#also dear fucking god does the amount of songs she says she wrote for red not line up
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did a lot of work editing the red timeline but it really only adding a bunch of old interviews from spring 2012 that i hadn’t seen before so one could question if any progress was made or if i just made a bunch of extra work for myself
#asks*#found a big win for the miab/cbbh aren’t about harry truthers#also dear fucking god does the amount of songs she says she wrote for red not line up#(also if anyones trying to check the link don’t i’m editing on a dif doc and then i’m gonna paste it all in when i’m done)
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(so) far away; myg
pre-note; hello, this is een and this oneshot is going to be the very first one i upload on tumblr !! for all of you that wants a touch of angst in their lives, here you go. ♥
also! i really love cactus boy so i wanted to dedicate this oneshot to @sau-na for writing such an amazing au soBS ♥ please notice my love for you-//slapped
(so) far away; min yoongi x reader
genre; angst, soulmate au.
word count; 5640.
recommended list of songs to listen to while reading; (bts) spring day, (bts)just one day, (bts) first love, (vhope) hug me, (bts) goyeob, (bts) wishing on a star, & (agust d ft. suran) so far away. trust me, these songs will make your reading experience at least 3 times better. :’)
note; the ones in italics and in big quotation marks (blockquoted) are lines of the letter c:
💫
❝add a 'so' before you say 'far away'. it hurts less.❞
(so) far away; myg
❝dear yoongi-oppa,❞
there's a three-page long letter in his clutches, he's leaning against his bedpost while he sips a bit of his slurpee.
fan letters.
yoongi remembers when he received his first fan letter. how he was in tears to see the amount of support he'd been unknowingly receiving, and he was thankful. and now, he feels guilty that there's a huge stack of thousands of letters he'd never gotten the chance to read.
❝i love you. ❞
he's heard of this phrase millions of times. in multiple languages, and one thing was common each time; he can feel that his fans sincerely mean it, and it makes him happy. even if he didn't think it was really necessary to show it; he really did.
❝and i know that i'm one amongst the many hundreds of people who've said this to you. ❞
yoongi feels like the girl who's written this had read his mind, and he takes another sip of his slurpee before glancing back at the paper.
❝the first time i met you was back in 2008,❞
he instantly cringes. high school days. he's wondering who the letter was from, and there's no return address or even a name written on it. eyebrows furrowed, he glances back at the hangul written on the sheet of paper.
❝we sat beside each other during language classes.❞
yoongi's face scrunches even further while he tries to recall something... anything. but he's seen so many faces, who can blame him for forgetting one?
❝we barely said two words to each other. the occasional greetings, the usual 'i forgot to bring my textbook, can we share, please?' was the only way we interacted. but that was okay, because...
we never liked people much anyways.
there was one time when we were queuing up for the cafeteria line. you went to buy a sandwich, because the boy who sat behind you had let you know that they were serving lamb-meat that day.❞
suddenly, yoongi feels hungry. it's almost 9pm, and he and hoseok had made a deal to not eat after then, so he simply takes another sip of his drink in silence.
❝the girl in front of me pushed me away and went ahead. you were behind me, and you spoke up.
she got her way, in the end, but i was glad you stuck up for me.
'just because you're frail doesn't mean she can treat you like that. i know how you feel, because i'm frail too,' you had said with a little chuckle, when i asked you why you did that, a few days later.
god, i love you so much.❞
there's a tightening feeling inside his chest while yoongi coughs, he can feel the fizz of his drink rush to his nose, and he has to put away the letter for a second while he takes a tissue from the bedside table. seokjin, who's laying on the bed beside his own, looks up from his phone and glances at him with a hint of worry in his eyes.
"i'm fine, quit staring." yoongi says, and seokjin smiles. he's always brutal with words, it's starting to become funny now.
yoongi takes a few minutes to compose himself because he's slowly starting to remember exactly who it was, that sent him the letter. and his chest was hurting because if there was one person he wishes, didn't love him, it was the one who wrote the letter.
❝i'm not sure if you knew this, but i'm not korean.
i wish i was. i really did. but i wasn't, and i didn't start studying hangul until before my first year at high school.
i knew a little bit of the basics, but never enough to socially interact much. maybe that was why i didn't have many friends. and you were the opposite, you knew, you knew it well, and you chose to stay away from people. ❞
she knew him well, yoongi never doubted that anyways, and now he's smiling a little.anyways, and now he's smiling a little.
❝sometimes, when i walk to the cafeteria during lunch, i'd walk around...
and i'd find you sitting alone in the disbanded music club room, you'd be deeply focused and writing on that thick notebook you carried in your bag wherever you went. was that why you kept your textbooks at home?
and then... you'd rap. you'd sing. you'd tap the wooden tables, try and fail at beatboxing, and you never, ever took off your headphones.❞
there's a lot of memories rushing to yoongi's head, and he feels a little nostalgic, unsure if he should be happy that he'd passed all that and was now living the life he wanted... or sad because he wasn't ready to read what else was written.
❝look at you now. all grown up and making your parents proud. making your friends proud. making daegu proud to have been the birthplace of someone so beautiful and so lovely, like you.
and most importantly,
making yourself proud.❞
it wasn't fair. yoongi knew she was good with words, from the classes he shared with her, but... she wasn't supposed to make him this emotional.
❝remember when there was a cultural festival in year two?
i was in charge of writing the greeting on the banner.
i started studying hangul to be able to read and understand the scribbles and rough writings you'd make on the music club chalkboard... so i wasn't the best person for the task.
and i screwed up. you were my partner in language class, and that's why you were the one who saw it first.
