the responses i’ve seen to shiv’s ending seem very quick to write her off as just another sad victim of the cycle, which isn’t without truth BUT!!! that is not even remotely the summation of shiv’s story.

i don’t think she votes yes to “save kendall” or to try to finally set her brothers free. and i don’t think her main concern was that ken was becoming their dad. she absolutely noticed and didn’t love it, but that was not her motivation in betraying him. she was thinking about herself.

it’s tempting to make a martyr out of her as she is the only female child and we see her suffer the onslaught of misogyny that comes with that. but to make her into a saintlike figure who got beat takes away the power and intelligence behind her decision.

at this point she’s stuck between two non ideal choices, but she recognizes that they have accidentally made her the single most important player in the game. because while she can’t have the outcome she’d prefer, she has the power to decide the fates of everyone else. the written off lone woman now holds in her hands the fate of every man in her life.

so she thinks about the long term benefits of both options and realizes that one side leaves her completely without any leverage.

her brothers have proven to her multiple times in the last few days alone that they will cut her out and walk all over her the first chance they get. siding with them leaves her nothing to bargain with. she would just have to hope that ken would actually take care of her. and that level of vulnerability is not only unacceptable to her, it’s stupid. and shiv fuckin roy is not stupid.

so she thinks about the other side and about what she actually wants for her life. and against her better judgment, it’s becomes unfortunately clear that she wants tom. the way she wants him is not altogether loving or even good but it is necessary to her. she sees relationships as having winners and losers and she chose this man specifically so that she could be confident in her ability to win. except now he’s grown some balls and made himself unavailable to her.

she may not like the way her husband is evolving but she already placed her bets on him, so she’s sure as hell not losing to him now. there’s also a part of her that feels intrigued by this new man she’s married to. it’s interesting to have a sparring partner in him instead of having to looking for excitement outside of their marriage.

so for maybe the first time ever, she processes what tom has said to her and thinks about what he actually wants.

he needs her to prove that she cares. he needs to know that she is capable of sacrifice. if she can’t find it within herself to do this for him, then she will lose him, and by extension, she will lose.

siding with tom gives her the opportunity to once and for all make a grand-stand gesture of love, but more importantly, it creates leverage for her. never again will he be able to hold the moral high ground over her head. never again can he say she doesn’t love him. never again can he call her selfish or uncaring. above all, he can never betray her again, because she just removed all of his moral justification for turning on her. he doesn’t realize it yet, but she’s just taken back all the power in their relationship. just in a more subtle way than she’s used to operating.

and just like that, she has the ceo of a multi billion dollar company in her pocket, while situating herself as the only descendant of logan roy to still be playing the game, having removed her brothers from the equation permanently. she may still be far from the top but she’s creating a path for herself to climb.

so yes, she’ll let tom play king for a day, and she’ll have his baby and say “congratulations,” and play the gracious wife, but tomorrow is a new day with lots of room to maneuver. and when her husband puts out his hand, she’ll place her own on top. but she won’t grasp it because she doesn’t need to.

The OFFICIAL Jora Holiday Bio 🍄🌟

While far from complete here's an bio for my OC! Visual ref coming soon!!!

Full Name: Jora Ladybird Holiday

Age: 9; 15 in Omniverse

Species: Human

Hometown: Anneville, S.C.

Current Residence: Bellwood

Eye Color: Deep brown/blackish

Hair Color: Black

Skin Color: Very deep brown

Appearance: Jora is tall for her age, chubby and often wears her hair loose in a parted styled held together with bobby pins. She has a wide and round face, nose, and short uet very thick eyebrows. She wears very little makeup, and always seen wearing lacy pink gloves.

Attire: Varies by seasons and series but she typically wears vibrant or pastel hues with floral and animal motifs, cutesy designs, or polka dots. I'll make an outfit ref soon!

Personality: Jora is described as a super sweet if timid and shy young woman with a deep respect for life. However she bottles up a lot of her negative emotions which sometimes makes her a doormat or she ends up being really icy. She learns to beyter express her negativity, though she does retain emotional sensitivity time to time.

In the OS Jo had to overcome one of her biggest flaws, Bystander Syndrome, in order to protect herself and her friend. Throughout thr series she becomes more assertive, though she dislikes sounding too mean.

While she adheres to the theme of second chances, she has little tolerance for faking and betrayals and wants people to actively work on making amends or changing their ways. She knows that some people can't change, so instead of active revenge she would rather let the person's actions catch up to them, or hold them accountable. She despises assumptions that she's evil just because of her powers. She admits to harboring some resentment, but over time she learned to accept her condition and adapt to it rather creatively.

Likes & Hobbies: Designing her own costumes, watching trashy TV programs, reading, mycology, nature walks, flower pressing, DIY projects, casual/virtual pet gaming, fashion design, Green Cleaning, apple pie, chocolate and strawberry milkshakes, tea with sugar and cream, travel, meditation, quiet time

Dislikes: False accusations and slander, being picked on, people touching her hair without her permission, senseless destruction of nature, animal abuse, forcing someone to tell the truth if they're not comfortable, being pitied for her condition, spicy food, arguing and being made fun of for girly traits

Powers and Abilities

- Rot Inducement

- Fungi Manipulation

- Poison & Toxin Immunity

- Self Regeneration

- Minor Chronokinesis/Acceleration

- Athleticism

- Empathy

- Self Defense/dagger fighting style

Items: Amanita Staff & Pixie Daggers; handmade costumes

Strengths: Can regenerate limbs, slow the rate of decay, empowered by Phoenix Element, controls intensity of powers, incredibly strong against plant/nature elements, tenacity

Weaknesses: Powers are incredibly weak on glass, metals, rocks and minerals, and generally any type of syntheric or inorganic material. She also cannot complete shut this power off

Relationships

Family: Jeremy (father), Mavis (mother) Latasha (sister) Pattibelle (cousin) Ginger (family friend); Kendrix & Kenny and Belle (future kids), extended family

Friends: Team 10, Cooper, Substitute Plumbers (future), Zak, Wadi, Rex

OC Friends: Myra Hopewell, Azura, Kelly Arbol, Richard Mortis, Temika, Mama Gia, Shadé

Enemies: Pretty much the canon villains XD

OC Enemies: Kudzu, Mara Winters/Ice Queen, Cinnabar Rojo, Forever Princess, Mycopath/Cora Holiday, Guardians of Light, Supernatural/elemental threats

Love Interests: Ben Tennyson

Ship Name: Cosmic Toadstool or BenJo

Ben Tennyson is her major love interest, starting from a brief tense rivalry from their first meeting. Over time they began to see they had common ground and developed more friendly relations by the end. The Ben 10000 episode is particularly amusing in that BOTH of them were quite disgusting at the implication that their older selves dated each other. Ironically it was their older selves watching their example that lowkey led to them getting back together.

