#Those two girls who wouldn’t stop fighting during the autumn race gets married | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

angstymarshmallow · 6 years

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Defrost (Drake x MC) (Part 5 of Frozen)

[A little note: Have I destroyed anyone with all my angst yet? Never fear there’s always more where that came from and while I didn’t get to end this part exactly where I wanted to - I think this is a good build up to where I want it to go. Thank you to all the people that’s been with me so far! It means a lot to me that you’ve been putting up with this - and thanks to one of my dearest anons for the title idea ;)]

[Summary: After a month of feeling out of her element, Robyn (MC) decides on giving another honest try at trying to remember and leaves a compelling surprise for Drake and Liv].

[Word Count: 4256 another long post]

Part 1: Frozen Part 2: Thawed Part 3: Sub Zero Part 4: Frigid

When the cool weekends of autumn came and went, nothing in the Walker household changed. Not the days leading into night and not the mornings leading into the next day after. For Robyn the time she spent in confinement, trying desperately to cling onto something - anything, everything remained stubbornly the same.

She couldn’t go anywhere without seeing a reminder of the life she had before, the life she couldn’t remember. And the guilt pricked her subconscious; like a needle trying to find its way in through the smallest of cracks poking through her armor, until that same armor had begun cracking. Cracking until they crumbled during those first few seconds she sat upright in bed – feeling disorientated and confused as to where she was until her eyes glanced around her surroundings in wild panic, until it all came rushing back.

She was married. Living in a home she didn’t know, with people she couldn’t remember.

And the needle that once pricked her weeks ago and found cracks in her armor, started engulfing her.

It was hard to avoid crumbling where everywhere she looked marked another a constant reminder of something she should feel – but didn’t.

She couldn’t quite smile at the sight of photos she passed, or the little mementos scattered within every room of their house. Wherever she looked, was another memory lost inside her head.

She couldn’t even venture inside their walk-in closest without the lingering scent of her husband and his cologne, wafting her nose without it making her feel like a fraud.

Who was she really? If she wasn’t the person they wanted her to be – could she be anything else? Was she allowed to be?

She had made up her mind right then and there to avoid them. To avoid every piece of the old her, at least for now. At least until something changed.

If she wanted to continue living here without feeling guilty; she had no other choice but to make everything bearable. Not normal. Just bearable.

She held her breath as she searched for something to wear with each passing morning. She shifted her eyes moments before they could glimpse at stray pictures that looked like her and Drake. The little girl that resembled her likeness and the rest of faces whom belonged to people Drake had described as their closet friends were also present no matter where she looked.

She avoided all of it for as long as her sanity allowed her to.

It was as she decided – easier to cope this way, without feeling the urge to run again. Without letting fear drive her away and back to New York.

And even though she caught the flash of hurt and disappointment in Drake’s eyes every time she did, this was the only way she knew how.

Drake.

Drake Walker.

Her mind ran over the name, after spending several days to scourging through every source she could. Cordonian news had often described him as crass and off-putting, aloof and distant. They often wrote that he didn’t seem to care what most people thought of him and despite how much they gossiped, he kept a relatively lackadaisical attitude when it came to the press.

Although he was given the status of duke, from what Robyn could understand he had never acted as one. Not in the way she imagined Dukes would have acted anyway. He didn’t care how they dressed – or act the way she had conjured they would when it came to the nobility.

He was, she decided – a mystery. A mystery that was only waiting to be solved.

She supposed he must have had, to be married to him for ten years.

Yet after weeks of watching; he stopped letting her in. He didn’t talk as much as he used to with her – knowing that it overwhelmed her whenever he grew too intense, whenever he was too caught up in something she would say and ramble from a memory she couldn’t remember.

Eventually, morning pleasantries and goodnight wishes were the only things they spoke of and the news was the only way she could keep track of him.

A part of her was relieved.

She didn’t have to be more than what she could be anymore. She didn’t have to pretend to be a doting wife because he didn’t push. She wouldn’t have to smile so much, or laugh and pretend she was okay because he gave her space. Although, the other part of her hadn’t been so relieved. The other part of her was more than confused, a little angry even – because somewhere deep inside her, she wanted Drake to fight for her.