'you fucked up, big time.' you had said, laughing. i'm pretty sure you didn't know that i'm not actually korean, so i didn't blame you.❞
suddenly, yoongi wants to die.
❝you said that, but you brought a spare banner you'd found from hanging around in the music club room. i thanked you for saving my sorry ass, and all you did was nod.
it made me realize that even though you act like you don't care, you sincerely do.
maybe act isn't the word. maybe that's just how you are, and you really don't need to change yourself, because it's perfectly fine.
now that i think back, you've done a lot of little things like that which you may or may not remember, but means everything to me.❞
'geez, this girl', yoongi thinks, shaking his head. there's still two more pages to go, now-familiar handwriting written on both sides. if this was his state at the very first page, staying here would not be a good thing for seokjin to see.
❝do you know of the soulmate theory?❞
"hyung, i'm going out for a walk."
"okay, be safe. remember to take the- oh." okay, be safe. remember to take the- oh." seokjin pauses when he sees yoongi picking up his face mask and beanie before taking quick steps out. "stay safe."
❝you know where i'm getting at, right?❞
damn right he did.
❝you and your soulmate share a mark on the wrist which may appear at the randomest of times...
and if your soulmate does not love you back over a certain period of time...❞
"you suffer from a fatal illness," yoongi completes, slipping down onto the first bench he sees. he doesn't need to read the next line to know it, he knew it well enough.
❝and i just... shit, i love you so much.❞
panic floods to his head, and he feels his hands trembling a little as he tries to read the rest of the letter under the dimly lit city lights.
❝i miss daegu.
it's where we've both been living for the early days of our youth... and now we're both here in seoul. you'll stay here for a while, but i'll be leaving this city a few days after i send you this.❞
there's no date on the letter either, and at this point, more than sad, yoongi feels angry.
❝doesn't it make you pissed that only you can see your soulmate mark?
that you have no idea who your soulmate is, and when the mark would appear, you don't know how long you have before your time limit gets reached?❞
"of course it does, are you insane?" yoongi mutters to himself. "it's obvious."
❝i think the average time limit is for six months. most of my friends had half a year or so, and so did i. ❞
"did?" yoongi breathes out, his attention going to a mustang that passes by, honking continuously even though there was no traffic at all. he wishes he had the power to go punch whoever it was, but he's too lazy to bother.
❝remember valentine's day, when you received chocolates from literally everyone? they were all giving you chocolates because they liked you too, but you rejected them because you didn't want to 'waste money' on someone you were not interested in, later on white day.
you made them feel forced to say they were obligatory chocolates, and i remember the smug smile on your face.
you're a little jerk, you know that, don't you?❞
yoongi relaxes a little, a small smirk forming on his face as he flips the page. he knew that well, too.
❝i gave you some as well. remember, red velvet cupcakes?
i told you they were obligatory chocolates, before you could even open your mouth.
... and then, you chomped the entire thing in one go.❞
yoongi sighs, a hand adjusting his beanie a little, neck craning back as he looks up at the sky. there's not a single star in the sky, and for once, he feels a little lonely, just like how the sky would probably be feeling right about then.
he then makes a face, because that was a horrible analogy. this is why he should focus on music, instead.
❝they weren't obligatory. but i didn't want you to feel forced to give me a present.
and the above line is a lie too.
the truth is that i didn't want to hear you reject what i made for you.
...shit, i love you so much.❞
yoongi feels his heart clenching each time he saw that written so neatly and yet, the more it gets repeated, the more uncomfortable he felt.
he sincerely wishes that she didn't.
for her sake, and for his own.
why didn't she write that that line was a lie, as well?
❝we were 17 when we graduated high school. you were ready to begin training; you'd been struggling with your family for days regarding that... and they finally let in, they finally allowed you to, and you...
you looked the happiest on graduation, while i was the saddest that day.❞
a small pout forms on his face at that, he clearly remembered how excited he was to be allowed to join. he remembers how he had struggled with the travelling, food expenses, and excessive work... he'd had to have two part-time jobs to make ends meet, barely being able to pass by.
it was...
❝painful.
it was painful, to see you suffer.❞
his hands are trembling again, and he wishes he'd brought a coat along with him, because suddenly, it begins to feel very cold again.
❝while attending college, i worked part time at your favorite noodle restaurant.
everyday, after finishing your training, i'd see you enter.
you always ordered the same two flavors❞
yoongi decides to blame how cold he feels, on the drink he'd had earlier. taking deep breaths, he continues.
❝one was twice the price of the other.
and the day you bought the cheaper one, you'd take the train back home.
and on the other days, you'd walk the entire way back.
i later found out that it was because you were struggling with expenses...
and look at you now.❞
"i never thought i'd make it, either." he breathes out, his eyes wavering a little as he flips to the next page. he notices the handwriting getting sloppier, realizing that she probably wrote the entire thing in one go.
❝i used to bring you the bowls of noodles every day.
you always had your face buried in your phone, where you switched to write your lyrics.
maybe that book you carried around before was becoming too hard to take everywhere?
i didn't know how i could say hello to you...
or how i would deal if you didn't remember me anymore.❞
yoongi remembers. he earnestly remembers, he even remembers when-
❝remember how i went to the fanmeet near the end of last year?
that was the fanmeet when you excused yourself for five minutes, in between.❞
there was only one fanmeet where he left just like that, in the past four years, so he remembers extremely well what happened.
which was why he isn't sure if he wants to read the rest. he could almost exactly picture where she was going at, yoongi doesn't feel ready to read the rest.
❝shit. i love you so much.❞
folding the letter three times, he stands up, heading back to the building. seokjin has fallen asleep by then, and yoongi puts the letter in his desk cabinet and closes it quietly. his head is full of multiple thoughts while he lays on his bed.
