#Spock whose mother can do no wrong in his eyes...
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Enough perfect mom Amanda Grayson. It’s time for middling mom Amanda Grayson who loved all her kids but was never close enough to any of them and is somewhat idealized in their heads because of it. Amanda Grayson who seems great in comparison to Sarek but is actually, when you look objectively at it, strangely absent: A mother who is always facing away from you, who you have to call but who always has a smile ready for when you do. Amanda Grayson who contrasts Sarek’s overbearing rules and expectations with an almost hands-off approach that felt like a refreshing reprieve at the time but as her children grow they realize was also hurtful in different respects. Amanda Grayson who loves her children almost as much as she loves her husband. A mother who listens when you complain about dad, who agrees and nods and pets your hair and says “I’m sorry, honey” but nothing ever comes of it and at a certain point you both know nothing’s ever going to come of it. Amanda Grayson who pretends she does not see it. Amanda Grayson who is too human for any of her children to let themselves love. And because she’s human maybe she resents them for it a little bit [do you think your mother knows you love her? Did you ever say it? Do you think she ever wanted you to? Do you remember when she held you and repeated it over and over again and told you she wouldn’t tell your dad if you said it just once and you answered her with silence?] And because she’s human she loves them anyway. She knows anyway. She can hear it even in the silence. /pos
#ummmm............................-smiles- <3#trying to make Amanda Grayson more interesting to me personally#My characterization of Sarek & Amanda is: Lovely couple who should NOT have had children#Sarek is a consistently bad parent so he kind of steals the show but Amanda's there too ain't she?? free parental angst real estate#Spock whose mother can do no wrong in his eyes...#kid who hates their dad so much their mom becomes a saint#this family is just dolls to me#the s'chn t'gai-graysons...[succession theme plays]#not even getting STARTED with the sybok-spock-michael SIBLING issues#Sybok Spock and Michael all look at each other and think 'these two are the most pitiable bastards in the universe....'
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In Our Favor
Part 75
McCoy
“Are you for real?”
McCoy grinned at his sister’s exasperated face on the PADD.
“Why would we schedule an interview for you? We don’t know your class schedule or when you’re free,” Leah said, rolling her eyes at her brother.
“I’m still a member of the royal family and interviews are set up by our people,” McCoy retorted.
“Maybe you should be setting them up through your admirals now,” Leah bit back.
“Oh.” McCoy frowned.
“Oh, now it sinks in,” Leah said.
“No, I mean, am I allowed to give interviews as a cadet? I am part of Starfleet now, do they have rules about that?”
“How would I know?” Leah demanded, throwing her hands into the air.
“Who would I even ask?” McCoy mused, looking past the device in front of.
“Dinnae ken love,” Scotty answered from where he was sitting at his desk. They had returned from the walk in the gardens and had barely sat down before Leah had called.
“Well,” Leah cut back in, “find out. And then send when you’d be free so apparently we can arrange this for you.”
“Yeah, yeah,” McCoy said, waving a hand at his sister. “Late afternoons and evenings are open so far.”
“Call Mother,” Leah told him. “You’ve been lazy about that and she misses you.”
“I will. After dinner tonight,” he promised.
Leah sighed loudly. “We’ll get this sorted out for you, but next time do some thinking first.”
“Love you too Leah,” McCoy grinned.
“Bye Scotty,” Leah called. “Robbie said to tell you hi.”
“Thanks lass! Tell him hi too,” Scotty replied.
“Will do! Bye Lenny.”
“Bye.” McCoy set the PADD aside as he ended the call. “Bit of time still before dinner,” he said to Scotty. “Any thoughts?”
“Bet ye’ve got some naughty ones,” Scotty laughed as he got up to join McCoy on the bed. He moved in for a kiss, then moved back.
“No,” McCoy protested, with a blush. “We’re caught up in homework, I thought maybe we could read a bit.” He reached for the book on the bedside table.
“Suppose we could,” Scotty agreed.
“And if we got any other ideas, I’m sure we could act on those,” McCoy grinned.
Scotty laughed. “Whose turn is it?” he asked.
McCoy shrugged. “I don’t mind.” He sat back on the bed, leaning against the headboard and got comfortable as Scotty snuggled up to his side.
McCoy looked over as a gasp came from Christine. They were nearly finished with dinner and the dining hall was emptying out. He was just about to ask what was wrong when Christine spoke.
“What happened to Jim?”
Heads turned at their table to where Jim and Spock were just entering. Even from across the room one side of Jim’s face was brighter than the other. McCoy looked at Scotty wondering what they should say. Jim had very obviously wanted to forget the incident.
“That’s for him to say if he wants,” Scotty said in a quiet voice.
“It’s funny,” Cora said, “but I saw one of the Hammersley’s officers today and he could have been Jim’s twin. I had to do a double take.”
McCoy saw the weak smile on Scotty’s face. Next to him, McCoy felt Christine tense. She looked right at Scotty.
“He isn’t…” she said.
“He is,” Scotty replied.
“What are you two talking about?” Jaylah asked.
“Did…” Christine began.
Slowly Scotty nodded. Christine’s face darkened.
“They talk in code,” Chekov said to Jaylah. “Perhaps we should too. We could make one.”
With their trays filled, Jim and Spock began to walk over.
“Jim! Are—”
“Alright?” Keenser cut Christine off.
Jim looked over at the small alien.
“Yes. Thank you.” His voice was tight and all could hear the unsaid ‘I don’t want to talk about it.’
“What did you all do today?” Jim asked, very deliberately changing the topic away from himself.
Part 76
Scotty
After dinner, Leonard made his way to their shared room to call Eleanor and at first Scotty wanted to join him, however, when he heard that Spock had to finish a project at the science lab, he decided to spent some time with Jim instead.
He caught his blond friend in the hallway, calling after him.
"Hey Jim, can I join ye?"
Jim turned around to face Scotty and there was this look in his eyes the Scotsman knew all too well. Jim thought that he planned on pitying him. Which wasn't the case! At least... not completely.
"What? You don't want to spend time with your lovely prince?" Jim asked, one eyebrow raised.
Scotty chuckled and shook his head before shrugging his shoulders.
"Nae, he already has other plans. Leah basically ordered him to call his mother. And I thought maybe I could call mum too. I'm sure she'd be happy to see ye."
At the mention of Francine, Jim's face brightened up. Scotty knew just how much his friend liked his mother. And he knew that Jim couldn't say no if it was about her.
"Sure. Let's head over to my room," he offered and Scotty followed him with a smile.
A funny sight awaited Scotty when Jim opened the door. A sight, he clearly had expected.
Spock's side of the room looked as neat as new. All his things were properly placed and everything was tidy.
Jim's side... looked like pure chaos. Clothes were scattered across the bed and floor. The bed itself looked messy as hell. Nothing was in its place.
"Don't let mum see yer side of the room," Scotty couldn't help but joke and Jim only grinned.
"Don't worry. From where we'll be sitting, she can only see Spock's side."
Jim sat down in one of the chairs that was placed in front of his desk.
"You can take Spock's chair from over there," he told Scotty with a nod of his head and the Scotsman did as he was told.
Jim was right. Sitting at his desk only Spock's side of the room was visible.
"I hope mum is awake already. This bloody time difference!" Scotty muttered as he started the call.
They waited for a moment but it didn't take too long for Francine's face to appear on-screen.
At first she looked very tired, but as soon as she saw who was calling, a smile spread across her face.
"Monty? Oh and Jim! Hello lads!"
She happily looked from one boy to the other.
"Hey, a mhàthair."
"Good evening, Francine. We hope we didn't wake you?"
"Nae, nae. I just got up. It's so nice to see ye! How are ye? How are yer studies going? How-"
Scotty swallowed when he saw his mother's eyes narrowing. She moved closer to the screen to get a better look at the boys. Her eyes widened.
"What in the name of the lord happened to yer face, Jim!"
Scotty tried his best not to swear. He really had hoped that the color couldn't be seen on-screen. He didn't want Jim to need to talk about it again.
He was very surprised when his friend spoke up.
"I... got into a little fight. It's nothing big."
Jim claiming that it was nothing big, didn't stop Francine from being furious.
"Who did that to ye? Did ye report them? How dare someone strike ye!"
A crooked smile formed on Jim's lips as he carefully touched his cheek.
"Sam."
It surprised Scotty even more how open and honest Jim was about what had happened. Never would he have thought that he would tell Francine everything.
"Yer brother? What is he doing at the academy? And how dare that boy hurt ye!"
So Jim told her. He told her about what had happened in town. He told her about how Sam had tried to talk to him and how everything had gotten out of hand.
Scotty could see his mother's jaw tense with every word Jim said. Anger mixed with disbelief and shock.
"Such behavior is totally unacceptable! Ye have to report him! And tell yer mum about it!"
Jim sighed and shook his head.
"It wouldn't change a thing. I'd rather just forget about it."
Worry filled Francine's eyes. She could see that this was all bothering Jim quite a lot.
"How about ye give me a number and I'll contact that young lad myself? I sure as hell have a lot of things to say to him."
"Thank you. But that's really not necessary, mu- Francine."
A blush crept onto Jim's face as he noticed that he had almost called his counterpart 'mum'. But Francine only smiled at him.
"I see. Then please call me at least if there is anything on yer mind ye want to talk about, will ye?"
Jim nodded, a grateful smile on his lips.
"I will... thanks."
"Now, tell me about yer studies, will ye? How's it going?"
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Hollow
“Uhura, I'm really sorry. Would you like me to get one of the female nurses?”
Nyota Uhura lay on the bed in a private room on the Enterprise, her hands over her swollen stomach. She shook her head. “What happened?”
McCoy took one of her hands in his own. “You didn't do anything wrong. It was just one of those things. No one's to blame.”
They sounded like tired cliches that all doctors pulled out in this kind of situation, she thought. “Spock?”
“I haven't called him down yet, I wanted to speak to you first. I can break the news for you if you want?”
She went to answer before realising she didn't know what she wanted.
Could she face Spock and his blank, emotionless face? She loved him, she truly did, but he had been odd since she had found out she was pregnant.
He hadn't been unsupportive exactly. In fact, he had done anything he could to support her and make sure she and the baby were healthy. He just didn't seem happy about it. She knew how he hid his joy and excitement as a Vulcan, knew all the tells that said, secretly, he was happy, and he hadn't been doing them.
So, this loss, wouldn't be hard on him. She was certain. He'd be sad for her because he knew that she had been excited. Her mind was made up. “Would you? I don't think I'm ready to face him yet.”
“Of course I will. He will probably want to see you. Do you want me to give you some time?” She nodded. Smiled and cried at the same time. “Can I get anyone to be here with you?”
“Katie?” she said, hopeful.
“Wallis?” McCoy double-checked. He recalled seeing the women together fairly frequently. At Uhura's confirmation, he nodded. “Okay, I'll take care of it all for you. I'll give you some time and I'll come back and check on you soon.”
“Thank you,” she said.
As he closed the door and left her alone, she broke into sobs.
~
McCoy waited impatiently for Spock to arrive.
Spock was punctual and efficient but waiting for him to arrive, McCoy felt like he was the slowest being who lived. McCoy was certain that whatever task had been doing at the time, he hadn't bothered to stop and he'd continued it, to its completion, probably wrote a report about it too, maybe even had some lunch and then he'd left to see McCoy.
McCoy let out a huff. He was frustrated. Not with Spock but at the anxiety he had about telling Spock what had happened. He didn't know how he would take it. Spock and death seemed to go hand in hand since McCoy had known him. His mother, the majority of his race, Jim, Ambassador Spock.
He needed a break from it, not yet another death.
Bones and Spock had an antagonistic relationship.
Those on the outside who didn't know them often took it as dislike for one another. Kirk said they were more like brothers.
They sometimes didn't know their own limits and when to stop pushing one another's buttons.
McCoy knew that he could be an easy target for Spock. He had a number of things that seemed to trigger him. Spock, for the most part, didn't start things but he could say something that McCoy disagreed with easily enough. Spock dealt in cold hard facts. Or, calm logic, as Kirk would call it. But despite the logic, superior intellect and everything else he had going for him, Spock did still have his own buttons that could be pushed. The latest one McCoy had only recently discovered. He knew Vulcan's lived longer than humans, easily double the length of time but he hadn't considered that Spock was still considered a teenager to Vulcan's. He'd have had more fun with it if it didn't seem to be something that jarred Spock a little more than he'd have expected.
He'd have to save it for it he was really pissed off with him.
When they had been stranded together on Altamid, he had really got a sense of Spock's real emotional depth. He had done his best to ignore Spock's uncharacteristic tears and while he knew that his hysterics moments later came from how sick he was when Spock plunged back into tears a little while later he knew it wasn't all there just because he was sick. It was there all the time, he just didn't allow it to show.
The door buzzed, jarring McCoy from his thoughts and moments later, the man he'd just been thinking of came into the room.
He looked unsuspecting, McCoy thought. He probably thought this was to arrange the latest health check, which was coming soon and on the agenda.
McCoy motioned for him to take a seat and he didn't offer him a drink, not even as a human nicety because he was certain Spock would say no anyway. He didn't want to trivialise this in any way.
Spock's dark eyes were upon him. He waited, silently for McCoy to begin.
“I'm just going to get right to it. Nyota lost the baby.”
Spock processed that information. His mouth slowly opened as if to speak and then slowly closed again. His mouth would twitch and his eyes searched. His brow pulled itself into a frown and yet he said nothing.
Eventually, finally, he spoke. “When?”
“She was off duty and she had some spotting, which isn't uncommon, but it was more severe so she came for a check-up, just to be sure. There was no heartbeat.”
He gave Spock the information as plainly as he could and waited for Spock to digest it.
He would have to tell Jim after he finished with Spock. Uhura was five months into the pregnancy so everyone knew. Jim would have to handle that.
When he looked back to Spock the Vulcan was looking at him. He looked lost. “I'm really sorry, Spock.”
He was sincere and hoped he conveyed that enough in the simplicity of the statement.
But it quickly came apparent that Spock was looking for guidance as to how to navigate his way through this unfamiliar territory. Spock's eye contact seemed to have become something of an unfocused stare which he soon dropped to something on McCoy's desk instead of the man himself.
“Uhura?”
Another one-word question. He was in shock, it seemed, his mind reeling from the information. “She needs a little time right now. Let her have some rest and I'll take you to her when she's ready.”
“She-” Spock didn't seem to progress from the statement, his eyes darting back and forth as though he were working on the meaning of life. It took a while but he seemed to come to his senses a little more. “She.. she will have to give birth.”
McCoy thought it was a question, but said as a statement. He answered anyway. Spock's voice sounded so hollow he wanted to scrub his brain out to remove all traces of it. “Unfortunately she will.” He hesitated to say more but went ahead anyway. “Sometimes it helps with the grieving, to go through birth. It's more of a complete cycle for the mother to go through.”
“I think-” Spock stood after those two words and stayed where he was. He didn't know what to do. His mouth was open and not saying anything and then he turned and headed for the door.
“Spock?” McCoy called out after him, but the other man had gone. He quickly went and checked and found that he had headed away from sickbay. He was probably returning to his quarters which is what McCoy hoped, as long as he didn't try to see Nyota then that was good enough for now.
He would check on Spock soon enough, but he needed to tell Jim first and he wanted to check on Uhura. They both had to deal with this loss but she was the one who was carrying it. She was the one whose body was preparing to birth a child and that had been snatched away from her. Plus she would have the extra guilt that she had provided the incorrect body for her own baby to survive in.
Nyota was a smart woman and he knew her intelligence would help, but she would blame herself.
~
Jim was finishing his shift when he met McCoy at the other end of the turbo-lift.
“Hey Bones,” he said cheerfully, seeing his friend. “I was just about to grab some lunch, you coming?”
“I need to talk to you about work,” Bones said. “Why don't you get lunch first and meet me in my quarters at about 13.00?”
Kirk nodded “Okay, I'll see you later.”
Bones forced the most genuine smile he could and headed for Spock's quarters. He knew Nyota had Lt Wallis with her currently and wanted to check in with Spock. He'd planned to tell Jim straight away but he wouldn't tell him before lunch. Jim knew if it had been urgent, Bones wouldn't have let it wait.
Spock seemed to have started to process things a little, or he was trying to anyway. It seemed to involve a lot of pacing and muttering things to himself that McCoy couldn't understand. He offered Spock silent support until it was time to meet with Jim. He'd come back again later, he promised Spock.
Bones arrived at his quarters to find Kirk casually waiting outside. “You were visiting Spock too?” Kirk said, having seen the doctor emerge from the quarters next to his own.
“Just waiting for you,” McCoy said and they both headed inside. He ordered the doors to be locked. He and Spock shared a bathroom and if he wanted too, Spock could gain access into McCoy's room. He never did but the fact that he could worry Bones right then, even though it was, in Spock's often used term, illogical. He pulled out a seat for Jim and took the other for himself. He poured them both a drink while he started talking. “They lost the baby,” he said simply.
“What?” Jim said, shocked.
“Uhura had some bad bleeding and when I checked there was no heartbeat.”
“Damn,” Kirk said. “How are they?”
“As you'd expect I guess.”
“Wait, Spock's not with Uhura?”
“She didn't want to see him straight away. I think she needed some comfort from a friend first.”
Kirk's brow creased. “Damn,” he muttered before a more forceful “Damn!!” Kirk knocked back the drink and held the glass out for another which he followed straight down before he left the glass on the desk and got up. “How's Spock?”
McCoy puffed out air from his mouth. “Processing. It's like waiting for a file to download,” he gently teased.
Kirk barely listened to his friend. “I'm going to request emergency shore leave for the crew. This is gonna kill morale.”
Jim had a lot of different levels to process this. As a friend to both of them, as a Captain and what it meant to lose both of them from their positions temporarily and then also the overall effect on the rest of the crew.”I'm gonna go and get some things sorted. Do you need anything from me?”
McCoy shook his head. “Maybe just check in with them both tomorrow?” He wanted to give them both a chance to get over the shock of what had happened.
“Yeah, of course,” Kirk said. “Thanks, Bones,” he said patting the other man on the arm as he stood and left.
~
“Nyota?”
No one said her name like Spock did. There was a certain poetry to the way the words came together in his mouth that most humans just could not replicate. She closed her eyes at the sound of it as a tear leaked from her eyes.
Katie was still sat in the chair beside the bed, holding Uhura's hand in both of hers. Sadness radiated from her face but a strong resolve too. “I can stay if you want me to. I'll make him go,” she said softly, for Nyota's ears only.
Spock heard her of course, his hearing was immaculate but he pretended he didn't.
“It's okay. Thank you for being with me,” Nyota said softly. Katie smiled and hugged her friend and as she pulled back she kissed her forehead. “I'll come back tomorrow,” she promised and she moved past where Spock still stood in the doorway, waiting for her permission to come in.
Nyota couldn't find her voice but nodded at Spock. She wasn't ready to see him but she knew she never truly would be. In stark contrast to Katie who rushed to her side and cried with her, Spock stood at a distance and couldn't look at her.
This was why she hadn't wanted him here with her. “Sit down,” she said. It might have sounded harsher if she's had the energy for it. She wasn't mad at him, she was just tired. So damn tired.
“I am sorry,” Spock said. He was eyeing her bump and his eyes didn't leave it.
She swallowed harshly. “My face is up here,” she said with dark humour that was lost on him and he tore his eyes away from it and locked with hers. His eyes were a mirror of the indescribable pain and loss in her own and they both looked away from one another, as though the hurt was just too much to bear.
When she had the strength to look again, Spock's eyes were back on the bump and, out of habit, she put her hands protectively over it. “It doesn't feel any different,” she said, she thought her voice might sound empty. She doubted Spock would notice.
A spark of anger flared in her. The only thing she could focus on other than her loss was Spock and his indifference to her pregnancy to begin with. “Why weren't you excited?” she asked him.
His eyes travelled up to hers again, for a moment. “I was.”
“I slept beside you nearly every night. You wouldn't go near me. Does pregnancy revolt Vulcans?” She questioned but not giving him a chance to answer she continued. “It's fine if that's the case, I know there are a lot of things Vulcan's don't like to talk about. It's not exactly your fault.” There was an accusation in those words.
“Pregnancy is... a wonderful thing,” Spock eventually said. He was slow to respond and careful with his words. Uhura didn't know if it were for his own benefit or for hers.
“Just my pregnancy then?” she frowned.
“I am sorry if I did not give you the support you needed-” Spock started.
“That's not what I want to hear, Spock.” Focusing on him, what he did wrong helped her feel something. It was hurtful and for now, it was something other than loss, so she grabbed for it with both hands.
She looked at him carefully. He looked lost. “You don't know how to do this, do you?”
“Do you?”
“I just want to know why you …. you didn't care?” The emotion escaped her then, was clear for him to hear.
Something twisted painfully in Spock's side. He had failed. Failed horribly. “Nyota, of course I cared,” he said. “I was... I was disappointed in myself that the pregnancy came about after Pon Farr.” he said, trying to explain.
She took a moment, processing what he said. “So... you didn't want the baby?” She misunderstood his sentiment.
“No,-”
“No?”
“That is not what I meant. I-” But he did not say anything more. It was as though he were physically unable to say another word. He was frozen.
Uhura seemed to realise that, after a few moments waiting for him to explain himself. “You should just go,” she said eventually. Any anger that had been there before had left her. She was just tired. She wanted to sleep. And cry.
He shook his head but he still couldn't bear to speak a word.
