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lushscreamqueen · 3 months

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The Rocky Horror Picture Showeth Shakespearian English version. - by Lushscreamqueen

The Rocky Horror Picture Showeth

Shakespearian English version. - 2018

(SONG) SCIENCE FICTION DOUBLETH FAVOUR

Usherette: Michael Rennie wast ill

The Day the Earth did stand Still

But he did tell us whence we standeth.

And Flash Gordon wast thither

In silver underwear,

Claude Rains wast the eyeless sir.

Then something did wend wrong

For Fay Wray and King Kong;

They did get did do catch in a celluloid jam.

Then at a deadly pace 't did do cometh From Outer Space. And this is how the message did runneth:

Chorus: Science fiction, doubleth favour

leech X wilt buildeth a creature.

See androids fighting Brad and Janet

Anne Francis stars in Forbidden Planet

Wo Oh Oh Oh Oh

At the late night, doubleth favour, picture showeth.

Usherette: I did knoweth Leo G. Carrol wast ov'r a barrel at which hour Tarantula did take to the hills.

And I very much did get hot

at which hour I did see Jeanette Scott

mortal arbitrament a triffid yond spits poison and kills.

Dana Andrews did do sayeth Prunes

did giveth him the runes

And passing those folk did use lots of arts.

But at which hour Worlds Collide,

did do sayeth George Powell to his bride,

"I'm gonna giveth thou some lacking valor thrills, Like a.

Chorus: Science fiction, doubleth favour

Leech X wilt buildeth a creature.

See androids fighting Brad and Janet

Anne Francis stars in Forbidden Planet

Wo Oh Oh Oh Oh

At the late night, doubleth favour, picture showeth.

I wisheh to wend Oh Oh Oh

To the late night doubleth favour picture showeth

By RKO, Oh Oh Oh

To the late night doubleth favour picture showeth

In the back row,

Oh Oh Oh To the late night, doubleth favour,

Picture showeth….

~~~

Dentonian: H're those gents cometh! Photographeth'r: alloweth's receiveth a picture. Closeth togeth'r anon. The folks and then the grandparents. Aye, all the closeth family. Ahhh, holdeth yond. quite quaint. And. smileth! congratulations!

Ralph: I guesseth we finally didst t, I understand you not.

Brad: I bethink not th're's any doubteth about yond. Thee and Betty has't been almost inseparable since thee hath met in Leech Scott's refresh'r courses.

Ralph: Well to bid thee the sooth, Brad, yond's the only reasoneth i hath shown up in the first lodging.

Betty: O. K. thee guys, this is't.

Ralph: Well Betty's going to throweth the bouquet.

Janet: I did get t! I did get t!

Ralph: Ho big fella, looks liketh t couldst beest thy turneth next, eh?

Brad: Who is't knoweth.

Ralph: Well, so longeth, seeth thee Brad. Guesseth we bett'r receiveth going anon Betty. Cometh on, hopeth in. Seeth ya, Brad!

Janet: Oh Brad, wasn't t wond'rful? didn't Betty behold radiantly quite quaint? I can't believeth t. An hour ago the lady wast just plain fusty Betty Munroe and anon. anon the lady's Mrs. Ralph Hapschatt.

Brad: Aye Janet, Ralph's a lucky Sir.

Janet: Aye.

Dentonian Wench: I at each moment caterwauling at weddings.

Brad: Uh, ev'ryone knoweth yond Betty is a wond'rful dram cook.

Janet: Aye.

Brad: Wherefore Ralph himself, that gent'll beest in line f'r a promotion in a year 'r two.

Janet: Aye.

Brad: Ho Janet.

Janet: Aye brad?

Brad: I've did get something to sayeth.

Janet: Uh i understand you not.

Brad: I very much loveth the. skilful way. Thee did beat the oth'r girls, to the bride's bouquet.

Janet: Oh Brad.

(SONG) ALAS’T JANET..

Brad: The riv'r wast deep but I did swim t. (Janet)

The future is ours so alloweth's planeth t. (Janet)

So prithee, bid not me to can t. (Janet)

I've one thing to sayeth and yond's dammit, Janet i loveth thee.

The road wast longeth but i ranneth t. (Janet)

Th're's a fireth in mine own heart and thee fan t. (Janet)

If 't be true th're's one daw f'r thee then I am t. (Janet)

I've one thing to sayeth and yond's

Alas’t Janet I loveth thee.

H're's a ringeth to proveth yond I'm nay jok'r.

Th're's three ways yond loveth can groweth.

Yond's valorous, lacking valor, 'r mediocre.

Oh, J-a-n-e-t I loveth thee so.

Janet: Oh, t's nic'r than Betty Munroe hadst. (oh Brad)

Anon we're engag'd and I'm so fain (oh Brad)

Yond thee hath met mother and thee knoweth father. (oh Brad)

I've one thing to sayeth and yond's Brad,

I'm nimble-footed, f'r thee too.

Oh Brad.

Brad: Oh. Alas 't !

Janet: I'm nimble-footed.

Brad: Oh, Janet.

Janet: F'r thee.

Brad: I loveth thee too

Brad & Janet: Thither's one thing did leave to doth - ah - oo.

Brad: And yond's wend see the sir

who is't did do beginneth 't. (Janet)

At which hour we did meet in his science exam - 't (Janet)

did maketh me giveth thou the eye and then panic. (Janet)

Anon I've one thing to declare and yond's,

Alas ‘t Janet,

I love thou.

Alas ‘t Janet.

Janet: Oh Brad, I'm nimble-footed.

Brad: Alas’t, Janet.

Brad & Janet: I love thou.