... and he's tossing and turning around but he can't get himself to fall asleep. after forty minutes of his unsuccessful attempt, he groans, getting off and throwing his quilt to one side. a small part of him is dying to know what else she had to say, but at the same time...
"fuck." he's cursing when he takes the letter back out, this time opening the balcony door quietly to make sure he doesn't wake seokjin up. the wind is blowing softly against his skin, and yoongi closes his eyes while he sighs, leaning against the wall of the balcony before he sits down and closes the sliding door.
❝it was so, so funny. sad, but funny.
i finally got to meet you as a fan, and look how fate ruined everything.
i could have just passed by like every other fan, but i had to make a huge fuss.❞
"you didn't make a fuss, shut the fuck up." he hisses, and he feels a little out of place, to curse while sitting all by himself.
❝you know what happened, right?❞
he did.
❝well, at least for me. i wanted to cry. because it was the worst time for my soulmate mark to appear.
while being seated right in front of you, while i had requested to for you to hold my hand.❞
yoongi wants to cry.
❝and just as fast as you reached your hand out and obliged to make a fellow army happy,
you took your hand away.
did your wrist feel like it was burning?❞
"so much, i even had tears in my eyes." he exhales, lips pursed a little as he tries to envision the scene in his head once again, the familiar face appearing into his head and making him feel hollow inside.
❝i wanted to cry.
not just because it was so painful...
but because if there was one person in the world i wish wasn't my soulmate, it was you.❞
"i wish that too..."
❝but you were, and i remember your widened eyes before i ran outside.
i even forgot to give you the present i saved up to get for you.
you're so stupid. how do you love slam dunk as much as you do and never remember to get a figurine for yourself?❞
yoongi doesn't just want to cry, now. he wanted to punch something, to break something as hard as the way he feels his heart breaking.
"so you were the one who sent me that figurine? well, good for you, because it sits proudly on my bedside table." he says, wiping his eyes with his sleeve a little.
❝thank you.
thank you for your amazing mixtape.
i can't really say i relate to how you felt, because i didn't suffer from the serious kinds of depressions and social anxiety as you did.
but do you know how horrible it feels to always be sad?
and you're aware that it's not depression, so there's nothing you can even blame it on...
besides yourself?❞
yoongi's head reels, his mind arranging words mentally because he was sure it would sound amazing in a rap. he feels horrible for thinking that.
❝you can't understand. because you didn't feel that.
and it's fine.❞
"it's not fine, shut up."
❝ahaha. my soulmate is a celebrity. there's a limit to how twisted fate can be...
shit.
i love you.❞
yoongi hasn't felt this emotional in a long while, and he puts the letter aside again, lying back on the concrete and covering his face with a hand. there's the sound of a firetruck passing by, and he slowly breathes out before he takes the last sheet out again.
❝we never really talked, anyways.❞
"and that's why i could tolerate you, unlike most others. you really need to give more credit to yourself." yoongi swears that when he'd find out where she was at and make a visit to her personally, the next chance where he gets to go back to daegu.
he's making plans as he slowly drifts off to sleep, sheet of paper still over his face. the next morning, seokjin is amused and takes pictures of him before waking yoongi up. he feels groggy, a little crabby even, heading straight for breakfast after tossing the letter back into his drawer and locking it.
after breakfast, yoongi makes a request to his producer to plan an emergency visit back to daegu. not going into details, he adds that he'd like to meet his parents as well, and bang pd-nim lets him know that he'd see what he can do.
and that's why yoongi holds onto everything he got to make sure he does not read the rest of the letter before he makes his visit.
it's three weeks later before he finally gets a weekend off.
usually, he'd just be lying on bed doing nothing, or writing some lyrics, so he has an irritated expression on his face when he climbs into the car along with the maknae line.
initially, it was only supposed to be the daegu-line; just him and taehyung, going back home, but the two 'busan-born idiots', as yoongi has decided to name them, had brainwashed the younger daegu boy into getting them to join as well.
yoongi is already tired by the time the car begins to start.
❝sometimes when i see lamb meat in stores, i'd impulsively go and buy them.
i'd ask my mum to make it for me, because i'm not good at cooking.❞
"i bet i can make a better dish than your mom can."
"hyung? did you say something?" jungkook, who's driving the car, has to say and yoongi shakes his head. jimin and taehyung have their eyes glued to their phones, and jungkook gives a little nod before he turns on his bluetooth speaker.
yoongi plugs his own earphones and starts to play some music.
❝but i'm not allowed to eat meat anymore.❞
he freezes. maybe reading this on the ride was not a good idea.
instead, he puts the letter back into his backpack, taking his phone out.
what he was about to do would be illegal, he was aware, but he feels like he has to do it. 'otherwise, i'd go insane', that's what he had decided for himself.
and just as he guessed, it's jimin who finds out and begins scolding him.
when jungkook and taehyung step out to buy snacks, jimin pokes yoongi's shoulder with a glare.
"hyung! why would you do that?!" he cries, finding out that yoongi had bribed a fanmeet manager.
"i'm going to meet a friend i haven't seen in a long time," he innocently shrugs. "so i have to find out her army membership details to get her address and contact number."
jimin looks ready to slap something, his head shaking in fast motions.
"that's illegal! there would have been other ways-"
"there isn't, trust me, i tried."
"then don't do it! if it's illegal, it's always wrong!" jimin loses it, punching the back of yoongi's seat in frustration. jungkook and taehyung step inside right then, and jimin's lips stay as a thin line for a while, before the maknae begins to crack stupid jokes.
