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astorythatwritesitself · 2 months

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Shepard AMA Round 5!

I had the day off and couldn't play anything so writing it is! I'm also likely going to go through the past ones again in the near...ish.... future, since development has been kicking for a good year or so and I've gotten some things ironed out. In the meantime, though!

(As always, almost anything discussing Adrian as a character carries major CWs for discussions of suicidal thoughts/self destructive/harmful tendencies)

And as always, question list from the fantastic @spookyvalentine ! Have fun lol

1. What is Shepard’s favorite store on the citadel?

Less a single store, and more of a shopping area - there's a little plaza in Bachjret Ward that functions as an open market, with vendors constantly changing out. It's a great place to get specialty items - particularly ingredients and flowers, there's a long tradition of hobbyist gardeners who've specialized in growing niche plants on space stations, but you'll find a lot of... for lack of better phrasing, garage-sale type setups too. Adrian's father usually took her there to pick out a treat or otherwise just enjoy the crowds, when the Shepards wound up at the Citadel when she was a kid; and even during the events of the series she would stop by there to find something special for the crew.

2. What is the public’s opinion/awareness of Shepard?

Varied - actually kind of a low opinion through most of ME1 - there was a lot of speculation that the hunt against Saren was a coverup for something else, and the human getting promoted to Spectre just seemed. Weird and not everyone trusted it lol. Adrian actually damn near tanked her reputation after Virmire; if Sovreign hadn't shown up when it did, she'd probably be cemented as 'that weirdo who tried to proposition Counciler Tevos in front of everyone'. ME2 era sees a solid split in human opinions, due to her 'humanity isn't more important to me than any other species' stance; but she's become quite popular among quarian and krogan crowds; generally she's regarded as a solid hero; which carries strongly into & beyond 3.

3. Armax arsenal arena: do they participate? How do they like it?

She'd probably give it a few goes, and actually pick it up a lot more post-war, once she's out of the Alliance. Those instincts aren't going anywhere, after all, and it actually becomes kind of a way to face down some of the like. Trauma lol.

4. Shepard wakes up in an alternate universe. What tips them off?

Define the alternate universe xD ... actually, since I am writing that 'Shep & Thane get to live' AU - waking up at all, and that everyone else is seeing Thane would do it. (Or, sticking her in my other favorite video game... that she is on a world where there's giant terrifying beasts but they just want to be friends is. Weird. But she can gel with becoming a pokemon trainer.)

5. What kind of relationship does Shepard have with Javik?

Weird - but it becomes fairly friendly, and she's actually kind of grateful to have him around, because she's been spending the last couple years with a degree of thought patterns and instincts that are alien beyond anyone's comprehension, and it's so... just. Isolating. He's a little abbrasive for her taste otherwise, but she's dealt with worse and would still choose to hang out with Javik over a few others lol.

6. The first thing a person notices about Shepard’s appearance:

In ME1 - the scars. She works to downplay them, but she could never bring herself to seek reconstructive surgery/otherwise actually like... cover them. Post-Lazarus though... it's her eyes, probably. Very expressive, and they're that sort of deep, still brown that's a little striking at first. (Or a lot striking, if you're asking a certain drell-)

7. How approachable are they?

Adrian radiates some weird invisible 'Please Tell Me I'm Useful' aura that drags people in, no matter how much she tries to put up a prickly stance, and unfortunately it takes until like 2189 until she feels comfortable saying 'no'. (And to her friends... she's not really 'approachable', because most of the time /she's/ coming to /them/ first xD)

8. What is the difference between me1 and me3 Shepard? Do they notice, or does someone have to point it out?

ME1 Adian is nervous but collected, and very good at keeping her internal issues on the inside, where they belong, because of course she can't be a burden; she's a good soldier who will follow orders and do whatever she can for others; and it's not until her death that her crewmates realize... huh, she's happy to listen to our problems, however deep they run, but her answers, when they asked about her? Kind of... shallow.

ME3 Adrian is. Uh. CW for suicidal tendencies in the canon section.

