#also i was like three seconds away from making cas say 'so how do you like them eggs?'
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Listen I know the whole "do you Journal Dean?" "Ever since I was a little girl" joke makes it look like Dean does not unfact journal BUT WHAT IF!!! what if he DOES journal because John journaled because let's be honest other than drinking and breaking things that's the only other (non-violent) way he knows how to cope.
Okay maybe he doesn't have a little diary where he writes all his deepest darkest little secrets but I like to think that maybe when he moved in with Lisa and Ben, he also started going to therapy? Obviously it was impossiblely hard to convince him and sure he only agreed to go once a month and to be honest, now that he looks back on it didn't really do shit but the one thing that seemed to help him the most was writing. He does not journal! but maybe he writes letters to everyone. Letters he'll never send, letters filled to the brim with words he'll never say
In the beginning most of his letters were addressed to Sammy, is baby brother, the only reason he even wanted to hunt. To protect his brother, to allow him to live in a world where nothing goes bump in the night.
And after Sammys first death, nothing was easy, but the letters helped. more than Ben and Lisa more than the few and far between calls he'd pick up from bobby. The letters were the only place where he didn't feel the need to pretend.
But after Sammy came back the letters stopped. Dean convinced himself that Sam was the only reason he felt this empty pit in his heart and once he came back he didn't need the letters anymore. Even if he wanted to write, where would he even get the time or privacy.
They'd stopped, but Dean still carried them around like stolen momentous that he constantly told himself he needed to get rid of (and conveniently forget to)
The second time the letters start is when he loses Cas to the leviathan. He's angry, he hates what Cas did to them... what he did to himself. 'Fuck this! fuck you and fuck every other prissy angel out there! I shouldve never trusted you i hate you. i hate you for leaving us more fucked over than the last 2 apocalypses, i hate you for leaving with your tail tucked between your legs. I hate you just for leaving at all, so come back so i can yell at you to your face, you coward! Just come back'
Every thought in his head that he can't bring himself to yell out loud, he tells the parchment with his pen as the vessel.
'Shit is getting fucking harder, we need you cas we cant do this without you' 'I can't do this without you"
When Cas comes back the letters stopped again. Dean finds a place to hide them so well that half the time he forgets they're even there
And thats just how the cycle goes, he writes when talking takes more energy than he has left to give. One for each person he's ever lost. 10 for Sam, 20 for Cas.
Sometimes he just writes when he's angry at someone. 20 for Sam, 30 for Cas
Sometimes he just writes for the sake of it, unspoken words he's too scared to confess out loud. 50 for Cas, 100 for Cas, all for Cas
When Dean dies, Sam finds the stash of letters stowed away in a dusty old shoebox on the roof of Dean's cupboard. He sees the letters addressed to him. Something in him is begging him not to read them, but his curiosity gets the better of him.
He should've listened to that something because for the rest of the day after that Sam finds himself reading through letter after letter that was written to him but never sent. He cries like a baby, the kind of sob that Dean would've made fun of him for when they were kids. Gosh what he'd give just to hear Dean give him a snarky remark now.
Sam doesn't read the letters addressed to other people, he doesn't have the heart too anymore. So the next day he makes it a mission to take the letters to everyone Dean has ever written too
Two letters left where they'd spread Charlie's Ashes, One at Kevin's, four for Dad, four for mom, one for crowley, three for Jack, and on it goes
Until the only things left are the unread letters addressed to Castiel. Even after taking out all the other ones it still feels like the box is over flowing, but cas is the only one left.
He leaves them in the flower feild where Dean had spread Cas' ashes. Sam knew that it wasn't where Cas was layed to rest, because truth be told Sam had no idea what had even happened to Cas. Dean refused to talk about it and Sam was too distraught by the awful expression on Dean's face every time Cas became a topic to bring it up over and over again.
So he let the letters go in a place where he thought Cas would appreciate. Wherever he was, Sam hoped that it would bring him peace - the thought that Dean would have wanted him to rest in a place as beautiful as the flower field over looking the mountains.
#i was listening to ever more and when the line#“writing letters addressed to the fire”#came up it was like an inspiration lightbulb moment#dean writes i know does trust me im the pen#swiftie dean winchester#swiftnatural#supernatural#castiel#dean winchester#sam winchester#spn#destiel#evermore#taylor swift#spn headcanon
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“This is not a date.”
But it sure feels like one.
| Featuring: Ayato Sakamaki & Yui Komori.
Heavily Inspired by Diabolik Lovers Anime Anthology Manga, Ayato's second chapter.
Prompt 5: First Date.
From the moment I settled for my fate to live in this huge mansion, I have been treated as prey by every single one of the vampires living in it. Rude comments were said to me every day, night after night.
The Sakamaki brothers would never show mercy.
– I am not food! – I tried to say countless times, and no one bothered to listen.
As time passed, I lost hope of being heard and became increasingly lonely. Until one of them showed up to question me.
– Sup, pancake? – Ayato's presence was recurring, wherever I went, I would be confronted by the red-haired vampire. – You have been sighin’ nonstop lately.
He asks this while using one of his rude nicknames, as always. However, I decided to answer him.
– It's just… it's been so long since I've had fresh air. – Another longing sigh crawls out of my nostrils, my gaze wandering to the ceiling. – The mansion is too stuffy, and I start to think about going somewhere else. Like a park or a garden outside of here.
No one would let me leave, it was that simple.
– A park? – With a single step, Ayato places himself right in front of me. His brow was furrowed. – For what? Do you want to have a date there or something? – His tone was blatantly mocking.
– What? No, I never said that!
Laughing at my face, he looks down at me.
– You know, your reaction says it all. – He walks around me with a sneer on his lips. – Of course, no one would invite you, with that flat chest of yours.
– My chest has nothing to do with it!
With the little freedom I have, it would be impossible to find someone in that sense. I don't even want to have a relationship with anyone right now.
– It has a lot to do with it. – Determined, he takes a step forward, daring me to respond. – Pan-ca-ke.
I know that if I answered him, his response would be another snarky joke. Ayato is really cruel.
Selfish, and an eternal child.
I just want to be listened to, without my words getting distorted or laughed at when I'm trying to say something important. Any change from him seemed too good to be possible.
– … excuse me. – I turn my back, catching him off guard as I head to the opposite side.
I’m in no mood to deal with that kind of discussion today. Rather keep myself out of trouble until dawn, no matter how much I despise wandering in the dark. Better alone than going out with bad company, after all.
When school starts, I sit outside at the top of the building, letting the wind intertwine my blond curls. I should have been in class, but the concentration on my studies had faded along with any remnants of determination.
On nights like this, loneliness is my only enemy.
It's cold out here. I need to hug my knees to get some comfort.
I would like to look at the sky, but the stars are hidden among the clouds. The only thing left is the bright full moon.
Even if I insisted on reaching its light with my fingertips, they would never make it. Some hopes were doomed to be forgotten.
However, I hadn't completely abandoned my dreams yet. I still thought of them.
– What are you doin’ here? – and he also remembered me.
When I lift my chin, I find the same confident boy from before seemingly bothered. His usual white shirt with three of the buttons unbuttoned, the black jacket, and one of the legs with the pants resting on his knee.
– Nothing… – I doubt he would care if I told him.
His eyebrows hunched as if trying to guess what I meant by that.
– Tch. – His hand lands on my back, pulling me away from the corner. – It's annoying when you suddenly disappear.
There was only one reason why Ayato would care about this.
– Uhm. – My lower lip trembles a little. – You always get upset when the prey disappears, right?
The words sound defiant in my head, although the voice comes out small and sad. I stand up with the support of his hand, watching his cautious expression through my pink irises.
He seems to think for a while, not knowing how to respond when he notices the lingering melancholy in my actions.
– Your blood is simple food for vampires. – Obviously, Ayato will say that. – It would be strange for us to treat you in any other way.
– Okay… – I don’t even want to argue, my mind is too exhausted for such a thing.
I try to free myself from him, with little desire to use force.
I remain in place.
– And this, it's “okay” too? – His arms wrap around my waist, suddenly pulling me towards him.
– Eh?!
Before I can react, the soles of my shoes leave the floor. The air currents that clash against me get more intense, and when I look down…
– A-Ayato. – I close my eyes. – Get back down, we’re going t-too high.
I forgot that vampires could fly on a full moon, and I never imagined that he would grab me and take flight like that, out of nowhere!
– Who told you to close your eyelids? – he murmurs with annoyance. – If you’re so afraid of fallin’, all you need to do is hold on tight.
Following his advice, I began to tighten his clothes. The muffled laugh that rises from his chest forms a strangely pleasant buzz against my skin. We ascend into the night sky.
My sighs become lighter as I place a small part of my trust in him, despite still being scared.
The environment around me felt swift and slow, indicating that Ayato had – finally – stopped.
His grip on my waist becomes solid, an assurance that he will continue carrying me.
His body barely emits heat, but it gives me a comforting feeling when I hold on tightly. Courage blooms in my chest, a curiosity to see what he wanted to show me so bad.
In an attempt to satisfy this anxiety, my eyelashes lift one by one.
I thought the heights would scare me, however, I was wrong. The city lights are beautiful, as bright as sun rays in the midst of shadows. A whiff of air slips away from my lungs, and my palms drag to his shoulders.
– I remember you said you weren't a big fan of the darkness once, so… – he turns his head upwards, forgetting to finish the sentence. – Oh, that's right, you wanted to see a park.
My heart filled with happiness when I realized that he had actually paid attention to what I said. I didn't even remember sharing this information with Ayato, but it seems that this opinion of mine had been kept carefully in his thoughts.
– There’s an amusement park. – He points with his index finger, proud of his own discovery. – Right there.
Following the direction in which his green eyes are guided, I observe a ferris wheel and other lit toys, as well as wide gates guarding the place. No group of people inside.
– It must be closed at these hours. We have to go back—
He cuts off my speech, pressing my body against his.
– Don't be a party pooper! You’ll be able to experience anythin’ you desire once we get there. – A playful smile forms on his lips, the idea sparkling in his pupils. – Let's go now.
– No, wait!
WHOOSH—
Ayato pretends not to hear as he flies away. I bury my face on his shoulder, a loud screech escaping my throat.
I hold him tightly as we cross the vast ocean of urban buildings, which resemble a bunch of figures and shadows moving around us. When we reach the blue floor, it feels like my stomach just turned from the inside out.
– … why do that? – I take in the fresh air, releasing it with some difficulty.
This night is getting too radical for me.
– If I had let you talk, you’d be complaining. – He murmurs, relieving the pressure of his hug. – It’s your first time skipping class, we gotta celebrate somehow!
This, in no context, should be a reason for celebration.
– There is no way to enjoy a closed amusement park. – A calm breeze passes by, and I break our embrace. – Someone might see it and call the police, we are trespassing after all.
He laughs.
– As if they’re going to find us! – the confidence in his words remains unshakable. – In the worst-case scenario, I’ll grip ya and fly away. No issue.
This vampire never changes. However, I have to admit that this little adventure lifted my spirits.
There's a section with a field of artificial flowers and the park’s map behind him. Even though we're the only ones here, all the attractions listed make me want to explore more.
– Alright. – I confirm with hesitation. – Let's try to be discreet, it would be awful if we ended up damaging something.
In the moment’s rush of adrenaline, I almost fail to perceive the cocky vampire puffing his chest in satisfaction.
– Heh, I always knew you weren’t as prissy as you seemed.
It surprises me that a guy like him managed to drag me into such a mess, which makes me question his true intentions. However, when I stop to question why, a very peculiar possibility comes to mind.
It makes me stay quiet for a while until I have the courage to ask:
– Ayato… did you bring me here because you wanted to have a date with me? – It made sense. That's what he had asked me before in a teasing tone, and it could be the real reason.
I see him blink, caught off guard by the question. No response comes out of his mouth.
Moments of stillness stretch between us.
– What are you sayin’? – suddenly, his face starts to become serious. – Obviously, I brought you here to have a meal.
My heart shatters.
I take a few steps back, almost bumping into a carousel horse by accident.
– Oh…
Of course. I don't even know why I thought it would be different.
– Come on, do your thing. – His lips form an evil smile, revealing his sharp fangs. – Close your eyes.
I was foolish to think his intentions would be good. I let my eyelids roll over my eyes, cringing in anticipation of a bite.
The silence becomes a thousand times more unbearable than it was a few seconds ago.
Until he blows a puff of air on my ear.
– Ow! – I cover it with my hand, eyes opening in irritation. – Ayato, if you're going to bite me, don't hurt my hearing!
His laughter resonates in my mind, and I, without understanding, watch him take a step back.
– Do you really think that, among all these fun toys, I'm ‘bout to bite your neck?! – suddenly, his hand holds mine. – Dum-my. You think too highly of yourself.
I’m amazed at this development, until I feel a pull from him, getting my feet dragged to God knows where Ayato is taking me.
– Tonight, let’s have fun. – Despite only seeing the back of his head, I'm sure Ayato is smiling. – So be quiet and don’t ask unnecessary questions.
The wind carries us around, shaking our fabrics and loose strands of hair as his fingers get tangled with mine. The touch is gentle.
The occasional – and discreet – glance he throws in my general direction tells me…
…this is definitely a date.
EXTRA: Silly moodboard.
‹━━━━━━━━━━━ .☆. • ☪ • .☆. ━━━━━━━━━━━›
this text was way too hard to translate from my mother language to english, I hope this is decent (help)
I rolled a d30 (a thirty sided dice) online to determine my theme, and then noticed there was an extra, bonus prompt that I forgot to count. Oh well.
May we heavily boost #diabolik otp challenge this year. I hope this oneshot wasn't too long :,)
Also, check out LeFreet, I took the rendered Ayato chibi from one of their posts.
(@yuriko-mukami) <— Follow the creator of this challenge!
#diabolik lovers#diabolik lovers fandom#dialovers#diabolik lovers fanfiction#ayato sakamaki#diabolik otp challenge#yui komori#ayayui#diaboliklovers#ayato x yui#diahell
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spirit of the west daily commentary for August 14 (with some excerpts from future updates) incoming:
today marks the first time Dean vocalizes his awareness that John will one day kill him if this situation continues. he says it to Sam, almost in passing, mid-argument
“It’s not that simple,” said Dean, shaking his head. “Dad would kill me if I left.”
and it's heard in passing too, not taken at it's true depth because it sounds like hyperbole, and it sounds self-contradictory (if you left, you'd be getting away from the threat), but we as readers know that this has been building for some time. specifically, it comes to Dean's consciousness after the throttling incident (strangulation is a significant predictor of lethal violence), and at the halfway point in the story when everything changes on the second day of the Stampede
It wasn’t even that he thought John might hit him. He could stand that.
It was that things were getting worse. A broken arm. A near throttling. John was okay right now, but the next time he blew up, who knew how far he’d take it?
These thoughts were dramatic. Unfair. Nonsense, really. His dad didn’t want to kill him. His dad would never do that.
And yet, when he looked at John he sometimes felt like death stood in the room with him.
we also see a racehorse die immediately after this. which could mean nothing.
after this, Dean starts thinking in these terms all the time, especially around his relationship with Cas and how John would react to that
How the hell was Dean supposed to have a life with Cas when John would kill him if he knew about it?
Tonight they were undiscovered, unencumbered. They had not been divided by disaster or time. One day Cas might tire of him, or fate might separate them, or John might kill him for how he loved.
If he looked only at the present moment, his reality had never been brighter. But the future hung over him like a death sentence.
it's been on his mind. that first quote, to Sam, he says it aloud for the first time. I don't know if he even hears himself, but it's become a truth he's certain enough of that he can say it. we're getting into future updates here if you haven't read the whole thing, but I'll keep the spoilers light either way
the second time he says it aloud, it's to Zepp. don't tell me saying it to a horse doesn't count because we are in Dean's world and it COUNTS, horses are people too and Zepp doubly so
“If I stay with Dad, Sam’s dead to us. I’m dead if he finds out about Cas. You’re dead if he learns about you.”
and finally, rule of three, he says it out loud to someone who hears it and really listens, who makes sure of its meaning and knows that Dean is serious
“When I saw you, I thought John had found out about us.”
“I think he’d have killed me for that,” said Dean.
