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steviewashere · 1 day

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Loving Who You Are, Not What You Offer

Rating: Teen and Up CW: Referenced Rape/Non-Con (Not Between Main Pairing), Panic Attack (Sort of) Tags: Post Season 4, Post Canon, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Friends to Lovers, Asexual Steve Harrington, Coming Out, Protective Eddie Munson, Patient Eddie Munson, Steve Harrington Has Sexual Trauma, Steve Harrington is a Sweetheart, Eddie Munson is a Sweetheart, Slight Comphet Steve Harrington, Dialogue Heavy

Okay, honestly, this one comes from a more personal place. So I'm gonna have to ask y'all to be kind about this one. I've recently come to terms that I'm somewhere on the asexual spectrum and I just needed to apply that somewhere, so. Also, writing from Eddie's point of view rather than Steve's helps me, so I don't wanna hear shit about it.

Read the content warning one more time before you continue and let me know if I missed anything <3

🩵—————🩵 There was an uncovered layer to Steve Harrington, that much Eddie has deduced.

It’s a subtle, blink and you wouldn’t notice, kind of thing. But even this uncovered layer had layers. And he’s not sure if anybody else has caught on. He was able to catalog several odd things about Steve that just…didn’t match his character. Not at all. Which has led, though it started casually and accidentally, to Eddie making a whole new doctrine.

The Odd Steve Behavior Doctrine. With a few noticeable bullet points:

-Don’t touch him without asking -Don’t ask him about his sex life -Don’t talk about sex around him, at all -He especially doesn’t like casual intimacy -Earning Steve’s trust is like climbing up a rocky mountain

He follows these rules he’s made for himself. Tries to keep himself casual and known in Steve’s presence. And hopes that it’s enough to get Steve to crack, even the slightest. Maybe he’ll say why these things bother him, Eddie initially thought.

Maybe I’ll just keep my mouth shut and let Steve come to me in his own time, he eventually noted. Because he doesn’t need to be in everybody’s business all the time, which is a typical thing for Eddie. He likes being nosy and involved with the lives of people around him. He likes to think of himself as the person his friends can come to, no matter the reason or the intensity of their need. And maybe part of it is selfish, too. He can admit that to himself. That he, in turn, wants to be everything Steve needs at the end of the day. Bearing the brunt of all that Steve has going wrong or right in his life.

Things come to Eddie little by little from Steve’s mouth. None that answer to any of the bullets in his doctrine, but things that are important, too. Like confessions, moments that Steve saw as flaws.

“I called Jonathan Byers a queer in 1983. That’s why he beat me up. I deserved it,” he told Eddie one day. Casually, complete nonchalance, as easy as discussing the weather. Steve had been cradling a mug of coffee at their local diner. Picked at the pancake platter he ordered all for himself. And, at Eddie’s coming out (“I’m gay, Steve,” Eddie admitted quietly mere moments before. He brought up love lives. Was poking around what was going on with Steve’s. And casually, he realizes, it just came up.), Steve took a sharp inhale. Confessed this bomb of a statement. Grimaced at the memory that must’ve played out behind his eyes. Then, murmured, “But thank you for trusting me with that, Eddie. I just need you to know that I was somebody you wouldn’t before. In case that…In case maybe you wanna take back that trust. Wouldn’t blame you, that’s all I’m saying.”

Eddie sat in that for a good several moments. As they slurped at their room temperature, rather mediocre mugs of Joe. “I still trust you,” he eventually said, “You don’t have to keep proving yourself to me, you know?” Steve merely shrugged. And that was confessional number one.

Following that, Steve mentioned being tortured by Russians. Which, Eddie thought that was reason for him not liking touch. It may be part of the reason, but there was something to Steve’s eyes that told him that couldn’t be farther from the truth. Eddie didn’t ask. Steve didn’t elaborate. Tortured by Russians, beat up by his peers, chewed up like a dog toy, the list in Eddie’s mind of All the Bad Things That Happened to Steve was growing longer and longer by the day. But Steve was telling him things, letting him in. It was a start.

So, Eddie had two catalogs all about Steve to keep up with in his mind. All the Bad Things and The Do’s and Don’ts of Steve Harrington.

Being his friend was an earned thing and it was a pleasant thing, but it also broke Eddie’s heart bit by bit. He’d never admit to this, but he had to realize that at some point. He wondered if Robin ever felt the same. Maybe even Nancy. But he wasn’t going to ask. Because who asks something like that? Eddie won’t be the first, but it won’t be the last somebody thinks that, he’s sure.

Even though Steve was breaking through his own mold, cracking his mask, shattering mirrors of who he was, none of it actually answered any of Eddie’s don’ts regarding him. None of it eased him. None of it lended itself in any sort of way. If anything, all of these other greater things only added to the incessant itch that couldn’t be scratched under Eddie’s skin.

Who are you really, Steve, Eddie asked himself all too much.

He doesn’t want to upset the poor guy.

But he’ll never know, he’s coming to realize. It’s just not in the cards.

———

It comes to a head, because of course it does. And he didn’t mean for it to, but it just happens.

