#There's a lake/small park that's a 2 minute drive from my place but I don't wanna fucking make the drive when I can just... walk it.
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Really want to start going for walks when the weather gets nicer because I genuinely think it will help improve my mood/my anxiety specifically, but for the longest time, I couldn't go on walks because, and I'm not kidding, I was so scared people driving by in their cars were judging me LMAO
#personal#Part of me still has that fear by the way. Esp. if the road doesn't have a sidewalk and you have to walk on the side of the road.#<- Which sadly is my EXACT fucking road...#There's a lake/small park that's a 2 minute drive from my place but I don't wanna fucking make the drive when I can just... walk it.#<- But sadly NONE of it is sidewalk and people drive like maniacs on my road.#And I'm too fucking insecure/anxiety ridden to actually sign up for a gym so... We ball. 🤪✌🏻
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@alexlestar
was gonna respond on the post but i got wordy lmao, so below is the weird HOA/POA i grew up in
sooooo the town i grew up in was more of a resort community than a city (i think it was considered a village?? idk the post office still hates the name when i try to mail stuff) and when i was a kid the HOA (although i believe we called it a POA property owners assoc, cause at the time it was mostly vacant lots we didn't have neighbors for like the first 14 years lmao)
it was mostly vacation homes/retirees, the first 5 years we were there there were no kids besides my younger sister and i and a few people down the way, but now with the austin sprawl this place has grown, my father has one of the few vacant lots left, but it is next door to his house and keeps the view of the lake so he won't ever sell.
this is a lake community, it had a guard, and for a while you couldn't get in without having the sticker or being approved, it is no longer like that, but the POA paid for a ton of amenities, which at the beginning thats all it was there for, we were close enough to austin that things were still kinda artsy and stuff so no one worried too much about lawn lengths or cars in the yard.
But despite having the worst house in the whole community (and now it's even worse as my father has let it fall apart) i grew up getting to do really cool stuff because of the POA
we had a massive pool, it went to 11 feet, kids from the town over would try to jump the fence cause it was so awesome, a nice park, several boat ramps, a golf course that residents could golf for free, but had to rent the cart or pay a fee if you used your own, so we roughed it lmao, 3 tennis courts, a library (tiny and unmanned i used to do homework there so i didn't have to be at home lmao), a gym that was actually extremely high tech, a rentable conference room, and we got a discount at the floating restaurant and a discount on a boat slip (we had a sailboat which is why i know), but it was a 20 minute drive to get to the next town over, and it was small, 45 minutes to get to the closest HEB, the school was the 3 towns combined and even with that many my graduating class was like 64?
Back then it was the ideal POA/HOA like totally worth it, and if all hoas were like that i'd encourage the hell out of them. i think they got more picky but i havent lived there since 2012 and i don't really talk to my father
Here's the thing, that is not the norm...
Once i was an adult i've lived in multiple hoas, some silly rules (and these are the type where you have no amenities they exist to police you and thats it)
no cars in the driveway it was a $300 dollar fine!!
no holiday decorations with color, so no colored christmas lights, only the white ones
there was one that had a rule about windows being open
my ex husband's current neighborhood is trying to pass a no pick up truck rule, he is fighting that one
no more than 2 pets, so if you had 2 dogs and a cat you'd get fined if they found out
brown grass was fined (this was california too which is in constant drought and you are only supposed to water certain days)
no parties
you had to have the outside of your house powerwashed yearly and submit the receipt
one tried to ban children, we moved around that time so i don't know what happened, i'm assuming it did not pass
my absolute favorite was the one who had a no delivery rule, so you couldn't have amazon packages or take out delivered, i'm sure that went away in 2020 but we'd already moved
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95 and 63 lmao i wonder what you’ll come up with
if i can choose the ship either andriel or nicky x erik (no one knows there ship name)
hey and please don’t feel pressured to complete this any time soon. take all the time you need because no ones rushing you :) we can wait
You're all just...so sweet. Like if I don't finish something within 2 days that it's been requested I feel like I've failed or something but seriously, thanks for the reminder to take my time.
I hope you like this, I just decided to go the easy route and write some andreil but I'd LOVE to explore some more Nicky and Erik stuff one day. I decided to expand on a headcanon I made forever ago, so this ended up being super fun! So this is super short and...nothing but crack. Thanks so much for the request, I hope you like it :)
63 - Picnics are for losers
95 - What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas
It had started when Neil was on a morning run. Well, it wasn't quite the morning anymore, because he'd accidentally woken up Andrew and had been dragged back to bed, not even trying to squirm free because the mattress was too comfortable and Andrew had hugged him so they were back-to-chest, one of Neil's favorite ways to cuddle. So how could he leave that to go for a run?
It ended up being about nine when he finally left, making sure he had his phone and wallet on him as he set off on a run out of campus. There were considerably more people on the route he usually took, which was fine, he could deal with it. But within five minutes, Neil already knew he was going to go for a shorter run than usual so that he wouldn't have to deal with getting stuck behind slow moving people. It was maddening to get stuck behind people unable to match his own pace, which was why he went for a run so early in the morning in the first place.
He ended up turning around when he made it to a park a few blocks from campus. There were some trails around a small lake he enjoyed taking, but that was impossible today, so he paused to catch his breath by a bench. That was where Neil spotted a few people gathered under a particular tree, sitting on a blanket with a huge basket, giggling to each other. There were some small plates with pastries - muffins, he thought? It was hard to see from where he was standing - and teacups, and they'd even brought a vase of flowers.
That's when he remembered that picnics exist.
He wasn't sure why the thought intrigued him, but within a few seconds he ended up thinking about going on a picnic with Andrew, and it was perfect. They'd go somewhere more remote, not wanting people around, but Neil could pick up some baked goods and they could bring other foods as well. Not the flowers, but tea sounded great, and hot chocolate in their large thermos for Andrew. And they could grab a blanket and talk and...well, have a more proper date than the ones they'd been having.
Not that those weren't fun. Going to a gas station for food and making midnight runs to grocery stores was a lot of fun, but Neil already knew that wasn't everyone's idea of a date. He didn't get the appeal of going to a restaurant together other than to get something to-go, Andrew was afraid of heights so an amusement park was out, and they could watch movies at the dorm.
But this one felt different, because it would just be them. And they could go for a drive to find the right spot, sit under the sun, talk about whatever they wanted without anyone overhearing...it was the perfect plan.
It wasn't until two days later that Neil brought up his idea. They were in the Maserati, driving past the very place that Neil had spotted those people while on their way back to campus after messing around in a grocery store. The same closing cashier was on duty, asking them to not spill food this time, so they stuck to the toilet paper isle instead. "We should go on a picnic," Neil blurted out, looking towards Andrew in the driver's seat.
"Why?" Andrew asked. He didn't sound like he was shooting the idea down, and he hadn't said 'no', so he had to be curious or something.
"It would be fun," Neil said. "We could steal Aaron's blanket, drive out to some field and eat food on it."
He was sure Andrew was thinking the same things Neil had at first, because his eyebrows slowly rose just a bit as he thought. And while the idea of going somewhere secluded with food was probably tempting enough, intentionally irritating Aaron would always make it better. So Andrew agreed to the picnic, and they set aside some of their free time to do so.
There was just one thing they ended up forgetting.
"Who needs food, anyway?" Neil asked, laying back on Aaron's blanket. "Picnics are for losers."
Andrew was, thankfully, quiet about the fact that Neil had been the one to suggest a picnic in the first place. Without any food, there wasn't much to do on a blanket in an empty field, so the picnic plan was definitely ruined. But there was a woods not far away, so maybe Neil could find them some non-poisonous berries or something.
"Don't even think about it," Andrew warned, laying on his side on the blanket. He and Neil had been cloud gazing for lack of anything else to do, talking about a few things once in a while.
"Sorry we forgot the food," Neil said.
"Picnics are for losers."
Neil smiled, resting his hands on his stomach. "It's nice to get away for a while, at least."
Andrew hummed in agreement. Neil could feel eyes on him, but he managed to refrain from staring at the moment. They spent some more time doing nothing, but eventually Neil felt jittery enough to sit up, glancing at the blanket they were laying on. "We got the blanket dirty," he mused.
"What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas," Andrew said, kicking one edge his foot was near.
"Or field, in this case," Neil said, smirking at the grass and dirt that had gotten on the blanket. "Hey, I have an idea."
"Hmm?"
"I bet if we made out on Aaron's blanket it would give him an aneurysm."
It turns out picnic dates aren't disasters after all.
#aftg#aftg fanfic#tfc#tfc fanfic#all for the game#all for the game fanfic#the foxhole court#andreil#andreil fanfic#andriel#jinger's works#SORRY THIS IS ALL CRACK#my mind was fried from the light angst lol
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'Burning wounds' : New chapter for "Redemption in a Spirit in a Cold War" is out !
"Burning wounds"
Chapter Summary : Yirina come back to the safehouse with Park who has her arm burned....
To read it on AO3, click here !
Words : +3400
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We quickly left the apartment used by the Perseus Collective before the police or even some reinforcements from Perseus himself arrive to arrest us or kill us in here and that wasn't an option at all for us. Park was badly hurt at her left arm because of the guy that surprised her by throwing to her an very hot pan with water in it but hopefully, Garrett reacted quickly and knocked this guy out for good before we managed to leave the place behind us with me having the files I found on that table in my jacket, holding Park while Garrett took the guy with him too to interrogate him.
Right now, we needed to get back to the safehouse quickly because of Park's left arm burning. It wasn't so damaging but her arm was hurting her too much, all red where the water landed on it. I was almost panicking as I found nothing in the car that could have appeased the pain she had, staying next to her in the backseats as Garrett was driving the car, he put the guy he knocked out in the car trunk, knowing that he would not wake up for a little while. In me, I was angered to have seen about Greenlight again, thinking that it was done but as I can see, the project is far from leaving me.
