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#THIS IS THE SHIT I WPULD HAVE ENJOYED AS A KID
frankieroyuri · 28 days
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but seriously this song is actually rlly fun to listen to
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couchie · 2 years
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cw for idfk
what kind of fucking shitshow life is this. what did i do to deserve this. im sorry. im sorry. im so sorry for everything i did. i didnt do amything. even if i didnt im sorry
i qm not fucking mentally well. i want to get out of here. its 3.30 a.m how do i get out of here. someone get me out of this house
i have a mother with trauma from both her mother and her father who smokes like a fucking chimney and a father with bad bad BAD anger issues. i dont know much about his relationship w his parents and i dont want to. i dont fucking care. i shouldnt have to play therapist for my mother about her parents as it is.
their relationship is just horrid. my father stays in one place whole day, gaming away, while my mother spends her life earning money for all of us and then comes home to cater to his fucking needs.
my fathers anger is all consuming. he yells. he glares. he says things so, so vile. i wish it didnt hurt. i wish he was at least always mean to me so i could genuinely hate him. but i cant. he acts caring. he spemds time with me, sometimes. we watch tv and play games together. then he shouts.
they are still in the relationship because of ME. im so sorry mum. because you know what? once, when i was about nine, they were contemplating divorce. even lived apart a little to test it out, but didnt go through with it. you know why? because apparently my father fucking threatened my mother that he would take full custody of me and convince the court with my mum's psychiatry prescriptions and shit. he would not let her see me. and my mother only stays here because of me. and apparently he is free to do that until im 18
my mother has told me that yesterday. wjen i was little i was always like "mum, i dont like my dad. why dont you divorce? i want to live with you" and my mother didnt use to tell me tge truth. she just used to tell me that she wanted a male person to look after the family and while i had found that opinion a little old timey i knew that that was how she was raised and i also knew of all those horror stories about burglars and rapists and shit who went after alone women so i hadnt protested more. but god. the truth is worse. it is so mug fucking worse
whrn i was little my father's verbal abuse was much, much worse. after their short while of living apart he became a little better. but back then, when a was a little kid, he would shout so much. so much. i still shake in my room whenever i hear his voice travel to my room from the living room, even if i can clearly make out that it was because he was laughing. it is not something i can control. it is a reflex. when i was little whenever he shouted, my knees would go weak. i would be so afraid that i would feel like i was gonna faint. i would cry alone at my room. he wpuld shout at the littlest things. at things out of my control. i would knock over a glass of water accidentally and he would shout at me. he would call me stupid and no good and a nuisance. i would shake, trying not to burst into tears right then and there. my head would cloud. i wouldnt be able to think. then he would shout more, because why did i not pick the glass up, the idiotic child that i was? could i not think of even that by myself? was i really that useless? i would fall and injure my ankle. he would pick me up and carry me, yelling me the moment he set me down. why was i not careful? couldnt i focus on walking and not stick my head in the clouds? was even walking a straight line too hard for me? he would knock down a plate and shatter it and he would shout at me. why did i put it there? why was i not cleaning the porecelain pieces? why couldnt i be useful in any way?
my father works from home. always has. i had no escape. i would try to not come out of my room, still do in fact, trying not to cross paths with him. but that would anger him too. he wanted me in front of his eyes.
i was never the child he wanted. he wanted a child who was athletic. one who enjoyed gaming. one who shared his interests.
i was none of those.
i have never been athletic. i was always a slow runner, quick to tire out (of course, that might also been because of my heart issues but thats another topic entirely). i never wanted to join hide and seek. whenever he brought me along for his weekly get togethers with his old friends to play basketball, i wouldnt join them or be active in some other way in a corner. i would sit and read a book. all his friends had children like that. ones daughter and anothers son were professional basketball players. one had a daughter that was ridiculously into volleyball. we wouldnt see anothers daughter because she was always at tennis training. i wasnt like that. i wasnt in shape. i didnt have strength, endurance or enjoyment of physical activities. i would much rather do mentally intriguing activities. i never understood the games he played on his pc, they were too complicated for my five year old self that didnt know english. i was a disappointment in every single way and he made sure i would feel that
once, he guilted me into going to the try outs for a professional volleyball team. i was so out of shape that the rigorous strain put on my muscles after years and years of not working out not being physically active at ALL that i felt faint while the try outs and nearly puked after them. when i told my mother that i was feeling ill, she made sure that i wouldnt go again. she already knew i didnt want to go. but my father never let me forget that. he also tried to gaslight me into thinking i had begged him to go to a volleyball course, and he had arranged one with a professional team with much difficulty, amd then i had abandoned the whole thing for no reason at all, causing everyone an inconvenience. but i know that that wasnt what happened. i know. i know.