They’re hanging out at Steve’s new-ish apartment. Lounging around on his, frankly, ugly floral second-hand couch. It’s musty and not all that soft on the cushions, lumpy and shifting. But they make do with it as they have a movie marathon. Steve is sprawled between the far right and middle cushion, Eddie is leaning against the left arm rest, legs crossed one over the other, head in his hand. Then, his stomach grumbles all too loudly in a room full of droning noise.

He leans into Steve’s space slightly. Reaches out a hand and places it on his thigh. Squeezes Steve’s leg and opens his mouth to ask if he’s hungry. But, for some reason, Steve tenses to the extremes underneath his touch. His hands grip harshly to the back of the couch and the throw pillow near his head. Legs going taut and straining against Eddie’s touch.

“Steve?” Eddie calls softly.

“Stop,” musters from Steve. It’s tiny. Cracking in half. Brings tears to his eyes immediately.

Eddie furrows his eyebrows, though. “What?” He asks. “What am I doing?” There’s a thrum in his chest. Something unsettling and obtuse. It pulsates and shifts and bitters his throat the way acidic bile does.

With force Eddie’s only seen in the Upside Down, Steve latches onto Eddie’s wrist. Tight enough that Eddie has to bite back a yelp of pure and unadulterated pain. Nearly enough to break the bone that Steve’s thumb digs into. He shoves Eddie away with just his grip. Scrambles to the far corner of the couch, legs tucked in close to his chest, knees colliding with his chin. He wraps his arms around himself.

And then, the softest noise breaks through between them. It’s quiet, yet somehow louder than the tape playing. It works its way under Eddie’s skin. Into his stomach, through his throat, and into his brain. Steve’s gentle, manufactured cries. Stifled behind his lips. In real time, Eddie watches him shatter. The way his eyes gloss over, his cheeks going splotchy with the sounds, his shoulders shake.

“Woah, hey,” Eddie whispers, reaching out again. He wants to ground him. Wants to comfort the way he knows how. How he soothes Wayne’s panic episodes. And how he calms Dustin down from lashing out. Or when Robin talks herself in circles. Wants to just…be there. “Hey, Steve, are you—“

“Don’t touch me,” Steve bites out, “I don’t have anything—You—I don’t want to.”

Immediately, Eddie drops his hand to the now unoccupied middle cushion. The fabric meeting his palm. Going cold. Warm where Steve had just been relaxed. And Eddie—he may be a dastardly fool most days, dumb as rock the others, three time senior—knows exactly what he did, now that he’s focused on every small movement he makes. He’s perceptive to the way Steve is leaning as far away as possible. How crumpled he makes his body. Eddie notices how much space has been created and where his hands lie.

I’m so stupid, he thinks, that’s like rule one.

Don’t touch him without asking.

“Fuck,” Eddie softly curses. He pulls himself away. To his own corner of the sofa. And swallows the bit of panic that rises in him. His eyes drift away from Steve’s fearful face, to his own hands. Twitches them in his lap, against his knees. Wants to cut them off. Throw them into a blender. Feed them to the birds. Something. But he forces himself to look back up.

Steve trembles against the couch. In a way that is not the Steve Harrington that Eddie met when fighting other worldly creatures. That dismantles everything and anything he once knew.

“Shit. I—Steve, I’m so sorry,” he quickly apologizes. “I’m sorry. I know that you don’t like that unless people ask. And I just—I wasn’t thinking, I promise. It was just—You know, I’m touchy with all my friends and I was just going to see if you wanted me to make some dinner or order some food. I was just trying to get your attention, y’know, and I didn’t mean anything by it. I promise, I swear. I swear on my mom, Steve. I would never—“ He takes a deep, gasping breath. Coughing on the inhale. His hands shake, now. And he doesn’t think he’s ever seen fear paint itself so clear and bright on a person’s face, but he’s looking into it. Steve’s pallor and yet still red cheeks. And his all consuming, though far away eyes. His built body, yet childlike hold.

A part of Eddie wants to cry, too. I’ve fucked up, he panics internally, I’ve fucked everything up and now he’s not going to be my friend and he was such a good friend, too. Why did I have to do that? I just wanted to make sure he was fed, too. That’s it. He’s such a good friend and now I’ve fucked it and I just—I—

“You wanted to make me food?” Steve quietly croaks.

Eddie, in an instant, nods. “Yes!” He exclaims in his own panic. “Yes, I swear, Steve. I wasn’t thinking when I touched your thigh. And I—What do you want to eat, Stevie? Say the word, I’ll find a way to make it or…something.”

His hands twitch in his lap once more. Thumbs catching on the ripped holes of his jeans. The threads soft and wearing away under his skin. The scratchy, dry bit of skin that peers through. He doesn’t blink. Doesn’t think he breathes. Just makes eye contact with Steve. Which, surely, is overbearing and unnecessary and…I’m probably freaking him out more, calm down. He takes a deep breath, blows it away from him, and lowers his shoulders from where he didn’t know they were hiking.

“It was nothing more than to check-in. I promise,” he reiterates, murmuring.

