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megalony · 4 years

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Hearts and Crosses

This is a King! Ben Hardy and Queen! Reader AU I’ve started that should have a few parts to it hopefully, it’s based on a Wonderland theme with ideas inspired by the book Heartless. I hope you all like it, feedback is always lovely.

Taglist: @lunaticspoem @butlegendsneverdie @langdonzvoid @jennyggggrrr @rogmeddows @radiob-l-a-hblah @rogertaylorsbitontheside @chlobo6 @rogertaylors-lipgloss @sj-thefan @omgitsearly @luckytrashgooprebel @scarsout @deaky-with-a-c @killer-queen-ofrhye @bluutac @vousmemanqueez @jonesyaddiction @ambi-and-sunflowers @milanosaurus @httpfandxms @saint-hardy @7-seas-of-fat-bottomed-girls @mrsalwayswritex @rogerina-owns-me @peterquillzsblog @im-an-adult-ish @crazylittlethingg @allauraleigh

Ben Hardy masterlist

Summary: King! Ben is invited to a Queen’s ball and his father wants him to form an alliance with the Queen, but Ben doesn’t like the reputation she has, but he can’t help but get dangerously close to her.

Enjoy.

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"I have to look perfect!" The words roared from her lips like a lion attempting to scare its prey but her scream rattled through the other three women's ears like a high pitched whine of a child needing attention.

This was not just a screech of attention, this was far more than a child needing to look their best for a family dinner. This was a girl needing to impress- no, more than impress. This was a girl who needed to entrance, to lock the people into her image, to dazzle them with the only thing she had that would completely mesmerise them. Her attire.

The clicking heel of the tight but perfectly fitting shoe on her right foot clashed against the slick black tile beneath her foot. It rattled the floor and bounced vibrations along the walls in a masterful attempt to show authority which was newly gained by her. The fists of her gloved hands smashed into the vanity that was resting in front of her causing the makeup items to scatter and fall like trembling towers being broken. A tube of lipstick rattled and rolled on its side as if it had been shot down. A vile of mascara quivered and lolled to either side like a bowling pin debating whether it really wanted to fall down or not.

Three pairs of eyes focused on the girl who was almost sobbing for what she was most desperate to have as her fisted hand moved to grasp the very tip of the sparkling grey outline of the mirror on the vanity. She tipped the vanity towards her so the three maids with her could see how her eyes scrutinised the reflection she was faced with. The reflection was almost flawless- almost.

But it had to be perfect, no one would settle for less.

"Fix it!" There was no roar that screamed the words in the ears of the frightened maids who were more stone statues than useful help. All of them were afraid one foot on the wrong tile would lose them their most favoured jobs.

The three women who were varied in age and complexion stared at one another in the same desperation as their Queen stood in front of them. Someone had to move, someone had to take the risk of landing on the wrong tile and fix whatever mistake the Queen had seen. She needed to be perfect, she needed to be flawless and dazzling and eye catching and these three women were here to do that. It was their job and if they didn't do this then they would be losing their jobs and so much more.

The youngest of the three maids felt a bolt of courage spark to life in her system which pushed her feet to move. The flat pale pink slipper-like shoes clad on her clammy feet scuffed against the floor to get her within reach of the girl who held more authority than anyone else in the land. Her small brown eyes seemed to widen as she looked over the Queen to find something to perfect but she could find nothing wrong. There was no smear of lipstick, no eyelash that wasn't flicked up at the end or covered in black paint. There were colours over her eyelids, added complexion to her cheeks and powder to her skin.

What was there to fix?

The young maid whose name was only known to her peers standing in fright behind her gestured her hand to the power of authority in front of her in a silent plea for her to sit down so her makeup could be perfected in a way that would either win or lose the maid her job.

A forced breath passed through (Y/n)'s nose as she slowly and carefully sat in the chair as not to ruin the dress she was in. Her chin tilted upward which gave the image of power and control as her straightened hair sat delicately behind her ears. She had little time to be perfected but it had to happen. She would not be seen as anything but perfect.

The maid reached a trembling hand out for the raven black lipstick that was resting on the vanity. Her knees bent forward to allow her minimal height to shrink that little bit more so she was level with (Y/n) who looked seething. Her eyes, though capturing and absolutely stunning, were burning with a fire and pain that no one had ever witnessed before. Her body was trembling like a bird cage that was being rattled as her cheeks were puffed out from both the air she was holding in her mouth and the muscles that were tensed and pushing outwards.

