#VERY SURREAL FEELING ACTUALLY
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chapter closed🥹
#shut up j#just back to my car after my last day in my job!! Starting the new one Monday 😭#drawers cleared out. desk removed of all my crap. everything is GAWN#handovers sent!!!! files sorted!!!!! goodbyes done!!!!!!!!!!!!!#VERY SURREAL FEELING ACTUALLY#hopefully onwards & upwards to improved mental health & doing a job that fits me better as a person <3#manifest it with me pls and thanks x
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don't mind me, i'm just crying listening to vienna and thinking about ollie…….
#ollie darling…. when will you realize ferrari waits for you?#this weekend still feels very surreal to me…. did that actually happen? did ollie actually drive f1 and score points??#sorry but the song just screams ollie#'slow down you crazy child; you're so ambitious for a juvenile' him being dissatisfied with quali when he's up against literal legends#'you better cool it off before you burn it out' the pressure……#'slow down you're doing fine; you can't be everything you want to be before your time'#i just wanna grab his shoulders and shake him like 'you're doing so well!! relax a little!! we're proud already!!!'#'you got your passion; you got your pride. but don't you know that only fools are satisfied?'#heart breaking slowly but surely……#cant tell if i want to write a standalone fic abt him based on the song or if i just wanna include it in my jeddah chapter of perfectly fine#had a rlly bad day so i probs won't answer my asks but i'll do it soon! promise!
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Hello misty! Here I am in your inbox again.
So how do you feel about gamingmas ending? And entering the worst content drought since you became a phannie?
How is your phannie journey going? Have you somehow grown even more fond of them recently? Did you find any new favorite videos/moments recently? Or did you get too distracted by gamingmas and not have that much time to watch anything else?
Hopefully our dads will come back to us soon so we don’t go too crazy. Happy holidays and I hope you have a happy dnp filled 2024
Heyy Sandra, always so happy to see you in my inbox! I extend your wishes right back to you, I hope you are having a nice break right now :)
Again, long answer under the cut!
So how do you feel about gamingmas ending? And entering the worst content drought since you became a phannie?
I honestly don't think I've processed it ending yet. I have gotten so used to them just always being here and us constantly having new things to talk about that it will take a moment to sink in that it's over now. Like what do you meannn we've had a new video every day for 24 days? How is it possible that I can actually scroll through the videos I was here for when they got released?
I'm back home right now, so I have other things to keep me occupied and I don't think I'll notice gamingmas ending as much as I would if I was alone. (Being able to drown unsuspecting victims (my siblings) in information about them has been really fun. I think they have quietly accepted that there is something wrong with me.)
The teeny tiny rational part that's left in me is almost relieved that gamingmas is over now because the daily uploads did take up a lot of mental space, so I think a calmer pace will actually be good for me.
But gods, it was fun and I am so glad I stuck around. Purely content wise it was soso good, I know I will rewatch most of these videos. But what truly made this experience for me was being on tumblr and seeing all the reactions and art and gifs. (If you're reading this gif makers, artists and editors I love you I love you I love you.)
Man, it was so exciting, the energy was so cool and I loved how we were all just waiting for it together every evening. I think that's the thing I'll probably miss most about gamingmas, the certainty about new videos dropping and the event-like feeling it had.
Also, I usually really notice my mood dropping in winter but I have been doing really well this december, and while I did lose sleep over them occasionally I think overall gamingmas genuinely contributed to that.
So yes, I will be missing it but honestly, I'm mostly excited to see what the future brings because I think they really found a really great new (?) dynamic (between themselves obv but also with us) and some good new concepts. And I think bored phannie tumblr with withdrawal symptoms will be fun in the next few days.
How is your phannie journey going? Have you somehow grown even more fond of them recently?
I guess you could say I have grown more fond of them but in a different way. I was going to write that that first giddy excitement for them has worn off, but honestly, it truly hasn't. What has changed is that I have gotten...used to them being part of my life now? Like before gamingmas there was still a chance of me getting out of this unscathed but now it is too late. Okay, I know I like being dramatic, but what I mean by this is that now I know they'll stick around. Even if I started feeling more normal about them at some point, I would still keep up with them, I wouldn't stop...caring I guess.
Fandom wise, I keep settling more and more into this tumblr space and have gotten used to and very comfortable with the way things work around here.
I really enjoy understanding the references (well, most of them anyways, and if I don't, I know who to ask). I like that by now I can guess which moments will be gifed and talked about. And that apparently the random things I say resonate with other people (I'm very used to just screaming into the void on the internet).
Side note, wedding hill has been very entertaining to watch, even though I don't know enough nor truly feel like contributing to it.
Did you find any new favorite videos/moments recently? Or did you get too distracted by gamingmas and not have that much time to watch anything else?