Steve, finally, draws away from himself. With his own breath. He unravels his legs, stretching them out to their full length onto the middle cushion. Arms going limp at his sides. Hands resting against his thighs. His eyes dart—left and right and left and right—between Eddie’s. Nods once. “Okay,” he meekly musters. “Okay, Eds. Can…We can order pizza. There should be a menu on the kitchen counter. I’ll—“

Eddie stands from his own cushion before Steve gets the chance to. “Nope, don’t worry about it. Just try and relax, yeah? I’ll go put in an order, pay for it. You…Pepperoni pizza?” Steve just nods, tentative and surprised. “Cool,” Eddie states, “I’ll be right back.”

The phone call goes by quick and he easily sets the money out for when the driver gets there. But he’s not entirely sure his presence is going to be a warm welcome in the living room again. He gets a glass of water anyway because, surely, Steve will tell him to go if he isn’t wanted.

Steve’s in the same position as when Eddie left. Though, his gaze isn’t entirely there. Somewhere beyond Eddie’s shoulder. But there’s a gleam, a little shine that tells him that Steve isn’t gone from himself, not yet at least. He sits back down in his own cushion. Glass on the coffee table. And turns, keeping himself tight to his own body.

“Hey, Steve?” He calls out, watching as Steve blinks sluggishly back into his body. “I—uh—I got you some water, if you want it. Drinking water usually helps me feel better after…After a down moment, y’know?”

Next to him, Steve hums. He sighs. “Can I trust you with something?” He asks, forgoing the water entirely.

Eddie nods in haste. “Of course, Steve. If you have something you have to tell me, I can keep things to myself,” he states. Which is one hundred percent true. He may be a loud guy, screaming and yelling when need be. May be somebody that fills a room with noise, if only so he doesn’t succumb to the silence. But he knows how to keep a secret. It’s sort of a survival tactic, is what he’d say if somebody asked him about it. He’s kept secrets about his parents, things behind lock and key in his ribcage. Granted, he may forget, but he won’t say a damn thing. And he surely won’t spill Steve’s beans, especially with the way he looks to him in open earnest.

“Okay,” Steve responds. His legs fall away from the couch and he rights himself into being completely upright. Ramrod straight. On the far right cushion. Mirroring Eddie’s tight pose. Feet flat to the floor. His eyes trace something on the coffee table, cracks probably, but Eddie can’t exactly tell. “Okay. I…You’re going to be the second person I’ve ever told this to, alright? And I—I figured that it would come out sooner or later, but you’re gonna need an explanation for whatever the fuck just happened. And I don’t know how else to talk about it without just going all-in. So…I just need you to listen. Can you do that?”

“Yeah,” Eddie murmurs, “you have the floor, Stevie. My mouth is shut.”

Steve nods slow, a ghost of a smile on his face. Breathes in through his nose, it traps in his chest and comes out as one gentle gust. He swallows heavily, words seemingly rising in his throat. And that smile falls away just as it sprung.

“In middle school, before I was popular and whatever, I had a group of friends that I ran with. We were all nerds, I won’t deny that. And—And I would involve myself with some of their interests, if only because I wanted to fit in,” Steve explains first. His eyes roam again. Not picking a spot, but Eddie won’t fault him for it. He continues, voice fracturing, “One of the guys I was closer to, we’ll call him R, he was interested in this club. It was kind of like a tech club? Focused on radios and channels and math and…Things that I was actually kind of good with, but needed a better understanding on. So, I figured, I’d sign up for this club. Go with my…friend.”

Before he goes on to say more, he leans over for the glass of water on the table. Holds it gently between his hands. Doesn’t take any sips. The condensation droplets roll down his fingers. Cold most likely keeping him grounded to the room.

Eddie can already tell he’s not going to like wherever this part of Steve’s past leads him. How Steve has to take breaks, it upsets Eddie greatly. He’s not sure he’s entirely prepared for whatever confession comes from Steve this time, but he’ll digest it. Get through this with the guy and figure out all he needs to.

Another steadying breath. And Steve’s voice is like gravel, but he keeps talking.

“It was a weekly thing. And we’d go in. Be taught about gadgets and whats-its and whatnot. R was there, though. He was always there. We’d talk, laugh, shoot the shit. Normal friend bullshit.

“One day, though. One day, something was…different. He looked at me. There was a sense of hunger. Want. A drive to him that I’d never seen before. He’d lean more into my space, drop his voice lower, whisper right into my ear.” Steve blinks in rapid succession. His breath keeps stuttering. And something in Eddie’s stomach sours. He goes, though. Pushing through. “I told him to stop. To knock it off. Kept telling him that I was trying to learn. That I wanted to focus. And he just…He wouldn’t,” he explains.

Eddie spikes with great unease and anger. Never at Steve. But whoever this so called ‘friend’ is, Eddie wants to maybe kill him. He keeps quiet, though. Steve wanted to share and he needs this out. And Eddie can listen. He can, even if it makes him want to cry, too.

“I thought that’s all it would be,” Steve speaks quietly, “Just him talking to me in this new tone. With this new level to his voice. But…I’m kind of stupid, I guess, so of course that’s not all he’d do. The next week at our club meeting, he got closer than before. He began to…” Steve stops and swallows. A single, silent tear crawls down his face. It doesn’t even phase him, the way crying usually does. It’s just background at this point. “…He began to—to touch me in ways I’d never been. And I—I told him to stop, I remember doing that. I remember putting distance between us. And saying no and saying stop and shoving his hands off me. But he just—“ A broken little sob. “—He was supposed to be my friend,” he states, small as a child.

