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wheretheresaway-theresawilliam · 4 months

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Chapter 15: Ghosts of The Past

Word Count: 1038

TWs: Implied murder, brief gore mentions, themes of childhood trauma

/) /) ( • ༝•)

Vanessa awoke in the middle of the night to the sound of her father entering the room.

“Dad??”

He walked over to her bedside table and pulled the chain on her rabbit-themed lamp, briefly blinding her.

“Sorry, darling, I didn’t mean to wake you… but I’ve got to rush out to Freddy’s, and I was wondering if maybe you’d like to come with me. See what the place is like when no one else is around.” He smiled playfully and offered his hands. Vanessa glanced at her alarm clock.

“It’s past midnight…”

“Don’t worry, I won’t tell if you don’t.” He winked as she yawned. “And you don’t have to change out of your pyjamas if you don’t want to… but think about it, nobody will be hogging Tapper for once.”

Curious, Vanessa took his hand and got out of bed. He turned off her lamp and the two walked through the dark halls, quietly slipping on their shoes and padding out the front door. They got into William’s car. He let his daughter sit up front and encouraged her to pick a good CD for the short trip. Fleetwood Mac accompanied them as they pulled into the parking lot. The only light came from a security light positioned above the doors of the restaurant, which the two made their way toward like moths to a flame. Vanessa rubbed her hands together. It wasn’t a particularly cold night, but it felt strange and vulnerable to be awake when it seemed nobody else was. Without questioning, she went straight for the arcade after her father turned on the power. She played Tapper until he reappeared at her side.

“There’s something I’d like you to see.” There was a strange glint in his eyes as he drew her away from the machine. They entered the main hall.

“The animatronics??” Vanessa asked in a bored tone, “Dad--”

“No, no… children, I’ve brought you a friend,” he addressed the robotic animals. Vanessa stared at him, confused… then a chill ran through her and her eyes were drawn back to the stage. The animatronics were all staring at her. Freddy began to move, slowly walking toward the edge of the stage… his friends in close pursuit, all wanting to get a closer look at Vanessa. The closer they came, the more panic rose in her. What was that red between their joints? That glimpse of fleshiness in the cracks and crevices of the suits? That godawful smell?

“Don’t look so distraught, butterfly,” William’s attempt at soothing her sounded as if he were halfway across the room instead of directly beside her, “it was for their own good. Negligent parents don’t deserve children. I know that, now. But I still have you… and I would never hurt you.”

“What did you do??” Vanessa whispered, unable to look away.

“I saved them. I gave them imperishable bodies.” So long as upkeep is maintained. She tore her gaze away enough to spy a bulletin board, dotted with missing posters. Clutching her chest, she began to back toward the wall.

“They’re hurting…” She could hear an unfamiliar wailing in her mind, the sound of a child in distress.

“Oh please, they can’t hurt…” William’s voice was flat, “they’re dead.”

Vanessa buried her head in her arms as her back pressed up against the wall, sobbing. “Go away… please, make it go away…” She could feel their anguish, their confusion, their longing. He made them keep their distance. Disappointment coursed through William. This was nothing to be afraid of. Still, he took her back home, saying nothing. She was never the same after that.

In the present day, Vanessa finished her story and swallowed, feeling numb as she studied her bedroom ceiling. “Does that really sound like someone you want to call ‘dad?’” She asked.

“He proved the existence of life after death and you resent him for it?!” Vanita’s voice broke as she snapped at her. “I want to see them.”

“See what?? Who?” Vanessa had burnt up what remained of her energy, her expression dull. That’s all you got out of that, huh?

“Those haunted animatronics!”

“Can’t. Whole place was bulldozed. Nothing was salvaged.”

Vanita’s face was flushed in frustration. “But why?! Even if the place wasn’t a crime scene, why would you just toss away all that history?!”

“Haven’t you learned anything from being employed by the Fazbear Entertainment Company? If it can be swept under the rug, set on fire, and otherwise steam-rolled out of existence, they’ll do it for the guise of a spotless reputation.”

Sawyer returned to the bedroom. “I found some things, might be useful.” He pat his bag. “Put ‘em in here. I think we should get out of here soon, Vannie…”

“Maybe you two deserve each other,” Vanessa muttered after clearing her throat. “A cruel daughter to match a sadistic father.”

“Even our hostage agrees it’s fate,” Vanita hummed to Sawyer. He didn’t respond. Passing over her partner’s silence, she unbound Vanessa’s body. “Well, thanks for nothing.”

“Don’t mention it.”

Vanita left the room, brushing past Sawyer, who remained still for a moment. Silently, he crept toward Vanessa, who was now stretching her limbs. “She’s been poisoning you with elderberries and banberries,” he whispered. It took a moment for this to register.

“How…?”

“At first, she was putting a liquid mixture in your coffee at work when you weren’t looking, then she began breaking in and putting it in your water pitcher… probably poured it all over your cups, too, knowing you wouldn’t have the strength to wash any of them. I know this isn’t the time, but you should really be locking your front door, even when you’re home.”

“Fuck… wait, why’re you telling me this?”

“Because I don’t like where I’m at. I can’t do anything about it because she’d probably kill me if I tried to leave, so I’m doing what I can.”

“Sawyer, I thought you were in a hurry to GTFO!” Vanita shouted from the other room.

“I’m sorry.” With that, Sawyer left, closing the bedroom door behind him. Vanessa was now determined to get enough strength to call Ginny. She might be her only chance to make sure Vanita got what she deserved.

#fnaf #fnaf au #fnaf fic #vanessa fnaf #vanny fnaf #william afton #Doppelgänger! au

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fakeboitherottengirl · 6 years

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My baby sister punched multiple cops last night in a full blackout and did the entire Linda Blair exorcist routine monologue for the poor EMTs (Spitting, projectile vomiting, screaming all manner of unspeakable vulgarity) but TBH its comforting to know that she has the physical capability to defend herself from an ambush of multiple grown men and also it was cops so its not like she punched any real people

#at one point she awoke from a near coma and perfectly recited Eminem's Love The Way You Lie before passing back out #i told her stick to weed it will never hurt you the way alcohol will #my house is literally 4 for 4 on alcohol related hospitalizations before highschool #*Fleetwood Mac playing Break The Chain softly in the distance*#I dont know why we even try to be anything other than trash

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mollymarymarie · 2 years

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Talk to us about gay pirates? What is this and how do I watch it?

Ohmygodohmygodohmygoditshappening

*calmly clears my throat* Yes, Hello Friend. I'm so happy you've asked of your own volition and I did not word-vomit on you, literally or virtually, to strong-arm you into getting into my newest hyper fixation with me, as I have done with my friends.

(I'm on mobile and I can't make this a keep reading post, so sorry for the length of this post)

This MASTERPIECE is called Our Flag Means Death (on HBO Max in the US), and it's about an aristocrat, Stede Bonnet, who left his family to become a pirate captain and is VERY BAD AT IT but also very lovable (he reads his crew bedtime stories). He and his crew meet notorious pirate captain Blackbeard, who finds Stede ABSOLUTELY FASCINATING. Stede agrees to teach Blackbeard to be more gentlemanly (read: passive aggressive) and Blackbeard agrees to teach Stede to be a better pirate (read: literally aggressive)

I started watching this show for Taika Waititi (who plays Blackbeard and looks hella good doing it) but halfway into it, I had an "OH MY GOD IS THIS A GAY PIRATE ROMANCE???" and yes, friend. It is. And it's literally the main characters, not a background relationship (though there are those, too! And a character that uses they/them as their pronouns)

It is soft and affectionate and hilarious and fun and full of representation and heartwarming and heartbreaking and my love for it should be evident by how much I've posted about it in 48 hours

HERE HAVE THIS GIF AS EVIDENCE (it might be a little spoilery but I've posted a lot of spoilers over the last two days, so sorry for that)

This was the moment I fell in LOVE with this show. I mean, at first, like a lot of people, I thought we were getting queer baited. There were little moments before this but that little foot touch (as they gaze into each other's eyes fondly while The Chain by Fleetwood Mac plays in the distance) was when I realized we were ACTUALLY getting a love story.

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outsldcr · 3 years

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task 002 - ethan’s playlist.

when he’s working a shift, ethan almost exclusively lets whoever he’s working with pick the music. only with a select few - those he truly feels comfortable around, or who he knows share his taste in music - does he put on what he actually wants to listen to. usually it’s something that you can’t help but move to, something with a beat driving it and instruments loud enough to drown out anything else around him. there are a few quiet, more melancholic tracks on his playlist, but those are rare. he doesn’t like to dwell on sad songs; ethan needs a distraction. that’s what music is to him - a way of taking all of the things he’s feeling, and letting them go. it’s his release.

track list

basket case - green day

it’s tricky - run-dmc

no sleep till brooklyn - beastie boys

the chain - fleetwood mac

smells like teen spirit - nirvana

when i come around - green day

no scrubs - tlc

buddy holly - weazer

under pressure - queen

the kids aren’t alright - the offspring

what’s my age again? - blink-182

love is dangerous - fleetwood mac

semi-charmed life - third eye blind

my own worst enemy - lit

welcome to paradise - green day

wonderwall - oasis

teenage dirtbag - wheatus

loser - beck

shoop - salt-n-pepa

i want you to want me - cheap trick

closing time - semisonic

hey jealousy - gin blossoms

jumper - third eye blind

you oughta know - alanis morissette

are you gonna go my way - lenny kravitz

come on eileen - dexys midnight runners

the distance - cake

here i go again - whitesnake

fly away - lenny kravitz

good riddance (time of your life) - green day

the explanation

what was the first album that your muse ever bought with their own money?

ethan started working for milhorn & son in an official capacity when he was fifteen, though he’d been doing odd jobs since they opened. he began having spending money, though, once he was officially hired as a cashier. one of the first paychecks he got when to behind the mask by fleetwood mac, a band his older sister erin liked a lot. she got him interested in them, and he’s loved their music ever since.

what sort of music was around your muse’s house growing up ? what do their parent’s listen to ?

the milhorn’s had a wide variety of music they liked. his grandma betty was a fan of blues, and almost exclusively had a very vintage vinyl playing at all times. ruby listened to pop mostly, occasionally putting on disco specifically to make her younger children cringe at how uncool their parents were. ethan’s dad listened to rock and roll and r&b mostly.

what does your muse love about their favorite band ?

ethan found green day at a really formative time. he was just graduating high school, working for his parents and feeling like his life wasn’t headed anywhere in a hurry. he felt stuck, and like he belonged absolutely no where. the dual anger and playfulness that exists in green day’s lyrics just spoke to him - he could feel every emotion they felt when they played their music, and ethan has always wanted to be able to express himself as loudly and proudly as they do.

what’s your muse’s go-to karaoke song ?

prior to this year, ethan would never, ever, under any circumstances do karaoke. even now, he likely would have to be forced on stage by the rest of the band or one of his friends. but if he were forced to perform, i think he would pick something that isn’t super, duper flashy ? he has an amazing great voice, but he doesn’t really go out of his way to show it off. i think he’d pick something probably fairly well known in order to get others to join in, so he could fade into the background. maybe something like heroes by david bowie, jessie’s girl by rick springfield, or semi-charmed life by third eye blind ?

what’s your muse’s preferred way to listen to music ?

he has a cd player / boombox from 1995 that he bought second-hand a year ago. it’s in great shape, and it sits in the corner of his room. whenever he’s home and not trying to practice guitar, he’s got it on quietly in the background.

#volumetask #( task | 002 )#i wanted to make an 8tracks for the full effect but it wouldn't work for me :(#also his karaoke picks are all over the place but i struggled for a long time to pick one #enjoy <3 #( ethan | edits )

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smalltragedy · 3 years

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* ryan destiny, cis woman + she/her | you know kira blake, right? they’re twenty four, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, ever? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to babooshka by kate bush like, a million times this year, which makes sense ‘cause they’ve got that whole lazily stretched out in a ray of light, daisy shaped irises and daisy chain braids, performing an intricate dance to move the ocean's waves thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is october 31st, so they’re a scorpio, which is unsurprising, all things considered. ( james, 22, est, they/them )

hllo ive hd kira in my head fr a bit bt i also know ntohing abt her! this is me winging it even though i hv no right to <3 this is my third character maybe whose birthday is in honor of ella n coincidentally 2/3 of them r in this rp. yea im messy smirks sexily.