~~~

Narrator: I would like, ah, if 't be true I may, . To taketh thou on a strange journey. 't did seem a fairly ordinary night at which hour Brad Majors and his fiancee Janet Weiss, two young, ordinary, healthy kids, didst leave Denton yond late November evening, to visit a Leech, Everett Scott, ex-tutor, and anon cater-cousin to both of those folk. 't's true thither wast dark storm clouds, heavy, black, and pendulous, towards which they wast embarking.

'T's true, eke, yond the spare Wheel they wast carrying wast badly in needeth of some repair, but, uh, they being ingraft kids and, on a night night out.

Well, they wast not going to did let a storm spoil the events of their evening, wast they?

On a night out. 't wast a night out they wast going to recall. For a very long time.

~~~

Janet: Gosh, yond's the third carriage yond's did pass us. They sure doth taketh their liveth in their hands, what with the weather and all.

Brad: Ay, life's quaint vile to yond type.

Janet: Oh.. What's the matter, Brad ladybird?

Brad: Hmmm. We wilt hast taken the wrong fork a few miles back.

Janet: Oh, but whence did do yond carriage cometh from?

Brad: Hmmm. Well I guess we'll just hast to turn back.

Janet: Oh! What wast yond bang?

Brad: We wilt hast a breaketh. ALAS ‘T ! I did knoweth I shouldst hast gotten yond spare wheel did fix. Well, thou just stayeth hither keepeth warm and I'll wend for holp.

Janet: But whence wilt thou wend in the middle of nowhere?

Brad: Didn't we passeth a castle back down the road a few miles? Haply they hast a Messenger I couldst did lie-to.

Janet: I'm going with thou.

Brad: Oh, nay, ladybird, thither's nay sense in both of us getting did wet.

Janet: I'm coming with thou! Besides ladybird, the owner of yond messenger might beest a quite quaint mistress, and thou might nev'r cometh back again.

Brad: Heh, heh, heh, heh.

(SONG) OV’R AT THE FRANKENSTEIN LODGING

Janet: In the velvet darkness, Of the blackest night, Burning bright, thither's a guiding star. Nay matter what or who is't thou art.

Brad & Janet: Thither's a light.

Chorus: Ov'r at the Frankenstein lodging.

Brad & Janet: Thither's a light.

Chorus: Burning in the fireplace.

Brad & Janet: Thither's a light, light in the darkness of everybody's life.

Riff Raff: The darkness wilt wend down the river of night's dreaming. Flow morphia slow, did let the travelling lamp and light cometh streaming Into mine life. Into mine life.

Brad & Janet: Thither's a light.

Chorus: Ov'r at the Frankenstein lodging.

Brad & Janet: thither's a light.

Chorus: Burning in the fireplace. Thither's a light, a light

Brad & Janet: In the darkness of everybody's life.

Brad: I can see the flag fly I can see the rain Just the same, thither hath did get to beest Something better hither for thou and me.

~~~

Narrator: And so, 't did seem yond fortune did has't did smile on Brad and Janet and yond they did has't did find the assistance yond their plight required.. Or did has't they?

Janet: Brad, did shalt we wend back, I'm bitter cold and I'm gasted.

Brad: Just a moment Janet, they might hast a messenger .

Riff Raff: Valorous morrow to thee, sir.

Brad: Good morrow! Mine name is Brad Majors, and this is mine fiancee, Janet Weiss. I wonder if 't be true thou couldst holp us. Thou see, our carriage did do break down a few miles up the road. Doth thou hast a messenger we might did lie-to?

Riff Raff: Thou're did wet.

Janet: Ay - 't's raining.

Brad: Ay.

Riff Raff: Ay. I bethink haply thou better both cometh inside

Janet: Thou're too kind… Oh Brad, I'm gasted. What kind of a lodging is this?

Brad: Oh, 't's belike some kind of hunting lodge for rich weirdos.

Janet: Oh.

Riff Raff: This way.

Janet: Art thou having a party?

Riff Raff: thou've arrived on a rather special night. 't's one of the master's affairs.

Janet: Oh, lucky him.

Magenta: Thou're lucky, he's lucky, I'm lucky, we're all lucky! Ha ha ha.

(SONG) THE TIME WARP

Riff Raff: 't's astounding; Time is fleeting; Madness doth take its toll. But hark closely.

Magenta: Not for very much longer.

Riff Raff: I've did get to keepeth control. I recall doing the time-warp Drinking those moments at which hour The blackness would did hit me

Riff & Magenta: And a void would beest calling.

Transylvanians: did shalt we doth the time-warp again. Did shalt we doth the time-warp again.

Narrator: 't's just a jump to the did leave.

All: And then a grise to the right.

Narrator: With thy hands on thy hips.

All: thou endue thy hams in tight.

But 't's the pelvic did thrust

yond very much drives thou insane.

Did shalt we doth the time-warp again.

Magenta: 't's so dreamy,

Oh figure free me.

So thou can't see me,

Nay, not at all.

In another dimension,

with voyeuristic intention,

Well secluded, I see all.

Riff Raff: With a did bite of a mind flip

Magenta: Thou're into the time slip.

Riff Raff: And nothing can ever beest the same.

Magenta: Thou're spaced out on sensation.

Riff Raff: Like thou're under sedation.

All: Did shalt we doth the time-warp again. Did shalt we doth the time-warp again.

Columbia: Well I wast walking down the street

just a-having a bethink

at which hour this snake of a guy

did giveth me an evil wink.

He did shake me up, he did take me by hoyday

He did has't a pickup cart,

and the flibbertigibbet's eyes.

He did stare at me and I did feel a changeth.

Time did mean nothing, nev'r would again.

All: Did shalt we doth the time-warp again

Did shalt we doth the time-warp again.

Narrator: 'T's just a jump to the did leave!

All: And then a grise to the right.

Narrator: With thy hands on thy hips.