We arrived at our safehouse ten minutes after we left 'Die Höhle', Garrett parking the car in hidden sight from the street as he wanted to get the guy out of the car's trunk discreetly. I got out of the car, taking Park with me as she was still not able to walk straight from her burning, making sure that I'm not hitting her during the process.
"It's okay, Park." I exclaimed, holding her with her unharmed arm behind my neck as we enter the front door, Garrett following us from up close, holding the guy on his shoulder.
"What happened ?" It was Greta herself who was sit in one of the living room couch, seeing us arriving in the house and instantly jumping from her seat to get next to us.
"Perseus agent throw an pan on her arm, she's badly burned." I replied directly to Greta as I moved to get to the kitchen. "Help Garrett with the guy." I added.
"Yeah, that dipshit....help me get that guy in the basement !" Garrett ordered to Greta, causing her to move quickly to help Garrett as I was walking slowly to the kitchen with Park.
"Thank you....thank you." I could hear Park whispering to me as I arrived in the room.
"Don't panick." I breathed, taking a chair near me to put right next to the sink of the kitchen counter where I put Park on it. "Gonna put some cold water on your arm." I told her and she slowly nodded as I removed her jacket.
"Not too cold, okay ?" She asked me and I nodded.
"I don't want to hurt you." I affirmed before I prepare myself, holding her arm by below with my hands above the sink. "Good, be ready and....if you have to groan because of the water, do it." I took a look at her quickly who nodded again before I activated the sink, releasing the cold water on her arm, making her groan silently, biting her lips.
"Shit..." She groaned, looking away for a second.
"You're doing great." I admitted, making her move her arm from time to time, allowing the water to get everywhere on the burns she got on her forearm as she was looking with either an small grin or an face that was looking like she was getting hurt. All of that, I've been doing for almost 15 minutes before she wasn't groaning anymore from the burns. "How do you feel ?" I asked, shutting down the sink.
"I'm well....but the arm is still hurting." She responded, looking at her red arm that I was still holding, trembling as I was thinking to not harm her. "You didn't hurt me, Yiri." She said, seeing me shaking from that.
"I know, it's just....just that I don't want to harm you doing that." I explained in a low voice, also looking at her arm before slowly turning my head back to her. "I just want you to feel good and better."
"You're here with me, I'm all good and better." She told me with an smile before moving from her seat to give me a kiss on the forehead. "See ?"
"Yes, I see." I replied before reciprocate the move, this time on her left cheek. "You might want to move from here." I suggested and she nodded to me, we wouldn't wanted to stay in the kitchen indefinitely.
"Uhm, maybe in one of the couch, to rest myself & my arm." She proposed as I moved to help her to get up, wondering if she could walk normally but I prefer to stay next to her, to support her.
"Got it, ma'am.' I scoffed, making her laugh as we walked together into the living room and once in it, I helped her to lay down on the couch I was always using. "You're comfy here ?"
"Yes." She replied, getting laid on her back, not putting her left arm on the couch as touching something with it was hurting her. "Can you show me the files you got ?" She asked me, causing me to take the files I had back inside of my jacket, getting them on the table near her couch.
"First, the file about Greenlight and that records file about that Sebastian Vargas." I showed the files to her with my hands, giving the one on Greenlight to her. "I thought that Greenlight was finished !"
"Me too." She declared, holding the file in her right hand, looking at it. "After Solovetsky, I threatened Hudson to stop the project if he didn't want me to talk about this to the MI6." She added, giving me back the file. "He said that he will do it but I never had any proof of it."
"That guy will never change...." I expressed to myself before taking a look at the file about Greenlight. "Part of it look encrypted but I can do it.....now, we got Stone walking around with 2 stolen US nuclear warheads."
"If Hudson wasn't so stupid, we wouldn't be facing Greenlight again." Park proclaimed, angry about Hudson....we were both angry on it. "I'll make a call to Woods about...."
"Wait, I'll do it !" I objected, cutting her. "It's better that you take some rest instead of working."
"You sure about it ?" She asked me, worried about having me to call Woods, maybe fearing that I would get angry and smash the phone but I'm not like that....for an part.
"Of course, you're not going to hurt yourself by doing that." I affirmed of my choice to her as I move to grab her satellite phone "Don't worry, I will stay calm....well, I will try." I added, having the phone in hand.
"Stay calm, it's all I'm asking to you." She breathed before I moved to get to her.
"I will be outside to make the call, tell the others for me in case." I gave her a little kiss again on the forehead before I start to walk outside by behind.
I stepped outside, discovering the same view on the Haven lake that was just at the back of the safehouse and to say, it was looking very pretty to each day, woke up with an big view on the lake. I looked around, finding a little bench on the back porch and I decided to sit on it, not wanting to stay up during all the call I will make. I started to compose Woods number on the phone as Park told me about it days when we were working to get that guy in Paris. I was nervous in fact to be the one making the call.
When the number was finally composed, I put the phone next to my right ear, awaiting now that someone took the phone to answer me. I waited about 10 seconds until I start to hear someone picking up the phone.
"Woods here." It was him and thanksfully, it was better that he was him and not someone else.
"Hi, Woods." I started in a low voice.
"Oh, Yirina, it's been a long time I didn't hear your voice." He exclaimed and frankly, he was right as Park was always the one to make the calls to him, updating of our situation. "How's you been since ?"
"Well, I can say." I told him. "We still tracking down Stone and what about you with Adler ?"
"In here, in Kazakhstan, it's advancing slowly, we have a few leads from time to time but not big things." He replied, sounding a bit bad to have nothing. "I know that Song called someone from your team to share some intels we got." He added, mentioning her call to Garrett.
"Yeah, he told us that he knew her very well....in a personal way, I can say." I scoffed about it, looking in the horizon. "To tell you, we just came back from the place she told us about."
"What did you find ?" He asked, sounding curious.
"At first, I'm the one making the call because Park got her arm badly burned by an Perseus agent who surprised her, she's fine if you want to know." I responded, sounding sad to talk about it.
"Shit, I hope that she will recover fast for you." He said, his voice worried about that.
"Anyway, we got a name : Sebastian Vargas." I started, closing my eyes for an second as it was hurting me a little like that. "Does that name ring you any b.....anything ?" I stopped, almost saying 'bell' even if it's just a simple word.
"Nothing on him from me." He groaned.
"And the second thing is....." I cut myself down, looking around me in case. "Well, Hudson is with you ?"
"No, he's been busy to talk with some contacts in town while us, we're lazy in the safehouse awaiting for him." He scoffed.
"Well to say.....Stone has stolen 2 warheards....from the Greenlight arsenal." I breathed as I heard from the phone Woods like redressing himself maybe from his seat. "Greenlight bombs are still scattered around Western Europe...Park told me that Hudson stopped the project."
"You got to be kidding me !" He raised his voice, not against me but against Hudson himself. "He told us that he will stop the project."
"I'm been working my ass for days to get it stopped and three years later, I learned that Greenlight is still out there." I raised my voice too, angry about it. "Now, an ex-SAS soldier is walking freely with behind him, 2 nukes."
"Damnit, you might need help from us." He suggested.
"No, you should stay focused on recovering Adler's stupid ass." I refused his help even if it was grateful. "I don't want to have Hudson at our asses too and frankly, if the CIA know that the MI6 know, it will complicate our own work."
"Hmm...fuck....you're right." He admitted. "If we found something that could help you again, I will transmit the intel."
"We'll do the the same." I added before I stood up from the bench. "By the way, how's Mason ?"
"Uhm, he's doing great right now, still a little bit troubled about....well, you know..." He spoke, referring to my & Mason identical state right now : both brainwashed...both trying to recover. "You know, he's been wondering how you're feeling with your memories."
"Well, sometimes, I'm okay and other times, it make me feel sad to think about seeing myself as an Perseus agent." I told him, taking a deep breath. "I'm still trying to do my best here to stay alive and not freaking out everyday."
"I know, it was also hard for him at that time, I can't tell you more about it but if you have the occasion, you can ask him." He proposed but I wasn't so sure about it.
"I don't know, I'll think about it." I said, sounding not sure.
"Well, I'm sure now you need to go back to work, I guess ?"
"Yeah, might need to decrypt the Greenlight file we got and then, we will see for the next move we will do." I affirmed to him. "It was nice to talk with you, Woods...oh, I forgot...can you punch Hudson for me ?" I half-scoffed about it, wanting also to do it myself.
"Yes, will do that for you and for a lot of us...." He started before I could hear move. "Yirina...uhm, I'm sure that it's certainly not my business but....take care of Park, she needs you." I was trembling about it but it was nice to hear Woods asking me to do that....it's one of my main goals now.
"Don't worry, I'm protecting her at 100%." I said proudly. "Bye, Woods."
"Goodbye, Yirina." The line went off after he finished, leaving me alone on that porch, looking at the horizon before I decided to return inside the house.
First thing I saw in the living room was Park, almost sleeping in the couch, her eyes narrowed to the max and to be honest, I didn't want to disturb her during my work so I took the Greenlight file with me, retreating myself into the archive room of the house to decrypt the encrypted part of the file. In this room, there were a lot of things that could help me to make my job on the decrypting more easier, making this room the third one I was liking the most, behind respectively the bedroom I had with Park and the living room.
Decrypting that file was pretty easy as it was using the code the CIA are always using in their transmissions since a long time...the same code I was decrypting in my old office in the Lubyanka with Zasha. To say that this code was like a piece of cake for someone like me who can crack any code given to me. In this file, there were an map of where the bombs was with two cross on two europeans cities : Rome & Brussels and what I have decrypted, Stone stoled the two nuclear warheads from these cities. If the cities were safe, having Stone with those things was much worst.