DEATH, GRIEF, DRUGS TW

mini playlist.

wuthering heights ;; kate bush / babooskha ;; kate bush / dreams ;; fleetwood mac / california dreamin’ ;; the mamas & the papas / lavender moon ;; haroula rose / time of the season ;; the zombies / after the storm ;; kali uchis / left hand free ;; alt-j / always forever ;; cults / wait a minute! ;; willow / your dog ;; soccer mommy.

statistics.

full name: kira blake

nickname(s): keely.

birthday: october 31st, 1996.

zodiac: scorpio sun, cancer moon, aquarius ascending.

mbti & temperament: esfp & catalyst / sanguine.

label: the ebullient.

sexuality: bisexual.

pinterest.

biography.

born to two original hippies which hs pretty much set up who kira is fr the rest of her life <3 the type of ppl who didnt like the boundaries of marriage n held off frm it fr as long as possible until theyd hd a spur of the moment elopement involving a celebrity impersonator at fannie’s <3 yea theyre lesbians lets go <3

nvr rly took things srsly until kira ws like 5 yrs old n then they were like ah gee ah fuck we probably shld probably settle settle. n they job hopped n worked many odd jobs until they found their footing in careers they liked n one of them probably does like. blown glass art. n the other prob fixes old computers n other ~vintage~ mementos of the past fr ppl.

they make a decent living n they live in delpinius heights n they try a few times fr another kid bt it nvr rly works out (raises an eyebrow. adopted siblings anyone?) n fr the most part kira as a child spends her time running around town and tugging on the hem of other’s shirts to ask them small favors (mostly to play a game with her)

often left unsupervised as a kid, bt not in the way tht her parents dnt care (bc her parents love her a lot a lot a lot like she is their world) bt in the way tht they simply raised her the way they were raised. running amuck all day n coming home jst in time fr dinner, front porch light always on, cat always waiting faithfully on their stoop.

pretty evident frm a young age tht kira’s mind saw things differently, in a different light - the world an array of light n mystery n sound n taste n sometimes those collided n created new experiences. prob hs some form of synsthesia bt dnt ask me which one yet. she’s a painting prodigy with an excellent understanding of color theory.

always ws known as a kind of like. rambunctious kid. a well meaning class clown who cld nt keep her mouth shut fr the life of her. grew up constantly with a yellow card beneath her name in school bt ws always well liked by her teachers n classmates alike.

jst a very bright child who did well naturally bt always ws turned more towards art.

feel like her parents very noticeably turned a cheek when she started smoking weed w the cool older kids when she ws 13. the type of person who wnts 2 b liked so bad she’d jump over a hurdle fr it. hs jumped over many hurdles n many fences n many other obstacles to be liked bt does it without breaking a sweat.

(edit: nw tht i think abt it hwevr i dnt think she does tht anymore i think while a bit of a mess atm she. likes herself. n doesnt rly want or need the approval of others anymore she jst does her own little thing. bt when she ws younger? she jst wnted 2 b friends w the entire world.)

nothing bad rly happened fr like. a good bit of her life. got into psychedelics at some point in high school n tht only heightened her artistic abilities. most of her high school art portfolio ws probably done while high bt <3 does it matter.

hd a high school sweetheart n they were pretty serious like. full on in love. a total believer of soulmates kira ws jst like. this is the one. there is nobody else i cn imagine my life with.

death tw

death tw.

death n grief tw // yea. sometime during their freshmen year of college. car incident. kira ws nvr the same though she’d like to pretend tht nothing’d ever happened. like theyd nvr existed. like she didnt plan out their entire lives together hiking thru hills n valleys n boating across various bodies of water n traveling together until they were old n wrinkly. end of death tw //

cld nt explain 2 u why kira hd bought a van n completely demolished it only to drain all of her savings remodeling it bt nw she lives in it by the beach. hd dreams of travelling the world bt cannot go long distances in a car without feeling sick. sees planes n feels envy. stopped painting fr a long time bt she’s started back up recently. took on surfing. told her parents tht it ws fine n tht she ws fine n theyre concerned bt shes always by the beach, her van rarely leaves. she’s trying her best bt its only been a few yrs n i think ppl cn sense tht shes jst nt the same cheerful girl as they once knew. end of grief tw //

anyways. tugs on my collar. tht’s kira! she lives on the beach n surfs everyday n is obsessed with daisies n is prob growing her own shrooms somewhere.

personality & facts.

always been very emotional n a little dramatic. nt a drama queen bt is a little messy n does not hv like. many rational thoughts up in there. very cup full or cup empty.

regardless though she hs an. overall reputation fr jst being. enjoyable to be around. her her little moments bt shes also pretty like. laidback. in a way. KDSHFSDLKHGHFLKSD

prob bc she smokes a lot or is often <3 on a trip if u know wht i mean <3

god. got obsessed with the 60s n 70s aesthetic at some point n hs not gone back evr. big fan of psychedelic rock. is a prodigy painter bt her life dream outside of traveling ws always to own her own record label. hs nt happened yet, maybe will never happen? works at a record shop though n does hide the good vinyls tht she wants away frm the customers.

very cheerful n usually uplifting n she doesnt like to b negative around others bt smtms she cnt control it n smtms thinks tht ppl r out 2 get her jst out of. anxiety. hs long bouts where she’ll sit in a still sort of sadness n then shake out of it n hop back into conversation like nothing’s happened bt. its fine we’re fine kira is fine.

shes not gullible or naive bt wants to believe tht everybody hs a heart of gold even if its false. keeps giving ppl second chances bc she hs a savior complex n thinks she cn change ppl.

is very into zodiac n will judge u by ur chart. knows everybody in town’s natal chart. even newcomers. it’s a little scary hw quick she finds this information bt its very important to her.

kind of like. into spirituality bt i wont lie its very surface level n a little superficial. learning tarot cards bt cannot fr the life of her memorize the meanings so smtms she jst makes up things on the spot. hs so many crystals she will not stop buying them.

i think a part of her is desperately trying to cling onto tht like. think positive. self care. msg thts super prevalent online without addressing or actually helping any of her problems. it is her flaw </3

hates to admit when she needs help. wld rather do everything herself.

head is a little in the clouds n her parents r a little concerned fr her bc shes nt rly doing much rn bt like. she jst needs time i think. shes jst doing her little thing.

does not give up on ppl easily she absolutely hates dropping ppl frm her life even if she grows 2 resent them over time which is bad bc she is bad at hiding when she is upset at someone or when she doesnt like someone.

like shes jst passive aggressive abt it n does not properly communicate <3

bt this is rare i think ... negative feelings abt other ppl

self centered bt not selfish if tht makes sense. she will do things fr others without a problem n sometimes trips over herself 2 do it bt at the end of the day i think she cares abt herself the most.

hs only been in love once bt hs hd many infatuations n many like. admirations n very surface level feelings. her body is a temple n she loves 2 b worshipped.

prob does fkn. beach yoga. probably vegan bt also maybe breaks tht every once in a while. almost noncommittal its hard 2 distinguish between her being carefree, not taking care of herself, or jst hving commitment issues? flaky or not? who knows.

feels jst a bit too strongly bt tries to contain it. jst full of multitudes or smth. idk. icon <3

like. cares bt doesnt care. does thinks tht r purposely self destructive n then acts like shes like. cool girl monologue frm gone girl. bt does it while being like peace n luv on earth x

ok thts all i hv goodbye

wanted plots.

a pseudonym 2 fool ‘em... ;; jst hd this idea pop up bt i like the idea of kira going undercover 2 expose cheaters. whether she does this on her own accord or is personally requested by smbdy is up in the air. a plottable point. she h8s cheaters n is chaotic good she prob thinks shes the relationship vigilante testing the strengths of other’s relationships. once again she cld b. specifically going undercover fr smbdy 2 help them out. im sure she wldnt go 2 very. extensive srs measures like actually. sleeping w the assumed-cheaters bt once again. world is our oyster n i lov drama?

crystal visions ... ;; once again. shes super into crystals n astrology n she will base sm of her opinions of others on it. this is nt just abt her being judgmental of others bt also jst. catching her running around in the rain trying sooo hard 2 fkn. charge her crystals in the rainwater bc she forgot 2 charge them under the full moon the night b4. this is her giving wrong tarot readings. she hs no idea wht shes doing at any given time bt acts like she does know. acts like she knows the entire world. she gives crystals as gifts n will do ur natal chart for u bt will also pack her things n leave if ur a capricorn.

time of the season... ;; i dnt knw admittedly. this song’s abt being horny so perhaps? perhaps. kira isnt rly able to keep a grasp on long term relationships rn due to. factors in her life so she hops frm person 2 person often. smtms jst flings smtms its jst a relationship accidentally led on. shes noncommittal n a little flaky atm when she’s usually ride or die fr others. perhaps this is all in the name of some good fun! world? oyster.

literally anything .dsfskhdkgs ;; god. shes so new i jst dnt know. childhood friends. current friends. friends shes hd frever. enemies n ex lovers n ppl shes constantly pushing away or scorned lovers or both or anything?? she pushed them out of the roller rink to make more room fr herself or maybe they did tht to her. perhaps theyre both constantly pursuing some sort of fkn. meaning in their lives tht they cnt quite grasp. mayb they go on an acid trip together. who knows.

#irvingintro #death tw #grief tw #car accident mention tw #drugs tw #specifically weed n psychedelics i think

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recurring-polynya · 4 years

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Does anyone in the world remember Heroes of the Hueco Mundo Invasion – In Love!!, a short and very strange piece of fiction I wrote while high on bad antidepressants because @unohanadaydreams told me to? Anyway, I wrote another chapter. I wrote this ages ago and never posted it because I was considering cutting the joke about the bowling shirts in favor of actually having them go bowling eventually. I still haven’t decided, but the bit about the bowling shirts is too good to cut. Why did I write this??? Anyway, it is transcendentally stupid and every single line of it is extremely hilarious to me. I just made a joke about Renji playing the tambourine and remembered this existed, so here you go. Happy Saturday.

🎨 🐱 👨‍❤️‍💋‍👨

“Are you seeing this?” Ichigo exclaimed.

Rukia sighed, cradling her phone between her shoulder and her ear. “Yeah.”

“First of all, since when does Soul Society have YouTube?”

“I don’t know why you keep calling it that, it’s called SoulTube, and how else would we watch cat videos and skateboard tricks?”

“Since when do you have skateboards? And also, what the junk, Chad and Ishida?”

Rukia sighed as Matsumoto narrated the highlights of Chad and Uryuu’s Shinigami Women’s Association-sponsored date.

“Chad and Uryuu decided to each plan half the date to surprise the other!” Matsumoto was trilling. “Tell me, Uryuu, what did Mr. Tall, Dark and Silent have in store for you?”

“Well, the Karakura Art Museum was doing a tribute to Leonora Carrington, who is apparently one of Chad’s favorite artists. He was clearly nervous about it. I mean, her works are a little avant garde, but he said that he wanted to share something about himself and that he felt I would understand. I was honestly really touched by that. I wasn’t exactly surprised that Chad is into magical realism, we all know that 100 Years of Solitude is his favorite book.”

“Do we?” Ichigo echoed. “Do we all know that, Ishida?”

The camera panned to Chad standing in front of a large painting in which some plague doctors appeared to be spray-painting a flamingo. There was close to a minute of silence, punctuated by a bit of zooming in and out, before Chad rumbled “This one is my favorite.”

“For the second half of the date, Uryuu took a bit of a different tack!” Matsumoto explained.

Uryuu was back on camera again. “I mean, I tried to think of things Chad likes. I’m kinda boring, and I felt bad for making him do this. I know I went for the really obvious thing.”

The video switched to the interior of a kitten cafe. Chad was covered in kittens. There were two on his head, one on each shoulder, and at least seven cradled in his massive arms. His face was just one massive grin. It cut over to Uryuu, a single, tiny kitten cradled in the crook of his arm, sipping at a cup of tea, gazing at Chad mistily.

“Awwwww,” Rukia murmured. It was the sixth time she had watched this. It was the sixth time she had involuntarily murmured ‘awwwww’ at this part.

“I am so mad at him,” Ichigo grouched. “I thought Ishida would screw this up royally. I mean, we all knew Chad would do a good job, but look at this! How am I supposed to take Inoue on a date after this?! Why did I agree to this?!”

“Because you were high on painkillers,” Rukia pointed out for the sixth time, as, on her computer screen, Chad and Uryuu fed each other bites of pastry. “What are you all nervous about anyway? Orihime is the kindest person in existence and she thinks the world of you. Aside from accidentally stabbing her-- which, sometimes you do accidentally stab people, so try not to-- there’s really no way to mess this up. Besides, technically, didn’t she ask you out?”

Ichigo let out a big huff, which Rukia assumed was at her, and not at Hisagi’s surreptitious, long-range zoom shot of Uryuu and Chad having a very chaste good-night peck on the lips.

“Askin’ a girl out is very hard, Rukia, and I’ve got this opportunity, and I don’t wanna blow it! I know that Orihime will like anything, and that’s why it’s so hard to figure out the thing that will actually really make her happy!”

“You. She wants to go on a date with you, dude.”

“I mean, would she be impressed if I wore a suit? Or would I just look like a mortician? Maybe she’s into morticians. Should I ask my dad if I can borrow his leather jacket? I mean, it’s super cool, but it’s also my dad’s, so it comes with terrible vibes.”

“She will like whatever you are wearing because she likes you. She has sent me no less than 18 text messages on this topic.”

“And Nanao and Hisagi definitely do not know how human money works, they gave us way too much. Do you think I should take her someplace really upscale? I feel like that’s a dangerous move on my part.”

“You could honestly just walk around with her. She likes you disgustingly much.”

“Is there some ancient disgraced shinigami sealed in a cave we could… y’know… loosen the bindings on…? Orihime loves sealin’ up an undead evil.”

“Dude, you just said this was a big opportunity for you, and b) that’s what we’re doing next week so I can get out of my date.”

Ichigo snorted. “C’mon, you have it so easy. I wish I could go on a date with Renji.”

“Fine. Let’s swap then, and you can.”

“Nooooooooo, because then Orihime would like you better than me, I don’t want that! And besides, that’s not really what I meant.”

