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lostfracturess · 1 month

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nici i’ll have u know i just took two shots of tequila in preparation for this chapter 🤣🤣 and it’s close to 1pm on a tuesday

ALSO I CANT BELIEVE S&C IS OVER 100k NOW THANK U FOR THE NEVER ENDING FEAST QUEEN

“how can u stay so calm?” “drugs, sweetheart. it’s the drugs.”

i cackled so fkn hard 🤣

"Tell me," he whispered, his breath a warm caress against your ear. "Where would you want him to touch you?"

IM CHEWING MY MF KNUCKLES I NEED THIS MAN (or both men) IN MY BED IMMEDIATELY

Geto stripped the rain from his hair, then twisted the dark strands into a fresh bun. His eyes flickered between you and Satoru, a single raised eyebrow his only question. You wouldn't meet his gaze, the floor suddenly fascinating.

stoppppp okay first of all the writing is eating so hard idk how but w every chapter i just fall more n more in love w the way u write 😭 BUT ALSO DON’t GIMME THE IMAGE OF A RAIN SOAKED GETO or else something ELSE is gonna be soaked out here🧍🏻‍♀️

ok i have to stop quoting every other line lmaooo

"Just so we're clear," Satoru's voice suddenly cut through the quiet, "I don't share. Not you."

PLS I KNOW I SAID I WLD STOP QUOTING EVERY OTHER LINE BUT THIS WAS THE NEXT LINE AND IM SCREAMING this is not fun to read while i’m in my fertile window

sighhh the conversation ab the 37 y/o pt passing n how he’s just a statistic now 😭 so heartbreaking yet realistically put

im loving the daddy dom energy satoru is exuding in this chapter i just love when usually flirty/amused men lock tf in when things get serious lol it’s so hot. also so sweet how all he’s concerned ab is her reputation & career ahead

“A familiar ache rose in your chest. You longed to reach out, to bridge the chasm he insisted on maintaining. But his posture, rigid as stone, and his clenched jaw, sent a silent warning. This was his battle, one he'd fight in isolation—as always.”

ughh i feel like this perfectly sums up their dynamic. also if s&c was a paperback book this wld 100% be a quote that readers wld highlight on the page n crop to post on pinterest lmaooo it’s so good

“He was falling apart. But all you could do was watch.”

🥲 pls. stopp im so fragile rn.

NOOOOO NOT SUKUNA BOOO BOOOOOO 🍅 🍅 GIMME FIVE MINS IN A ROOM W HIM RN 💥👊🏼

i have sm anxiety over this ethics hearing my palms r actually sweaty. its like i’m THERE rn.

wait nici can u explain again sukuna’s want for revenge towards gojo n wanting to tear him/reader down 😭 was it like the jealousy that he wasn’t able to become a successful surgeon like gojo n had to settle on educational matters instead? :”) im dumb sry. ik he’s the root of gojo’s addiction but i think i might be missing something here lol. or do we not know yet

ok i still hate sukuna’s guts but there is partial truth to what hes saying🧍🏻‍♀️not saying reader isn’t brilliant n talented in her own right, but for sure, satoru’s attraction to her has given her opportunities that other qualified students were potentially robbed of (we live in a society lol). but idk how exactly she ranks among her peers, so maybe she rly was the best student for the job, but that’s all very subjective

"Because you would do the same," you finally managed, the words scraped raw from your throat. "You would stay. You wouldn't leave me."

ok “why do you even stay?” sent a chill down my spine but THISSS. im gaspeddd :””(( reader loves him sm and if her commitment to not letting him take all the blame isnt evident enough, her sticking w him thru his drug addiction is truly a type of devotion that comes from a purest point of love

“You—you make me feel things I've spent a lifetime avoiding, things I don't know how to handle. It scares the hell out of me."

ouchhhh 😭 ok but i feel him on this. that avoidant attachment be hittin againnn lmao me n him are so same

"You don't need to deserve me, Satoru. Love isn't about deserving. It's about choosing each other, again and again, no matter what. And I choose you.”

CRYINGG YES 😭😭😭💕💕💕 this healed a part of me ngl

"If you don't come down in the next few minutes, you're the one getting folded, first-year."

WHY IS HE ALL OF A SSUDEN MR FUNNY MAN NOW PLSSSKDJDJD their chemistry this chap is off the charts

FFFFFUCKKK MEEE JUNKYARD BOY CHOSO!!!!????? I BET HE SMELLS LIKE GREASE N SWEAT N SOMEONE I WANNA FUCK. omg he called me pretty company 🤭🤭 bye dr gojo im all about them blue collars im sorry 😔🤚🏼

"I love you, first-year. Damn it, I love you. I don't care how complicated this gets, I want you."

god pls 🧎🏻‍♀️ if i’ve done anything good in life, then just give me this man

OMGGG HES GONNA FUCK US OVER THE HOOD OF A CAR ?!??!!?

"You give in too easily." A teasing smile played on his lips. "You don't really want me to fuck you on this hood, right?"

😐😐 this isn’t funny. im not laughing rn. i will not stand this sort of edging. gimme dick NOW

omg🧍🏻‍♀️ive no words to say about that smut. delicious, devious, dampening. he is my every fantasy and i desire him. i desire him so deeply

aaa he hurt her in his sleeeeppp 😭😭 for a man that cares so deeply like him that mustve really fucked w him. also this is so random and must be my daddy issues speaking lmao but satoru (minus his addiction) wld be such a good family man🧍🏻‍♀️the way he loves is sooo providing and stubborn to a fault but almost in a way that’s kind of grounding lol bc i feel like he’s almost always, at the end of the day, right about everything? haha i cld be proven so wrong ab this but i just had to share the thought

mannn im on the second court hearing n im just SO damn curious what is going thru satoru’s head rn 😭 it seems like something switched in there somehow, his demeanor is so different

him actinf so calm rn is scarinf the shit ourta me im ngl🧍🏻‍♀️like bb ur scaring me. PKS IN SO SCARED WHY IS HE SUDDNELY TELLINF US HE LOVES US

ah. and there it is. satoru’s impending fall from grace. i saw it coming from a mile away and that he wld do something like this, but fuck. the way it was written. i thought it would be something that came a place of more heightened emotions from him, something desperate to protect (kinda like in the first hearing). but THIS….so calm, collected, so sure of his love for reading that he’s willing to let go of almost everything that has given him purpose in life up until this point. it aches.

:( im heartbroken rn. amazing chapter 😭💕 thank u sm for writinf it, oh my gosh, jusf amazing

i need more tequila

giiirl!!! not the tequila ahhhhh 😭😭 that brings back bad memories omg.