London....was reported to be the most powerful bomb of all the Greenlight arsenal and since Perseus wasn't able to have this file decrypted, they can't know it. This intel, we need to give them to the MI6 and even if we are maybe going to put a cold on the MI6-CIA relations, it's the only choice we had now because if Stone got this intel, he will maybe profit of it and blow up London to kingdom come. It will not happen with us, we're the only one that can stop Stone, not even the CIA can do it.
Once I was done with that one hour after I begin, I decided to return in the living room to see Garrett having come back from the basement, sit on the opposite couch from Park that was now fully awake again.
"Hey, you found something ?" He asked me as I stepped inside the living room.
"Well, Stone stoled the bombs from Rome & Brussels but....I learned that London's bomb is said to be the most powerful of Greenlight." I replied as I walked next to Park's couch, leaning on the armrest as Park was sit in the middle of the couch. "Is the MI6 aware of that bomb ?"
"No but now, they will have to know about it." Park responded in a low voice, making me & her on the same line of thinking. "We have to get this bomb out of service."
"We can ask the MI5 to deal with it, we have a new lead." Garrett said, making me look at me, curious.
"You got something from the guy in the basement ?" I questioned him, he nodded.
"Guy was wanted by the BND, he told us where we could find Vargas." He started, looking at the basement door direction "Greta is still with him as she think that he didn't tell anything."
"And where is Vargas ?" I crossed my arms above my chest, my eyes on looking either Park & Garrett and I could see some distress on Park's face. "Where ?" I repeated.
"Vargas....is in La Havana, Cuba !" She replied, making my blood froze and my chest to hurt me....Cuba....I hated the country because of what happened there....Lazar....."I'm sorry but....I can't go to Cuba."
"I....I....you can't ?" I was taken aback, removing myself from the couch, me going to Cuba....it's was like reliving a nightmare....and without Park next to me, I'm surely going to freak out at the instant I stepped out of the plane.
"It will be only me & you." Garrett told me in a low voice. "Greta need to stay here to interrogate the guy and Park...need to have some rest for her arm."
"Cuba...I don't know....is Vargas really there ?" I looked at Park who sadly nodded at me. "Fuck...I'm not sure of it but..." I started before I look down in defeat....I had to go in Cuba. "Fine, I will."
"Listen, if you don't want....."
"No, I will." I cut Park gently, biting my lips. "I'll go with Garrett, you need to rest here."
"I'll make a call for us to have a plane ready for us. It will be, I think, ready in a few minutes." Garrett exclaimed before he got up from his seat, grabbing his own satellite phone before leaving the room.
"I need....I need to go back to our room, just for some moments." I breathed to Park as I started to walk outside the living room, looking sad before I got up the stairs, joining my room and getting on the bed, looking at the ceilling.
I never thought that I will have to go back to Cuba again and I was scared of it and to return there. What happened last time....I don't want it to happen again...I don't want to freak out when I will arrive with Garrett on the Cuban soil, it will be like an struggle for each hour I will spend in Cuba. Five minutes after I got into bed, the door of the room opened, revealing Park that decided to laid down next to me.
"I'm sorry, Yiri." She whispered at me as I moved to look at her, her back against the bed before she moved her hand to put it on my cheek, cleaning some tears with her thumb.
"Why ?....why it need to be Cuba ?" I asked her and I know she couldn't respond to it with an clear response. "And...and you will not be here with me."
"I know, I'm so sorry." She said to me, sadly.
"Without you, I'm freaking out." I explained, referring to all situations where she wasn't there at my side. "It will be so hard for me."
"I'm...." She started before she moved my head, getting our foreheads against each other. "I need you to stay strong, okay ?" I grinned to her....a very little smile "That's what you told me an hour ago."
"I did." I breathed before I moved my hand on her face too. "You're the one making me strong here." I affirmed to her, my voice cracking about it.
"You too." She smiled at me and then, we could hear some knocks from the door.
"Yirina, the plane is ready for us, you're coming ?" It was Garrett himself behind that door, sounding worried.
"Yeah...I'm....I'm coming !" I slowly replied and after that, we could hear footsteps getting away. "Even if it's maybe going to be for just an day....I'm gonna miss you." I told to Park.
"I know, me too." She put her hand behind my head, pulling me for an kiss on the lips before I decided to got up from the bed, her staying on it. "Call me when you're there, Garrett will give you his phone for that."
"I will." I looked at her, saying it surely to call her as I walked next to the door before I put my hand on the door handly, hesitant to open it. "Stay safe, get well....and I love you, Park." I then slowly open the door, still looking at her and her, still looking at me, sad to see me leave like I was too.....
"I love you too, Yiri.....come back for me quick !"
#cod bocw#cod cold war#cod black ops cold war#cod cw#call of duty cold war#cod bell#black ops cold war#helen park#yirina grigoriev#fem!bell
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here's what i love about small towns
Let it be known that I decided in college to be a city girl. That I live in the city now, on a small city lot, with a beautiful city vegetable patch and noisy city neighbors. We've got nightlife, a truly state-of-the-art library, museums, and ~so much~ diversity, which is important to me as a mixed-race person. I love seeing people from different walks of life. I love the authentic ethnic cuisine around every corner. I love being at a center of industry, culture, newness, and education. I thought I'd love to be a city girl forever.
Then, the pandemic hit, and for the past year and a half I've been reevaluating.
I grew up in a small town. My partner refuses to consider my hometown "small" due to the fact that it has many stoplights. His small hometown is smaller and has no stoplight at all. It does, however, have a general store.
My hometown was just the right size for me. It's small enough to see someone you know almost everywhere you go, but not so small that it feels suffocating. Its population is in the 20,000 range. It's only 20 minutes outside of the city, so most people commute to work every day, meaning they're exposed to the city's diverse, progressive ideals. This isn't to say that my hometown is a progressive place, but it's fairly moderate. This is important to me as a mixed-race person, because if you go much more than 20 minutes away from the city, you start to get uncomfortable glances from rural folk.
Today I was thinking about why I love small towns, and why I can see myself moving back with my partner someday soon. Here's why:
1. Everything is connected. I can head to an open mic night at my favorite coffee shop, where I know I'll get a warm smile from Mr. Winbacher, who was my mom's elementary art teacher, and whose adult daughter, Julie, now takes a dance class with me. Julie was also in the city's high school choir 20 years before I was and had the same choir director that I did, Mrs. McClane, who now leads the city's community choir, in which everyone mentioned in this paragraph sings. To boot, Julie's aunt was my middle school English teacher, who was good friends with my middle school social studies teacher, who tried to pick up my mom at a bar she'd occasionally attend with Julie. Everything weaves itself together, which makes life feel familiar and comfortable.
2. People are generally more laid back than they are in cities, and life moves slowly. Since cities are centers for business and education, it naturally follows that there are lots of educated urban dwellers who are highly career driven and love to talk about it all the time. Sometimes it feels like people's careers become absolutely inextricable from their identities as human beings. And the whole "aesthetic of the grind" thing is honestly kind of annoying. I love how many people in small towns are humble. I love the surprise of finding out that the bartender at my favorite coffee shop has a law degree but hasn't mentioned it in the several years we've crossed paths. I love how carefully people drive in small towns. How people smile and wave from passing cars. How nobody seems to be in a hurry and people don't generally pretend to be something they're not.
3. Past times, restaurants, and leisure activities are generally inexpensive. I love weekends that revolve around bonfires in a friend's backyard. I love meeting loved ones for a stroll at the park or a trip to the local library. I love being able to find a breakfast of pancakes and eggs for $2.00 at the local diner, instead of some $16 gourmet French toast from a vegan bakery. Small towns are generally unpretentious.
4. There's nothing like a small-town autumn. Everything is cozy during small-town autumns. There are fall festivals, hayrides, orchards for picking apples and pumpkins in close proximity, and picturesque views that feel straight out of a good book.
5. There's nothing like a small-town summer. City-wide festivals, farmers markets, days at the lake with friends, kids playing outside, teens falling in love, the fair coming to town...it all feels very "Jack and Diane."
6. Small towns are quiet. Where we live in the city, there's noise from early in the morning until the middle of the night--construction, trains, cars, power tools, sirens, fireworks, and the occasional gunshot. In small towns, nighttime is filled with the sound of crickets and often nothing else.
7. Air quality is usually better in small towns. Fewer people = less pollution.
8. Town festivals are major events. In the city, we're blessed to have countless options for things to do every weekend. In small towns, though, the hype leading up to town events is really intense. Whether its to celebrate cherry blossoms, sweet corn, or maple syrup, or getting ready to see fireworks on the Fourth of July, everybody participates and looks forward to the town happenings. They're not just fun things to do--they're social gatherings, as well, especially in towns where everyone knows everyone.
9. Small towns feel safe. Where there are fewer people, there's less crime. But beyond that, it's hard to say what's going to happen in our country in the next few decades. As cities are centers of industry and education, they also tend to be centers of unrest when things get shaky. Small towns have a bit more distance from such unrest.
10. Great memories are made in small towns. I'll always remember going downtown after school with a handful of dimes to buy a donut from our local bakery. I'll always remember picking blackberries from a field across the street. I'll always remember attending the annual town parade through the various phases of my life, and how each chapter was different from the others. I'll always remember how the town came together for high school football games, and the sound of the marching band. I'll always remember time spent with the people I care about in a place I love.
Small towns are by no means perfect, but these are some reasons why I love them anyway.
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a summer to remember
hello friends, i definitely just abandoned this whole blog, now didn't i
well i am happy to report that i am still alive, and am thriving!