Good end: Openly frightened but there's a lightness to her that's never been there before, and she no longer speaks about the future like she's not going to be there; she's prioritizing her goals and what she feels needs to be done, regardless of damage to her, the Alliance, or the Council's reputations.

Canon: A determined, selfless hero who will see things through to the end, and if she somehow survives... it won't be for long because she is goddamn /done/ with existing.

9. Did/does Shepard have any alien biases?

She's got a soft spot for the krogan, quarians and geth; and has a lot of thoughts about the way first contact with the drell was handled, and this was /before/ meeting Thane.

10. How do they handle a teammate being badly injured during a mission?

Extremely well, all things considered - her intial training and official designation /did/ partially center around being a field medic, after all, so she kind of slips into that detached headspace of assessment and appropriate follow-up that keeps any anxiety at bay for a while; and usually by the time it hits, they afflicted teammate is at least stable enough that she can work through it well. (Garrus' being hit on Omega was probably the closest she got to totally cracking on the job, as it were.)

11. Who is in their inner circle?

Ashley, Wrex, EDI, Joker, Miranda and, of course, Thane, wind up the closest to her in the end. (She was also quite close to Kaiden and Mordin, before their deaths; and she's not necessarily on bad terms with any of the other crewmates - but with the likes of like, Tali, Jack, Grunt and Garrus? They're all more like... she had to be strong for them, there's more of a mentor-ish vibe there where she maintained a certain... veneer of having it together, and the others fall into good friend, great to hang out with, but not quite the same level of 'I am willing to let you see me hurt and crying' closeness).

12. What does Udina think of them?

He'd Rather Not, Thank You. (I.e: He had very high hopes but oh dear god, Shepard is. Such a mockery of his hopes for the first human Spectre, and his only solace is that she manages to piss off the Council about as much as she crosses him.)

13. What does Shepard think of Saren?

She's... honestly not sure. Annoyed with him at first, but after realizing he was indoctrinated for quite some time, and doing some research... in the end? She just feels sorry for him, and wishes there was something else that could have been done.

14. Is Shepard’s first death publicized? (Since in game seems both people know about it and the alliance covered it up)

To a degree - there were theories that she was in some deep-cover operation, but the Alliance did officially declare her MIA/PKIA about a year after the Collector attack, and there was a memorial service.

15. Did they have any relationships pre-me1? Still around?

Not really - Adrian's always been a little weird on the relationship front; there's a lot of sorting out of 'am I actually on the aromantic range or am I just terrified of being in love as a soldier because I've spent my entire life seeing how much hurt that tends to result in' (the answer is six of one, half a dozen of the other) that never gets done, so she mostly wound up with a few things that never got past a third date during her time in college; and it declined even further after Akuze. (And considering her partners were all Alliance, up til Thane... most of them aren't around any more, but there is another XO out there who is absolutely flabbergasted to see that tech nerd she slept with that one time suddenly all over the news...)

16. What additions did Cerberus give Shepard?

I play it as pretty mild, all things considered. Most of her organs are, to some extent, synthetic/artificially enhanced, a lot of reinforcements to her muscle and bones that have left her pretty durable. The biggest differences are that she got her left ear back, and to steal from some other HCs - the cybernetics mean her eyes kind of glow in the dark now - results in enhanced night vision, and delightful terror to unsuspecting crewmates!

17. Have they done any interviews? How did the first one go? And the most recent?

The first interview she ever did was actually when she was a kid, and attending a biotics camp that had just accepted its first wave of human students, which consisted of Adrian and exactly one other kid - most human biotics were headed to BAaT, but Adrian's parents leaned towards 'you know we'll go with the people who've had like. Centuries. To figure this out' mindset. It went pretty well, and definitely set a tone for her future lol, since she was spending a lot of time around aliens and had a pretty positive opinion of the whole thing.

Her most recent interview would probably be just after the Reaper War, and consists of 'I Am Retired Please Leave Me The Fuck Alone.'

