slice, life itself, and season 2 episode 3 are all my Big Faves

the way you phrased this makes me think you already have a strong opinion on it

hey uh. coming from a person who was absolutely CONVINCED that theyd be dead in the future when they were 12, a not insignificant part of that was me feeling that there was something irreversibly wrong with me for not behaving or acting in certain ways based on what was going downstairs

and obviously im still HERE but it means i can understand how devastatingly terrible it can feel when youre that young and it seems like the way you behave and feel are flawed, or dirty, and anything that can lessen that feeling and make you comfortable in your own body is huge, can save your life

not that im saying its always a LIFE OR DEATH decision !

i guess if youre viewing it as adults forcing a child into making decisions that you dont think theyre capable of understanding its easy to be hesitant about getting behind it, but nobody is forcing a child to be trans. nobody has tricked them into feeling this way. you cant just walk in and get started on treatment on an immediate whim - some programs require 2 YEARS of concrete evidence before theyll even consider it

i feel like you should try speaking to the parents of trans children before you really put down a concrete opinion on whether this is a good or bad thing, and seeing the difference ( if any ) its made in their lives

people whove detransitioned, or found they had ultimately a different identity than the one they were exploring could also be an avenue to look intto ! i have several acquaintances who, after a period of years, found they werent trans but wouldnt take back the time where they were figuring out if they were, and i know this doesnt invalidate the friends i have who ARE

ultimately this is what it boils down to for me : Its Sure Gotta Beat Being Dead

i WILL give you that ive definitely seen a lot of overreactions to seemingly innocuous topics on this website

but youve also got to keep in mind that everybody who is saying these things MEANS them, and to them theres a completely reasonable explanation to why they feel that way

im not saying you should blindly accept any criticism you get, but to instead try to get a grasp on WHY theyre responding the way they are instead of immediately dismissing it

its because i cant drive and they wont let me sit in the front on account of the smell

NICE THINGS

AHHHH I GOT.. a bunch of other really sweet messages to the point where id feel weird about putting em ALL UP BUT... IF YOU SENT ME SOMETHING i can promise i absolutely saw it and it made my day better and just, holy shit, thank you for taking time out of your life to say anything to me at all

because you didnt have to, even a little bit

youre all beautiful and im kissing you on the mouths all at once. no take backs

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twiststreet · 7 years

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Anonymous Comics Question

Long day at work, and just sitting here staring at a “How Can I Retire Right Away” spreadsheet I made. According to my spreadsheet, I can retire in 5 years, provided that someone give me a small house 7.5 miles from where I work. Any small house will do, provided it has bay windows and an adequate sex swing in the mud room-- any small house that befits a man of my stature. Anyways, comics! Let’s do the answer a question about comics thing...

I haven’t been paying attention this week. Was there an implosion?? Let me take a look at the news...

(At the outset, i take implosion to mean something very specific--namely, massive and unexpected cancellations of titles, and scaling back of lines. There was an implosion of titles famously in the 70′s, when Marvel and DC, you can go find ads or editorial talk-em-ups of books they had planned, but got cancelled.)(The stuff right before implosions, that’s usually a nice sweet spot if you’re digging through back issue boxes or torrents, especially in the 70′s one. A lot of gems there-- the first Rich Buckler Deathlok, Mike Sekowsky’s entire career-- super-underrated, that guy, etc.)

Anyways, googling marvel cancellations, the #2 thing is a March 13, 2017 article that... something called Mosaic is getting cancelled...? There was a comic called Mosaic? “The Brand Corporation has made its move-- now what will Mosaic do?” ... that’s the plot of Tim Robbins’s The Cradle Will Rock! (Terrible movie...). Marvel’s got a superhero named Mosaic now...? What kind of SJW Tumblr nightmares were they trying to sell to there...? Comics are all trash people for years and then they get like a month of good news articles, and suddenly everybody’s Dead Mike from CB4... Fucking funny...

Oh this is funny timing. Look at this-- the Outhousers is saying... Marvel VP of Sales: “What we heard was that people didn’t want any more diversity. They didn’t want female characters out there.” Oooops.

Annnnnd WHOOOOOSH back to the cornfield, women and minorities.

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I don’t know-- I thought Black Panther sold...? But all I know about comic sales is whatever Brian Hibbs puts out and maybe stuff’s different elsewhere. Beats me. All the guys at my local shop, Kill Whitey Comics Emporium, they all vouch for it. But I don’t really know what else has been going on-- just this vague sense that a couple things sold, Ms. Marvel or whatever, and that after that happened, everyone got all like “ACTUALLY, I WAS ON YOUR SIDE THE WHOLE TIME, MINORITIES” ala Pig Vomit and then suddenly like you’d be reading about the Hulk, and then Hulk would slowly turn to camera and be like “actually, the thing that makes me angriest is when white people like Jackie Chan too much. Quit appropriating Jackie Chan Culture, whitey” and there’s an editorial next to it from Axel Alonso about how he’s “technically Korean” and Korea’s close enough to China to make that a very special issue for him, and also, Hulk’s not Bruce Banner anymore, he’s actually just 10 gay Armenian children stacked on top of each other wearing a raincoat, ala those Best Show quadruplets. So...

I can see how that wouldn’t have worked...? Especially now that Nazism is really back in fashion with white people. Bad timing, I guess.

(If I had to picture a mainstream comic person in my head, Marvel, Image, DC all those companies, I still just picture Pig Vomit from his last big scene in Private Parts, where he just shows up at the door after torturing Stern all movie, like “You’ve won! You’re going to need a friend on the inside, and I’m going to do everything I can.” That’s what it felt like when comics people started lecturing everyone around them on how they needed to be more woke, and how they just figured that out in their 40′s. Giamatti is so fucking magic in that role... If I have to picture an alternative cartoonist, I still just picture someone on a bus, wearing a bad hat, though...)

I don’t know. I mean, I just ... it’s just not my world right now. Last comic I read was a scanlation of a comic about 30 year old women frustrated with their romantic options, called Tokyo Terababe Musume. They only scanlated one chapter, but it’s one of those things where really middlebrow manga gets turned into a Japanese tv show. I watch some of that show Midnight Diner on Netflix and that’s the same thing-- some comic based on folks crying while a dude cooks them eggs at midnight? That sounds like my kinda thing, man, I don’t know. I fucking love having eggs really late at night.

Wow, listen to this-- Axel Alonso at some retailer summit: “I know I've spoken with people who let's just say wish they hadn't launched an Image book this year, with the way the money got sucked out of the market, and all the rest." Uhhh, wow. Money got sucked out of the market??? SUCKED OUT? Was it... was it like when Tom Cruise got sucked up into that thing at the end of War of the Worlds, and then he had to blow it up from the inside to save his kids? That part fucking ruled. I’m guessing it’s not like that...

That sounds bad...? Are Image books all eating shit now too? Huh. I mean, I don’t read anything right now but if I did, I imagine I’d ... stare at that section of the store diffidently, and then grab some things that’d end up turning to dust over in a little wicker basket I keep over next to my black Santa Claus figurine. Because that’s what’s been happening for a few years now...

I mean, look, there’s no fucking culture there. How do you sell cultural product to a vacuum-- what’s the point of a cultural product when there’s no culture? Movies and TV and games all have cultures around them; shitty ones sometimes but. Comics... nobody fucking cared about comics culture. And it doesn’t exist now. And then what the fuck do you expect to happen?