& yes the story is over 100k already and still no end in sight. i never thought i would write so much lol. but also i'm already so sad when the story will eventually someday end. like i never want to not write about my unhinged neurosurgeon gojo help.

stoppppp okay first of all the writing is eating so hard idk how but w every chapter i just fall more n more in love w the way u write

thank you so so much!! that's such a big compliment coming from a fellow author <3

BUT ALSO DON’t GIMME THE IMAGE OF A RAIN SOAKED GETO or else something ELSE is gonna be soaked out here🧍🏻‍♀️

GIRL 😂 I'M SORRY.

i have sm anxiety over this ethics hearing my palms r actually sweaty. its like i’m THERE rn.

so glad the angst transpires well in this chapter!!!

wait nici can u explain again sukuna’s want for revenge towards gojo n wanting to tear him/reader down

so first: sukuna is an asshole.

second: sukuna is an asshole.

third: SUKUNA IS AN ASSHOLE.

no seriously, how i portray him is like a very power driven man, that thrives on the misery of others. moreover satoru being his lifelong rival and sukuna finally getting a change to push him of his throne is just something he wouldn't let slip through his fingers. so it's really all about power and control on sukuna's side.

also satoru's states in that chapter that he did something stupid in his past that sukuna is still mad about. feel free to speculate, given satoru's past 😂

ok i still hate sukuna’s guts but there is partial truth to what hes saying

yes it is!! satoru really has just eyes for yn and is defensively letting other students down in the process. this just adds to the overall mess their relationship is.

ok “why do you even stay?” sent a chill down my spine but THISSS.

hmmmmmm ahhhhhhh SO HAPPY that these lines landed well <333 love them!! they are so messy and raw ahhhhh

WHY IS HE ALL OF A SSUDEN MR FUNNY MAN NOW PLSSSKDJDJD their chemistry this chap is off the charts

he had a little bit of drugs and was all happy again lol.

FFFFFUCKKK MEEE JUNKYARD BOY CHOSO!!!!????? I BET HE SMELLS LIKE GREASE N SWEAT N SOMEONE I WANNA FUCK.

i was wondering, if i should just do a random character or one of the jjk cast and choso just came into mind at first. idk why but i think it fits ahaha.

omg🧍🏻‍♀️ive no words to say about that smut. delicious, devious, dampening. he is my every fantasy and i desire him. i desire him so deeply

here to serve!! so glad you liked the spicy scene. they are always a pain in the ass to write.

aaa he hurt her in his sleeeeppp 😭😭 for a man that cares so deeply like him that mustve really fucked w him.

YES!!! you're the first to comment on that!!! also thought that this is so so so SO BAD for him. like he would never (physically) hurt her and doing it unintentionally in his sleep??? EVEN WORSE. poor boy must have felt so miserable and angry at himself after.

the way he loves is sooo providing and stubborn to a fault but almost in a way that’s kind of grounding lol

honestly, love your observation about the potential family man side of satoru! his love IS fierce, demanding, and sometimes overbearing, but at its core, it's deeply protective, and i think you're spot on about that being grounding.

but THIS….so calm, collected, so sure of his love for reading that he’s willing to let go of almost everything that has given him purpose in life up until this point. it aches.

so happy satoru's fall from grace hit well!! wanted that choice of his to feel both shocking and inevitable. not a desperate outburst, but this chillingly calculated decision, born out of love. it just hurts so good!

thank you so so much for your lovely reactions to the chapter ellie, as always!! it means the world. also give me some of the tequila lol. sending you kisses and hugs ♡

#symptoms and causes #inbox

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fantastic-rambles · 3 years

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This whole ask is gonna be RLY random but i wanna let this out lol

Holy FUCK i would literally sell my soul for an Adam-centric movie. I heard someone say in a vid that they might as well have made the whole anime about him and it wouldve been just as(if not even more) entertaining, and bro SAME. And frankly the younger characters aren't remotely as fun to watch as the adults.

Also the young!🌹🌸 ship has so much angst potential, it's probably my fav Adam ship(im regularly entertaining the thought of adult!🌹🌸 being together in an alternate universe lol). Also a concept:🌹 going to 🍵s restaurant to drink wine with the bois and complain about his work and bitchy aunts(do u see how desperate i am for them to fix their relationship even tho it's pretty much impossible after all that's happened OTL)

One thing that sends me is how japanese fans(and the va's themselves) are so understanding of Adam's character and are able to fully enjoy the story. There's so much Adam content coming from them compared to the western fandom(which is understandable tho, considering how it's overflowed with whiny fancops).

And the last thing. I don't think ppl that think Tadashi has done nothing wrong truly understand how much he fucked up when they were young. Tadashi was literally the one and only person Adam was sure he could rely on and thought was never gonna betray him(im sure Adam loved 🌸🍵 but there was no transparency in their relationship compared to what he had w/ Tadashi). Tadashi not backing him up in that one moment is something far worse than Adam's dad burning his skateboard. He was literally the only person that truly knew Adam, and losing him left him completely alone, which what i believe actually triggered him into becoming desperate about finding his Eve(thus finding an equal AND someone who could potentially support him). Ofc that doesn't mean that the way he now treats Tadashi is ok.

Ok I'm done sry (￣▽￣)

No apologies! Always happy to find more non-Adam-haters!

100% agree. I would love more Adam content. Especially young Adam-Cherry-Joe. I would miss the Langa, but I wouldn’t mind not having everyone else. xD

My headcanons for them are different though. Although Loveblossom is my favorite Adam ship, I think that it’s an unrequited love from Cherry to Adam, because even when they were younger, Adam is too fucked up to have an actual relationship/understand love, and he wouldn’t consider it because his family wouldn’t approve of it. I also think that Cherry and Joe only ever saw Adam, but never Ainosuke: yes, he lets them see his face, but I don’t think he let them into that side of his life. And Ainosuke keeps everything he feels close to his chest to keep up his perfect image, so he wouldn’t vent it, even privately (other than maybe to Tadashi). But I also think he doesn’t mind his work and while he may not like his aunts, he does appreciate them, since they’ve warped his thinking. (I do want them to fix their relationship too, though. And Adam just showing up at Joe’s restaurant one day would be hilarious.)

Yeah. I wish I knew Japanese. DD:

And Tadashi definitely played a huge role in screwing up Adam. Yeah, it’s not entirely his fault/he also has some clear problems that contributed to it like his inferiority complex, but he really fucked things up. Absolutely agree with everything you said. I think that something happened when Adam was in America that caused him to start desperately looking for Eve, but Tadashi not standing up for him in the one moment that it mattered the most was probably the most painful/significant moment in Adam’s life and strongly shaped his character. Though it is possible that that moment was the trigger for his search for Eve, if it happened immediately prior to Adam going to America (which isn’t unlikely); I’m not sure exactly where it falls in the timeline.

Rather than the snake, I feel like Tadashi is more of a God (though he would never claim that title for himself, or even believe it): he brought Adam into the world of skating (the Garden of Eden) and is now trying to cast him out of it. And that hurts Adam so much, to be betrayed (repeatedly) by his best friend and teacher, someone he once respected. To have God turn his face from him and try to take away Paradise. >~~~<

So yeah, Tadashi is really multi-faceted and intriguing to me, since I think he was something like an Eve, but also a God, and now a Snake (though again, I think “God” is more appropriate than “Snake,” at least with what we’ve seen so far).

Something I’ve mentioned in other posts is that I believe Adam is still in a “state of innocence” and basically still a child inside due to all the abuse he suffered from his family stunting his emotional/mental growth. As Ainosuke, he doesn’t seem to have any personal initiative: he just obediently obeys his aunts and tries to please them by meeting their expectations. As Adam, he’s a lonely child who just wants to have fun doing what he loves and is trying to find a friend who shares his passion for skating. I believe that he has not yet developed a sense of morality, so he doesn’t realize that what he’s doing in both areas is wrong: he’s like a kid stomping on a line of ants. It’s wrong/harmful/spiteful, but he just doesn’t know any better.