“What did you mean?” Rukia asked, her voice dropping down into Sode no Shirayuki territory.

“You guys go on dates all the time, even if you don’t call it that. Keigo was really confused when he found out you two weren’t married.”

“Keigo gets confused by vending machines. And I just take Renji to noble crap because Brother says he is ‘an acceptable escort’ and he’s really good at being tall and making growly faces at gross people who would otherwise be hitting on me.”

“You take him to noble stuff? I didn’t know you took him to noble stuff.”

“I mean, we go drinking, too, but everyone goes drinking, that’s not a date.”

“Sure, drinking in a large group is not a date.”

“It is also not a date to go drinking with just one other person. Sometimes you want to hear what the other person has to say, you know, or you just want to offload about your day with someone who understands you really well!”

“To be honest, Rukia, I was specifically referring to the time we went to karaoke and you two sang ‘The Chain’ by Fleetwood Mac together and maybe also the time we went bowling and you guys had matching shirts, but now that I have further information, I think he might actually be your boyfriend.”

“I sound exactly like Stevie Nicks when I sing!” Rukia protested. “And Brother bought us those shirts. He has one, too.” She sucked her teeth for a moment. “I’m pretty sure if he were my boyfriend, that would have required us to kiss at some point.”

“Oh.” There was a long silence at the other end of the line. “D’you want to? Kiss him, I mean.”

Rukia scratched her head, and backed up to the part where Chad was covered in kittens again. “I dunno. Do you want to kiss Orihime?”

“I kinda do, Rukia. Have you met her?”

“Fair. You should wear a suit and also sunglasses. Wear a tie, but loosen it a bunch and maybe halfway through the date, take it off and stick it in your pocket. Bring flowers. Lounge against a doorway and occasionally stare off into the middle distance before you say something. She’ll flip her shit. I promise.”

“Thanks, Rukia! You’re the best!”

“I’m not,” Rukia grumbled, squinting at the screen, trying to figure out who had initiated the Chad - Uryuu kiss.

“Renji’s pretty hot. I don’t judge you for wanting to kiss him.”

“I-- !” Rukia protested, then closed her mouth. “Thanks, Ichigo.”

“This could be a big opportunity for you, too, y’know.”

“Maybe,” Rukia agreed, and started typing “eye makeup tutorial not look like clown” into the SoulTube search bar.

🎶 🍨 💖

Renji frowned at the bill of damages in front of him. Apparently, Harribel was in charge of Hueco Mundo now, and she had discovered paperwork. He was supposed to confirm all of the things that he, personally, had destroyed. He didn’t think he should be charged for destroying Rudabone’s skeletons, since the guy just made more of them. Also, 73 Menos Grande seemed excessive. He wondered if Queen Harribel was trying to have one over on them.

“Lieutenant Abarai,” Captain Kuchiki intoned. “I have seen the SoulTube video.”

Renji jumped a foot in the air. “Aw, jeez, Captain, you almost gave me a heart attack!” he gasped. “The one where me and Rikichi do sweet skateboard jumps? Or the one where Hisagi sings ‘Ship to Wreck’ and I play backup on the tambourine?”

His captain glared at him. “The one where the ryouka boys go on a romantic outing."

“Oh,” Renji replied. “Captain, I know what you’re thinking.”

“Do you?” Byakuya intoned, his voice dripping with skepticism.

“And I think a cat cafe could really take off in Soul Society, it would be a great investment opportunity! You should move quick, though, while this video is still so popular.”

“What I was referring to, Abarai,” Byakuya growled, “is that you are scheduled to take my beloved sister on a similar such outing, no?”

“Oh,” Renji said again. “Yeah, I guess.”

“You guess?”

Renji hunched a little. “It’s not a big deal, sir. Hisagi’s really been blowing it all outta proportion. It’s just a cute thing for the newspaper, like the time they printed your recipe for Ambassador Seaweed taiyaki, remember that? You got dressed up in a little apron and hat and stuff and then you got all that fan mail?”

“This is not like that at all, Abarai,” Byakuya informed him. “I knew it would be thus. I shall call Lieutenant Hisagi and tell him to call this wretched exercise off immediately.”

“Uh… why, sir?” Renji asked, his eyes wide.

“You are not taking this seriously, Lieutenant. My sister is the most beautiful and charming woman in Soul Society, and I will not have her affections treated as a publicity stunt.”

“You underestimate me, sir!” Renji barked. “No one has more respect and sincere affection for your sister than me! I swear on my sword, I will show her A Real Good Time!”

Byakuya scrutinized his lieutenant. “You will select an activity that will be both surprising, yet enjoyable to her?”

“Yes, sir!”

“You will compliment her clothes and hairstyle, even if she insists on wearing those horrific Living World combat boots she owns?”

“For sure, sir!” Renji replied. He was a great fan of the combat boots.

“You will return her home by 9pm?”

“That’s a little early, sir, and also, there’s a nonlinear time gap between…”

Byakuya narrowed his eyes. Renji’s numerous Senbonzakura scars were starting to itch.

“No later than 8:45, sir.”

Byakuya nodded. “I am going to trust you on this, Lieutenant, but I shall be waiting up with ice cream and hot fudge, should you disappoint my sister.”

“I thought you didn’t like sweet things,” Renji frowned.

“I make allowances where my sister’s heart is at stake.”

“Well, I’m gonna do my best, sir, and I know her pretty well, so I don’t think you’ll need it.” It occurred to Renji that over the years, Byakuya had turned out to be a pretty decent brother, after all, but he didn’t think it would be particularly helpful to point that out. “Uh, sir?”

“Yes, Abarai?”

“You got any policies on good-night kisses?”

“If I am shown a particularly nice time, I allow myself to be kissed at the end of a date.”

Renji blinked. “I meant, uh, vis-a-vis Rukia.”

“Ah.” Byakuya contemplated this for a moment. “Obviously, your own preferences carry some weight, but my sister is quite a catch. If Rukia wishes to kiss you, I think you should let her.”

Renji nodded curtly. “Will do, sir!”

#my writing #chadishi #renruki #ichihime #i am afraid to put this on ao3 because i'm afraid I'll never finish it #and i don't want to be that person #maybe i'll give those antidepressants another shot before the end of the year and see what comes out

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theshrubbery · 3 years

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Chapter 8!

BAZ

“Pumpkin picking?” Snow sounds incredulous. I stare at him blankly.

“Yes, Snow,” I say. “Pumpkin picking.”

“But why?” He presses, as though pumpkin picking is some great offence to him. We’re sitting on the sofa Snow insists on sleeping on at the end of my bed. We’re sharing a plate of toast between us, though Snow is eating the bulk of it without even realising. He’s like a machine.

“Because it’s nearly Halloween and there’s a perfectly good pumpkin patch fifteen minutes away in the car?” He blinks, opens his mouth, and then closes it again. He’s quiet for a few moments before he replies.

“I’ve never been pumpkin picking,” he mumbles, looking down at the toast in his hand. “I always wanted to.”

“Then there we go.” I nod, trying to mask the clench in my chest at his admission behind assuredness. “Perfect opportunity, isn’t it?”

“I… Guess so?” He says it as more of a question than an answer, like he’s still rolling the idea of pumpkin picking with me over in his head.

“Right, well, I’m done with the toast—” I push the plate closer to him and stand “—eat up and come downstairs when you’re ready.” He looks at me as though he’s going to say something, and then quickly away again.

I leave him to it and go downstairs. I catch sight of my father in the sitting room as I pass. He’s smiling and talking to Mordelia. He looks up and sees me and his smile falters, his eyes glaze a little, but he doesn’t look as angry as I’d thought he might, and I continue past him to get my coat and Snow’s from the hallway closet.

I hear footsteps thudding towards me as lean into the closet to get the coats but the open door is blocking me from seeing who it is. Of course, as embarrassing as it is, I don’t really need to use my eyes to know who it is. I could recognise Snow’s oaf-like gait anywhere.

“That was quick,” I say to him before I’ve even turned around to look. He coughs.

“Your bedroom freaks me out.” His voice is muffled, like he’s talking around something and—yes, he has a mouthful of toast I see as I turn to face him, very much hoping my face conveys my best unimpressed expression.

“Snow, you’re a mess.”

He shrugs and looks faintly embarrassed. I pass him his coat and we go to wait for the rest of my family to be ready.

Pumpkin picking has been a yearly tradition for my family since I was old enough to walk. Some of my earliest memories are of my mother and I scouring for the largest possible pumpkin, cutting it free at the stalk and then laughing as we forced my father to carry it back to the car. It’s never been quite the same since mother died. Father’s heart has never quite been in it. Mordelia and the kids love it though, and the consistency of it is reassuring and grounding.

I’m looking forwards to it today more than I have in a long time, I’ve thought about a million and one ways in which I could somehow take Snow with me sometime. Oddly enough, fake-dating has never crossed my mind.

Snow doesn’t seem that impressed. Or maybe he is. I don’t know. I’m not quite sure how to interpret the radio silence he’s dealing me.

“Alright, Snow?” I ask him. I look away from the road for a moment to glance at him. He’s been fidgeting and shifting for the whole of the five minutes we’ve been driving so far. I insisted I take me and Simon in our own car. I didn’t want to be stuck in an enclosed space with father and Simon both. I hope father interprets it as a couple-thing and not an I-want-you-to-leave-me-alone thing.

“Yeah, fine.” He looks quickly to me and then away again. Tucks his hands under his legs and then pulls them back out to pick at the loose threads at the cuffs of his coat. I turn down the radio a little, hopefully so that Snow knows I’m serious. There’s a David Bowie song playing, it’s Fiona’s, and I should have known something was up when Snow didn’t use that as an excuse to insult me as a super-fan after finding that t-shirt.

“You’re very quiet.” I start drumming my fingers nervously against the steering wheel before I realise I’m picking up on Snow’s anxious energy, and I force myself to stop.

“Am I?” It’s very clear that Snow’s forcing himself to sound surprised. I wish he’d just talk to me. “I didn’t even realise. Nosey bastard, you, aren’t you?”

“Stop avoiding the question,” I say firmly. Snow clears his throat quietly and pushes himself back in the seat, lolling his head to the side to look at the rolling countryside out the window.

“I’m fine,” he repeats. I feel uncomfortable pushing him any more than that. We’re enemies, after all, sworn nemeses. Or at least that’s what Snow thinks we are. I can’t have him thinking I care about him now, can I? Or maybe I can. I’m not sure anymore. Snow and I, our lines have always been very clearly drawn in the sand but, lately, it’s as though the tide has come in and blurred them. I have no idea where I stand with him now. It is, frankly, terrifying.

I leave him alone for the rest of the drive and turn the music back up. Bowie gives way to Fleetwood Mac just as we’re pulling onto the pumpkin patch and The Chain cuts abruptly out at the chorus as I turn the engine off.

“Right then,” I sigh. “Here we are.” Snow’s expression is unreadable and I wait for him to get out of the car before I follow, grabbing the bag with our saws in from the backseat before I do. My father and the rest of the family is already here. The twins are hyper and Mordelia even more so. I’m parked diagonally from father, behind him, and he looks over the roof of his car at me as I go round the side of my own and take Snow’s hand. He startles a little, like he wasn’t expecting it. His hand is clammy and his fingers keep twitching. He seems incredibly anxious over something.

Father turns away and offers his arm to Daphne, who links her own through his, and they head into the patch.

“Come on then, Snow. It’s pumpkin time.” I smile at him, hoping I can ease his nerves just a little. He gives me a wobbly sort of smile and nods. His hand squeezes mine just a little tighter as we begin to walk and I pretend not to notice. I wonder if he’s changed his mind about all of this after what’s happened. After my father. After that kiss. After my stupid breakdown. I really hope he hasn’t, but I would understand if he had.

The gravel of the car park crunches under our feet as we walk over to the field. There’s a thick wooden gate at the entrance and I let go of Snow’s hand to push it open. I hold it open with my back, and tuck one arm against me as I bend in a mock bow for him, gesturing to the field with my other hand. I can hear my father’s distant scoff. Or perhaps I’m so used to his scorn that my brain is now filling in the blanks. It doesn’t matter. I’m doing this for Snow, not for him, but he doesn’t need to know that. Snow smiles a little and I only just manage to stop myself from grinning back. Tyrannus Basilton Grimm-Pitch does not grin. I have the meagre shreds of my image to maintain.

“Stop being a twat, c’mon.” He snorts. Snow still isn’t shining as bright as he usually does, but at least he’s still in there. I really just want to know what’s wrong. It’s difficult to navigate where I stand with him when there are so many layers and complications.

Snow lightens up a little when he gets a good look at the pumpkins. I knew it, he’s a complete child at heart. I grab him by the arm as he makes to go venturing off into the depths of the field.

“Hang on a second,” I tell him, “you need something to cut your pumpkin with.” I sling my bag from my shoulder to my front and unzip it. I hand him a saw, covered with a safety cap, and then send him on his way. Maybe he just needs some space, I figure, so I let him go on his own for a while. I don’t even think he realises I’m walking away and picking a different path through the field, he’s so captivated by the pumpkins.

“Only one!” I shout at him when he starts looking between three pumpkins. He’s close enough that he can hear me shout but far enough to have his own space. I realise that this distance may be causing my father suspicion but Snow’s wellbeing is far more important to me at the moment.