i used to have really bad body issues because of my father. he used to make really mean comments, shaming me about my weight when he himself was (and still is) very overweight. i used to hate going swimming, despite absolutely loving being in water, because even the most covering swimsuit was too revealing the body rhat i saw as shameful and ugly.
there is so, so much more shit. so much. but i dont feel stable enough to open up any more and this is a pretty fucking long rant post anyway
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theladylovingcrow · 4 years
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New Places, Friendly Faces Part 3 (Sanny)
https://theladylovingcrow.tumblr.com/post/189298208331/new-places-friendly-faces-part-2-sanny
Author (As known on Various sites): Lady Lover- Rockfic, Luluthechoosingcrow - AO3, theladylovingcrow - Deviantart and Wattpad, @sammy_bluebells - Instagram, @imacrowcawcaw - main Tumblr, @theladylovingcrow - writing/art Tumblr, @insannywestan - Sanny shipping Tumblr
Fandom: Greta Van Fleet
Pairing: Sam Kiszka/Danny Wagner (Sanny), lil bit of Danny/Ronnie but he's quickly swept away with Sam
Length: about 2.3k
Warnings/Tags: Alternate Universe, Diner AU, No band AU, fluff, some angst, awkwardness, first dates, you know the ones where person A's date is failing and person B comes and sits with them, sorry i forgot what its called but that, hand holding, flirting, Sanny
Summary: Danny was nervous; he had been building up the courage for *weeks* to arrange a date, and now.... He wasn't quite sure what to think of the situation he found himself in. The night certainly wasn't going as he had expected it to - and his emotions had never ridden a roller coaster this fast. Hell, the beautiful angel holding his hand wasn't even the one he had arranged to meet 2 hours ago.
Author's Notes: Yep! I've officially adopted an every Monday post schedule for this, so that's cool! Just an fyi about the ending of this chapter, I'm so sorry to disappoint of you're hoping for a magical portal but that's not it (that wpuld have been cool but this is a mundane story)
https://theladylovingcrow.tumblr.com/post/189298208331/new-places-friendly-faces-part-2-sanny
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"Right... well, I'm officially off duty once I ring you up, so why don't you two get out of here and have some fun."
Danny fished into his pocket one handed, finding his wallet. He tried to open it and get a ten out while still holding on to Sam, but it was pretty difficult so he was forced to let go in order to pay. He thought it was a little overly dramatic of his heart, but it literally stopped beating out of disappointment for a second. God. He was already completely whipped.
Sam stood up and grabbed the keys, going back to his other table to put on his coat while Danny got his change back from Ronnie. She, now sitting at the table with her other brothers, waved them goodbye as they exited the cozy diner, stepping out into the frigid snow.
Sam immediately grabbed Danny's hand back, putting both of them in his pocket as he started to walk around the back of the building to the employee's section of the parking lot.
Sam suddenly stopped, turning to look at Danny. "Shit, wait, how did you come here? Do you have a car?"
"Uhh, my mom dropped me off."
Sam nodded and kept walking. Danny, for some reason, didn't want to leave it at that - Sam didn't seem overly judgemental, but he wanted to show that he wasn't a completely helpless dork.
"Usually I get her car on the weekends," he continued, "but she had some thing to attend over in North Star and she couldn't get a ride. She brought me here and gave me money for the bus to take home."
"Hey, well, now you don't have to take the bus!"
Sam grinned at him, unlocking the door to his sister's car and opening it for Danny. He smiled to himself and ducked his head, getting in. Fuck whatever societal expectations - not like they really applied to gay couples anyways - he loved to be treated sweetly, too.
Starting the ignition and carefully backing out of the parking space, Sam laughed, loud and happy. Danny looked at him curiously.
"Oh my god, I just picked up a total hottie and we're going on a rendezvous in my sister's car! This is crazy!"
