natsume is releasing a new harvest moon game that looks semi-decent... but I can't bring myself to support them at all. they're using the harvest moon name to trick people into buying because there are still a lot of people who don't realise story of seasons is the original harvest moon (natsume is the publisher, not developer. since then natsume split from marvelous but kept the name) sure the game looks a lot better than the lost valley (natsumes first harvest moon solo release) which I played for about 10 mins and couldn't bear to play any more of it </3 but it doesn't mean it will be any good.

farming sims are HUGE now. there are new ones being released every month it feels like, and I love that for me, but sometimes they really miss the mark. I personally prefer small maps for example, I prefer games focusing on the farming (not to say I don't like larger maps or anything but it can be a lot to manage, especially time-wise) I keep trying to enjoy coral island but it's HUGE and not entirely easy to navigate at first so it keeps putting me off 😭 it's really good in itself but I need more time with it me thinks

yeah im gonna continue being a hater tonight. the elesa battle is. bad.

Sorry for asking but I am a cis male teenager (well, I thought I was.) but lately I have realized I think I might be a trans girl? I am very scared to drop my masculinity. How did you find out you were trans if that’s okay to ask?

Of course it's ok! I am always happy to help someone who is questioning their gender. However, this is actually a pretty loaded question, because while there is a lot of talk about "when my egg cracked" in trans circles, figuring out you're trans isn't always attributable to any one singular event. Some folks might crack through and emerge from their egg in one swift motion but that is not true for everyone, it certainly wasn't true for me. Sure I could tell about the moment the first crack in my shell appeared, but a single crack in the egg is a far cry from actually breaking out. For many it's a process that can involve a series of revelations and tends to require lots of self reflection and learning how to love yourself. So, there is no quick and easy answer for this. However, I think my story will have a number of different lessons relevant to your question.

Before getting into all that though, I feel I must point out that cisgender folks rarely ask themselves these kinds of questions and when they do entertain these thoughts it's brief and comes with very little agony. The fact you have gone so far as to reach out to trans woman for advice, the fact the you are clearly worried by the prospect of being trans, is a pretty clear indicator that you probably are trans. Regardless of whether you actually are transgender or not, I want you to know that either way, it's ok. You will be ok, no matter what conclusions you come to.

Now, the story of how I figured out I was trans. Bear in mind, the first “aha moment” was 20 yrs ago and things were very different back then. I was about 17yrs old at the time and the term transgender didn't have the currency then that it does now, there wasn't the robust set of terminology that we have today, there were far fewer resources to turn to, no social media, and the overall public opinion was significantly more hostile towards anything LGBT. Anyway, more below the cut.

I didn't follow the typical trans narrative of the time in the sense that, as a child I didn't really care about my clothes so long as my favorite cartoon characters were on 'em, I liked toys typically marketed towards boys, I looked like a boy and everyone referred to me as a boy. So I thought I was a boy. However, I do have a vague memory from early childhood, somewhere between the ages of 4-6, of sneaking into my mother’s room and stealing a pair of her satin underwear and trying it on (it surely would have been too big on me but I remember liking the texture of the fabric) and hiding it under my bed. This memory has since been confirmed during my adulthood by my brother who shared a room with me at the time and had apparently found the hidden stash.

From an early age I was explicitly shunted towards masculinity. I was regularly told to “stop acting like a girl,” and “quit crying like a girl,” and even at one point to “stop walking like a girl,” by my peers and one of my brothers. By the time I was a teenager I was doing my best to be as masculine as possible going so far as joining the highschool wrestling team, a sport that is as homophobic as it is homoerotic, and I hated every minute of it because being manly didn't feel natural to me (and it definitely didn't stop the bullying). It felt like I was trying to ice skate uphill. I fit in but only imperfectly for I was merely acting.

I was also very confused about my sexuality. I thought maybe I was gay or bisexual (turns out the latter) but that didn’t really explain what I was feeling. Around 17yrs old I got curious about transsexuals, thinking maybe the answers would be found there and hoped on to the early and oh so clunky internet. Now I knew of transsexuals conceptually but I didn't know anything about them. Sadly, pornography was really the only reliable way to actually see what a trans body looked like back then. I was stunned because the women I saw did not look at all the way I expected. I was blown away by how so many of them, genitalia aside, looked indistinguishable from cisgender women. And they were all absurdly beautiful. I felt an immediate attraction but there was something else I felt too, envy. And that realization was the first crack in my eggshell.

After that I couldn't get the thought of crossdressing out of my head. So, I dug through a box of my mother's old clothes and took a few items she no longer wore, an old white tennis skirt and a very very 70s sleeveless orange blouse. I was so comfortable in those clothes and when I looked at myself in the mirror I felt good, really good. So, I continued exploring, shaved off all of of my body hair, went to department stores that were open late at night to buy girl clothes (deathly afraid someone would recognize me), I would stay up late at night to watch HBO because at midnight they would occasionally air stuff about trans people, (I remember two documentary shorts in particular and the movie Soldier’s Girl) and I scoured the internet for more information. The internet search brought me to a website called TG list (at least I think that’s what it was called, this was 20yrs ago after all) which was a directory of resources ranging from The Breast Form Store (which still exists!), a myriad of gender identity quizzes (I took nearly every single one), and Susan’s Place.

Susan’s place was one of the few reliable places to hear from actual transgender adults. Unfortunately, while Susan's Place had a lot of useful information the forums there were full of horror stories, a never-ending supply of all the things those women had suffered. So needless to say, there was little to no positivity around transness to give me hope. I was afraid to call myself trans as a result, afraid of what it meant for my life, my future, and my physical safety (you have to remember that back then Mathew Shepard wasn’t old news, his tragedy was practically current events). So I called myself a crossdresser but for reasons I didn't understand at the time I deeply resented that label. I think deep down, no matter how much I tried to deny it and bury it, a part of knew I wanted to be a girl. So when I came out to my parents as a crossdresser and explicitly told them I wasn't trans, that I didn’t have any desire to transition to female, there was that lil voice at the back of my mind calling me a liar. That voice would follow me until my late 20s.

Coming out was a real struggle for me because not only did I think my life would literally be in jeopardy, I thought everyone would think I was making it up, having not followed the stereotypical models of transsexuality. When I came out to my parents they didn't disown me or anything but they were noticeably uncomfortable around me when I was in girl mode. At a certain point I needed their help (credit card) to buy a gaff for tucking and that was when my parents, out of a misguided desire to protect me, pushed me back into the egg. Because of their rejection I spent the rest of highschool and most of my college years trying to hold the egg together with even more denial and by doubling down on masculinity. While I did have some fun during my college years, on balance I was miserable and depressed. I chafed at my male costume and I knew I was lying to myself the entire time, and I hurt myself a great deal.