I’ve left Snow for all of five minutes when I look over and see him wrestling with the safety covering on the saw. It has one of those child-lock contraptions built in, and, apparently, also Simon Snow-proof. So I start picking my way over to him, walking in this strange high-knee way so that I don’t trip over and make a fool of myself. I call out to him as I get closer and hold out a hand for the saw.

“I can do it myself!” He says defensively. I sigh.

“Obviously not.” I give the child-look a pointed look. “Pass it here, I’ll do it.”

“No, I can do it myself!” Snow pulls the saw closer to his chest at the same time I make a grab for it and although my hand rushes through empty air, Snow takes a jerky step backwards and his arms begin to windmill as the back of his ankle catches against the very pumpkin he’d chosen to cut.

“The saw!” I shout as I launch towards it again. Only Snow could fall and impale himself on a saw with a safety covering, I just know it, and it wasn’t a risk I was willing to take. Reaching out, I snatch the saw from him and yank him forwards with my other hand, underestimating the full potential of Snow’s clumsiness as that then redirects his falling trajectory towards myself.

“Oof!” Snow gasps as we tumble to the ground. He’s straddling me. It’s the pillow fight all over again albeit roles reversed. The saw lays discarded to the side and Snow’s hands cage my head in. His cheeks begin to get rosy, rosier, and then a blatant red that would be ugly on anyone else. Simon Snow could pull anything off.

His eyes are wide, the pupils blown, the blue iris a thin ring. There’s a sort of dazed expression on his face, like his exterior has glazed over, frozen, whilst he deals with whatever’s going on in that brain of his. I wonder if I look the same. He’s so close to me I could probably see the reflection of myself inside his eyes but I don’t want to see myself right now. I want to see Simon, I only want Simon, I don’t care that there’s twigs in my hair and stones digging into my back, I could lay here forever if it meant I’d never have to relinquish this moment.

Simon Snow’s head tilts. His breath stutters. He swallows and glances from my eyes to my lips. I feel like my body is igniting, my heart hammering, sweat prickling over my skin, adrenaline blanking out my thoughts. Simon leans a little further down towards me. He’s looking at my mouth still. Is this wishful thinking? Am I imagining this? Is this an act for my father? Surely he can’t…

He leans further down and his breath fans gently across my cheek as he gets closer… closer… and I think I’m going insane with want. I’ve never felt anything like this. I’ve never wanted anything, anyone, so badly it hurts in the way I want Simon. I hope I’m not dreaming. I hope he’s going to kiss me.

Maybe, just maybe, Simon Snow wants me just as badly as I want him.

It’s taking everything I have not to lean up and meet him halfway. Everything I have to give him the time to pull away, the time to change his mind. We’ve come so far, I can’t scare him off now.

A moth flutters between us and thus the moment is broken. I wish I could say something poetic about it, but there’s nothing even vaguely poetic about the way Snow squeals and scrambles away from me, and especially nothing poetic about the way his knee collides with my crotch.

“My fucking balls, Snow!” I cry, shoving him the rest of the way away from me and hunching over.

“Fuck! Moth! Sorry!” Snow shouts as he tries to frantically bat the moth away from us. In his mad scramble, he trips over another pumpkin and lands flat on his arse. I want to be mad at him, or at east annoyed. I really do. But I can’t. I burst out laughing, ignoring the look of shock on his face, whatever that means, and reach over the pumpkin to help him up to his feet.

“You’re such an idiot.” I smile down at him. He smiles back at me and my heart melts just a little. Snow’s hand is warm and clammy in mine, I can feel dirt smearing between our palms and fingers from where he had his hands on the ground, I can’t really bring myself to care. Not when there’s a chance Simon likes me back. I grin.

SIMON

The sun is setting outside the window by the time we finish in the pumpkin field. It’s turning a really nice kind of golden yellow and all the pumpkins look fit to turn to carriages. I’m sure Baz would have something more romantic to say about it all but I’m not Baz. I’m also trying not to think of Baz. Except he’s sitting next to me and I just tried to kiss him. I didn’t even have the excuse I was acting for his dad—Baz seemed into it, though. Or at least I hope he was. I hope I haven’t just ruined everything we’ve built.

I feel like we get along better than before, like being forced to pretend we’re boyfriends has finally opened some sort of channel of communication between us. Baz has always been my enemy, but for the first time in my life, I’m wondering if that’s how it always has to be.

“You hungry?” Baz asks, and I look down at the pumpkin weighing my lap down. It’s comforting, the weight of it, it feels grounding. I’ve named it Keith, Baz thinks I’m ridiculous but I think Baz is ridiculous so that doesn’t really bother me. I’m not taking name advice by someone whose first name is Tyrannus.

“McDonald’s,” I say. Half because I fancy a BigMac and half because I want to see what Baz’s reaction to it is, the posh bastard. He raises an eyebrow and scoffs, glancing quickly from the road to me and then back again. I wish he’d look at me forever. Fuck, that’s really gay isn’t it? Am I gay? I must be. Fuck. I’ll think about this later, I decide, I’m hungry right now.

“I like McDonald’s,” I defend.

“We literally have cooks at home that could make you anything you want, literally anything,” Baz says bluntly. “But no, McDonald’s, cheap, nasty, greasy fast food. That’s Simon Snow all over, that is.”

“You asked what I want! I want a BigMac. And fries. Also a Mcflurry.”

“Snow, it’s freezing.”

“McFlurry!”

“Right. Right, fine, McDonalds it is,” Baz acquiesces, flicking the indicator up to change lanes. “honestly Snow, it’s a wonder you’re not the size of a house all this fucking shit you eat.”

“Oi! It’s cheap and it tastes great, I don’t see the problem.” I clutch Keith the pumpkin defensively closer to me.

“The problem is it’ll kill you.” Baz deadpans, but he turns into the drive thru anyways.

“Meh.” I flop one hand towards him. “I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it.”

Baz turns to look at me with this sort of hopelessly fond look, I hope I’m interpreting it right. I really, really hope I am. Then he shakes his head and runs a hand down his face, huffing out a laugh and rolling down his window.

“BigMac, fries, and McFlurry!” I chant quickly at him.

“Yes, yes I know, be quiet now.”

Baz’s house was surprisingly not that far from McDonald’s. I wasn’t sure why but I wasn’t expecting Baz to live anywhere within a five-mile radius of one considering his reaction, as though the greasiness of the fries would pervade his senses and clog his arteries from that close a proximity.

We’re sitting on his bed now, as we always seem to be, and I’m picking at my fries. They’re surprisingly still pretty hot. Baz shifts opposite me, looking a little uncomfortable, and it makes me feel a little sick that he might be thinking about me nearly kissing him earlier.

“What did you think of the pumpkin picking?” He asks, sounding uncharacteristically unsure. Baz always put on a front about even the smallest things. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do or feel about all this vulnerability I’ve been shown. I don’t know how to cope with seeing Baz so human.

“It was pretty good,” I say, nodding. It’s true. It was pretty good. For reasons I’m not sure I want to talk about with him yet and I jump as though I’ve actually alluded to the almost-kiss out loud; I stumble to correct myself.

“Uh—I mean—” I quickly chew and swallow the couple of fries in my hand “—isn’t the whole point of me being here to act couply in front of your dad? Why are we hiding up in your room all the time anyways?”

Baz doesn’t look up at me as he replies. “I think my father already saw enough of that from us today.” He slides a single fry out his box and chews absently on it. I watch the shapes his mouth makes and feel heat coil amongst the butterflies in my stomach. “It’s a family tradition, pumpkin picking.” He says, changing the subject a little.

“Did you used to go with your mom?” I ask, unwrapping my burger and trying to act more casual than I feel. I think it’s working.

Or at least I think so until Baz visibly tenses, pausing with a fry halfway to his mouth, and my heart drops a little. Before I can try and rectify whatever fuck-up I’d made, though, he carries on as though nothing happened. I’m sure I’m not the only one who feels the change in the atmosphere, though, the sudden heaviness of it.

“Yeah,” he agrees. “We went every year.” I feel like I shouldn’t push the boundaries any further but I feel like I’ve been getting so much closer to Baz lately and I have this weird feeling, like I want to know him better than anyone else does, better than even himself. I want to know him inside and out. Maybe that’s what love does. I don’t even know if I am in love, I don’t even know if I want to be. I watch as Baz tucks his hair behind his ear and it’s a struggle to remind myself that he’s only being nice to me because we agreed to this whole stupid fake dating thing.

“Do you miss her?” I ask, and then force a massive bite of my burger. The force of it squeezes the sauce out of the back and I rush to catch it in my mouth before it falls on Baz’s bed. I brace myself for his comment, but it never comes. He’s still not even looking at me. He’s not even eating anymore. I wonder if I’ve crossed the line.

“Of course,” he says quietly. “Every day.”

“I don’t even remember my mom,” I tell him, trying to be as open with him as he is with me. “Or my dad, for that matter.” I shrug. “All I remember is care homes.”

Baz is silent for a few tense moments, then he sighs and tips a few more fries into his mouth. “We’re a right pair, aren’t we?”

I laugh, but it’s humourless. We really are.

“They never caught them, you know. My mother’s killers.”

“You don’t have to tell me this,” I assure him quickly. That’s when he looks at me, really looks at me. Makes such intense eye contact I couldn’t look away even if I wanted to. It feels like there’s nothing else in the world. It feels like I can see straight through to his fucking soul and I wonder if he can see mine, too.

“I still have nightmares about it.” He continues, without looking away, blinking only once. He sounds quietly desperate, like the words are bursting out of him.

“I know.” I put my burger down. “I’ve been sharing a room with you for nearly a decade.”

“They… kept me locked away. It felt like a coffin. It might’ve been. I don’t even… I don’t know if they were a cult or what, but they sure acted like one. Locked me away for a week. It was horrible. I’ve never forgotten it.”

“Baz…” I really don’t feel like eating anymore. “Baz, you really don’t need to tell me this.” Baz shakes his head, finally breaking the eye contact and holding a hand over his eyes, bowing his head and propping the elbow on his knee. I’m half-scared that he’s going to cry again but he doesn’t.

“It’s fine, Si—Snow. It’s fine. Why should I try and hide it when it was all over the news anyways?” I notice his hands are beginning to tremble and before I can even think about it I’m reaching towards him. The fuck am I thinking? I panic and pull my hand back before I really make this weird. He’s confiding in me as a friend, and I’m about to scare him off. Baz is only pretending to like me, I need to remember that. I’m the only one that’s really initiated anything, if he liked me back I’d know.

“Are you okay?” I ask instead. I want to hold him, hug him, I want to tell him I love him.

“Fine.” He pushes his hair back and looks back up at me with a tight smile that doesn’t reach his eyes.

“Maybe we should get an early night,” I suggest when I see the dark circles beneath Baz’s eyes. He looks tired even though I know he’s been sleeping. Maybe it’s stress. I close the BigMac box and motion for Baz’s rubbish. He gathers it up, drops it all into his paper bag and hands it to me.

“Just put it in the corner,” he says as I make to leave the room. I turn around to look at him where he sits hunched, facing away, on the bed. I don’t mention the fact it’s going to stink the room up, just do as he says and then walk round to the sofa at the end of Baz’s bed.

“Wait—” Baz suddenly interrupts, almost violently, as he rushes to the end of the bed and grabs my wrist. I freeze as soon as his clammy hand squeezes my arm. His face is a wild kind of desperate and I wish more than ever that I knew what was going through his head. “Stay. Please, I mean—”

“Okay.” I cut him off before he can finish rambling. “Okay.” And I crawl up onto the bed next to him. He watches me as I get under the covers on the side I know he doesn’t usually sleep. I try not to give myself away, try to act as casual as I can, try not to read into any of this.

But it’s hard when Baz smiles shakily and climbs into bed next to me, both of us still fully dressed but apparently forgoing pyjamas.

It’s even harder when I can feel the heat from his body radiating towards me and I can smell his hair.

Hardest when he sighs in his sleep and clenches a large hand in my t-shirt, right above my heart.

#carry on fandom #carry on fanfiction #simon snow #baz pitch #snowbaz #snowbaz fanfiction #snowbaz fic rec #carry on fic rec #wayward son #cibcty

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elysiumwaits · 5 years

Text

20 Questions

I was tagged by @novemberhush - for some reason my mobile wouldn’t let me copy and paste the post so I had to wait til I actually opened my little laptop to do it because I am Lazy(tm).

Rules: answer 20 questions and tag 20 people you want to know better (or, you know, just however many people you want I don’t think I have 20 mutuals)

1. Nickname: Ely online, Em online, but I’ve also been called Sushi, Peanut, Nak, and (by one single person who did not live to tell the tale) Emmy

2. Zodiac Sign: Pisces Sun, Aquarius Ascendant, and Pisces Moon (so I’m just all in my feels all the time)

3. Hogwarts House: I have gotten both Ravenclaw and Slytherin on tests, Hufflepuff once - so I just go with Slytherclaw

4. Height: 5′2

5. Last thing I googled: “Define: Smarmy” and then immediately after “synonyms for smarmy”

6. Favourite musicians: Depends on the day and the playlist, but here are some that I listen to without skipping songs on the CD:

One Direction

Hozier

Florence + the Machine

Alice in Chains

Melissa Etheridge

Fleetwood Mac

7. Song stuck in my head: "Go the Distance” from Hercules - I had it on at work today and it’s been going round and round

8. Followers: 43 (oh my god when did that happen)

9. Following: 123 (well now I can never follow anyone else)

10. Do you get asks: Not often, but I love them!

11. Amount of sleep: I’m an insomniac lately, but I need at least 6 hours to function poorly, 8 to function relatively well, and 10 to function like an actual productive human being. I average 6, of course.

