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inacatastrophicmind · 10 months

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All That’s Left is Hurt

After defeating Chuck, Dean expects that Jack, who is now the new God, will be able to bring back Cas, but unfortunately, Jack can’t. The entity of the Empty has managed to hide Cas from Jack, and all he can do, is wait for the entity of the Empty to make a mistake and release its grip on Castiel, which might take at least a century.

Dean, shattered by the fact that he is going to have to live his life without Cas, mourning him for the rest of his days, drowns himself into the unforgiving and painful sea of grief. And as much as he wants to give up on life, he forces to keep going, because he doesn’t want Cas’ sacrifice to be for nothing, even if the simple act of breathing hurts.

Unable to stay in the bunker anymore, haunted by the many memories he shared with Cas, Dean leaves the bunker and ends up buying a house near a lake. The house needs a lot of restoration, but Dean decides to work on it, hoping that if Cas is ever brought back from the Empty, he will have a nice home to come back to, even if Dean is no longer alive.

Pairing: Dean Winchester/Castiel

Tags: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt, Slow Burn, Depression, Pining, Grief/Mourning, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Suicidal Thoughts, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon-Typical Violence, Self-Esteem Issues, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, lake house, Fix-It, Post 15x19, Established Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester, Loneliness

Read on AO3

Chapter 12 is up

Now complete!

Taglist

@bqrbie @castieldelamancha @donestiel @wanderingcas @valleydean @becauseofthebowties @dean-you-assbutt-cas-loves-you @its-imperator-furiosa-default @butterflybooks @destielcocklesblog @blue-eyed-cutiepatootie @tonysttrk @rayvynheart @carryonortega @darkmisstressofunknown @angemicwings @adastradaniel @highonmelancholy @katerinaalianovamindin

#Destiel #destiel fic #otp: i need you #tuserpris #castieldelamancha #my writing #all that's left is hurt

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inkskinned · 8 months

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the thing about art is that it was always supposed to be about us, about the human-ness of us, the impossible and beautiful reality that we (for centuries) have stood still, transfixed by music. that we can close our eyes and cry about the same book passage; the events of which aren't real and never happened. theatre in shakespeare's time was as real as it is now; we all laugh at the same cue (pursued by bear), separated hundreds of years apart.

three years ago my housemates were jamming outdoors, just messing around with their instruments, mostly just making noise. our neighbors - shy, cautious, a little sheepish - sat down and started playing. i don't really know how it happened; i was somehow in charge of dancing, barefoot and laughing - but i looked up, and our yard was full of people. kids stacked on the shoulders of parents. old couples holding hands. someone had brought sidewalk chalk; our front walk became a riot of color. someone ran in with a flute and played the most astounding solo i've ever heard in my life, upright and wiggling, skipping as she did so. she only paused because the violin player was kicking his heels up and she was laughing too hard to continue.

two weeks ago my friend and i met in the basement of her apartment complex so she could work out a piece of choreography. we have a language barrier - i'm not as good at ASL as i'd like to be (i'm still learning!) so we communicate mostly through the notes app and this strange secret language of dancers - we have the same movement vocabulary. the two of us cracking jokes at each other, giggling. there were kids in the basement too, who had been playing soccer until we took up the far corner of the room. one by one they made their slow way over like feral cats - they laid down, belly-flat against the floor, just watching. my friend and i were not in tutus - we were in slouchy shirts and leggings and socks. nothing fancy. but when i asked the kids would you like to dance too? they were immediately on their feet and spinning. i love when people dance with abandon, the wild and leggy fervor of childhood. i think it is gorgeous.

their adults showed up eventually, and a few of them said hey, let's not bother the nice ladies. but they weren't bothering us, they were just having fun - so. a few of the adults started dancing awkwardly along, and then most of the adults. someone brought down a better sound system. someone opened a watermelon and started handing out slices. it was 8 PM on a tuesday and nothing about that day was particularly special; we might as well party.

one time i hosted a free "paint along party" and about 20 adults worked quietly while i taught them how to paint nessie. one time i taught community dance classes and so many people showed up we had to move the whole thing outside. we used chairs and coatracks to balance. one time i showed up to a random band playing in a random location, and the whole thing got packed so quickly we had to open every door and window in the place.