Here's a rundown of everything that has been going on:
[inserting a readmore because this is long af]
May
So in May, I was definitely just all over the place because I was 1) trying to finish a paper published in a conference!! it literally drove me insane. anyways, then i had to go and finish a 78 page thesis, which involved a really convoluted timeline because i had to finish it ~ a week before the actual deadline so my PI could read it over, but then i had to finish it a few days before THAT so my PhD supervisors could read it over, which meant that i had like one (1) week to write like. all of it.
Luckily I had most of the first half already written, during whatever shitshow April was (April was a lot of coding for the paper, and then not having time to write my thesis). But THEN i had to organize all the data from my own personal experiments, make figures, and draft the entire results section. AND i had like two final reports to do for my class, so my last weeks of academia looked like....
Of course, the day before my thesis was due, I pulled an all nighter, because, of course. What other way would I ever end my academic career. Submitted it though, and I graduated! [LINK TO MY THESIS]
Also! I got vaccinated and felt like death for a whole day, but then my friend came over and we ate fried chicken and watched this show called Miraculous, which is a kids show from France, but for some reason is actually hilarious and really entertaining. Then I felt better, so I proceeded to work on my thesis.
Also, I guess I should talk a little bit about the class I took this semester, which was an industrial organization economics class. We looked at things like how different markets are organized, why they are that way, what market concentration means, how mergers affect competition, and what kind of effect that may impose on consumers. For the final case study (which, I will say, I wrote like 2000 words in a single day, so . applause for me), I looked at the Nvidia-ARM merger and how that may or may not affect competition in the GPU market, the CPU market, and the mobile chip market. I think my analysis was a little bit more surface level, which was fine for me, since I'm by no means an economics expert or even remotely should have any expectations at all, but I read a lot and learned a lot and that's the goal!
So yes, my brief excursion into the field of economics was overall positive, I feel like I learned a lot and now I can read financial articles about the tech industry and not be completely lost, which, again, was the goal.
But yes, May was a lot of work, and once it wrapped up, I got to spend a lot of time with friends post-vaccination! After the 1 or 2 week mark after my second dose, I started going back to the gym, especially to play basketball with folks, which I had missed a lot. I spent a lot of time at my old dorm just hanging out, and got to have a cute salmon dinner over at my other friend's place. And we made cheesecake too.
June (MA->NY->MA->CA)
I finally went to visit my best friend in New York. I hadn't seen her in > 400 days, so it was really a very anticipated event, except we saw each other across the crosswalk, but then the light took like five minutes to turn green, so it was really anticlimactic. Anyways, we ended up bumming around New York and Long Island for a week, and it was nice to spend some time with her after such a long gap.
We spent a day at a vineyard and I fell asleep so
After getting back to Boston, my mom came back from Taiwan to help me move out of my apartment. It was a lot of finding people to sell things to, sweating because it was very hot that week, and praying everything would work out (it did). I also got to have a few final meals with various friends and my mom and I got to take one last lark down the Infinite, which I was really grateful for because it was the first time visitors got to go inside campus in over a year.
Also got into my school's MBA program! Yes i applied to a deferred program (which is like you get into a program, but you don't have to go for 2-5 years, as a way of getting in right after undergrad/grad school, but then accumulating some work experience first). It was hilarious, I was literally shopping in my campus store for a new sweatshirt and I got a phone call from the admissions office saying I got in. My mom had been pushing me to apply to grad programs, and I didn't tell her about it because I didn't know if I would actually follow through. But I got to surprise her with the news, and she was so happy she did the whole "calling all the relatives" thing again.
After flying home, I told myself I'd read more and exercise more, which I have been doing. I got a membership at Planet Fitness, which has been really good for me (going 3x a week), and I've made my way through at least 5 books this summer so far. My holds list at my local library is literally insane. (For recs, I recently read Normal People, which I absolutely devoured, and In the Dream House, which hit really hard for me.)
This summer was also really about reconnecting with high school friends. All three of us were unemployed, with plans to come in the fall, so we were all free to hang out all the time. We started out at the local library planning out a road trip, and we worked out a few times together, and a few coffee dates too. We took a fun day trip down to LA one day, and we visited Malibu, went to the Getty, hit up some local food places in the city. Driving down the PCH with Taylor Swift blaring and the windows down on a hot June day, just hits so different. There is nothing like it.
My friend's birthday was in June, so we put together a little video for her and bought some jewelry, and had a Zoom call to celebrate. Then I got BBQ with some friends and sat in the parking lot eating ice cream until 11 at night just trading stories from our pasts. It felt like the perfect summer life, just staying out until whenever, grabbing food wherever we wanted, with friends I had had for literally a whole decade.
It was already a really good summer, but then July. July was crazy.
July (CA -> MI -> CA -> NV -> CA -> WA -> OR -> CA)
So one Sunday morning, I woke up to a text
Actually, I'm going to do a separate post on the whole Michigan trip because that sh** was on another level of spontaneous, impulsive, crazy life stuff. But anyways, so July started off with a trip to Michigan to visit my friends, and then I came back for the 4th, had 36 hours of rest before my high school friends and I went on a road trip.
This road trip was a little ambitious. We hit spots all up California, from hiking in Sequoia Nat'l Park to Kings Canyon, driving up to Sacramento and visiting art museums, and then going up to Tahoe but staying in Nevada, going kayaking and hiking and sitting on the beach for hours. It was reallllllly hot, but luckily I don't think it ever broke 90 degrees. The views were beautiful, especially at Kings Canyon. The drive in, you're surrounded by huge rock walls, with a thin river rushing by next to you. The hike itself literally feels like you're in nature, like the trail is somewhat defined but not paved, there are no sounds of traffic, the path isn't heavily trafficked so we were the only ones there for the most part. We even saw a deer and washed our faces in the river. Throughout the whole thing, we climbed into so many waterfalls, trying not to slip on rocks.
I hadn't been to Sacramento in over a decade, but it was a cute day trip. There isn't a ton to do there, but it was a nice reprieve from the constant driving and nature. We visited the Leland Stanford Mansion, the Crocker Art Museum, and Old Town Sacramento. A good chance to get a nice coffee, a sit-down meal, and some air conditioning. At Tahoe, we went kayaking on Pope Beach, with the clearest water I have ever seen, followed up by a hike up to a beautiful view of the Lake.
On our way back, we stopped at a lot of interesting places, like small towns like Lee Vining, where we found an Upside Down House; Manzanar, the site of an old Japanese internment camp during the WWII era (which also hit hard); and Randsburg, a literal living ghost town. Overall, getting to travel with my friends finally was so fun, they were so much fun to be around for five days, and getting to explore so much of California was so fun - even though I'd been here for so long, I never knew these places existed.
So I came back and had around 48 hours to recover before my mom and I took a trip up to the Pacific Northwest!
I've always wanted to visit Seattle, and figured I'd hit Portland on the way too. We originally wanted to go to Hawaii but it got so expensive by the middle of the summer, so we decided to stay a little closer to home (probs the better decision bc I was already so tired by this point).
Seattle! Got to visit Pike Place Market many times, grab some coffee at the original Starbucks, see Mt. Rainier, and grab food with three friends! Also went to Bainbridge Island for a day which was SO cute - got to do an olive oil/balsamic vinegar tasting, which sounds so extra, but is actually really unexpectedly fun. At Starbs, I did a cold brew flight, which resulted in a rough night of tossing and turning for me, but I think it was worth it. Other things included the Pinball Museum, Space Needle, and Chihuly Glass Museum!
So I lowkey really wanted to visit Portland because I wanted to achieve a long-lasting dream of seeing an NWSL game in person. So I went to the Thorns Pride game!!
The Thorns fanbase is actually insane, I cannot express to you, like there's this whole fan section that actually did synchronized cheers and routines and was actually ROARING when they scored the entire game. I swear the audience was actually watching them at points instead of the match. Overall, the stadium was going crazy, like I thought I was at a tied Celtics-Bucks game with how loud it was in there. Also I swear, Ali Krieger made eye contact with me and waved.
In addition to that, Portland also has a huge rose garden, a nice Japanese tea garden, a lot of good donut stores and a huge bookstore, so all very up my alley. We also took a day trip to see Mt. Hood and more waterfalls!!
That's a summary of the SEA - PDX trip. Once I got home, my high school friends and I did not waste any time on reuniting to hang out - we went and played ball, grabbed lunch, and then coffee, and then did the same exact thing like two days later and watched a bunch of TikToks, and then spent a whole day at the beach to send my good friend off to medical school in Arizona. They somehow convinced me to go in the water and I got body checked by a wave.
Saw this sculpture on the beach and teared up a little
So proud of my friends for making it to med school, I am so excited to see them at their white coat ceremonies and beyond, I swear I will cry at every step of the way I'm so happy for them. Now that July is pretty much over, most of my fun summer plans are too, and I finally get a chance to catch my breath from that busy busy month. Spending a lot of time watching the Olympics and trying to muster up the motivation to start a fulltime job in < 1 month!!
Overall, I feel like I've been having a really solid summer given the year that was the covid year. I had a Lot of fun, literally probably two summers worth of fun consolidated into one. I think in the beginning of the year, I really wanted this summer to be good, and I didn't have a lot of set plans for the summer, even by the end of May. But somehow, things came together, like Really together, and I had the best summer of my life in this summer 2021. On top of that, I'm reading more than I have since probably middle school, I feel the most in shape that I ever have, I can DRIVE NOW. Only thing that would've made it better was if I got to go back to Taiwan to visit the fam, but unfortunately I can't go back because of strict travel restrictions there and they had a COVID outbreak too :/ I still got around 3.5 weeks of summer to go, so we'll see how the rest goes :)
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Power Style - Chapter Fifteen : The celebration
I turn to him as we step outside.