“Please, Spock. Please go,” she asked, almost begged him.
The door behind them opened as McCoy stepped inside. “Spock, I told you to wait-” he started but the Vulcan turned and left.
McCoy had no idea what had happened but he saw Uhura crumble and he went to her side and held her as she wailed.
For her loss. For her baby.
~
McCoy was laying on the bed, Uhura cradled against him, her eyes closed but not sleeping. He'd held her while she cried.
She felt like she'd never stop but eventually, she couldn't cry any more. The pain was still there, undeniably so, but she just couldn't cry.
Once enough time had passed, McCoy gently started to talk to her. “Are you okay?” it was a stupid question given the circumstances but he expected the answer he got. “No.”
“Jim's trying to get some emergency shore leave sorted. Get you and Spock off the ship if you like?”
“I don't know that I want to go anywhere. And I don't know that me and Spock are even a thing any more.”
McCoy held her a little tighter. “Come on, neither of you broke up with another, right?”
I don't know,” Uhura said. She sounded defeated.
“He looked broken when he left,” McCoy said.
She thought about Spock's words. “He said he didn't want the baby because Pon Farr. Little bit late afterward, isn't it?”
McCoy detected anger in her tone. It was to be expected. “Did he say why?”
“He just froze up,” she closed her eyes and rested her head against him.
“I can see how that would hurt considering that is how you got pregnant. But maybe there's more too it. Give yourselves a little time and then talk, okay?”
She nodded. Knew he was right. She dissolved into sobs again. “I thought we were safe.”
McCoy kissed the top of her head, feeling every moment of her pain. “I know you did.”
~
Spock left Uhura as she asked him too but he didn't know what to do once he left.
Everything made him want to go back inside and hold her. But even he knew he was so fundamentally not emotionally prepared to comfort her right now.
“Spock?” Came a familiar voice. He couldn't place it but he knew it, so he turned towards it.
The Captain came over to him. Apparently, he had been waiting. “Come with me,” Kirk said as he gently took Spock by the elbow and took him into the closest conference room. He had to physically push Spock into a seat and then got him a glass of water.
It remained in front of Spock, untouched.
“How is she?” Kirk asked.
“She is upset.”
“Yeah,” Was all Kirk could say. Spock struggled to control his emotions at the best of times. Jim didn't know how to handle it. No one would really want to talk about such a personal thing anyway, but with Spock he was always aware of his control.
He had, after all, been on the receiving end of Spock's emotional outburst and it did not feel good. True, he had been provoking it, but after all the loss Spock had suffered maybe it had made his resolve weaker, not stronger. “I don't know what to do,” Kirk admitted. “Is there anything you need me to do for you?”
Spock shook his head. “I think I would like to go back to my quarters and meditate.”
Kirk nodded. “Of course, I'm heading to my quarters now. I'll accompany you.” He didn't ask, he wanted to make sure he intercepted anyone who may consider talking to Spock along the way. Spock didn't object and the pair left together.
~
By the following afternoon, Kirk had discreetly held meetings with the staff about the situation with Uhura and Spock. Both of their shifts had been covered, Spock's for a week, Uhura for two, but he hoped to get authorisation for the shore leave anyway and it wouldn't matter. He doubted that Spock would agree to spend a week off duty but he would deal with that when and if he had too.
He had also gone to Uhura as her first visitor that morning. She'd cried. He had joined her. They said very little. He held her hand comforted her the best he could.
Later that morning, he had a meeting with McCoy and they discussed Uhura's condition. McCoy outlined his plan to go through the birth with her later that afternoon and that they would discuss what she and Spock wanted to do with the baby. He didn't know- and couldn't find out- if Vulcan's had any practices with such a loss and there was no saying that Uhura would consider it right now. Her grief was consuming her right now and she still had to go through a very difficult process. Being forced to birth your dead baby was horrific and it was something that, despite what anyone told her, she would have to do alone. They could support her, hold her hand through it but it was she who had to deliver it still, knowing what the outcome was.
Jim busied himself with duty but he watched the time. He could barely keep him mind off of Uhura's plight. It was unfair. Couldn't they have this one thing? Would it really have screwed up some universal plan to have allowed them their happiness?
He needed a drink at the end of this shift
~
It was over.
The worst thing she would ever have to do.
McCoy had been with her through it all, just one nurse assisting. Spock was there too, a vague, shapeless lump in her peripheral vision. McCoy offered her the comfort she needed while the nurse took care of the birthing of the baby.
Uhura knew as soon as it was over it was the end of everything.
She felt as though she would fall to pieces and couldn't stop herself from letting the tidal waves of grief and loss out. McCoy held her tightly, never wavering for a minute.
The nurse told Spock she was going to clean the baby up and they could spend some time with her. He nodded mutely. Uhura barely remembered he was there. The nurse wrapped the baby in a blanket and put a small hat on her head. She cradled her like the delicate and precious bundle that she was, she smiled brightly at the baby, even though she knew the heartbreak of the situation. She showed the baby to Spock but gave her to Uhura who was desperate to hold her baby when she saw her.
She would have bet she couldn't have cried any more that day, but she could. She wasn't done by a long shot.
“We'll give you some time together,” McCoy said and he left with the nurse. She didn't even look to see if Spock stayed or went but eventually, he moved closer, slowly, as though she might scream at him to leave forever.
She talked quietly to the baby. She never wanted to let her go. The feeling of holding her in her arms was something she hadn't realised she craved until she had it. It made the loss even harder. Eventually, Spock right beside the bed by now, she looked at him.
“Would you like to?”
He still looked like he had done yesterday. Heartbroken and shocked, but he nodded his head and she carefully passed the bundle to him. She missed her the second she was gone. Spock didn't talk. He just looked at her and held her, for longer than Uhura thought he would. He too seemed to not want to let her go. Her behaviour with him yesterday came back to taunt her. She hadn't been that patient with him and she wished she had. She felt fresh tears in her eyes and she reached for Spock's hand, to touch him.
He misread the touch as her want for the babies return and passed her back. Uhura took her even though she wanted to tell him he didn't have to give her back yet, but she wanted her back, she missed her. Her arms ached for her return. She settled her in her arm again and reached for Spock again.
“I'm sorry,” she said. Her emotion, her loss and devastation hit her again. It kept coming in like waves and she didn't think it would ever end.
Spock just shook his head and held her hand. He couldn't offer the same support of her human friends but he still loved her and he still cared for her and he was the only other person in the universe that felt how she did right now. They stood like that for a long time until Uhura moved over on the bed and patted it for him to join her. He did and she held the baby closer to him.
They stayed like that until McCoy returned and said he needed to take the baby. He gave them another few minutes more together and then returned and collected the tiny bundle from them. “I'll take good care of her,” he promised them.
“Thank you,” Uhura said.
(TBC)
#Star Trek#Star Trek fanfiction#AOS#AOS fanfic#Spock#Uhura#Spock/Uhura#Sphura#writiing#ansgst#hurt#loss#miscarriage#there will be one more chapter#not a big story#but it needed a little more time to grow
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June 22: 1x03 Where No Man Has Gone Before
Today, the second pilot, aka Kirk fights his ex-boyfriend, the superhuman space mutant.
Whaaaaat TV screen by the chess set? That’s such a funny transition for me for some reason.
Spock thinks he can win lol. I love that he’s sassy from the start. And throwing shade at Sarek, which is how I choose to interpret “my ancestor married a human woman” when he very well knows it’s his dad.
“Materializer.”
For a moment, I thought Spock was of a lower rank but then I realized the pilot uniforms only showed three different ranks so who even knows.
I’m barely even paying attention to the plot, I’m too distracted by the outfits and the banter.
Are you certain you don’t know what irritation is, Mr. Spock????? Are you SURE?
THIS ELEVATOR SCENE IS STILL MY FAVORITE IN THE WHOLE SERIES. Kirk is so obviously in love with Spock already, like just the way he looks at him??? And Gary is bitter. Did you finish your GAME GUYS? How was the GAME?? You like that CHESS?
Lol at Kirk’s microphone. I love how different the pilot is and how much more obvious the differences are because it’s sci fi. (Their screen/windshield is also hilarious for some reason? It looks very fake.)
Sulu is head of astrophysics?? Really got a demotion there. This needs to be a thing in fic though, somehow.
Kirk is so brave. Gonna explore this weird space thing to save future space travelers.
New drinking game: take a shot every time there’s a random shot of Kirk looking beautiful.
My mother asked if Gary was hoping he could hold Kirk’s hand when the alien force field attacks and I said yes. Dig it in there Mr. Kirk.
Kirk and Spock flying the ship.
Sulu looking gorgeous.
Some gratuitous k/s arm grabbing.
Love how they show the ship has no warp by having it move really slowly across the screen. But actually--completely underrated problem that I forgot about it what with the whole Gary God Complex thing--if you have no warp capabilities you are stranded for real.
It took me a suuuuuper long time to figure out why most esper people died and two became supermutants. The force field targeted the most susceptible but was too much for most of them.
Also I love how the force field was just literally never explained. It just is. Nor was it explained that that other ship was, which Kirk seemed to think shouldn’t have been in deep space in the first place.
I can’t believe Dehner is telling a literal alien “this is how this thing is and there’s only one version of the thing and these are the limits.” Like??? He has all sorts of abilities you don’t know about? Why do you assume that things as they have been observed on Earth are the only way things can be, especially outside Earth? When you are talking to someone whose very existence would be impossible by your measure?
Looking at medbay, can’t help but feel that McCoy really spruced up the joint.
Gary rearranging himself just so for Jim’s entrance.
I legitimately don’t know what “this long hair stuff you like” is. I was born in 1988 so, that’s my excuse.
A STACK OF BOOKS WITH LEGS
IN LT. KIRK’S CLASS YOU THINK OR SINK.
Kirk is giving Gary those “I love you” eyes. They’re exes. Clearly.
I mean “I outlined her whole campaign for her”? First, putting unnecessary characters into a story because the short version is homosexual is ITSELF homosexual and second--that’s very gay on its face.
Kirk is clearly trying to be the Cool Ex (and, uh, boss) and Gary’s still bitter. “Friend Captain.”
No privacy on the Enterprise I see.
“The one you used to know,” Spock says, clearly jealous.
Love poem from 1996--so ancient.
Imo Spock is glad for this opportunity to shade Gary Mitchell openly. Finally, I can tell Jim my real thoughts: we should kill him.
Dr. Dehner is awfully enamored of this whole “new kind of human” thing given that she must have some knowledge of Earth history, including, you know, the horrifically deadly WWIII fought over exactly this idea but w/e.
Sulu bringing the math.
Spock saying “Jim” again. He definitely actually does this a lot? Maybe later he pulls himself back on purpose on account of Too Many Feelings.
D E L T A V E G A .
Forgot they poached that name. Should have kept it a mining planet. I wonder if it is supposed to be the same place and if Ambassador Spock was thinking about Gary while he was there.
“You’re talking about Gary!” This Kirk and Spock scene is really good too. Just about as good as the elevator scene. I literally cannot read this through anything other than the “ex and future boyfriend” lens and it makes it so much better. (Not that it’s not a good story on its face because it is. But just like the additional layers??)
“Our task: maroon my ex-boyfriend on this abandoned planet.” They’ve known each other 15 years.
Kirk and Spock taking Gary down.
That is 100% a drawing taken from the cover of a 50s sci fi novel.
Spock is so ridiculously, comically armed. Pacifist who? They keep on saying he doesn’t have feelings and yet ALL I see are feelings. Arming himself to the teeth for Jim. Clearly bitter about Jim’s feelings for Gary. Ready to thrown down all the time.
RIP Kelso. Good thing he got that commendation.
“Command and compassion is a fool’s mixture.”
“Don’t wake up Spock until I’m gone or he’ll follow me.” True.
Just Jim and his ridiculous weapon now, off to ruin Gary’s date.
Kirk and Spock would love all these flowers.
“You were a psychiatrist once--ten minutes ago.”
“Did you hear him joke about compassion?” I know the powers corrupted Gary but...did they do all the corrupting? Or did they just allow him to say some stuff he really means?
That “phaser rifle” looks like a supersoaker. (Mom: it probably is.)
Gary claims to know Jim so well but he doesn’t even know his middle name.
He’s so dramatic. SO DRAMATIC. Calling Jim “James” all the time; clearly his personal name for him when they were together. Whereas Jim continues to call him by his last name, which is funny.
And then Spock sees Jim is about to get sad and makes sure to come right over. “I felt for him too,” he admits, reluctantly.
It’s weird how much more dated this ep looks imo. Like I strongly maintain that even on the basis of style TOS ages very well (better than TNG which is 90s to the hilt), but this one looked very...50s/60s sci fi. Not in a bad way, just in a very obvious way. I feel like even the Enterprise looks a lot different after the pilot, in ways I can’t really explain or describe or pinpoint. It’s just subtly.... more unique. More real.
Mom and I were discussing where this fits in the timeline. She thinks early 5 year mission, which is what I’ve always assumed...but I’m bothered by how 99% of the crew is different. So now I’m thinking, like, pre-5 year mission? Maybe like a short mission? This is Kirk’s first command, maybe they sent him out for like a year first. It doesn’t explain how Gary and Spock have “worked together for years” but Dehner could have been wrong about that, or she could have meant they both have 15 years + in Starfleet.
The AOSverse should have rebooted Mitchell instead of Khan and that’s all I’m saying about that but it’s true.
I have always assumed Gary is First Officer in this ep but I don’t remember it actually being mentioned and now I’m wondering if we’ve all just collectively made that up.
Next up is the absolute classic The Naked Time. Maybe I’ll find an opportunity to watch it in less than a week’s time?
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Jim Kirk x fem!reader (18/could be read as part 1 of its own story)
“I have a question,” Bones announced to the table at breakfast. The other four of you raised an eyebrow at him. “Ooh that’s creepy. Anyway, you two–” he gestured between yourself and Spock, “–are what, distant half-cousins? How come (Y/N) doesn’t do any of the freaky Vulcan voodoo?”
“Romulans and Vulcans evolved from the same ancestors,” Spock answered, evenly, “However at the time that Romulans left Vulcan after choosing to reject the principles of Surak, telepathy was highly frowned upon. It is likely that the split was clan-based in some way, given the militaristic nature of our ancient society, and therefore it is possible that none of the clans that left possessed the genetic material required to develop and pass on telepathy.”
“Basically,” you shrugged, “Although, given the taboo, it was difficult to know who was telepathic and who wasn’t as no one with any sense admitted to being telepathic. There are undoubtedly some telepaths on Romulus, or at least, those capable of being telepaths with significant training, but the Tal Shiar isn’t exactly keen on difference or dissidence, so the majority would keep quiet about it.” Here, Spock turned on you, quizzically.
“Undoubtedly seems an inaccurate assessment, Ambassador,” he hedged, frowning, “There is a 76.4% chance that given a clan-based split and the intrusive nature of the Tal Shiar government there would be no telepaths on Romulus.” You smiled, distantly, and sank back into your chair.
“The majority of them keep quiet,” you admitted, eventually, too quiet for the rest of the table, but you knew Spock could hear you. “My mother left.”
“Fascinating.” Spock tilted his head, curiously.
“What’s fascinating?” Jim demanded, eyes flicking between the two of you. “What did you say?”
“My mother was telepathic.” You picked awkwardly at your lunch. “That’s why she left Romulus.”
“Are you telepathic?” Uhura inquired, as Bones delighted over Spock being wrong for once.
“Strangely, yeah,” you huffed, rubbing the back of your neck. “My Dad’s side, though almost entirely human, had a weird kind of run in with Betazoids in a few of my great-great-grandfather’s many affairs. We’ve never really been sure who was whose kid, but I had a DNA test and apparently Dad passed on the Beta genes. That made me extra-receptive to telepathic genes – with and without touch. I shield all the time, don’t worry! I’m not reading anyone’s mind.”
“Woah wait I’ve been kissing a telepath for three years without knowing it?” Jim interjected, incredulously. You winced, finally looking over at him apologetically, but finding only blatant amusement in his blue eyes. “Is this why you always beat me at chess?”
“You are currently on an eight match winning streak,” you pointed out, not even trying to keep the relief from your voice. “And since you don’t plan your strategy ahead anyway, what would be the point of reading your mind?” He grinned, and threw an arm over your shoulders.
“Hang on, hang on,” Bones interrupted the peaceful moment, yet again. “More important than your bloody chess, does this mean you’re gonna have to do the bonding shit if you ever want to get married?”
“Thinking ahead as always, Bones.” Jim rolled his eyes.
“Bonding is not part of Romulan culture,” you answered, simply, “And I’m not exactly the epitome of Romulan culture anyway. I theoretically could bond or mind meld with someone, but I don’t need to any further than humans bond.”
“Fascinating,” Spock repeated. “You don’t need any of the telepathic connections Vulcans require from infancy?”
“Not in the sense of “bonding” in the Vulcan manner. We form them naturally, the same way humans do.” The whole table stared at you, blankly.
“Humans don’t form telepathic bonds,” Bones pointed out, eventually. You blinked.
“Of course you do,” you frowned, folding your arms. “They aren’t as strong as those of psionic species, obviously, but natural ties form between the minds of close humans. Friends, family, crew members. You can’t communicate with one another, or even detect them, necessarily, but they contribute to your intuition, interpersonal connection, and emotional responses. Have you not experienced this phenomenon, Spock?”
“I made the assumption that the formation of a bond was unique to the combination of psionic and psi-null individuals,” he mused, placidly. “Although, given the nature of Vulcan bonding, they did not form spontaneously, possibly due to my shields, but were easily cemented through conscious bonding.”
“So you’re telling me the reason I can tell when Jim’s being an idiot–” Jim opened his mouth to protest, but shut it pretty quickly when Bones shot him a glare. “–is because we have a telepathic bond?”
“Well, it’s not necessarily telepathic in the connotative sense we use it, but following the strict definition of telepathy as ‘a communication by means other than the known senses’, then yeah.” Bones hummed, thoughtfully, though he didn’t look convinced.
“And I’m not an idiot!” Jim grumbled, as you all stood to start your shift. Bones scoffed, but refrained from commenting.
“What do you mean we’ve lost contact?” Sulu sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “That asteroid storm is travelling 30m/second and if we don’t move now it’s going to hit the ship as well as the planet!”
“We need to get out of orbit,” you pointed out, voice calmer than you felt.
“Ze storm is producing an unprecedented amount of electromagnetic energy, sir,” Chekov added, from the scanner, “If ze ship is hit, zere will be interference with the working of ze warp core and engine.”
“We can’t just leave them all down there!” Sulu protested.
“That’s not what I was suggesting.” The ship lurched against an incoming wave of electromagnetic energy again, and Sulu sprang from the Captain’s chair to take over the helm from the petty officer who’d replaced him.
“You have the conn,” he instructed you, taking his usual seat. “What are you planning?”
“Scotty!” You crossed the room and pressed the comm on the Captain’s chair.
“Wha’ can I do fer ya?” His voice was strained, but the familiar lilt was reassuring nonetheless.
“I need you to try and diffuse the electromagnetic interference well enough to manage long-distance transport. I’m sending Chekov down.” Chekov stood and made his way to the turbo lift quickly.
“Aye. I cannae make any promises, lass, but we’ll try.” You could hear him already tinkering in the background.
“That’s all I can ask, Mr Scott,” you smiled, warmly, flicking off the comm. “Sulu, I need you to move us into orbit around the second moon.”
“Aye.” He programmed the console expertly as you folded your legs into the Captain’s chair, sitting criss-cross and watching the ship turn away from the planet.
“Ensign Taylor, continue trying to make contact with the landing party,” you instructed the young comms officer. He nodded, turning back to his console, and you straightened your posture in the Captain’s chair, reaching into the depths of your mind to pull out your bond with Jim.
“Nothing,” Uhura sighed, again, snapping her comm closed. “Captain, we’re completely out of contact.”
“There is an unusual amount of electromagnetic interference which is not constituted by the planet’s atmosphere, Captain,” Spock informed him, tricorder beeping in his hands.
“Electromagnetic storms are rarely planetary,” Jim pointed out, scanning the dry, flat landscape around them. “Uhura, keep trying.” You pulled at the back of his mind, and he frowned, scrutinising the empty landscape once again.
–Not there, in here, idiot! – you snapped, pulling at him once again. –James Tiberius Kirk, I swear–
–(Y/N)?– You visibly relaxed, breathing a sigh of relief that had Sulu raising an eyebrow as he finalised the orbit.
–Anything high near you? Convenient mountain? Heck, even a boulder?– you questioned, brusquely. –We’ve had to leave orbit- –
“You what?” He didn’t realise he’d said it out loud until Spock looked up from his tricorder. Uhura had already noticed his sudden silence and was watching him curiously.
–Say hi to Spock and Uhura from me– you laughed, feeling him sigh. –There’s an asteroid storm headed your way, it was going to hit the ship. It’s producing a weird amount of electromagnetic radiation which is interfering with our comms - and our transporters. Chekov, Jaylah, and Scotty are working on beaming you up. I’ve gotta go, we’ve got a scanner alert coming in. Just shout if you need me. Mentally, of course, wouldn’t want to damage Spock’s sensitive ears–
“Well, apparently the source of our problems is an asteroid storm.” Jim refocused on his companions, noting somewhat more disappointedly that there was no cover on this stupid planet.
“Asteroid storms do not typically produce significant electromagnetic radiation.” Spock tilted his head, as close to a frown as ever.
