#NOW I NEED TO WORK I WANNA CRY | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sysig · 4 months

Photo

Handplates and haircut and more Handplates after that (Patreon)

#Doodles #UT #Handplates #Sans #Phases of reading Handplates: Haircut edition #Lol #Started rereading before the haircut and finished after!#It took about four days - same as my original run on reading Vargas! Huh - which was only one over my projection #I say ''about'' because I did take a fifth day and catch up on all the solo Handplates images as well #All the ones in the main gallery were read along with the main comics tho lol they're important context!#Really I just couldn't read Gaster's ''tear a paper perfectly in half'' without the followup lol #I am planning a full reread sometime in the future but probably not for a while lol - need to simmer #But I know there's even more context than just the DA galleries! Like the QnAs!! Wanna read Everything in order lol #But for now I'm just happy to have finally read the whole main comic (and all the solo pieces on DA lol)#It really is a beautiful piece of work ♥ More context is not the only reason I want to reread!#I have a few things in my notes I wrote for my future self to look out for on rereads lol #Want to study more! Look at the visual language ♥ There's just so many lovely things #Oh yeah! Does anyone remember my tears rating system? X/5 💧?#Well Handplates scores at 💧💧💧💧! :D A very good crying score!#Several scenes that reliably make me cry <3 Yes I have gone back and cried multiple times to them lol #It's important data! <Said not at all similarly to any particular scientist at all (lol)#I did actually find myself empathizing with Gaster wanting to study Papyrus' and Sans' glitch abilities - and thinking about intent to harm #The data collection isn't the problem it's all the everything about how and why he was collecting the data in the first place #Being someone who also collects data as a way to make sense of and not be overwhelmed by - well anything and everything lol #Sans calling him out was really interesting to me! Obviously he deserves to be called out lol but That Particular Action wasn't The Problem #Now if he could just use his coping mechanism in a positive helpful way lol #Anyway lol the images in the post that I'm rambling on pfft - as I mentioned I broke out my colour cube :)#Both of them but I've only really been playing with my 2x2 - I reviewed my notes and remembered!#The haircut really does feel nice ahh <3 I just feel more me in short hair :)#And I really did hurt my hand from drawing too much lol I guess three full pages in one day was asking a lot

23 notes · View notes

that-was-anticlimactic · 14 days

Text

one of the worst feelings ever is wanting to write but your hands hurt too much or the words just don’t want to work so you just sit there staring at a half finished doc with tears in your eyes bc you want to write and you need to write but everything is telling you that you can’t

#and that you’re a terrible writer and that no one cares aaaaaaand imposter syndrome kicks in and you just feel like crap #bc all your friends have been wriying recejtky so why can’t you??? cause they’re bETTER THAN YOU #lol idk why my head is so bad today #the feelings of inferiority and emptiness and idk worthlessness are strong and i hate it but i can’t stop it #i just wanna write!!! and like what i write!!!#but i Can’t and i haven’t liked anything i’ve written in Months and ugh i hate not being able to d something i wanna do #oh and now i’m crying??? why the frick am i cRYING litetally why is typing this making me Worse #sorry guys needed to rant #the inadequacy was strong today #something something students keep telling me how much they dislike me or how i’m whiny for asking them to be respectful and like #i Know i shouldn’t compare myself to my friends but gosh it’s hard when they’re all like. so much better than me.#and i don’t have a lot of time to be on tumblr bc of work so i just feel like i’m watching everything from afar and it’s no one’s fault but #my brain’s like no one is Doing anything it’s just my brain being dumb and i can’t stand it and I want to stop feeling empty and like i’m #missing a part of myself and like the words i write don’t matter gOD why can’t i just feel happy with where i am and not care what the kids #who hate me say or realize that no one cares that i’m not on much like i’m still Here and trying to interact it’s not like everyone hates me #for being busy or for liking side characters more than the main characters and just—#sorry #that felt good actually #idk what came over me #imma just. imma shower. then maybe delete my tags #sorry if anyone got this far aT ALL grace is either asleep or trying to sleep so i don’t wanna bother them since they slept poorly last nigh #okay done now for real sorry delete tags later sorry if you saw this and how freaking messed up ky freaking brain is

10 notes · View notes

silenthillbunni · 25 days

Text

.