i don't think i can tell you how much people want to be making art and engaging with art. they want to, desperately. so many people would be stunning artists, but they are lied to and told from a very young age that art only matters if it is planned, purposeful, beautiful. that if you have an idea, you need to be able to express it perfectly. this is not true. you don't get only 1 chance to communicate. you can spend a lifetime trying to display exactly 1 thing you can never quite language. you can just express the "!!??!!!"-ing-ness of being alive; that is something none of us really have a full grasp on creating. and even when we can't make what we want - god, it feels fucking good to try. and even just enjoying other artists - art inherently rewards the act of participating.

i wasn't raised wealthy. whenever i make a post about art, someone inevitably says something along the lines of well some of us aren't that lucky. i am not lucky; i am dedicated. i have a chronic condition, my hands are constantly in pain. i am not neurotypical, nor was i raised safe. i worked 5-7 jobs while some of these memories happened. i chose art because it mattered to me more than anything on this fucking planet - i would work 80 hours a week just so i could afford to write in 3 of them.

and i am still telling you - if you are called to make art, you are called to the part of you that is human. you do not have to be good at it. you do not have to have enormous amounts of privilege. you can just... give yourself permission. you can just say i'm going to make something now and then - go out and make it. raquel it won't be good though that is okay, i don't make good things every time either. besides. who decides what good even is?

you weren't called to make something because you wanted it to be good, you were called to make something because it is a basic instinct. you were taught to judge its worth and over-value perfection. you are doing something impossible. a god's ability: from nothing springs creation.

a few months ago i found a piece of sidewalk chalk and started drawing. within an hour i had somehow collected a small classroom of young children. their adults often brought their own chalk. i looked up and about fifteen families had joined me from around the block. we drew scrangly unicorns and messed up flowers and one girl asked me to draw charizard. i am not good at drawing. i basically drew an orb with wings. you would have thought i drew her the mona lisa. she dragged her mother over and pointed and said look! look what she drew for me and, in the moment, i admit i flinched (sorry, i don't -). but the mother just grinned at me. he's beautiful. and then she sat down and started drawing.

someone took a picture of it. it was in the local newspaper. the summary underneath said joyful and spontaneous artwork from local artists springs up in public gallery. in the picture, a little girl covered in chalk dust has her head thrown back, delighted. laughing.

#writeblr #warm up #this is longer than i wanted i really considered removing that part about myself and what i went thru #but i think it really fucking bothers me that EVERY time i talk about being an artist #ppl assume i just like. had the skill and ability to drop everything and pay for grad school.#like sir i grew up poor. my house wasn't a safe space. i gave up a FREE RIDE TO LAW SCHOOL. for THIS. bc i chose it.#was it fucking hard? was i choosing the hard thing?? yes.#but we need to stop seeing artists as lazy layabouts that can ''afford'' to just ''sit around and create''#when MANY - if not MOST - of us are NOT like that. we have to work our fucking ASSES off. hard work. long and hard work #part of valuing artists is recognizing the amount we sacrifice to make our art. bc it doesn't just #like HAPPEN to us. also btw it rarely has anything to do with true talent.#speaking as someone with a chronic condition i hate when ppl are like u have it easy. like actively as i'm writing this my hands r #ACTIVELY hurting me. i haven't been posting bc my left hand was curled in a claw for the last week #this isn't fucking luck. after a certain point it's not even TALENT. it's dedication & sacrifice.#''u get to flounce around and do nothing with ur life'' is a narrative that is a direct result of capitalism #imagine if we said that about literally any other profession.#''oh so u give up 10 yrs of ur life to be a doctor? u sacrifice having a social life and u get SUPER in debt?#u need to work countless hours and it will often be thankless? well i wish i was that lucky''#we should be applying that logic to landlords ONLY #''oh ur mom and dad gave u the money to buy a house? and all u did was paint it white and rent it? huh.''

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possamble · 2 months

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Needlessly close reading and long commentary on chapter 57 and how the audience actually has an extremely limited view on what Marcille has been like over the course of her life.

I am once again thinking about how pre-dungeon Marcille is so quiet and stoic that she seems like a completely different person. How jarring chapter 57 is for the audience. Like you have Marcille, who has been just the most blindingly expressive person with resting baby face

And then the chapter drops a title page of Marcille hearing from Falin for the first time in four years and it's like.

Who is that. Genuinely. Would you even realize that's Marcille without the context clues?

And then the chapter just keeps coming in with the sucker punches.