Their eyes met, Cas’ looking for the casual detachment of exaggeration, but not finding it.
and I think Dean does need to be away for him to fully understand it, too. it's hard to wrestle with awareness of death when we have hitherto only known surviving, somehow. we have a bias saying that we have lived through everything else, surely we will continue on. there's this double-cognition where he both knows and can't know the direct peril he's in while he's in it
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Sanji x male Reader
Female Dni or anyone uses she they pronouns
It was just a another day on the sunny I was playing with luffy and chopper when luffy got hungry and went to the kitchen to go beg for food from sanji unsparingly he got yelled at and thrown out so he came to me
Pov change
"No”
“please “
”for the last time “
”NO”
“But he will just kick me out if I try again “
“If I say yes will you stop”
“Yes”
“Ok”
I went up to the kitchen and knocked on the door before opening it
“For the last time luffy I am not giving you a snack “
“wow and I thought you would be nicer to me”
I said as I close the door behind me and Lock it
“Oh it’s just you love “
Yes you heard that right sanji the same woman obsessed sanji called me a man love , you would think that was as obsessed with woman would not bat an eye at me but holy hell with the way he sucked cock he really put the man in woman obsessed
“What do you want love”
“Can I have a snack “
“Are you going to give it to luffy and if I do give you a snack what’s in it for me “
I just got closer and grab his hand and intertwine his finger with mine and with my free hand pulled him in from his waist and kissed him
(Kind of like this also dumping this is the only one I found that was kind of accurate)
As we where kissing i pulled away and said
“I think I can make it Worth your time”
My eyes travel down to his crotch and I saw a boner 
“Well you and your friend “
As I said that my fingers slowly trail down to the tent in his pants
and he looked away a bit flustered
“ don’t be flustered it’s not like I haven’t seen him before”
I said before kissing him again and while I was kissing him I slowly unbuckled his pants and took them off and fisting him painfully slowly
“a-ahh please faster”
I chuckled a bit he was so cute like this
“Beg”
“W-what d-do you mean”
” I think you heard me just fine now do it or else you’re not cuming”
“please please I will do anything j-just please”
“Please what Prince ”
He looked shyly down insert in a quiet whines
“Please make me cum”
“Good boy”
I said well kissing him and going slowly faster but I provably pull away and he whines
“No no none of that “
“Sorry “
” you never have to feel sorry for the beautiful noises you make but when I do something you follow“
“Ok”
“Now you have two options one i can give you a blowjob or I can fuck you here and nowyou have to pick ”
“ The second one”
“Good job choosing but I would’ve been ok with either way love ”
the praise made A tingle go through sanji’s back
Slowly as I return to kiss him then I push one finger in his entrance then two then three I was kissing down his Neck leaving red and purple marks 
“Please no more prep I what it now “
“you have to be patient I don’t want to hurt you”
 eventually he was ready and I slowly put it in
“Ahhh”
God his moans
“H-h-h good boy keep going “
With a rough thrust after rough thrust
He Eventually ask with shaky breath
“Please let me cum”
“ I was gonna say no but because you are so nicely of course my darling prince “
He came and finally somewhat collapse from hi high I quickly put my pants and shirt back on took a piece of meat unlock the door and threw it out to Luffy
“Thanks for the snack”
” no problem“
I’m gonna run back inside picked up sanji covered him in a shirt and went out the back entrance into the washroom and start toward repair a nice shower for the both of us
After that I put him to bed and continued cooking for him
Pov change
Sanji pov
Where the hell am I how did I end up in the boys room who’s shirt is this shit what time is it
Return to see o’clock to my left
“fuck fuck it’s an hour past lunch didn’t finish the food”
I tried to get up but I couldn’t my legs were hurting me too much I guess that’s what you get you get pounded into kitchen counter
Strange thing is why didn’t anyone wake me up then I heard a knock at the door
“Hey love sorry for not waking you up brought to you some food before the captain can eat it all”
“ wait where did you get the food from wasn’t done cooking”
“ yeah after we were done the kitchen you fell asleep I took it a quick bath change your clothes and then be written up I followed your instructions in your cookbook I really just don’t wanna wake you up”
I looked up at him eye widening Why was he doing this I mean I get the whole relationship thing but it’s unusual show this was my first relationship with a man but he was so kind
“why?”
“Why what?”
“ why did you do all of this why did you not wake me up“
“Because when I agreed to be your dom that meant taking care of you in and out of the bed room”
I Slowly felt tears coming out of the corners of my eyes and as he kiss them away I realize something I love this man more than I loved anyone
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Destiel Month, 4 Nov.: Snack
Cas made the mistake of washing his hands in the motel sink, which took all of a minute – plenty enough time for Sam and Dean to start arguing again.
deancas, post-Tombstone s13 au, first kiss, angst and fluff
Cas made the mistake of washing his hands in the motel sink, which took all of a minute – plenty enough time for Sam and Dean to start arguing again.
"You're not going," Sam was saying as Cas exited the bathroom.
"Like hell I'm not." Dean had put his boots back on and was reaching for his barn jacket.
Sam stood as tall as Cas had ever seen him do, using his height to loom over his brother not quite threateningly, but not quite benignly either. "Stay here and rest. There's no reason for you to become this monster's snack. Jack and I can handle it."
Jack, bless him, was already standing at the door. Dean glanced around Sam for a second. Jack gave him a timid wave.
Dean glared back up at Sam. "You think just 'cause my memory's fucked up I don't remember how to shoot a gun or wield a machete? Or stab something? I'm fine." He tried to plow past Sam and Sam blocked him.
"We. Will. Handle. It," Sam said, face stony. "You're not coming with us." He pointed at Cas. "He's in charge until we're back."
With that, he stalked out the door, Dean's keys in hand. Jack looked to Cas; Cas gave him a quick nod and the worry in Jack's expression lifted slightly as he squared his shoulders and followed Sam.
Dean kicked one leg of the small table near the window and scrubbed his hand through his hair. "Guess it should be comforting to know he's still a bitch."
"Sam is not–"
"I know, I know." Dean flopped onto one of the beds and glared at the water stains on the ceiling. "Seems like most witches have continued to be a whole pain in the ass, so that's fun."
"He may not be as worried about your memory loss issues as he is the part where you were recently tossed down a flight of stairs," Cas mentioned.
Dean winced, as if he'd forgotten about his skinned elbow and the giant bruise on his hip, and maybe he had. He didn't seem to have any retention of memories since around the time Sam and Lucifer fell into the abyss with Adam and Michael to the point where their errant witch in question had hit him with a spell less than a day ago. On the bright side, Dean seemed to know himself generally; to hear Sam tell it, their last run-in with a memory obliterating witch had been somewhat more horrific, though of course Dean couldn't recall that either. He kept glancing at Cas with an expression of surprise, disbelief, and unfettered happiness, a combination Cas found somewhat inscrutable.
It also just…made Cas's heart heavy.
He took off his trench coat, slung it over the back of a chair, and perched beside Dean on the bed. "Wouldn't hurt you to try to sleep a little. It's been a very long couple of days."
Dean made a grouchy, unwilling noise.
"We should know if Sam and Jack were successful almost immediately. That may take a while, regardless." Cas looked over and caught Dean staring at him with another of those difficult to parse expressions.
"Yeah, yeah." Dean looked away, a mild flush across the tops of his cheeks. Several minutes passed with only the sounds of traffic passing on the nearby highway to keep them company. "You ever learn anything about the Three Stooges?" Dean asked out of nowhere.
Cas quirked an eyebrow at him. "Only what you've shown me. There was one where three women pretending to be widows bashed them over the heads with champagne bottles."
Dean grinned with the tip of his tongue sticking out from between his teeth. "Classic. The local access channel's gonna show a good one tonight – it's one with Shemp, so your mileage may vary, but there's a skeleton in it."
"Does the skeleton elevate the humor?" Cas squinted.
"Yes," Dean said definitively, bouncing off the bed to grab the remote and turn on the room's rather dinged-up television.
The skeleton didn't make the Three Stooges funnier as far as Cas was concerned. He was about to voice this opinion, only to discover Dean had eased down onto a pillow and was asleep next to him on the mattress. In the tv's flickering blue light Dean's eyelashes were black and delicate as spider silk. Cas didn't trust himself not to touch him if he didn't curl his hands closed to keep them still.
He made himself watch the rest of the programming, until the channel's midnight sign off, complete with waving American flag. He clicked off the television and sat in the relative darkness, listening to Dean breathe and increasingly anxious that they'd heard nothing from Sam or Jack.
He flinched when Dean gasped. No – Dean sobbed. Cas looked down and was about to brush Dean's shoulder, but Dean woke up first, sitting up like he'd been flung out of a nightmare. His wide eyes met Cas's and he gasped again.
"Did it work?" Cas asked, thinking the witch's spell must have been lifted. "Do you remember?"
Dean's face crumpled. He was off the bed and into the bathroom, door slammed behind him, before Cas could utter another syllable.
In a minute, Dean opened the door and crept back out. He landed on the edge of the bed taking tremulous breaths.
"Dean?" Cas asked, as calmly as he could.
"No," Dean said in a miserable tone. "Memory's not improved."
Cas sagged. "I'm sorry."
Dean rubbed his face with both hands. "Yeah. Me too."
"We could call Sam."
"Like you said. It's probably just taking longer than expected. Ain't that always the way."
"Almost always," Cas said, smiling small as Dean smiled small too. His anxiety ratcheted up a notch as Dean seemed to deliberately drop his gaze. "Are you all right?"
"Sure," Dean lied.
Cas waited.
Dean blinked a few times, like his eyes were burning. "Hey, um. I know I'm missing a few, several, years. But could you… I dreamt something." He glanced at Cas and away again quickly. "I'd driven out a two-lane country road. What else is new, right? I get to this field with a lot of wildflowers blooming. Real pretty. There's an old windmill by a creek."
Dean was trembling, just a little.
"I think. In the dream." Dean swallowed. "I think it may have been a memory? The palms of my hands were covered with ashes." He looked up at Cas, eyes glossy with unshed tears. "Could you tell me who died?" he whispered. "'Cause I think…I think someone I loved must've died."
Cas's throat had closed, sorrow choking him like a garrote.
Dean said, "Please, man. Just. Please."
It took Cas a moment to find words. "Your dream, the drive to that field, may have been from when I was dead."
"You mean after the, um, what did Sam call them? The Leviathan?" Dean frowned.
"Lucifer killed me, again, several months ago," Cas said slowly. "And I was asleep in the Empty. Jack woke me up."
Dean shook his head, clearly not understanding. Thing was, Cas didn't know how to explain it to him – so much time had passed since Sam went to the cage. They'd all endured so much pain and loss and trauma. Cas just barely understood how Jack's powers had manifested, or why, to wake Cas; he was grateful, of course, to be alive, but living with grief was trickier, and he had a terrible, sinking realization that Dean had perhaps grieved his last death far more than he'd imagined.
When Cas didn't say anything else, Dean shook his head again and wiped his eyes. "You're okay now, right? Jack brought you back and you're all healed up?"
Cas found that his chest hurt right where Lucifer's angel blade had pierced through, some dull echo of the murder, but he said, "Yes. All better."
Dean chuffed a watery laugh. "Well. Good. Good for Jack." He looked away, lips pressed together like he was trying to keep from crying more. He took a couple of long, shaky breaths and stared at the wall. "I think," he started. Pressed his fist against his mouth. "I think I missed you something awful."
He didn't look at Cas. A few tears raced down his face.
Cas thought suddenly, for the first time in many years, of Anna, and of her telling him that feeling would get worse. He'd experienced that truth over and over, and yet at this moment, his emotions were so much more enormous than he'd ever believed possible – as huge as his angelic form, brimming with so much blinding light that felt like it might pour out of him if he as much as moved an inch in any direction.
I love him, he thought, looking at Dean. I am in love with him: a startling distinction, equally true.
"Dean," he started to say.
Dean collapsed into the space between the bed and the wall.
Cas reached him in a millisecond, mind white with fear. "Dean."
"Ow." Dean let himself be sat up into Cas's arms. "How'd we… Why'm I on the floor?"
"You fainted." Cas helped him back up onto the bed.
Dean rotated his arm around. "Gonna break this fucking elbow one way or the other, I guess." He saw Cas sitting practically atop him and blinked. "Hey. Remember that time we watched twelve westerns in one weekend?"
Cas gawped at him. "Do you remember that?"
"Yep." Dean rubbed at his hip and grimaced. "That reminds me, we need to buy you a real cowboy hat some day."
"Do we," Cas said.
Dean nodded. He hadn't moved away, but something shy came into his expression. "I think the spell's been lifted." He seemed transfixed by whatever he saw on Cas's face. "But you probably guessed that."
This must be whiplash, Cas thought. His whole body ached with it. "We should call Jack and Sam, see if they're okay." He knew that was the proper thing to suggest; his eyes stung.
"Yeah," Dean's voice was quiet and near and he made no move to go fetch either of their phones. He did, however, raise his hand to Cas's jaw, to rub his thumb back and forth beneath Cas's eye softly. "Hi, Cas."
Hello, Cas thought; it's me. It's you. We're here. He couldn't speak any of it. But Dean's mouth was on his then, gentle and warm; Cas kissed him back and hoped that said it all.
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💕💚🌟 for childe, xiao, and albedo <3
💕: Who’s the clingier one in the relationship?
For Childe and me, I think it might actually be Childe, although I always gladly welcome his affection. Unless he just came from a sparring session, then stay away from me!! (“Aw babe, but I really missed you!”- “Shower, now!”) Otherwise, I’m just kind of used to 191cm of muscles draping over me or pulling me onto the couch; I normally don’t get much done afterwards.
Most of the time, I’m the one initiating physical intimacy with Xiao but he reciprocates it pretty fast after getting over his initial hesitation. It has gotten a lot better in terms of letting himself indulge in affection but sometimes he still needs some time to let himself give it, too (“Well, you mortals are incredibly fragile compared to us adepti, I wouldn’t want to hurt you”- “I appreciate the sentiment but I’m really not that delicate. Also, I trust you, you would never hurt me, I know it.”)
Albedo and me… It’s hard to say, really. But it’s probably still me haha. Not because Bedo is against initiating it, it’s just… if both of us focus on a project we zone out for hours and kind of… forget. Once we’re done though, we’re pretty well matched though when it comes to clinginess. (“You guys really need to remember eating and drinking too!!” - “Sorry for making you burst down the door every so often ^^;” - “…when was the last time I ate?”)
💚: Who gets jealous?
Not gonna lie… it’s probably me. I mean can you blame me, I managed to bag three extremely attractive and attentive guys, of course I want to keep them all to myself.
“No need to get jealous, babe. You know I only have eyes for you. Although, you do look really hot when you’re glaring~ Yeah, just like that actually!!”
“Tch, loyalty is an important virtue for adepti, would never sink so low as to break it. Besides, you calm me down like nothing else, I could never part from you.”
“There’s no imaginable fear you should have about this, my starlight. Why is it that you still feel this way? Maybe I should research this…”
But, even so, everyone gets jealous eventually, some more and some less, so let’s see…
Childe doesn’t really get jealous because he only really considers those he recognises as strong as threats. Normally there’s not a lot of though people strolling through the city. Basically, a guy has to impress Childe first before he considers them worth the second thought. But once someone does and gets a little too close, oh boy, where’s the murderous intent coming from? Certainly not from the ginger with the friendly smile who’s squeezing the guy’s hand a little too tightly…
Xiao isn’t really familiar with the feeling because he never had much reason to feel jealous before. He’s also too perceptive to be fooled by blatant misunderstandings. At the end of the day, I’m my own person and can choose to do what I want, he doesn’t want to tell me what I can and can’t do. But what’s that sinking feeling in his gut at the image of me with someone else? No, he’s not a fan of that. (“C’mere, you silly adeptus!! How could I ever leave you?”)
Albedo just trusts me too much to feel concerned about me interacting with other men. Human emotions are already complicated, so why make it worse by speculating on someone else’s? Surely if I didn’t feel happy with him anymore, I’d just talk to him about it, right? Plus, if jealousy does ever creep up on him, he just directly talks to me about his troubles. (“You know, I could see you itching to leave the conversation.” - “Yeah, that guy was boring me to death. I just wanted to go home.”)
🌟: Who’s the tease in the relationship?
“Holly”
“Excuse you?! I’m not even doing anything.”
“Sorry but it’s true, sweetheart, you’re just so sexy, you being here is teasing enough.”
“I despise the language employed but I cannot disagree with the statement.”
“The argument does hold up and is factual based on my experiences.”
“If you’re all ganging up on me, then I have something to say, too!”
As you can tell, Childe can’t stop running his mouth and his favourite pastime is apparently using that silver tongue of his to flirt with me me. (“Don’t you have anything better to do?” - “Nope, you’re the best thing for me to do~” - *gestures in ‘See, I told you so’). He also, conveniently, finds ways to flex his muscles or show of his abs whenever I’m around. (“You’re not sly, you know.” - “Well, is it working?” - “… yes”) I’m not sure if he got the memo that we’re married, he’s still hellbent on seducing me.
“Oh, trust me I know. Our marital duties aren’t lost on me~”
“You’re the worst.”
“But you like that, don’t lie.”
“Can’t argue with that…”
Xiao is also mainly a tease through physicality alone. I mean have you seen his arms or his back? Hunting down demons really does give a guy a nice body ㅠㅠ Although, I’m not sure he knows of the effect it has on me, nobody can be that faux innocent. I said before that Xiao doesn’t really initiate physical touch, but he does do it subconsciously to guide me somewhere or to make sure I’m fine. And let me tell you, every time I feel his calloused palm on me… phew, my knees are turning to pudding
“…”
“Too honest?”
“Is that why you were turning red as jueyun chili when I squeezed past you in kitchen yesterday?! I thought it was because of the weather!”
“Well you did put your hand on the small of my back… Stop hiding your face behind your hands!”