#got an emergency dentist appt today at 14!!! T-T #sadly the dentist is a man but... beggars cant be choosers nd all that 🥲#they opened at 7.20 nd i woke up from a dream w a start nd was like ?????? if was 7.21 #my alarm didnt go off T-T #luckily i woke up only one minute late omg what if i'd slept nd slept #but yeah have an appt now. i rlly dont wnna go lmao #now my teeth hurt a bit less nd im like hmmm... do i have to go ?? 💀#i should but it's just the money aspect that stresses me out #i might have to pay using the only $200 i have in my account #nd then get sent that money by my social wellfare worker #who has been terrible at replying lately so i might have to call her #it just stresses me the fuck out i wanna cry #if i had a job w my own money i wouldnt care at all i'd just pay whatever i needed nd then go when i needed #but now i made that appt nd my teeth do hurt so i'll just have to hope it works out ....#i have anxiety abt going to the dentists normally but now that i know it's a man im even more anxious T-T oh well... :((

12 notes · View notes

sailorsally · 11 days

Text

.

#since I talked in the tags a lil before #i also need to say that the political situation in Georgia has been a big pile of shit lately #that’s mostly why I don’t have the energy to engage with anything atm #everything is so hopeless #I just try to play video games these days to take my mind off stuff #but to explain it a bit #there is this one law the parliament already tried to pass last year but then didn’t because thousands came out to rally against it #the law is about ‘foreign agents’ and it’s directly copied from kremlin’s law in Russia #where the govt basically uses it to just cleanse the country from anyone they don’t like #So now this law is back and they have voted a yes two times #and will vote a yes third time #which is absolutely devastated news for anyone here #because if this law is instituted #basically say bye to foreign scholarships #to ngos financed from foreign countries that work to protect queer and trans peeps #rehabilitate refugees domestic violence victims etc #there will be no new roads in removed highland villages that rely mostly on international financial aid #no education opportunities for poor kids etc #this law literally equals death #and it will be heavily used to just cleanse Georgia of people who don’t think like Kremlin #and I am so fucking scared rn #There have been protests for 3 days #tens of thousands of people on the streets #but parliaments just keeps ignoring people #Or using police brutality against them #they are beating people up #jailing them for peaceful protests etc #it’s absolute nightmare #I’m just so tired of Russia #why won’t they die with everyone who supports them I wanna cry

17 notes · View notes

indigodawns · 19 days

Text

.

#been sitting here for 1.5 hours now trying to decide if i should go see my friend as promised #or not. basically i texted earlier like heyy sorry can we do tomorrow im all over the place (mentally extra unstable*) i don't wanna #make you deal with that #but she said she might not be able to do tomorrow and she's told me she hates when ppl cancel bc so many ppl have been #cancelling on her and yk. feels bad. so i really should go but im also just. ???#idk what it was but today is just so not it ive been crying a bunch and barely working and i v much needed #my noise cancelling headphones on the train and then i just kept them on for 1 #and then i just kept them on when i got home and ive just been on my bed scrolling and trying to decide dhsjsjdjd #yes i was supposed to work 8 hours today 💀💀💀#so that's the other part like if i go see my friend i know tomorrow will probably be rougher and i also need to work then yk #ugh anyways i should go we can just chill im sure #* headphone context for myself bc im just like 🤨🤨 am i just kinda sad and tired today or do i really need to rest #anyways. Thoughts? dhsjjdjdjd #other context is that my friend rly isn't doing good at all and i haven't seen her in a week and it's been #even longer since we could talk 1 on 1 #like 2 weeks rip #maybe i just need food tbh ive mostly had sugary stuff today rip