“Scans show that the electromagnetic radiation is emanating from a generator in the centre of the asteroid storm,” the petty officer – Hanson – explained. “That generator can only be artificial, but there are no known species this far out that are technologically capable of producing it. The closest society capable of that would be–”
“–Romulus,” you finished, grimly. Her ponytail bounced as she nodded. “I just love family reunions.”
#jim kirk x reader#romulus#romulans#spock#uhura#s'chn t'gai spock#leonard mccoy#leonard bones mccoy#mccoy#nyota uhura#james t kirk#james tiberius kirk#jim kirk#star trek#star trek aos#chekov#montgomery scott#jaylah#scotty#pavel chekov#sulu#hikaru sulu#aos
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On Borrowed Time a Star Trek fic (Chapters 11 - 20)
Fandoms: Star Trek, Star Trek: The Original Series (TOS), Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (AOS)
Pairing: McCoy x Original Female Character (Dr. Jennifer Hope)
Characters: The Crew of the USS Enterprise (NCC-1701)
Rating/Warnings: None
Tags: Friendship, Romance, Friends to Lovers, Slow Burn, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings, Mild H/C, Caring/Protective/Tender/Comforting/Happy/Grumpy McCoy
Word Count: This is a long one 😄 (61 chapters - 120k)
Read it on AO3: On Borrowed Time
Chapter 11
The next day, after Hope had told him the name of the ensign she’d been so concerned about, and he’d again promised to take care of the matter, McCoy was happy to see her flitting about sickbay, back to her happy self.
And once again, he had the opportunity to admire her way with people, when two of his obviously bored patients started a noisy argument about something or other, and Hope managed to restore harmony in sickbay in less than five minutes.
Hearing the commotion, he’d come running out of his office, only to see Hope already standing between the two beds, hands on hips, like a displeased mother. In her cheerfully bossy way, she insisted on them communicating civilly, made them find something they had in common and eventually let them both come out of the argument as winners.
Watching the two men, both tall and burly security guards, hang their heads in shame and obediently do as they were told, was a sight to behold. And after making sure that everything was quiet again and Hope had it all under control, he quickly returned to his desk, closing the door behind him and letting out a loud guffaw.
How many trained psychologists could never achieve what Hope accomplished with sheer intuition? he wondered fondly.
No wonder, she was so successfully involved in the intuitive enhancement of the universal translator, whatever that was exactly.
Hope and Uhura had tried to explain it to him several times, and he could certainly appreciate its usefulness, especially when encountering new species whose language might not even be based on actual words. But he just didn’t see how it could work.
They’d compared it to him knowing what was wrong with his patients before they even said a word, just by observing them, reading their faces, their body language, and so on. And when he’d pointed out that he’d had years of experience to get there, Uhura had immediately refuted that by reminding him how many aliens he’d already helped, even though he hadn’t had the first idea about them.
That, admittedly, was true. He’d surprised himself more than once in that regard. But at the end of the day, the universal translator was still a machine. And in his book, that just didn’t go together with intuition or empathy.
Cobbler, stick to your last, he thought contemplatively, and safely leave the universal translator and its further development to the experts.
********************
Towards the end of Alpha shift, there was a lull in the constant stream of people coming to sickbay for more or less urgent medical attention, and McCoy, Chapel and Hope sat around the doctor’s desk, nibbling on some delicious biscuits a grateful patient had left them earlier.
“How can you be so happy all the time?” Chapel wanted to know, looking enquiringly at Hope. “You are so balanced and well-adjusted. And so full of energy. I’m jealous! What’s your secret?”
Hope laughed and took a moment to think about it, while McCoy gazed at her with interest, often having wondered the same thing.
“I do a lot of yoga,” she finally explained. “A little every day. Breathing exercises, too. But basically, I think, it’s a matter of attitude. I want to be happy, so I am!”
“Just like that, huh? So easy,” Chapel scoffed, clearly not satisfied with Hope’s explanation.
“Well, what else can I say, Christine?” Hope chuckled, shrugging helplessly at McCoy. “I try to appreciate the good things in life. There are plenty, at least in mine, and they clearly outweigh the less pleasant ones. Besides, dwelling on the bad stuff helps no one. Least of all me. I don’t want anything to spoil the happiness in my life.”
“But don’t you ever get annoyed or upset or anything?” Christine questioned.
“Of course, I do!” Hope laughed. “I’m not a saint! But I try to deal with it as quickly as possible and then just let it go. I believe in the law of attraction. You attract what you send out into the universe. If you expect bad things to happen, they eventually will. So, I endeavour to keep my thinking positive, and it usually works. It’s all about good vibrations!”
Nurse Chapel seemed impressed, and even though McCoy was not really inclined towards the esoteric or supernatural, he respected Hope’s belief and even gave it some thought. The way she explained it didn’t lack a certain logic. But real or not, it certainly seemed to work for her, and that was all that really mattered.
********************
That evening, long after his shift had officially ended and there was still no end of dealing with all the bureaucratic stuff in sight, McCoy had developed an annoying headache. He was rubbing his temples and just about to take a painkiller out of his desk drawer, when Hope stopped him.
“Don’t! There’s no need for drugs, Doctor! I can help you with a tension headache.”
“You can?” McCoy spun around, surprised that she was still there. “How? Are you going to kiss it better?” he asked wryly, immediately regretting his cheek when he saw her blush furiously.
But then again, he rather liked the way she blushed over silly little comments like this. It was adorable, how she couldn’t help it, even though she knew he was just teasing her.
“Not quite what I had in mind, Doctor, but I can always give it a try, if you’d prefer that method,” she quipped, smiling sweetly at him.
“You spend too much time with Spock,” McCoy grumbled. “You already sound just like him.”
But secretly, he was impressed. She was learning to give as good as she got. He liked that. Just as he liked her sense of humour in general. She was great fun to be with. She was great – full stop.
But before he could get carried away by the image of this lovely girl kissing away his headache, he put on a more serious face again and asked her what she’d really had in mind. His headache had almost vanished already, simply by her soothing presence, but the physician in him was curious as to what she was suggesting instead of ‘drugs’, as she’d called it.
“Lean back, close your eyes and relax,” she ordered.
Now it was his turn to glance at her warily, which she acknowledged with a satisfied grin.
“No kissing, Doctor, I promise,” she giggled, a warm and cheerful sound that delighted McCoy every time he heard it.
Then, thinking that the no-kissing promise was almost a shame, he leaned back in his chair and relaxed.
Hope stood behind him and touched gentle hands to his temples, cool fingers massaging in circular motion. And even though he’d already been feeling much better before, he could now feel all the tension ebbing away. He relaxed completely into her tender touch and felt invigorating energy flooding him. It was an immensely pleasant feeling, as if all her kindness and positivity was pouring into him, relieving him of any pain he might have been feeling. The sensation was so strong that, for a fleeting moment, he was afraid he was somehow draining her.
An involuntary sigh of contentment and wellbeing escaped him as he opened his eyes again. And when Hope took away her hands, smiling enquiringly at him, he was relieved to see that she was her usual energetic self and didn’t seem drained at all.
“Unbelievable,” he blinked, shaking his head in amazement, “It’s completely gone! That’s amazing! Where did you learn that?”
“It’s …” she hesitated slightly, a faint shadow crossing her face, gone again so quickly that he might have imagined it, “just something a friend taught me. I’m glad it worked.”
“You can work your magic on me again anytime, my dear!” McCoy smiled at her gratefully, hoping that she would, since he had enjoyed the connection very much.
“If your headaches are a regular thing, maybe you should go to the gym to loosen up more often?” Hope suggested.
“You might have a point there, young lady,” the doctor conceded. “With all that’s been going on in sickbay lately, I haven’t made much time for exercise.”
“I’m headed to the gym right now! Why not come with me? Otherwise you’ll just put it off again,” she smiled at him encouragingly.
How could I resist such a charming invitation? he thought, revelling in a feeling of lightheartedness brought on by her beaming smile, then nodded, turned off his computer, and followed her out of sickbay.
********************
A few minutes later, McCoy joined her in the gym, where she was already doing some yoga exercises with a group of people. As always, she looked gorgeous in her gym suit, and with the touch of her gentle fingers still fresh in his mind, it took the doctor some effort to keep his thoughts on the straight and narrow.
His own not entirely platonic feelings, however, were completely forgotten the moment he overheard two young lieutenants from the biochemical lab shamelessly discuss Hope’s hot outfit. Outraged, McCoy swung around and glared at the two men who, unfortunately, couldn’t take a hint.
“Have some respect, you louts!” he bellowed, attracting the attention of the whole gym.
The two men looked at him, perplexed, but turned around and swiftly left anyway. Even though they hadn’t known the doctor to mind a little man talk up to now, they knew better than to cross their superior over something so trivial.
McCoy exhaled deeply in an attempt to regain his composure and turned back towards the yoga group. Hope shot him a questioning glance, but when he smilingly shook his head and raised his hand in an everything’s-just-dandy gesture, she quickly went back to focussing on her yoga.
Yoga, however, was not for him, he decided after he’d watched her a little longer. The way she moved and twisted around on the mat, he just couldn’t believe how flexible the human body was. Not to speak of her impressive ability to keep her balance, taking the most strangely tangled postures without as much as a wobble. No wonder, she was so balanced in her personality, too.
Remembering that he’d actually come here for some workout, he finally tore his eyes away from Hope and her yoga group, and made for the nearest treadmill.
Chapter 12
Ever since she'd so magically taken away his headache, Hope had taken to giving McCoy gentle massages whenever she saw him hunched over his desk, tense with worry or fatigue. It was life-transforming, his headaches all but gone. Not to speak of what the touch of her tender hands to his head, neck and shoulders did for his soul.
As CMO, he was used to looking after everybody else, but it felt so good to just let go, relax and be taken care of once in a while. He'd even stooped to pretending being tense once or twice, if it had been too long, craving the warmth and vigour that filled his body and soul by her simply standing close behind him.
He didn't feel too guilty about that, though, because, however giving she was, he sensed that she, too, enjoyed these moments. While she soothed away his worries and frustrations, she also drew strength from their physical contact, which he’d often draw out by gently placing his hands over hers to give them a grateful squeeze, before she pulled them away.
He knew that underneath her mature and confident personality, she was hiding the tender soul of a very young woman, a girl really, desperately in need of warmth and affection. And this was another perfect way for him to get her a little of that.
********************
Right now, however, McCoy was anything but relaxed. In fact, he was so tense, he was afraid he was going to snap any minute. Feeling his blood-pressure rise to new heights, nearly popping the pulsing vein in his jaw, he gripped the handles of the treadmill he was currently maltreating so hard, his knuckles went white.
Next to him, Scotty was puffing away at a steady pace, and he could sense the Chief Engineer’s bewildered gaze on his face.
“Who rattled your cage, laddie?” Scotty couldn’t help asking after a while. “Got a problem with Hope and Chekov dancing together?”
McCoy didn’t take his eyes off said pair, practicing on the far side of the gym, wincing every time Chekov lifted Hope off the floor.
“They can dance all they like,” he muttered through clenched teeth, “but this has nothing to do with dancing. Rock’n’Roll is acrobatics, and it’s suicidal!”
“Well, there sure is a lot of jumping and throwing and summersaulting involved, but it’s splendid to watch, and they certainly know what they’re doing.”
“I’m happy, you’re enjoying the show, Scotty, but as for me, it’ll give me a heart-attack any moment now.”
“Ach, don’t be such a sourpuss, Doctor!” Scott laughed, slowing down his treadmill to catch his breath. “Let them enjoy what they’re obviously so good at.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” McCoy rounded on him, thinking about Hope’s brittle bones and what a fall from that height could do to them, then nearly falling off the treadmill himself, as he watched Hope throwing herself over Chekov’s shoulder, dive head first towards the deck, only to have Chekov grab her by the hands and pull her up again through his spread legs in the nick of time.
“And you’re not the one who has to patch her back together again, if something happens,” he finished in a hiss.
Scotty just looked at the doctor, flabbergasted. He was used to the doctor fretting and railing all the time, of course, but this level of agitation over nothing was a new high, even for him.
“Sorry, Scotty, but I can’t watch this any longer,” McCoy growled, hit the stop button of his treadmill hard with his fist, and, with a last angry scowl in the direction of Hope and Chekov, stomped out of the gym, leaving a baffled Scotty behind.
********************
Chekov watched Dr. McCoy leave the gym in a huff and wondered what he’d done to make the doctor throw him such furious glances. Up to now, he’d always felt that McCoy rather enjoyed their little dancing shows.
He didn’t want to let that spoil his evening, though, and quickly turned his eyes and thoughts back to the woman of his dreams. He was in heaven. As always when she was so close to him. Dancing with her, holding her, was the highlight of his evenings. They made a great pair.
And as much as he enjoyed every kind of dance with her, Rock’n’Roll was special. The way he could lift her slight form around, her lithe body rolling across his chest and shoulders and back so excitingly, sent hot shivers down his spine.
And the way their movements blended together with perfect timing, her trust in him to catch her just in time, were absolutely thrilling. Not even Salsa could top that.
But they didn’t just dance together. Chekov relished every minute he spent with Hope. She was so much fun, so interesting to talk to, and simply the most adorable woman he’d ever met. He would sit through the dullest film again anytime, just to be close to her. There were certainly worse things than watching ‘Dirty Dancing’, right?
They often met in the mess – and mostly not by chance, either, but she didn’t have to know that – and had breakfast or dinner together. And sometimes, he would still go to sickbay at lunchtime, where he could be sure of Dr. McCoy’s support. Always worried about Hope losing weight, the doctor didn’t miss a chance to order her on a lunchbreak.
The only fly in the ointment was that she kept emphasising how much like a brother he was to her. That irked. But one could still hope, no?
Chapter 13
Sulu had the conn on nightshift, when the Enterprise received urgent orders to set course for one of the newest planets to the Federation.
Four diplomats, who had spent the better part of the last three months there, had been kidnapped by members of the resistance, who just couldn’t accept that their government had finally joined the Federation and wanted to blackmail them into leaving again. The diplomats’ five children had been left behind, and the Enterprise was supposed to pick them up and take them to the nearest starbase.
Given the seriousness of the matter, Sulu had notified the First Officer right away, and was not surprised to see Spock enter the bridge, closely followed by the captain, mere minutes later.
Swiftly taking the centre seat, Kirk had the communications officer on duty open a channel to the planet’s government, and had a long conference with the local governor. The diplomats’ lives were not in danger, the governor assured him, but since they couldn’t be sure how long the negotiations would take, he thought that the children – all humans – would be safer and better taken care of back with their own species.
A little while later, the captain, Spock and a still yawning McCoy had a meeting in Kirk’s quarters to establish the best way of proceeding.
“The children must be terribly afraid and traumatised,” McCoy stated the obvious, his face full of compassion after he’d been filled in on the full story.
“That’s why I need you and your team to take care of them. You’ll know how to give them the psychological support they’ll need.”
“Of course, Jim,” McCoy nodded, his face lined with a mixture of sadness and rage. “I think I’ll put Hope in charge of taking care of them. I can’t think of anyone better suited to the task. I’ll prep her first thing tomorrow morning and ask her to meet the children in the transporter room.”
“Won’t you be there, too?” Kirk asked a little worried.
“No, Jim,” the doctor smiled at him. “Believe me, Hope, security and the transporter operator will be more than enough. They’re only little, and they’re scared. Too many strangers waiting for them would just frighten them more.”
Kirk looked at McCoy and nodded. That made sense. Now, more than ever, he was glad that the Enterprise had such a kind-hearted and compassionate CMO. The children would be in good hands.
********************
Jenny was appalled when McCoy filled her and her colleagues in on the facts of their current mission the next morning, her face mirroring the doctor’s emotions exactly.
They arranged for one of the bigger guest quarters to be turned into child-friendly accommodations, setting up a direct intercom line to Jenny’s quarters and a communicator she was going to carry on her at all times.
When the children arrived on the Enterprise, seeing this bunch of terrified, pale-faced kids standing on shaky legs on the transporter platform, almost broke Jenny’s heart. But knowing that tearful pity would do nothing to help them, she put on her most cheerful smile, asked them to step off the platform and squatted down to warmly welcome each of them individually.
Then she took them to their quarters to get them settled, memorising their names on the way, and trying to make them feel at ease, asking all about their favourite foods, animals, stories, anything she could think of to take their minds off the scary situation they were in.
By the time everyone had chosen a place to sleep, the first smiles had appeared on the kids’ faces, and when she asked if anyone would like a hug, because she suddenly felt very much like hugging, she was happy to see them eagerly taking her up on the offer. All but one. Ella, the eldest, was still looking at her a little warily, but Jenny noticed that she, too, had stepped closer, and just gave her a beaming smile and a wink.
********************
The next stop was sickbay, where Dr. McCoy was already waiting for them, needing to give them a medical check-up. But even though the doctor was as warm and gentle as she’d ever seen him, the sterile surroundings clearly scared the children.
Jenny cheerfully introduced them to the CMO, trying to make them comfortable around him, but when he smilingly asked, “Right, who wants to go first?” they just huddled together and avoided his gaze.
Seeing that he could really do with a little help there, she quickly yelled, “Me, Doctor! Please, can I go first?” and eagerly started towards the biobed.
McCoy chuckled and, grateful for her support, played along. He liked how he could always count on Hope to save the day with some whimsical idea. She was resourceful, he had to give her that.
With a big affectionate grin on his face he grabbed her around the waist with both hands and easily lifted her onto the biobed, where he pretended to check her, making a big show of tickling her ears and neck with his scanner.
Watching her have so much fun with the doctor, the children forgot all about being afraid and eagerly demanded their turn at being examined, McCoy of course taking great care to keep up the tickling and fun throughout the complete check-up.
Watching the probably noisiest physical ever, Jenny beamed when the doctor, between patients, gave her a wink and a thumbs-up mouthing “Thank you!”
She was glad she’d had this idea to make the children more comfortable around sickbay. And she’d rather enjoyed her own ‘examination’, too, always relishing being close to the doctor. The way he always looked after her, along with the gentle touch of his hands, which he ever so often casually bestowed upon her, never failed to make her feel wonderfully cared for.
He knew next to nothing about her, of course. Couldn’t know that there was no one else to care about her. But then, maybe, she thought, being the kind and compassionate man he was, he just somehow sensed what she needed.
She could have watched the doctor like this all day, her heart brimming over at his gentle and affectionate way with the children. He was so sweet with them, and she could tell that the kids enjoyed his attention immensely.
McCoy, in turn, was enjoying himself thoroughly, too. He loved the way the children had taken to him, wanting them to feel safe and cared for. Loved the way they let him examine them so trustingly.
And, if he was honest, he also liked how Hope watched them, her sweet face so full of love and tenderness for the children. What a great team they made, he thought fondly, smiling at the memory of the ‘check-up show’ they had put on for the children earlier.
********************
That evening, after his shift had ended, McCoy went to the children’s quarters to look in on them and found them singing ‘Five Little Monkeys’, one of Joanna’s favourite songs when she was little.
Apart from her cheerful personality and loving way with the kids, Hope had turned out to be a true well of children’s songs, games and stories, and McCoy was happy to have been right in assigning her to be the children’s official caretaker.
He stopped in the doorway and smilingly watched the children jumping around on the biggest bed like mad. They hadn't noticed him yet, but when towards the end of the song they all chanted, “Mama called the doctor and the doctor said,” he ventured farther into the room and shouted, “Put those monkeys back in bed!” at the top of his voice.
They all came bounding towards him, jumping up at him like eager puppies and dragged him over to the bed, where they fell into a giggling heap around Hope, and he joined in their tickle fight.
McCoy was very relieved to see the children so cheerful. They seemed to be okay, considering. Having fun despite the circumstances. And it was all Hope’s doing. He gave her a sidelong glance. Her hair had come a little undone, and she looked adorable.
He felt an intense surge of gratitude and affection for her, and thankfully, she didn’t seem to mind that she probably got even more tickled and cuddled by him than the children.
Afterwards, he stayed to help her put the children to bed, monitoring trips to the bathroom and teeth being cleaned, the air filled with warm affection and tenderness. He even stayed on to listen to her reading them a bedtime story. The way she read, putting on all kinds of different voices, quite obviously enjoying herself, too, you'd think she'd done this her whole life.
She really is a remarkable young lady, he thought fondly as the children, one after the other, fell asleep.
Hope quietly finished the story, and before they left the cabin, she brushed the softest good night kiss on each of their foreheads. McCoy’s heart was melting and he found that, at that moment, he felt surprisingly envious of the children.
********************
Having enjoyed the evening enormously, and wanting to keep her a little longer, McCoy asked Hope to join him for a nightcap coffee in the mess, where they continued to talk about the children.
He told her how great he thought she was with them, at which she blushed adorably, like she always did when he paid her a compliment. And she said how much she loved taking care of them, having realised that one of the things she really missed on the Enterprise were children.
“They’re all coping differently,” she went on, “but one of them, Cal, started to show rather aggressive behaviour. That’s why I thought a little action, like jumping on the bed, was a good idea.”
“It was a great idea,” he agreed, “I couldn’t have recommended anything better. They need to let off steam. And tickle fights are perfect, too. Give them the chance to work off their aggressions and get some cuddles at the same time.”
“My thoughts exactly, Doctor,” she smiled. “I’m trying to give them as many hugs and cuddles as I can, anyway, because I feel they really need a lot of tender love care.”