She didn’t understand herself, but there was no denying that feeling. And maybe that feeling would help her to remember; desperately sometimes, she wondered what it was like to have fallen in love with Drake Walker.

Did he even love her anymore?

Was he capable of loving this version of her?

This version that had survived the car accident and had never been the same?

She couldn’t exactly be the same anymore and she couldn’t pretend either. And as it turned out, promising him and trying had begun to mean different things after a couple weeks of living together.

Trying to talk with them recently had often ended in non-verbal grunts, small phrases and one-word answers. Especially from Drake, and with Liv it was even worse.

Very quickly, Liv’s earlier happiness at having her around had dissolved. Her answers became shorter and shorter, until Robyn was almost afraid of asking her anything, knowing the little girl hadn’t wanted to even bother to give her any attention.

Every slip-up, caused Liv to sink further and further away. Robyn couldn’t place her finger on how she knew, but she was always good at picking up on non-verbal cues. Liv didn’t want to meet her hesitant smiles, and sometimes she pretended to ignore her. The longer Robyn was around her, the more increasingly difficult it was to be her mother, when her daughter refused to open up to her.

Most of the time, Liv still responded. But there was no enthusiasm behind it. No sense of love either when Robyn asked how her week at school went, and trying to talk about her friends with her was nearly impossible.

Eventually one-worded answered became their customary method to talk, until Drake arrived home from work.

Then her whole demeanour changed.

Her pigtails would go flying as she raced towards the door. And as Robyn peeked at their whole exchange; catching the moment when Liv threw herself into her father’s open arms – all she could feel was a burning sense of regret and despair. She could never have what they had. And she couldn’t force Liv to love her either.

Drake would chuckle a little and scoop her high into his arms. And Robyn’s throat would tighten as she watched them; stomach sinking little by little as they grinned at one another. They looked so happy. Liv would giggle when he whispered something into her ear and she’d plant a sloppy kiss on his cheek. Drake wouldn’t hesitate to hug her tighter, dropping a kiss by her forehead before setting the little girl on her own two feet again.

All of it was becoming more difficult to watch. All of it left Robyn feeling envious that Liv hadn’t given her the same attention, the same love. She knew why; Liv wasn’t stupid. She must have recognized that Robyn hadn’t been the same since coming back here – but it didn’t make it any easier. It didn’t make the non-rational part of everything easier.

It had barely been a month since Robyn had been back and although she was starting to have flashes; things that triggered her memories like tiny pieces to a much larger puzzle - she was terrified she would never have the complete picture.

It was during a particularly sunny Sunday morning that Robyn had bolted out of bed. Her dreams had driven her sleep away; dreams that had felt vaguely familiar as memories with people she had seen and met in the hospital.

It was as she decided, her first sign that she could do this.

She could really remember.

Running her fingers through her hair, she blinked warily at the time.

It was nearly seven am.

Drake would be up soon and she knew that Liv liked to sleep in on the weekend. She watched the time for a moment longer, before flinging her sheets off the bed. She knew her decision even before she hastily yanked on sweats and a t-shirt what her next course of action was.

Robyn never did much around the house; but as her therapist words washed over her – she remembered the promise she had made to Drake the first night she stepped foot inside this house.

She couldn’t stop trying. Not anymore. Not if she wanted things to be more than bearable again. Not if she wanted to be normal.

She swore as she stepped into the hall that she would do better. She would be better. She was going to be a better mother, a better wife. These were going to be her mantra, her reason and determination to acquire every memory she could back.

She kept her steps light as trudged towards the kitchen and this time she made no effort to avoid pictures in their home. She allowed her gaze to drift at each and every one of them, lingering longer than she ever had before – trying and failing to remember something.

It won’t come all at once. She told herself this at least once a day to keep herself from sinking under any duress. All good things come to those who wait. Although as cliché as she had always thought of the phrase, she wanted to believe it could be true.

When her feet descended the last step, she was relieved to find everything completely where she last saw it. All pitch-black, she gingerly approached the kitchen.

If she was going to make breakfast as a sign of a fresh start – everything had to be perfect.