During my senior year of college I started privately dabbling with crossdressing again, the desire had been nagging at me incessantly. A short time after graduating I met my wife who accepted that side of me and she introduced me to the BDSM/kink community, and the overall culture of nonjudgmental acceptance there cracked the egg for good, because is provided spaces besides my own room where I felt safe being a girl. From that point on I slowly but surely came out of the egg, first calling myself a crossdresser, then genderfluid for awhile, then GENDA passed in NY making me an explicitly protected class and for the next 2 yrs I presented as a they/them genderqueer woman 100% full time without HRT (I was still reluctant to call myself a woman).

I wrestled a long time with the choice to go on HRT. Ultimately that was always a big stumbling block for me. Therapy had gotten me pretty far but I was still afraid of so much and was unsure I would be happy with the changes because my parents had initially rejected me as their daughter in very paternalistic fashion I struggled to trust my own instincts. I still struggle with that sometimes. Eventually, I befriended a trans woman in my neighborhood who pointed out HRT works very slowly and that it takes a long time for any permanent changes to take root. So, she suggested I give it a try and if it didn't feel right I could stop.

I was also taking gender identity quizzes again. Now most of these claim to be diagnostic and those ones a generally misogynistic garbage (they ask stupid questions like, “are you good at math?” and assign a gendered value to the answer) but I happened upon one that started with the disclaimer that it wasn't diagnostic and instead only offered questions that are good to think with. Two questions in particular were very helpful. The first asked, "If you could take a pill that would allow you to wake up tomorrow as a girl, would you take it?" My answer was a hesitant yes, but that yes was bolstered by the next question, "If you could take a pill that would allow you to wake up as a man, in your current body, but without any dysphoria or desires to be feminine, would you take it?" My answer was an emphatic no because that would have felt like killing an important part of myself off. I then at the age of 33yrs old started HRT and 4yrs in I am incredibly happy. That was one of the best decisions I have ever made.

Now, I know that was a lot of fucking text to read but I wrote all of that because I know the prospect of maybe being a trans girl feels scary to you right now but I want to assure you that as daunting as it may seem there is so much about being a trans woman that is full of beauty and joy. I love my trans womanhood and despite the hardships, I wouldn’t give it up for anything. In fact the opposite is true. Knowing what I know now, I would give up almost everything in order to be a woman. So if you feel like you want to give girlhood a try, do it! You can take small incremental steps and you can always stop if it doesn’t feel right, either way you will gain a degree of self knowledge most cisgender people lack completely and that is absolutely priceless! Plus, unlike me when I was a teen, there’s all kinds of resources and information available to you now and an entire community of people ready to help you, and unlike the women in the forums from my past, we aren’t all gloom and doom.

As for your fear of giving up masculinity, don’t let that fear lure you into the denial trap like it did me. Denial is like quicksand, once you’re in it becomes hard to get out, the more you struggle the deeper in you go and it is so very suffocating. And the thing is, you actually don’t have to give it all up. Back when I was presenting full time as woman without HRT, I felt like I had to be ultra feminine all the time, full face of make-up, dress, heels, the whole nine yards. Now that I’m 4 yrs in with HRT I don’t feel that pressure anymore and have since reclaimed certain aspects of masculinity I actually liked. I sill like presenting high femme from time to time but these days I mostly rock a soft butch aesthetic, flannel/t-shirt, jeans and the only makeup I wear daily is just a lil bit of blush. At certain point you become comfortable and realize that gender is just a sandbox to play in and experiment. Masculine and Feminine are just concepts, they aren’t real! so regardless of being cis or trans, don’t let those mere concepts box you in! Just do what feels natural and right to you!

I hope all of that was helpful to you anon, and that at the very least you walk away from this knowing you don’t have to have all of the answers about yourself right now. Now, I don't no the particulars of your situation, so I’m happy to speak with you further if you have follow up questions, just send another anon.

Best of luck to you anon, I am rooting for you!

Big hugs,

Mother Calamity

Submission Guidelines/Disclaimers

First, things to keep in mind when you submit:

there is a limit of 12 answers for polls, and on this blog one of those answers will always be 'show results,' to allow for people that the poll doesn't apply to to see without skewing data. so in reality you have a maximum of 11.

there's also an 80-character limit on the options

SO, if you go over those limits, know that I will take it into my own hands to decide which answers to omit and/or how to re-word it to fit the limit.

even otherwise, expect that the wording of your submission may be slightly altered in order to be more inclusive (when it doesn't affect the data), or because i think you missed an option that you probably meant to include, or just to make it sound less clunky. if you have an issue with any changes upon posting, i'm happy to hear you out.

it'll likely be about a 4-5 day wait between the time you submit and the time it gets posted, with the current number of submissions i have + my own polls

if your poll is addressing a very small group, don't be surprised or angry when the 'see results' poll is the biggest. that needs to be there to keep data from being skewed by anyone's curiosity.

Base Guidelines For Submitting:

poll must be related to being trans. it doesn't have to be exclusively directed at trans people, but if you want cis people to be allowed to answer, please make that clear in your submission. otherwise i'll default to it being a trans-only poll.

it CAN be directed at a specific type of trans person, such as trans men/women, non-binary people, trans lesbians, trans moc, etc - literally you can address any specific trans group you want, just make sure to say so.

it CAN relate to sex, just try to be tasteful about it.

What would make me NOT post a submission:

if it's an opinion poll about the validity of any particular type of trans person. "validity" is a moot topic and i'm not going to encourage it, and in any case i'd like the focus of this blog to be about recording experiences (real, undeniable, forever in stone) rather than opinions (always changing, meaningless)

if it's something like "trans people: do you like pineapple on pizza?" or some other question that doesn't actually have anything to do with being trans. if you wanna send something like this, make your case for why it's relevant that the poll is directed at trans people.

if it's some other obviously offensive shit, obviously. no racism or whatnot here.

FAQ:

Who counts as trans?/Can I vote on a poll for trans people if I'm nonbinary?

We self-define here, so if you consider yourself trans, you're trans. Non-binary is definitionally under the trans umbrella - though you're not obligated to consider yourself trans if you don't relate to a trans experience.

Why isn't there an option for X?/You missed an option.

Sometimes I may genuinely miss an option, but 9 times out of 10 the lack of the option is either due to the poll limits on tumblr, or because it goes against the point of the poll. For example, if the question begins with "If you're on HRT," then "i'm not on HRT" isn't going to be an option. If the prerequisite of the poll doesn't apply to you, then what you click is "see results." If it's something a little less concrete, polls will always include some kind of "other" option anyway.

