Of course the nephew sucks. Why else would the parents want him to stay with the aunt just for "a change of scenery" and say that's an equally good reason as hosting his sisters when they were attending college.

Dear Prudence,

I comfortably live in an area with a very high cost of living. My older two nieces came to stay with me after college while they were trying to figure out their places in the world. Their “rent” went into savings so they could start out with a bit of a nest egg. They were expected to clean and to pay for their own food. We didn’t have a problem, and they both went on to have successful adult lives.

Their brother is another story altogether. He basically coasted through high school and then failed to do anything. No job, no interest in education, no interest in anything but video games—he hasn’t even gotten his driver’s license yet. He is 22. My sister has babied him his entire life. My brother-in-law is at the end of his rope and demanding something be done. My sister thinks that sending him my way for a change of scenery will inspire him. She says it is only “fair” that I help my nephew, as I did my nieces.

My sympathy has limits. My nephew refuses to see a doctor so any root cause like depression is not being addressed. My sister has offered to pay me until her son gets settled, but I am not willing to live with a lump lounging in my living room playing video games night and day. How do I have this discussion with my sister?

—Not a Launch Pad

Dear Launch Pad,

Your sister’s belief that you are obligated, in some way, to put up her children in the big city is ridiculous, of course. You are not! If you do not want to host a third of your sister’s children, rent-free, for some indeterminate amount of time, that is totally fine.

But I would not expect your sister to respond well if your stated reason is that her daughters were cool but her son sucks. And if you really enjoyed the company of those young women, and were pleased to be part of their young-adult lives, I’d remind you that you don’t really know that much about their younger brother or what he would actually be like as a houseguest. Maybe he would be a lump. Or maybe he would in fact find the city (I’m assuming) a welcome change in his life. There’s every chance you might similarly enjoy building a relationship with this young man and helping him along his way.

Or maybe you are not interested in the hassle! If that’s the case, a simple “I’m so sorry, but I just can’t host your son right now” will suffice.

—Prudie, hospitably

Anyone else think she should be upfront, even if boymom isn't going to like it? What the hell is she going to do if the parents kick him out but they leave him at her doorstep so they can tell themselves they didn't really kick him out?

🕊️🍉💚 In solidarity with the people of Palestine. (A contribution for @freewatermelonartjam )

sometimes you just have to laugh at how out of touch with reality some companies are

SEX EDUCATION – S04E08 ››› Ncuti Gatwa as Eric Effiong ››› Jodie Turner-Smith as God

A vital part of political knowledge (and knowledge in general) is knowing when to say, "I'm not educated enough to make a statement about this topic."

It's okay if you don't know every little detail of every single issue at hand. But it won't help if you refuse to acknowledge where you lack information, where your blindspots are, and what you just don't understand. It's okay to not have an answer.

I tried my best to hide it / but now I'm done denying / you were perfect and I'm so sorry

i think my biggest gripe with the comparison between zuko and john smith and zutara as a whole to pocahontas is that john smith was an active colonizer. he was a grown man who chose and was proud of what he was doing. he didnt even believe the act of colonization was wrong. yes, he tried to end the violence in the movie, but he still lived with the belief that his people deserved to and were entitled to co exist on that land with the indigenous people.

zuko was an active participant in dismantling a hundred years of colonialism and colonization and genuinely wanted to fix the problems that his ancestors had left for him. it wasn’t easy and he wasn’t a perfect leader, but he was genuinely trying to make decisions that would be for the better of all the people, not just himself or his people. where john smith thought that indigenous ppl needed the white people’s help to become “more civilized” because he viewed them as inferior, zuko sought to give those that the fire nation had hurt their autonomy back.

that’s not to say that it isn’t a valid reason to dislike zutara, and if the idea makes you uncomfortable that’s fine and i respect it. i realize that the ship doesn’t appeal to everyone and that’s okay, but i just hate the comparisons because john smith was genuinely just an awful person who never should’ve been glorified in a disney movie.

Did Saint-Just ever talk about women’s education?

He sure did! In his Fragments sur les institutions républicaines, he details his idea for the education of girls. Which is as follows:

Les filles sont élevées dans la maison maternelle.

(The girls are educated in maternal home)

That's it. And it comes after a lengthily discussion on the education of boys. So it does sound like SJ remembered girls only as an afterthought, and didn't have much to say on the topic. (I mean, he definitely didn't have much to say on the topic because if he had more ideas, he'd write them down).

Now, I am not sure what this means exactly. That girls should not have much education? Or that any education done to girls should be done in the home? (Those are two very, very different options). SJ was big on protecting girls and women from sexual violence (sometimes seen as going outside without a protector), so maybe this is a reflection on that? Don't get me wrong, this whole education for women is a big L from him, but he grew up at a time where female literacy was becoming a norm, at least for bourgeoise girls. They would get some education on things deemed important for a girl; SJ's own sisters were literate. So I doubt he would want girls to have absolutely no education, or only what their mother can teach (?) I mean, maybe? But that would be mega stupid, because you want the woman of the future Republic to know enough about the world so they can instill patriotic values in their daughters, so they can be good mothers and wives of the future republicans, if nothing else.

