#SHES NOT STUPID!!!!! SHE JUST DOESNT GIVE A SHIT ABOUT PHILOSOPHY OR WHATEVER AND THATS FINE | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ohallows · 7 years

Text

...... i dont even.... okay.

the new detective comics preview shows fake-tim drake and steph brown and in it this panel happens:

every time i look at it i get.... angrier....somehow...

like, a. im pissed because this is the main continuity now. batwoman hinted at totalitarian leader tim drake and now we get this shit, b. does dc even know who tim drake is or ?

this isn’t who tim is! this is never what he stood for! why doesn’t dc know how to write their own fucking characters! its been OVER 7 YEARS since we’ve had a COMPETENT WRITER for tim drake and im literally just so sick of it like what kind of next-level character assassination is this fucking bullshit

okay. heres a post where i rage about dc and how dc literally doesn’t understand anything about tims character. im putting off reading a paper that i need to read by tomorrow in order to do this because im so heated

(ALSO as a side note? fuck dc for doing this to steph too? in no world ever would she be like ‘yeah sounds good babe lets do it’ PLEASe are you fucking kidding me? - but thats for another post)

t0 start - i am FULLY AWARE that this tim drake isn’t the real tim drake. but guess what, dc doesn’t seem to care, and this seems to be the tim that we’re stuck with. sadly. whatever. whatever! so uh, here’s a reminder to dc the type of person and hero that tim is and why they literally fucking SUCK with this stupid ‘utopia’ bullshit that he’s spouting that makes... no sense with his character...

is this a pointless post? sure. do i give literally TWO SHITS? no, because im mad, and when i’m mad, i argue, which is what this is.

first off, tim never wanted to be batman. literally never! (sorry im not cutting these panels im too angry and disappointed to deal with it)

(a. i love bart allen / b. tim doesn’t want to be batman!)

(LITERALLY SCARED of being batman.)

see! the kid never wanted to be batman. (and i swear upon whatever god watches over this sad fucking rock that if someone @’s me and says “well what about battle for the cowl?” i will hire a fucking sniper to kill you i do not care you’re fucking wrong battle for the cowl is a terrible book)

LETS TALK ABOUT THE TWO TITANS TOMORROW STORYLINES

second off, since when was tim drake EVER about the whole ~we need a utopia~ bullshit? oh, right, when he met that future version of himself WHO HAD ACTUALLY GONE THROUGH WITH IT and created a world free of violence or pain. except, uh, not really. anyway. tim meets the guy and immediately goes “wow a utopia?? sounds like something i can get on board with!”

ACTUALLY NO NO HE DOESNT.

DOES THAT LOOK LIKE THE FACE OF A KID WHO IS OKAY WITH BEING SOMEONE WHO DOES THIS. he is TERRIFIED of being this person.

tim drake literally cannot IMAGINE himself becoming this person. someone who kills without conscience as long as the villain is dead.

IMMEDIATELY NOT OKAY WITH IT. STEADFASTLY SET A G A I N S T THIS IDEAL!!!

for context: future-tim basically says “im inevitable” and tim is like “okay well” and is literally ready and willing to kill himself in order to STOP THAT FUTURE.

recap: tim drake meets future-tim who is a totalitarian dictator who kills rogues and tortures villains and says he does it under a banner of ~peace and safety~. present-tim takes one look at future-him’s philosophy and life choices and goes “welp guess ill die lol” because he would literally kill himself than let himself potentially become this. it’s that important to him that he doesn’t become this.

so, why is it that we’re now getting a tim drake talking about this ‘utopia’, echoing a lot of future-tim’s points that present-tim in the pre52 outright REJECTED and didn’t agree with???

my answer involves a lot of creative invective aimed at dc.

tim never wants to become this. this (apart from seeing his entire family and friends dead, which happens multiple times in canon) is his worst nightmare. based on where we are in canon (pre-conner and bart and steph and his dad and dick dying) meeting this version of himself is actually the worst thing to happen, because he doesn’t understand how he can become that.

and he never will. because that inherently leads into the idea that “oh well then after his entire family dies tim would agree with this!” IT DOESN’T HAPPEN. tim doesn’t go ‘well life sucks lol guess its time to start killing villains!’ he keeps fighting! working with batman! he has a genuine mental breakdown multiple times but he still never, never comes to this ‘we need violence and death to create peace’ mindset.