Ahem, anyway… Albedo’s teasing always comes out of nowhere, I swear, you can never see it coming! One second he’s telling me about his newest experiment results, the next he’s dropping the most creative flirt on me. But his intelligence is attractive as hell, so it’s 100% effective.
“I’m glad you enjoy them.”
“I do. But please give me a warning, my heart can’t take it.”
“Ah I’m afraid I cannot do that. If I did, I would not be able to observe your adorable blushing face and it just happens to be my favourite thing to study.”
“You’re doing it again!!”
“Apologies, my love”
“I can tell you’re not sorry at all.”
…
“After all of this, you guys still think I’m the tease?”
“Jup.”
“Yes.”
“Affirmative.”
[self-ship ask game]
#┊✩彡 divine correspondence ♡#┊✩彡 cherished guests ♡#┊✩彡 letter from — mei ♡#OMG THIS WAS SO FUN!!#IDK AND IDC IF THIS IS LEGIBLE TO ANYONE BUT ME BUT I’M THRIVING#LIVING MY BEST LIFE WITH MY THREE HUSBANDS#ro i’m getting to your ask but i’m writing a novel over here!!#i am amazed that you and mei didn’t send any of the same questions though hshsh what are the odds#ੈ♡˳ the witch’s lovers┊͙#ੈ♡˳ chilly┊͙#[other ship names still to be found]
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Prompt: Winterfell High School doing a play/musical, maybe Sansa as a bit of a bratty actress and Jon working with the lights/sound/off-stage?
it's friday, i don't feel great, i've had a bad day, so here you go, have some nonsense high school jonsa! I hope everyone else is having a lovely friday and has an even lovlier weekend.
also, please note that I have never in my life done a play/musical and I went to maybe ONE in my entire school career and I have no idea how they work so do not @ me theater kids
read it on ao3 here:
ephemera, chapter 29
.
Jon's lounging when she comes storming back, pushing the heavy curtains aside. They're too bulky, and he watches her struggle through them as they barely move, but she manages to get through and when she's in front of him, she brushes a stray hair from her face and scowls at him.
“How hard is it to get spotlights right?” Sansa Stark asks, splotches of red high on her cheeks, her voice pitched up in irritation.
“I dunno,” he shrugs, looking over at said spotlights, ignoring the pull in his gut.
She stares at him, eyes wide, as if she can't comprehend his answer.
“We have three weeks until opening night,” she hisses, eyes narrowing when he doesn't give her any further explanation. “You're going to ruin everything!”
“You know what?” he says, scratching at the stubble on his chin – his newly grown beard. Or, the start of one. He hopes. “I must've switched scenes. I think I've got it now.”
She glares at him, but doesn't say anything else before she turns back around and heads out to the stage.
Jon behaves for the rest of rehearsal.
Mostly.
...
She tries to get him fired, except the drama teacher – who insists everyone call her Miss Melisandre – won't listen.
She had a vision, he overhears her tell Sansa. A vision that Jon Snow would be critical to the success of their play, and so she'd bargained with the principal and plucked him out of suspension and gave him stage duty instead. He knows he should be grateful that he isn't actually suspended, but he'd almost rather be than have to do a stupid school play.
The only upside is getting to see Sansa Stark regularly. Getting to watch her on stage, in her element, as she recites her lines perfectly. Not that he'd ever admit that out loud.
He never misses his cues with her. The only person he does-
“Can we please get Joffrey's light?” Sansa's voice echoes from the stage, an edge to it that makes it sound like she's five seconds away from murdering Jon.
Jon can't help the roll of his eyes as he leans over and turns Joffrey's light on. It's off center, and he keeps it that way.
“Just keep going, we'll fix the lights later,” he hears Miss Melisandre say.
Jon sits back where he was before, in his spot with the perfect view of the stage between the curtains, annoyed that they're continuing. Annoyance that morphs into a different sort of thing when Joffrey says his line and goes in for a kiss.
Jon looks away.
...
He's in a bad fucking mood today.
Ramsay was up to his normal bullshit. Apparently he didn't learn his lesson the last time, when Jon beat his face in for what he did to Sam. The thing that landed him a suspension, which threw him at the drama club's mercy.
He's early, because he needed to get away from Ramsay, before he lost his shit again, and he figured some alone time before the drama club arrived would do him good.
Just as he's passing the costume room, he hears something that makes him pause.
Someone's crying.
Not your business, he tells himself.
But instead of walking past the room like he knows he should, he lets out a sigh and opens the door.
Sansa looks up at him, nose red, face pale, eyes wet and shining, her mascara pooling beneath them.
“What are you doing here?” she spits, though the venom is lost when her voice hitches halfway through.
“You okay?” he asks, because he doesn't know what else to do. He's not great with emotions - or words - which is why he ended up fixing the Ramsay situation with his fists.
“Don't act like you care,” she says, it comes out stilted as she continues to cry. “I've been,” a hiccup, “practicing so hard,” another, “for this to be perfect.”
“The play?”
“Of course the play!”
“You've got your lines down,” he points out, shoving his hands into his pockets as guilt starts to creep through him.
“Not the kissing scene,” she argues. “We never get through it properly because you-” her voice breaks, but she keeps on, “-can't light it right, ever.” He winces, eyes dropping to the floor because he can't bring himself to look at her anymore. “I know you think the drama club is stupid-”
“I don't,” he interrupts, heart picking up pace in his chest until it's thrumming, beating out of control. “I mean, it's not my thing, but I don't think it's stupid.”
She watches him for a moment, eyes roving his face like she's looking for the lie.
“You're, uh,” he continues when she doesn't say anything, “you're really good. At acting.”
She's still watching him, eyes narrowed in suspicion. He feels the weight of her stare, guilt sitting like a stone in his stomach.
“I'll get it right from now on, I-”
He doesn't get a chance to finish, because suddenly there are voices in the hall. She quickly wipes at her eyes and picks up her bookbag and leaves the room, he guesses before anyone can see them together. He doesn't really blame her. She might be a theater nerd, but at least she isn't a loser burnout like him.
He gives her a head start – a long one - but he makes sure he shows up for the start of rehearsal on time.
...
On opening night, she's glowing.
In her pretty dress with her hair down, she looks like she's just stepped out of some sort of fairytale, which he figures is appropriate. Everyone looks good, he tries to reason. They did a good job with the wardrobe and makeup. Except Joffrey. He still looks like a weaselly little shit.
The play goes perfectly.
He wasn't joking when he told Sansa he'd get it right from now on. He always could, he was just being... petty, his mind whispers, even though he tries to ignore it.
At the end, he watches her bow to the audience and he wishes he could've seen it from their perspective, he wishes he could get the full force of her smile. He only gets pieces of it, as she turns to look at her fellow actors lined up on the stage next to her, wide and toothy, eyes shining.
He waits until they're all off the stage, then shuts down the spotlights, and he waits for the theater to empty before turning off the lights completely.
He grabs his bag and slips out, past all the theater kids standing in the halls with their parents, through the noise and bustle and excitement. They're all going to Denny's after, but Jon isn't. He wasn't really invited, except for the time a few of the girls cornered him after rehearsal and told him about it. He'd declined, and hadn't been asked again.
It's not really his scene, anyway.
As he's headed to his truck, he hears a voice call his name, and he halts in his tracks.
“Aren't you coming to Denny's?” Sansa's standing in the parking lot behind him, a bouquet of cheap grocery store flowers clutched in her hands.
“Uh,” he says, dragging his eyes from the flowers up to her face. “I'm not-”
“We're all going,” she cuts him off, though this time she doesn't seem mad at him. “They've got good pancakes.”
“Oh,” he stutters, like an idiot. “I don't think anyone wants me-”
“Sometimes they give us free fries, if Nan is working.”
“Guess some food would be nice,” he says slowly, and he watches her nod, as if that's exactly what she wanted.
He heads back towards the school, feeling like this is all some sort of prank, and she falls into step next to him.
“Aren't these pretty?” she asks, holding up the flowers.
“They look sorta cheap,” he shrugs, staring straight ahead, refusing to look at them again. “I'm sure you got a million flowers.”
He knows she did. He saw them when he snuck into her dressing room earlier and set that cheap bouquet among them.
“Doesn't say who gave them,” she hums, twisting the flowers around in her hand, as if that will magically make a card appear. “Margie says a secret admirer.”
Jon's face feels hot, and he shrugs again.
“Do you think you'll do the spring musical?” she asks.
“Oh, I don't know. I was only doing this becauase-” he can't finish the sentence, though he knows it's no secret he'd been suspended originally.
“I should give these to my parents, they're taking the rest home,” she says, when he doesn't keep talking. “Wait for me?”
“Yeah, okay,” he pauses, and watches her run back out into the parking lot, towards people loading flowers into a minivan. Her family – he recognizes Robb, who graduated last year, and Arya, a few years below them.
When she runs back to him, she's got one of his flowers tucked into her hair, and it makes his stomach flip.
“Let's go,” she says, then gives him one of those megawatt smiles, and he knows that he'll sign up for the spring musical.
#jonsa#jonsa fic#prompt fic#wait my note might be a lie#elementary school plays were mandatory#i was always in the choir#one time i was a frog i think#it was awful
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THE CELEBORN PROBLEM (solved...?)
Some things in The Rings of Power (TROP) are harder to fit into canon Tolkien lore than others. Celeborn being presumed dead is one of them. Galadriel spending centuries on chasing Sauron to avenge her brother Finrod instead of searching for her lost husband is another. I think I may have found a way to bypass these issues with a canon divergence, though. Maybe. Possibly. I don’t know, just hear me out.
It’s hard to tell when, exactly, TROP takes place since there are several incompatible plotlines are taking place all at once, but we know that it’s in the Second Age (SA). Okay. So, to narrow it down a little: SA 500 is when Sauron, who’s been lying low since the defeat of his former master Morgoth, comes out of hiding and begins to rekindle alliances in the East and the South. He doesn’t properly establish himself in Mordor until around SA 1000, though, and it takes him two more centuries before he disguises himself and befriends Cerebrimbor in Eregion. Creating the rings of power takes him an additional 300 years, so let’s say that’s our scope. The show takes place somewhere between SA 500 and SA 1500. Okay? Okay.
(Side note: We’re going to completely ignore the fuckery that’s going on with the Númenórian timeline because otherwise we’ll go insane.)
In Tolkien’s lore, Galadriel should most likely be in Eregion with Celeborn and their daughter Celebrían (born ca SA 300) during this period. In TROP, that clearly isn’t the case. Instead, we have a childless, spouseless, revenge-driven Galadriel who somehow ends up on a raft with Sauron himself (sure, let’s call it a cosmic connection, I’m sure that sexual tension was totally unintentional.) There’s seriously no way in hell to make this work while staying true to Tolkien lore, so here it comes, my little canon divergence theory:
In canon Tolkien lore, Galadriel and Celeborn fled before the War of Wrath. In TROP, however, I think Celeborn joined it but never returned.
The War of Wrath, the battle where Valar, Elves, and Men joined forces to defeat Morgoth once and for all, took place at the very end of the First Age (FA 545 – 587). When characters in TROP talk about “the war,” this is the one they’re referring to. After over 40 years of vicious fighting, Morgoth was defeated, but the wreckage of the war was so great that a big chunk of Middle-earth sank into the sea.
(Side note: The War of Wrath is not the reason why the Noldorin Elves left Valinor, though. The real reason can be summed up as “three fancy stones cause a very disproportionate amount of murder”. TROP didn’t have access to The Silmarillion so they had to work around that.)
Alright. Anyway. This little canon divergence could explain why TROP!Galadriel never looked for her lost husband. How do you even search for a fallen soldier when the battlefield no longer exists? And if Celeborn really did die in this war (which I personally doubt because it would cause the show runners an avalanche of problems down the line), it would have been because of Morgoth. It’s hard to take revenge on a being that’s already been banished from existence. Sauron, however, is still in hiding in Middle-earth. He’s the evil that got away. Galadriel can’t avenge her husband, but she can still avenge her brother.
(Side note: I think it’s also worth mentioning that Finrod actually died about a century before the War of Wrath. He plays a major role in Beren and Lúthiel, where he heroically sacrifices himself to protect a mortal man from one of Sauron’s werewolves. I repeat: Finrod did not fight in the War of Wrath, and he most certainly didn’t die in it. But let’s not dwell on that. The show would fall apart. Squint with your brain and carry on.)
#saurondriel#haladriel#trop#the rings of power#meta#the silmarillion#lotr#lord of the rings#god help me this ship is such a headache#ss doom#for sure
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I cried myself to sleep last night, so that’s the kind of season we’ve got, people. Beware going in, I skipped every scene that didn’t have Michael, and a few of Maria’s for one reason I’ll list below, in my thoughts on 4x07.
I have nothing to say on Liz and Max since I skipped all of their scenes, along the scenes with Isobel and Dallas. I just don’t care, I really don’t. I just want Alex.
By the way, side note, when you have a “Last time on Roswell New Mexico” that takes forever because it’s diving into a million subplots that don’t need to be there, excluding even more subplots by the way, you have a problem.
We were robbed. That title was just intentionally tricking us, wasn’t it? To call an episode Dig Me Out when you knew the fandom would be demanding Alex to near-protest degrees by now is an intentional attempt to trick us into thinking that Michael at least would know by now, if not having Alex himself in the episode. Instead, who do we get discovering it?
The one fucking person we want as far away from Alex as possible.
And that’s why I didn’t skip her scenes . . . near the end. See, I went into the episode knowing full well that Maria, Liz, and Dallas would end up knowing about Alex being gone at the end, so while I was able to watch a second or two of the rest of Maria’s scenes (before I just couldn’t take anymore the fact that they were actually having Alex reach out to her of all people and ended up skipping since she assumed it was just her mother anyway), I ended up watching the one at the end.
I’ll get to that particular scene more and why it made me cry in a second, though I should think the reason’s obvious. But for now, I just. I’m. I am so sick of watching The Maria Show. It’s bad enough so much of season 3 focused on her, but now we get her involved with Alex’s storyline so that I’m obligated to sit through her scenes, and when I tell you the mere sight of her, after everything she’s done, makes my heart clench in the most painful, miserable way, believe me I’m not exaggerating. This character might just give me cancer, I loathe her that much.
The problem, however, is also the fact that I just want Alex back so bad, and I want someone to finally notice he’s gone, that I will take whatever I get at this point. The promo for next episode shows that Michael finally finds out, and I just hope it’s at the beginning. By the gods, we deserve that much by now.
I understand Tyler had to miss a few more episodes than usual (it’s only been two more episodes that he’s missed than his usual three, but it feels like an eternity, which really emphasizes how much he carries this show on his back and that’s probably why he had back problems), but it’s not hard to show Michael missing him when he’s not there. Show him bored, less in the mood to make jokes, too tired and busy missing Alex to be his usual snarky self, and have other characters notice and acknowledge that.
Quick mention that I did watch Dallas’s scene with Bonnie and Clyde there at the end, and, aside from liking Clyde and Bonnie together and wanting them together, I just love Dallas so much, and he’s so wonderful, and give him and Malex their own spinoff please, the three of them the center of the show the way Sam, Dean, and Cas were the center of Supernatural. Mostly Sam and Dean, but you get the point.
Now. That scene at the end. I know Alex isn’t dead. I know they wouldn’t do that. But just hearing the words, and after not having Michael even openly or privately miss him, and finally having her, of all people, find out he was gone, to then hear Liz ask if Alex was dead, too, it makes me cry now as I write this. The very words terrify me to my core, and I just really, after everything they’ve put us through, did not appreciate it.
This isn’t suspenseful storytelling, this is completely ignoring a most-beloved character when it would only make more sense to acknowledge him when he’s not there, and then throwing in a twist by the character that has wronged him the most, in unspeakable ways, all for the sake of shock value, and so that they could show off how “tolerant” they are by having Maria be the center, even though, instead of ever giving her a proper redemption arc, which they could’ve done this season, they instead try to trick the audience once again into thinking she never did anything wrong and that anyone is lucky to have her attention. I’d rather be branded, thanks.
But again, I’ll take what I can get at this point. My sole hope in terms of Maria’s involvement in Alex’s storyline is that it ends before the next episode does. I hope they just have her there to prove to Michael that Alex is missing and that it’s not because he’s dead (seriously rnm writers, you think it’s clever writing to make your audience cry more because they’re upset at the way the character’s treated than because the story itself earned those tears?), and then make her go away.
Finally, Michael. I get that going home was something he’s wanted since he was a kid, but he’s said several times already in the past four seasons that Alex is his home. Yet the dialogue comes off like he’s not even missing Alex and that he’s really not torn up at all about leaving him. I know that’s not the case, and thanks to Vlamis, we know that Michael isn’t Michael without Alex, but for the love of Poseidon, they need to show us that! I’ve watched the promo a hundred times by now just to rewind Michael finding out about Alex, and I hope that Michael not only finds out in the beginning of the episode and goes feral so that we could have as much of that as we are owed, but that Michael realizes that the idea of Alex being in danger tips the scales all the way so there’s no longer a choice between leaving and staying with Alex.