Danny laughed, too, amazed at the situation. Like, holy shit, he was in this guy's (sister's) car that he had met less than an hour ago and they were on their way to who knew where. And he didn't even care! Never in his life had Danny been less concerned about the future; his music, his golfing, school, the world at large, none of it mattered when Sam was sitting next to him, singing along to Jimi Hendrix and looking absolutely stunning in the passing lamplight.
They drove for a time, speeding past cozy houses and dense acres of trees that outlined the starlit sky. Sam didn't seem to have a destination in mind any time soon, and Danny didn't really care if the car never stopped driving. The radio started to fuzz out as the got further into the woods, and nothing but an old talk show was coming in, so Sam had Danny put in his Clapton CD he'd left in Ronnie's car.
"I was looking for that! Figured I'd left it in here, but I don't get the car as often now that she's working more."
Danny nodded, enjoying hearing these little bits about Sam's siblings. It always interested him - learning small facts about people and getting glimpses into their lives, even more so when he was very interested in that person themselves, too.
"So, Ronnie is older than you, right?"
"Yeah, yeah she's a year older than me, she just started taking some classes at the adult school in Saginaw. She's been working at Gerald's for awhile, but she gets adult hours, now, which is good because we like to stay out late and go see her," Sam laughed.
"Oh, that's cool. What about your brothers, the twins? Are they your only other siblings?"
"Yes, fortunately. I don't know how Mom and Dad handled us, we're all within three years of each other. What about you, are you an only child?"
Danny had been right, they were all close in age. Four kids, two of them twins! He still couldn't wrap his head around how that could possibly work out for the parents, but they all seemed to be nice people and clearly got along well. It was pretty nice, actually, having a (potential) boyfriend with a good relationship with his family - Danny knew that it might of been a slightly unfair dating requirement, but he wanted someone who loved their family as much as he did.
"I have a younger sister, she's a freshman at Frankenmuth High. I'm a senior, by the way."
"Wait, what? Me too! I wonder why I've never seen you if we go to the same school. How have I never noticed you before?" Sam exclaimed, making a sharp turn and pulling off of the paved road onto a dirt track.
Danny contemplated that, too. How one Earth had he never seen Sam if they went to the same fucking school? Sam was, like, *magnetic* or something, it didn't make any sense.
Sam interrupted him, not meaning to, as he was about to speak. "Alright, we're here. Sorry, continue," he grinned at Danny, looking sheepish at cutting him off. Danny smiled in return, telling him it was alright.
They got out of the car, shutting the doors gently so as not to disturb the peaceful nighttime forest, and also not to dent Ronnie's car.
Danny resumed what he was saying as Sam led him around to the trunk and started rooting around. "About not seeing me at school, well, you didn't have a reason to until now. I mean, it's not like a lot of people know me, I don't have many friends and I kinda tend to stay to the side."
"I can't imagine how you don't have tons of people hanging off of you," Sam said, looking up at Danny with his foxy eyes glinting in the moonlight. (That was cheesy, Danny knew - but his eyes were beautiful) "Like, the only explanation I can come up with as to why you don't have half of the school constantly begging you to notice *them* is because everyone is crazy."
He blushed and grinned, enjoying the feeling of being the one flirted with for once. It was beyond comprehensible for Danny as to why Sam seemed so taken by *him*, but it wasn't something he wanted to give up anytime soon if he could help it, confusion or not.
"Wow, you are a smooth talker, aren't you?"
Sam snorted. "Hardly. I'm telling you what I honestly think, and it's this: I've known you for maybe two hours, and you are the kindest, sweetest, smartest, most beautiful person I've ever met. Past maybe my mother, but that's different. You deserve all the friends in the world, and you could have any boy or girl you choose, I'm sure."
"Well, I'm choosing you," Danny said, blushing and grabbing Sam's hand. He didn't know what it was, but he was being particularly mushy today. Luckily, Sam seemed to really like it.
Sam led him away from the car after locking it up, one arm carrying a briefcase looking container, and the other's hand holding Danny's. They walked through the light snowfall and under heavy bows of trees, going along a path Danny couldn't see but that, apparently, Sam knew well.
Danny had the quick thought that Sam was going to murder him, and maybe he shouldn't ignore his survival instincts, but he decided that Sam would *never* kill him. He also asked, though, just to be sure.
"Are you planning on killing me out here?"