18. What do they think of the alliance?

It's been her entire life. Every home, most of her friends, her schooling, her career... all of it was steeped in the Alliance. It wasn't perfect - and there was a lot she wanted to change, but if she was a good enough soldier? Maybe she could make some changes, one day? By the time she realized no, no one soldier (however good) could make a real change to the entire system... well, Sunk Cost Fallacy is a bitch, she genuinely wasn't sure how she could function outside of Alliance structure. Post-Akuze left her extremely disillusioned - that no, they really did value image over integrity. She should have faced some punishment for her actions... and instead, she gets lauded as a hero and a survivor, an example of what humanity can endure, and she would basically lose her entire life if she ever spoke up otherwise... and like a good Alliance soldier, she was too scared of that unknown, so she played along and kept up the good looks.

19. What are they like, when in a bad mood? How obvious is it?

She gets a little more terse and withdrawn, and her usual way of dealing with it is... pretty much dissociation, honestly. She can't snap because it'll be Bad For Image, or because the situation doesn't actually /warrant/ anger, or getting angry won't do anything to help... so. Yeah. Adrian gets angry and swallows it down and just kind of goes blank until her nerves are calmer. Completely healthy coping mechanisms.

20. Does Shepard’s armor hold any significance to them? What about a weapon?

Eh... armor, not really; she often swapped it out. Weapons were also generally regarded as tools, kept well-maintained but without much attachment... until she got the Widow xD She fucking /loved/ that thing - it's big, it's sturdy, it can punch through damn near anything, it's beautiful.

21. What was Shepard like before the alliance?

There was no pre-Alliance Shepard, really... but before active service, she was sligtly less anxiety-riddled and a little more hopeful? Not by /much/ though, tbh, she's just always been kind of tinged with sadness and fear.

22. What was the post-lazarus reunion between shepard and joker like?

Damp.

There were a lot of tears - mostly on Adrian's part, because she had died only half-sure she actually got Joker out, so seeing he was alive... that was. A lot to process. Joker, meanwhile - like he knew this was coming, but hearing 'hey yeah we've got Shepard's frozen scorched corpse and we're gonna bring her back' and seeing her there were worlds apart.

23. Ever had a broken heart?

Losing Kaiden counts in some respect - even if she wasn't sure if she did want to pursue something, there was /something/ blossoming there... and then, there wasn't. (She also very much suffers one in canon!ME3, losing Thane definitely breaks her in a way that never mends. And in my tweaked canon/They Live version... she gets a very intense familial heartbreak (: )

24. Are they funny?

Moderately, and it works best when she's not trying to be funny.

25. Have they made pursuits into further education? Any degrees?

Went to military college and got a degree in computer science (main focus was decryption and disruption), also took a few medical courses to supplement her combat medic goals. Post-wartime, she pursues education in literature and marine biology.

26. Does Shepard have a Twitter account

Adrian has a few social media accounts, and nearly all of them are just there to grab it before someone can try to fake them, there's very little activity beyond Official Needs. (She is (anonymously) active on... for lack of better phrasing, space Tumblr, though. No text posts though, she is strictly there to post & share photography).

27. The last time they were rude to someone:

Honestly, Adrian stays pretty polite? The only people she's really told to fuck off, in as many words, were The Illusive Man and Udina lol.

28. Does Shepard have any family?

A fair bit! Both her mother and father are alive up through & beyond the events of ME3 - Hannah remains in the Alliance throughout, while her father leaves the Alliance in the years between Adrian's first death and resurrection, instead operating at low income clinics on the Citadel (and a volunteer medic during the Battle of London). Hannah's side also sees an aunt, two uncles, and grandparents; while Adrian Sr. was a foster kid who bounced between homes most of his life, and wasn't formally adopted - but he keeps in contact with the women who cared for him in those last couple years before he signed on with the Alliance, and Adrian did meet them a couple times. That said, most of Adrian's life was spent beyond the Charon relay, and she never actually visited Earth in person until she was a teenager; her relationship with her extended family was pretty distant and limited.