They restarted their friendship in Omniverse albeit clumsily as both hadn't seen nor heard from each other in several years. Not to mention new problems: Jora hadn't quite got over her shyness and was socially awkward, and Ben swore off romance after too many failed relationships ego and wanting to focus on his hero career. Layer seasons would see the two began to grow a romantic attraction to each other, with them getting together post series. I kinda didn't want them together right at the end of s8 to drive home the point of them navigating a romance and not just "fighting fate" or what not. So they'll get together on THEIR own terms.

Backstory: Jora appears in the original show as a recurring character and ally to the Tennysons. The joke is that her family, who were also on a cross-country road trip, would often show up at the exact same city or town the Tennysons would be in.

Original Series: Unlike Ben and Gwen, the timid Jo was born with her powers but was afraid of them as she could barely keep it in check. She also didn't start out friendly with the two having been put off by their constant quarreling. It wasn't until an encounter with Kevin Levin (hint: KIDNAP) where she tried using her powers to defend herself and Four Arms for the first time. It didn't exactly work out leaving her ashamed for being a bystander, and decided to remedy this by practicing her powers for better use. This leads up to the Camp Fear event where she played a huge part in containing and eventually purifying the corrupted Mycellium (and yes corrupted; there's something bigger going on).

There were a couple of more adventures: goinf to Chicago to meet up with her cousins Patti and Ginger for a music fesitval; time travel shenanigans, fighting Rojo and her niece Cinnabar, & battling the the Negative 10. Her relationship with Ben and Gwen also greatly improved to the point where they became genuine friends near the end of the show.

UAF: After the road trip ended, she parted ways with the Tennysons and headed back to her hometown of Anneville,S.C. While not fully copinf with her powers she had a rejuvenated sense of self confidence and decided to find more uses for her powers. This included clearing away invasive plant species around town, going into homes and clearing away toxic molds, and dabbling into the scientific side of her powers. She maintained contact with the Tennysons until a few years when life started to get too busy for any of them to remain in contact.

It was also at this point Jora would learn about the scorn "dark" elementals would face, as well as a conflict between dark elementals just wanting to live their lives in peace and a group called the Temple of Light. The Temple's goal was to rid the world of all evil but took rather underhanded methods to do it. Jo would also briefly battle a faction of Forever Knights led by her contemporary Forever Princess, and villainous entrepreneur Kudzu.

Omniverse: Six years passed and Jora got a request from Max Tennyson to join a new "initiative." She turned it down, feeling that she wasn't suited for actual superheroics and wanting to focus on her studies. She was also afraid of seeing her old friends; a small part of her wondered if they'd still recognize her after so many years.

A few weeks later Patti planned on moving to Bellwood for her new job. Jora came with her to help her move in, & it was that trip where she and Ben reunited, and met his new partner Rook Blonko. Ben mentioned about his grandfather picking out new teammates to protect Bellwood. Jora admitted that max sent her a letter but she turned him down for personal reasons. Feeling rather disappointed Ben states that there's always an open spot for her.

During her stay Jora and Rook were taken around town to get familiar with each other and the sites. Rook was curious about her relationship with Ben which she replies that they go way back but hadn't really talked to each other in years. Much of season one and two is spent with her and Ben awkwardly reconnecting. Eventually she becomes a bit of a consultant for the Plumbers and a major member of Team 10, further developing her friendship with Rook, and something much deeper with Ben.

Post Series: Jora's experiences leads her to try to form a villain rehab group, succeeding by forming the Substitute Plumbers. She also begins to use her status and fame to raise awareness on multiple issues from gentrification to widespread Plumber corruption. After a brief breakup and working solo, She and Ben 10000 reconciled and within a year of two married and had three kids over the span of ten more years. Jora became a consultant specializing in Earth customs.

Trivia

- Voice Claim is Kimberly Brooks

- Her theme is nature to contrast with Ben's aliens and Gwen's magic

- Also a bit ironic: she's a good character who protects and values life yet has a power linked to death/dying.

- Doesn't really have a signature color though she does wear a lot of white accents as white symbolizes death in some cultures

- She was made 1) because I'm salty B10 didn't have a named black girl character & 2) to give Ben a compelling/fleshed out love interest

- Jora has a Reboot counterpart! Largely the same except now she's a main fixture right from rhe beginning and has a slightly different power set

- She's not present in every single episode of the original; those times she'd be off with her family doing their own thing

- Her verse is called the Joraverse since it's a complete rewrite of the OS and OV as a whole (not strictly related to her btw but I'm also salty at more than a fee b10 things)

- Her alternate counterparts has different elements, personalities and even designs!

- If she existed her theme song would be the Japanese cover of Say So by Rainych

- Much of Jo's character is based on Card Captor Sakura since I've always been a fan of that show

- Just like how Ben has different aliens Jora has different costumes with different themes.

- In OV her costumes signify each color of the rainbow and has a pun of some sort. She even earns special items with different properties (elemental spells, alien tech, token of peace).

- While Jora appreciates all of Ben's forms she has a certain fondness for Four Arms and Grey Matter (he rescued her as Four Arms and she finds Grey Matter adorable)

Alex Recommends: February Books

I am aware of how crazy late this post is but it has been a hell of a first week of March for me. I’ve been very busy with work and as a result, I’ve been feeling very overwhelmed and tired. Combine that with the continuing pandemic madness and anxiety and I’ve spent most of the last week in an ball of nerves and stress.

It became painfully obvious to me that I haven’t been charging enough for my writing services and therefore, I have begun to resent my work a little. I’ve upped my prices now but that will inevitably mean less work. Great for my mental health perhaps but not so great for the bank balance. I’m also trying to get my own website set up but just haven’t had the time or energy to dedicate to it. So, yes I’m falling behind on many things but I’m doing my best to get back on track.

My family and friends are very much on my mind, at the moment. I haven’t spent any quality time with anyone I love, apart from Mark, for a long time and it is pretty painful. I’m hopeful that I’ll be able to start seeing people in the next couple of weeks and that we can finally start to see the back of lockdown by the summer. I have every faith in that happening and that’s really what is keeping me going right now. And the wonders of WandaVision and Disney+’s Star, of course!

I’ve also read some great books recently. I wrote quite a few glowing reviews during the month of February and I really recommend scrolling back through them to discover yet more brilliant recent releases. Here are five more, incredible new books that I know you’ll love.