The sobs rack Steve in such a way that his whole body is jolting with it. Nearly toppling off the couch. He chugs the water between cries, but doesn’t move from his spot. Tight and closed off within his own body.

“I wanted him to just be my friend,” Steve continues a moment later, nasally and choked. “But he didn’t want that. He kept overpowering every single decision I made. His breath on my earlobe. And his hands on my thigh, on my…He fucking touched my crotch. Tried to coerce me into having sex,” he spits. “That guy…He made me feel fucking disgusting. About my own body. About things I loved. About sex,” Steve growls, “Made me sort of dislike all those things, too.”

Eddie, for how loud he can be, is completely silent for once. Unable to form words. Not sure how to comfort. And if he could comfort, isn’t sure if that’s something he can do the way he wants to. He can’t touch. Can’t do what he’d normally do. And his body aches to take care of Steve or to simply hold him. To be…well, to be a friend. But that’s not something Steve can exactly trust.

He feels sick to his stomach.

The last bit of water is sipped at slowly, as Steve comes down. Then, he turns to face Eddie. Making direct and purposeful eye contact. “It’s not your fault, that I reacted like I did,” he states lowly. “And it’s not your fault that I close up when you want to talk about sex. Or you wanna talk about all that intimate shit. It’s something with me. Like something’s broken. It’s like a deep crack in me, Eddie.

“And I just wanted to clear up all that. Explain what I can, I guess.” He snakes out a tentative hand. It’s shaking and hesitant, but it still lands softly on the back of Eddie’s right. Squeezes. “But thank you for taking notice. And being concerned. And for apologizing. I feel safe with you, Eddie. I trust you a lot. Which is like—That’s probably highest honors you could earn with me.” And he chuckles slightly. It’s not a humorous thing, but it’s not exactly humorless either.

Eddie lets himself soak in this, though. Smiling warmly back at Steve. Because he needs it. They both need it. He murmurs, “Thank you for trusting me with that, Steve. That wasn’t easy and I’m proud of you for speaking up about it. I’m glad to be somebody you can trust.”

With another exhale, Steve relaxes back into the couch. His hand doesn’t move from Eddie’s. “I also want to say that you’re allowed to talk about your relationships with dudes,” he states quietly. “Seriously, I don’t mind. But just…Just check in with me? Before you do?”

“Of course,” he agrees instantly. “I’ll keep that in my noggin, promise, Stevie.”

Ghost of a smile on Steve’s face again. “Thanks,” he whispers.

A lull floats in the conversation. Steve removes his hand, watching as his fingers twitch, and there’s a little uptick to the corners of his mouth. Something pleased and almost…reverent at the way he looks at his hand.

Before Eddie can get up to change out the movie, he heaves a little sigh. And says, “Y’know, if you ever need any sort of physical comfort, need to talk about this, or you just need somebody to tell you that you’re okay, you can lean on me. Don’t even need to ask, really. I’m all arms.”

“I’ll think about it, Eds. This has been enough for me."

——— Steve comes out to him at the same diner Eddie did only a few years later.

It’s 1990, Eddie’s twenty-four and Steve’s freshly twenty-three. He has a certain spark to him. A sparkle to his smile and a pep in his step. And Eddie’s happy to see him happy.

Happy to eventually call their relationship romantic. Happy to share spots on the couch, curled around each other. Happy to kiss him slow and sweet or not at all, just able to gaze over coffee mugs and across the room and when Steve thinks he can’t be seen.

Eddie’s just happy to be allowed this love that fills his chest and in the colder, vacant spots of their lives.

But he realizes he still hasn’t heard everything about Steve. He gives it time, though. Because the second most important thing to Steve—first just being there for him—is patience.

The next of their chats happens when things get heated on the couch.

Soft kisses turn hungry, carnivorous. Hands wander over heated skin. Steve’s fingers against the hem of Eddie’s t-shirt. But his hands shake. And Eddie places his own hands off to the sides of the couch, pulling himself away before things can get any farther than they already are.

“Hey,” he softly speaks, “Steve, we don’t—I’m okay with just kissing right now. We don’t have to do anything you’re not ready for.”

Steve stops next to him. Tensing up only slightly. “Are you—You’re sure about that?” His voice is so tiny, so unlike him. And though Eddie’s heard this tone before, it still breaks him.

He says easily, “I don’t want you to be scared of our first time, baby. It’s okay if we need to take things slow.”

He watches as Steve heavily swallows. “And if I asked if we never had sex?”

Eddie eyes him for a moment. Not wearily. With something like subtle pride. “Is that what you want?” He asks in turn. “Would that make you more comfortable?”

Subtly, Steve nods. “I—“ He sighs sadly. “I’ve been thinking about how to talk to you about it. With girls, I never even liked it. I just did it because it…There was something to say about a guy who could have sex with anybody he wants. But I also…I don’t know.” He shrugs as if trying to dismiss it, but Eddie doesn’t like that.