All: Thou endue thy hams in tight.

But 't's the pelvic did thrust

yond very much drives thou insane.

Did shalt we doth the time-warp again.

Narrator: 'T's just a jump to the did leave!

All: And then a grise to the right.

Narrator: With thy hands on thy hips.

All: Thou endue thy hams in tight.

But 't's the pelvic did thrust

yond very much drives thou insane.

Did shalt we doth the time-warp again.

Janet: Brad, declare something.

Brad: Declare, doth any of thou guys wot how to Madison?

Janet: Brad, prithee, did shalt we receiveth out of hither.

Brad: For God's sake keepeth a grip on yourself Janet.

Janet: But 't. 't seemeth so unhealthy hither.

Brad: 'T's just a party, Janet.

Janet: Well - I wanteth to wend.

Brad: Well we can't wend anywhere until I receiveth to a messenger.

Janet: Well then asketh the butler or someone.

Brad: Just a moment, Janet - we don't wanteth to interfere with their celebration.

Janet: This isn't the Junior Cubiculo of Commerce, Brad.

Brad: They're belike foreigners with ways different than our own. They may doth some moo. Folk dancing.

Janet: Behold, I'm bitter cold, I'm did wet, and I'm just plain gasted!

Brad: I'm hither - thither's nothing to worry about.

(SONG) SWEET TRANSVESTITE

Frank: How doth thou doth,

I See thou've did meet mine Faithful handyman.

He's just a dram did do bring down

Because at which hour thou knapped

He did do bethink thou wast the candyman.

Don't receiveth did string out by the way I behold.

Don't judge a booketh by its covereth.

I'm not much of a sir by the light of day

But by night I'm one hell of a lover.

I'm just a sweet transvestite

From Transsexual, Transylvania.

Did let me bewray thou 'round

Haply playeth thou a sound.

Thou behold like thou're both quaint groovy.

Or if 't be true thou wanteth something visual

Yond's not too abysmal,

We couldst taketh in an corky Steve Reeves tale.

Brad: I'm fain we did do catch thou at home,

couldst we did lie-to thy messenger?

We're both in a did bite of a hie.

Janet: Right.

Brad: We'll just declare whence we art,

Then wend back to the cart.

We don't wanteth to beest any worry.

Frank: Well thou did get did do catch with a champain,

well, how 'bout yond?

Well, babies, don't thou panic.

By the light of the night

't'll all seemeth valorous now.

I'll receiveth thou a satanic mechanical.

I'm just a sweet transvestite

From Transsexual, Transylvania.

Wherefore don't thou stayeth for the night?

Riff Raff: Night.

Frank: Or haply a bite?

Columbia: Bite.

Frank: I couldst bewray thou mine minion obsession. I've been making a sir With blond hair and a tan

And he's valorous for relieving mine.

Tension I'm just a sweet transvestite

From Transsexual, Transylvania.

Did hit 't, did hit 't!

I'm just a sweet transvestite

Frank, Columbia, Riff Raff, Magenta: Sweet transvestite

Frank: From Transsexual,

Columbia, Riff Raff, Magenta: Transylvania.

Frank: So - cometh up to the lab,

And see what's on the slab.

I see thou shiver with antici --- pation.

But haply the rain

Is very much to censure.

So I'll remove the cause.

But not the symptom.

Janet: Oh! Brad!

Brad: 't's valorous now Janet. We'll playeth 'long for anon and dismount the aces at which hour the time is right.

Columbia: Oh, but soft, but soft! 't's too nice a job to drive.

Brad: good morrow, mine name is Brad Majors, and this is mine fiancee, Janet Weiss; ah. Thou art?

Columbia: thou're very lucky to beest did invite up to Frank's laboratory. Some people would giveth their right armeth for the privilege.

Brad: People like thou haply.

Columbia: Ha! I've seen 't.

Riff Raff: cometh 'long - the master doesn't like to beest did keep waiting.

Magenta: Shift 't!

Janet: Is he, um, Frank I cullionly - is he thy husband?

Riff Raff: The master is not yet did marry, nor doth I bethink he ever wilt beest. We art simply his meiny.

Janet: Oh.

Frank: Magenta, Columbia - wend assist Riff Raff. I wilt entertain. Uh i understandeth thee not i understandeth thee not.

Brad: Brad Majors. This is mine fiancee, Janet "Vice".

Janet: Weiss.

Brad: Weiss? Um.

Frank: Enchante. Well! How nice. And what charming underclothes thou both hast. But hither. Did put these on. They'll maketh thou feeleth less. Vulnerable. 't's not oft we taketh visitors hither, did let high-lone tender those folk. Hospitality.

Brad: Hospitality? All we did want to doth wast to did lie-to thy messenger, God alas ‘t, a reasonable request which thou've chosen to ignore!

Janet: Brad, don't beest ungrateful.

Brad: Ungrateful!

Frank: How forceful thou art, Brad. Such a perfect specimen of manhood. So. Dominant. Thou wilt beest awfully fustian of him, Janet.

Janet: Well, ay I am.

Frank: doth thou hast any tattoos,

Brad? Brad: forsooth not! Frank: Oh well. How about thou?

Janet: nay.

Riff Raff: Everything is in readiness, master. We merely await thy. Word.

Frank: Tonight, mine unconventional conventionists. Thou art about to witness a new breakthrough in biochemical research. And elysium is to beest mine! 't wast strange the way 't betid. Suddenly thou receiveth a breaketh. Whole pieces seemeth to fit into lodging, not a sign of being. What a daw! The answer wast thither all the time, 't did take a bawbling accident to maketh 't befall. AN ACCIDENT.

Magenta & Columbia: An accident!

