#Why else do you think I would constantly replay all those dialogues in my head slowly losing my mind :’D | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

letsplayballet · 1 year

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alright, losing my mind about october 3rd in my persona 5 royal replay in 3, 2, 1, go!

first off, this whole thing SUCKS. hearing the vice principle talk about a dead girl and her grieving sister as "wastes of effort" is so infuriating i don't have the words. why is this school the absolute worst (but also why isn't is further out of the realm of possibility)

but onto the important bits that i missed my first run through:

starting off strong is this tasty piece of dialogue, bc that's the problem, isn't it? sumire *isn't* kasumi, even when she thinks she is. she's still anxious and unsure, still unsatisfied with herself to the point of having significant mental health issues (though sumire-as-kasumi is headed towards perfection-seeking overworked burnout, instead of her more typical major depression).

side note: the fact that maruki insists she's better off like this really shows that he thinks about pain and trauma very... shallowly? i guess would be the word? it's very surface level, instant gratification stuff. is she less actively suicidal? yeah! is she actually better? of course not! bc she is *still sumire* and still has those thought patterns and instincts that lead her to that mindset, but instead of having the tools to deal with those thoughts in a healthy manner she has an "i'm happy and perfect :)" mask that she feels she has to live up to. repression isn't healing. maruki do your fucking job challenge.

anyway.

so we get the keywords from her pep talk and a random couple, get sucked into the palace, and hunt her down to find her confronting what you THINK is her dead sister your first run, but is pretty obviously sumire herself on repeat plays:

this dialogue didn't make a lot of sense to me my first run, to the point i forgot it was there, but DAMN does it hit this time. her guilt over her sister's death, her complete inability to face it, is VERY apparent. sumire gets so upset over seeing maruki's cognitive version of her, and you really get the impression that she's not even sure *why* she's so upset. sure, it's her dead "sister", but we've already seen her brush that off pretty easily the first time we went to odiba. and given the headache she gets right after, it's pretty clear the real sumire is close to breaking out of the kasumi mask.

and when the shadow attacks the cognitive sumire, she goes down easy.

which is indicative of something maruki says in the third semester: that he thinks sumire is TOO WEAK to handle her own trauma. that the only way she can live at all, much less happily, is by being someone else entirely. that sumire *doesn't even deserve a chance to try*.

... this is NOT the post for my rant about maruki's god complex and how it undermines any "help" he's supposedly trying to offer, but these images are here just so you know it exists

luckily, sumire is able to fight back:

and i do think this is elements of the actual sumire coming through! i'm not sure if sumire's idealized version of kasumi would be fazed enough by criticism to get angry about it. and we know their promise to each other about gymnastics is important to sumire, especially as the only sister left to fill it. if i'm remembering her third semester confidant stuff right, it seems to be one of the few totally positive memories she has of her sister, even with how much pain constantly being compared to kasumi in gymnastics has brought her.

and these pieces of sumire breaking through the brainwashing are probably why she's able to awaken to a persona, even though she literally has no idea who she actually is (and thus shouldn't be able to confront her true self and get one). ESPECIALLY since her persona references the fact that she's not herself!

i did not manage to grab "if those really are the shoes you've chosen..." but that also applies, as does the fact that her hair comes down for her transformation (the way sumire wears it, instead of kasumi's ponytail) but is put back up by the end.

this got, uh. long. but the point is i love her dearly and maruki can go fuck himself.

#quinn (re)plays p5r #this took longer than i expected it to whoops!#but here's my thoughts #it's a much better twist than i think i gave the game credit for initially? well foreshadowed and executed #this isn't even everything i wanted to say i just want to be done with the post #sumire yoshizawa #p5r #p5

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arvandus · 3 years

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Congrats on 500 followers! Could I perhaps request 8 from the fluff prompts with Present Mic, but platonic? Like he's the reader's unofficial metaphorical dad and something bad happens to the reader and the prompt line is what he says at the end? Sorry if that's confusing.

Thank you so much! Ngl, I struggled with this one a bit. I’ve never written for Present Mic before, so this was new territory for me. Also never written platonic before, which was also a good exercise. Really though, it’s because this was INSTANTLY the idea that had popped into my head with your request, and it WOULD NOT BUDGE. Normally not a problem, but for some reason, I had the hardest time figuring out how to fit the dialogue prompt into it. BUT I DID IT! It only took me.... *checks* 1732 words to get there. 🤣🤣🤣

This makes it my biggest one yet for the 500 Followers Event. I hope you enjoy it! It’s a bit angst heavy in the beginning because of the nature of your request, but it does end on a happy note!

8. “You are my family.”

It happened. It actually happened. You had hoped it wouldn’t, but here you were, sitting on a park bench with nothing but a backpack and a duffle bag. Your mind replayed the sound of your family’s words in your head. Harsh, cruel, heartless words.

‘Get out.’

Sure, there was more to it than that, but you didn’t want to dwell on it, to let it fester within you and take root. There was already more than enough damage tied to their memory, and the last thing you wanted to do was carry it with you. After all, you had enough baggage as it was.

Of course, this was easier said than done. The ache sat heavy in your gut, your heart a black void. Questions flew circles in your mind like crows, questions you’d likely never know the answer to. They mocked you, pecking at your resolution, tearing at your self-esteem. Tears soaked down your cheeks and you let them fall freely as you wrapped your arms around yourself, struggling to find a strength you weren’t sure you had.

You began to shiver as the cold night air made its way into your jacket. You couldn’t stay here. You knew you couldn’t; it wasn’t safe. You looked at your phone for the tenth time. A single contact stared back at you.

Hizashi Yamada.

Hizashi was your mentor, your guide… and quite frankly, the closest thing you had to a good father figure. He’d helped you through your years at UA, both academically and emotionally, giving you the support you’d desperately needed, the support that was painfully absent with your own family. He treated you kindly and respectfully, taking you under his wing so that you could flourish. He praised you in your successes and guided you through your failures, all while keeping a light heart that constantly reminded you not to take life too seriously. It set up the foundation for a strong bond between the two of you that continued after graduation. It was a bond that you still had, ever evolving with occasional check-ins and coffee shop meet-ups, where he often gave you professional and even sometimes fatherly advice.

Fatherly was what you needed right now, more than anything. He was the only person you really trusted, the only one who knew about your situation. He’d even said for you to call him if you were ever in trouble.

This counted, right?

Still, you hesitated. You didn’t want to inconvenience him. And you’d never ever reached out to him in this capacity before.

But you didn’t really have any other choice.

You pressed the call button.

It rang once. Twice.

“Y/N?” His voice answered. No doubt, your name came up on his phone.

You swallowed.

“Um… Hi, Mr. Hizashi…” you mumbled.

“Hey, kid! You okay? What’s got you callin’ so late?” he replied. You could hear the concern underlying his jovial tone, and you clutched your phone tighter to your ear, grateful to know that at least someone out there cared about you.

“I… I need some help.” You said. “They… they kicked me out.”

There was a silent pause. When he finally spoke, his voice was somber. “I’ll come get you. Tell me where you are.”

You thanked him and gave him your location. He kept you on the phone with him the entire time as he drove over, making you speak to him and describe your surroundings. Any people who walked by you, specific landmarks, anything he might need to know if trouble arrived before he did. When you finally saw his headlights pull up into the parking lot of the park, relief flooded you and you nearly ran to his car. He was a sight for sore eyes, his blonde hair pulled back into a casual man bun, his clothing simple. He stepped out of the driver’s side door to put your things in his trunk before opening his passenger door for you.

“Thank you.” You said as he settled back into the driver’s seat next to you.

“I’m glad you called me.” He replied.

As he drove, he spoke to you. “You don’t have anywhere to go, do you?” he asked.

Your vision blurred and you shook your head.

“Listen. I’m going to give you a couple of options for tonight. I can take you back to my place and you can crash on my couch. Or, if you’re not comfortable with that, I can reach out Nemuri. I’m sure she’d understand.”

You were grateful he didn’t offer to put you up in a motel by yourself or take you to a homeless shelter. The tension in your spine eased slightly.

“Um.. your place, please, if that’s okay…” you mumbled.

You could see relief smooth the creases on his brow and he smiled at you. “Of course it is.”

You arrived at Hizashi’s home and he helped you carry your things in. He retreated to his hallway to grab a spare blanket and a pillow and set it up for you on the couch. You looked at the space curiously, intrigued at his level of preparedness.

Hizashi noticed the questioning look on your face, and chuckled. “Shouta crashes here sometimes. Gotta be prepared.”

You gave a small chuckle at the mental picture.

“How about some tea?” Hizashi asked as he disappeared into the kitchen. You could hear the clinking of ceramics and the running of water. “Have ya had anything to eat?” He called out. “Are ya hungry?”

You shook your head, your stomach still twisted in knots. “No, I’m okay…”

“Well, if that changes, feel free to help yourself whenever you want.” He replied.

By this point, the dam of your emotions was beginning to crack, and you sat on the couch with your head in your hands. You could feel fresh tears filling your eyes, sticking to your lashes. You blinked at them, letting them fall into your palms.

A few minutes later, Hizashi returned with a cup of hot tea that he handed to you. You took it gratefully and sipped at its contents, letting the warmth coat your throat and fill your stomach. It helped to slightly ease the knot of anxiety that you felt twisted up inside you.

“I’m so sorry to ask for your help like this.” You muttered. “I’m sure this isn’t what you had in mind when you gave me your number. I just didn’t have anyone else to turn to.”