Can you get rid of the 'see results' button? Or can you not include it on this particular poll? I only want X people to respond. This poll is ONLY for X people.

If a poll is on this blog, it's for everyone, questioning and simply curious people included. It's also not going to stop curious people from clicking if there's no 'see results' button. It ensures that the data doesn't get skewed, and gathering data is what polls are for. It doesn't hurt you to see a big see results bar. The data is still there. If the bar does wind up obscuring more significant data, that means the poll was addressing too small of a group to begin with. And that's NOT the end of the world. This blog is far from the only place where you can get information about other trans people's experiences.

Warning: Ineffable tragedy ahead

I was fidgeting with the possible implication of this post by @aduckwithears and this post by @newfangledfancy because there was something in this sword discussion that hooked my little fanart brain. But as I was mentally sketching ideas I'm afraid I managed to grasp the mental image that was vaguely floating in the back of my mind since the beginning of this sword detail speculation.

It was Gaetano Previati's painting inspired by the episode of Paolo and Francesca in the Canto V of the Divine comedy.

Paolo e Francesca, Gaetano Previati, ca 1887.

If you don't know the episode, it tells the story (an actual historical episode that, at the time, caused such an outcry that some historians compare it to the public reaction that followed Lady Diana's death in the 90s) of a married woman who secretly falls in love with his husband's brother, who secretly loves her back, and for a while they manage to bury their passion, mainly by denying it and not acknowledging it even with themselves. They suppress their feelings so violently that they become dangerously unaware of them, and one day, while they were alone together "without any suspicion" (of their possible fall, so sure they were to have canceled their mutual attraction - but of course it's telling that they chose to spent time together, away from anyone else), they start reading a book about, of all things, the legend of King Arthur, and when they come to the part of Lancelot kissing Guinevere, they are suddenly overwhelmed by their feelings and kiss (here it's were I remind you of the two little figures, one black and one white, kissing in the theater during the title sequence of s2: passion ignited by fiction, be it a novel by Jane Austen or a Richard Curtis movie). And right away they are surprised by her husband, who kills them both with a single stroke of his sword.

This is how Dante tells the story (Francesca is speaking here, and the most relevant part of Dante's retelling is that she and Paolo are depicted as "one character split in two" - I don't need to explain how this is linked to our ineffable husbands) [tentative english translation below]:

"Amor, ch'al cor gentil ratto s'apprende, prese costui de la bella persona che mi fu tolta; e 'l modo ancor m'offende.

Amor, ch’a nullo amato amar perdona, mi prese del costui piacer sì forte, che, come vedi, ancor non m’abbandona.

Amor condusse noi ad una morte. Caina attende chi a vita ci spense. [...]

Noi leggiavamo un giorno per diletto di Lancialotto come amor lo strinse; soli eravamo e sanza alcun sospetto.

Per più fïate li occhi ci sospinse quella lettura, e scolorocci il viso; ma solo un punto fu quel che ci vinse.

Quando leggemmo il disïato riso esser basciato da cotanto amante, questi, che mai da me non fia diviso,

la bocca mi basciò tutto tremante. Galeotto fu ’l libro e chi lo scrisse: quel giorno più non vi leggemmo avante."

Love, that quickly seizes the gentle heart, enthralled him with the beautiful person (1) that was taken from me, and the way (2) still insults me.

Love, that forgives no beloved from loving back, enthralled me with his pleasure (3) so strongly, that, as you see, it still doesn't leave me;

Love brought us to one death; ⁠Caïna (4) awaits him who quenched us from life. [...]

We were reading one day, as a pastime, about Lancelot, and how love seized him; we were alone and without any suspicion (5).

Many times that reading made us raise our eyes, and turned us pale, but only one point was able to overcome us.

Whene we read of the desired smile being kissed by such a lover, this one, who never from me shall be divided,

kissed my mouth all trembling. ⁠Galeotto (6) was the book and he who wrote it. ⁠That day we did not read it any farther.

[sorry if it sounds clunky, I tried to translate the words in a way that conveys also the most widly accepted interpretation of certain passages, but it's still an allegorical poem from the XIII century... here's some notes to clarify a couple of points:

(1) "beautiful person": to be intended as both body and soul.

(2) "and the way": meaning the way in which they were murdered.

(3) "his pleasure": meaning the pleasure of being loved by him.

(4) "⁠Caïna": one of the 4 regions that form the deepest circle of hell, where traitors are punished (the Caina is the place where traitors of their own family are held, named after Cain).

(5) "without any suspicion": meaning they were so sure to be able to control their feelings that they did not "suspect" themselves of giving in to their passion.

(6) "Galeotto": the Italian name of Galehaut, a knight of the Table Round who is responsible for arranging the secret meeting of Lancelot and Guinevere.]

Submission Guidelines/Disclaimers

First, things to keep in mind when you submit:

there is a limit of 12 answers for polls, and on this blog one of those answers will always be 'show results,' to allow for people that the poll doesn't apply to to see without skewing data. so in reality you have a maximum of 11.

there's also an 80-character limit on the options

SO, if you go over those limits, know that I will take it into my own hands to decide which answers to omit and/or how to re-word it to fit the limit.

even otherwise, expect that the wording of your submission may be slightly altered in order to be more inclusive (when it doesn't affect the data), or because i think you missed an option that you probably meant to include, or just to make it sound less clunky. if you have an issue with any changes upon posting, i'm happy to hear you out.

currently there is no wait time, but if things go as expected, soon enough it'll likely be about a 4-5 day wait between the time you submit and the time it gets posted

if your poll is addressing a very small group, don't be surprised or angry when the 'see results' poll is the biggest. that needs to be there to keep data from being skewed by anyone's curiosity.

Base Guidelines For Submitting:

poll must be related to gayness in some way. it doesn't have to be directed exclusively at gay people, but it should center same-gender attraction. if you have a poll in mind to direct specifically at bisexuals, there's @mspecpolls

it CAN be directed at a specific type of gay person, such as gay men, lesbians, specifically trans lesbians, nonbinary mlm, gay poc, disabled wlw, etc - literally you can address any specific gay group you want, just make sure to say so.

