#also for me its option two: I Am The Gay Cousin
Note
Can you please write a fic where James is a rich,star footballer and Sirius comes in to work as his super hott personal bodyguard??? And then James starts crushing on him hard but Sirius is hesitant because he could lose his job over this!!!! Please please please write this... I am a biiiig fan of your work... God Bless❤️
"What? I don't need a bodyguard," James said. The very idea was preposterous.
Coach glared at him, but the rest of the team was slightly more reserved in staring him down. The whole administrative team was there, from the head coach to the team's PR representative. "There have been threats."
"So? I also got threatened when I was seventeen and nothing ever came of it."
The team manager jumped in then. "This isn't a schoolyard threat made because you stole someone's girlfriend. Or- whatever," he said, fumbling a little-- as he always did-- when he said something thoughtless and remembered that James was gay afterwards. That being said, James definitely had stolen some girlfriends at school because it was the best approximation he could get for what attraction to women was. "These are extremely conservative people who want you dead and aren't shy about showing they're serious," the team manager continued. "Even if they don't manage to kill you, they could permanently injure you, effectively ending your career. Is that what you want?"
James huffed, knowing that he was being a little petulant and not caring. "No," he admitted. If he'd been just talking to his mates, he never would've admitted it, but they'd all gotten together to sit him down and make sure he listened to them; they wouldn't have bothered if they weren't seriously concerned.
"Then get a goddamn bodyguard," Coach said. "It won't be forever-- just until these people realise they have better things to do with their time than harass a popular footballer."
"Fine." If James had known it would be this much trouble to come out, he wouldn't have done it. He'd just been thinking that he might like to date someone for real. He'd also thought about himself when he was younger and how he could've figured out that he fancied men before he was twenty sodding three if one of his favourite footie players had been gay (and out. He wasn't discounting the idea entirely just because they hadn't said anything.). "I don't know where to find one though."
"We've got a list of possibilities," someone else said, handing James a sheet of paper-- for the life of him, James couldn't remember what she did, but in his defense, he'd only met her once as an introduction and then seen her in passing at the past six years of holiday parties. On the paper was a list of agencies, their websites, and phone numbers to contact them. There wasn't any mention of price, but it's not like James was pressed for cash or anything. Hell, he'd already reached his lifetime savings amount and didn't really know what to do with the salary he was still getting. Might as well use some of it to stay safe and pacify his bosses.
*
James had weighed all his options and looked at all of the information he'd been given, and he still couldn't decide. He'd handed the list to Remus, and he'd picked one at random; James took his choice as a good decision and called the company up. They made everything so easy for him that he was beginning to think Remus had special choosing powers. From now on, James was going to run his decisions by Remus before doing anything.
And then he actually met his bodyguard. He couldn't decide if this was better than before, or worse. Either way, he didn't think asking Remus for advice would really be the way that he wanted for his life to go.
He was told that his bodyguard's name was Sirius, and they had a first meeting at the company to sort out a few details. If James was a smart person, he would've taken one look at Sirius and said, "Thanks but no thanks, can I get someone else?" But James wasn't smart. He was a dumbarse. A dumbarse that let his heart make decisions for him. Sirius was, in a word, gorgeous. He had a face that looked like it belonged on the cover of a magazine, and a smile that stopped James's breath in its tracks. He was sure that Sirius was good at his job, but James rather doubted his decision to accept him as a bodyguard. He wasn't going to be able to focus for shite.
James explained the situation to Sirius-- the boring stuff, about why he needed a bodyguard-- and he didn't blink at him being bent. Either he already knew that because he followed football, he didn't care, or he cared but was a very good actor. James imagined that there was a certain amount of acting as a bodyguard, but he'd also like to think that Sirius wouldn't have accepted if it bothered him.
James had been afraid that Sirius was going to walk slightly to the side and behind him and stay resolutely silent the whole time, but he carried a conversation alright as they walked to James's car. "I'm sure you get this all the time and you're annoyed with it, but why's your name Sirius?"
The look on Sirius's face showed that he was very much used to the question, even though he didn't look annoyed by it. "Named after the star in Canis Major. Being named after stars is sort of a family thing."
"Really?" James asked. He was instantly charmed. Sirius hadn't even put much effort into it, but James was head over heels after exchanging two words with him.
"Mmhmm. My brother's Regulus, my father and great-grandfather were both Orion, and I've got a cousin named Bellatrix."
"Wow. Your family must've been made fun of a lot when they were kids."
Sirius snorted, and James looked at him curiously.
"What?"
"I wouldn't call any of us... well-behaved children. Got in a lot of fights."
"Ah, and it led to you being a bodyguard?"
Sirius shrugged with an easygoing smirk. "Might as well do something you're good at, right?"
*
"It's total rubbish that they're putting McLaggen in before you," Sirius said one day after practice.
"Right?" Then he paused. Sirius hadn't been around long enough to be so certain of that. Which meant, "I knew you were a fan. Why didn't you say anything?"
"I didn't want to freak you out. You're dealing with enough right now that I didn't want for you to worry about your bodyguard fawning over you."
"Aww, you fawn over me?" James asked, unable to help a pleased smile.
"It's called knowing who the best is," Sirius said with a wink.
*
"You don't get along with your brother?" James asked. Personally, he didn't have any siblings, but from what he understood, those relationships were often complicated. Lily, for example, cared about her sister even though-- as far as James could tell-- she was kind of an irredeemable twat that didn't seem to like Lily at all.
Sirius shrugged. "He wants to like our parents, but now that he disagrees with them on everything, it's not easy. I keep telling him that his life would be easier if he stopped talking to them, but he feels all guilty about it." He rolled his eyes expressively. "I think he thinks that he owes them for them not being worse."
"You both should get new parents," James said. "I volunteer my own."
"I think you stop needing new parents when you're an adult."
"Words that can only be spoken by someone with shite parents. Maybe you don't need parents anymore, but if Regulus is still trying to connect with them, it means he needs someone. My parents are great. Mum will probably see him smile once and then demand he come to Saturday night dinners for the next ten years."
Sirius snickered.
"Oh, I'm not joking," James insisted. "Lily and I haven't been together since we were eighteen, and she still comes over for dinner when she can make it."
"Only you would be on such great terms with your ex that your parents would do that."
"Bold of you to assume my parents wouldn't have done it whether we were on good terms or not. They blood adore her, and that didn't stop because we weren't dating anymore. I swear, they love every single friend I let them meet. If I introduced them to your brother? He wouldn't make it out of that house without them knowing his favourite dessert. He wouldn't stand a chance."
"Maybe that's what he needs," Sirius said, sounding amused. "We'll have to set that up when this all blows over."
*
James's first problem with Sirius had been that he was so gorgeous James couldn't think for shite. His second problem with Sirius was that he was an attractive person all around, not just in his face. Honestly, who had decided that someone should get to be that pretty and also be that funny? It wasn't fair to the rest of humanity.
He'd never been shy, so he told Sirius that he fancied him shortly after figuring it out. Thinking a bloke was fit as hell was one thing. Actually fancying him was quite another. People were fit all the time, and James had never lost sleep over it. He knew he'd regret it if he sat around and pined after Sirius uselessly though.
He told Sirius, and Sirius looked at him for a second, then blinked. "Erm. James, I can't- I could get fired for dating a client."
"Right." That made sense. "I hadn't thought of that." He really hadn't thought about it, but who'd want to hire a bodyguard that had a history of hooking up with who they were protecting? Hell, the company could get looked into for solicitation if it happened often enough. If James had thought of that, he would've kept his mouth shut until the end of Sirius's employment with him. "Just... y'know, if you were interested, I'm probably not going to need a bodyguard for much longer." He'd checked back in with the admin team, and they'd said that by next year, he should be good. New information was popping up on people that James's despisers hated more, so they were starting to leave him alone. At least, that's what he'd gotten from the conversation even if it wasn't entirely accurate.
"I know," Sirius said with half a smile. "I was there for that conversation, remember?"
"I'd forgotten," James admitted, a little ashamed. He wasn't the best at paying attention to several things at once when he really cared about one of them more than the others. In that case, he ended up thinking about the one thing and trying desperately to pay attention to the rest. That day, he was pretty sure he'd been so focused on getting his life back to normal that he'd ignored Sirius, and even the talk about their upcoming game.
*
"Bloody hell," Sirius said, one arm around James as he half-carried, half-guided him down the street so they could catch a cab. "I signed up to be your bodyguard, not your designated driver." Despite his complaining, he didn't sound upset, more amused.
"You could be both," James said slowly, having to put more effort into his words than usual since he was sloshed. He preferred speaking Hindi when he was pissed; it was just easier than English. He didn't think Sirius knew Hindi though, and the only thing he wanted right now was to enjoy Sirius's company.
Sirius laughed. "Maybe so, but I preferred just doing one."
"Heeeey, you could do the partner thing soon."
"I don't remember mentioning a partner thing."
James licked his lips as he tried to remember what the phrase he'd first used was. "Designated driver. Only, instead of just dragging me to a car, we'd be getting sloshed together."
"That does sound more fun."
James was always talkative, but now that he was sloshed, he wasn't stopping. He really liked Sirius. He liked him for lots of reasons, but right now he liked that Sirius was encouraging him. He wasn't getting mad at James for continuing to talk all through the cab ride, or as he helped him up the stairs to his flat. "You're so wonderful," James mumbled.
"Thanks," Sirius said with a laugh. He fished around James's pockets for his keys. James turned and rested his head on Sirius's shoulder, which did make it easier, but somehow he thought that wasn't what James had had in mind.
"You're so pretty," he said, turning his face into Sirius's neck.
"Thanks," he said again. "It's nice to be appreciated."
"In all my life, I've never met someone that made me feel like you do," James said.
"I don't know what you just said, but I'm going to assume it was complimentary."
James nodded. He kissed Sirius's neck because it was there. "The prettiest damn thing I've ever seen."
Sirius swallowed thickly. He didn't need to understand the language to know that whatever James said was something he would appreciate. The kiss sent tingles down his spine, and James's mouth was still resting close enough to him that Sirius could feel his breath hot against his skin. "As much as we would enjoy that, I thought we agreed to wait."
"You're right. You're just so pretty," he whined. "It's really not fair. You should try to be less pretty; it would make my life easier."
"You can live with it," Sirius said. He finally found the keys and put it in the door for him. He unlocked it and pushed the door open. James looked pretty comfy where he was, and it made shuffling him inside his flat a bit harder than getting him here had been. "C'mon mate, you've got to get in bed."
"But you're not there," James said, sounding awfully petulant about it.
Sirius chuckled. "No, but you'll get to sleep just fine without it."
"That's what you think."
"Love, you're drunk enough that you'll definitely pass out before the night's through."
"Aww, you called me 'love'. No one's ever done that before."
"Really?"
James nodded again, but since he wasn't leaning on Sirius as heavily this time, he swayed a little. Sirius was still right next to him though, so he was able to keep him from falling over. "My last boyfriend called me 'babe' but I sort of hated it."
"You do seem like you'd prefer the sweeter pet names. Sweetheart, things like that."
"Feel free to call me sweetheart as much as you want."
"I think I will. After I stop working on protecting you, that is. We've still got to wait, remember?"
"What I remember is issuing an invitation that never got an answer."
"I assumed you knew my answer. Or was I not obvious enough about my interest?" Sirius asked quietly.
"I would say that subtlety passes me by," James said. "But I got it now, thanks. You sure I can't convince you to stay?"
"Not while I'm working for you, and definitely not while you're sloshed." Sirius brought him to his room and took off his shoes when he collapsed back on the bed. "If you want to get undressed more, you're going to have to do it yourself, sweetheart," he said, then kissed James's forehead. "I'll see you tomorrow."
