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emometalhead · 9 months

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I write something like this every year. In all honesty it's hard for me to talk about Chester. I think about him every single day. It's now been six years without him, and it still doesn't feel real that he's gone. I still don't know how to cope with it. I still can't think about him for too long without crying.

Chester has been such an important figure in my life for as long as I can remember. I was raised on Linkin Park. They will forever be one of my favorite bands even if some songs are too painful to listen to now. My own mental health journey has been difficult. I'd be lying if I claimed to be doing totally fine, but I live each day trying to honor Chester's memory and make him proud. He's a big part of the reason I am who I am, and he's a big part of the reason that I'm still here today.

If you see this, please give someone you love a hug. Tell them you care about them. Cherish the moments you have with the people that matter. Listen to your favorite artist and keep them in your mind for a while. Do something nice for yourself. We all owe it to ourselves to allow some kindness in our lives. In words that Chester once sang, "when life leaves us blind, love keeps us kind".

#I'd love to say more #I truly wish I could talk about him more #it's just so hard #this is always an overwhelmingly emotional day for me #I've said for a few years now that if I ever get a tattoo it will be one for Chester. 'love keeps us kind' is the top contender #for now though he has a permanent place in my mind and heart and that's enough #I don't typically queue posts but I'm very tired and I don't think I'll be able to handle writing this out or rereading it in the morning #sending love and virtual hugs to everyone that reads this 🖤#chester bennington #make chester proud #linkin park #ashley rambles #also I just realized I'm scheduling the post not queuing it

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frogsandfries · 2 years

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Sooooooooocial media

I discovered a couple more reliable places I could test out my graphic novel sooooooooo I guess this weekend while I do laundry, I've get some hefty posting/queuing to do.

Ugh.........I'm still trying to get WordPress and Tumblr lined up with Tapas and WebToon.......

On the other end of things, I decided about thirty colored frames in to the new issue one that I wanted to try implementing a 2:1 linework to colorwork ratio/expectation. This way, I have to keep making lineworks in such a fashion that coloring issue one will linework issues two AND three, and coloring issue three will result in lineworking issues four and five and suddenly, poof! Hey-presto! All of my linework is done!

Anyway, so I have this planner which helps me decide what I'm going to work on today (Mondays and Thursdays are linework, Tuesdays and Fridays are writing and Wednesdays are coloring--for now. Obviously this is subject to change when the script is fully completed, and again when I finish the linework). Anyway instead of coloring, because I wanted to balance the ratio out, I had linework to do. So I spent most of a coloring day doing linework. I'm just about caught up. For now. So I was able to end my day with just a little coloring.

I'm discovering the value of batch penciling. When I was doing call center work, pencilling is easier than inking, so I would batch pencil on not-purpose. I've been trying pencilling and then inking everything and it's exhausting. I mean, batch pencilling is exhausting too, but easily more productive. I think I have like five frames from the end of the day today that were just penciled, versus the three frames that I struggled to bring from pencil to ink in the same day.

But it'll be cool to start doing something like pencilling Mondays and inking Thursdays, and then I won't really have to worry about my linework to colorwork ratio. The colorwork really is kind of incidental at this point. I have all of the new issue one lineworked, and coloring it is much less of a big deal than it has been. I'm even keeping my six-week hiatus to buy even a little more extra time.

I know my plan for this project has kind of evolved, as I've realized how fast I'm able to work, to include really the entire project: The script, the backbone of the story, is the most important, and if I'm going to be working this fast, I need to lay more track before there's a tremendous crash. The linework is also very important or there is no art that can be completed without the linework. And I'm thinking about changing my upload schedule for issue one. Sure, sure, theoretically, I could update once a week--however, I would have no buffer without working overtime. If I upload every other week, I can have a huge buffer in case of community events or severe illness............ or, my partner and I are still more or less hopeful about starting our family the traditional way........

Although I do still wish I still had the time to complete the new issue one in the next month and a half or whatever. But six months is still a good window to release the next issue, and so on, steadily.