...this DOES include 'cis gay men/women/people' but tbqh you're gonna have to provide a good reason to be excluding trans people from the poll

in general if you want to explicitly exclude people who have a nonconforming relationship with gender, you better explicitly say so AND have a good reason. otherwise it'll be assumed that all sorts are included and if your options don't reflect that, i will change them or reject the poll.

it CAN relate to sex (i expect many polls here will be), just try to be tasteful about it. like, as long as it sounds like you're trying to collect data rather than arouse people lol

What would make me NOT post a submission:

as mentioned previously, if it's excluding subgroups without a good reason

if it's an opinion poll about the validity of any particular type of gay person. "validity" is a moot topic and i'm not going to encourage it, and in any case i'd like the focus of this blog to be about recording experiences (real, undeniable, forever in stone) rather than opinions (always changing, meaningless)

if it's something like "gay people: do you like pineapple on pizza?" or some other question that doesn't actually have anything to do with being gay. if you wanna send something like this, make your case for why it's relevant that the poll is directed at gay people.

if it's some other obviously offensive shit, obviously. no racism or whatnot here.

FAQ:

Who counts as gay?

Like most of these guidelines I'll continue the same sentiment from the trans polls blog: We self-define here. But I will stress answering in good faith and understanding what any given poll is asking and what definitions they're using. If you're, say, nonbinary and bisexual in a way that makes all your attraction gay, or you're gay in a very specific way (like nb4nb), or you call yourself gay bc you're mostly gay but you're technically bisexual, or you're definitely homosexual but don't actually like to call yourself gay, etc, it'll likely just depend on the poll. It's totally up to you to decide if it includes you or not, or you can always ask if you want to be sure.

Though if it's not explicitly stated that the poll excludes transmasc lesbians or transfem gays, or other trans/nonbinary gay people, you should still for sure assume it includes you.

Why isn't there an option for X?/You missed an option.

Sometimes I may genuinely miss an option, but 9 times out of 10 the lack of the option is either due to the poll limits on tumblr, or because it goes against the point of the poll. For example, if the question begins with "If you're in a relationship," then "i'm not in a relationship" isn't going to be an option. If the prerequisite of the poll doesn't apply to you, then what you click is "see results." If it's something a little less concrete, polls will usually include some kind of "other" option anyway.

Can you get rid of the 'see results' button? Or can you not include it on this particular poll? I only want X people to respond. This poll is ONLY for X people.

If a poll is on this blog, it's for everyone, questioning and simply curious people included. It's also not going to stop curious people from clicking if there's no 'see results' button. It ensures that the data doesn't get skewed, and gathering data is what polls are for. It doesn't hurt you to see a big see results bar. The data is still there. If the bar does wind up obscuring more significant data, that means the poll was addressing too small of a group to begin with. And that's NOT the end of the world. This blog is far from the only place where you can get information about other gay people's experiences.

Pinned post yippee!!! (it’s been long enough I think)

I have a pronouns page which is just like a quick summary of everything but uh:

It’s clunky but I can’t be bothered to edit it so

I’m lesbian and girlflux, my main pronouns are she/her, I’m testing out he/him pronouns so if I suddenly decide nah I’ll just edit it. DO NOT USE IT/ITS OR THEY/THEM I don’t mind neopronouns, have a bit of fun with it

I am a Dee fictionkin!!! I like to be called Dee!!! My name is also prism but I like being called Dee as a nickname!!!

My ao3 user is prismcat if u wanna check that out

I’m merely a minor (15) so if you’re weird then you will be boiled

dni freaks you know who you are (I can’t be bothered to type the entire thing out. if ur on the average dni list you’re on mine too) ZIONISTS GET THE FUCK OUT FREAKS INCLUDE YOU TOO

more specific and odd dni lists:

dee and mono haters dni

also six haters I’m a hardcore six apologist

henry miller apologists (fake ass villain apologists when a real “I can accept him as he is” comes at them) (does not apply to six little nightmares she’s done nothing wrong)

also on that note otto (little nightmares) apologists also dni. haven’t seen any yet but i keep a baseball bat by my nightstand just in case but. if you are an Otto little nightmares fan PLEASE interact I love that fucked up british man

people who erase canon queer sexualities/genders (ppl who claim Henry miller is straight are on THIN ICE but can interact)

people who genderbend queer ships, but specifically when you genderbend one of them so it’s straight. trans headcanons do not count and neither does making mlm/wlw or vice versa. only if u make it straight AND cis

hazbin hotel fans (if we’re already close or already mutuals dm me and I’ll decide the verdict… Isually I’ll let it slide if I consider us friends but I’m really uncomfortable with the show)

vivziepop supporters/defenders dni

people who victim blame noone in any way (????? freak)

That dni list was longer than I’d thought and I didn’t even type out the basic dni criteria

anyway before you follow:

I am a whimsical child and I require tone indicators to function or I will spend the rest of my life thinking you’re mad at me when ur just having a little laugh. A giggle. a bit of banter

I also do not mean to offend anyone!!! and you’ll know if I AM trying to be insulting because I am TERRIBLE at it. if I say something mean, just tell me, bc it wasn’t intentional

Henry fictionkin and KFF are on THIN ICE

I think that’s it tw I’m British so if I accidentally bring up horrible things that is British slang then shoot me/j

what book(s) are you currently reading and what do you think of them??

I'm currently reading a couple and about to start 2 more.

First is "The Poison Garden" which is a fantastic read about a girl who has the power to grow plants and the mystery behind her family. Very much reminds me of Poison Ivys powers.

I'm also reading "the vagina book". It's a decent general health and sex education book. They try to use gender inclusive language though it's a little clunky and you can tell it's written by well meaning cis people. The only oddity I found about the book is their is no anatomical drawings which is strange for an education book.

I'm about to read "Can't spell treason without Tea". I dont know much about this book but it's supposed to be very cozy.

Then lastly I just got Jack frost, rise of the gaurdians. Which is a book I've wanted to read every since I saw the movie years ago.

Five Characters, Five Tags

Andy Barclay (Child's Play series)

The original Child's Play from 1988 was my first horror movie that I watched as a wee child at 8 years old. It was my introduction to the 80's slasher genre, and bred my love for old school horror movies. This very blog wouldn't exist without me seeing this movie, in fact. Enough gushing about the original movie though, you came to hear about why Andy Barclay is here. I immediately loved Andy Barclay because Andy was like ME at that age. He played with dolls, he was the pinnacle of childhood innocence and wonder, he lived in a big city and had a mother who was struggling to make ends meet WHILE STILL TRYING HER BEST TO MAKE HIM HAPPY FOR HIS BIRTHDAY!! Hell I even looked like Andy at that age, except I'm a girl and I was chubbier. Nowadays I just feel so fucking bad for Andy. It genuinely pained me to witness just how paranoid and (admittedly) obsessed he had become, how much of his normalcy and innocence he lost, despite knowing it was all Chucky's doing. Now I just wanna wrap Andy up in a blanket and make him feel safe from that possessed hunk of plastic. I think it's safe to say that Andy Barclay will always have a place in my heart, no matter what. Andy can be my friend to the end, Hidey Ho!