I really hope you’re all ok and still managing to stay safe! -Love, Alex x

FICTION: Uncoupling by Lorraine Brown.

Hannah has been whisked away on a European adventure by her wonderful boyfriend Si. But when she goes looking for a quiet place to sleep on the train, she wakes up to discover that the train has split. While Si is on his way to Amsterdam, as planned, Hannah is almost in Paris. Scared as to how she is going to get back on track, she meets the handsome, mysterious Léo on the train and a beautiful morning in the French capital forces Hannah to question everything. I fully related to Hannah as an anxious bunny and this is a very cute, fast-paced romance. My favourite thing about it was the very vivid descriptions of Paris -the delicious hot chocolate, warm gooey crepes and the beauty of the quirky hidden streets. I was right there which really was the greatest treat in a world where international travel is banned.

LITERARY FICTION: Detransition, Baby by Torrey Peters.

Reese and Amy had a wonderful relationship and a life that was as close to perfect as two transgender women could possibly dream of. Then Amy detransitioned, became Ames and he and Reese split up. Now Ames is calling on Reese again. He has got his boss Katrina pregnant and is wondering if the three of them could possibly raise the baby together. This unique, beautiful novel provides fantastic commentary on the fluidity of gender, while providing a singular reflection on motherhood and what that really means. The relationships between all three of the main characters is fascinatingly complex and realistic. An original family story with plenty of wit and heartache.

MIDDLE-GRADE: Proud of Me by Sarah Hagger-Holt.

Becky and Josh were born just 12 days apart to different mums via the same donor father. While Becky finds herself developing feelings for the new girl at school, Carli, Josh is obsessed with finding out who his dad is. Both siblings just want their mums to be proud of them. My heart literally lifted while reading this beautiful story. It has a really lovely message about cherishing the love that you have in your life and discovering how special you really are, no matter how big the holes left by missing parts may seem to be. It is also a wonderful friendship story of acceptance with a fantastic cast of queer characters.

YA: Bad Habits by Flynn Meaney.

Alex has tried everything she can think of to get herself expelled from St Mary’s, the strict Catholic boarding school that she has been attending for years. Her last resort is staging a production of The Vagina Monologues, which she is certain will cause major upset amongst students and staff. I laughed out loud so many times while reading this sassy feminist friendship story. The unique setting of a Catholic boarding school made a refreshing change from your typical YA novel, as it made room for very sheltered, prim characters that you wouldn’t necessarily see in a mainstream high school. The snarky tone of voice and wonderful, likeable characters made Bad Habits a fantastic breath of fresh air.

THRILLER: My Best Friend’s Murder by Polly Phillips.

Bec and Izzy have always had a fiery friendship but they’ve stuck by each other through everything. When Izzy winds up dead at the bottom of the staircase in her own beautiful Clapham townhouse, Bec knows that she has a reason to want Izzy dead. It’s only a matter of time before the police discover it. I’ve never read an adult friendship as toxic as the one between Bec and Izzy. I found it fascinating to see how these two adult women interacted while still managing to find reasons to remain friends. There were so many possible answers that the novel could have come to but I would never have suspected the truth in a million years. An incredibly fun, fast-paced thriller that will definitely keep you guessing -even when you think you’ve cracked it!

Boof.  A hard one to admit for SO many people.  This was/is totally me.  This is likely so many people I know who remain single or divorced into their 30s and beyond. 

Even though you operate in an adult’s body, you can be hella old, and still operating with the heart of the childhood you or the heart of twenty- something you, who still was relationally immature. If you are watching your fertile window come and go while remaining single, ladies, you may be relationally immature.   If you’re still in your 30s, gents, and are not yet in that mainframe of desiring to settle down, you are probably relationally immature.  

If you are struggling to sustain romantic relationships, I would even go so far as to say that your perpetual singledom is like a firetruck siren of a signal from your heart that you have some therapeutic work that may need to do.

Relational immaturity specifically addresses the “relationships” slice of your overall maturity birthday cake. You might be doing just fine living in your own dwelling.  You might be killing’ it at your job.  You might know how to boil some water and do your taxes.  Maybe you have traveled the world.  But that doesn’t mean you have mastered relational maturity.  If there are other aspects of your life that you can reflect upon as “not yet in an ideal state”, those other incomplete areas of your life may be linked to your relational maturity.  

It is worth mentioning that relationships must be mature across multiple relationship arenas: with your own body, mind and heart.  With God if you are spiritual, with your family, with your friends, and with your professional colleagues at school or work.  These relationships all fall under “relational maturity”.  

 And then of course, your romantic relationships will be impacted by your relational maturity even more so, because these tend to be the most emotionally intimate and vulnerable.  Unlike your family or your job, your romantic interest or partner is under zero obligations and is not incentivized by any business perks to stay with you.  All of your relationships will be somewhat interconnected, believe it or not.  You can’t show up as an outstanding business partner at work if you are trashing yourself by not eating well, not sleeping enough, and if your brain is pumping with negative self-talk.  If you’re having drama with a friend you may not be as clearheaded at work or in your romantic partnership.   If you have struggles or drama in your family, you may not show up in your romantic relationship as your best self.  Etc.  So it’s all kind of comprehensive.  

For me (takes a deep breath because this is about to be very vulnerable), I noticed myself struggling in professional settings, essentially struggling over and over to get along peacefully with anyone who failed to meet my mind’s expectations of that role, and they disappointed me in any way.  Even if my expectations were 100% reasonable, because perhaps anyone hired in that role should probably be able to do X, Y, or Z in order to even be considered for hire, if that person disappointed me in any way and failed to do X, Y, or Z, it put us on the fast track to our relationship either dissolving or hitting a major bump in the road. 

I observed myself in over a five year long pattern of job hopping and struggles with professional relationships.  I would say yes to a job, then discover that certain key players at the job majorly sucked to work with, all my favorite colleagues would quit, or that some seriously shady secrets would come to light about how that company operated.  

Then I would begin the hunt for a new job for the following year in the same industry, hoping that maybe, somewhere out there, not all companies in this industry sucked.  Five plus years later, I think it’s safe to say that yes, maybe they all actually DO suck in that particular industry.  Because they were all shady after at least three tries to find a good job. Once, and it could be a one off.  Twice, and you start to wonder, and it may not be a coincidence.  Three times, and it is no longer a coincidence-- it is a pattern.  And yet,  I was the one failing to pivot and adjust my approach to finding job satisfaction.  

There are some definite parallels to romantic satisfaction here, so read on if you have time... 