Such a look of fright had never entered the maid's eyes or become plastered to her face until that very moment (Y/n) wrapped her slim, gloved fingers around the maid's wrist, stopping the tip of the lipstick a mere inch before it touched her skin.

"Perfect." The word was whispered with a spoonful of honey but it charged through gritted teeth which broke the tone it was spoken in and gave a hint of vengeance if this did not work out in (Y/n)'s favour. Did the maid really want to take such a gamble? Her idea was not ordinary which on any other day would have been a perfect idea, but today was special. This was a day that had to go well and if one single person or thing put a toe out of line, they would pay for it. (Y/n) had to look demandingly beautiful but with a look of effortlessness about it.

Three, painfully long minutes was all the young maid needed to do her utmost best to make the Queen look majestic.

No one moved or shivered or even dared to let a breath pass through their lips or nose as they waited for the reaction from their newly appointed Queen. Her head turned so slowly to the right to allow her eyes to set on the vanity mirror that would reveal her look and seal the fate of the maid who tried to perfect her.

One exact minute passed as the Queen looked over her perfected look before a grin the Cheshire cat would have been envious of spread on her glossy lips. That smile was all they needed to see to know that the maid was no longer just a maid. She was no longer a servant whose name was unknown to people who held power. She was the maid who had made the Queen smile, who had made her look as perfect as everyone would imagine her to be.

Now the evening could begin.

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"The Queen? I'm supposed to try and get close to the Queen, you cannot be serious?"

Ben adjusted the cuff links on his shirt cuffs to make sure they were properly pinned in place as his eyes kept sneaking glances up at his father who stood with a smile that was faultless, something Ben seemed to have inherited from him. The cuff links snapped perfectly into place and now, as Ben stared at them, he could see the reason why he had a blood-red heart and a black spade as cuff links.

They were playing card suits to impress the Queen.

He had not travelled all this way to the land of Chess to impress the Queen, he was not here to win what little heart she had left and secure himself a right to her throne when he already had a throne back home. He didn't desire the throne he had, there was no reason for him to pursue the Queen of Chess. Ben didn't even know this was their destination until this morning, but now it made sense. His father had gotten them an invitation to the ball thrown in the Queen's honour since she recently had her coronation, and now Ben was supposed to charm his way into her heart.

"She's new to the throne, she needs all the allies she can get and what better way to ally ourselves with the foreign lands than to get close to the Queen? This whole realm is under her command, think of the opportunities that could give. You only need to charm her, Ben, she's impressionable and young, she'll be easy to impress."

"I don't want or need friends in high places and I do not want to be friends with a Queen who is rumoured to be insane. I think that would be the kind of ally we do not need, father."

Ben would go to the ball tonight because he had been invited and he had made the journey here, it would be such a waste to hide away in his room now and not turn up, not to mention how rude it would be. But he didn't fancy charming the Queen who was unstable by all accounts he had heard. Allies were all well and good until they turned on their own and Ben hadn't heard the best things about this Queen. She seemed to be fine on her own, she didn't need Ben charming her or trying to get in her good books.

"Trust me, a Queen as powerful as this is one we need on our side, quite possibly in our family. Just talk to her, try to be friendly and she'll be as sweet as butter. Now let's leave before we're late."

Ben waited until his father turned around so he could roll his eyes before he followed his elder out of the room and through the mansion they were staying in for the week.

A feeling of relief swept through Ben when his eyes clocked onto Samuel, one of the servants who was more of a brother to Ben than a friend or a servant. He headed over to his friend whilst still making sure to head out to the carriage waiting to take them to the palace. Ben wasn't one for balls or big events, he wasn't so keen on dancing and it was normally a rather dull night with him sat in a corner with a bottle of wine by his side.

Even his own coronation last year due to his mother's untimely death hadn't been all that fun for him like it was for everyone else.

"Do you know anything about the Queen?" If Ben knew Samuel enough, he could count on the brunette gathering any and all information just in case Ben needed any help or advice. Samuel liked to be in the loop and have all the knowledge he could, he liked being the one of wisdom and it made him feel important and able to spread reliable gossip which was essential in any palace.

