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Hell to Pay: Chapter Thirty-Two

I, II, III, IV, V, VI, VII, VIII, IX, X, XI, XII, XIII, XIV, XV, XVI, IX, IX, XX, XXI, XXII, XXIII, XIV, XV, XVI, XVII, XVIII, XVIIII, XXX, XXXI

cowritten by @lux-scriptum

Darius had been following after the angel, who had been following after Nik. His heart hurt for them both, for Cameron. Neither of them seemed to be handling Lev’s death in any form of grace. His Cameron was slowly spiraling, even if no one seemed to be picking up on it. He always was so internal about his pain.

Nik, on the other hand, the angel’s grief was so violent, and Darius hated watching Lev being unable to do anything to ease his suffering. Nik seemed to live in bars, at least the ones that would let him in. He hadn’t been able to find a pattern as to which ones he chose, but the one constant was Nik drinking himself into the floor and getting into fights with anything that moved.

Darius had been expecting Cameron to pick Nik up this time, but it wasn’t and he found himself almost feeling sorry for Nik when the tall ginger angel forced his way into the demonic bar and dragged Nik up to his feet by his shirt.

Nik’s blood-soaked smile almost made Darius cringe, especially as Ash seemed to be fighting the impulse to throw Nik through the bar. “Hey, Dad, miss me?”

Ash didn’t bother answering him and threw some cash at the bartender without so much as looking at him before dragging Nik out of the bar. Darius followed after, unsure how Ash was even moving around without a driver of his own. But Ash’s eyes glowed an unnervingly bright green as he shoved Nik into a car and started driving.

Darius and Lev settled into the backseat, and he almost stiffened when Ash looked back through the rearview mirror not... through him, but at him and Darius wasn’t sure if Ash could see him or not. He didn’t want to ask, just in case Ash answered him and Nik was aware. But that didn’t stop him from giving Lev a worried glance. “Are you alright?” he asked.

Lev looked so guilt stricken. “I shouldn’t have left him alone.”

Darius would sigh sympathetically, if he could, but since his lungs were currently not functioning, he offered a comforting pat on Lev’s thigh. Sometimes he thought about that with Cameron. Cameron, who he saw get colder and colder as the centuries drug on. If he hadn’t been watching him for so long, then he would never have been able to recognise him.

The only difference was, Cameron had taken his life, and it was the choice of a scared teenager with no power.

The entire car was filled with a heavy silence that had Darius on edge. Even if he had access to his magic, he didn’t have to read Ash’s mind to know that he was yelling at Nik, about having to step foot into demonic territory to bring him home. Perhaps Ash was, in his own way, sparing both Nik and Lev more distress. But he wasn’t sure if it were that, or if Ash was just angry enough, he wasn’t able to say anything.

However, Ash seemed to regain the ability to speak, or rather the ability to yell when he dropped the still bleeding Nik onto the couch. “How the fuck are you this wounded. I thought you were good at fighting.”

Darius could have told him that that was exactly the point. That Nik wanted the pain, that that was how Nik functioned with anything, but Nik’s barely intelligible answer said enough, even if Ash looked positively unmoved. He had the feeling Ash was well versed in the matters of grief and the injuries that came with them.

Lev disappeared before blinking back in a few seconds, and Nate seemed to only be a few steps behind him. The worry and heartache on Nate’s face only seemed to go right over Nik’s head. “You’re going to give me a heart attack,” Nate sighed.

Darius wasn’t sure how Cameron could handle this day in day out with Nik when he could barely keep a handle on himself. But Darius already knew that answer.

“Good thing about being dead,” Nik was saying, so coldly. “Don’t want anything.”

Lev made the smallest wounded sound. “Nik no.”

Darius hadn’t been able to stop himself from flinching. He had been dead for some time, and he perhaps had wanted more now, than he ever had when he was living on the streets of Asyra or even as a pleasure slave in Asmadai’s court.

When Nik had pushed Ash, Lev had turned to Nate. “Please stop them,” he rushed out.

Nate hadn’t even let Lev finish his sentence before he dragged Nik and Ash apart before they went for each other’s throats.. “Both of you- stop it right now. I will not ask again.”

Ash and Nik both seemed to completely ignore Nate’s order, willing to tear each other apart had Nate not been holding them back. In the middle of Nate’s next rant, Lev gave a small “I’m sorry,” that had Nate’s voice going sharper than ever.

“It is not anyone’s fault that Lev is dead,” Nate said, making Lev flinch.

