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acradelius · 2 years

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some nsfw with ashe please? 👀

"Sweeter Than Sweet Iced Tea~"

Fandom: Overwatch

Pairing: Elizabeth Caledonia "Calamity" Ashe x Reader

Rating: Lemon (NSFW!) [🟡]

Warnings/Mentions Ofs: Secretive Sex Life, Simply Sex- No Strings Attached, Being a Switch, Dominant, Submissive, "Mistress" terms, "Good Girl" terms, Singular Partners, Multiple Partners, Threesomes, Orgies, Preferences to the "Girls, Gays, and Theys", Denial, Teasing, Human x Human Sex, Human x Omnic Sex, Customizable Gentelia, Persuasion/Manipulation of sex with (Y/N) and others, "love and hate" sex, sex with Cassidy.

Word Count: 714 Words

Author's Note: Ex-queeze me, you have some explaining to do that caused this to come out. Like insert that one "gawd damn" tik tok sound here bestie.

Elizabeth Caledonia “Calamity” Ashe. Surrounded by wealth and privilege as a young child, ensured by her Mommy and Daddy’s “old money” that she would have every opportunity to succeed. And succeeded she did, becoming a respected figure within the criminal underworld. The leader of the famous Deadlock Gang, her being ambitious and calculating. While she did have these specific and high standards upholds to her appearance and her reputation, there’s always that uphold that goes on behind closed doors that only seem to be theories, or secrets from the world.

This goes especially with her sexual interests within the bedroom. You heard right: “sexual interest”. Ashe wasn’t one for an actual romance or intimate life with a significant other. With everything she was doing, along with also doing everything else that her henchmen being insubordinate, she simply didn’t have time for any of that. Just a moment or two of physical pleasure with others and then she would move on. Maybe commiting in acts as such a couple times of month at most.

Ashe, despite being considered a woman of dominance throughout her workforce and seemingly in life in general, she’s actually a Switch within the bedroom. Sometimes Ashe would continue with her high from dominance and take control of her partner(s), usually ones like (Y/N). She loved seeing them squirm in lustful distress, them begging her to bring them to a release. Yet, if Mistress says that they need to wait a little bit longer to cum, then that’s just how it’s going to be. Yet, there’s other times where Ashe is just so physically drained from everything going on, or she wants to give the reins to someone else for some time, then she’ll agree to being the submissive one. Being underneath someone else’s commands, having to beg that she’ll be such a good girl and do whatever it takes to be able to be brought to an orgasm, or five.

Ashe’s definitely one to have multiple partners, whether she takes them on individually or multiples at once during a night of fun. She’s always down for experimenting with her partner(s), guiding them into having threesome or double penetration sessions. Whether she’s the one giving pleasure or receiving pleasure, she’s always sure to make sure that her partners along with herself are satisfied. She would admit that if there’s multiple partners at once she’s more into giving pleasure to the “girls, gays, and theys” all while playing denial and teasing with the men, or others.

If there’s anything about this that would surprise anyone, even having surprised herself when Ashe became more into it, is that Ashe doesn’t mess around with just humans. She also messes around with Omnics as well. I mean, does anyone actually believe that Bob’s there just to be her secondary during missions and all that? She sometimes likes to test her own limits, and using Omnics can satisfy that itch. They don’t have limits to their stamina as humans do, “genitalia” can be altered to the mind’s desire, and Ashe doesn’t have to worry about the possibility of an accidental or unwanted pregnancy. She’ll even go as far as to introduce (Y/N) to some of her Omnic “friends” to join in with them.

Personally feel like she’d be into the whole “love and hate” type of sex sessions with Cassidy. There’d be times it’d be quite rough, angsty, and jealous sex in the middle of the night away from everyone else. Yanking at Cassidy’s hair while she whispers insults into his ear, becoming angrier whenever he’d just laugh, bucking his hips harshly to get his name to tumble out past her lips. Other times it’s built up, having hours of foreplay, before they disappear away from others to indulge in the gentle, passionate pleasure. Ashe mumbling about how it seems that Cassidy is the only one that seems to get her , and she wishes he could stay longer.

In summary, Ashe might be an independent dominant criminal leader on the outside. Yet, she’s more of a freak and the sheets and she’s living for it. If people happen to find out, they better keep their mouths shut unless they want to end up somewhere off in the desert never to be found again.

#ashe overwatch #elizabeth caledonia ashe #x reader #requests?! thank you<3 #lemon rating #lord have mercy

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gintokisimp · 2 years

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Nails on that hill - From 'The Love Kiseru' その丘に爪を立てて～相合い煙管より～

Summary: Spin-off of to 'The Love Kiseru' in Gintoki's point of view R18 taking into account that Gintoki is a sadist...

Notes: Permission to translate and upload given to me by Asatori-san Original work here Main Story (not translated yet) here

I couldn’t help but love the strong Tsukuyo, love her so much that I couldn’t resist kissing her on the forehead in the heat of the moment.

I could hear Zura's slippers and Elizabeth's signature footsteps receding into the distance. They must have left their seats out of consideration.

I used my tongue as hard as I could to trace the scar running straight across the forehead of Tsukuyo in front of me and then again from left to right.

"Hmm," said Tsukuyo, her voice mixed with confusion.

I ran the tip of my tongue over her right eyelid and cheek and captured it while lightly biting the top of her ear with my front teeth.

Then, she winced back for a moment.

I didn't care at all and followed the complicated folds of her ears with my pointed tongue.

She endured it with trepidation. I could feel her trembling, perhaps with fright.

I myself was not particularly sensitive at the ears. It seems that my body was not very sensitive to being caressed. But the sensitivity of her lovely ears seemed to be good.

She was a pretty girl, bubbly and chic, but also habitually inexperienced, dim-witted and naïve. It's been so long.. since I couldn't remember touching a woman who wasn't used to being touched by other people.

My instinctive desire appealed to me.

I had already confided in my heart. This time, I wanted to set fire to Tsukuyo's body. I wanted to make her a real woman who only wants me, to the point where she can never be without me.

And I captured her lips with the same intensity. I've abandoned all thoughts of consideration and modesty. I just let my tongue twirl, explore, and suck her tongue as I pleased. But once I was forced to let go, just to control my breathing.

"Ah... nn..." Tsukuyo looked up at me with a languid look in her eyes as if to say, "Are ya finished already?" An electric shock ran down my spine.She's sooooo sexy.

"Are you sure you're a virgin? What's with the tricks?"

"Eh..?"

I could see my dwarfed reflection in the large, bewildered, purple-colored mirror. Not wanting to see myself like that, I sucked on the soft little lips again.

I savored the taste of hot, sweet saliva. Her pretty voice came in and out from the back of her throat as she desperately clutched to me, as if a drowning man is grasping for straws.

This was probably because she was worried that someone might see or hear them. It was a sign that she wasn't quite into it yet.

"….Don't worry. The staff seem to be hiding in the back, scared of the people outside. ......Zura and the others, you see. They're away from their positions, so don't worry, just speak up."

"This is..bullshit."

Oh, that shy look on her face, that was soooo good. I wanted to push her down harder, in all earnestness, and make her cry soooo loudly. Women are more rewarding to torment if they resist than if they are submissive. I thought I'm a terrible man, but it was my born nature, so I couldn't help it.

But it was a bummer. I couldn't go that far now. I was so frustrated that I sucked on her lips even more.

Mmm, mmm, I felt the noises of her voice and spit echoing mercilessly through the foyer, even more intense than before. I could tell that she was into deep kissing me too. She was getting more aggressive, and our tongues were entwined. This was so fucking good. But it was still awkward, and her tongue wasn't that skillful. She was probably still tense. No wonder, I could tell. So, in order to get her to relax, I boldly touched her ample breasts.

I was relieved that she didn't seem to mind. After all, it might be better to be unresisting at first.

Ahh, I knew it. Her nipples were poking out from under the kimono. I had already guessed that maybe she wasn't wearing anything under her kimono, I saw it at the vending machine. She was a fool if trying to deal with thugs with such an unprotected body until replacement arrived.

"Ah, you..! Ah, aah!"

When I used my fingers and nails to stimulate her wanting nipples, she reacted by squeezing her eyes shut and twitching.

Dangerous. Whatever it was, it was all of it.

I couldn't confirm it because it was hidden under my haori, but it was probably the same down there. Because her whole body was soaking wet, her crotch must be soooo wet as well, just like mine.

I squeezed her firm ass hard, moving away from her ample breasts. I would never be able to do this in public, but now I can do it fearlessly.

"...no!" her voice overturned. Oi, you're definitely feeling it with that naughty voice.

"Oi oi oi, you're unprotected. You're not wearing any underwear, that's way too kinky. Are you planning to go out in front of other men like that? Are you actually a slut? I'm going to make you pay for this, bitch."

Half of the playful wordplay flirting was also my own seriousness. If I had a sarashi, I could've wrapped it around those unprotected boobs. Like that scarf, but tighter.

I squeezed her ass and enjoyed the smooth skin of her neck with my tongue. Her body grew feverish, and she continued to respond as sensitively as a koi carp at the chopping board, desperately trying to muffle her voice.

(Okay, she' s a total M.) The moment I was sure of it, my own nasty laugh escaped my mouth.

But we don't have much time, so it was no use.

I'll give you a break for now, just enough to leave a fingernail mark on your two hills…

#gintama #gintsu #Gintoki x Tsukuyo #fanfiction

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squarecarousel · 3 years

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Challenge 144: 10 Years, Looking Forward: A-Frame Studio Life Buckle up-- this is a long one! Wow, ten years. It’s hard to believe a whole decade has passed since Square Carousel began, and since I graduated college. In some ways, it feels like another lifetime, and in others, it feels vastly shorter than the decade before that, from ages 12 to 22. Time is fascinating that way. College was such an incredibly impactful time period, but just a measly 4 years-- I could have done college 2.5 more times back-to-back in the years since I graduated, but somehow those four, from 2007-2011 were monumental. It’s hard to believe I’ll be in a post-college world without Square Carousel, since the group has been a constant in my life these last ten years. I’m really proud that we made it this far and are able to choose to end the journey, rather than it fizzling out or dying from lack of interest. Sometimes it felt like that might happen, but other times it felt like we were blooming. There have been many ups and downs over the course of this journey. And damn, it was a lot of hard to work to keep running, but I am so grateful for the learning experience. I know so much more about leadership now than I ever would have before-- the delicate balance of having rules to keep the group running (deadlines, participation requirements, our dreaded “strike system”) and keeping up morale (knowing when to forgive slip-ups, keeping challenges sufficiently entertaining and well...challenging, making sure the group feels like it’s a community). Elizabeth and I were reluctant leaders, just naturally having to take those roles as other original members of the group left and were replaced by folks who needed guidance. We definitely didn’t seek it out, but we knew that if the group were to stay alive, we had to put some structure into the system. Pretty early on we made our rules and guidelines, extended the challenges to 3 weeks from just 2, and worked on our visual image online. Our awesome logo was made by former member Casey Crisenbery, and we switched from Wordpress to Tumblr, purchasing a URL, and Casey using special code for custom organization on the site. Sketch critiques were now a halfway point through our 3 weeks-long challenge, which helped a lot with the community aspect and engagement. We started doing interviews for each member, reaching out to other illustration groups, blogs and submission sites and had our work featured on a few of them. Some of us even got jobs from the connections made through Square Carousel! There was a bad stretch several years ago when I wasn’t sure we’d make it through, with toxic behavior and a few folks petitioning for removing deadlines and structure, making everything optional. One thing I can tell you with certainty after ten years of working with artists is that 95% of us require deadlines to do anything, and incentives/obligations for meeting those deadlines, or it just isn’t going to happen! Elizabeth and I, along with a few other solid members, were able to keep the structure we’d worked hard to create, but the toxic culture had already killed group morale and we lost a lot of members simultaneously. That was a sad and scary time for Square Carousel, but I didn’t want to go out on a sour note. So the small group of us picked the pieces back up again, did a little refocus on our goals as a collective and created an “Admin” so Elizabeth and I didn’t have to carry the entire burden alone. I am forever grateful to Sayada and Jordan for stepping up into these roles to help us get the train back on track. Sayada especially picked up a lot of responsibilities that a newer member shouldn’t have to worry about, and was a total rockstar for Square Carousel. I wish we’d had her with us for the whole ride. I’m so happy that we’ve had a few really great years with some really loyal and talented artists to round out the experience at Year Ten. There is nobody I’m more thankful for than my Good Cop, Elizabeth, though. She was so reliable, always able to provide balance in our leadership roles, and such a wonderful shoulder to cry on when things got too stressful. Elizabeth, thank you for this journey and for being my SC Wife all these years! It’s so funny because of all the original members, you were one of the only ones I hadn’t really known from SCAD classes, yet you’re the SCAD Illustration friend I have remained most connected to most consistently. Nothing bonds you quite like running an illustration collective does! It also cracks me up that in all these years, we hadn’t ever facetimed or talked on the phone until a few months ago--I didn’t even know your mannerisms or voice, but knew you so well anyway. My greatest internet friend! I love you dearly and it truly won’t feel right, the absence of our weekly SC conversations. Thank you for all of the memories! As just a member and artist, this group has helped me grow so much professionally. It was my client when I didn’t have clients. It was my motivation to paint when I didn’t feel creative. It was my source of portfolio-worthy work, but also my safe place to experiment and fail when I was trying something new. The girl who started as a Square Carousel member freshly graduated in 2011 was working part-time at Urban Outfitters, had basically no money, and no clue how to promote herself. The “studio” was a corner of the bedroom and nobody took her seriously. But a stubborn dedication and the security, purpose and structure of Square Carousel helped the slow change from that lost girl to a full-time freelancing woman. Now, in 2021, I have been doing freelance illustration fully for six years, through contract jobs, editorial, publishing, advertising, commission and local work, as well as selling prints and products online, in local shops and events. I am not making the big bucks, certainly, and I still have goals I’m working towards, but damn, if that isn’t a glow-up, I don’t know what is. Thank you for helping me achieve my impossible dream, Square Carousel, and always being a place with the right amount of advice, support and critique. Ten years, 34 artist interviews, 38 artists, and 144 challenges. I’m the only member to have completed every single one. 144 illustrations through the years. Some were game-changers for my style and my portfolio. Some were total stinkers and I hope you don’t go looking for them. But all were an important step in my career. So, in ten more years? I’ll be 42 years old, which is very weird because I have never imagined myself that old before... it’s hard to honestly say what that would look like, especially considering the world we are currently living in and how the last 4/5 years have proven that anything (awful) can happen. Jordan and I have a goal to move to Colorado in the next 4 or 5 years, and I’d love to have a little A-Frame in the mountains with a loft studio, shown in my illustration here. Texas has become extremely problematic, especially after the winter storm in February of this year, and will be impacted greatly by climate change, both environmentally and economically. Right now, Austin is still booming, but at some point the lack of foresight in this state’s government is going to screw over the residents and it will be one of the places from which climate refugees run. Is that tomorrow? No, obviously not. But I want to already be settled someplace more stable, having grown some roots, before other folks start to roll in. But, to be able to do that, I need to rely less on my local jobs and connections and be able to have an “anywhere career.” So right now I am focusing on expanding in that way, particularly with book cover illustration and design. I’ve been doing a lot of portfolio work and self-publishing jobs, and hope to get an agent that can shop my work to big-time publishers sometime in the next year or two. Let’s say I succeed at all of those things in five years-- we’re in our Colorado A-Frame, I’m illustrating book covers (and I’ve also convinced my parents to come with me, and maybe a couple friends!). The next five years after that? I don’t know... hopefully a lot of adventures. Hopefully a lot of cool jobs, but also a lot of work/life balance. Right now, I don’t want kids, so the A-Frame will be filled with cats. Maybe we’ll have an old camper van for regular road trips around the western National Parks. I’d love for my work to reflect those passions-- more jobs with outdoor brands, parks, organizations. More book covers for stuff I’d personally love to read and keep on my overflowing shelf. That’s the vague goal for me in ten years, but I don’t want to plan any further than that, because life just also needs to happen the way it’s going to happen. There are parts of my current life I planned for in 2011... and there are parts I never, ever would have guessed. I hope there’s some fun surprises in 2031, too. Thanks for the decade, Square Carousel. Joining illustration collectives will always be the first bit of advice I give fresh graduates. Caitlin