I haven't had too much time (partially because of gamingmas, partially because of irl things) but I did dive into the radio shows a little bit and there are so many great moments in there. When I have some more time I will need to fully get into that. And the old liveshows!
I think the thing that shook me the most though was stumbling across "forever home" while listening to the stereo shows. It hit me completely unexpected (see my initial reaction). Something something happily phorever after, am I right?
(btw, I finally got through all of the stereo shows now and. I. need. more. Live shows, a podcast, something, pleaseee.)
I already have a mental list of things I really want to watch though and my "watch later" on youtube is overflowing, so I am definitely not running out of content any time soon.
So, in conclusion...
I am still very happy to be and stay here, but don't really mind things getting a bit calmer and I am genuinely very excited to see what the new normal they'll settle into next year will be like. And I am so here for the big things that will inevitably come (because something is coming, isn't it?).
Thank you for sticking around with me :)
#this still feels a bit surreal#if you'd told me three months ago I'd be here right now...I would've believed you actually because this is so very me#but I wouldn't have wanted to believe you. turns out this is working out so much better than I could've imagined#misty says things#answered asks#dan and phil
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I actually really like Days' crunchy, PS1-style graphics, because I think those graphics have the potential to trick first-time players about the cause of Xion's changing appearance.
As in, I wonder if some people look at Days' "shitty" graphics and then assume that the rest of the game is equally "shitty" in its construction. So when Xion's appearance starts changing mid-cutscene, seemingly at random, I could easily see someone being like "Oh, what a weird glitch. What a weird developer oversight. I can't believe they didn't notice/fix that!" And then not stopping to wonder if the changes were actually intentional. So then when they finally realize that her changing appearance isn't a glitch at all and is, in fact, part of the story...it's even more of an "aha!" moment.
This is yet another reason why I think that playing/watching the original DS game first before watching the HD cutscene movie is for the best.
#rambling about kh#This is just a theory mind I don't know if this has actually happened to anyone#But in any case. I just think these graphics lend themselves very well to the surreal glitchy nature of this game's story#And that's not even getting into how the game uses the two DS screens to convey Rox's feelings of deja vu#Also if it wasn't clear from the quotes I think the graphics are nice actually. Very impressive for the DS.
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mary oliver, wild geese
#poetry#mary oliver#faves#this is actually my all time favorite poem! it’s very dear to me :)#finally reading it in a volume / published collection feels a bit surreal hehe#i know people have shared this one a thousand times but i love it so i want it on my blog
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my main criticism of barbie is that i just wish the very direct stuff said by america ferreras character didnt feel like them reading off a buzzfeed feminism 101 blog post then going “see look we did the thing” like yes keep the sentiment in there and even the specific quotes i just think it could have been written/integrated in the script in a way that felt more diegetic
#it also eeked its way towards doing the hand-holding ur way thru a joke thing a lot of comedies do now#plus like a bit of the whedonspeak but both were very very minor instances of it#tbh a lot of the shit that was funny was genuinely funnt#*funny#also i felt like it didnt really give you enough time to feel like you were getting into the world#before doing all the extremely obvious ‘ok heres the heros journey heres the matrix reference’#like i GET IT but also doing it too soon + thru a reference just feels like speed running thru some important establishing urself to the#audience#but like it was good! it felt like a truly live action cartoon in an actually good way#i also loved the surreal parts
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i think!!!! i might be becoming ACTUAL friends with one of my friendship crushes!!!!
#she said we should hang out sooon!!!!#and i think she meant it!!!#SO EXCITING#i’ve been thinking she’s a cool person like forever#so actually becoming friends with her almost feels surreal#but very exciting indeed#platonic crush#atlas the thinker#personal
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It’s probably not just me who thinks this but your narrator design is hot
-settings person anon
settings person anon, i can tell you for a fact that you are not the only one. like. not at all. which is fantastic in many ways, but especially considering the sheer number of keysmashes in my more popular narry posts lmao. i say it like every other day now, but this man would have an ego the size of the moon at this point, and steadily growing ;; he would revel in it.