Darius put his hand on Lev’s shoulder. “He’s right, you know,” he said, quietly. “It’s Destris’.” Destris was the same reason he was dead, but he knew that Cameron had taken that blame onto himself. “Blaming yourself doesn’t help you,” he said, “And it definitely doesn’t help either of them.”

Lev looked at him, so sadly. “I should never have left him alone.”

“You cannot blame yourself for Nik’s choices,” Darius said, firmly. “His choices are his and his alone. No one is making him do any of this. Grief makes a monster out of all of us.”

----

Darius was sitting on the couch, watching Lev talk to Eden, who’s “DADADADADADA” brought a smile to Lev’s face. Darius couldn’t help the pure ache he felt sometimes, but she was a lovely child. It was his own choice to make sure he couldn’t carry any children, even if it had hurt more than anything else he had been though.

This felt too intimate, and he wondered if he should even be in here. Before he could ask, Bay had come into the room with his own small baby and put him in his own crib before going to Eden. Darius said, “Do you want to be alone?” he asked Lev. “I’d understand.”

Lev watched Bay get Eden ready for bed before looking at him. “No,” he said. “I should go anyway so Eden goes to sleep.”

Darius offered him a small half smile and followed Lev out of the room.

“Oh Cameron,” Darius was saying softly, watching Cameorn’s livelihood burn to the ground before him. The blue and white flames only made Cameron look even more pale and dead than he already did.

He listened to Zareth and Cameron talk amongst themselves, wanting to do something other than watch this club be reduced to ashes. Darius let put a shuddering breath, even if it offered no relief to the weight he felt.

Surely even if he were alive, he wouldn't even be able to breathe through this kind of heartache.

He could feel Lev torn between watching him and watching Cameron. "Would you like to be alone?" He asked, softly.

Darius shook his head. He couldn't form the words, but that didn't stop him from trying to give some form of comfort to his mate. He reached for Cameron's hand, even if he knew he couldn't touch him, not really, even if he knew Cameron didn’t know he was there, or if Cameron just chose to not believe he was there. He wasn’t sure which one he’d prefer.

When Cameron shuddered, Darius took a step back, arms folding tightly over his chest. He forced his emotions into check, if only so he wouldn’t disappear for days at a time. Now was not the time to leave Cameron alone, even if Lev was here. Lev was still so new, and he might even disappear too.

Lev leaned close to Darius, offering him a half hug. “I miss him too.”

Darius scrubbed his face. “You’d think,” he tried hoarsely, “after five hundred years it would get some form of easy. But nothing is ever easy. Not where Cameron is concerned.” He touched the thick scar on the base of his neck. Perhaps if he still had his body he’d shudder. “He killed me and I just want him to be okay.”

Lev rested his head on Darius’ shoulder. “You still love him.”

It wasn’t a question, but Darius answered it nonetheless. “I do. Very much. And I know you love him, too.”

“I feel bad for ruining his schedule.”

Darius couldn’t help but smile a little at the sheepishness in Lev’s tone. “He does like his schedules,” he said.

“He needs them.”

Darius snorted lightly. “He does get a bit bitchy when his routine is altered.”

Cameron detested surprises, even with his magic, there were still so many things that he couldn’t see coming. And Darius knew if he had known what would have happened with them, Cameron wouldn’t have touched him within a thousand years.

Lev sighed softly. “Do you want to stay here? I want to go check on Nik.”

Shaking his head, Darius straightened and unfolded his arms. “No. I- no. I’ll go with you, if that’s okay?”

Darius almost jolted when Lev reached for his hand. He took that as answer enough and blinked them away.

----

A few days later and Nik still wasn’t doing any better than Cameron was.

They found Nik drinking himself under the counter once again, but this time in his own kitchen. Darius wasn’t too sure that Cameron would be all too pleased with Nik in here doing this to himself. They followed after Nik’s clumsy stumbling to the door when someone started knocking.

The gorgeous black haired angel Darius had come to know as Silas was standing on the other side of the door.

“Well well,” Nik said. “Another one of Lev’s ex’s as I live and breathe. Are you wanting the next best thing?”

Lev only looked shocked and a little hurt at Nik’s drunken remark, but Silas’ “ew” made Lev give a small laugh. At the mention of Silas’ new tattoos, Lev looked at Darius and explained, “He did them himself. I’ve never had the pain tolerance or control of my magic to be able to do the same.”

“Does sound painful,” Darius remarked, enjoying the scope of blank ink sprawled across Silas’ forearms. “We were never allowed to get any kind of permanent ink on our skin. Damaged the merchandise, I imagine.”