What else is going on... Peter David didn’t hire a good accountant, I guess? That sucks. Hope that works out for him. IDW’s doing stories about George Takei’s time in internment camps... and the internment camps were filled with zombies! That’d be a great twist. Give in, IDW. Go with it!

... and... goddamn, all of these articles are about fucking TV shows or movies. "Ken Watanabe in talks for Godzilla 2.” Thanks, Outhousers.

That’s helpful comics news... but can you blame them? The culture is dead. And I mean, Ken Watanabe’s not going to call in because fucking someone gave his movie three starts and not four, so.

OOooh, Paul Greengrass is attached to Torso though. God, I hope that movie happens someday, not even so I can see that movie finally, so much as so Bendis can just tell the story finally of what it was like to get that fucking movie made because there’s no way that story isn’t fucking amazing. That thing had a fucking greenlight with Fincher and an awesome cast before it got fucked... whatever happened must’ve been fucking crazy...

CBR has “15 indie comics that deserve the Netflix treatment.” Cool-- I just won’t read any of them, and wait for Netflix to make a fucking TV show, and in the meantime, watch a bunch of other shows on Netflix. Great.

Maybe Doom Patrol got cancelled... annnnd who gives a shit...

One of CBR’s big stories is about a 1979 Flash comic... which i mean, that’s the only article yet I’ve been kinda like “I want to read that one.” I still read about the comics, people’s blogs or ... I read Chad Nevett’s Thorsday Thoughts-- I don’t even read Thor comics, I just find that shit soothing for some reason. But like... the kinds of discussions I always got excited about, just fucking dead. I mean, I guess all that was a lifetime ago, I guess.

Haha Nick Spencer: “Real talk: It's disgraceful seeing a bunch of web sites badly taking someone's words out of context in search of clicks.” Rich Johnston calls that one perfectly: “If it's real talk then don't subtweet." That’s great. “REAL TALK: someone somewhere needs to something something. Realest talk!”

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ANYWAYS... what was your question???

I’d definitely like to be reading Deathstroke right now-- Christopher Priest’s one of my dudes, reliable fucking guy. And I guess I’d check out some Ennis stuff. Last DC comic I read any of was ... I read a few Martian Manhunter’s at Wait What’s advice? It was kinda a cute 2000AD thing but. But. That was years ago. After they started date raping girls at comic cons, I kinda lost the taste for DC comics...

So yeah: I’m not seeing anyone talk about an implosion. If you mean creatively, I don’t ...

I mean, I don’t know who the stars are anymore. Names just show up but it’s not like... I don’t know who they are. Or I have a vague idea who some people are, but they’re just mercenaries, right? And not, like, Voices...? The comic people and periods I care about, it’s because of people having voices. Any of those out there? Haven’t noticed. Don’t hear about them if there are! And you know, not looking for them at the moment, so wrong guy to ask... comics is always a “dig for gold” kinda thing, and I’m ... tired and you know, I got these Japanese videogames that suck up time fine if I need to suck up time. Those Danganronpa scamps aren’t just going to solve all their shit without me, so.

Anyways, here’s Marvels June 2017 solicitations... lets see what we got...

Some Nick Spencer crossover. Nick Spencer-- started with some interesting books-- I caught on there super-early, like that thing he did with Marley Zarcone. Tried to interview him after that Zarcone book-- sent him questions (shitty ones-- I’m bad at interviews), and then he ghosted on me, which I thought was a little impolite. Only time I hear about him now, it’s that he’s being some kinda moron online. He’s Marvel’s big name now though besides Bendis, right...?

Al Ewing’s on US Avengers. His stuff’s okay-- Wait What guys are definitely fans, and I like those guys, so. I was rude to him once online, but he was nice about it.

I don’t recognize any of these titles and all of them are crossover tie-ins...

Huh, Niko Henrichon is drawing Doctor Strange. That’s probably something to look at. Dennis Hopeless-- I think he writes that Spidergirl comic I read sometimes-- works with good artists, anyways... I mean, that’s the whole job as a comic writer-- just working with the good ones...? Everything else is kinda bullshit, at least with how I used to buy comics. You got an artist, you’re in business; you don’t, good luck. It’s weird there are people who go another way on that... It’s the easiest way to have a good time with the things...

All Cross-over tie-ins! Holy shit, what is even going on here...??

Bendis gets to make money on the Defenders netflix show, I guess. He’s got a new series there. He’ll put in the work, though. You know? His comics turn out how they turn out, which is... sometimes unfortunate, but that guy puts in the work. Hard not to admire that. On the other hand, Bendis on Iron Man: “the truth about Doom’s reincarnated mother is revealed.” Doctor Doom’s reincarnated mother?? Come on! COME ON!

Huh, Sina Grace is on Iceman. I think I have one of his autobio comics around here somewhere... Autobio guy, right? Huh. Is Iceman still gay...? I can’t tell from the solicitations. Oh wait, “totally comfortable in his own skin” = gay.

Goddamn, I wish there were a fucking implosion-- I just hit a wall of team books... oh my god, there are SO MANY COMICS here. All these people need to be shown the door.

They’re playing like shit isn’t selling because of the minorities??? Shit isn’t selling because Marvel doesn’t know who they are! WHAT IS THIS BRAND? There’s no way to get your arms around all this. What fan can follow this? There’s too many fucking books here. Of course no one’s a star-- if you work in comics, they just hand you a title and then best of fucking luck, I guess. This is fucking unbelievable. I mean, something’s really gone wrong-- there’s no cohesion to this at all. It’s just a fucking endless mess. Good god, imagine being a retailer! IMAGINE BEING A RETAILER!

They have to take these, imagine what people will want and how many people will want it, and then order accordingly. So when you throw this much shit at the wall, what the fuck does anyone expect them to do? I’ve been doing this for a while and I’m not even halfway down this fucking list!!!!

Oh my god-- SCARLET SPIDER! Drawn by Mark Bagley! WHo the fuck would want that??? (Well, that’s probably a big hit, given how close I am to the pulse of things, but). Holy shit. Because in the 90′s, when Marvel overproduced before things fucking cratered, you could tell they were out of ideas because they got the fucking SCARLET SPIDER OUT THERE into the world, and that’s where everyone went “oh shit, Marvel’s fucked.”

It was called the Clone Saga and people haaaated it. Elmore Leonard said it in fucking Be Cool or one of those books-- if the story’s about clones, that means nobody knew what the fuck they were doing. I got to write a comic once-- you know what I wrote about? CLONES! Because I’m not a writer and I didn’t know what the fuck I was doing!

Bad omens, man...

HOLY SHIT THEY’RE BLAMING THIS ON THE MINORITIES!!!!!!!

HOLY SHIT!

What else... Spider-Gwen-- is Robbi Rodriguez okay? There was reports he was retiring or he was having a rough time of it-- I really hope that dude’s okay. We met a couple times and then one time he walked up to me and I didn’t recognize him because I’m a bad person, and I was like “Hi, I’m so and so” and he was like “We’ve met several times before and also, why would you introduce yourself by saying you’re so-and-so. That’s not how introductions work.” I always felt bad / still feel bad about that.

I can’t keep looking at this. I just got past 500 Spiderman-comics, and then just “SPIDER-MAN by Bendis.” This is fucking crazy...