« What are we doing? »
« Well first we can go have some food, then we'll see. »
I follow him into his car, a beautiful blue Lamborghini. He drove himself today, which I find very cute. At least it will just be the 2 of us.
He opens the passenger door for me, and I settle in while he goes around the car. Once he's in and ready to go, he turns to me.
"How do you handle speed?"
The biggest smile appears on my face. "I love it. I used to ride a motorbike back in the US but haven't had the opportunity to get one here yet."
"Perfect."
He smirks at me as he starts the car. The engine growls sending shivers down my spine. He's speeding through the streets of Seoul, but doesn't seem to care about speed limits. I have no idea where we're going, I'm simply enjoying the feeling sent by the acceleration. My back is against the leather seat, the adrenaline filling my stomach with butterflies.
We drive for about 15 minutes before arriving near Lake Seokchon. He parks the car in front of a building with a small restaurant at the corner and tells me to wait inside the car.
He appears on my side and opens the door for me.
"Milady" He bows a bit and puts out his hand for me to take. I giggle and proceed to lean onto him to step out of the car.
"Where are we?" I ask him.
"This is my favourite restaurant here. It's so good, the chef is amazing, and the boss is really nice. Very handsome too."
"Really? Do you know them well?"
"Yes I do, especially the boss. And I've known the chef since I was a baby." He looks over to me with a smirk seeing how confused I am. He continues "The chef is my brother, this is my restaurant."
I giggle once again at his joke. I hook my hand to his open arm and we enter the restaurant. It's beautiful inside, very well decorated, very cosy. The smell of fresh food makes my stomach go wild. We quickly sit down in the back.
"So, we only serve japanese dishes, is that okay for you?" I nod back anticipatedly. I'm starving. "What do you want? Should we get a few things and share? Or do you want your own dish? What about drinks? Wine? Sake? Or no alcohol?"
I put my hand on his to calm him down. "I trust you to order something good, I'm not picky." He smiles back at me and heads towards the kitchen.
He comes back with a bottle of wine and 2 glasses. I look at him while he opens it. He looks great right now with his jumper and messy hair, soft curls falling down on each side of his concentrated face. He's surprised by the pop when he finally pulls the cork out, causing him to almost drop the bottle. We both start laughing at his clumsiness.
We manage to calm down after a bit, allowing him to pour some wine into our glasses.
"Cheers." He says. We lock eyes as our glasses meet each other. « I'm really glad were doing this. I hope you don't mind me barging into your day.»
« Me too! And don't worry, I don't usually plan things ahead, expect for work, so you didn't disturb me at all. In fact, it was a great surprise. »
« That's good then. I was scared you might have plans with friends to celebrate. » He's looking down at the table and fidgeting with his cutlery.
« Well, I don't really know anyone here apart from my colleagues, and I'm not really close witht hem. I only have one friend and she's back in Philadelphia. So no plans for me. » I nervously laugh.
« Hey! That's not true! You have 7 more friends now! »
« 7? You sure about that number? » I look up to him smiling.
« Yeah, okay, 5. »
We stare at each other for a few seconds before he goes on.
« I wanted to tell you, I'm really glad I met you. You are amazing at what you do, and you are a great person. I love spending time with you. »
His ears turn red as he's speaking.
« I feel the same. » I look down, knowing I'm telling a little white lie. I didn't always feel this good, and the bad feeling is still here in the background, I just block it out.
Our food arrives on the table. He got a lot of small dishes for us to share. We look like we haven't eaten in days given the way we jump on the food. 20 minutes later, we're both leaning back on our chairs, empty plates and full stomachs.
« That was delicous. » I tell him.
« I'm glad you liked it. »
He pours me another glass of wine and we simply sit there talking while we finish the bottle. I feel the alcohol getting to my head but I don't care. It feels good when he takes my hand into his and looks at me as if he could see my soul.
« You're beautiful, Gina. » He tells me, making me look down.
« Thank you » I barely whisper.
« Should we get going? We don't want to be late for tonight. »
« Absolutely, and I have to take a shower and change. »
« I'll drop you home then. »
We walk out of the restaurant to get back in the car, and as he's being a true gentleman by once again opening the door for me, I grow a pair of balls. I pull him by the collar and kiss him. He seems startled at first, but soon leans into the kiss. He grabs my hips to pull me closer while I lock my arms around his neck. My hands start playing with his hair, while his are still holding onto me, although they are getting tighter as the kiss intensifies.
We let go of each other after a few minutes, a bit short of breath.
« Wow. » He lets out. I look up to his eyes and notice the burning desire in them. He wants me, and I want him.
« Shall we go? » I ask. He nods back as he licks his lips.
He's driving way faster than before, not that I mind, I just find it amusing. I adore seeing the effect women have on men.
He parks in front of my building and heads to my door, but I'm already out by the time he gets to it.
« You coming? » I'm definitely a bit drunk.
He looks surprised, but doens't complain and starts following me up.
I attack his lips once again as soon as we enter the lift. This isn't a passionate kiss anymore, it's a lustful kiss. We're both hungry for each other and our bodies can feel it.
We break the kiss long enough for me to open the door, and as soon as we're in my apartment, he lifts me up and wraps my legs around his waist, walking towards my room.
He puts me down on my bed, lying on top of me. I try to intensify the kisses, letting him know how I like things, but it doesn't have the desired effect. I can feel him hard between my legs, and the only thing I want right now is for him to rip off my clothes, but he doesn't. He simply kisses me tenderly. I can feel the desire in his lips, don't get me wrong, but there's too much softness. I decide to take matters in my own hands and manage to turn things around and be on top of him. I don't like topping, but I don't seem to have a choice right now. I start kissing him with more intensity, attacking his neck, letting my body tell him what he needs to know.
« Gina, wait » He moans. I sit back up to look at him. « Not like this, not in a hurry. »
Ok fair point. I'm disappointed but he's not wrong. I really have to get ready. He sits back up and takes my face in his hands, gently kissing my lips.
« I'm going to go back home to get changed, and I'll pick you up, is that ok? »
« No problem. » I walk him back to the door. «See you later. » We kiss yet again, both wanting more.
I get into my shower to freshen up and get rid of the frustration caused by what just happened. My thoughts start to drift away, as do my fingers. I'm imagining what could have happened if we had carried on, and just as I'm about to come, something pops into my head. Well, not something, but someone.
WHAT THE FUCK?!?!
I just came thinking about Namjoon fucking me.
I quickly wash my body, scrubbing harshly. I feel so dirty.
I decide to clear my mind with some music and turn my sound system on. The last played song starts again, and of course it's Namjoon's voice. I shrug and put a generic playlist on, before starting to get ready. Once my makeup and hair is done, I head to my wardrobe and settle for a long dress and black heels.
I'm struggling with the dress, my head is trying to get into a sleeve, when my phone bings. I finally find the collar and check my texts.
« Be there in 5. » from Jin.
I hurry to put my shoes on, not forgetting to check myself one last time, before leaving.
There he is, once again in his Lambo.
« You look beautiful, as always. » he says as I sit down in the passenger seat.
« Thanks! You clean up well too. »
He's wearing a beautiful button up shirt, not too fancy, his hair is up, perfectly shaping his traits.
The now familiar sound of the engine fills up the car and we're gone into the streets of Seoul.
« Hey I hope you're not annoyed about earlier. » He says.
« No don't worry about it. » And it's true, because I took care of myself. Thinking about it brings back the shower situation to my mind making me shiver. I stop the stream of thoughts. « You were right to stop us. »
We drive in silence for a bit before he speaks up again.
« Gina, I meant to say, I don't know what's going on here, or even where it will bring us, but there's one thing... »
« Yes? » My stomach is tight. What is he going to say? Oh please God, don't start with feelings.
« Well you know.. I'm an idol and we can't really.. »
« Oh yeah, of course. Keep it on the low. Got it. » I'm relieved.
« Yeah.. We can totally be seen together, since we work together, but we can't kiss in the street like today. »
« Got it. »
I'm not going to lie, even though I'm glad it's only that, I'm a bit taken aback by the conversation. I feel like it's neither the time or place to have it, and nothing has even happened between us yet.
I don't have time to think about it because he just parked in Taegi's parking lot.
Once we're in the lift, I hook my arm to his. I feel him stiffen.
« What? We're not in the street right? Plus I can't stand straight with these heels. »
He smiles and relaxes.
We get to the door and are greeted by Yoongi.
« Hi guys! Oh...this is new... » He noticed our arms. « Anyway, come on in. »
We walk down the now familiar hall full of pictures to find Tae, Kook, Hobi and Jimin.
« OH MY GOD! » Hobi exclaims « First of all Gina you look AMAZING, secondly, what is this? » He asks, pointing at ours arms. « Why am I even asking it was only a matter of time. » He turns his heels to get some wine.
I shake my head as Jin helps me take my coat off, and my eyes meet Kook's. His face is tense, and his eyes have a worried look to them. All of a sudden, his words come back to mind. I question him with my eyes, but he looks away.
« Here you go, honey. » I turn to the sound of Tae's voice. He's holding up a glass of wine for me. « Sweet wine, right? »
« Perfect. »
I finally notice Jimin staring at me with a smirk on his face. Not a cute one though, a very judgmental one. I give him a death stare before Hobi pulls me to the kitchen.
« So I'm gonna do it.. you know the thing we talked about. »
« Okay, I'll be here for you. Do you want to sit beside me? »
« Yes that would be perfect. Thanks again. » He brings me in for a hug.
« Right, should we just have a drink in the living room while we wait for Joon? » Tae asks. I forgot about him. Do I really have to face him after what happened in my shower?