He sets a hesitant, soft hand on Steve’s shoulder. Squeezes when he doesn’t move away. “If you never want to have sex again, I’d be okay with that. I’d be more than okay with that,” he states assuringly. “You being happy and comfortable is what matters most to me. Not sex. I don’t give a shit about sex, not when I get to see you every day, smile on your face, and your eyes shiny and beautiful.”

Steve gives another small sigh, but the smile he has doesn’t waver. “Okay. I—Eddie, I don’t think I want to have sex,” he admits quietly. It shakes from his throat, but it’s still confident the way it lands between them. “It just doesn’t feel good to me. And I—I don’t want to force myself to do it. And it wouldn’t be fair to you, either.”

Another affirmative squeeze to Steve’s shoulder. “Alright, baby. Then we don’t have sex,” he agrees softly. “And if you ever change your mind—not that I’m forcing you to—then I’m okay with what you want.” He scoots himself closer so that their bodies are one single line, warm against each other. Reiterating, “Your happiness and comfort matter the most to me.”

With both of his hands, Steve wraps Eddie’s free one. Traces the veins on the back of his hand. Toys with his fingers. “We can still kiss, though,” he states quietly. “Maybe I want a kiss.”

“Yeah, baby?”

“Mhm,” Steve hums. So, he closes the gap. A wet peck to Eddie’s lips. Soft and venturing. One that last only a few seconds. He draws back with the softest smile adorned on his features. Murmurs, “Thank you for hearing me out on this. And for understanding. And for accepting this.”

“I love you, Steve. Just for you. Not the sex or touch. We could never do anything except sit next to each other and talk, and I’d still love you,” Eddie swears.

Steve sniffs something wet. Shoves himself a little closer, cuddling into Eddie’s chest. To which Eddie wraps his arms around his back in response. And he sighs, but it’s a sound of long awaited relief. “I love you, too, Eddie. God, I love you.”

The conversations are tough and they are stomach turning, but after it all, Eddie gets to have Steve. How he is. How he wants to be. And that’s all Eddie could hope for.

He kisses the top of Steve’s head and relaxes back into the couch. “I’m proud of you, Steve,” he murmurs, “Thank you for trusting me.”

“Thank you for being patient. Being here.”

Eddie squeezes them together even tighter. Warm in his chest at the content noise that draws itself from Steve. This could be all that they do forever and Eddie would never ask for more.

🩵—————🩵

#stranger things #steddie #steve harrington #eddie munson #angst and hurt/comfort #cw referenced rape/non-con #read the content warnings #asexual steve harrington

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tianshiisdead · 2 months

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im happy my post is garnering discussion but honestly i wasnt around for 2018-2021 fandom on tumblr and i was mainly talking about how its kind of silly to get mad at people for portraying colonizer countries as mean, or calling it demonization and stuff. like its okay not to like personally portraying ur fav characters as mean or part of the state, but getting irritated at the fact that it exists or is popular imo kind of misses the fact that this… is the state and nation personification fandom. and its hard to say its not canon when canon did once portray the characters in uniform and at times involved in their state activities… like the early strips discussing western imperialism in china is literally ‘china being bullied by the allies’ ‘france wanting to grope china’ ‘china being treated like a maid’ etc etc like they were very much. the state LOL also china and japan’s canon relationship, as much as I have my issues with it, has an entire thing about china being stabbed by japan… i do feel like hetalia started out as a history nerd’s history exploration that blended humour with ‘what i find cute’ with satire etc etc, which inevitably involves illustrating the personifications as vessels of state and culture, and although the modern strips have deviated quite a bit… well, different people will approach this series for different reasons, right? Whether its serious or comedic content showing the characters as mean or imperialist or unpleasant, it’s not something that deviates too far from canon (if we take all canon eras into consideration) nor is it surprising given how history laden the topic is.

#diary #hetalia #hater tag #also have some issues with some things being called drama…#like i know some of u think of me and some others as drama stirring little devils #honestly i dont enjoy drama that much but ill become upset when i see things that i see as racist or insensitive…#because im of the opinion that this fandom requires extra sensitivity given the subject matter.#let people have fun #but #also be careful yk? i guess for me personally im always trying to be careful #when im out of my depth i try to talk to ppl with better understanding while doing my own research #and if ive written or expressed antyhing bad (which i certainly have even on this blog many times before)#i try to change my stances with new info… and like #this is important to me and its important for me to read ppls thoughts bc.#i know what its like to be treated racistly and dismissed. or to have things and history precious to me twisted #but anyways rambling aside… i guess what i want to say is i understand it seems annoying but #if you post something insensitive… and someone gets upset… then thats just how it is. hetalia is sensitive #again ive definitely posted bad insensitive things. ive been told im acting out of line.#and it sucks. but… sometimes you have to understand ur own irritation doesnt outweigh the hurt #and listen a little #sometimes i like things that i then find are insensitive or cruel. and id rather not engage with it than dismiss peoples hurt… or something #honestly i keep most of my whining private i promise JLKFHDJGLKFH BC FOR THE MOST PART I THINK I CAN TELL THE DIFF BETWEEN #when i have a real issue and when im just nitpicking #so i keep my more petty whining or basic stuff private #but if i see something egregious then i dont want to be quiet #and if a friend of mine (esp if theyre a kid) is upset or hurt by racism I dont want to be quiet

