Party AA gun

drawings i did for sangcheng week!!! 💜💚

thank you to those who organised this event!

Wanted to prepare some food for the #SangchengWeek23 and I went for the spicy flavor, misuse of Zidian.

drew this for my buddy anfal like ...... uh. draft timestamp says february

committing atrocities doesn't count if you're a hot bi babygirl <3

[ID: the 'i have done nothing wrong ever' meme where wei wuxian is saying 'i have done nothing wrong, ever, in my life' and lan wangji responds 'i know this, and I love you'. End ID]

my queue was supposed to run out tonight (11/19) - i'm nothing if not someone who clings to dates and anniversaries, and exactly a month ago, i realized i had enough posts stowed in it to last until today. of all the days. kismet. you know when it's time to go. but i ended up adding some posts from my (still copious) drafts, and no matter how i finagled it, it was impossible to make them all fit by the time today ended. so it gets a little bit of extra time. maybe, in honor of this blog's existence, that's fitting.

you all know this, i've said it, typically in gratitude, many times already. this blog was never meant to last. i came back in november 2020 expecting a couple of months, maybe to be here until the new year. i told very few people, anticipating the goodbye, not wanting to cause anyone undue anguish when i had to vanish again. something i didn't expect was the sheer (admittedly devasting) emotion that would tie itself to those two weeks when i started interacting again, nor that it would have any outreach or impact, but somehow it did. then time kept spinning on, extending itself, gossamer threads unfurling each day. my following kept growing, far beyond what i could have anticipated, greater than i'd ever established on any of my previous blogs. moving around is unfortunately a pattern at this point, every time for reasons that felt quietly catastrophic. not being able to pay bills for a while. angel's death and the ensuing difficult circumstances. so here, i kept anxiously imagining why i'd eventually have to leave, how to plan for it. poverty issues. the homelessness we were facing through the entirety of a couple of years until last august (and my dad having to be the saving grace). worsening health issues. i never knew, i couldn't predict it, i just worried about it. often tried to brace for it. maybe i got too comfortable this year, because this was when i started to think it wouldn't happen, that i really could stay. little did i know. and the reasons...are not reasons i ever fathomed, why would i have? how could i have? i wish it weren't so. (i wish a lot of things.)

i thought sometimes about the words i would leave you with, none of which are suitable now. i almost wrote nothing, yet found that feeling wrong, couldn't leave without something about parting.

thus it turns out i'm leaving before it's strictly necessary, before it's the fear of personal catastrophe coming to fruition, not knowing what i'll do or where i'll metaphorically go, as that is the downside of chronic illness and isolation narrowing this to my sole outlet. (lyrics keep running through my mind, there are always lyrics stuck in my head. no matter where i go, there'll be memories that tug at my sleeve, but there will also be more to question, yet more to believe...teach me to be more adaptive...help me say goodbye). my body is in such a fragile state right now (my mind not far behind) that maybe what i need to do is rest. just rest for a while.

this blog was never meant to grow the way it did, to take asks and have conversations like i did, that was a somewhat new (sometimes scary! often fun) experience for me. it's one that will never be replicated. to my loyal and lovely anons, i'm so sorry that i had to cut you off unexpectedly and couldn't reinstate communication - i know that you weren't able to reach out to me as soon as i did that, and that certainly wasn't your fault, it was a response to the tenor of this website. i apologize for the hundreds of messages i never had the chance to answer. i'm appreciative of the things you shared with me and all the times we got to talk.

i sincerely hope some of you learn to be kinder and wiser and less reactionary and more willing to learn and to listen rather than to attack those who have never wronged you and who do not deserve that. i'm being too nice, but i hope you learn that misusing your supposed social justice to do harm and foment hatred and stew in ignorant cruelty makes any principles you purport to have utterly void. my hope for that is low at the moment, but it's still got to be there. waiting to be found.

to those of you who have never been anything but kind, you are true treasures, the lights in the darkness, the loving and compassionate embodiment of human spirit. some of you have (quite literally) helped keep my mom and me alive, and i can never repay that or do enough in this life to quantify it. some of you have been here for me every single day, to listen and laugh and cry and understand. i don't think i would've bothered to fight through these past three years had i not had your presences in my life. i wouldn't have had as much of a reason. there are times when i still haven't felt like i had a reason, i struggle through so many varied griefs, but then i continued to wake up, and would come on here and find something joyful or beautiful or affirming that someone had sent or posted, and it gave me an anchor. there are passions and interests i shared or discovered here that were so uplifting and enlightening, and i will carry them in my heart always. being here to find those was such a blessing. being here with you to indulge in them was such a blessing. thank you. i pray your continued paths have more of that ahead. look at all the things you've done for me. there are certain things that once you have no time can wear away.

you know that line from the wizard of oz?: hearts will never be practical until they are made unbreakable. maybe that isn't true, maybe our hearts being broken is proof of something. there are people who hurt me on such a profound level who i know weren't affected by it at all, but i refuse to define my sensitivity as a negative. my softness (too soft for all of it, indeed) does not quite provide me with a weapon, but it doesn't crumple. hearts can be broken repeatedly and still beat, which i've thought about a lot lately. shattered souls just make a new mosaic. it's a different picture than it was before, but the color and light persists. and in the remains of that, a handful of people have shown me depths of caring and resilience that i wouldn't have gotten to hold onto otherwise, which is an extraordinary thing. the precious rarities have to mean something more, don't they? i would think so. i believe it. or i'm trying. i keep trying with all my might.