“It’s okay.” He replied. “Like I said, I’m glad you called me.”

“I promise I won’t stay long…” you said. “I don’t want to inconvenience you.”

“You’ll stay as long as you need to. I’m not going to let you out back on the street by yourself.” He said sternly. “I’ll start reaching out to people tomorrow. I’m sure there are some UA graduates that might be cool with getting a new roommate.”

“Thank you.” You said again.

Another long silence filled the space as you sipped at your drink. He quietly sat near you, letting you acclimate to his space and this strange, new situation. Once the mug was empty, you set it down.

“So… do you want to tell me what happened?” he asked.

You began to recount all that had transpired hours before. The things your family did, the things they said… You tried to keep the emotions separate from your words, but it was impossible. Within a matter of minutes, the dam finally burst, and you were openly sobbing. As you cried, Hizashi offered you a box of tissues and put a comforting hand over yours. You clutched at it in return like a lifeline, his silent consolation tethering the broken pieces of your heart.

“I don’t know what to do now.” You whispered. “Hizashi… what’s going to happen to me…?”

“It’s okay. We’ll figure it out. Together.” He replied.

You stared at him and he stared back, a small reassuring smile on his lips. He was such a good person. Already, he’d managed to give you more support in the past twenty minutes than you’d received from your family in months.

You gave a sad, ironic laugh.

“You’re like the dad I wish I had…” you muttered.

Hizashi’s eyes widened for a moment, and panic filled you. You hadn’t meant to say that; the words had just slipped out, a small confession of tired heart. But then he laughed and scratched the back of his head.

“Haha, really? Thanks! I guess we have gotten pretty close over the years…”

The tension in the room immediately evaporated. You gave a small smile, glad that your comment didn’t have the dramatic impact you feared it would. The man’s positivity seemed as immovable as the mountains.

Hizashi’s chuckles eased, and his expression softened. “To be honest, I always knew you had family troubles. When you teach long enough, you start to notice those kinds of things. And back then, there really wasn’t much I could do about it. But that’s part of why I wanted to help you, I think. To give you a chance to grow past that, so it wouldn’t define you.”

He stared at his hands as he continued. “I guess, maybe in some way, I did sort of adopt you, in my heart.” His eyes looked up at you again, holding your attention. “So, don’t feel bad about saying that, okay? If anything, it makes this old man’s heart happy.”

Your stared at him, your eyes freshly stinging as new emotions – happy emotions – bubbled forth.

“Hizashi….”

“Yeah?”

“Could I have a hug?”

He gave a chuckle and sat next to you before putting his arm around you. You leaned against him, soaking up the physical contact. It drove away the loneliness and replaced it with something you’d only ever really felt in his presence.

Love, strong and familial.

You had thought that you were all cried out, but you were wrong. Fresh sobs shook from your body like the boughs of a snowy tree, knocking loose all that you’d been carrying within yourself. The anger, the fear, the self-loathing…

Hizashi rested his chin on your head as you cried. “You are my family.” He said softly. “Only if you want to be, of course.”

You nodded fervently as a laugh bubbled from your throat, pure joy filling you. You were safe. You were loved. And maybe… just maybe… you were home.

#Arv's 500 Followers Event #Present Mic #Hizashi Yamada #Platonic!Mic x reader #family themes #angst to fluff #bnha #mha

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jgvfhl · 5 years

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Words

This is a Perwaine one shot I wrote for @passionforperwaine and only just finished (after like three months but ssshhhh). Any way it’s super cute!

No warnings. Nothing but Perwaine fluff here!

Percival had never been the best with words. Others seemed to be born with a mouthful just waiting to spill out, but not him. He waited his turn to speak, and if it didn't come, it didn't come. He got used to it after a few years, so by the time he met Lancelot, he'd settled on his quiet, simple way of expressing himself.

But Lancelot knew how to read, and that fascinated Percival. Lancelot caught him looking at too many books and building signs, then finally sat him down with a page written with the alphabet to teach him. Once they were knights and moved to Camelot, Lancelot was too busy to teach him to write, and eventually it was too late. Lancelot was gone. Leon took over for him once he'd earned the story from Percival.

And then there was Gwaine.

Gwaine was a problem. Not just in the obvious ways, the ones everyone noticed: he could be obnoxious, over-eager, brash, and there were always his infamous pranks. No, the problem about Gwaine was a lot more personal than that. Percival absolutely adored him, and vice versa. There was little question of the latter, since Gwaine had, from the moment he'd figured out what they were, developed the habit of announcing it to the world as often as he could. Gwaine was one of those people overflowing with words. Percival always envied the way he could let the words, "I love you," roll so easily off his tongue. Percival hadn't quite figured out how to do that yet.

He'd almost said it to him once. A few months ago, on his birthday, Percival encountered what had appeared to be a pile of rocks and a napkin on the table in his room after returning from patrol. Upon closer inspection, the rocks had been arranged in the shape of a heart, and the napkin was wrapped around two blackberry scones from the kitchens. Stolen, no doubt.

As if on cue, Gwaine had opened Percival's door with a huge grin, and shouted, "Happy birthday! I love you!" before disappearing again.

Percival had almost told him. Almost. He had smiled and shook his head, and sort of whispered it under his breath, testing how the words felt. They felt too powerful.

He'd almost told him another time, when Gwaine was slowly falling asleep, sprawled out in bed next to him, one arm stretched over Percival's chest. The last thing Gwaine had said before drifting off had been a muffled, "Love you, Percy," and Percival had wanted to return the gesture, but the silence in the room weighed down his words.

——

It was late. The candle on Percival's bedside table was barely two inches tall, having started at eight when he'd lit it at sunset. Although the light was bad and only getting worse, Percival still sat on his bed, propped up against the headboard and pillows, reading. He'd borrowed a new book from the library and hadn't been able to put it down in the past four hours. It was really getting out of hand. But he kept reading.

Until, that is, his door opened to Gwaine, dressed only in a shirt and pants, who walked silently over and helped himself to the empty spot on the bed next to Percival. "Can't sleep," he said in explanation.

Percival had assumed as much. "What do you want me to do about it?"

Gwaine made a noise to express his indecision, then leaned over and rested his head on Percival's shoulder. He stared at the open book in Percival's hands. "Read to me?"

It wasn't the first time Gwaine had asked that. The request no longer caused Percival to stare at him for several moments before Gwaine elbowed him back into reality. "You're not gonna like this one," Percival told him, gesturing with the book. "It's history."

"Good, it'll put me to sleep," Gwaine said, settling into his position against Percival's side.

Percival smirked at him, turned back to the book, and started to read from where he left off. He didn't get far before Gwaine interrupted him, as was his custom.

"Wait, wait, wait, I don't know who King What's-His-Face is, the one you just read. With the son who stole his boat or whatever," he said, waving a hand in the vague direction of the page. "I missed that."

"Which one?" Percival asked. "There's about three kings with that description."

Gwaine squinted and sighed as he tried to recollect the name. Percival enjoyed making him think. It was cute. "I dunno," he said. "The guy . . . the third guy? With the fancy sword or whatever?"

Percival raised an eyebrow. "Do you remember anything of his name? Like what letters it started with?"

An even longer pensive silence followed that question. Percival had to glance over at him to make sure he hadn't fallen asleep. But Gwaine was staring at the book, blankly, lost in thought. Finally, after a long while, he said very quietly, "I never learned my letters."

"Oh." Percival didn't know what else to say. He'd sort of assumed someone as worldly and well-traveled as Gwaine would at least know how to read. Then again, the more he thought about it, the more he recalled Gwaine being the one listening when Leon read off troop numbers, or when Arthur gave patrol assignments. He always listened, when most of the knights simply took a look at the paper later.

"Yeah, my mum never taught me," Gwaine went on. "Then I left. Never took the time."

Once again, the words Percival wanted failed him. "Um."

Gwaine turned his head to look at him, resting his chin on Percival's shoulder. "Something wrong?"

"No, I just—I figured you'd learned them," Percival admitted. "Somewhere in your travels."

Gwaine smiled a little, then shrugged, returning to his previous position leaning against his lover's side. "Nah."

Out of nowhere, the words, "I could teach you," fell out of Percival's mouth before he could think about them.

Gwiane looked up at him. "You serious?"

Percival nodded. "O' course. Why wouldn't I be?"

"When do you have time?"

"We're both free after dinner everyday. We could start tomorrow." Percival paused, replaying the last bits of dialogue in his head. "Sorry, you—you never said 'yes,' I just assumed. . ."

Gwaine waved a hand, ending discussion. "My fault. I would like you to teach me."

Percival smiled and nodded. "Tomorrow after dinner, yeah?"

Gwaine nodded. "Yeah." He sighed. "Can I just stay here tonight? Don't wanna walk back."

"Even though your room is right next door?" Percival's remark earned an eye roll and a scoff, but nothing else. "Of course you can stay, Gwaine," he answered, closing the book, recognizing there wasn't a need for it anymore, given Gwaine's slowly drooping eyelids. As he got up to set the book down, he said, "Lie down before you fall over, idiot."

Gwaine needed no further encouragement. Even before Percival had finished putting the book away, taking his shirt off—he never slept in it at home, and extinguishing the candle, he was tucked in and mostly asleep. He remained awake enough to mumble, "Love you," but nothing else.

Percival sighed. How did he make the words sound so simple?