We have SEEN Marcille meet strangers. It was never with this understated of a smile.

literally who the hell is this. the few times the audience gets to see some Signature Marcille Faces that they're used to is when she finally gets to see Falin again

when she's testing out her new spells

(and when Laios and Falin are fantasizing about her being their damsel in distress, funnily enough)

And then finally. Finally you get to a fully recognizable Marcille when she fucking DIES and comes back to life to geek out about necromancy.

We know she loves magic. We know she loves Falin. So it's not so surprising that she wouldn't be able to keep a mask up when thinking or talking about the things she loves. But why the mask in the first place? Where does it come from? It's tempting to think that, maybe, Falin's departure just hurt her so much that it turned her into a quiet person.

But that's only half true. If you go back, the first instance you see of this incredibly mild personality is actually introduced much earlier, in chapter 17.

What if she was always like that. What if her default after her father died was to hold people at arm's length, to never really emote past being polite and friendly. What if Falin was the first person who was able to bring her out of her shell, and when she left, Marcille just went back to how she was.

And when comparing her detached demeanour with someone else...

It's not exact, but wouldn't you say there's a resemblance? Wouldn't you think she might be trying her best to imitate what she saw of her own mother working as an accomplished mage?

It would certainly explain why she's hiding behind her portrait in her nightmare, at least.

We aren't told that Marcille has been distancing herself from everyone around her using a mature and dignified personality she modelled off her mother. But we sure as hell are shown it, I think.

#marcille donato #dungeon meshi #dungeon meshi manga spoilers #dungeon meshi spoilers #this got so fucking long #it was originally just supposed to be 'haha marcille's old coworkers probably know her as the super serious one'#and then i started connecting dots and it was all over for me #anyway babygirl went right back to depressionville after falin left and it's like. wow. falin doesn't even know how long it's been #that's gotta hurt.#dunmeshi panel meta #marcilleposting #junoposting

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expelliarmus · 5 months

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#mine #doctor who #dwedit #christopher eccleston #david tennant #matt smith #peter capaldi #jodie whittaker #ncuti gatwa #john hurt #jo martin #ok i really only started making this gifset for the last one of fifteen lmao #i did not expect to be sitting here making 9 more gifs but here we are!!!#the only one i really left out is david bradley as the first doctor #but that's because the scene where he says his line in tuat... i don't like the lighting #and you don't even really see his face until after he's said it #but i mean technically these are all the new who doctors :')#and of course dt is in 4/10 of these lol

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eternallovers65 · 10 months

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Just saw someone on Twitter complain about the lack of Japanese people in Oppenheimer, and what did you expect??? Did you want the final act to be the bomb dropping and see people burning alive???

The reason why we don't see a Japanese perspective is because one, including a Japanese perspective, just to see how bad the suffering was would be exploitation. Two, to see an accurate and sensitive take on how the japanese felt about Oppenheimer, Christopher Nolan (as incredible as he is) isn't the right person to do this. And three, it's based on Oppenheimer's biography

Oppenheimer, the movie, literally shows you people (mostly the superiors, because by the middle/end of it you see Oppenheimer regretting his creation) doing something dubious and inhumane because they removed themselves away, both emotionally and physically, from the people they are hurting.

Nagasaki and Hiroshima only exist in those men's distant thoughts and imaginations. One guy literally asks to take a city off the bombing because that's where he had his honeymoon. It's disturbing and unsettling, as if those people were not real human beings. The lack of Japanese people drives the entire point home.

Also, Japanese cinema is right there. Barefoot Gen, Grave of the Fireflies, or Hiroshima (responsible for showing to many Americans the effects of the bombs for the first time) are just a few of the many, many decades of post-war Japanese movies we have

#important to say this just my opinion and im more than glad to talk and discuss about it #also i dont think a single person left this movie thinking Oppenheimer was the greatest person ever or left as a pro atomic bomb #you could literally feel the entire room's tension after the trinity test scene and what that meant when they succeeded #as the movie ended almost everyone was in silence i left that room in complete silent #its also important to say that although i do say the scientists didn't thought about the suffering japanese people would go through #this is more a dig forwards the superiors not the scientists because a lot of the scientists (Oppenheimer included) were jewish #so they were creating that people with the sole purpose of stoping the nazis and not hurt civilians #also to the people that keep saying 'oh what was japan doing/dont act like japaneses were innocent' dude i get what youre saying #but do you honestly believe all those civilians deserved that??? they were civilians not all of them agreed to what was happening #oppenheimer #oppenheimer 2023 #barbenheimer #christopher nolan #cilian murphy

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rad-roche · 6 months

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i though it would be fun to try my hand at drawing the new ghoul cowboy character from the tv show with a retro twist! a little more in line with the older fallout style, just for fun, though this is a mishmash between a bunch of different ghoul design elements from 1 - 4. the mouth split and eye cover is pretty old school, but his facial features are more modern

i was thinking of fun ways to make him emote. eventually i landed on this, keeping his bottom lip and having the skin split as a body language supplement!