2. Carlos Rodriguez (Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare)

Now, what can I say about Carlos that I haven't said already? I don't really think there truly is anything new I can add, so I guess I'm gonna be redundant! Carlos has been a big comfort character for me ever since I was in late elementary school. Yes I'm aware I said I first watched Freddy's Dead in middle school, but my sense of time is clearly non-existent because I first watched it in the 6th grade, however I did rewatch Freddy's dead for the second time in middle school. That's probably what my brain has been remembering all this time. I also used to look up every little bit of info on Carlos I could on my grandma's old dinosaur computer, like I'm talking the ones that were big and clunky and had their own separate computer towers, and on DIAL-UP INTERNET. I guess you could say I was THAT hyper-fixated on Freddy's Dead content. Another fun fact, I used to think that Carlos was so fashionable lmao. Like, I wanted to have Carlos's wardrobe because I thought that having a hoodie under a jean jacket on top of a black muscle shirt was peak fashion. He's also the reason I wanted to own only Converse for the longest time.

3. Spencer Lewis (Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare)

(Small Disclaimer: I'm gonna be using he/him pronouns for Spencer here because he is canonically a cis male. Also, I will only be referencing my Spencer's got ADHD headcanon for him here because it is relevant). Oh Spencer. Spencer, Spencer, Spencer. Where do I even begin with you? Well, let me first establish that, like Carlos, Spencer has also been a character that my brain refuses to let go of since late elementary - early middle school. Spencer didn't really join my comfort character roster until I was well into high school, however. See, what made Spencer join that camp was the fact that I could see my younger siblings in him, who both have ADHD. My younger brother specifically also has a hyper-fixation on video games and is an actual string bean, so he has also been my main point of reference on how I portray Spencer's ADHD, with my sister's former knack of not taking shit from bullshit authority figures leaking into the portrayal too. Did I also mention that Spencer and I both have fathers that were borderline absent/meddle in our lives when they by all accounts had no right to due to how they basically abandoned us in all the ways that counted? Yeah that's a thing too. I think Spencer has transcended the label of comfort character, and has made a home in the trauma dump character category. Holy shit Spencer I am so sorry babes.

4. Crybaby (Melanie Martinez)

Crybaby as a character was someone I could relate to on an emotional level. I was saying for many years that my dysfunctional family almost fit Dollhouse to A FUCKING TEE! I also related the song Crybaby because I too was a very emotional little girl who got made fun and taken advantage of for it. I related to all of Crybaby's failed attempts at love in songs such as Carousel, Soap, and Training Wheels. Out of all my muses, Crybaby is the most like me because I already related to her long before I would even take her up as a muse. If Spencer was my trauma dump character, then Crybaby was my trauma incarnate. She also became my sense of empowerment, because she owned her emotions and empathy, and didn't let those who refused to understand her suppress her.

5. Major Theodore "Ted" Lockwood (Creepshow 2019 Shudder series)

Finally, we have Major Theodore Lockwood, or Ted as he's mostly referred to in The Right Snuff. Ted is, at least in terms of the other characters listed here, a very recent edition to my comfort character list. Also yes, I literally mean he's a comfort character. When I was recently super stressed out over RL things I had no control over, I just popped in Creepshow season two in my DVD player and put The Right Snuff on, just to see Ted's smiling face. I felt better almost instantly. Sometimes, when it's just me alone with my thoughts, Ted's voice just pops into my head to tell me that it's okay. That my stress and my responses to it are valid and make me human... Ted is easily my emotional support fictional character. Beyond all of that stuff, Ted Lockwood is also just my autistic experiences and traits incarnate. We're both nice to everyone, including people who probably don't deserve it. He and I both miss social cues a lot, and we can't read a room sometimes to save our damn lives (quite literally in Ted's case). We both have our own special interests, his is are centered in the sciences and mine is are centered around the arts. He and I both also have a heightened sense of empathy, like Ted could immediately tell that Alex was miffed about not being the one to meet the Gorangi, despite Alex's best attempts to hide his envy and disappointment. I tend to absorb others' emotions like a damn sponge, much to my annoyance. We both also have this strange inability to truly express anger, like neither of us really shout or get angry looks on our faces. We both just raise our voices a little and overenunciate words to get our point across. I know that it can be seen as tacky, and in certain cases disrespectful, to armchair diagnose a fictional character with a mental/physical disorder or illness, especially if said character is technically not human. However, I'm not just some neurotypical person doing it in order to dehumanize an entire group of people, I am an autistic woman who truly saw herself and her autistic traits in a fictional character that brings her legitimate comfort. It may not be officially canon, but it's canon to me and my interpretation of Ted. Plus, up until the ending, you don't really know that [SPOILER ALERT: Ted's a member of the Gorangi, the alien race he was supposed to make contact with.]

Tagged by: @trashcollected

Tagging: @depictedmorada

@kurtzbergsiblings

@scribedhorror

@popularmxnster

@depictedblue

On Accessible Vocabulary

My sister shared a fantastic Facebook post with me today, and it got me thinking again about how inaccessible social justice vocabulary is to newbies, but also about how we can make that vocabulary more accessible. The post explained in simple, jargon-free language what a trans woman is, what a cis woman is, what a terf is, and what a radical feminist is.

And it got me thinking about the absolute hostility there is on here towards describing someone’s gender-assigned-at-birth in any terms less opaque than a phrase so long and clunky we usually use a fucking acronym. A common point of newbie confusion is whether the “man” in “trans man” refers to where that person “started” or where that person “ended up”. And that’s a pretty important thing to know! Like, knowing that “trans man” refers to someone who used to be thought of as a woman but we’re respecting that he’s a man now is essential to knowing how to talk to and about him!

But people who would be happy to be allies are too afraid to ask.

You may have seen posts going around on this very website decrying any question asking for clarification on this as “a cis person wanting to know about your genitals” or some shit like that. But it’s not! It’s a newbie question.

Someone who has never interacted with trans issues before is probably going to phrase things in terms like “was born a woman” or “birth sex,” because “Was born an X but is now a Y” is the most simplified possible way to explain what a trans person is. It’s not the most accurate explanation of what a trans person is, but we still teach first that electrons orbiting the nucleus of an atom have orbits like planets have orbits (the famous atom symbol ⚛️). Electrons actually exist in probability clouds with funky non-circular shapes, but people just learning about atoms understand what planetary orbits are, and they don’t understand college-level quantum physics, and you can only teach people by building on things they already understand. The more advanced explanations come when a big enough knowledge base has been developed.