Placing a hand on the wall, she allowed it to be her guide towards the kitchen; feeling the solid grip of cement before being able to turn the knob on their glass-doors. She closed it quietly behind her, and continued patting the wall blindly until there was a soft and resonating click.

When Robyn turned her attention back again, she almost jumped out of her skin at the sight of Drake sitting by their kitchen table.

“Jesus!” She clutched her chest. Her heart was suddenly racing and swore she had just lost several years of her life. Glaring, she opened her mouth to speak until she realized his eyes were closed.

He was fast asleep.

His dark hair was a matted mess, splayed over his forearms and across the edge of his laptop. The rest of him was pressed against their glass table; an elbow allowed him to prop his head up but other than that, there was no awareness that he had her startled cry of alarm.

She watched him for a moment. Slowly and deliberately, her eyes travelled the length of his biceps, wide jaw and captivating smile that she had rarely seen since being here. Her own lips began curving upwards at the sight.

It wasn’t often she had a glimpse of Drake without him noticing her first. Even more miraculous was this side of him - this softer version that had only occurred in moments of weakness; when his guard was nearly all the way down. A strange sense of familiarity filled her as she watched him. She had a feeling this wasn’t the first time he had done this, and this wasn’t the first time she had the chance to just watch him.

He looked younger when he was like this. When he wasn’t worrying about her, and with nearly no frown line or wrinkle insight; Robyn was completely captivated with observing every inhale as he slept.

She knew she should probably look away. Spying on someone while they slept wasn’t something normal people did. But they were married – and Robyn thought normal was overrated. Instead she itched to step closer, and a longing welled up inside her to touch him. To brush her fingers over his hair and determine if it was nearly as soft as it looked. To run her fingers over the smooth planes of muscle peeking from under his rolled-up sweater.

Biting her lower lip, a shiver of anticipation caught her off-guard and without thinking she stepped closer.

It wasn’t until she noticed his abrupt movement and his eyes fluttering open, that she whirled around. Cheeks flushing, she cleared her throat and pretended to appear busy; opening random cupboards until she heard his yawn.

Robyn heard a second one before Drake grumbled. “Oh, hey – good morning.” She said nonchalantly, risking a glance at him from over her shoulder. “Did you sleep well over there?”

Rubbing one eye, he squinted at her. “You know the answer to that.”

Her lips quirked into a smile, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to offend you –”

“You didn’t. I like it when you’re sassy.”

She blushed and her hands almost dropped the first box of pancake mix she found. “Did you have a late night?” She inquired, deftly switching the subject.

“Uh, yeah.” He yawned. “It’s been pretty busy since the social season started. I’ve barely had time to really think with all the foreign dignitaries visiting right now.” He rolled his shoulders back.

“It does sound pretty stressful.” She paused, “it also sounds like you’re in desperate need of a vacation.”

He scoffed for a moment and then laughed. “Believe me, I would if I could.” He seemed lost in thought for a moment, “I can just imagine going off into my little cabin up north. Taking you and Liv on fishing trips the way my dad used to…” he trailed off; then seemed to snap out of it with a firm shake of his head. “But I know how swamped Liam is and he needs me right now.”

She whistled, “you stick by people you care about.” She said a matter-of-factly, “I can admire that.”

“It’s rare to find someone worth caring about but yeah. Liam and I go way back, and I can’t let him down.” He chewed his bottom lip thoughtfully, “but maybe when things get settled down…” he trailed off for a second. “Anyway, I’m sure you didn’t ask because you wanted to know about my work –”

“I do actually,” Robyn interjected, meeting his gaze with a hesitant smile. “I asked because I’m interested in what Drake Walker does for a living.” She inclined her head at him. “Besides, it’s not like there’s much to do while I’m stuck in here.”

He winced slightly by the tone of her voice.

She supposed the word stuck probably hadn’t been the right way to describe their circumstances. He didn’t kidnap her, she wasn’t suffering from Stockholm syndrome. “Sorry, that was harsh.”

“No you’re right,” he waved a dismissive hand at her attempt to apologize. “I’ve kept you here for almost a month now, and you can make your own decisions.”

“It was my decision to stay.” She looked at him then; her eyes never wavering from the sudden intensity of his gaze. “I wanted to try and make this work, still want to try and make this work.” She smiled a little, “and if I hadn’t wanted to – I’d be gone.”