So my interpretation is that he got caught so much into developing that idea of friendship-filled, Sparta-inspired program of education for boys that he forgot about the existence of girls until late. And he didn't care that much about it, past "yes, girls get some education". So yes, an L from SJ on this one, but it is too limited to conclude what exactly he thought about the education of women or what he saw as an "appropriate" education for them.

I don't know anything about England but I'm interested in how the characters' locations inform their characters like Seward's. I'd like to know more about the implications of being from Purfleet/Essex for example (Though iirc Stoker immigrated from Dublin well into adulthood so I don't know how well he knew all the cities.)

there's so much to be said! i really don't think that stoker meant much intentionally, but the placement of the asylum in purfleet specifically is interesting.

long post so i'm cutting this!

the asylum at purfleet, essex, is an example of the common 19th-early 20th century phenomenon of establishing psychiactric hospitals in the rural counties surrounding london - simultaneously serving as a 'tranquil' location away from the city, while also serving the dubious, cruel purpose of squirelling away would-be patients into residences away from the city - out of society, out of sight, out of mind.

in terms of jack seward himself, purfleet is a kind of an in-between, nothing place - things and people pass through, not much stays. (there's a reason why whitby is remembered as 'the dracula place', and not purfleet.) it's quite literally on the edge of london - of society - and in that scene where jack's looking despondently towards the sun setting west over london, his own isolation becomes palpable - from society and from the world as a whole. the endless, transient, liminal feel of the essex saltmarshes just....gives the vibe. this was a scene that felt particularly gothic to me - jack is the custodian of his very own haunted house, here, in all its bleak, isolated glory.

It was a shock to me to turn from the wonderful smoky beauty of a sunset over London, with its lurid lights and inky shadows and all the marvellous tints that come on foul clouds even as on foul water, and to realise all the grim sternness of my own cold stone building, with its wealth of breathing misery, and my own desolate heart to endure it all.

this is an fascinating parallel with the count's situation in transylvania, which is NOT the topic du jour here so i'll stop before i ramble but compelling nonetheless! like the count, though, he's a liminal figure - in london, but not quite in london. in the group, but not in the group. alive, but not really living. wide awake in the witching hour, unsure how to re-integrate with society.

it's also worth noting that the opening of dickens' great expectations has pip in his childhood home on the kent marshes - which would pretty much be the opposite bank of the thames from purfleet. in great expectations, pip's village serves a similar role - the quiet, bleak, nowhere-place directly placed against the bustling cosmopolis of london.

in terms of other characters and locations, i've written a bit before about jonathan (and mina possibly) hailing from exeter, devon, in the south west of england - which is much further from london.

jonathan and mina, in terms of the group dynamics, are outsiders: they're very much lower middle class, hyper-aware of the importance of money and societal etiquette as a means for survival and social betterment. this is a personal hc of mine, but i like to think of jonathan as having the long supressed remnants of a devon accent. south west accents are often the subject of a lot of ridicule and mockery in the UK (akin to a southern US accent) and hiding that regionalism, in both the 1890s and today's britain, would be a means of survival and progress for him - i think the fact that he's always given a standard home counties RP accent in adaptations cuts out a major aspect of his character. he's a devon boy!

in contrast to all this, lucy's hampstead residence shows her affluence. it, too, at risk of breaking my social isolation metaphor, was on the edge of london at the time - but was known more as a wealthy suburb with huge areas of greenery at hampstead heath and highgate. there's something to be said, though, about a place like highgate cemetery - a liminal place between the dead and the living, between city and country, haunted at night by a vampire - and the same could be said for purfleet.

arthur is hard to pin down - for the life of me i CANNOT work out where 'ring' is supposed to be - at first i thought it might be a shortening for ringwood, hampshire, which could work! but i just don't know. his character does scream privileged southern/home counties though, and if anyone has any followups on 'ring' and its wherabouts i would LOVE to know because this has been bugging me for ages. lmao

tl;dr, psychology and sociology as informed by place is SO fucking fascinating to me like it just. it affects so much. from the liminality of certain places lending themselves to the supernatural, to characters being mirrored by their surroundings and vice versa, to the social implications of where you call home. it's just!!! interesting!!

More awful news updates: 3/29/2024

I still can’t believe Tom Taylor gave Dick Grayson a law degree.

in tonight's endeavor to be distracted from Everything, i have painstakingly jotted down the base, beginning ideas for a modern human au. it includes a gap-year group road trip in Wally's RV, Home

stfu

this isn’t in specific to anyone on here but I honestly find it very sad and disheartening that male idols are able to get away with so many things/such weird and disgusting behaviors simply because fans brush their favs actions under the rug and refuse to acknowledge when they are in the wrong. kpop should not be put over morals or basic decency.