#fallout #fallout tv series #the ghoul #rochedotpng #i don't think that his left eye is permanently sealed over i think it functions like a very big eyelid #he won't have it open all the time because it will hurt but he'll use it to aim down his rifle #fun experiment! still based on walton goggins though it's a little hard to tell #looking forward to the tv show #coming closer to a good watercolour workflow for corel #fallout ghoul

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yashley · 7 months

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Did she keep you trapped?

#critical role #ygifs #fearne #cr3 #the way fearne Immediately needs to liberate trapped creatures with a desperation that makes my heart ache :) comedy?? nah Trauma :)#a lonely little girl growing up in a nightmare and her heart is so big she only sees the dream #and she grows up believing with all her love that her parents Love her. her nana Loves her. and they'll be together one day.#and then it's growing up realizing just how dark the shadows were around her but no her home was always lovely it has to be #and it's not their fault if something hurts. if anything it's hers right. shes the solution for them of course she was the problem after al #the nana she loves can't be the hag who took her for a prize the parents she's searching for can't have left her behind.#her home was never a cage she just Has to free every trapped creature she sees #she'll laugh lightly and often and shrug it all away because it's not heavy. it doesn't hurt her. she's fine. she's fearne.#love nana morri to death also a thousand percent sure she modified little fearne's memory A Ton to keep her :).#how times did fearne try to run away crying only to be given a grin and a postcard and those fears are just one more thing taken from her #and it's all so lovely and nothing hurts and she's totally fine #my galpaloway

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dudeitiskarev · 1 month

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boyfriend hotch <33

#i couldn't choose just a few so i out them all #put*#i left the kiss out bc i didnt want to hurt everyones feelings #aaron hotchner #amor de mi vida #aaron hotchner gif #aaron hotchner gifs #dudeitiskarev gifs #season 7

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excessive-moisture · 3 months

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Wouldnt it be so funny if we had our real blogs opt out of being used in AI datasets, and then made new sideblogs where we would dump data poison :3

#their fault for making us opt out for each blog individually #i am very happy about at least the option to opt out because for the oast couple days i've been weighing whether i care to glaze all my art #since it appears there is just nowhere left on the internet to establish a gallery without getting your stuff stolen #however i still want to hurt them in some miniscule way

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nelkcats · 11 months

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Nature is watching you

It had been days since the Justice League had begun fighting the most powerful entities they had ever seen. Days since the earth itself had been against them.

It all began when the weather changed from one second to the next: Heavy storms in Metropolis, hail in Gotham, blizzards in Central City. Then carnivorous plants grew at every point on earth (and it wasn't Poison Ivy, they checked), by which point it was obvious that a larger force was to blame.

John Constantine identified them as "Vortex" and "Undergrowth", though he couldn't quite explain what they were, however he warned them not to confront them, letting them get bored would be the safest thing to do (the man looked uncharacteristically pale as he commented the last part). The League did not listen to him, worried about civilian casualties and confronted both beings anyway, they had fought Gods, surely it wouldn't be different.

It became clear that they made the wrong decision when they noticed most of their members were incapacitated or injured after a couple of days, and the beings had not been harmed in the least. Vortex laughed as Undergrowth looked at them, disgusted.

Their last confrontation was in Gotham so it was no surprise that Nightwing and Red Hood continued to evacuate civilians to a safer location. Jason noticed the moment when one of the civilians ran the other way decisively, the vigilante sighed as he indicated Nightwing that he would go after him. His brother nodded before Red Hood chased after the stupidly brave black-haired, blue-eyed boy, damn, he hoped Bruce didn't see him.

Unfortunately, he was just in time to see him run over to where the League was and stand in front of the two enemies, it was obvious the heroes were trying to push him away but they were either too hurt to move or didn't notice. Jason was about to yell at him to get out of the way when the boy spoke.

"STOP!"