12. Lucky number: I don’t have one. But I like 23.

13. What are you wearing: My comfy breakfast pajama shorts (they are covered with breakfast food images) and a white Planet Fitness t-shirt because if I wear the t-shirt it counts as going to the gym.

14. Dream job: Hermit writer who lives in the woods outside a relatively small, cozy town, but has good internet and decent cell service, with access to at least one coffee shop and probably a Ross or TJ Maxx because I can’t imagine my wardrobe without either, so.

15. Instruments: I can kind of play the guitar if I have the tabs in front of me, and I can play the piano if I have some time to practice the piece and if you give me a damn good reason to do so.

16. Languages: English as my native tongue, Japanese to get by speaking (but I understand a lot of it thanks to growing up around it).

17. Favourite song: "Forever Young” by Rod Stewart (my mom sang it as a lullaby), “All Apologies” by Nirvana, and “I Believe In You” by Don Williams (I can picture my grandparents waltzing to the vinyl of the album it was on)

18. Random fact: I have only ever gotten one perfect run-through of a game, and that was Sly Cooper 2: Band of Thieves. Got really close with a Spyro game, but I was playing it on a PS2, I couldn’t save it to the memory card, and the power went out near the end of the game. I did cry.

19. Aesthetic:

Too many water bottles on the desk in various stages of emptiness

a stack of pre-owned games without their original cases

five notebooks but no pen in sight

three hair ties that don’t “feel right”

a hair clip that does

one pair of Bluetooth headphones

one pair of working corded headphones

one pair of headphones with a short that will shock you when you least expect it in the ear

a Bluetooth stereo that needs charged

foundation + mascara + eyeliner + highlighter = makeup routine (no primer or setting spray, we die like men)

“witty” crop top over a tank top

No pants, no shorts, just piles and piles of matching black leggings

One single pair of leopard print leggings (like the “It’s Not Unusual” in a sea of “What’s New, Pussycats”

6-in-1 stereo system (bluetooth, vinyl, cassette, AUX, CD, and radio) but only the bluetooth gets used

gently purring cat curled up on nearest inconvenient surface

backpack functioning as purse with child’s wallet included

Medical Alert Bracelet and matching information card in aforementioned child’s wallet

Nike slides every single day, despite owning other shoes

The gentle rattling of too many prescription pill bottles

“How many ibuprofen can I take before I get an ulcer right here, today?”

“What if I alternate with Tylenol?”

6 missed calls from different numbers, all variations of “Don’t Answer - Debt Collector” with occasional adjectives to tell them apart

20. Dream trip: I want to see Alaska, but I also want to see Ireland, but I also want to see Argentina

Tagging: @sophaoat @artsake-dreams @thepeacering @whatdoyoumeanitsnotawesome and anyone else who sees this and wants to do it I have a headache and can’t think

#me #blog game #novemberhush

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flameontheotherside · 5 years

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My Own Ascension & The End

It’s my understanding that everyone's is different. I don’t take the lists people make seriously. They do have SOME merit but not real particular order. It’s kind of a waste of time to worry about it IMO.

I’ve always been kind of intuitive like from the time I was aware. Seen and talked to dead people and see deceased animals like my mom’s dead dog. That was the last time I think I saw plain as day. Seeing them creeps me out. It still creeps me out and I DON’T want it back. God can keep it. Nuh-uh, no thanks, bye!

My skepticism change over time.

I’ve spoken to psychics kind of obsessed with why I felt the need to find this “person” and why did it feel urgency. The urgency had gone away when Erik died. It was later that everything each psychic said to me was pretty true from meeting him by a body of water (in my dreams he was associated with water), that I had some kind of connection with some kind of “love sector” (Yeah WTF is right), I specifically asked about this person who I called my “long-distance boyfriend”. That the one I was looking for was going to leave and there was nothing that could be done about it. This was around the summer right before his death. I crawled into my closet and cried my eyes out. I just knew it was him. That I also failed to find him. That my life was over and I literally felt like dying. What was I living for? Like what’s the point?

After his death I felt my life was over.

The urgency I felt to find him had gone away. Since I just turned 20, I’d been sneaking alcohol and getting shitfaced at karaoke bars and house parties. I just wanted to forget about him! I covered up my pain with wise-cracks, un-serious relationships, being a drama queen, doing things I should have gotten arrested for, and getting high. I didn’t care if I lived. Even while medicated, I just didn’t care. I picked up a few “boyfriends” and I felt nothing. I only did it because I was starting to see my friends dwindle away one by one with families of their own. So to forget about the pain, I tried to have serious relationships. I became in denial that Erik was dead. Like the clock had long since stopped ticking. I became a wreaking time ball. I realized these men were just mistakes. I didn’t really love him because somehow I loved that thing which followed me around and I did feel him with me for real. I just was afraid to find out.

My experience didn’t begin to accelerate until Erik died.

I remember laying down and being freaked out seeing my chakras open up. I felt and saw each one. I wasn’t very educated on chakras. When it became too much, I ran out of my room like a bat out of hell or I wasn't really educated any of the stuff. But I knew a little. Since then I had repetitive dreams seeing him exactly as he was. Again, only I didn’t know it was him until much later. The same dream of being at some kind of pool party, beach, lake or whatever. I was with friends I never seen before I only found out where my friends from “home”. It was always fun but sometimes the water was murky, shallow or deep. It’s symbolism on my spirituality. I was teetering on and off “the path” since the dreams because. The water had much to do with where I was in life. If I was miserable, it was shallow and murky, murky, or just shallow...You get the idea. The water got deeper I got close to meeting Erik. I remember being told to get in a few times. I also remember when I was about 12-13 I was afraid of deep water because I almost drowned. But I had a dream that an Angel had been with me at a friends house. I was instructed to just jump and I did. Since I survived I loved deep diving. Fun as shit. Not sure if it has much to do with it. I’m hearing a no but I’m including it anyway.

Lemme give you the process...

Around ‘12-ish I bought a pendulum with the idea of using it like I do now. Things took a turn for the worst soon after I bought it. It broke and I didn’t have time or energy to try it anyway. Not until a couple years later at a better time in my life. My apartments were haunted and that’s when I got the sense someone was following but it wasn’t bothersome. Most of the time it was comforting. I did feel him around at the home I grew up in but it wasn’t as prevalent. The dreams were still happening. In ‘13-ish I had the dream I wrote about visiting home in The Realms and Erik bombarded me about my spiritual journey and how I didn’t want anything to do with it. It’s still vivid in my mind like a memory. I really fought over how I didn’t want to incarnate. This was as my higher-self. I looked different and felt different. Now I do see her as my higher self the same as in the dream. Trippy.

Fast forward to ‘16...

Times were hard. I lost my job and the money I was making. It wasn’t really a good job anyway. I realize while on my medications, I was able to connect better. As in my intuition was better understood because they kept me calm and centered. But that wasn’t realized until I was back on meds and able to look back at the times I was medication. I also realized that if my “abilities” to be intuitive went away while off my meds, it might be alarming. But it was impossible to sit still or concentrate long enough to give a shit off of them! So anyway, shortly before I got on my meds I had a dream about Erik. But I started my meds again and noticed the dreams coming it more and more.

Early ‘17 I asked God to have my abilities back feeling that there was something I needed to do. Like I have a real purpose and it had something to do with my abilities that have taken a temporary backseat. Did some researching to find out what I can do to have my abilities back and got back in to reading my cards regularly. I saw a movie I’ve seen so many times basically about TFs (In Your Eyes) and thought how cool it would be. Ironically it would my experience with Erik in some kind of way but generally the same. Only he’s dead...

It got intense in spring/Summer ‘17.

Over an argument with my ex, he got me baker-acted. I didn’t know Erik was my TF yet. I remember how cool it would be to talk to him while in there. Two years later, this year, while in the hospital I learned I really could talk to him without my pendulum. It’s kind of cute I made a pendulum board “On The Go!” LMAO by drawing one and taking a picture of it so that in the case I can’t concentrate, I can whip out my penny and dangle that shit above my phone. Just for some clarification. I don’t do it all the time. It’s just sometimes I’m not too confident with discernment without my board and I’m not allowed back in the shelter dorms until 4pm *rolls eyes*.

Okay, we are getting side-tracked!

Learning a skill.

At first, I was watching a lot of paranormal shit and depressed finally tough enough to look for proof as to why I was having this “thing” following me. No matter how comforting it was, it did cause somethings to happen around no matter where I lived and of course only me and maaaaaaybe a few witnessed it. Annoying. I collected pendulums from Ebay and wore them just for shits and giggles. Mostly shits. Ew that’s gross. Anyway so I watched some paranormal shit and remembered,

Hey, I still have my pendulums and a pile of crystals hanging around the “alter” in the headboard behind the mattress!...And a chain!

Reminds me of that Fleetwood Mac song. Kind of accurate. After firing up some sage in my condo --Really! The damn thing nearly caught fire and I’m sure with winds open I was some kind of witch which at the time didn’t necessarily believe in. Pagans and Wiccans were bullshit to me. Even to some level psychics too! How ironic that NOW I happen to be one of those nut-jobs. Go figure. I did my opening and closing rituals to make sure “the door” was closed. I ALWAYS held the intention to be speaking with Erik and much later my grandmother and God would be an important role.

We continued as above pretty much for a while. Using my pendulum was easier, I was able to predict the next letter, then the next word. We really played tug-o-war. I tried to pull the penny to a different letter and he would move it to spell, “Stop doing that!”. LMFAO it was HILARIOUS!!!!! But that’s how I really knew for sure for sure this was for real for real!

Learning about “home”.

It was eye-opening because I remembered the dream I had years ago about returning home. Erik bombarded me with the task about doing what I came to earth to do. Something about his role as well. It didn't know Erik at the time but intuitively I knew that I knew him. There was a familiar-ness . The same I got from in him; the beach and pool parties. In the realms are pools. What I call pools of mana. In video games especially in MMOs there is Mana used to boost up your Magic (sometimes spirit or intellect) Points or MP.

Out of the blue he called me by a different name, “Vanessa”. Then I remembered asking him what my spirit name was a while back. He had told me “nessa”. To me it sounded like Nestle Tollhouse or some shit like I wasn’t really ready for. Well I was kind of shocked because I told him to call her butt-uh (inside joke) so I put both together and asked about her or my role is back home. Turns out I’m part of some counseling group from the realm of Love. OOOOOoooOOoooooo! Oh my my my! lmao So any way I had not only my past lives to pound out, but also I needed to find out more about the realms and my role as what I call a “Galactic Guardian” or Starseed (see tag below)

Anyway, So we continued the healing process starting with our past lives. We had three of them and we literally looked at all three and healed them. It’s like going to the therapist and laying down and shit. Only because I actually go in to hypnotic state and see these events happening. We pick apart all of the difficult situations in each relationship as bother and sister, husband and wife, and gay lovers. *In Kevin Hart voice* Bing bang boom. Very intense all together. Very much like therapy. Erik goes all sort of sarcastically,

“...And how does that make you feel?”

With a notepad in one hand and a pen in another! He always finds a way to crack me up. He’s my own personal comic relief. Sometimes it’s funny and sometimes he just goes to far. Well so do I. Guess it’s some sort of “karma” everyone talks about. *rolls eyes* Whatever.

2018 is all kind of a blurr and I met “God”

Things really didn’t kickoff until summer/fall. Now, I was at a point I wasn’t using my note pad anymore to keep track of our conversations. They were sort of stored in this crazy blob in my unsightly skull. We were still covering our past lives and when it ended, it was time to meet “God”. It really happened when I wanted to know that oracle cards Doreen Virtue had to add to my collection. I only found out she turned away from this kind of spiritual stuff toward (for lack of a better term in my ignorance) being a “Jesus Freak” and there’s absolutely nothing with it. Being that I looked up to her, it brought me back down to earth. In-spite of the safely precautions and measures before each session, was I consorting with demons? I’m I wrong? Is Erik a Demon? I started to feel my chest tighten and it was getting harder to breathe. I felt like I was going to have a heat attack and immediately closed the Chrome window starting at me dead in the face.

I’ve met Angels Raphael and Micheal..Oh and my Guardian Angel, Josana. Both Archangels are just described. Micheal (means God-like) is a lot like but God “LITE”. A watered down level of God (Sorry Mike)! Raphael is like a physician you see for your check ups. He gives me dietary advice and encourages me to keep my health. Literally while having a panic attack, he measured my heart-rate and assured me that there was nothing wrong. It’s like Raph gives me the veggies and Mike leans over behind me making sure I eat everything on my plate. They are no different than getting their help or advice through angel oracle cards made by Doreen Virtue. It’s funny because i can recall a oracle card that almost matches what they really say to me. Creepy right?

“Yes this is your heavenly father, Jehova.”