(i swear to fuck and im not even exagerating dont try to come at me with that bullshit “but even after the second titans tomorrow arc you see tim fall into that mindset!” because A. that is a world in which neither conner nor bart have ever come back, and its also 8 years in the future meaning a LOT of shit has happened in between then, and B. a world in which LUTHOR GROOMED A 15 YEAR OLD TIM INTO THIS EMBITTERED VERSION OF HIMSELF so it doesn’t even stand up as an argument thank you and GOODNIGHT)

“heroes dont kill” thats what tim IS. thats what he learned and its what he believed. it’s why he struggled so much in the whole bruce wayne: murderer (?) storyline, because bruce didnt really... outright deny it. (t be fair its a weird arc and only got weirder and bruce acted... super cagey during all of it) but tim was dealing with the... with the potential that one of his heroes had killed someone, because thats not what a hero is.

im not going to post panels but in his early comic run, tim struggles with this. you see him consider killing arthur brown when they’re trapped under the cement. you see him eye bullocks gun when kgbeast is coming after them. but! the ESSENTIAL part of all of this is he never goes for it. he considers it, and then decides that EVEN IF he will die as a result, he will not kill someone else. ever. period. done. regardless of what they’d done.

(and as a side-note i could talk for DAYS about tim’s temper but thats not for this post!!)

anyway.

in tim’s mind, if you kill someone, it is very hard for him to still consider you a hero (obviously there are some... issues where this doesn’t happen (re: dick killing joker) but there are exceptions to every rule it just matters how you define them)

tim, at his core, is someone who is good. he wants to help people. helping people... it isn’t a chore for him. it isn’t something he just... does for the sake of doing. he is good! he doesnt want to kill villains, he just wants to help. there’s a fundamental difference between the tim you see here and the future tim. future tim is willing to kill to ensure peace. present tim is willing to fight like hell to keep people safe, but murder is the line he’ll never cross. tim is... very similar to bruce and dick in this regard.

i could literally talk about this for days but all i want to say now is that its honestly just... it’s sad to see this character being twisted into this version of himself that is unrecognizable. i’ve had issues with the new 52 and ive been passably accepting at some things in the rebirth run, but this is the one thing that has, on MULTIPLE occasions, come back to bite me in the ass.

i love tim drake. he was the first character i related to and the first character i fell in love with. i feel very strongly about his characterization. and i hate that this whole new ‘searching for utopia’ thing is what he’s become. because there is an ENTIRE STORY based around the concept that... no, he isn’t. he wouldn’t. and its sad that dc doesn’t seem to care about that.

whatever. im sad. im pissed. im disappointed. but all i can do is rant and read pre-52 comics and ignore whatever bullshit they’re doing to make tim a fucking idk? dictator? im so tired. this is annoying. he was never meant to be the bad guy.

#dc #tim drake #detective comics #dc meta #dc spoilers #anyway im done im tired and sad and most of all pissed but like. what are you gonna do i guess dc is terrible and everything sucks.#mine #timmy

76 notes · View notes

coldplusrelapse · 6 years

Text

egobusting so i remember you change people as a hobby. could i borrow your nog for a second.

demiurgial Thats making it sound a lot more drastic than it actually is, but sure. What do you need?

egobusting i could use your advice on some weird sentimental bullshit that was thrust on me a few nights ago, seeing as i have as much experience dealing with ethical turmoils as elon musk on a good day. i’m coming to you with this because even though i would love to have just about no fucking soul know about it, some outside perspective is my best bet at helping me make the right decision. you’re a versed enough guy, so i think i can respect your opinion when it comes to shit like this. let me know if i can send you the setup so we can rap about it.

demiurgial Id be happy to help, Jon.

demiurgial You dont have to share anything youd rather not share, though.

egobusting sick. i would rather funnel a colony of red ants into my dickhole than to overshare, so no worries on that front. alright, hm. whatever common practice it is when vaguing about someone EVERYONE knows the name of, i’ll keep names and pronouns to a minimum. just so i don’t feel a vestige of guilt eating at the elusive sympathy gland i’m supposed to have. give me a second while i put together a shitty rundown for context.

demiurgial Of course. Take your time.

egobusting so one of the members of my original four person friend group that i am absolutely not disclosing the name nor pronouns of (hah! it could be any of the three! sike bruv!) has recently approached me about my bit*.