29. Does the alliance use their image for propaganda/recruitment? Did they agree to/want it?

For a while, after her death - Adrian expressly denied permission while she was alive, but Hannah okayed digital reconstructions after Adrian's death - and oh god yeah the Alliance regretted the /shit/ out of it. 1: They were creepy as hell. 2: The public backlash was /intense/ - not just from civilians either; Ashley and Joker both sent in some very strong letters.

30. A moment that almost made Shepard quit:

As bad as a lot of them were? None of them actually made her want to quit, really. After all, what else would she have, without the Alliance?

31. Ask Dr. Chakwas: what kind of patient is Shepard?

A... consistent patient. Frequently in, because she's always doing something she shouldn't, but she's very tractable. Sits still, doesn't flinch or jump, gets a gold star and lollipop every time sort.

32. Is Shepard the type to give speeches?

A little - she doesn't exactly /mean/ to, but also she has consumed far too much poetry so it leaks into her pep talks xD

33. What does the council think of their first human spectre?

They'd Rather Not, Thank You. (Okay, actually, they're pretty impressed by the end of things, and they did at least appreciate that she took the charge of protecting the galaxy to heart - even among prior spectres, there was often a bias towards their own species, but Adrian really did exemplify that notion of protecting /everyone/ equally.)

34. What was Jack’s first impression of shepard? And now?

"Oh dear god this fucking prissy bitch is going to be the death of me I am not falling into any uniform or behaviour requirements' lol. Definitely softens, especially since Adrian does really listen to her and doesn't like... try to /fix/ shit, she just listens and /will/ help but doesn't force it. (She also does kinda appreciate the fact that, Adrian is a nerd... but she's a nerd who knows and appreciates poetry so maybe that's something she can share with someone else?) In the end? Considers Adrian a very annoying but beloved older sibling.

35. How was that mako joyride from ilos to the citadel?

White-knuckled terror for Adrian and Garrus. Best goddamn day of Tali's life cause she was at the wheel for it.

36. What was going through Shepard’s head, when they met Sovereign on Virmire?

A Lot. A weird relief, because shit started falling into place. Existential terror of Lovecraftian proportions. And an undeniable flicker of curiosity and awe, because holy shit /sapient robot cuttlefish-/

37. What is their favorite way to eat potatoes

Mashed with a lot of butter, garlic, salt and pepper; though she won't say no to a good jacket potato.

38. Lucky, or unlucky?

It's all in how you look at things - many would say Adrian's lucky to have survived so much, after all. Adrian would... Respectfully Disagree and leave it at that. (She does count herself lucky for her friends, though.)

39. What would Shepard say their flaws are?

That she is, at heart, a coward. She abandoned her squad on Akuze, and then was too afraid to speak out when the Alliance fudged things to save face; too afraid to leave the Alliance even once she started to hate it. She's bad at enforcing boundaries, and fears rejection enough that she'd rather make herself horribly uncomfortable than just say 'no' and have to deal with someone's disapproval.

40. What’s their pain tolerance like?

Horrifyingly high, and this was pre-Lazarus. See 'will endure physical discomfort over rejection' above; Adrian just... kind of accidentally internalized a 'suck it up and deal' approach; to the point she tends to miss some mild injuries, and managed to stay conscious and moving despite thresher maw acid getting into her hardsuit and eating at her. Only increases post-Lazarus, she winds up... /mostly/ accidentally hurting herself a few times during the worst of it.

41. Shepard’s been turned into an animal! What are they?

If she had a choice in the matter - Greenland shark or giant isopod. Going by general vibes though... Ross Seal. Look at em.

youtube

Shep go -laser sounds-

42. Does Shepard imagine what retirement will be like?

In true canon? No. Adrian never does quite reconcile a life outside the Alliance, and fully expects - and after a while, /hopes/ - she'll just die relatively young in battle and not have to face the horrible gaping void that is the future.