#challenge 144 #caitlin alexander #caitlin b alexander #goodbye square carousel #ten years

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hollywoodhangar · 3 years

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👫 (Ed and Trisha or Ciel and Lizzie??)

Send a 👫and I’ll write four headcanons I have about our muse’s relationship // @thcsevoices // accepting // you think I am not gluttonous? you think I would only choose one of the two? wrong-o!

People who’ve met Ed ponder at the sort of terror his father must be, so imagine their surprise upon viewing interactions between him and his mother and realize, “oh god, there’s two of them”. Ed gets so much of his personality from his mother, from his tender bleeding heart for the people to his absolute stubborn mule “I will die on this hill” disposition. Neither are passive, and neither give an inch, which leads to some passionate disagreements that leads Al to a state of absolute exhaustion as he watches them split off from each other to cool off. In the Envy Elric au, Envy is the one waving their hand and saying everything will be okay.. yet they split off to drag Ed home to talk it out with Trisha, while Al handles bringing Trisha around. You wouldn’t expect it, but Envy and Al can be some pretty tough glue that brings the family back together much more quickly. They’re an entire four person unit. But Trisha and Ed can’t stay mad at each other for long, not at all. That actually fades away quite fast, and it’s more of the guilt that keeps the distance, and pondering how to fix it. If it isn’t for Envy and Al’s quick interventions, Trisha’s always the first to close the gap, and Ed takes note of that, and puts it into practice later on. Growth.

They share the same drinking habit. :’) They both hold cups and mugs in a very peculiar way that no one thinks is even feasible to drink from, and it’s so distinct you can’t not notice the similarity (they refuse to use the handle, they just straight up pick up the cup from its bottom and hold it that way the entire time. it earns them weird looks and has gotten them chastised from many loved ones, especially at formal events). Lowkey, it makes Hohenheim very, very emotional later when Ed & He meet up down the line, and of course that earns him quite the squint from Edward.

Ed learned how to braid from, of course, his mama, and he learned how to be quite the speedster with it, too! She’d have him braid her hair in the morning, and he’d take it so seriously he’d march right into her room at the crack of dawn if he just so happened to be up before her and tell her it’s time for her hair styling appointment. Trisha just thought it was the sweetest thing. She slipped her own trick into him during the learning process though, passing on a ritual of her own. Slipping a sprig of chickweed between your locks during the braiding process for protection is an old Elric tradition, their own little superstition. A farmer’s superstition, at that. The protection will last for that whole day for as long as you keep that sprig bundled up nice and tight with no possible way for it to fall out. Ed always thought it was poppycock, especially as he grew older and took to science more than silly superstition. However, every now and then early in the morning, Alphonse does spot Ed fixing his hair and notices a little flick of green being tucked into the blond locks before hidden away within the signature Fullmetal braid. Ed thinks he’s being sneaky, but Al is off to the side like :3c

You wouldn’t believe it at first glance, but Trisha and Ed do get into arm wrestling matches for fun whenever the family is brought back together. It looks harmless and innocent, and it is, but Trisha is also actually teaching him how to play dirty if he should ever find himself in a match versus someone who is obviously stronger.. but reminding him to only use these “powers” for good reason, no involving it for normal play matches! Unless it’s against a military official, then go all out. That isn’t the first time he’s learned dirty tricks from his mother, either. She’s taught him in regards for cards too, which we’ve seen him pull on Al during long train rides, and I’m sure he’s also pulled on Envy and nearly got whooped over. The only one this will never completely snow is Hohenheim, because he knows his wife’s dirty tricks and he will quickly recognize them in Ed, too.

They both discover their love for a good mystery novel when the subject is brought up during a conversation regarding the same author they like, mentioned by no other than Sebastian who knew of their mutual interest but figured it’d be ages before the other found out about it, so he decided to get that ball rolling all the sooner. These two completely spun out from there and talked for ages about their favorite books, and what sort of mysteries are their favorites (missing family heirlooms to murders). It felt impeccably good to find a ground on which they’re both passionate about a subject. They share interests such as their love for games, but they hardly have time to discover much else about the other. This is a very well welcomed addition, and leads to them having their own little book club for two. Gives them a lot to theorize about, and they do love having someone to bounce theories off of before the true answer is revealed. The servants and Claudia gush about this.

It will be years before they marry, but that doesn’t stop Elizabeth from fantasizing and sharing her ideas. It makes Ciel’s cheeks burn to no end, but he’s a good fiancé, so he listens and he quietly takes note of just about everything she suggests. Matching outfits are a must, and there’s a debate going back and forth if they should be allowed to see what the other has Nina design for them to make sure it’s perfect, or if they should stick to tradition and not see one another’s attire before the wedding. Ciel thinks they can rely on Nina to make the perfect matching set, but Lizzie is ever fretful. Sebastian will notice when they’re out and about on the town scoping out competition that Ciel has his eyes lingering, window-shopping, looking at fabrics and décor in the windows that are purely for wedding ceremonies, and he has to hide the smirk when Ciel actually goes inside to have a better look. The demon can swear he hears the boy murmur to himself about how this is what Lizzie was talking about, but it doesn’t look quite right.. and then the Earl’ll take notice to the damn demon surveying him and storm from the store in a flustered huff. The boy has no reason to look so onward into the future when he likely will not even make it so far.. but unfortunately, Elizabeth keeps the smallest flame of a dream alive inside of him, keeping alive the flare of excitement, however incredibly, incredibly small it is.. and Nana’s enthusiasm certainly doesn’t help, especially when she offers her own pointers from her own wedding, and says she’ll gift them the cloth she used during her own sacred ceremony. Something olde, something new, Something borrowed, something blue.

Frances was incredibly intimidating as an instructor, but Elizabeth is more gentle and much more approachable. When she inquires Ciel about wanting to be taught how to handle a firearm (met with protest, but eventually weaned into submission through much persuasion on her part), she offers him, in exchange, the chance to learn how to master a sword. Ciel is, in truth, made curious by the prospect. There was trepidation at first, but only because of the lessons he’d gone through with his most merciless aunt. This is Lizzie teaching him now. Their lessons are something that are going to be treated quite seriously, to the depth that Ciel actually fits them into his schedule where he feels it’s most appropriate. From lesson one, they both see just how interesting this arrangement is going to be, and how much more easier it is to learn from one another than very, very intense adults (sebastian, frances). It’s a gradual process that will take place for over a long period of time, but both will come out of it better trained in their desired aspects, and have one another to thank for it. Not only do these lessons deepen their bond, but it works with their chemistry. They learn the other’s pattern in battle, especially during fencing. Indirectly, they’re going to learn how to fight fluidly side-by-side. They become a tiny team that works together efficiently, and are better taught in communication.

Their first kiss will, or would, be their wedding kiss. It’s both of their idea, and there is a terrible guilt that storms in Ciel’s gut when he suddenly thinks on the fact that it is more than likely that the day will never come. It’s a small thing, a first kiss, but it’s so special, and it’s so human. Sebastian doesn’t understand the etiquette or romance behind it, and will never understand the depth as to why there is genuine dark cloud looming over Ciel when he reflects on this. It’s not even just a kiss, there’s more to it. Perhaps it’s this decision that has Ciel truly reflect on the power his death is going to have on Elizabeth. Their love is genuine, and it’s growing stronger, and he knows just how hard she loves him, because he loves her the same. He could think to himself that Elizabeth will find a different suitor and move on, but his mind tells him he’s a fool: Would you move on for the sake of continuing the Phantomhive lineage? Would you move on from Elizabeth? No, of course you wouldn’t. So, why would she move on from you? The Midford who puts aside title and rank for a loved one? The hurdle is the most intense Ciel’s had to overcome in a while because of how tender the love is, and how true it is, how it’s for him and him alone, and how rough it is to tear such affection from the root and push it beneath the floorboards. Causing such a beautiful, true thing to bleed profusely because he’s chosen the path of no return, and he can’t be barred down by it. He’ll love Elizabeth intensely, he’ll never stop until his dying breath, but he can’t be held back by his emotions. He’s pursuing his goal. But damn, if this isn’t the one that made him hesitate, if but for a strong, strong moment.

#(( au where ciel&lizzie grow up and have a happy life and family together. ciel's still pursuing his goal but it's taking a really long time #hahaa.... woo.... ))#(( I hope you like them ok!! ))#long post #thcsevoices #trisha&edward.#♎ [ ELIZABETH; lizzie&ciel. ] ━ 『 you’re my king & I’m your lionheart. ღ 』#♈ [ BLOG; ASK. ] ━ 『 letters to hollywood. 』

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aewriting · 4 years

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Loathly - Chapter 5

Here is Chapter 5 of my “Sir Gawain and the Dame Ragnell” Malex AU.

Here are all parts on AO3.

Warning for ageism, sexism, homophobia.

***

“Woman?” Flint says loudly. “More stew!”

Alex eyes the Lady Guerin. She doesn’t even pause, simply sets down her own bowl, gathers her skirts, and wordlessly takes Flint’s empty bowl and ladles another serving of stew into it. “My lord,” she says quietly, obediently, as Flint accepts it. Jesse is looking on approvingly, and Alex exhales a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding. Lady Guerin is being… surprisingly submissive lately, ever since her conversation with Alex about Jelnos. To be sure, she is still herself with Alex – sharp, witty, opinionated. But with his brothers and father… Perhaps hearing about Kyle’s fate had impressed upon her the depths of his father’s hatred.

Alex watches as the Lady Guerin resettles herself on the log she is using as a seat. She doesn’t reach for her bowl. “My king,” she says, voice hesitant and soft, and Alex freezes. “Have I permission to ask a question?”

Jesse’s mouth twitches, and for a moment, Alex thinks he is going to deny her. “I’ll allow it,” he finally says.

Lady Guerin dips her head low. “Oh thank you, my king,” she says, sounding genuinely grateful. Alex’s eyes narrow. “I feel blessed by the gods to have played some small part in assisting you with King Noah. I hardly dare ask anything more, but I must know, when can I expect to wed Sir Alex?”

“Eager, are you?”

A convincing blush appears on the woman’s face. “He has been most attentive, my king, even in the midst of this unusual situation. There are some who would find it unseemly for a woman to be traveling, alone, with a group of male companions. A quick marriage would surely silence any wagging tongues.”

Jesse huffs a bit. “I don’t know that I share your concern, my lady, given that the parties in question are you,” Alex hears the note of distaste, “and my son Alex. But I am eager to resolve our bargain. We shall hold a small gathering the evening after our return. One of our clergy will perform the ceremony at the castle. No need for a spectacle.”

The woman’s face scrunches up in concern. “That… is unfortunate.”

Jesse’s frame goes rigid. “You dare to question me?”

The woman’s brow furrows. She looks regretful. “It is not… not a question, my king, simply an observation. It has been such a busy time for you, and I am so unused to being in the presence of such greatness. I may not have spoken with proper clarity earlier, when I informed you that King Noah had, prior to you besting him, boasted about your impending death to all who would hear it.” She bites her lip. “You, of course, are all-powerful within your realm, and I heard nary a word of your troubles with King Noah inside Unidos. But over the border, in Antar…” she trails off. “The rumors there… by the gods, the things I heard were far worse than what actually transpired!” She sighs. “And I can only imagine what King Noah has told his allies.”

Jesse’s gaze is hard as he considers her. “You clearly have your own ideas about this matter, so what do you suggest?”