I would wonder things like, “Why do I keep choosing these professional positions where the people constantly display shadiness or appalling levels of incompetence?  Why don’t any of the best professionals at the job stay hired, but all the crappier employees stay hired for like, decades?  Should I also keep it moving?  [the answer was “yes”!  But I was too naive to realize it].  

Why wasn’t I able to learn after the first, or maybe the first two disappointments, and adjust course out of this entire field if they all seem to display these relational patterns I don’t thrive under?”. There were some colleagues and bosses that I had amazing professional rapport with amidst all of this, but the (pardon my french) f*ckery of the people in key decision-making roles usually drove all the best employees out the door. 

I also wondered, “ Why were  certain people able to tolerate or even thrive in what I considered and knew in my heart to be toxic work cultures, while I was deeply troubled by them?  Why did my job dick me around so ruthlessly, but if I looked at other colleagues, the job would never dare to do the same shady things to them?”.  

Sometimes I observed that the very same boss was like a gracious, generous angel to specific colleagues, and then full on illegally shafting me or others, in the very next breath.  Why was this the case?  Further more, the most puzzling question of all: Why was I able to have phenomenal professional relationships with some of my colleagues, that lasted long after we both left the job and which I am able to maintain to this very day? But with other colleagues who couldn't meet my standards professionally, or who were outright shady, unethical and unscrupulous to me,  the connection for even a basic “we don’t even have to be friends whatsoever outside of this building, but let’s get this work done on a respectable and amicable level”  was impossible.  

It took a lot of therapy to figure this all out.  Yes, the issues were likely rooted in my dysfunctional childhood.  Yes, the issues were probably exacerbated by a couple of highly unusual and definitely relationship-related traumas that I faced in my early adulthood.  And yes, the issues were not helped by these blind spots I had about how to have relational discernment and tactical knowledge for how to approach these types of relational situations.  In a nutshell, relational immaturity manifested in my professional life.  Because other people would fully have no problems navigating these situations. But I did.  And I see the exact same patterns and struggles romantically.  

I hope that I have since developed an awareness around my issues; and that I now know enough to avoid or overcome these situations next time I’m in a promising romantic relationship, and in my professional relationships moving forward.  

If you sense that you might benefit from therapy, I strongly encourage you to seek it out.  Just the ability to admit to yourself “I might need help from a trained professional to figure out the root of these emotional struggles” is you, becoming more mature as an adult.  Because it takes courage and insight to realize when we need more help than we are able to find on our own.  

If you think you can’t afford therapy, it would surprise you to discover that there are ways to make it affordable.  For example, many college campuses give the students free personal counseling by default.  So take advantage of that in your twenties or during grad school.  Christian churches and other organizations offer personal counseling with bona fide therapists-in-training, who just need to get their hours completed under the supervision of a licensed therapist before they can officially get licensed themselves, and fly solo.  There is therapy online.  Your basic medical health coverage may cover therapy, unbeknownst to you.  Even free governement-issued health coverage may still include personal counseling.  

If the thought of talking to a therapist absolutely horrifies you, because it is too “mental” and you can’t even handle the thought that you have “mind problems”, I would encourage you to reframe what “therapy” can be.  The words “therapy”, and “mental health” completely turn me off. I don’t even want to begin to suggest that I possess, or to have anyone else label me as having “mental issues” when I know myself; and I know my mind is perfectly intact.  I’m just struggling in certain areas of my own personal success.  

Rather than defining this type of help as “mental health”, or even “therapy” that isn’t physical therapy, I would encourage you to choose to reframe it as “emotional intelligence training” and “self development”, under the umbrella of “personal counseling”.  I am WAY more comfortable with the title of “personal counseling” than I am with the labels of “therapy” and “mental health”.  Just because you are seeking personal counseling for issues that are not related to  your physical body, and you may need a little more help for problems that may be rooted in your past or in your emotional wellbeing, it does not mean you have a mental health problem. 

 I severely wish all personal counseling services everywhere would step into 2020 and re-label themselves under a much-needed umbrella of “social-emotional wellness services”.  This would totally strip the taboo for people to seek out these highly beneficial services; and encourage all wellbeing practitioners to practice under this umbrella.  Things like yoga, meditation, mental illness, personal counseling, couples counseling, family counseling, postpartum depression and anxiety, PTSD, and substance abuse-- all of this kind of stuff should be considered "social-emotional wellness services”, because they are all social-emotional issues. They are matters of the heart, mind, emotions, and relationship.  

If you’re like “yeah f*ck reframing-- I am not down with therapy at all, sorry”, there are a lot of beneficial podcasts on relationships that can begin to help you tap into your emotional core in private, and maybe help you get some insight on any past relationship traumas or relationship patterns.  There are amazing life coaches with free youtube videos that can help people.  

Some of my absolute favorites are: 

- “Stephan Speaks”

- heart of dating podcast (christian)

- Mark Manson

- Zen Habits

- Amy Chan / Renew Breakup Bootcamp

- Matthew Hussey (I would recommend more of his recent stuff, and less of his gamey, ‘how to get the guy’ manipulative kinda stuff).  

I have another resource that is absolutely phenomenal; but not everyone is ready for that level of truth.  And it does come from a christian man.  If you’re intrigued by that,  willing to be vulnerable, willing to hear harder truths, and especially if you consider yourself a Christian man or woman, send me a direct message  on tumblr and I’ll send you the name of one of the most transformative relationship coaches I have ever found.  

Survey #270

“please remain calm; the end has arrived. we cannot save you; enjoy the ride.”