Once seated in the carriage, Ben leaned his elbow on the door, pressing his hand to his lips as his eyes darted to look at Samuel who was sitting next to him with Ben's father sat opposite.

"She's twenty, she's powerful and she knows it, she's got more authority than any other realm in the world. When she came to the throne she fired every single member of her staff and hired a whole new household. A lot of people think she's unstable but around here that's something of a normality I think..."

"What?" Ben didn't mean to snap but he could see the way Samuel was looking at him, it was like he was holding something back because he didn't know how Ben would react or what he would say.

"She... she's the first royal in over a hundred years to bring back the death sentence."

Ben's lips twitched up at the corners like he was going to smile and wait for the punchline of a joke, but the punchline never came and his mouth fell agape but no words left his lips. No one in any of the realms had ever given a death sentence in over a hundred years, it was abolished because it was cruel and inhuman. How could a twenty year old girl bring it back when she's been on the throne for less than a year? Why would she bring it back?

"W-why? She has to be unhinged to do that... so, what, she's just brought the punishment back so it's legal now?"

"No, she... she didn't exactly make it legal or a proper punishment, she brought someone into her own court and didn't like the sentence of prison so she ordered his death. Then and there, in front of everybody. Off with his head."

"She beheaded someone? You brought me here to charm this woman? I like my head where it is thank you very much, turn this thing around I'm not doing this."

Ben's hand subconsciously moved to rub at his throat like he was making sure there was no slash mark appearing in his skin like magic. He liked his head on his neck above his shoulders where it should be, what if he said something wrong to this Queen or he did something she didn't like or he charmed her but didn't like her in that way? Would she sentence him to a beheading? Would she kill another sovereign out of vengeance or annoyance or even for sport?

How was Ben supposed to charm someone who beheaded her own subject for doing something wrong? That was like asking him to tame a wild beast with the danger of being killed in the process.

"Don't be so dramatic, plenty of other sovereigns have done that, granted this isn't exactly the era to be chopping heads, but it isn't unheard of. We're here now, you don't think she'd be so silly as to threaten to take your head when she knows who you are, do you?"

His father worded it so easily with a chuckle at the end of his words as if this was just a petty squabble between children or pre-wedding jitters. But no one knew for sure what this Queen would do, if she was unstable she may not care if Ben was a King or not, she may not want any alliances with him or any other countries. Surely there would be hundreds of other Kings and Queens and people of parliament trying to get close to her for an alliance, what if she got annoyed or fed up with them? Could she order their heads to be separated from their bodies with no repercussions to fall on herself?

They didn't know what she was capable of or what he power could protect her from.

"Why have that much power if you're only going to be afraid to use it?" Ben countered just as the carriage pulled up to a stop. They were here now and going back wouldn't be wise or kind, but Ben didn't want to woe any Queen that was capable of beheading him if she wanted.

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Chess.

What a name for a land to be ruled by a Queen of such power. It signified to Ben that the land was her game board with pawns to move and dispose of as she pleased. She could cut down any piece that didn't suit her fancy or play by her rules and her aim was to conquer all and have the game be won in her favour.

Even the floor he was standing on right now held large marble black and white gloss tiles that made him wonder if the Queen ever played human chess on this very floor. She could chop off the heads of the players she removed from the board or vanquished in the game. A real life or death game of chess that everybody would know she would always win.

Ben had always hated chess, and here he was stood on a real life chess board right at his feet. The black tiles were glossed over with a matt paint that had silver sparkles in that reflected the light from the three main chandeliers hanging from the ceiling and the white tiles were glossed with the same silver sparkles but they were less noticeable. The floor could barely be seen due to the amount of people dancing or walking or just standing around on the tiles.

Ben didn't know one person here, which was the reason he had been stood near the buffet table for the last hour to keep out of the way. He could dance and he was rather good at it, but he didn't like dancing with strangers.

"Do you not dance?"

The voice that spoke to Ben was made of velvet, but the person that went along with it was something else entirely.

Her hair was what he noticed first. It was straightened to the point it could have been used as a ruler with a small handful from each side of her face pulled back and pinned to the back of her head. From her roots down to the halfway point of her hair, it was the darkest shade of purple that it was almost black, but from then to the ends which went just down past her shoulders, her hair lightened into lilac and the very tips were white. It sounded so wrong and as if it would look atrocious but it was rather enticing and eye-catching in the best kind of way.