#sk8 #sk8 the infinity #skate the infinity #sk8 adam #shindo ainosuke #ainosuke shindo #sk8 cherry blossom #sakurayashiki kaoru #kaoru sakurayashiki #sk8 joe #nanjo kojiro #kojiro nanjo #sk8 snake #kikuchi tadashi #tadashi kikuchi #analysis #long post #mine

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almightanna · 5 years

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cisfemale — ever hear people say ANNABEL DE LA ROSA looks a lot like ADRIA ARJONA? I think SHE is about 30, so it doesn’t really work. The AUTHOR / BALLET INSTRUCTOR has lived in Livingstone for SIX MONTHS. They can be DILIGENT, but they can also be CYNICAL. I think ANNA might be A TIER 1 SHEPHERD. ( snot goblin. 20. est. she/they. )

i’m sry this took ... so long to put out ... ive been rly lazy these past few days but !! she is Here and she is Ready. i haven’t played her in a few months and last time she was a junior in high school so !! forgive me. but she’s a very old muse and has gone thru ... several fc changes. anyways !! please give this a LIKE if you’d like for me to slide into ur ims.

TW: POVERTY, DIVORCE SORT OF, CAR ACCIDENT, TRAUMATIC INJURIES, MENTIONS OF DEATH, GRIEF.

a e s t h e t i c s

falling feathers darkened at the tips, leather jackets and pinstripes, red trenchcoats and plaid skirts, worn ballet shoes covered in dust, smudged eyeliner and unruly hair, boxing gloves, ornate canes and pain medication, bandaged hands, classical music floating throughout an empty ballroom, bomber jackets and cropped tees, spilled ink and stained hands, glasses skewed, sneers and jabs, constant fighting, smog in a city, spotlights and encores, piles of books and a long line, backless dresses and sitting alone at a bar, wariness.

general info !!

full name: annabel maritza de la rosa

nickname(s): anna, annie (hates), anna banana (father, exclusively)

b.o.d. - october 31st. scorpio child.

label(s): the catalyst, the charlatan, the crepehanger, the minefield

height: 5′7″

hometown: nyc, ny

sexuality: bisexual

stats

biography !!

born to two high schoolers who never married, mathías de la rosa and leonora nieves. they were head over heels for each other - when mathías graduated he took up two jobs alongside community college to support their family, until leonora graduated and took on the arts.

growing up was tough - living in the city wasn’t cheap, leonora’s art rarely sold and the two often went without eating in order to provide for annabel. as a child she’d often wear hand-me-downs from extended family.

was taught to be a hard worker and it was reflected in her schoolwork - anna excelled in all her classes but especially english. her love for writing grew at a young age, and as a child she saved up enough money to buy herself proper journals.

the only thing that she grew more passionate towards than writing was ballet - she caught the image of girls flying through the air and landing on their toes in the window of a dance studio on a walk home from school one day and that was it - something clicked inside of her.

that same day she would spend hours prancing about their tiny apartment, trying to mimic what she’d seen. it was easy to spot the passion anna had for the dance - and within a few months they had saved up enough money for a month’s worth of lessons.

anna was ecstatic - her slippers were old and found in the back of a thrift store by an odd miracle, but she put her all into the lessons regardless. she was quick to pick up on each move, and by the end of the month it was clear that anna had a natural talent.

leonora picked up a job in order for them to keep affording the lessons, month after month - they weighed down on their pockets, but it kept anna happy.

flash forward a few years - life was good. money was still a struggle but they were tight knit.

or rather, anna thought they were tight knit.

mathías and leonora split up when anna was twelve - an event that rocked the young girl’s world, something that she couldn’t understand. they had kept up a front of love when anna was home from school or ballet - but behind doors, they had been growing apart.

anna viewed their separation as leonora running off with another man - an art collector who had a fascination with leonora’s paintings. she viewed this as the end of the world. she viewed this as the death of love.

when anna was twelve, she swore she would never fall in love - refused to believe in its existence. she couldn’t wrap her mind around the simple separation.

her father got a third job in order to keep up with payments, and anna pushed herself in both ballet and school - not being able to handle an empty apartment. she decided to get a job - to help ease her father, but was too young.

so anna decided to do what any average 12 year old would do. she started scamming people.

she’d sell store-bought lemonade as if it were homemade, stole ceramics from art class and sold them to neighbors. she found an old girl scouts uniform in the back of a goodwill and for the next month, she sold knock-off girl scout cookies from the dollar store - going door to door.

her personality had changed drastically - anna went from a sweet, optimistic girl with warm brown eyes and an infectious laugh to cold, calculated, and downright cruel. she knew what she wanted and how to get it.

she got an invitation to a prestigious private school, full scholarship, before she hit high school - originally wanted to reject it as the thought of being surrounded by new york’s richest teens was appalling, but their ballet program was a one-way ticket into the american ballet theatre. anna ultimately accepted the scholarship.

high school was immediately hell for her - pretentious rich kids who all shared a collective brain cell and her secondhand uniform being a prime target for them.

ballet got extremely competitive - anna was a threat to every dancer in their program, bullying and sabotage became standard - but anna retaliated when possible.

this all, however, suddenly stopped when anna picked up her latest scam: faking psychic. through a small network of ‘bees’ she’d pay to gather information (gossip, rumors, etc. etc.) she was able to accurately ~see~ into students’ past, present, and potentially future affairs. the money was very worth it.

from that point forward, people were intimidated by her.

when anna was 16 she was handpicked to join the american ballet theatre’s studio company, alongside 11 other lucky individuals. her dream from that point forward was to become the youngest principal ballerina for abt - and she was going to start by winning over the role of clara in their production of the nutcracker.

she was 17 when she was chosen, much to the dismay of the other girls. she had momentarily quit her ‘psychic’ business in order to dedicate the entirety of her time towards rehearsals & practice.

the final week before her first performance as clara, anna got into a car accident heading home after another tiresome rehearsal. knocked unconscious, anna woke up three days later with no recollection of the accident - and her leg freshly operated on.

it was a devastating event that should had killed her - maybe she would had been better off if it had - but instead, it had effectively destroyed any chances of her dancing professionally.

it took two months of extensive physical therapy for anna to walk again - now relying heavily on a cane.

with ptsd and depression weighing heavily on her shoulders, anna turned back to writing - mostly as a coping mechanism, but it soon became the fierce passion it once was when she was younger.

for the remainder of her high school life, anna dedicated the majority of her time towards recovery, her writing, and directing her school’s theatre productions. oh - and claiming that almost dying had given her the gift of mediumship. it wasn’t too far off from her psychic claims - her peers believed it well enough to either stay away, or pay her for a small amount of comfort.

went to columbia after graduation on a full scholarship - it’s one of her few sources of pride - where she earned her dual degree in english & investigative journalism ( mostly because she didn’t know what she wanted to do )

wrote and published a book based heavily on her experiences as a scholarship student at a private school - YA fiction, essentially - mostly just to dip her toes in the water and become established as an author. surprisingly - the book was a hit, and has written three more in the form of a small series. she also wrote a small book on what it’s like being a ‘psychic medium’.