Just like you do, he found himself thinking affectionately, remembering how her eyes lit up with every little touch she received.
“What else can I do for them, Doctor?” she asked, drawing him back to the present. “Do I talk to them about the situation? Or had I better take their minds off it?”
He thought a little about it, touched by her deep concern for the children.
“I think you’re handling it perfectly fine, mostly taking their minds off thinking about their parents. But if they start to talk about them, take up the conversation. Be gentle but honest, don’t promise things it’s not in you power to keep. Try not to scare them more than necessary, of course, but don’t tell them everything will be alright, either. Just make it clear to them that, whatever happens, they will not be alone, they will be taken care of. And if you feel out of your depth, just take them in your arms – you were right about them needing a lot of TLC, then call me and I’ll take over.”
Jenny nodded, smiling gratefully at McCoy. As always, she found it immensely reassuring to have the kind and experienced doctor at her side. Sitting here, across from him now, nursing her coffee, Jenny felt completely at peace, regarding him with growing fondness. She’d long figured out, of course, that underneath his crusty shell lived the softest, kindest heart.
He’d been ever so gentle with the children, tenderly taking care of all their medical needs. But obviously a little at a loss how to entertain five to eight-year-olds, he had been perfectly happy to leave the playing and general taking care of them to her.
All the greater her surprise, when he’d so enthusiastically joined in the fun that evening. She’d enjoyed the warmth and affection he’d shown the children – and her – immensely. Being so close to him, his fingers gently tickling her, his hands so naturally caressing her, had left her wanting more.
And when they’d worked together to get the children ready for bed afterwards, she’d felt a new familiarity between them, which she found incredibly pleasant.
Chapter 14
The next afternoon, Jenny was playing ball games with the children in the gym, when five-year-old Marc fell and hurt his knee, immediately begging to have Dr. McCoy check his injury. After their Little-Monkey tickle fight the evening before, he had taken a real shine to the doctor.
Carefully checking the boy’s knee and finding it perfectly all right, Jenny realised that Marc was just looking for a chance to see the doctor again. And hoping McCoy wouldn’t mind, she decided to indulge him.
She left the other kids with Uhura and Chekov, who’d eagerly volunteered to help her entertain the children in their free time, although probably for different reasons, and took the boy down to sickbay.
There, Jenny winked at Christine and quickly explained that Marc’s knee needed Dr. McCoy’s personal attention, at which the nurse smiled knowingly and went to fetch the doctor from his office.
McCoy entered with a big smile on his face and, after exchanging a quick glance with Hope to make sure there was really nothing wrong with the boy, crouched down in front of Marc.
“All right, young man, I hear you hurt your knee?”
“Yes, Doctor,” the boy smiled shyly, “I fell catching a ball, but I didn’t cry!”
“Is that true?” McCoy made a very impressed face and looked at Hope as if for confirmation.
“Yes, Doctor,” she nodded, smiling. “Marc here is a very brave boy.”
“And my team won, too!” Marc piped up.
“I see!” McCoy could hardly hide his amusement this time. “So, you’re a really good player, as well. Congratulations!”
Straightening up, he gently hoisted the boy up onto a biobed and started to carefully probe his knee with his hands.
“Does that hurt?” he asked, softly squeezing a little here and there, at which the boy shook his head and started to giggle.
“No, Doctor, it just tickles!”
“Oh, does it now?” McCoy said, feigning surprise and squeezing a little more, making the boy giggle again.
Then, glancing sidelong at Hope, he suggested, “I think you’ll need to have an ice cream with your friends now, and your knee will be as good as new. What’s your favourite flavour?”
“Strawberry!” Marc’s reply was instant, delighted at the prospect of ice-cream.
“That’s perfect,” McCoy said with a straight face, “because chocolate or lemon just wouldn’t have done.”
Hearing Chapel’s and Hope’s muffled guffaws next to him, he ruffled Marc’s hair affectionately and was just about to lift the boy back down, when the latter launched himself at the surprised doctor and wound his little arms tightly around McCoy’s neck.
“Thank you, Doctor!”
Quickly recovering from his surprise, McCoy hugged the boy tightly to his chest for a few moments, then drew back a little and said, “Know what, son? Why don’t you come back tomorrow afternoon, so I can check your knee again? Just to make sure?”
“I will, Doctor,” Marc promised solemnly, and McCoy was touched to see the boy’s eyes light up at the thought.
Jenny, who had watched the scene with rapt attention, felt her heart melt at the doctor’s kindness and Marc’s delight. Sometimes, she was thrown by all the warmth and kindness she experienced on the Enterprise. It really was a special ship with a very special crew, and she was forever grateful to be here.
When McCoy had released Marc from his embrace and gently put him back down on the floor, she threw the doctor a warm glance, which he returned just as warmly. Then she took the beaming boy’s hand and led him out of sickbay.
McCoy watched them leave with a warm feeling in his heart. The little boy’s trusting affection had deeply moved him. Those were such sweet children, they deserved a happy and carefree childhood. He’d really like to give their parents’ kidnappers a piece of his mind.
Christine suddenly appearing at his side startled him out of his thoughts.
“I didn’t know you had such a great way with children! Always thought they’d be scared of a grouchy doctor like you,” she teased. “But that little one really seemed to like you.”
“Don’t act so surprised, nurse,” McCoy grumbled, “You know my bedside manner is faultless. I’m always a great hit with my patients – big or small.”
Nurse Chapel just snorted at that and turned back to her work.
********************
That evening, after Jenny had put the children to bed, she was delighted to find McCoy waiting for her outside the children’s quarters.
“It was so quiet inside, I thought you’d be out any minute,” he smiled. “Care to have coffee with me again?”
“Of course, Doctor!” Jenny beamed, trying not to sound too enthusiastic.
She’d really enjoyed their conversation over coffee the evening before. Being around the doctor always made her feel so good.
When they were seated at a table in the mess, Jenny glanced at McCoy over her mug and smiled.
“You were brilliant today, Doctor, thank you! Marc really adores you. He wouldn’t talk about anything else but you all evening, telling everyone that he’s going back to sickbay for another check-up tomorrow. You really made his day!”
“Well, he’s a cute little boy,” McCoy shrugged, a little embarrassed by her praise, then grinned mischievously, raising an enquiring eyebrow at her, “I hope his knee isn’t giving him too much trouble?”
Jenny laughed, regarding him fondly.
“You’re a very kind man, Doctor. Children can sense that. Marc feels safe with you. Can’t say I blame him, I always feel safe with you,” she added softly.
McCoy looked up from his coffee, deeply touched by her words. Where most other people saw a difficult and cantankerous man, she seemed to see only kindness.
Clearing his throat, he reached out and, for a moment, gently cupped her face in his hand. It was only the lightest touch, but so tender that Jenny thought her heart would burst.
“You sure know how to flatter an old man, Dr. Hope,” McCoy chuckled as he pulled his hand away again.
Then he continued more seriously, “But we’ll have to be careful. Sweet as the children are, we mustn’t let them get too attached to us, or they’ll have a hard time leaving again next week.”
“You’re right, Doctor,” Jenny nodded, grateful, as always, for the doctor’s prudence, then sighed, “but that’s not an easy feat. There’s a very fine line between making them feel cared for and getting them too attached.”
“True, but if there’s anyone who can accomplish that, it’s you, my dear.”
His voice was soft, his eyes on her even softer, making his gaze feel like a gentle caress.
“Thank you for your trust, Doctor,” Jenny replied, looking a little doubtful.
“Anytime, my dear,” McCoy smiled. “And while we’re here, do me a favour and have something to eat with your coffee. You’ve lost weight again. And impeccable as you are in looking after the children, you obviously need someone else to look after you.”
Jenny grinned at him sheepishly. She knew a rebuke when she heard one, but seeing the doctor looking out for her like that still sent a warm glow to her heart.
********************
Joining Hope and the children before bedtime whenever his shift allowed it, had quickly become a much-loved routine for McCoy. Just like having that ‘debriefing coffee’ with her afterwards, when the kids were asleep. He would certainly miss that when the children were gone.
The evening before the Enterprise reached the starbase where the kids would be taken care of, he entered their quarters to the heart-warming sight of Hope with the children all huddled up against her on a big bed of mattresses, watching a film.
He’d had a rather busy day in sickbay thanks to Scotty and one of his ‘worst case’ drills in engineering, so he’d come here for a more positive end to his day, and this was exactly what he’d had in mind. A peaceful, loving scene.
Just as he was about to sit down next to the little group, eight-year-old Ella got up and went to sit in a corner all by herself. Hope immediately tried to untangle herself from the other children to go after her, but the doctor motioned for her to stay put, lifting a hand and mouthing, “I’ve got this!”
Then he went over to where Ella was sitting, squatted down next to her and put a gentle hand on her back. When she shrank away and shook her head, he sat down next to her on the floor, not touching.
Jenny watched the doctor quietly talk to the girl, who didn’t react at first, but then shook her head vigorously. His face so full of tenderness, it made Jenny’s heart flutter, and his eyes never leaving the girl’s face, McCoy kept talking until Ella started to cry and let herself be pulled into his lap. Wrapping her tightly in his arms and tenderly rocking the sobbing girl, he kept murmuring soothing words to her until her tears subsided again.
Jenny couldn’t hear what he was saying, but whatever it was, it had obviously worked. She watched, enthralled, as McCoy gently wiped away the last of Ella’s tears with his thumbs, then offered her a tissue, which he’d seemingly produced out of nowhere, waited for her to blow her nose, and whispered something in her ear. She nodded and smiled, and they both got up to join the others again.
McCoy sat down on the edge of a mattress with his back leaning against the bulkhead, and Ella quickly climbed into his lap again, nestling snugly into his arms, quite obviously feeling comfortable there.
Jenny’s heart melted at the sight, and she couldn’t help thinking how good it would feel to be right there in McCoy’s arms, being held so tightly and lovingly. Envying a little girl whose parents had been abducted was very wrong, of course. And yet...
Cradling Ella tenderly in his arms, McCoy had a hard time keeping his rage under control. Seeing how this adorable little girl’s sense of basic trust had been so cruelly corrupted and replaced with fearfulness and distrust, he was overcome with murderous feelings of hatred towards these thoughtless kidnappers.
It took a few minutes of conscious breathing, until he finally felt calm enough to meet Hope’s eyes again, certain that she’d watched them closely all the time.
If he hadn’t been so angry, he’d probably have basked in her attention, the realisation of how much he thrived on her approval a little unsettling at the back of his mind.
Finding Hope glancing questioningly at him, clearly concerned about Ella, he nodded reassuringly at her to let her know that the girl was all right.
But when she kept gazing at him holding Ella, he also saw the yearning in those soft brown eyes, wondering if she longed to be held like this, too. And feeling another surge of the by now familiar protective tenderness towards her, he wished there was a way for him to give her all the tender affection she so longed for.
Maybe that’s why she enjoyed dancing with Chekov so much, he mused. That definitely involved a lot of touching and holding. And even though his feelings for Hope were nothing but fatherly and platonic, the thought nagged a little at him.
*********************
It took longer than usual to get the children to sleep that evening, having to leave the Enterprise the next day making them a little anxious. But McCoy managed to put their minds at rest by telling them that he had a friend there, who was going to take care of them. That ‘friend’ was just an acquaintance, really, but he knew her to be kind and trustworthy. So, surely a little white lie was ok, if it took away some of the kids’ fear.
Hope smiled at him warmly when the children started to relax, and gave in to the request of a second bedtime story. It was their last evening aboard, after all.
A little later as well as a little more subdued than the days before, they found themselves sitting in the mess, nursing their coffees, and McCoy watched Hope absentmindedly stirring her mug, even though she’d put neither sugar nor milk in it.
“What was Ella so upset about, Doctor?” she broke the silence eventually.
Still simmering with rage, McCoy tried to choose his words carefully and hesitated just long enough to worry her.
“Something I did?” she asked quietly.
“No, not at all, my dear,” the doctor was quick to assure her. “She was just scared about tomorrow. And a little disappointed because you can’t come with them.”
“So it was my fault, after all,” Hope hung her head. “They got too attached to me. Exactly what you warned me about. I’m so sorry I let them down.”
“Don’t be, Hope,” McCoy reached across the table and put a gentle hand over hers. “It’s hardly your fault they like you, is it? You gave them love and security when they needed it most. They had a wonderful week because of you. It was unavoidable that they would be sad to have to leave again.”
She looked at him despondently, obviously not quite ready to forgive herself.
“So what did you tell her?”
“I told her that she was a lovely girl,” McCoy smiled, softly squeezing Hope’s hand, “and that everyone at the starbase was looking forward to having her and would like her just as much as we do. And then I asked her, if she thought my hugs were as good as yours.”
“They obviously were,” Hope chuckled, and McCoy was glad to see her cheering up again.
“Well, I honestly wouldn’t know, because she never said,” he grinned, “but at least she wasn’t complaining, either.”
They finished their coffee in silence, each of them lost in their own thoughts, comfortable in each other’s presence. It was only when they got up to say good night, that they realised that the doctor’s hand was still resting on top of Hope’s.
Chapter 15
When the Children were gone, everything went back to normal. Hope spent most of her time in sickbay again, and McCoy couldn’t get enough of watching her interact with the patients. Her buoyant personality brightened sickbay no end, and the grown-up patients appreciated her infectious liveliness just as much as the children had.
They’d never talked about the ‘hand-incident’, as McCoy called it in his mind, after that evening, and he’d since convinced himself that it wasn’t really such a big deal at all. They’d grown closer during their time with the kids, she’d been upset, he’d wanted to comfort her, end of story.
Just another gentle touch, another opportunity to give her a little of the physical affection he knew she craved. That one had just lasted a little longer, so what? It had seemed like the most natural thing at the time, had, in fact, felt so right that he hadn’t even been aware he was still holding her hand.
And Hope hadn’t seemed embarrassed or uneasy, either. She could have pulled away anytime, after all. But when he’d stood up and let go of her hand, she’d just smiled at him in her sweet, affectionate way.
What he didn’t know, however, was that Jenny had enjoyed his soothing touch, his thumb absentmindedly drawing gentle circles on the back of her hand, so much that she’d been sitting completely still, afraid that if she moved, she’d startle him out of his thoughts and draw his attention back to his hand still protectively covering her smaller one. The contact had somehow been so intimate, yet felt so right, Jenny could have sat like that all night, savouring the warm and comforting feeling.
The evening had really worn her out – getting the overexcited children to sleep, covering up how sad she was to see them go again so soon, watching Ella in exactly the place she hadn’t even known she desperately wanted to be, and then learning that she’d got the kids too attached despite her endeavours to the contrary, had simply been too much.
But when the doctor had so tenderly reached for her hand, talking about love and security, it had felt as if a weight had been lifted off her shoulders. A simple touch of his hand had taken away her pain, and Jenny had wanted to hang on to that wonderful feeling forever.
When he’d eventually pulled his hand off, Jenny had been incredibly relieved to find that the awkward moment she’d been half expecting, never happened. Instead, the doctor had acted as if they did this every day, smiling at her in his sweet, distinctive way, and giving her hand a final affectionate squeeze before finally letting go.
********************
A couple of days later, Jenny was carrying her dinner tray across the mess, heading to where Sulu and Chekov were sitting, when she heard the captain’s voice calling her name. Surprised, she turned around and saw him beckoning her over to his table, where he was just having dinner with Mr. Spock and Dr. McCoy.
“Dr. Hope! Why don’t you join us for dinner?” he smiled. “I haven’t yet had a chance to thank you for taking such good care of our recent young guests.”
Tilting her head in appreciation of his words, she put her tray down on the table and sat in the chair next to Mr. Spock, immediately regretting her choice of only salad for dinner, when she saw the doctor’s disapproving face.
“How often do I have to tell you to eat more than just a salad for dinner?” McCoy scolded her.
“Why do you never say that to me?” Kirk complained, grinning.
“I’m all for a healthy diet, Hope,” the doctor continued, with a warning glance towards Kirk, “but if you plan a career as a starship officer, you just can’t lose any more weight! I really don’t want to be a nuisance, but if I can’t trust you to look after yourself, I’ll have to supervise your eating habits. Meaning you’ll have to eat with me for the time being.”
Before Jenny could decide whether this was actually a good or a bad thing, the captain chortled, then laughed out loud.
“Bones, this is by far the worst chat-up line I’ve ever heard,” he scoffed, wiping tears of laughter from his eyes, while the corners of Spock’s mouth twitched almost unnoticeably, too.
“Very funny, Jim,” the doctor grumbled, “you’re hilarious!”
Jenny was surprised to see McCoy actually blush a little before turning back to her and putting on his sternest doctor-face.
“I really mean it, young lady,” he went on. “No more unsupervised dinners for at least a week. Until the scales show me what I want to see. And now, chop, chop, go back and get some meat and potatoes to go with your salad.”
Feeling like a naughty schoolgirl caught out by the headmaster, Jenny glanced at Kirk and Spock, who were both sitting straight-faced and very still, and obediently got up to do as she was told. McCoy could be really quite intimidating, if he wanted to be.
When they were done eating, Spock and the captain took off for a game of chess in one of the rec rooms, while McCoy asked her to stay for coffee. Jenny was more than happy to continue their tradition of ending the day with a comfortable chat over coffee, even now that the children were gone.
“Sorry for that earlier,” McCoy started the conversation with a nod in the direction of where Kirk had been sitting. “Jim just loves to embarrass me, he can’t help it. But he certainly didn’t mean to embarrass you.”
“Oh, don’t worry, Doctor, I know he likes to tease you. But he adores you. How long have you been friends with him?”
“Well, for quite a while now. We’ve certainly been through a lot together already.”
“I really like him, I think he’s great,” Jenny said, sounding almost a little surprised. “And so very different from what I expected a starship captain to be like.”
“He certainly is,” McCoy smiled fondly. “He’s one of a kind. Keeps me on my toes, mind you, with all his harebrained ideas and the risks he takes. But I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else. In fact, I’d probably even grow more of an ulcer, if I couldn’t be around to patch him back together every single time he goes and does something stupid.”
Jenny smiled at McCoy’s display of loyalty. There was certainly no better friend to have than the doctor.
“You know, when Admiral Dakunia first told me that I was allowed aboard the Enterprise, I never thought I’d even get a chance to talk to the captain, let alone have the occasional dinner with him.”
“Yeah, Jim wants to know everyone in his crew, wants to really get to know people. That’s how he sees command. To lead, and not just to rule.”
“He’s really awesome.”
“Of course, he is. Everybody aboard loves him.”
"I know! And it really surprised me at first. I somehow expected people to complain about him behind his back – as people usually do, seeing their boss as too demanding, or unfair, or whatever. But people here never do. They adore him and wouldn't put up with anyone talking badly of him. They'd go through fire for him."
"And a lot of them literally have,” McCoy chuckled wryly. “But yes, you’re completely right. That's the special thing about Jim and his ship."
"But what makes him so special? Why would people give their life for him?"
"That's very simple to answer, my dear. Because he would give his life for each of his people's. He asks a lot, but he gives a lot, too. And he'd never order anyone to do anything he wouldn't do himself."
********************
The days on the Enterprise seemed to go by so fast. There was always plenty to do, but McCoy and Hope still tried to find time for sharing a late-night coffee whenever their shifts allowed. Even though neither of them would openly admit it, they were more and more drawn to each other and treasured their easy conversations immensely.
One evening, McCoy even told her about his daughter Joanna, something he rarely talked about to anyone, not even Jim. It was too hurtful a topic for him. But he found that he actually enjoyed talking to Hope about it. Enjoyed her listening so attentively to his tales of Joanna as a toddler, not judging or commenting on his divorce or the ensuing neglect of his parental duties.
On the contrary, she saw how badly he missed Joanna and even encouraged him to try and rebuild their relationship.
“Your problems were only with her mother, Doctor. And I get that it was difficult when she was little. But she’s almost grown up now, she understands things. You should just talk openly with her. She needs her father in her life. In fact, she has a right to have her father in her life. You’re a wonderful man, a renowned physician. She can be more than proud to have you as her father.”
McCoy was deeply touched by Hope’s fervent speech and that she should care so much about him and a girl she didn’t even know. And, of course, she was right, too. He really should make more of an effort to become closer to Joanna again. He’d been so hurt by how things had ended with her mother, by months and years of not being allowed to see his daughter, or, sometimes, even talk to her, he guessed he’d just started to accept it as the way it was.
For so long, he’d had to be content with birthdays, graduations, maybe even the odd weekend, grateful for every little chance to see his girl. And seeing her become more and more of a stranger over the years. That had hurt most. But Hope was right! He’d been so caught up in his pain, his sorrow, he’d never even thought of doing something about it now that she was no longer a child under her mother’s influence.
Well, he’d definitely start doing something about it now. And he couldn’t be grateful enough that Hope had pointed it out to him. It was incredible in what ways this woman kept changing his life.
********************
Jenny saw the doctor in a different light after that conversation. Maybe that's why she felt so comfortable with him, so safe, so taken care of. He had a daughter nearly the same age. And he was a very proud and doting father, the love for his little girl shining from his eyes with every word, every story he told about her. Once he’d started, he couldn’t stop talking about her. It had been heart-warming.
To think that there was a young woman out there who had a wonderful, loving father like McCoy and might not even realise what she was missing. Jenny just had to make sure that the doctor really did start to make an effort now. His daughter surely deserved to have him in her life again, to get more from him than the occasional birthday or Christmas card.