... which is partially why i have him do exactly that in some ask doodles ajdjfkskskd
#ney's chatter (ask answers)#i feel a little bad because not every ask can get a drawing with it so i don't want to set that precedent#but also my GOD is it fun to answer some of them with art sometimes#i get the whole askblog thing way more now than i used to#and i was an askblog nerd okay i just didn't have the ability to execute it#kind of a surreal experience#i considered making one actually but i would either hop fandoms or burn out very quickly#it's better to just enjoy the ride here!#shoutout to dedicated askblogs tho you guys are MVPs
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bullshitting oc lore wrt what the afterlives are like the first one you wake up as a furry with no memories in an ancient rome slash wild west type society but also everyone is subject to mind control from a giant tree on occasion. but like its a recognizeable world in which you can live. when you die in that you are reincarnated into a 2 dimensional white void of shape and color and turn into waves and circles that disperse across an endless plane and eventually fade into nothing and also linear time does not exist because everyones souls are turned into art on a canvas observed by some inexplicable third (?) dimensional entity. but tbh I havent put much thought into what the fourth world is like maybe I should make everyone reincarnate into like 2003 canada where you have to live as a minimum wage gas station employee who gets shot in a robbery after a year and thats how they move on to the next life. anything can happen
#this is joking I do want to flesh that aspect of the world out more and take it seriously bc I think its conceptually very interesting#+its pretty important to make it thematically + aesthetically coherent at the very least lol#even if its not relevant to the main plot#I did want to make the world a little bit more surreal bc i feel like that would go with the theme of not focusing on big abstract concepts#instead of peoples actual well being#its like against dissociating from reality or putting yourself inside a false narrative i guess. is part of the point#or at least shows up with a lot of characters especially rocio and angel#i know thats pretty vague I do want to clarify it lol and focus on more specific implementations. of that#my ocs
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#forgot that the first stage of shrooms is feeling sleepy as heck and feeling like ur body is soft warm goop melting#into the bed#anyhow#this is the most calm ive felt in months which i appreciate#that horrible ball of a anxiety which i usually feel as an actual physical pressure in my chest is gone#i just cant stop yawning and feeling like im abt to fall asleep tho lol#maybe i will tbh. maybe ill just pray and fall asleep and have some very vidid and surreal dreams and thatll b that#im surprised im seeing things on only 1 gram tho. guess i havent done this in a long time#not much. not patterns or anything comparable to an actual trip#just little things and colours
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#personal#...#this is the second time I've lost a friend to drowing in a large body of water while they were with a group and got separated...#we just received confirmation his body was recovered at 9:30pm. it's currently 12:40am.#we had formal and informal searches ongoing since yesterday afternoon...#I was out hiking along the river with different seaech groups all day today...#I'm really tired and just need to put my feelings into the digital void i guess since I don't really do actual social media#i managed to mostly keep myself together the whole day and focus my energy on the search#i even held it together when the sheriff updated us and confirmed they were retrieving a found body#but once I got home and saw the updated news segment with his photos and heard the news caster say his name and death... i fucking broke#I've just been crying on and off the last 3 hours because my brain keeps rapidly flipping between feeling surreal and feeling very real#i wish there was more i could do. i wish this wasn't happening again.
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haha everyone get together and think rex's mom being well thoughts
#hahaha they r going to the hospital becasue my mom woke up with severe stomach pain that may be appendicitis#my dad was doing that thing people do where they act very airy and nonchalant which is very surreal for me because I can't actually tell#how worried I should be lmao so I'm sitting here feeling like I'm being stalked by a tiger but that seems like a weird vibe to bring to dis#ussing whether one of my mother's organs may be attempting to kill her in comparison#2. the mood of everyone else#r.diary
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the tempest cgs never get old do they <-filled with love
NO THEY DO NOT THEY ARE SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO <333333333 WAUGH <33333333 SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO GOOD Just. Come on they made Eichi look at Wataru Like That and they just expect me to be fine. Then they write the lyrics of their new solos Like That and just expect me to be fine.
#The tempest CGs were my first wataei contact actually#I was freshly into enstars and I chose fine as my inital because I thought Wataru was pretty and then I pulled the Eichi 5* instantly#I was destined to be a fineP frfr#but I got curious about their other 5* cards and then I did some snooping and do you know what it feels like when you sniff blood#but you do not know which kind#My favourite character at that time was still Niki because I thought he looked like a very nice and fun character#and then I took one look at the Tempest cards and fundamentally changed as a person#I can't deescribe it I don't remember it a lot my memory is really bad but you see where it led me#I always liked Eichi too but back then I thought Niki was just cuter and then BOOM#and we all see how that ended#I genuinely think some deity had their hands in there because it all just lines up too perfectly#I will never not laugh about that Imagine chosing a unit because you think that one guy is very appealing and interesting and then.#down the rabbithole you go!#surreal honestly Thank you Tempest for changing my life <3
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I get it, but I think the “Doctor Who looks like crap that’s why we love it” mentality towards the special effects and imagery kills me. I get it, but I dunno, it’s always so reductive to the whole swathes of truly impactful imagery and magic tricks throughout the whole show, the classic serials and whatever else, as well as reductive to the budget and production contexts, I dunno. What are we comparing to? Hollywood level budget? Cinematic money?