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spotsupstuff · 11 months

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i sense how on the contrary, when moon is in Zeph’s local group the members will all go ‘omg youre actually letting us do this’ or be surprised of her leniency with almost anything(or if she gets upset she wont be yelling her ass off and will try to remain calm), because of how Zeph would usually be so strict with em and they didnt expect better

see- first you gotta understand that the chancla doesn't really Hurt the iterators. while they definitely can feel through their puppets, those things are made to be sturdy (throw a normal or singularity bomb into Pebs' chamber,he's fine, i know he just doesn't have health but worldbuilding is worldbuilding so i guess a fully functional iterator is fine with blackhole into the head). it maybe stings for a sec but it's not worse than gettin pinched (also where did you get that she yells at em, she's only exclaimed so far i think. if you check how she handled Innocence, that's how she generally goes about it- no yellin for the sake of puttin 'em in place, she's just venting out her frustrations into the air)

the Point of the chancla is to get the target's unwavering attention so she can talk some sense into them WITHOUT using the senior privilege which is far more invading since it cuts straight through their systems and forces the juniors to stop everything to pay attention. these things are giant supercomputers! they are going to have a different perspective on what counts as "too much"/"too bad" than us humans! it isn't used to limit what they are doing unless the thing they are gon do is explicitly threatening to their safety, the limiting is what the Senior Privilege does!

in that lil comic with Pebs, Suns, Nish, Inn and her, she doesn't actually even hit Nish in the last panel, the chancla is only supposed to suddenly appear from behind next to his face n he gets startled + drama queen points. i've admitted in the tags of it that i gave up on the last page so i don't blame anyone for not gettin that since i haven't put enough effort into communicating it

with what she's doin back in her own group, she Needs to be this strict if she wants her plan of keeping everyone reliably long-term safe to work

and her groupmates would undeniably miss her. they love her! they don't want some lenient stranger without constant spice to her instead of their ramshackle beloved Azzie!!!!

#Spot says stuff #rw #oc tag #remember!!!!! important point to her character that also bothered me at some point with how similar it makes her to Moon was that shes Kind #Zeph is kind almost as much as Moon but their situations- concerning all their past present and future- are strikingly different and so #their lives require them to have different approach to things. what Zeph is specifically doin different from Moon is that shes Firmer #strictness isnt wrong!!! if you arent strict on either yourself or the people around you then it is easy to breach boundaries n do-#-Terrible things. its. honestly why i got real sad when a peep asked me to tag that one post as abuse. its not that believe me Zeph would-#-Never abuse another iterator. shes specifically trying to get around that while still keepin them sensible. but ofc ill tag it as such 4 u #look where Moon's leniency got her! dead and hurt and everyone who loved her suffering! there are times when you Need to be firm and cut-#-a bad situation at its bud before it can spiral into something absolutely damning #i didnt include it cuz it isnt Funney™ but after each chancla she talks to the target about why what they did was wrong #Suns you cant send that. it can hurt him very badly. Innocence you need to respect other people. Pebbles this will Hurt me if u keep doing-#-what you are doing right now. it could *kill* me. why are you doing this in the first place? do you need to talk? need me to listen?#being strict and being cruel or dictatorial are different things

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sickmachete · 11 months

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below the cut is info on my new tagging system [it's a bit long, so beware]

MAIN TAGS #my art ↪ tag for any art i post that's my own #artists ↪ tag for other peoples' hannibal fanart #a.misc ↪ tag for unrelated art #txt ↪ tag for all of my own text posts #q ↪ tag for when ive queue'd posts #asks ↪ tag for asks [i will also add a tag with either your name or a specific emoji for you] #saved ↪ tag for the stuff i really like and wanna go back to :-) #nbc.h ↪ tag for hannibal posts that feature content from the actual show [ie: screenshots, gifsets, or videos] #h.bts ↪ tag for photos/videos of behind the scenes content #h.misc ↪ tag for other peoples' text posts about the show [ie: shitposts, character metas, etc] #f.c ↪ tag for frederick chilton bc i love him #w.g ↪ tag for will graham #h.l ↪ tag for hannibal lecter #h.d ↪ tag for hugh dancy [ie: behind the scenes or stuff unrelated to hannibal] #m.m ↪ tag for mads mikkelsen [ie: behind the scenes or stuff unrelated to hannibal] #misc ↪ tag for random stuff i like and wanted to reblog #blood ↪ tag for blood bc i love blood #video ↪ tag for hannibal video edits/amvs etc #video.misc ↪ tag for video edits/amvs about other shows/movies #gif ↪ tag for gifs of nbc hannibal because theyre great references for my art <3 #ref ↪ tag for pictures/gifs i really like and want saved for potential art refs #merlin ↪ tag for any merlin content #merlin spoilers ↪ tag for anything big plot wise just in case people havent seen merlin [ie: character deaths etc] #firefly ↪ tag for any firefly [the tv show] content #tv time ↪ tag for when i liveblog movies and tv shows [though ill also tag the actual movie/show too]