OK. Everyone has a name for “God” because of my religious background growing up as a Jehova’s Whitness. Everyone has their own idea or name for “source”. Meeting God wasn’t on the top of my list because I was afraid. I had not been a “good christian” and I’ve fell off the path long ago. In my selfish mind I thought if there was a God I wouldn’t suffer the way I have my whole life. I’ve been through what everyone goes through. But in my mind, my life was enough to make some people want to die. Erik found how much I suffered realizing how the way he left was trivial. If it had to be between us to be put out of their misery, it should have been ME! But I couldn’t no matter how much pain I was in, I couldn't do it. I was afraid of going to Hell. Even though I didn’t really believe in God I always thought with my luck, God or not, my ass is going to burn forever in fire and brimstone. Then out of curiosity i wanted to know demons too. If Angels and benevolents exist there must be demons. Well I did meet them. If you remember, I’ve met these assholes and sent them away. Now that I know the difference I feel free-er and well educated.

God was right there IN MY FUCKING CONDO...

Immediately I was scared as shit like that moment you know you’ve done something back and you are hiding in the closet, except I was basically frozen on my futon. It felt like that. God is very much like Fem and Masc energy together so obviously this means he doesn’t have a Twin Flame. So he can be that honest-god (Hahahah) honest father that tell you like it is without sugar-coating it. I mean he literally in my hissy-fit over something stupid, he said I was, “Acting like a child and it’s time I have patience or I can forget about the things he’s got in store for me.” By the way he really did come through! There were moments I asked for things and they happened! A new bag, art supplies, new pillow, a hat. Some I got EXACTLY how I wanted them! I’ll never forget it. Law of Attraction IS REAL and it’s like God gives it to you like Oprah gives out prizes!

God forgave me of course and basically I have a good heart. It’s apparent to him how honest I was. He assured me everything leading up to then was genuine. He encouraged me to re-read the bible as much as I can. I’ve got a children's version of it over and over. The book of Enoch, Ester --both not in the bible, and Job are my faves. For some reason that version is the best way I can understand especially with the pictures. I hate when Christians tell he how I need to read the bible. Like leave me alone. At least I’m reading or listening to it. Seriously sometimes I can’t have conversations without someone taking out their bible and tell me how to read it. When I say I really can’t just sit there all day trying to read AND interpret it, I’m doing so the best way I can. It means I can’t do it. I do it in my own way and that’s all that matters to God. I understand what I understand and HOW I understand it. Like the documentaries about the bible and it’s archaeological proof that events really happened. The great food is a big one. That was the one documentary that got me thinking twice about being an Atheist. Now, I consider myself a Gnostic Theist considering everything I have learned about The Realms (not exactly spirit realms) and where I and SOME of my friends are from. Otherwise I’d have to be Gnostic.

As my pendulum swung, so did my head.

In every other word I was able to “hear” them. He would let me know by going “ding!”. It was alarming (no pun intended) to figure out all of a sudden I knew what he was say as every other word kind of appeared in my head. I remembered this was part of my own ascension. We had merged and everything was happening so fast. So by the end of ‘18 I was literally beginning to hear him just by listening to the frequency of 110hz playing in my speakers. Then I started to hear him when there ever was a steady beat like in footsteps, the sound of rain, when I was washing a plate, every sylable was like:

It’s--Oh--Kay--I--M--Not--Go--ing--to--hur--t--you!

I was talking to myself and I heard him! I freaked out. As in I really thought I was going insane. It didn’t want it. I kept saying to him that I wasn’t ready! I got over my fear and before you know it, I’m having conversations with him while watching a Netflix and YouTube! It was like I had him in my headset. We had the kind of long-distance relationship I seeked before he died. Once, I forgot he was dead. When it sunk in again, It had me by the ovaries and I dare say I fell apart because I wished he was alive. By ‘19 without my pendulum I can hear him in my right ear. When he’s yelling, the sound carries over to my left side. It really feels like someone is screaming in your ear in a concert hall. You can imagine the kind of psycho-happy he was when I could finally hear him! We even sing together!

But then I couldn’t get him to STFU! At first it was creepy, then cool, then I’m being tested on my ability to shut him off! Since we merged and God married us, everything was so fast it was hard to keep up. So overwhelmed, God and my Granny would visit to encourage me to move forward and that I’m not doing anything wrong. Through the hard times happening between Vince and I they stood by me always. Erik and I communicate as though time wasn’t even a thing. We are two-peas-in-a-pod! He’s my Twin Flame, Spirit Guide, best friend and my “spirit spouse”.

Erik said that in my ascension the last step is being able to see him.

I long since said I didn’t want to. It was hard and painful (That’s what she said!) to know he’s dead. Well he forced me to by sending in dude that kind of resembled him up until we got to Dean Winchester. I was like:

“Ummmm, errrrrr, no, sorry but no way man. You have to be joking. You are a far cry from him. I just don’t see it!”

So of course he wouldn’t shut up because of course he was going to annoy me AGAIN by embarrassing myself around dudes. Oh god I’ll never really forget the first time I nearly died. I wasn’t ready. I looked like I had just crawled out of bed! Why of why hadn’t I been given notice. My third-eye would pop-off when he was getting my attention. Sure enough I look up and hide behind Vince gasping for air. Not quite a dopple-ganger but good enough to freak me out. He wanted me to make that correction as he’s kind of hovering over my shoulder as he always does.

Anyway *rolls eyes* So i watched a few to find, wow I guess he’s right especial the parts he loves his car, music like Metallica, ACDC, ect...Oh yeah and how he thinks he’s “adorable”. Well I don’t think he’s adorable....I’M ADORABLE, BITCH! There can only be MEEEEEE! But he makes a point there. Being we are Twin Flames that makes us both adorable. Sure, whatevs. I learned to gather up my ovaries and said, “fuck it”, I’ve seen and heard what he wanted me to and admitted yeah, sure, I give up, he wins. As always he gets what he wants. He’s totally salty I said that. No, he’s not a dick. He’s a pansy. He’s threatening to hit me with a wrench. Too bad he can’t do it for real but then again I can’t really bonk him on the head either. I get more satisfaction with physical contact...Oh god, ”That’s what she said!”. He’s a slick dick all talk and no action.

I really feel like this hole experience makes a good story and a good lesson in persistence, patience, and spiritual growth. It’s surprising to me that like on all “hobbies” I’m able to follow through on this journey as long as I have. The things that kept me doing this is the love and support from my friends here, Erik, Granny and God. Literally I asked for this and it’s like “Be careful of what you ask for” kind of thing except Twin Flames wasn’t in my vocabulary. The dreams and incidences that occurred leading me to him all were for a reason no matter how painful and torturous they were. I’ve never cried so much but I’ve never healed so much. This is like spiritual boot camp. My guides break my down to lift me up. I’m coming out of this process a stronger than before. I have to really thank my guides for all the things they put me through.

My own kind of ascension might be over now that I can see, hear, and even feel Erik. At least what he called our ascension process. It is to my understanding like our own individual spiritual journey, our own ascension process is different too. This is not a one size fits all gig. There is no right or wrong way. To bark around with, no this is this or that is that ( I’m guilty of it too...) is kind of silly if we are all individual and unique being on earth! It feel cool but as I’ve said before, just because this processed ended doesn’t mean our story or whatever we have is over. We both still have much to discover and share in our day to day life.

For those who have followed me through this,

Again, Thank you all!

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fckgraysan-blog · 5 years

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katherine langford + cis female + she/her + force field manipulation.┊ ❛ ━ hey, is it just me or do you hear ( the chain by fleetwood mac ) playing in the distance ? oh, that’s just ( graysan connell ), a ( eighteen ) year old ( student ). according to my sources, i heard ( she ) can be ( true neutral ) and is ( prudent ), but also ( headstrong ). that’s probably why they remind everyone of ( picking flowers, pink lipstick, purple sunsets ) so much ! anyway, whether or not they’re ( neutral towards ) the supers, crystalline city is keeping a close eye on them !

hello friends! my name is allie and this is my bby graysan! i’m so excited to join you guys and start writing!! i did make this a little long, so there will be a tl;dr at the end, along with some wanted connections/plots. please feel free to hit me up with any questions/plots, and i look forward to hearing from you!!

our story begins beneath hazy, purple skies, scattered with threatening gray clouds. thunder rumbled in the distance as tires screeched to a halt in front of the emergency room. hours later, graysan stephanie connell was born.

fathered by a criminal, and mothered by one of the first syndicate members, graysan was pinned to be another leather-clad super villain. throughout the early years of her life, her parents eagerly waited to find out what powers she would develop, constantly trying to push the boundaries to somehow force her powers into manifestation.

things got a little awkward for them when a four year old graysan asked, “mommy, can i join ballet class?” although skeptical, her mother agreed, because her father would never deny his little girl of anything - even if it meant she wouldn’t be the shining example of their legacy.

from what she can recollect, graysan had what seemed to be a “normal” childhood. her father left for work every morning with a cup of coffee in one hand and a briefcase in the other, and her mother stayed home with her until she was old enough to be in school. little did she know, but her father was a white collar criminal, putting the odds in his favor every so often to commit fraud and put more money into their pockets. her mother, on the other hand, snuck out into the night, without a trace, to wreak havoc in the city.

her parents finally got some sign of her powers when they brought graysan to the family lakehouse. she was terrified of swimming in lakes, and absolutely refused to do any of the family activities that would’ve meant her falling in, or being forced near the water. when her mother got frustrated with her, she went to take her daughter’s hand to try and pull her toward the water, but she couldn’t go near graysan, let alone touch her.

it only happened a few times growing up, so her parents tried their best to pin an exact power to it (spoiler alert: it’s force field manipulation). her mother had a slightly traumatic approach for a while, trying to scare the powers into working, but after heated debate between her parents, graysan was left alone until she could use her powers at will.

as she got older, she started to pick up on the fact that her mother was a super villain, and had solid evidence that her mother was rampage, known for telekinetic abilities. from that point on, graysan convinced herself that she wanted nothing to do with her powers.

other than the blaring issues in her family, graysan lived a pretty normal life. she was known to have a group of close-knit friends, and participated in dancing, cheerleading, and piano as extracurriculars. her high school career has moved along smoothly, she’s not the top of her class, but she has been doing pretty well so far.

but, she has entered this weird stage where she feels like she doesn’t know who she is anymore. without much knowledge about her powers, and not having a good idea of what she wants to do next, she has been starting to question everything.

in attempts to start seeking out the full abilities of her powers, she has started to go out and seek danger to somehow jumpstart her powers, learning that they only seem to work when she is scared.

TL;DR : graysan is an eighteen year old girl about to graduate high school. her father is a criminal, and her mother is rampage, one of the first members of the syndicate. she is an obvious “ugly duckling” because of her polar opposite differences from them, and is trying to figure out her stance and how to use her force field powers.

quick headcannons/fun facts:

graysan is a total daddy’s girl. she’s been spoiled by him, and he could do no wrong in her eyes. she still doesn’t know that he’s a criminal, soon she may found out when she starts to do some digging. also, he adorably calls her “graycie,” a nickname he gave her when she was a child.

her and her parents currently reside in a townhouse in midtown, close to enough to the university of crystalline for her father to begin pushing the idea of her attending there after graduation.

her aesthetic (and personality) is completely opposite of her mother’s - graysan can be seen wearing cute dresses, bright pastels and constantly has her hair and makeup done to a glowy perfection. her mother oftentimes offers to bring her shopping, trying to sway her daughter into buying leather jackets and black jeans. this causes plenty of awkward tension between them.

her favorite place to eat is patsy’s comfort diner, you can usually find her there with a spread of cheese fries, a hamburger, and textbooks sprawled out on the table. whenever someone asks her where she wants to go to eat, without fail, it will always be patsy’s. her parents often tease her about it (and sometimes groan in response) when she insists they go there after dance recitals.

wanted connections:

friends: all kinds of them. best friends, friends that are like her siblings, awkward school friends, neighborhood friends. anything, really! i’d love to plot backgrounds - how they met, inside jokes, where they prefer to hang out. GIVE ME ALL THE FRIENDSHIPS.

mentor: this would be a fun one! maybe it’s another member of the syndicate, who is trying a different approach than her mother. or maybe it’s a super that is convinced that they can sway her to use her powers for good. (she is currently neutral toward both groups, and is kind of trying to figure out which way to go). or this could be another civilian with powers, that is just trying to help her explore how to utilize them.

enemies: whether or not this is in a literal sense, due to her being daughter of rampage, i’m sure that there are plenty of people that can put two and two together and cast her off because of her bloodline. this could also work for some petty, angsty regular enemies - type drama.

i would love to plot some sort of long term, slow burn friends turned lovers, unrequited crush, or something along those lines. honestly, i feel like this one is going to come about with more writing though, so this would probably be something down the road!!

bad apple: a friend that her mother would certainly approve of. this person is the unlikeliest of friends for graysan, and constantly tries to pull her along to get into trouble. (although graysan isn’t fighting back much anymore- she wants to know more about her powers)

dude if someone wanted to bring her mom to the group, i’d be so down! it would be so much fun to write about this!!

either way I NEED TO STOP. this is turning into a novel, oh my god. i hope you enjoyed this ESSAY of information, lmao. i’m very excited to write with all of you!!

#gloryhqs.intro #FINALLY POSTING THIS #omg i'm sorry it's so long

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thelittlestspider · 6 years

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ten songs tag

tagged by @sassypandacandy. thank you for tagging me! i’ve been wanting to do this.