I sit and talk with Hobi and Tae, while Jin and Kook are messing around behind the couch and Jimin and Yoongi seem to be having a very serious conversation on the other sofa.
We all stop when we hear the doorbell. Tae goes to open and comes back with Namjoon, who walks in as if he owns the place. I forgot how annoying his presence is.
As expected, everything comes back to mind. I bottom my glass to give myself some courage.
I'm guessing he just noticed I was here.
« Oh brilliant, she's here. » he snarks.
« Yeah, well, deal with it. » I answer, standing up to get more wine. I feel his stare on me as I walk to the kitchen, but I also hear Jimin hold in a laugh.
« Fuck off Jimin. I thought you felt the same.» I hear Namjoon tell him off behind me.
« Yeah, but I'm not a dick about it...anymore. Plus, she bites back. I don't want any part of that. » Jimin replies to him. « Lucky Jin, though. »
« What are you on about? »
« Oh yeah, you're late to the party, Jin fucked her. »
« JIMIN » I hear from everyone. I turn around to answer.
« Guys, thanks but it's not your fight. Just FYI, I'm a grown woman and I'll do what I want with my ass. » I'm practically red with anger « And not that it's any of your concern, but no, he did not fuck me. »
« Wow, she is feisty. » says Jimin. « Good luck, Jin. »
« Anywaaaaay... » says Yoongi « Food? »
We all agree and start heading towards the table placed in front of the view of Seoul's skyline. Jin is holding me by my shoulders.
« Don't mind them. »
« Don't worry about that, Jin. »
He pecks my forehead before we sit down.
I have Jin on my right side, Hobi on my left, Tae in front of me, Kook facing Jin and Yoongi across Hobi. Namjoon and Jimin are on each side of the table, far from me.
As we're about to start eating, Hobi whispers in my ear.
« I'm gonna do it now. I'm gonna make a toast. Can I hold your hand? »
I take his hand in mine and squeeze it as a reply.
He proceeds to stand up, his glass in his hand.
« Guys, please, I'd like to make a toast... »
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someday
humans challenge, week 4, day 2: prequels
this is a prequel to the actual setting of @nachocheese-itsmycheese’s fic ’finally’ but refers to a time period mentioned within it
Sophie had taken her niece to the park, since it was a sunny afternoon and Mattie was busy with work. She sat in her flat, listening to how empty and silent it was without her daughter in it. Even the tapping of her fingers against computer keys couldn’t distract her from that absence.
It was funny to think that only two years ago, she’d scarcely been able to imagine herself with a child at all. Now, being without one, even for an hour or so, was what felt unnatural.
Mattie glanced over her laptop screen, at a picture on the wall behind it. It was a framed photograph of a sleeping baby, one pudgy hand curled up next to her cheek, the other tucked under her blanket. Her eyes were closed, the soft, pink eyelids hiding the piercing blue eyes she’d inherited from her father. It was unfair, really, how closely she resembled him. Sometimes Mattie wondered guiltily if that particular picture was actually all that good, or if she’d just chosen to display that one because it hid the most defining Leo-feature from view. The further he was from her thoughts, the easier it was to carry on.
It had been almost six months since she’d last heard from him at all. Leo was in the States these days, helping Athena Morrow with her research. He was still the only one of his kind, but Dr Morrow was convinced that with enough observation, she could figure out how David Elster had ‘resurrected’ him, and rework it for other head trauma patients. It would be a major breakthrough; it would rewrite whole fields of medical science. It also kept him well out of Mattie’s way, which was a bittersweet bonus. Part of her still loved him at least as much as she hated him, if not more. The balance was fragile, and tiring, and never-ending.
She finished fixing the faulty code she’d been asked to work on, and sent it back to her client, with instructions on how to check if their synth friend was responding to the update. That done, she was just about to click on the next email when the buzzer sounded, letting her know someone wanted to be let into the building.
She got up from her desk and pressed the intercom button, half expecting it to be Sophie, back from the park a little early. “Hello?”
At first there was no response. Then the intercom gave a crackle, and a voice that certainly wasn’t Sophie said, “Hi. It’s me.”
There was a pause. Then, “Can I come up?”
Mattie’s chest felt suddenly hollow, like a huge gulf had opened there, vast and terrible and able to swallow her whole if she didn’t do something to escape it. “Leo,” she all but croaked.
Another crackle. “Yes,” he said, sounding hesitant, as though answering a roll-call for a class he hadn’t signed up for.
“I’ll come down,” she said. She didn’t want him in her flat. She didn’t want to be enclosed in this space with him. Not because she had ever feared him or what he could do or say to her, but because this was her place: the home she shared with her daughter and no-one else, that had a bed Leo had never slept in and a door he’d never so much as knocked on. It worked for her because he wasn’t part of it. If she let him inside, even once, the trace of him would never go away. She wouldn’t put herself through that.
Mattie grabbed her keys from the hook and left the flat, pausing briefly outside the lift, but then drifting past it in favour of the stairs. She was four floors up. She would take the small delay, and use it to attempt to gather her thoughts.
Why was he here? What could possibly have brought him to her block, after all these months of silence? If there was any big, awful news in the family, she would know via Mia or Max by now. Surely he wasn’t here to apologise, or ask forgiveness, or any of those things she’d given up hoping for sometime between the start of her third trimester and the sound of a newborn cry. None of that was ever going to happen. They were always going to be unfinished, and she’d learnt to call the frayed endings ‘closure’. It was healthier that way.
Mattie’s heart was beating far too fast for just four flights of stairs, by the time she reached the bottom. She couldn’t pretend it was the physical exertion. Talking to Leo was, somehow, both the last thing she wanted to do, and the thing she wanted most in the world. Why did everything with him have to be a duality, a contradiction in terms?
She made her way along the hallway, her stride several times more confident than she felt inside. Eventually she reached the door, and she gave herself a final second to prepare before opening it.
He wasn’t on the doorstep, as she might have expected. He’d retreated to the bottom of the path that lead to the block of flats, hunched over, his hands in his pockets. Looking as he so often did, like a fish out of water, cut adrift from everything. He looked up at the sound of the door opening, and their eyes met across the short distance between them.
Part of Mattie wanted to stand her ground, and force him to be the one to close the gap, but part of her didn’t want to associate him even with the outside of her building. She went down the path and met him, fixing him with her coldest glance as she did so.
“What do you want?” she asked, bluntly.
He didn’t answer. Instead he looked about her, as if expecting her not to be alone. “Where’s…?”
She noted with hostility that he couldn’t even bring himself to say his daughter’s name. “She’s not here,” Mattie said.
Leo’s eyes widened slightly, but whatever he was wondering, he didn’t voice it.
“She’s out with Sophie,” Mattie added, before she could stop herself. She refused to wonder if her subconscious had taken pity on his obvious confusion. “Did you want to see her?”
He nodded. Mattie was taken aback, but she tried not to show it.
“Both of you,” he clarified, voice somewhat hoarse. “I wanted to see both of you.”
“Well, come back in an hour,” she said. “Or meet them at the park. Whatever you want.”
“You don’t mind?”
Mattie’s eyes flashed with fury. “Mind?” Her throat felt tight and strained, but somehow the words forced themselves out regardless. “It was never me who wanted her to grow up without a dad, Leo. That was you. I’ve wanted her to see you every single day since the moment she was born. I don't—” She took a deep breath, trying to steady herself. “I don’t personally believe that you deserve to see her. But I’m not going to stand in the way of my daughter seeing her father. She deserves that much, even if you don’t.”
She turned away from him. She’d said too much already, less than two minutes in - the conversation wasn’t going to end with a civil handshake now. She wished he would leave. She wished he would stay. She wanted him to never come back and never leave her side again. Most of all she wished she’d gone to the park with Sophie, and left an empty flat for him to ring up. She would never have even known he’d been here.
“I thought I’d left it too late,” he said. He cleared his throat, a strangled sound. “She won’t remember me.”
“And whose fault is that,” Mattie said bitterly.
“Mine,” he said, without hesitation. “Obviously, mine. Everything has been my fault. I don’t expect anything from you, I just… had to ask if you’d let me see her again.”
“Well, I’ve said you can. I’ve told you how. Is that all you came for?”
“No. I… want to try. I want to try and… be something, to her.”
“Something,” Mattie repeated sourly. “As in ‘better than nothing’? How about just being her father?”
“I…”
He trailed off completely. Long moments passed before he spoke again. “I was wrong before. I said I never wanted to be a father, but what I meant was that I didn’t want to be my father. I think you knew that. We had that long argument about frames of reference, but I wasn’t hearing you properly. I couldn’t… I just kept coming back to all the ways I’m exactly like him. Do you know how often I’ve wished he’d just left me at the bottom of that lake? I couldn’t see myself doing any better than he did.”
“So you decided to punish our daughter for your own insecurities,” said Mattie. “This isn’t news, Leo. I’m not stupid. I don’t have to be a psychiatrist to know you’ve got issues with the concept of fatherhood - it would be weirder if you didn’t. But you can’t just…use that as an excuse. It’s not her fault. It’s not my fault. But you left both of us.”
“I know,” he said. “I shouldn’t have run away, or said any of the things I said. I don’t have any justification for that.”
“So what’s changed?” Mattie folded her arms in front of her. “Why show up now?”
“I realised I was wasting Doctor Morrow’s time,” said Leo. “She wanted to study my memories, the way they’re ordered and how the recall works. I let her see some of them. The old ones, from… before. But it was the newer files she was interested in, how my brain creates new paths for itself. And I wouldn’t let her see them, because I didn’t want to look up on that screen and see… you.”
Mattie pressed her lips together, and stared down at her feet, giving him nothing.