Lev looked pained. “That’s awful.” In a smaller voice, Lev added, “Silas’ tattoos aren’t permanent. He uses his shadows. He can change them whenever he wants.”

“Must be nice,” Darius said, while they followed them back to the kitchen where Nik promptly went back to his alcohol. “Having physical magic must be useful. My own abilities were nothing like this. However, that could be because I’m a demon. Or was, I suppose.”

Lev nodded a bit. “I could never do what he does. My shadows were never that tangible.” He paused, watching Nik with a pained expression, before looking up at Darius. “What was your magic?”

Darius gnawed on his lip while he thought about it. He had made it a rule to not talk about his magic, at least with people he barely knew. However, they were both dead, and it wasn’t like anything could come of it. “Mine was… more mental, I suppose. Various forms of, uh, telepathy. Hearing thoughts, speaking, other things. I tried to make my magic as invisible as I could. I didn’t need any more focus on either Cameron or myself.”

Lev nodded a bit. “That makes sense. It doesn’t sound like you were in a safe place at the time.”

Darius gave a small, rueful laugh. “I don’t think Cameron is in a safe place now. Safer, sure, but. No one is really safe in the Obsidian Court.” He had seen how Cameron had swiftly and pragmatically killed everyone that was loyal to Asmadai. Everyone, it seemed, but Destris. Cameron’s hand always faltered where blood was concerned. “But I suppose if you can’t be safe, the next best thing is to make yourself the threat. Why fear the boogeyman when you could be him.”

Lev leaned against him. “I’m sorry you both went through that.”

Me too, Darius thought. But he found himself shrugging. “It is what it is. Can’t change the past, no matter how much we want it rewritten.”

“That’s true,” he said. “But that doesn’t mean I can’t wish it didn’t happen. You both deserved better. I’ve never understood others’ capacity for causing pain. Life may not be fair but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t be.”

Darius couldn’t stop the small laugh that escaped him. “I do believe Cameron’s response to such a thought would be ‘Life isn’t fair and I don’t have the time to pretend that people are any sort of decent.’ I, however, know better, even if sometimes I wish I didn’t.”

“Yeah, but Cameron doesn’t have any emotional intelligence,” Lev said sadly, and with enough vague disappointment Darius was almost amused by it.

“That he does not,” Darius sighed, starting for the bedroom that Silas and Nik had disappeared to. “And it seems Nik’s not too much better,” he said, leaning against the doorframe, watching Nik throw a clock towards Silas.

“No one asked you,” Nik was saying.

Lev was hunched as he watched Nik, arms folded over his stomach protectively, fists clenched. “I hate that I can’t help him. That I couldn’t even when I was alive.”

“No,” Darius said, softly. “I think you helped him more than you think. You helped both of them.”

Darius got a good look of just how bloodshot Niks eyes were; a brilliant streaking of gold contrasting against his beautifully framed dark brown eyes. The eerily blank expression, though, it reminded him too much of Cameron. It didn’t look right on Nik’s swaggering face.

“It wasn’t enough,” Lev said, He went to crawl on the bed next to Nik.

But Nik rolled onto his back. “Did your former lover kill herself? Because mine sure did.”

Darius almost wished he could peer into Nik’s mind and just see whatever it was that was torturing him. He wanted to see how he could somehow help.

“No. My dad sent two into the front lines, declared a third a traitor so he could cast them out and straight uo executed the fourth. Those are the ones that died, at least. The rest got out alive. At least from dear old dad.”

Lev looked almost guilty. “Silas left me because Mikael tried to turn me into a weapon. He made me kill a demon and it haunts me to this day.”

Five hundred years ago the war was far from being over. The groves of bodies he had seen when he was alive still haunted him. Even if Lev wasn’t complicit, it was hard to think about how much destruction was brought at the hands of his people, how the desperation of his own had turned so many demons into monsters in their own right.

“A drop of blood is still blood spilt,” Darius said. “No one’s hands are clean in this.”

Nik’s sudden ‘I told him I was sorry’ jolted his attention back to the angel curled on the bed, rubbing his eyes. When Lev reached out for Nik, the angel nearly flinched as he rolled over to face the wall. “Doesn’t matter,” he was saying to Silas, “He didn’t believe me, and he left.”

“I did believe you,” Lev said, so softly Darius almost didn’t hear him. “And I shouldn’t have gone.”