MOON GIRL AND DEVIL DINOSAUR? Fuck you.

Black Bolt??? Motherfucker doesn’t talk!!!!!!!

I think I’m going in circles-- I swear to god, I just hit Ms. Marvel, and I’m pretty sure I saw Ms. Marvel before at least twice. I’m going in circles. IS THE BLAIR WITCH DOING THIS TO ME? Am I stuck in one of those Blair Witch movies??????

Oh, Hawkeye-- I read one of those last year. I don’t remember having opinions about it. It was like a detective thing though.

Brian Stelfreeze doing covers for Black Panther-- I saw that Art of Stelfreeze book that Boom did the other day at Barnes and Noble? Nice fucking package! I love that guy’s art, but I don’t buy art books, besides those Kevin Dart books... they just become clutter real fast, you know? But that guy, man, he draws like a motherfucker...

Squirrel-Girl made it to 21 issues. I know people like that one. Huh...

Kingpin-- is that the one by the 4 Kids Walk Into a Bank guy? What happened to THAT comic? That was the last thing I was really into but then it didn’t really come out much...

James Robinson’s doing Nick Fury-- they’re trying to ape Steranko for the covers, which man... everyone after Steranko apes him on the covers and I bet you a zillion dollars the interiors got nothing to do with the guy. Like... I know people got pissy cause he’s a right wing guy now, but there’s a lot to say about what that guy did with those original comics, man, because it’s just... but I mean, that was, what, 5-6 decades ago...? They got no one else to homage with that character. No one’s done it right since so who fucking thinks they’re going to...?

I mean, there was a cultural thing going on that Steranko was boiling down though-- it was a comic of its time. He was looking at what other people were doing and then doing that in comics. But now, I see these character designs and it’s just people in jackets and t-shirts. I mean, you have to bring visual culture into the books... if it’s not going to be that, you’re just reading some generic spy shit, which ...

Vision Director’s Cut -- yuuuuuckkkkkkkkk. I have a story there, but I can’t tell it yet, or I don’t know. To be continued.

Oh, there’s Javier Rodriguez-- that guy fucking rules. I like that guy...

Goddamn, am I even halfway yet????

the Unstoppable Wasp... jesus christ...

Becky Cloonan’s writing the Punisher...? God. I remember my buddy sending me her minicomics when she was just getting started. There you go... i didn’t like her spaceship thing though-- too slow, no sleaze. Probably “better” in trade.

Frazer Irving’s drawing Guardians of the Galaxy...? That’s probably good looking, but could be better things he could draw. One of my favorite interactions with a comics person of all time was Frazer Irving, but again, a story that’s probably not appropriate to tell...

“I AM GROOT #2 by CHRIS HASTINGS and FLAVIANO. Mary Jane Variant Cover by TBA.”

...

“I AM GROOT #2 by CHRIS HASTINGS and FLAVIANO. Mary Jane Variant Cover by TBA.”

HOW IS THIS EVEN POSSIBLE? There’s not enough paper, motherfuckers. There’s not enough paper! How are they doing this every month and none of their offices have a bathroom??? Is this what happens when editors try to hold their pee in all day??

I’d read a Bendis comic for old times sakes, but I wouldn’t shit on 99% of these writers in these solicits.

OH MY GOD.

OH MY GOD LISTEN TO THIS.I THINK I FOUND THE WINNER OF THE JUNE 2017 SOLICITATIONS.

LISTEN TO THIS SHIT!!!!!

“ NOVA #7 JEFF LOVENESS & RAMON PEREZ (W) SCOTT HEPBURN (A) Cover by Dan Mora • As Richard Rider struggles to come to terms with the revelations from his return to the Cancerverse, Sam Alexander struggles with homework, his family and (gulp) dating! 32 PGS./Rated T …$3.99″

WHAT THE FUCK?

RETURN TO THE CANCERVERSE!

Mother.fucker. Was this question a trap???? WAS THIS A TRAP? What did I ever do to you? Did I wrong you somehow? Is getting me to look at this some kinda Cask of Amontillado shit cause I wronged you? “A thousand injuries of Fortunato I had borne as best I could, but when he ventured upon insult I vowed revenge.”

I’m a nice I’m a tolerable person. I didn’t deserve this.

My head hurts.

They’re blaming this all on black people. Hahahahahaha... oh my god, comics people are the most racist people ever.

#Worst Hobby or Worstest Hobby?

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evenstevensranked · 7 years

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#46: Season 3, Episode 14 - “Dirty Work”

This episode was pretty popular. Ren and Principal Wexler have a falling out after she starts to realize he assigns her all of his “dirty work.” So, Larry Beale ends up temporarily taking over as Wexler’s student assistant. Petty drama ensues. Meanwhile, during the plot everyone remembers: Louis decides to start his own "Lumberjack Club" as an excuse to slack off in school. Where all they do is hang around, speak with semi-hillbilly accents, eat pancakes and wear flannels.

Let me start off by saying... To this day, people fondly remember the Lumberjack Club as if it were some major thing, but in reality it was only a (very) small subplot. That’s crazy to me. I did my research, and this Lumberjack Club plot resonated with people so much that students were directly inspired to start their own Lumberjack Clubs at school irl. I’m not joking. Here are some more examples.

All of these clubs have basically the same mission statement as Louis’ and were formed in the Early 2000s. This alone made me feel like I should rank the episode much higher for “iconic” points. Buuuut, this was never one of my personal favorites *gasp!* and that’s outweighing a lot of things for me. So, please know that I had an extreme internal struggle when deciding where to put this one. I was originally going to rank this around #59-55. But, I didn’t think that was fair enough to the ~cultural impact~ it made, and decided to put it here at #46. That being said… let’s get into it.

This one opens with Coach Tugnut driving up to his school parking spot singing “‘cause I got a brand new suit, and pair of shoes to match! I wish I had a mustache—“ before he gets cut off by Ren. I just felt like those lyrics were worth sharing honestly. She tells him that Wexler has ordered his parking spot to be moved a block and a half away from the school. We find out the reason why when Wexler comes driving up in a new red convertible. He wanted that spot for himself. Idk why Wexler needed Tugnut’s spot though? Surely he has his own prominent spot? He asks Ren to look into some “Lumberjack Club” he came across while looking over the school budget.

What is up with Ren’s pants, btw? This outfit always bothered me. When I was young I always thought they were, like.. freaking Louis Vuitton pants or something, lol. I mentioned before that her wardrobe starts to include loud patterns and gives off an overall “older” and stuffy vibe towards the end of the series.

The camera pans over to Louis and Twitty, who are accepting and signing off on a syrup delivery. They recycle their code names (Lars Honeytoast and Frenchie Von Richter) from an earlier episode in the series when accepting the order. The delivery man refers to Twitty as "Mr. Honeytoast." This is such a small thing that’s easy to miss, but it’s awesome and top notch casual continuity! I really like it.

It’s “New England’s Finest” syrup. I’m from Boston. This pleases me, tbh.