*
The day for James to no longer need a bodyguard felt like it took forever, but he could grudgingly admit that it had been a good idea. None of it had been serious, but he was told-- by Sirius-- that that's because having a bodyguard was often a large deterrent. In his time as James's bodyguard, Sirius successfully intimidated several people and got physical with one. James would be lying if he said that it hadn't been hot to watch, but he also wasn't going to say that out loud-- it made him feel like he was the heroine in a teen adventure book.
"So, do I have to take you on a date before I get to kiss you?" James asked.
"I wouldn't want you to think I'm easy," Sirius replied with a wink.
"You like curry? I know a good place."
Sirius made a face. "I only like it from one restaurant, and it's all the way up in Wales."
"Wait," James said slowly, a smile creeping across his face, "are you talking about Andi's?"
"Yes, you know it?"
"Bloody love it. I can't make the trip as much as I want, but if you're willing, we can definitely go up there."
"I can think of worse things than spending time with you on the way to the best curry in the UK," Sirius said.
*
James rented a car because it was easier than taking a cab that far, and it was definitely more private than a train-- which would only be able to take them part of the way anyhow. He wanted for them to be alone anyways, so that they could catch up on all the flirting they'd missed. Not to say that there had been a drought of flirting while Sirius was his bodyguard, but after they agreed to date when his contract was up, they'd tried to tone it down.
They didn't have to worry about that anymore.
The drive was okay, dinner was great, and Sirius snogged him for a bit after they got back in the car but before they drove back to London.
"How the hell do you feel even better than you look?" James whispered, stealing another kiss.
Sirius chuckled. "I was about to ask you the same question, love."
#prongsfoot#marauders#sirius black#james potter#fanfic#filled#getting together#no magic au#post hogwarts#past james/lily#siriuslystarbucks#Anonymous
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Part 21
Takahiro: We need to talk. (His speech was still slightly slurred).
Usagi: Ar- are you drunk?
Takahiro: Only a little bit. Is my family there?
Usagi: (Sighs, leans against the wall, crossing his arms), That depends, what family are you talking about?
Takahiro: My wife and Kid.
Usagi: So not the baby brother you claim to care so much about, only to get drunk because you hate the fact that he’s gay?
Takahiro: You don’t Understand.
Usagi: What I understand is, that the you’re going to lose the brother you say you care about so much if you don’t come to terms with who he is and his happiness. I think you should probably figure your shit out before his graduation, or you might lose him forever.
Takahiro: B-
Usagi: I have to go, I think it’s better if you give everyone space. (Hangs up, Misaki Runs into his arms, tears are in his eyes). Did you hear all that?
Misaki: Yeah.
Usagi: I’m sorry.
Misaki: It’s not you’re fault. Um, can we just go to bed.
Usagi: Sure, yeah. It’s been a long day. (He picked the younger boy up cradling him in his arms, heading up the stairs to their room).
Misaki: (Wraps his arms around his neck), I didn’t ask you to do this.
Usagi: (Laughs softly), Yeah, but you aren’t really complaining.
(Usagi walked into their room, closing the door behind him, sitting Misaki on the bed, he grinned staring down at him causing Misaki to blush.)
Misaki: What?
Usagi: (Leans down, pushing hair behind Misaki's ear. He smiles warmly kissing him on the lips.) You’re so fucking sexy. I- miss you.
Misaki: (He sighed, rubbing his hands up and down Usagi’s arms), I miss you too.
Usagi: Can’t we, (He gave a naughty smile, sliding his hands under Misaki’s shirt, playing with his nipples).
Misaki: (Moans slightly), No baby, you know we can’t.
Usagi: You aren’t making any effort to move my hands.
Misaki: It feels good, I miss it, but no. (He took Usagi’s hands out of his shirt), stop babe.
Usagi: (Sits on the bed beside him), Look, I just think we can have sex, what's the worst that can happen?
Misaki: Your stiches that are barely healed could come undone, then you have to get them fixed, and we’ll have to wait longer. You just got home from the hospital a few days ago and for some reason I just let you lift me.
Usagi: We’ll the Doc said, no heavy lifting so...
Misaki: Hey... (He knocked against Usagi), I just want you to be carful.
Usagi: We’ll can we sleep with our shirts off?
Misaki: You have to promises no nipple play.
Usagi: Okay. (He grinned, ripping Misaki’s shirt off pushing him on the bed hungrily kissing him).
Misaki: (He looks up at the older man, running his fingers through his hair, moving his arms down to the bottom of his shirt, slowly taking it off. Misaki ran his hands over the older mans back.)
Usagi: I thought we weren’t doing this. (He grins placing kisses all over Misaki’s face.)
Misaki: We aren’t, but, that doesn’t mean I can’t feel your back right? I miss the feel of it.
Usagi: You’re cute.
Misaki: (Blushes), you know how I feel about that word.
Usagi: Yeah, you love it.
Misaki: I actually have grown to love it.
Usagi: Because you know it’s true.
Misaki: Maybe, (The younger boy shivers)
Usagi: Are you cold?
Misaki: Yeah, it’s freezing.
Usagi: (He smiles, pulling the covers around them, turning now the two were on their sides). Better?
Misaki: Not quite. (He grinned, turning to Usagi, so his head was on his chest), perfect.
Usagi: (Grins, Wrapping his arms around Misaki). Absolutely.
(The two fell asleep, wrapped in each others arms, their hearts syncing, beating as one).
(Usagi was the first to wake, it was around seven thirty am, Misaki was sound asleep, his head resting against Usagi’s chest, the older man smiled gently pressing a kiss against his head. He loved Misaki so much, he wished Takahiro would accept Misaki, he knew Usagi was Gay and didn’t mind, Misaki was probably right, his brother had this whole life planned out for him, and his plans didn’t include him being gay, let alone falling in love with his brother best friend. Takahiro would have to get over it, Misaki was who he was, and he couldn’t change that, and it’s not like they planned to fall in love, Usagi clearly remembers that they hated each other at first. Usagi laughed to himself, he couldn’t believe almost five years ago they met, and a few months after that they started dating, although, he still feels awful about the way he treated him when he first came to his place, Misaki forgives him but Usagi still feels sick when you thinks about it. He closed his eyes trying to push the memory away again. Misaki stirred, he stretched looking up at the older man.)
Misaki: Hi, (He grinned, blushing).
Usagi: Morning. Did you sleep well?
Misaki: Yeah, I guess. (He ran his hand over Usagi's muscular chest). Did you?
Usagi: Mmmmm.
Misaki: Good. (He sat up pulling the covers around him, he looked down at Usagi who propped himself up on his elbow, grinning at him).
Usagi: What is it baby? (he ran his hand up Misaki’s thigh).
Misaki: Um, (Misaki twisted his engagement ring around on his finger), Never mind its nothing. I- I’m going to take a shower. (Misaki started to get out of bed, but Usagi reached for him).
Usagi: Tell me what’s wrong.
Misaki: Todays Saturday.
Usagi: Ah, (He sat up, giving him a confused look), and Saturdays make you sad?
Misaki: I graduate next week.
Usagi: So you’re nervous?
Misaki: No, I- (He looked down at the floor), I guess I don’t know how to feel, and with everything going on right now, Maybe I don’t want to Graduate.
Usagi: I know. (He sat on the edge of the bed) Come here, (He pulled Misaki on his lap), What do you want to do?
Misaki: Well, I want to take a shower. (He giggled), Um then I want to go get breakfast.
Usagi: Okay, where do you want to go?
Misaki: Lets go to the place we went yesterday? I know it’s out of the way, but can it be our place?
Usagi: Might as well be, It’s going to be close to our house.
Misaki: Okay. Also, I know you told my brother he should give us space but what i-
Usagi: No baby, you can’t go to him. it’s his job to figure this out. If you make up with him, he’ll think he’s off the hook, he’s not.
Misaki: Yeah, I guess. I just want to do something.
Usagi: (Caressing Misaki's face), I know, because your a fixer, this is different though.
Misaki: I know, (Kiss Usagi’s cheek), I’m going to take a shower. (Stands up).
Usagi: Can I come?
Misaki: (Rolls eyes), Fine, but no funny business.
Usagi: (Laughs, standing up), I KNOW! I KNOW! (Wraps arms around Misaki placing kisses on his neck).
Misaki: (Giggles); Hey, quite it.
Usagi: You said no funny business, you didn’t say no kissing.
Misaki: (Runs into bathroom), Sneaky.
Usagi: (Grins, chases after him).
Mahiro: Mommy, I’m hungry! (lying on his stomach, legs in the air, reading a book).
Manami: (On the couch flipping through channels), I know honey, but it sounds like your Uncles are up, so maybe when they come downstairs we can figure out breakfast. I can get you some juice and crackers for now?
Mahiro: Okay!
Manami: Alight, (she grins, standing up, ruffling Mahiro’s hair as she passes him walking into the kitchen).
Mahiro: Mom, when will Mitaki and Uangi get married?
Manami: I don’t know sweetie: (Brings snacks to him).
Mahiro: Are they going to have kids?
Manami: Maybe, why? you want cousins?
Mahiro: Yeah! Plus, I think they would make good parents, they deserve kids...( Puts, a finger to his chis), How do they have kids?
Manami: Um...
Mahiro: They can’t have kids like you and daddy.
Manami: And how did daddy and I have kids?
Mahiro: I don’t know, but I know that they can’t do it like you guys did.
Manami: Well, if they want to, they have a few options, but that would be up to them.
Mahiro: Oh. (Takes a sip of juice), is this one of the conversations for when I’m older?
Manami: Or when they decied to have kids, and we can explain it to you better.
Mahiro: Okay.
Manami: (Sighs), Okay. (Sits down, leans against couch).
(Misaki wrapped a towel around his waist as he stepped out of the shower, Usagi has gotten out before him and was getting dressed in the bedroom. The older man still preferred wearing sweats instead of his dress shirts and ties, Misaki walked into the bedroom where Usagi wore black sweat pants, he was digging through the draws looking through a shirt to wear when he turned around to face the younger boy).
Usagi: Hey,(He pulled him towards him kissing his cheek).
Misaki: Hi. (He look down at his stomach, looking down at his scar, carefully running his fingers over it).
Usagi: Misaki, it’s okay.
Misaki: It’s not.
Usagi: I’m okay though. I’m here. Plus, I never would've discovered my love for sweats without it.
Misaki: (Laughs sadly), Yeah I guess.
Usagi: Don’t worry. (He grinned putting on a black shirt and a black hoodie). I love you.
Misaki: I love you too.
Usagi: Okay, I’m going to take this downstairs. (He picked up the laundry basket sitting on the), I’ll see you in a minute, then we can go eat.
Misaki: Sounds good.
(He stood up kissing Usagi softly on the lips, he exited the bedroom, Misaki went to the dresser searching for something to wear, landing on gray sweatpants, a white shirt, and a red hoodie, quickly towel drying his hair, then he made his way downstairs. Misaki paused at the top of the stairs, watching Usagi interact with Mahiro, the two were growing closer, it made his heart swell.)
Usagi: Go fish.
Mahiro: You promise you don’t have any fives?
Usagi: I don’t have any fives, I’d let you have a five if I did.
Mahiro: Fine. (He grumbled pulling a card from the deck, a huge smile forming across his face.) I GOT THE FIVE!! I DIDN’T NEED YOUR STINKY CARDS ANYWAY!
Usagi: (Laughs), Good game. (He stacked the cards together shuffling them).
Misaki: (Walking up behind him, kissing him on his cheek), Hey.
Usagi: Hey, you ready?
Misaki: Yeah, (He glanced at Manami and Mahiro), You guys want to come eat breakfast with us?
Mahiro: Yes!! (He jumped up running over to Misaki almost knocking him over, running into the mudroom, Manami racing after him).
Usagi: Aright, lets go. (He stood up stretching, as his phone started to ring), Hold on. Hello?
Eri: Usami; it’s me.
Usagi: (he slid his hand in his pocket, glancing at Misaki, raising an eyebrow.) What's up Eri?
Eri: What are y’all up too today?
Usagi: About to go eat, why? what's up?