❝oh, god. i love you.❞
two hours later, the boys arrive in daegu, an excited taehyung taking his two friends to visit his parents. the young trio agree to meet yoongi on sunday evening to head back, and yoongi takes a cab to the address he had received.
two hours later.
two hours later was when yoongi finds out a lot of things.
two hours later, he's standing in front of a classic two-storey house, there's potted plants around the porch and yoongi hesitates a little when he presses the bell. he's about to press it for the third time when a woman who looks like she's in her mid-fourties, opens the door.
"um, hello." yoongi gives a small bow, "i'm here to see if it's fine for me to meet my friend." he explains. locks of the woman's graying hair sway a little when she flinches as soon as he mentions her name.
"you want to meet her?"
"yes."
the woman nods, opening the door a little and yoongi obliges, taking off his shoes before he steps inside. she leads him into the living room where he is offered a seat, and she excuses herself for a minute and steps into a room at one corner.
yoongi is expecting to see the girl when the door opens with a loud creak again, but it's the same woman, a thick book in her hand while she takes a seat in front of him.
"let me give you her address." she says, tearing a sheet of paper and scribbling something on it. yoongi gives a nod, trying not to show the disappointment on his face for having to travel yet again. 'it'll be worth it,' he tells himself, and he thanks the woman, who bows a little, to him before seeing him off.
❝college is as hectic as ever. can you actually believe that i'm studying language?
and i still struggle with hangul.❞
"no wonder you always submitted your worksheets late. i always thought you were just plain stupid." yoongi has a little smirk on his face as he hands the paper to the driver and requests to be taken there.
it's not even three minutes before the cab stops, and yoongi raises an eyebrow in surprise. "what? we're here already?"
"yes, sir." the driver responds, taking the cab fare he hands. yoongi thanks him, picking his carry-on and opening the door.
"i think they close in an hour, just a reminder." the driver hands the paper back to him, and there's a perplexed expression on yoongi's face when he scrunches his nose a little. shrugging, he hops off, putting his face mask back on before he looks up.
and he's horrified.
he's horrified, because the first thing that catches his eye is the word 'cemetery'.
"what the fuck." his eyes fly to the note in his hand, and there's beads of sweat on his forehead when he sees block and row numbers, and instructions.
he lowers his bag, his chest throbbing while he tried to look from the note, to the sign on the front. and no matter how many times he looked, it remains the same and he wants to die.
bag still left unguarded, he breaks into a run, back to the address he's received from the fanmeet manager. he's breathless when the woman from earlier opens the door, and he makes no attempt to hide how he's feeling.
"that's a very horrible way of breaking the news to me." he's blunt, he's a little angry even, and the woman looks down at her feet, and there's a sad smile on her face as she speaks.
"the way she died was horrible too."
yoongi's lips are trembling again.
"and the worst part is that i can't even blame you. it's not your fault, it's not her fault, there's nothing i can blame this on... doing this was the only thing i could do and get away with it." the girl's mother now has tears streaming down from her eyes, and yoongi wants to blame her for his blurring vision.
he wants something to blame, anything... but she was right, there wasn't.
"which disease?" he's afraid of the answer, but he realizes that he needs to know, otherwise he'd go insane.
there's a pause, and the woman sighs, her eyes going doiwn to the floor as she simply says one word; one word that ruined everything for her, and yoongi both.
"hypoglycemia."
he's taking a few minutes to think through, and the woman looks at him, the way his lips are trembling.
"are you going to go back to visit her again?" she asks, and yoongi struggles to compose himself while he wipes his face with the back of his palm. he nods, bowing a little before he turns and walks back out. he feels hollow as he gets back on the road, it's actually quite close by to the address, and for once...
jimin was right.
if something is illegal, then it's wrong. and there's a part of yoongi who wishes he didn't bribe the manager, because jimin was exactly right about how illegal things are illegal for a reason.
never. he would never do anything illegal, he swears.
yoongi feels a little tensed as he steps inside, walking aimlessly till he reaches the information counter. he feels his heart burning as he mumbles her name to the security officer. the man, who doesn't look phased by the tears streaming down yoongi's face, leads him inside, and there's a lot of walking before they stop in front of a tombstone.
and there's a lot of those tombs, exactly like the one in front of him, but yoongi swears that her one was the prettiest. maybe that was because it has her name on it, but he really wishes there wasn't.
but it was, hangul characters engraved deep into the stone and yoongi realises that the way it's carved is no match for the way his heart was feeling at that moment. the guard leaves with a reminder than the place will be off limits in thirty-five minutes, and yoongi isn't paying much attention while he puts his carry-on on the soil and sitting down on it.
"i should have gotten some flowers."
❝i wish i got more time.❞
"i wish you did, too."
❝but then, i realize that i've known you for all these years... and nothing changed.
so me having more time would probably have been a waste.❞
yoongi's sneakers sink a little into the soil as he pauses for a second, making circles while he bites his bottom lip. there's no one around, and that's all the more reason why he wants to cry.
❝my favorite track from agust d's 1st mixtape is the very last one.❞
the 24-year-old sighs, mumbling the lyrics of the song under his breath. his gaze goes back to the stone and the soil in front of it. his voice is cracking, but he's singing and he knows he'd look like a fool.
❝everything is changing, but why am i still here?❞
"because you're important, you idiot."
❝and you didn't even lie.
you really are there for me.❞
"what the fuck, i wasn't..."
❝you asked me, and every single one listening to it, to dream...
that you'd be there for us.❞
his eyes are starting to hurt now as he breathes out and stops singing. "i wasn't there for you."
❝you were far away from me, maybe that's why you weren't physically able to do anything.
you have other things to do, so it's fine.❞
"you," yoongi hisses, "have something wrong with your head."