“A feast. A grand display. An opportunity to present the truth, to your people and to all the kingdoms in the land. Let it be known, far and wide, that King Manes of Unidos has bested Antar. It was your own cunning that allowed you to discern the correct answer, of the many you received. You needn’t have trusted me, but you did,” she says. “That was a decision borne of your own wisdom.” Her gaze drops. “I know what I am. I am no prize, especially for a royal son. But what a statement it would make, for all to know that your son had such love for you, such loyalty that he would marry a woman of my station, my appearance, just because it pleased you, my king.” She raises those amber eyes now, and the effect is striking. “Let your kingdom, and all kingdoms, know your power.”

Alex is stock-still, eyes darting from his father to the woman and back.

Jesse eyes her, a glint in his eye. “King Noah… he has spoken poorly of me? Of my cunning, my strength?”

The woman gives a shuddery little sigh. “He has spoken abominably, my king.”

Jesse nods, a tight little motion. “That cannot stand.” He pauses. “We shall have a feast. A grand banquet with all of our allies. I want everyone to see me in my power, to know that I have bested King Noah of Antar in a battle of wits.” His smile goes hard. “It will also ensure that my youngest son be properly and publicly recognized for his life-long commitment to you, my dear woman.” He emphasizes the last word as his gaze slides to Alex.

Alex steadily meets his father’s gaze, nods in submission. Jesse smiles.

***

They’ve ridden about a mile when Alex finally speaks. “You said you wouldn’t lie.”

He hears the woman scoff. “I said I wouldn’t lie to you,” she says, matter-of-factly. “I believe it is a matter of survival that I lie to your father and brothers. Fools that they are…” she mutters.

“My brothers, I will give you. But my father…” Alex says, voice tight.

“Are, are you cross?” asks the Lady Guerin, gently squeezing Alex’s shoulder.

Alex sighs. “Not… not cross, just confused. Why would you want a large wedding? Nothing about you that I have seen so far would lead me to believe that you desire such a display.”

“I wish for my protection to be public knowledge. I have seen the way your brothers look at me. Your father. Frankly, I am relieved to still be part of this journey.”

Alex shifted uncomfortably, thinking back to his earlier conversation with Flint. “You said you had troubles with King Noah.”

“Yes.”

Alex bit his lip. “You don’t… don’t have designs on the crown, do you? Of Unidos or Antar?”

The woman chuckles. “By the gods, no. I am but one woman, and King Noah is very powerful. And Unidos, well… I would not move against your father or brothers.” She pauses. “Unless you desired it.”

Alex huffs a breath. “Of course not.”

“Of course not,” the woman repeats. “My other reason for having a large, public celebration of our marriage is for you, Sir Alex. Your allies, even your enemies, they know the sort of ruler your father is. The sort of man. But you… I want to show them that you are different.”

“How?”

Alex can feel the woman shrug. “You are marrying me. Willingly. Without disgust or embarrassment. I told your father that such an action would reflect well on him, and to some it may. But for most, I believe that the favor will fall on you.”

“Why… why does such a thing matter to you, my lady?”

Her hand twists in his cloak, grasps at him. “You are good, Sir Alex. I… I was not expecting that. You are a good man, and that deserves recognition.” Lady Guerin’s voice is unsteady with emotion. She seems to realize how tightly she is holding onto Alex, and eases her grip. “And if I am about to join the royal family of Unidos, I want to be able to learn more about the world I will inhabit. Who attends a feast only out of obligation? Who jostles for attention? That sort of thing.”

“My lady,” Alex says with a light laugh, “I fear you may be too cunning for your own well-being, at times.”

He feels the woman lean back a bit. “And does that displease you, my cunning?”

Alex shakes his head and reaches up to give the woman’s hand a light squeeze. “No, not of itself. I… I value your cunning. You have a way of… extracting what you want that is truly a talent. I just worry about my father. He does not favor you.”

“Has he ever favored a woman, or anyone that he could not totally control?”

Alex is silent.

“If it makes you feel better, Sir Alex,” says the woman softly. “I do not intend to be in his crosshairs for long.”

***

They are nearing Unidos. Once there, Alex knows there will be much business to attend to, and he realizes that he will actually miss the constant company of the Lady Guerin. With her, he finds that he can speak freely, about nearly any topic. She listens to him, but not in a submissive way, or in a manipulative manner, as with the courtiers. No, she seems to be genuinely interested in his ideas, his opinions, and ready to speak of her own, too, even when she disagrees with Alex.

His father informed him yesterday of his intent to conduct the wedding ceremony as soon as possible. Alex knows that his father sees this as a form of control for Alex, and cannot possibly comprehend that Alex actually… likes the Lady Guerin. Not, not as a marriage should be, he thinks, but he could have never had such a union anyway, not in Unidos. No, if he must marry a woman, the Lady Guerin is as fine a match as any. His father, for whom women play one of three roles - broodmare, political pawn, or pleasure object – could never understand such an arrangement.

Alex and the Lady Guerin are talking politics, at the moment.

“Who do you think will attend the wedding? Who will be invited?” she’d asked, miles ago, and it had helped the time pass, with Alex telling her at length about the various alliances and rivalries within the kingdoms.

“King Elios will come,” Alex says, distaste evident. “He and my father are cut from the same cloth.”

“Along with King Bartos,” the woman says, note of bitterness in her voice.

Alex pauses. “He… I doubt that he will make the journey, given his state.”

“His state?” the woman says, sharply.

“Yes. Since the accident, he has rarely been seen in public. His wife, the Queen Elizabeth, has assumed his duties, and I daresay the Tamarin Isles have been all the better for it.”

The woman exhales slowly. “I don’t doubt it. I was unaware that there had been an accident, that Queen Elizabeth was in power. Anyone would be better than Bartos, that brute.”

“You don’t know the half,” Alex says, darkly. “Queen Elizabeth… she is my cousin. She grew up here, as Lady Elizabeth, in Unidos with me.”

“A beauty, I have heard.”

“Oh yes,” Alex affirms. “But not just that. Clever. So smart.”

“I… I have heard that, too,” the lady murmurs, almost fondly.

“My father never liked that much.” Alex pauses. “Tried to block her from accessing the palace libraries, shadowing the royal physicians…” He smiles at the memory. “I was her accomplice.” The smile fades, replaced by something hard and bitter. “She was fourteen when father arranged the match with Bartos. Everyone knew of his reputation.” Alex’s jaw tightens. “I am glad of his fate – is that awful?”

“What, what did happen to him, exactly?” the woman asks, curious.

“It is a queer thing,” Alex says, “for they say it was a clear night. He was struck down. By lightning.”

#my fic #malex #roswell nm #sir gawain and the dame ragnell au

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heisthq · 4 years

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you all certainly didn’t make this easy on me — it was an incredibly tough decision for many of the roles. there were THIRTY-EIGHT applications for only ELEVEN roles, which is insane, and please know that every single one was incredible. i’m only one person on the internet, and this decision is in no way a reflection of the quality of your writing ( seriously, i know i just said it, but i’m kind of shocked by how good every single app was ). i’m so grateful for all the love heist has gotten, and i couldn’t be happier with the beautiful submissions i received ! from the bottom of my heart, thank you.

for those of you who were accepted, please follow the checklist, familiarize yourself with your fellow members, & review the triggers list. once your blog is set up, please send it in to the main within 24 hours so i can send you a link to the discord server.

but enough talking — the newest members of HEISTHQ can be found under the cut !

welcome, DEDE ! you have been accepted as THE BLEEDING HEART, otherwise known as JUDY FAULKNER PRYCE ( ELIZABETH OLSEN ).

good god. what a way to start off acceptances — judy reached into my heart and took it for herself, and i’m not upset about it in the slightest. her gruff outer shell, still with that instinctive need to help, to do something, is so bleeding heart, and i ached at every step of the way through her journey. i knew i was really in for it when i dedicated a skeleton to loss itself, but you spun that concept into a living, breathing person and shot her back at me. i’ll happily let her knock me down any day, and i know she certainly will as soon as she makes her way onto the dash.

welcome, CHERRY ! you have been accepted as THE CAREER CRIMINAL, otherwise known as MISCHA DOSTOYEVSKY ( NATASHA LIU BORDIZZO ).

though you made my decision very difficult with that eleventh hour app, i couldn’t stop coming back to mischa. from the beginning of her childhood crimes to her current position as the head of the motherfucking bratva, she pulled me in and got me hook, line, and sinker. you painted such a brilliant picture of her that i felt she was going to jump off the page at any moment — and that last line of her bio ? chills. literal chills. finally, i have now decided their next heist is going to be stealing lip gloss from claire’s, shoutout to mischa for that hot idea. all in all, she’s an absolute delight, and i cannot wait to have her here.

welcome, REED ! you have been accepted as THE EYE IN THE SKY, otherwise known as INDIANA “INDIE” ASCENCIO ( ANA DE ARMAS, BUT ONLY WITH PINK HAIR ).

okay, first of all, are you kidding me with that bio structure ? that was the coolest shit i’ve ever seen. what a way to kick it off for the eye in the sky — i said break the stereotype and you said bet. indie is an absolute gem of a character, as stunning as she is valuable, and damn if she doesn’t know it. she’s so vibrant that i could practically hear her voice when i read your answers to the prompts; i’m still howling at thirty five pages of criminal offenses. the eye in the sky needed to take me by the throat to show me who they are; you broke down the door and said here she is. i couldn’t be more honored to have her.

welcome, NOAH ! you have been accepted as THE GETAWAY DRIVER, otherwise known as CARLISLE “JACE” JACOBI HARRISON-SHEA ( CYRUS AMINI ).

the getaway driver was, arguably, the toughest choice i had to make — but i couldn’t help myself. jace drew me back in every single time like a moth to a flame, and i know he’d read that fact with that same, secret little smirk. every moment of reading your app is exciting, like i’m white-knuckled in jace’s passenger seat, along for whatever twists and turns his psyche brings, which was exactly what i was looking for. there are too many incredible quotes to put in one acceptance post, but one such example is stunningly simple: you weren’t just running. you were chasing. i posed a question in the getaway driver’s skeleton, and with one quick pivot, you took my breath away. just... wow. that’s all.

welcome, MARS ! you have been accepted as THE HIRED GUN, otherwise known as ASLAN “MAZZIE” YILMAZ ( ALPEREN DUYMAZ ).

mars, i’m gonna be honest, i hate you a little bit ( but not really. i love you ). i’m pretty sure forcing me to choose between two stunning apps should count as some sort of personal attack, but after much agonizing, i’m delighted to settle with the absolute tragedy that is my newest son mazzie. there’s a quiet power, a quiet ( but no less imposing ) threat threaded throughout his story, and somehow you managed to weave my own heartstrings into the picture alongside it all. you sent me tumbling head over heels for this man who, in his own words, is death himself. you gave me my hired gun, and he’s everything i dreamed. thank you.

welcome, LUCY ! you have been accepted as THE INSIDE MAN, otherwise known as IVY WANG ( GEMMA CHAN ).

lucy. lucy !!! you didn’t make it easy on me, but man, i couldn’t be more wrapped around ivy’s finger, which is probably just how she’d like it. the structure of your app was so interesting & unique ( that arrest report ?? HOT ). she encapsulates the inside man so perfectly — from her mannerisms to her motivations, everything was so spot on that i’m pretty sure you reached inside my brain to pull out my exact vision. she feels so real, so human and so powerful all at once, and i would personally let her arrest me and write her a thank you note for putting me in jail. i’m obsessed. obsessed !

welcome, BEE ! you have been accepted as THE MASTERMIND, otherwise known as BISHOP LEE ( CHOI MINHO ).

my beautiful mastermind is no longer mine — he’s yours, bee, every inch, and i couldn’t be happier about it. from his recruitment log ( which was !!! you wove his voice into it so perfectly ) to his reasoning for creating the group in the first place, bishop is someone i didn’t expect, but i adore him, shaping his little family & leaving behind a legacy he can be proud of ( “so bishop acts like they’re immortal, because he truly believes they are. it’s just his version of immortality is in the history books rather than an eternally beating heart.” are you KIDDING ??? ). please don’t take him from me — i don’t want to let him go.

welcome, MIA ! you have been accepted as THE NEW KID ON THE BLOCK, otherwise known as MARTY CHOI ( KANG MINA ).

listen, i’m pretty relieved i didn’t get another app for this character, because i didn’t need one — marty is the new kid, through and through. she has that hunger that is so quintessential for this role, the drive and ambition for something more in this grand universe of ours. it’s so perfectly exemplified by marty’s own words: let me be excellent at something again. let me be proud of my own capabilities again. let me be part of something so i'll stop feeling so alone. this !! this is so perfect i almost jumped out of my skin reading it. thank you for bringing me our perfectly imperfect new kid — i can’t wait to see her in action.

welcome, LEXI ! you have been accepted as THE SECOND IN COMMAND, otherwise known as PERCY BANKS ( BRENTON THWAITES ).

holy shit, lexi. holy shit !! from the moment i saw “STATUS: deceased” at the beginning of your app, i knew i was in for a wild ride — but i had no idea what truly awaited me. from percy’s humble beginnings through his ambitious rise to hotshot fbi agent ( speaking of, can you say hot fucking take to have him as ex-fbi ? i’m floored ), i was hooked into the twists and turns of his story, my jaw dropping when i realized who jupiter was after all. the highs and lows of his first foray into the world of heists had me on the edge of my seat, and i truly cannot wait to see what percy does next — because at this rate, who knows where he’ll end up ? i’m excited to find out !

welcome, HANNAH ! you have been accepted as THE STAR OF THE SHOW, otherwise known as STRIKER KIM ( CHARLES MELTON ).

god, hannah — break my heart, why don’t you ? as each tidbit of striker’s past fell into place, that’s what you did, and i’m aching for this boy who’s just trying to stay alive ( and live as much as he can while he still is ). though the star could be played in so many different ways, you took this role an entirely different direction, and suffice to say it blew me away. literally, your mind. exhibit a — you didn’t go running to high society for fame or fortune, no. it was your insurance policy — god, striker !! he’s such a complex, heartbreaking character, and i can’t wait to see him on the dash. he may have a hand in two different worlds of crime, but he’s also got a place in my heart, and god knows he could use the love. also, making me crack a code just to understand your bio headings ? touché. i deserved that.

welcome, ELLIE ! you have been accepted as THE WATCHDOG, otherwise known as THEA JAIN ( NAOMI SCOTT ).

the watchdog requires a delicate balance: soft edges bathed in steel, a gentle person capable of terrible things. it can be a tough image to capture, but i shouldn’t have worried. your entire app painted a picture of this exact person, tugging at my heartstrings until the very end: remember that you are thea jain, and that you are a good person. you are kind. you are loved. and you are in control. that was it — just like thea’s fifth rule to round out the reminders of her morality, you completely sealed the deal. the way she cares for the team, baking for them and occasionally mothering them, exposes that soft underbelly guarded by her quiet yet surprising strength and power. you’ve made a beautiful character, ellie. i can’t thank you enough for bringing her to me.