So, after that evening, Jenny kept making little comments on how proud Joanna would be, or how lucky Joanna was to have such a wonderful/kind/gentle/brilliant father. She never stopped pestering McCoy, although she liked to think of it as inspiring him, until he finally sent a message to Joanna. And another one. And then regular ones, turning into real-time conversations, whenever he got the chance.
Jenny was really happy to see him become a regular part of his daughter’s life again, to see the love and the joy in his eyes whenever he told her about any of Joanna’s news.
And she was deeply moved to find a message from Joanna herself on her computer, one evening, simply saying “Thank you for looking after my dad!”
Chapter 16
McCoy was in high spirits. His staff was already gossiping about possible reasons for his ever-improving mood, as word got around that he actually smiled at people who brought him reports or requests to sign. Even he was aware that it got harder and harder to keep up his cranky image.
Incredible, he thought to himself, shaking his head in wonder, his eyes repeatedly darting over to where Hope was busy disinfecting and restocking hypos. There were no recent casualties, he was talking to Joanna on a regular basis, and he’d even adopted Hope’s habit of humming to herself while doing desk work.
Life can be really good, he realised, and happily started on the next report.
It was very quiet in sickbay when he finally shut down his screen and tidied his desk. Unbelievably, there were no patients, and McCoy assumed that everybody else had already left. He got up and went over to lock up the cabinets, softly singing one of his favourite classical country songs.
Just when he started on the chorus, a second voice joined in. He whipped around, startled, and came almost face to face with Hope, who laughingly gestured for him to keep singing. They finished the chorus together, and McCoy was thrilled to find that they made a pretty good duet. Her normally crystal-clear voice was strong, yet somehow suitably husky for the song.
Of course, she’d be the perfect country singer on top of everything else!
“You know that song?” he asked incredulously when they’d finished. “I was pretty sure I was the only country music lover aboard.”
“Faith Hill and Tim McGraw,” she smiled wistfully. “My favourite Nashville couple.”
“I don’t believe it!”
“I didn’t know you were into classical country music, either. Let alone that you have such a great singing voice. You should join our ensemble! Uhura’s not really a fan, but I’d love to do a few country classics for a change. If we get on it right away, you could be the star of our Christmas gig! Are you in?”
“Oh, no, no,” McCoy shook his head and laughed, raising his hands in defence, “I’m not much of a performer. But I’m very good audience. What other kinds of music do you like?”
“Well, I’m a sucker for the really old stuff. From Bach and Mozart to Pop and Rock. And country music, of course, as you now know. You?”
“Pretty much the same, we seem to be kindred spirits in music,” he smiled at her. “I have quite a good collection, actually. We could do a music and drinks evening in my office some time.”
“I’d like that,” Hope beamed at him, a strange feeling of excitement gripping her stomach at the idea of spending some time alone with him.
********************
Christmas was approaching fast, and with the crew being mostly Terran, it was always a big event. Not necessarily a religious one, but mostly about having a party and presents.
With all the smaller department parties going on, Hope and Uhura’s band was fully booked, leaving them not much time for other activities. But the two women didn’t mind. Singing and making music was the best recreation for them, anyway, and the lads they played with were a lot of fun.
The only one not happy at all with the situation was Chekov, because for him, of course, that meant no dance practice with Jenny. To compensate, and being quite popular really, he managed to get invited to most of the parties, for then only to mope about in some corner and give the male members of the band the evil eye.
The main event, however, was going to be the big, ship-wide party on actual Christmas Day. A big fake fir tree had already been put up and decorated in the great assembly hall, and Hope had learned that it was customary for the senior officers to hand out the presents that had arrived on the Enterprise from family and friends and were stored all around the big tree.
Although certainly a nice tradition, Jenny’s first thought was about the crew members who might not receive anything and feel left out. And, of course, being Jenny, a plan began to form in her head immediately. She’d ask Pavel to help her with it. That would keep him busy and happy.
Chekov, of course, didn’t have to be asked twice, and spent the next couple of days putting together a collection of little Christmas presents. So, on Christmas Eve, having volunteered for the late shift, Jenny spent a quiet evening in sickbay wrapping and labelling small presents with Pavel.
That’s how McCoy found them, when he came over after the senior officers’ Christmas Eve dinner with some non-alcoholic punch for his staff on night duty.
“Who are these for?” he asked, looking over Hope’s shoulder and watching her write ‘Santa sends his love’ on the card.
“We don’t know yet, Doctor!” Chekov grinned, then, seeing the doctor’s puzzled expression, cheerfully added, “We’ll find out tomorrow.”
“OK,” McCoy drawled, clearly not understanding any of it, but prepared to let it go, when Hope smiled at him reassuringly.
“You’ll see, Doctor. All for a good cause, though.”
********************
On Christmas Day, after the band had accompanied the crew in their ambitious rendition of a number of popular Christmas songs, it was time for the presents.
Hope positioned herself close to the tree, armed with part of the now beautifully wrapped gifts. Seeing her standing there with her arms full, McCoy beckoned her closer, holding out his hands to take the presents off her.
But she just shook her head, pointing out one of the still blank name tags to him, mouthing, “Not yet!”
And as he looked around and found Chekov and the young men from Hope’s band each standing close to one of the other senior officers, holding a bunch of similarly wrapped presents, it finally dawned on him what they were doing. The thought made him feel all warm and soft inside, and he gazed at Hope with endless tenderness. Sometimes, he just couldn’t help but wonder, if she was for real.
Sure enough, when all the other gifts were gone, Hope’s little presents had magically appeared under the tree, each now neatly labelled with a name on it. By the time he was done distributing those, too, the band was already back on stage, getting ready to rock as soon as his fellow officers had finished as well.
When the music started again, McCoy grabbed a glass of punch off a tray and went over to where Jim, Spock and Scotty were standing around Chekov and Uhura, talking animatedly.
“I know that this has been a tradition on the Enterprise since long before I was in command,” Jim sighed, “but there was always someone left after the last gift was gone, and I hated that.”
“Exactly,” Uhura nodded. “And it wasn’t about not getting a gift, either. It was about being exposed as someone obviously without friends or family, that was so humiliating. Even though your presents might just have arrived late, which is not unheard of in the midst of nowhere out here in space.”
“That’s why Jenny came up with this plan!” Chekov explained proudly.
Uhura nearly spluttered her drink when Kirk deadpanned, “Do they not come up with plans in Russia anymore?”
And Scotty couldn’t help but add, “Ach, Captain, who needs inventions from Russia as long as there’s still Hope?”
Chekov sighed good-naturedly, a long-suffering grin spreading across his face, as everybody around him just cracked up. Everyone but McCoy, he noticed, who gave him a fond smile and a sympathetic pat on the back instead.
“You did well, Chekov,” he smiled approvingly. “That was an excellent idea. You and Hope have just made some of your crew mates really happy!”
Chapter 17
With Christmas and all the extra gigs involved over, Jenny could finally make more time for Pavel and their dancing sessions again, and Chekov was back to his happy self at last. To make up for lost time, he also made a point of having at least one meal per day with her, and she was all right with that.
He was really sweet, always making her laugh, and he had been a great help with the Christmas presents, after all. Chekov was definitely one of the good guys. Besides, he was always happy to finish her meals for her, if she once again couldn’t manage to eat everything McCoy had put on her dietary card.
Usually, she’d scan the mess thoroughly before quickly swapping Chekov’s empty tray for her own. That evening, however, she’d obviously been careless, and had failed to notice the doctor sneaking up on her, making her jerk and nearly topple her glass when his booming voice suddenly sounded right behind her.
“What do you think you’re doing, young lady?” he rumbled, sounding genuinely pissed off.
Jenny froze. She knew, of course, that the doctor was just worried about her, and had, admittedly, put a lot of thought into her nutritional plan. But that didn’t give him the right to yell at her like that, did it? It wasn’t as if she’d committed a crime.
She just didn’t need that much food. It all tasted pretty much the same, anyway. She ate when she was hungry, and she was really comfortable the way she was. She certainly didn’t need scales to tell her how healthy, strong, or energetic she felt.
Taking in her defiant expression, McCoy relented a little and even managed a weak smile.
“I��m not doing this for fun, Hope,” he sighed, “you really need to take this more seriously.”
“I know, Doctor,” she conceded, “but I just can’t force down all this food. Please, believe me, it’ll just make me sick. And that would be really counterproductive.”
Looking defeated, McCoy sat down heavily in the chair across from her.
“You make me sound like a bully,” he grimaced, “when I’m really just trying to look out for you.”
“I know that, too, Doctor, and I’m sorry.”
Hope smiled at him ruefully, and McCoy had to laugh at her puppy-dog face.
“All right. Maybe we can think of something tastier, less healthy. There’s got to be something you actually like! What about chocolate?”
Hope looked at him, frowning and shaking her head.
“No. Chocolate’s not the same anymore, either,” she began and then stopped abruptly, as if realising she’d just said something wrong.
“Not the same anymore?” McCoy and Chekov echoed in unison.
But seeing her face fall and not wanting to upset her any further, the doctor decided to let it go for the moment, got up again and left her and Chekov to finish their dinner in peace.
********************
Running into her again on the observation deck later that evening, he knew he’d been forgiven when she came up to him carrying two mugs of coffee and settled down comfortably on the couch next to him without even asking. Kicking off her boots and curling her legs underneath her, she turned to face him and proudly pulled a little bag of nuts out of her pocket.
“See, Doctor?” she grinned impishly, opening the bag and putting it down on the little table in front of them. “I’m really going out of my way here to make you happy.”
“Atta girl,” he chuckled his approval, grateful for the opportunity to take up their earlier conversation again.
“Talking about food, what was that about chocolate not being the same anymore?” he asked casually, watching her closely over the rim of his coffee mug.
It was an innocent enough question, and he was surprised to see Hope hesitating, almost looking cornered.
"I just meant I used to like it, but now I'm not that keen on it anymore," she said cagily, making it sound more like a question.
With a pang of conscience, McCoy realised that, apart from what was written in her file, he really knew very little about her. Sure, he knew what music, films or literature she liked, that she was a gifted singer and dancer, what sports she was into, little things like that. And, of course, he knew what a thoughtful, caring person she was.
But after all their time working together, all their cosy chats over coffee in the evenings, he still had no idea where she came from, how she’d grown up, or what her family was like. She just never talked about herself or her past, and to his great shame, he’d never even really noticed before.
"I'm curious,” he tried the direct approach. “You know practically everything there is to know about me, while I know hardly anything about you. Tell me a little about yourself, Hope. Why did you become a linguist? What made you join Starfleet? What about your family? They must be awfully proud of you!"
Her reaction caught him completely off guard. Her eyes filling with sudden tears, Hope quickly turned away, on the verge of losing her composure for a moment.
McCoy was stumped. Wishing he could take back the words that had so obviously hurt her, all he could do was run a comforting hand gently up and down her arm.
"I'm so sorry, dear, I didn’t mean to upset you. You don't have to talk about any of this, if you don't want to."
Recovering almost instantly, Hope turned back towards him, smiling and blinking away a few unshed tears.
"It's all right, Doctor, I’m sorry. It's just, I don't have a family," she explained almost matter-of-factly, then quickly changed the subject before McCoy, who was still processing what he’d just heard, could say or ask anything else.
And recognising the hurt still clearly visible in her eyes, the doctor just went along.
Chapter 18
After Hope had dropped the bombshell about not having a family, she started babbling, chatting away merrily about all sorts of things from Scotty’s latest invention to Sulu’s newest floral experiment. As if she hadn’t just revealed one of the probably saddest aspects of her life.
And while McCoy could see what she was doing, he was only half listening to her chitchat. Still reeling from the news, his mind was working overtime connecting the dots, as a lot of things suddenly fell into place.
Like why her medical issues had not been treated properly. Or why contributing to the tight-knit community that constituted the crew of the Enterprise was so important to her.
Maybe it was also the reason why she seemed so mature for her age. The way she talked, the way she treated people, her sense of duty, her thoughtfulness, her empathy. If it weren’t for her young face and endless vitality, he could easily forget about their age difference when they were together.
It certainly explained why bringing Joanna back into his life had mattered so much to her, and why she’d put her heart in making the ambassadors’ children feel loved and cared for. Not to forget about why she relished every act of kindness, every little touch, every physical contact so much. Even though she tried so hard to conceal it.
His heart broke a little at the thought, and he had a hard time refraining from taking her in his arms or even just touching her cheek. Normally, he would have grabbed the chance, any excuse for a gentle touch. But seeing her determination to keep up her happy façade, and guessing that inside she was just hanging on by a thread, he was afraid that any expression of kindness right now might undo her.
********************
Even later, when he was already lying in bed, his mind was still whirring, his thoughts circling around Hope incessantly. He looked at her with different eyes now. The cheerfulness, the happiness, were certainly in her nature, which was a good thing as it helped her cope where others might despair.
Yet, it also helped her prevent others from discovering that she, too, had issues. She’d even tricked him! And she’d made a good job of it, too. He was ashamed to admit that he'd never really considered the possibility of her being unhappy or facing problems of her own up till now.
Today, however, he’d seen another, troubled side of her. A side he’d already seen glimpses of during her physical when she’d first come aboard the Enterprise, but which he’d mistakenly attributed to her simply being nervous about being on a starship for the first time.
But the way she’d reacted to his simply mentioning her family today, if only for one careless moment, had convinced him that there was more to it than just that. And he was going to find out what it was. Even though she obviously didn’t want him to. But right now, he felt like he’d somehow failed her, and he wouldn’t let that happen again. He’d pay closer attention from now on.
********************
Jenny was pacing the tiny space of her quarters, trying to calm her nerves. Her mind replaying the day’s conversations with the doctor over and over again, as she tried to remember her exact words.
She’d slipped up before, but never that badly. Usually, she managed to cover up her mistakes as jokes or slips of the tongue. It always worked with Chekov and the others. Even with Uhura, who wasn’t easily fooled.
But today she’d blown it, she was sure of that. The doctor hadn’t bought her feeble excuse about chocolate. He’d become suspicious. Or rather worried. Especially after her accidentally giving away that she had no family. She’d really tried hard to avoid situations like that. But his mentioning her family had been so unexpected, the pain of missing them too intense.
Of course, they’d be proud of her! And so glad to see how far she’d come, how happy she was.
She’d seen the shock in the doctor’s face, the compassion, the kindness. And it had taken every ounce of her strength to keep from just throwing herself in his arms and letting him comfort her, as she knew he would have. But then he’d have asked questions, would have wanted to know every little detail, and she couldn’t have that.
All she could do was pretend that she was fine, and hope that he’d let the matter drop. She was under no illusion that he might not have noticed her distress, but she sincerely hoped that he would respect her wish not to talk about it.
It had been so much easier with her friends at the Academy. She hadn’t been as close to them as she was to her friends here on the Enterprise. It was getting increasingly harder to keep her secret from the people she cared about and who cared about her.
But Starfleet had been very clear about the dangers of people finding out and had prohibited her from telling anyone. She’d agreed to those orders. Only now she wasn’t so sure she could do it much longer.
********************
Desperate for some caffeine and conversation after a long morning of deskwork in his office, McCoy grabbed a coffee in the mess and went over to join Uhura and Hope for lunch at their table.
However, seeing that they were deep in conversation, he decided not to intrude and quietly sat down at the table next to them. They were discussing linguistics, totally engrossed in the topic, and McCoy could not but smile as he overheard them talking so passionately.
“Intuitive enhancement is such an interesting area of linguistics,” Uhura enthused, “and so important, too! All the misunderstandings that can be avoided if the translator gets the meaning across rather than the wording.”
“Oh yes, Nyota, and think of all the words that are just impossible to translate, because they don’t have an equivalent in other languages,” Hope agreed. “And I’m not even talking about xeno-linguistics. There are plenty of examples just looking at different Earth tongues.”
Uhura nodded thoughtfully as Hope went on, “Take the German word ‘geborgen’, for example. There’s a myriad of nuances to this word, impossible to translate into just one single word of standard.”
“It basically means ‘secure’, doesn’t it?” Uhura asked, intrigued, taking a sip of her coffee.
“Basically, yes. But that’s just a little part of it, really. It’s more of a feeling, actually. It means to feel secure, sure, but also loved and accepted, safe and protected, comfortable and at home. It’s the feeling children have when they are in their parents’ arms. Or what partners feel, when they are in a stable and loving relationship.”
“I never knew your native language was German,” Uhura looked at Hope in surprise.
“Well, I have Austrian ancestry,” Hope quickly explained.
By now, McCoy was listening intently, slowly spinning his coffee mug around in his hands. He was extremely touched by Hope’s passionate explanation of everything the word ‘geborgen’ embraced. And he knew it wasn’t just a random example, either. It held deep meaning for her. Something she really long for.
What a beautiful word! he thought, and found that he absolutely wanted her to feel that way.
Chapter 19
Still glowing from his ‘linguistic lunchbreak’, and hoping to squeeze in a quiet word about Hope with Kirk, McCoy went up to the bridge for a look at a huge, unknown rocklike something that Spock had just recently discovered in their path and was currently drooling over. In his restrained, Vulcan way, of course. But having known him for years, McCoy could always tell when Spock was really giddy with excitement.
So, obviously, could Jim, judging from the fond grin on his face, as he looked at his first officer’s back, hunched over his station, and listened to the constant stream of precisely expressed information.
McCoy’s amusement was short-lived though, as the rock suddenly started to glow, then expand, and finally simply vanished in a massive explosion, shaking the Enterprise like a tin can in its wake.
As soon as the doctor had picked himself up off the floor and made sure that the bridge crew was unharmed, he hurried back to sickbay for a busy afternoon, all thoughts of Hope and her sorrows gone from his mind.
There were plenty of casualties, but luckily no really severe injuries. It still took three whole days to get all the patients out of sickbay again, and even longer for Scotty to restore the ship to its full functioning glory.
Three days of nothing but working at full stretch and then falling into bed, exhausted, for a couple of hours. Three days of working closely with Hope, grateful for her efficiency, and no time to exchange a single private word. Three days of quietly wondering, if she was all right.
When the pressure finally abated and the sickbay staff could relax again, the first thing McCoy did was ask her how she was, gazing at her long and meaningfully. But Hope just smiled at him and simply replied that all she needed was an extended yoga session and a good night’s sleep, deliberately referring only to the mad rush of the past few days. She was clearly not planning on opening up to him anytime soon.
After how their last evening on the observation deck had gone, and her obvious reluctance to acknowledge her unresolved hurt, McCoy was a little afraid that Hope might start to avoid him altogether. But between all her dancing and singing, he was happy to see that she still frequently made time for their evening chats.
And although he was certainly looking more closely now, he had to admit that she appeared to be perfectly all right. Vivacious, charming, happy to be alive. And brightening his and everybody else’s life simply by being there.
*********************
“Are you even listening to a word I’m saying?” Kirk asked, his tone amused, following McCoy’s gaze to where Chapel, Hope and Uhura were having breakfast together.
“Sorry, Jim,” McCoy returned his attention to him, “you were saying?”
“Actually, I wasn’t saying anything,” Kirk laughed. “There’d have been no use, anyway, seeing as our lovely Hope has you hypnotised once again. I could have choked and died right here in front of you, for all I know. You certainly wouldn’t have noticed.”
“Oh, cut the crap, Jim,” McCoy grumbled. “I was just checking on her diet. She isn’t very good at sticking to the plan, as we know.”
‘Keep your hair on, Bones!” Kirk grinned. “I’m just kidding. You’re entitled to a little romance in your life. Or a little heartache, as it seems you prefer that. You always put up with mine, after all.”
McCoy rolled his eyes at the captain and was just about to come up with a snarky reply, when he was momentarily distracted by Sulu approaching the ladies’ table holding some kind of flower that looked like a cross between a lollipop and a giant willow catkin in a lovely shade of purple. Presumably a new breed, judging from his proud face and his long, excited speech before finally giving the flower to Hope with a gallant little bow.
Kirk, who’d been watching the little scene, too, saw Hope beaming at Sulu delightedly, as she reverently took the flower from him, her eyes lighting up as she admired its beauty.
“I can certainly see, why you have a soft spot for her, Bones,” Kirk smiled at his friend. “Just watching her is heart-warming. She can be so happy about little things like this flower. And she always has a friendly smile, a word of comfort for everyone. Come to think of it, I’ve never seen her in a bad mood!”
“OK, now you’re exaggerating a little, Jim,” McCoy chuckled. “Like everybody else, Hope has her problems, too. She’s only more skilled at hiding them than most of us.”
“Well, nobody can be happy all the time, can they?” Kirk shrugged his shoulders. “We all have our bad days.”
“It’s more than that in her case,” McCoy was suddenly serious, “I’ve seen a sadness that goes deeper, something to do with her past.”
“What are you talking about, Bones?” Kirk was surprised. “Do you know something I don’t?”
“Well,” the doctor began. “I was actually about to tell you just before that rock of Spock’s exploded.”
McCoy quickly filled Kirk in on what he’d found out and told him of his determination to get to the bottom of this.
“I’m sorry to hear that,” the captain said, “but don’t you think that you’re exaggerating a little now? I mean, just look at her, she seems genuinely happy. In fact, thinking back to her first day aboard and how shy she was then, I’d say, if anything, she’s become more confident and happier since then.”
McCoy couldn’t object to that. Now that Kirk had mentioned it, he could definitely see how Hope had blossomed over the past few months.
Chapter 20
It was only two days later, that Kirk got to see for himself what the doctor had been talking about.