❝shit.
i love you, so much.❞
"i wish you didn't... i wish i loved you before it was too late."
❝thank you.
for being a moral support for me.
for giving me something i can obsess over, like a crazed college-girl; you.
i got away with telling people i love you, because in their eyes, you're suga. the 'agust d'. so loving you was normal.
but in my eyes, you're the poor boy from daegu who would take two steps to the side when a girl starts to pass by you.❞
a little smile forms on his face, he didn't think anyone noticed how awkward he'd been back then. "why are you like this?"
❝the boy who would wait until the basketball club students finishes their practice, so that he coul sneak into the gym and play by himself.
the boy who would leave half of his vegetables untouched but eat all the meat.
the boy who tried with all he had, worked his ass off, and still manage to stay as humble as you are while you've managed to get everything you wanted.
god.
i wanted to tell you that i love you, during the fanmeet.❞
"why didn't you?"
❝i had to leave in between...
and even if i did, you'd have said 'i love you too',
just like you do to every fan you meet.❞
for once, yoongi doesn't have anything to say, and he simply sits, the clear sky looks beautiful with puffy white clouds scattered all over the canvas... and yet, he's sure that his eyes would be puffier then, and it's hurting not just his eyes, but his heart, so much that it's unbearable.
❝i couldn't look you in the eyes after finding out that you're my soulmate.
because for all those years...
all that time i spent secretly being in love you felt like a waste.❞
"i'm so sorry..."
❝but it's not a waste, it's just... life, i guess? some people just get all the luck.
but i would never regret falling in love with you.
it's the only thing i did which i will never regret.❞
"you're so difficult, jeez." he mumbles, biting his lip a little as he flips the page to the other side. the final side, and he'd rather die than read what was written.
❝god...
i hate myself.
i'm such a hypocrite. i say i don't regret it, but i wish i didn't fall in love with you.
especially after you became an idol.
i really, really wished i didn't, after that.
and i totally blew it in the fanmeet, too.
that was the last time i was allowed to go out alone.❞
yoongi's head reels back to the day, when he had met her for the last time, where she had her hair neatly combed, paired with a bright smile as soon as they locked eyes.
and she had asked to hold his hand, and yoongi had done as requested...
❝we never really talked much anyways.❞
and they didn't. yoongi had found it weird that the girl wasn't doing any talking, because she simply sat, staring up at him with a smile on her face. and he had smiled back, squeezing her hand a little until he felt his wrist burning.
but his wrist was not burning; his soulmate mark was etching.
❝our soulmate mark appeared at the same time, just how cruel can life be?❞
and yoongi had let go of her hand with a little grunt, and the girl lost her balance, falling to the ground as her gaze went to her wrist.
❝when we both looked at our own wrists... and then saw each others, we were sure that we soulmates.
but both you and i...
we didn't want this to happen.❞
and now, yoongi has his face scrunched up as he cried, a fist clenching and hitting the soil as he tries to let out how frustrated he feels.
❝but for one thing, i'm glad i do love you...
what if your soulmate was someone, who didn't love you back?❞
"why are you bothering about my health at a time like this, i swear to god." he breathes heavily, noticing a small bug on the soil. he feels defensive as he flicks the bug away before he wipes his face with the sleeve of shirt.
❝... god, i love you, min yoongi.❞
there's a person who's voice announces that there's five more minutes before closing time. yoongi really, really hates outdoors, but he promises to himself that he'll visit this place every single time he got to daegu.
❝add a 'so' before you say 'far away'.
it hurts less.❞
"it still hurts me, how do you expect me to go through with this?"
❝because then, you can blame it on the distance.
back in high school, i was right beside you.
but it always felt like i was really far away from you.❞
yoongi stands up, taking a fresh piece of paper from his carry-on. fishing around for a while gets him a pen, and he balances the paper on his thigh while he starts writing hangul characters.
❝shit, i love you so much. ❞
yoongi has a satisfied expression as he nods at the piece of paper multiple times. getting up on his feet and brushing off his pants a little, he bends down and places the paper right beside the tombstone.
❝ and despite everything, i have no regrets. ❞
"next time, i'll bring you some flowers. a lot of them. i promise you that." he says, taking a bit of soil and putting it over his note, making sure it doesn't fly away.
❝ and i'll be your number one fan forever, your biggest fan even from before you became famous.
a fan who's always...
(so) far away.❞
"and i'll love you forever, even though you're (so) far away."
the end.
💫
"삶의 끝에 함께 하리"
"let's be together at the end of life."
- hmu on twt; @peppusae ;”)
#min yoongi#yoongi#suga#agust d#suga angst#bts#bts angst#oneshot#bangtan#bangtan sonyeondan#min yoongi angst#yoongi angst#angst#kpop angst#soulmate au
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Kallista burst into a fit of giggles. “God they bought that hook line and sinker, how gullible can you be?”
Ronan glanced down at her with a smirk, “I made it all up. Complete and utter bullshit.”
“Pfft, I figured as much. I didn’t understand a word you said, but it was certainly convincing. If I didn’t know any better, I would’ve thought you were an actual wine critic.” She patted him on the back and cheerfully crowed “Carmadys 1, Aristocrats 0!”
A spiritual sequel/insert to a fic I wrote a couple of months ago. You can find the rest of the fic, as well as a close up of the art under the cut!
Wine Wednesday
The late afternoon sun cast its golden glow across the bustling city of Holden. Because of the holiday, the streets and shops seemed fuller than usual, but once Kallista and Ronan crossed into the Marble District, the crowds thinned out. Ronan followed closely behind his daughter, unsure of where she was dragging him to. They rarely came this far into the Marble District outside of work or to use the bath houses, so when she mentioned she was taking him to a bar he’d been a little confused.