annabel only came to livingstone after the apner family had left her a hefty email - pleading with her to connect to their dead son. it was in livingstone that annabel heard of the watershed app - and it was from there that her interest was peaked. she immediately found herself involved as a tier 1 shepherd.

she’s partially there to take notes - to learn as much about the app as she can - and partially to strengthen and build her side-business, though she had thought she was retired. the con, however, is too great to resist. essentially - she wants to become a high enough tier to learn the dirt on everybody, and then use that for her psychic business.

decided to become a dance instructor due to her experience as a ballerina, but because she can’t really ... dance, has assistants that help her.

personality !!

lives in a semi-decent apartment downtown where the elevator would break every other week until she threatened her landlord and it was magically fixed permanently :^)

that being said - she’s not the friendliest person. knows what she wants and how to get it, and will not hesitate to use people or push them out of her way in order to achieve her goals.

her cutthroat nature was the reason for her success in academics and dance - her students are all terrified of her, and rightfully so. she teaches dancers between the ages of 16-24. while incredibly hard on them - she’d rip someone a new one if they tried to hurt any of her students.

horribly stubborn - if she’s got an idea of you already in her mind, then it’s hard to convince her otherwise.

still uses a cane - in fact, she can’t really walk without it - unless she wants to be in pain.

it’s sturdy, ornate, and pretty fucking solid. doubles as a weapon if need be - has definitely ... hit people with it before, though she’s calmed down now that she’s older.

used to be very angry, very defensive as a teenager and young adult - is still the same, just ... less intense. will not hesitate to speak her mind and let her opinions known - especially in the face of injustice.

doesn’t really have the best ... relationship with authority, mainly because of where she was raised and her con-artist businesses. tends to be snarky and sarcastic to anybody in charge - or really, anybody in general.

pretty distrusting, pretty emotionless on the outside, doesn’t like to be seen as weak or somebody to be pitied. keeps herself closely guarded and doesn’t really let others ‘inside’ due to her own comfort levels.

swore off love when she was 12 and during a fluke mid-twenties, wound up engaged. called off the engagement when she found her groom-to-be and her bridesmaid-slash-cousin together. very classic - very re-enforcing of a few of her greatest fears.

she’ll sleep around but dating is out of the question, for the most part - she’s been on a few blind dates, a few casual get-togethers - but she’s always the one to break things off. is more of a careful hook-up kind of gal.

still does her psychic medium business !! sometimes she wonders if she’s a bad person because of it - but ultimately, it’s on her customers for believing in all that nonsense anyway. anna herself is a skeptic - doesn’t believe in anything unless she can see it and feel it.

her apartment is still half-packed, half-unpacked, because she honestly cannot be bothered. got out the essentials and that was it. still has her ballet shoes, still has all of her awards for competitions she’s won - they’re just in a box tucked away somewhere labeled ‘do not open’.

is actually ... a pretty sentimental person, doesn’t take anything she’s got for granted, and is hugely appreciative of her father. sends him money when she can. hasn’t spoken to her mother in years - pretty sure she’s got a step / half-sibling or two but she’s never met them.

a lone wolf and likes it that way, but she isn’t super opposed to friendship - even if she won’t necessarily call anybody a friend. appreciates others who are similar to her - got their head on right, and knows what they want in life.

has a pretty bad fear of driving - will uber if she needs to go anywhere - even then, being in cars makes her pretty anxious. still has ptsd-induced panic attacks, though she’s managed them pretty well.

doesn’t really do drugs! will smoke weed to ease the ache and her nerves, but otherwise she only takes what is prescribed for her. doesn’t drink anything hard, either. big fan of beer and wine. probably gets wine drunk home alone late at night ... like ... two times a week.

goes between being high strung and uncaring - she’s not especially moody ( rather, is just consistently angry for whatever reasons ) but she definitely tries to bottle everything up.

probably keeps pepper spray on her at all times, even though she’s got her cane. has a gun in her apartment, cat ear brass knuckles on her keychain. she’s not paranoid, she just likes being prepared.

kind of wants to write a novel based off of watershed so! she takes a lot of notes - tends to be very observant.

has a soft spot for children, animals, and soft women. kind of person who will put herself in the line of danger in order to protect others - even if she doesn’t necessarily know them too well.

also the kind of person who’ll set something on fire - or do something because you’ve told her not to. incredibly spiteful when wronged. will raise hell if need be.

morally ambiguous tbh.

wanted connections !!

maybe ... a roommate? i imagine her living alone but i also like the idea of having roommate so :^)

she’s sort of new in town so ! acquaintances. people who’ve seen her in town and are curious. people who’ve seen her like ... kick someone’s tire in a small fit of rage or spend 20 minutes trying to coax a cat into coming near her so she could pet it.

fans of her books !!

someone from new york who recognizes her from whatever !! whether it’s from newspaper details of her incident, her legacy at her private school, someone who went to the same college as her, her legacy as a ballerina before her incident, etc. etc.

has taken up boxing recently - so somebody whose helping her at the gym?

someone who tried to like. help her cross the road or something because they saw her with her cane and she yelled at them so now they’re in this weird spot.

students !! if somebody does ballet - she might be teaching them.

alternately, one of her assistants !!

someone she’s soft for for whatever reason :/

hookups !! preferably mid-20s to like. late-30s. she’s not a cougar, i’m sorry :(

somebody who wants her to be a cougar. and she just has to keep rejecting them.

customers who come to her for psychic readings and like. comfort in the form of talking to the dead.

people skeptical of her !! maybe trying to ruin her in some way.

other shepherds. someone higher up that she’s trying to manipulate in some way for her own benefits.

a drunk one night stand that neither wants to talk about.

a pregnancy scare with another, separate one night stand! it turned out to be nothing, but there was some. weirdness. between them afterwards.

a blind date or two dnfjgkmh

someone she ghosted :/

someone she’s like, protected from a creep at a bar or a club ! and now they feel indebted towards her and she’s just like uuuh no. stop.

annoyances !!

like ... maybe a pal or two, or three. mainly just people she gets along with !!

on the other end - something where they just. despise each other for whatever reason. pure hatred.

hatred but make it sexy.

a dealer because even though she can get medical marijuana ... it’s good to have a lil extra on ya :)

people She’s suspicious of for whatever reason - someone she caught doing something. suspicious. untrustworthy.

someone where their mail keeps getting mixed up.

uuh really im down for anything !!