It cuts to Lumberjack Club! Where Louis, Twitty, Tawny and Tom are cooking pancakes and celebrating the fact that they’ve upgraded their syrup to premium quality, lol. “Lumber Tawn” asks “Lumber Lou” (yes, these are the nicknames they’ve given themselves) to tell them how he came up with the idea for the club again. Louis goes on to tell the story of the club’s origins. The hillbilly accent really kicks in now, accentuated by bluegrass music in the background. He starts off by saying “Well, ‘bout two weeks ago, when yous kids was much younger… everyone was siiignin’ up for cluuuubs.” That is one of my favorite lines though. Not gonna lie. He explains that anyone could get money to form a club as long as they got 50 signatures. So he decided to create a Lumberjack Club after remembering his “deep and loyal love for the pancake.” Incredible.

Dat face tho.

Right about now is when Ren comes walking in, finding the four of them toasting to The Lumberjack. (See first image.) She grills them about what kind of club they are and what sort of things they do. Louis starts pulling crap out of his butt saying “We sing Lumberjack Songs.” Ren asks them to sing one and it’s great. None of them are in sync. They’re all making stuff up off the top of their heads and clashing miserably. The best part is Tom -- who’s repeatedly saying "Wood... Wood... Wood..." God bless Tom.

Louis says they’re “legit… with a big L!” “…and a small ‘egit’!” Twitty finishes. I feel like this is worth mentioning because one of the real-life clubs’ requirements for joining is that you have to “be legit.” Oh my god. Obviously, Ren vows to shut down the club.

Wexler surprises Ren with her own desk outside of his office. We’re getting into creepy territory again, guys. Wexler makes Ren, a 14-15 year old, do ALL OF HIS WORK while he goes out gallivanting in his new car. Remember when I said that Ren Stevens is basically the principal of Lawrence Jr. High…? Well, this episode really exemplifies that and takes it to a new level. She literally takes over as principal. How is this not illegal?

One of her tasks for the day is to fire the school janitor. Wow. (Fun fact: Jackie the Janitor is played by Knobby Frostybump -- the old elf from the Lizzie McGuire Christmas episode lol) This is the last straw for Ren. She confronts Wexler and quits being his assistant. But much like in Ren-Gate, that doesn’t last long. Over the course of a period, she gets all emo and decides she wants her job back. But, oh no! When she goes back to the office, guess who’s already taken over for her? Larry Beale. Dang, that was fast.

Another lazy name flub happens again here. Larry is polishing his nameplate and it reads "Lawrence M. Beale" when earlier in the series they say his full name on a few different occasions and it's "Lawrence Anthony Beale." I don't understand why something like this is so difficult to remember?! Although, I actually always thought it was weird that Larry's middle name was Anthony because Louis’ full name is Louis Anthony Stevens. Even weirder... The actor who plays Beans is named Steven Anthony Lawrence. What a strange coincidence.

Ren and Wexler are being extremely passive aggressive towards each other while Larry sits there gloating. Out of spite, Ren decides to become Tugnut's new assistant instead. Like he even needs one. It becomes a petty, all out war between the pairs.

It’s Larry’s job to shut down Lumberjack Club now, so he busts into their meeting the next day. I’m pretty sure they’re not even going to class anymore. They hired a marimba player named Nate to entertain them during club meetings — which I think is absolutely hilarious. It might just be because I'm a musician, but any music-related humor kills me. I mean, a MARIMBA PLAYER?! And this dude is such a Jazz cat. It’s great. This is honestly probably my favorite scene in the whole episode:

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So, yeah. Lumberjack Club needs to make an educational presentation in order to stay a thing.

Tugnut is chilling in a lawn chair, eating a burrito and telling his life story (”I thought about moving to Canada, but I don’t speak Canadian...”) while Ren does work on his car. Now she’s a mechanic. This is child abuse, I swear. She’s about to quit as his assistant, but she looks up and sees Larry and Wexler blissfully driving around in his convertible. She gets jealous and keeps working for Tugnut. These student/teacher relationships are so, so strange and not appropriate. Let’s be real...

Anyway, the whole assistant war thing starts to come to an end when it becomes obvious that Ren is much more qualified and has a better relationship and understanding with Wexler than Larry does. Larry royally messes up as Wexler's assistant and ends up doing a lot of things wrong. Including inviting Wexler’s mother to school, putting nutmeg in his coffee, and forgetting to pay Wexler’s car insurance bill. (Really, what adult would trust a 14-15 year old to pay their bills…)

Louis organizes the most impressive Lumberjack Club presentation ever within a few hours at the most. I do like seeing Louis at least fully see his schemes through, though. So that’s nice, I guess.

It’s like a freaking carnival.

Nate returns as the musical entertainment. I love this guy, lol. Everything’s going well, until Louis and Twitty chop down a tree during a demonstration which falls on Wexler’s car. Ouch. Wexler’s devastated and sobbing, but manages to mutter “Look what they’ve done to my sweet, sweet ride!” through tears. That made me laugh harder than I probably should’ve. Wexler faints when he finds out Larry didn’t send the insurance payment, and nowww Ren is responsible for Wexler’s literal life.

Something always gotta go wrong. Louis was actually sort of pulling this whole Lumberjack thing off.

Wexler could be on his deathbed right now and it’s up to Ren to save him. Wow. “Breathe, Principal Wexler! Breathe!!!”

Turns out Ren sneakily sent out the insurance payment the other day and everything’s fine. The episode ends with Ren becoming Wexler’s assistant again. The end.

So yeah, that’s it. I’m still shocked at how short the Lumberjack Club plot actually is. Pretty crazy how it somehow managed to burn itself into the memories of so many people. I’m also like, 99% positive it was inspired by this Monty Python skit. There’s even a song playing during the school presentation that’s near identical melodically (and lyrically a bit) to the one sung in this skit. The fact that it’s just a subplot also affected my ranking, because I’m not the biggest fan of this episode’s main plot. I love Larry/Ren conflict.. but this situation is just... slightly annoying to me for some reason. ALSO! I realized the other day that I should base my rankings on character development, as well. I’ve actually been doing that subconsciously so far, I think. Barring a few, the majority have been filler episodes basically. No material that actually advances the overall arc of the show. Just random, silly plots -- which makes it difficult for me to really consider it a “good” or “great” episode. And unfortunately, that’s what Lumberjack Club is to me. I’m so sorry. I just love these characters so much, so when there’s little to no character growth in an episode.. it sort of bothers me. I know the show is silly, but there’s a lot of heart there as well. Episodes that have a little meat to them are the ones I’m more fond of.

We’ve officially reached the point in my list where I drew a line separating the lower half from the better half though, guys! The ball’s really rolling now. I’m excited.

Thanks for reading! Were you a Lumberjack Club fan? Did you start your own?! Please, do tell. Haha.

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rickycorderbro-blog · 7 years

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Relaxation and Revelations||Ricky and Quinn

loose lips sink ships

The road to recovery was slow...as....fucking... balls. Ricky thought being cooped up in his apartment resting had to be the most boring thing he could possibly do since with only one working hand he was constrained to playing games that were turn-based or just laying on his couch and moping while watching Futurama reruns for the forty-seventh time. He'd eaten all the junk food, drank way too much, and was seriously considering developing a small drug habit when his doorbell rang brightly. Annoyingly brightly. Like it was rubbing it in Ricky's face that it worked properly and he didn't. There was a brief moment when Ricky considered trying to struggle into a shirt... but he didn't feel like leaving his guest out on the porch for twenty minutes while he made a fool out of himself. Instead he pulled the door open in all of his shirtless glory to reveal Quinn on his doorstep. "Oh hey man. Probably shoulda taken the time for a shirt but... fuck it. Come on in."