now. why do i have a frederick chilton tag in the main tags section you ask? well, i was going to only have tags for hannibal and will because theyre the mains and i cba to always tag everybody atm. however. chilton is my favorite failwife so i had to include one for my own personal use ASJDHFGH

if i do tag a character though itll follow the same format of first initial of first name dot first initial of last name, ie: CHARACTER / ACTOR TAGS #w.g.dogs ↪ will graham's dogs #w.g ↪ will graham #h.l ↪ hannibal lecter #h.d ↪ hugh dancy #m.m ↪ mads mikkelsen #f.c ↪ frederick chilton #f.l ↪ freddie lounds #j.c ↪ jack crawford #b.c ↪ bella crawford #a.b ↪ alana bloom #a.h ↪ abigail hobbs #b.k ↪ beverly katz #g.m ↪ georgia madchen #b.d.m ↪ bedelia du maurier #mt.v ↪ margot verger #mn.v ↪ mason verger #f.d ↪ francis dolarhyde #r.mc ↪ reba mcclane #r.stag ↪ ravenstag

feel free to send me an ask if you need me to tag anything specific !!

#idm if you guys ignore this post lol #i meant to post it before people followed so it wouldnt be annoying on the dash but SJDFHG #i forgor..#anyways i might edit this as i think of new stuff or if i forgot to add anything but yeee thisll be the new tagging system #ill still also use generic tags like #snow #etc but those arent rlly important for anyone except me bc i just. like snow SJDHFG #txt #tagging system #pinned #<- it wont be pinned but thats my Blog Posts tag so i can find stuff easy #also ive shortened so many words for the very complicated reason of. im lazy #hope u understand <3

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rat-rosemary · 7 months

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Tbh dre made tweets before the long one like the very passive aggressive "great minds think alike or something" and saying he was going to fight q (inb4 "IT WAS A JOKE" if q not saying shit was enabling drama I think that also counts as enabling drama lmao)

The thing is, those tweets were so clearly Dream trying his best to dismiss the hate and trying to make both his fans and Quackity fans calm down, specially since the norm with dtkq at the time were light hearted jabs like that

(Actually, honestly considering all that happen I think Dream was taking it very well? I mean, yeah it would of course have been better if they had talked it out and figured out how to do these two servers that were similar without stepping on each other toes, but if there were people showing up at mine and my friends house and a person who I thought was my friend suddenly started ignoring me I would react much much worse then just making some light hearted jabs at them on twt)

Edit: wait actually what does "inb4" mean

#discourse #if the jabs were dre stirring up drama wouldn't the situation have blown up way before he made the post about him/his family being stalked?#also I wouldn't call Q's silence as stirring up drama #did it make his fans feel like they had a pass since he wasn't condemning their actions? yeah #but after we found out that Dre was in legit danger it stopped feeling like drama to me and got worse #like idk how to describe it but I feel what Q did (or in this case. didnt do) its worse then drama #idk idk #maybe thats why I get so annoyed at how other CCs talk about it because they think its just drama over the server and forget the important #like dre got CONTACTED BY THE FBI. there were people SHOWING UP AT HIS HOUSE AND PUTTING TRACKERS ON HIS PARENTS CAR #i really wasn't planning on talking about this again i just got sad about missing Q yesterday and started thinking about it again #bleh >:'P #quackity neg #quackity situation #controversy #the voices #.... can i make a post about how I feel this type of behavior is dangerous to Q's own fandom?#i dont think I have space in the tags for it....#idk if you guys even want to hear me #but idk its a think you need to communicate with him about because it clearly could become a huge problem in the future #(and has from what i saw in that one racism situation)#actually anon if you think what dre did was bad then whats your opinion on T0mmy's video??#'cause he did much much worse with way less tact #from the pit in the backyard

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chandralia · 2 years

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hello i just made this account bc i wanted to tell u that ur blog has been like one of the only things keeping me sane through this. i had a mental breakdown and like 3 differnet panic attacks over this and then cried for 2 days straight 😭i am hyperfixated on him nd them and the series so. i am destroye.d and usually i hate social media bc the people on there are scary or gross and im vry sensitive boowomp. BUT i saw ur blog and i was like "they just like me fr" and it made me feel sm better ty

I keep typing and deleting because I’m,,,!!?!??? 💓 I don’t think I have the proper words other than I’m so so sorry this has been incredibly stressful for you, and for so many. And that I’m genuinely surprised my own breakdowns about these fictional characters has brought comfort to other people dhdjshsjhd

I just want to try and reassure that no matter what happens to him, his story’s not done!! and that I really hope you’re feeling better !! Thank you for your kind words !!! 😖💓

#I think you might also be the one who sent the anonymous submission too?#I’ve never received a submission before so forgive me for not posting it yet but I’ve read over it too many times to count now #and yeah I might have cried but WE’RE ALL CRYING HERE IT’S OKAY I PROMISE 💓#fictional characters or not… at the end of the day it’s something important to us #doesn’t matter if it’s a show/movie/book/band/ship/ect… anyone would be sad if something they cared about was taken from them you know?#(especially things that people tend to unfairly deem frivolous)#even if he’ll be okay the ‘what if’ is enough to have people worried about what comes next #it’s that empty feeling of ‘now what…?’#which can be amplified by those with hyperfixations #regardless.. we’re gonna be okay !!#I wrote wayyy too much in the tags but—!!#thank you sm again !! 🥺#please keep taking care of yourself !! this goes for people reading too!#:’)