#livingintro #car accident tw #injury tw #death mention tw #grief tw #only implied but

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avianhaven · 7 years

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im gonna make a few more nitpicky krr posts just to get it all outta my system sry every1: post 1, abt uh imperialism ig this ended up being the topic

so krr is hm, overtly racist as if u couldnt tell that just from the overt imperialist overtones, what w the original artist being boring and making every1 rly pale and shit par that one manga easter island? character in the revealing outfit. also some weird episode involving india? that i dont think ive seen but just from the look of it seems.....bad. also minorly this keroland chara (tho i think most of those characters were made by kids so hm), also maybe that weird afro thing they do, etc.

but yeah anyway Especially the overt imperialist overtones, which like yeah just the concept i get and it’s a comedy i also get but still these things are just never addressed and it’s never rly the imperialism itself that’s played as a joke u kno? fucking rising sun flag in the first opening. and that one backstory ep when b4 first coming to earth, ep 260 maybe? it’s liget war propagonda, a parade televised b4 going off to invade and conquer like...hmm. also them getting info abt the planet theyre gonna conquer that’s mostly misinformed- >video games “they have combat training from such a young age? how barbaric” >them having gross misinformed opinions themselves, “i knew they were primitive but i didnt realize just how much so”, etc. it’s idk weird and i get they developed from that second pt but it’s still hmmmm like i feel these r things to be addressed even only slightly again i get it’s explicitly a comedy but there’s a lot of potential depth right there! u dont even have to dig it’s explicit. hm more stuff -all the kr kids being from military families? well grr and keroro at least, not drr, but still ! fucking training kids from a young age, brain washed. the platoon doesnt even rly have a good reason for wanting to invade earth/pekopon/whatever it’s sort of a “just bc we have to” thing. also derailing to talk abt dororo bc i have a bias, but uh dororo b4 coming to earth he explicitly says he’s so happy he came to earth bc he literally would not be the same person had he not, he makes it very apparent he was not happy being an assassin, it was bad, totally toxic environment, yadda yadda. that jirara ep where even the leader of the assassins defects bc he hated it too! but it’s just never brought up again i dont think?? it’s brain washing is what it is also making dororo like...a liberal. dororo wanting to protect the “peace” when he has such stringent morals uh no dororo look to the left buddy. that episode where they plant flowers illegally and they all get destroyed bc they didnt have a permit? dororo n koyuki are def the environmental terrorist types. guerilla gardening. stealing the food grocery stores throw away and freely distributing it. that kinda free range anarchy. koyuki’s ninja village was a working example of communism. hey separate note but by this logic saburo is an anarchist. keroro gunsou political alignment chart- ANYWAY yeah uh. yeah as i’ve said krr is like....deep it has a lot of worldbuilding that’s just Never expanded upon in favor of friendship and gags, which i dont mind, and uhh sexualizing middle school girls, which i do very much mind. c’est la vie?

#tiatext #me standing ankle deep in a shallow kiddie pool: it Could be that deep #krr overanalysis #mine

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yoonminist · 7 years

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crush stories p3 (💕tell me about your crush 💕)

my crush is another girl, she's short and athletic w/ real pretty green blue eyes, tanned and asks silly questions. we're kinda friends, i talk to her once or twice a week, but she's kinda probably really straight woops

aww she sounds cute :’( having a crush on a straight girl is,,,, not the Worst thing ever but it rlly is unfair

My crush is a year older than jm, sje has dark brown hair and eyes and she'sfar taller than me. She's a walking talking meme (like me) and a cosplayer and whenever I message her Ialways use a very Bad pick up line. She is a sucker for it. Ah! She also plays the piano and she's very good at it! And her voice is like the best baritone voice that I've ever heard (for a girl at least)! MUSIC COUPLE FOREVA WHEEEEE~

PLEASE tell me you’re dating lmao in any case if she likes your bad pickup lines then she’s so into you i love this

Omg I just remembered how I got my best friend into kpop! I just send her a pic of yoongi AND SHE WAS GONE!!!! She talked non stop about him like the cute little baby she is (honestly i know NO ONE who's cuter than her I know her since she's born she's the cutest and softest and prettiest baby ever i swear) she even named her fishes yoongi and jimin BUT JIMIN ATE YOONGI LMAO I'm honestly so proud of myself for showing bts to her she adores them so much

JIMIN ATE YOONGI IS THIS A SIGN jdnkjnefjknd im jk “she's the cutest and softest and prettiest baby ever i swear” bye that’s adorable

i once had this crush on my roommate, i thought she was straight but then she came out to me and said that she has a gf and thats ok w me, the problem was shes always naked when she comes back to our room after taking a bath(this culd be ff material)

omg if you want her to stop then tell her it makes you uncomfortable but,,,,, if you don’t want her to stop then LMAO

my crush is basically jimin. he reminds me of jimin so much- short, looks similar (even the eye smile and laugh), energetic and caring to everyone. and um. not to b conceited but one of the reasons i love ym so much is i relate to yg a Lot so it freaked me out when i realised ym interactions are so similar to ours. when we were in high school he sat in front of me in class and he wld turn to glance like 20 times in 1 hr (yea i counted) but everytime i make eye contact he’d whip his head back and act like nth happened. he’d just… like hover? Around but when i look at him he dashes off. once he happned to sit next to me while i was drawing and it seemed like he was sleeping so i didn’t look, but after abt an hour i looked up to check the time. he almost slammed his head on the table i.. he was staring at me the whole time.. anw the thing was tht everytime he talked to me i end up being blunt and kinda.. ignoring him cos feelings scare me + when i try to talk to him he suddenly seems in a hurry to get away.. were in the same college now. we saw each other a few times but didnt approach. ystd i happened to walk the same way as him. i decided to say hi,,he asked me what im studying then ran off after i answered. it’s still the same. sry if this got long ive never gotten a chance to rly talk abt my crush .///.

ooooh god i don’t know anything about stuff like this but it sounds like your being blunt kinda scared him off ?? from this alone he seems like the type you need to be gentle with so idk if you want to be close to him but if you do i’d suggest you keep making the first move and don’t ignore him like before so that he isn’t this shy around you anymore ,,, or maybe you just wanted to vent lmao w/e happens with this guy i wish you both the best !!

My crush amazing blue eyes and black hair. When she plays with her dog it brings out the prettiest smile. She liked me back (i didnt know she was bi too) at some point we started dating. She had complete control over my emotions i thought i was starting to fall in love until she broke up with me. It was awful. after months I still can't get over her. She started talking to me again but we're not together.We're just not meant to be I think :) I'd just like to meet her one day that would be enough

no!!!! don’t talk to her !!! take this from experience, i think the best way to get over someone is to get rid of them until you’re 100% ready to bring them back into your life again, as friends,,, even if it takes months she should understand but if you can’t do that then i just hope you get over her asap so that you can go back to being friends :’)

I actually denied that I kind of have a crush on this one guy that I met through another friend and I still do deny it because he's only into Asian girls and I'm Islander so it could never happen but honestly he's really funny and I don't feel all that awkward around him but there's no way he'd go for me. My friends, including the one I met him through, kinda ship us but I could never tell him because I'm the farthest from his type there could ever be tbh lmao

ohh hopefully he isn’t that shallow not to disregard a potential r/s just because you aren't asian but i GUESS it’s understandable if he’s asian too n it’s a family/cultural thing ?? i get the ‘denying your crush’ thing though askjdnjsjgkj hang in there hun it won’t last forever :’(

my crush has red hair and she's tall and gorgeous, we match so well, i know she likes girls too but im scared to try something. i was at hers today, and we ate brigadeiro and watched sense8 ahhh

THIS IS CUTE i'm not gonna force you to go for it but i hope one day It happens and you start dating ♡

I made out with my crush once while super high and then he helped me pee and that's about how romantic my story with my crush is 👋🏻

Who Said Chivalry is Dead

Are we still talking about this crush thing? Because lemme tell you a story. I once had this crush (years ago). He is now my best friend's boyfriend. Lol tbh I'm not bothered but I keep laughing at how freaking cliche this is, it just seems like it came out of a fiction on wattpad. Most recent crush tho, well, he nearly accidentally killed me and my friend. Let's just say I no longer have a crush lmao. But compare my stories about my crush to others make me laugh. THE CONTRAST.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE NEARLY ACCIDENTALLY KILLED YOU COME BACK AND ELABORATE

#ask game

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palevirgin · 7 years

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can you explain a little more about your system? when did it start, how did it start? how often do your alters come out, etc. i'm really interested in learning more. (sry if this is offensive, it is not my intention in any way).