I’m not gonna say that crypto-terfs have trained us through psy ops to be hostile to newbie questions so that they can sweep up those hurt and confused newbies for their own cause... But they might as well have!

Talking about trans issues in more newbie-accessible ways is going to have to mean that we step back from our high-precision jargon and allow simplified explanations and plain language into our spaces again. It isn’t reasonable to expect people to start at the finish line. We might be everywhere on Tumblr, but in meatspace we are a frequently-misunderstood minority, and if we don’t educate well-meaning cis people about us in a way they understand, transphobes will.

Just listened to your crossover thxgiving debate ep w gorilla radio. It was rly fun and interesting! Tried to find greg’s tumblr, and am not sure if he deleted or if i was blocked lol. Anyway thx for takin a hard stance in the “is pan different from bi” convo, its always rly disheartening when pan ppl try to call me / other bis i kno transphobic based off their own false definition of bisexuality. I will deffo be subscribing to ur pod!

thank you for listening! greg to my knowledge has been kicked off tumblr for being incorrigible and probably breaking community guidelines so the only places to hang out with him now are in the grs/bsn discords. i can invite you to the bsn one if you want it btw!

i honestly think the pan vs bi debate is really boring, i don’t think there’s a meaningful difference i’ve ever heard defining the two terms besides ones that make blanket pejorative statements about bisexuals but besides doing some light bullying i don’t really care what people wanna call themselves since it’s barely my business. but i do think it’s patently ridiculous to declare someone transphobic and demand they use a new label for themselves, as if a new label would actually erase someone’s transphobic dating preferences if they had any. like if someone genuinely is using bisexual to indicate they wanna date cis men and women only, there’s several underlying issues there that aren’t going to go away if they change up their terminology.

i also try to avoid prescriptivist language debates because as much as using inclusive + accurate terminology is important, what’s more important to me organizing to build power for oppressed people and taking action towards that goal. language is inherently clunky and how people want to refer to themselves and others is always going to change. i don’t see it as a good use of my time to get involved in making people change up their terminology because imo, that’s usually a natural consequence of getting people on board with solidarity and building power anyway!

A little more about my silly little fetishes...

I'll do BOOTS again...

One thing that drives my boot fetish is *contrast*.

In simple terms, picture this... A hot person. In my case, it could be a cis-woman, a trans woman, enby, the rare guy I find attractive- They're dressed in pretty cute clothes, or casual, business-y, kinda unassuming even. But then they're wearing knee high boots, particularly leather, fake-leather/PU, or rubber. Suede and fur doesn't really do it for me as much.

Anyways, that kinda combo... Like, instant turn on for me. Kinda like this:

High boots, to me, suggest a kind of confidence. Like, the wearer is like "I'm gonna take on the world." Even if they're not actually thinking that. And it's not in a dominance sort-of manner, I'm not really into the whole BDSM thing. I just see confidence and can-do attitude when I see a hottie in boots. A structured piece of leather or rubber going up those legs. Particularly if the legs are bare. They just suggest a kind of power to me that turns me tf on.

So it's even more so if the outfit isn't intended to be ultra-sexy or anything like that. Casual, pretty, etc.

Now rubber. Like, I spontaneously combust over the thought of... A woman in maybe a simple T-shirt and shorts, or a dress, and then below that is a pair of knee-high rubber boots. For whatever reason, maybe it was drizzling outside, maybe they're fishing, maybe they're doing volunteer trash pickup, it's just... WHOA...

I had said in a previous post that a good chunk of my rubber boot fetish also comes from the feeling of such a high, clunky piece of rubber fwopping around your bare legs as you walk. Especially when the back of your legs gets thwatted. Trudging through water or mud or just tall grass, that makes it sexy, too. It's a little bit different to the power feeling I get in a high fashion boot. And rubber boots can be fashion boots, too, but they usually exude a different kind of hotness to me. Hunter Boots, for example, kinda do both. They have that rubber boot hotness, and that fashion boot hotness:

A hottie doing something as normal as fishing or cleaning the yard or doing some kinda mundane work - so long as it's fairly sanitary, that's like erotica to me. The celebs above were at festivals that could've flooded, and if they don't? Well that's all the more attractive to me. Wearing those high-ass protective boots... Just to walk around some soggy grass. However, it's an instant turn off if it ever involves something really gross, though. I've got my limits there. I know some fetishists go further, and nope. Couldn't be me.

If the person isn't doing something that likely requires a pair of wellies, then combine rubber boots with a simple outfit that's not really meant for activity involving rubber boots... WHEW, even sexier! That does it for me, lol.

For all boots in general... Extra bonus if the high boot look is paired with the person being silly, unserious, no "professionalism".

Yeah, you can keep your porn and such, this gets my rocket poppin' instantly.

You will consistently have a specific variety of interaction with cis people who are so very attached to the cissexual pretense that isn't just policing you and your "self" and self-expression, but also a demonstration of the binary prison they've confined themselves to.

EX: telling your mother you need a new wallet.

I frequently go on a walk during my lunch hour and will get myself an americano on the way back to the office. I don't like having to carry a purse or a clutch or whathaveyou while I go for a walk. It's clunky. I just want to slip my card or wallet in my pocket and go for a walk and pick up a coffee on my way back.

So, I tell my mother that I'm trying to find a quality RFID wallet that is no bigger than a cell phone and includes a coin pocket, at least 6 card slots, an ID window, and at least 1 bill compartment and one side slide. No zippers. Her response?

"So you want a men's wallet?"

She's on to something. "Women's wallets" often don't provide all those features common in "men's wallets," features which I listed. But that doesn't mean finding a "women's wallet" with all those features is impossible. In fact, there's no such thing as a "women's wallet." But her follow-up?

"You're a woman; you should want a women's wallet, a clutch, or a purse."

Who says? How many times do I have to tell you that a purse or a clutch is inconvenient for my lifestyle? I don't want it. But you know what's gonna happen? She's going to gift me a purse because "it's just going to be so much easier and useful for you." No. You're just uncomfy with the idea of your child (afab) carrying around what you think "should" belong exclusively to (cis) men. And you suffer from a lack of creativity.

From what I've seen and searched, xenogenders choose their gender based on vibes and stuff they like, I saw some with a huge list of their gender, including, springgender, pupgender, lemonpiegender.

Well, for me, certain concepts, abstractions & themes are important to my identity & gender, as well as important to me as a person, but not everything that's important to me as a person or my general identity is related to my gender. I conceptualize my gender to be in relation/tandem with those things, I assume it's similar for others as well. Beyond that I also have a "normal" core gender identity, though, but even that is confusing to most people, as others perception of gender is more simplistic and trinary, so I simplify it even further.