——

The next day, as they had agreed upon, they met in Percival's room to start Gwaine's lessons. He was a quick learner, like he was in most things, and the teaching was a lot easier because he, unlike most children learning their letters, already knew how to speak well. He got through the alphabet easily, with Percival having him name words beginning with each letter as they went. Then they went on to simple words for him to read, until night had fallen and the candle was burning dangerously low.

For the next couple weeks, this became their routine after dinner. Leon and Elyan grew curious after a few days, so they all met in the library that day. Geoffrey didn't mind, thankfully. Gwaine had moved on to writing at that point, and was at least comforted by Elyan's wobbly writing while constantly complaining that his would never look as neat as Percival's or Leon's.

"It will if you keep practicing," Percival urged.

"You two have had years of practice!" Gwaine protested, gesturing specifically at Leon, who had learned reading and writing at a young age.

Eventually, Gwaine graduated to reading from books Percival brought up from the library. They'd sit on Percival's bed, Percival's back against the headboard and Gwaine seated between his legs, so Percival could read over his shoulder to correct him. Those nights quickly became Percival's favorite part of the day. He loved listening to Gwaine read, although it was slow going at first. He, more so than Percival, gave different voices to different characters, once Percival had shown him how writers denoted dialogue. It never failed to make Percival laugh.

At the end of one such evening, once Gwaine had closed the book, he leaned back against Percival's chest and sighed. "That was really good," Percival told him, resting his chin on his shoulder.

"Thanks," Gwaine answered with a tired smile. "Thanks for everything."

"Of course."

"I love you."

Instead of replying outright, Percival lifted his head and planted a kiss on Gwaine's cheek. "I know." He kissed him again before, "It's late, and we've got a Round Table meeting in the morning."

"I could just sleep then."

——

A few days later, in the morning, Percival was finishing the last few buckles on his bracers when something lying on the table caught his eye. He looked at it, his brow wrinkling in curiosity as he finished buckling his bracers by feel. Upon inspection, it was a folded piece of paper with his name written on it. Percival smiled at it; he knew that handwriting. He'd spent almost the past three weeks watching it develop. He sat down at the table and took up the paper, taking a few seconds to admire his own name on the front before unfolding it.

Percival

I wanted to thank you for teaching me. I would have done it in person, and I'll probably do that anyway, but I thought it made sense to write something, becaus that's what you taught me. So thanks. Thank you and I love you. I know I say that alot, but I always mean it. And now you have it in riting. And if I don't stop writing now I'll end up with three pages of mess repeting how much I love you in as many ways I can find.

Gwaine

The writing was a little messy, with one or two inkblots here and there, and a few spelling mistakes, but the message got through. Percival realized he hadn't stopped smiling since he'd picked up the letter. He couldn't make it stop. He refolded the letter carefully and got up, pausing only to put on his red cloak before leaving his room. Gwaine would still be in his room, he knew, taking his own sweet time to get ready. Unlike Gwaine, Percival knocked on the door before pushing it open.

"Hey, Percy." Gwaine was standing by his wardrobe with his sword and belt in one hand. Percival held up the folded paper. "Oh you got that, did you?" Gwaine said, passing the belt around his waist. "How was it?"

In response, Percival—who was still smiling a little—walked over to him, lifted his chin with his free hand, and kissed him soundly on the mouth.

After they parted, Gwaine blinked, taking a few seconds to register Percival's unusually overt display of affection. He very much appreciated it, he decided. "That good, huh?"

Percival looked again at the letter, and said, "It's perfect."

"Really?"

"No, your spelling needs work—"

"Oh come on!"

"—but it's still perfect." Percival smiled even wider. "You're perfect. And I love you."

Finally.

#my writing #my fanfiction #bbc merlin #percival #sir percival #sir gwaine #gwaine #perwaine #sir elyan #sir leon #pergwaine #merlin fluff

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beardycarrot · 5 years

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This post is way too long so ignore it and just keep scrolling

Alright. Having played both Sonic Mania and Sonic Forces, I can now say, based on my own experiences... that Sonic Forces is a smoldering garbage heap.

First off, let me get this out of the way: the character creation system is... okay. In the screenshot above, you can see My Original Character, Blonic Eiko the Cat. You have several different anthropomorphic animal species to choose from, each of which has their own species-specific ability. Birds can double-jump, cats hold on to a few rings even after taking heavy damage, that kind of thing. There’s a selection of three head types for each species, about a dozen eyes, and can set two skin/fur/scale/feather colors. Not bad.

For the game’s main selling point, though, it feels a little weak... especially in comparison to the last game I played, South Park: The Fractured But Whole. In addition to your character’s physical appearance, which meshes perfectly with the South Park style, you can set your character’s gender (male/female/non-binary/multi-gender), whether they’re cis or trans, both their race and ethnicity, their sexual preferences, religion, all sorts of stuff that are pointless in the context of the game but let you make your character whatever you want them to be. I’m not saying that all games should have this, but I did just play that game, so I can’t help but compare Sonic Forces to it since the character creator is meant to be one of the game’s big gimmick.

Anyway. In addition to your character’s body, you also get to dress them up with outfits you unlock as you play. I guess this is a cool concept, with you getting between three and twelve costume pieces every level depending on how well you do and whether anything you did in a level completed a special objective... but it’s annoying constantly being pelted with costumes you’ll never wear. I was a mixture of fortunate and unfortunate in the fact that clothes I like (a tactical outfit in black and olive green) were unlocked within the first couple levels, so I could wear an outfit I like throughout the game... but it also meant that I never had any reason to change out for new gear or experiment with costumes that would only be less appealing to me.

There’s also the jarring fact that with clothing on, your character looks completely out of place. Most of the other characters in the game wear nothing but white gloves and sneakers, and seeing you alongside them just makes them look naked. I’ve spent way too long talking about customization. Moving on...

...You can also customize your avatar’s weapon, which I guess is the power of the Wisp aliens from Sonic Colors stored in a gun? There are probably advantages to all of them, but you spend less than half of the game playing as your avatar, every enemy in the game dies in one hit, and the fire weapon I started with can clear a screen of enemies in literally two seconds... so I never really bothered with them. You also occasionally find Wisps locked in capsules, but the game never actually gives you a real tutorial for them. It’s possible that it was explained in a hint marker, but it’s possible to take a route through a level or jump at just the wrong moment that you miss the marker and can’t go back to see what it said. I eventually figured it out in level twenty-five, which is right at the end of the game... and that level also happens to be a great example of why I don’t like this game.

I know that as a still frame this is kinda incomprehensible, but what you’re looking at is a little vertical shaft kind of thing. There have been shafts like this elsewhere in the game, but they’ve always been things you either just dropped down through or rode an elevator in or had platforms to jump on. Here?

This game apparently has a wall-jumping mechanic, which only appears here, in the twenty-fifth of thirty levels. I’m completely fine with video games using mechanics sparingly or even basing levels around a gimmick that never appears again... but this is the only time in the game that this happens, and the mechanic isn’t even implemented very well. If you’re too close to the wall it will sometimes fail to activate, if you press the jump button again too soon you won’t cling to the wall, and sometimes your series of jumps will have you end up jumping over the wall to the left instead of going right... which is an issue considering that for the second half of the level, you have to do this while trying to outrun a giant instant death laser. Assuming you can even get to that point.

I can’t tell you how long I was stuck here. To the left is a checkpoint, and all you can do is collect what looks like an electric Wisp in a capsule, then... wait to the blue death laser to kill you and put you back at the check point. The dark red boxes are breakable, and you’re clearly meant to either get down through this shaft to continue... but there’s no obvious way to do this. I thought that you were supposed to use the electric Wisp somehow, but I guess you can only do that if you have the right Wisp weapon equipped, as the game only seems to care when I collect capsules with fire Wisps in them.

I was eventually forced to watch a video of someone playing this level, and they just kind of... broke through all the boxes at once. After further research, I discovered that if you press the Crouch button (which I’ve never pressed up to this point and forgot existed) while in the air, you’ll do a stomp move that the game never bothered to teach me.

Once you’re past that, the next section is incredibly difficult... I figured out how to use the encapsulated fire Wisps (it’s the “Wisp Special” button that I’d previously been unable to figure out the function of) to skip over the obstacles, but if you don’t time/aim it properly, you’re back down in the area where you have to deal with the wall jumps that occasionally send you careening backwards.

I know that I’m just complaining about one difficult end-game level, but the entire game is like this. It’s all either gameplay mechanics the game doesn’t explain properly that are prone to failing, or levels that are way too short and simplistic. I haven’t even touched on the jumping mechanics... Want to know how many times I died replaying that level to get those screenshots?

A couple of those are from the laser section, but it’s mostly falling into bottomless pits because you’re pretty strongly locked into your jump trajectory when playing as Your Own Character, and the platform placement in that level sucks. It’s not as big of a deal when playing as Sonic; I think Classic Sonic has free control in the air, and you only play as him in two or three levels, while Modern Sonic’s levels are so completely filled with enemies and jump pads that you can just spam the jump button to string homing attacks through anything that isn’t a speed section. Places where the gameplay becomes frustrating aren’t as common as in other games I’ve played recently (L.A. Noire comes to mind), but that’s because the majority of the levels are ridiculously simplistic and easy, and when you reach the end without anything really happening you’re just like...

Which brings me, finally, to the worst part of the game: the story. This is among the worst video game writing I have ever seen... and as someone who does a lot of art for indie, amateur, and fan games, I’ve seen a lot of scripts from “idea guys” who’ve never taken any kind of literature or creative writing classes.