Do you own pastel-colored pants? No. What type of lotion do you use? I don't really use it. Nothing seems to help how dry my skin is. What were your favorite clothing stores in high school? Hot Topic. If you could have a car in any color you wanted, which color? Pastel pink, but realistically (given a pink car would probably have a paint job I'd have to pay for, I assume?), I like burnt orange cars. Not too brown-ish, though. What is your favorite color, do you look good in it, & do you wear it a lot? Pink, probably not, and no. Name someone you know who hates pink. Idk. What is your favorite Avril Lavigne song? "Nobody's Home." Do you kill bugs? Sometimes. Depends. If they're in my house, most likely. Have you ever had a bedroom that had wallpaper on the walls? No. Do you own any rompers? No. What’s one thing you’ve done to celebrate Earth Day? I made a birdhouse out of a milk carton once. Animal Planet taught me lol. Do you use window clings (aka window stickers)? No. What color is your stapler? Black. Do you have a desk that you sit at in your room? Ugh, no, but that's one reason I want to move to somewhere I have a bigger room for a desk so I don't do everything in my damn bed. What do you miss about college? Feeling like I was worth something and on a "proper" path. Was your middle school crush the same as your high school crush? No. What is/was your dream school? I never had a "dream" school. Do you wish you could talk to someone about your past? If so, who? Idk, probably someone. What motivates you? Music and/or videos on whatever subject I could use motivation in, like self-care on my bad days. Have you ever completed a weight loss program? No. Tried, though. When was the last time you did something for the first time? I went through a doctor appointment entirely without Mom just a few days ago; she had to stay in the car due to chemo, so I filled stuff out, checked in/out alone, answered questions on my own, that business. I'm entirely aware it's sad as hell that a 24 y/o did that for the first time, but if you knew just how dependent I am on my mom, you'd get it. Which do you prefer: Valentine’s Day or Easter? Valentine's when I actually have someone to celebrate with, but I love Easter as an aunt with how excited the kids are about candy and all. Easter sorta rubs me the wrong way though since, y'know, Christianity essentially stole and rebuilt it. Do you wait until the last minute to decorate, or do you decorate early? I myself don't even decorate. Mom only does for Christmas, and it's very last minute. What’s your favorite Starbucks drink? I don't drink Starbucks. What were you wearing in the last good selfie you took? *checks phone* uh the one where I'm wearing a red tank top is okay. That's all you can see cuz FUCK taking full-body pics of me. What’s on your wish list right now? Ha, I actually have a list in my phone of things I really want/need to buy when I can. A few include a bigger terrarium to Venus, a treadmill, an Unus Annus shirt before the channel and thus merch expire, glasses for driving... What do you use to sweeten your tea? I don't drink tea. Have you ever owned an expensive eyeshadow palette? No, I don't wear enough colors or makeup in general to warrant buying one. When was the last time you stepped outside of your comfort zone? The aforementioned doctor visit. How would you rate your self-esteem? Low, healthy, or high? Low as like, the deepest oceanic trench probs. Do you own a tripod for your camera? Yeah. Were you a bigger fan of Lindsay Lohan or Hilary Duff? Hilary. Do you make Halloween costumes out of clothes from your closet? Only ever to just be a goth to live out my inner fantasy of regularly flaunting that aesthetic. Do you enjoy putting outfits together? Not particularly. Would you rather it rain or snow? Snow! What does your umbrella look like? Don't have one. What’s one thing you’ve had a toxic reaction to? Do you mean like, emotionally/mentally toxic? I'm guessing probably yes. Even though parts of it were entirely realistic, understandable reactions/behaviors, I most definitely had some toxicity in me regarding the breakup, too. Which do you prefer: cropped tops or tunic tops? Uggghhhh, both are so cute. On me, I'd only ever wear tunic tops, but on others, I tend to find cropped tops cuter. What’s a style or trend that you think is ridiculous? I don't pay enough attention to this to really know... hm. Yeah, idk. Which YouTuber do you want to be more like? I could only dream of being as motivated and smart and determined and "I can do this shit" as Markiplier jfc I Love One Man Only. Do you like stuffed animals? EEEEEEEEK yes!!!! What was your favorite class in high school? Art. Have you ever gotten straight A’s in a class? If so, which classes? Yes; not to brag whatsoever, but too many for me to remember. I remember I got my very first B in 5th grade in I think math, and I was so bummed out. Were there any subjects that you got a perfect SAT score in? If so, what? I don't think so. Are you happy today? If so, what made you happy today? I'm content-ish, not happy, but also not unhappy. Is your bed right by a window? There's one to my upper right and middle left, but my bed's not exactly against either. Do you spend more time in your bedroom or your living room? I barely leave my bedroom. Which holiday is your favorite to decorate for? Halloween, if I actually did decorate. Do you name stuffed animals still? Very rarely. Depends on what it is, the importance, etc. What titles did you win in the senior class polls? I FUCKIN READ THIS AS "TITTIES" AND WAS JUST LIKE... Anyway, none. Were you popular in school? No. If you’re from the US, what states have you lived in? Only NC. Who was your best roommate? Well, Jason, if he even counted as a "roommate." Was your first roommate your best roommate? See above, considering idk if he fits the term; if he does, then yes. What’s the best family vacation you’ve ever been on? Disney World. Have you ever wanted to be a model? No. What years did you attend prom? Sophomore (bf was a senior and he took me) and senior. What do you want to be for Halloween? I was recently listening to a metal version of Oogie Boogie's song from TNBC and it hit me: MISS Oogie Boogie. A fat bitch could pull that shit off, watch me ho. Which member of your family are you closest to? My mom. If you have any regrets, what is the biggest one? If not, why do you have no regrets? Letting a boy become absolutely all that mattered and more to me. Would you ever apply to be on reality TV? Why? Ew, no. I don't need any more people judging me and my life. What is the best thing that has ever happened to you? The partial hospitalization program that saved my life, literally. Do you have a hard time letting things go? It depends on what it is, but generally, yes. I recently realized one of my greatest flaws: I respond very, very poorly to loss, in any way. Looking back on people (especially people), events, other things... a negative, chronic reaction to loss is present throughout. What have you accomplished in life that has made you the most happy? Emotionally healed, a lot. I don't think some things will ever fully scar over, but nevertheless, I don't mentally have fuckin gashes in me. Have you ever struggled with your weight? Ever since the breakup, yes. I thought I was slightly fat before then, but looking at pictures now, I just think "damn hunny u look gud" and realize I was perfectly healthy. But anyway, I was put on a medication called Abilify (full-on name droppin', fuck this med), and it MURDERED my metabolism. I could eat a fuckin carrot and gain five pounds, probably. Emotional eating probably contributed too, but here's the thing: my current doctor took me off of it, knowing the moment I mentioned it that it was not only bad for me and my conditions but also responsible for the extreme weight gain? Pounds dropped like a ton of bricks, and this started before my emotional eating began to die off and regulate. I lost around 80 pounds just from dropping a goddamn pill. Cue college essay-long rant here about how my body image was slaughtered, how much I loathe the fucking doc that kept me on the med and blamed everything on me, and now how I've been stuck weight-wise for two years despite a vast plethora of methods to continue shedding a;sdlkfajkwlelawe GUYS I could rant til my hypothetical great-grandchildren die. When you are out with your friends are you loud and outgoing or shy and reserved? It depends on who the friend is, where we are, etc., but generally, I'm just awkward, trying to be outgoing when in fact I'm questioning every single thing I say and do al;wekjrkawde this survey has taken a TURN. Do you like to stay in your pajamas all day long? I don't leave my pj's unless I have to leave the house and go inside somewhere besides like, a gas station or something that's just "whatever." In high school did you have a lot of friends? Do you still keep in touch? I wouldn't say a *lot*, no, but not a tiny amount, either. The only one I ever still see is Girt, but I keep up with many on Facebook via the like button and shit, ha. Do you really care about such issues as abortion, religion, and global warming? Fuck yes I do. Who is the biggest womanizer you know? Juan sure was, but I haven't been in contact with him for years. Would you ever have a threesome? No. Who is the most attractive person you know? Of those I personally know-know, my answer will probably always be Alon like jc she's beautiful. When did you last feel the most free? ZOINKS we can't ask that question in America rn. Is there anyone who likes (or liked) you and had a really hard time getting over you? I don't know. Did you ever love someone and feel like it was wrong? Love? No. Well, before I realized I was bi, maybe Mini counts, as then I was anti-LGBT and couldn't even imagine myself as anything but straight. What’s your favorite bug? Butterflies. What’s the longest amount of time you liked/loved somebody for? Yeesh... I still can't say with absolute confidence I no longer love Jason at all, whom I started dating in 2012 and went head over heels for. What song makes you cry? There's a few that are capable of it sometimes, but do fucking not play "Stairway To Heaven" if I'm within 10 miles of you. "Another Life" by MiW usually makes me tear up towards the end, but it normally doesn't get that far anymore. Do you like rock or rap music better? Rock, as I'm not a rap fan. If you could watch someone change, would you? Yes let me live my life a;lsdkfjaws Ever known someone with an eating disorder? I don't know. I think maybe? Have you ever had a white Christmas? I think? The best snow we ever got was late Christmas night though, and the next morning was a total whiteout. What’s something you want to do but aren’t sure of yet? Hm. Idk. I'm pretty sure of most things I want to do. Biggest lie you ever told? I'm not entirely sure and I'd rather not search for one. Do you have a religion? I don't fit perfectly into any. I relate most with Neo-Paganism, but even that I deviate from some. Believe that there is a point to churches? I mean sure, people have the right to believe in/worship what they want to, and some people get a lot of joy and reassurance out of going. How do eat Oreos? "I split them in half and lick the cream before eating the cookie." <<<< Converse or Vans? Idc. Eh, maybe Converse, but idk. Dancing or watching others dance? I love watching others dance, it's why I enjoyed dance recitals and competitions. Favorite thing to touch/feel? My cat! <3 Rather be in a tornado or a large earthquake? Both would be horrifying, but I guess earthquake. I've had an outrageous fear of tornadoes since I was very little. Would you rather Santa or the Easter Bunny actually exist? Santa, duh. Would you rather spread gossip or start a fight? Start a fight, I guess. Trying to sully someone's name with false information would haunt me way more than starting an understandable fight. What has been the best New Year's for you so far & why? I don't know. What is the weirdest fear you’ve ever heard of someone having? Do you have any weird fears, and if so, what are they? Uhhh I think maybe butterflies? Idk, even that's not too weird considering it's an insect, and that's common. I'm personally absolutely terrified of pregnancy and also whale sharks scare me quite a bit. ig that's weird. How did you find Tumblr? lol how could you not know at some point as a teen on the Internet. What of the 8 wonders of the world do you find the most fascinating, if any? I had to look them up lmao. I guess the Great Pyramid of Giza. I in general find Egyptian culture and art to be very cool. Do you have a webcam? If you do, do you ever use it and what for? I mean, it's built into the laptop. I never use it. What is something that you think is really underrated? The band Otep, for one. I mean they're not small, but I don't think most people interested in the metal genre know them. OH and then there are A LOT of YouTube artists that MADLY deserve to be signed. I have a large chunk of metal musicians I listen to, and those especially like Jonathan Young blow my fucking mind they haven't technically "made it," even if they have a large subscriber base. Have you ever had a dream where you died? Did anything weird happen to your body after it? Yes, a few. Now hang with me, okay? One of my worst nightmares as a kid involved the wicked witch from TWoO turning me into one of those fucking party things that you blow into it and the paper unfurls and her using it killed me. Yo idk. I was really scared of that witch as a kid. What’s the scariest dream you’ve ever had? How about the most realistic? It involved my dad and that's all that needs to be said. Realistic? Hm. This was SO long ago that I barely remember *just* how real it felt, but I remember it felt real as fuck. I was very little when this happened. I dreamed that I went outside to our porch because there was a weird light and when I stepped outside, a swan and a goose flew down from the light onto the porch to become my late grandpa and my deeply beloved cat Midnight, who died from sickness. I'm sure it was just a dream now, but back then, I was VERY convinced it was like a vision from God or something, telling me they were okay and with us. Do you have a favorite fashion trend? What is it? Is there a fashion trend right now that you think is completely ridiculous, and if so, what? What do you think was the worst fashion trend of all time? I don't care about fashion enough to go in depth about all this. I'll tell you right now though that mullets were the worst mistake known to mankind. Do you tend to like original horror movies or re-makes better? What’s your favorite horror movie? Is it an original or a remake? If you're remaking an old one, I'll probably like it more since they're generally not nearly as cheesy. Modern horror movies, I don't have much of a preference. My fave is The Blair Witch Project, and it's an original. What is one characteristic in a person that you cannot stand? What characteristics do you like best in a person? Do you possess any of these characteristics? Those that act violent when they're angry, for one. Those scare me. Some traits that I really like are compassion, patience, genuineness, empathy, kindness just for the sake of being so, stuff like that. I'd like to think I've got some of those. It's notable that in my nightmares, I'm way more violent than I actually am, though. What kind of jeans do you like best? When I actually wore jeans, they were like solely skinny jeans. What has been the most traumatic experience of your life? Does it still bother you? A very abrupt and poorly-executed breakup after a long-term relationship and falling way, way too hard to be healthy. Does it still bother me? PTSD is stapled on my fucking forehead if you know the slightest about it. I've healed a whole lot, but I'm pretty sure it's a scar that's never going to even fully seal.