She had a lovely complexion and her lips looked naturally blood-red with just a bad of crimson here and there.

The mysterious woman was wearing a dress that was knee length and the colour of sterling silver with a thrill trim over the top that held spades, diamonds, hearts and clubs dotted all around. There was a red ribbon looping around the middle like a belt with a bow tied at the back and the back of her dress turned into a black trim that hung down like a veil that reached the floor.

But what captured Ben completely was her face.

Her eyes were the prettiest shade of aqua blue that he had ever seen, so much so that it looked like he was staring into the deepest of oceans. But just under her right eye, there was a small spade drawn in what he guessed was black lipstick and outlined in silver glitter which looked like a teardrop. There was a club on her left cheek outlined in the same lipstick, both no bigger, if not smaller than Ben's thumb. And at each corner of her lips, she had a crimson heart one one side and a diamond at the other. She was a walking deck of cards right before his eyes.

"Not with strangers m'lady."

"A King who doesn't dance, is that normal where you're from?" (Y/n) let her lips form into a smile as she stared up at the man who looked so different and outcast in this kind of environment. He looked ordinary in a world where ordinary didn't exist. His hair was a lovely shade of blond which faded to snow white at the ends where it curled and his hair was shaved a little shorter at the sides. His eyes were perfect emerald green orbs, his cheekbones were defined and his lips were naturally dark blushing pink.

His height made him tower over (Y/n) but he wasn't intimidating, he looked rather laid back and calm. He had the physique and appearance of a King but the kind of nature of a humble subject.

"I suppose not, but where's the fun in normal?"

"My sentiments exactly... tell me, you wouldn't happen to be Benjamin, would you?"

"I might be, depends who's asking." Ben drank the last of the wine that was in his glass before he set the glass down on the table behind him. He didn't know how this girl knew who he was or his name unless she knew exactly who was going to be here and had gone round talking to everyone. Maybe she had heard some gossip, it wouldn't be too hard to find out who everyone here was, Ben just couldn't bothered to find out who was who.

"I'm (Y/n), and I'm asking for a dance. You should know I don't like being turned down." (Y/n) held her hand out, waiting patiently for his hand to slip into hers so she could lead him to the dance floor.

She knew exactly what she wanted and she was going to take it, Ben didn't have much of a choice here.

Her demanding words in such a sweet. velvety tone made him smile intriguingly and he had no problem giving her his hand. He didn't normally dance with strangers like this but there was something about this girl that was drawing him in and he liked it. He allowed her to lead him to the middle of the dance floor but the moment they were in hold, he took the lead in the dance.

It was unusual for Ben to dance with someone who wasn't his little brother or a partner at a ball who always stood on his feet. It was even more fun to dance with someone who kept trying to take the lead but Ben wasn't letting her have the reigns so easily.

The more they danced and circled around the floor he despised with the other people dancing, the more Ben started to realise something. Many people had pulled out of the dance, about half the couples were now stood on the sidelines watching instead of joining in. But everyone who was both dancing and watching were looking at those few who were still dancing. It was like there was some kind of game or rumour going around but Ben didn't know what it was.

He turned his attention back to the girl in front of him who seemed to glide around the dance floor like a spirit made just for dancing and the way she was smiling up at him made Ben shiver. She seemed so angelic but she looked so different and unique.

She took Ben by surprise when she pulled back and took it upon herself to spin under his arm, prompting him to spin her again before reeling her back in and spinning them both round like he was on the waltzers trying to make her dizzy.

"Where'd you learn to dance like this?" Ben whispered in her ear just loud enough for her and no one else to hear. He'd never had a dance partner that was as good as her.

"You could say I'm classically trained." There was something in her eyes that looked almost sad but Ben didn't dare dampen her mood by asking what it was.

"Funny, no one else here quite matches up to you tonight, do they?" Ben didn't know where his courage came from, but he found himself tracing the pad of his thumb very lightly against the suit designs on her face, making sure not to smudge the work of art on her features. No one else had painted designs on their face like this, no one wore such a dazzling yet maddening dress as she did and no one had her stunning features or hair either.

No one could dare compare with her tonight.

Ben liked the way she moved her hand that had previously been on his shoulder so she could feather her finger up and down his neck like she was trying to tickle him. By this point, the pair of them had stopped dancing and were stood on the outskirts of the dance floor so they weren't in the way. But just as Ben wondered if either of them would make a move, he dared to look around.