And you know the most tragic part of all of this? If I had known the pain this show would cause me--not like Merlin, that causes pain because it yanks on all the right heartstrings--but because I would get a hero that I haven’t loved this much since Harry Potter himself (who, by the way, Tyler himself said Alex was the Harry Potter of Roswell New Mexico and that is the best description that will ever be), and see the way he’s been so blatantly disrespected, I would still do this crap all over again, if only to have Alex Manes and malex in my life. For Alex and malex, I hope and plea to the gods that the next six episodes make up for the past five. That’s it, that’s all I’ve got.
#alex manes#michael guerin#malex#rnm thoughts#rnm 4x07#anti maria deluca#roswell new mexico#roswell nm#tyler blackburn#michael vlamis
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inspired by : max dennison (hocus pocus) / & added inspo ! tbd.
full name. maximillian dennison / faceclaim. charlie gillespie / dob. 16 may / zodiac. taurus / occupation. tbd. / birthplace. los angeles, ca. / orientation. idk, bisexual probably / song. tbd / film. karate kid / education. high school / temperament. phlegmatic / mbti. estp / alignment. tbd / abilities. lighting candles ig / hogwarts house. gryffindor / emoji. ( 🕯️ )
present !
10.19.22: honestly, max is just trying to make it through the holiday season without something else bad happening. just give him a break. all he really wants is to vibe for a bit without having to figure out how to get rid of the sanderson sisters. he has spent so much time trying to find a way to solve his problems that he really does need a small break. or like. so he thinks.
past !
moving: max had everything before he was forced to move from his sunny california city to hallow falls. did he want to move? no. especially not in his senior year of high school. but it wasn’t his decision and he was allowed to mope about it. he was used to the vast variety of people in california, not the strange and unusual people who believed in witches in hallow falls. since his opinion on the holiday was much different than everyone else’s, he stuck out like a sore thumb. everyone in town knew it.
magic isn’t real: he’d be the first to tell you that witches weren’t real. the first to believe that the sanderson sisters weren’t real. he wasn’t afraid of his opinion, even if he was one of the few people in his town, and even his own sister was one to believe in the myths. so he did what anyone would do and he made fun of those people to a degree. max was arrogant and haughty about his opinion, instead of maybe believing that it could possibly be real.
the cabin: the night the sanderson sisters escaped, dani did what she did best and threw a fit to get him to go trick or treating with him. honestly, max knew that dani could go by herself, but she got her way that night and max followed his sister around, that night. only for it to turn out just alright when they knocked on his crush, allison’s door. after that, the three of them headed to the cabin where the sanderson sisters were supposed to have lived.
black flame candle: of course it was hubris that max light the candle thinking that nothing would happen. he didn’t believe in witches and he was going to prove that they weren’t real. but the second he lit the candle, he knew that something was wrong. he was wrong. he knew he had been wrong. when the sanderson sisters appeared, max knew that he was wrong about his opinions. that dani and allison were right. or well, he didn’t think that right away. it wasn’t until a cat turned into a human that he truly believed it. but of course by then it was too late. the sanderson sisters were out, free, and planning on hurting children.
fixing the problem: so now, he’s on a whirlwind mission with his small ragtag group of people to fix the problem that he created by lighting that black flame candle.
family: only max is allowed to tease dani. his family is important to him, even if he doesn’t say it that often enough. with what he’s going through, max is going to protect his sister and make sure that nothing bad ever happens to dani. he won’t tell her that, but that’s the only reason that he’s going after the sanderson sisters. also he really doesn’t want blood on his hands if they do start hurting children. but mostly, it’s for his sister.
future !
obviously max needs to learn more about magic in order to defeat the sanderson sisters and save the children. he’s been proven wrong about magic, so he’s got to fix his mistake even if he doesn’t want to. part of this is going to have to be him learning to trust those around him and admit that he’s not always right. unfortunately, he’s not much of a research man. he’s a plan man, so he will leave the studying to allison and dani and help with coming up with ideas on getting rid of the sanderson sisters. so yes, eventually, it would be nice to fix the problem he solved, but it’s going to take effort.
max needs to learn to be more articulate with his feelings, including how he feels about his sister. it’d be nice to explore these sorts of feelings with other characters as well. he probably does think it’s obvious that he cares for his sister, but to the outsider, it probably doesn’t look that way. and it’s not that obvious to dani. it is something that he needs to work on.
he needs to learn that he can be wrong. period. lighting the candle is the start of him learning this, but future plan is that he really learns that sometimes he doesn’t know what’s best and sometimes he needs to listen to people that are smarter than him and that’s okay. he doesn’t have to be the smartest person in the room or the one that knows everything. sometimes believing in the magic is just as important as proving that it doesn’t exist. it’s not exactly nice to make fun of people who don’t believe in the same thing that he does. so maybe he just needs to let people think what they want to about magic and leave it be.
taken connections !
binx — the one that used to be a cat?
georgette — friend
wanted connections !
dani
the sanderson sisters
allison
idk someone other than allison that tries to get him into halloween.
he needs a job.
someone to help him learn more about magic.
friends.
a bully.
just someone in general that makes fun of his opinions.
someone that can help him figure out what he’s doing with his life.
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Do you think there's something that's the opposite of "I'd rather have you, cursed or not"? As in, a phrase or action that Destiel fandom doesn't care much for that you'd argue is way more significant of their bond than it appears to be
my first instinct is to say no, because like. destiel shippers have pored over the entire text. piece by piece. every moment has been examined and reexamined for hints of subtext. no stone has been left unturned.
my second instinct is actually the gadreel thing. because like. that's a thing that happened between dean and sam, but it's also a huge relationship shakeup between all three of them. because it really shakes dean's identity. like he is super aware that what he's doing is bad, and that it's ruining his relationship with sam. but he just... can't not. and because of that, because dean is so fucked up over that, he also tries to push cas away semi-on purpose as self-punishment and semi-just by treating him carelessly because he's busy thinking about the gadreel thing.
and it doesn't work.
what dean learns from the gadreel arc, and i've said this before, is that he cannot drive cas away in that manner. which is... well it's not exactly healthy, and it ends up being pretty bad news for cas (that was the point of the divorce arc - dean is absolutely confident that cas won't leave no matter how badly he behaves, and he's wrong), but it also allows dean to really feel comfortable around cas in a way he doesn't with anyone else. it makes dean more affectionate and loving, because when he's with cas he feels safe. it deepens their relationship, though i wouldn't say it makes it better.
and i guess if there's like, a demonstrative point, then it would be in road trip, where dean is like soooooo relieved and kinda guilty that cas isn't mad at him.
essentially it all comes down to how in the later seasons dean has essentially... become more confident in his identity. he's much surer of himself. and instead of being afraid of hurting people, he has accepted that anyone who comes near him is going to get hurt. he's decided that he's poison, and there's nothing he can do about it, so why try to change? which is like, horrific, obviously. like it's horrible for everyone involved but especially dean's loved ones because he has essentially given himself blanket permission to treat them however he wants because he "can't change." but it also means that he's gonna drive people away. and learning that he can't drive cas away is very helpful to him.
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QUESTIONS FOR DIANA, March-July 2001, part 1
These are Diana's answers to some of the questions which were asked between March and late July 2001. The main topics on this page are: writing; fanfiction; Fire and Hemlock; Howl's Moving Castle; Harry Potter; Dark Lord of Derkholm, and The Tough Guide.
On Writing
From Elly
I wanted to say thank you. Your books fitted right in with my imagination and I'm glad because they gave me other worlds to go to when this one didn't start out as very nice. They weren't the only things but your books helped and I'm still here! I hope you don't mind that I wrote this. Aside from reading I guess it is inevitable that I also love writing, I can't not do it and I would like to share it. I'll only know if people want to share it too if I try to get it out there so I was wondering what your advice on getting an agent would be? It seems the best way would be personal recommendation but I don't know any authors. Anyway thanks again for the books, I'm glad you find such pleasure in what you do. Thankyou in advance for any advice and I hope I haven't taken up too much of your time.
Other Comments
I'm 21 now just finished my degree and off to see the world!
Diana's Reply
I'm glad you're still here and off to see the world, and if I had anything to do with this it makes me gladder still. About agents, do you write for adults, or children, or both? My agent only really handles children's writing, but if you let me know what you write, I could ask her to recommend you someone.
From Bob
How do you start writing? Do you just sit down and write, or do you make a lot of webs, character outlines, and drafts first?
Other Comments
Age: 11 Gender:F Ambition: to become a writer
Diana's Reply
Generally I just sit down and write, with a sketchy outline in my mind - which outline seldom survives as soon as the book gets going. Most of the preparation takes place in my head and I very seldom commit plans to paper. But there are exceptions. For instance, long before I wrote FIRE AND HEMLOCK - like six years - I was writing shorter and longer pieces that didn't seem to add up, except that I knew they would in the end. Most of these ended up as Polly's Tan Coul inventions. Three or four other books have started like this. It seems to depend on the book.
From Bonnie
What is the best way to start a book? Do you start with a conversation or a description. I usually start with a description but I find that when I do that I get into a dead end later on, having nowhere to go from there. Also, when I've read books by other people, I tend to not notice the descriptions, but just take it in. But, when I write descriptions they go very flowery and you lose interest. How can I stop this from happening?
Diana's Reply
The best way to start a book is the way you want to do it. Start with the bit that grabs you. But descriptions do make for a slow start. I suggest you write your description, if that is the way you want to start, and then go back over it and reduce it to two sentences at the most. There is a lot of this going back to it in writing. You never get away with writing a thing just once. And remember that people, and what they think and do, are the things that move a story along. Concentrate on your people.
From B Bishop
Dear Diana, well, after the Chrestomanci series I did go on to read your other books and I love them all! So whether or not you write another Chrestomanci book makes no difference to me anymore just keep writing! I especially liked Dogsbody, Howl's Moving Castle, Drowned Ammett. I am now down to the last two or so books you've written and am already in dread of the Wynne Jones withdrawal pains. You're the best! If you can stand a trivial question I'd like to know where you write. If it's a study what does it look like and what kind of things are in it. Thanks!
Diana's Reply
I start writing in the most comfortable chair I can find in the sitting room, in everybody's way. For the second draft I move to my study, which is very small and crowded with: one cat, trying to walk on my keyboard, about sixty pictures, hundreds of books, stacks of paper there's nowhere to put, two chairs, in hopes the cat will sit in the other one (she does in the end), and dozens of dragon-things because I love dragons. Oh, and the red stool I balance my coffee on. I have a red carpet, a red window-blind, a red cuboard, a red filing cabinet and a blue table.
From Joni Harbottle
Greetings, Ms. Jones! I am an advanced Creative Writer at an Arts School in Florida (U.S.A); A very good writer I am, But, I have a problem with certain story formats. I can Write in a narrative point of view, but never at an outside angle like you do. If you would be so kind as to give me some pointers and rules for how to write like this, I would be very honored to recieve you tips, for you are an outstanding, exellent writer and author! Lets keep this between us- personally, I think you are much better than J.K.Rowling. After all, her plot lines are so predictable; while your's are much more "one-of-a-kind" and interesting! Please send me a reply of some sort and once again, I'd be honored! Thank you so much for taking the time to read this! Hope to hear from you soon, Your Loyal fan, Joni Harbottle- 13/F/FL
Other Comments
I am thirteen years of age. I Live in Florida, It is the peninsula state at the eastern corner of North America! I have read many of your books and I am a big fan!
Diana's Reply
I see and sympathise with your problem. I suspect you may be one of those writers who do brilliantly best when telling the story from INSIDE a character, and you really wouldn't want to change that (everyone has their own way of doing it and you really oughtn't to change the way you ARE). It puts you in there with Dostoevsky, the Brontes and other great writers. But I see you'd also want to learn all the skills there are. I can tell you that I learnt to write at an outside angle by reading and rereading Jane Austen - and from Dickens, too, a bit. I'd recommend you to study Austen. It is a skill one can only learn, not be taught.
From Hannah
Dear Diana I have been a fan of yours for about a year or so now, after I picked up Charmed Life by chance in a bookshop. I would just like to say that all your books are FANTASTIC and I really really love them. I've read almost all of them and my favourite is probably Fire and Hemlock because Tom is so likeable and, well, just plain nice. I think your books are WAY better than Harry Potter. Anyway, is Power of Three published in Harper Collins now because I haven't seen it anywhere. Also, could you give me some advice (pretty please) on writing fantasy, because my LIFELONG DREAM is to get published. Sorry this question is so long, and _please_ could you write some more books soon???
Other Comments
I am 13 years old, a sulky teenager whose life has been CHANGED by DWJ's books from wandering round in bookshops looking for decent fantasy books to an ardent collecter of her stuff.
Diana's Reply
Yes, POWER OF THREE is going to be republished later this year. I have done the proofs and have been discussing the illustrations, so I know it is really on the way. Writing fantasy - well, first don't ever even try to write something you are not violently interested in, and then start as near to the interesting part as you can. It helps if you can visualise (and hear and smell and touch in your mind) the most peculiar scene in your story, first, before you start writing; and then consider it and try to follow logically the reasons for its happening like that. The logic will lead you to the fantasy. This will be in places you never expected.
From Erica
Do you believe in describing the character's physical appearance right away or letting the story clues come together to form it's own mental image?
Other Comments
I am 12 years old and truly hope to become an author when I "grow up" I would really appreciate an answer to my question, because I am currently writing a short story. An English teacher told me that I shouldn't describe the physical characteristics right away and not out right. I'm not so sure I agree with her. I need some advice.
Diana's Reply
The fact is, everyone has their own way of writing, which they're happiest with. If you are happy describing, then do it. But I will say this on your teacher's behalf: descriptions tend to pass your reader by so that they don't remember them. Usually the best way to fix a person's appearance in your reader's mind is to SEE (and hear and even smell) the person to yourself so clearly that it will all come over to your reader without you having to decribe any of it. But PDJames, the detective story writer, evidently agrees with you. She likes to describe everyone in detail when they first appear - and she is, after all, a good and a famous writer. Perhaps you should mention this to your teacher.
From Jack Fotheringham
I was wondering how you first got into writing and if you could scan your signature and email it to me?
Other Comments
I a a ten year old and for christmas 2000 I got Fire and Hemlock and ever since i read it I have been hooked on your books. My friends think I am mad reading all these old books But they havent read any of your books From Jack
Diana's Reply
I'm sorry, I don't have a scanner, so I can't send you a signature. It was very difficult to get into writing. I was two years younger than you when I realised that was what I wanted to do, but I had to wait another 30 years until I had a book published.
From Karen Schwab
How on earth do you "do" your characters? There's something about many of your books that grips me in the first paragraph, and did the first time I picked up one of your books (Magicians of Caprona, about 20 years ago when I was 15). It seems to have to do with the characters and how their concerns are very ordinary. In other fantasy books a character only cares about Right and Truth and Justice but your characters seem capable of arguing about who gets the last brownie. What's your explanation or perspective on that? Thanks.
Diana's Reply
Well, I do like my characters to behave as ordinary people would - to the extent that I usually put in an actual, real person just to keep the rest honest - and as you point out, most people spend very little (if any) of their time thinking about Right and Truth and Justice (or only if their teacher seems to have been picking on them). And life for the most part is a mass of small ordinary acts, which, if you are lucky, does add up to something greater.
From Emily Manley
Hi Diana! I just want to say that I absolutly love all your books that I have read! I especialy love the chrestomanci series and would like to know if you are going to write any more? Oh I am writing a book too and you are the one who inspired me to, but it seems to be taking me a long time to finish the first chapter. How long did it take you to finish your book? Thanks a lot!!!!!!
Other Comments
I am 12 years old. love reading. Love all of your books! I go to Parrs wood high school in manchester and am in year 8. I love English but think that we should be able to do more work on books eg..reading in class and writing more stories!!!!!
Diana's Reply
The first book I ever finished writing was when I was about your age and it took most of a year. People at your stage of life never get enough time. These days I usually do a book in four to six months - but this is only usually. Some books took up to ten years. And I can't promise another Chrestomanci book, because I don't work by planning. I have to wait for a book to come up and hit me. If that one turns out to be a Chrestomanci book, then a lot of people will be happy, me included.
From Sarah R. Cattell
Ms.Jones, My question is how long does it nomally take you to write a book once you have gotten the idea and put pen to paper?
Other Comments
I absolutally love your Chrestomanci books. Granted I am only just about done the first volume, I have hardly been able to put down the book so I can get back to work, and to what else I need to do. I am 19 years old and work at Wal-Mart in Prince Frederick, Marlyland.
Diana's Reply
You asked a difficult question there. Sometimes a book will spring into my head in the middle of one afternoon and I will be writing away at it for the next six months, without any previous preparation at all. CHARMED LIFE was like this. But other books have a long, hard passage and can take up to ten years of thinking and refiguring. The odd thing is that no one knows which kind is which unless I tell them.
From Richard Starfield
Do you think that anyone can become an author if they really want to, or does it require a special talent you have to be born with (like magic in your books)?