#accepted.#thank u all for putting up w me !!!#sorry it took so long but whew #it's here

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cbjustmusic · 4 years

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Two videos, John Prine’s “Jesus...the Missing Years”, followed by Elizabeth Cook’s reply song, “Mary...the Submissing Years” ______________________________

Jesus...the Missing Years Songwriter: John Prine

It was raining. It was cold West Bethlehem was no place for a twelve year old So he packed his bags and he headed out To find out what the world's about He went to France. He went to Spain He found love. He found pain. He found stores so he started to shop But he had no money so he got in trouble with a cop Kids in trouble with the cops From Israel didn't have no home So he cut his hair and moved to Rome It was there he met his Irish bride And they rented a flat on the lower east side of Rome... Italy that is Music publishers, book binders, Bible belters, Money Changers, Spoon Benders and lots of pretty Italian chicks. [Chorus:] Charley bought some popcorn Billy bought a car Someone almost bought the farm But they didn't go that far Things shut down at midnight At least around here they do Cause we all reside down the block Inside at....23 Skidoo. Wine was flowing so were beers So Jesus found his missing years So He went to a dance and said "This don't move me" He hiked up his pants and he went to a movie On his thirteenth birthday he saw "Rebel without a Cause" He went straight on home and invented Santa Claus Who gave him a gift and he responded in kind He gave the gift of love and went out of his mind You see him and the wife wasn't getting along So he took out his guitar and he wrote a song Called "The Dove of Love Fell Off the Perch" But he couldn't get divorced in the Catholic Church At least not back then anyhow Jesus was a good guy he didn't need this shit So he took a pill with a bag of peanuts and A Coca-Cola and he swallowed it. He discovered the Beatles And he recorded with the Stones Once He even opened up a three-way package In Southern California for old George Jones [Chorus] The years went by like sweet little days With babies crying pork chops and beaujolais When he woke up he was seventeen The world was angry. The world was mean. Why the man down the street and the kid on the stoop All agreed that life stank. All the world smelled like poop Baby poop that is..the worst kind So he grew his hair long and threw away his comb And headed back to Jerusalem to find Mom, Dad and home But when he got there the cupboard was bare Except for an old black man with a fishing rod He said "Whatcha gonna be when you grow up?" Jesus said "God" Oh my God, what have I gotten myself into? I'm a human corkscrew and all my wine is blood They're gonna kill me Mama. They don't like me Bud. So Jesus went to Heaven and he went there awful quick All them people killed him and he wasn't even sick So come and gather around me my contemporary peers And I'll tell you all the story of Jesus...The Missing Years [Chorus] We all reside down the block Inside at... 23 Skidoo. _________________________________

Mary...the Submissing Years Songwriter: Elizabeth Cook

It was hot, a hundred in the shade When Mary got a note from this guy named Gab She don’t remember getting pregnant, but she did And by all accounts she turned out one heck of a kid But walking home from church one day He just up and disappeared Maybe he went to find Santa Maybe he went to get beer He was just 12 years old this miracle she carried It was all so confusing She wasn’t even married So she fled south to Elizabeth, her eldest cousin Who despite her old age also had one in the oven And in a duplex, with a busted cement gnome Well Chattanooga was as good as home That’s in Tennessee There’s Barbie lovers, and firecrackers And train trackers and Coca-Cola makers And insurance takers And a lot of hot preachers

Chorus Sarah bought the brownies Shawna bought rosé They almost booked a beach trip But they didn’t have a way They baked biscuits and daylight For whoever might stop by But they didn’t get a lot of callers At the corner of do or die

Well sweet tea was flowing And so we’re the tears As Mary lived out her submissing years Not really free, and sure not a boss Just mostly lonely, and mostly lost For where ever Jesus was And whatever God had in mind She hoped the boy was out there Somewhere having a good time Cause chance just seems to fall out of the sky That’s if you’re lucky, and the weather is dry Lots of letters from Momma came Full of worry and I told yous She curled up on the couch And watched Steel Magnolias She baked a cake and baked a ham She opened an account on Instagram Cause that’s what you did back then Mary was a good old gal She didn't deserve this shit She wrote her lines out one at a time And she didn’t complain one bit She saw Sinead cover Loretta on Saturday Night Live Like every good virgin does But she spent most of her time just sitting around and wondering Where in the hell Jesus was Chorus Sarah bought some brownies Shawna bought rosé They almost booked a beach trip But they didn’t have a way They baked biscuits and daylight For whoever might stop by But they didn’t get a lot of callers At the corner of do or die Well time went by like molasses So she signed up for some classes But it seemed there were no real answers Just a lot of fast food, and raunchy dancers And things everywhere were the worst kind of wild She knew in her gut they were coming for her child With bumpers and thumpers and guns a blazing Ole Jesus was in for some gnarly hazing Frat boy hazing that is, the worst kind She though “Oh my good what have I done He’s a bottle of milk And all the love inside him is mine They’re gonna kill my baby They don’t like him none” So she cut off all her hair She thought she might could get there If they would just mistake her for a man It looked kind of mod It probably wouldn’t please God But she had to have some kind of plan It turns out there are no fish at the end of a lightning rod And the worse thing you can grow up to be is the Son of God And I’m not sure there is anything anybody can do When people will kill you Even when there’s nothing wrong with you So come and gather around me freinds All my contemporary peers And I'll tell you all the story of Mary...The Submissing Years

#john prine #elizabeth cook

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slaaneshfic · 4 years

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Conclusions and sorrow

I've nearly finished editing the three books. I'm slightly overdue with submission, but it is what it is.

Underpinning most of my PhD research has been my ongoing relationship with the two elderly Staffordshire bull terriers that my partner and I adopted right at the start of it, around Christmas 2016.

It is with overwhelming heartbeat that yesterday, after I visit from the mobile vet, we discovered that Lea has a late stage inoperable growth. The vets are returning tomorrow and we will be saying goodbye to lea. I don't have the words yet to address the feeling of loss, or the anxiety of this ongoing 48 where I with lea at every moment to make sure she is as comfortable as possible. it's a lot. And I need to keep writing things in order to occupy my mind. So this is a draft (since edited, but that's in InDesign files I can't access from my phone) of the potential lines beyond the PhD, including the thing I worked on for a year regarding dogs, but couldn't emotionally deal with even prior to this last illness.

I could not have done this research without my relationship with Buster and Lea. The concept of care which I've addressed is as much drawn from this relationship as it is from Sedgwick. How to care for someone across the lines of different bodies and senses and desires. The concept of play as emergent collaboration equally comes from learning to play with dogs who had suffered neglect at the hands of their original owners, and then a year recovering in the noisy RSPCA kennels before they were well enough to be rehomed. I love you lea.

Conclusions and exits.

The structure and methodology of this PhD Output consisting of three approaches to a central area of art practice, and within each approach multiple overlapping attempts through the various documents, turns the issue of a conclusion into a challenge.

Rather than attempt to draw books and documents toward a unifying conclusion, erasing the differences between then, I have offered conclusions in the documents individually. Some of these are clearly labeled as such, some are more demonstrative, and some left as provocations.

Throughout the three books are indications of where future paths could proceed. For continuation of creative research and the application of concepts developed, these indications are generally placed at the end of documents. Paths which are more tangential, or areas where the research could be reinforced through engaging with a separate discipline or practitioner appear in endnotes.

In place of some kind of ending for the PhD Output as whole I will raise three of the avenues of future research not already mentioned in individual documents, that will be pursued at its end. All of these examples incorporate work already commenced, that for practical reasons has not been addressed in documents.

The Incomplete Object.

Archeologist Chantal Conneller has produced a large amount of research focused Star Carr, a Mesolithic site in Yorkshire (Conneller, 2004, 2011; Little et al., 2016; Milner, Conneller, & Taylor, 2018a, 2018b). In particular, Conneller has provided a framework for examining some of the objects recovered from the site, and through this reassess the historic inhabitants of the area’s relationship to animals and objects. The objects, twentyone of which were found during the site’s excavation by Professor J.G.D. Clark between 1949 and 1951, consist of the “uppermost part of the skull of a red deer, with the antlers still attached” and are referred to as “antler frontlets” (Conneller, 2004, p. 37). In offering an interpretation for the frontlet’s use, Clark “suggested they could have been used either as hunting aids, to permit hunters to stalk animals at close range without being seen, or as headgear in ritual dances” (Conneller, 2004, p. 37). This interpretation resulted in an impasse between a “‘functional’ and a ‘ritual’ analogy” and has according to Conneller, meant that “in the intervening 50 years they have been ignored” (Conneller, 2004, p. 37).

Conneller’s research breaches the impasse of an animal derived object needing to be either functional or ritual by use of philosopher Gilles Deleze and psychoanalyst Félix Guattari’s work in “A Thousand Plateaus” (Deleuze & Guattari, 1987). Firstly, Conneller outlines how in Deleuze and Guattari, “animals come to be seen [...] as an assemblage composed of a number of ways of perceiving and acting in the word” (Conneller, 2004, p. 44). In this view, animals are not singular fixed entities, and the objects derived from them are therefore not limited to being symbolic of the animal whole or else be understood only as practical material. Animals are here understood as collection of “affects” (Deleuze & Guattari, 1987, p. 253), and the objects derived from them convey those Affects to the user in a manner which outside of the binary of ritual and functional. From this point Conneller proceeds to “examine the specific ways in which different things are seen to modify or extend the capacities of people in particular contexts” (Conneller, 2004, p. 51), bridging Deleuze and Guattari to theorist Donna Haraway’s concept of “situated knowledges” which replaces a fixed epistemological view with “webs of differential positioning” (D. Haraway, 1988, p. 590). The use of animal objects becomes simultaneously a process of taking on capacities as well as the ethical/epistemological/affective engagement with the world from another position.

These observations from archeology are useful not because they set some historic precedent for how art should function, but because they articulate processes which are important to art from another perspective. In the documents in this PhD Output which examine artworks I have consciously treated both the processes deployed by the artist and those of her characters in the same manner. In the art I am interested in, things are not easily split between the practical and the ritual but form processes across these lines to perform different things.

Finally, when I contacted Conneller in 2019 she was continuing to examine the frontlets of Star Carr in terms of how they function as “unfinished things”. Conneller has already observed that the frontlets were “broken up as a source of raw material” (Conneller, 2004, p. 46), but is now considering how this occurred concurrently with their uses. A framework for considering art objects which do not reach a fixed state, but are continually re-worked, and drawn from while being used is relevant to a number of documents in this PhD Output. It is relevant to the analysis of artist Tai Shani’s works (SHANI, 2019) which undergo edits between redeployments, or the ongoing work “sidekick” (Price, 2013) by Elizabeth Price. Going forward, I would consider how unfinished things connects to the writing practice of William Burruoghs both through the “cut-up” technique to “cut oneself out of language” (Hassan, 1963, p. 9), and the process whereby his novels were re-edited in subsequent editions. Burroughs is also relevant to the other side of unfinished things whereby these things are not just refined, but are a source of material for future things. I am also interested in the process by which computer software is updated via “patches” (Fisher, 2019) as another model for an unfinished thing.

I’m interested in the political implications of objects which refuse the linear transition from raw material to finished commodity, but is instead part of processes which cross that distinction. To borrow the image from Karl Marx’s Capital Vol. 1 (Marx, 1981), what would it mean for “coat” to remain functioning as “ten yards of linen”, to be always in a process of being woven/unwoven/rewoven into different forms? I feel there is something here to be pursued via the concepts of Incomplete Provocations, and the improvisations and departures which are centred in Tabletop Role Playing Games.

Divination Storytelling

The second exit is far more practical and straightforward. During my research I have used and developed methods for creating parts of narratives based on sortation systems such as card decks and dice rolls. In 2018 I produced an artwork entitled “The Sodden Gates of Vulnerability” which borrowed a mechanic used in multiple games whereby the space in which play takes places is procedurally generated. A hypothetical example of this mechanic would be a game which takes place in a derelict spaceship, the interior rooms and corridors of which is represented with cardboard tiles. When the players reach the exit of one room, a new random room tile is placed at the exit from the first, so the spaceship is configured, and unpredictable, with each subsequent playthrough. In The Sodden Gates of Vulnerability I combined some of the lore from Games Workshop’s derelict spaceship exploration game “Space Hulk” (Games Workshop, 1999) with their subsequently released rules for randomly generated spaceships (Hunt, 2013), to randomly generate prompts for a narrative built from a fictionalised version of my own past.

As a result of the cessation symptoms I was experiencing while coming off antidepressants I found memories returning that medication use had suppressed. In addition, there were physical cessation symptoms which mnemonically triggered some often confused memories of spaces in the town centre of Luton where I spent my teens, frequently from times in the early hours of the morning after leaving a club or a party. I reconstructed these fragmented memories, and the bodily feelings which connected them to the present, and any emergent feelings and noted them down as prompts on index cards. Some memories were so abstract as to not describe a place but just a sensation, or an action. These abstract memories, combined with some other images and thoughts were written up in a list and labeled 1-20.