Sam laughed his donkey bray, swinging their hands and taking another slight turn around a large tree. "No, I don't think I'd be able to physically overpower you, you're probably way stronger than I am."
"Oh, yeah? But what about a gun? What's in the box, Sammy?"
Danny was grinning inside, though externally he blocked it so that his facade wouldn't slip. Sam stopped and stood in front of him.
"I'll show you what's in the box!" Sam said, holding it up in front of his crotch like that SNL sketch.
"Ooh, my favorite!" Danny wiggled his brows, staring at the box where, right behind it, was Sam's dick. They both laughed, faces rosy and eyes crinkled.
Danny was glad that he had chosen Sam over Ronnie, not only for the fact that Sam actually liked him back, but that he got along so well with him. Even if the romance was a bust, he could tell that they would be very good friends, the connection was that immediate. And, he liked the idea of being best friends with a guy and then also getting to fuck his brains out at the end of the day.
'I'm getting ahead of myself, he said he has standards.'
'*No*, he said that he won't fuck you in his sister's car, but he wants to.'
"Sam, dude, where are we going? What are we doing out here, like, really?" He choked out, dying to know and also hoping that the plans included at least a kiss.
Danny hadn't been this desperate to kiss someone in- possibly forever, really. He didn't know why he was so intent on getting Sam's lips on him (though, he supposed he did: like, *look* at Sam's mouth). It wasn't like himself to be this out of control - albeit on his own head - but Sam had this effect on him.
Logically, Danny knew that if Sam wanted to go slower he would totally respect that choice and not even be put out about it, he liked just being with Sam that much. But, a kiss.... He wanted just a taste, in case this was the only date he got to have with Sam.
"We're almost there, and then I'll show you," Sam said quietly.
They continued walking, going up a gentle slope and then around a giant boulder. When they came around the other side, Danny saw that the rock had been obscuring a pristinely white, snow covered clearing. All around them, flakes fell softly from the sky, some decorating the trees, and others landing on their heads.
Sam turned to look at him, grinning. "Isn't it pretty? I feel like, whenever I come here, I've entered another dimension or something."
Danny nodded, his breath nearly taken away by the delicate magic of the moment. Well, it wasn't completely perfect - his nose was running, his gloveless hands were both freezing and clammy in Sam's, and he had no fucking clue where he was - but Sam was so, so beautiful in this place he had brought them to.
They stood and stared at the scene, taking in everything, from the stars peaking out from in between the clouds to the feel of their thumbs rubbing back and forth over each other's knuckles.
After a few minutes of silence, Sam broke it, speaking softly, "This is one of my favorite places on Earth to be. We come here during all seasons, but there's just something more.... *special*, I guess, when everything is pure and damp and quiet."
"It's really nice, I can see why you like to bring people here."
"Actually," Sam paused, looking shyly at Danny, "I've never taken anyone else. As far as I can tell, my family are the only people who know about it."
"Really? I- thank you so much for bringing me to such a special spot for you," he gasped, grinning back at Sam's little smile.
Danny was floored, absolutely amazed with this moment in his life. Sam had, for reasons he couldn't understand but figured he'd better stop worrying about, taken him to a place that no one else had been to. It was an intimate, deeply trusting gesture that he'd made, and Danny received it full-heartedly. The scenery felt sacred, now, in a way that he couldn't quite describe but that filled him with content.
"This really does mean a lot, that you're letting me view your spot. I don't know how to say thank you enough for trusting me with this- can I, maybe, take you somewhere special to me next time?"
He was shooting his shot, and praying to whatever deity felt nearest in this winter forest that it would hit it's mark. Sam had decided to take him here right after meeting him, so it *would* work, right? Danny really fucking hoped that it did, and that he hadn't ruined the relationship they were building. It was newly born and a little confusing, but in a good way; they were already fused together somehow, a connection running through them to make it seem like they'd known each other for years instead if hours.
"I'll go anywhere you wanna take me," Sam answered. He looked aware of how cliche what hed said was, but he also didnt seem to care. Damny was internally screaming with joy. "I wasn't sure where I was driving, at first, but I ended up on the path here, and it felt right. You being here feels nice and right."
Danny was smiling openly, happiness on display. He swung their hands and looked up at the sky, where the snow clouds where starting to clear, the last of the flakes finishing their journey to the ground. Sam leaned into him slightly, a pleasurable warmth permeating into Danny's body through the many layers of their clothing.