Unable to relax in his quarters, and hoping to unwind in more beautiful surroundings, he’d come to the arboretum late at night, fully expecting to be alone, when he saw Hope standing there. And for the short moment before she realised his presence, he saw this heartbreakingly sad and lost expression on her face.
But when he stepped to her side, and she turned around to face him, her trademark beaming smile was back in place.
“Hello, Captain,” she said softly, “I didn’t expect to meet another insomniac here.”
“Neither did I, Hope,” Kirk smiled at her. “I like to come here for some peace and quiet when I need to clear my mind.”
“I can leave,” she began, but Kirk quickly cut her off, shaking his head.
“Not at all, please stay!” he assured her, sitting down on an old-fashioned park bench and motioning for her to join him. “I’d like a little company.”
After sitting there in companionable silence for some time, Hope started to talk.
“Thank you for allowing me to come on the Enterprise, Captain. I really love to be on this ship. The legends about it are certainly true.”
“What legends?” Kirk wanted to know, always eager to hear his ship being praised.
“You know, about the crew, how skilled and competent everyone is, the team spirit, the respect you have for each other.”
“Why do you say ‘you’?” the captain interjected. “Don’t you feel part of our crew?”
“Well, I do feel very welcome here, Captain,” Hope replied, her eyes radiating nothing but happiness, “but I’m not really part of the crew, am I? I still have a lot to learn before being allowed to serve under a captain like you.”
“A captain like me?” he chuckled.
“You know what I mean,” she grinned, “famous, successful, legendary.”
Kirk just raised an amused eyebrow at her.
“Seriously! I always imagined a starship captain to be sort of aloof, distant. But you’re so approachable, so,” she tried to find the right word, “human. Everybody aboard adores you. They all trust you implicitly, like children would trust their father.”
Kirk was deeply touched by her words.
“And that’s exactly what makes the Enterprise so special,” he said, eyes shining with pride. “I appreciate and respect my crew, they appreciate and respect me. And I’m happy every time I’m reminded of it.”
Then, looking kindly at Hope, he continued, “But there’s no reason for you to feel like an outsider, Hope. No one on this ship is more or less important than anybody else. That’s the actual charm of the Enterprise, really. Everybody contributes in their own way, according to their strengths and abilities. Everyone has a special talent. I may be the captain, but I certainly couldn’t run the ship on my own.”
Hope looked at him, captivated, seeing that he really believed in everything he’d just said, and understanding that loyalty and respect were the key to the Enterprise’s success.
“You’re very kind to say that, Captain,” she smiled, “but seriously, what do I do to help run the ship? What’s my special talent?”
“You mean apart from being kind and caring and spreading happiness wherever you go?”
Hope’s eyes grew wide at his words, a slight blush colouring her cheeks.
“Err, yes, actually,” she chuckled self-consciously, “I was thinking more in terms of things they teach at the Academy.”
“Just teasing,” Kirk grinned, “but I certainly don’t have to remind you that you’re a highly qualified linguist, do I?”
“No,” hope blushed again, “but that’s not been of much use on this mission, so far.”
“Maybe not yet,” Kirk admitted, “but then, we never know what we’re going to encounter out here in space. We need to be ready for anything. But let me tell you about your special talent now.”
Hope looked at him expectantly.
“You’ve repeatedly proven yourself capable of working outside your field of expertise. From helping out in engineering to actually working in sickbay.”
“My dabbling in engineering with Scotty kindly teaching me some basics hardly counts as work, Captain,” she made light of his praise. “That’s just me being curious.”
“Exactly,” Kirk laughed, satisfied to see her catching on to what he was saying. “You’re not only capable of doing various jobs, even more importantly, you're willing to do them. You've completed your Ph.D. in linguistics, and yet you work as an orderly in sickbay without complaining, because we need you there. And you don't always point out that you are actually overqualified, either. You’re not ashamed of doing something you’re still new at."
“But everybody would do this,” Hope was astonished.
“And that’s where you’re wrong,” the captain countered. “Not everybody would. But McCoy keeps telling me what a quick study you are, what an asset to his team. Besides, you really have this special gift to make people feel good. Even Mr. Spock has repeatedly stated that the general mood aboard has improved noticeably since your arrival. You’re a breath of fresh air on the Enterprise, Hope. So, you see, you're all but dispensable."
Hope lowered her eyes bashfully at that.
"Your officers are shamelessly exaggerating, Captain! Especially Dr. McCoy has a far too high opinion of me. "
"McCoy is usually a really good judge of character."
Kirk tilted his head, then, remembering the doctor’s words, tried to find out more about her past, carefully avoiding any mention of her family in the process.
“But tell me, what’s your fascination with linguistics? What made you choose this field in the first place?”
“I think it started when I was still really young and impressed my English teacher with my glottal stop,” Hope began passionately, then broke off mid-sentence, a hint of alarm crossing her face.
“Your glottal stop?” Kirk echoed in bewilderment, failing to see the connection there.
“I’m so sorry, Captain, I’m not making sense anymore, I think I really need to get some sleep now.”
And just like that, Hope ended their conversation, and with a murmured, “Good night, Captain, it was really nice talking to you,” hurriedly left the arboretum.
Baffled, Kirk stared after her for a few moments, then decided that Bones hadn’t been wrong, after all. There was definitely something in Hope’s past that she was embarrassed about. He’d talk to McCoy about it in the morning.
********************
“Have you got a minute, Jenny?” the harried-looking young ensign from engineering asked, looking first pleadingly at Hope, then apologetically at McCoy, who was frowning at her, pointedly looking at Hope’s still untouched lunch.
“Of course, Rita,” Hope said cordially, pushing back her chair to stand up and throwing the doctor an intense glance. “Anytime, like I said.”
McCoy subtly nodded his understanding, then followed the two women with his eyes, as Rita pulled Hope into the far corner of the mess for some privacy.
Looking at Hope’s abandoned meal slowly cooling down in front of him, he fondly thought about how she never hesitated for an instant, if someone asked for her help. He might have frowned at the interruption, but it was actually one of the things he liked most about her.
Watching her now, calmly talking to the agitated young woman, then giving her an encouraging hug before sending her on her way again, he felt a warmth spreading through his body that only ever Hope could evoke in him.
“You have advice and comfort for everyone, don’t you?” McCoy said fondly, when Hope returned and started on her lunch at last.
“Everyone but myself, it seems,” she sighed almost inaudibly and McCoy’s heart sank when he saw her face fall ever so slightly.
“What is it?” he asked concernedly, touching a gentle hand to her cheek.
She just shook her head, looking away.
“Something you’d like to talk over with someone?” he persisted, gently turning her face back towards him, only to feel his heart breaking as her lips decidedly said, “No,” even as her eyes clearly said, “Yes!”
Swallowing hard, and looking into her eyes intensely, he let his hand slide off her cheek and dropped it to her hand on the table, giving it a tight squeeze.
“If you ever want to talk, I’ll be there.”
Hope nodded her thanks almost imperceptibly, then pulled her hand away to finally finish her lunch.
********************
Knowing perfectly well how dangerously close she’d come to revealing too much to McCoy again over lunch, Jenny just couldn’t find the strength to keep away from him. With her emotions all over the place lately, she needed to be near him, longed for his soothing presence so badly.
Maybe it had to do with the anniversary of her grandmother’s death coming up, that had her feeling so melancholy recently. She’d absolutely adored her grandmother, who had died shortly after her 20th birthday, and she missed her cheerful personality and perceptive advice dearly.
Maybe she could talk to the doctor about her? That would be harmless enough, maybe even keep him off her back with other questions for a while. But then again, every mention of her past could lead to trouble. It was too risky, just not worth it.
So, having recovered at least some of her balance after a couple of relaxing yoga exercises, she made her way to the observation deck, counting on finding McCoy there and hoping to draw strength from his endless kindness towards her. And thankfully, he was already there when she entered, spotting her immediately and delightedly waving her over to where he was sitting.
Jenny got herself a coffee, then slumped onto the couch beside the doctor, seeing his affectionate smile and thinking there was no place she’d rather be at that moment.
Looking out at the stars, her thoughts returning to her granny, while she enjoyed the quiet and her coffee, Jenny suddenly became aware of McCoy studying her. Really studying her.
She was used to him checking up on her all the time. Had she eaten enough? Had she got enough sleep? That sort of thing. But this was different.
“What is it, Doctor?” she asked curiously.
McCoy exhaled noisily, then blinked, obviously thinking about how to phrase his next words.
“I wish I could just ease away your sorrows,” he said softly.
“What sorrows?” Hope asked, seemingly perplexed. “I couldn’t be happier!”
McCoy just kept looking at her, his gaze gentle and kind.
“I don’t know where this is coming from, Doctor,” she became flustered, “but I can assure you, there’s really no need to worry. Sometimes you worry too much.”
“I don’t worry, I observe,” was McCoy’s quiet reply, but, seeing that she wasn’t taking the bait, he let it go.
He didn’t want to spoil a cosy evening, and he felt that he had accomplished what he’d intended to. That’s to let her know that he didn’t buy her ‘I’m always happy’ act anymore and would be there, if she wanted to talk.
********************
Continue to:
Chapters 21 - 30
Chapters 31 - 40
Chapters 41 - 50
Chapters 51 - 61
Go back to:
Chapters 1 - 10
Or read it on AO3: On Borrowed Time
********************
Disclaimer:
Nothing of or associated with Star Trek is mine – it all belongs to Paramount / ViacomCBS (or whoever else is currently holding the rights). This is a work of fanfiction, no infringement intended.
#Leonard Bones McCoy#star trek#star trek TOS#star trek aos#star trek fic#leonard bones mccoy fic#leonard bones mccoy imagine#Jim Kirk#captain kirk#pavel chekov#nyota uhura#christine chapel#montgomery scott#hikaru sulu#mccoy x original female character#leonard bones mccoy x original female character#Dr. Jennifer Hope#On Borrowed Time by Spacedancer#on borrowed time#leonard mccoy imagine#mccoy imagine#mccoy fic#mccoy fanfic#bones mccoy fic#bones mccoy imagine#bonesohbones#lovebones#i love bones
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Masterlist
Started: 12/18/2019
Last updated: 09/24/2020
Total works: 16
Harry Potter
Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter
Fix You (I_OfTheHawk)
Word count: 3,649, Summary: All in all, Draco Malfoy is not adjusting after the war, but he’s trying his best. He’s made a friend in the most unlikely of place, and he has his mother. When a tragic accident happens Draco is pushed over the edge that he has been teetering on.
Then Comes a Mist and a Weeping Rain (Faith Wood)
Word count: 21,139, Summary: It always rains for Draco Malfoy. Metaphorically. And literally. Ever since he had accidentally Conjured a cloud. A cloud that's ever so cross.
The Light More Beautiful (firethesound)
Word Count: 81,255, Summary: Thirteen years after Draco accepts Potter's help escaping the horror of his sixth year, he returns to England where he makes the unfortunate discovery that Potter is still as obnoxious as ever. And worse, more than a decade overseas hasn't been enough to dim Draco's obsession with him.
Lord of the Rings
Gen/multi
Walking wounded (mirrordance)
Word count: 24,552, Summary: Danger does not stop for grief or injury. For Legolas, there is no rest, respite, or relief on the seemingly endless road between Moria and Lothlorien. He, with the Fellowship he has sworn to serve, has no choice but to move forward, hurting and heartbroken.
Percy Jackson and the Olympians
Gen/multi
When the Smoke Cleared (Nilly’s Issue)
Word count: 5,877, Summary: A semi-monster hunt goes wrong and Thalia is forced to deal with a concussed Percy. Along the way, she learns a few things. Set between Sea of Monsters and Titan's Curse. [Warning: very subtle Percabeth]
Stranger Things
Steve Harrington/Billy Hargrove
Of fists and firsts (ohmybgosh)
Word count: 2,468, Summary: Will witnesses a moment between Steve and Billy.
Ocean Child (flippyspoon)
Word count: 4,528, Summary: “I’m Steve’s friend,” Billy said, pulling out into the road. “I’m Billy.”
“I’ve never met you,” Erica said, scowling.
“Yeah well, we don’t travel in the same social circles.” Billy wanted a cigarette.
“You look like a criminal,” Erica said.
The Sound of Breathing (aerials)
Word count: 3,832, Summary: Steve was someone Billy allowed into his head and in the long run his god damn heart. And Billy would swear that he didn't love, that he was incapable of feeling something that had never been expressed toward him, or even taught, but how could he ignore that sense of longing and the way Steve crowded his thoughts at 3am when he couldn't sleep.
Billy Hargrove Sucks (flippyspoon)
Word count: 7,871, Summary: Hopper puts Steve in charge of sobering up a wasted Billy Hargrove one afternoon and suddenly things start to make sense. Until they really don't.
Star Trek
Jim Kirk/Leonard “Bones” McCoy
The inherent dangers of coffee dates (MourningElegance)
Word count: 2,476, Summary: Oh fuck, Jim thinks to himself, eyes widening with sudden realization. He eyes the coffee cup in his hand, noticing the telltale hives beginning to peek out from his shirt sleeves. Fucking allergies -- -Of course James Kirk would go into full blown anaphylaxis in a crowded Starbucks. Lucky for him, the cute stranger he just met seems to know an awful lot about medical emergencies...
Jim Kirk/Spock
The Gravity of Never Letting Go (notfreyja)
Word count: 20,230, Summary: After George dies and the Kelvin is destroyed, Winona is left out in the black with a newborn and a choice: go home, or run away from her problems. The consequence for her decision go beyond anything she could have imagined.
Accustomed to slightly lower then natural gravity aboard Federation vessels, an extended stay on Earth is a death sentence for Jim. But he's not going to let that stop him.
Mother, Why (iknewaman)
Word count: 5,892, Summary: The amount of things Spock would put up with for his mother was disconcerting. Like partaking in a social engagement she had predetermined for him and an unknown potential romantic interest.
A blind date. Spock’s mother had set him up on a blind date.
Paper cuts (espressohno)
Word count: 20,439, Summary: It was just one big, happy, drunk (except for Jim), family. Which was an ironic statement, because their family consisted of a recovering alcoholic, a college student who could hardly speak English, a vandal with a Master’s degree, a business owner who should be a model, a Vulcan who makes coffee instead of algorithms, and a maintenance man with a Scottish accent whose name they had just learned an hour ago.But it felt like family, and it felt like Christmas, and it was the exact opposite of why Jim had started drinking in the first place.
The Mystery Lay (noodleinabarrel)
Word count: 2,324, Summary: After having the best lay of his life on the couch of the sleazy club he bartends at, Jim comes home starry-eyed. Bones, however, couldn't give a shit about his roommate's swooning. All he cares about is his half-made guacamole and the avocado Jim promised to buy, but conveniently lost when his mystery man accidentally stole his jacket.
Star Wars
Gen, Multi
Precipice (shadowsong26)
Word count: 211,814, Summary: An AU in which Anakin Skywalker does not follow Mace Windu and the others to Palpatine’s office after they leave to arrest the Chancellor. As a result, he doesn’t get that final push over the edge, and doesn’t Fall.
Poe Dameron/Finn
Burnout (aslipperysloth)
Word count: 6,262, Summary: Poe crash-lands and is trapped in his X-wing. Finn won't let him go out alone, of course. Not if he can help it.“Keep listening and talking, you’re doing really good.”
Young Justice/Batman (All types of Media)
Gen/Multi
Stay with me (Cause you’re all I need) (I_OfTheHawk)
Word count: 2,891, Summary: Pain.
Pain was the first thing he felt and suddenly he was aware of everything. Tim was leaning over him, hands covering something on his chest. He groaned. He tried looking around but everything was so heavy. The weight in his chest blossomed into something unbearable and he tried to grab Tim’s - no Red Robin’s - wrist and push it off.
You’re hurting me
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Jim Kirk (AOS) x Leonard McCoy (AOS)
Description: Jim Kirk stresses over meeting one Joanna McCoy. For @darlinleonard
Warnings: None.
Word Count: 2593
Notes: Very short, but heartwarming, I suppose. My first completed work, so there’s that. Also, suspend your realism for the last paragraph. It may be somewhat far-fetched, but so was Into Darkness, so.
Jim was unsure of how to expect the meeting to go.
Well, unsure wasn’t the precise word. To be more accurate, Jim was pretty fucking terrified of what was to come.
It was illogical to feel the way he did about the impending event, Spock would tell him and yet logic didn’t always seem to take care of the situation at hand; something that Jim was still struggling to teach Spock.
When Bones first told Jim of Joanna’s arrival three weeks ago, the captain had laughed. He would surely charm Joanna; they had spoken several times during shore leave, albeit over webcam. Still, every time the girl expressed her gratitude toward the captain. Having a father in Starfleet also meant the possibility of losing him to some space terror, something that the twelve year old had come to realize at a young age; to have a captain such as James T Kirk to helm the ship her father was on was a blessed gift to the child.
But her father had only really alluded to the relationship a few times. Jim understood why Bones was stepping so gently around it; Jocelyn had only just married Clay a few years ago, so needless to say Joanna was already adjusting to one stepparent.
But then they were faced with Khan Noonien Singh, an obstacle that neither of them had ever expected to face. Even worse, Leonard was faced with a greater obstacle: loss.
Jim knew how hard it had been for everyone, particularly Bones. The possibility of losing Jim forever had struck the man in a way that nothing else had in recent memory, with the exception of losing Jo to her mother.
And now that Jim was busy recovering, Leonard couldn’t bear the thought of Jo not meeting Jim as her father’s partner, and thus decided that now was as good of a time as any for the two to finally meet. He had explained this all to Jim late one evening after spending several hours re-exploring each other’s bodies, leaving no expanse untouched.
“She’s already so fond of you, Jim,” Bones muttered into his lover’s mussed hair. “If it weren’t for her daddy already being in Starfleet, I’d swear she was planning on going just to meet you.” At the time, Jim hadn’t found the statement so daunting. It was a heartfelt secret shared between the two, not an obstacle.
But now as the two were standing next to one of the many international transporters in San Francisco, Jim could honestly say he had never been more terrified to meet a thirteen year old girl. The plan was to pick up the teen, show her around the area, and take her to dinner where they would tell her. A fun day, and yet Jim had never dreaded anything more in his life.
“Would you calm down for two seconds?” Len had berated him as the blonde man fiddled restlessly with the sleeves that fell at his wrists. Was it too informal? Jim wondered. The long sleeved t-shirt and jean ensemble had seemed practical thirty minutes ago, but now Jim was fretting over how casual the outfit looked. He was captain, after all. Should he have worn something different?
It was stupid, really, but Jim just couldn’t shake the feeling that, well, he might not seem good enough. It wasn’t until Bones spoke at him again that he pulled himself from his self-deprecating reverie.
“Jim, what’s buggin’ you so much? You’re starting to give me anxiety,” the CMO teased slightly, but stopped when Jim looked at him. He had that look in his eye that told Bones that he was unsure of something. He was afraid if he spoke, he might lose the toast he’d eaten just hours previously.
“Oh, kid. It’s not Jo that’s eatin’ you up, is it?” Len asked gently. His hand went to clasp Jim’s; the CMO must have noticed that his hands were sweaty, but said nothing, thankfully. “Jim, I can’t help you if you don’t give me anything,” the man said tenderly, something that was rather uncommon for the gruff doctor.
Jim hesitated; it really was ridiculous that the opinion of a kid was making him so damn worried. But Bones was right. If he didn’t do anything, he’d be a mess when Joanna showed up.
“I just…she really holds me in a high regard. You’ve said it yourself,” Jim said, his eyes fixing themselves on the concrete sidewalk they were standing on. “She idolizes me even. What if I’m not what she thinks I am, Bones? What if when she hears that we’re together, she…just feels differently. What if she doesn’t like me? What if I’m not…”
“Not what?”
“What if she doesn’t think I’m good enough?” Jim finished quietly. He looked up to meet Leonard’s half surprised hazel eyes.
“You’re kidding me, right?” the other man asked with a raised brow. “Jim, I don’t know what made you think that Jo’s not gonna like you, but it’s wrong,” he reassured the man. Jim gave a half-hearted smile. “God, Jim. You make it sound like you’re meeting my parents. Which, if they didn’t happen to like you, wouldn’t make any difference to me. What matters to me is how I feel about you.”
“Sorry,” Jim replied softly after a beat of silence.
“Don’t be. Just be yourself, Jim.”
“Oh, okay. Just wondering, when did you become a counselor?
“Jim-”
“You got another degree in your pocket that I don’t know about?”
“God, you’re horrible.”
“You chose me.”
Bones sighed, but looked down at their intertwined hands with the hint of a smile playing at his full lips. “I guess I did,” he admitted. He shared a gaze with his boyfriend before the younger man rolled his eyes. “Don’t be so mushy in front of your daughter,” Jim teased. Leonard rolled his own eyes. As if it had been timed accordingly, the humming of the transporter could be heard on the street corner, and the two shared a gaze. Jim, whose blue eyes grew wide in fear, met Leonard’s calm ones. You’ll be fine, Jim, they told him. Jim nodded slightly, before sucking in a breath. He released Leonard’s hand, and joined in watching the small body begin to appear before them.
A gasp was heard, before Joanna McCoy appeared in a shimmer of teal, with a small suitcase trailing behind her. Her big hazel eyes blinked several times before focusing on her father, and a large smile appeared on her face. “Dad!” she cried happily, suitcase forgotten as she rushed up to meet him in a tight hug.