maybe i stayed too long at the fair. maybe this is a consequence of overplaying my hand, gambling a little too much with time to where it had to teach me something. maybe i needed the reminder that sometimes we have to fight to retain our spirits, and other times we have to retreat. maybe i needed a reminder that all that extra time was a miracle. i don't take it for granted.

whether we've spoken directly, be that consistently or in scattered flurries, whether we've interacted in very personal ways or simply in liked hearts on the dash, i hope there was goodness and light in it. i hope there's a memory i leave here that's sweet. (as long as i'm borrowing phrases, i hope you'll think of me fondly sometimes.) i hope there was something warm and enriching here. i hope you know what you've been and meant to me. i said so many times that this blog was my cozy haunted house - the ghosts will linger here forever, and i know they'll never mind if you want to step in and visit.

with all my heart, i love so many of you so dearly. i am so lucky to have your friendships. please move gently through life. please hold onto the things that illuminate it for you, and provide that where you can. please do your best to repair even the smallest of tears in the world. you are not obligated to complete the work, but neither are you free to abandon it.

there must be lights burning brighter somewhere.

something yet remains. i remain. and i do my best to be brave.

#sangchengweek23 Day 2: Music/Dance

I'm super late! But here's one of my pieces for the SangCheng Week! I couldn't resist making it spicy.

check link for full image on my twitter

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Chapter 23 "End of Empathy, Part 2"

Somewhere, a child was crying.

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God i've been so excited i hope you guys like it!!

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Last week i wrote a bonus canon ficlet for between 22 & 23 here! Make sure to read it if you need a serotonin boost after all this pain.

Here's another serotonin boost if you need it! Springtime in Gusu

Check out more art of this/other MDZS Projects on my masterpost! ❤

Once, a beautiful jiaoren fell in love with a human cultivator and was loved in return... but the mortal world wasn't allowed to interact with the sacred creatures, and so the heavens punished the merman, with only his lover as the witness of such a brutal act...

"Wei Ying! Wei Ying! Please!"

"Lan... Zhan..." the dying jiaoren made an effort to open his silver eyes. Lan Wangji always looked so handsome, his golden eyes were so beautiful... Wei Wuxian would never regret falling in love with the man nor giving birth to their child "take care.... of a-Yuan" he whispered "I... love you" his final words echoed in their cave as his mythical blood painted the blue water red

"I love you! Wei Ying! Please don't leave me!" Lan Zhan cried over his increasingly cold body, he knew his son was already hidden, but his beloved, his dear Wei Ying... "please... please"

In the sacred cave only the pained whispers of a broken heart were heard for hours even aftef the sun set

Hey! Here's a little piece I made for Mermay day 8: Heartbreak, WangXian inspired :3

me and @fujoshilanjingyi talking about just how many whip scars 33 is. thirty-three. cutting into his skin and dealing extreme damage to his nerves and motion. everything on top of whatever injuries those 33 elders managed to deal lan wangji before they finally subdued him and dragged him back to cloud recesses. literally we are inconsolable

Taylor Swift wrote "right where you left me" for Jiang Cheng, and honestly that was so insane of her

Destroyed Russian Ural-4320 military truck with ZU-23 AA gun, Ukraine, March 23, 2023. Source:  Naalsio26

The Art of Kissing 💋

rating: m word count: 3130 words relationships: nie huaisang/jiang cheng additional tags: kissing, heavy petting, getting together summary: “I can’t believe that was your first and only kiss,” Nie Huaisang says, looking at Jiang Cheng over his book and not caring that Jiang Cheng would rather not have this kind of conversation. “Was it really a kiss?” “It wasn’t!” “How can you please your future wife if you don’t even know how to kiss her?” Nie Huaisang keeps going, unaware that Jiang Cheng is barely stopping himself from jumping on him to stop him from talking.

written for sangcheng week 2023, day 4: accessories or objects (book!) 💚💜

[+ my writing's masterlist]

ungünstig formuliert sven

Okay an sich wollte ich neulich nur was für das Ask Meme hinterlassen, aber dann hab ich gesehen dass du auch Pokémon und FMA Fan bist zeichnest, und jetzt bin ich schon Neugierig™. Hast du nen Art Tag wo ich mir das anschauen kann? 👀

Hi! OMG for real, ich hätte nie gedacht, mal so einen ask zu bekommen 😳 Jedenfalls, klar habe ich einen Art Tag! Ich bin leider zu blöde inkompetent, den direkt zu verlinken, aber unter snickers draws solltest du einiges finden.

Ich sag's aber gleich weg als Vorwarnung: Ich habe hier auf tungl echt wenig von Pokémon und FMA, da mein Hauptfandom gerade ganz woanders liegt... in meiner guten, alten, DeviantArt-Gallery gibt's aber wesentlich mehr (und vor allem angestaubten) Kram zu finden! Ich lass dir mal den Link da, falls du (oder sonst wer) Interesse daran hast ^^': https://www.deviantart.com/cathanupto/gallery

Generell bin ich aber auch immer offen für Diskussionen rund um Pokémon oder FMA! Zeichnerisch bin ich recht wenig begabt und auch nicht sehr fleißig, aber zum Quatschen habe ich immer ein offenes Ohr übrig 👂😘

Vielen Dank für das Interesse! 🤗