Quinn knew that Ricky was hurt. He had seen the way the bone had snapped on the camera. It was sickening, especially the sound. It was odd to keep having images of it blur though his mind when he thought of Ricky. But he still wanted to see him, to make sure that Ricky was feeling better, and it didn't hurt that he liked to see Ricky. He'd also brought something. Quinn walked, and rang the doorbell, hoping that Ricky wasn't sleeping or doing something that he was interrupting. But then he came to the door, shirtless of course. He flushed slightly, though perhaps less than he usually did. "Hey," he said with a small shrug. He wasn't going to complain about Ricky being shirtless. "I figured you could use some company?" he asked with a small smile, holding up a bag. "I brought snacks and beer. I have a fake,"

A broad grin crossed Ricky's face as he ushered Quinn through the door, "Sorry the place is a mess. Cleaning's a fucking whore now because of the arm." Shutting the door he paused the episode he was on and raised an eyebrow, "You've got a fake? How is that even close to effective. You look like a prepubescent milkmaid. However... I'm out of booze so I'm not going to turn beer down. Nor snacks... big fan of snacks over here." Wandering into his bedroom he grabbed a zip-up hoodie and shrugged into it, zipping it over the cast, "Company is also good. Never hate on some company." He gestured around him, "Make yourself at home. Can I get you anything? It'll take me twice as long but I can manage it."

"I don't really care all that much about how messy it is," he said with a shrug, glancing around. "My room can get kind of messy when I'm really into a game or distracted or something for a while. And you're hurt so...," Quinn shrugged. He smirked for a moment, before turning a bright red. "It scans," he mumbled, looking away from Ricky. He'd hacked into the DMV and gotten himself a legitimate ID. According to them he was 21. "Good, I'm glad," he said softly, with a nod. He felt far younger than he normally did. Although the sweatshirt covered up his chest, Quinn was actually a little glad that he put it on. It hid the cast and the memories of the other night. "Oh, no I'm fine," he said with a shrug, plopping down onto the couch and smiling softly. "I just figured you might be bored with your arm like that,"

Ricky cracked open two beers and brought one of them over to Quinn before taking his own, leaning against the kitchen counter, "I feel like if I start using the arm as an excuse for shit my life is going to fall even more into ruin than it already is. Which is pretty goddamn ruinous. So I'll clean tomorrow or some shit." He smiled at Quinn's bright-red skin tone before pouring some chips into a big bowl and bringing it to the couch, "I'm so bored. Oh my god. I can't do anything. I can only play Pokemon because everything else requires two hands and believe me.... I'm pretty goddamn close to having caught them all." Another wan smile and a half shrug, "but you didn't come over to hear me bitch. Sup?"

Quinn nodded, that did make some sense. "I guess that makes sense. Can't let it ruin your life right?" Quinn said optimistically. Quinn idly fixed his hair and squirmed lightly in his seat as his flush receded. "Oh," Quinn perked up a bit. He could help with that. "There are a bunch of games that use just the mouse," he said with a small smile. "A lot of strategy games like Civilization 6," he pointed out. "But that's only if you like those types of games," he said with a small shrug. "Anything turn based," he added as an afterthought. "Um, nothing really. I just wanted to make sure you were okay. I figured you would be bored and stuff,"

"Q it already ruined my life. I just gotta stop the bleeding at this point." Taking a swig Ricky plopped down in the armchair across from Quinn and managed to squeeze a wry smile out of his face, "I'll try anything at this point. Neven recommended I try Fallout but I definitely need both hands for that shit so I'm on board for anything that's mouse oriented and turn based. Never really tried that genre before. More of a headshot and sneak kill dude myself." Another sip of the beer.... which wasn't great... and he managed a more sincere smile "Thanks Quinn. That's sweet of you. I managed to get myself a new job and everything so I'm not going full on crazy. Just mostly crazy. But hey. You're here now, so that definitely helps with the crazy. What's been new with you?"

Quinn blinked and froze at the name Q. He looked over at Ricky, trying to seem calm. Did he know? There was no way he could, Quinn was perfect at hiding it. But Ricky didn't mention it again, and he let out a soft sigh. He was safe. Ricky didn't know. "Oh, Fallout definitely wouldn't work. It's a shooter," he said with a frown. At least the newer ones wouldn't, maybe the older ones would but he never played them. Quinn took a long sip of his beer and set the bottle back down again, looking at it with a slight frown. It was obvious that Ricky wasn't really taking this quite as well as he could. Well, Quinn probably wouldn't be taking it well either. He wasn't the best at making people feel better. "Oh, that's good. Partial crazy is good right?" Quinn laughed softly. "Oh... ugh, nothing really. Honestly," other than watching Ricky get attacked that is. "Just games and stuff. School started so that kind of sucks,"

"Yeah I bought it and noticed that. Ah well. I'll play it in a couple months when I'm back on track and shit. Looks cool at least." Finishing his beer he brought the empty to the kitchen and poured himself a glass of water, leaning against the kitchen counter as they talked, "I don't have any monday classes but I've gotta go in tomorrow morning for the first class of my last semester of undergrad. But yeah... partial crazy is good. Better than the alternative but not being able to move as much as I'mused to sucks. I can't go running, I can't work out, I can't swim. I just work, sulk, game. Work, sulk, game. Throw in some netflix and that's my daily routine now." Realizing that he was a giant sack of morose, Ricky tried to lift the mood of the conversation somewhat, "But... I've got great friends who've been helping me through. You, Veronica, Neven, Molly... everyone's been super nice which honestly I'd be going so much more insane without your guys' support."

"Yeah. You should. They're really good games, and once you can use your hand again you'll love them," Quinn said, looking up at Ricky brightly. He was trying to cheer him up, and he felt like he was doing a bad job right now. Quinn sipped his beer slowly, not wanting to actually get drunk in front of Ricky. "You only have one less?" Quinn asked, curious. He hadn't realized that Ricky was so close to being done with school. "I mean... without the sulking that sounds like a good life," Quinn admitted. Mostly what his days were like. If you replaced work with hacking. Quinn grinned brightly when Ricky referred to him as a friend. It was something at least. "That's good. I'm glad that at least we can help a little bit you know? Better than just moping all day,"

"Neven mentioned something about factions? He said he had to side with one more of them to get all the different endings. So I'm excited to play it. Y'know... when I can again." He watched Quinn nurse his beer, nodding along with the question, "Just one more semester and I'll be a Bachelor of Science in Marine Biology. Then I'll be right back in school in the fall for Graduate work. I got into UMAC's grad program." Standing up quickly Ricky pushed his hair out of his eyes, "Shit I"m a bad host. You want something to eat? I got a ton of food. I can whip you up something if you're hungry. And yeah. Having friends around always makes it good. Y'all are definitely lifesavers."

"Yeah there are a bunch of factions. You pick one and it changes the ending, sort of," Quinn said, trying his best not to give away the good bits of the game. "But yeah, you definitely should. It's gonna be great. You'll love it," he said happily. "Oh! That's awesome. Congratulations," he said happily. It meant that Ricky would be staying here, which was great. Quinn just shook his head, sipping his beer again. "No I'm good," he said with a small laugh. "I don't really eat all that much,' he admitted with a small shrug. "Good, I'm really glad," Quinn said, perking up happily. He pulled his legs up underneath him and turned to look at Ricky with a smile. "So is there anything you wanted to do?"