#I became obsessed with older special effects pretty early as a kid with Harryhausens and Godzilla and the like and I dunno#like take Godzilla when you step out of Tokusatsu fanbases you just get swarmed by IT LOOKS SO FUNNY AND BAD AND SILLY THAT'S WHY WE LOVE IT#a) no#b) you cannot deride these special effects without diving into the history of developing an entire rival art form to Hollywood and the like#c) compared to fucking what?#d) Godzilla Effects So Bad Lmao is actually a very Hollywood-centric mentality that dates back to Harryhausen himself reducing Godzilla#to a ripoff#and I dunno don't you LIKE seeing the artifice and the craft?#Don't you like seeing the magic trick?#Hartnell's first two years brim with insanely surreal and haunting imagery#and I'm baffled I don't see anyone else talking about how hard the Troughton era retools 50s B-scifi aesthetics?#season 7 looks and feels INCREDIBLE all cold and violent and scary#I admit a lot of Pertwee looks fuzzy and wobbly but again is the context and the successful illusions doing nothing for you?#Hinchcliffe/Holmes is the colonist fiction it is and I'm sorry but tHE STORM MINER?#The forests of Planet of Evil and Face of Evil???#I've gone on a lot about why I love so much of the look and effects of s18 to more or less Caves#but Six's time slides into something really really strikingly strange that I feel really can't be fixed to Bad or So Bad It's Good I dunno#I dunno!#I think I just really dislike the SO BAD IT'S GOOD mentality
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It is only 9AM and today is already wretched.
Woke up at 5:50AM, exhausted. Stomach hurts. Tried for an hour to fall back asleep but couldn't. And of course, the mystery bone that appeared on the porch of the house is still there.
The bone materialized two days ago. Probably a chicken bone. Neatly arranged on our porch railing. At least I hope it's a chicken bone. That's probably the least unsettling type of bone it could be.
My housemates say they didn't put it there and I believe them. We don't even eat chicken generally. Or... other things that could have produced a bone of those dimensions. So who else? Raccoons? The Planks*? A serial killer? (a chicken serial killer???)
The night before last the bone was moved from one side of the porch to the other. Still neatly placed. Roughly parallel to the wood grain.
The bone is attracting yellowjackets. I do not like yellowjackets. Well this is untrue- I like yellowjackets quite a lot actually. They're fun to learn about. They're important to the ecosystem. But I am wildly spheksophobic and I cannot leave the house while they are There. On the bone. On the porch. Right. By. The Door.
I am trapped and it is a problem. I am missing a math TA meeting. It's an optional TA meeting, but I feel bad because the professor is bringing food. Probably food I can't eat. My stomach hurts. But it's a nice thought and I feel impolite.
Maybe I should make an excuse. How should the email go? "dear professor I'm sorry I couldn't make it to the meeting there's a BUG on a BONE and I do not know how it got there. The bone, I mean. The bug presumably flew sincerely Svet
PS the bug is a yellowjacket** that's why it can fly
PPS Did you know adult yellowjackets primarily consume plant sugars? It's actually the larvae that need the protein in meat. It's a sweet, that the yellowjacket is on the bone specifically in effort to feed its own. I hope it gets enough protein. Still scared of it though
PPPS Yellowjackets are in fact the most eusocial of all wasp species! That's why they're so aggressive, they have something bigger than themselves to protect. unlike me I'm just scared for my own skin. And I'm not aggressive at all in fact I'm rather passive and pathetic. I wish I was more like a yellowjacket "
yeahh maybe I should not write an email it sounds daft when I put it in words. The yellowjacket is minding its own business. I should just be able to leave. But I can't make myself get through the front door. Stupid brain. Stupid bone. Why is the bone where it shouldn't be??
so- guess I'll just watch the bone in hopes the yellowjacket is kind enough to give me an opening to leave before my class starts at 11AM :/. Hope the chicken serial killer menacing the house doesn't get me first. Because I do fit the victim profile, given that I'm being rather chicken right now
*I named all the squirrels in our yard Max Plank because he's my favorite physicist. Collectively they're The Planks, naturally
**actually scientifically yellowjackets are order Hymenoptera while bug scientifically only refers to order Hemiptera so it would be inaccurate to call the yellowjacket a bug even for alliterative reasons, which is another reason I probably shouldn't send the above email. Can't have the math professor I work for knowing I don't have my insect orders straight. what a mortifying thought
#It's really funny in a surreal way. Local spheksophobe defeated by bone.#This was very entertaining to write and cathartic but I cannot emphasize enough how accurate it is to how I'm actually feeling right now#It's so frustrating having a fear that every fiber of my rational being knows is overblown but I'm too paralyzed to actually do anything#vent#Svet rambles#also yellowjackets are legit really cool I do recommend reading up on them
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drifting
#I was trying to draw an antsy something because im very sad today#but then this happened.#and I was like okay#this is actually a lot cooler#and also I feel a lot better#black and white#art#my art#artist#artists on tumblr#comics#comic#grunge#water#flowing#nature#surreal#weirdcore#dreamcore
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