*the way i am. you know. the absurdist humor, the sewer chicken tenders, the flippant sexy attitude. just who i am in general. you see, this person has known me since before i grew into the man i am today. they knew me from when i was an angsty tween who didn’t know shit and was always angry at his sister. apparently, this person misses who i was back then, because they feel like it was more “genuine”. and that’s not exactly wrong! i did show more emotions and was, overall, more true to “myself”. i just sort of grew out of it, because i didn’t like who i was, and i shaped my personality to be a parody of my sister’s, carrying out my life as a big joke. they insist that they’re worried that i’m not growing as a person thanks to this. personally, i’m not sure what even *is* the point of “growing up” as a god. it’s not like i have to evolve to achieve a higher goal or whatever. none of us do! we’re all conditionally immortal gods, and nothing is killing us anytime soon. so should i just go out of my way to change into someone angrier and stupider because it means i’ll be more “genuine”?

demiurgial Are you content with who you are right now?

egobusting well, that's the million dollar question! i'm indifferent to it. this is just who i've always been.

egobusting or, i guess, in recent memory, at least. i hardly remember who i was before any of this, so i can't say i deeply miss it.

demiurgial That's fair. Why do you feel indifferent to who you are right now? You said you shaped your personality to be a parody of your sister's. What is the ultimate goal of that, and are you succeeding at it?

egobusting i just don’t give much thought about happiness in general. i live the present, but as you can probably guess, that’s a finicky concept for us time players. i’m not exactly frantically keeping tabs on my emotions, and what i usually feel is indifference and boredom. i don’t think happiness is an end goal, or a permanent state you reach after enlightenment, i think it’s a fleeting emotion that isn’t supposed to last forever, otherwise it just gets boring. so i don’t really care about the whole concept of happiness. i’m as indifferent about who i am right now as i am about virtually everything else that isn’t getting a good guffawing outta me. i don’t set goals for myself for the same reason. there’s no end for me to reach. i’m eternal, i guess the punchline of being a parody is having most people dislike dealing with me as much as i disliked dealing with my sister as a jonlet. i’d say i’m doing a fucking stellar job at it.

demiurgial Im not talking about attaining some kind of unending happiness. We all know that is an absurd aspiration. I mean something closer to contentment, or a passive comfort in the space and personhood you occupy. I dont think I follow your reasoning that for goals to have any merit, there must be an end to reach. Nonetheless. Why do you want others to dislike dealing with you?

egobusting that's the thing, though. a passing emotion means jack shit to me. i'm eternal. i timetravel. sometimes i go weeks without leaving my room, and for me it just felt like three hours. being content means nothing to me because it's a feeling that doesn't last. i'm going to get bored of it sooner or later!

demiurgial It could. I dont see contentment as a finite resource. Bored of an active acceptance of who you are?

egobusting also, the main pleasure i take in having others dislike me is the validation that i was right about how repulsive she was as a person. yes. it would get boring. i would keep wanting to change just to find something that isn't as boring.

demiurgial Being a genuine self doesnt mean being static, Jon.

egobusting doesn't it? so are you just supposed to keep changing all the time? what even is the point of that. especially considering we're eternal. that's a lot of fucking work just to feel smiley emoji about it.

demiurgial You grow. You improve yourself, constantly. For what end is a valid question, but I think the end of this unending pursuit upwards is the pursuit itself. Of course its a lot of work. Living is a lot of work. Would you agree that a genuine self, if accessible, is a better state to be in than one that is constructed?

demiurgial In your pursuit for the affirmation of your sisters repulsiveness, you are redirecting the hate, or dislike, you felt towards her back onto yourself through other people. You are right about her. You know that you dont need to keep proving it to other people by becoming a proxy.

egobusting i can’t really tell you that. maybe it is, i wouldn’t know. i just remember that i felt constantly… angry. i didn’t feel good, i was overemotional and sensitive. i would lash out at everything and everyone. curbing my emotions made me feel less, in general, which includes the negative feelings. so in a way, i guess it made me feel happier as a whole. you’re right! i absolutely don’t need to do that. but i do it anyway.

egobusting because it's fun.

demiurgial Why is it fun?

egobusting validation always feels great. i love seeing people get absolutely revolted at the sight of the things i do, ironically copying my sister's personality. i don't know, it's just really fucking funny. i love comedy, it's the best remedy for boredom. and living forever while being immune to the passage of time comes with its fair share of boredom.

demiurgial Beyond the validation, do you think there are, or could be, other reasons for why you want people to feel the same way about you that you feel about your sister?

egobusting dunno, dog. i just do shit for the joke. i never really thought too much about it.