hihi everybody !! i’m kelly ( eighteen , she/her , mst ) and uh h ... i haven’t been in the roleplaying game for a hot minute but i’m really excited to be here n get back into it ! this is my garbage son gabriel who is technically an old muse ?? ngl i’ve dragged this poor binch to hell n back so if this intro kinda funky ... that why ....... also i may or may not be running on 3 hrs of sleep jfifjnck

◟ * ◊ ─ jason bateman + cismale + he/him » * believe it or not gabriel dombrova is working for the lothario family. they are forty seven years of age and are known to usually spend their time around city hall. the mayor, who has been a part of the alliance for sixteen years, has been living in victoria for forty seven years. the people closest to them describe the bisexual + capricorn to be driven and astute as well as reserved and unforgiving » 

background

— born and raised in victoria, despite not being a founding family, gabriel’s family still had relatively deep roots within the city; it was said that his great grandfather had moved here from massachusetts looking for the american dream. the patriarchal dombrova came from humble beginnings, building the family business ( a local inn ) from the ground up and over the decades it only got bigger and bigger until it had turned into the respectable hotel that it is known as today and now has multiple locations across the state of florida. naturally, his father inherited this business and his mother, on the other hand, is your typical southern belle, moved here from a small town in texas. she was a corporate lawyer ( it’s how she met gabriel’s father ) but since becoming a mother she really has had no interests in any other occupation other than trophy wife and socialite.