Ricky pondered thoughtfully "Huh. Guess it means I'm going to spend the next giant chunk of my life glued to that particular game. Gotta see all the endings after all." He grinned across the room at Quinn as he cracked a second beer, "Four long grueling years of keeping my GPA above a 3.8 but it looks like I"m gonna finally manage to wear that scratchy black robe and stupid hat." He took a deep breath, trying to avoid the looming spectre of graduate and adult life before turning to watch Quinn curl up comfortably on his couch, "I'm open. What do you wanna do? Really I'm just happy for the company. You can game if you want. I'll play some Pokemon and we can just hang out. Really it's up to you."

"Probably. But you gotta finish the Witcher 3 first," he pointed out with a smile. "Four years is a long time," Quinn mumbled. He still had all of that to look forward to. He wasn't sure how he felt about that honestly. It had to be better than high school though. "That's good. It'll be fun," Quinn smiled. "Oh, I don't mind, really," Quinn said. He was indecisive when it came to hanging out with other people. "So you pick what we should do, since I'm here to cheer you up,"

"I doooooooooo." Ricky chuckled and drank, "You know if I flunk out of graduate school because the men in my life can't stop giving me good game recommendations it's gonna be you're couch I'm sleeping on when I have to turn to standing on street corners for money." A gruff chuckled and he adjusted his cast under the hoodie he was wearing, "You're really making life difficult for me right now, Q-dawg. I really don't feel like making a decision right now. Fine. I'm gonna boot up the ps4 and leave the controller on the couch and you do what you wanna do and I'm gonna sit here on the armchair with my DS. Sound good?"

"I don't think Karen and Jared would appreciate it if you plopped onto my couch for a while," he said with a laugh. "Unless it was for a day or two," he pointed out. "That's not helpful," Quinn whined, flopping onto the couch and looking over at the TV. "Fine, I'll figure something out," he said, reaching over and grabbing the controller. "What games do you have?"

A broad shrug and Ricky let a loud laugh out "I think I'd be a good enough hooker where I could keep myself in a decently nice apartment. Don't worry. I won't come knocking on your door." He looked over at his friend and grinned, looking at the still mostly full beer bottle "you gotta catch up, dude. Put that fake to good use." Another shrug and he blew hair out of his eyes, it was in desperate need of a trim, "Witcher, Battlefront, Broforce, Dishonored 2, bunch of random shit that was on sale. Feel free to make yourself a profile on my PlayStation. I'm sure you'll be over here enough to use it."

"You'd probably be a great hooker," Quinn mumbled softly under his breath, before laughing at the joke. "Well, just don't drop out," he said simply. "Oh, yeah," he said, looking at the bottle and taking a bigger gulp. He didn't want to get sick, and he definitely couldn't chug. "I'm sure I can find something," Quinn said, a big grin on his face as he started setting up a profile. Visiting more often would definitely be fun. "What kind of team do you have on pokemon?"

Quinn said something under his breath but it was just soft enough where with his shitty hearing Ricky couldn't quite pick it up. "What was that? Didn't quite hear that. Had something in my ear." He watched the young man drink with a wry grin "okay so we'll have to teach you how to drink properly. I'm gonna get another beer. One of mine. So I don't drink all of yours." From the kitchen he watched Quinn set up a profile on the console "I try to keep it balanced but I've definitely got my favorites. Decidueye is my bitch-fucker because Spirit Shackle is a hella dope move. But I try hard to keep something decently leveled for any type I come across."

"Nothing," he said with a smile and shrug. "Just talking to myself," Quinn blushed a little, hoping Ricky hadn't heard him. "I don't really have people to drink with so...," he said with a small shrug, booting up Dishonored 2. "I brought them for us though," Quinn said, turning around to look at Ricky. "That's good. Balanced teams are the best," he nodded. He didn't have the new game though, so he didn't know what Decidueye was.

Narrowing his eyes Ricky returned to his seat on the armchair, propping his feet up on the coffee table in between them "I don't believe you. Not even a little." Ricky nodded, holding the DS stylus between his teeth, "Fair enough. You can drink here. But know I'm gonna make you sleep on the couch if you have any significant amount of booze. I will steal your keys don't even test that." He watched the opening menu for Dishonored flash up on his tv and let out a tiny sigh of contentment. It was nice. To just hang out with someone normal. Or, if Quinn wasn't normal, someone who kept it tight enough under wraps not to matter. "So. Karen and Jared are yourrrrrrrrrr what exactly?"

Quinn flushed, rolling his eyes and pretending to act cool. "It was nothing, he said with a pout, looking up at Ricky with big eyes, trying to act innocent. "I walked over here," he pointed out. "I don't have a car, it's Karen and Jared's, but I don't use it much," Quinn explained. "I like to walk places, and it's not like town is big," he hummed softly. "Oh, they adopted me," he said simply. He forgot that there was no way Ricky would actually know that.

"God fucking dammit, Quinn." He pulled a frown and sighed heavily. "What is it with you people? You and Nev-.... you guys walking around outside like it's summer. Swear to me that if it's snowing and you need to get somewhere you'll call me instead of walking. I fucking worry." Ricky drew a hissy breath in through his teeth "shit man I'm sorry. Didn't mean to bring anything up. I'm sorry."

Quinn arched an eyebrow and just laughed. "I like walking in the winter. It's the best time to walk when it's snowing," he grinned. "But I'll let you know okay? If I do need a ride. I usually don't," he pointed out with a big grin. "You didn't. I like them a lot. I'm very happy," he said simply and shrugged. They were the best foster parents he could get, and now they were actually his adopted ones.

Ricky grumbled softly, focusing more on the gameboy and beer in his hand than the words that came out of his mouth "humans. Never think about the weather appropriately. Y'all became apex predators and your dumb as a box of rocks." He took another long sip and glanced over at Quinn from under his long lashes "that's good I'm glad man I know what it's like to be..... parentless. It's rough so I'm glad they're working out for you. Shit's important." Turning his gaze back to the tv he gestured towards the screen "who are you gonna play as?"

Quinn blinked. "What?" he asked. Did he just actually say that? "Did you just say humans? As if you aren't human?" his eyes were wide and the controller lay forgotten in his lap. "Are you? One of those supernatural creatures? Like... not evil though right? Please don't be evil,"

Ricky froze, suddenly aware of his monumental fuckup "you're drunk. You're definitely drunk and you definitely didn't hear me right." He let the silence hang in the air for a moment as he realized there was no way Quinn would buy that; halfway through his first beer as he was. "Fucking fuck fuck fuck. You cannot tell a soul, Quinn. It's super dangerous for me if the wrong people know because they'd kill me in a heartbeat for my skin. But yeah I'm fuckin supernatural. And not evil. Well no more than anyone else"

"I'm not drunk!" Quinn said, his voice rising a bit. "I only had one beer, and didn't even finish it," he said, pointing to the beer still on the table. "Shit," he practically jumped up onto the couch, eyeing Ricky as if just looking at him could reveal what he was. "What are you then? Not human obviously," he hummed, eyes narrowing. Not that actually saying what he was would really help him figure it out.