The Sodden Gates of Vulnerability was produced as a single take spoken performance to microphone. It began with a short reflection on the different ways in which physical geography and brain chemistry are both modulated by chemicals. After this I shuffled and dealt an index card, describing the derelict spaceship/ 4am Luton Town Centre space it represented in the manner of Games Master setting a scene for players of a Role Playing Game. I then rolled a 20 sided dice and used the corresponding entry from the list as a prompt for what the player (the audience to whom the work is addressed) did in traversing this space. A partial transcription of one room follows;

“You stagger out of the thickening fog into the area where escaping heat from the many times kicked in door makes a dim pocket at the edge of the street. Banging on the door that feels like it should have given in by now and it is finally opened by someone inside. You roll in, and so does the fog, and the door opener is already turning the corner ahead into the living room so you guess you will follow them, remembering to shut the door behind you.

The living room is thick with dust and hair and ash over the brown carpet and old sofas. No one has their feet on the floor, all bunched up to keep warm or to manage some symptoms of intake.

You just want to buy, but that isn't how this is going to work out. It never does.

Everything slips. Someone makes you take a music cassette and in lock-eyed intensity tells you why you will like it and when you will die.

A man takes you to one side and rapidly ages while sharing with you a one sided conversation about how he has lived his life. He has little ears like fins and catfish whiskers and it's clear from the way he holds and interacts with the portable stereo he cradles that he has a relationship with Fabio and Grooverider which is both more beastially physical and more vapourusly transcendental than you will ever understand.

You slip out and it's dawn and you have the cassette and you don't think you bought anything but now do not think you need anything so maybe you bought it and weren't paying attention during intake or maybe someone else was in charge of your body.

You roll out with the fog and luckily town is down hill but my god you would never be able to find this place again and my god you would probably never want to because all those people would want to check how closely you been following their advice on how to live.

Oh yeah the plot twist is you're a rabbit”.

Going forward, I would like to explore the mechanics of procedural narrative based on sortation systems, both as an improvised Rendition, and as material which is subsequently cut up and deployed in other ways, possibly as a development of Diagramatics. I’m looking into how I might produce these works for a platform like YouTube, possible using a split screen where half the image shows the face that speaks, and half shows the sortation system such as tarot-style cards.

Dog Mod

Running throughout all three books of this PhD Output are dogs. When I started this PhD in 2016, I soon afterward began living with Lea and Buster, two elderly Staffordshire Bull Terriers. The importance of this relationship to the research is something I have attempted, and failed, to articulate on many occasions in the last three years. As much as the majority of the documents in this PhD Output are underpinned by a desire to understand my own trans* non-binary gender identity, they are also a response to learning about what Deleuze and Guattari would call dog affects, as well as negotiating my emotions towards Lea and Buster particually during the sadly increasing points where they have become unwell.

In mid 2019 I sketched an outline for what I called the “Dog Mod”. In the language of games, a mod is something added to the game which alters part or all of its systems in some way. Mods are often produced by a third party, and can range from something which simply adds some different functionality (such as the campaign generator for Space Hulk referenced in the previous section) or completely reorientate the system, such as the mod “DayZ” that reconfigures military sim “ARMA” into a zombie survival game and spawned an entire genre of video games (Davison, 2014).

The aim of Dog Mod was to produce a document which could provide a means to reconfigure the rest of the PhD Output through its unspoken focus, dogs. Dog Mod is something I decided was both conceptually and emotionally too overwhelming for me to be able to complete in time for submission, but I remains as a point of departure for my future research. It connects the Becoming-Animal of Deleuze and Guattari (Deleuze & Guattari, 1987; Stark & Roffe, 2015), philosopher Patricia MacCormack’s expansion of this into animal rights discourse in the Ahuman (MacCormack, 2014), with other ideas around, animals, play and care (Chen, 2012; D. J. Haraway, 2016; Massumi, 2014; Vint, 2008).

Bibliography

Anckorn, J. E. (2019, October 24). Does The Dog Die?: A Not-At-All Comprehensive Guide to Stephen King’s Canines. Retrieved 26 November 2019, from We Are the Mutants website: https://wearethemutants.com/2019/10/24/does-the-dog-die-a-not-at-all-comprehensive-guide-to-stephen-kings-canines/

Chen, M. (2012). Animacies. Durham, NC: Duke University Press.

Conneller, C. (2004). Becoming Deer: Corporeal Transformations at Star Carr. Archaeological Dialogues, 11(1), 37–56. https://doi.org/10.1017/S1380203804001357

Conneller, C. (2011). An archaeology of materials: Substantial transformations in early prehistoric Europe. New York: Routledge.

Davison, P. (2014, April 30). Bohemia Interactive Tells the Story of Arma and DayZ. Retrieved 30 December 2019, from USgamer website: https://www.usgamer.net/articles/bohemia-interactive-tells-the-story-of-arma-and-dayz

Deleuze, G., & Guattari, F. (1987). A Thousand Plateaus: Capitalism and Schizophrenia. Minneapolis: University of Minnesota Press.

Fisher, T. (2019, December 17). What Are Software Patches? Retrieved 30 December 2019, from Lifewire website: https://www.lifewire.com/what-is-a-patch-2625960

Games Workshop. (1999). Space Hulk Rule Book (4th Edition). Nottingham: Games Workshop.

Haraway, D. (1988). Situated Knowledges: The Science Question in Feminism and the Privilege of Partial Perspective. Feminist Studies, 14(3), 575. https://doi.org/10.2307/3178066

Haraway, D. J. (2016). Staying with the trouble: Making kin in the Chthulucene. Durham: Duke University Press.

Hassan, I. (1963). The Subtracting Machine: The Work of William Burroughs. Critique: Studies in Contemporary Fiction, 6(1), 4–23. https://doi.org/10.1080/00111619.1963.10689760

Hunt, C. A. T. (2013). Campaign Generator Geotiles. Games Workshop.

Little, A., Elliott, B., Conneller, C., Pomstra, D., Evans, A. A., Fitton, L. C., … Milner, N. (2016). Technological Analysis of the World’s Earliest Shamanic Costume: A Multi-Scalar, Experimental Study of a Red Deer Headdress from the Early Holocene Site of Star Carr, North Yorkshire, UK. PLOS ONE, 11(4), e0152136. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0152136

MacCormack, P. (2014). The Animal Catalyst: Towards Ahuman Theory. A&C Black.

Marx, K. (1981). Capital: A critique of political economy (B. Fowkes & D. Fernbach, Trans.). London ; New York, N.Y: Penguin Books in association with New Left Review.

Massumi, B. (2014). What animals teach us about politics. Durham: Duke University Press.

Milner, N., Conneller, C., & Taylor, B. (Eds.). (2018a). Star Carr Volume I: A Persistent Place in a Changing World. https://doi.org/10.22599/book1

Milner, N., Conneller, C., & Taylor, B. (Eds.). (2018b). Star Carr Volume II: Studies in Technology, Subsistence and Environment. https://doi.org/10.22599/book2

Price, E. (2013). Sidekick. In K. Macleod, Thinking Through Art: Reflections on Art as Research (1st ed., pp. 122–132). https://doi.org/10.4324/9780203819869

SHANI, T. (2019). OUR FATAL MAGIC. London: STRANGE ATTRACTOR PRESS.

Stark, H., & Roffe, J. (Eds.). (2015). Deleuze and the non/human. Houndmills, Basingstoke, Hampshire: Palgrave Macmillan.

Vint, S. (2008). ‘The Animals in That Country’: Science Fiction and Animal Studies. Science Fiction Studies, 35(2), 177–188.

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langley44langley-blog · 5 years

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Elderly Activity Designer Job.

Apple is lead-in another pattern, this moment in exactly how mobile phone individuals spend their funds. I presume Apple's lawful group did a very good work of communicating their information, yet I likewise presume people in United States simply with ease know that Apple did transform points, they altered it along with the apple iphone as well as they modified this with the ipad tablet," he said. This looks like way too many people that are actually blessed sufficient to become economically successful automatically become douches. The utmost goal, inning accordance with Shron, is for providers to build a predictive design that is actually personalized. The export allows you crack the divisions and also subject matters of your chart into separate slides in the order you yearn for, which means you can brainstorm a discussion in MindManager then utilize the export to develop slides all set for style in PowerPoint. So I consulted with psychologist Elizabeth Phillips to discover only exactly how our food tastes happen. Beware, however, psychologists have found that fantasising about future effectiveness is really bad for inspiration This appears that getting a taste of the future in the present moment lowers the disk to accomplish this. Imaginations additionally fail to flag up the troubles our experts're most likely to encounter on the way to our targets. Unreal time, extremely simplistic auto mechanics, no true motivation to advance and also remove on apple ipad air and mini. As cross-disciplinary providers make up a larger and larger part of advancement, technology will become the only district of company R&D divisions (find self-driving cars). February: Apple includes a 3rd offering to its own iPod nano line-- a $149 1GB version Also, the company cuts prices on its own 512MB and 1GB shuffles to $69 as well as $99, specifically. Unless you're specific you will accomplish the ideal reaction, save your wit for a phone or video recording telephone call, where it's much easier to determine meaning and also mood. Ariely believes that by asking clients to construct their very own home furniture, they adopt an unreasonable love of the household furniture they built, just like the guinea pig did in the origami experiments. Task MK-ULTRA, or even MKULTRA, was http://colore-delasante.info for a covert CIA mind-control as well as chemical interrogation research study program, operated due to the Office from Scientific Intellect. You cease choosing tips at arbitrary when you become sufficiently professional in the state from the art. Given that Zite examines web content for buzz" (the amount of opportunities something is shared, whether it's been liked" through others, and so on) you're mosting likely to find yourself with a lot of list-style posts. How simple that is to strongly believe getting that future and also those results is my motivation. Certainly the sell price reflects no major check out sales - either that or even phones have actually talked straight out. Steve Jobs was actually impressive at understanding the what, and layout is actually important here. http://colore-delasante.info are going to disclose if you're not able to deal with worry and if you require a health care therapy without the necessity for any psychological encourage. Fortunately a little but specialized team from Chinese ecotourism trailblazers is emerging which are figured out to translate general public interest in attributes in to truly low-impact trip. Psychologists and also coordinators have at times made use of the amount of time takes flight" sensation to their perk. Sadly this will provide the APple ipad tablet a monopoly yet it are going to deserve it due to the fact that completion outcome will certainly be large boosts in examination scores and also know-how recognition costs that will certainly create junior's head inflate along with iPad benefits. Your outfit, behavior, body movement, as well as individual hygiene is going to all be critiqued by guests while you're pacing the log cabin, and recruiters will certainly be actually performing the same.

Inning accordance with an SEC filing submitted on Tuesday, there's a seven-figure income in this for him: the submission specifies Nadella's yearly wages as $1.2 m. You may combine a Psychological science level along with other degrees/diplomas/certificates to make your own self extra marketable, yet you have to make sure you recognize just what you like carrying out as well as there is a requirement for the task posture. Relay utilizes Apple's mapping records, however gives a means to graph a course to several places off a solitary chart. Since Google introduced the X project this summertime, the Venture Loon Google+ page has actually been actually running a set of remarkable brief videos addressing much of the technological as well as mental problems in creating an untethered network drifting openly in the stratospheric winds Those online videos have actually dealt with whatever coming from balloon spacing to analyzing wind information, and on Friday Google.com posted an interesting entrance concerning the antenna concept from the Crazy network. For answers to these and also various other inquiries, HuffPost Scientific research talked with Dr. Priscilla Dass-Brailsford, a psychologist at Georgetown University as well as the Chicago Institution from Professional Psychological science that specializes in ethnocultural and also community brutality, concerning the scientific research from racial prejudice. A number of these instructors educate mindfulness at technician startups," she incorporates, taking note that people of the team, Kelly Boys, was the past supervisor of Google's mindfulness course, contacted Search Inside Yourself (SIY). Though psychological science can be liked for several of the a level ... any degree, but you likely won't possess any type of kind of notable benefits over various other popular majors like background or English. Ok however seriously, practically any sort of work may be obtained through nearly any level acquired off a liberal crafts learning regardless of primary. Actually playing Seabeard promptly evokes evaluations to Creature Crossing as well as in some concerns its own a very ready comparison. This will demand the elderly professional to recognize MMOs, online organisation versions as well as individual psychological science. Reviews is an essential part of finding out when that comes to practically every little thing, and knowing how to use both good as well as unfavorable conditioning is actually critical for game advancement.