The boy was clearly frustrated, and his face wore an annoyed expression. Jason noted the moment when the rest of the heroes noticed the boy standing in the middle of the battlefield. Supes had a devastated expression on his face.

Jason ran to the boy (who was strangely fast), he didn't know who he was but he would hate to see him die. He wondered if it was too late when both beings noticed him. They seemed strangely frightened? Jason guessed it was a trick of their eyes.

The battlefield was suddenly silent. It seemed like everyone was holding their breath, waiting for something to happen.

"I told you to stop" the black haired boy spoke again, his voice echoed in the silence, annoyance could still be heard in his tone. It was obvious he wasn't afraid. Without the heroes noticing, the plants and clouds stopped moving.

Quickly coming to his senses and noticing something, Superman shouted a warning as he looked at the hand of one of the beings pointing at the frail boy in front of him. He looked at Red Hood, who was running towards the scene but wouldn't make it in time, before looking at his own body, too damaged to move.

Contrary to what everyone expected, both beings lowered their heads, clasping their hands nervously, as if they weren't sure if they should kneel.

At the end, they lowered their heads in front of the boy in submission, looking defeated and strangely embarrassed.

"Sorry, my King" both said.

Danny snorted as he folded his arms. Jason, who had made his way over to where the halfa stood, looked at the three confused, what the fuck?

#dpxdc #ghost king danny #Vortex and Undergrowth love chaos #and Danny was busy #so they kinda escaped when he was not looking #Danny noticed after a couple of days #Clockwork informed him #The Ancients didn't kill anyone tho #but definitely left them hurt or incapacitated #Danny is not happy with the information #dp x dc #dc x dp #JL is extremely confused #Constantine realized what happened and fainted #Jason wonders if he could ask the civilian on a date before Bruce interrogate him #The Ancients respect Danny #He defeated them after all #Danny sees half of the Ancients as problematic children

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inacatastrophicmind · 1 year

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All That’s Left is Hurt

After defeating Chuck, Dean expects that Jack, who is now the new God, will be able to bring back Cas, but unfortunately, Jack can’t. The entity of the Empty has managed to hide Cas from Jack, and all he can do, is wait for the entity of the Empty to make a mistake and release its grip on Castiel, which might take at least a century.

Dean, shattered by the fact that he is going to have to live his life without Cas, mourning him for the rest of his days, drowns himself into the unforgiving and painful sea of grief. And as much as he wants to give up on life, he forces to keep going, because he doesn’t want Cas’ sacrifice to be for nothing, even if the simple act of breathing hurts.

Unable to stay in the bunker anymore, haunted by the many memories he shared with Cas, Dean leaves the bunker and ends up buying a house near a lake. The house needs a lot of restoration, but Dean decides to work on it, hoping that if Cas is ever brought back from the Empty, he will have a nice home to come back to, even if Dean is no longer alive.

Pairing: Dean Winchester/Castiel

Tags: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt, Slow Burn, Depression, Pining, Grief/Mourning, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Suicidal Thoughts, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon-Typical Violence, Self-Esteem Issues, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, lake house, Fix-It, Post 15x19, Established Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester, Loneliness

Read on AO3

Chapter 10 is up

Taglist (if you want to be added or removed just tell me!

@bqrbie @castieldelamancha @donestiel @wanderingcas @valleydean @becauseofthebowties @dean-you-assbutt-cas-loves-you @its-imperator-furiosa-default @butterflybooks @destielcocklesblog @blue-eyed-cutiepatootie @tonysttrk @rayvynheart @carryonortega @darkmisstressofunknown @angemicwings @adastradaniel @highonmelancholy @katerinaalianovamindin

#Destiel #destiel fic #otp: i need you #tuserpris #castieldelamancha #my writing #all that's left is hurt

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dragon-spaghetti · 2 months

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Chronic pain husk,, save me chronic pain husk,,,,

Days where he leans on the bar more than usual. Flying up/down the stairs being preferred over the pain in his knees, even though it feels as though even his feathers hurt after doing so. Sitting down hurts as much as standing so may as well just do his job to distract himself,,,

#drag rambles #hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel husk #my leg hurts like a Bitch today can you tell #to be clear I am not diagnosed w shit #however I do know my right leg has been fucked for years #motherfucker hurts at all times I stg #and left is starting to get worse #so #I'm giving the cat my problems ✨

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misspoetree · 9 months

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