After a short walk, they found themselves at a wine bar. The place was lavishly decorated, full of priceless works of art, everything embellished with gold and silver, and countless shelves of wine lined the walls. Judging by the decor, the location, and the clientele, it was clear this place was incredibly expensive and incredibly exclusive. Ronan shuddered to think what booking a tasting here must have cost her.
After checking in with the hostess, they were ushered into a large room full of people, many of whom were also there to enjoy the holiday. Everything was going well until…
"You must be joking"
A young server stood before Ronan, bottle in hand, having just poured two fingers worth of wine into his large glass. They flinched at his disapproving tone, eyes looking anywhere but at him. They looked petrified. "I'm afraid not sir-"
Ronan cut them off immediately. "How am I supposed to taste this if you gave me the tiniest splash imaginable.” he snarled, gesturing to the pitiful amount of wine in his glass. “You can’t possibly expect anyone to be able to savor anything with this.”
"S-sir, this is the customary amount of wine for tastings, I'm not really sure what you want me to do..." the server stammered, inching back ever so slightly from Ronan’s ire filled gaze. The disgruntled tiefling opened his mouth to protest once more but stopped short when he heard a loud cough at his side.
Kallista, who’d been watching them and trying very hard not to laugh, stepped between them before the conversation could escalate any further. Ronan narrowed his eyes at her in suspicion. She winked at him over her shoulder before turning her attention back to the server and smiling warmly down at them. Her voice sounded sickeningly sweet and, to a trained ear such as Ronan’s, incredibly fake.
"My dear, have you ever met or served tieflings before?"
"I...well I can't say I have...only seen them from afar...never talked to one before..." they mumbled, their eyes nervously flicking between her and Ronan, then between Kallista’s red eyes and her sharp teeth. They shuddered.
"Well then, this little disagreement makes perfect sense then!” she clapped her hands together enthusiastically, her smile growing slightly wider. The server jumped at the sound, but seemed somewhat relieved by the fact that their apparent blunder was a common mistake and that she wasn’t as angry as Ronan was.
Kallista continued, “You see, because of our demonic lineage, our taste buds are much duller than those of say, an elf or a human such as yourself. So it takes much larger quantities of things for us to be able to taste, which is why my father here-” she placed a hand on his shoulder, “- reacted the way he did."
It took everything in Ronan’s power not to roll his eyes.
The server frowned slightly as they considered this new information. They looked from Kallista to Ronan, then to the people around them, then back at them. They nervously picked at the label on the bottle as they spoke, "Um...well...I guess that makes sense..."
"Splendid!” Kallista said cheerily, clapping her hands together again. “So, just for future reference, if you ever get more tiefling patrons, make sure to fill their glasses to around here," she tapped a long nail near the brim of her glass, "so that they can have the proper amount needed for tasting."
"Thank you so much miss! I'll make sure to do that from now on. Sorry for the misunderstanding.” they nodded and smiled timidly up at her as they filled both their glasses, careful not to look Ronan in the eye as they emptied the bottle into his glass. Once done, they bowed slightly and turned to leave.
The two tieflings, glasses filled nearly to the brim with wine, watched the server’s hasty retreat. Kallista smiled and waved at them somewhat mockingly when they turned to look back at them before they disappeared into the crowd in search of a new bottle.
After a long sip from his glass, Ronan gave Kallista a mildly amused look as he switched to Infernal. "That was the most bullshit excuse I've ever heard you come up with.”
Kallista grinned at him from over the top of her glass, arching an eyebrow, "Is it though?"
Ronan paused for a moment in thought, brow furrowing slightly as he racked his brain for similar wild tales she’d told. After a few seconds he gave up and let out an exasperated sigh. There were too many to count, all equally ridiculous. "....Okay maybe not."
She snickered. “You should be glad one of us is charming and capable of holding conversations. And besides, they bought it and your glass is full, and will stay full so long as they serve us, so there's really no reason to complain."
Ronan grumbled in response, taking a long sip of his drink. She was right of course, painfully so, but he wasn’t about to inflate her ego by agreeing with her. He glanced up at their surroundings for a moment, eyes darting from one noble to the next, listening to their idle chatter for a few seconds before he wrinkled his nose in disgust. "Well I have a fair amount of complaints about our fellow patrons."
Kallista sighed, swirling her wine around in the glass a bit as she watched the crowd. "Yes well I can't do much about that in particular. The company may leave much to be desired, but the wine selection here is phenomenal, so I figured we should at least try it out, especially since most bars in the lower districts are quite lacking in the wine department."
Ronan frowned and turned to face her. "Since when do you drink in the Marble District?"
She shrugged, taking another sip of her wine. "I came for work. Had to get chummy with a duke and this was his favorite place. And thank goodness for that, the man was an insufferable bore."
Ronan snorted in response but said nothing. Her line of work was a little too socially involved for his taste and he’d never understand how she managed to talk to so many people all the time, but it clearly had its perks, if the exquisite glass of wine he was currently drinking was anything to go by.
They sat in companionable silence, drinking their wine and taking in the atmosphere. After some time, Kallista noticed Ronan’s trademark scowl had grown more intense, very obviously aimed towards the packs of people milling about, who were giving them strange looks and talking about them in hushed whispers. Kallista frowned, her tail swishing around her legs in annoyance as she shot the newest set of onlookers a nasty glare. This would not do. Today was his day and she was going to make damn sure he had a good time, nobles be damned.
Kallista shuffled close to his side, placing her free hand on his shoulder to get his attention. He gave her a questioning look but leaned down slightly to humor her.