Eri: Rose has the day off, we were wondering if you wanted to hang out.
Usagi: Well, you can join us for breakfast if you want, I can text you the address?
Eri: Sure! See you soon!
Usagi: (Hangs up, putting phone in his pocket, Misaki is staring at him in disbelief). What?
Misaki: It’s just, not even a few months ago, you wanted me all to yourself, and now...
Usagi: (He sighed, pulling Misaki towards him wrapping his arms around his neck). These people are our family, and I always want you to myself. (He chuckled), But we haven’t seen Eri and Rose in a while, I thought it would be nice to invite them out.
Misaki: Remember when you hated people? What happened to that guy? That’s the guy I fell in love with.
Usagi: (Laughs), You’re so full of shit. The guy you fell in love with is the clingy overprotective guy.
Misaki: Yeah, (He scoffed), That guy shows himself to others a lot these days. A lot of people didn’t think you had another side to you.
Usagi: You’re the one who helped bring out the softer side of me.
Misaki: Ah, I can’t take all the credit.
Usagi: You can, I’d be dead if I hadn’t met you.
Misaki: (He grinned softly kissing Usagi on the lips). Maybe, I know I wouldn’t be graduating if I hadn’t met you. I’d also be really sad.
Usagi: You make me really happy too baby. (He grinned, the two leaning in for a kiss when Mahiro ran in pulling their hands).
Mahiro: LETS GO I’M HUNGRY!!
Usagi: He’s hungry.
Misaki: Yeah. We’re coming, don’t worry.
#junjou romantica#junjouromaticafanfic#Misaki#Misaki Takahashi#takahashi misaki#Misaki x Usagi#Akihiko Usami#usami akihiko#Usagi x Misaki#Takahiro Takahashi#Mahiro#MANAMI#eri#rose#Junju romatica
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Jess is the Gay Subtext Gilmores Gay Meta
Jess within the Gilmores Gay subtext is Rory’s mirror. He has a lot in common with Rory: a negligent father who left, a mother who relies emotionally on him or isn't able to deal with her trauma and can't express love in an entirely healthy way, who are both into reading as an escape and a career path, both of there parents get remarried and have another kid and there are also legally cousins. He's also gay in the subtext(link at the bottom for my mini post on that.)
I’m gonna talk about episode 6.8. In which Rory and Jess talk and he essentially awakens something in Rory that brings back a part of herself that she lost. He also meets Logan but that for later on.
In the scene Jess and Rory talk after not seeing each other for awhile:
JESS: Yeah, and I didn't think you'd believe it if I didn't show it to you in person. (takes out a book and give it to her)
RORY: Well, colour me curious. A book. (reading the cover) "'The Subsect'...written by Jess Mariano."
JESS: It's no misprint.
RORY: You wrote a book?
JESS: A short novel.
RORY: You wrote a book?!
JESS: And through a fluke, I got it to these guys that have a small press, and they read it. I don't know if they were high or something, but they decided to publish it.
RORY: You wrote a book.
Subsect sounds a lot like subtext huh? By this time in the show he's already kind of admitted he's gay.(ill put a link at the end of this for that) So he does reflect her.
But then he goes to leave and lo and behold they run into Logan. We already know that Logan is gay given other things(link down at the bottom) So we know all the people in this scene are gay so put that into context makes this make sense. I’m gonna link the clip here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QnTsSPKyzG0. Logan and Jess to put it plainly are eye fucking and Rory looks very umcomfortable:
RORY: No. Hey. When did you get back?
LOGAN: Couple hours ago.
RORY: Oh, I...I thought you were getting back tomorrow.
LOGAN: I thought I'd surprise you, Ace.
RORY: Well, I'm glad you did 'cause you get to meet my old friend, Jess. This is Logan, my boyfriend. Logan, this is Jess. He's in from out of town. (uncomfortable silence) Wow. That sounded so grown-up. We're at the age now where we say things like "in from out of town" and "old friend", 'cause when you're young, all your friends are new, and you have to get old to have old friends. (uncomfortable chuckling from Rory. Logan extends his hand to Jess)
LOGAN: How you doing? (they shake)
JESS: Okay.
RORY: We were just gonna go grab a bite to eat.
LOGAN: Great. Well, how about if we all go together. Is that okay?
JESS: Okay by me.
LOGAN: Good
RORY: All right. Good. We were actually at a loss for where to go, so you actually saved us.
LOGAN: Call me superman. (at Jess) Why don't you follow us.
JESS: Sure. (Logan puts his arm around Rory's shoulders and stears her to the passenger side of his car. Rory is a bit uncomfortable with the gesture)
Two things to note, Rory refers to jess as her friend, and Rory is in the script said to be uncomfortable. Which confirms my earlier theory.
They got to dinner and this shit gets gayer:
GAN: So...what do you do, Jess?
JESS: Oh, this and that.
LOGAN: Describe the "this". Describe the "that".
RORY: He writes.
LOGAN: You write? Impressive. What do you write?
JESS: Nothing important.
RORY: He wrote a book.
LOGAN: Oh, you penned the great American novel, Jess?
JESS: Wasn't quite that ambitious.
LOGAN: So, what are we talking here? Short novel? Kafka length or longer? Dos Passos, Tolstoy? Or longer? Robert Musil? Proust? I'm not throwing you with these names, am I?
JESS: You seem very obsessed with length.
LOGAN: I'm just trying to get a picture in my head, that's all.
RORY: It's a short novel.
The use of length is homoerotic. Despite Logan being classist Jess is still flirting with him.
More:
LOGAN: (at Rory) Any good?
RORY: I haven't read it yet.
LOGAN: Yet? Well, at least you'll have one reader. That's something.
JESS: Yeah.
LOGAN: You know, I should just write down all my random thoughts and stuff that happens to me and conversations I have and just add a bunch of "he said, she said"-'s, and get it published. You got a copy on you?
JESS: No.
LOGAN: You should send me a copy.
JESS: Sure. And where do I send it? The blond dick at Yale?
Ok so again the use of dick is very homoerotic.
Jess is upset of course:
RORY: Jess, wait. (he stops and turns to look at her) Jess, I'm sorry.
JESS: We shouldn't have done this.
RORY: He's just in a bad way lately.
JESS: He's a jerk.
RORY: He was. In there, definitely. I'm so sorry.
JESS: I read that guy the second I saw him. I should have begged off.
RORY: Well, I didn't want you to.
So he read him, implies that Jess know Logan’s gay. He’s figured him out sexuality wise.
Theres more:
JESS: No, no. I mean with you. What's going on with you?
RORY: What do you mean?
JESS: You know what I mean. I know you better than anyone. This isn't you.
RORY: I don't know.
JESS: What are you doing? Living at your grandparents' place, being in the DAR, no Yale...why did you drop out of Yale?!
RORY: It's complicated.
JESS: It's not! It's not complicated.
RORY: You don't know.
JESS: This isn't you. This, you going out with this jerk, with the Porsche. We made fun of guys like this.
RORY: You caught him on a bad night.
JESS: This isn't about him. Okay, screw him. What's going on with you? This isn't you, Rory. You know it isn't. What's going on?
RORY: I don't know. I don't know.
So Jess being her mirror is acknowledged when he says he's knows her better than anyone.
Jess leaves and Rory and Logan fight:
LOGAN: Look, I'm sorry I came back early. I really messed things up here.
RORY: Jess wrote a book. He wrote a book, and you mocked him.
LOGAN: I did not mock him.
RORY: He's doing something.
LOGAN: Good. Fine. He's doing something. Everybody in the world's doing something. More power to him.
RORY: I'm not. I mean, what am I doing? I'm living with my grandparents.
LOGAN: That's temporary. Have a drink.
RORY: Temporary can turn into forever.
LOGAN: You're not living with the Gilmore’s forever.
RORY: I'm palling with my grandmother and being waited on by a maid. I come home, and my shoes are magically shined. My clothes are magically clean, ironed, and laid out. My bed is magically turned down. I'm in the DAR? I'm going to meetings and teas and cocktail parties?
Rory is having realization about her life because of what jess said to her. The fights not over yet:
LOGAN: Again, temporary. Have a drink.
RORY: And wasting my time partying and drinking, just hanging out doing nothing.
LOGAN: Whoa, whoa, whoa. (he gets up) Don't pull me into this.
RORY: I didn't say anything about you.
LOGAN: Yes, you did. Don't make me feel guilty for your drinking and partying. That's your choice. I'm not forcing you. When I ask you out, you can say no
RORY: It's all we do.
LOGAN: It's not all we do.
RORY: It's all you do.
LOGAN: Well, it's my prerogative, you know. You're damn straight. I'm gonna party. I'm gonna do it while I have the chance because come June, my life is over.
RORY: Oh, yes, your horrible life. Let's hear about it.
LOGAN: Got a week?
RORY: You have every door open to you. You have opportunities that anyone would kill for, including me.
LOGAN: No one's stopping you from making whatever you want happen. Go into journalism. Go into politics. Be a doctor. Be a clown. Do whatever you want.
RORY: It's not as easy when it's not handed to you.
LOGAN: Really? It's all so easy for me? (getting upset) I don't want that life. It's forced on me. You talk about all these doors being open? All I see is one door, and I'm being pushed through it. I have no choice. You try living without options.
Logan is stuck within a heterosexual playboy idea of himself that isn’t him. And so he parties to cope.
RORY: How hard are you fighting it?
LOGAN: I didn't tell you to quit Yale. You did that. I gave you one month, you went beyond that month, and it had nothing to do with me. It was all you. Now, you want to change? Change it, but don't blame me. Don't you dare blame me. You know what? Why don't you go off with John, Jack, whatever his name is?
He's not claiming responsibility because he's an asshole, but also he doesn't know how to be a boyfriend because he's gay. He's uncomfortable with Rory relying on him emotionally because he's viewing it as romantic and the gay guy in him doesn't like that. Rory's comment about him fighting is the text is noting his struggle with compulsory heterosexuality. Rory leaves and as we know she does break up with him and jess comments to her bring her back to herself.
my other links
https://jessandroryaregayfightme.tumblr.com/post/635171090892783616/doyle-paris-and-logan-and-the-milk-metaphor
https://jessandroryaregayfightme.tumblr.com/post/634824232687255552/yale-gay-subtext-in-gilmore-girls
https://jessandroryaregayfightme.tumblr.com/post/633010606083112960/logan-huntzberger-isnt-just-a-lazy-straight-man
https://jessandroryaregayfightme.tumblr.com/post/632166174651727872/so-its-time-for-another-homosexual-gilmore-girls
https://lupineluke.tumblr.com/post/634255134572036096/wait-but-youre-forgetting-the-most-important-part
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My Top Five Video Game Franchises
I wasn't planning on sharing this but it turned out good so I decided I will!
5. SoulCalibur
I'm a big fighting video game fan! I'm nowhere near being a pro though I can beat most of my friends in many different fighters. SoulCalibur is one of the games I played with an old friend during summer while at the countryside when we were kids. His uncle would occasionally come over at his grandpatrents' house and bring his Dreamcast with him and he had SoulCalibur with it! I also had the PlayStation 2 demos of SoulCalibur II and III. When I still had a Wii and a PSP I got SoulCalibur Legends and Broken Destiny for each console respectively and while none were particularly spectacular games I had hours of fun playing both and I was happy knowing I finally own two SoulCalibur games! I couldn't afford a PlayStation 3 yet and by then PlayStation 2 games were really hard to find in Greece. My main character is Ivy. Ivy is infamous for being a very striking example of female video game characters who are grossly oversexualised and while it never had any effect on me whatsoever I realised while growing up why it is an issue. Despite that, I believe that you can enjoy and appreciate characters despite their portrayal but at the same time I can understand people who want a better representaion of female characters and I support them in that endeavour. I tend to always appreciate video game characters on a deeper level, or at least I try, while playing a game and I think that even fighting video game characters can have more substance than what meets the eye, and Ivy is no exception, especially considering how SoulCalibur has really deep background stories and lores for all its characters. My favourite game is SoulCalibur III. I love its character and stage design, music, everything. I really miss this game.