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bigyack-com · 5 years

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A sculptor known for trying to redress history through her art is crafting first women’s statue for New York’s Central Park - art and culture

A sculptor known for trying to redress history through her art is creating the first statue of real-life women for New York’s Central Park, where the only females so honoured until now have been fictional characters.Meredith Bergmann’s vision for the sculpture, chosen from 91 submissions, features three women’s rights pioneers — Susan B. Anthony, Elizabeth Cady Stanton and Sojourner Truth. While honouring their specific efforts on behalf of women’s suffrage, women’s civil rights and the abolition of slavery, Bergmann hopes her latest work will also make a statement about the need to recognize the contributions of women.“This monument has a very focused message,” she said in an interview at her studio in Ridgefield, Connecticut. “The fact of the monument itself, that it exists at all, that it will be where it is, is the message.”Of the 23 statues of historical figures in the 840-acre, 166-year-old public park, none honours actual women. There are statues of three female fictional characters: Alice in Wonderland, Mother Goose and William Shakespeare’s Juliet, who appears with Romeo.There had been a moratorium on erecting any new statues in Central Park. But in 2014, a volunteer, nonprofit group called Monumental Women, made up of women’s rights advocates, historians and community leaders, set out to break what they’ve called the “bronze ceiling” and develop a statue depicting real women. With the help of the Girl Scouts, private foundations and others, they raised $1.5 million in private funding for the 14-foot-tall monument, to be located on the park’s Literary Walk. It’s scheduled to be unveiled on Aug. 26, 2020, marking the 100th anniversary of the 19th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution, which enshrined the right for women to vote.“It’s fitting that the first statue of real women in Central Park depicts three New York women who dedicated their lives to fighting for women’s rights,” said Pam Elam, president of Monumental Women, in a written statement last month after the project received approval from a city commission. “This statue conveys the power of women working together to bring about revolutionary change in our society. It invites people to reflect not just on these women and their work for equality and justice, but on all the monumental women who came before us.”Midway into the massive and multi-faceted project, Bergmann and her assistants have nearly finished sculpting from foam and clay an imagined scene of the three women having a conversation at a table. Truth is speaking, Anthony is organizing and Stanton is writing, which Bergman describes as the three essential elements of activism. The current design is the result of a long process that involved various changes, including the late addition of Sojourner Truth, an African-American abolitionist and women’s rights activist who was born into slavery but escaped to freedom in 1826. It originally included Anthony, a writer, lecturer and abolitionist who fought for the rights of women to vote and own property; Stanton, another leading figure in the women’s voting rights movement, and an abolitionist and author; and a scroll with a list of 17 other women involved in the women’s movement from 1848 to 1920.Bergmann dove deeply into the worlds and histories of all three women and their senses of mission, similar to what the artist has done with her other works of public art. One such work, the Boston Women’s Memorial, features statues portraying Abigail Adams, the wife and mother of two U.S. presidents and a women’s rights advocate; abolitionist and suffragist Lucy Stone; and Phillis Wheatley, a former slave who became a literary prodigy.Meanwhile, work is nearly complete for the FDR Hope Memorial on Roosevelt Island in Manhattan, which features two statues Bergmann created of the late President Franklin D. Roosevelt in a wheelchair and a young girl with crutches, greeting one another. The memorial is supposed to be an inspiration to people struggling with all forms of disability, in a location once called Welfare Island — a stretch of land with a long past that included a prison and a smallpox hospital.For the Central Park project, Bergmann studied every photo and description she could find, taking great pains, for example, to reflect a “hint of a smile” on the face of Truth, known to have a good sense of humor. While the three activists are not depicted in the monument at any known meeting, Bergmann said it’s plausible they could have met together. She noted how Anthony and Stanton, who worked together and formed the National Woman Suffrage Association, would have known Truth through abolition and women’s rights circles, and how Truth was a guest at Stanton’s home in the 1860s. Stanton’s daughter would read newspapers aloud to Truth, who was illiterate.Such a gesture, Bergmann said, “just seemed to express the idea of women’s cooperation,” a message the artist has tried to invoke in the sculpture.Bergmann has also focused on other fine details, such as the women’s clothing. She noted that all three “used their outfits to calm people, to show that they were not threatening propriety, but also that they were women who valued themselves.”Once the sculpting work is done, likely in the coming weeks, Bergmann said molds will be taken and they will eventually be cast in bronze at a foundry in New York. Detailed work will need to be performed, such as making sure the women’s heads are at the right tilt and the ends of the granite base are curved perfectly.It has become a labour of love for Bergmann, albeit a challenging one.“I haven’t had a project on this scale, with this ferocious of a deadline. And it is, it is nerve-wracking. And I’m working harder than I’ve ever worked,” said Bergmann. “All summer, all fall, this is what I’m doing. And it’s thrilling.”(This story has been published from a wire agency feed without modifications to the text. Only the headline has been changed.)Follow more stories on Facebook and Twitter Source link Read the full article

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oldshrewsburyian · 7 years

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@jomiddlemarch replied to this post: I read Tenant recently and it was such an odd book for me -- both shockingly relatable and modern feeling at times, full of snark and savage wit, and then the most intense, dulling piety, like chewing through a thousand boiled turnips.

A thousand boiled turnips! I congratulate you on this felicitously vivid simile. I’ve just finished the book (I reached a tipping point in the narrative and stayed up late two nights in a row), and I’ve been thinking a lot about what you say here about jarring contrasts. I’m tagging @happybibliosaurus to join this discussion, as well!

As a historian, I both recognize and fight against that temptation to classify religion/piety as somehow not modern (thanks for that model, nineteenth century.) I also, though, struggled to read Tenant’s discussions of religion and faith as integral to the narrative. And I asked myself why this should be, and I think my answer is that the characters in Tenant (unless they belong to the dissolute and blasphemous crowd) seem to talk about faith/religion in the same way. Now, this is just one reading, and it’s my first reading of the book; I hope others will weigh in! I figured this out in part by comparing it to Jane Eyre. Comparing another Brontë novel to Jane Eyre is probably some sort of sin; sorry.

Jane Eyre’s invocations of faith and religion, God and salvation, are no less pervasive than Tenant’s (perhaps more so!) But its characters have dramatically differing attitudes towards and even beliefs about these things! Jane herself, much like Helen in Tenant, weathers her personal crises with the help of faith, even though she sometimes struggles to do so. I have A LOT of feelings about Rochester’s faith journey, but that could be another post. But I feel as though, in Tenant, one would need a fairly detailed knowledge of the religious landscape of early nineteenth-century England to appreciate the nuances in how the characters talk about their beliefs. It may be helpful to consider that things like, for instance, Sabbath observance were/are not neutral signifiers of virtue; so Tenant’s emphasis on going to church has a specific meaning in its historical and cultural context that isn’t easy to access for 21st-century readers. To take another example, I’m sure it’s important that the successor to the somewhat silly if inoffensive vicar is Cambridge-educated, but I am not quite sure why! Lots more, including spoilers and references, below!

According to Marianne Thormählen’s The Brontës and Religion, Tenant shocked contemporary readers with its radical views on salvation. I think this must refer to the fascinating moment where, nursing Mr. Huntington, Helen seems to profess a belief in universal salvation:

How could I endure to think that that poor trembling soul was hurried away to everlasting torment? it would drive me mad. But, thank God, I have hope—not only from a vague dependence on the possibility that penitence and pardon might have reached him at the last, but from the blessed confidence that, through whatever purging fires the erring spirit may be doomed to pass—whatever fate awaits it—still it is not lost, and God, who hateth nothing that He hath made, will bless it in the end!

This passage makes me wonder whether my reading of Tenant’s religion might be insufficiently attentive; after all, Helen speaks not of the indispensability of belief in the Incarnation, but of the function of the Incarnation as making the salvation of all humanity possible. This is, of course, perfectly orthodox, but the emphasis may be worth noting. In The Religion of the Heart: Anglican Evangelicalism and the Nineteenth Century Novel, Elizabeth Jay speaks of Tenant as presenting the creation of a home as a signifier of moral virtue. An article which I haven’t been able to access in full text is Siv Jansson’s “The Tenant of Wildfell Hall: Rejecting the Angel’s Influence,” in Women of Faith in Victorian Culture. Jansson talks about how, through Helen’s determined abandonment of the abusive Huntington, Tenant is aggressively combating and undermining the image of the Angel in the House (cf. Coventry Patmore). Helen is a moral force for good in Huntington’s life, but she is not submissive, meek, or -- most crucially and most shockingly! -- stationary. And Anne Brontë refuses to make Helen a martyr, or even to redeem her by the Love of a Good Man, which is refreshing. Helen isn’t reintegrated into society because a sweet, poetry-reading farmer marries her. She’s an heiress. She needs no one. She just keeps on being a force for women’s independence (cf. the Hattersleys, Esther) and taking care of her dependents (Arthur, Rachel, her aunt.) She is respected, respectable, self-sufficient... and she practically proposes marriage to the man who becomes her second husband! YES, HELEN! I think there might also be something to unpack in the fact that so much of the repetitive expression of piety etc. comes in a period in Helen’s life when she is abused, isolated, and desperately clinging to a form of security that is not dependent on society, or even organized religion.

#bronte buddy read #the tenant of wildfell hall #religion #this got long #anne bronte #anne brontë #gothic romance #adultbooklr

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saviormysticmeme · 7 years

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Well, a creppy boy started talking to me on the Tumblr chat saying weird shit and asked me to be his valentine out of the blue, so.. Yeah can I request RFA+V+Saeran reacting to that? A creep talking to MC and saying creppy stuff lol. Love ur blog 💕

Is he still bothering you? If he is PM me and his ass is grassOr if you’re just in need of a fake girlfriend/boyfriend/SO also say the word I’m there y’all don’t even know how good I look in drag

Forreal tho, if someone online is ever making you feel uncomfortable don’t be afraid to get assertive or reach out for help.

Anyways

RFA+V+Saeran react to a Creep creepin on MC

Yoosung

Yandere Yoosung: ACTIVATED i imagine a magical girl animation sequence whenever I say that

You had shown him the messages immediately because you two were playing games on an online server together when you got random, creepy PMs from GameFreak90

‘hey there, I see you’re a high level. U must be pretty good with your hands

want 2 play a game together sometime? it doesn’t have to be online ;)

its almost valentines day you know. we can hang out. ‘

You were so uncomfortable, and it went from uncomfortable to freaked out when you asked GameFreak90 to stop messaging you and he kept going, starting to talk about all the things he’d like to do to you

Yoosung searched the guys name immediately and pulled up his profile

His hands never moved so fast

‘Hey. Quit messaging MC28. She’s a good friend of mine and you’re freaking her out. -ShootingStar’

‘fuck off’

Yoosung was not having it. He didn’t have Seven’s hacking skills, or Jumins money, or Jaehee’s wit or anything the others had

But what he did have was his games

He pulled up TeamSpeak for his LOLOL guild immediately

“Guys, I need backup for an emergency raid”

It was over in minutes

Yoosung’s guild had raided and completely emptied GameFreak90′s base

Yoosung got a string of messages immediately after

hey man what the fuck

dude give me my shit back

fine im sorry im sorry give me my shit please

dude please

Yoosung just turned his mic on and with one last request of his guild “Hey, can everyone here flag this guy for inappropriate behavior”

In about 10 mins Yoosung went to pull up GameFreak90′s profile

It had been deleted

Yoosung had the smuggest of smirks on his face

Until

“My hero” You giggled and kissed him on the cheek

He went from war hero Shooting Star to blushing, stuttering, Yoosung real quick

Jaehee

It was a slow day in the coffee shop so you were just sitting at a table playing on your phone and sipping coffee

Ding.

Huh? New message.

Ding ding ding

You had a bad feeling before even opening your Fumblr app

When you did open the little social media site, you were met with a bunch of unwelcomed advances from some strange follower

Hey valentines is coming up and im lonely

r u lonely to?

how about u be my valentine and we can go out??

You grimaced and replied with a curt “I’m sorry but no thanks”

come on babe

dont b like that

we can have fun

Jaehee had noticed to look on your face and immediately popped to your side

“Mc is everything alright?

“Yeah..I’m just getting creepy messages from some guy on Fumblr.” You handed her the phone so she could read them and her nose crinkled in distaste almost instantly

“Well your first problem is you apologized.”

“Huh?”

Jaehee started tapping away as she spoke “Don’t apologize for not being interested. When you apologize it makes you seem more …docile. Submissive. If these creeps think you have an ounce of shyness or even politeness in you they’ll try to exploit it.”

“o-oh.” You stammered, surprised by how irritated Jaehee suddenly seemed

“Secondly,” Her expression softened a bit with a final tap on the screen “You didn’t block him immediately” She looked to you with a smile on her face, pleased with herself for whatever she said to your Fumblr follower

She handed the phone back to you and a light blush fell across your cheeks. Jaehee never seemed to be the protector type but when it comes down to it

Baehee isn’t letting anyone bother you

ever

Zen

He’s gotten his fair share of creepy fan mail, but he understands it comes with the job

But when you get creepy mail from his followers

NO NO NO NO NO

You two have all the fan mail sent to a P.O. Box so fans don’t have your home address

One time when you went to get the batch, the two of you found a handful of letters with your name on them

“My fans must see us together all the time” Zen said as he handed the letters to you, a cautious look on his face. He was worried it was going to be some fangirl writing a mean letter about how she deserves Zen instead of you

It was much creepier

It was a bunch of letters from some guy

‘My sister is a big fan of Zen so I have to watch TV shows with him on them all the time. One time there was a news story about him, but you were in the picture with him…’

The letters go on to say how once the writer saw you with Zen he started searching you more and claimed you two would be a perfect match. He started suggesting you break up with Zen (offering for him to date his sister) and for the two of you to get together.

…

You have to literally hold Zen back so he doesnt march to the return address and beat the shit out of sender

“Zen it’ll be such bad press do not do not do not”

“I DON’T GIVE A SHIT”

“YES YOU DO PLS ZEN”

20 mins later

He’s not calm, but he’s not bum rushing the door so…calm enough

“Let’s think of a reasonable way to handle this” You slump into a chair, exhausted from being the only thing standing between Zen and a physical assault charge

After a few minutes of silence

..”I have an idea.”

Zen pulled out a pad and started scribbling. “He said his sister is a fan of me? Well I’ll make her an offer she can’t refuse.”

Zen ended up writing a very heartfelt note to the sister of the sender, explaining the situation and how uncomfortable you were feeling because of the brother. And if the sincerity of the letter wasn’t enough to get her to make her brother stop, the VIP pass to Zen’s next show was a good bribe.

He sent it out the next morning, and a few days later you guys checked the PO box to find a letter from her apologizing profusely for her brother’s behavior and how she’d handle it. And about 10 pages of ‘thank you’s and compliments for Zen of course.

Jumin

Elizabeth would only chase a laser pointer for so long, so you had a lot of free time whenever Jumin was at work

You were no stranger to social media sites as they were the best way to distract yourself for hours at a time until you had something entertaining to do

And you’ve gotten spam bots before, but never a human who was actually so forward enough to send you enough messages to make you a small novel

you look really nice in your profile picture

is that designer? man you got money to

you’re a rich bitch. wanna come see what its like on the other side of town?

You were appalled.