“I know a good way we could pass the time and annoy the hell out of some nobles.” she said in a sing song voice.
He let out an overdramatic sigh. “And what would that be?”
“We can pretend we're different people. Like royalty or nobles or business tycoons or some shit, and make fun of them later. Or during, it’s really up to you.”
Ronan pulled away a bit to give her a puzzled look. “We already do that almost every day. Why do you want to do it now?”
She scoffed, gesturing widely with her glass. “I mean yeah, sure, we do it for work, but how often do we do it for fun? Or to fuck with people?”
He grumbled. Ok maybe she had a point. He narrowed his eyes at her slightly as he considered the little game she was proposing. “What if we get thrown out?”
Kallista’s grin grew ever so slightly. Good, he was at least considering it. “I doubt that'll happen, but if it does, I know a guy who works here that can get us some wine at very competitive rates.”
“And what if you need to come back for work?”
Kallista placed her hand on her hip and gave him a look of disbelief. “Do you really think I come up here looking like this when I have a date? Honestly?”
Ronan scowled, rolling his eyes at her little display, “I suppose not.”
They stood in silence again for a couple minutes, Kallista watching him, Ronan doing his best not to take notice of the growing amount of glares the two of them were getting and failing miserably. Eventually his annoyance outweighed his desire to remain anonymous, and he let out a disgruntled sigh before chugging what was left of his wine. Kallista sidled up next to him again with a toothy grin.
“Weeeeeeeell?”
“Oh fine. I suppose it could be entertaining to see how gullible these people are and watch them squirm after they've been so rude and obvious.”
Kallista cheered and did an excited little hop at his response, grinning mischievously as she hooked her arm around his. “Ok, just follow my lead.”
She quickly finished off her drink and led him forward, pausing momentarily to get their glasses refilled by their server, then dragged him towards one of the clusters of nobles who’d been staring. They looked a bit taken aback by their sudden close proximity, and some of them even took a step back. Kallista ignored them, putting on a winning smile and nodding to them all in greeting.
“I’m ever so sorry for the intrusion, but we couldn’t help but notice the looks you were giving us, so we decided to come over and introduce ourselves.”
The nobles gasped at her accusation, murmuring amongst themselves before one of them spoke. “Well, pardon us for being shocked by your presence, we don’t usually see your kind here, to put it simply.” The others looked amongst themselves nervously, a few of them nodding.
Kallista was unfazed. “Yes, well, believe it or not, anyone’s money is good here, including ‘our kind’s. It would be bad for business to turn people away after all.” The majority of the group said nothing, looking around awkwardly, but the one who’d spoken still looked confrontational. Kallista took that as her cue to step it up a notch.
She let go of Ronan’s arm and placed her hand on her hip, gesturing towards the man with her glass. “You still don’t seem convinced we should be here. Fine, I’ll let you all in on a little secret then. My father and I-” she gestured towards Ronan, who nodded, “-are food critics! We have a column called ‘Fresh Perspectives’ that we put out bimonthly! I focus more on the food side of things, dad’s the wine connoisseur. While we’re here tonight for the holiday, we figured it’d be a wonderful time to come see what sort of wine this place has to offer!”
Some of the group seemed surprised and interested by this revelation. Others, like the protester, seemed somewhat confused or skeptical. “I’ve never heard of your so called column. And besides, why should anyone listen to your opinion on food and drink when the majority of you live in your own isolated district away from good cuisine?”
Ronan shot them a nasty glare but said nothing. Kallista on the other hand crossed her free arm over her chest and scoffed. “Well, first of all, we're all quite capable of walking and leaving the district you’re referring to. You might want to try it too some time. Might open your eyes a bit to what the real world is like.”
Some of his companions snickered, others looked appalled. The leader of the group was speechless, fumbling wordlessly as he tried to think of a good comeback.
Ronan’s lips twitched up into a smirk. She was right. This was definitely fun.
Kallista waved her hand in the air dismissively, “Regardless, the fact that tieflings generally aren’t used to the high life actually works in our favor. Our palettes aren’t as over exposed to rich flavors as yours might be, so we can give more honest criticism on the foods we eat. That’s why it’s called ‘Fresh Perspectives’ you see. After all, wouldn’t you prefer an unbiased, fresh opinion over say, one of your rich local food critics who eats these sorts of foods every single day?”
The leader hesitated for a moment in thought, but eventually spoke in a halting tone, “Yes...well...I can see how that might be beneficial to some people…” After a few seconds of silence, he glanced over at Ronan, a suspicious glint in their eye. “You haven’t said a word since you two waltzed over here. Tell, me if you’re a ‘wine connoisseur’ as your daughter claims, what are your impressions on-” he stopped mid sentence with a look of horror as he noticed the obscene amount of wine in Ronan’s glass. “Why on earth do you have so much?!”
Ronan gave him bored look, “Obviously if I want to write a proper review I need to drink a good amount of the thing I’m reviewing.” he deadpanned, tapping one of his long nails idly against the glass.
The noble stammered a bit, but eventually composed himself enough to finish his earlier question. “Alright then, what are your impressions of the wine you’re drinking Mr Wine Expert? Please, illuminate us with your thoughts.” he gestured towards his companions, who stepped forward slightly, their curiosity piqued by the confrontation.
Ronan was silent for a few moments, staring down the individual before him. Eventually he brought his glass up close to his his face, making a big show of swirling it around and admiring the wine’s bouquet for several moments, before he took a long, careful sip. He savored it for a few seconds before swallowing.