Rules: use your wip playlist (or any playlist) and put it on shuffle (no skipping). write the first 10 songs that come up and quote your favorite lyrics from each song and/or the lyrics that fit your wip best (they might be the same lyrics), then tag 10 people.

i’m gonna use the summer fic playlist for this, since that’s what i’m also gonna be using for nano later.

1. stay young, go dancing - death cab for cutie

'Cause when she sings I hear a symphony And I'm swallowed in sound as it echoes through me I'm renewed, oh how I feel like Through autumn's advancing, we'll stay young, go dancing

2. hello my old heart - the oh hellos

Nothing lasts forever Some things aren't meant to be But you'll never find the answers Until you set your old heart free

Until you set your old heart free

3. blame me! blame me! - anberlin

And we could ride all night To the place of a blinking light Wishing traffic was faster Traffic was faster Keeping safe distance But courting disaster We could dance all night To the sounds of a starting fight Hoping change would come around Change would come around Amazing division How sweet the sound

4. the boys of summer - don henley

Out on the road today I saw a Deadhead sticker on a Cadillac A little voice inside my head said Don't look back, you can never look back I thought I knew what love was What did I know? Those days are gone forever I should just let 'em go, but

5. wildfire - seafret

We are bound to each other's hearts, Cold, torn, and pulled apart This love, is like wildfire, And to my word now I'll be true, I can't stop this breaking loose This love, is like wildfire, Like wildfire.

6. silver springs - fleetwood mac

Time casts a spell on you, but you won't forget me I know I could have loved you, but you would not let me I'll follow you down 'til the sound of my voice will haunt you (Give me just a chance) You'll never get away from the sound of the woman that loves you

7. good vibrations - the beach boys

I-I love the colorful clothes she wears And the way the sunlight plays upon her hair I hear the sound of a gentle word On the wind that lifts her perfume through the air

8. passenger seat - death cab for cutie

Then looking upwards I strain my eyes and try To tell the difference between shooting stars and satellites From the passenger seat as you are driving me home

Do they collide? I ask and you smile With my feet on the dash The world doesn't matter

9. quiet - lights

I'm not yours, and you're not mine But we can sit and pass the time No fighting wars, no ringing chimes We're just feeling fine

10. the chain - fleetwood mac

Listen to the wind blow, down comes the night Running in the shadows, damn your love, damn your lies Break the silence, damn the dark, damn the light

(open tag)

#the summer fic tag

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bowandarrowgirl · 6 years

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Chapters: 6/? Fandom: Guardians of the Galaxy (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Marvel Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Gamora/Peter Quill, Michelle Jones/Peter Parker, Phil Coulson/Melinda May, Pepper Potts/Tony Stark, Steve Rogers/Natasha Romanov, Scott Lang/Hope Van Dyne, Brunnhilde | Valkyrie/Thor (Marvel), Groot & Rocket Raccoon, Ned Leeds & Peter Parker, James "Bucky" Barnes & Steve Rogers, Steve Rogers & Sam Wilson, James "Rhodey" Rhodes & Tony Stark, Phil Coulson & Skye | Daisy Johnson, Leo Fitz & Jemma Simmons & Skye | Daisy Johnson, Leo Fitz/Jemma Simmons, Lincoln Campbell/Skye | Daisy Johnson, Peter Parker & Gwen Stacy, Peter Parker & Peter Quill, Shuri & T'Challa (Marvel), Peter Parker & Shuri, Gamora & Shuri, Nakia (Black Panther)/T'Challa, Okoye & T'Challa (Marvel), Wanda Maximoff/Vision, Christine Palmer/Stephen Strange, Gamora & Natasha Romanov, Natasha Romanov & Shuri, Peter Quill & Natasha Romanov, Peter Quill & Shuri Characters: Drax the Destroyer, Rocket Raccoon, Gamora (Marvel), Groot (Marvel), Ronan the Accuser, Guardians of the Galaxy Team, Taneleer Tivan, James "Bucky" Barnes, Clint Barton, Bobbi Morse, Lincoln Campbell, Nakia (Black Panther), Brunnhilde | Valkyrie (Marvel), Skye | Daisy Johnson, Peter Quill, Peter Parker, Gwen Stacy, Nick Fury, Maria Hill, Wanda Maximoff, Vision (Marvel), Natasha Romanov (Marvel), Steve Rogers, Michelle Jones, Phil Coulson, Melinda May, Pepper Potts, Tony Stark, Scott Lang, Hope Van Dyne, Ned Leeds, James "Rhodey" Rhodes, Sam Wilson (Marvel), Leo Fitz, Jemma Simmons, Shuri (Marvel), T'Challa (Marvel), Okoye (Marvel), Thor (Marvel), Stephen Strange, Christine Palmer Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - High School, SHIELD, Alternate Universe - Teenagers, Past Relationship(s), Long-Term Relationship(s), Unrequited Love, Falling In Love, Friendship/Love, Idiots in Love, Dorks in Love, Friends to Lovers, Peter Plays Football, Peter's in Choir, Alternate Universe - Boarding School, Lincoln Campbell Lives, Gwen Stacy Lives, Slow Burn, First Kiss, Best Friends, Teen Years, School Dances, Talent Shows, Hidden Talents, Guardians of the Galaxy (2014) - Freeform, Gamora Loves Music, Gamora Can Sing, Gamora-centric, Peter-centric, SHIELD Academy, Tony Being Tony, Gamora & Shuri (Friendship), Gamora & Natasha Romanov (Friendship), Meme Lord Shuri (Marvel), Gamora Doesn't Understand, Peter Quill Needs a Hug, Gamora needs a hug, Platonic Kissing, Forehead Kisses, Fluff, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Cute, Gamora Opens Up, Illiterate Gamora, Peter Despises Thor, Singing Competitions, Acapella Choir, Peter and Gamora Click, fast friends, Hurt/Comfort, Shuri Gets Excited Easily, Protective Natasha Romanov, Nat is the Mom Friend Summary:

High School AU: She wanted freedom. He wanted to be loved. They both wanted to escape their abusive father figures.

"Are they supposed to fit this tightly?" Gamora asks, adjusting the black, capri jeggings she is required to wear for choir competitions.

It is now October 26th, only a day away from being two months since school started. Somehow, she managed to get out of community service-probably because of the fact that she didn't do anything wrong. In that time, she also couldn't believe she would've been able to become so close to people. Of course she's close to Nat, having to be her roommate, but she also got close to Shuri, and the rest of the kids in the choir-Wanda, Tony, Daisy, and Little Peter (as the group calls him). The other Peter, however, is a completely different story.

Peter Jason Quill makes her feel like time freezes whenever he's around her. He causes her stomach to feel weird-similar to the feeling right before you vomit, but pleasing in a way. There was a time, a few weeks ago, when he started giving her nicknames: G, Gam, Gammy. He even calls her 'Songbird' at times, noticing the way it makes her heart melt below her stoic mask. The reason behind it was simple as Peter notices the way Gamora adores the Fleetwood Mac song of the same name. The way he cares about her-teaching her how to read, how to sing, being kind-she wonders what she ever did to deserve him as a 'best friend' as he calls her.

It's the day of their first competition of the year. Of course, of all the places it can be held, they have to compete inside of their own auditorium against various of other ensembles from different schools around theirs. The majority of the group is pretty nervous, with the exception of Tony and Peter, whose egotistical brains convince them that their entire performance is going to be awesome.

Right now, however, they are in the choir room, having just finished running through their act for the last time before having to perform in front of the audience and judges. Peter walks over towards the piano, panting, and grabs the opened bottle of water that sits on top of it, taking a huge swig. He places the cap back on and sets it back down in its original spot. His hazel eyes shift towards Gamora.

Like the rest of the girls in their group, she is wearing a red, loose halter top with a black sash stitched into the shirt, right below her breasts. Although, they have matching pants and shirts, the girls are allowed to add their own flare to make their uniforms unique. Gamora settles for two, large chained bangles-one in black, the other in white-and her go-to set of black bands on each finger, with the exception of her ring. The girls don't have identical shoes to wear either. The only request is that they match in black. Unlike the rest of the girls, who are wearing different styles of boots, Gamora is wearing a plain, pair of flats. Her black and red hair is half up in a topknot, the rest framing her face in ringlets.

The soft, yet darkness of her irises, meet Peter's as a small blush crawls upon her cheeks, causing her to focus her attention somewhere else. She is trying not to think about how out of all the guys in the same low-cut, maroon, long-sleeved v-neck and black, silky vest, Peter is definitely NOT the most attractive, showing off his muscular arms in a pleasing way.

Before her thoughts can get any filthier, Peter clears his throat, instructing everyone to form a circle in the center of the room.

"OOH! Is it time for our ritual?!" Shiri asks excitedly, jumping up and down, while clapping her hands as if she was a little kid again.

"Ritual?" Gamora questions, raising an eyebrow in concern as she crosses her arms. "Like in a cult?"

"Psh! No!" Peter waves a hand, brushing off her concern. "Before every competition, we have the same ritual as a good luck charm."

Shuri turns towards Gamora, still in her childish state and grabs both of her hands. "We came up with it last year. It is a lot of fun!"

"Do you know how to do the rain dance?" Peter asks, gaining Gamora's full attention as Shuri releases her. She shakes her head. "Okay, well, I don't think it'll hurt to perform the ritual twice. We could show you how to do it the first time and then you could join us the second!" Gamora shrugs and hesitantly nods her head, before stepping out of the circle.

"I already taught Tony how to do it!" Little Peter says in almost as much excitement as Shuri.

"Okay, cool! Everyone ready?" As soon as everyone nods, they begin.

Peter explains each movement as the group starts off by rubbing their hands together. A few seconds later, every other person in the circle starts snapping both of their fingers. Then, every third person in the circle starts patting their thighs. Finally, everyone who was still rubbing their hands together, is now stomping their feet hard against the tile floor. Suddenly, Peter shushes everyone as they all smirk at each other and begin to rub their hands once again in unison. That's when Peter starts singing, "Just a young gun with a quick fuse,". Meanwhile, the same pattern that started with the rain dance begins once again, with the rubbing hands, and stomps and snaps in a beat-stomp...snap...stomp-stompstomp...snap. "Not a yes sir, not a follower," Peter sings as the movements continue in the same pattern. Eventually, the girls start singing staccato 'thunders' as the people who were rubbing their hands together, start clapping in a steady rhythm. "Thunder, feel the thunder," Every other person jumps three times to the beat in unison. After the song ends, they gradually ease back into the rain dance, ending in everyone stomping, before jumping up and shouting 'LET'S GO, S.A.!'.

"Man, I feel like a cheerleader now." Tony admits, placing his hands on his hips.

"Wouldn't surprise me if you were." Nat chuckles.

"Hahaha, hilarious."

Peter gives Gamora a crooked smile, gesturing for her to come and join them. She gives him a soft smile in return and joins the group in the circle. They do the ritual for a second time and Gamora finds herself laughing with everyone as she repeatedly messes up.

As soon as their feet touch the ground after shouting for the second time, the students spread out around the choir room, retreating to their water bottles. The only exceptions being Peter and Gamora who found themselves approaching each other with wide beams, until their fronts were pressed up against each other. Gamora tilts her head up to gaze into Peter's eyes. They begin to lean in with their eyes fluttering closed. The distance between them is so limited that they could feel the other's warm breaths against their lips...WHOOSH! They jump apart when the choir doors are pulled open with much more force than necessary to reveal no other than Coulson.

"What are you guys doing?! The competition starts in five minutes! You guys better get in there, now or you're gonna be eliminated!" The kids look at each other with wide eyes, before sprinting past Coulson and heading towards the auditorium.

A loud applause fills the auditorium as a short blonde girl from one of the prep schools, finishes her emotional solo with glassy eyes. She curtsies with the rest of her choir as they exit backstage, passing a nervous Gamora, who looks as if she's literally holding herself together. The Zen-Whoberian starts pacing back and forth, noticing that every choir that exits backstage is another choir closer to their performance.

On the opposite side of the stage, Nat, Peter, and Shuri are all watching each choir perform. As the next choir enters the stage, Nat glances at Peter. "So...homecoming is next weekend..."

"Steve ask you yet?"

"Yeah. Actually, right before we left. You didn't notice?"

Peter shrugs. "I wasn't really paying attention..." He thinks back to what he was paying attention to earlier that day-Gamora. Not very surprising, but it was the truth. They had gone to the park, which had become their special place to hang out. He remembers swinging with her and talking about how much she had changed in just the two months they knew each other. They laughed about it, in fact.

"'When are you gonna ask her?"

Nat's voice breaks him from his thoughts, making him realize that he'd been staring at the said woman the entire time. "Wait, who...Gamora?"

"Who else, Dummy?!" Shuri exclaims quietly, while playfully raising her brows.

"Listen, I really appreciate you guys shipping us, but as you can probably tell, she clearly does not-"

"BULLSHIT!" Nat yells, a little louder than she meant. She apologizes quickly before turning her full attention back to Peter. "Don't pretend like nobody saw what happened before Coulson walked in!" Her voice is quieter now-merely a stage whisper. When Peter opens his mouth to speak, Nat continues to talk, "Listen, if it makes you feel better, Shuri and I will help you like we always do." She put a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"Now get over there and calm her down before she has a heart attack!" Shuri instructs, shoving him in the direction of Gamora.