Frank: And yond's how I did discover the secret, yond elusive ingredient, yond SPARK yond is the breath of life. Ay, I hast yond knowledge. I hold the secret. To life. Itself! Thou see, thou art fortunate for tonight is the night yond mine quite quaint creature is destined to beest BORN! Hoopla!.

Frank: Throweth ope the switches on the sonic oscillator. And grise the reactor power did input THREE moo POINTS!

Janet: Oh, Brad!

Brad: 'T's valorous now, Janet!

Frank: Oh! Rocky!

(SONG) BODKIN OF DAMOCLES

Rocky: The bodkin of Damocles is hanging ov'r mine mazzard,

And I've did get the humour someone's gonna beest cutting the thread.

Frank: Thou blinking clotpole!

Rocky: Oh, woe is me, mine life is a misery.

Oh, can't thou see, yond

I'm at the start of a quaint big downer.

I did wake up this morn

with a start at which hour

I did fall out of catch but a wink chamber.

All: yond ain't nay crime.

Rocky: And did leave from mine dreaming wast a humour of unnameable dread.

All: yond ain't nay crime.

Rocky: mine high is base,

I'm did dress up with nay lodging to wend.

And all I wot is

I'm at the start of a quaint big downer.

Frank: Oh, Rocky!

All: Sha-la-la-la yond ain't nay crime.

Rocky: Oh ho nay nay

All: Sha-la-la-la yond ain't nay crime.

Rocky: Oh ho nay nay

All: Sha-la-la-la yond ain't nay crime.

Rocky: Oh ho nay nay

Rocky: The bodkin of Damocles

is hanging ov'r mine mazzard.

Frank: Well, very much!

All: Yond ain't nay crime.

Rocky: And I've did get the humour

someone's going to beest cutting the thread.

All: Sha-la-la-la yond ain't nay crime.

Rocky: Oh, woe is me,

mine life is a mystery

And, can't thou see,

yond I'm at the start of a quaint big downer

All: Sha-la-la-la yond ain't nay crime.

Rocky: Oh nay nay nay.

All: Sha-la-la-la yond ain't nay crime.

Rocky: Oh nay nay nay.

All: Sha-la-la-la yond ain't nay crime,

Sha-la-la-la yond ain't nay crime,

Sha-la-la.

Frank: Well very much. Yond's nay way to behave on thy first day out.

Rocky: Fie fie

Frank: But since thou're such an exceptional beauty, I am did prepare to forgive thou.

Rocky: Fie fie

Frank: Oh, I just love success.

Riff Raff: He's a credit to thy genius, master.

Frank: ay.

Magenta: A triumph of thy wilt.

Frank: Ay.

Columbia: He's O.K.

Frank: O.K? O.K? I bethink we can doth better than yond. Humph! Well, Brad and Janet, what doth thou bethink of him?

Janet: Well, I don't like men with too many muscles.

Frank: I didn't maketh him FOR thou! He carries the Charles Atlas seal of approval.

(SONG) I CAN MAKETH THOU A SIR (part I)

Frank: A weakling weighing ninety-eight pounds

wilt receiveth sand in his visage

at which hour did kick to the did grind;

And lief in the gym with a did determine chin,

The did sweat from his pores as he worketh for his cause

wilt maketh him glisten. And gleam.

And with massage, and just a dram did bite of steam,

He'll beest pink and quite crisp

He'll beest a stout sir.

Oh honey.

Frank & Transylvanians: But the wrong sir.

Frank: He'll englut nutritious high protein.

And swallow raw eggs.

Tryeth to buildeth up his shoulders,

his chest, arms, and, forks.

Such an effort if 't be true

he only did knoweth of mine plan.

In just seven days.

Frank & Transylvanians: I can maketh thou a sir.

Frank: He'll doth press-ups, and chin-ups,

doth the snatch, crisp and jackanapes.

He thinkest dynamic tension wilt beest hard worketh.

Such strenuous living I just don't understandeth,

at which hour in just seven days, oh baby, .

I can maketh thou a sir.

Columbia: Eddie!

(SONG) HOT PATOOTIE (BLESS MINE SOUL)

Eddie: There's few or none will entertain

it betid to Saturday night,

at which hour thou did dress up sharp

and thou did feel valorous now?

'T don't seemeth the same since cosmic light

did do cometh into mine life,

I did do bethink I wast divine.

I did use to wend for a ride with a wench who is't'd wend,

And hark to the music on the mintrels showeth;

AN instrument wast blowin' in a rock 'n roll bewray.

Thou did climb in the back seat,

thou very much did has't a valorous time.

Hot patootie, bless mine soul,

I very much love yond rock 'n roll.

Hot patootie, bless mine soul,

I very much love yond rock 'n roll.

Hot patootie, bless mine soul,

I very much love yond rock 'n roll.

Hot patootie, bless mine soul,

I very much love yond rock 'n roll.

Mine mazzard did use to swim

from the civet I smelled.

Mine hands kind of fumbled

with that lady white plastic belt.

I'd gust that lady baby pink lipstick

and yond's at which hour I'd melt

And the lady'd whisper in mine ear

tonight the lady very much wast mine.

Receiveth back in front,

did put some hair oil on

Buddy Holly wast singing

his very last song.

With thy arms 'round thy wench

thou'd tryeth to sing 'long.

'T did feel quaint valorous.

Woo! Thou very much did has't a valorous time.

Hot patootie, bless mine soul,

I very much love yond rock 'n roll.

Hot patootie, bless mine soul,

I very much love yond rock 'n roll.

Hot patootie, bless mine soul,

I very much love yond rock 'n roll.

Hot patootie, bless mine soul,

I very much love yond rock 'n roll.

Frank: One from the vaults. …. Oh baby. Don't beest did upset. 't wast a mercy killing. He did has't a certain naive charm, but nay muscle. Oh!