“Jojo!” Leonard greeted the girl as his large arms wrapped themselves around her. Jim felt a warmth shoot through him despite the trepidation; it was rare to see Bones smile that broadly, and that peacefully, too. “Oh, I missed you, Joanna Renai,” Leonard said before planting a large kiss atop of the girl’s strawberry blonde head. “Ew, dad!” Joanna whined from her father’s grip. Leonard pulled away with a smirk. “What, now that you’re thirteen you can ignore smooches from your pa? I don’t think so, ma’am,” Bones teased his daughter.
Jim, who was standing awkwardly with his arms crossed, shuffled slightly in his spot. Despite how happy it made him to see Bones like this, the man felt as if he were terribly out of place.
Bones pulled away from his daughter to gesture to the blonde man.“Oh, Joanna, I’d like you to meet Jim Kirk. He’s the captain of the Enterprise,” he explained. Joanna, who was all too familiar with Jim, smiled big. “It’s a pleasure to meet you in person, captain,” she said as she stuck her hand out. “Jim’s gonna have dinner with us, Jojo,” Leonard informed the girl, who brightened slightly. It wasn’t everyday you had dinner with your father and your idol, Jim thought. “Jojo, why don’t you tell Jim what you plan to do at Starfleet.”
Joanna pulled a sick face. “Can we not, dad? I just transported across the country. I feel pretty gross,” she admitted. Jim snorted to himself. “I wonder where she gets that from,” he said smartly before grabbing Joanna’s suitcase.
“So, what do you think of San Francisco?” Leonard asked Joanna in between bites of sushi. The girl shrugged as she sipped her lemonade. “It’s fine. I’m honestly just kind of disappointed.”
Bones looked at Jim with a slightly alarmed eyebrow.
“About?” he asked his daughter.
“Well, I was kind of expecting a tribble when I got here, but…”
“Joanna Renai McCoy, the time I get you a tribble is when I want your mother to physically drag me by me teeth and drop kick me into Saturn’s orbit.”
“You know the funny thing is, he probably likes space less than he likes that idea,” Jim quipped from Bones’s side to the girl. Joanna snorted appreciatively as Bones rolled his eyes. After a few hours and a drink, Jim had relaxed somewhat. Still, he felt apprehension sitting his stomach like a rock. “Well,” Bones announced suddenly as he stood from his seat, “with that, I think I’m gonna go grab another drink. Jim, you want another one?” he asked. The blonde man gave a slight shrug. “A gin and tonic would be nice,” he said. Bones nodded. “How about you, Jo? Another lemonade?” The girl shook her head. “I wanna finish this one first, dad,” she said with a slight giggle.
“Okay,” he said, before ruffling the girl’s hair. She stuck her tongue out at her father’s retreating back before turning to sip her drink. “What a doody-head,” she muttered to herself, making Jim snort. “Wow, you kids really need to work on your insults,” he teased. Joanna raised an eyebrow in a manner that very much reminded Jim of Bones. “Please, have you met my father? I didn’t grow up learning weak insults, you know.”
“Oh, I’ll bet. Has he told you of all of the creative names he’s come up with for Spock?” he asked with a smile. Joanna shook her head. “I’ve only really heard a few of them, to be honest. But, I’m sure dad’s come up with real winners.”
“Hey, so this is gonna be a little random, but what is it you really want to do in Starfleet? You sounded kind of embarrassed earlier,” Jim wondered suddenly. Jim had heard from Bones on a few occasions that she was interested in Starfleet, but had never really asked. Joanna looked down bashfully. “Honestly?” she asked, looking at him like he would laugh at her. Jim nodded. “Yeah.”
“I really want to captain a ship. Like you.”
“What’s so weird about that?” Jim inquired.
“Well, I had only just met you, and I’m sure my dad has told you all about how I think you’re one of the greatest people in the world and stuff.”
Jim smiled. “He’s mentioned it.”
“Well, I didn’t want to sound like a complete freak when I first showed up. Also, dad does this thing whenever I happen to meet his friends where he gets all teary-eyed and starts talking about all of my accomplishments, and I really didn’t want to deal with that,” Joanna admitted. Jim quirked a brow at the girl. “He is proud of you, though. He loves bragging whenever he gets messages from you.” Joanna covered her face with her hands. “Oh, no. He doesn’t do it in front of everyone, does he?” Jim shook his head. “No, just in front of Christine and I. Sometimes M’Benga when he’s feeling rapturous.”
The two then fell into a comfortable silence for a few moments. Jim, who was curious about the habits of his boyfriend, decided to prod slightly. “Does he really do that? Get all…teary-eyed and goobery?” Jim asked before raising his glass to finish his drink. Jo shrugged. “Sure. Honestly, I figured you probably picked up on it, being his boyfriend and all,” she replied nonchalantly.
Jim, who received the emotional equivalent of whiplash from the response, spat his drink out in a rather unattractive manner. Joanna merely blinked at him, though not without crinkling her nose gently at the man’s reaction. As the man craned his neck to look back at the girl, he stammered. “Wh-what?”
His gaze swept surreptitiously across the restaurant, praying that Bones would appear at any moment to save him from embarrassing himself further. When he looked back at Joanna, she was holding her own dinner napkin in her hands to offer to him. He quickly took it, slightly ashamed that she had given up her own napkin; though his mind was still buzzing from her confession.
“Y-you did? For how long? Does your mom know?” Jim babbled as he dabbed uselessly at his slightly stained top. Joanna blinked her big hazel eyes at him, before breaking into a fit of giggles at the entire situation, much to Jim’s confusion. Before the man could speak up again, Bones could be heard from beside them. “I’m gone for a few minutes and already there’s a problem,” he joked. However, he caught Jim’s distressed eye and raised a brow. “What’s going on?” the man inquired, looking between his daughter and his boyfriend.
Joanna shook her head; ringlets bounced childishly around her face. “Oh, nothing. Your boyfriend thinks that I can’t pick up on things.”
Bones shot him an accusatory look. “I thought we were going to tell her together.”
Jim merely stammered.
“Oh, he didn’t tell me. I kind of figured it out,” Joanna said with a wave of her hand. “Honestly, you idiots aren’t as subtle as you think you are. God, does the crew always see you act this embarrassing?” she asked.
Joanna looked at her father, who appeared to be having a stroke. “Are you okay, dad?” she asked curiously. The man, who had just seated himself, proceeded to released a bark of laughter.
“Oh, oh, god. You really are my kid,” he managed to say after catching his breath.
The confession on Joanna’s part lead an air of comfortable felicity. Several drinks later, Jim was ready to head home and play Uno with Joanna, who had vowed to kick his ass.
She really was Leonard’s child.
All the two had to do was wait outside while Bones picked up the bill.
But they were content with chatting happily about their shared love of hell raising. “Just remember to put a few of the ‘Pop-It’s’ on the toilet seat. Also, don’t shut the lid too hard. You don’t want to set them off before someone sits on the toilet.”
Joanna nodded seriously. “Okay, I’ll remember.”
Jim gave her an approving look before looking out at the San Francisco sky. He hummed to himself as he tried to name the galaxies that surrounded them.
There was a moment of pure silence before Jim spoke up. “Hey, kid. You really want a tribble?” he asked, looking at the girl. Joanna raised a brow. “Sure,” she said slowly, looking at him with consideration. “I mean, I know they reproduce at a crazy rate and everything, but-” “Hey, don’t worry about that. Your dad actually brought one back to life, and we have nowhere to put it.” Joanna blinked. “Really? You’re serious?” she asked, excitement practically oozing her pores. “Sure. It’s at the hotel room right now. Your dad’s gonna kill me, but it’s not like he doesn’t threaten that on a regular basis,” Jim grumbled to himself as he eyed the man walking out of the restaurant.
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A Father’s Love
Sacrifice of Isaac, by Caravaggio, c. 1603 (Uffizi, Florence)
I was raised in a Christian home but, in my teen years, I became quite skeptical of Christian claims, the good book, and especially of God Himself. Looking back, I cannot say I really doubted the existence of God, but I did not feel I liked Him all that much, or at least not the warped picture of God I held at that time. I can honestly say I did not know who I was angry with, because I really did not know Him as I do now. I did not see Him as a Father, but as a judge, not as a friend, but as rather a powerful bully. I kind of enjoyed doubting God, finding supposed problems in scripture, mulling over the deep and good reasons why we should not have to believe in God or, if He did exist, reasons to doubt He was good. It is strange to recall that all the while I doubted God’s goodness, I rather imagined my doubts were hurting His feelings. Yet, if I had been truly convinced that God was NOT good, and did not care for me, why would I suppose I could hurt His feelings? Illogical, as Star Trek’s Mr. Spock might remark. Yes, perhaps, but it fits what we know about human nature: we are far more likely to test the forbearance of those whose goodness and love we are at some level fairly sure of. For example, people who are truly abused as children seem to spend their lives trying to earn that parent’s approval and love, while dearly loved children may take their parent’s love for granted, and sometimes are the very ones who break their parent’s heart with exaggerated accusations of indifference or abuse. Anyway, I’m sure I vexed my mother with my doubts, and for reasons that I’m not sure I understand even now, I enjoyed throwing up unanswerable (I thought) scriptural problems to her. One Bible passage I loved to “hate” was in Genesis 22 where Abraham was asked by God to sacrifice his son Isaac on an altar. “What?!” I can hear myself say, “This supposedly good God is asking this man, whom He supposedly loves soooo much, to kill his only son (with a knife!!!) and then offer him up as a burnt offering on an alter? You have got to be kidding! This is sadistic! Sick! What kind of a monster God would even ask such a thing???! What if He asks you to kill me? Would you do it??” (Oh, so dramatic!) And so forth … My poor longsuffering mother didn’t seem to have a good answer to that one at all, so I thought I “had her.” (Yes, I’m embarrassed I was such a brat, but I’m trying to make a point here.) Okay, so maybe I had to endure my mother’s curse of “hope you have one just like you,” but I inwardly laughed in the face of danger and continued for a time in my folly. (These parental “curses” cannot truly inspire fear until one is in a position to fully understand the implications of such things - when one has teenagers of one’s own - and then, of course, it is forever too late. And those curses are completely self-defeating for the parent, because should your child actually have a difficult child, you’ll suffer right along with them. But I digress…) It is funny to me now, this passage of scripture, once proof enough for me of God’s basic barbarity. To me now it is an awesome and wonderful picture of God’s love for us. When we think in terms of the sacrifice made for us nearly 2,000 years ago, we naturally think in terms of the sacrifice made by the Son. Braveheart. He gave his life for you and me, and the enormity of that fact should never be obscured by the passage of time or by our familiarity with the event. With that object in view, please allow yourself to consider this - who would YOU die for? Your neighbor? Your hairdresser? A stranger? Maybe, but human nature being what it is, it seems an unlikely scenario. Add to that the torture angle. Not only must you die but prior to that you will be whipped, publicly humiliated, beaten, stripped naked, and cruel men are going to hammer huge spikes into your wrists and feet and hang you on a cross where you will die an agonizingly slow death. Even a very courageous person would likely blanch at the thought, and some folks are under the bed just thinking about it. Would you endure such abuse even for a very good friend? Your husband or wife? Certainly, many have endured torture and even death for God or country, friends or familial love, but such self-sacrifice is rare enough to be quite remarkable.
But wait. We should then consider how many would die for the likes of someone like serial killer John Wayne Gacy? North Korea’s Kim Jong-Un? Marathon bomber Dzhokhar Tsarnaev? And yet, we know Jesus died for all of them as well as you and me. In the Bible, the book of Romans speaks to this very issue in Chapter 5:6-8:
For while we were still helpless, at the right time, Christ died for the ungodly. For one will hardly die for a righteous man, though perhaps for a good man someone would dare even to die. But God demonstrates His great love for us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.
While we were helpless, ungodly, and sinners when Christ chose to give His life on our behalf. Not mere “strangers;” we were ENEMIES of God. Such a strong term, Joy! Enemies?? Look around you. Ask yourself why so many of those who say they “disbelieve” in the God of the Bible are not neutral towards Him at all, but actively detest Him! Did you ever wonder why that is? Why do so many detest a person they supposedly do not believe in, or say is a fairytale? We don’t hate the Big Bad Wolf, do we? Or Cruella De vil? That’s because we know they are not real. According to the Bible, though, even if one has no emotion of animus toward God, we all are born enemies of God just by being part of the rebellious race of mankind. But, Jesus Christ, who loves us, bore the agony of the cross for our reconciliation. Such an act of gracious heroism is rare indeed and is confounding in our vengeance-oriented society. Human beings generally don’t get mad at those who hurt or oppose us - we get even. Some even view self-sacrifice as foolishness.
There is something, though, I believe would get me willingly up on that cross and, if you are a parent, maybe you can identify. A simple choice might do it… Mom or dad, either you or your daughter are going up on that cross; you or your son. We are either going to strip, beat, and torture your daughter and drive those nails into her flesh, OR you can go in her place – which will it be? Parental love is so strong that, even from here, I can hear you say, “Take ME! I’ll go. Do what you want to me but leave my daughter alone! Don’t touch my son!”
I was reminded of this truth in an article in the Chicago Tribune which began with these words, “A 14-year old high school student convicted of plotting to kill his mother was released Monday into the custody of the mother who said, ‘I love my son, and I have nothing to fear. He told me he was sorry,’” That really says it, doesn’t it? Her trust in her son may be foolish, but it gives powerful testimony to the unshakeable and sacrificial love of a parent.
That is the great love the Son has for us. It seems hard for us to accept His love at face value, but He loves us that much! As much as you love your son as much as you’d die for your daughter. Torture and death on our behalf is the noble gift of the Son; to pay your ransom, to win your life and freedom.
But, what of the Father? How did He show His love for us? Think about this: You’d go up on that cross for your son or daughter. For whom, though, would you GIVE your child whom you love so much? On whose behalf would I send my daughter to her death? Whose life and security would I purchase with the well-being of my own son? NO ONE’S. Yes, so great is the Father’s love for me and you friend, He gave His only Son. From a parent’s eye view, an unbelievable sacrifice.
1 John 4:10 says,
In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us, and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins.
This is the connection we should draw from Genesis where Abraham is asked to make the supreme sacrifice. This example is given so we can, perhaps, conceive of the great sacrifice God made on our behalf and thus to comprehend the depth of God’s love for us.
I don’t write this primarily to those who know God’s love and already have become convinced by their relationship to Him that He loves and cares for them. I speak to those who are vastly unsure of God’s love, who had been in cults or abusive churches, and the only emotion they feel from God is anger or disapproval, and the emotion they have for God is FEAR, and probably guilt as well. I don’t say there is no such thing as a healthy fear of the Lord, one that brings us to a place of recognizing our need for forgiveness and a savior. But, if your fear does not lead to conversion, but an endless striving or, if conversion does not ease your fears, you’ve gotten the wrong message about God’s love and grace. Paid in full is the message of the cross.
Some have missed the message of grace because religious traditions have gotten in the way. Yes, they have been taught about the sacrifice of Christ, but the simplicity of the gospel had been obscured or even supplanted by religious add-ons. We need to throw off those chains. His death brings us life. His suffering gives us peace. His mediation offers us complete reconciliation.
As difficult as it can be to understand God’s nature, it can be even harder to comprehend his love for us. We’re not worthy, and we know it! And by nature, we don’t love God, and we know that too. Some people seem to be stuck in a kind of adolescent rebellion phase, angry at God without perhaps even knowing why. Stuck fast, and unwilling and unable to move to true discovery of God, leading to true peace. Why is it some people do come to a place of loving God, while others’ hearts remain shut tight against Him?
Others are stuck “outside” for another reason. They do not understand the gospel and are trying to win God’s favor by being “nice,” or performing good works in hope of earning God’s love and mercy. But you cannot earn God’s love and you don’t have to! He’s already proved His love by offering His Son on your behalf. What you need is to experience God’s amazing grace. The word grace means undeserved kindness! That’s what God wants to shower upon you - kindness upon kindness that you do not deserve. All you need to do is receive it. Receive the Son who died to ransom you.
As many as received him, to them He gave the power to become sons of God (John 1:11- 12).Ω
Love to all,
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Happy Birthday
Spock’s birthday - 2nd place from the vote! This is dedicated to @heartsywritesthethings because I saw that it’s their birthday! Sorry it’s late.
WARNING - sad!spock
“Alright, Spock,” Bones McCoy said. “You can go.” Spock “happily” complied and walked out of Sickbay as he put his blue uniform shirt back on over his black undershirt. Jim making him go to Doctor McCoy for a physical was illogical. The doctor did not know what to make of his biology since he was half-human, half-Vulcan.
McCoy pulled out Spock’s files and went to sit at his desk to write another report on how he was, for the most part, guessing, that that green-blooded - that Spock was healthy. As he went through the files, he noticed something he’d never seen before - Spock’s birth date.
March 26th, 2226.
No, Spock couldn’t be in his forties - although Vulcans age slower than humans; but Spock was also half human. I guess he ages slower than humans, but maybe faster that Vulcans? McCoy thought and wrote the report.
When he got back to his Quarters, he looked on his calendar, the one hanging on the wall with a picture of three puppies playing on a farm with the Georgian flag in the back ground, and noticed that today was March 25th. He changed into his pajamas and sat down in his bed with his PADD in his lap and sent everybody, except Spock, an anonymous notification.
“Dear Everyone,
Tomorrow is Spock’s birthday. We didn’t celebrate it last year. In fact, we didn’t acknowledge it at all. Meet us in the Mess Hall tomorrow after work to give him the best party of his life. P.S. - DO NOT TELL SPOCK!!!”
***
The next day, once his shift was done, Bones made his way to the Mess Hall to see if anyone showed up. When the doors opened, he saw everyone else there with music, food and decorations. It was better than he thought it would be and more.
“Hey, Bones,” Jim said as he approached the doctor. “This is great, isn’t it? All we need’s the Vulcan of the hour.”
“Well, let’s get ‘im!” Before they left, they made sure everyone was quiet, as noise could attract Spock’s curiosity to the room.
***
They knocked on his door, but no one answered.
“Spock?” Jim called as he knocked. “Spock, I want you to come out right now. That’s an order.” Still nothing. Jim and Bones figured that he must be somewhere else. Spock would never disobey a direct order. Never.
“Any ideas, Bones?”
“Wanna try the Mess Hall again? He might’ve gone there while we were trying to find him.”
***
“SUR-prise...?” Was what they were met with when the doors to the Mess Hall opened.
“Sorry, Captain, Doctor,” Scotty said. “We thought you were Spock.”
“If you’re gonna get nasty, I’m goona leave,” Bones joked.
“Don’t leave,” said Uhura smiling.
“So he hasn’t been here then?”
“No, Captain,” said Scotty.
“He’s not in his Quarters either. Does anyone have any ideas on where to check?”
“The Bridge,” said Sulu.
“Yeah, the Bridge,” said Chekov.“I think I saw him going there on my way here.”
“But I saw him leave there with the rest of us,” Jim said.
“He could’ve gone back,” said Bones. “Sounds like something he’d do. Overworking is probably his sick, Vulcan way of celebrating.”
***
Sure enough, when they stepped onto the Bridge, they saw Spock hunched over at his station, with his face in his scope.
“Spock,” Jim said. Spock stood and turned to face his Captain. “What are you doing here?”
“I have come back to check my calculations.”
“Don’t lie to me, Spock.”
“It’s your birthday,” said Bones.
“That is true.”
“Then why are you working?” Jim asked.
“Because there is work to be done. It is illogical to cease working operations simply because it is the anniversary of my birth.”
“But, Spock, why don’t you celebrate,” Bones said. “We want you to celebrate.” Spock took hold of the railing and began to lean on it as he lowered his head.
“Spock, what’s wrong?” Nothing. “Spock, tell us.”
“My mother used to plan a minuscule celebration, or party, for the family on my birthday. My father always objected, but she did not care. As I grew older, five-years-old, the Vulcan children realized that my mother...and I...celebrated my birthday. They made a mockery of my family; despite my father being an ambassador.” Spock sighed. “Since then, my birthday was one of the days I had to work the hardest. To prove my family worthy of being called Vulcan.”
“Is that why your father wanted you to go to the Vulcan Institute of Technology so bad?” Jim asked.
“...One of the reasons.”
“Spock, no one is going to judge you here. Or on Vulcan.” Spock looked up at his Captain. “You’ve more than proven your family’s worth. You’re the only Vulcan in Star Fleet; that says something. Besides, since you are the only Vulcan in Star Fleet, no Vulcan is going to see you let go every now and then; and it’s not like any of us are going to tell.”
Jim hugged his Vulcan friend, who, after a two seconds, straightened out and whose eyes widened. When Bones wondered why, he discovered that Jim had began to wriggle his fingers against Spock’s sides.
Bones smiled as he walked to Spock’s back and began to scribble his own fingers against Spock’s neck. “You work too hard. You need to have some fun every once in a while. That’s a medical order.”
“C-cease these attem-attempts t-to...HAhahaha!”
“Good job, Spock,” Jim said and moved to his stomach. Spock grabbed Jim’s wrists, but his “superior Vulcan strength” was failing him; so he curled up.
“Ahahahaha!” When he curled up, his back popped out which gave Bones the opportunity to scratch at backs of his ribs. As a result of the new tickling, Spock straightened out and began to twist.
“Ihihihihihaha! Dohohohon’t!” Suddenly, Jim went for Spock’s underarms and McCoy went for his hips. Spock began to slowly fall to the ground and he loved it.