Darius sighed quietly and went over to face Nik. Even with Silas’s hand in Nik’s hair calming him enough he wasn’t sobbing anymore, there were still golden tears streaking down Nik’s face. It tore at his chest and he didn’t know how to feel about it. Nik wasn’t his, Nik didn’t even know his name, but that didn’t mean that Darius hadn’t watched Nik and Cameron these last years. He owed Nik.

“It wasn’t your fault,” Silas told Nik. “And it’s not likely Lev was angry with you. I know- knew him well. He doesn’t get mad. He gets scared, and he goes to find somewhere he can curl up and feel safe for a little while.”

Lev stretched out on bed as close to Nik as he could get. “I’m sorry,” he whispered.

“I didn’t make him feel safe,” Nik mumbled.

“You did,” Lev promised. “You did.”

Darius couldn’t figure out how to help, and he wasn’t sure if he should. This felt too intimate for him to witness and he left Nik and Lev while he went to the doorway. When Silas went to slump back into the chair, Nik’s crying had ceased. He had cried himself to sleep.

Lev kept petting Nik’s black and blue hair, not moving from the bed. The vibrant blue streaks had faded into pale mimicries of themselves.

Darius decided it was best for him to take his leave and disappeared to find Cameron.

----

Of course, Darius found Cameron back at Bay’s house, going to take his baby back to the nursery to change her into a black onesie. It was nice that Cameron’s palate in clothing hadn’t changed much in the last five hundred years.

Black was a classic.

Cameron settled into the rocking chair with Eden on his chest. Darius couldn’t help but be concerned by the way Cameron’s fingers grazed down Eden’s back as he stared off into the space in front of him. It wasn’t like Cameron to lose focus.

Darius couldn’t stop himself from touching Cameron’s gaunt cheek, if Cameron instantly jerked back. Cameron’s pale blue eyes blinked slowly into focus and he got up and put the sleeping baby into her crib. Not even a second later Nate appeared in the doorway.

“Help him?” Darius asked.

Nate’s face was drawn. “Everything okay?” he asked, Cameron.

“It is now that she’s in decent clothes,” Cameron said, walking around Nate. Darius didn’t miss the irritable look Nate shot him before following Cameron. “Does no one in this house have decent taste?”

“You gave us those clothes.” Nate’s flat voice made Darius wince. “They’re from your house. Maybe get a snack and you’ll calm down.”

“Please?” Darius asked, knowing damn well Cameron couldn’t hear him.

He wasn’t sure the last time Cameron ate.

The way Cameron halted had Darius stiffening as he looked at Nate. “I am being perfectly calm,” he said, coolly.

The crackling cold look in Cameron’s eyes suggested otherwise. Nate’s long, leveled look was completely unfazed, but he decided to drop it and followed Cameron back to the kitchen where Bay was watching with ancient hazel green eyes. Both Bay and Darius watched Cameron look disinterestedly at the food Nate sat in front of him and pushed it to the side.

“How long are we keeping her?” Bay asked. “I assume until the threat is resolved.”

The way Cameron drummed his fingers on the counter was calculated and Bay could tell too. “Until I decide to bring her back,” Cameron said, eventually. “I don’t want her anywhere near Nik right now.”

No, that wasn’t fair to either Eden or Nik.

The scrutinizing looks from Bay and Nate were met well with Cameron’s detached frost. He wondered if either of them would push Cameron further, to get him to voice his true intentions, but Darius knew Cameron wouldn’t buckle. Not about this.

When Bay took Cameron’s untouched plate, Nate nipped at Bay’s shoulder. His heart hurt at the playful face-push Bay did to make Nate move away from him. The innate, unbridled love in Nate’s eyes as he kissed Lucas’ head and kissed Bay’s cheek had Darius yearning, even if… he wasn’t too sure that he would ever get anything like that, even if he were alive.

The vaguely disgusted look on Cameron’s face almost made Darius snort. “I’m going to leave, I think.”

Nate hummed. “You know where the door is.”

Darius decided to wait to follow after him, if only because he wanted a word with Nate first. Nate pressed another kiss to Lucas’ head before following after Darius.

“Thank you,” Darius said. “For caring for her.”

Nate looked so tired in his kindness. “It’s no problem. Eden is always welcome here. Even Cameron is, even though I sometimes wish he’d forget where I lived. They’re family.”

Darius’ mouth twitched. “I think you’ll find that Cameron nor I tend to hold much weight when it comes to family. But I appreciate it nonetheless.”