He noticed that no one was dancing anymore, despite the music still playing and flowing so perfectly through the air around them. When Ben caught sight of his father, he saw such a grin on his face and a look of delight washing over his creased eyes and it made Ben shiver.

The smile slipped from his face and his mouth opened but no words emerged from his lips.

What had he done?

"Your Majesty." Ben breathed through the words so quietly he was surprised she could hear him or lip read with how little his lips actually moved. He was dancing with the Queen of Chess. The Queen who had taken someone's head off simply because she thought it was a fitting punishment. The Queen who brought back the death penalty when it had been abolished for one hundred years prior to her reign here. He was dancing with an enamouring twenty year old Queen who held more power in one hand than Ben would hold in a lifetime on his own throne.

"He finally notices. Don't tell me dancing with a Queen is off-putting for such a King?" There was something like a warning tone in (Y/n)'s voice, as if she would be hurt that he wouldn't want to dance with her now he knew who she was. It made him fear what she would do if he felt like that.

Truthfully he didn't know how he felt. He didn't like what he had heard about her, but he liked who he had been dancing with prior to knowing who she was. Being around the Queen meant he was stepping on dangerous territory even if an alliance was on the cards. Ben guessed by the way people were staring at them that no one else had managed to get near the Queen tonight, let alone grab a dance with her which was why his father was smiling so winningly at him.

Was it such a big deal to dance with the Queen? She had chosen him after all, he wasn't doing his father's bidding, this was an encounter he didn't force to happen. Ben took a deep breath before he leaned his head down so he was level with her own.

"That depends, your Majesty."

"On what?"

"If being around you means I'll lose my head."

#ben hardy #ben x reader #ben hardy imagine #imagine #BoRhap #au #wonderland #hearts and crosses

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wolvesdevour · 5 years

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How Not to Write Gay Stories

I’m very torn between writing two different posts and there’s a chance these may combine, so we’ll see how this goes. There are two topics that are in my mind a fair amount: gay fetishism by women authors (both in fanfic & professional writing), and how to translate fanfic writing skills to professional writing (and how it can fail). Miraculously, perhaps, the book I just read, How (Not) To Ask a Boy to Prom by SJ Goslee is a fairly good example of both of these.

The problem with addressing gay fetishism among women authors is that when is it fetishistic versus well-meaning? It’s hard for me to say why the originators of gay slash fic wrote the way they did, but its hard to miss that when fanfic especially grew prominent, over 80% of writers were women. In Star Trek fandom, the first gay slash fic was published by a woman in 1974: A Fragment Out of Time. By 1973, 90% of ST fan writers were women.

To clear the air a little: women writers can write good gay stories. One of series I am currently read, The Realm of the Elderlings by Robin Hobb, includes many gay men, some of which are centered POVs. I will not say she is a perfect author, but I deeply enjoy how she writes men. For a good portion of the series, she shows a man growing up: he starts as a young boy, and we see how the men around him teach him to be a man. A very good portion of the lessons stray away from toxic masculinity. He is still taught to be a man, and there are certain “this is a manly trait” aspects (although when she features women as forefront POV, she often includes very similar lessons: ultimately nothing is exclusive to one’s sex, but society is what it is and they may learn lessons differently or overcome different hurdles).

She addresses writing gay men in this interview: Here’s the thing - when I meet a person, their gender identity is most often not the most important thing about them. If we become friends, it’s not because my first impulse is, “I will be friends with you because you’re female.” I mean, there’s a lot of women I can’t stand. There’s a lot of men that I absolutely can spend hours talking to. There are a lot of people on the whole gender spectrum and whether I become friends with them or not has nothing to do with that, so when I am writing these characters, although in some ways gender can influence a plot - for instance, if you want the prince and the princess to get married and live happily ever after in a medieval setting, gender is going to influence that - but for the most part, gender is not much more important than who has blue eyes. What’s more important is who is a skilled navigator, who is tough enough to survive a bad situation, who can think on their feet and find the creative solution to a problem they haven’t encountered before, and that’s got nothing to do with gender. So it was not that I said, “Gee, I will write a book with gay characters.” It was, I’m writing a book, this character has stepped out onto the stage, he’s told me about him- or herself, and this is who they are. As I said: I’m not here to say that women cannot write gay stories. But there is also gay fetishism. I am both a gay man and a trans man; I get a lot of “OMG, you’ll love this!” and cis or straight people presenting me with things that appear inclusive or caring. I personally don’t find memes like “Steve Rogers is a transwoman!”** or whatever amusing. Am I, say, happy to see that Loki is canonically not straight nor cisgender? Yes. I love that. (Does that potentially make Victor von Doom not straight, uh, I like to think so.) I like reading LGBT+ stories, but a good portion of them may not interest me, especially if the writer isn’t part of that demographic and has a tendency to post a lot of art, writing, or discuss a lot of how hot, cute, or general appealing it is that a character or couple are LGBT. That creeps me out. I’m not alone. Very not alone. Absolutely not alone. Here’s another post, this time by a woman that I appreciate:

The worst thing,” one gay friend said, “is that [women in the slash community] aren’t listening to me. You’re not listening when I tell you that you’re being hurtful.”

What I find especially difficult to convey is the nuances to when women write gay men versus when men do. I’ve been trying to collect “gay stories written by gay men” although due to publishing bias, this can be very difficult: As a queer, trans reader, I looked forward to seeing myself in their pages. But I was surprised to find that some LGBTQ-focused stories were reflecting not me, but a straight person’s imagination of me. [Link 1]

The current transman story I like is seen in Early Riser by Jasper Fforde. The character utterly blindsided me in a great way: he never appeared “omg trans” until it was forced to come to light. I appreciate him as well, as a character, because in a harsh survival world, he is a man who survives well. I especially see a lot of “transmen are soft uwu such boi” and I despise this. I did not survive everything in my life to be diminished to pastels and cute/sweet and childish-boyish characteristics. Similarly, as a gay man, I am not there to be pretty, to serve as a fashion guru for straight people, to be soft and pretty and welcoming. And that’s not how gay men write themselves. This isn’t how transmen write themselves. As a writer, I struggled a lot on how to depict trans characters, and my largest lesson (and I certainly hope to published one day, but who knows) is that I never saw good examples of myself because most typically they are written by straight, cis women. So what is so wrong with Goslee’s How (Not) To Ask A Boy to Prom? (There will absolutely be spoilers.) The main character is a teen boy who has long hair, loves succulents aggressively, loves narwhals, and has no male friends. His school is supportive of gay men: a very popular football player is gay and has supportive friends, another gay teen (who becomes his boyfriend) has very supportive friends. For some reason, this gay teen is incapable to do anything for himself. He loves art, doesn’t do sports, doesn’t really connect with his foster parents, and seems overly attached to his sister. He is effectively a very flat and “soft” person. Some guys are, of course. Some gay guys are more art, less sports. But the other men? Si & Bern? They’re equally soft. Si is described as soft, beautiful, kind, sweet. He has zero personality. He is described the same way, every time, and is overly described as soft, all men are soft, it’s like they bathe in fabric softener. Bern, the “bad boy” is barely... That. He is supposed to be gruff to the main character, but for the good portion, he is like the main character (Nolan), and Si. They are all the same person, ultimately.

Bloom might be a good comparison to How (Not) To Ask a Boy to Prom. This is written by a man (Kevin Pancetta) and illustrated by a woman (Savanna Ganucheau). I don’t like the character design. Most of the gay men I showed it to asked if at one of the guys (or both) are women. But it is a story about a frustrated kid who wants to move out of his small town to Baltimore (okay: as a Marylander who grew up in a very small town and eventually moved to Baltimore, I kinda.... Get this), but meets another man who is older, but not creepily too old for him, and its a romance & vague coming of age story. If you grew up in a small city as LGBT+, it’s hard to find your sense of self. You miss out a lot on life; I think Ari reflects that: he wants to be himself. A lot of this enters into my point 2: The problem of being a fanfic writer, or the pitfalls of translating fanfic writing skills to professional writing. Nolan is not a person; he has no strong characteristics. We’re told he likes narwhals and succulents, he is a foster child, he’s gay, and I have trouble quantifying him the way I do Ari because he’s so devoid of personality. Si is probably the least developed character at all, as the “perfect, Apollo-esque gay football player.” Bern is maybe the most developed, going from gruff-mean guy to gay softy--a motorcycling math nerd. The problems with fanfic writing is that it is based on knowing characters. As fanfic writers, we don’t have to nail down reality, because there’s a whole piece devoted to who they are. We’re just filling in those blanks. The author seems to primarily be a Teen Wolf fanfic writer (her bio lists “werewolves,” but her tumblr blog is very devoted to Teen Wolf, so well). This brings up another creepy pitfall, which is beyond slash fic writing, there is the aspect of word usage. If you’ve been following my vague live-reading, I’ve been posting about the massive references to “puppy” and other trends. It is creepy to read out of context.