Tweaked canon? Not until most of the way through ME2 - the above still stands, but in the tweaked canon... she started spending time with Thane simply because he was also Doomed By The Narrative, and in this situation, had just... not pursued treatment for his condition, so there was a very grim but kind of pleasant mutual understanding of Things. But he's also on a ship with like some of the best medics in the galaxy and a lady who knows how to fix up organs, and saving Kolyat spurs him to see if anything can be done, or if it is too late. And /that/ leads to... not quite a fight, but a Strong Discussion that finally truly cracks through Adrian's whole... wall of Hell that everyone else has already started to wear down, that she finally allows herself to think, well, what if there /is/ a future for her?

It's pants-shittingly terrifying and she hates it, because now everything is /so much scarrier and more fragile/, not to mention she still has no idea what it could actually /involve/, and even up through ME3's events, all she can really think of for if she survives (and gods help her, for the first time in her life, she's hoping she will)?

She'd like a home of some sort, with Thane. She'd like to learn how to cook. Anything else is still... too much. Too scary. But a home on solid ground and a new, useful skill. She can imagine those.

43. What would they rather: wake up four years into the past, or four years into the future? Why?

Tough call - assuming like, end of ME3? Adrian's... really not sure. She's done the timeskip into the future thing, and things did ultimately work out... and she's a little afraid, if she woke up in the past as she is 'now'? She might not be able to pull everything off a second time. So, future it is.

44. Does collateral damage matter to Shepard?

To an extent - she doesn't like causing more damage than is necessary, but also if it's inanimate object vs someone getting hurt, welp, sucks to be an object.

45. Do they vote?

Oh absolutely.

46. Favorite bar/club in the galaxy and why:

Afterlife. The irony of having to go there immediately after coming back from being dead was kind of great, and the music is exactly her sort of jam - seriously, when she's scanning planets or building a ship she just has it on a loop. Idk she just vibes with it.

47. Do they let others take care of them?

Yeah she takes 'physician, heal thyself' a little too seriously and for... pretty much her entire life past 18, the only thing resembling care she'd really accept from others without (much) protest or immediately trying to do something in return was food, and that's because she could never get the hang of cooking even instant noodles.

48. How does Shepard feel about paperwork?

Necessary, often annoying, but also it gets her out of her brain so that's why she's buried in it through ME2.

49. What do they wear to sleep?

Varies a little by temperature, but I imagine biotics tend to run hot so she's usually just in boxers. Maybe a tank top if it's chilly.

50. What was the last thing (non-email) shepard read? Book, play, poem, essay etc

She's usually jumping between a couple books at one time! Through ME1 she's working through a collection of poetry from multiple species, the Cthulu mythos, and some middle-grade Spectre adventure books Joker sent her as a congratulations present (she actually rather enjoys them). ME2 is a lot of news, Revelation & Ascenion, and she dives /deep/ into hanar and drell poetry for. Reasons. Lockdown sees her pick up a subscription to a sci-fi/fantasy anthology and a couple knitting how-tos; and ME3 time leaves... very little time for reading. Most of what she goes through is the same prayer book Thane has.

(She also has a couple books on gardening and cooking. Just in case.)

(+1 would you bang your shepard? Lol jk we all know the answer to that. Share your favorite fact about them!)

In the Good End AU, Adrian and Thane wind up settling on, of all places, Akuze. It's a pleasant climate for him, and despite the memories... Adrian does find it lovely. And more importantly... it's like Omega but. Less. No one wants to lay serious claim to it because, Death Worms, so it's become prime real estate for dangerous sorts who are extremely tired and want to be left the fuck alone to exist in relative peace, they're too damn old and creaky for power plays any more.

The existing community is headed by an ancient krogan whose clan used to revere and work with thresher maws, she took her granddaughter there to pass on the old ways, and she's the one who has ultimate approval over who's in and who can try setting up somewhere else. Roz is a grouchy old bitch who doesn't keep up with the news, and even if she did, one human-drell couple looks the same as another as far as she's concerned, so what's it matter that she's just helped one settle up nearby? Get the fuck outta her town and leave her people alone or she'll get the shotgun.

#shep tag #anyway yea Adrian gets to be a seal bc: Go Swim and Eyes #Youtube

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