(SONG) I CAN MAKETH THOU A SIR (part II)

Frank: But a deltoid and a bicep.

A hot groin and a tricep.

Maketh me, oooh, shake,

maketh me wanteth to taketh

Charles Atlas by the

Ha-ha-handeth.

Frank & Transylvanians: In just seven days I can maketh thou a sir.

Frank: I don't wanteth nay dissention, just dynamic tension.

Janet: I'm a muscle fan.

Frank: In just seven days,

I can maketh thou a sir

Dig 't if 't be true thou can

In just seven days,

I can maketh thou a sir.

Transylvanians: Frank and Rocky, rah-rah-rah!

Frank and Rocky, rah-rah-rah!

Frank and Rocky, rah-rah-rah.

Narrator: Thither art those who is't declare yond life is an illusion, and yond reality is but a figment of the imagination. If 't be true this is so, then Brad and Janet art quite safe, . However, the sudden departure of their host. And his creation. Into the seclusion of his sombre bridal suite did has't did leave those folk humour both apprehensive and uneasy, a humour which did groweth as the other guests departed, and they wast shown to their separate cubiculos.

~~~

Janet: who is't is't? Who is't's thither?

Frank (Brad): 't's only me,

Janet. Janet: Oh, Brad ladybird, cometh in. Oh! Brad Oh. Ay, mine ladybird. But what if 't be true.

Frank (Brad): 'T's valorous now, Janet, everything's going to beest valorous now.

Janet: Oh, I desire so, mine ladybird. Oh. Ah. Ahh OHHH! Oh 't's thou!

Frank: I'm afraid so, Janet, but isn't 't nice.

Janet: Oh, thou beast, thou cockatrices. Oh what hast thou done with Brad?

Frank: Oh, well, nothing. Wherefore, doth thou bethink I shouldst?

Janet: thou fopped me.I wouldn't hast.I've nev'r. Nev'r.

Frank: ay, ay I wot, but 't isn't all lacking valor, is't? I bethink thou very much did find 't quite pleasurable.

Janet: Oh, cease.I cullionly holp. Brad Brad. Oh Brad!

Frank: Shhh. Brad's belike asleep by anon. Doth thou wanteth him to see thou like. This!

Janet: Like this. Like how! Oh, 't's thy fault. Thou're to censure. I wast saving myself.

Frank: Well, I'm sure thou're not did spend yet.

Janet: Gage thou did win't betoken Brad?

Frank: Cross mine heart and desire to kicketh the bucket.

~~~

Frank (Janet): Oh, Brad ladybird, 't's nay valorous hither. 't'll destroy us.

Brad: Don't worry Janet, we'll beest aroint from hither in the morn.

Frank (Janet): Oh, Brad thou're so stout and protective.

Brad: thou! Frank: I'm afraid so, Brad, but isn't 't nice.

Brad: wherefore thou! What hast thou done with Janet?

Frank: Nothing. Wherefore? Doth thou bethink I shouldst?

Brad: Thou fopped me, I wouldn't hast.I've nev'r nev'r. Nev'r.

Frank: Oh ay ay, I wot. But 't isn't all lacking valor, is't? Not yea half lacking valor, I bethink thou very much quite did enjoy 't.

Frank: Oh. So soft.

Brad: Cease 't. Cease 't. Oh Janet. JANET!

Frank: Shhh! Janet's belike asleep by anon, doth thou wanteth that lady to see thou. Like this!

Brad: Like this, like how? 't's thy fault, thou're to censure, I did do bethink 't wast the real thing!

Frank: Oh cometh on, Brad, admit 't, thou did like 't, didn't thou? Thither's nay crime in giving yourself ov'r to pleasure,

Brad. Oh Brad, thou've did waste so much time already. Janet needn't wot, I did win't betoken.

Brad: Well, gage thou did win't betoken.

Frank: On mine mother's graoouuuuuu.

Riff Raff: Master, Rocky hath broken his chains and did vanish. The new playmate is loose and somewhere on the grounds. Magenta hath just released. The dogs.

Frank: Mmmmm? Coming!

~~~

Janet: What's happening hither? Whence's Brad? Whence's anybody?

Oh, Brad. Brad, mine ladybird, how couldst I hast done this to thou? Oh, if 't be true only we hadn't did maketh this journey. If 't be true only the car hadn't broken down. Oh, if 't be true only we wast amongst cater-cousins. Or sane persons, Oh Brad, what hast they done with him. ….

…..Oh, Brad, Oh Brad-How couldst thou?

Rocky: Errrrrr

Janet: Oh, but thou're did hurt. Did do they doth this to thou? Hither, I'll dress thy wounds. Baby thither.

~~~

Narrator: Emotion, agitation or disturbance of the mind. Vehement or excited mental state. 't is eke a powerful and irrational master. And from what Magenta and Columbia eagerly did view on their television monitor thither did seem dram doubt yond Janet wast, marry, . Its slave.

Magenta and Columbia: betoken us about 't, Janet.

(SONG) TOUCH-A TOUCH-A TOUCH-A TOUCH ME

Janet: I wast humour done in,

couldn't winneth

I'd only ever did kiss 'ere.

Columbia: Thou cullionly the lady's.

Magenta: Uh Ha .

Janet: I did do bethink

thither's nay did lie-to getting

Into heavy petting

'T only leads to ado

And seat wetting.

Anon all I wanteth to wot

is how to wend.

I've did taste blood

and I wanteth moo.

Magenta and Columbia: Moo, moo, moo

Janet: I'll did put up nay resistance

I wanteth to stayeth the distance

I've did get an itch to scratch

I needeth assistance.

Toucha toucha toucha touch me

I wanteth to beest filthy

Thrill me, chill me, fulfil me

Creature of the night.