Also, I searched and I've never seen or heard about an old person using these. Have you seen a 70 year old queer identity as a lemon pie? A 45 mother identify as a male puppy?

Well, they wouldnt "identify as a male puppy". If you phrase it in another way though... "How would you describe your gender with only things that are abstract?" then you might actually get answers.

I don't understand why you feel the need to include that in the LGBTQ community if you just like clouds

It's not "just liking so-and-so"; you can like something without it being conceptually a part of your gender, as I do with many of my interests that are dear to my heart but dont have anything to do with my gender, but, it's considered LGBT because this identification is considered to be a specific form of non-binary — not a boy, not a girl. Most people who identify as xenogender are additionally and/or at their core, trans and/or non-binary. Though I've seen people be cisgender & xenogender, but even those people tend to be lesbian, gay, bisexual, etc.

Anyway, on pronouns, why call it pronouns if they're nicknames between friends? Because they want to feel special and have a community.

Pronouns (refering to "he, she, they, it" and words of a similar function) are words to address someone without using their name, and replaces their name, for ease of convenience and to make sentences go smoother. Always using names sounds a little... clunky.

Instead of saying "he, him, his, himself", you'd say "xe, xer, xem, xemself"; you wouldnt use the same grammatical conjunctions with a nickname or name.

I say it's used between friends or those who can adapt, because there's no other option, it's not because "people want to feel special", it's not like you can force someone to use your pronouns. It's a niche community as it is, so there's a smaller amount of people able to/understanding enough/open to using them in the first place, so you'd have fewer people (as compared to the wider population) to address you with neopronouns.

It's only within those already niche circles, because anyone outside of it would likely be unable to adapt, ignore, misunderstand, belittle, mock or assault you for it. There is not really another choice.

In daily life, I usually refer to myself with my neopronouns in my head... I dont feel special because of it, it's just a different kind of identification. I havent done so recently, but if I participate in the community, I do so because I like to be surrounded by like-minded people — people who will not viciously mock me for my identifications, who are more likely to refer to me with neopronouns (as I dont tend to do it publically), etc. I also like to share things about myself (to some degree... I favor anonymity & privacy), my creations, etc. It also ties into my interests... I have an interest in poetry & writing (describing genders is very similar), I enjoy artwork, symbolism, and working with colors (designing flags), and I find etymology and neologism (creating new words) fun.

About cis people I'm not concerned about their validation fr I do not care and they probably think my gender is fake too (I'm nonbinary and uses they them) but I do care about the safety of my fellow trans people, they are being murdered and discriminated against, obviously xenogenders aren't the reason but they do contribute to the stigma of trans people who existed since the dawn of time.

Yeah, it must seem silly and a foreign concept to the average person who's not used to approaching/thinking about gender in abstract/tangible/atypical terms (or, in your case, if you completely lack gender LOL), but respectability politics will not decrease violence against trans people. If you're unfamiliar, respectibility politics refers to people consciously setting aside things that are deemed as disrespectful for the sake of being paleatable to more people — so "a small portion of trans people should not express themselves to avoid contributing to propaganda, (which is already warped as it is)" is a form of respectibility politics. They will use anything deemed unusual as transphobic propaganda. They will take their assumptions and run with it.

I've seen and experienced xenogender people calling trans people (myself included) transphobic, ableist and got send death threats because of our concerns and opinions.

Reactionary people are an... issue, yes. This isnt exclusive to the MOGAI community though, you see this stuff in every communify.

It's not inherently ableist, persay. NT people can be xenic. More prominent and common to be ND (seemingly), but not exclusive. It's a common misconception for people think its ND-exclusive, though.

Trans people can still be transphobic, though.

But still they should use nicknames like everyone, my username is cake since I love it but it isn't what I am.

People do use several names, me & many others. Pronouns are conjuncted differently than names.

If there's something different about someone, they shouldnt be expected to conform, especially like, online, in the privacy of their own home. People should not face violence for not conforming because it's "socially unacceptable", especially for expressing such online, where you can express yourself with less restraint.

People can use whatever pronouns they like. Sometimes words dont "fit" or "click" as names but work with pronouns, or vice versa. Most people who use neopronouns give auxillary (alternative) pronouns to use in daily life and/or for people who cannot adapt (i.e. language-processing issues, english as a second language, etc)

Also... Yeah, you have different facets of identity. Some may or may not correlate with gender identity, and it just doesnt in your case.

Having a strange/atypical identity does not contribute to stigmatization. Misunderstandings or a lack of understanding, assumptions and transphobic propaganda contributes to stigmatization.

thank you so much for you answer 😊 I'm gonna me quick. but they are not part of the lgbt community if they only uses differents pronouns. xenogenders are not genders in my opinion, since their xenogender is abstract stuff or based on feelings they should not speak up as trans people if they are not , if a cis straight male identify in his mind as something poetic or some kind he is a cis straight male and should not speak as a trans person and try to integrate lgbtq spaces and make 9000 flags . it is personal, you can write about it and it can be beautiful in my opinion but trying to pass this as a sexuality or gender is a big no. it should be an aspect that shouldn't be categorised and again I'm repeating not be a part of the lgbt community, it can be influenced or be a part of many queer People but shouldn't step up in these spaces

I get what you're saying re:drag, but pointing out the positive circles of drag is kinda nitpicking history. Trans women certainly weren't the only ones making drag spaces, in fact a lot of the people we now consider trans women are labels we retroactively put on queer people who never used those specific terms, a bad habit that most of the community needs to remember not to do, we can't update real people's lives for our consumption now.

I think if queer people are discussing the issues with misogyny and transphobia in drag spaces, it's something that we should let happen. Cis men are not infallible even if they are queer, and trans women aren't the only people that are making those spaces, nor are most loud and publicly consumed spaces checked and moderated by trans women. And even if trans women are checking these spaces, they are not infallible either, and there are bound to be some things that are normalized in high performance spaces that come across as caricature, especially as queer people come to spaces without prior knowledge that would keep them from being clunky and unknowledgeable about harm they might accidentally do.

Queer people's examination of the biases and bigotry of the community can't be treated the same as outside policing. Examination of our own communities is necessary BECAUSE we can't look to the outside to fix our problems, and we can't let problems fester.

I think you're misunderstanding me. I'm addressing specifically outside policing and the claim that drag across the board is intended to mock women and trans people. Not that the drag community shouldn't be scrutinized for transphobia, it should be especially in how it excludes certain performers and the entitlement cis performers feel to be transphobic. But I disagree that drag from its inception was intended to be cis men mocking women. It's a TERF talking point that I've seen absorbed into the wider community.