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saradesuchiha · 2 years

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hi it's des ü

ig i need to share this to u guys...

i've been experiencing pain in my right forearm more than 2 weeks. i continued working on loads, commissions, and atleast doodle once a day while enduring the strain. i have a tendency of overworking and completely overdoing things and not stopping bc i don't like being idle while i know i have queued work. i thought the pain will soon go away if i take it easy during my days off like i used to do, but it didn't. the pain became intolerable and i hardly can't lift or move my arm anymore.

last tuesday, i had it checked and was diagnosed w lateral epicondylitis; it's a condition that causes microtears to the elbow tendon due to overuse. the doctor said it will take abt 6-8 weeks to heal, if the pain prolonged, then i will have to consider taking shots and it will take almost half a year or so to recover. he also advised me to rest and atleast 2 weeks off strenuous activities and other miscellaneous tasks, take prescribed pain relievers and attend scheduled physical therapy. when i feel better, i can return doing my normal routine slowly.

my mom and i had an argument as we head home. she told me to just quit my job and she's been very vocal abt it eversince i took the offer. i work from home for 10hrs for four straight days, night 'til morning + i take side jobs or make art commissions to earn extra during my days off. i'm comfortable w this setup bc i don't have to go to the office and has less financial stress. i'm the breadwinner in my family, so i have to work hard and earn more than enough, else, my family and i will not have anything to fill our plates and pay the bills. but my work and lifestyle are affecting my health. i have chronic stress, insomnia, and now, tennis elbow pain.

i understand her concerns are for my well-being, but i love and want this job and i don't want to quit. i stayed in my room and cried myself the whole day and can't focus on anything. i realized how greatly affected my life is bc of one injury. i'm afraid of losing my predominant arm and its a vital part on my skills. i'm more afraid of what will happen to my family if i'm dysfunctional for weeks or if i completely quit my job. i have no one to blame other than myself.

i'm just relieved it's nothing worse, but it will take few weeks to feel better. i'm still absorbing and trying to process everything in my mind. i already got things sorted out quickly at my work and they're very understanding abt the situation. atleast what i can do for now is try to ease my mind, be patient, and not force myself to work if i'm in pain, else i'm going to suffer more.

sorry if this post is quite sad. i have this weighing on my chest and i just want to take it out. i want to tell u guys too and not worry if i'm inactive. ig i'll try to come back after first 2 weeks of recovery period and not over do it. i'm not going to make full art for a while but i'll still doodle every now and then. i still have pending entries for march fan events and other related fanarts in my drafts. it feels frustrating that can't finish them on time for each event. but i'm still going to post them even they are beyond late once i finish them.

i hope u guys are all doing well, always safe and take good care of urselves. thank u for taking time reading this. see u guys soon~ 🌤️

#des ü sabaw thoughts

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mx-barnes · 3 years

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Soulmate AU Pt.7

Summary: When you turn 18 you get the name of a song on your wrist. That is the song you and your soulmate share. It is also how you can communicate with them.

Word Count: 1.2k

Warnings: swearing, implied smut (I suck at writing smut so this is for the best), talk of abduction, a little bit of Bucky's trauma, pet names, Sad!Bucky, think that's it.

A/n:Sorry that this chapter is so short I am camping this week and wanted you guys to have a new part out. So I finished this before camping, I'll be logging off for the week I have a few things queued but not much. Sorry I will be back next week with my regularly scheduled post. Not edited, Charaters not my own (Marvel don't sue me) Gif not my own.

Chapter 6 Masterlist

The next morning you woke up to find James still in bed with you. You figured he’d already be up but apparently he wasn’t a morning person either. Last night was amazing you had shown him where you grew up. He seemed so entranced by everything. Maybe it was the fact that you were talking a mile a minute or he was just happy to be there with you.

Honestly, he seemed like a great guy. He hadn’t pushed you into anything last night which you know from your own shitty experiences can happen. Most of the men and women you dated tended to have an expectancy. That if you were laying down in their bed or even laying down in your bed that something was going to happen. But James didn’t seem to be like that. You were grateful.

Yes, you were soulmates. Yes, you were “made for each other” but you wanted to take it slow until you couldn’t handle slow anymore. You wanted to build a relationship first not just jump straight in. He may be your soulmate but you’ve heard of instances where soulmates moved too fast and ended up hating each other. You didn’t want that. You want a best friend, someone you could depend on.

You felt the figure stir beside you pulling you out of your thoughts. “Mornin’ doll. You sleep well?” His morning voice was beautiful. It was just the right amount of gravely to the deep tone. This man had you just swooning at his voice.

“Ya I slept great what about you handsome?” You said placing a hand on his shoulder as you snuggled closer to him.

“It was one of the best sleeps I’ve had in a while. So,” he paused looking down and chewing on his bottom lip. “My arm.”

“What do you mean your arm?” you pulled back to look at him.