Sorry againfor the late reply anon but as you will quickly notice, I have a lot to say about our system because it’sthe best thing that came out of my traumas and I love talking about it. Nothingoffensive in your questions, I’m more than happy to reply! Reply under the cutthough, because it’s quite long.

It’s hardfor me to tell how or when it began. I wish I could explain but it’s very messyfor myself and since dissociative amnesia is a possibility for me as well,remembering the very beginnings of mysystem is really hard.

I’ll try to keep this as short as possible so to be clear: I think the wholesystem thing manifested itself when I was still a child, but I don’t remembervery well, and anyway I was too young to know the terminology, too young to even be aware that systems existed, so I can’t say much about that time of my life.I just know that I wrote in my diaries that I wasn’t alone in my head, morethan once, so something was already up back then, but I didn’t document itenough to say more about it to this day :’/The whole system thing became very clear when I was 16/17. It was very hard atfirst, because I had no knowledge of systems, OSDD or DID, and I just felt likemy whole being was shattered, tore apart between incompatibles personalities.It was a very rough time. But then I found resources, I understood theconcept of systems/fragmented personalities and that helped a lot. I couldfinally acknowledged my alters as what they actually were (their own person,and not a “part” of me) and that was incredibly helpful. It took me months tolearn to properly interact with them (at first, only Geodosia and Wenn werearound) but we got there and we were a balanced but tiny system of three members.Then Bee happened, a year later – and a few months afterwards, Dollie happenedtoo. The last alter that “etched” is Ink – she appeared during the year, Januaryor February I think. But when you’re familiar with the whole process, it getseasier – it’s always a bit confusing at first (I personally always feel like myown personality is gone and replaced by someone else but then as soon as I canidentify the new presence as their own person, it gets easier.)

So, yep,basically: very confusing beginning, very messy and scary sometimes, but now it’sa lot smoother and incredibly helpful. I consider myself a lucky host – my headmates are here to help me and we all play a role in the system to make it so itremains balanced for everybody. Actually, that’s my role. Making sure every newalter feels welcome (Dollie for example was seen as a danger at first and Wennwas wary – but I took the time to understand her better and now she’san important part of our system and even has a sisterly kind of bond withWenn!!)

Wenn is theprotector. She takes care of us, warns us about people that could be dangerous.She is the “guts feelings”, basically. Very instinctive, but also very wise andprotective.

Geodosia isvery benevolent. She is often around when I have good times and feel powerfulbecause she herself is a ball of energy in expansion. Geodosia representsendless potential and it’s very soothing to have her around when you think youwon’t be able to achieve anything, ever. She’s very soft.

Dollie isthe trauma-holder. She’s… weird, and not social at all, and she straight upcomes from our csa so… but she’s also very caring and she is here when I’mneglected by my peers (especially my mother). She’s also here when I havenightmares. She takes care of me in a very sisterly/tender way and I love her alot.

Bee is achild! Very!! Excited!!! Child!!! Bee loves life, Bee loves everything andeveryone and they are unabashed to be so full of love and excitement. They helpa lot with my avpd (a disorder based on shame, obviously) and they are also rlyfunny. Very adorable child. Unlike the others, Bee loves to front! They loveinteracting with my friends and other people, they are very social :>

And Ink,our youngest member, is… the tears alter? She cries a lot. She cries with mewhen I cry. I have a very vivid picture of the headspace when it happens: we areboth sitting at the foot of her bed and we hold hands while we cry together. It’svery comforting and just like Bee, she reminds me that sadness or melancholiaare not to be ashamed of. Bee and Ink are siblings btw, and they complementeach other very well. They are happier together, too :’>

That gotlong sorry dksdksd I love my headmates I love them so much I could talk aboutthem for hours!!!! So I’ll just conclude by replying to your last question: theheadmates that come out the most are Wenn, Dollie and Bee. Geodosia is veryquiet, often dormant (unreachable) (tho she used to front by the past) and Ink has a very specific purpose so she’snot around as much as the others. (I don’t think she wants to anyway).

But it’salso something that varies – lately my system as a whole has been very quiet.At other times, they are here a lot. I love it more when they are aroundbecause I love their presence and company but I understand that sometimes, theycan’t be here. Systems are not clear-cut science, it’s hard to know what’s upwith them sometimes. But I know that even if my headmates go quiet sometimes,even for a long period of time, they will eventually come back and it’s a verycomforting thought :’>

Ok I hope Ireplied to your questions……………im sorry it got so long I got carried awaydksjdksd but thank u for giving me an opportunity to talk abt my system, I loveyou for being interested in it!! Of course this is my experience as a host, and systems are, like many other things,spectrums so my experience remains very personal.I hope you have a niceday/night anon, thank u again for asking abt my system

#asks #anon #long post #sorry aaa #actuallyosdd #actuallymultiple #system talk

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smurfettte · 7 years

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💎✖️️💕🍳🍭😂

DOTT IM SO SORRY I JUST SAW THIS TY

Im still using sm*rf bc i dont want it to show up in the tags its annoying and im sry

💎 - when and how did you discover your special interest?

Ooh this goes way back.

Well, when i was about nine my parents first seperated (they did twice, ultimately getting divorced 2nd time around) for a period of two years, and during that time we had very, very little money because my mom was a stay at home mom for years and had to get a job too, so we basically had to cut, like, everything/anything extra that we didnt need. The best my mom could do so we didnt get a total shock on top of everything was to get us the smallest cable package possible (im pretty sure it was way cheaper back then too, idk if even that would be manageable now) where we had just like, a little cluster of channels; one of those was boomerang. I was really, really sad about loosing cartoon network, so my mom hyped me up about being able to watch sm*rfs, even though i only had a very vague idea of what they were. From there, it kind of just became my permanent special interest. My mom and i watched it together a lot since her mom played into the really strange christian propaganda of “demonizing” cartoons that was everywhere in the 80s when she grew up. She would bribe her brother not to rat her out when she would sneak-watch it on saturday mornings and tbh that would literally be me

✖ - Is there something you Dont like about your special interest?

Definitely. The author of the original comics was uh… a really sexist, probably racist and a homophobic guy. Which, really shows in his earlier works – the full sm*rfette story is honestly much worse than the concepts of her origin that were kept in the cartoon. The 80s retelling is basically the comic but heavily censored for over obviously sexist content, while still being sexist in itself (just in a way where, maybe for younger viewers or a blind eye, its not obvious at first). Honestly just the treatment of most of the female characters is my complaint in the way a lot of them are portrayed, but especially sm*rfette. She cant do one self indulgent thing for herself without it being ridiculed or often portrayed as wrong, even when shes like the smartest and most caring person in the village. Its annoying and not a good message at all.

Also, it tries to be written as insanely het all the time and just isnt. Like its so gay and theres so many moments where youre like “ppl really tried to pass this as het…bitch” but time and time again… straight people think its reasonable that an entire village is attracted to. a single person (who most of the time heavily shys away from affection from men too, lmfao…). REALLY hoping the new movie addresses that in some way thats not bad, but im trying not to get my hopes up (ive got my hopes up).