Other Comments
I'm sixteen, and several times I've tried to start writing a book during a long holiday, but the plot often turns where I'm not expecting and then everything gets muddled... I have really enjoyed all of your books which I have read so far. The first one I read was The Lives of Christopher Chant, and I love the idea that somewhere there might be universes with magic in them... I've just read Power of Three - the next one I want to read is Deep Secret but I don't know if I'll be able to get it. I read a question on this page about time travel - my theory is that it may have occured/will occur/be occuring because if we discovered it now, would we rush off to medievil times and attempt to explain it to them? I think not - we'd probably say "leave them alone - they were happy the way they were" and anybody attempting to prove otherwise might "vanish"... In the Dalemark Quartet, does Drowned Ammet occur at a similar time to Cart and Cwidder? And is Tanaqui really Cennoreth? It seems to be hinted at throughout the book but its never said directly, although The Weaver does call Mage Mallard 'Duck' at some point, doesn't she? I think Hexwood is one of the best books I've ever read. Please keep writing, and thanks so much for answering the questions of the populace. Richard.
Diana's Reply
Anyone can be an author, of course, but it takes determination, because you have to teach yourself how to do it. Nobody else can really do it for you. It took me ten years, but I am slow to learn. I've just heard that DEEP SECRET is out of print in the British edition. get a bookshop to order you an American paperback. Yes, I agree. Time travel/crossworld travel may well be happening to us now, but they are not letting us know. There are quite a number of good sf books about this - nice one by Robert Silverberg for starters. And several by Andre Norton. DROWNED AMMET and CART AND CWIDDER overlap. CART AND CWIDDER happens in the early summer - the same gale is mentioned in each - but DROWNED AMMET starts years earlier and goes on into the autumn following the closing of Flennpass. Tanaqui is indeed Cennoreth.
Fanfiction
From Michela Ecks
Hello, My name is Michela Ecks. I am working on a paper for an english class at Northern Illinois University on fan fiction and copyright. For this paper I was hoping I could have some information from one of my favorite authors whom there is little to know information on this topic on the net. I was also hoping that I could have permission to post that information to my web site at http://writersu.s5.com/ and in particular to the page at http://writersu.s5.com/law/policy.html though I only really need the information for my paper. At any rate, if you have the time, I would be very happy if you could answer the following questions pertaining to fan fiction and copyright in regards to your own work for me: 1. Do you have a set policy regarding fan fiction derived from your stories? 2. If you have such a policy, what is it and why did you implement it? 3. If you have such a policy, is this a policy that you created yourself or was it created at an agent or lawyer's behest? (Which is the case with Katherine Kurtz, and Mercedes Lackey...) 4. If you allow fan fiction derived from your work, why? (Terry Pratchett was quoted some where as saying that it creates good will among fans. J.K. Rowlings said somewhere she found it flattering.) 5. What are you general feelings on fan fiction? Do these feelings differ when it is fan fiction based say on books versus television? Thank you for taking the time to read this note :o) Any help would be greatly appreciated.
Diana's Reply
My attitude to all information is that, once it is out in the public domain, then it is there for anyone to use. By all means post what information you want, where you want, but DO make sure it's accurate. Chinese Whispers sort of things can happen so easily. In answer to your other questions: 1. If I objected to fan fiction (or any other kind) derived from my stories, I'd be going mad by now. For instance, Neil Gaiman tells me - as if I needed telling - that he derived AMERICAN GODS from my EIGHT DAYS OF LUKE. I was pretty pleased. 2. I just say 'Feel free'. it would happen even if i didn't. 3. Heavens! Do some people use lawyers for this? The creeps get in everywhere. 4. Terry Pratchett, as always, speaks sound sense. 5. My opinion varies with the quality of what is written. Some is OUCH!!! Some is 'I wish I had thought of that!'
From Anna Beyer
I was wondering if you mind others writing fanfiction on your books and posting them online (at a place such as fanfiction.net). Most writer whose books are the center of fanfic there dont mind, but some sections have been deleted recently at the request of the author. Also, I was wondering exactlly how big an event must be to split a world. Does it need to be a war or something on that scale, or do small things such as whether or not to press the snooze button create more worlds. I ask because I wonder how it can be decided if events are large enough to create a split. In Chrestomanci's world, are females treated as equals of males, or are they stuck in the dark ages in that sense?? Are females just as likely to become powerfully magical as males, or is that rather rare? :) I hope i havent bored you have to death with my questions. I think your a marvelous writer, and I can't wait till your next book comes out!!!
Other Comments
I am 13 and I live in a small town in the mountains of North Carolina, in the US. I can daydream new stories for days on end just by reading a chapter of one of your stories. No other writer has this efect on me, and I hope you keep writing for many years to come.
Diana's Reply
I have no objection at all to people writing and posting fanfiction based on my books. Once a book is published, it is for everyone to do what they want with. I simply can't see why anyone would want fanfiction withdrawn. Must have been some special case there. Interesting question, how big an event would have to be to split a world. The large events like battles and meteor strikes are obvious, but after that you are into chaos theory. I've been fascinated by this ever since I read Asimov and his notion of the minimum necessary change. One of his is the simple shifting of a shortly-to-be-needed cannister to a shelf where it won't be found - rather on the lines of 'For want of a nail the battle was lost...' You can think of all sorts of these. But there could be others - like butterflies in Brazil - or a tree root growing across a certain path - or a piece of paper accidentally shredded - or someone's baby crying all night so they were not their best the next day - or.. Well, I'm sure you can go on. Usually I find it easier to deal with the larger events, like Napoleon winning the battle of Waterloo (which he damn near did), causing all the aristocrats swanning around in Belgium to flee to India, thus making the world of curry and treacle pudding that Chrestomanci remarks on.
Fire and Hemlock
From Marie Denley
In preparing a recent lecture on Fire and Hemlock for my Children's Fantasy Literature course, I looked closely at names, titles etc. and their sources. (Well, I am a medievalist trained partly by your husband, whom I admire just as much as I admire you, so you can expect that kind of minute pedantry!) (1) The 'heroic' titles: is 'Tan' anything to do with the Welsh for 'Fire', as a sort of honorific - 'the fiery one'? (2) Does 'Coul' have any relation to Finn Mac Cool, as a prominent Celtic hero? (3) I'm stumped about the origins of the other heroic names of the Dumas Quartet members. Are they out of your head? (4) I'm also stumped with 'Obah Cypt'. I keep wanting it to be either an anagram, or related to some other form of wordplay/word-and-idea associative pattern, devices you use prominently in the book (e.g. with the permutations of Nowhere, or with the poisonous-plant female names, Ivy and Laurel). I've always been hopeless at anagrams in crosswords.However, my students weren't able to spot anything so I feel slightly less obtuse. I have read around quite a lot to try to solve these; I apologise if I've missed an obvious source. Perhaps I shouldn't be nit-picking like this, but Fire and Hemlock is such a patterned book that you offer the temptation.(For example, I assumed that Hunsdon House was the eighties version of Huntly Bank from the ballad.) Writing that lecture was probably the most enjoyable experience of my career. Thank you for writing a superbly rewarding novel, and for being willing to answer questions.
Diana's Reply
How nice that you were trained by John. Ok, answers: 1. Like most things in FIRE AND HEMLOCK 'Tan' has a double source. It is partly the Welsh word for fire, but it is also an adaptation of the medieval 'Dan' as in 'Dan Chaucer'. 2. 'Coul' does probably reflect Finn Mac Cool, but it also is 'cool!' in the way kids use it. I think there are other origins in there, but I'm not sure what. 3. The other names of the quartet are indeed out of my head, but I usually find there is some good reason for names, like reflecting 'Hannibal' and 'audacity'. 'Thare' defeats me too, though. 4. the Obah Cypt first occurred to me in a totally different piece of writing which will probably always remain as a five-finger exercise, though it gave certain things to the stories the quartet wrote. 'Obah' is an adaptation of 'Obeah', the West Indian form of (black, quite often) magic. 'Cypt' is a sort of anagram of 'ptyx' which seems to be a sort of holy vessel or container in use on Christian altars. So the whole thing means 'a container for dark magic'. 5. Yes, but 'Hunsdon House' is also a very formal country dance.
From Rachel
I absolutely love all your books. It's been particularly interesting to reread now what I read first years ago and see how it's changed (Norse gods--who knew!) Anyway, I have a few questions. In Archer's Goon, where in the book is it proved that "pig's fly, making them hard to catch." I get all the others, but I just can't find any pigs. Also, what are the references in Laurel, Morton, and Sebastian Leroy's names? The only one I got was 'Lorelei.' Plus one little thing that is probably irrelevent: I've never been able to figure out whether the other members of the 'family' in Fire and Hemlock, the ones at the funeral, etc., are immortal as well. Since I'm a little obsessed with Fire and Hemlock, I spend a lot of my time musing about this and researching Tam Lin. Well, that's the end of my ramblings. Thanks!
Other Comments
I'm a sixteen year old who lives in children's book stores and endures odd looks from the sensible adults who step over her.
Diana's Reply
The reference to pigs in ARCHER'S GOON is to Dillian and her disappearing house. Dillian farms the police and police are often (particularly in America, but here too sometimes) called pigs. 'Leroy' means 'the King' and Laurel and Morton are, in some sense, queen and king of faerie. Laurel has 'Lorelei' in there, but laurel also symbolises triumph and long (or even everlasting) life. It's only one of the names she takes over the centuries. Sebastian was the saint who was shot full of arrows. If you look at things from his point of view, he had a lot to bear. 'Morton' is a name that glances at 'mort' - death. Yes, the others at the funeral are mostly immortal too. One of them is Robin Goodfellow - ie Puck. I hope the sensible adults don't kick you as they step over.
From Libby
(Must start off with flattery...) I've just been reading the answers to the questions from March 2001, and I've noticed several times that you've mentioned things about your books coming true. Well, people always say "write what you know..." and I noticed that you gave Tom Lynn that gift in Fire and Hemlock. This wasn't a coincidence, was it? I loved F&H although it was so different from most of your other things -- took place in the "real" world (although we all know that it isn't the only one). Funniest thing happened -- I felt just like POlly -- I'd read the book last year, forgotten the title, and hadn't realized it until I started reading... So, was that jinx a coincidence, and will you be writing another part in the Chrestomanci series or the Dark Lord of Derkholm/Year of the Griffin series? S'il vous plait? Also -- who was the Chrestomanci in the Magicians of Caprona? Is TOUGH GUIDE TO FANTASYLAND available in the US? I haven't been able to find a copy. Thanks for listening to this loooong ramble! Thank you THANK YOU THANK YOU!! for writing such wonderful books.... don't ever stop. Know of a gateway to any related worlds in the Midwest US?
Diana's Reply
There are gateways all over, to go backwards through your message. The Tough Guide certainly IS available in the US. Ask a bookstore to order you a copy from Daw Books. The Chrestomanci was the same one in all the books - except for THE LIVES OF CHRISTOPHER CHANT, where that was Gabriel de Witt. And I can't tell you what I'll be writing next because I don't know myself usually until I start. And no, it was no coincidence about the things coming true in FIRE AND HEMLOCK. I was hoping to lay the jinx by this, but no chance. They still happen at me.
From jenni
about the book fire and hemlock, who is that woman Laurel suppose to be, like what kind of a moster is she and did she die?? what happened to the people after the car(horse) knocked into the rose bushes? what does the fire and hemlock picture signify? how did they overcome polly's charm
Diana's Reply
Laurel is the dreaded (and loved) immortal goddess who likes to carry off young men. She doesn't die. She has to take someone else's life to keep on living. The other people disappeared at the end when the car knocked over the rose bushes because they were immortals too and they were, for the moment, defeated. The fire and hemlock picture is the the thing called an Obah Cypt which was really a spell to enslave Mr Lynn's soul. Polly's charm was only a weak little opal. Strong magic can suck a thing like that dry in seconds.
Howl's Moving Castle / Castle in the Air
From Mashael Zaidi
Hi! I absolutely love Howl's Moving Castle (so much that when I first read it 4 years ago from the library, I wanted it so bad so that I could reread it that I typed it up on my computer...everyone thought I was crazy) and I wanted to know more about (I know you haven't written the sequel for it yet but you might have some ideas) life with Sophie, Howl, and Morgan, as well as what Lettie and Wizard Suliman's child's name is(is it a girl or a boy?). Basically, I wanted to know if you had any ideas for what they would be like in the future, names, traits, anything at all:) I already read that Morgan would have his parents worst traits, which is the most perfectly lovable and hilarious idea:)
Other Comments
I'm an almost 18 year old about to head off to university and I've cherished your characters from Howl's Moving Castle since I was 14. I also have a special affection for Poly and Thomas, as well as everyone from Castle in the Air.
Diana's Reply
I am IMPRESSED. You typed the whole book? You must know it almost as well as I do - in fact I know you do because you realise that Morgan would grow up with Sophie's faults as well as Howl's. I think Lettie's baby was a girl, wasn't it? When the book does get written I think some of the other kids in it will be the children of the two fat nieces and Dalzel. But I don't know more than that yet.
From Angela Nguyen
Hi! how are you? Well ive read your book called castle in the air and i'm doing a book report on that book and i would just like to know more infomation about. Anything will do just a bit more infomation will do. thank you. Angela
Other Comments
Well i just want to say i really enjoy reading your books. bye
Diana's Reply
I think all you need to know is either in the book or on the website.
From Katie
Is there any chance of another book with Howl and Sophie? (Howl's Moving Castle is my favourite)
Other Comments
I hope you do write another book with Howl and Sophie.
Diana's Reply
I keep wanting to do another book about Howl, but it so far won't come to me.
From Margaret
My favorite book of yours is Howl's Moving Castle. I've loved it for years and years. I have read the sequel to it and was wondering if you plan on writing another.
Other Comments
I'm 19 and am attending school in California. I am a music and technical theatre major. My mother is a librarian so you can imagine how early I started devouring books.
Diana's Reply
Yes, I would like to do another book about the moving castle, but, even though I know a lot of things that would be in it, the book has not yet shown itself ready to be written. It's something I keep in mind though. (I may say I have tried to do this book five times, and it still isn't ready).
From Aifric Ní Ruairc
Dear Diana, I would really love for you to write another book about Sophie and Howl. They are so interesting and I want to know more about them. I loved Howls's Moving Castle and Castle In The Air. Any chance of another?
Other Comments
I am 11 years old. I love reading but your books are my favourite. I think that even J.K. Rowling robs your i
Diana's Reply
I would really love to write another book about Sophie and Howl, but it doesn't happen that easily. I would love to have Morgan in it when he is older and also the kids of the two fat nieces (who I know were born with tiny useless wings and rather long teeth) but books don't come to me because I plan them. They happen at me, and so far a new book about Sophie and Howl hasn't happened.
From Aaron Casto
I was wondering how you came to make the story of Howls Moving Castle?
Other Comments
I am 13 and have read Howls Moving Castle 4 times.
Diana's Reply
I made the story of HOWL'S MOVING CASTLE because I visited a school where a boy of almost exactly your age asked me if I'd ever written a book about a moving castle. That turned out to be the spark that set the book going.
From Hong
I love how you twisted the Fairy Tale formula in "Howl's Moving Castle", especially the stepmother and "eldest of three" aspect. I'm someone who loves fairy tales but at the same time, enjoys making parodies of them and I wondered if you felt the same way. And will we see Michael or Martha again soon? And definitely, where can I get a Howl of my own?
Other Comments
Sophie and Howl are my current favorite couple, which I find surpisingly because not until the very end was there even a hint of romance. Not even romance novels have given me a couple as satisfying as those two are. I simply adore them, on their own and together.
Diana's Reply
You'll have to join a very long line to get a Howl of your own, unless you happen to run into him before the rest of us! The line now stretches all the way round the world.
Yes, I do like incorporating fairy tales into my books - and not usually twisting them, more adapting them to the present day - because they are the kind of tale that says more about life and people than any other. And, as I have written to other people on this page, nothing seems to make a new book about Howl and the others GO anywhere yet, although I have made several tries. Books will never be forced.
On Harry Potter
From Elizabeth Brown
Dear Diana, I'm a new reader of your books and I was wondering if you were a little upset about the Harry Potter boom and some of the "adaptations" JK Rowling made from your books?
Other Comments
19 and wishing the bookshops had more of your stuff
Diana's Reply
Yes, I was a little upset, because that amount of borrowing merits some kind of acknowledgement at least. I just don't know how deliberate the plagiarism was. And I got very tired of scandal-seeking pressmen asking what my feelings were. I usually gave them a smoooth answer about how good it was for the genre and was always pleased when they said 'You're no fun!' and went away.
From nadine
i just have to say, i think your books are amazing, and i think you are one of the most underrated childrens author! but what do you think of the harry potter series by j.k. rowling?
Diana's Reply
Thank you. I enjoyed the Harry Potter books, but I did find some parts of them strangely familiar.
From Alisha
Witch book was published first, "Charmed Life" or JK Rowlings Harry Potter books. There are alot of same things in the books. Your books are great!
Other Comments
Im 14 years old, and I love to read alot of different kinds of books!