— to say that gabriel’s parents were old school would be putting it lightly. basically, both of his parents were deeply religious republicans and were very aware of their image as a family. they were harsh parents, extremely controlling when it came to their children’s lives but at the same time were also really emotionally absent. to this day they still believe that it was all in the name of tough love but obviously it was just emotional abuse. his father was especially hard on gabriel, he was a strong believer in physical discipline and thought gabriel to be too “soft”. he was always berating him, punishing him for petty offences, and pretty much just fostering your typical environment of toxic masculinity. though he never laid a hand on gabriel’s sister as she was what he called, “a lady” and his “pride and joy.”

— but gabriel was a good kid, he was obedient aside from stupid mistakes that kids are bound to make. he was your typical golden boy, a jack of all trades of sorts. not exceptionally good at one thing, but averagely good at a multitude of things. he was a quick learner and dedicated, anything he took a crack at, he eventually excelled in. throughout high school, he mostly kept to himself, choosing to focus on his education and after graduating valedictorian, he went to harvard where he earned his business degree. the plan was to come back to victoria, work for his father, and make his way up until he was ready to inherit the business himself.

— but while away at university, he met abigail. it was your typical whirlwind of a first love where it felt like it was just the two of you against the world. with her, gabriel experienced a sense of normalcy and sincere, unconditional love. for someone who severely lacked both up until then, maybe it wasn’t so crazy that the two decided to marry as soon as they graduated. together, they moved back to victoria to start their lives. to an outsider, gabriel’s life had seemingly always been perfect, envy-worthy. with a renowned and respected family, a successful business, the perfect wife, and now, a baby on the way too, it’s no wonder he’d been chosen by the lothario’s to be their candidate as mayor.

— his connection with the alliance started out small; the hotel business had been in a rough spot for a couple of years and out of nowhere, they seemed to have just come in at the right time, saving the day. he could be on their payroll all for the price of a few, teensy favours. favours such as his hotel being used as refuge for some of their men, a place of business when needed, and gabriel refusing to be a failure, especially in his father’s eyes, easily succumbed to their offer. 

— of course, gabriel’s family has no idea about the real root of his sudden interest in politics, much less how the family business has managed to be so successful still despite his now even busier schedule. and as a result, his relationship with his wife and children have deteriorated over the years. it began as a defense mechanism, intentionally distancing himself from his loved ones as a way to protect them. and while his children maybe the one last soft spot gabriel has left, his sudden absence as a father has definitely put a strain on his relationship with them. however his relationship with his wife seemed to suffer even more, things between the two of them are definitely not how they once used to be. they’re cold to one another and see each other more so as strangers rather than husband and wife. unfortunately, a divorce doesn’t exactly fit into the white picket-fence image gabriel had so carefully curated over the years. 

personality

— after decades of playing different facades, gabriel’s definitely lost a sense of his true self, or maybe it’s just fully gone. he used to be this really compassionate and benevolent person who always prioritized family over anything. it’s why ( at least this is what he tells himself ) he initially risked getting into business with the alliance in the first place, but now, he really only pretends to be those things to get the people to like him. he can be incredibly charming when he wants to be but it’s all just so .. hollow ? if that makes sense. like, nowadays there’s rarely an ounce of honesty or sincerity in him. he’s just so consumed with being a part of the alliance, it’s all he really knows at this point.

— extremely driven and cunning, if there’s something gabriel wants, he’ll get it. even as a child, he was an over achiever and so he’s known to always come through when it’s requested of him. he’s not exactly evil .. ? but he is loyal to the lotharios. i think there’s a small part of him that hates them, hates himself, and hates what he’s doing but idk he kinda just tells that it to shut up lmao. having had to learn it as a child, he’s very good at compartmentalizing which is probably why he can play all these different roles so well without going insane dnkjds

— really reserved, tries ( and succeeds ) to put out this strait-laced and conservative image. has the ability to remain calm in any sort of situation and twist things to his advantage. like honestly ?? gabriel is probably a pr manager’s wet dream .. he just comes across as this very charming and kind man, he’s the type of politician that’ll say hi to your baby and sign its head idk

but ugh idk it’s hard to explain gabriel’s personality since he’s such an emotional mess, i would just end up rambling about the same thing over and over again if i tried to keep going so i’m gonna .. stop right now.

connections

— personal assistant ?? someone incredibly organized and competent. this plot can range from really basic like .. yeah book my doctor’s appointment thnx to someone he’s actually pretty close to ? maybe he doesn’t even realize it, idk. like we can literally do wtvr w this, so !

— other members of the alliance, could be just someone he’s acquainted with or knows well and works pretty close with.

— if you have any muses involved with politics or managing ? his campaign manager or just anyone who worked on his campaign. like w the personal assistant we can .. go basic or brazy w this.

— love interests ? doesn’t have to be ~romantic~ per se .. but idk like affairs ig ?? cause .. gabe’s not perfect, rip. but he is careful so it wldn’t be like .. smth messy or if it was he’d prob make certain measurements after. idk what that means exactly dnjsnsdjk just tryna not get caught uk … or even something as small as flirtationships !

ok these all suck bc gabe is….. emotionally dead inside cnjdsnksnjd but ! obv tht can change per circumstance n whatever so pls .. feel free to mssg me whenever if u have any ideas !!

The Strike Continues...

Sorry all for the delay in posts! Between my birthday, the strike, Allison being here, I’ve been busy so haven’t taken the time to sit down and write anything. 

But since my last post, lots has been going on. The week was fascinating and I’m finally feeling more settled and am able to learn and understand more and more each day. Last week, the 3rd year students asked me to sit them and give them some lessons while I’m here which has been really fun. We started our first session with the basics- how to take an H&P, what clinical signs go along with common diagnoses. They seem genuinely excited to have me teaching them, so that’s a nice difference from another group who kept asking but rescheduling. Teaching has definitely been a challenge- I learn very quickly where my weaknesses are- but it’s been great to have to remember back and see how much I really have learned over the years. Later in the week, they asked me to talk to them about murmurs, something I often struggle with as well. I was definitely overwhelmed at first but was able to break it down and review a topic that’s really important for me to improve at in the process. I just hope they also managed to learn something!