"This is perfect! I was hoping the clouds would clear up, cause this wouldnt really be much fun without it. Now, c'mon, let me show you the inside."
Danny was completely confused, again. "The inside?"
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@satans-helper @okietrish @karrotkate @lazingonsunday @lantern-inthenight @ryetheruler @oblvions @bigthighsandstupidguys @mountainofthesunn
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scribblindown · 7 years
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I hope you don't mind, but as a lesbian, I'd like to imagine how it wpuld fit in the ffxv universe. How would each of chocobros react to their crush rejecting their offer on a date bc they're actually a lesbian? Bonus points if Aranea is on the party and they notice she has a crush for the dragoon lady :)))
I’m a bit excited and nervous to tackle this! This would be pretty redundant because all of the Chocobros are smart boys who understand that love is love, but enjoy! 
Noctis:
He was really awkward when he found out that there was going to be a girl traveling with them, but he eventually grew closer to you, and started to have feelings for you. 
But even though he pins after you, he would be too shy to do anything about this crush, and just spends the road trip in awkward silence. You don’t know his puppy love, but just about everyone else and their mom knows about it. 
The boys would tease him relentlessly, and would continue to tell him to ask you out, but he would be stubborn and remain silent. 
During camp one day, Gladio, Prompto, and Ignis would act really strange and say things like, “That one stall worker thought that you and Noct would make a cute couple,” or, “What’s your type of guy?“ 
Eventually you would just deadpan and say, “Guys, I’m gay." 
Everyone would have the initial shock at first, but would accept it right away. 
Noctis would feel very upset at first, not because he doesn’t accept you for who you are, but because his feelings wouldn’t go anywhere now. It would take longer for him to basically understand that you were lesbian, but only because he liked you romantically at one point. He’d probably avoid you for a couple of days, making you wonder what you did wrong. 
He wouldn’t hold anything against you, and the more time he spends with you, his emotions towards you become more of a sibling love. 
He accepts you for who you are, but he doesn’t have the strongest grip on the LGBTQ+ community, so he’s a bit clueless about it. You’d probably have to school him about your sexuality every now and then. 
He would definitely be the friend that is like, "I met another lesbian today.”“…”“So I told her about you." 
Prompto: 
Okay, first of all, look at this boy and tell me that he’s not the slightest bit homosexual. 
Don’t you see the way he smacks Noct’s royal booty? 
Prompto’s crush on you definitely stems from admiration.
When he finally tells you that he likes you and he’d like to take you on a date, you’d feel so bad because the thought of hurting Prompto makes my heart ache. 
"Oh, uh, I’m sorry, I really like you too, and I’d love to go on that photography drive with you, but only as a friend." 
He’d immediately turn red to his ears and start apologizing to you for beng so direct. 
"No! No! It’s not you! I’m just attracted to women!" 
Oh.
…OH.
Prompto would feel a bit sad about you rejecting him, but that’s only because rejection hurts no matter what, but rest assured, he loves you all the same, but this time it’s just platonically. A bit of surprise would show on his face, but other than that it’s not an extravagant reaction. 
It would be as if nothing has ever changed, Prompto is very open-minded, cool, and supportive with people’s sexuality. 
"I understand!” he says with a smile. “I just wish you told me sooner!" 
He has a good understanding of the LGBTQ+ community, both by definition and emotionally, so you are completely casual and comfortable around him. He’ll understand when you rant to him. 
Prompto rarely gets angry, but he’ll get very visibly upset when homophobic people give you shit for who you are. He’ll be there to defend you right away. 
If anything, coming out to Prompto only makes you two closer! 
Gladio: 
"It’s a beautiful day in Galdin Quay, isn’t it?" "It sure is,” you say.“Then how about we get a couple of drinks together? Just you and me—It will be a date." 
It takes you a while to understand what he’s trying to say. 
"Oh…Oh! Gladio, I’d still get drinks with you, but you should know that I’m a lesbian." 
He’d just stare at you for a while, and it makes you a bit nervous, since he has such an intense gaze. You would worry about him accepting you in those few seconds. 
Then he bursts out laughing and you get confused. 
"That makes so much sense!” He would give you a slap on the back strong enough to send you bowing over. 