"Okay captain puberty, no need to squeak. We're almost deaf on land but I still heard that." He heaved a giant sigh as Quinn put distance between them "I'm not a danger to you. I swear. We're carnivorous but we don't eat humans. And watch it with the obviously. Aside from my teeth I pass for human amazingly well." Another sigh and Ricky got up and headed to the kitchen, cracking another beer and draining it in one go. "I'm a selkie."

"I've been attacked by a lot of shit recently," he mumbled, eyes narrowing slightly. Quinn huffed though, sitting down a little. If Ricky had wanted to attack him then he would have already. He probably didn't have anything to worry about. Probably. "What's a selkie?" he asked, blinking. He had no clue what that was. Couldn't he have been something nice? Like a good wizard or unicorn or something?

"I'm 6'4 in my human form, I'm insanely well muscled, and I have a mouth full of razor sharp fangs. If I wanted to attack you I would have done it already. I've never killed a human in my life. Gotten in a couple of bar fights but that has nothing to do with what I am. Just with drunk assholes." Ricky sighed and leaned forward, setting his good arm on his knee "I'm a human that can turn into a seal. Or a seal that can turn into a human. Take your pick they're both right." He sighed and shut his eyes. Why couldn't he have kept his mouth shut. Now he was going to lose a friend.

"I," Quinn began, before shutting his mouth. Ricky was right, of course. He just groaned, running his hands over his face. Why did all of this have to happen now? All of this weird supernatural shit was going on and he just wanted to finish high school and go to college and continue hacking. Was that so much to ask? Apparently it was. Because now his crush was seal creature thing. "A seal? A seal? Couldn't you at least be, like, a fucking mermaid or something, fuck,"

"Oh no man. You do NOT want to fuck with mermaids. They're nothing like the fairy tails and if they get you you're dead. You're so dead. And it is gonna hurt the whole damn time." He ran his fingers through his hair and sighed heavily. "I'm sorry. I.... this is who I am. I know it's awkward and weird but. It's me. Sorry." Ricky really felt shitty for dumping it all on a quinn like that, but once the floodgates had opened there was no easy way to close them again. "Besides seals are awesome, dude. I can hold my breath for 20 minutes."

"Great. Mermaids are evil. Fucking fantastic," Quinn groaned and flopped onto his back on the couch, looking up at the ceiling. "Anything else I should know?" he groaned softly, looking over at Ricky with a sigh. "It's not... It's not your fault or anything. I've just... Apparently my winter break is when everything supernatural decides to either attack me or like, show up," he threw his hands up in the air. Oddly enough, finding out that Ricky was a creature was... not terrible. Quinn wasn't as nervous around him for one. Maybe it was just the shock of it all. "I guess that's kind of cool," he mumbled, looking over at Ricky.

"It helps if you don't think of them like the beautiful women from the stories and more like what they actually are... horrifying enormous angler fish with really developed lures that look like beautiful men and women... and really really really sharp teeth. Never help a drowning person here in AC. Ever. like 80% of the time it's gonna be a mermaid and you want nothing to do with that." Ricky shrugged at Quinn's question, "I have twice the amount of blood you do. I transform by putting on a skin. I have to change a couple of times a week. If I don't I'll go crazy and eventually die. The only thing that doesn't change about me in the transformation is my teeth so I've gotta wear fake teeth. I promise I won't attack you though. Not my style. Plus if I did I'd have fewer people to hang out with and that would suck." Looking over at Quinn he crossed his fingers he hadn't weirded the man out entirely, "Oh and I"m almost deaf and I'm colorblind but I can see really well in the dark. Anything else you wanna know?"

Quinn listened to Ricky as he explained all the things he didn't know. About mermaids and then about himself. "Fuck," he said, getting a little bit overwhelmed by, well, everything. This was a mess. "Got it. Don't save drowning people," he said sarcastically. This was insane. "And you put on a fucking skin? Which sounds pretty gross by the way," his sarcasm was coming out as a way to cope right now. "And you're basically just... a seal person. Who can't hear and could probably kill me with your teeth," he huffed, sitting up suddenly. "Fuck," he really didn't know what else to say.

Quinn appeared to be struggling a little and it wasn't as if Ricky could really blame him. "The skin isn't nearly as gross as the mucus I secrete to slide into it." he deadpanned, looking down at his shoes, "It's like I produce my own lube." Nodding along to Quinn's statements he shrugged, "You got it. I'm a seal person. Who would never ever do anything to hurt you. You're a friend, Quinn. Me being... what I am doesn't change the definition of friendship. You're someone I care about and you're cool and I wouldn't put you in harm's way."

"Ew," Quinn mumbled, wrinkling his nose at the thought of Ricky just covered in... mucous. "Can you just, like, stop talking about that for a minute," he shuddered slightly. He paused for a moment, looking up at Ricky and then sitting up slightly. "Alright, yeah, I know you wouldn't. It's just a lot okay?"

"I know it's a lot." Ricky sat up and dug into pockets, fishing out a set of keys and tossing them next to Quinn on the couch. "Bring it back next time you come over. It's snowing out and you're not fucking walking at night." Pushing himself off the armchair he snapped his DS shut and gave Quinn a wan smile, "It's a shit thing to dump on you and I am sorry. But. Hopefully this doesn't fuck our friendship up too much. You're welcome here anytime." He went into his bedroom and shut the door behind him, leaving Quinn an opportunity to leave. Life as a selkie trying to get by was far too fucking complicated.

"Yeah it is," he mumbled, blinking as keys were thrown at him. "What? I don't need to take your car," Quinn said, but Ricky was already leaving. "Fuck," he mumbled. He didn't want to lose a friend. And Ricky was... well he was Ricky. Things were confusing now, but Ricky still wanted to be his friend at least. "I'll bring it back tomorrow," he called through the door and headed outside with a huff.

#quinn #touchofchatzy #alcohol tw

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junker-town · 7 years

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When them Falcons gon get here: Atlanta unites as it waits

As the Falcons make one more charge into the postseason, the college football capital and transient, diverse Southern hub is finally bonding over its NFL team.

This article was originally published in 2013, ahead of the Falcons divisional round game against the Seahawks.

"Ay breh," he said, "Fuck with me, now."

He was selling weed, walking beside me in a way that made clear this was an A-okay location for broad-daylight drug sales despite a clogged North Avenue just feet away. I don't smoke, but had to admire the enterprise.

He was wearing a Brian Finneran jersey, a regulation dopeboy uniform in fabric color (road white) only. If Finneran, former Atlanta Falcons possession receiver from Villanova, had been there, he would've been the only white person in the area besides me.

***

Atlanta is one of the NFL's few majority-black cities, along with Detroit, Baltimore, D.C., on-field archrival New Orleans and possibly St. Louis by now*. The city proper's residents are 54 percent black as of 2010, though that's been dropping over the years as black families move to the suburbs and whites move inside the perimeter, defined as the I-285 loop that surrounds the city. The perimeter is now only the perimeter in a transit sense.

* Apologies if I missed a city. I'll admit I didn't check Green Bay.

Atlanta's arguably the gayest NFL city. Something must be done about our continued slide in these rankings, though still only Seattle and D.C. top us there. When Joey Harrington took over as temporary quarterback in 2007, a portion of Falcons fans swooned.