Over the last couple weeks I have also been given the chance to attend several specialty clinics which have been really interesting. In Zimbabwe, each patient keeps a small notebook that doctors use to write little notes in any time they are seen. There is very little in the way of a medical record beyond this little book and any lab results or imaging (either the pictures or maybe a report) that the patient decides are pertinent enough to bring with to the visit. So checking a medical history involves flipping through this little book, trying to decipher handwriting, read crumbling pages, and hoping the patient might be aware enough to remember the details themselves. Makes me appreciate our electronic system and all the access we have just at our fingertips!

The only exception to this is in the HIV clinic. That clinic is sponsored by an American NGO so they have a basic EMR that is used mainly to track meds and labs. It’s very basic, but incredibly luxurious compared to the alternative. 

The clinics I saw were cardiology, Kaposi’s Sarcoma, and HIV x 2. After seeing all the sick patients in the hospital, it was refreshing to see people living with chronic diseases (HIV, Kaposi’s, heart block s/p pacemaker) and managing them so well that they have entirely no complications and lead completely normal lives. It demonstrates the importance of not only access but also ease of obtaining medications on a regular basis. Not only to keep these patient healthy, but if their viral loads remain undetectable, the likelihood of spreading HIV to a partner or child is miniscule. If all patients in the world with HIV could just reach this state, maybe it would be a disease of the past. But that will take time, commitment, partnerships and of course, a lot of money. I still think that one step at a time, it might be something that we begin to see in our lifetime. 

Otherwise the majority of the week was pretty similar to other weeks. I saw tons of interesting patients on the wards and tried to help my registrars the best I could. They are all starting to feel the struggle and exhaustion from constantly working and I just wish I could do more. 

On Friday, I got the chance to join Taps, the registrar who came to the US as part of the exchange I’m doing, at Harare hospital. This is the city hospital that was built in the poor part of down and designed to serve the poorest patients. It is shocking to think, but Pari really is a palace in comparison. Harare has the look of a hospital that has not changed since it was built. Wards are open with ~30 beds arranged in a giant room with some occasional dividers between. The ICU has 4 beds and there is a step down unit with another 4 beds. I think there are only 2 or 3 operating rooms. This is in a hospital with 1200 beds which is just insane. To get an ICU bed for a patient you have to beg, plead and honestly just have a bit of luck. But usually the patient doesn’t last as long as it takes. And even if they do, the care is so limited both by access and funds that it takes a miracle to overcome a serious illness. 

(To compare numbers, Denver health has about 525 beds, 24 of which are in the MICU and another handful are in the SICU, NICU, and PICU). 

We also got to see the peds hospital and the maternity hospital along with the nurseries and NICU! I didn’t realize how much I missed the kiddos while being over in adult land. While the facilities are a touch nicer there, the conditions are not really different. Wards have maybe 15 cribs in each with a chair for the parent next to it. They are completely full and apparently in a bronchiolitis crisis but have no or incredibly limited access to oxygen (the #1 treatment for the condition). Not to mention that the strike impacts them even more than us and the number of patients to each provider has doubled or tripled in the last week. I can’t even imagine. Not to mention the NICU and nursery. Same story, huge room with what seems like hundreds of cribs and incubators all in a row jammed in all corners (it’s probably closer to 30-50 per room). 5 registrars to take care of them all. In a country that doesn’t have the best rates of prenatal ultrasounds (as in more don’t have them than do) so an incredibly high rate of preterm births, omphaloceles, twins, heart defects, etc that are not diagnosed until birth. I can’t fully put into wards how it felt walking through there, just hoping that somehow all the little kiddos would be strong enough to overcome what they were born into. And to be grateful and learn not to complain for what we see as hardship back home. Because nothing truly compares to this. And this is at one of the referral centers! I cannot imagine what it’s like outside the city...

Okay, that’s enough of the depressing. For my medical and otherwise interested readers, here are some interesting patients I’ve seen over the past week or so:

29yo F with heart failure 2/2 thyroid disease

32yo M with silicosis 2/2 working in a gold mine

Older lady with efavirenz induced pyschosis

Several 20-somethings with intentional organophosphate ingestions treated with atropine

Cryptococcal Meningitis with a CD4 count of 9

3 family members with severe malaria (I started my prophylaxis that same day)

Postpartum pancytopenia with a hgb of 1.5

A 20 year old with a tetralogy that was actually fixed as a baby and he now has a pacemaker for AV block and is doing great

Ocular squamous cell carcinoma in an HIV + patient

HIV presenting as encephalopathy/HANDS

Neuropathy related to HIV treatment (Zim didn’t change standard treatment despite recs to do so for years)

A variceal GI bleed with a hgb of 4.4 after 2 units of blood, unable to be banded because there is no interventionalist in the hospital and you have to be taken to a clinic across town

Disseminated TB leading to hypoadrenalism

32yo F with new onset heart failure and 4 miscarriages and hypertension of unknown etiology

17 year old M with toxic epidermal necrolysis likely from restarting his HIV meds. His skin was literally falling off and Taps had to spend 30-45 minutes on the phone with no less than 3 hospital administrators to get approval to send him to the burn unit.

To give an idea of the magnitude of the strike and how it affects the registrars, one day 3 people were in charge of the following (normally there are at least 6 if not more):

Rounding on >30 patients

Draw blood on 14 people (with handwritten lab slips and labels

Insert peripheral cannulas on 6

Perform 2 lumbar punctures

Discharge 9 patients (with a handwritten summary and scripts before departure)

Go down to the lab to physically chase down results for 3 patients who’s were lost (at baseline, labs are written on a slip, the lab tube is taped to the slip, this is sent to the lab, it’s run and results printed with a name (often a first name only), a ward where they are (no bed number or ID number) and a lab result. This is then whatsapped to the residents to handwrite in the paper charts). 

Now this is not just one day, but has been repeated day after day. And on call days, add to the above- admit 15-30 new patients. I can’t believe these guys are still standing. 

Last bit of this long long post. Some other things I’ve learned here:

Grand rounds literally started (and here still is) a round with the entire department. So about 30 people stand around a bed and stare at a patient while someone presents them and a clinical question. 

You get a consult by sending the consultant a message on whatsapp

Labs as above

Okay that’s all for now! I also just remembered I’m missing a lecture I was meant to attend so off I go!