4. Dead or Alive
Another game I started playing as a kid during the summer at the countryside with my cousins, I think you'll come accross this concept in almost all of the games I'll be mentioning 'cause you basically can't do anything in Greece in the summer during noon because it's too hot to go outside until the sun starts to set so gaming was our favourite pasttime after returning from the beach and while waiting to go out later in the day. My cousins and a friend had DOA 2: Dead or Alive 2 for the PlayStation 2. Since me, my friend and my cousins were four people but didn't have that many controllers we each played story mode in turns trying to unlock more costumes for our favourite characters. My main is Helena Douglas. Again, the entire female cast is grossly oversexualised but a lot of them are close to my heart. The first game I owned was, for better or worse, Dead or Alive Xtreme Paradise for the PSP, one of the side games that features only the girls in a tropical island basically playing beah voleyball, and... being sexy... The game is a mess but the voleyball part is actually really fun and trying to collect all the swimsuits for all the girls was strangely addictive! The series came back from the grave back in 2012 and I finally got to play a mainline Dead or Alive game again as it had been an Xbox exclusive from 2001 to 2006 and there were no new main games after that. The second update to DOA5, Last Round in particular is really fun and I've spent hours upon hours playing. Definitely my favourite in the series and one of my favourite games overall.
3. Tekken
Again, a fighting series and yet again, one I played with my cousins and friends during summer at the countryside xD ! Tekken 5 was one of the games all of us owned and played the most so it's also my favourite and among my favourite games overall, definitely my favourite fighting game. My main is Nina Williams and along with Lara Croft I think they're my ultimate favourite female video game characters. They have a very similar demeanour and character design though Nina's costumes lean a lot more on the sexy side than Lara's ever did and she is a lot colder than Lara is but both were among the things that helped me realize how very gay I am. I think that any other fellow male Greek gamers or gamers from more conservative countries in general are very familiar with the concept that "playing with girls is gay", a sentiment I haven't really seen fly around in more open-minded societies. In any case, at some point I realised that I actually was gay all along so all these people were right and there was nothing wrong with it. So in that regard Lara and Nina are kinda my main heroines. I even got her own action-adventure spin-off game. The game itself is... mediocre, but I loved it because it was all about Nina! It kind of had a Tomb Raider meets James Bond feel to it. A friend of my dad's gave me a couple of games as a gift at some point and one of them was Tekken Tag Tournament that had all those classic characters that were either dead or a thousand years old in Tekken 5 featured while they were still in their prime so we also had a lot of fun with that game during summer. In 2009, I still couldn't afford a PS3 so I asked my mum for a PSP and Tekken 6 was included with it, spent countless hours with it and eventually got it again when I got a PS3 along with Tekken Tag Tournament 2.
2. Final Fantasy
Final Fantasy is a series I absolutely hated until I somehow didn't anymore... I tried a Final Fantasy X demo as a kid and I was extremely put off by the turn-based combat system. It was something no other games had at the time, none of the games I had played anyway, and it felt really weird and unintresting to me. so I decided that I will hate it forever and ever... Until 2015. By then I had just started university and I was kind of depressed because I really hated what I was studying and felt very trapped. For some reason that still puzzles me until today I decided that I wanted to try out Final Fantasy again. I made a little internet search and found out Final Fanatsy XIII was the most recent entry (side note: I hadn't upgraded to PS4 yet). I rented it from the video store and spent a week staying home playing it instead of going to uni... I understand now that it wasn't the most sensible option but it was honestly a break I really needed in order to truly realize that I should seek out other options if I'm not happy with my studies, and I did. After XIII I got VII for the PS3 and last March my friends got me XV for my birthday. A couple months ago I went on a "shopping spree" and got VII, VIII, IX, XII and X / X-2 for the PS4 and I am currently waiting for my copy of the FFVII Remake to arrive. Final Fantasy is probably the series that has made me cry the most and also inspired me a lot. It's also the only one that has ever come close to replacing Tomb Raider as my favourite series. Lastly, Final Fantasy XIII along with Resident Evil 6 and Tomb Raider: Legend are my "holy trinity" of video games people love to hate but I personally adore xD I'm not sure I can pick a favourite as I've enjoyed all of the ones I've played but maybe X? Though I'm feeling the VII Remake might surpass it.
1. Tomb Raider
Again, the summer story, you know the drill. I remember first playing Legend's demo and then while I was staying at my cousins' at their home in a town which is near the countryside we usually spent our summers, our uncle would have us go pick up games to rent at the video store after returning from the beach. We kept on renting Legend and trying to beat it. We only ever got up to the waterwheel puzzle in Ghana... If you have no prior experience with Tomb Raider (and you're literally nine!) Legend can actually be very challenging! Next year I got Anniversary, which was the first Tomb Raider game I ever owned and then got Legend. At some point during one of our video store raids my cousin decided to rent Angel of Darkness instead of Legend so we also got to experience that. It's probably his favourite. On my playthrough I got up to the point where you see Kurtis running off with his bike and then I think I got stuck in the sewers and didn't really know what to do next! I haven't been able to get my hands on it ever since. After the summer I converted a bunch of my classmates into Tomb Raider fans. Two of them had a good PC and that was the first time I ever got to play Chronicles. I got Underworld in 2008 but it was just the crappy PS2 version. I own all main and Lara Croft games except AoD. Lara Croft has been my favourite video game character for about as long as I've been playing video games. She is very special to me for reasons I already explained with Nina and it's very very hard to imagine how my life would be without her. I'm truly thankful for her and Tomb Raider. Legend will forever be my favourite and possibly favourite game ever.
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TV Shows Tag
Tagged by @echoesout (thanking you kindly as always!)
Pick 5 shows, then answer the following questions! Don’t cheat. Tag 10 (or however many) peeps!
(I’m gonna tag people here, so you don’t scroll down too quick and end up seeing the questions/influencing your decisions too soon haha: @sc-rp, @yellowlitchi, @thesarahtomypaulson, anyone who wants to try this basically)
Right, on with the show(s)!
1. American Horror Story
2. Penny Dreadful
3. Xena Warrior Princess
4. Wynonna Earp
5. Buffy the Vampire Slayer
1. Who is your favorite character is 2?
Vanessa Ives
2. Who is your least favorite in 1?
Ben Harmon (I had other more controversial options but y’know...)
3. Favorite Episode of 4?
I tend to binge this show in a rush of episodes so distinguishing them is odd but it’s probably ‘I Walk the Line’ for the blatant flip of the bird to the ol’ bury your gays trope :D
4. Favorite season of 5?
Controversial, but probably 6. Between all the stuff about grieving, Once More With Feeling, Tabula Rasa, Willow’s Dark Arc...It’s not often liked as a whole but it’s the one I’ve watched the most times over.
5. Favorite couple in 3?
Xena and Gabrielle, obvs. They ran so the rest of our wlw otps could FLY.
6. Favorite Couple in 2?
This was one fandom/show where I didn’t really have any ships? I know we’re supposed to go all goo over Vanessa/Ethan but it never really lit for me... Though if we’re talking BroTP it would have to be Vanessa/The Creature
7. Favorite episode of 1?
Okay, ouch. Um... The entirety of Asylum If I had to pick just one then maybe Dark Cousin cuz it had a little bit of everything good about that season? I don’t know, this was so hard....
8. Favorite episode of 5?
Once More With Feeling, I mean, come on...That ep is iconic.
9. Favorite season of 2?
Season 2, it was a step up from the first for my bae Vanessa, but had less gaping plot holes than season 3. And also that Verbis Diablo scene gives me chills every time... “Beloved, know your master...”
10. How long have you watched 1?
Since late 2013 (I came in just before Coven started, went back to watch Asylum, then Murder House, then have stuck with it as its gone on since.)
11. How did you become interested in 3?
Childhood obsession, I don’t remember how I found it, maybe cuz I watched Hercules on an early saturday morning and it was the spin off from that?
12. Favorite actor in 4?
Melanie Scrofano, cuz she’s such a lovable dork/asshole (I mean that in the best, most loving way)
13. Which do you prefer 1, 2, or 5?
Ugh, Buffy is my childhood retreat, but I am also undeniably sat here in an AHS jacket and Foxxay/Goodeday are my OTP for LIFE. So I’m gonna have to say AHS...
14. Which shows have you seen more episodes of 1 or 3?
I have to do the math...but I think on a technical level, I’ve seen all 94 episodes of AHS so far...but definitely not all 134 of Xena (I’m not that sad, I did look them up...) So it’s likely to be AHS
15. If you could be anyone from 4 who would you be?
Wynonna, probably, we’re pretty much already enough alike.
16. Would you crossover between 3 and 4 work?
Crazily, I think it could? Also, there was a twitter call a while back for Lucy Lawless to step in and take the role of Wynonna’s mum (which didn’t happen sadly, but it would have been awesome) so possibly? Also Xena has plenty of ‘XxG in modern settings/timelines’ episodes they messed with in the past.
17. Pair two characters in 1 who would make an unlikely but strangely okay couple?
Do we count Bananun? Can we count Bananun for this as it’s not canon but it totally is? I’ve discussed this a lot with @whiskeyxfluent and we’ve come up with a couple of unlikely but great pairings in the past. But I think our most recent discussions included Cordelia/Innocent!Mary Eunice, or even Venable/Innocent!Mary... Venable needs some love, my lavender menace just needs some soft, soft affection from someone.
18. Overall, which shows has a better storyline, 3 or 5?
How dare you. I suppose Buffy.
19. Which has better theme music 2 or 4?
Penny Dreadful (although the opening theme for WE kicks ass)
Thanks for tagging! That was an intriguing one to do!
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Preparations For a Body That Will Accept Anything
At the 3-story leather bar, I was took with the passing memory of the woman at the suburban street art fair who sold prints of her digital collages which mostly layered closeups of leaves with washed out details of a shiny face or medium shot of a nude body, turned away. “These are all digital collages made with my original images” she explained. A lily pad leaf with holes and computerized discoloration was placed over the muscled ass and lower back of a blonde man with his profile clipped in atmospheric glow filters. I completed the perimeter of her booth, which stood out from the woodworking/practical crafts and cityscape photos on wraparound canvas that dominate these kinds of events. In her space, a nymph-like quality and color palette you might associate with the lives of nymphs predominated, communicating the highest rigor of a paganistic fashion shoot. She turned to a woman approaching her booth and said “these are all digital collages made with my original images.”
The 3-story leather bar had its own approach to nature. Importantly, it was named after an animal, and the animal most critical to the identity of the United States. Conventional urinals were replaced with a long trough, bringing to mind rustic farm life and the day to day experience of domesticated animals. High on the priority list of the men filling the space was the task of infinite looking around. Evaluating a face and body in a swarm of people and occasionally speaking to the face and body evaluated. This was prime nature: silent looking, but not silent in fact as usually a mouth accentuated the other direction of an eye. A man approached me leading with his lit phone, “has anyone ever told you you look like him?,” the image of a famous and often arrested young actor on his screen. “Yes, a few times.” Being spoken to is obviously less interesting than silent looking in a place like this. Humans enjoy staring at animals, at vistas, at trees, I won’t accept they abuse with curiosity alone, ahahaha, nature’s voyeur, “I’m gay” I thought, as an older man attempted to place his hand in my pee stream before it reached the piss trough. Our eyes didn’t meet before I said “no” in the tone of disciplining a pet and jerked my cock away. I did not want his hand in my pee stream and did not even give myself a chance to think about it.