demiurgial I think it would be helpful for you to consider that question, then.

egobusting i just do things impulsively and stick with it.

demiurgial Say you decided to try being genuine, and to allow yourself to feel emotions more. Do you see yourself willing to work through these emotions and everything that you consider oversensitive or irrational, with a support system if you needed them?

egobusting dear lord, that's so much fucking work, but yeah. i guess i can, it's not like i'm lazy. i just don't see the fucking point of doing that.

demiurgial What would motivate you to do it, then? In a hypothetical situation, if by doing so you could somehow attain something that would give it a point, what would it be?

egobusting i guess trying to make that friend happy.

demiurgial Ignoring the fact that you're friends and thus, such is usually expected, why do you want to make that friend happy?

egobusting i don't know, i guess i'm just inclined to it since we've known each other for so long and we've been through a lot together. they also legitimately care about happiness. and it seems like it's really important to them. but then i'd just be changing to please one person who isn't even myself, innit.

demiurgial Thats one way to look at it, yes. You would be initiating a departure from who you are now for someone else, but they are likely requesting this from you out of concern for you, for your dynamic with happiness.

demiurgial I think it would ultimately be helpful for you to at least try to see how you would feel being genuine to yourself, rather than upholding a parody.

demiurgial It is hard work. In the face of immortality and godhood, this work might feel tedious and useless, but I think its always better to live eternity as an ever-improving version of yourself, rather than one that remains stuck in one place. Yesterday at 7:01 PM

egobusting so would that be your final advice on that? to try my hand at change and hope for the best?

demiurgial I would encourage that you try going in a direction of being a genuine self, yes, and I would also encourage you to push through and prevail, even if at first it feels tiring. Self-reflection, as well as taking input from those you trust, is an important part of this process.

egobusting hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. well. this all feels like bullshit to me, but i did say i would respect your opinion on this. you're the resident pretentious philosophy dork, anyway. i'll try it.

demiurgial I wish you luck. Should you need my pretentious philosophy dorkiness again at any time, just send me a message.

egobusting i will.

#logs #[[#mentioned:#demiurgal #thalposia #]]#ooc posted

0 notes

ventregardless · 4 years

Text

huge mood swing

weird how those have been happening a lot more than usual lately.

im trying to beat my computer about to die. I only have a few things to say, and I cant be fucked to get up and grab the charger from my room only to put it back in there so that I can watch hunter x hunter in the living room before it gets too dark, because frankly im a big scaredy cat pussy that cant do anything remotely required of an adult.

so.

im pretty proud of my shopping habit today. I went in, I assesed properly, I didnt give in to buying stupid shit that I already had, and because of my absolute god tier discernment I managed to only buy one thing!!

one!

very proud. in the grand scheme of things, that doesnt matter all that much, but it was a big deal to me and im excited to get my habits under control.

I dont know whats going on with my feelings lately.

I dont feel my best but I don’t feel my worst. some days are better than others. I can feel really good one moment but then the next I get smacked with a huge let down that brings my entire mood down to shit despite it not being a big deal at all.

I am realizing now that I probably really need to get my charger because I have a lot more to say than I figured and I kinda dont want to risk fucking up my flow.

brb.

I am back.

I supposed its a good thing I went to get up because I was able to put my zara bag back in the guest bedroom/second closet room.

Okay, in the super grand scheme of things, spending a solid $500 dollarinos on a bunch of clothes is probably not the best step in the right direction. BUT! To justify it, I really went on that wild bender because I have transitioning. It’s a big transition, a very big girl transition into adulthood. I have an aesthetic I want to keep up, and frankly, Miss Kelly Stamps has taught me that wanting to keep up with an aesthetic takes fucking work, so I sought out to put that god damn work in and I did. That was a very privileged sentence; putting in work towards my closet as if that’s the biggest thing I could be doing with my time. But honestly, I’m working towards an overhaul of like... everything. It’s not terribly torturous, at least not to me, (I just glanced outside and I’m noticing that I’m losing sunlight, but I really want to watch more hunter x hunter, but im scared to do that at night because im on that chimera arc, and I find it very dark and scary. So perhaps I should stop wasting time and wrap up my thoughts, but I have so many that idk how im going to do it)

Anyway, yeah, at least not to me.

It’s not that I don’t want to be myself. It’s that I’ve felt so trapped by an old self for so long, and a new self is ready to emerge that I really like, but she needs work to come out. And its ugly work, it is.