“It’s- well it's metal,” he stuttered. Scared that you would reject him. Push him away maybe if you hadn’t already connected the dots. See that he was a terrible person.

“So. Listen, James,” the way you said his name made butterflies rupture in his stomach. “I can’t change it. I know about your past but everyone is so much more than their past. If we lived in the past we wouldn’t go anywhere. So as long as you don’t judge me on my past I won’t judge you on yours. We all have a story but each day we have a blank page. That story may be filled with unknown horrors but the fact that you are here and can share those horrors if you so choose is proof enough that you are a strong and capable man.”

"But if you know my past you know I killed hundreds. You deserve better than that. You deserve someone better. Someone who is broken. Some who can gi-"

"Stop. If the universe put us together it must have a reason. It must have a reason and this is not me rationalizing this. I want to be with you. You were brainwashed those terrible acts the other guy did was not your fault. You are enough for me. You are more than enough for me. Last night you followed me around my childhood home where I talked a mile a minute and you were probably bored out of your mind but you sat and listened. I talk too much, I ramble but you sat and listened to me. Listen James I know your past from the media, but I want to know your past. I want to get to know the real you. Not the one the media portrays, not the one you probably put on when you go to your therapist, the real you,” you rambled on.

His arms jut out to grab your face. Grabbing it he pulls you close you instinctively close your eyes then he hesitates you can feel his hot breath fanning over your face as he asks “Can I kiss you?”

You open your eyes. Stare into his beautiful blues for a second almost getting lost in them but manage to answer him. “I’d be disappointed if you didn’t.”

After hearing your response his face lightens you ca. See the glint in his eyes as he once again pulls you close and kisses you. Your eyes flutter shut. The kiss is soft. His lips are dry and cracked a bit but you don’t mind. It's sweet and way too short for your liking. When he pulls away you allow him and yourself to have a breath before you pull him once again.

He chuckles into the kiss. He pulls away once again and you whine. “We gotta get up doll. ‘M gonna make you the very best breakfast,” he gets up and starts to pull a shirt on. You didn’t even realize he was shirtless.

Pouting you quip “The best breakfast you could give me is if you stay in bed.”

That seems to pique his interest as he dives right back into the covers and begins kissing you once again. Let’s just say you and him had a full meal.

<~>

You must have fallen asleep again because by the time you looked over at the alarm clock it was 2 hours later.

Scrambling to get your things for work you manage to wake up James. He looks at you with such love in his eyes. “Mornin’ doll.”

It wasn’t fair how good he looked or sounded. He looked as he had been plucked from the gardens of heaven. His voice was melodic. It was drawing you back in. "Morning sorry I have to get to work I've missed the past couple of days and it's not like my boss is unreasonable but she does need her assistant. I am really sorry to just run out on you but I will be back I promise. I'll leave my number on the counter," quickly crossing the room to give him a quick cheek kiss. You ran out of the room a little disheveled but looking fairly decent. You scribbled down your number on an empty piece of paper. By the time you actually left you looked down to your watch and it was 8:30 AM.

<~>

By the time you actually got to Stark Industries, it was 9:45 AM your shift started at 9:00 sharp. Immediately you went to Peppers office. You knocked on the door hoping that she wasn't in a meeting. "Come in."

"Pepper I'm so sorry for not being here for the past couple of days. I was abducted and then I was with my soulmate and I overslept. I'm so sorry," you ramble on.

"It's ok. Wait you were abducted? By who?" Pepper almost scolds. Her face softens as she takes in the last bit of your sentence. "So you spent the night at your soulmate's house. That must've been fun. What's their name?" She questions.

"Well, his name is James Barnes. Don go off on how he's the Winter Soldier. I know he is and it's fine that wasn't him. I know I just met him but I think I'm already falling in love. He's not like any other person I've been with. Not Killian, not Amanda, not Jade, and definitely not Dawson. He's just different but a good different you know?"

"I know I can see that he makes you happy. That smile hasn't left your face since you came in here."

You hadn't even realized you were smiling. This was something that you had experience before sure your other partners made you happy but this has been a long time coming, to find that ethereal happiness.

Chapter 8

Taglist:

@oceanmermaidwitch @navs-bhat

#bucky barnes #bucky fluff #bucky barnes fluff #bucky x female reader #bucky fic #bucky fanfic #james buchanan barnes #bucky x y/n #bucky x you #bucky x reader #tfatws #tfatws bucky #james bucky barnes

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