Atlanta's the NFL city most likely to turn up fans of 31 foreign teams, I'd wager. People move from Wisconsin, Ohio and Buffalo to Atlanta. They don't move from Atlanta to Wisconsin, Ohio and Buffalo. When they come, they bring allegiances with them, then show up at games. So nobody writes pieces like this about braving the Georgia Dome. That's cool -- you underestimate how fun it is to watch disappointed Cowboys fans stream out of your own building.

Racially and otherwise, Atlanta has as wide a range of sports fans as anywhere in the country, maybe anywhere anywhere, plus respectable attendance for its home teams (look it up!) and undeniable college football bona fides.

I think Atlanta is a great sports town. Or a good enough sports town. Or a town you might not understand.

***

This has brought to mind one of four things for you: Turner Field going ghost town during the MLB playoffs, Hawks fans sounding outnumbered when the Celtics or Kobe are in town, hockey or that time Falcons fans all rose their voices as one and turned on the team to revere rival convict Michael Vick.

The first is a myth, the second is adorably true and what is hockey?

As for Vick, I was at that game, in a red No. 7 and surrounded by tealy algae-funk green 7s. I bought my ticket the day he joined the Eagles, then rooted for the Falcons along with the far majority of the Dome. Vick scored in the second half of a blowout and got a pop from the crowd. A viral Atlanta soundbite was born.

You need to understand Vick was briefly our Jordan, or more accurately our Elway, since Chicago had had Payton and Butkus and Ditka and Sayers and probably some baseball guys before Jordan. (What is baseball?) We'd had to share Hank and Deion and Dominique and Dale Murphy and most of those 1990s Braves with other cities, and in Vick's first year Chipper hadn't played half his Atlanta career yet. Whom were we supposed to ride for instead of Vick?

For a year or so, he made our insignificant Falcons the country's most exciting and interesting pro team, bringing us within a few plays and a bullshit holding call away of a Super Bowl trip.

He was our first star quarterback and our black star quarterback, and he signed a 10-year contract.

That cheer, overstated by people who weren't there as it was, wasn't a betrayal of the Falcons. It was a goodbye to the only reason we'd ever mattered.

Kevin C. Cox/Getty Images

Until the Falcons became something like those '90s Braves, with prolonged success out of nowhere. The Thomas Dimitroff and Mike Smith regime posted back-to-back winning seasons for the first time in franchise history, then made it five in a row. Four of the franchise's 12 all-time playoff trips have come in the last five years, which have included two of our five all-time division titles and two of our three No. 1 seeds. Roddy White, Matt Ryan, Michael Turner and others have already taken over the club record books, and we're not talking about guys who've been here forever.

But, yeah ... '90s Braves. The Birds have also gone 0-3 in the playoffs during this run, becoming the league's most reliable Super Bowl springboard.

It's our golden age. But local gold monitor Trinidad James has to scoff.

***

We're a musical fan base, and a specific flavor of music.

The 1998 Super Bowl run had a bass soundtrack, T.I's "Bring Em Out" provided the best intros in city history at the height of the Vick years, Big Boi is lobbying for "In The A" to replace that Godsmack-y stuff they play at the Dome now, "Whoomp! There It Is" is still a completely unironic team anthem and James Brown and MC Hammer were Elvis fan Jerry Glanville's sideline mascots.

You can't have rappers rap about the NFL without having rappers rap about the Falcons. There's currently a song using Julio Jones and company as a drug-dealing metaphor. Our locker room freestyler is better than yours. Ray Buchanan and Deion Sanders also technically released rap albums.

No other city produces coverage quite like this.

***

In many ways -- because of Arthur Blank and Vick and, back among the ancients, the Dirty Bird -- this is a fan base aged 10 or 15 years or so. Except for spurts of oddity like 1991, 1980 and ... that's about it. That's our history.

Considering college football reigned here for more than 70 years before we got any pro team of any kind (save the Atlanta Black Crackers, whose field was once stormed by my hammered, 120-pound great-grandfather) and a full century before any of them got good, I think the Falcons are doing fine.

Especially since nobody is actually from here, as the phrase goes.

***

As a California native and a white guy who was surrounded by black coworkers while a Falcons wide receiver from 2000 to 2010, Finneran's a total Atlantan. He's now a co-host of 680 The Fan's morning show.

"Lord knows I wanna get back to California, when I'm old and gray, to sit on the beach," he says. "But Atlanta is my city. I adopted all the home teams as my teams. It's just one of those places were once you get here, there's no reason to leave."

Nobody settles down in Atlanta quite like black NFL players, whether they play for the Falcons or not, with Finneran listing friends Rodney Harrison, Kordell Stewart and Jamie Dukes among the many who've done so.

"Atlanta is great for young, black professionals," he says about the Falcons using the city's demographics when recruiting free agents. "I definitely think it's a lure."

Finneran's best known outside of Atlanta for two things: the playoff punt block against the Packers in 2002, which sparked Green Bay's first-ever home postseason loss* and his emergence as the sneakiest cheap weapon in Madden history. His 2004 rendition was tall and could jump, the perfect sidekick for that year's virtual Michael Vick, the most unfair video game athlete since Tecmo Bo.

* Of the current Falcons crew's playoff problem, he says, "This is the year they can do it, and it's not gonna be an easy task against Seattle, but this team is loaded. If they're gonna do it, this is the year, and they need to do it. You talk about a must-win for an organization, this is it. A sigh of relief will be breathed around this city if we can come away with this victory."

Finneran still calls former locker room neighbor Vick a friend despite their cultural differences, which inspired Jim Mora to nickname the duo "All-American Dad and Hip-hop Nation."

He describes the Atlanta he arrived in as "a baseball town," attributing Arthur Blank's legit hometown concern (the Falcons are one of the few NFL teams to contractually stipulate multiple community appearances for each player, "from Matt Ryan to practice squad guys," every year) and wins provided by Ryan and Vick for "turning it toward the NFL."

"You build that fan base by having the team winning, and having those players in the community, doing those five or 10 events every year."

Finneran, told of the kid at a rap show wearing a white possession receiver's No. 86 Falcons jersey, says, "Those type of stories, minus the weed part, give me chills. I get tweets from young black males who tell me, 'You were my favorite receiver.' You think people forget about you ... my head doesn't get too big, but it gives me the ability to be proud of things I did and reminds me to be a role model for young adults, white or black."

***

The two biggest moments from that Goodie Mob show, other than Big Boi rocketing out of nowhere during "Dirty South," were when Pastor Troy performed in a Volunteers jersey a week before Georgia-Tennessee (deemed a confrontational choice during a show that had been one big tribute to Atlanta, until the crowd realized it was a jersey of Eric Berry's, a local) and when a shirtless dude in leather pants and a top hat played Black Sabbath's "Iron Man" through all of "Cell Therapy."

Here we had a paranoid rap song about inescapable poverty and impending global race war performed alongside a chugger by a blues-turned-metal band about a behemoth, powerful creature that finally snaps.

Skinny black dudes in the crowd threw up devil horns and headbanged. I don't know how else to explain it other than it was really, really Atlanta.

The point is Atlanta, more and more, is this place that's not for white people over there and for black people over here. There will always be parts of the city forbidden to people who look a certain way, but this city is becoming the melting pot of the melting pot.

And I'd bet there's no major gathering place in America more consistently black-and-white than the Georgia Dome on NFL Sundays.

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