She’s trapped in here and I’m working to get her out.

Now, I’ve been slacking the last few weeks. Thankfully not to the point of no return, but enough to where I’ve really been feeling like garbage about it. So I’m starting again, and I’m pretty sure I can do it better this time. I had a wonderful start (not sure what it is with me and new weeks, I feel like fresh starts are best launched at the beginning of new weeks) but I did well. Made some returns, picked up my glasses, exercised some habits I want to curate, I’m doing a good job.

I’m hopeful to not have much errands to run after wrapping all of this up the next coming week. I say hopeful because honestly, I say that every week, and it doesn’t get any better because I’m an idiot. I know this.

But I feel this new change in my bones!! Can you believe it. Bones!

Few things I still want: Solid pairs of trousers (camel and black) Levi’s ribcage jeans/everlane cheeky jeans (black and classic blue) and heeled mary janes with a strap or some other black, square toed heel.

that’s a solid five more things I want in my arsenal that I can argue I need! But I cant order four of them until I get more other issue sorted out. Then will come winter, and I’ll have to replace my sweaters because I should look much different by then, and they will no longer due. Luckily, I have plenty of cardigans to buffer the issue, and thankfully the coats I boat were in mediums so I can get away with them, I believe. I’m imagining purchasing no more than like, four additional sweaters. Maybe even two, if I’m being as strict as I should be.

But that shopping will be spread throughout the year. Hopefully by september I will be where I want, if these habits I develop end up bending to my will.

I really want to stop being scared of little things eventually. But I need the fear so that I can do things. I need to be limited now so I’m not as much later, and I’ll have good habits to balance out any cravings I may have so that indulgence doesn’t lead to weighted regret.

I want to come up with a name for this idealism. I’ve bought six books this week, I want to read them... and I will. I want reading to be a habit. I want staying inside to be a habit. I want skirts and dresses and heels to be a habit. I want yoga and light work to be a habit. I want a lot of things.

I’m a little worried about my connection to Kelly. I want to be like her a lot. I think her philosophy is very cool, I rewatch the same videos multiple times over the course of a few days because I just like what she says. I like how smart she is and how sure she is of things. The discipline she has is very cool, and I want to get on a similar level soon. Not her extreme methods, per say, but a similar mentality because it’s fun to mimic and very much resonates with me.

She’s really cool.

I kinda want to be cool like that.

Things Ive learned:

This crochet and I are not friends. I miss my twists and my braids to my ass. But you see, I am not going anywhere, so investing in braids to my ass at this time would be incredibly stupid and hard on the neck for no good reason.

For someone who loves books so much, reading them is quite the hassle. How awful of me to buy so many but hardly read one?!

Slightly obsessed with my closet... unsure if in a good way... I’ll have to sit down with myself and inquire if we have a problem, which I think we might, and then go from there on how to get it under control.

Speaking of closets! I still think mine could be paired down some more. Though I went through it yesterday and happily got rid of things I don’t like nor fit, I still feel like I restrained on a lot of things. I’ll have to give that another go and be harder on myself and my items.

I like minimalism a lot. I want to read more about it and find more youtubers that talk about it. It interests me a lot, not because I want to be one exactly but I want to share their sentiments and teachings. It sits very well with me and my soul. I like that feeling.

Hair being short is a no go. I don’t care what itch I gain; never again. that’s dead, if you will. Though I don’t fully regret doing this cut, because I needed to scratch the itch to learn what I didn’t like. I saw what I look like and thats that!

I get full fast. Gotta slow down the habit of stuffing my face just because I can. You know. Eat when hungry, or whatever. How do people eat three times a day? Or more? I can’t even think about it without feeling full.

I like tea. I should drink it way more often.

I need to read more as well.

Anyway, some goals before I wrap this up:

I hope to hear back from crown and remodel soon. I would really like to take on either of those projects because it’s what I want. I love those spaces and I’m hopeful to aid in their curation.

Hopeful that this cut will get into full affect by mid july. It was a bit hasty of me to start it up at the beginning knowing that all of my items hadn’t arrived yet, so returns still need to be made as well as assessments.

Fill out that damned application (BH)

Watch some barbie/princess/disney movies cause you like that shit.

Read something! What is your deal! You have fics and books to devour why are you like this!

Anyway, I think I’m on the right track. I’m trying and it feels like it’s working sometimes but other times it doesn’t. It is working though, in ways. It’s okay that I don’t always feel like it... but it is.

This is going well!

0 notes