It seems, according to reviews, that Goslee has trouble with this in her other book, Whatever: or how junior high became totally f$@ked. She has a stream of consciousness that doesn’t explain the main character’s thoughts or the world very well. In fanfic writing, this would end up being a slow burn. “Oh, but are they really going to date?” etc. In How Not, Nolan fake-dates Bern, and googles this concept, finding fanfic works. This gets weird for me, because it’s supposed to be an inside joke, I guess? “Hey teeny nerds: fanfics” but most gay men I know have a difficult relationship with fanfic and with fan community due to fetishism. We get pressed out of spaces a fair amount because of it. (One link above, the Mary Sue one, discusses how women do this.) Of course, this is meant to be a cute, happy book, right? Alright, it’s a cute, upbeat story. Except we don’t get a very good baseline for the world. Bern & Si’s friends are supportive. We get a form of negativity from Bern’s mother, who wishes he’d date his ex-gf, I think? (Bern is bisexual.) Or maybe just date women. So is there homophobia in this world or not? We aren’t given a good sense how Nolan’s parents feel that he is gay? It seems to wholly not discuss his foster parents barring “they are aggressively competitive, Tom makes crazy food concoctions and Marla talks to him about dating Bern.” As a whole, the parents are extremely unimportant other than they provide a home and food. Are they unusual for the area? (And knowing PA, that state can have some major issues.) Or is it common in this world? Is there a reason to not hand-hold? Do they every worry about homophobia when outside school? Do the teachers say shit? There is a lot to consider. The world-building is deeply lacking. Beyond the lack of world, we get a lot of fanfic trope writing. A lot of this I’ve seen from people on my dash who are Teen Wolf fans. I used to like the show & follow TW blogs; I’m not a massive fanfic reader (*ahem* a lot of gay fetishism), but I have read it. For series like TW, you may see what I consider “animalistic tropes;” such as tackling, growling, etc. There is a lot of this. A lot of people are tackling each other to the ground, growling, and there’s this weird moment when Bern grabs the nape of Nolan’s neck that while some men do this, it felt very strange in the moment, particularly aggressively? Because the author openly admits to writing werewolf fanfic, it feels like that is what it is. For authors who write both fanfic and seek to write professionally, this is a consideration. For a gay reader, it’s really weird for a guy to grab another guy’s “nape of the neck” affectionately. (As someone who has worked around large predators, albeit primarily felids, grabbing the neck is a sexual behavior, but that just makes this weirder.) Anyways, it really struck out as weird; just very very weird. Bern is mentioned to not be into PDA (which later in the book, they do it a fair amount it seems, that is also very weird? this happens a fair amount).