If she thought he wouldn’t have been grateful, she was surprised. Drake returned her smile with one of his own. “Thank you, I know it hasn’t always been easy but it means a lot me that you’re still here. It means a lot to both of us.” He looked as though he wanted to say more but then thought better of it.

“Well who wouldn’t want to live in a house like this?” She gestured around them, “ seriously it’s like ten times the size of my flat in New York.”

A corner of his lips twitched. “I remember.”

“You do –” she laughed, “oh of course you do. And besides, I think it’s helping.” She released a small sigh, “I’m remembering little things – but I think being here helps too.”

“It does?” He stared up at her; eyes bright with hope.

She swallowed thickly, and suddenly found it difficult to respond.

She could hear how much he wanted to believe she was recovering. And she was – but she didn’t think it was at the pace he would have liked, “It’s just little things really. Here and there.” She mumbled, not quite meeting his stare.

He was doing it again even without him realizing it. He was giving her a look of longing that was so intense, she had no choice but to look away.

“It’s better than nothing,”

She smiled a little, relieved that he wouldn’t press her.

“And anyway,” Drake cleared his throat and changed the subject. “I’m surprised to see you up so early, and cooking of all things. Everything okay?”

“Hey.” Robyn bristled a little by his comment as she grabbed the box of pancake mix. “That’s not a very nice thing to say to the woman that’s about to make you breakfast.” She pointed her spatula at him.

“You’re right what was I thinking?” He held up his hands in mock-surrender but grinned apologetically. “It’s just you’re usually not good at cooking and –” He stopped short, and she heard his sigh of frustration. “I’m doing it again, aren’t I? Sorry.”

Instead of feeling upset, she shrugged. She knew it was coming from a good place. She knew that being man about wasn’t going to change the circumstances of their situation either. Instead, she turned back to the task at hand. “That was the old Robyn,” bending low, she found a pan inside one of the cupboards by the sink. “This is new Robyn.” She gave him a small smile before she begun gathering the rest of ingredients.

She had been so lost inside her thoughts that she hadn’t heard him move from his seat. And yet within seconds, he was beside her; his shoulder brushing hers as he settled a sterling silver bowl in front of her.

“Well, do you mind if I helped new Robyn cook?”

When their eyes met, her stomach fluttered at the gentle warmth she saw reflected inside his eyes. It didn’t feel new, it felt familiar. She was finally starting to feel something. “I’d love that.”

When Liv’s footsteps touched the last flight of stairs an hour later, Drake and Robyn were sitting across the table from one another; talking about the week they had.

Drake had been so engrossed in discussing life at court and Robyn had felt so enthralled that neither of the noticed Liv until she was almost right in front of them. Both of their gazes fall towards her small and petite frame as she made a giant leap at the pile of pancakes on the counter.

Robyn was up in a flash before Drake could speak. “Oh! Careful sweetie, don’t do that.” She grabbed the rest of the pancakes from her and carried the plate towards the top of their table.

She only noticed as she fixed Liv a plate of food that they both were staring at her. “What?” She mumbled. Suddenly feeling self-conscious she wiped her mouth. “Do I have something on my face? Or in my teeth?” She made a face at them.

Liv laughed and feeling encouraged, Robyn made another face – except sillier this time. She forced her eyes to remain wide and stuck her tongue out while making a series of strangled noise under her breath. The little girl giggled harder than before. “Mommy’s funny.” She laughed again before she picked at her plate.

“Yes, she is.” Drake agreed. He poured a small glass of orange juice from the carton, before setting it in front of their daughter.

“Now that I’ve gotten the golden stamp of approval,” she snuck the syrup away from Drake before he could pour it over his pancakes, “seriously – what did I miss?”

“Nothing,” his face twisted into a smile. “It’s just…” he paused. “That’s the first time you called Liv sweetie since you’ve been back.” He took a gulp from his own glass, “the way you used to before you the –” he snuck a glance at Liv, “y’know.”

“Oh.” Her fork paused in mid-air. Slowly, she managed a smile. “That’s good right?” Shyly, she slid her gaze to their daughter. “Right?” “Yes mommy,” she beamed. “I like it when you call me that.”

