i gotta say, something that i REALLY appreciate about my medical system (or whatever its called) is sometimes they can schedule all of my appointments from one place, so instead of having to make 6+ calls in a row, i only have to do one

its,,, ridiculously helpful as someone who gets really anxious making calls lmao

Doodle done with Poscas and edited in procreate

ugh. might get a diagnosis for some of my issues finally, but i’m terrified i wont. i feel like it’ll be like every other time and i get told that it’s not whatever i came there for

Ok ok I'm gonna be doing some commission work today so I'll have some content of that to post alongside some other recent commission work I've done for those if you who miss the DIY stuff!

I am

• worried

• depressed

• uncomfortable

• upset

• afraid

• uneasy

it does not feel good.

I'm going to drink some water, take a nap, and deal with these things later

I'm absolutely exhausted and in pain

As much as my job has been a slog lately, I'm glad it gives me the opportunity to go to my wife's appointments with her...very thankful to have stored up vacation time because I don't want to miss ANYTHING related to this pregnancy.

I've got quite the collection of ultrasound photos in my wallet now. The progression from alien bean to human baby has been...I don't even have words for it. Just amazing.

Maybe I'll make a post on this at some point but like, something deeply fucked up about TNP and Po3 that people have totally forgotten about is how badly they try to whine that "Tigerstar Had Good Traits :("

Firestar does it, Brambleclaw does it, and they keep doing this after it becomes this GRAND irony that Firestar almost gets Tiger'd to death in a fox trap because he was too trusting. Bramble gets his pity award of keeping deputyship and then cries to his son about how No One Saw The Good In Tigerstar :(

And it's wiiiiild that no one else in this fandom has done anything with the fact that Leopardstar broke the Warrior Code to appoint Hawkfrost, who had no apprentice, an extremely aggressive and warmongering Tigerclone who says things like "Tigerstar wasn't the worst cat to look up to." ONLY qualifying trait was being kinda like Tigerstar.

And she practically did that the SECOND Mistyfoot went missing. And then Leopardstar continued to be one of the most violent and xenophobic leaders through Po3, joining with WindClan to attack ThunderClan.

What I'm getting at is that like, a few years ago, with books like "Blackfoot's Reckoning" and "Shadow in RiverClan" it's like they suddenly decided to retcon in a bunch of "redemption arcs" in hindsight. They just pretended like there was this grand high reckoning with TigerClan, when there literally wasn't, and if anything that caused SERIOUS problems for the cast that the authors didn't fully acknowledge as such.

And now ppl haven't actually read the main series and are just working with their recent memory of all these retcon books.

But TNP and PO3 are still there, and you can go and see the ACTUAL timeline where Leopardstar is really not apologetic at all, and Blackstar is a useful stooge for the very next wannabe dictator that strolls in, in spite of the new side content that COMPLETELY mischaracterized them for their plots to work.

Ppl have made 1,000 posts about this and by god I hope they make 1,000 more but im REALLY feeling "falling asleep in weird places" as a sickness tell

ESPECIALLY if the character is the strict, no-nonsense type or in charge of the character who ends up playing caretaker. Like, it's SO out-of-character for them to fall asleep in (semi-)public that it's HUGE red flag when they do. Something is wrong, even if the other characters don't know exactly what yet

spto coming out has been such a surreal experience bc before it came out i was like. the one roxie kinnie (at least as far as i was aware, i’m not doubting that there were more out there) & now she has like a million stans and half of me is like “FINALLY other people who understand her the way i do” and the other half is like “i liked her before it was cool. my blorbo. mine.”

the flower that tooth hurty ? Or maybe trash 1 star review denis?

I love ur blog and funky drawings of VFlower btw i wish i could smooch them, or frame it in my house :]]]]

🦷

something I find especially entertaining about Edward IV's reign is how Scandalous™ it was lol

he married a woman “whose origins broke all established conventions for English queenship” in a secret ceremony without consulting any of his lords and then made it everyone else's problem. he committed regicide, he committed fratricide; he was accused of bastardry, he was accused of bigamy and a 19-year-long sham marriage, he was accused of using necromancy against his subjects, he was accused of being enchanted by witchcraft by both his wife and his mother-in-law (multiple times). his own mother was said to "rule the king as she pleased" in the early years of his reign. he knew he was hot and actively milked it for money. he was vain as fuck: “he was wont to show himself to those who wished to watch him, and he seized any opportunity that the occasion offered of revealing his fine stature to onlookers”. he knew everything about everyone. "he was more favourable than other princes to foreigners". he was “fond of boon companionship, vanities, debauchery, extravagance and sensual enjoyments”; he was "thought to have indulged in his passions and desires too intemperately”; "it was ever feared he was not chaste”. his subjects publicly gossiped about his sex life, his doctors thought he was insane. NOBODY understood how he was still competent despite all this.

honestly, who was doing it like him?

little lord cottonball gazing down from his ominous perch

i try to spread information and stuff because that usually makes people more receptive to understanding how serious covid is, but a lot of being covid safe is being full of anger and frustration and hopelessness. for a lot of people, it’s not hard to wear a mask or not go places when they’re sick. so many people could still be taking precautions but just… won’t. and many of them (especially people close to me) are people who will talk about progressive policies and community care and allyship to marginalised communities but obviously won’t take the step to actually practice what they preach. i’m just tired of being told that i’m an acceptable sacrifice for people’s facade of normalcy

I'm so proud of myself about finances in the past couple months. I still struggle with money but I did enough meditation and journaling and practicing about it to make myself able to actually face my loans and credit cards and savings and bills and start really truly organizing and addressing them for the first time in years instead of just flying by the seat of my pants.

Like. This is a huge deal for me. I've felt like I'm in deadly danger every time I've tried to think about money for years and years. I'm finally able to look it in the face and stare it down and start to organize and plan on purpose instead of just keeping up with the minimum to stay afloat. I'm so proud of myself.

It's still a refrain of "GUILT (funny link)" every time I think about money but I'm able to actually make spreadsheets and face the numbers and monthly tracking again, and even make a new full budget which I haven't been able to do in ages.

still feel guilt, overwhelm, and helplessness, but no longer feel as much deep elemental shame and terror. that's progress baby