When I was able to observe it, I observed that my neighbor Rob went out a lot. I usually preferred to stay in and experienced going out by not moving and then by watching people move for me. Some part-memorized quote on the longevity of the action movie guided this habit of mine, that action movies remain popular because they convince a viewer’s mind that they themselves are catapulting their bodies then holding a gun sideways, punching a face that deserves it until its new form is noticeable, screaming at an approaching animal villain or rock. The action movie takes our bodies back to a primeval routine of violent exercise and the bodies react by pretending we did something crucial. My experience of watching men reveal both their well-exercised and freely ignored bodies through a sexual broadcast was equivalent to being in the same room as a TV showing the poorly received 9th season of a popular police drama watched by a cousin I hadn’t seen in 6 years, its audio annihilating the interesting chirps of two sparrows outside the window, that I turn and look at directly only once before I decide it’s time to leave the room. But in some cases such broadcasts were enough surreptitious movement for my body to feel a moment free from the control of my memory and mind. I noticed Rob coming back at various times: 2:33, 1:02, 1:35, 4:21, always in the AM, 1:56, 3:22, 3:06, 5:10, 2:09. The men coughed, rotated, considered viewers “weak little faggots who need my cock,” 3:46, 12:47, some laid on their sides for several hours, shirtless but not totally sexual in their presentation, some kinda hesitation in their eyes as if testing the world to see if the world thought them attractive. I felt shanked by what I interpreted as hints of stapled longing in their faces, all of my senses indicated that I was living in the Koyaanisqatsi of porn. Keeping secrets in the era of social media is an aggressive method of remaining unshared. Yet the spills from certain years stay sticky and even sometimes find a way to tower over me. Until they are presented to other people, the gore associated with those lost frenzies remains uncleared, yes, freedom fries mist in freezers past like Chrysippus' ass, who made him laugh to death, mhmm.
Since there had to be an afterimage to the disappearance of an old life, it had to be this: relaxed by the hands off finesse of fate, I lazily controlled myself to decide there wasn’t any other choice but fate. Always available to the world was my face, to just hide it with a mask or veil would only bring more charged glances or wild guesses. To be conceived of as sexy was blood-curdling. I looked up the plastic surgeon with the lowest cumulative online rating, it was Gabe Jenkins and I called the office. After hearing a high octave off-phone grunt, a voice said
“Dr Jenkins office?”
“Hi do you” I experienced a brisk intake, “Do you do all kinds of” here I laughed like I was trying to encourage someone I thought of as insecure after they made a difficult-to-react-to joke during a conversation “plastic surgery?”
“Yes we offer a number of options,” they responded without interest.
My lack of response gave the woman some go ahead to list the procedures, “breast enhancement, fillers, nose reconstruction, face lift, buttocks enhancement, some men like the calf implants, pec implants, jaw reshaping. What are you looking for exactly?”
“I have some — a few ideas. I” I looked at a long strand of black hair that hung from the stationary ceiling fan and was not mine “want to…look like — is it possible to make my face look older? I specifically would like forehead lines and crow’s feet. And if there is a way to get my neck to sag lower than it is now that would be great. I am 27, I would like to look at least 78 if possible, hello?”
The voice had interest in it, “please don’t call here again if you are going to waste our time.”
“I am being very serious. I would like plastic surgery to look older,” and there was silence.
I considered what I could say to make it real. “Please, I would like the procedures done as soon as possible, there is a big gala I will be attending in Singapore next month” but I fear-laughed and the woman exited.
I had no thoughts to live for, and then suddenly in a breakthrough moment I discovered that, after many many months, I had a thought: I should slowly begin to get plastic surgery to look older. Now I needed money to make this happen. Because then my disappearance would appear more accurate. With the jowls of a 92 yr old man I would feel liberated. But that wasn’t enough — I wanted more than anything to reproduce the appearance of a man well over 100. In fact my thought revealed to me that I was a futurist because I would only settle for looking as old as someone whose life expectancy extended to at least 173. I wanted to be old in a way no one had yet even imagined. This would involve a lot of planning, sketching, file-saving and interviewing, and would likely be the type of initiative that lasts an entire life, and I would start with forehead lines. An ease-in for the body and for the eyes of those that recognized me, and achievable with a budget eyebrow pencil for now. Keeping costs down was a second thought that entered exactly behind the first thought that appeared after many months. The eyebrow pencil could also be used for crow’s feet, frown lines, liver spots; but the application of frail sag on my neck, the indistinct recognition of the world suggested by the droop of eyes, the tint play of bald spots under white hair that is shiny and limp, the lowered vocal octave and general bodily slackening were all protruding costs. If I could not formulate, participate in or witness a revolution then I would elect to suffer a much more minor revolution that you might try to call a celebrolution. As, though the actions and voices that built up the center of what we celebrate as a ‘political climate’ had shifted in an obvious external pivot towards a ‘something totally else,’ it still stood despite the panic that the country needed to focus on the opinions and physical movements of celebrities, and actually not ‘despite’ but ‘because of.’ And plastic surgery was often used by celebrities to command and maintain the public’s focus by recreating a version of themselves they believed responsible for their entry point into wealth and unhinged visibility. Since I was not known for anything and in fact could even be summarized as a loser or more accurately lost, and that I could barely string a sentence together and sometimes ate peanut butter sandwiches and then looked at my hands to discover I had actually eaten an entire pen — this meant my use of plastic surgery could be a revolution in my opportunities. That is, the opportunities that trickle down from achieving grotesque notoriety. A celebrolution to solve a chunky lil personal puzzle.
I knew the lines in my palms very well, and so I looked forward to the inevitable submission of lines all over my face because I wanted to know those lines just as well. I wanted to know them as well as I knew the tone of no worries found in the whoosh sound effect that separates two segments of an entertainment news TV show. It became a sound I carried with me everywhere, I’ve looked at birds fly past me and heard the sound, communicating that something is leaving. It gave me a short leak of light, in a moment, and then I could not wait to see what came next. It was a sound I would need as a score for the before/after of my first forehead-aging and chest droop surgery. I can definitely say that I’ve had a bird fly past me before. I simply wanted more free time to formulate a plan for my future appearances, it filled my thoughts all day long. Monetarily I was forsaken, choked out and in need of unbound frondescence. I never stopped thinking I had some level of luck, I had two lamps, but then there was the job which was just about all I could handle, and, full-time-as-part-time to its core, it tossed me about, took time away from my obsessions, and so I repressed and regularly said ‘yes’ to survive. At work there was Rachel, who had been entranced by Tom Hiddleston and who first introduced the word ‘clopening’ to me, and Gifford, whose name I could not disassociate from Gabrielle Giffords, and Steven, whose quick rescuing reaction to an elderly customer’s near dive over an uninhibited bag of packing peanuts resulted in the customer’s maximum level of comfort and safety, considering the stakes. That lack of hesitation in making a decision, and in making the right decision, the most helpful and societally selfless decision, caused me to immediately respect Steven. So when he found the time to comment on something to me, I tried very hard to engage. As he explained to me during a lunch break, “The USA does not exist. The White House does not exist. They are using holograms to deceive everyone. God destroyed Earth by fire. And these demon parasites knew it and fled and hid from God and God’s army. Well, they lost. God rules and is in control. Stop watching media. They are lying to everyone. The media all sold their soul to Illuminati demons and are no more. There is nothing more than demons and clones using holograms to run deception. Better wake up. The Heavenly Bodies are right above your head.” And then he would laugh like he didn’t care if it was true.
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My life right now
26.9.2018
Sometimes I just wish that I was dead or didn’t have to go through this. Sometimes I want to sit pack and sleep to the point everything starts so go to the right direction.
This is what my life holds “up” to, or at least what made me to this point:
I grew up with an almost perfect family until I was 11 and my father died. My mother was always the one giving me rules and restrict my movements. I liked my dad, not her. As a single child after my dad died I got literally all mothers attenion she gave to my father fist.. When he died it was the same as my childhood was over and welcome “adulthood” at 11 years.
At summer I was restricted to be home at 9pm, that was almost okay with me until I turned 15. But I live in a country that has really dark winters, so mother had to have me at home already at 6pm. She said it was normal. None of my friends had a time like I had in the winter! She was so overprotective I couldn’t go outside without letting her know I went out with trusted friends. Already at secondary school I was so pissed to her overwhelming I often I said I’d go out with friends but what I truly did was that I went to a park that had a hill with a rock wall. I went there to walk at the edge and think if I should do it or not... I thought that I didn’t have to suffer to live. But thinking my friends I couldn’t do it. Thinking my mother who never understood me (and still doesn’t) I always wanted to make the jump.
I never were good enough to my mother. “You should study harder!”, “What have you done in your room if your grade is that bad!”, “Have you been listening to music when you are supposed to study? You must understand that you have the exam tomorrow! You can’t pass it by just listening to music and sitting here doing really nothing!”, etc. "admiring” (read: reproaching) words and sentences almost every week of my life going school. I have a reading difficulty which makes it harder to read and learn as fast as the others. I was always behind schedule BAD when it came to reading. Truth is, I studied as hard as I could most of the time AND my grades were average all the time. I mean, not good, but not bad. Average.
Choosing my education route whether I’d go to high school or vocational school (is that really the right word? Vocational school?) was an easy pick. My mother of course wanted me to high school. Thank god we agree for once! But which high school... I wanted to go the path makes me happy, lets me learn from myself for the future and the occupation I want to spend my life to. My mother... Can I kill her? She wanted me to go to school, which admission requires a higher grade than the average. I didn’t have it but I promised her that I’d put it as primary school I’d “want in” just to end the fight. At this time there were already signs of her having trust issue with me. I’d still put the one I wanted to and got in.
My time at high school was great, I enjoyed it and I really felt like I was where I belonged to. Only that my mother crushed my dreams one by one every time I’d talk about my current interest. The same problem always followed her arguments. Money. “They don’t get payed well”, “That is something I don’t see you doing. They really do nothing to get payed. And those people are nothing to our community.”, That would be the same as driving a garbage truck” etc. again...
At some point my mother saw that something is wrong. She thought it was my fathers death. I tried to tell her that it was not but because I couldn’t tell her what is wrong she forced me to go to youngsters therapy. What I talked there was purely my anger, fear and problems with my mother. Even the therapists have reacted to what they have heard about my mother like I am a victim. Or at least I feel like a victim.
Then came the day when my mother made my graduating day a nightmare instead of a great day to remember. Literally, at my graduation party. I remember putting my graduation certificate into view so guests can look at it. At one moment my lovely cousin comes to me asking for it. Then I noticed it was gone. I had studied hard on those grades and even when they weren’t good I was proud of the grades because I thought I got the worst possible past on most of them. And I didn’t! Anyway I went to ask my mom who takes me then to her bedroom and gives them to me. I asked why he took them there to hide it from people? She answered “Well, we can’t show it to the guests, I am ashamed of those grades!” I only rolled eyes to her and walked out of the room with my graduation certificate and a big, half fake smile for the quests..
From that day on it has gone only worse, especially when I moved out when I turned 19 years old. I have been shout at for not having any proper plan for finding my future occupation, not doing anything to find any ‘good’ schools that pleases her mind, not doing anything for my life etc.. Because every option I throw at her isn’t nearly as good as those she wants me in and I don’t. It is like she have planned my whole life beforehand and it includes a lot of money and a good job where I can have more money. Everyone starts at the bottom and it seems my mother can’t accept that I, “the perfect daughter who is not so perfect as she should be”, am there any moment of my life. She wants me straight to he top when I want to stay low because I don’t care about having too much money.
Also one thing that bothers me too... She thinks all gay or lesbian people has a mental illness, which is why they date people same sex. Now, I am bi-sexual, and I haven’t told it to her for a reason.
Long ending short:
I got a mental illness from my (women's volunteer) time at the military. I was there a year and this mental illness in its worst affects my physical health and that way to school. Last year I studied something I found interesting and my mother would’ve accept as an occupation for me. For nothing. It only made my illness worse for me. So now I am studying adults courses at vocational school to be a clothing maker as a hobby while I try to find my true occupation. It has always been a dream for me to be able to make clothes for myself, by myself. And I’ll save money by doing that. But... Again, my mother doesn’t like it. Oh, it gets even better this time she doesn’t accept me as I am so she tried to use every option to literally get my dreams off from the sky. (I read a straight referring to that “dream dropping” from my mothers text message to my boyfriend.) When I last spoke to her it was the first time since she stopped talking to me and either of us didn’t want to talk about my school. I felt relieved but scared. Is this the calm before the storm again?