--------

Darius had made it a habit to find Cameron in the early morning, when Cameron always started making breakfast. But once again Darius did not find Cameron in the kitchen. He wasn’t even in his office, either.

He was on the porch again, smoking. He had been out here for some time, judging by how pale his skin was, and the dark grey around the shell of Cameron’s ears. The faint grey on Cameron’s nose and cheeks suggested that he was freezing, even if he didn’t seem fazed in the least.

“Cameron,” Darius sighed.

Cameron’s fingers twitched as he tried to light another cigarette. It took him several tries, and he was sure Cameron was more than displeased with it. He was even more displeased when Darius reached out and snuffed out the cigarette with his fingers. The dark look in Cameron’s eyes unfazed him, despite Cameron reaching for yet another cigarette. When Darius put that one out too, he said, “Please go inside.”

Cameron reached for a final cigarette before Darius put it out. The faint murderous look in Cameron’s eyes had Darius frowning. “I can keep going all day, if you want. It’s not like you can kill me again.”

Even if Cameron couldn’t hear him, Darius was still faintly amused by it. His mouth ticked up when Cameron sighed sharply and went back inside. “Maybe he’ll go get warm now.”

-------

“I think you’ve had enough,” Cameron was saying, with a far too deceptive boredom. “I’m tired of replacing my very expensive alcohol because you decided to drink your weight before breakfast.”

Darius watched the way Nik skillfully pop the lid off the liquor bottle and bring it to his lips. He didn’t get a drop down before Cameron had moved across the room and yanked it out of Nik’s hand, and shoving Nik back into the counter.

The angry blank bruises were still so prominent on Cameron’s back, even as he dug his nails into Nik’s throat. “Did I not make myself clear?” he said, smoothly, placing the bottle on the counter.

“Yes, cripple, you did,” Nik bit out. “However, I don’t give a fuck. Some of us are actually in touch with our emotions and can’t shut them off as well as you can, you miserable bastard. Give me that back.”

“Nik no,” Lev said, sounding scandalized. “That’s not nice.”

“And here I thought name calling was beneath you,” Cameron said, dryly, nails digging deeper into Nik’s skin.

If Darius didn’t know better, Nik’s skin was turning a pale gold, even with that cutting smile he was giving Cameron. “Well, that’s what you get for thinking, isn’t it.” Nik tried reaching for the open liquor bottle still on the counter.

Lev was already moving to push it further away from him and ended up knocking it off the counter, shattering it across the floor. Lev stared at the mess of glass and alcohol on the floor before dragging his wide golden eyes up to Darius’. “We can do that?”

Darius bit back his snort. “Mhmm. We can do a lot of things, if we really want to. Just need to practice enough. Emotional outbursts only get you so far.”

Cameron and Nik both stared down at the mess before looking at each other. Cameron said, “Keep breaking my shit,” he said, unhooking his claws from Nik’s neck. “See where it gets you. Go get cleaned up.”

Nik growled. “I didn’t do anything.”

“Now.”

Nik snarled, but shoved past him and disappeared through the doorway. Cameron’s cool gaze followed after Nik for a heartbeat before moving to kneel on the floor. “I thought you didn’t make a mess in my kitchen,” he said, annoyed.

Lev squeaked. “Sorry.”

Cameron carefully went to pick up the pieces and Darius did not miss the way Cameron rolled his eyes. “Don’t apologize.”

Lev snapped a look to Darius. “Can he hear us?”

Darius snorted, even as a fraction of envy tore at him. “No,” he said. “He just knows you.”

“Oh.”

Lev looked down at the mess Cameron was cleaning up and tried moving the shards into a small pile. But it unsurprisingly wasn’t working. Lev gave Darius a distressed look, confusion etched on his face. Darius said, “It can be tricky. Takes a while to manipulate matter.”

Darius knelt next to him and moved the pieces for him.

Lev watched for a heartbeat before moving to look at Cameron. He reached out and nestled his fingers against Cameron’s cheek. “I’m sorry,” he said, again, so softly.

Cameron’s eyes were trained to the floor, body tightly wound. Cameron quickly got to his feet and mechanically left the room, leaving Lev, Darius and a shattered bottle of tequila on the floor.

Tagging: @idreamonpaper @incandescent-creativity @solangelo3088 @halstudies @alittleyellowdinosaur @mis-lil-red

#writeblr #writers on tumblr #wip boost #my writing #original writing #hell to pay #ch: cameron #ch: nik #ch: darius #ch: ash #ch: bay #ch: nate #cameron and nik and lev

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