“You used to say all the time that Liv was the sweetest thing you’ve ever seen.” Drake begun conversationally, “right after she learned how to walk the summer before you started working again. We were grabbing ice cream and it spilled all over her.” He sighed wistfully, “and when she started crying –”

“ – said she didn’t need anything else, because she was so sweet already.” Robyn interjected, smiling.

“You remember?” His eyes widened in surprise and she hesitated.

“I, yeah – I think I do remember.” Without thinking, she reached over to ruffle the top of Liv’s head.

For a split second, Liv didn’t react until very slowly she leaned into her touch.

“Sweetie.” Drake’s expression softened, Then he made a wide gesture with his fork, “I thought it was pretty cliché at first –”

“But now you actually like it.” Robyn finished for him, retrieving her hand to take a gulp of her drink.

“No,” Drake scoffed. “I tolerate it.”

“Oh please,” She knew how to read people and the way he was suddenly refusing to meet her gaze made her think otherwise. “You don’t only like when I say that, you love it. Especially right now,” she forced herself to keep a straight face “ – don’t you dare hide that smile.”

“Do not.” His mouth betrayed him. “I don’t – dammit.”

“Language.” Robyn and Liv indignantly mumbled, simultaneously. They glanced at each other and collapsed into a fistful of giggles as Drake shrugged helplessly.

“You totally do though daddy,” Liv spoke up, earning her a playful scowl from him. “I think I’m your sweetie too.”

“Hey, whose side are you on squirt?”

“Mommy’s right now, because she made pancakes.” She replied, sticking her tongue out at him. She waved a piece of her food until Drake gave her a look of disapproval.

“Besides, sweetie is totally better than squirt.” Robyn pointed her fork at him. “I mean what is she? A girl or the little kid you yell to get off your lawn?”

Drake laughed and Liv looked confused as her gaze slid between her parents. “That was funny,” he shook his head at her as another laugh escaped.

“Was that an honest to god laugh Mr. Walker?” She teased. She couldn’t help but join in; deciding she enjoyed the sound – but it was nothing compared to the sudden smile that stretched across his cheeks. It brightened his entire face and her breath caught.

A sense of déjà vu filled her.

“Yes, Mrs. Walker – it definitely was.”

Shaking her head, Robyn smiled to herself before catching Drake’s grin seconds before looking away. This is nice, she thought to herself glancing from her husband to her daughter. They were both chatting animatedly about something that Robyn had long tune out of when the sudden bell of their front door rang through out the entire home.

Brow furrowing, Robyn looked from him to her, and then back to him again. “Are we expecting someone?”

“No?” Drake responded almost immediately. However, it was the way he answered that gave Robyn the impression it was more of a question than an answer. Before she could ask anything else, his expression changed into a slight pout as he sighed wistfully at his plate. Heaving another sigh, he tossed his napkin on the table and rose to stand. “Excuse me, let me just get that – ”,

“No, no let me!” Robyn interrupted, bringing her hands up to stop him from leaving the table.

“Let you?” Drake echoed dumbfoundedly, blinking up at her in surprise.

“Yeah, let me.” Her tone was smooth, “seriously enjoy breakfast. I didn’t forget how to answer a door.” Spreading her hands wide, she got to her feet. “Besides, it’s not often I get to cook around here; so enjoy the fluffy pancakes.”

Although he didn’t protest, Robyn could see the frown lines practically creasing his forehead. “No really, it’s probably one of your – our,” she corrected herself thinly, “friends, right?” She gave him a small smile, “and if it’s not I’ll call you, okay?”

“Okay!” Liv answered for him. She leaned over to poke him in the ribs when he didn’t answer. He was still deliberating.

Sighing, Drake nodded slowly. “Alright, fine. You’re a grown woman, you need me to constantly worry –”

“And thank you for that.” Smiling, Robyn quickly scampered off towards the front door. She was humming under her breath as she straightened her shoulders.

This was the first time she was seeing anyone out of the house and she was beginning to forget what being social felt like. Straightening her shoulders, she waited a beat before turning the knob.

Her eyes widened a little and her smile faltered at the sight in front of her.

It was the other people she had met briefly from the hospital.

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