The boy glares at her before making his way to Gamora, who continues to pace. "G?"

The Zen-Whoberian whips around to face him, forcing a fake smile. "Hey, you ready?"

"Well, yeah." He replies awkwardly, running a hand through his hair. The mask Gamora is hiding under slowly disappears as Peter notices the worried look underneath it. "Hey, it's gonna be okay! I promise."

"But, I always mess up that one part-" Gamora's gaze goes everywhere, but his.

"And you stayed up all night, practicing."

"I told you, I'm not a performer. If I still can't get it right-"

"As much as I want to say that there are perfect choirs out there and we're one of em', there aren't and we aren't. Everyone screws up. It's a part of being human, I guess, but you can't let that get to you." Gamora finally allows herself to lock her eyes with his as he firmly grasps her arms. "You are way more talented than you give yourself credit for." He loosens his grip and continues to gaze into her beautiful, brown eyes. To his surprise, she breaks out of his grasp and wraps her arms around his neck. His arms slowly snake their way around her waist.

"Thank you." She whispers into his ear.

'Next, can we have the Shield Academy Acapella Choir please enter the stage?' One of the judges call from in front of the curtain as the last choir exits.

Gamora's grasp stiffens a little before she lets go. Peter gives her a soft smile before winking. She playfully rolls her eyes at him as he rounds up the rest of their group.

"Okay, so I'm gonna give a quick little good luck speech; we're gonna be awesome. We're gonna kill it. We're gonna get through to the next round. Let's go out there and show them what we can do!"

They all smile at one another before running onstage, grabbing cordless microphones and positioning themselves into a vertical line. The order, starting from the front: Peter, Gamora, Little Peter, Shuri, Nat, Tony, Wanda and finally, Daisy. Peter pulls out a circular pitch pipe and blows into it, producing an F chord. The group starts singing the instrumental to 'You Make My Dreams' as each kid leans to the opposite direction as the person in front of them, with the exception of Daisy. By the time the first verse starts, Daisy is revealed as the rest of the kids stand up and take a step to the side. She starts singing the first verse as she approaches the front of the stage. The rest of the kids form a horizontal line, following her from behind. They all turn their backs to the audience before the second verse starts. Daisy turns her head enough to face the audience as she begins to sing again. The group behind her faces the left side of the stage as the song enters the chorus. They take two steps forward before pointing to the audience. "Well, well, well, you-you make my dreams come true!" Daisy sings with a smile a mile wide.

Their time on stage goes by in a flash as everyone holds their last notes before the auditorium goes eerily quiet. Suddenly, the audience, including the judges, applause, louder and crazier than for any of the other choirs before them. Each member is beaming and the group stands in a horizontal line, grabbing each other's hands and bowing as a group.

As soon as the judges dismiss them, the group runs backstage continuing to celebrate their success.

"Peter!"

Gamora uncharacteristically runs to Peter and jumps into his arms. He twirls her around, unaware that his smile could get any bigger. "You didn't mess up! Gam, you were awesome!" He exclaims after setting her back down.

The green girl can't say a word and so, she doesn't. She just stands there and continues to smile at him like an idiot. Only Peter Jason Quill can make her do such a thing and although she knows why, she acts as though she doesn't.

Peter sees Daisy and wraps her in a side hug. "You, Miss 'I-aint-gonna-get-the-solo', nailed it!"

"Thanks, Peter!" Daisy says with a soft smile. She notices FitzSimmons waiting for her near the entrance of the dressing room and speed-walks towards them in excitement.

"When do we find out if we made it?" Gamora asks in curiosity.

"Coulson will let us know tomorrow."

"Are we allowed to leave?"

"Yeah, I guess. Why?"

"To be completely honest, I didn't think I was gonna like performing. After we finished though, when nothing happened, I felt sick to my stomach. Then, the audience...I think that's the first time I have ever been applauded for anything." Gamora admits, rocking the swing back and forth with her hands clasped in her lap.

"So, you're admitting that you are a performer?"

"I never said that. I just said that maybe, performing isn't as bad as I thought it was gonna be." They both chuckle wholeheartedly.

The sun has almost finished setting for the night. Peter and Gamora watch it in silence, the only noise coming from Peter's music as usual. This was a newer thing for them. Sure, the park was deemed their 'place', but watching the sun set every few days and reading together afterwards has been a new routine they've both become accustomed to.

"It's beautiful."

"You say that every time." Peter chuckles.

"It's true, though." Gamora faces Peter with soft eyes. "Isn't it?"

"Yeah."

Loneliness has always been a friend of mine

I'm leaving my life in your hands

People say I'm crazy and that I am blind

Risking it all in a glance

"Gamora?"

The girl takes her attention off the newly dark horizon, realizing that Peter had stopped his swing and was now standing next to her with an extended hand. He hasn't requested to do this in a while-dance. In fact, the last time he had requested, was the only time he had requested, and resulted in him getting slapped. However, she's known him for two months. She knows him enough to know that he won't force her to do anything that makes her uncomfortable. Sure, sometimes he'll try to talk her into things, but he would never force her to do them. Which is why she gave in.

Peter pulls her off the swing, glancing as it squeaks lightly and slowly halts to a stop. He places her hand on his shoulder, before placing his own, lightly on her waist. The fingers from his freehand intertwine with hers. The begin to sway to the rhythm of the song, gazing into each other's eyes.

I don't care who you are, where you're from

What you did, as long as you love me

Who you are, where you're from

What you did, as long as you love me

"Hey." Peter whispers with his signature crooked smile. "So, you know that dance Nat has been going on about?"

Gamora raises her eyebrows. "You mean the one she's been trying to get us to go to, together?"

"Uh-"

"Peter, I'm not stupid. I know Nat has been trying to set us up since we met." She glares, but somewhat softly, at him.

"Yeah...I'm sorry about that."

Gamora's glare fades away, a look of curiosity in its place. "What about it?"

"Well, I was thinking-"

"That we should go along with Nat's little plan?"

"No! I mean...not like that. I was just thinking it'd be fun?" When Gamora doesn't respond right away, Peter continues to ramble on, "Um, if you don't want to-"

The Zen-Whoberian tightens her grip on him and pulls him closer to her. "I'd love to, Peter."

"Really?"

"Yeah. You are my-what do you call it-best friend, after all." She gives him a playful smile.

The boy returns the gesture as they continue to dance. He tries something new and possibly dangerous, pressing a soft kiss to her hairline. It isn't long until she responds, laying her head against his chest.

I've tried to hide it so that no one knows

But I guess it shows when you look into my eyes

What you did and where you're coming from

Well, I don't care as long as you love me

#starmora #stamora #peter quill #starlord #gamora #gamora x star lord #gamora x peter quill #peter quill x gamora #starlord x gamora #quillora

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spiteswallow · 6 years

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Q2 2018 playlist

click above to listen on spotify // img credit

Love Galore - SZA & Travis Scott. Perfect beat for a chill summer day, and I love the slight wavers on the synth pads. Both of them have a meandering delivery that makes this sound like a freestyle and I can almost imagine sitting and watching this happen on a summer evening at some house party.

Little Lies - Fleetwood Mac. Periodically my opinion on the best Fleetwood Mac song changes and right now this is the one that I seriously cannot get enough of. The bassline is so active and full of motion, all the other instruments have this sparkly quality to them, and the harmony on the chorus is just massive. Sorry, The Chain, but it’s time to take a backseat.

Distance - Emily King. The moment when the song really gets going in earnest, around 40 seconds in, stops me in my tracks every time. This is such a slick little love song.

…..nat and Rox to Go First - Ezra Bell. I use a radio transmitter to play music in my truck and sometimes I’ll pick up other folks’ music if they pass by. This happened at a long stoplight, so I heard this song for the first time from some stranger’s car. I hope they enjoyed my Hot Chip song as much as I enjoyed this one.

Take Me Home, Country Roads - John Denver. For whatever reason this song is having a brief meme flare but I’m not complaining. It’s beautiful, gospelly Americana and you have to admit the chorus is well-designed; before you even understand what’s happening “WEST VIRGINIAAAAAA, MOUNTAIN MAMAAAAAAHHHH” emergies involuntarily from your mouth and you can practically feel the bolo tie manifesting around your neck.

Your Best American Girl - Mitski. I stuck this one on here first because I always fall for crunchy sound and drastic volume changes. Listening to the Song Exploder podcast she did gave me some extra appreciation for the soft bridge and the lyrics. I recently noticed how the chorus goes from “Your mother wouldn't approve of how my mother raised me / But I do, I think I do” to “But I do, I finally do.”

Sad Girl - Lana Del Rey. Lana has three types of songs: lapdance songs, cry songs, and cry while giving a lapdance song. Do not be misled by the name: this is straight lapdance song.

Mothers Of The Sun - Black Mountain. Building tension and louder instrumentals under a repeated couple of lines is so simple but so powerful. Plus I love how plaintive and almost girlish Amber Webber’s voice is and I think their best songs show off her range.

Lotta Years - Aesop Rock. A surprisingly cute song where he is baffled by The Youths and has an existential crisis after learning about hair extensions. His usual wordplay is pretty fun and I like the Run DMC sample in the background.

Human - Goldfrapp. Her vocals on the chorus are borderline annoying but the rest is so well-executed I can forgive it. Her voice is pretty well-suited to the 60’s-spy-movie sound and the little distortions and glitches make this song delightfully sinister rather than just campy.

Picture Perfect - Little Simz. This whole album is fucking great but this is an obvious centerpiece. That Balkan beat in the background is pretty unique for a hip hop song and fun as shit to listen to, and with the deftness and quickness of her delivery I find myself getting totally swept up in this song.

American Boy - Estelle & Kanye. This song came up because it recently turned ten years old and I would like to propose it a place in the Hall of Timeless Bops. It’s so much goddamn fun that it frequently makes me miss my turn if I listen while driving.

Spider Cider - Man Man. I think I described this out loud once roughly as: “Pirate Tom Waits and a cadre of goblin children running through a jumbled flea market and banging on random objects.” There’s so much going on in this song that I never can pay attention long enough to count each distinct percussion sound, but somehow it’s all airtight.

Anna Wintour - Azealia Banks. I never know what kind of wild shit Azealia is going to unleash on the world and every time I see her name trending I go “oh nooooo girl what did you say now” but turns out this time it was this absolute fucking banger.

Gypsies, Tramps and Thieves - Cher. I think people associate Cher with much clubbier music than this but I grew up with a cassette from her hippie goddess period and it’s just as great. Her voice here is just incredible.

All Your Gold - Bat For Lashes. Okay, I had to look up which song came out first because is this song not so much like “Somebody That I Used to Know”?!?! The instrumentation and the writing style has some very similar undercurrent I can’t put my finger on. This one came out a year later apparently and I wish I had known sooner because I got so fucking sick of hearing that Gotye song eight times a day, so this would have been a good substitute.

I Wanna Dance with Somebody (Who Loves Me) - Whitney Houston. This is just a gay club Mood and makes me wish I had been an 80s gay in some universe where Ronald Reagan died an early death.

Carolina - Kimbra. I had no idea but Kimbra is literally a genuis and everything she does is amazing. This was my favorite off her album but it wasn’t an easy choice. It’s just an awesome, upbeat, big song though maybe veering into corny car commercial territory.

Reincarnation - Susanne Sundfør. I listened to this song for the first time in the dark and once that breathy instrumentation came in my jaw literally dropped. This song is so moving and intimate.

Young Robot - Dance Gavin Dance. This band is so fucking weird and I very nearly wrote them off as some forgettable screamo. This is far from the most genre-bendy song on the album but the radio pop influence is strong in the melody. It’s just fucking catchy. I love the complete, dead silent halts at the end of each line in the verse.

King of Hearts - Little Simz, Chip, Ghetts. That dark, creepy beat is outstanding on its own but once those horns come in? Fuuuuck. I’m also very fond of the transition where Chip starts a line about taking off heads and Little Simz finishes it, like a baton handoff.

GO! - Santigold & Karen O. Heard this one in this season of the Handmaid’s Tale and it reminded me of the same thing I think every time I hear anything off this album -- the world was not ready for Santigold. We seriously had no fucking idea what genius she was dropping on us and it took like four years for us to get it. The only thing about this song is that honestly Karen O is just being a parody of herself here and doesn’t add much to it.

Watching The Planets - The Flaming Lips. Just some eerie, heady psychedelic din. I love the contrast between the pretty music-box sounding keys and the hard, driving crunchiness of everything else.

Love Lies - Khalid & Normani. Sry 2 b corny but this is honestly a very sweet song about two people trying to be vulnerable with each other and that swaying pace is perfect for it. I also love the throatiness and slight rasp they both have in their vocals.

This Time Last Year - Rina Sawayama. Bout time someone stepped up to keep the solo female artist piano ballad vibe alive. That shit is timeless.

Sound of War - Susanne Sundfør. This is such a precise, delicate song. I think she is so impossibly good that sometimes she seems like an alien, but once I stop sitting in envious awe I notice that her voice is expressive and gives a lot of life to the song too. And I swear I could listen to like three more minutes of that high-low humming bit.

#tunes #long post #playlist

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