My boyfriend have tried to speak some sense to her brain but she doesn’t believe anything he says about me or how things are done somewhere else outside of the capital.
People who have helped me besides my boyfriend:
@markiplier
@therealjacksepticeye
You two have reminded me about the good in fighting towards my dreams. I have no other option to go now but through the brick walls around me to see the light at the end of the tunnel... It is really dark now tough. And I am going through some mentally painful stuff..
Thank you and excuse me.
Edit 27.9.2018:
I think the worst part is whhat my mother says all the time “I love you as you are” and “I know your father would be at my side of this school thing.” All those sentences that hurt me to try and make me surrender and go where ever she is pointing. How inappropriate even is to say a dead person is on her side? Father was better than her. She tries to use it against me. I’m 23 years now. I can say where I want or need to go. not you and your imagination based on your knowledge that are not even true, mother.
#I had to burst my feelings to something#every reader means to me one more person who cares of me#I know this is long-ass text but really#1 reader means 1 more good heart#sorry#markiplier#jacksepticeye#my life#my life problems
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And here’s the FFV version of the meme I’m sure no one will ask me about. This includes characters who were technically bit npcs (that one joke pirate in love with Faris, the queen of Karnak) but had little in the way of characterization apart from a few lines and tantalizing hints in the books.
Fun fact: I’ve had these OCs for 20+ year and am reusing them for Dragondance and other current FFV works, but they’ve gotten a bit of a modern polish now--Ridha is no longer related as closely to canon characters, Ben’s interest in Faris wanes because he’s gay and Faris says she’s a woman, Yllesia Karnak is now Polymja Yllesia Karnak and a bit more hot-headed than she used to be due to some statements from the books.
* Note: because Ridha is intersex and nonbinary, and always has been, their pronouns are often fluid. Usually I’ll use they/them, but also he/him. I should note, for the internet concern trolls, that not all intersex people identify as nonbinary, and not all nonbinary people are intersex. Ridha just hates being pressured to conform one way or the other, especially given who his parent originally was before I realized how fucking mary sue that was.
What OC has the biggest family? How do they get along? Polymja has a Habsburg-grade extended family, which she doesn’t always get along with. The one exception is Lenna, whom she adores.
What OC has/is a mentor? Expecting any of these people to be mentor-grade is a tall order. Ben’s fairly good at being quartermaster, though, so he might work out as one. Ridha, being a young cousin on the Highwind side, wants to be a dragon scholar for a family that lost all its dragons and most of what they can do is lecture from books they absorbed.
What OC has a huge group of friends? Ben is probably the friendliest of them, which makes him great quartermaster material.
What OC has a small, close group of friends? Ridha gets on best with smaller groups of people and would be at home in the Ancient Library
What OC has, like, one friend? Polymja is a queen who had to fight sexism to get her way and is not very inclined to trust people.
What OC is the Mom Friend? Ben, haha.
What OC really needs the Mom Friend around? Ridha, being a young teen in a family that mostly went insane after the Dragon War slaughtered the dragons 50 years before, could really use anyone attentive. So, naturally, they cling to Lenna once Lenna adopts them.
Which OCs are an old married couple (literally or figuratively)? I’m cackling over any of them being with each other. Ben’s gay, Polymja’s lesbian, Ridha is still trying to figure themselves out, and Merrick hates everyone and is old enough to be Ben’s father.
What is your favorite platonic relationship between your OCs? None of them are really that connected.
What is your favorite familial relationship between your OCs? Given that Ben was Ridha’s father in the original, um... that, I guess? But they barely know each other in the revamp.
What is your favorite romantic relationship between your OCs? None of them is ever going to be into each other.
Which two OCs are the most different from each other? Polymja and Ben. Polymja likes to go her own way, Ben is always going to be a quartermaster at heart and think of himself as one of the crew.
Which OCs complement each other the best? Given that Ben used to be Ridha’s dad, er... them, I guess.
Which OCs get along the best with each other? Ironically, given that Merrick often borders on being a cantankerous bastard at the best of times, that would work well with Polymja’s distrust of everyone who isn’t family. However, they’ve never even met.
Whch OCs get along the worst with each other? Merrick is such a crotchety old pirate captain that he would never get on with Ridha, who’s largely independent.
Which OCs don’t know each other, but would get along great if they did? Polymja and Merrick. They’d appreciate each other’s distrust.
Which OCs don’t know each other, but would hate each other if they did? tbh they all have better things to worry about.
Which OCs would make the worst couple? Not to worry, they’re all such different ages and orientations that it won’t happen.
What’s the strangest way two (or more) OCs have met? The only two to have actually met are Ben and Merrick, and Ben was a deck hand on Merrick’s ship up until Merrick had a heart attack. My OCs tend to serve the story.
Which non-related OCs have known each other the longest? Ben and Merrick
Which OCs knew each other the shortest time before becoming close friends? New version: Ben meets Ridha postgame and kinda adopts him
Which OCs spend the most time together? Ben worked on Merrick’s ship for about 10 years
Which OCs have fought with each other the most? None, really? Of the two that actually knew each other for very long, Ben knew his place on the ship and it was to follow the captain’s orders, and Merrick was the captain.
Do any OCs have friends they haven’t met in person? Pre-internet society. Nope.
Do any OCs have imaginary friends? Except for Ridha, they’re all adults
Does OC have a hard or easy time making friends? Ben has the easiest time making friends because he knows he has to go along to get along.
How did OC meet their best friend? A nice lady in Tule told Merrick that Faris needed a companion her age, and Merrick’s pilot had an available nephew. And yeah, 5-year-old Faris did not want a babysitter, but she and Ben did get to be friends eventually.
How did OC meet their worst enemy? King Gelon of Tycoon decided to marry his daughter off to some country bumpkin instead of Polymja, who was princess of Karnak at the time. She met Alexander during the meeting over how to punish Gelon for conquering Walse and disliked him for being chosen to marry her crush since.
How did OC meet their significant other? If OC does not have a SO, do they want one? Merrick met his husband in a pub brawl over... who even knows anymore.
How does OC get along with their parents? Version 1 Ridha worshiped his parents. Version 2 doesn’t get the parenting he needs, so he latches to his cousin Lenna.
Does OC have siblings? Do they get along if they do? Do they wish they had some if they don’t? Merrick lost his much-loved siblings in the conquest of Carwen by Gelon Tycoon and has hated the royal family since. Polymja used to have a brother she didn’t like very much, but he died of mysterious circumstances (mysterious as in: please look up Charles II of Spain, because I find the Habsburgs fascinating in a trainwreck way)
Does OC have or want kids? Ben might want kids, but he’d have to adopt. Merrick considered Faris his child and gloated over the fact that he managed to steal a child of Tycoon and claim her as his own.
Is OC/Would OC be a good parent? Ben would actually be a great dad.
What is something unusual OC has bonded with someone over? Polymja encouraged Lenna’s tomboy streak as a child, as she was one herself
What is the most important relationship in OC’s life? Merrick actually did get to become slightly less of an asshole with Faris in his life. Something about having responsibility for someone who had no options.
How has OC been affected by their friendships? The only reason Karnak and Tycoon got along at all was because Polymja was willing to set aside her animosity with Alexander for the sake of his wife and their daughters. Maybe Polymja may have never consummated her love for Lessandra Tycoon, but they were always very close before Lessandra died of complications from Habsburging.
How has OC been affected by their family relationships? Ridha vs2′s parents being distant because intergenerational war trauma is a hell of a thing, they’re a very private person and has trouble trusting people until they’ve proven themselves.
How has OC been affected by their romantic relationship(s) or lack thereof? Ben’s love for Faris is, yes, a running gag in the game. But even after it fades, he’s still a loyal friend and will follow her to the ends of the earth.
Who does OC consider they have learned their most important life lesson from? Merrick learned not to be such a bastard from Faris, so there’s that. He might blame her family for his family’s death, but she had nothing to do with it.
Who motivates OC? Lenna moves Ridha to open up and accept people into his life
Who would OC do anything for? Polymja would have done anything for Lessandra. She will do anything for Lessandra’s daughters, Lenna and Faris.
Who would OC do anything to not have to deal with? Merrick wants absolutely nothing to do with any sort of royalty, thank you. Royalty’s nothing but trouble.
How does OC meet most people? Generally, Merrick meets them either in a pub or when he’s boarding their ships to assess his winnings.
How long does it take OC to open up to people? Most of them, very slowly. They’ve all got a bit of trauma, but Ben is probably the quickest to open up because he recognizes the need for community.
How much do OC’s friends know about their private life? Merrick kept the fact that he was a trans man to himself, his husband, and Faris. That’s it. When he died, Faris took charge of dressing the body to keep anyone from finding out.
How does OC act differently after they know someone better? Ridha can be very talkative and friendly when they finally get to open up with someone. Ask them about the Highwind clan’s dragon lore and they’ll go on for hours.
Who is OC’s favorite person? Lenna is Ridha’s favorite person, because she’s so sweet to them and gives them the attention a teenager really needs from a parental figure.
Who is OC’s least favorite person? Polymja absolutely loathes the king of Walse for being a little shit when they were kids and dismissing her love for Lessandra as something she’ll grow out of once she finds a man. Actually, the quickest way to get on her shitlist is to ignore that she’s a lesbian and suggest she find a man.
Is there anyone OC used to be very close to, but no longer is? Polymja and Faris used to have a whirlwind affair that died quickly.
What aspects of OC have, consciously or unconsciously, come from someone else? Ben gets his ability to stand up for himself from Faris’ frequent adolescent clashes with Merrick.
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from afar pt one// jughead jones au
from afar // the one where she needs a wedding date
masterlist
summary: (Y/N) needs a wedding date. jughead is the only one available. small problem-they aren’t on good terms.
words: 900+
(((author’s note: i’m on mobile so i cant tag my masterlist but other parts will be longer i promise. Also this is so cheesy so if you dont like that sorta stuff im sorry. it’ll also be speech based so i can update it frequently)))
(Y/N) let out a scream, alerting everyone within a five mile radius, that she was, in fact, not okay. Almost in a comedic manner, Kevin and Veronica come barging into their best friend’s room. “WHO THE FUCK DOES HE THINK HE IS?” (Y/N) screamed as she made eye contact with the duo stood at the door.
“This is not happening. This is definitely not happening. I’m just dreaming this.“
“And the Oscar goes to…(Y/N) (L/N) for best actress in a leading role. You may have seen her in films such as: ‘The Mental Breakdown’ and ‘Why the FUCK are you screaming the apartment down at quarter to eleven at night?’” Kevin joked as his best friend finally calmed down.
“My dumb brother didn’t even think of calling me. He doesn’t even tell me in person!“ she screeched “How am I even related to him?“
"Oh my god, (Y/N), what’s Josh done now?” Veronica asked, knowing that her best friend always overreacted to everything her brother did or said.
“He’s getting married.” she retorted “The idiot is getting married in two weeks and I’ve only just been told. He wants me to leave for Boston tomorrow.“
“Shouldn’t you be happy for him?” Kevin asked, unsure on why she was upset.
Of course she was happy for her brother. She loved her brother more than anything but she wasn’t happy to be the last to know. (Y/N) had told Josh everything but it seemed as if he was hesitant to let her know of his upcoming marriage.
"I’m happy for him but I, sure as hell, am not happy about turning up to my brother’s wedding dateless! Do you not know how many random ‘singletons’ will be directed my way?“
"You don’t want to turn up dateless?” Veronica paused for a while, thinking of people (Y/N) could bring with her.
"Come with me! Be my date!“ she grinned, rushing over to Veronica "Please, we know each other well enough for you to pretend to be my girlfriend.”