Then if 't be true aught grows,

while thou pose,

I'll oil thou up

and rubbeth thou down.

Magenta and Columbia: Down, down, down.

Janet: And yond's just one

bawbling fraction

of the main attraction.

Thou needeth a gentle handeth

and I needeth action.

Toucha toucha toucha touch me

I wanteth to beest filthy

Thrill me, chill me, fulfil me

Creature of the night.

Columbia: Toucha toucha toucha touch me

Magenta: I wanteth to beest filthy.

Columbia: Thrill me, chill me, fulfil me,

Magenta: Creature of the night.

Janet: Oh, toucha toucha toucha touch me,

I wanteth to beest filthy

Thrill me, chill me, fulfil me,

Creature of the night.

Rocky: Creature of the night

Brad: Creature of the night?

Frank: Creature of the night.

Magenta: Creature of the night.

Riff Raff: Creature of the night.

Columbia: Creature of the night.

Rocky: Creature of the night!

Janet: Creature of the night.

~~~

Riff Raff: Owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww! Merrrrrcy!

Frank: How did do 't befall? I did understand thou wast to beest watching!

Riff Raff: I wast only aroint for a minute. Master.

Frank: Well, see if 't be true thou can findeth him on the monitor.

Riff Raff: Master, master. We hast a visitor.

Brad: Ho, Scotty!. Leech Everett Scott.

Riff Raff: Thou wot this earthling. Person?

Brad: I most forsooth doth! He happeneth to beest an corky cater-cousin of mine.

Frank: I see. So this wasn't simply a chance meeting. Thou did do cometh hither with a purpose.

Brad: I did tell thou, mine carriage did do break down. I wast telling the sooth.

Frank: I wot what thou did tell me. But this Leech Everett Scott, his name is not unknown to me.

Brad: He wast a science teacher at Denton High School.

Frank: And anon he worketh for thy government, doesn't he,

Brad? He's attached to the bureau of investigation of yond which thou clepe UFO's! Isn't yond right, Brad?

Brad: He might beest.I don't wot.

Riff Raff: The intruder is entering the building, Master.

Frank: He'll belike beest. In the Zen cubiculo. Shalt we inquire of him in person?

Brad: Most wondrous Scott!

Scott: Frank N Furter, we meeteth at last.

Brad: Leech Scott!

Scott: Brad! What art thou doing hither?

Frank: Don't playeth games Leech Scott. Thou wot perfectly well what Brad Majors is doing hither. 't wast part of thy plan, wast 't not? Yond he and his female shouldst check the layout for thou. Well, unfortunately for thou, all the plans art to beest did do change. I am adaptable, Leech Scott; I wot Brad is.

Scott: I can assure thou yond Brad's presence hither cometh as a complete hoyday to me. I did do cometh hither to findeth Eddie.

Brad: Eddie! I've seen him! Frank: Eddie! What doth thou wot of Eddie, Leech Scott?

Scott: I befall to wot a most wondrous deal about a lot of things. Thou see Eddie happeneth to beest mine nephew.

Brad: Leech Scott.

Janet: Ah!

Scott: Janet!

Janet: Leech Scott!

Brad: Janet!

Janet: Brad!

Frank: Rocky!

Scott: Janet!

Janet: Leech Scott!

Brad: Janet!

Janet: Brad!

Frank: Rocky!

Scott: Janet!

Janet: Leech Scott!

Brad: Janet!

Janet: Brad!

Frank: Rocky!

Frank: Hark.I did maketh thou. And I can breaketh thou just as easily.

Magenta: Master, dinner is did prepare!

Frank: Excellent. Under the circumstances, formal dress is to beest optional.

~~~

Narrator: Food hath at each moment did play a vital role in Life's rituals. The breaking of the bread, the last meal of the condemned sir, and anon, this meal. However informal 't might appeareth, thou can beest sure yond thither wast to beest very dram. Bon ami.

Frank: A toast. To absent cater-cousins.

All: To absent cater-cousins.

Frank: And Rocky. Joyous Birthday to thou, joyous Birthday to thou! Joyous Birthday lief Rocky…….. Shalt we?

Scott: We did do cometh hither to breaketh with Eddie.

Columbia: Eddie!

Frank: Yond's a rather tender subject. Another slice anyone?

Columbia: Fetch meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!.

Scott: I did knoweth he wast in with a lacking valor crowd, but 't wast worse than I did imagine. Aliens!

Rocky: Fie!

Brad & Janet: Leech Scott!

Frank: Wend on, Leech Scott. Or shouldst I declare Leech. Von Scott?

Brad: Just what jump art thou implying?

Scott: 't's valorous now!

Brad: But Leech Scott!

Scott: Yond's valorous now, Brad!

(Song) EDDIE

From the day he wast born

He wast ado.

He wast the thorn

In his mother's side.

The lady did tryeth in vain.

Narrator: But he nev'r did cause that lady nothing but shame.

Scott: He did leave home the day the lady did do kicketh the bucket.

From the day the lady wast gone

All he did want wast Rock 'n' Roll porn

And a mechanical horse.

Shooting up junk.

Narrator: He wast a base down vile dram punk!

Scott: Taking everyone for a ride.

All: at which hour Eddie did do sayeth

he didn't like his Teddy

thou did knoweth he wast

a nay-valorous peat.

But at which hour he threatened thy life

with a switch-blade bodkin

Frank: What a guy!

Janet: maketh thou caterwauling.

Scott: Und I did do.

Columbia: Everybody shoved him.

I very nearly did love him.

I did do sayeth, ho, hark to me;

stayeth sane inside insanity!

But he locked the door

and did throw aroint the key.

Scott: But he wilt hast been drawn

Into something,

Making him warn

Me in a note yond reads.