Diana's Reply
My books were published 25 - 20 years before the Harry Potter books. My guess is that JK Rowling read them when she was your age. I think she must have liked them.
From Emmanuel
First, I want to thank Diana for her answer to my preceeding question, on the possible inspiration by J.K. Rowling on her own writings. Speaking with friends about this possibility, I learned today that a writer called Nancy Stouffer is filing a lawsuit against J.K. Rowling for copying her book "The Legend of Rah and the Muggles", featuring a young hero called Larry Potter and published in 1984. An article on this matter has been published in "Le Voir" a newspaper from Quebec in Canada. So I just want to pass this piece of information to Diana for her reference.
Diana's Reply
Thank you. I had heard about Nancy Stouffer actually. The fact that she was not Rowling's only source adds to my feeling that she sopped up these things unconsciously when she was young. Did you know - this is something similar - that Beatrix Potter lived as a child near a big London cemetary where the graves are, to this day, labelled Peter Rabbett and Jeremiah Fisher, both people who died before BP was born? What I mean is that things stick in your head when you're young and you don't always know where you got them from.
From Sara Krasner
I absolutely love Diana's Chrestomanci series! But I also love the Harry Potter books. Does Diana Wynne Jones ever feel uncomfortable having a little "competition"? Even if she does, I still think her books are wonderful.
Other Comments
I'm 13 and I really appreciate Diana's work. I hope she keeps on writing. She brightens the imaginations of her readers. Her books are definetly on my favorite books list!
Diana's Reply
'Competition' isn't really a problem to most writers. Most of the time you're delighted that someone has liked your books enough to do something similar - for instance the current best-selling fantasy in America was inspired by my book EIGHT DAYS OF LUKE and the writer sent it to me before it was published to see what I thought. And I told him FANTASTIC! And look at it this way: most books are only several hundred pages long and people can't keep rereading them too often, so they will naturally then want to read another book quite like it. So nobody loses.
From Lisa Jo Rudy
Dear Diana, I discovered your books as a grown up -- introduced by an editor who was helping me along with my own YA novels. I believe the first book I read was Witch Week -- and I found it to be one of the most original and intriguing works of fantasy I had ever read. I'm reading my way through your entire booklist now. Yet somehow, even with an interest in YA fantasy and SF, no one had ever sung your praises to me! Knowing all that -- I have to ask you how you feel about the extraordinary reactions folks are having to Harry Potter. I had one friend of my parents tell me how marvelous it was that someone had come up with the idea of writing about a school for wizards... and how wonderful to read about MAGIC of all things! I mean -- they're great fun, well written -- but Rowling seems to be getting credit for inventing the fantasy genre! Thanks so much for your thoughts.
Other Comments
Would you be willing to read and/or comment on unpublished sf/fantasy? I know this is probably an outrageous imposition but hey -- it can't hurt to ask!
Diana's Reply
Best wishes for your YA novels. And, yes, I don't think I can be the only writer of YA fantasy who gets irritated that most adults seem to think Rowling invented the genre. You do wonder what all these ignorant people were reading when they were young.
From Shaun
Hi Diana, I don't mean to be irritating, just curious. My question is: between your own books and JK Rowling's Harry Potter books, whose would you prefer to read and why? Have you read all of the HP books? Do they fascinate you?
Other Comments
I'm 22 this year
Diana's Reply
Well, actually, I'd always rather read a book by someone else. I know too well what's coming next in my own books. This problem, unfortunately, arises with the Harry Potter books too. I hope I never end up on a desert island with only the choice you gave me!
From Cody Kinker
What do you think of the Harry Potter series? Are you going to write a sequel to your book Witch Week? (thats my favorite book you have written) Also do you write the anwers yourself?
Other Comments
13years old male
Diana's Reply
I do write the answers myself. No one else knows what the answers should be. When you ask about a sequel to WITCH WEEK, do you mean something that isn't the other books about the enchanter Chrestomanci? The problem with WITCH WEEK is that by the end of that book the world that it happens in is destroyed, melted back into our own world, and it would be hard to do a sequel from here.
Dark Lord of Derkholm / Year of the Griffin / Tough Guide
From Paul Andinach
I've been rereading 'The Dark Lord of Derkholm' recently, and some of the character names have been bothering me; I keep getting the feeling that there's some trick to the pronunciation. Is "Derk" pronounced to rhyme with "irk" or "ark"? Is there some trick to Mr Chesney's name, or is it pronounced the way it's spelled? Are there any other character names (in any of your books) with tricky pronunciations we should know about?
Other Comments
I'm 20 years old, and I live in Australia. I've been a Diana Wynne Jones fan for years and years and years. I think the world would be a dimmer and less interesting place without any Diana Wynne Jones books in it. Thank you very much, Diana.
Diana's Reply
'Derk' is pronounced 'urk'. I think it is that world's form of Derek, but I wanted it to be like a knife-name, like Blade. And, well, Chesney COULD be pronounced to rhyme with Disney - I certainly had that in mind. But don't tell any lawyers. Thank you for enjoying my books. You have no idea how encouraging it is when someone tells me that.
From Liz
I just finished reading The Year of the Griffin and was wondering if there are going to be any more books about Derkholm.
Diana's Reply
There will be more books about Derkholm because I have sworn so to my sister, but I'm afraid I won't be able to start on one until next year at least.
From moira
do plan on writing any more books that are set in the world of year of the griffin and dark lord of derkholm... i really enjoyed them and would love to see more
Diana's Reply
yes, I swear, I have sworn, I love writing about griffins.
From Rose
When will you make the sequel to Year Of The Griffen?
Other Comments
I love your books andI love to read. I hope you keep up the hard work.
Diana's Reply
I am not sure when I will do the sequel to YEAR OF THE GRIFFIN. I am still thinking about what will be in it.
From Hannah
Hi my name's Hannah and I'm sorry if someone's already asked this but I couldn't find it anywhere. But, is there a sequel to Year of a Griffin? I bought it last week and I'd finished it the same day. It was absolutely brilliant and I read it again the following day, but I desperately need more of the same!!!! Is there a sequel? If there isn't, please please please can you write another? Write a whole series. Twenty if not more!!!! And make Kit and Elda the main characters!!! Please!!!! I first read the Skiver's guide when I found it a jumble sale and I was hooked. I didn't manage to find anymore of your books until I found a section in my local bookshop saying "if you liked Harry..you'll love this" and they had all your Chrestomanci series. Ever since, I've have been begging, cajoling and threatening my friends with death (not really) to read your books. I really love the world you've created with Dark lord of Derkholm and all that's keeping me going through my AS-levels is that someday you will write a third instalment if one doesn't already exist!!! A little bit of emotional blackmail will do my cause no end of harm but I want to say that you are a brilliant and humane writer and I think your books deserve to be as widely known as HP as they are just as good if not better. So I say it again! Please please please please please write more books about Derk's world, I know it's not up to me and I can't force you but I'm still going to try! Thanks for all you've written, Hannah (o:
Other Comments
I'm 16 and I live in London. I am an AS-level student and I don't know whether to study Chemistry or English at university, Arg! (o: I love reading I miss it so much, now that I have so litle time. Thanks for many hours of pleasure in the school library and at home when I've been reading your books.
Diana's Reply
My sister feels the same way as you do about YEAR OF THE GRIFFIN and has made me swear a solemn oath that I will write more about griffins in Derk's world. So, you see I have to write it eventually. I am as sorry as you are that it isn't NOW. I have been terribly busy these last two years with other things, and then I was ill, so nothing has been written at all lately. Do not despair though. I love writing about Kit and Elda and almost can't wait. Best of luck in your AS-levels.
From Justin
I'm currently reading the Derkholm books and went back to read the Tough Guide as prep (Loved the mention of "Gna'ash" in Dark Lord of Derkholm :)! ) and realized the map is Europe upside down. Then I further realized that the placenames, for the most part, are anagrams of real places (Caysib=Biscay; Rowany=Norway) and was wondering if that was intentional? If so, what does "Nuneaton" represent? Also, will Harper keep the books in constant print? I've been picking them up as I find them, but stores have been having a difficult time ordering them.
Other Comments
Charmed Life was actually the first fantasy I ever read, followed by the other three Chrestomanci books. Now, at 17, I've read all the big authors, including all the works of yours I can find in the Seattle area. Thanks for getting me into this wonderful genre!
Diana's Reply
The map of Europe upside down in the TOUGH GUIDE was the idea of my agent's daughter (who is also my goddaughter) when she was about 14. We thought it was brilliant of her. Then my agent and I had a wonderful day's fun filling in names, a lot of them, as you realised, normal names backwards, and some just made up, like The Scrots. But my agent said one of the things that always annoyed and amused her was the way one or two names on the maps were always names of improbably ordinary towns - like Nuneaton. So we put in Nuneaton, though it could easily have been Bognor Regis or Hartlepool or Devizes. I hope Harper will keep the books in print. But you never know with publishers. At the moment they are reissuing most of them, so I hope your bookshop will be able to get hold of them. The ordering of books is ridiculously difficult. I have had a book on order from the States for four months now and there's still no sign of it.
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Chapter 2
Theo Doe
“THEO! WAKE YOUR DUMBASS UP, AND GET DOWNSTAIRS NOW!” Casey shouted.
“COMING!” I yell with a sigh, I swing my body off my bed reluctantly and strap on my braces. I walk out into the hallway and knock on the bedroom doors. As I open the second to last one a pastel blue fills my vision.
“Maria, You up?”
“Mmmh, Theo?” Maria sleepily mumbles my name as I walk over to the greyish-blue bed and sit on it.
“Yup, time to get up for school.”
“Do I have to?” She whines quietly with a frown “Can’t I just be homeschooled like you were?” I sigh
“Unless you want to be taken to court. Then yeah, you have to go to school. Also, homeschooling wasn’t as good as you think.” I pull her blankets off her and pick her up, with a little difficulty, but her little giggle as I picked her up was worth the slight pain.
“C’mon, I’ll let you pick out breakfast, ‘Kay?" I walk down the stairs with her in my arms as she gives me a small nod.
“Mornin, teddy bear, princess Mari,” Casey says with a smirk as I let Maria down to sit next to Casey “What’s for breakfast?”
“Depends on what domniţă wants,” I say as the other children, fully dressed, get coffee and toast from the cupboards going to the dining room after, probably wanting something quick and easy before going to school.
“Hmmmmm, how about, Oh! Chocolate pancakes, please!!” Maria bounces up and down in her seat with excitement, Casey chuckles at her childish glee.
“Alright, I can do that. Tâmpit, get me the chocolate chips.” I say, kneeling to get out a decently sized pan and going through the steps of making pancakes. Casey tosses me the chocolate with a shake of his head as he sits down at the island table.
“So, princess, you excited for your first day in kindergarten?” Casey asks, trying to get a rise out of her, knowing damn well she’s in first grade now. He succeeds cuz Maria crosses her arms.
“I’m in first grade, not in kindergarten, Old Man,” Maria argues with a huff as Casey smiles and picks Maria up, placing her on his lap
“I’m sorry Mari, you know my very old 19-year brain can’t remember as well as when I was your age, hun. Forgive me?” Casey rests his head on Maria’s.
“Fineee, I guess I’ll forgive you this time Cas.” Maria hugs him, cheek pressed to his chest and mouth in a smile. I set down three plates on the kitchen table all with varying amounts of pancake.
“Only one pancake, Doe? Why don’t cha eat some more?” Casey eyes my plate with a wary gaze.
“Not hungry, I’ll buy something in the Cafe if I’m hungry later.” I sigh and start eating my pancakes, only feeling the pancake's texture, no taste. Maria scarfs down her pancakes, Casey eating at a more reasonable pace.
“Slow down so you don’t choke.” Maria nods with food in her mouth and slows down, however, she is still eating fast. We finish breakfast with silence overcoming us, not uncomfortable but a little awkward. After some time kids start filing out the door and getting on the bus, some taking their car.
“Alright,” Casey gets up and stretches “Maria you go get changed, okay? I’ll help Theo clean.”
“Okie!!” Maria gets up and runs to the stairs skipping a few. Casey looks away from Maria and towards me with a disappointed look on his face.
“So, what’s the deal.” Casey picks up the dishes as I clean up the batter and put away the chocolate.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Casey sighs and wash off the dishes in the sink as well as our own.
“I mean the fact that you carried Maria down the stairs even though I know that you’ve been having a rough time with your arms and,” Casey bends down to place the dishes in the sink, getting back up to face me, arms crossed, “You only ate one pancake, which was the smallest of all of them, you know that you need to eat more than that, Theo”
“I know, It’s just-” I sigh and match Casey’s position, “It’s hard to eat when it’s just a texture, the mushiness is just so gross. It would probably be better if I could fucking taste it.” Casey walks over, puts his arm around my shoulder and pulls in.
“Theo, if the texture bothers you that much you could’ve just made something else, I’m sure Maria wouldn’t have minded.” Casey rested his head on mine, a common thing he does to me and Maria, I turned my face towards his neck and hugged him.
“I know, I just don’t like to disappoint her.” Casey sighs, hugging me back.
“You can’t spoil her like that, you know, she has to learn how to be dependant. Especially since both me and you are moving out next year, she won’t have anyone to take care of her.” Casey whispers to me sadly. Maria bounds down the stairs in a white button-up with a lacey collar and blue overalls.
“Let’s go get changed, okay? Go wait at the door, Mari” Casey ruffles my hair and I nod and smile at Maria as she runs past the door.
***
After Casey and I got changed into our clothes, he wore simple jeans and a t-shirt and I wore my usual outfit of a short-sleeve button-up, black vest, brown pants, red headband, Locket, and of course my braces too (technically can’t live without them).
“Do you want to drive, Cas? Or should-”
“I’m driving.” Casey grabs the car keys before I can. I sigh as I tug on my boots and bend over to lace Maria’s shoes. Maria pulls her backpack over her shoulders and I do the same
“Alrighty then,” Casey claps. “Let’s get goin' before I’m late to work.”
“Where do you work again?” I say with confusion as he changes works every few weeks, he just got laid off from his car-washing job next to the big mall.
“Do you know the tattoo place near my old job?” Casey says as we walk out the door, locking it. “That’s my new job pays pretty well and it’s close to what I’m going to college for” I nod and head towards the car. Maria bounces next to me and I help her into the car, going to sit in the passenger seat. The drive is filled with Maria’s chatter until she gets dropped off at the elementary and the drive is silent until I get dropped off at my school. I reach over and hug Casey, waving goodbye as I walk out of the car and into the school.
***
5th period, the class I’ve been dreading, is the class where we have to test our powers you would think that using your powers would be easy but it’s hard to use powers if you don’t even know what they are, and only have had them for three years in which you’ve barely even used them so yeah, it’s pretty fucking unfair. The teacher tells us to get into groups and practice our powers on each other I don’t move only standing in my place as everyone else gets their partner, not having any friends yet as I just got to this school, I stand alone for while trying to not seem as awkward as I feel when all of the sudden someone bursts through the door loudly and all eyes are on her, as soon as we make eye contact I realize I severely fucked up, her memories start flooding through my brain; the worst of the memories are with her uncle. After the unfamiliar ache settles I break eye contact and quickly look away, I can feel her eyes on me as she walks over my face getting warmer and redder by the second.
"What was that?" Oh shit, she’s talking to me. I can feel her eyes on me, my face getting warmer and redder by the second.
“I um- kinda sorta usedmypowersonyou?” Way to fucking go Theo you’ve embarrassed yourself in front of someone who just had their mind involuntarily read. Iisus Hristos, Casey was right, I really need to work on my social skills.
“Well no duh dipshit,” She sighs mad obviously, “but what do they do?” Oh yeah, I guess that would make more sense but what do I tell her if I don’t even know myself?
“Uhhh it depends, what I did on you was um- mind reading I guess?” This is so embarrassing I barely even know how to control my powers.
““You guess? What do you mean you guess? Do you not know what your powers do or something?” Her attitude is starting to get old. It’s obvious I don’t know what I’m doing. Joacă-te frumos Theo, don’t insult her, they taught you better.
“I mean yes and no? I know what some of my powers are, like mind reading and illusion but I don’t know if there’s anymore.” All of a sudden a small ache goes through my head. Shit, calm down. I start to hear her thoughts in my head.
‘Of course, he doesn’t. This is fucking great! I have an amateur messing with my head and looking into my mind. I swear to god if he fried a part of my brai-.’
“Fuck off okay, I only got them a few years ago, excuse me for not being perfect.” This is what I get for trying to be nice, I should’ve known it would have gone this way. Why do I always fuck things up? I can feel the other students' eyes on us, on me. The girl takes a few deep breaths and clenches her fists. She glances around the room and asks a question in a, seemingly, out of character tone.
“Can we go outside, to talk?” She asks, gesturing with her hand to the door.
“ I promise I won’t bite.” Against my will I let a small huff, thankfully not a full laugh.
“Sure” I hope she isn’t taking me out of the class to beat me up that would be a bitch to hide from Casey. She begins to walk back out of the door
“What did you see!?” She demanded much different than the tone she used a few seconds ago. I try and think of a sufficient reply that doesn’t reveal what her uncle did in a public setting.