💕 - Something you like about your Special Interest?

Honestly this is a lot of things, but i would have to say?? Like. Everything, except the things i dont like ^. Its constantly been such a comfort to me in so many ways. I love the characters, i love how it was my first real introduction to fairytale fantasy (aside from disney) and its just… so calming. Some people find it boring and annoying, but for me it was so easy to fall in love with and kept me company/calmed me down during some of the worst times ive ever had. Even when some of those worst times were because people would make fun of me for loving it.

🍳 - do you have a stim related to your special interest?

In a few ways, yea! I do!

I always compare it to this, but i think being surrounded in things related to it is a kind of visual stim that relates to the old woman who wants most everything in her house to be green. Just as it makes her feel calm, happy, and energetic, i have the same expirience but i sm*rf theme as many things as i can, and collect ALOT. I try to be surrounded by it as much as possible, and it always helps me to feel happy and calm. If im not in a space where its all around, i’ll have sm*rf things that i use day to day, like my wallet, cups, things like that. It always provides a feeling of happiness and safety.

Another for a physical stim is that i have a sm*rfette themed slime that one of my best friends made me for christmas! (He made a little white hat to put over the lid too, it was so sweet). Its a glittery blue, and has lots of gold, blue, and flower shaped sequins in it! i love squishing gooey and squeezable stuff. Textures like that are the best ever.

🍭- a headcanon/theory you have about your special interest?

This is gonna be long and im sorry i talk so much, but Brainy, Grouchy, Clumsy, and Fette (so i dont have to block out the full word again) are all autistic!

- Brainy expiriences a lack of empathy, tends to micromanage more than one usually would (especially if one of his special interests are involved/its something he came up with himself) and, as mentioned, expiriences special interests (a need for worldly knowledge – especially of magic, and for papa, who he constantly seeks to impress and be respected by, no matter what it takes. He loves him and wants to be just like him, and often does things for him out of the blue just so he’ll appreciate and recognize him + his potential). He stims by chewing (probably with the handle of a wand) and by writing + drawing swirly doodles on paper with his quill pen. He infodumps, and he usually lacks an understanding of social cues; this often leads to him making “bad decisions” being highly ridiculed, often overshadowed by his peers.

- Clumsy does not quickly process information + events, his comfort object(s) is/are his continuously growing rock collection/garden that he waters and talks to everyday, he stims by flapping and jumping, and is very uncoordinated. There are often ‘simple’ things that confuse him that he is unable to figure out quickly (like putting together things that fold up - chairs, foldable tables where u have to specifically press something, stuff like that. I think its an autistic thing even though im not able to describe it very well since ive struggled w it all my life myself and i always get weird looks when i cant do it) and his special interest is Brainy. Because he is physically incoordinated and processes information slow, though people do stick up for him, he can often recieve even worse treatment from those around him than Brainy does, on top of being easily able to manipulate due to him being so easily trusting and loving. Because of this, him and Brainy often do everything together, and eventually their mutual love for each other + relatability brings them to be almost inseperable (even if Brainy looses his patience more than he should sometimes). aka theyre boyfriends it rly shows

- Fette struggles with anxiety (as alot of autistic people, like myself, do) and has hyper-empathy. Similar to Clumsy, Fette seeks comfort in her flower garden and flowers in general, often holding conversations with them. This actually is a real theory, but she believes that talking to the flowers will help them to grow, and cherishes them as if they were people. She knows the name of every flower in the forest and could tell you at LEAST 5 facts about every single one. She stims by flapping, jumping, and chewing on her hair. Fette is quick to act to situations whether good or bad, and raised voices from others can often send her towards a meltdown (in where she retreats to her house for solitude to calm down + renergize). Though she loves her friends and being with them, she is an introvert and enjoys being by herself or with her flowers to regain energy.

- Grouchy uses echolalia to express his emotions and partake in conversations, while being mostly nonverbal. He often seeks company in animals or baby sm*rf (who i believe is also his special interest) because they bring him comfort and dont ask him to explain or change who he is. He is often very distant from most people, and only opens up to being around people he feels he can trust.

😂 - something funny about your special interest?

It just made me type up like. Disorganized paragraphs when im supposed to be packing up my shit 2 go to my moms. Also just the idea that a whole village could be attracted to a single person and no one else… funnie as shit my guy

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survivorwakea · 5 years

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Episode 4: “WHO MADE THE FUCKING ALLIANCE?” -Chloe

We just won another challenge here on Huamea which is lit. I think we are going to swap soon, but if not and we go to tribal with this tribe I think I’ll be fine. I’m still set up with randy Elmo and Ian well, and I think we could successfully target Joey if needed

Well another sit out for me but I’d say it was a good decision. We got 1st place and I don’t think I would have been the most helpful in this one. Really appreciate my tribe mates for coming through tho. Now I’m just wondering if there is going to be a swap. If there isn’t then we have to sit out three people on the tribe. Aka sitting out pretty much everyone who did the last one. As per usual, I’m very busy this week. Hoping I can find enough time to help in the challenge so that we can win or at least not come in last. I still have no alliances...but I think that’s okay for now. I think I’m in a good place with Jared and Elmo. We had each other’s backs if we went to tribal after the music video but we didn’t have to go. Joey also told me before results that he wouldn’t vote for me if we lost. Hoping that these promises or positive thoughts will continue farther into the game. At least until we get to jury. I also want to publicly own up to the fact that I still don’t know how the idol system works and I just don’t have the energy for it. So I’m just gonna pretend it doesn’t exist. Yep. That’ll do.

youtube

I was going to do a video confessional, but I high key got lazy and dont have too much to say

we won again which is great. I truly do feel like I kinda carried the team in a challenge I wasn't that great at, but it was really an all around effort and I'm glad we stayed.

I really do think I am in everybody's top 1-2 on this tribe except for the potential of Zack as well, but I like him a lot so I wouldn't want to see him go.

Nothing makes me want to win like when I have a tribe full of people I genuinely like. If I can help it, i really want to get to the merge without having lost another challenge due to my lost vote that I still haven't had to use yet, so I need those to be as spread a part as possible, and I don't want people to suspect me

those are kinda my only thoughts for now. hoping we don't swap until 14 and we get another round in these tribes, then a swap at 14 and merge at 12 (since my legacy advantage basically tells us we're merging at 12)

justin said he feels like a double might be happening sometime soon, but I'm not so sure about that just because of cullan getting expelled, and I feel the hosts would now elongate it a bit, but we'll see

im chillin for now

anna is ab to check confessionals and i can’t remember if i made one so this is my confessional.... johnny is rly nice to me and it scares me bc what if he is PLAYING ME.... and zack is also rly nice to me and that scares me TOO.... justin don’t fuckin talk to me and bodhi and asya barely do..... u know what 15th looks kinda cute rn bc i think that’s my destiny..... we floppin 🤪

Well, it’s still pretty quiet over at the Haumea camp. My tribemates kicked ass at the immunity challenge (sometimes, it pays to submit early), and I’m still getting along with everyone very well. I have suspicions that we could be switched up again next round, but hey, what do I know?