“(Y/N), if I could, I would but you know I’ve got that work thing, I can’t cancel last minute.”
“Ugh, I know you won’t be down for the drive there with me.” (Y/N) turned her attention to Kevin.
“Your brother also knows I’m gay.“ He retorted "It’s not even an option. What about Archie?”
“Kev, you know Archie and I grew up together! Josh is caught up with everything in his life. He knows Arch is with Betty. Never mind, maybe Reginald will come with me."
"Nu-uh, you can’t ask Reg to be your date to your brother’s wedding. He barely knows his own name, let alone anything about you.” Veronica scoffed. “Looks like you’ll have to go dateless.”
“Are you two forgetting about our good ole pal Forsythe Jones?” Kevin interrupted the silence.
“No, no, no! Absolutely no way. Kevin, are you out of your bloody mind? Jughead doesn’t even like the sound of my breathing.”
“Wouldn’t hurt to try? It would be better to pretend to date Juggie than have Tana set you up with her weird cousin, Jackson.”
“Montana does have some weird cousins. Even if I asked, Jughead would definitely say no before I even opened my mouth.”
“Well, you’re not asking, I am.“ Kevin rolled his eyes "Maybe this experience will be beneficial for the entire apartment and you’ll stop being at each other’s throats.”
“You’re acting as if I hate him or something.”
“That’s because you do!” the duo exclaimed, almost as if it had been practised.
In all truth, (Y/N) didn’t dislike Jughead but she didn’t like him either. She had no genuine opinion on him. The duo were introduced to each other after they were forced to share a dorm together. They were both civil with each other at the beginning but the moment everyone got settled in, it was almost as if he flipped a switch in his mind and suddenly disliked her. Kevin, Veronica, Betty and Reggie were also surprised by the change in his behaviour.
Ever since that moment, it seemed as if he had dedicated every waking moment to making sure to ruin her day, whether it be with some stupid remark about her outfit or by purposely misplacing her cereal in the highest place he could find. She had once found the box sitting on the edge of the entrance to the attic.
“No it’s okay, I can ask Reggie.” (Y/N) frowned “Jughead is bound to say no. Reggie and I can make up some stupid story on the drive down.”
Kevin scoffed before rushing out of the door and running down the stairs with (Y/N) hot on his heels. As soon as Kevin reached his destination, he began knocking on the door rapidly. “Forsythe Jones, open the door right now!”
“Kevin, shut the fuck up. You’re going to wake everyone in the building up.” She muttered through gritted teeth
“What’s up, Keller?” Jughead spoke, poking his head through the small crack “Bit late for a random visit, don’t ya think?”
“(Y/N) needs you to pretend to be her boyfriend for her brother’s wedding. Are you in?”
“Alright, I’ll go.” He chuckled lowly, his eyes meeting (Y/N)’s. “When are we setting off, babe?”
(Y/N) winced at his exaggeration of the word babe, feeling goosebumps grow on her skin. She was unsure whether it was from the displeasure of his words or maybe because she never expected him to agree just like that.
“Better pack your bags, we’re leaving at seven tomorrow.” Archie interrupted from behind the door.
(Y/N) retorted, turning around, starting to retreat towards her apartment “I’m leaving at 12 tomorrow. You decide who you’ll want to drive with. Keep in mind its a 10 hour drive.”
“It’ll be more plausible if I drive up with you, babe. Can’t wait to see your cute little butt in a cute little dress.” Jughead smirked.
#jughead jones imagine#jughead jones#cole sprouse imagine#cole sprouse#riverdale imagine#riverdale#archie andrews#kevin keller#reggie mantle#veronica lodge#betty cooper#from afar#reader insert#au#cheesy#archie comics
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Bottled, Part 6
Words: 3823
Summary: They’re finally free, but there’s still questions needing answering and discussions to be had.
Warnings: mild descriptions of injury care, mild verbal arguments, some yelling
Tags: @yep-another-fander, @softlogic, @tssanderssidestrash, @literallylogic, @diplomatic-arsonist, @saltequeen, @fallingineternity, @satisfied-sanders-sides, @vixenneko, @the-strange-universe-of-cake, @fangirlfiles1, @winds-and-stardust, @the-laarmy, @pfftwhatnoimhuman, @gaysaxaphone, @mira-jadeamethyst, @frustratedwaffle
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5
Roman had just gotten his hands on a small bottle of healing potion when Patton summoned him to his house.
“Seriously?!” he asked, stumbling into the living room--and into Anxiety.
“Wow, now that I see you in the light, you look like a trainwreck,” Anxiety said.
Roman scowled. “At least I don’t look like a Hot Topic threw up on me.” He pushed himself away from Anxiety and started walking toward the bathroom to take care of his injuries.
“You need to borrow a pair of pants?” Patton asked. “Yours are kinda ruined.”
“Thanks, Patton,” Roman said.
Patton ran off to his room to get a pair of pants while Roman headed for the bathroom. He shut the door behind him and started running the faucet in the bathtub, waiting for it to warm up. Patton knocked and then opened the door just enough to set the pants on the floor, then shut the door and walked away. Roman started undressing the wound, using the warm water to get the sticky blood to let go of the fabric. He got the sash off of his leg first, sighing as he saw its condition. He’d never get the stains out of it. He tossed it aside. The pant leg took more work, and Roman had to be more gentle with it. Finally, he got it all disconnected from his leg, and went to work with the healing potion. Once that was done, he looked himself over for any other injuries. He found several small cuts on his arms that he hadn’t noticed before, and nearly cried over the bloodstains on his white tunic. He knew it didn’t matter, he knew he had others just like it at home in the palace, but it had been a long awful day (days? He still wasn’t sure) and this was the cherry on top. Frustrated, he took off the tunic, so he was standing only in an undershirt and his soaked, ripped pants. Not only were there cuts, there were also dark, banded bruises all over his arms--and when he pulled up his undershirt, his torso, too. For a moment, he was confused, because he didn’t think he tied the ropes that tight when he was on the staircase. Then he remembered the Seed of Doubt, and everything made sense. He regretted using all of the healing potion on his leg.
With a sigh, he searched Patton’s bathroom for bandaids. The only ones he found were brightly colored Steven Universe ones, obviously meant for the kids’ enjoyment. He stuck them on to cover the cuts anyway. He thought about putting his tunic back on, but decided against it, not wanting to chance getting blood on any of Patton’s furniture. Besides, it wasn’t like Patton hadn’t seen him bruised and battered before. He changed pants and tossed his discarded clothing into the bathtub, where they would be out of the way.
Upon walking back into the living room, he saw Anxiety, sitting at the counter between the kitchen and living room and looking at him with genuine alarm. Crap. He’d forgotten about Anxiety.
“I thought you looked bad before--” Anxiety started.
“Shut up,” Roman said, flopping onto the couch, where he promptly passed out.
This did not make Anxiety any less alarmed, but Patton just covered Roman with a blanket and said, “Don’t worry, kiddo. He’s usually like this when he’s hurting.”
Before Anxiety could say anything, Logan popped up. “We’ve been gone for only twenty-two hours,” he said. “Thomas was sleeping for most of them, but not all, so it appears that he can function at least a bit without us influencing him.”
“Twenty-two hours is a bit long, but still in the range of typical time we spend in the bottles,” Patton said.
“Last time we were gone for four days, though,” Anxiety said.
“Yeah, I can’t help you there, buddy. It’s never happened before, I don’t know why it did.”
“Wait, when was this?” Logan asked.
“During the time Roman said they were in the Nightmare realm,” Patton said.
Logan looked to Anxiety for confirmation. He nodded. Logan looked confused. “Why would you two lie to us though? Do you not trust us?”
“We just spent four days in a bottle that got bigger or smaller depending on my emotional state. Seems like a pretty interesting little experiment, doesn’t it?”
It clicked. “You thought I invented the bottles...to see how you would react in them? Oh, Anxiety, I would never make anything to hurt or endanger any of you. Patton may be the one who embodies Thomas’s morals, but that does not mean that I am devoid of them!”
“Yeah, I know,” Anxiety said. “But I had no idea what was going on, and at first I thought it was Roman, so when it wasn’t, the only other options were you, Thomas, or Patton. Patton’s the most unlikely of any of us to cause harm, even unintentionally, so then it’s just you and Thomas, both of whom were right there when we got out. I panicked and Roman covered for me. Of course, now that we know that it’s not any of us, that means it’s definitely Thomas, which is almost more concerning, especially considering that he has a different trap for each of us.”
“There’s still not enough evidence to conclude that it’s ‘definitely Thomas.’ It’s possible that it’s a self-defense mechanism that created itself in order to keep any one of us from having too much influence. It might also be a result of one or more of our parts of the mindscape running amok. Perhaps the Nightmare Realm and the Fairytale Realm have a boundary where they poorly react to each other.”
“So it’s my fault?”
“I did not say that. As Patton said earlier, it might also be ‘the column in the middle of all of us,’ and serve some sort of protective function. The point is, all of this is speculation and without further evidence, such speculation is pointless.” Logan turned to Patton. “Is there any possibility that you might have written down anything related to these traps?”
“I don’t think so, but I can look,” Patton said. He hurried up the stairs to parts unknown.
“I don’t suppose you have any information about them?” Logan asked Anxiety. “Patton said you forget every time.”
Anxiety pushed his right sleeve up to expose an arm covered in notes. “I wrote down everything I know about the last couple times. Anything before that…” he shrugged. “...and if I knew anything at any point in the past and wrote it down, the Fears and Insecurities have probably eaten it by now.”
“You should take care of those things,” Logan said.
“Well I could dump them at your house,” Anxiety said back, glaring. Logan glared back, but refused to get off topic. There were more important things to do right now.
“I’m going to go get a whiteboard, so we can consolidate the data,” Logan said. He snapped out.
Anxiety sighed and rested his head on the counter. Now it was just him and the sleeping Prince.
“Heya, Cuz.”
...And Patton’s children, who he had forgotten about. “I’m not your cousin,” he said, automatically.
“Yeah, well, whatever,” the young teen said. For all he tried, he could not remember her name. She sat down next to him. “Hey guess what?”
“What?”
“Guess.”
“You and your boyfriend broke up.” Anxiety had nothing else to go on. He was rarely at Patton’s house. Her boyfriend was the only thing she’d talked about last time.
“Oh please, that was ages ago. Guess again.”
“I’m not good at guessing. Just tell me.”
She sighed. “Fiiiine. I got to go to that white room place you and Dad and the others always hang out in. Me and Jimothy got to battle a monster teacher before Princey sent us home.”
Anxiety picked his head up and looked at her in disbelief. “...What?”
“Oh yeah, it was really fun. Like, there was this shadow demon thing that was like, possessing one of the subs from school, and I got to use a sword, and Princey banished us but I know I would have won. Jimothy was useless though.”
“And why were you there, exactly?”
“Dunno. Princey said something about daydreams, but it was boring and I wasn’t paying attention.”
“Does your Dad know about this?” Anxiety asked, wondering why she was telling him this.
“No, and you’re not gonna tell him.”
“I’m not?”
“You can’t! Dad’ll never let us out of the suburbs again!” Anxiety briefly considered doing it out of spite, but shrugged that impulse off. He had no reason to cause family drama. He wasn’t even part of the family.
The kid took his silence for assent and changed the subject. “I think Professor Logan ships you and Princey.”
Logan popped in, with two large, rolling whiteboards, instead of just one. “I have returned,” he called out.
The kid smirked, and mumbled, “Speak of the devil,” then ran off. Anxiety was confused by the entire exchange. Patton’s family was weird. They got weirder every time he visited.
“Making friends?” Logan asked.
“No,” Anxiety said.
“Pity. Rebecca’s a nice girl. I would think that you two would get on like a house on fire.”
“I feel like those two statements are contradictory.”
“Not at all. You wouldn’t believe how often she talks about her ‘favorite older cousin’ in my physics class.”
“Yeah? Who’s that?”