A tense silence fell upon the group as they waited with baited breath for Ronan to give his review. When he finally spoke, he launched into a highly detailed, long winded analysis of the wine, filled with flowery language and technical terms. The group looked on in shock, totally engrossed in his appraisal, the leader included.
Once Ronan was done, the group apologized to them profusely for being so rude and thanked them for the impressive review. Some even said they’d be on the lookout for their column. After a few more minutes of idle chit chat, Ronan and Kallista excused themselves to go look for more wine. Once they were out of sight, Kallista burst into a fit of giggles. “God they bought that hook line and sinker, how gullible can you be?”
Ronan glanced down at her with a smirk, “I made it all up. Complete and utter bullshit.”
“Pfft, I figured as much. I didn’t understand a word you said, but it was certainly convincing. If I didn’t know any better I would’ve thought you were an actual wine critic.” She patted him on the back and cheerfully crowed “Carmadys 1, Aristocrats 0!”
They spent the rest of the afternoon in much the same fashion, picking out different clusters of seemingly disapproving patrons and tricking them into thinking they were different people, all while poking fun at them with snide remarks. With each group they approached, they created new aliases, each one more ridiculous than the last. From owners of the largest gold mine in the south, to knights for the emperor, Kallista and Ronan played each role flawlessly. Nearly everyone they encountered was convinced of their lies, and those who seemed skeptical were met with scorn, both from them and from their more easily tricked companions.
After several turns about the room and several glasses of wine, they retreated to a back corner to take a break from the excitement, opting to people watch instead. Between the large amount of wine in their systems and the enjoyment they got out of tricking so many people, they were both in much better moods.
Ronan let out a disgusted noise, gesturing with his glass towards a nearby nobleman, “Is that supposed to be a wig? It looks like an animal died on his head.”
“Honestly it looks like it could just crawl off his head at any moment.” She drawled, placing her hand on his shoulder and leaning against him slightly so they could gossip a bit more secretively. She silently pointed out another person in the crowd to him.
“And they were giving me shit for my sweater? What in the hell is that.”
“It’s the latest fashion among Holden’s elite supposedly, but if you ask me it’s absolutely atrocious.”
Despite their attempts to keep quiet, one of the people closest to them heard their conversation and turned to give them a heated glare.
Ronan rolled his eyes at them and sneered, “By all means, stick your nose up at us. Saves us the displeasure of having to look at your face.”
Kallista howled with laughter at that, and laughed even harder at the wounded look on the person’s face as they trudged away. Distracted by the comical scene before her, she didn’t notice Baskerville wiggling out of her bag and climbing onto her shoulder in search of the hors d'oeuvres.
A blood curdling scream cut through the loud conversations being had around the room, and the music abruptly stopped. Kallista looked around in mock concern. “Good lord who died?” she asked sarcastically.
A noblewoman a few feet away, presumably the one who’d screamed, was pointing directly at Kallista’s shoulder, a look of horror on her face. “There’s a r-r-r-RAT!”
Ronan scoffed, arching an eyebrow at the woman, “I’m not sure why you’re screaming. Your outfit is much more alarming than my daughter’s rat.”
“He’s dressed to the nines too!” Kallista chimed in, pointing at Baskerville with a grin. “I mean, look at his embroidered silk vest! And his gold collar! He’s the most handsome person here!”
Out of the corner of his eye, Ronan noticed one of the managers making his way across the room towards them. He leaned over to warn Kallista in a low voice, then plucked Baskerville from her shoulder and tucked him into the wide neck of his sweater to keep him safe. Kallista motioned for him to go, giving him a confident nod before she strode forward to talk their way out of trouble with an apologetic smile.
Ronan slunk through the crowd, keeping to the shadows and along the edges of the room when he could. Thankfully most of the people present were too engrossed in watching the scandal that was currently unfolding, so no one seemed to notice him. With this in mind, he took the opportunity to swipe one of the more expensive bottles of wine they’d been offering during the tasting, and slipped it into his shopping bag from earlier. With that, he disappeared out the front door.
About 10 minutes later, Kallista emerged from the bar, still chatting with the manager who’d come to reprimand them. They seemed to be in a slightly better mood from what Ronan could tell, so it was clear she’d once again talked her way out of trouble. He chuckled a bit at the thought. He knew full well how persuasive she could be, having fallen victim to it himself on many occasions, especially when she was little.
After excusing herself, Kallista trotted over to where Ronan stood a block away. “Well, we certainly lasted longer than I thought we would, and we didn’t get kicked out, which is good.” Ronan hummed absentmindedly in agreement, following by her side as she led them towards the gates to the Plaster District.
Kallista glanced over at him and smiled warmly when she caught him scratching Baskerville lovingly behind the ears. Baskerville had been rendered into a puddle of happy squeaking fluff nestled against Ronan's neck. “You know it’s partially his fault we had to leave.” she said loudly to make sure Ronan heard.
He shot her a nasty glare. “He did nothing wrong and you know it.”
Kallista laughed and shook her head disbelief. His soft spot for Baskerville nearly rivaled hers sometimes, and she could never resist poking fun at him for it.
After walking in silence for some time, Kallista let out a sad sigh. “I wish we’d gotten a bottle while we were there. Now what the hell are we supposed to drink on the roof later?”
Ronan said nothing, waiting until they’d crossed districts and turned down an alley before he stopped and showed Kallista the bottle he’d slipped into his bag. Her eyes widened in shock for a moment before she laughed, patting him on the back gleefully as she led him towards their next destination.
#hi i spent weeks on this drawing and this dumb fic so here you go#please enjoy reading this garbage#i'm proud of the drawing at least :)#kallista#ronan#tiefling#illustration#dnd#dungeons and dragons#oc#writing#gold#demon#wine
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