“I’d closed off everything about you. I hadn’t even realised I could do that. I don’t think I ever could before. When we first met, I told you I was unable to forget, and that’s still true, but I realised only recently that I can partition off whole sections of data. Like moving them to another drive. It’s something to do with the grafts Athena put in after… after Hester. There’s still a disconnect. Everything I didn’t want to think about, I was transferring across so that it wouldn’t keep surfacing, and that made all her research pretty much defunct, because she wasn’t trying to replicate a repair that went wrong. She wanted the real thing, and I couldn’t let myself show her it, because that would mean… admitting that I’d been avoiding even thinking about you.” He kicked at a stray stone on the path in front. “So I told her I was sorry, and I caught the next flight. The others don’t even know I’m back in England.”
Mattie stood there, stock still, taking in what she could.
“You asked me what changed,” Leo continued. “And I suppose what I’m trying to say is… nothing changed. All this time thinking I didn’t need you any more, but none of it was true. I just wasn’t letting myself remember. It’s all the same as it ever was.”
For a while there was silence between them. A breeze whipped Mattie’s hair over her shoulder, and she raised her hand to swipe it away from her face. She tried not to notice the dampness on her skin as she did so.
“It isn’t the same,” she said softly. “It’s two years later. We can’t just… pick up where we left off.”
“I know.”
“I meant it when I said I won’t stop you seeing her. But please don’t make her any promises if you’re not going to keep them. Just… spend some time with her. But not here. Her home is for people who are permanent.”
Leo nodded. “Okay. I’ll… think of something.”
“I really wish I could just say I understand,” Mattie said, honestly. "And that we can try again. But if…”
She shook her head. “No. I’m not going to start any ‘ifs’ today. Give me some time to work those out.”
She dared to look at him again, and wondered if she saw a glimmer of hope in those eyes. She had grown unaccustomed to reading them.
“I think you should go, for now,“ she said. “I’ve got to process some of this without you standing there.”
“Of course.”
“And...I can’t believe I’m saying this,” Mattie added, “But it was good to see you. I think I’ve been doing a bit of memory partitioning myself.”
The corner of his mouth twitched upwards, a sad quarter-smile.
“Where are you staying?” she asked.
“A B&B in town. Just until I find out if Max and Flash can put me up.”
Mattie nodded. “Get Max to let me know, if they do. I can bring her over to theirs whenever you’re ready.”
“Alright. I will.”
He met her eyes again. “Thank you. For giving me a chance.”
“I’m only doing it for her,” she reminded him, although she wasn’t sure how true the words were, even as she spoke them.
He would have to work a lot harder and longer than this, that was for sure. But maybe there was a reason the ends had frayed so wildly, like they’d always been meant to knit back together. Someday. Somehow.
Perhaps it wasn't too late, not just yet.
#humanschallenge#leotilda#mattie hawkins#leo elster#im sorry if I messed the timeline anywhere :/#also hehe note how I Refused to name their child#hope you like it Jessi 😘#sorry it doesn't really end I didn't really know what I was doing#my phone tried to change your name to Jesus#I guess I hope he likes it too
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"Keeping her close" : New chapter for "Redemption in a Spirit in a Cold War" is out !
"Keeping her close"
Chapter Summary : Yirina arrived in the new safehouse in West-Berlin that her & Park will share with the new team......
To read it on AO3, click here !
Words : +3500
Warning : NSFW content !
---------------------------
It was the last time I have stepped inside that safehouse in my entire life and honestly, it was all for the better. That place, a lot of things happened and there were for an large part bad and a small part was only good. The bad ones....were the most shocking to remember and the most suffering to relive : still seeing me tied up on that stretcher in that room, getting revealed that I was just in fact a Perseus agent brainwashed by the CIA and all of that, been told by my closest person I have met but now, it was something done in my live. Destroying that place down can help me forget about this but it can't be undone at all.
After I got myself in an argument with Sims, over the loss of Adler in Stitch hands, I was much more relieved to finally leave this place behind, not even looking back as we drove away of it, Park having taken the wheel to get to our new safehouse in West-Berlin. I was still nonetheless nervous to stay again in the city but we had no choice : Stone has a warehouse in town and it was our first objective within the team Park is organizing with me.....hope that everything will be okay.
The drive was in fact not so long to live more about 10 minutes depending on traffic as we were arrived at our destination : a nice-looking house in the Gatow district at the south-western Berlin just next to the Havelsee lake. This place.....even if I was nearly hating the city, it could help me to feel more better in here. Park revealed to me that she indeed came here a lot, explaining almost the layout of the house as we stepped out of the car....said that I'm going to be well in here.
"Our new home ?" I told Park in a fake curious tone as I was unloading my bag from the car trunk and her, having already done it, awaiting for me.
"You got it right." She replied, having her bags in hands with me closing the trunk, finished. "Will be the place where we will coordinate our operations against Stone."
"And if we got something on Stone and his little accomplices not in Berlin ?" I asked her.
"Then, we will move to a temporary other safehouse but that place is staying like our main HQ." She added in her response before gesturing at me as she started to walk to the house porch "Come on, let's install ourselves." She winked, making me blush as I joined her pretty quickly on the porch. There were nobody to greet us here and instead, Park had to check under the carpet....to find the house keys.....very classic...
"The good old trick of the keys under the carpet...." I thought to myself as Park was inserting the leys in the lock before finally opening the door to discover the house's interior. "Wow !" I breathed, almost astonished by the beauty of the place.....more pretty than the house in the New Orleans...It was very much different than this place the CIA wanted to call 'a safehouse'
"Welcome home.....Yiri !" Park taunted me as she walk to get to the living room and the kitchen jointed that was just next to the entrance. "Here's our 'operations room'." She showed me the living room, with again an complete dashboard, this time filled with intels on Stone.
"I already feeling at home." I said to her who gave me an smile.
"That's the goal of that safehouse, you know..." She rolled her eyes before she put her own bag on a special table as I do the same as her.
"MI6 safehouses..." I whispered to myself, wondering if all the MI6 places were looking so damn nice as I walked to get to one of the couch of the room. "So...." I started, getting myself comfy in that couch "Can you talk about your friends that will join the team ?"
"Of course." She nodded, moving to a table to have her hands on two files that Park asked from those tasked to prepare the safehouse. "Let's start with Garett." She handed me the first file of her left hand that I took in hand.
"Garrett Donovan....born in Manchester in 1951 and joined the MI6 in 1975...specialized in counter-espionage & almost everything in combat." I read his file, impressed by his qualities and skills as Park was looking at me, maybe wondering what I was thinking. "Seems like a nice guy."
"Garrett has been my friend since we both joined the MI6 at the same time two years after my brother's death in 1973." She explained more, feeling a little bit sad to talk about that sad event. I remember seeing that back in the old days in the old 'safehouse' but it's a too much sensible subject to talk about with her. "Gotta to say that he's someone very important."
"I'm pretty sure of that." I exclaimed, putting the file.
"You know, he's the guy who if you ask him something, he will make sure you will have it the next day." She proclaimed as she knows him very well. "He's got a lot of contacts that will help us."
"I guess that asking him to bring us Perseus's head and saving Adler's ass is too much to ask." I laughed about it and she followed too.
"Of course." She breathed before she handed me the other file as I gave her back the file about Garrett. "Here's the file about Greta." After that, she decided to sit on the other couch of the room.
"Greta Keller...born in Hamburg in 1952 and she joined the BND in 1977...qualified as the best element in BND...also specialized in counter-espionage and more into hand-to-hand combat." I looked at her file, curious about that woman I saw once in my life in East-Berlin. "Quite a profile." I looked at Park who was looking a little troubled.
"About Greta, we know each other since she joined the BND." She started, joining her hands together, trying to reassure herself, it seems. "She was always working with us in our team I was with Garrett, Stone and the other one called Megan." She looked at the dashboard, at the same picture she had in her office, the one where everyone is present. "Listen, it might be going to be complicated between you & Greta when....when she will learn about us."
"Really ?" I redressed myself in the couch, curious to hear that part of the story.
"Let's just say that before I was assigned to Adler, we were hooking up, not longer together anymore but it was an mean to forget the world we were now." She said, almost blushing embarrassed about it and to say, she was right to do that and I wasn't embarrassed, just curious. "When I told her of my feelings towards us at her, it was after that East-Berlin mission just before I heal you up." My eyes went wide after hearing this, still curious but damn stuned by that.
"Wow, quite a story." I exclaimed, taking a breath. "Listen, I'm okay that she is joining the team, I'm sure that it will be okay." I added, sure of myself about her & Greta. "When will the two arrive ?" I asked.
"Oh, I'm going to call them now." She got up from her couch, walking back to her bag to grab a satellite phone. "I will call outside, you can check up things on the dashboard." She smiled at me before leaving the room to get outside by behind.
Once she was out of the house for making her calls, I stayed at least 2 minutes in the couch to admire the beauty of the living room before I decided to walk next to the dashboard, to look at the pieces of intels we have on our operation against Stone and his goons. We will be entirely focused on him but if we found something related to Adler, Park will relate those to Woods's team....can't really believe right now that I'm trying to save the Russell Adler, the one that brainwashed me and left me for dead....what a life !....
I took a look on the dashboard, my eyes focusing on Harry Stone's records file from the SAS : he was born in May 6th 1948 in the UK, his birthplace apparently a classified information. According to the records files, Stone was described as a solid soldier, prone to play by his own rules by his former ex-colleagues. Someone named Price Sr. talked about a man that is very effective despite having troubles with the authority and the mysterious part of Stone past. Stone was one of Park's close friends starting to 1975 when she joined the MI6 until he faked his death in October 1980 during an risky operation in the USSR.