Don’t get insulted though, he’s mostly laughing at himself for not catching on earlier.
Other than that, nothing would really change between the two of you, other than being more casual about sexual jokes around each other. 
He wouldn’t feel bad about your rejection and takes it in stride, it’s not like he, and anyone else for that matter, can do much about who you like anyway. 
He’s very nonchalant about it, but if someone insults you he’d get angry. Start-a-fight-right-now angry. You’d probably have to hold him back. 
It would be great if you two were into the same type of girl. 
“She’s pretty hot,” he’d comment about a girl walking by in the streets of Insomnia. You lean over. “She is." 
The two of you compete to see who can get her phone number first. 
Ignis:
"If you wouldn’t mind, I’d like to take you out on a date tomorrow." 
You’d pause for a while, because this is the Ignis asking you out on a date. You didn’t even know that he liked you like that. 
"Oh, uh, I’m sorry, Ignis, but I can’t go on that date with you—I like girls." 
He wouldn’t react much at all. He’d go silent for a couple of seconds, then fix his hair or push up his glasses. 
"I…I see…I just don’t understand why you never brought this up before." "Well, it’s not like who I choose to sleep with really has anything to do with protecting the prince." 
He’d be very stiff around you for a while, but eventually realizes that his actions might make you sad, but he tells you that he’s still just processing this. It isn’t everyday that Ignis asks a girl out on a date. 
He takes note of your sexuality and researches more on it. 
When time passes, and the occasion comes by, he’ll ask you questions about it. Like when did you realize that you were lesbian, or what are the reactions of certain people. 
He’s just a very supportive mom. 
But guy or girl, he’ll lecture you about safe sex and fuss over you whenever you leave for a date and come home from one . 
"Sexually transmitted diseases can kill, kids." 
Aranea: 
This was embarrassing, degrading, and terrifying, and your knees were quaking just thinking about it. Arenea stood several meters in front of you, her back turned as she threatened talked to one of the workers posted at the edge of the now empty Nif base. “Hidden” several meters behind you were your friends, and in response to your helpless look, they sent an encouraging one back. 
Gladio gave you a thumbs up while Prompto held up his camera to capture the moment you would finally confess. After you had come out to them, they noticed that you had a not-so-secret on Aranea this entire time, something that they passed off as sheer nerves from her assertive personality. They teased you relentlessly about your crush on her, but eventually told you that either you told her, or they would. Aranea wasn’t going to hang around your party for much longer anyway. 
So here you were, heart beating so quickly that you were positive that you were going to die of a heart attack. You wondered if you should just bolt now, run away and change your name before you could embarrass yourself. You could face monsters without a blink of an eye, but you were having trouble breathing just looking at the dragoon lady herself. You almost wanted to cry. Sure, you knew that you liked girls, and there were girls now and then that piqued your interest, but never before had you liked someone as much as you liked Aranea. 
Finally, she turned around, and raised a dainty eyebrow at your strange arrangement. With you terrified as hell and with the boys “hiding” behind a bush several meters behind you, she knew something was up. 
“Uh, kid, are you alright? Maybe you should go see a doctor or something, your face is kinda red,” Aranea said as she walked closer. To your demise, she leaned in closer to your face. 
“I..! Uh…I mean…” you choked. You turned back to the boys and gave them a helpless look that just screamed, “Help me!” 
“Oh Aranea, my forever girl! Will you go on a date with me?!” Prompto yelled across the field in a high falsetto.
You gave him a betrayed look and mouthed, “What?!” across the field. He gave you a helpless shrug back. 
“So that’s what this is about,” Aranea said, her voice smooth as silk. You were afraid to turn around. Once you did, you saw her with a hand on her hip and a smug smirk towards you. “Blondie over there is quite a wingman. Sure, you’re kinda cute. I’ll go on a date with you.” 
“What?” you weren’t even sure if you were hearing her correctly. 
“I’m free tomorrow night if you’re up for it.”. You weren’t even sure what was happening. You let out a small squeak as you nodded.. “Great. I’ll see you around, kid.”
Just as she left you with a smirk, she gave your bottom a light smack that made you stiffen up like a board. A loud scream escaped your lips. Over the pulsing in your ears, all of the boys yelled out in victory. 
Side Quest: 
Get [Name] a date with the Dragoon is now completed. 
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