The basic premise of the story sounds interesting, and seems like a huge departure from the normal Sonic formula: Dr. Eggman and his new associate Infinite use the powers of all the major antagonists from past games to kill Sonic and take over the world. The remaining characters of the Sonic universe form a resistance movement (the forces in Sonic Forces) to fight back, and half a year later Your Own Character joins up after their home city is destroyed.

Damn, man! That’s pretty dark! Unfortunately, it completely fails to deliver. Unsurprisingly, Sonic isn’t dead... but he HAS been held prisoner and tortured for the last six months. Despite that, he’s in high spirits and joking with his captors... yeah I dunno, just bad writing ...and manages to escape when the resistance attacks the base and temporarily disables the power grid. Why Sonic was in a Laser Prison and wearing Laser Handcuffs that require uninterrupted power to operate is just more bad writing, as is the fact that he was being held on a space station and you’re never shown how the resistance got up there.

More importantly, it’s never explained how the resistance discovered that Sonic was still alive. There are other captives in the same area, so THEY would know he’s alive, but there’s never any indication that one of them managed to escape. Speaking of which, they’re all still imprisoned after Sonic breaks free, and I think the space station ends up destroyed... so those guys are probably all dead. That reminds me of another point: most of the levels just end at a random arbitrary point. You ostensibly have a goal that you’re trying to reach, but the goal markers are always, like, in the middle of a hallway, which looks no different from anywhere else, and there’s no cutscene showing what happens what the characters do after reaching their goal... the level just kinda ends.

Most of the game’s dialogue and exposition is in the form of radio conversations that occur on the map screen, which I can’t help but admit makes sense: media too often forces characters to be in the same place for scenes to occur, when logically they would’ve just spoken on the phone. The issue I have with this is that it really does make up the bulk of the game’s dialogue, and none of the conversations are ever that interesting. Honestly, more than anything it reminds me of the kind of story you’d see in a free-to-play mobile game... except there isn’t really any kind of story being told, just information being relayed. There isn’t any kind of character development, since the game expects you to already know who everyone is and what their paper-thin personalities are.

After Eggman spends six months taking over Literally The Entire World, and the resistance apparently does very little to stop this, Your Own Character joins up and things start happening instantly. They rescue Sonic, then Classic Sonic appears out of nowhere to save Tails from Chaos, the creature from Sonic Adventure. I guess they included him (Classic Sonic, that is; after this cutscene, Chaos is never seen again) to trick people into thinking that this game would be similar to the much more popular Sonic Generations. I think the plot of that game involved time travel, accounting for the two Sonics, but here they’ve retconned him as “the Sonic from another universe”.

Speaking of time travel and alternate dimensions, Silver and Blaze are in this game... I’m no big Sonic fan (in fact, Sonic Mania and Sonic Forces, both of which I played this week, were the first Sonic games I’ve ever beaten), but them being part of the resistance is kinda inexplicable. To my knowledge, Blaze is from an alternate dimension, but in Sonic ‘06 was somehow Silver’s partner or something in the post-apocalyptic future. In the end, I think Sonic saving the day included the elimination of the timeline in which Silver existed... so I’m not really sure what’s up with Silver and Blaze being in this game. Are they now retconned to just being normal people who live in the same place as everyone else?

I’m also really confused on how this game fits in with the rest of the series. Infinite’s power is to create autonomous physical virtual reality projections, and he uses it to create his own versions of the Chaos, Zavok, Metal Sonic, and Shadow... so in addition to being in continuity with Sonic Generations and Sonic Colors (the game the Wisps are from), you also have to include the Sonic Adventure games and Sonic Lost World. Again, I’m no expert on Sonic, but... I’m pretty sure at least a few of these games feature planets populated with humans, and not the hordes of bipedal animals that make up the only characters in this game. Is there just no official continuity at this point?

As an aside... every character you see in scenes like this are made with the character creator, but for some reason they’ve limited themselves to a very small number of models instead of just using a bunch of different random colors and other features. See that bluish-purple dog at the front? If you look closely, you can see five or six identical dogs in the background, all doing the same animation where they raise their guns up in the air.

I’ve gotten REALLY off-topic, which is basically a war crime with how long this post is already. Anyway, as I was saying before I derailed myself, once Your Own Character joins the resistance things happen super fast. Sonic is alive, Classic Sonic appears out of nowhere and punches the Chaos clone (which is subsequently never seen again, despite Infinite being able to create an infinite number of them), and Eggman for whatever reason reveals that his ultimate plan will be complete in just three days. I’m not really clear on what this plan is, but it involves a virtual reality projection of the sun... I don’t know, Majora’s Mask-ing the planet and killing everyone, maybe? Again, bad writing.

Sonic faces off against Infinite and, despite the player winning the boss fight, gets his $#!+ kicked in... and that’s when Infinite says, and this is an actual, verbatim quote, “You’re not even worth the effort to finish off”. I think I might actively hate the writers of this game. I feel like I should probably also mention that the boss fight takes place on the back of a giant snake that’s just kinda floating there, suspended in mid-air, above a forest that is also a casino?

It’s at this point that Infinite drops a prototype version of the Phantom Ruby, which is what gives him his powers. How did he fail to notice that he’d dropped something the size of a softball? How was he even carrying it? WHY was he carrying it, when the finished perfected ruby was already embedded in his chest and he’d been using it for over six months? If you expect these questions to have answers, well, that bold text in the last paragraph must’ve caught your eye and you’re just now at this point starting to read the post. Hello, welcome! The writing in this game is absolutely abysmal!

Your Own Character picks up the prototype ruby and holds onto it for the next three days... well, except for when they drop it while Infinite is looking right at them after a boss fight, and he doesn’t notice ...and at the end of the game, uses it to somehow get rid of the virtual reality sun. How do they know that the ruby is and how to use it? No idea. How do they get rid of the sun? Happens off-screen. Then, further confusing matters vis-a-vis whether the prototype ruby is invisible to bad guys, Eggman acts as if he saw it... despite it breaking and disappearing before he arrives. Weird.

Alright, backtracking a bit, I need to touch on the stupidest plot point in the game: the Phantom Zone. Well, I think it’s called Null Space or something, Eggman calls it “a little something the Phantom Ruby cooked up”, whatever that means... but it’s basically the Phantom Zone. A pocket dimension that supposedly contains literally nothing. Eggman opens up a portal into it, Your Own Character tries to save Sonic from it, and they’re both pulled in... man, that’s a scary concept, isn’t it? Being trapped in an empty void?

If a regular prison held Sonic for six months, and he only got out with help from the outside, then I can’t even imagine how long this will-- haha just kidding it’s twenty seconds this game was written by chimps.

youtube

Apparently “completely empty” means “filled with blocks you can run on”, and Sonic manages to get out... by double-boosting. There are a handful of levels where you play as both Sonic and Your Own Character at the same time (the “you’re next to me and I’m next to you” in the Hoobastank song you hear in that video), allowing you to use the Wisp weapons while also using Sonic’s super speed. You’ll also be prompted to “double boost” at set points, which consists of the characters jumping in the air, fist-bumping, and then... holding hands and somehow running even faster, I guess? I’m not at all clear on how this works, or how it broke them out of Null Space.

I’d be totally okay (bored, but okay) with the prototype ruby being responsible for them escaping, but that’s not how it’s presented: they’re meant to have escaped through the power of friendship and running really, really fast. I mean, I can come up with a reason it works, gimme a minute... uh... virtual reality... pocket dimension... gotta go fast.... gotta go faster faster faster faster faster... aha! Maybe it’s an empty, infinite void because it’s being created as you move through it, but the double boost allows them to move faster than it can be created, allowing them to break free? Yeah, that’s dumb but plausible in-universe. Too bad the writers made literally no attempt to explain it.

After that, it’s time for the big showdown with Infinite, the game’s hot new antagonist. Who is he, why does he hate Sonic, why is he working with Eggman? What kind of awesome boss battle will you have against him? Not explained, not explained, not explained, and it’s just a slight variation of the boss fight you have with Metal Sonic earlier in the game. You DO get an explanation of who he is if you play Episode Shadow, free DLC consisting of three levels that you played in the base game that serves as a kind of prequel. All of your juicy Infinite-related questions are answered: he’s a nameless mercenary who went all emo because Sonic beat him up. Oh. Well. That’s... lame.

This post is already over three thousand words, so I’ll wrap it up. After your boring rehashed boss battle with Infinite, he just kinda... runs away, never to be seen again, and you have to contend with Eggman and his giant robots. It’s not very interesting. Once the day is saved, you get this completely inane exchange between the characters, which in most games would be the worst bit of writing... here, it might be in the top five. Knuckles says that the fight is over, everyone can go home, there’s no longer a need for the resistance... but then Amy (or someone) says, “no, we’re just getting started!”, and Knuckles nods in agreement as if she didn’t just directly contradict him. As if two characters doing this isn’t bad enough, Tails then does the exact same thing all by himself, saying something like, “we won, the resistance is done, now we have to come together to save the world!” I think he also says something about just one person not being able to change the world, which I’m pretty sure runs contrary to a “one person CAN make a difference!” message the game had been going for earlier.