It's a misunderstanding of history that doesn't take into account that drag as we know it would not exist without women, and specifically trans women. And I don't think it's cherry picking to say so much of drag performance we owe to trans women who lived as women and identified as women but who also did drag as performance. They created a huge basis of what drag as an art form constitutes.

The comparison I am specifically responding to is that drag is the same as black face, and that's what I'm disagreeing with. Like I said, the community does have a problem with misogyny and transphobia, but it doesn't exist as a means of punching down.

Honest Thoughts on Bros.

I figured this would be the case going into it, but I did not find the leads relatable at all. Their cynicism annoyed me, and not just because they’re cynical (I mean, it was released just last year - there’s PLENTY to be cynical about), but because these characters as written both are tapped into so much access and luxury and comforts and proximity to power that the average gay person does not have that I just find it hard to buy their “woe is me I’m just so emotionally unavailable” act. I could maybe take it if these guys were working class or even paycheck-to-paycheck middle class living with roommates, but their lack of economic struggle (one is a lawyer and the other the host of a podcast with a million subscribers while also serving as director of a brand new national LGBTQ museum) AND the fact that they’re both conventionally attractive with strong social support networks just makes their worldview and the decisions they make so off-putting.

With the obligatory apologetics about centering “cis white gay men” every half hour, the film feels like it’s apologizing for its own existence, but only in a wink-wink, nudge-nudge kind of way. It’s like it’s making fun of the “woke” audience it’s pretending to pay lip service to (multiple references to who threw the first brick at Stonewall come to mind). More on this later.

The film’s main contradiction is ultimately its undoing: it wants to be a romcom and an anti-romcom at the same time. It wants it both ways, but does a bad job of convincing us it deserves it. It heavily critiques gay hookup culture, but thinks gay marriage is an antiquated aspiration, BUT also disdains and pokes fun at open relationships and polyamory. Its feelings about love and commitment start off flippant and then just end up lukewarm. It resents “love is love” and heteronormativity but is BEGGING straight people to buy a ticket only to blame them for causing the film’s bombing at the box office. Straight people don’t exist anymore (“They had a good run.”) but there’s still people like Luke’s character’s mom who doesn’t believe 2nd graders should learn about gay history — oh but there’s also that really awesome progressive straight couple that talks casually about bottoming with Billy within a earshot of their kids! So is this movie made for “us” or “them?” Cus you can’t try to guilt [straight] romcom fans into turning out for this movie only to spit in their face when they get there. It’s kind of cruel…which has always been my gripe with Billy’s brand of humor to begin with.

So many of the jokes rely on super-timely cultural references/trending topics (fearing getting “cancelled”, namedropping the latest celebrities) that likely won’t mean much to anyone in 5 years. Unfortunately this is the case with most new comedies these days, especially ones targeted to marginalized audiences, so I won’t come down on this movie too hard for this. But the film is definitely at its best when the jokes are more evergreen and not trying so hard to be relevant (I LOL’d hard when 1) Billy’s character abruptly freaks out over a bee landing on him during one of their dates 2) Luke’s character’s brother says [in reference to how gym-obsessed gay men are], “What are you guys even training for? A war?”)

The sex scenes take quite an odd approach for a romcom. They aren’t touching or romantic, which is fine. They’re kind of trying to be funny, but not funny enough. And they’re not very sexy either, but it doesn’t seem they’re exactly trying to be sexy. It’s kind of like they’re poking fun at sex scenes and sex in general, and attempting to flip the expectation of on-screen sex on its head a bit, but they’re also trying *not* to do this *too* much as to not repulse straight people or offend gay people. The results are…clunky. At least to me anyway.

Speaking of the sex, it’s kind of surprising how little nudity there is in this film for an R-rated romcom. There’s one foursome with strategically placed heads and a coffee table to cover things up, but then the guys are all in their underwear in all the other sex scenes. No real eye candy anywhere save for some shirtless torsos at club and park scenes. No frontal nudity at all, not even a comical boner poking under the sheets a la American Pie/The White Lotus. Off-screen intercourse and ejaculations. I think we maybe see half of Billy’s bare butt in a nonsexual scene at one point, but I don’t recalling seeing anyone else’s. Just kind of odd for a movie that wants to market itself as the first theatrical major studio adult gay romcom or whatever, that’s working SO hard to normalize queer sexual DIALOGUE and preaches about not “toning it down” for straight people, how tame the actual gay erotic imagery is in comparison. But perhaps they knew the homophobic MPAA might give them a tough time with even an R rating if they tried to put any of the nudity that’s commonplace in raunchy straight comedies within a gay context.

As Guy Branum has tweeted about before, I will give Billy and the casting crew *some* credit for putting Black, Asian, Latino, trans, femme and fat characters in this film, and not making any of them the butt of terrible jokes and stereotypes. However, seeing folks like Madison and Miss Lawrence in this movie in the few scenes we get of them just made me wish THEY were the ones who were on the screen more. I want the movie told from their perspective. Also the film still glorifies fit and muscular white bodies at every turn and does nothing to celebrate any other aesthetic so it all just feels more obligatory than anything else or done to shield the film from the criticism that it knew it would get for being about two thin cis white men (as it tongue-in-cheek reminds us over and over). The film goes out of its way to be self-aware about and poke fun at all the toxic aspects of white gay culture, acknowledging and (like I said earlier) practically apologizing for it at times, but stops short of transforming that reflection into any kind of change. That scene with Luke’s character and the testosterone injections is the perfect embodiment of this.

ALL of this said, I did laugh quite a bit during this film, more than I thought I would, and actually rewinded a couple times to laugh at moments again. It’s worth a watch if you don’t mind all the above, but I don’t know that I’ll ever desire to see it again. So I’d have to give it a 6/10.

The reality is, this movie was always going to have a lackluster performance in theaters given that neither of the leads were box office draws to begin with. Even if we weren’t still dealing with “post-Covid” audiences being choosy about if and when they turn out to the theaters, I doubt the queer community is sizable enough to turn out in droves and single-handedly give a big budget major studio film the box office returns it needs to justify its investment (perhaps I’m underestimating us and if this movie were better it could’ve happened with word of mouth). But I will say, the film did itself no favors by half-catering to/half-sticking its middle finger up at the straight moviegoers it claims it needed to turn a profit. I hope we get more queer romcoms with nice budgets and wide releases but I also know there have been plenty of indie films with modest budgets distributed through companies like TLA for decades now and we’ll never stop doing it for ourselves if Hollywood gatekeepers decide they don’t want to take the risk again.