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zombie-boys · 2 years

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okay um we're just a few days away from st4 and golly i just want to talk about will and what i hope he'll get this season...! sorry if i ramble.

the main thing is that i want him to get closure about the party's dissipation, especially his estrangement from mike. as somebody who's personally been through in-fighting in a friend group and its subsequent break-up as well as losing a close friend within it i know that that really, really hurts.

i think the main thing to understand with mike and will's relationship is that they're both very misunderstood; they're kind of shut off from the world when in distress, which makes it all the more special that they can understand each other. as of st1, mike and will can understand each other like nobody else can.

starting in st1, however, mike now had el, who also understood him on a level most people don't. his circle of people who understand him is still small, of course, but now it's larger than will's, which is entirely one person.

in st2, will was in some of the worst pain and suffering that he had ever been in, which was only exacerbated by his intensified alienation from everyone, which pulled him farther and farther away from the help he so desperately needed. but there was mike, there to listen and understand. mike knew him well enough that he could tell what will was feeling without needing to be told, which is especially important considering how we know will frequently hid his pain from others so they wouldn't worry.

mike was the only friend who would ever really know the extent of will's pain. will needed mike. without mike, they was nobody to understand him. mike was will's only real connection to the rest of humanity.

i should note how i had a best friend like that in middle school - i've never been good at telling people i was upset, but she always knew without my needing to tell her. we had this inseparable bond, and i felt like i needed her - as there was nobody else who understood me like her. we were in the same, much larger friend group for a while, and i wanted it to stay that way.

but unfortunately for both will and i, that wouldn't happen; for will, starting in st3, the party started drifting apart, and he lost touch with mike, while for me, my best friend left the friend group entirely long before it inevitably fizzled out. either way, it was incredibly painful - not only did we both lose our sense of belonging within the friend group, but also the one person we thought could understand us.

aside from the implications involving will's sexuality and his potential crush on mike, mike's interest in el meant that will had nobody left to really get him, especially now that his brother and mother (who had at least mostly understood him before) were at home with him less and less. losing mike was devastating. i should know.

but now with the byers moving away, mike is forced to lose both of the two people who understand him, el in addition to will. and while he loves el and misses her, he's always going to miss will more (even if just slightly more) just because their bond was deeper. their connection was stronger, built up over time, so it was so much more painful to break.

of course will misses mike just as much... not only had his friend abandoned him emotionally, but now he was also physically separated from him. will is now mentally stranded in the middle of sunny california, his only connection to the outside world miles and miles away...

i want will to grieve this season. i want will to grieve over dead friendships and his dead party and the best friend he lost. i want will to think that there's nobody out there to help him anymore, and i want that to break him.

but i also want will to realize that el can also understand... as mike had said in st2...

but instead of her reaching out to him, i want him to reach out to her. yes, she'd better read his pain off of him than anyone else, but i want him to tell her about all of the pain instead. we know will's going to protect el from being hurt again, and that's probably because he sees himself in her. i want him to make the connection that he isn't alone. that there are other people who have gone through and are currently going through the kind of stuff he's been through himself.

i don't want will to "grow up" or "move on". i want will to connect back to humanity with el's help. i want them to learn to be kids together. they both have lost so much, but they can find it again together. i want both of them to find out that they're not alone. the thing about siblings, especially twins, is that the love is almost always unconditional. they'll always be there for each other.

i guess i just want will to know that there are other people out there. i want him to be friends with mike again, to be best friends with him again, i do - but i also want will to be able to make more friends outside of the only three he has had for his entire life. the same way that dustin made friends with steve and robin and erica as well as being friends with the party, i want will to make the most of this new beginning and take it to remake his childhood. make new friends. find the self he had lost in the upside down.

i want the best for will.

#stranger things #st4 #will byers #mike wheeler #el hopper #will's christmas lights #wise words from will #(tagging as both as it's kind of between speculation and casual talk)#there is a bit of projecting here but i do genuinely believe that a major source of pain in his fight with mike was a loss of understanding #a loss of the one person who understood #several times i have latched onto people who could read me like a book before they ended up separated from me #and it's really painful #and i have yet to truly internalize that there are more people out there who can understand me if i give them the chance #but it's really important to learn #there was that post somebody had of the juxtaposition between will closing himself off to most people #and also opening himself up to people like mike #it's desperately wanting to be understood but only thinking that some people could ever understand #which just sets you up for heartbreak #because those people won't be in your life forever #and then you'll feel completely alone #when they leave #so that's why it's important to give other people a chance #and that's why it's important for will to give other people a chance #i suppose this whole thing is where i diverge from typical byler trains of thought #i want will to miss mike. but i want him to meet new people #i want them to be best friends #but only after they've discovered themselves a bit more #so i don't want byler immediately. i don't think they're ready yet #same goes for mileven. el's in the same boat as will here #which is why willel is going to be so special. that's what i'm most excited for this season

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