not much game development, im still attempting to keep my connections afloat in my tribe, i think ive now talked game with everyone and generally im in a rly good position, i dont wanna get too cocky bc that could lead to my downfall. I think that after this round we could potentially swap again to 2 tribes of 8. That would be kinda wild and I'm here for it

sry for a short one

I don't know if I should be sad, disappointed, angry, or all of the above. Losing this challenge was rough, and it's pretty evident the majority of the effort came from Adam, next would be myself. Clohie and Tom put little to no effort in the challenge. As stated before Tom's approach to the game has been pretty lackadaisical. He has hardly put any effort into not only the challenges but just his day to day interactions with the castaways. When I wanted to form the alliance with him and Clohie, he didn't relay the information to Clohie. And when Clohie indirectly asked him he didn't even acknowledge the possible alliance then either. I guess what I'm saying is...I want Tom out! Since this swap I have had my best relationship in Clohie, I like Adam, but I can tell he's a smart guy...so I'll keep him at a distance for now. I really do want to try and get Tom out though as a test of Clohie's loyalty to see if she would vote out one of her own. I think I have put myself in the situation where everyone feels comfortable with me moving forward, so I don't foresee my name being written down but I could be wrong, it is Survivor after all. I'm assuming we're coming to another swap, I just hope I'll have allies going into it, and if not allies, challenge beasts please. 3 out of 4 tribals isn't a good look😬 And can we talk about the idol system, all I have to say is: I HATE ALL OF YOU (to whoever helped put it together) G'Day.

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Haha idk what the fuck is happening right now. So Tom can go and talk about our alliance with Taylor, with Adam. But still hasn’t mentioned it to me? Ok 🙃 I could easily vote Tom out here but idk I feel like he’s loyal? Maybe?? But then again I know him more than Adam and Taylor and that’s maybe why I wanna keep him even if I know he’s probably trying to fuck me over rn

hiii! this round went so quick?? idk it just zoomed by in my opinion haha. listen.. we won immunity and i’m grateful. another week safe with my idol so i’m just getting closer and closer to merge. i’m hoping for a swap soon and i’m expecting it. i would love if me elmo and justin got on a tribe together that way we can start to actualllllly work together and show eachother our trust that way once merge comes we can just kill it! not much happened this round but i’m just feeling grateful and wanted to let you all know! y’all are great host and i’m having so much fun. Xoxo

Heading into this next challenge, I feel great. I have a tight bond with Jared, Lily and I just so happen to be in the same friend group chat, and have been talking alot, Elmo is awesome, but the two that worry me are Ian and Ben. Ben and I haven’t talked much, and once again, Ian is preventing me from trying to build a bond by just building a ridiculous wall up. Maybe he isnt cut out for these games tbh.

Well it's either Adam or Taylor. Chloe wants Taylor to stay. I don't really care who stays xD I'm probably gonna random.org this vote, I do not know to if I want Adam or Taylor here. Plus that random ass alliance chat doesn't help

tribe assessment:

jared - out of everyone i get probably the most loyal vibes from him, idk what it is. he's rly genuine whenever i talk to him. i think the fact that we played a game like over 3 years ago means a lot to him. i wouldnt be v shook if he somehow schemed against me at some point at early-mid merge or something. right now i think he wants to work with me for the long term

ben - ive been talking to him a lot from the beginning. i think that he's with me for now, i for sure think that he's going to make a move on me later on though, im not sure when but for now i trust him and i think i can work with him. I think if numbers r close at the merge he'd want to side w me. I'm not sure how well connected he is. I like talking to him but he works a lot (what a king tbh) so that probs hinders his ability talk a lot

lily - she is not the most active, which is sad because she is a kickass player. If she gets too far in this game, that could potentially be a problem, if we are not working closely together that is. She's EXTREMELY loyal and i think that if i keep talkin to her, she'd want to work with me for the long term. Potentially I think that she should be in my end game but obvs its way too early to say that

ian - he is one of the more quieter ppl but the more u talk to him, the more u get out of him and I'm starting to notice that. I think that we have a pretty solid connection over all and I rly like talking to him! he is p different than I am so that gives me good perspective. game wise, i havent had a lot of discussions with him yet but im working on it a lot bc i think he could be someone i have potential with

joey - hes nice. he doesnt talk a lot which is kinda weird. he said that he has my back but im not sure if he said that out of keeping himself away from my radar or if he actually meant it. I am not really sure? I wouldn't be very surprised if Jared hinted to him that I could potentially be lookin to vote him out. I think that there is POTENTIAL of me working with him but i think if i had to choose someone who i'd want to vote out, it would probably be him.

i could be totally oblivious about my situation but i genuinely think that im in a v strong position in this tribe. I believe i have potential (i think) to work with everyone on our tribe which i really like. This is all based on intuition though so i could be TOTALLY Wrong. The fact that we never lost just means that I have no solid proof or claims. Only my own perceptions. Idw be cocky in this game, it has been my downfall before. I want to be in a mindset that people are against me.I thrive when I'm under pressure. I kinda wished that we went to at least one tribal just to see how everyone here was game wise. Oh well!!

if i was going to be the boot on our tribe i look like a total clown rn.

Besides the fact that I’m leaving tonight, yeah not much is going on! I’m so disappointed that this is how my game is coming to an end. I’m at a loss of words so I’m sorry if you want more I just don’t have it in me

i’m.... goin thru a lot of emotions. for no reason. idk

at the last tribal council the person who i was least happy to be cast with was voted out so that was one less thing to worry about. then we won immunity. which is nice. but also i get lazy premerge when we keep winning immunity. it doesn’t help that my social battery is currently at %10 and i have a broken charger. but. oh well.

i have to play in the next immunity and idk. if there’s only 3 of us competing and two of them are me and justin then maybe we really Will be going to tribal next round who knows.

also i’m really bad at idol hunting. i didn’t give enough birth. the lizard goddess has no interest in making an appointment w me. i killed myself one time and got nothing for my troubles. i feel like something’s definitely been found by now, aside from johnny’s legacy advantage. idk it’s feelin a little bleak bc i figured my best shot at finding an idol would be premerge and i know we still have a ways to go probably but if the idols are found then that’s it on that.

This is literally going to be the most gut wrenching vote. Clohie and Tom will not budge, or even fathom the idea of voting out the other. I'm under the impression they want Adam out, but I'm also afraid of the possibility of a vote against me....so I have to contemplate if it's smarter to tie the vote 2-2 first and then vote out Adam, or to just trust that they are in fact voting Adam. Something else I'm praying on if I survive this round, is for a swap. Because without one, I'll be on the bottom of the 3 with Clohie and Tom obvi sticking together since their original Kanaloa. And our challenge record is not the best. Adam is probably our strongest challenge performer so that's another reason I'd hate to see him go. Tom and Clohie are just so mysterious and vague, and Adam has been nothing but upfront with me. Ugh, just the thought of a tie vote or drawing rocks makes me so sick...I honestly don't know what I'm going to do.

This has been the most stressful vote I have had to deal with, EVER. Taylor is a snake but Chloe wants to keep him and I get better vibes from Adam. I am considering doing a 2-2 if Chloe votes Adam and if it goes to rocks, so be it.

https://soundcloud.com/bodhi-small/week4/s-94KbM

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Taylor is voted out 3-1.

#episode #sailaway

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