And... that’s about it. I have nothing more to say. This game is bad, anyone who defends it is lying to themselves, and it’s entirely possible that I’ve spent more time writing this unfocused rambling post than I did actually playing the game. I’m not a Sonic hater; the playground politics surrounding video games in the early nineties didn’t exist where I grew up, so to me Sonic has always just kinda been that series with the interesting music that I had no particular interest in playing. As I mentioned, I played through Sonic Mania at the same time as I was playing Forces, and loved it. It’s a bit on the hard side for someone who’s never played a Sonic game, but aside from a few annoying bits in Hydrocity and Oil Ocean, it’s a blast all the way through. That’s a great game... and Sonic Forces, in my opinion, is decidedly not.

Back in 2017 I made a post about the Metascore for Sonic Forces, and received backlash for it. I decided to wait until as many critics as possible had reviewed the game, and... never really felt like doing the update, so didn’t get around to it until now. So, how much of a difference does a year make in the review score?

Oh wow, it’s like I knew what I was talking about or something. Well, kinda. At the time I said that Sonic Forces didn’t seem like a bad game, based on what I’d seen of it. Having played the game for myself... I think my opinion is known.

#sonic forces #long post #very long post #extremely long post

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nemirutami · 6 years

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I'm a huge fan of your work, and seeing that piece for hackers memory reminded me I still need to play that game. I had a lot of fun with cyber sleuth but I was worried there wouldn't be enough new content to keep me interested. How would you rate hackers memory compared to cyber sleuth?

Thank you for the kind words!

Alright, full disclosure, I have a lot of opinions, so I apologize in advance.

I did not enjoy cybersleuth past chapter 10 when Nokia [insert spoiler here] and ever since then, I always felt like we (as protagonist) were secondary to the plot. Which would have been fine, had Nokia gotten fucking development within cybersleuth to take over as protagonist instead of us. On top of getting no development to [insert spoiler], she’s extremely irritating, which didn’t make me like the fact she was considered more important to the plot at all. She even talks to you as if you’re her sidekick and let me tell you, this shit can be cute because DRV3 managed to do it in a way where the character (Kaito) is earnestly trying to help the protagonist (Shuichi) develop past his anxiety and fears. But that’s not what they did here. It didn’t work. It just felt like Nokia was putting us down, regardless of how “uppity” and “positive” she was trying to phrase it. Sidenote: I also absolutely detested how she treated Agumon and Gabumon so lmao when chapter 10 dropped I had no fucking idea WHY because imo they should’ve hated her.

We never SAW how she got into the position she got in (Ch10). It felt absolutely hamfisted and undeserved. Kind of like a “oh yeah, it’d be cool if this happened now” shit. Then, to top it all off, the protag magically breaks the rules Suedou sets before them, basically slamming a middle finger at the screen saying “you thought this would make sense? no, we need to hamfist a happy ending sort of kind of maybe, it’s all very unclear WE DONT KNOW”. Honest, I completed all quests and side quests, got max hacker rank, entire field guide, I did everything to cover every last bit of the game, and I’m still sour on the turnout and the payoff because the game so clearly didn’t give a fuck about its own rules since it constantly broke them and failed to foreshadow Kuremi entirely. I enjoyed a bunch of the sidequests more than the main plot of the game, and to be fair, I believe I also remember the sidequests better than the main plot and this should absolutely not be the case.

That being said.

Hackers Memory does not fuck around, and I say that in the best way possible.

It presents you as secondary in the big scheme of things at the very start, (in regards to the original cybersleuth ending, because the story takes place at the very same time events are happening in cybersleuth) but it makes you a protagonist of your own story, and this is truly where the game shines.

It really makes it all about you- as Keisuke- as an individual, from the very start to the very end. It feels more like a journey of a specific protagonist with a fixed personality, and if the original had done this instead of give us a more flat character, I think I would have enjoyed the game more. I couldn’t stop playing this game the moment I got it, and easily beat it in about 4 or 3 days because I was so invested. Hell, in Cybersleuth, I never gave a fuck to collect all medals, and I decided to actually do it for this game just because I adored every last aspect of it? I did gacha in this videogame for 8 hours that gave me absolutely nothing in return, this is how you know I’m serious about the quality of a game- I waste time in it doing POINTLESS SHIT and I still have fun.

I went in expecting to be secondary, but the plot absolutely knew how to shine the spotlight on this protagonist (Keisuke) flawlessly and draw out his best characteristics. Cybersleuth protag is a clean slate at best, but Keisuke has a variety of very unique responses even without giving you the option to respond. He reacts very fixed to certain events, giving you a general feel of what he’s actually like, which is different from the signature way Cybersleuth Protag simply cocks their head a little or does the “:o” face when someone says something surprising. Keisuke has a lot more expressions, and you can easily tell what the characters are feeling (once you get to know them) just by their expressions alone. There’s a scene at the very start of Hacker’s memory where Yu (Protag’s best friend) and Keisuke share 4 silent “...” dialogue boxes with only a small variety in expression.

At my first playthrough, I had NO CLUE what this meant. I assumed it was all an awkward silence (since it’s quite literally at the start of the game) but after knowing exactly every little aspect of their personalities- that entire scene bears a different meaning. I could TELL what both of them wanted to say, and what they wanted to convey without actually having to use words. That might be because what facinated me most about Hacker’s memory was exactly Yu and Keisuke’s friendship. What’s great here though isn’t just the fact that this happens with Keisuke and Yu. It happens with every character. I replayed, noticing the quirks early on, and knowing the backstory- was aware of why they were acting the way they were. I knew of the secrets, I knew of the motivations, and honestly, I think Hacker’s memory only gets better a clean run right after you beat it. Yes I... I’m being serious. I replayed it the very second I completed it. This might also tell you something of how invested I am, and how big of a change this was to experience in contrast to the original cybersleuth which left me glaring at the ceiling angrily begging for the plot to make some lick of sense. And unlike cybersleuth, the plot here, is quite honestly, really good. Despite the stakes not being as high, and ultimately won’t matter in the end (because cybersleuth end)- you... FEEL like it matters more. Just because of how intimately you’ve come to know the characters that’ve been with you for so long.

All the relationships are developed, focusing mainly on the team at Hudie (your new hacker team). When I say the relationships are developed, I mean, quite literally, every important character has some role to play in the other’s life. Ryuji: the leader, a mentor to Keisuke, who later becomes a follower of Keisuke’s- outlining a good start and end for their dynamic as leader becomes follower and the student becomes the master. Chitose: Aloof and carefree, never quite speaks up against Ryuji despite the shit he knows Ryuji is causing, but becomes more mature and manages to put Ryuji in his place after he loses control. Erika: A shut-in with a one-track mind (Ryuji’s little sister), doesn’t open up to anyone, not even her brother, especially LIES to her brother to protect him (and Ryuji does the same to Erika, outlining the fact they’re both trying to protect each other but simultaneously hurting each other in the process without knowing) but she learns to rely on Keisuke (Chitose and Ryuji are childhood friends, so naturally, she can’t tell CHITOSE her worries because he’ll get worried and relay the message to Ryuji, so Erika in a sense sees her oppertunity to open up and ACT once Keisuke joins Hudie) and opens up to HIM later more than anyone else. Chitose acts like a second big brother to Erika when Ryuji isn’t around, and he also acts like comic relief character that’s there to give Keisuke some time to relax between cases. Unlike the first game, you actually FEEL like a hacker this time around, giving you a wider variety of hacking options, including minigames (which sadly arent that fun but- hey, it’s something. The part that IS fun is the BONDS you get to rank up- THEY’RE LITERALLY CALLED “DATE TIME!” and they’re the ONLY reason I played so so many of those minigames).

The game isn’t dominated by women anymore (If you play as female in CS, you’ll quite LITERALLY only see Arata every couple of chapters in a sea of tits, and while this is usually an aesthetic I can get behind, I hated absolutely every goddamn female character with the only exception being Kuremi. I detested Date so much. Every time she opened her mouth I wanted to mute the TV. I absolutely LOATHED Nokia for everything and anything she did. I couldn’t stand Fei because of how aggressive she was (even if Fei and Yuuko was something I definitely would have shipped had Fei just been toned down, and LUCKILY- I absolutely love Fei now, but that’s ALL thanks to Hacker’s Memory- I actually like NOKIA now too- which is all thanks to Hacker’s Memory as well). I liked Yuuko bc she hit all my right notes, until she proved to be a tsundere in disguise (she also manipulated us and admitted to it so I quickly said FUCK NO to that and she dropped on my list) but even she managed to get better treatment in Hacker’s memory. I hated Jimiken too, to be honest. I disliked a LOT of characters in cybersleuth, but once they appeared in Hacker’s memory I? I saw a new side of them that I didn’t before. There’s 1 particular “Hacker Memory Fragment” you pick up about Yuuko that details her visits to the hospital to check up on her brother and honestly? This shit. This one hacker’s fragment managed to give me so much better insight into her character than ALL of cybersleuth. Now that shit is admirable imo. I admire Hacker’s memory for making me LOVE every character I disliked. Date was one character I disliked thru Hacker’s Memory too, but towards the end, even she grew on me. I still don’t like majority of her dialogue, but she doesn’t seem so one-dimensional anymore. My main problem with Cybersleuth was that everyone seemed to have “THE ONE MOOD” and that was it. I loved Arata because he varied a lot, and he and the protagonist had some really, really good chemistry, but that’s about it? Compared to how I love everyone from Hacker’s Memory, I wouldn’t even consider the two games on the same level, simply because of how well the second one was executed in comparison?