Logan looked like he couldn’t believe Anxiety had just said that. “...You. She was talking about you.”
“But I’m not related.”
“Patton considers us all part of a family, and therefore so does his children.”
“Right, so, so, what? Does that make you and Patton the gay dads, and then Roman’s like, uh, the vodka aunt, and I’m the emo cousin or something?”
Logan’s cheeks flushed. “Patton and I aren’t dating,” he said.
“Really? I have several pages of evidence that say otherwise.”
Logan’s eyebrows shot up, and then he realized that Anxiety was teasing him about earlier. He threw a marker at Anxiety, who ducked, laughing. “Asshole,” Logan muttered.
“Real mature, Teach.”
“We were going to consolidate all of our available data, were we not? Let’s stay on track.”
Logan pulled out his notebook and started transferring notes to a whiteboard. Anxiety got the other whiteboard marker from where it had landed in the kitchen and started doing the same thing with the notes on his arm.
Logan glanced over at Anxiety’s writing. “Wow,” he said.
“What?”
“I can barely read that, and I’m a teacher.”
“You know what? The English language wasn’t designed for lefties.”
“I’m left-handed too, and I write perfectly legibly.”
“You write in all capital letters.”
“And it is legible, therefore your comment does not strengthen your argument. The real question is: why is your handwriting so much worse on the whiteboard than your arm?”
“I’m trying to make the letters not erase. I can’t put my hand on the board. Also, this is bigger than I ever write normally.”
“...Have you never written on a whiteboard before?”
“Why would I have?”
Logan “hmmm”ed but didn’t respond. He supposed that made sense. The Fears and Insecurities didn't seem like the type of creatures that would enjoy free body diagrams.
He left Anxiety to his notes, and on the other whiteboard, he drew a diagram of each of the other traps, with everything he had observed about them underneath. There wasn't much, though that made sense since they had only encountered the other traps for a short amount of time, and only once. Plus, the other traps only worked on one or two people, as opposed to all four of them. He also added a section for the grayspace itself.
“I'm back!” Patton said, coming down the stairs. “I didn't find anything except this paper that I can't read. It's not mine or the kids’ handwriting though, so I thought it might be important.”
Anxiety took the paper from him. “This is my handwriting,” he said, confused. He scanned through the page. “I don’t remember writing this though...it talks about the bottles...but it doesn’t tell us anything we don’t already know.”
“It does, though, doesn’t it?” Logan said. The other two looked at him blankly. “It tells us that at one point, Anxiety knew about the bottles and remembered what happened after he escaped.” He took the paper, reading it through. Once he was finished, he added, “Also, if you read this, it mentions that Patton was the one who broke the bottle and didn’t remember anything afterwards. Thus, it can be theorized that there is a correlation between breaking the bottle and forgetting the whole event, though without more data it will remain only a theory.”
“Wait, really?” Anxiety asked, snatching the paper back and reading it over. “...huh.”
“Patton, would you read over our notes and determine if there’s anything that we overlooked or that you noticed in addition to these?” Logan asked.
“Sure,” Patton said. He started with the whiteboard for the bottles, and immediately turned back. “I can’t read half of these notes, though.”
“It is not that bad!” Anxiety said.
“It is that bad, kiddo. Who taught you to write?” Patton asked, with actual concern.
“You could read my handwriting just fine in the bottles!”
“Yes, but it was legible in the bottles,” Patton said.
“Also, for the most part, it was me reading it,” Logan said. “Start with the other whiteboard, Patton. I’ll rewrite the notes over here.”
Patton went to the other whiteboard. “I notice you have the ‘cube’ and ‘bear trap’ sections empty except for their pictures,” he said immediately.
“That is because I know nothing about them.”
“Well the bear trap snapped at you when it got too close,” Patton said. “You didn’t even set it off, it just jumped up and tried to bite you.”
Anxiety handed Patton the other whiteboard marker. “They also went off when I put a Seed of Doubt on the trigger,” he said. “But they don’t snap around you or me. Dunno about Roman, though, since he didn’t get anywhere near them.”
“The cube things didn’t react at all,” Patton said, starting to write underneath the ‘bear trap’ category. “Of course, we didn’t really go near them, but they didn’t do anything.”
“Perhaps they aren’t traps,” Logan said. “We don’t know for certain that--”
“LOGIC!”
Logan vanished, along with his marker, called away by Thomas. Patton and Anxiety glanced at each other nervously, but only for a second.
“MORALITY!”
Patton and his marker vanished too. Anxiety sighed irritably. Now he couldn’t even carry on without them.
“ROMAN!”
Roman didn’t vanish. He barely even moved, except to stir a bit and say, “Go away, Thomas.”
There was silence for a moment, and then, “ROMAN?”
All Roman did was groan irritably.
Anxiety snapped into Thomas's living room before he was called, worried that Logan and Patton would screw things up.
“Anxiety!” Thomas said, surprised. “I was just about to call you.”
“What do you want, Sanders?” Anxiety asked irritably.
“Well, first, I would like to know where Roman is.”
“Oh, I think you've had quite enough of his influence for now. Remember yesterday?” Technically, that didn’t answer the question, but Anxiety didn’t want him to know they had all been conspiring together at Patton’s house.
“Yeah, that kinda leads me to my next question: What's been going on lately? It feels like my entire brain has been conspiring against me! What is up with you guys?”
The three traits looked at each other. Logan couldn’t lie; his existence was based on facts and logic, and lying was a direct contradiction of both of those. Patton couldn’t lie either; lying was immoral and he simply couldn’t do it. Anxiety could lie, but he was always too afraid of getting caught to focus on doing it convincingly.
“Us? Conspiring against you?” Anxiety asked.
“Yes!” Thomas said.
“Are you sure it isn’t the other way around?” Anxiety asked accusingly.
“Yes,” Thomas said. “Wait, what? Why would I be conspiring against you? You’re a part of me!”
“Sure, but maybe you don’t want us anymore. Maybe we’re villains to you. Maybe you feel the need to trap us, lock us away.”
“Look, if this is about the last video--”
“Maybe you feel the need to bottle your emotions.”
“Yeah, I sure have been doing that a lot lately. Wait, why did you say it like that?”
“Why do you think, Thomas?” Anxiety asked. He was losing control of this. Gosh, he did not plan this out well. Or at all.
“Does me bottling things up affect Patton?”
“He’s not the only--” Wait. Crap. This was not what he wanted to happen. “Dammit, Sanders!”
“Wait, does it affect you too? Both of you?”
Well, so much for not confronting Thomas about this.
“It would appear that when you get upset, you literally bottle up your emotions,” Logan explained. “And sometimes the rest of us with them.”
“I don’t understand.”
“I was trapped in a stupid champagne bottle with Princey for four days, Thomas!” The game was up. Might as well get all his frustration out with it.
Roman finally popped in, yawning. “You called?”
Thomas looked horrified. “What happened to you?”
Roman squinted uncomprehendingly. “What?” Then it clicked. “Oh.” He popped out, and popped in moments later, wearing a stainless tunic, and still wearing Patton’s pants. “Better?”
“No, not better! You looked like you went through the apocalypse!”
“You know, my appearance has been insulted all day! Not once has anyone called me pretty or handsome, it’s all ‘disaster,’ ‘trainwreck,’ ‘apocalypse!’”
“You look pretty,” Anxiety said, and as Roman turned to him in delight, he added, “...awful.”
“I do not like you!”
“Guys! Not helpful!” Thomas said. “Roman, what happened to you?”
“I almost died in a heroic attempt to save Logic. No biggie,” Roman said.
“Don’t be dramatic,” Anxiety said. “Patton said the traps won’t kill us.”
“The bottles won’t kill you! I am made of hopes and dreams! I’m very certain that that could have killed me!”
“Boys!” Patton snapped. Both of them looked at him. “Calm down. You’re scaring Thomas.”
“Good,” Anxiety said. “After everything we’ve been through for the past few days, he deserves it.”
“I don’t understand what’s going on but I want to fix it guys!” Thomas said. “Please, just help me understand!”
“Perhaps it would be best just to show him?” Logan asked.
“But he’s not a shapeshifter!” Anxiety said. “Who knows what might happen?”
“Well, he’s managed to summon us out of the grayscape,” Roman said. “Surely we could do the same for him, especially if we all work together.”
“Besides, he’s not part of the mind,” Patton said. “He’s a real person in the real world. I don’t think he can be trapped in there.”
“Ever heard the phrase ‘trapped in your own mind?’” Anxiety said. “What if we can’t get him out? Something bad could happen!”
Roman was about to tell him how ridiculous he was being, but he saw Anxiety’s face. Genuine worry. He realized this wasn’t just idle, anxious complaining.
“You have a point,” he conceded.
“No, don’t go to his side,” Logan said. “He’s being illogical!”
“Is he?” Roman said. “We, while being the cores of Thomas, are not all of Thomas. Even combined, it’s possible that we won’t have the power to summon him back. Also, consider how many other phrases have turned literal in the grayspace. ‘Bottled emotions,’ ‘Seeds of Doubt,’ uh, ‘creative block,’ and...honestly I got nothing for the bear traps, but I’m sure it’s something. It’s not unreasonable to think that Thomas could be trapped inside his own mind within the grayspace.”
Patton made a worried noise that Logan knew meant that Roman had convinced him.
“All right,” Logan said. “What do you propose we do instead?”
There was silence for a moment. Then Anxiety said, “We could show him the whiteboards. That would work, wouldn’t it? Everything we know about everything is there already.”
Logan thought about it for a moment. “Acceptable,” he said, and snapped.
Suddenly, the five of them were in Patton’s house. “Whoa,” Thomas said. “This looks like my dream house.”
“It is your dream house,” Roman said. “Well, as far as your realistic, domestic dreams go.”
“Sit down, Thomas,” Logan said, gesturing to the couch. Thomas sat down. Logan wheeled the whiteboards in front of the TV.
Logan was the one who primarily did the talking, with all of the others--who were scattered across the living room furniture--chipping in whenever they felt necessary. Roman chipped in a lot, especially when they got to the non-bottles board. He’d been asleep during the original note-taking, but he’d experienced the most inside the grayspace, since he’d had to traverse it alone and had wandered all over trying to find them.
Once they were finally finished, Thomas said, “Okay, I see what you guys are nervous about, but I just don’t know how to fix it. Here and the mind palace that Roman created are the only actual places within my mind that I’ve ever been, and I certainly don’t know how to manipulate it. I really want to help, but I’m not sure what I can do.”
“Just try,” Roman said.
“Yeah, kiddo!” Patton said. “Just try not to bottle us up or keep us down anymore, okay?”
“Any of us,” Anxiety said forcefully.
Thomas nodded solemnly. “I’ll do my best,” he said. “I promise.”
“That is acceptable,” Logan said.
~
As Roman was getting ready to spar one day, he realized that he’d misplaced his shield. He looked all over the armory for it. Then he remembered where he put it.
He summoned himself into the grayspace, curious to see if it was still there. Surprisingly, it was. He picked up his shield from where it still lay against the wall, and turned around.
He saw nothing.
Curious, he walked further away from the wall, confident that he could escape from anywhere in the room. The only things he found were the bear traps. Those pointless, pointless bear traps. They were everywhere, probably the same amount as what had been when there were other traps as well, but they seemed more plentiful when compared to the absence of the other traps.
He made it to the stairs, and out of curiosity, climbed up. Once he reached the top, he looked around. Up here, there were still a few bottles, a few dandelion heads, one block trap. And so many bear traps. However, there were not as many as there had been, and none of them looked like they had been used in a long time. It seemed that Thomas really had been trying to make sure that none of them got trapped anymore.
Roman smiled, changed into Terrence, and popped out.
It was acceptable.
#roman sanders#patton sanders#logan sanders#anxiety sanders#i'm not sure if i'm happy with this ending but idk how else to end it#let me know if you want to stay on the tag list for other stuff or if you only wanted to be there for bottled#bottled
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