It has been a LONG time coming! But, finally, my new album is here!
Heaven Spat Me Out, Purgatory Filters Me, And Hell Awaits Me
It's a barely contained manic energy and the softest soothing lullaby one could endure at once. A sonic dissection of myself.
I really hope you enjoy. This is my magnum opus.
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My Chemical Romance at Brisbane Entertainment Centre, Brisbane, AU on March 14, 2023 | Bree Vane for Wall of Sound
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Tina Turner - I'll Never Need More Than This (1967)
River Deep - Mountain High may be better known, but here’s another spectacular single with Phil Spector. R.I.P. Tina
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"Archaic' playing on a massive wall of Nuclear Instruments Modules, Test and Measurement equipment & a lot of coffee! Thanks for watching and have a beautiful day! #ambient
ZeroK 'Soundscapes for dystopias, retro futurism and sci-fi drifts' Buy CD at ZeroK Bandcamp: https://zerok.bandcamp.com/
The album “into the Void” released by ZeroK label is the spectral result of their adventure, lost in the electronic jungle of wires and circuits. #zeroK #archaic
More Info Willem Twee Studios:
https://www.willem-twee.nl/agenda/studios
Video made by Elektronique: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCI0fJ02ykMDwM-yG-vLlCPg Modular Scapes // Détaché:
https://linktr.ee/modular_scapes
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Grateful Dead | Des Moines, Iowa, 1974.
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BEHIND THE SONG:
This one is one of my most personal. I didn't intend to ever share that story with anyone. Ever. But I let my ribcage crack open, let my emotions come spilling out. I bared my guts all over the floor for everyone to see.
And what do you think? Are you disgusted? Are you happy? Are you lonely? Sad?
Maybe empty.
I don't discuss this a lot. Because I'm still unsure what's wrong with me.
I think I might be plural. I think there are others in my head with me. Wrath and Sam, I call them.
Sometimes I think they just act as a shield when things get really rough.
But this song was about Wrath. About a particularly awful night I had months back. I'll never forget it.
Im going to post the entire spoken word transcript below. Again, this is very deep and personal to me.
I almost did it again tonight. Very late. Up with my migraine. Everything weighing down on me. No one to help. No one. Feeling unloved, uncared for, neglected. Feeling like I'm missing out on something.
Anyway, I thought about it again. I wanted to go get a knife. Go to the bathroom. Slit my wrists. Rake it up instead of across for maximum effect. It wasn't Wrath. It was me. I wanted it.
In fact, Wrath begged me not to. She likes me now I think. Sam didn't want me to either but that's understandable. Wrath was new, surprising even. But I still wanted to. I was still about to get up and go do it. Never be heard from again. Stop existing. Just fucking kill myself.
I didn't. Sam came to me. "I know it's hard, Nova. I know" I don't think she has any idea. Maybe she does. But I broke the fuck down. I can't handle this. I'm so fucked in the fucking head and no one around me seems to understand but the people I share it with. No one around me seems to care about me...
They both talked to me. Even Wrath was reassuring. It was weird... but in the end I just... wanted them to hold me. "Please hold me" I begged them. I needed it so bad. In my head they did.
But.. I wish it was real. Tangible. I want to be held by both of them in reality so fucking badly. They understand me on such a deep fucking level that no one else is capable of. I can pretend all I want but it's never fucking enough.
Oh my fucking god I want to be held. I want to be told it's going to be okay. I want to be okay for fucks sake. I want to be cared for. I want to be helped. I don't even need to be happy. I just need... something. For fucks sake why do they have to be stuck in my head.
Without them I would have probably done it. Who the fuck else was going to stop me? No one else was there. Everyone was asleep or busy. But they were there. They always are.
I'm so tired. I'm physically and mentally exhausted. God, everything is so hard. I don't even know when to shut up.
I'm sorry.
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Phil Spector and Veronica Bennett during a recording session for the album "A Christmas Gift for You from Phil Spector" at Gold Star Studios in Hollywood, 1963.
Photos by Ray Avery
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