I took my time with this reply, because to me, cybersleuth was average as a digimon game for me. Cybersleuth had a villain i absolutely ADORED!! But they did piss all and nothing with him. He had such an interesting goal, but when everyone gathered to stop his plans it was like. He lost all motivation for his goal? What the fuck. You don’t even get to fight him he’s just. There. He was awesome, they shoulda done more with him, and my only qualm about hackers memory is that they STILL DONT DO ENOUGH WITH HIM. He gets a bit of a backstory without WORDS really it’s all implied and shit but it explains why he acts the way he does in cybersleuth. You understand the reason behind his actions now, what got him there, and his motivations more clearly. God I wish we got more of him though. Cybersleuth for me was a 4/10 as a game and a 6 or a 5/10 as a Digimon game. I’d honestly play DW3 over Cybersleuth if I had to be perfectly honest...

Now, Hackers Memory however managed to score 10/10 for me of all the digimon games I’ve played- putting it at the... top, actually. For good reason. The characterization is consistent, every characters motivations are clear, every character has reasons to take the actions they take, and none of it seems forced or random or even undeserved. Sometimes, you’ll dislike a character the game wants you to dislike. It will lead you in to turn your expectations around and force you to think of a character in a completely new light. You’ll end up loving each and every character regardless of how shitty they act because you can understand the way they think. You can empathise and you can relate much better than you could in Cybersleuth IMO because so many characters in Cybersleuth made me think “well, Angela, if you weren’t such a BITCH maybe i’d feel sorry for you” which was a perpetual mood tbh. I felt absolutely no sympathy for a lot of the characters in Cybersleuth bc I felt like they deserved the shitstorm they got. Whereas, in Hacker’s Memory, the only character that DESERVED to be punished, actually GETS PUNISHED, and the character that does something wrong goes out of his way to REDEEM HIMSELF. Now this is some tasty characterization I tell ya.

To top it all off, because the game has to follow cybersleuth logic, I absolutely thought they were going to fuck the end.

No.

No, it was.

It was absolutely perfect.

It was emotional, it didn’t feel forced, and best of all?

It made sense.

As fucked up as the ending from cybersleuth was, in this universe, they can’t control their end because of the first game--- so this ending has to happen regardless of what they FEEL is fair. Which means, yes, the ending is unfair. But it leaves you with this... bittersweet feeling of longing- wishing they COULD have made a change. It’s a really nice metaphor for how things sometimes are out of our control, and we’re forced to deal with a fate someone else drops on us regardless of what we may feel or want to act on. We just have to make the best of it?

10/10 as a Digimon game, and 9/10 as an actual game because I do believe I am nitpicky as fuck and I rarely give 10/10′s but if I wasn’t a nitpicky fuck, this game would DEFINITELY easily be a 10/10.

If this ramble wasn’t indication enough, I really love Hacker’s Memory. You should definitely play Hacker’s Memory.

#tnt answers asks #genuinefauxthought

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cosmosogler · 7 years

Text

aaaa my hands get all sweaty when i hold a game controller. also i should really probably be wearing my glasses.

today i had such a nasty, tiring dream that i slept in! i got up at 9:25. so i slept in less than yesterday...

my dream was disorienting... i feel like it should have taken place in college, but it looked more like everyone was high school aged, and acted that way too. the topic kept changing, even though i stayed in more or less the same area for the whole dream. it was, like, a marketplace, with a farmer’s market, but also there were a lot of drab gray buildings with paper stuffed into every available space on every window. the road was dirt. everyone was playing some sort of game that i didn’t understand. also i was trying to shop, but i didn’t like anything i saw in any of the stores. and when i thought i had gotten to a store with what i was looking for (i don’t know what i was actually looking for, but i had a feeling it was in there!!!) i saw a bunch of burly, sweaty dudes with no faces. so i backed out haha. then the game changed? people were... trying to get behind each other? i think the technique was different for everyone. but they were trying to suck each others’ souls out and that was how they won for the round. i think... the participants were supposed to get better, at some point... but i wasn’t playing, just watching and trying to figure out the rules. eventually i wandered out into the playing field and started talking to some of the participants. they were friendly enough, but i kind of got the feeling they didn’t want me there. eventually the girl from the shining came out of the crowd, grabbed me by the shoulders, spun me around, and sucked out my soul!!! it hurt a lot, indescribably. like... if your soul could get sucked out, that’s definitely what it would feel like!

i tried to scream but i couldn’t move at all. eventually i tried so hard that i woke up screaming. but i was in a weird unfamiliar place and my face was being shoved into the pillow. then my alarm went off and i woke up for real all sweaty and tired. cool!!!!!!!!!!!

so after that wonderful start to my day, i pet eve for a little bit, and then i got up and got ready for the day and stuff. i tried making some tea that i found in the cabinet... it wasn’t very good. i found the rest of the video games in the pile of stuff dad brought in from the garage last night. and i watched two episodes of cry plays: soma. it’s a really good game, but i wouldn’t be very good at it. horror games aren’t really under my “favorite genres” umbrella. instead of getting scared i get frustrated that i might have to replay a large portion of the game since traditionally save/heal points are pretty few and far between. it took me FOREVER to get through metroid prime because i would hover around the checkpoint nervously before continuing haha. half life was kind of a slog that way too, even though i really liked both those series.

then i went and picked up asher. i almost got hit when i was trying to get on the freeway... it’s always crowded at that particular exit and trying to actually get on the freeway is kind of dangerous. and nobody was using their turn signals today! and getting into the lane i was trying to get into while in my blind spot and also not using turn signals!!! and then i could tell the guy i accidentally cut off was SUPER mad because he started going like 90 miles an hour while everyone else was going 50 and cut in front of me and then swept over to the far lane. ok, buddy. like... yeah, ok, i could have probably spent more time figuring out if he was changing lanes right next to me or not. but when you use your turn signal you gotta hop over pretty quick or else people around you stop making room. i think since phoenix is so big, everyone feels like they have to drive 8-15 mph over the speed limit to get where they’re going in a reasonable amount of time. and also they don’t make room for you in the next lane over unless you turn on your turn signal, wait exactly 1 second, and then butt in. that’s literally the only way to get on the freeway some exits.

i avoid the exit lanes when i’m on the freeway unless i’m getting off at the next exit. honestly i’m shocked that i haven’t been in a crash yet.

anyway, i brought asher over to my house and we hung out in the living room exclusively. i guess that was ok, since the house is a total mess with half-unpacked boxes everywhere. i ripped my room apart today looking for the super nintendo. didn’t find it. mom found it later though in a box grouped with a bunch of my sister’s boxes. it was the only box i never checked because i thought we had already looked through it when we were searching for the wii u.

asher made me curse while i was in the car. he said something, and i repeated the sentence back to him in a “you’re not...” sort of way, and i didn’t realize i had said it until my mouth made a really unfamiliar shape haha. it wasn’t his fault, but i was kind of annoyed with myself for not paying attention to my words.

while asher and i were lounging around catching up on steven universe, my brother pointed out that doge had pooped on the floor in front of the back door. we didn’t notice... i felt stupid. my brother went and got dad, and then... he picked up diogi, shoved her nose in it, and then literally threw her outside. then he went outside and we didn’t hear anything for a really long time. my brother, asher, eve, wiley, and i kind of stared at each other awkwardly for a while.

like... hitting a dog is never ok. but i could understand being frustrated with maybe wiley, because he’s a young adult and should know better by now, and also he would theoretically have better control over his bodily functions. and he does go in the house, and it is frustrating. but doogles is hella old, and also disabled. she cannot walk for very long. she can hustle, but sometimes she falls down. i can’t imagine she can hold it for very long. she usually goes right after dinner... i don’t know why my brother didn’t let her outside after he fed them? and then, like, got mad at me when it happened?

i just need a break from dad for a while. i don’t understand why diogi likes him so much. he calls her a retard and hits her sometimes and doesn’t really brush her or anything. i think he exudes such a powerful “dad” aura that the dogs just defer to him. i mean, that’s how packs work, isn’t it? maybe doge thinks she owes her life to him since he took her from lonnie, who abused her more regularly.

dad interrupted our steven universe marathon but i don’t remember what he said. but, like, the show was actively on, and we were clearly watching it, and he felt the need to insert a conversation (run and participated in by him alone) over the dialogue. i’m not sure if asher really caught the ending or not.

anyway... after that asher and i headed out to michaels to get some markers. we talked about the show for a bit during the car ride. then we went to indian food, as is our habit. the usual waiter wasn’t there today, but i saw some new people. maybe it’s because we were there on the weekend instead of on thursday. then we talked about jojo for like two hours. it was great. we revisited a lot of the same topics that we have talked about before, but it’s been like three weeks since i last saw asher, so i didn’t really mind.

however my sense of direction was super out of whack for the whole drive, i could not figure out where i was or where the stores we were trying to get to were. i think i was stressed about diogi.

i was also really jittery. it may have been the tea from this morning... asher noticed. he said it might be anxiety. i would agree, but i’ve been like this for a really long time. as in, always. he also suggested adhd but i don’t seem to display any of the other symptoms of that. but you know what causes the restlessness and twitching? anxiety and depression. so maybe it was. i guess i’ve had depression for basically my whole life. my classmates at christian school used to make fun of me for it. the twitching, i mean.

however i was REALLY uncomfortable today, physically. i couldn’t get my ankles to sit right and i kept moving my legs while we were trying to watch tv. the jerking really only stops when i am actively exercising. even right afterward i’m right back to twitching and squirming.

nobody these days acknowledges it (except my group therapist; she points it out when she thinks i am more anxious than usual, but really i just do it constantly until someone notices and then i have to consciously stop). but i know they see it. it’s really hard to keep my eyes on something static for more than a few seconds... like a book or screen.

when i was filling out paperwork for the sleep study the doctors decided it was restless legs syndrome. but it’s every single muscle in my body ha... it feels like static is building up every time i don’t move and i have to MOVE or else it gets unbearable. i usually just wrinkle my nose, or jitter my knees, or tap or bump something with my palm just above the wrist.

anyway, it was worse than usual today, and it sucked, and was really annoying.

when i got home i booted up undertale and got through the mettaton fight, and also burned down undyne’s house. so i just gotta befriend alphys and that should complete everything i need for the pacifist run.

so now it’s 12:30. i’ve been writing for about 50 minutes... i got distracted trying to describe my problem to google. every word i use points back to anxiety...

but i fidget even on days when i’m not that stressed? i don’t get it.

tomorrow i find out if i am still going to have therapy at the hospital or not. i haven’t told anyone yet... i figured i would bring it up if it became relevant. like, if i wasn’t able to go any more. if i am allowed to continue, then there isn’t really a point in reporting it. i’m still stressed about it though...

i shall do my pokemons, and check some monday stuff, and then try to sleep. sure hope i don’t die horribly again in my dreams tonight!