All: What's 't declare? What's 't declare?

Eddie's voice: I'm out of mine hed.

Oh, hie, or I may beest dead.

They mustn't carryeth out their evil deeds.

All: At which hour Eddie did do sayeth

he didn't like his Teddy

thou did knoweth he wast

a nay-valorous peat.

But at which hour he threatened thy life

with a switch-blade bodkin

Frank: What a guy!

Janet: maketh thou caterwauling.

Scott: Und I did do.

All: at which hour Eddie did do sayeth

he didn't like his Teddy

thou did knoweth he wast

a nay-valorous peat.

But at which hour he threatened thy life

with a switch-blade bodkin

Frank: What a guy!

Janet: Maketh thou caterwauling.

Scott: Und I did do.

Frank: Rocky! How couldst thou?

(SONG) WISE UP

FRANK: I'll betoken thou once;

I did win't betoken thou twice.

Thou'd better wise up, Janet Weiss.

Thy apple pie don't gust too nice.

Thou'd better wise up, Janet Weiss.

I've did did lie the seed;

'T shouldst beest all thou needeth.

Thou're as sensual as a pencil,

did wind up like an E or first string.

At which hour we did maketh 't, didja heareth a bell ring?

Ya gotta block?

Well, taketh mine counsel.

Thou better wise up, Janet Weiss.

The transducer wilt seduce ya.

Janet: Mine feet! I can't moveth mine feet!

Scott: Mine wheels! Mine God, I can't moveth mine wheels!

Brad: 't's as if 't be true we're glued to the spot!

Frank: thou art! So quake with fear, thou tiny daws!

Janet: We're did trap!

Frank: 't's something thou'll receiveth did use to.

A mental mind alas can beest nice.

Scott: Thou did win't findeth Earth people quite the easy mark thou imagine. This sonic transducer.'t is, I suppose, some kind of audio-vibrato- physio-molecular transport device?

Brad: Thou cullionly.

Scott: Ay, Brad, 't's something we ourselves hast been working on for quite some time. But 't seemeth our cater-cousin hither hath did find a means of perfecting 't. A device which is capable of breaking down solid matter and then projecting 't through space and, who is't knoweth, haply yea time. Itself!

Janet: Thou cullionly he's going to sendeth us to another planet?

Frank: Planet, shmanet, Janet!

Thou better wise up, Janet Weiss.

Thou better wise up, buildeth thy thighs up,

thou better wise up

Narrator: And then the lady did cry out.

Janet: Ceeeeeeeease!

Frank: Don't receiveth hot and flustered!

Did lie-to a did bite of mustard.

Brad: Thou're a hot dog,

but thou better not tryeth to did hurt

that lady, Frank Furter.

Scott: Thou're a hot dog,

but thou'd better not tryeth to did hurt

that lady, Frank Furter.

Janet: Thou're a hot dog …..

Columbia: Mine God! I can't standeth any moo of this! First thou spurn me for Eddie, and then thou throweth him off like an corky overcoat for Rocky! Thou cheweth people up and then thou spit those folk out again.I did love thou. Doth thou heareth me? I did love thou! And what did do 't receiveth me? Yeah, I'll betoken thou: a big nothing. Thou're like a sponge. Thou taketh, taketh, taketh, and drain others of their love and emotion. Yeah, well, I've did has't enow. Thou're gonna chooseth between me and Rocky, so named because of the rocks in his mazzard.

Frank: 'T's not easy having a valorous time. Yea smiling maketh mine visage ache. And mine children turn on me. Rocky's behaving just the way yond Eddie did do. Doth thou bethink I did maketh a misprision, splitting his brain between the two of those folk?

Magenta: Ahhhh! I groweth veary of this ordinary! At which hour shalt we returneth to Transylvania, i understandeth thee not?

Frank: Magenta, I am marry grateful to both thou and thy brother Riff Raff. Thou hast both served me well. Loyalty such as yours shalt not wend unrewarded. Thou wilt discover yond at which hour the humour doth take me, I can beest quite generous.

Magenta: I asketh for nothing. Nothing.