When he fell to the ground, not only was he vulnerable, but he knew that neither his Vulcan logic nor his human emotion were holding him up as they did on a daily basis. His logic earned his job and respect and he never could get rid of that emotion that drove him to perform his job to the highest degree; and the emotion to fight for his friends. Now he wasn’t human nor Vulcan; he was Spock. Just Spock. A Spock of whom his friends loved and would do anything for.
As Spock was on the ground, he couldn’t help but curl up again - exposing his worst spot.
“Jim, what’s his worst spot again?” Jim made his way to Bones.
“Right here,” he said and skittered his fingers right under Spock’s shoulder blades.
“AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!” McCoy followed Jim’s example, except he dug in. “NOHOHOHOHOHO!!”
“Don’t tell me ‘no’, Spock,” McCoy said. “When it was Joanna’s birthday, you and Jim taught me that birthdays are meant to be celebrated, not mourned. Including your birthday.” They both ceased their tickling.
“A-Agreed,” Spock said, causing the other men to smile. Spock got up, but not before some revenge.
“Spohohohohock! NOhohohohohoho! Dohohohohohohon’t!” Jim laughed when Spock tickled his belly.
“Stohohohop ihihit! You grehen-boohohoded - hahahahahaha,” came from McCoy’s mouth when Spock got the backs of his ribs. “Don’t do that again,” he said when Spock stopped.
“I make no promises, Doctor.”
***
“Sur-PRISE!!” The crew said when Spock, Kirk and McCoy entered the Mess Hall.
“Sorry,” Scotty said. “This time we didn’t know if you were Spock or not.” As Spock saw all the crewmen there to celebrate him, he became healed; his memories no longer bothered him. Birthdays were meant to be celebrated.
And he was happy.
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Night on the town, part 7
Pairing: Leonard McCoy x Reader
Word Count: 1947
Warning: Language, implied sex, fluff
Part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6
You settled into life easily aboard the Enterprise. During alpha shift, you worked alongside the medical staff as though you had known them all your life. Working beside Leonard, you learned all his quirks and ignored when his temper flared. Honestly, you found the grumpiness adorable and made sure you told him whenever he directed it towards you. That usually made it worse then he would huff and walk away. The crew let you know of the positive influence you had on Leonard. While he still had his moments, his whole demeanor was altered. There were far more smiles and less of the attitude, especially if you were near. It all blended together with what was now your life. You were happy plain and simple.
It had not taken long for you to move to share quarters with Leonard. Just over a month, really. Your nights had consisted of making love as though the galaxy would end in the morning and sleeping between whose ever quarters were closer at the time. It got rather annoying after a while and it was Leonard who actually made the suggestion first. The pair of you were lying in his bed, curled up, with you just moments from falling asleep.
“Move in here with me.” He had whispered into your ear. You were still in that in between place of almost asleep but not quite there yet. So you were not sure you had heard him correctly.
“Mmmm?”
“Just move in here with me. This goin’ back and forth between places and not havin’ all of your stuff in one place. Plus, I love you, damn it. I want you with me all the time.” The speech had woken you fully. Rolling over to face him, your surprise was apparent.
“You mean that? I’m not going anywhere, Leonard, I promise. I’m yours. We don’t have to rush it if you aren’t ready.” His past haunted your mind often. Not that you talked about it with him much, but you did not want to scare him away.
“Darlin’ it isn’t rushing. We haven’t slept a night apart since you got here. Well except when we get stuck workin’, but you know what I mean. It would make things easier just bein’ in one spot. As I said, I love you. I want this to last with you. Someday on an even more permanent basis.” You understandably agreed after that. The mere thought that he wanted to marry you someday caused you to crawl on top and show him how happy you were. Of course, he did not mind in the slightest.
It took the Enterprise six weeks to get back to fully functional after the damaged caused when the ship had been out of communications. There had been many long shifts of repairs and for you treating injuries sustained during those repairs. One evening when Leonard was pulling a double shift to help M’Benga, you were sitting alone in the mess hall, contemplating how you would stay vertical if you were to stand now and head back to your quarters. Exhaustion had seeped into every fiber of your being and you truly just needed sleep.
“You look awful.” The voice causing you to look up with half lidded eyes. Nyota took a seat in front of you with her dinner tray.
“Thanks. It’s a new look I am going for. I call it ‘drained doctor.’ Think it will catch on?” She laughed as she took a sip of her tea. Truth be told she did not look much better.
“I think it already is. The whole crew is running on fumes now. We need a break, badly.” Nyota sighed as she began to eat. You winced as you tried a bit of your coffee, it was ice cold. Damn, how long had you been sitting there in your delirium?
“Did I hear someone say needing a break?” Jim took the seat beside you. The aroma of hot coffee hit you. In one quick motion, you stole his coffee cup, setting your cold one on his tray in trade. “Hey, that’s mine!”
“Sorry, I need hot coffee if you want to live another day without ending up in the sickbay.” Jim frowned but started on his meal. Since you had come aboard, you and Jim had become fast friends. Leonard thought he would hate the two of you joking or drinking together on a regular basis. However, it had the opposite effect. His two best friends had become friends and it made him smile. While many times you and Jim would joke about Leonard, far more were the times you would gang up on Jim. “What were you saying about a break?”
“Oh yeah that…” Jim finished chewing the large mouthful before he continued. “We have to dock at Earth anyway. The ship has to be evaluated to make sure everything is running perfectly and within regulations before we are allowed back to deep space missions. Seems it’s going to take several weeks or so. I think it’s time we actually get a shore leave. A real one, not the abbreviated one, like last time.” Both you and Nyota looked over at him, excitement on your faces.
“Are you serious? Or are you trying to see if we break and mutiny?” Nyota asked wide-eyed. Jim laughed as he finished another bite.
“I’m serious. Everyone is a mess. The crew needs it.” In your excitement, you downed the rest of the coffee, kissed Jim’s cheek and ran off towards sickbay to tell Leonard. A whole month off on Earth would be wonderful. Leonard could meet your grandfather and maybe you could meet his family as well. Leonard was not quite as excited as you were but he was happy at the prospect. He messaged his mother then Jocelyn and Joanna to make sure everyone would be around. Begrudgingly Jocelyn said Joanna could spend the time in Georgia. His mother was ecstatic and promised there would be endless peach cobbler for everyone during your stay.
You made contact with your grandfather and he said he would have the house ready for you and Leonard the latter half of the trip. He was happy to finally be able to meet Leonard and to have some time with you. All the plans were falling into place. You and the crew would just have to make it another week without major incident.
The patient load had lessened since the completion of the ship’s repairs. Far less injuries, which made for an easier time for the medical staff. Now there was actually time to write up the reports, take stock in what the sickbay needed, and straighten up the mess that had accumulated since everything had begun. By the time the ship had made it to Earth, the entire crew was on edge with excitement. The last night before leave, a party was planned, since most everyone would be scattered across the planet. You had never seen so much alcohol on board a ship. Obviously, the crew had been able to hide their stashes in craftier ways but had brought them all out to enjoy.
The cargo bay had been cleared and then set up like a makeshift bar. Loud music heard from the comm system and many bodies packed tightly dancing in the middle. Nyota found you first, dragging you across the room towards where Jim and Spock were standing. Spock looked unimpressed by the gathering but his face relaxed a bit when Nyota wrapped her arm around his waist. Jim handed you a cup of something purple lifting his cup at you as he downed it. “What the hell is this?”
Jim shivered as the drink went down. “I don’t know. I probably don’t want to know but it will get you drunk. Where is Bones? He actually let you out of his sight longer than five minutes? He better not be in sickbay.” You shrugged at him, downing the drink just as he had. It tasted awful at first then left you with a sweet twist as an aftertaste.
“He said he had something to do real fast and he would meet me here. He has been acting weird all day. Maybe he is just exhausted or needs a moment without me around. Being stuck with me all the time has to be draining.” Jim moved close and put an arm over your shoulder squeezing lightly.
“That man loves you to no end. I know for a fact, he wants you around all the time. Bones is just Bones and he does things in his own special Bonesy way and time. Like chasing me around with the fucking hypoes. He enjoys it a lot more than any man should. But it’s just him. So don’t worry so much.” You laughed as he drunkenly tried to make you feel better.
“Hands off my girl, Jim.” Jim removed his arm on your shoulder, as you turned to look at Leonard. He leaned down to kiss you lightly brushing a piece of your bangs out of your face. “Told you I wouldn’t be long.” You smiled brightly up at him wrapping your arms around his waist, before looking back to the group. The rest of the night went on without further issue. Leonard had refrained from drinking so it was no surprise when he had to throw you over his shoulder to get you back to your quarters without a fight. You giggled the entire way about how hot his ass looked, even pinching it a few times for good measure. He settled you into bed with a hypo to help prevent a major hangover in the morning. That man loved you.
In the morning, the ship had docked on Earth. Leonard had to kiss you awake so you could shower and pack up for the month shore leave. Thanks to his care the night before you felt just fine and it did not take you long to prepare. The whole time though he was acting odd. He would look as though he needed to say something then stop or stare at you for several minutes before looking away quickly. When you asked him about it, he brushed it off saying it was just his distracted mind, and it was fine. You let it go and went about your morning. Later when were about to step off the ship, Leonard grabbed your arm stopping you.
“[Y/N], can I ask you something?” You looked back at him with a smile.
“Of course. What’s going on?”
“I’ve been trying to talk to you since last night. It just wasn’t a good time or I felt like the words wouldn’t come out or you just flat out dazzled me with that smile.” His tone was difficult to gauge and a group had started to gather around you.
“Leonard, what’s the matter?”
“Nothing is wrong, baby. It’s right actually, very right. I didn’t want to go back home without asking. And now here we are about to step foot back on Earth and I haven’t gotten to ask you.” The group had grown larger now; you were feeling weird with all the eyes staring at you.
“Come on Bones, you are rambling.” Leonard ignored the remark from his friend as he continued. However, now he had gotten down on one knee.
“It’s been seven months today that I met you. Seven months of me being happy and wanting to spend every moment with you. You are the star in my life that keeps everything bright. I don’t want to go another day without you being mine. [Y/F/N Y/M/N Y/L/N] will you marry me?”
Part 8
@feelmyroarrrr @bolontiku @aquabrie @malindacath @mysteriouslyme81
@supernaturallymarvellous @ryverpenrad @imaginativefanatic @newhappiness430 @hellhoundsandunicorns @martinawalker @pinkamour1588 @infinite-exist-ence @thesummer-rain @swiggityswagness
#star trek fanfiction#star trek aos#star trek#star trek imagine#star trek aos fanfiction#leonard mccoy#mccoy x reader#leonard mccoy x reader#reader x mccoy#bones mccoy imagine#fanfic#fanfiction#bones x reader
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Children of the Star: A Star Trek Story
Chapter One: “Nyota Means Star in Swahili”
Disclaimer: No money made here. A labor of love only.
Spock almost never dreams. For a long time after he lost his mother, he slipped into troubled nightmares whenever he closed his eyes to rest, but those stopped long ago—years, though at this moment he cannot calculate the exact number. Nine years since his mother’s death, or perhaps ten? He is never unsure when he is awake.
Yet he is certain he isn’t asleep. He knows he is sitting cross-legged in front of his asenoi in the crew quarters he shares with Nyota. She is still on duty on the bridge of the Enterprise, monitoring the communications between stellar cartography and a shuttle survey team sending back data on the only variable star in this quadrant.
Variable stars of this magnitude are not rare and the work should be routine. Ever since the ship entered orbit, however, the crew has reported unusual neurological and psychological symptoms to sickbay.
Radiation emitted by all stars affects organic life in some way, so the fact that Procis 241 might influence the crew’s behavior is not, in and of itself, cause for concern. Earth’s star, for instance, provides the requisite energy for plants and animals to thrive.
Of course, overexposure also causes epidermal burns and cancers.
That doesn’t mean that Procis 241 is necessarily a danger, or even the cause. Any number of reasons for the headaches and dizziness the crew have reported are possible, including a parasite or another contagion. The Enterprise crew also could be suffering the normal effects of being in close quarters without shore leave for an extended period of time.
Even Nyota has been exceptionally irritable with him lately, snapping with uncharacteristic anger at minor annoyances. Hence his choice to work separate shifts, and his increased need for meditation. Part of him hopes their current rift is the result of the star and not proof of an inevitable slide into a parting of the ways.
Speculating about the star and its effects is pointless until the survey team finishes gathering data in 12 hours. Or 13. Spock feels something close to alarm at the gap in his memory.
“Are you well?”
The voice is both familiar and not. Spock opens his eyes and looks into the face of a young woman. Her worried gaze is human, but her features—upswept brows and ears—are Vulcan. With a jolt, he knows who she is.
“I am...fine,” he says. “Daughter.”
The syllables are odd on his tongue. Surely she has a name, something he calls her that is less formal. He casts about in his memory but comes up with nothing.
The young woman—his daughter—leans over and puts her hands on her knees so she can peer more closely at him. “Are you certain? You seem distracted.”
Looking around, Spock sees that they are in a park, he sitting cross-legged on a blanket spread over the grass. In the distance, children laugh. A motorized scooter rumbles past. A warm breeze lifts a matted strand of his hair and he shivers.
If this is a dream, it is far more detailed and realistic than any he’s had in the past. And although he occasionally indulges in imagined scenarios while he meditates, he is always the conscious author. This is something different.
The young woman stands up straight and crosses her arms. “Are you going to sit there all day? I thought you were going to show me around.” Her tone is playful and she grins as she speaks, something no Vulcan would do. A human would, and in particular, the human he knows best.
Spock gives an audible sigh of relief. Nyota must be somewhere nearby.
“Where is your mother?”
“Who knows,” his daughter says, shrugging. “She and Bubba went to see some boring something a little while ago.”
“Bubba?”
“I know he hates it when I call him that, but Uncle Jim was right. All brothers need to be teased.”
Spock is mystified but also quietly delighted. This young woman is obviously Nyota’s child—graceful and dark and mischievous like her mother. But she is his daughter, too, her Vulcan features and dry wit part of his inheritance.
“Now, are you going to come on?” She raises her voice slightly and Spock gets to his feet.
“Berlin,” he says, recognizing the park, though he cannot remember its name. His father took him here once on a tour of European capitals before he’d applied to the Vulcan Science Academy. They’d had an argument—here, in this park—and the rest of the trip had been awkward and silent.
Not an argument, but a disagreement. Sarek did not argue. He pronounced what was, and Spock either agreed or was wrong.
The argument in the park—the disagreement—was about trees, of all things. Sarek had insisted that the trees in bloom were a species of oak, but Spock was equally sure they were linden.
“The linden trees of Europe were extinct by the late 21st century,” Sarek said. “A fungus destroyed them all. You are mistaken.”
“Nevertheless,” Spock said, “the scent of linden pollen is unparalleled. Surely you noted it. And although oak leaves resemble linden to a degree, it is you who are mistaken. Obviously, some linden trees survived the mass extinction to which you referred.”
A twitch crossed his father’s face. When he spoke, Sarek sounded annoyed and disappointed in equal measure. “Why do you always question what I say? Why are you like this, Spock?”
Even now—even here in this not-dream world—Spock feels a measure of surprise at what he did then.
“As you know,” he said, locking his gaze with his father’s, “I am the product of my genes and my environment, and you are responsible for both.”
The scent of linden trees wafted around them like an aftertaste of a bitter meal.
His daughter—the young woman whose name he does not know—runs ahead of him. “Come on!” she calls back. “There’s not much time!”
He picks up his pace and breathes in the heavy fragrance of the trees. His daughter stops abruptly and turns to him, lifting her arms over her head to indicate the canopy of green leaves.
“This!” she says, her tone joyful. “I want to learn all about this!”
“They are linden trees,” Spock says, grateful to have something to say. “People long believed they had become extinct after the Third World War, but here in Berlin they survived.”
In a rush, his daughter—this lovely young woman with her mother’s eyes—comes toward him and takes his right hand in hers. A warm spark of energy flies between them.
“Yes, I know that, Father! What I want to explore is why! Why are they here? Why did the ancient molecules evolve into trees and not something else? Why these trees? Why here? Why?”
She lets go of his hand and he feels as bereft as if he had lost someone dear to him. Her words make no sense, almost as if she is speaking an unknown language, but he gives himself over to the reality of this not-dream-not-meditation. His usual anxiety about things—his drive to find out and know—is quieter here. Somehow he is content to let his daughter be the explorer, even if he does not understand her quest.
He’s a different father than his father had been. Or he will be.
Perhaps the variable star is interphasing with the future and this is a vision of what will be. Twice already the Enterprise has recorded instances of spacial interphase in variable star formations. Could this be a third, with a peek into what will happen years from now?
Or perhaps he is suffering a psychosis brought about by the proximity to the unknown radiation signature of Procis 241. Given the odds, that seems more likely.
“You need to wake up,” he hears Nyota say like a faint echo. He presses his eyes closed and tries to return to his room, his asenoi.
But his daughter is suddenly at his side and they are walking through a copse of trees, fragrant with tiny white flowers.
“Remember how Mother got so mad that time I overwatered her orchid,” she says, and to his astonishment, Spock does remember it. His daughter barely up to his elbow, her black hair pulled back into two sleek ponytails, confessing that she’s been watering the orchid on the sly. Nyota’s dismay that this gift from Spock to celebrate the birth of their fist child was drowned in rusty colored water.
“And remember how Grandfather brought her another one just like it, and how he said flowers can be replaced but children are fragile?”
This, too, Spock recalls—the potted orchid in his father’s hands as he stood in the doorway of their apartment in San Francisco—Nyota’s eyes watering as Sarek spoke. The harmony between mother and daughter restored by his words.
“I remember,” Spock says, feeling such a measure of love for Nyota and his daughter and Sarek that his heartbeat thrums like a timpani in his side.
“Please come back,” Nyota says in his ear, but his daughter takes his hand and again he feels the electricity between them.
“I’m not ready for you to leave,” she says, tugging him forward. “If you go, I may not see you again.”
That is true, Spock thinks. If this is a figment of his imagination—a construct of his star-addled brain—she will disappear when he regains consciousness.
But if she is a glimpse of the future, seen through the strands of a stellar interphase—
“I’m going to give him 40 cc’s of methadryl. That should get his attention—“
Dr. McCoy’s voice this time.
Spock lets his daughter’s fingers slip from his. “I must go,” he tells her. He opens his eyes and sees Dr. McCoy squatting beside him on the floor of his and Nyota’s quarters. The asenoi flickers behind him like a misshapen jack-o-lantern.
“That will not be necessary.” Spock motions towards the hypo in the doctor’s hand.
“Well, welcome back, Spock,” the doctor says. “You gave us a scare.”
“How long have I—“
“I found you like this when my shift ended.” Nyota is kneeling behind his left shoulder and he swivels around slowly to make eye contact. A faint sheen of perspiration is across her cheeks and nose. Her eyelashes are wet.
“I’d like to keep you overnight for observation in sickbay,” Dr. McCoy begins, but Spock interrupts.
“Unnecessary. I am unharmed.”
“As I was saying,” McCoy says, pointedly addressing Nyota, “I’d feel better if I could haul him down to sickbay for awhile, but there’s no more room at the inn. We are full with patients much more agreeable and compliant than your partner here. I’m on my way now to report to the captain. As far as I can tell, it’s not a virus—“
“The star,” Spock says. “The odds are that it is emitting some sort of scandian particle radiation, or it might be undergoing a stellar interphase—“
“Dammit, Spock. Spare me the mumbo jumbo. You can tell Jim yourself. And sit back down. He’ll come to you.” To Nyota he says, “Keep him here.” He raises his eyebrows and adds, “If you can.”
McCoy leaves with a noisy flourish.
When the room is quiet again, Spock listens to Nyota’s soft breaths. Still sitting beside him on the floor, she edges closer until her arm brushes his.
“You were somewhere else,” she says at last, breaking the silence. “I couldn’t reach you there.”
“I could hear you,” he says. He feels her bristle, her anger flaring across her skin.
“Then why didn’t you—“
“Our daughter required my attention.”
At once her anger dissipates. He hears her sharp intake of breath. “How is that possible?”
“I would be untruthful if I said I knew. But she was ours, Nyota. Or she will be. It defies logic, but I know this.”
He looks up then into her face and is startled to see her smiling. Of all the emotions he could have anticipated—disbelief, skepticism, worry—he is caught off guard by her amusement.
“You do not believe me.”
“On the contrary,” she says, taking his hands in hers. “I do. You would never, ever, ever tell such a ridiculous story unless it was true.”
Her laughter unlocks something inside him and he falls easily into their private, affectionate patter.
“Even delusional people can sometimes sound convincing,” he parries. “Or my logic could be faulty and I might be mistaken.”
Nyota grins. “It won’t be the last time, will it?” She stands up and holds out her hand to him as an invitation to join her. “Come on,” she says.
“You heard the doctor,” Spock says as he gets to his feet. “I am to stay here until the captain arrives for a debriefing.”
“Exactly. Which knowing Jim Kirk, won’t be for at least twenty minutes. We have plenty of time.”
“What did you have in mind?” Spock follows her as she makes her way to their bedroom.
“Use your logic,” Nyota says, smirking. “I want to hear all about that possible daughter of ours.”
“Khio’ri.”
“What?”
“Khio’ri.” Spock lets the word tumble across his lips. “Khio’ri. Vulcan for star. We will name her after you.”
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