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ladyloveandjustice · 7 years

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The Great Ace Attorney Replay: Trials and Tribulations, Case 5, Part 5

I’m going to examine this garden gate as Phoenix specifically to get this dialogue.

Phoenix: “Edgeworth’s probably in the garden, crying softly to himself…I guess we should hug it out and talk about what he’s uncovered’

I’m never getting over this like. Phoenix specifically imagining Miles “crying softly” and anticipating hugging. “I’M HERE TO HEAL UR PAIN EDGEWORTH”. Phoenix take it back a notch.

In we go to say hi to Miles who is still berating himself for passing out and Phoenix is like “oh my GOD why is it still bothering him” I FEEL YOU PHEEN.

THEN MILES SEES HIM AND…literally runs away OH MY GOD MILES

Phoenix: “DON’T YOU DARE RUN AWAY FROM ME!!!”

Miles: “WHAT ARE YOU HERE TO LAUGH AT ME? GO AHEAD! LAUGH!”

Oh god…I never noticed it the first time around but it’s literally a repeat of the scene between them when Phoenix came into defend Miles at the detention center. That’s beautiful. THE MORE THINGS CHANGE, THE MORE THEY STAY THE SAME. Miles is still a disaster. I wonder if this still happens even in their 30s. I bet it does. Not just over earthquakes and going to jail. This is what happens when Miles tries to make an awesome banquet for their anniversary and ends up burning the food. This exact exchange.

Actually it may have happened when they were younger too considering the first time, Phoenix warned Maya not to actually laugh when he says this because “It’s a trick. He’ll get mad when you laugh. Or burst into tears.” So did baby Miles run away, have to be dragged back and then yell this when Phoenix tried to comfort him over not being able to do origami back in the day? And then did he try to laugh like Miles asked because he thought it would help and this is what triggered the outbreak of sobbing? IT’S PRETTY MUCH CONFIRMED THAT THIS IS WHAT HAPPENED. IN MY HEART.

Phoenix: (SIGH, I WAS READY TO HUG IT OUT WITH HIM BUT HE’S THE SAME OLD PRIDEFUL EDGEWORTH)

Phoenix if u tell him you want to hug him I’m sure he’ll say yes cuz it’s you. Go for it.

OKAY MILES WHAT DO YOU THINK OF MY BADGE.

Miles: “I never thought I’d see you wear one of these”

Phoenix: “It’s because of you I became one”

WAY TO ESCALATE THIS CONVERSATION PHOENIX HE WAS JUST TRYING TO MAKE SMALL TALK GIVE THE MAN A BREAK.

CUE DRAMATIC ARM CLUTCH AND MILES HAVING A MINI SEIZURE AS HE TRIES TO DEAL WITH FEELINGS

Phoenix: “Not that I have any regrets. I really don’t.”

FEELING SEIZURE CONTINUES

Phoenix: if you’re trying to say “thanks “you can can say it a bit louder.

Honestly I can’t even handle them just kill me.

OOOOH I CAN PRESENT MIA’S PROFILE TO MILES WATCHA GONNA SAY

Miles: “One of the biggest names in the world of law as I’m sure you’ll agree”

NICE THINGS. He respects her! I’m so proud of you, Miles, you’ve come so far.

Miles: “For better or worse, we were only destined to meet once in courtroom”

Probably for better. You would have lost. And she would have had to put up with your brattiness more. Not a good time for either of you.

Phoenix: (I know. I read all about it).

Miles “It was the first time for both of us. Two novices head to head.”

THAT REMINDS ME DID U GO TO MIA’S GRAVE AND APOLOGIZE FOR THAT BIMBO REMARK BECAUSE IF NOT I DEMAND YOU DO.

Miles: I can still remember how downhearted I felt after that trial ended the way it did

Phoenix: (I wonder if Mia felt the same way, too).

Uhh Phoenix she literally wrote down that she did. That is was a wound in her soul that never healed or whatevs. Though I guess we don’t know if Mia wrote down the stuff Phoenix read. He could have just researched the case and all the narration we read was just Mia’s thoughts to herself rather than what she wrote down.

I’M GONNA PRESENT MAYA

Miles: “I don’t know her very well, but it seems like she’s always landing in trouble”

Phoenix: “You clearly know her better than you think.”

Miles: “I do sincerely hope she’s all right.”

Aww. Also, like you guys aren’t constantly landing in trouble too.

If I present Pearl Miles is like “SHE’S A CHILD I CANT TRY AND FORCE THINGS OUT OF HER. I’M NOT BEING MEAN TO A KID WRIGHT. YOU GET THE INFO SHE’LL TALK TO YOU”

omg Miles. You know I always thought the whole “I’M WORRIED ABOUT THE DEFENSE TRAUMATIZING THIS CHILD” with Cody Hackins was just him being a dick as usual, but considering this dialogue it looks like that was genuine.

Miles is very defensive of young children and paranoid about them being traumatized. That makes sense and is both adorable and sad.

Presenting Gumshoe means Miles mentions he took him out for pasta and Nick is like “WELL GOOD YOU OWE HIM THAT MUCH IT’S YOUR FAULT HIS SALARY IS SO LOW GIVE THE POOR GUY A RAISE JESUS.”

Speaking the truth goddamn give it to him good Phoenix

I was thinking for a second investigation 2 causes a continuity error here bc he finally gives Gumshoe a raise in that but then I looked up the official Ace Attorney timeline that case takes place after this one.

All of Investigations takes place after this case and ends just before Phoenix gets disbarred (the last case of investigations 2 is literally 10 DAYS BEFORE IT HAPPENS…). Which makes sense bc if Miles had been gone for a year he wouldn’t have had time to be in spinoff games set in Japanifornia during that time. I have no idea why I thought investigations was set between game 2 and 3.

BUT I’M ALSO CONFUSED BECAUSE IF MILES HAS BEEN GONE FOR A YEAR HE CAN’T BE THE PERSON CUTTING GUMSHOE’S SALARY. Unless it was that way when he left and the new boss kept it the same. Either way, SHAME ON WHOEVER REPLACED MILES.

Miles have been going to trials in five different countries to learn how to be better at running them…and apparently learned all the languages.Phoenix is like “WHAT. HOW. IT’S TAKEN ME A LIFETIME TO SORT OF MASTER ONE LANGUAGE” I feel you Phoenix

If I try to show him evidence it’s all “I’m a prosecutor, I’m a defense attorney, we cannot discuss things so intimately” Miles he wasn’t asking to make out with you over the evidence, he genuinely wants your opinion.

Talking to Gumshoe, we find a bloody sword and Phoenix tells Gumshoe he doesn’t want to get it tested. Gumshoe realizes he’s terrified it’s Maya’s blood (and is going green at the thought). I FORGOT ABOUT THIS PART THIS IS SO SAD.

Gumshoe reassures him and says she’s definitely okay and he’ll take him and Maya out for pasta when they find her. Awww Gumshoe I love ya. You really are better at knowing how to handle people’s feelings than anyone else in this bar. (And that being said, Phoenix should really tell him to go talk to Miles right now too. He is in need.).

Huh I forgot about this bit where Miles and Phoenix figure out how Dahlia is involved in all this together. I also completely forgot that Miles found out Dahlia was Phoenix’s ex and tried to kill him etc.

Phoenix mentions spirit channeling and Miles just flips out all like “SPIRIT CHANNELERS ARE FRAUDS THAT WOMAN ACCUSED AN INNOCENT MAN OF MURDER AND RUINED MY LIFE”

Did…he never figure out that it was his dad’s spirit who lied about the murder?APPARENTLY NOT.

and apparently he’s just willfully ignoring all those times Maya magically transformed into Mia RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM. Like I know you tend to be hyper-focused on Phoenix in court but I cannot believe you wouldn’t notice sometimes Maya is a foot taller and busting open her kimono. HOW DO YOU RATIONALIZE THIS TO YOURSELF? WHERE IS THE ~LOGIC~ MILES?