“If you're talking about what your uncle did then yeah, I saw that.” She shakes her head, angry, disappointed, upset. I can’t tell.
“That’s not specific enough. What exactly was he doing?” She says with a nervous(?) tone probably about the fact that she’s asking me in a public setting about what her horrible asshole of an uncle did to her sister
“I don’t think we should be talking about what he did in public setting,” I say reluctantly knowing what I have to think and say next, “But since you’re so insistent then I’m talking about him murdering your sister and most of the horrible things he did to you.” I shudder at the thought of what he put her through. She nods, shaking, this only making me feel even more horrible for what I did.
“What do you want.”...Wait what? Why is she asking me that when I just severely invaded her privacy?
“Shouldn’t I be asking you that? What do you want, money, service, a house?” She looks taken aback at my statement.
“What the fuck are you talking about!? The only thing I want is for you to leave me the hell alone!”
“You’re the one who asked me out here!?” I say confused as this stranger is making no sense.
“Because I wanted to know what you saw! I wanted to know whether I had to worry about you opening your big mouth to say shit that you shouldn't be saying! So what do you want? What do I have to give you to shut you up about what you saw?” Wow rude I just offered her a house and she tells me to shut up, the hell up with her?
“You don’t have to give me anything! I feel bad enough about invading your privacy like that. If anything I should give something to you so that I’m not guilt-ridden for the rest of my days here.” She stares at me in shock
“Are you kidding?” What the actual fuck is she talking about? Why would I be joking about something like this? “Are you being serious, like actually?”
“Yeah, Why wouldn’t I? I genuinely feel bad for doing that to you. Like I said can I make it up to you?” I’m already thinking of ways to make it up to her, maybe a house to get out of her uncle's house, yeah that would be good. She looks away from me and leaves us in silence for a second, she looks like she’s contemplating something.
“Just, don’t say anything. It isn’t your problem. You don’t owe me anything except your silence. Besides, I don’t take charity, from anyone.”
“Fine, I won’t give you anything.” I lie, I already have a great house for her to stay at. Now I have to switch the topic before she catches on “But, could you possibly show me around the school? You don’t have to of course, it’s kinda weird for me to ask that of you now, sorry.” Omg, why can’t I just be normal for once, she’s probably going to refuse and I’m going to look like an idiot, at least she doesn’t look like she’s going to punch me again… Right?
“To be honest, I don’t want to. I want to go . . . somewhere that isn’t here, and forget this happened. I want to wish you out of existence because I don’t like that you know what you know. But I will show you around I mean, because I'm not a total shithead, and the sooner you manage to navigate the school the more time you’ll be able to spend figuring out your mind power thingies, and that's something you're gonna need to do to survive here. Other people won’t be as chill about you getting in their minds. Got it?” Oh well, I guess she’s nicer than I thought. Also, I am completely under the control of my powers, kinda, the only reason I used them I cause she scared me by busting through the door like a brute.
“Yeah, I know I just wasn’t expecting someone to y'know break down the door in the middle of class, apologies for being surprised.”
“ I didn’t break down the door. I just closed it, a tad too roughly.”
“You almost sent it off its hinges.”
“Almost, I didn’t break it down.” Her sigh comes off as frustrated, I remember seeing one of the screws come loose, but I know this is an argument I won’t win, she’s way too încăpăţânat. I decide to change the subject so she doesn’t get mad, again.
“Anyways. Are you going to show me around now?”
“Yeah, I guess. But we should go back to the classroom first. Tell the teacher what we're doing.” I completely forgot about that and the fact we were in public, my manners are getting worse, huh?
“Oh, yeah, I forgot about that. Let’s go.”
“Don’t tell me what to do,” We walked back towards the classroom, and as we were entering I had a strange feeling, that much to her chagrin, this won’t be the last time we meet.
***
If you ever want to know someone's locker number to give them something special, do not stalk them at every moment of the day because you’re too tâmpit to ask a teacher even though you probably could have come up with something and especially dont get caught by a teacher that asks you what you're doing and you can’t just say ‘Oh, Im giving this person a house because I found out their deepest secrets and trauma, and also want them to get away from their oribil uncle’ so you just say with a horrible suspicious stutter “I-um am uhhh giving her a love letter?” even though you’re gay and very much into men, and when the teacher turns away to go back to whatever they’re doing do infact, shove said house keys into her locker after lockpicking it and hauling ass towards your brother's car to save your dumbass from the crippling embarassment of that situation (also make sure your brother also isn’t a nosy bitch that asks you why you ran to the car redder than a fucking firetruck.)
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Hellsite Nostalgia Tour 2023 Day 266
Lily Sunder Has Some Regrets/The Return of Doctor Mysterio
“Lily Sunder Has Some Regrets”
Plot Description: a woman whose family was killed by code-following angels in 1901 is out for revenge in the present day, and Cas is next on her list
(Really interesting that in the show they spell it Cass (wrong) but Netflix spells it Cas (obviously correct))
Would I Survive the First Five Minutes??: I’m guessing this angel is about to die…and even if they don’t deserve it for whatever they did to that woman’s family, they do for staying in a retail establishment well past closing time. That guy just wants to go home and now he’s gotta deal with THIS?
Poor Sam. This car ride is MISERABLE. The girls (Cas and Dean) are fightingggggggggg (but silently) and Sam can’t handle it anymore
Boy is trying to explode Dean with his mind
The angels are so interesting. They’re so cold and distant but one touch of another angel’s (non-euphemistic) blade and they can tell who it didn’t belong to another angel they were close to?
“If I plan on doing anything else stupid, I’ll let you know” babes, Dean’s right there. You could…
All three of them squished into one little diner table side (Cas still trying to explode Dean)
Oh. So Castiel has a very specific aesthetic when it comes to vessels
Why’d she take so long to heal her own wound? (Cinematically, it makes sense since she healed right after Cas and the other angel told the boys her sad backstory and how she’s now out to kill them but damn)
Wait…was her daughter not a nephilim?? Was she just a girl who tragically lost her father and an angel became the father who stepped up?
The way this woman is so sure Cas is going to kill Dean…even with how angry they are at each other, Cas wouldn’t….right?
The way the other angel tried to get Dean to risk Cas’s life if it meant banishing him…but of course Dean wouldn’t 🥰
I only love characters that can kill so coldly and then turn into the saddest, wettest cat seconds later
“The Return of Doctor Mysterio”
Plot Description: in New York with brain-swapping aliens poised to attack, the Doctor and Nardole link up with an investigative reporter and a mysterious masked superhero known only as the Ghost
This kid was given excellent stranger danger lessons. The Doctor is hanging upside down outside this kid’s 60th floor window because he got caught in his own trap and it is starting to slip…but this kid has to go ask his mom if it’s okay to let the Doctor in
He’s EXPEXTED at this random New York apartment? Is…….this a SECOND Christmas special? That aired probably at New Years? Because this kid and his mom definitely believe he’s Santa, as evidenced by the cookies and milk
Ok so who’s the reporter they’re going to meet up with who won’t recognize the Doctor? Because he just went on a JUST a little too long thing about just now figuring out that Superman and Clark Kent are the same person…and this kid looked at him like he was the dumbest person ever because everyone knows that “but Lois Lane doesn’t, and she’s a reporter”
Omg…the kid ATE what basically amounts to an actual wish crystal (crystal that grants your wishes) and got super powers
Oh. This is going to be HEAVILY influenced by American comics.
Yeah, yeah. Some big and nebulous science company is being slowly taken over by aliens…and somehow the evil alien has a German accent
Ok I was off by one (which was actually pointed out earlier, but I’m just getting around to mentioning it). The kid from the beginning of the episode, whatever his job is now…possibly reporter too, is the Ghost (Omg my phone tried to make that say Ghostfacers)
You can’t make a kid promise he won’t use his newly acquired superpowers
Omg…of course. The Ghost is also the reporter’s daughter’s nanny
This dude’s life is so messy. Not only does he nanny for the reporter, he had a crush on her in high school that never really went away, he ran into her a few years after high school with his then best friend…and the reporter and the best friend fell in love, got married, had a baby, and then the best friend ran off with someone else……all while this guy is also struggling with like…ALL the super powers
How does she not notice that Grant is gone?? She really takes him for granted. Oh. It’s about time she noticed
How’s he gonna go to dinner for this interview AND babysit Lucy’s kid? Oh. Cool. Both of them said they were going on a date so now they’re jealous of THEMSELVES
Honestly, I hope most of this is just about the messy personal lives of these two and the Doctor playing matchmaker and the brain-swapping aliens take up like five minutes total for the rest of the episode
Oh…he met Grant just before his last “night” with River and now he’s back just after…
I’m not interested in the aliens nor what Nardole is up to
A CLASSIC, almost out of fanfic secret identity reveal ALMOST just happened…but then the aliens happened
Omg THANK YOU, DOCTOR!! He literally just said he thinks he might be holding a giant bomb (it’s a whole ass space ship that was about to crash into NYC, destroying everything) but he’s got time to kiss Lucy?? I know. I KNOW it’s been a long time coming and you’re both finally on the same page but PLEASE. There are MILLIONS of lives at stake if you drop that thing. AND YOU DROPPED THE BABY MONITOR YOU’VE BEEN CARRYING THIS WHOLE EPISODE?? I’m far too aroace for this. Like, by all means, get with the girl you love, but don’t get distracted from the spaceship you’re holding in one of your hands and don’t abandon said woman’s daughter!!!
Mmmm, so these mind-swapping aliens will be back at some point
You know…I never thought I’d like Nardole, but he seems alright
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Would you say more about it not being foreshadowing? I don't necessarily think it's what the writers intended I moreso saw it as the writers were so incompetent that it was accidentally really poetic. Feel free to ignore ofc
I'd be happy to rant explain!
The argument I’ve seen in fandom is that Becky’s conversations with Chuck about his writing in 15x04 are meta-commentaries on episode 15x19 and/or 15x20, with Becky acting as the “fan” voice pointing out how horrible Chuck’s stories are, and by implication, how horrible the last two episodes of the real show also are. For an example of this framing, see this chapter in a longer “Chuck Won” essay, which argues the 15x04 meta commentary was also intended to show Chuck wasn’t defeated in 15x19 and still controlled the story in 15x20.
I’ve got three major problems with this reading.
First, it ignores how in context, Becky & Chuck’s conversations are commenting on what’s happening in 15x04 itself (an idea I first saw on the fan Supernatural Wiki, as the final point under "Minutiae," although I have a slightly expanded take on it).
Mid-way through the ep, Sam & Dean are caught by the parents and held at gunpoint. Then we see Becky looking at Chuck’s first draft:
BECKY
Okay. If I had to give one note… the jeopardy, Chuck. It’s feeling a little… thin? Low stakes? It’s fun to hear the boys’ voices, but a story is only as good as its villain, and these villains are just not feeling very… dangerous? Not to mention, there’s no classic rock. No one even mentions Cas. The climax is a little stale. Boys tied up again while we get the villain’s monologue, which, frankly, isn’t one of your best. A little originality wouldn’t… [She looks up at him and gets scared. CHUCK scowls at her.] …hurt.
CHUCK
You want jeopardy? You want danger? [CHUCK moves around the desk.] Move! [BECKY gets up from the chair and he sits down. He starts typing.] I’ll give you danger.
After having dealt with an army of ghosts from Hell, a vampire in a small town is pretty low stakes; Sam & Dean never mention Cas in this ep; there's no classic rock songs; and it seems like a pretty typical vampire story, about an vampire dad attacking teenage girls.
But then we get the twist: it isn't the father, but the son, Billy, who’s the vampire. He accidentally killed his girlfriend, is killing his friend Tori, and knows he won’t be able to control his bloodlust in the future, as much as he wants to. Despite the protests of his parents, Billy goes with Sam and Dean knowing they’ll kill him, choosing his own death over hurting anyone else. We then get Becky and Chuck talking about Chuck’s second draft:
BECKY
B-But it’s so… dark.
CHUCK
But great, right? I can see it now… “Supernatural: The End”. And the cover is just a gravestone that says “Winchester”. The fans are gonna love it. Well?
BECKY
It’s awful! Horrible. It’s hopeless. [BECKY gets up from the chair and walks around the desk to CHUCK.] You can’t do this to the fans. What you did to Dean? What you did to Sam?
CHUCK
There, see? It’s making you feel something. That’s good, right?
BECKY
No!
We’ve just seen Billy, a 17-year-old who doesn’t want to be a monster but was been made into one, get decapitated—no cure, no redemption, just death. What is that if not a dark, horrible ending?
Second, I don’t see the supposed connections between Becky’s commentaries in 15x04 and the plots of 15x19 & 15x20.
Does Becky’s first critique (low stakes, not very dangerous villain, no classic rock, no mention of Cas, climax stale & unoriginal) reflect what happens in 15x19? No. Sam & Dean (and Jack) are fighting to save the world, so not exactly low stakes, and Chuck has just zapped away everyone on else on Earth, which I’d say makes him pretty dangerous & powerful. “Running on Empty” might not a great classic rock song, but it does fall within the classic rock label. Cas is mentioned multiple times in the ep, twice by Jack and once by Dean. The climax could be described as stale or unoriginal, but that’s subjective (and I’ve seen people who’ve liked it).
Does Becky’s second critique (dark, awful, horrible, hopeless, terrible things have happened to Sam & Dean) reflect 15x20? Also no. Yes, Dean does die. But he goes to Heaven, and not the crappy, relieve-your-best-moments-forever Heaven, but one where he can actually be with the people he loves, as we see with Bobby (and implied with Mary & John being “over yonder”). Yes, Sam is devastated when Dean dies. But Sam then keeps living—he gets married, has a son of his own, and when he dies, also goes to Heaven. Chuck describes his cover as a picture of a gravestone (and only one gravestone). Contrast that image against the final visual of the show. While they’re both images of death, a lone gravestone compared to Sam & Dean together in Heaven are not the same. The first could be described as dark or hopeless, but at worst you could call the second bittersweet.
Third, the focus on Becky’s critiques as meta-commentary misses the character set up for Sam at the end of 15x04, and how this pays off in 15x20, both in terms of Sam’s ending as a character and for the show thematically as a whole.
At the end of 15x04, Sam & Dean have one of their patented episode-ending-conversations about their feelings.
DEAN
Well, that was an interesting one.
SAM
Yeah. What Henry did… we’d have done the same thing. For Jack. If we had the chance.
DEAN
Yeah. Yeah, we would. Look, man, I get it. I get it. We have lost way, way too much. And it’s hard not to feel like just… cashing out. I felt like that. After Chuck, back at the crypt. But you know what brought me back? You did. By sayin’ that what we do still matters. I mean, that’s why I wanted to drag us out here. That’s why I wanted to… to work a case, to save lives, you know? ‘Cause it is… it’s a… it’s crap job. We do the ugly thing so that people can live happy.
SAM
Yeah. Yeah. Lucky them.
DEAN
Yeah, lucky them. But it doesn’t change a thing. You know what I mean? We still do the job. But we don’t do it for us. We do it for Jack, for mom, for Rowena. We owe it to anybody who has ever given a damn about us to keep putting one foot in front of the other. No matter what. And hey, man, like you said, now that Chuck’s gone, we’re finally on our own. We are finally free to… move on, you know?
SAM
I don’t know. Uh… I-I don’t know if I can move on. You know, I-I-I… I can’t forget about any of them. Dean, I still think about Jessica. I… I can’t just let that go.
DEAN
No, man, that’s not what I’m talking about.
SAM
I know, I know, I know. I’m sorry. I know. But… but what I’m saying is that I don’t feel free. What we’ve done, what we’ve lost, right now, that is what I’m feeling, and… and sometimes it’s… it’s like I-I-I can’t even breathe. But maybe tomorrow. You know, maybe I’ll… I’ll feel better in the morning.
DEAN
And what if you don’t?
SAM
I don’t know.
Dean is framed as the hunter, who copes with his losses by throwing himself into the job. After Dean got shaken by Chuck, Sam reminded him that hunting still matters, and that they could still save and protect people, still kill the things that go bump in the night. Now that Sam is feeling shaken, Dean tries to remind Sam that they have to keep living for the people they’ve lost, no matter what, to pull him out of his funk. But for Sam, hunting doesn’t seem to be enough. He’s still weighed down and depressed by all they’ve faced and everyone they’ve lost—even Jessica, who died 15 years ago in real life terms and decades ago for Sam in-universe.
This conversation in 15x04 is similar to Sam & Dean’s conversation in 15x20 at the pie festival:
DEAN
[Looking at SAM] What? What's wrong?
SAM
Nothing. I'm fine.
DEAN
No, come on. I know that face. That's, uh… That Sad Sam face.
SAM
I'm not Sad Sam. I'm just… I'm thinking about Cass, you know? Jack. If they could be here.
DEAN
Yeah. Yeah, no. I think about 'em, too. You know what? That pain's not gonna go away. Right? But if we don't keep living, then all that sacrifice is gonna be for nothing. So, quit being a friggin' Eeyore, huh? Come on. [DEAN motions to the slices of pie in the box.] Get into this!