“Leave me alone” was the best you could muster since you were in such a state of disgusted shock.

The messages continued, and you ended up just blocking the guy. But even after that just looking at your phone made you a little nervous that you were going to see more messages from another douchebag

But nope

Same douchebag. Different site.

why’d you block me? playing hard to get?

“How’d you find my profile?”

it’s not hard to figure it out since I saw your name on the other one ;*

You just blocked him again and put your phone down, resolving to entertain yourself with anything else that wasn’t social media.

Eventually Jumin came home, and the first thing he noticed was your phone sitting on the coffee table and a specific lack of…you.

He went into a panic for a moment before you stepped into the hall, freshly showered.

“Oh, MC, there you are. I was worried for a second. You’re usually not far from your phone.”

“Yeah..” You muttered. “Some guy just keeps bugging me”

What

What do you mean

What guy

How

You explain the situation to Jumin and his phone is to his ear almost immediately as he picks up yours with his free hand.

“Luciel? I’m cashing in on a favor….”

You knew immediately where this was going and you had a slight grin on your face, knowing the creep who kept messaging you wasn’t going to be bothering you or anyone else anytime soon

Seven

You don’t even waste time

The second you get the first creepy message

hey hot stuff

You hand your phone to Seven

He just looks down at the screen, and a devious smile spreads across his face

Sure he could mess with anyone he wanted, but this time he has an excuse to go all out and ruin this Creeps life.

Seven whips up a program in a matter of minutes, connects a USB from his computer to your phone, then texts the man back

‘Hey cutie…wanna see a picture? ;)’ and he attached a file

It says the message was received and viewed, but no response was given.

“What’d you do?” You ask as Seven hands your phone back

With a big smirk on his face:

“Once he opens that file his phone is going to run through his chat logs and play back all his creepy messages on a permanent loop on his screen. And if he has any wireless connection to his computer, say, cloud storage, it’s going to happen to his computer too. And every few minutes he’s going to get a picture of me dressed as a maid, because I have to deliver, you know?”

You give Seven a huge hug “Ugh, thank you. How will I every pay you back”

“You already did” He laughs

“Huh?”

“You’ll see” He winks and goes back to his computer.

You shrug and walk away, figuring you’d find out soon enough

And you did

The next time you opened your phone, your background was a nonstop slideshow of 707′s Greatest Crossdressing Pics

And all your app icons were selfies

And your gallery was filled with pictures of the red headed hacker

“SEEEEEEEVVVVVEEEEEENNNNNNNNN”

V was sitting on the couch and you were upstairs cleaning up and putzing around

Ding

V looked to see your phone light up on the table

“MC, I think someone messaged you!” V yelled up the stairs

“Will you check it for me? It’s probably just a guest with a question about the party.” You called back

“Sure.” And with that he opened your phone to find a rather crude picture “What in the world”

my friend gave me ur number, thought you’d like this ;)

V was horrified that someone meant for you to open this

‘I dont’ He typed back.

awww come on. you can tell from the pic im a good looking guy and my friend says ur cute. why dont we hang out

“No.” V glared at the number displayed at the top of the message board

playing hard to get? i like

V realized there was no reasoning with this idiot, and he thought it would be a waste of time trying to further communicate with a fool like his, so he bit down his better instinct and just sent a picture of himself glaring at the phone camera and typed “You’re talking to a man”

there was no reply for a moment

my friend said this was a girl

“I can assure I am not a female. Your friend gave you the wrong number. Go away”

There was no response but V was sure he could feel the embarrassment from the other side of the connection

With a satisfied huff he deleted the messages and number, figuring it best if you never have to worry about the situation

He also plans to find out which one of your friends would give your number to such a vulgar creep.

Saeran

You two were watching a video on your phone when you got a sudden chat request on Kiik, a messaging app

Saeran cast a quizzical look at you and you return it with a shrug, signalling you had no clue

When you open it up theres just a bunch of weird messages

hey babe

hey

wanna be my valentine

i dont want to be lonely and i bet you dont either

we can keep each other company ;)

You didn’t even have a chance to respond before Saeran took the phone from your hand

“Fuck off” He was holding your phone so tight you thought he was gonna snap it in half

wow ur not very polite

“I said. Fuck. Off.” Saeran let out a breath that sounded like a growl

come on baby dont be like that

You could see a fire in your friend’s eyes and you knew things were about to get bad

“Send one more message and I’ll end your miserable existence, Scum.”

“Saeran let’s just ignore it” You tried to take your phone back but he wouldn’t let go, too hyper focused on the screen. Instead he looked at you and said “He shouldn’t be talking to you this way.”

Ding

Both your eyes shot back to the screen

so you’ll come see me ;)

Whoever was on the other line had nooo clue who they were taunting

Saeran got up slowly, so slow it was a little creepy, when you looked at him you could see the gears running in his head

He walked over to his computer and started typing away, looking to the phone every now and then.

After about 20 minutes he finally came back to sit with you and handed your phone back.

“You….You good, Saeran?” You asked, surprised at how calmed he seemed.

He looked to you with a smile on his face and a glint in his eye. “I’m very good.”

You were almost worried to ask but “What’d you do?”

“Not much. But he’ll leave you alone soon enough.”

You stopped asking questions, he wouldn’t tell you the details anyways.

That night you were awoken to

Dingdingdingdingding

You fumbled around in the dark and eventually opened your phone to see messages from the Kiik app

Iuwefjkgl

ahfuoieqhwf

please helpfehofejijeqiue

…..

I’m very sorry for what I said to you earlier. I will never contact you again. If I do my fingers will be broken.

You knew immediately.

“Saeran what’d you do???” You sent the text

All you got back was “:)”

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hearthglow · 7 years

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Question time. I am reading Marcus Aurelius's Meditations and in the first book he condemns "homosexuality." The Meditations were originally written in Greek, I know, but I'm not sure if ancient Roman concepts of male-male relationships translates easily into modern English. Unfortunately the translator/editor does not make any useful notes on this passage. Can you shed some light on male-male relationships in Roman antiquity?

SO. Despite being queer, this is something I read less about than I should, because it is kind of a minefield of exhaustion. To begin, you need to be constantly aware of the huge gaping discourse pits that plague ancient sexuality studies, especially when it comes to male-male relationships:

1. Labeling issues.Modern sexualities do not map to ancient ones. This should be kind of obvious as they are separated by 2000+ years of history, but you would be surprised how badly this works out in practice. The problem here is that after being violently written out of history for basically forever, anything that vaguely sounds like “gay people didn’t exist back then” is obviously inflammatory. (And some gross academics have indeed argued just that.) The basic idea is that there is no neat 1-to-1 translation system of our current sexuality spectrum to the ancient spectrum, and our modern day realities can’t be imported backwards. However, this leads us to…

2. Language issues.We don’t really have specific terms for much of the ancient spectrum, so we have to use modern words, which results in people applying their current conceptions. But wait, there’s more! We’ve got textual/linguistic issues where there is no differentiation between words for homosexuality (interest-only-in-men), homosexual behavior (acts-with-men), and pederasty. Then you have hundreds of years of bigoted translators conflating homosexuality and pederasty. And then you’ve got today, where pederasty itself doesn’t neatly map to modern CSA but is understandably not something victims want distant academics philosophizing about!! Everyone is trapped navigating between Abuse Apologism and the Predatory Gays stereotype, which are both a helluva lot more harmful than Scylla and Charybdis ever were.

3. Reception issues.With modern lgbtqia+ movements and queer theory rising in academia, we’ve seen a lot more perceptions and interpretations of classical works. There’s a tendency for any academic questioning of these minority narratives to be taken as an attack (and sometimes it IS, like with the hyper-focus on Sappho). A lot of “Western” sexuality movements also owe a huge debt and inspiration to their own imaginings of the classics, and while they aren’t invalidated by those imaginings being disproved, it can sure feel like that’s the goal sometimes. Murky waters.

4. Agency issues.A lot of lgbtqia+ people have really bad experiences with being labeled rather than choosing labels. Since we can’t talk to ancient Romans and have them self-define, we’re either stuck discussing trends rather than people (which is impersonal), or deciding that because they do X, they must be Z. This results in sweeping generalizations: “well technically they’re all bi” or “if they ever had male/male sex they must be gay” and so on. But that kind of black/white labeling doesn’t manage to describe reality today either.0

5. (Bonus issue: Academia can’t keep up with our terminology which results in anything older than about 5-7 years being cringe-worthy and if I read one more article talking about a two-sexed image being bisexual I’m gonna friggin lose it)

—

Meanwhile, there are the ancient biases that one has to take into account:

1. We mostly know about ELITE male/male customs, as systemized in unbalanced arrangements and/or pederasty. There is considerably less data on the other 99% of Romans.

2. Active/Submissive. Labels were based on role during intercourse, not interest/attraction as our spectrum generally works today. The stereotypes surrounding men taking an active role (dick go in thing) were completely different than those about men taking a submissive role (thing dick go in). This also aligned ‘submissive’ roles with women, who performed the same function, and so doubled the implication of unmanliness.

3. Propaganda. If you hate an emperor/politician, make him seen unmanly. If you want to make him seem unmanly, say he’s submissive to other men and does other “womanly” things. It was a pretty simple equation. This does not mean everything is hands down a lie, but this is a bias that has to be accounted for when we delve into questions about the Galli, Elgabalus, and basically any secondhand report.

It’s kind of like if you had to write a history of modern sexual identities, but all you had were some 00s top/bottom stereotypes, homophobic diatribes, some philosophical meta on RPF, vague mentions of rainbow parades, and a handful of closeted love letters. In another language. Missing 90% of its context.

—

All of that said, there is constant work being done in the area, though more (and more varied) work is always needed. Here is a small chronological sampling across a few disciplines, with a caveat that I have not read most of these yet myself – apologies if they willingly hurl themselves into a discourse hellscape.

Richlin, Amy. “Not before Homosexuality: The Materiality of the Cinaedus and the Roman Law against Love between Men.” Journal of the History of Sexuality 3-4, 1993. Cited by just about everything that comes after.

Parker, Holt. “The Teratogenic Grid.” In Roman Sexualities, ed. by Judith P. Hallett and Marilyn B. Skinner, 1997. A breakdown of the active-passive binary used by later work.

Taylor, Rabun. “Two Pathic Subcultures in Ancient Rome.” Journal of the History of Sexuality, Vol. 7-3, 1997.

Gregg, Christopher A. Homoerotic Objectification in Roman Art: The Legacy of Ganymede. Dissertation for the University of North Carolina, 2000. Art theory.

Karras, Ruth Mazo. “Active/Passive, Acts/Passions: Greek and Roman Sexualities.” The American Historical Review, Vol. 105-4, 2000. Review of recent scholarship.

Bartman, Elizabeth. “Eros’s Flame: Images of Sexy Boys in Roman Ideal Sculpture.” Memoirs of the American Academy in Rome. Supplementary Volume 1, 2002. Art theory.

Eger, A. “Age and Male Sexuality: ‘Queer Space’ in the Roman Bathhouse?” JRA Supplementary Series 65, 2007

Williams, Craig. Roman Homosexuality. 2nd edition, 2010. (See Bryn Mawr Classical Review here.)

Latham, Jacob. “Fabulous Clap-Trap”: Roman Masculinity, the Cult of Magna Mater, and Literary Constructions of the Galli at Rome from the Late Republic to Late Antiquity.“ The Journal of Religion, Vol. 92-1, 2012

Larson, Jennifer. Greek and Roman Sexualities: A Sourcebook. 2012. Collection of primary sources.

Ingleheart, Jennifer. Ancient Rome and the Construction of Modern Homosexual Identities. 2015. Reception studies.

And to circle all the way back to Marcus Aurelius, I give you:

Richlin, Amy. Marcus Aurelius in Love. 2007

Laes, Christian. “What Could Marcus Aurelius Feel for Fronto?” Studia Humaniora Tartuensia 10.A.3, 2009

#evodije #reading list #hearthposts #ingleheart uses the word romosexuality and i'm going to use that forever #romosexuality

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heatherdemetrios-blog · 7 years

Text

The Space Between Breaths: Transitions in the Artistic Life

For the past year, I’ve been going through a transition, floating in a space between. It’s been three years since my first book came out. There was the before publication life, when I’d yet to sell a book and was dreaming hard. Then there was the after, where I struggled to learn the ropes of being a published author, yet still managed to write and sell one to two books a year, hustling like a mother. During that time there were aborted projects and disappointments, but I focused laser-like attention on my work and career, with little time for much else. Sometimes that paid off, and sometimes it didn’t. One thing it resulted in was a near-breakdown, spiritual and creative depletion, and an increasing existential dread that followed me around to the point where I felt like Edward Snowden, always looking over my shoulder.

This was unsustainable. A life of waiting for the other shoe to drop is not a good life. And a writer who doesn’t write, or who writes but finds no joy in it, does not a happy writer make. It also, incidentally, makes it hard to sell more books. The nervy you feel about a project somehow winds itself through the text, an X factor that makes or breaks a book. My books were breaking. I was breaking. So began my year of transition, which began in July 2016, an awakening of sorts that’s still very much in progress. This wasn’t intentional, not something I planned as a great experiment. It just sort of happened. Out of necessity and desperation and a nameless need.

This year of transition actually started in Spring 2016, though I had no idea that this was what was happening. I started devouring books like I used to, back when I wasn’t writing three of them at a time. I literally bought and read every single JoJo Moyes book I could find (okay, I’ve saved a couple because it’s too depressing, a life without a JoJo book to look forward to), after discovering Me Before You on a Barnes and Noble table. I was working—I had revisions and copyedits and submissions. But when I sent in the last thing that was due, in mid-June, I unwittingly gave myself a for-real break. It was on accident—I didn’t realize I was taking a break until the month of July passed with me having written only a handful of words, most of them non-fiction. I got ideas, I threw ideas away—I briefly considered learning Russia and moving to Moscow. The bulk of my writing was for a residency application I never sent in, as well as the occasional blog post or lengthy email. I began meditating, reconnected with my spiritual side, read lots of books, treated myself to copies of Vogue, discovered the delights of the French 75 cocktail, and took a poetry class. I basked in sunshine and visited with friends and family. There were still stressful writerly moments: two rewrites gone bad, dismal royalty statements. But for the first time in years, writing was not the most important thing. The most important thing was me. It was as though my soul had given me one of those piercing looks and said, My dear, you are the canvas.

