so I bought a new desk

I don’t talk about it much but I’ve lost almost 60lbs. But no one tells you that when you lose weight suddenly it hurts when you’re a side sleeper. I had to get a memory foam mattress topper with a cushy pillow top that goes over it so my hips won’t hurt. And now when I sleep on my side I need a knee pillow because it hurts to have the bones in my knees touching each other.

“All nightmares start as dreams,

All love starts as a scheme,

. . .

So wake me up

I’m tired of sleeping ”

He’s so sad face emoji dreary face emoji wtf

I’ll update the punishland!au once I get another stupid baby puter because my old one was hanging on by a thread lmao.

Poor doods been through hell with this stupid little clump!!!!

Wants 2 go back home. :((

Guy Field, an illustrator in London has shared some photos of his work on the dhmis tv series, this includes early concepts for characters, logos, and sets

There is also another early concept art that they shared on their Instagram story:

Really interesting stuff!

reminder that I’m the ceo of the electracey and coffin friendship hc

Hmmm I kinda want to make a side blog for RPG Maker game development related things to be able to talk to more experienced people in that community, but at the same time I both don’t really think I’d get much attention and don’t want to accidentally spoil my own game (^^ ; ).

I have a rough story, concept doodles, a tileset, some character sprites, an enemy that walks around but can’t initiate battle yet (if I even decide to have a battle system), a couple rooms with some events, and a functioning run button, but I’m still lost on how to do much else at the moment. Especially since this program has the ability for scripting, meaning I’ll probably have to learn and actually retain another coding language.

So, I’m not very far at all lol. Idk how well that’d go over on the established fandom website, but eh.

When will people realize that just because people are adopted doesn’t make them any less brothers? And that you saying they’re not brothers because they’re adopted or saying “they’re adopted” so you can ship them invalidates pretty much everyone who has adopted siblings?

Chris Alonso imagine

She walks through the door and is looking at me with a bit more defeated posture than her usual strong confident self and I can immediately tell that something is off.

I know she’s a very straight forward person so I try to match her energy and just call it how I see it. “What’s wrong babe” Chris simply replies “nothing” like I can’t tell when she’s feeling down after knowing her for so long “I can tell when something’s wrong with you Chris” I address, but she sarcastically responds with “so you can read me now huh” 

Not like I didn’t expect her typical defense mechanisms, she’s usually a very guarded person and with being a swat officer she has learned not to show her emotions and bury them instead

I responded with “of course I can” she role her eyes and I chuckle “but seriously baby just tell me what’s going on, I know you think it might be too much for me but swat or not I can handle everything you tell me but clearly you need someone to help you handle it as well” she sighs and look everywhere but me. I can tell I’m starting to get her to consider opening up, 

“it’s ok Chris” 

She slowly and cautiously starts talking about some victims, teen girls, who were DOA at a scene she arrived on today and she talks about the guilt she felt for not being able to save them, shes tearing up during the confession and after she’s done I get up and pull her into a hug which she melts into, as soon as our bodies touch she breaks like glass that’s been hit one too many times.

It’s rare to see her cry but I’ve never seen her sob, not like this at least. She lets out all the emotions she’s been holding in and I just hold her in my arms comforting her “it’s ok baby girl I got you let it out” she mumbles apologies about crying and not being able to be in control of her emotions and i try and just give her those reassurances she needs, I know she needs to cry so I’ll hold her as long as she needs, just being thankful she trusts me enough to let her carefully guarded wall down in front of me.

 I gently pull back from the hug and cup her face with my hands, making her look at me. "It's okay, Chris," I say softly, "Let it all out." I wipe away her tears with my thumbs and continue, "But you can't hold it all in forever. You need to talk to someone about it. Maybe a therapist or someone else on the team who has been through similar things, or, and this is my favorite option, me."

She nods, sniffling, and leans back into my embrace. We sit there for a while longer, until she calms down and her breathing returns to normal. "Thanks" she whispers.

I kiss her forehead and hold her tighter. “I always got your six" I promise. "No matter what."

coffee dates with your mom have you spilling all your dirty secrets without a second thought 😭

we have a lot of cats in my neighborhood and sometimes there will be a couple in my front yard just hanging out. this little guy was waiting for me tonight.

Neighbors are these other ones who also have a house and near your house. and they bring you food when you run out. And they can go into your house and tell you what they like about your house and then you go to theirs and tell them what you like about theirs and y

The Dark Urge: Who Are They Really?

After discussing this (for way too long) with a friend, I’m gonna voice my thoughts out to the void like the nerd I am.

I’ve never been a huge fan of amensia narratives because I think they’re cheesy and lazy. But The Dark Urge is so Drakengard-coded that I locked onto them immediately. The Durge and I are a match made in Heaven. And this is where my friend comes in. He doesn’t want to play Durge because “you’re playing a monster.” I argued back that, technically, they have no memory of who they are and can change. Basically Durge-in-game =\= Durge pre-game (depending on how you play obviously). But my friend, let’s call him Zach, argued it doesn’t matter if Durge works towards being a “good” (good can be subjective) person because they’re guilty of unforgivable crimes including ones we probably don’t hear about. Zach argues Durge’s origin as Bhaalspawn does complicate things, but that it doesn’t excuse it. Durge is shown as able to resist the urge (even at great physical pain). He doesn’t count “remote” killings as in when Bhaal overrides Durge (ex. Alfira).

This got us discussing the philosophy behind such a scenario. Is the original’s persona dead? Does this mean the Durge we play is a new person, and Durge from before is dead? Or is this the same person? What changed within Durge (if they’re repenting) to cause them to reject their old life and ways? It brings to mind John Locke’s argument about “Day” and “Night-man” in which Locke insists that a body may share a soul but not be the same person. Locke states:

“For granting that the thinking Substance in Man must be necessarily suppos’d immaterial, ‘tis evident, that immaterial thinking thing may sometimes part with its past consciousness, and be restored to it again, as appears in the forgetfulness Men often have of their past Actions, and the Mind many times recovers the memory of a past consciousness, which it had lost for twenty Years together. Make these intervals of Memory and Forgetfulness to take their turns regularly by Day and Night, and you have two Persons with the same immaterial Spirit, as much as in the former instance two Persons with the same Body. So that self is not determined by Identity or Diversity of Substance…but only by identity of consciousness” (Locke, An Essay Concerning Human Understanding).

Essentially, he believed the conscious could change while the body and soul remains the same. A new person is born out of a change in consciousness. A Jekyll and Hyde situation (at its worse in Durge’s case). This sentiment sits at the foot of Zach and I’s “fight” (not a fight lol). I believe Durge-during-the-game to be a completely different person, while Zach sees them as a bad person with no memory of being terrible. For Zach, they are the same person, terrible traits and all, and so they deserve no sympathy (aside from the obvious like their lack of body autonomy at the hands of Bhaal and Orin). But from a purely philosophical question, I don’t know the answer. I know my opinion and Zach’s opinion, but we couldn’t come to an agreement.

Idk I just really love The Dark Urge and their complicated psyche lol thanks for making them enough of a freak, Larian, that my friend and I could discuss this for like two hours in the break room at school.

I know I’m due for a teeth cleaning soon but I just got unscared of the doctor last month so dentist appt will be junes goal

Conventional nightmares are scary but I think it’s the unrealistic ones that are the most scary

Attempting to get two of my wisdom teeth out later today I am shaking like a scared chihuahua

I’m going out to the aquarium within the hour and I’m so fuckin excited even though it does mean me facing my nemesis: the tiny turning circle to get out of my local buses in my route