SAM
Yeah, you're right.
Once again, Sam is caught up in the loses they’ve faced, most recently in Cas’s sacrifice and Jack becoming God and leaving them. Dean consoles him and says, like in 15x04, that they have to keep living, even if it hurts.
And then Sam faces the biggest loss of all—Dean’s death. And in the face that loss, Sam keeps carrying on: he marries, raises Dean II well, and when he finally dies, old and grey, he’s reunited with Dean and everyone else in Heaven once again.
The meta writer of that Chuck Won meta, and a lot of the fandom, make the assumption that Sam & Dean’s deaths in S15 are something bad. But death, and the inevitability of death, has always been a part of SPN. The show started out with Mary’s death, John’s intense grief, and the pain and suffering John caused Sam & Dean by dragging them on his hunting revenge quest. The show ended with Dean’s death and Sam accepting it, living a normal, non-hunting life, and with the implication that his son Dean II lived a normal life too. If after Dean's first permanent death in 3x16, Sam became revenge-obsessed out of grief, now Sam has learned to accept death, despite everyone & everything he's lost and how deep his grief runs. Or compared to Sam in season 1, who immediately dived back into hunting after Jessica's death, Sam in season 15 is framed as having matured and grown, and so he handles his loss in a much healthier way.
(I haven't talked much about Dean's arc, and I suspect something that disturbs people is the feelings of narrative 'inevitability' around Dean's death. If 15x20 echoes 3x16, where Dean died not because of how the story unfolded but because of the writer's strike cutting the season short, why does Dean still die in 15x20? Why wasn't Sam able to save him? Answering these questions is a whole 'nother can of fish, but my short answer is that Sam saving Dean didn't fit w/ how the writers saw Sam and Dean's narrative roles/boxes, and they weren't willing to imagine a different story for the bros. This idea is actually something I'm trying to work through in my Utena vs. SPN essay, so I'll have more to say about it at some point in the future.)
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Part 2 of Pack Alpha!Cas x Young Alpha!Dean (3.3k words)
To have Dean sitting at his breakfast table, dressed in warm, woolen clothing a couple of sizes too wide but not too long for him, still sleep-ruffled and bleary-eyed, hastily eating all the food laid out before him, satisfies a deep, feral urge inside of Castiel. Considering Dean’s reluctance to so much as set foot into Castiel's home last night – because, apparently, Dean had expected to stay at some hut, motel or maybe even prison, instead of the pack Alpha's house – or accept food, a bath and a bed from him, the ease with which he now already inhabits a space in the house is surprising. Like this, Dean looks soft, for lack of a better word, and comfortable, in Castiel's clothing and at his table, and it only seems right to have him here and take care of him. Regardless of him being Alpha as well.
Because not only is he still young and non-threatening, he is also very obviously in need of help. Even in very strict and traditional packs, it is uncommon to simply exile any adolescent who presents as an Alpha and might challenge the pack Alpha one day, so for Dean to be out on his own, underfed and freezing, is puzzling. Unless he did something truly abhorrent to warrant expulsion, he should still be under the protection of his pack and parents. And Dean, with the scars now hidden under the turtleneck Castiel lent him and his pink tongue flicking out to catch every drop and crumble on his lips, feels more like the type to have had abhorrent things done to him.
Then again, looks can be deceiving – and particularly young Alphas tend to lack the inhibition or sense to rein themselves in. Just because he is beautiful and pitiful now does not mean that he did nothing bad before or does not deserve his current, worn-down state. After all, he did ask to be killed over nothing last night. To atone, perhaps?
“So,” Castiel begins, since he has to begin somehow, “how do you like the eggs?”
Apparently confused at being spoken to, Dean glances up at him and then back down to his scrambled eggs. Castiel made them for him – as well as some toast, hash browns, bacon, sausages, and a couple of pancakes – and added in a lot of herbs and butter, as Dean looked like he needed it, but they turned out runny and looking a bit funny. Dean had looked a bit overwhelmed by all the food set down before him, but then began wolfing down everything, as if he hadn't had a proper meal in weeks. Going by the slimness of his neck, he probably hadn't. If Castiel hadn't given him something light to eat and a few snacks the night before, he would probably be scared that Dean might get sick from this much food for breakfast. Really, he still is afraid of that. But when he started making breakfast, he did not think of that – in fact, he did not think much, except that he wanted to feed the young boy until he looked healthy again.
“They are pretty good,” Dean replies, stirring the eggs with his fork. “Though I'm not sure I can finish them.”
“It's fine if you don't. You don't have to eat everything I make, whether you simply don't like it or might be sick from it.”
“Yeah, okay. Thanks,” Dean says and only keeps stirring his eggs now instead of taking another bite, which Castiel takes as a sign that he only kept eating because he thought he had to.
Slightly disgruntled, Castiel takes a sip of his coffee. In the light of the morning and without the exhaustion of the cold clinging to him, the boy already looks somewhat healthier than the night before, and even more stunning. Castiel has no doubt that, were Dean an Omega, he would have been mated and impregnated long ago, if he comes from a pack that supports early matings. Or at least been mated for some time now or on headed that way. Because Castiel knows that even in his own, rather civilized pack, every unmated Alpha and Beta would have been vying for Dean's attention, showered him in gifts and sweet promises, trailed him like a bunch of lost puppies until he finally decided on one of them. Whoever Dean chose would have been considered to be the luckiest member of the pack, the most enviable one. And Castiel is neither too proud nor proud enough to admit that he, too, would have been one of Dean's hopeless little suitors – that he would have courted him shamelessly, probably gotten into fights with all the other admirers and tried to pathetically use his position as the pack Alpha to draw Dean's attention on him, even if just for a bit.
He would have been the king of the fools.
Castiel heaves out a sigh. What good does it do to draw up these kinds of fantasy scenarios and then berate himself for them? Maybe Meg is right: as the pack Alpha and still unmated at his age, he should have made more of an effort to find a viable mate. Even if no one in his pack or outside of it appealed to him yet – at least not to a degree at which he would consider anything long-term with them –, he should have set a good example and settled with someone by now. Certainly, he is not at an age that waiting a few more years or maybe even a decade would make him so old that he could not take proper care of a mate or any children, but the older he gets, the more time seems to just fly by. Whereas a year seemed like an eternity when he was younger, it now feels more like one more turn of the moon, the blink of an eye. If he is not careful, it might be too late for him to mate before he knows it.
Regardless, this is an issue to be dealt with at another time. Right now, all his attention should be on the young Alpha in front of him, who is by now doing nothing but sitting idly in his chair and breathing in that heavy, sluggish way that probably means he ate too much and is working on keeping the food down.
“Are you alright?” Castiel asks.
“Hm-mh,” Dean reassures. He strokes a hand over his belly, covered by the thick clothing Castiel has given him, and lets out a sound that is just so verging on a moan, both pleasured and pained.
Castiel feels his fingers tightening around the handle of his cup.
“Haven't eaten so much at once lately,” Dean all but slurs, “so it's a bit much right now. But it was good.”
“Yes?” Castiel asks, eyes perked.
“Yeah.” Dean confirms. This pleases Castiel immensely.
Castiel nods and makes a thoughtful noise. “I did notice that you look a bit... slim for your height. And the overall frame of your body. Which I assume is not just the result of any recent growth spurt?”
Dean tenses up at that, the previous laziness already leaving his body. Castiel cannot help but regret diving into the topic right away, but he has to. “Yeah, it's not like I've had any growth spurts recently.”
Which could either mean Dean is a bit older than Castiel assumed, or that he hasn't had proper nutrition for quite a while now. Maybe it's both.
“Is that why you were in my woods? To hunt?”
For a moment, Dean looks at him in a strange, undefinable way, then shrugs his shoulders. “If some rabbit was randomly crossing my path, maybe. I'm not a very good hunter, though.” He shuffles in his seat. “I was looking for some berries or herbs to eat. I thought there might be some since I've seen some thrushes in the tree tops, so I followed them. Until you pounced on me.”
The memory of which is slightly embarrassing, since Castiel has had a rather non-threatening Dean below him, begging to be killed, and now has him sit in front of him with a full belly, and satisfaction in his features.
“You did not enter the pack's territory on purpose, then,” Castiel resumes from Dean's story.
“Yeah,” Dean agrees, “I didn't know where I was, let alone whose pack the woods belonged to. All I knew was that there were thrushes, so there must be berries around.”
Castiel does not comment on the fact that for Dean to know so much about berries that he would be able to track them down by watching birds is a bit unusual for an Alpha. As are his apparently insufficient hunting skills. Instead, he nods as if he could ever make the same kind of connection between birds and berries, and puts his cup down on the table.
“How long have you been wandering then, when you did not even know whose pack grounds you were entreating upon? Our territory is rather vast, and any proximate pack would know where the borders lay.”
“Been walking for a while,” Dean says noncommittally, shrugging and picking at his fingernails. Castiel remembers how dirty they were just the night before; how dirty all of him was, at least whatever glimpses he caught of Dean’s skin when he began to undress as Castiel was still busy bringing him clothing, fresh towels and soap into the bathroom. His hands are clean now, but Castiel should probably still take a brush and clippers to his fingernails. Maybe even to his toenails? He could pull off Dean’s socks, roll up the hems of his pants, let his feet soak in warm soapy water and then go about taking care of his probably sore and abused feet as slowly and gently as he would take care of his fingers.
Exasperated with himself, Castiel pinches his nose. Forget wrong or inappropriate, these kinds of thoughts are just downright strange. Not just because of the sense of self-abasement and worship that is inherent in feet-washing, let alone since both of them are Alphas, but because the very idea of doing so shouldn’t warm him to his core.
So, he looks away from Dean’s hands and, just to be on the safe side, from his face and any part of his body as well, and stares out the window instead. Outside, the sky is gray and thick snowflakes are falling. Certainly no good day for anyone to be wandering through the woods.
“What does ‘a while’ mean? A couple of days? Weeks?” Castiel probes. “For you to be in such a poor shape, it must have been quite some time.”
“...since spring?” Dean estimates vaguely.
Castiel’s gaze immediately snaps back to Dean. “Spring? Dean, we are in the middle of winter!” He cannot help the rush of anger and terror -- not directed at Dean, but his circumstances. No wonder he looked and still looks like he was put through the meatgrinder. No wonder he begged for Castiel to kill him!
Castiel's scent must stink of his rush of emotions, but Dean’s doesn’t even waver.
Because Dean just shrugs once more and nods, as if more than half a year spent as a vagrant did not matter all that much. “I guess.”
“How?” Castiel asks, then corrects himself. “Why?”
Slowly, Dean blows out a breath and lifts his eyes just enough to catch Castiel’s. “Don’t wanna talk about it.”
But Castiel pushes on. “Who would allow something like this to happen? It would have been your pack Alpha’s duty to find you and return you to pack grounds. Someone as young as yourself should never be left to his own devices, particularly not for such a long amount of time.”
Dean’s eyes skip away again. He does not reply, just tenses slightly. Castiel’s eyes narrow at that.
“Or is there a reason your pack Alpha did not look for you? Did you run away -- or were you exiled?”
For a moment, Dean clenches his eyes shut. “Neither. Both. I really don’t wanna talk about it, okay?”
And Castiel wants to leave him alone, he does, yet it is more than simple curiosity for the beautiful young man sitting in front of him that is driving him, but also his pack’s safety. If Dean was indeed exiled, then it wouldn’t have happened without good reason. At least, it shouldn’t have. Hard as it is to keep pushing Dean and to do so much as assume that he might have committed a crime grave enough to warrant exile, Castiel needs to know the truth for safety reasons.
“Was there any kind of trouble?” As soon as he asks, he thinks of the second confirmation that Dean has given him: that, in the same way that he was and was not exiled, he also did and did not run away. “Did anyone cause you any trouble?”
Dean lets out a short, humorless laugh. Castiel straightens up.
“Did anyone hurt you?” The anger returns tenfold, turns into rage; the very idea of anyone touching Dean in such a painful way that he would flee his pack forces Castiel’s words to come out in a growl. “Is that why---? Is that where the scars came from? Dean, what---”
“Alpha,” Dean cuts in, and his voice and the expression on his face seem both to be warring between fear and anger too, settling on indignation. All of him is tense, and he bites his lip as he corrects himself. “Castiel. Please. I mean it. I don’t-- I can’t talk about this.” He slumps slightly in his seat, and Castiel hates himself for being the cause of this, for interrupting the serene scene from before, for distressing the boy who was so full and relaxed mere moments ago.
“I apologize,” Castiel says upon a deep exhale. “I recognize that you do not wish to talk about this, so I will not force you to. I have no right to your past, but some to your presence, as you are now part of my pack, which is why I need to know if what happened could have an impact on either your or the pack’s safety.” He shakes his head, tries to gather his thoughts. “No, this is not fair of me. I have already accepted your submission and your vow that you will not be a threat to my pack, so whatever you might have done in the past should not matter. Yet, as you are pack now, if there is still a threat to you, you should tell me, so that I can take the proper precautions. I cannot protect you if I don’t know that I need to -- if I don’t know what from.”
Dean appears taken aback by that statement. As if, upon admitting that he might pose a threat to the pack in whatever capacity, Castiel would grab him and drag him back to the woods. Which is ridiculous, given that right now, with Dean looking so small and unsure, Castiel would love to do nothing more than embrace him, stroke his hair and assure him that no harm will ever come to him again.
“I guess I do owe you as much,” Dean concedes, and he straightens his shoulders almost imperceptibly. “The truth is,” he breathes in deeply, “I don’t know for sure. I don’t think anyone would come looking for me, ‘specially since no one did ever since I left, or at least they didn’t find me, so I doubt they’d bother now. They’ve probably forgotten about me by now.” He curls his hands, where they are resting on the table, into fists. “So, I can’t give you any guarantee on that front. Just that I promise that I don’t wanna cause any trouble while I’m here, and that back there, I didn’t… murder anyone or whatever you might be thinking.” He is silent for a few moments. “So, if you don’t want me around as a potential hazard, I get that, really, and I’ll be out of your hair as soon as you say the word.”
“No,” Castiel decides, “as I said, you are now pack and under my protection, so as long as you accept my position as the Alpha and don’t harm anyone here. Since you have already done the first and just promised the second, there is absolutely no reason to refute this.”
Dean still looks somewhat doubtful, and all he gives as a reply is an unconvinced, “Alright.”
Castiel gets up from his chair with a sigh, and as he crosses the small space between him and a still seated Dean, the younger Alpha’s doubtfulness turns into wariness.
“Dean,” Castiel says in what he hopes is a soothing tone. Dean remains still and tense when Castiel comes to a halt next to him, and he lets him do as he likes when Castiel reaches out his hand and settles it on the side of his cloth-covered neck. On the spot that anyone else would present if they wanted to submit to an Alpha, and not in such a painfully absolute way in which Dean did the night before, all his scars on display, or where a mating bite would go, if Dean were not an Alpha.
Dean’s breathing turns short and shallow, but his smell does not turn sour in fear. Rather, its sweetness intensifies, picks up a notch, just like the pulse now beating against the palm of Castiel’s hand, pinkening his cheeks. Despite Dean’s designation, he does seem to take to submission rather easily.
“You are safe and welcome here. Knowing that you might be hurt if you leave, to say nothing of the harsh environmental conditions that would await you, fortifies my conviction that it was the right choice to allow you to join the pack. I won’t revoke that.” Unable to help himself, he strokes Dean’s warm neck, just once, twice, making the boy’s eyes go round and then flutter shut for a second. The urge to do more than just caress that vulnerable part of him suddenly overwhelms Castiel, and with regret and a soft brush of his thumb against Dean’s bobbing Adam’s apple, he retracts his hands. “I want you to stay here, where you are safe and can flourish. You deserve more than a life on the run, and if I can provide you with an actual future, then I am delighted to do so.”
“Yeah?” Dean asks, so quiet and intimate as if they were sharing a secret. His eyes remain barely more than half-open, apparently still weighed down by Castiels caress. “What’s the catch?”
Castiel chuckles and wishes there were a catch -- some ulterior motive that would help him justify this foolish decision beyond that his genuine wish to see Dean safe and happy.
“The catch,” he says playfully, “is that you will need to do the dishes after breakfast, and any other time I cook because I abhor doing it myself. You will also need to keep your room clean yourself and take care of your own laundry. And you will have to let me introduce you to the other members of the pack, so that they know that there is one more part of our family, and that you are as welcome as any of them.”
The corners of Dean’s mouth tick up in the tiniest of smiles, and Castiel is suddenly awash with an overwhelming sense of pride for being the cause of it.
“Deal.”
#perlukafarinn#bamfcastiel#miriam writes#alpha!cas#destiel#alpha!dean#spn#fanfiction#food cw#SURPRISE BITCH#I BET YOU THOUGHT YOUD SEEN THE LAST OF ME#you can thank nano for this#mention of hurt!dean#alpha x alpha#also i was like three seconds away from making cas say 'so how do you like them eggs?'#and i dont know if either version is better/worse as a come on#a/b/o#burrow verse
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