Eureka.

I followed my curiosity, each urge a trail of will-o’-the-wisps that led me deeper into my inner landscape, with its turbulent sea, floating glaciers, and craggy mountains set against endless dunes (yes, somehow my innards resemble Morocco, Ireland, and Iceland). In Big Magic, Elizabeth Gilbert says: I believe that curiosity is the secret. Curiosity is the truth and the way of creative living. She’s absolutely right. I found such joy poking around in New Age stores and going down the Wiki hole of Romanov research and planning a trip to Prague. I delighted in the plethora of self-help books I kept hearing about, got into essential oils, and finally took a Pilates class. I bought strange rings and drank beer and even started liking kale. I got a Reiki treatment and bought my first deck of Tarot cards and I campaigned for Hillary Clinton. I bought a Nasty Woman shirt and protested with thousands of women all over the world, reigniting that little Marxist-Anarchist activist that has been hiding inside me since the Bush years. I made a few big life decisions, some quite seismic, some still in progress. I grieved, felt confusion, wonder, awe, gratitude, love, solidarity, despair. I probably drank more wine after November 8th than in the rest of my life combined. I cooked my first steak. I began living according to these wise words from Elsie De Wolfe: I am going to make everything around me beautiful. That will be my life. Fresh flowers scattered about the house. Crystals lined up on windowsills. A skirt with red roses splashed across the fabric. I see the changes that all this adventuring has wrought everywhere: in my home, my body, my mind, my spirit. And yet, the writing will not budge.

I am still trekking up a damnably high mountain, hoping to reach a summit and praying there’s a nice little valley on the other side of it, with cool spring water and long, fragrant grass I can lie in when I look at the stars. Alas, creativity is uncharted territory—ever ineffable, a tricksy landscape complete with quicksand, dark forests, and, well, you get the metaphor. I confess, there have been a few occasions in which I actually uttered the phrase, Why am I doing this? Or I don’t want to be a writer anymore. I’m not sure if I meant it or not. I suspect maybe I did. It sounds ever so wonderful to leave work at work, to have boundaries between oneself and what one does for a living, to not be in constant artistic torture.

The election and its aftermath was a huge blow that I’m still recovering from. I don’t think I realized how much it affected my ability to be creative until quite recently, when I realized I have to rewrite a bogart of a book I’m working on for the third time. I cannot overstate how unlike me this is. I’ve never spent two years after selling a book trying to rewrite it. It’s madness. Maddening. But when I began to connect the dots, I could see that the bulk of the problem began in the beginning of 2016—a coincidence? I think not. As I said in an email to the book’s editor: I’m sorry for being the world’s shittiest writer. I blame Trump.

I blamed my mental health and my infernal inability to understand how time works. I blamed New York City for being so goddamn expensive and loud and distracting and fabulous. I also blamed myself, for not taking my own good advice that I give to my clients and that I myself know works. I only give advice when I’ve learned something (usually the hard way), when I know that something is tried and true. As a creativity coach, I tell my clients that each book is a different beast, and that’s true. And also that writing is a marathon (not a race), that you will never be a master, that you will always be learning, and that you should trust the process: the not knowing, the frustration—these are just hazards of the job and an essential part of the process. But each time I find myself uncertain creatively, these lessons are hard to remember. A girl has to eat, you know.

One thing my meditation teachers like to talk about is the space between breaths. In mindfulness meditation, you focus on the inhale and exhale, using it to anchor your mind in the present. Between each round of inhalation and exhalation, there is a pocket of pure being, where your body has a moment to bask in its existence, where nothing is required of it. It can’t last very long because your lungs need air, but for just a sliver of time, you are infinite. Free-floating. This is also a space for transition, much shorter than my year of transition, but equally powerful. You can discover things there, though it may take you years, or even a lifetime to figure out. You might even see what you’re made of.

This is an essential part of the meditation process. These pockets of no-breath are not simply a bridge between breaths, links on the path to nirvana. They are teaching moments, rich in the kind of knowledge that lives deep in your bones. It’s the same with the transitions in an artist’s life. The space between projects, between ideas, between inspiration and creative wastelands—this is, paradoxically, where the good stuff lives. Transitions are opportunities to grow, to heal, and to change. They give you space (whether you want it to not) to reassess your work, your craft, your goals. These sometimes involve dark nights of the soul, real reckonings that bring who you are and why you do what you do into sharp focus. Sometimes you won’t like what you see. Transitions, from an artistic point of view, are absolutely necessary. Think about the period when Bowie fled to Berlin, intent on getting clean and reconnecting to his art. He called his cocaine years in Los Angeles, where he embodied the Thin White Duke persona, “the darkest days of my life.” Despite being a rock star, he was going broke and Berlin, at the time, was a cheap place to live while he was in recovery. In Europe, he began visiting galleries, working on self-care through literature and classical music education, and, of course, kicking his cocaine habit and exploring Berlin’s music scene. His roommate was Iggy Pop, and I like to imagine them sitting around late at night, trading notes and blowing each other’s minds. What resulted was the Berlin trilogy, a rich artistic period and a turning point in his life.

Of course, not all transitions need to be so dramatic, and I’m still trying to figure out what this one means for me. When I look back, what will I call this year (or, God forbid, years)? Will I look on it fondly, or shudder, grateful that it’s over? I can’t imagine not being thankful for it. Already, I’m seeing my interests in what I want to write expand in unexpected ways. Adult fiction, young adult nonfiction, historical. I’m not quite sure where I’ll land. I’m getting ideas, but am wary of investing too much in anything. I think I’m still getting my sea legs. Meditation, exercise, and healthy eating habits are helping. As is travel and working with my clients, who inspire me every day. I’m taking lots of notes because I suspect that as much as I’m learning right now about what it means to be an artist in transition, I suspect there’s even more to glean from this time later, when I can see how all the dots connected.

Being a creative doesn’t suit our modern world, not if you’re an Artist with a capital A. Because art needs quiet, time, space, privacy. All things that are hard to come by these days, especially in Brooklyn. I stopped using my private Facebook account, rarely leave the apartment, and turn a deaf ear to industry chatter. It’s been a long time since I finished a project. Everything I’m working on is in a different stage and often ends up being cast aside or totally reworked. So of course the age old question of how to make a living as an artist rears its ugly head. If you aren’t producing, you aren’t getting paid. So while artistic explorations sound great on paper, in reality, it’s the paper itself you start worrying about.

It’s becoming increasingly hard for artists to make a living—just take a look at Trump’s budget proposal, with threatens to cut the NEA out of existence. It’s especially difficult for writers because of the plethora of content out there. Jesus, how many blogs and websites and articles can exist? With newspapers and magazines folding left and right, writers are forced to make some pretty tough choices. These concerns are ever present, and they will be for the foreseeable future. Of course, being an artist has always involved financial acrobatics. Chekhov paid the bills through a medical practice, and Tolstoy had to self-publish War and Peace. I’m in good company. I’ve very much begun to appreciate Elizabeth Gilbert’s words in Big Magic about how your job as an artist is to take care of your creativity, not the other way around. It’s been interesting, cobbling together an income that all leads back to writing, but isn’t necessarily writing. Teaching and coaching and editing allows me to talk about what I love—writing, the artistic process, and creative living—and to help my fellow writers on their own journeys. It also gives me the chance to take care of my writing, rather than requiring it to pay all the bills. I’m already seeing the seeds I’m planting blossoming. For the first time in a long time, I’m allowing myself to consider alternative ways of living and alternative approaches to my writing. Maybe I don’t publish a book every year. Maybe I don’t only write in YA. Maybe I play a whole lot more in my creative process. Maybe I take time to take care of myself.

The journey continues, endless and exciting and horrible and wonderful, an adventure I’m honored to have. I take a breath, exhale, and rest in the transition, looking forward to whatever comes next.

#pneumacreative creativitycoaching quotes writing heatherdemetrios #meditation

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banncrbraincd-blog · 7 years

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do another ship thing for our babies!

send me a ship and i’ll tell you ─currently ➝ accepting

where was their first date ?: it kinda depends. their first one on one dinner together at a nice restaurant definitely had date vibes despite it not being official. the first date that was agreed upon as a date by both parties was at an ice skating rink, though, because cute childhood dreams and harry being a real life disney prince, bye. what my muse would do to cheer your’s up: just get him away from reality a little ? sometimes it’s taking a weekend trip together and getting lost somewhere, sometimes it’s simply surprising him with lunch from his favorite place, or curling up on the couch together and letting him vent about whatever bullshit menken pulled that day.who wakes the other up with kisses ( and where ) ?: juliette. and she’s usually tucked under his arm when she wakes up, so kisses get pressed to his shoulder, his throat, his jaw, essentially wherever she can reach until he’s finally awake enough to capture her lips.who would pour water on the other to wake them up ?: neither, are you kidding me ? how my muse would wake your’s up: unless he’s going to be late for something, she doesn’t. he needs the rest. but when she does, it’s gently, usually with coffee brewing and lazy kisses and murmured good mornings.who would start a food fight while baking or cooking ?: juliette is inevitably the first to throw flour or chocolate chips or whatever she can get her hands on, sorry.who would suggest putting marijuana in the brownies ?: harry. jokingly, for the most part though, because he would never attempt to tarnish the angel that is juliette with the devil’s lettuce. who said i love you first and how ( or when ) did they say it ?: juliette. as i’ve mentioned before, i think, it was probably on a bad day for him, both physical and mental health wise, and she ended up saying it one, because it was true, and two, because she needed him to fully understand that she wasn’t going to leave him.who would get into a physical altercation over the other ?: harry. if seriously pushed. but if seriously pushed and a single hair on juliette’s head came to harm, he would … how did you phrase it to me … goblin out and eat the offender ? paraphrased. bless.who insists on purchasing a pet together ( and what kind of pet ) ?: juliette brought kahlua into the relationship with her, and harry thankfully loves that dog. but he’s not big on animals and they don’t really have time to keep a zoo, so they might ? get one more dog or a cat a while down the line if they pass by an adoption fair and jules begs.who is louder ( in and out of bed ) ?: in general they’re pretty even in terms of volume ? harry is maybe a degree louder. in bed though, julie is definitely the more vocal one tbh.who takes more risks ( in and out of bed ) ?: harry. on both counts. juliette overthinks things too much to take huge risks. that being said, she definitely trusts him enough to let him take the risks with her in bed, nbd.who would bring up the word ‘daddy’ first ?: neither. they’ve got enough daddy issues between them without adding that mess in quite honestly.what is their shared, favourite kink ?: listen. juliette is def more submissive and harry is def more dominant and she probably ends up tied up and/or blindfolded on more than one occasion. also, on the sly public teasing i.e. under restaurant tables. looking at you, mr. osborn. describe their typical kiss: somewhere between a quick peck and an extended kiss ? at least in daily passing. if they’re at home juliette is terrible for taking up huge chunks of time demanding drawn out make out sessions tbh.how my muse shows their love for your’s: by being there. by listening to him. and by just ? complimenting and praising him all the time. she gives him so much validation because he fucking deserves to know how incredibly smart and charming and capable he is.their favourite ways to give affection: juliette is a physical touch person. playing with his hands, stealing kisses, curling up with him. cute notes left for him to find. harry is the same to some extent, in playing with her hair, or kissing her forehead, etc. but he’s also spoils her to the nines in terms of presents and trips tbh.who is more dominate ?: harry in 9/10 cases, for sure, but juliette prefers it that way. she only tends to dominate when it comes to taking care of him, i.e. demanding he go to bed, taking away his alcohol if he’s had too much, encouraging him to eat, etc.who sings in the shower ?: juliette doesn’t sing outright, but she does tend to hum everything from classical scores to campy 80′s hits, which harry finds endlessly amusing.who washes the other’s hair in the shower ?: harry washes juliette’s because she absolutely adores it, and tends to melt at his touch accordingly. again, she’s spoiled.who initiates shower sex despite being in a rush ?: harry tends to initiate in general given his sex drive is so hit or miss with his illness, so juliette tends to tread lightly on the subject unless he starts something tbh.who teases the other under the table at dinner with the family ?: juliette doesn’t make the first few times he meets her family any more stressful than it already is, sitting across from the fucking hulk and getting interrogated by her general grandfather. after he’s more at ease with them though ? she’s a little braver.who has the weirder taste in music ?: harry, though it’s not necessarily weird ? just a little eclectic at times. juliette is frequently asking who the artist is or how he stumbled upon them.who would initiate dancing in the rain ?: both, because they’re sappy and gross for each other.who would be the one to suggest marriage ?: harry. and he catches juliette completely off guard, because she really never thought about it up until that point ? she was happy with him and they had a routine and she didn’t think she needed anything more. but she sure as hell wasn’t gonna turn down that ring or his last name, nope.what would they name their children ?: their first one is emily elizabeth, after their mothers, because they’re sweet and sentimental at heart. the second … probably something classic to match, like elliot, or benjamin, or lucas.who would their children take after more ?: a mixture of the two ? emily is definitely a little ray of sunshine like her mother, but has her father’s inherent kind of charisma ? and baby boy is a dead ringer for his father right down to the mini tailored suits, but with his mother’s kind of innate focus, to a degree ?

#░ ✧°·⑈ ᵒᵗᵖ┊❛ i see salvation in your eyes and taste redemption in your kiss. ╯ᵐᵃᵏᵉʰⁱᵐᵇˡᵉᵉᵈ.#i love them so fucking much i can't cope with it #long post cw #long post for ts #makehimbleed

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