As I saw in this dashboard, Stone participated in the Nimrod operation, making him an hero in the SAS and his status wasn't even touched even when his true allegiance was discovered by Park and the MI6 in 1983 during the mysterious 'Goldeneye' operation. Guess that we will have to watch out about that. At looking at his picture, my eyes squeezed, making me a very small pain in my head, remembering him in my dreams...that moment when he stormed the room after that obscure mission that I don't even remember.
After that, I looked at the group picture with all of Park's friends : to say that we're hunting down one of her former friends. I was focused on it when Park came back in the living room, having finished in her calls.
"Both has been warned of the mission : they will both arrive tomorrow." She started, putting her phone back on the table she put her bag. "Garrett was in a mission in Canada while Greta was working in Moscow."
"So, for now, we just wait for them as the house is ours until they arrived..." I put my hands on my waist, looking at her with an smile before I looked at the picture. "Who was Megan ? You talked briefly about her." I asked.
"Megan was Stone's lover in the MI6 that was with him all this time." She replied, leaning against one of the room's wall. "She was the other one who faked her death too." She added, biting her lips.
"What happened to her ?"
"I....well....I killed her during the operation that has stopped 'Goldeneye' to happen." She wasn't looking relieved of that even if that Megan was also Perseus like Stone "She allowed Stone to escape and since, Stone is very mad against me because of her death."
"I think it was his idea to kidnap you at the beginning of the month." I turned back to see her, still thinking about seeing her tied up again. "Do you think we can succeed against him ?"
"We had to, Yirina." She exclaimed at me, sure of herself. "Stone is a man we need to brought down and you know that well." She added, almost raising her voice against me, surprising me. "Shit, didn't mean to raise my voice." She apologized.
"It's okay." I whispered before I looked at her with an smile "Hey, let's get ourselves installed well, shall we ?" I proposed and she nodded.
"Yeah, we have the house for us for the moment, so we're going to profit." She affirmed as we started to get our things done.
We started to unpack our belongings around the operations room, adding the intels we took in her office back at Century House on a side of the dashboard and once we were done, Park finally make me visit the house itself as we were more focused to talk about the mission than to directly visit the place. The house had a big view on the lake and it was so relaxing like in the New Orleans. For inside the house, it was like in the New Orleans except for one thing : there were a bedroom for me & Park and not even separate....we took it at the second we saw it.
Once the visit was done, we started to work on the intels that was given to us by the team charged to prepare the safehouse and those we got from Park's office, trying to find something we maybe missed in all the paperworks. Of course, we searched for things that could help us on the warehouse Stone had in West-Berlin but nothing in all of this gave us something. Actually, we know where that's warehouse is thanks to the message I have decoded from the MI5 but we wanted to know more about it.
Then, it was time for us to eat while working : Park was the one to make food and to be honest in my opinions, she was really good at it. The dishes she made.....it was so lovely and tasting more better than an Burger Town burger even if those burgers are good, Park's food was way more nice to eat. After we finished to eat with me complimenting her talents, we continued to work, making some suppositions and theories about Stone and nothing was leading us anywhere. At 11 AM, Park decided that it was done for her, getting herself to our room as I stayed in the living room.
"You're coming ?" She asked me loudly...in a lovely voice as she was upstairs in our room, awaiting for me.
"Yes, just finished my part of work." I replied, also loudly, my eyes on the dashboard.
"Be quick, I need you." She added before the silence came back, with her, waiting and me, having finished to work.
"We're going to get you, Stone." I whispered to myself, looking at his picture before I finally decided to walk out of the room, closing all the light on the way to get upstairs and joined Park in our bedroom. "I'm here for....." I started to say, opening the closed door of our room until I stopped myself, amazed by what I was saying.
"Surprise, surprise, Yiri !" Park teased me in the bed in a lovely position, she was just wearing her jacket with nothing below it and no scarf, not even an bra to cover her breasts, the jacket was doing it. She was still wearing her jeans and she was no longer wearing her shoes.
"Wow, that's...." I was literally jaw-dropped by her, freezing myself in place at her sight.
"Ssshhh, come here." She gestured me with her left index finger to get on the bed and I was obliged to comply, starting to move while I removed my own jacket and shirt along the way before I start to crawl on the bed, getting myself on top of her. "Now, make love with me all night !" She moved her hands to remove my bra before she pulled me with an kiss, getting my hands below her jacket to touch her breasts.
"As you wish, miss Park." I said in a teasing tone before she moved to get on top of me, finding my back against the bed as she started to kiss me on my neck "Mmmh....Park." I breathed, taken away by the pleasure
"Yiri....You have been very cheeky." She looked at me with her eyes that could say 'I just love you so much' "I just want you..." She continued in her kisses, going slowly down on my upper body. "I want to make you love everyday..." She exclaimed, kissing my chest before she moved her hands to remove my own pants.
"Please, do it...let's fuck..." I whispered to her, giving me an big smile as she start to remove my underwear with me slowly breathing, ready to do our things.
"We got all night to do that." She told me in a flirting voice before she start to lick me.
It was the beginning of a long night for us, we were having just an moment only the two of us and that we really wanted to do now. Been with her is one of the best things that happened in my life and having those types of night with her is on the same level. She was certainly the best in that and I was loving every part of it and she was loving it too. I never thought that I will have a moment like this after what happened to me and I was so happy to have it finally.
"Bell, we need to talk !" It was the voice of Russell Adler himself, adressing directly to me, sounding like an echo in the safehouse as I was working on very late at night almost at 2 AM. I was working on some files that we grabbed during our attack in the Lubyanka and by hearing him, I wasn't so relieved at all, closing my eyes for an second and stopping myself on work.
"What do you want ?" I asked him in a very neutral voice, sounding like annoyed by him. I had just like an big bad day behind me and I'm sure that I didn't want to have a talk with him at the moment, not after what he done.
"Come with me outside, it's just an friendly talk." He admitted to me and I wasn't moving from my chair even with his words but then, I took a breath and I got up from my chair, taking my jacket along the way.
I wasn't so happy to follow him outside the safehouse in the middle of the night as everyone else is asleep inside. We took the side exit of the safehouse, letting the big door closed. He handed me his pack of cigarettes but I refused it and somehow, it was looking surprised like If it was the first time I didn't want to smoke at all.
"So, what do you want ?" I asked him, crossing my arms above my chest. "Want to apologize about your behavior ?" I added.
"Me....apologizing ? Apologized for what ?" He asked me back, sounding confused even if he knows about what I'm mean.
"I don't know, maybe breaking inside my room at this hotel in Moscow..." I replied to him.
"That ?" He raised an eyebrow, smirking at me "You were late for the mission, I had to...."
"Okay..." I decrossed my arms, pointing at him, looking serious as hell "Cut the crap, Adler, why I'm here to talk to you ?" He bit his lips, hearing me getting serious all the sudden.
"You...Park, it's not possible in here." He blowed some smoke out of his mouth, almost at my face. "I'm asking you to break up with her, I'm not tolerating this kind of behavior and this kind of relationship in here !" He said to me, clearly and to hearing that, I raised an eyebrow like him.
"Who are you to tell me what to do about my personal life ?" I questioned him but he wasn't willing to respond to it.
"It's an order, Bell !" He admitted to me, pointing me with his cigarette in hand. "That....it's jeopardizing our...."
"What ?" I exclaimed, cutting him straight again. "Just because I'm with Park means that we're risking all of the operation to stop Perseus....or it's because of your oversized ego." I added, giving him an deadly glare "Yeah, must be your stupid ego !"
"Don't get me started, kid !" He affirmed, starting to clench his right fist.
"Or what ?" I asked him, spreading my arms. "I'm doing what I want with Park and you're not the one to lead my life."
"Actually, yes !" He said, making him look at him with an very curious look and angry one. "It's because of me you're here, kid. You will have been nothing without me."
"Oh yeah, you're my MI6 superior ?" I narrowed my eyes "Nope, you're CIA...and by the way, I owe you nothing at all." I pointed at him, angrily. "You have already troubles to deal with your sex life so don't start to....." I was going to continue until the man himself decide to punch right into the face, making me fall back behind on my left knee. I was so much angry but I didn't want to fight as I knew I was going to kill him as I was armed. I put my right hand below my nose and withdraw it, seeing blood on it.
"Shit, kid, I'm...."
"Don't fucking touch me !" I almost yelled, getting him away from me as he tried to get next to me. "You stupid moron." I slowly got up from that punch, holding my nose with my left hand.
"I didn't want to hit you." He tried to apologize but I wasnt' going to accept them, he just hit me like that.
"I'll tell you this, Adler." I started, still holding my nose to contain the blood. "Yes, I'm lesbian....yes, I'm loving Park and I will never break up with her, understood ?" I added, sounding angry as he was looking at me with wide eyes behind his sunglasses. "So, leave me alone and for real.....go fuck yourself !" I then started to walk back into the safehouse, opening the door that he closed. "Go fuck yourself, Russell Adler !" I closed the door behind me, containing the blood and my rage as I was going to the medical room to get my nose healed....
"Stupid motherfucker !"
I woke up with an start, an knot inside my chest after seeing that memory in the middle of the night. We were finished with Park to have sex and we were both naked under the sheets and frankly, it was so much good. That memory I just had....it make me remember how much Adler was a fucking prick with me and the others : always wanting to have control on everything and getting his temper never in control but it was also make me remember of my devotion to Park. As I looked to Park who was back to me, seeing her scars in the back, I decided to put my arms around her for recomfort, wanting to stay with her.....
All I want with her is keeping her close to me !
#black ops cold war#bocw#call of duty cold war#cod cw#cod black ops cold war#cod cold war#fanfic#helen park#fem!bell#yirina grigoriev
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