Frank: And thou shalt taketh 't. In abundance! Cometh, we art eft for the floor bewray!

~~~

Narrator: And so, by some extraordinary co-incidence, fate, 't did seem, did has't did do decide yond Brad and Janet shouldst keepeth yond appointment with their cater-cousin, Leech Everett Scott. But 't wast to beest in a situation which none of those folk would hast possibly foreseen. And, just a few hours after announcing their engagement, Brad and Janet did has't both did taste forbidden fruit. This in itself wast proof yond their host wast a sir of dram morals. And some persuasion. What further indignities wast they to beest subjected to? And what of the floor bewray yond is spoken of? In an exsufflicate house? In the middle of the night? What diabolical plan did has't been did shape by Frank's crazed imagination? What marry? From what did has't gone 'ere, 't wast clear yond this wast to beest nay picnic.

(SONG) DID RISE TINT MINE ORDINARY

Columbia: 't wast most wondrous at which hour 't

all did do beginneth.

I wast a regular Frankie fan.

But 't wast ov'r at which hour he did has't the plan

To start a-working on a muscle sir.

Anon the only thing yond gives me desire

Is mine love of a certain dope.

Did rise tints mine ordinary,

keeps me safe from mine ado and teen.

Rocky: I'm just seven hours corky,

And truly quite quaint to behold.

And somebody shouldst beest did tell

mine libido hasn't been did control.

Anon the only thing I've cometh to trust

Is an orgasmic drive of lust.

Did rise tints mine ordinary

and keeps me safe from mine ado and teen.

Brad: 't's beyond me;

holp me Mommy!

I'll beest valorous; thou'll see.

Taketh this dream aroint.

What's this? Did shalt we see,

I feeleth sexy!

What's cometh ov'r me?

Wo! Hither 't cometh again.

Janet: I feeleth released;

lacking valor times decease.

Mine confidence hath did increase;

reality is hither.

The game hath been disbanded.

Mine mind hath been did expand.

'T's a gas yond Frankie's did land!

His lust is so sincere.

(SONG) FANFARE/DON'T DREAM 'T

Frank: There's few or none will entertain

it betid to Fay Wray?

Yond delicate, satin-draped frame?

As 't did cling to that lady thigh

How I did start to caterwauling

'cause I did want to beest did dress

just the same.

Giveth yourself ov'r to absolute pleasure.

Swim the warm waters of sins of the flesh.

Erotic conceit, beyond any measure

And sensual daydreams to treasure still.

Can't thou just see 't? Oh, oh, oh. Oh!

Don't dream 't, beest 't.

All: Don't dream 't, beest 't.

Scott: Ach! We've did get to receiveth out of this trap

'ere this decadence saps our wills.

I've did get to beest stout, and tryeth to hang on,

or else mine mind may well snap,

and mine life wilt beest did live. For the thrills!

Brad: 't's beyond me; holp me Mommy!

Janet: God bless Lili St. Cyr..

(SONG) WILD AND UNTAMED THING

Frank: Mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine,

mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine.

Mine! I'm a wild and an untamed thing.

I'm a bee with a deadly sting.

Thou receiveth a did hit and thy mind goeth ping.

Thy heart'll thump and thy blood wilt sing.

So did let the party and the sounds rock on.

We're gonna shake 't 'till the life hath gone.

Did rise tint mine ordinary,

keepeth me safe from mine ado and teen.

All: We're a wild and an untamed thing.

We're bees with a deadly sting.

Thou receiveth a did hit and thy mind goeth ping.

Thy heart'll thump and thy blood wilt sing.

So did let the party and the sounds rock on.

We're gonna shake 't 'till the life hath gone.

Did rise tint mine ordinary,

keepeth me safe from mine ado and teen.

We're a wild and an untamed thing.

We're bees with a deadly sting.

Thou receiveth a did hit and thy mind goeth ping.

Thy heart'll thump and thy blood wilt sing.

So did let the party and the sounds rock on.

We're gonna shake 't 'till the life hath gone, gone, gone.

Did rise tint mine ordinary,

keepeth me safe from mine ado and teen.

Riff Raff: Frank N Furter, 't's all ov'r.

Thy mission is a failure;

thy lifestyle's too extreme.

I'm thy new commander;

thou anon art mine prisoner.

We returneth to Transylvania.

Prepare the transit beam.

Frank: Wait! I can dilate!

(SONG) I'M GOING HOME

Frank: On the day I did wend aroint

All: Goodbye.

Frank: Wast all I did has't to declare.

All: Anon I.

Frank: I wanteth to cometh again, and stayeth.

All: Oh, mine, mine.

Frank: Smileth, and yond wilt cullionly I may.

'Cause I've seen, oh, blue skies,

Through the gouts of sorrow in mine eyes

And I realize, I'm going home.

All: I'm going home.

Frank: Everywhere 't's been the same.

All: Humour.

Frank: Like I'm outside in the rain.

All: Wheeling.

Frank: Free to tryeth and findeth a game.

All: Dealing.

Frank: Cards for sorrow, cards for teen.

'Cause I've seen, oh, blue skies

Through the gouts of sorrow in mine eyes

And I realize, I'm going home.

Frank & All: I'm going home.

Magenta: How sentimental.

Riff Raff: And eke presumptuous of thou. Thou see, at which hour I did do sayeth WE wast to returneth to Transylvania, I did refer only to Magenta and myself. I'm my most humble apology, however, if 't be true thou did find mine words misleading, but thou see, thou art to remain hither, in spirit, did conclude, be 't.

Scott: Most wondrous heavens! Yond's a laser!

Riff Raff: Ay, Leech. Scott. A laser capable of emitting a beam of pure anti- matter.

Brad: Thou cullionly. Thou're going to killeth him? What's his crime?

Scott: Thou did see what did do becometh of Eddie. Society wilt beest did protect.

Riff Raff: Jump, Leech. Scott. And anon, Frank N Furter, thy time hath cometh. Declare goodbye to all of this, and valorous morrow to thee, sir. To oblivion!

Brad: Valorous God!

Janet: Oh! Thou did kill those folk!

Magenta: But I did do bethink thou did like those folk. They did like thou.

Riff Raff: They didn't like me! He nev'r did like ME!

Scott: thou did do right.

Riff Raff: A decision did has't to beest did maketh.

Scott: thou're O.K. By me.

Riff Raff: Leech Scott, I'm my most humble apology about thy nephew.

Scott: Eddie? Ay, well, haply 't wast all for the most wondrous, heh, heh, heh.

Riff: Thou shouldst leaveth anon, Leech Scott, while 't is still possible. We art about to beam the entire house to the planet Transsexual, in the galaxy of Transylvania…. Wend…. Anon! Our gentle mission is did complete, mine most quite quaint sister, and lief we shalt returneth to the moon-drenched stronds of our beloved planet.

Magenta: Ah, sweet Transsexual, land of night. To sing and dance once moo to thy dark refrain. To taketh yond - grise, to the right. Both: HAH!

Riff Raff: But 't's the pelvic did thrust.

Transylvanians: Yond drives thou insane!

Magenta: And our ordinary. Wilt doth the Time Warp. Again!

(SONG) SUPER HEROES

Brad: I've done a lot;

God knoweth I've did tryeth

To findeth the sooth.

I've yea did lie.

But all I wot is down inside I'm ..

All: Bleeding.

Janet: And super heroes