Another part is that there is a lot of use of the word puppy. It is frequents so often that I’d have to stop reading because it was grossing me out. It sounds like that author is into puppy play. This isn’t to kink shame, but this is a YA novel and she writes werewolf fanfic. It starts seemingly, albeit weirdly innocuous with moments like “Bern was smooth and graceful while I was still growing out of my puppy paws” and “She tilted her head like a puppy” and “I followed him up the stairs like a puppy.” But it keeps happening. Then people start growling at each other and it just... Gets a very specific note. Mixed in with how smooth and hairless and Adonis-like the teens are written, especially by an adult woman fan, it feels... Well... It makes my skin crawl. I’m not saying that the author means to. I’m really not trying to be like ‘Hey, guys, sexual predator?” I really, really want to address that that is not my intention. My intention is that this compounds on itself. In the links about how the slash side of fandom can make gay men uncomfortable: this is the perfect example. I’ve been to events with fans and found myself, barring maybe my fiance, to be the only gay man there. If I’m shipping two characters, such as when I went to a TAZ photoshoot, and my fiance and I are the only gay cosplayers, and almost the only men period, whereas a lot of women are screaming about how cute Taako is, that gets uncomfortable. It’s not about this one fandom. It’s all fandoms. Every single one has had this fetishization problem. It’s why I never entered the Lord of the Rings fandom. I was in middle school and found “my first” fandom, only to see all of the fanfic about Sam/Frodo ships and it grossed me out. As a teen boy, it creeped me out, that all these men had to be sexual to each other, and as I only came across women shipping men, it made it more and more ostracizing. Maybe I should have addressed this earlier, but: Not all fetishization is sexual. It can be romantic, too. How (Not) to Ask a Boy to Prom’s relationships are about a teen boy who doesn’t want to date or go to prom. His sister makes him ask out Si, the big popular gay guy. Nolan/the author mocks the GSA (gay-straight alliance) club. While there are problems with some GSAs*, the author, a seemingly straight woman, is mocking an LGBT+ space. There is a chance she is bisexual; I haven’t managed to find otherwise, and that’s how this will appear to many people, as she has a husband. I will also note: a bisexual woman’s experience will differ from a gay man’s experience, and sometimes LGBT+ folks need to not speak for/over each other. Nolan ends up fake-dating Bern due to a mistake, and there’s a bit of problem I have, with how for a good portion of the book, these gay teens “need to FAKE date”. Worse to me, is that Nolan, upon realizing he likes Bern, breaks up with him and ends up sleeping (non-sexually) in a bed with his sister, deciding to go to prom together. For a straight/cis-presenting women to write this, it’s... Got a lot of different baggage to it. Especially with how idealistic (but not for gay men) she writes the characters, it gets worse and worse. It makes the gay character seem just a little less gay. His relationship with his sister is odd. It’s not “cool” to really hang out with your sister at school; I know, I had a step sister & brother. We were all roughly the same age. If these two went to prom together in the real world? They would be mocked. Also, it really makes Nolan appear not actually gay. As a gay writer, I would have him, if not go at all, go stag. The message here is: it’s better to be straight than gay and without a boyfriend. Hence how it becomes fetishistic: Nolan’s sister, both of which are older teens (around 17-18 or so) sleep together in a bed. It may not be “coded as sexual” but it is ignorant of the history that “maybe gay men can be fixed.” They even dance at prom. This is one step below asking your mother to prom. She is still his sister. It creates a narrative that he, out of the blue, dumps his boyfriend to then sleep/cuddle with his sister and they go to prom. Again, this is seen more in fanfic: we often, especially with adopted siblings, see closeness that can become romantic or sexual. I have a fair amount of friends who are adopted and this trope style is infinitely horrifying to them. It makes them feel like that society doesn’t view them as actually family. It is also a real problem: adopted family members (especially kids) have been abused by their adopted family, as if “it’s okay, they’re not actually biologically family.”

While he does eventually get back together with Bern, it’s after prom that he does this. I don’t even know why Bern accepts him. Nolan has been truly awful to this guy. Goslee doesn’t seem to understand how tenuous gay men’s statuses are. This can be held against Nolan, if not for the simple creepy fact that he sleeps and goes to prom with his sister, that he goes to prom with a woman, he may get a lot of “But are you really gay?” comments. Especially because Nolan dates only one man before going to prom with his sister (and is the one to dump his boyfriend, who he was fake-dating).

Is there more on this I could write? Yes. I probably could, but I also have to get ready to go to a movie with my fiance. So uh... Maybe there will be a part 2? We’ll see. _______ *I personally was forced out of my college’s GSA because the group was actually gay/bisexual people having orgies. So, yea, there’s some problems with certain LGBT+ spaces and being actually open to LGBT+ folks. It was also extremely transphobic and ace-phobic. **My point with this for clarification is that: I don’t want to be bribed with “lol this person is LGBT+ cuuuute!?” headcanon or otherwise. I am fine with that form of headcanoning, or AUs, but the idea of playing with gender identity and pulling it off as cute, especially by cis or straight people is skeevy and at best, ignorant, at worst, fetishistic. Link List: LGBT Exploitation in Fandom: we are not here for your entertainment

Fetishizing Homosexuality

gbpt boys’ ask about women readers of mlm stories

The Mary Sue’s On The Fetishization of Gay Men by Women in the Slash Community

Why Are So Many Gay Romances Written By Straight Women?

The Lack of Published Gay YA by Gay Authors? Let’s Talk About It

#long post #lgbt #gay issues #lgbt issues #fandom #fandom issues

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