I guess “my dad accused an innocent man to protect me” would be a leap Miles would be unwilling to make because it goes against his image of his dad as champion of the ~Truth~. Not to mention it would be pretty horrible to know your dad’s spirit is out there thinking you were the one that killed him. Miles is going to have a hard time with dealing with that. Phoenix seems to realize this because he just kind of pauses for a second and is like “you’ll understand someday, Edgeworth”.

it WOULD be incredibly awkward and painful to just be say “UM NO EDGEWORTH SPIRIT CHANNELING IS REAL YOUR DAD JUST THOUGHT YOU KILLED HIM AND LIED TO THE MEDIUM TO PROTECT YOU FROM TRAUMA. WHICH DIDN’T WORK BUT WHATEVER”. Phoenix ain’t droppin’ that bomb on him.

TIME TO GO TALK TO IRIS…EXCEPT NOT REALLY. I think I remember what happened here, Iris and Maya-channeling-Dahlia switched places in the sacred cavern….

You can honestly tell she’s Dahlia if you pay attention to her dialogue- mostly when Phoenix messes up

Iris: I had hoped you would get at least this much correct. I hate seeing you mess up and getting all disappointed.

Phoenix: (Nngh... I didn't know she could be so harsh...)

And she also says “that’s no position for a lawyer to find himself in” if he stumbles another time. Dahlia’s gonna find a way to own Phoenix even if she has to pretend to be sweet, just gotta do it.

Then of course when Phoenix says Dahlia “began relations with a certain college student in order to hide the evidence. That college student... Have you heard anything about him...?”

Iris:... Well... I did hear one thing... She said she hated his guts. :D

REALLY SUBTLE THERE DAHLIA. Awww Phoenix is so sad and she’s so cackling inside about it. She really is an excellent villain.

AND GUESS WHAT. I’D STILL RATHER TALK TO HER THAN GODOT.

BUT NO HE HAS TO SHOW UP.

Agh it’s just like. Dahlia’s brand of evil is delicious and chilling- it’s fun to watch even if it’s horrible. She knows what she’s doing and she’s having fun with it.

MEANWHILE GODOT IS JUST OBNOXIOUS AND SELF RIGHTEOUS ABOUT HIS EVIL AND NOTHING IS FUN AGH.

ONCE AGAIN Godot’s all was “your job to protect them” re Mia and Maya.

NO IT ISN’T. HIS JOB IS TO BE A LAWYER. BEING A 24/7 BODYGUARD TO EVERY WOMAN HE MEETS IS NOT THE CAREER HE WENT FOR.

MIA IS HIS BOSS. MAYA IS HIS FRIEND (WHO HE IS ALWAYS THERE FOR!). THEY ARE NOT HELPLESS LITTLE DOLLS HE’S SUPPOSED TO KEEP IN SOME GLASS CASE AND SHUT AWAY FROM THE WORLD.

Guess who’s going to lecture Phoenix because he, I don’t know, didn’t feel that Mia was being murdered with his Spidey-sense and then swing over at the speed of light to punch the murderer to death or whatever he was supposed to do? Godot, of course!

Phoenix finally points out that HE DIDN’T EVEN KNOW MIA WAS IN DANGER OR WHAT SHE WAS UP TO HOW THE FUCK WAS HE SUPPOSED TO DO ANYTHING. And Godot’s response is that “being oblivious is a crime.”

YEAH PHOENIX. HOW DARE YOU NOT KNOW THINGS PEOPLE DON’T TELL YOU ABOUT. A REAL MAN WOULD DEVELOP PSYCHIC POWERS.

Hey Godot you know what is actually a crime. Actually knowing people are in danger, not telling them they are, doing nothing to prevent it and actually making everything infinitely worse because you wanted to do some super-violent dashing rescue to soothe your own pathetic ego. But you wouldn’t know anything about that, riiiiight?

And then Godot is like “WHATEVER MAYA’S DEAD I HAVE DECIDED THIS SO IT MUST BE SO” right in front of Pearl oh my god I hate you so much. Fortunately he finally fucking leaves and Nick reassures her.

AND NOW IT’S TRIAL TIME SO I HAVE TO DEAL WITH HIM MORE.

THIS GAME WOULD BE SO MUCH BETTER WITHOUT YOU IN IT GODOT.

Well, we’ll endure and carry on. TILL NEXT TIME.

#the great ace attorney replay

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michaelhaapaniemi-blog · 6 years

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On Success and Life

Success is understanding what you believe in, knowing what you want to do with your life, and leaving everything on the table in pursuit of that purpose.

And finding those answers is HARD. It’s a journey, and it takes time. However, the better life lies on the other side.

Uncommon amongst common people

The sad truth is most people never start their journeys. Why?

Most let the world take the reins, and they’re just reacting to life. I call this the ‘reactionary pinball.’ They never took the time to clear their weekends, shut out the noise, and figure out ‘Who am I?’ and ‘What was I put on this Earth to do?’ Instead of creating the life they want, they are reacting to life. Many of these people I’m sure have dreams and passions, perhaps they even think about it everyday, but just as fast as the thought comes, an excuse, or inaction, follows. I’m not worthy, I should wait until the next promotion, I have bills to pay (and getting yourself into debt is a tactical mistake). Fear of failure, fear of success, fear of the unknown, fear of fear.

It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all — in which case, you fail by default.

-J.K. Rowling

What do we see even more? People believing in the wrong definition of success - in society’s definition of success, of their family’s definition, of their coworkers, classmates, friends...success is the prestigious corporate job, the line items on my resume, success is getting that nod of approval when they tell someone what firm they work for, or how much they make. Yet people still seem unfulfilled. Insecurity drives the world.

Each person’s journey is different, and that’s why I chose the opening line as the definition of success.

Internal clarity of values and purpose

A true understanding of these is the first step that sets you free.

I used to think the whole ‘monk’ thing and meditation was all ‘woo woo’. I was wrong. It really does take shutting yourself off from the world and searching deep inside. But with it, here’s what follows:

When you know who you are, and what you believe in, nothing else matters. The world, society, everyone else projecting their expectations and insecurities on you, become powerless, because for the first time in your life you (actually) ‘stop giving a fuck.’ With this newfound mental clarity, confidence grows exponentially while anxiety and fear disappear. If you can learn to live within yourself, in the world you’ve created for yourself, you’ll have escaped to a higher level of life most people never find.

When you know your core set of values, which Mark Divine calls your ‘stand’, you’re also providing yourself with an internal compass you can use to guide all future decision-making. What are the values beyond which I will be not be pushed? Consult your stand when facing decisions to eliminate hesitation and navigate the tough choices with ease.

Having a rock-hard answer to the question “Why?” is what’s going to be the deciding factor that keeps you in the fight in any arena, pushes you over the edge, gets you out of bed at 5am. To paraphrase David Goggins, “there’s a difference between motivation and being driven. Motivation comes and goes, but when you’re driven, whatever’s in front of you will be destroyed.” It’s just a matter of time - failing and iterating. “It could take 20 years, but you will come out the other side.”

The catalysts: hardship and quiet-time

“Why do some people get this and others don’t?”

I started noticing a pattern. People who faced tough upbringings seem to have figured out the answers to the introspective questions better than those brought up in comfort. It is through suffering that people truly figure out who they are. This concept seemed rational, but it took me a while to wrap my mind around why. Here’s my attempt to rationalize it:

Our natural reaction to overcoming adversity is to search within ourselves. Am I going to let this thing beat me? Am I a quitter, someone who sulks, or someone who overcomes? You start to define yourself. You develop a deep conviction that “This is the person that I am going to be”. The tougher and longer the struggle, the deeper the clarity becomes.

In addition to self-clarity, hardship also sharpens discipline. You do what it takes to overcome, and be who you’ve decided - and that takes a lot of work.

Some will suffer and let the hardships define them. That’s why the internal dialogue is also a necessary part. Those who let the struggle control who they are haven’t shut out distractions, locked the door and turned inside of themselves to overcome and win the mental battle.

My experience so far

I’ve lived 25 years of my life going with the flow, never questioning the path that appeared before me. I’ve always known I was drawn to the startup path, but I was convinced that would be ‘down the road.’ Graduating from Northwestern I went straight to the prestigious corporate job - management consulting at A.T. Kearney. Looking back, I never even took the time to think if that’s something I wanted to do. I assumed it was great because everyone else said it was. It was a desired profession, the social currency during senior year became ‘what firm are you working for next year?’ I am guilty of it, I remember judging a friend when he announced he’d be pursuing teaching at the public schools. “You went to Northwestern and you’re becoming a teacher??”

Two years passed in consulting, I was not enjoying it, and the voice in the back of my head grew to an all time high. I had learned how to code mobile apps on weekends, and I had even built a prototype. Now or never, I thought. I took the leap.

Growing up in comfort and getting into a prestigious university and job, this decision I soon realized was tearing down all the social safety nets I had going for me. I was starting from the bottom. My friends were all ascending the ranks of the corporate ladders, and I had just burned the foundation I had built up with my degree and consulting job. For a while after this I clung on to the social and prestige anchors I had built up in my life. I was working my butt off, a year went by and I still wasn’t raking in the cash. Family and friends, every day would ask me about progress. I hated these conversations.

But then things went quiet. I realized I could either let the social pressures and anxieties get to me, or I could be happy knowing I am ‘on my journey,’ which is all that matters. The external noise stopped mattering.

Looking back, I don’t regret consulting, as it was both an incredible business learning experience and it also led me to start my journey.

This has been my journey of discovery thus far. It hasn’t come to me all at once, it’s taken months of replaying the same speeches, re-reading chapters of books, constantly filling my head with these ideas until they start to fall into place and make sense. And by no means have I mastered it, or found all the pieces yet. The journey continues.

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