8 notes · View notes

frecklystars · 19 days

Text

I jolted awake from a nightmare as usual and normally I think about Ken or Six comforting me but....... this time for some reason I thought about Jacob.... ;-;

Jacob doesn't know much about ptsd and probably doesn't get nightmares too often. So when he sees me shaking and sweating after a rather bad one, he turns on some dim lighting and he looks kind of freaked out, not really knowing what to do other than to hug me and rub my back. He keeps saying "it was just a bad dream, it wasn't real" but that doesn't help me much because a lot of my nightmares are based off of real things that have happened to me, and he just,,, doesn't know what else to say. He just whispers "I'm not going to hurt you" and that's enough. He doesn't feel like it's enough though and he feels bad.

For a few minutes we lay there in silence, holding each other... in his giant stupid water bed with the fancy pillows that perfectly conform to the shape of your head in the dim glow of one of his fancy ass lamps and he's like, "hey, did I ever tell you where I got this lamp? How much it costs? So stupid." And he goes into this story about it. He spends like a good solid twelve minutes just listing off every single thing in his bedroom that he bought that he doesn't even care about. I can't get over his calf pants (pants for your calves). He suddenly realizes he can help; he's good at distracting me, he's good at making me laugh.

He lets me wear one of his shirts bc it smells like him and it's grounding and he thinks I look sooo cute in his shirts. He's like, screw it, let's get up and eat. yeah it's 5am who cares let's eat cereal. He pours a bowl of cereal and I notice on the back of the box there's marks with a sharpie, and he catches me staring and he says "oh yeah I filled out this little crossword puzzle last week :) you wanna try" and I think he's the cutest dork in the whole world. This is the same guy who introduces himself to sexy women at the bar by high-fiving them and somehow they still want to get into bed with him asap. He's like Barney Stinson, but, like, more of a decent human being.

And he's like :) what are you looking at. and i'm like. you! I love you. I love you so much and I am so lucky to have you. and he's like!!! I love you too I love you so much!!! and when we're done munching on cereal he turns on some music on his speakers and we hold hands while dancing in his stupidly huge living room. Maybe we watch a show or a movie until we finally doze off. It always takes me 6 to 8-ish hours to fall asleep again after I jolt awake, maybe some nights he's able to stay up with me, other times he's not because he has a regular sleep schedule like a normal human being. Lucky bastard.

But it doesn't matter if he falls asleep or not, because he always lays next to me making sure he's holding my hand, and before he feels himself dozing off, he always mumbles sleepily "Hey... star girl. It's gonna be okay. You got me now." He's always worried he isn't doing enough, but he is. He always is.

#love notes #💕♬♪ ♡ It feels different when you’re with me - ̗̀☆🥂🖤✨☆ ̖́-#im so lucky i found barbie and ken when i did and now i have jacob too ;_;#i have like a dozen protectors now and it's such a relief #i don't miss the days when i'd jolt awake with absolutely nobody to turn to #i'm so glad i have my baby goose boys 😭😭 i need them #i have to work in a couple of hours and i just. hhuhuhuh i wanna cry. oh my god #im so tired. my eyes burn. im gonna just lay in bed with my eyes closed til my alarm goes off #i just wanted to get this out

7 notes · View notes

dreamlogic · 3 months

Text

2024 year of charlie gets a fucking break (hopefully. maybe. tbd.)

#ctxt #i'm on medication that's reduced my post-hysterectomy pain by about 70%#i have an intake appointment with a physical therapist in march & a referral to start trigger point injections #to hopefully finally recover as completely as possible from the nightmarish neuropathy that's plagued me since uuuhhhh #going on 2 years ago. holy shit. genuinely can't believe i've been surviving & functioning as well as i have for this long #while suffering a disabling & extremely painful surgical complication. fuck my original surgeon for brushing me off during that time #but the new provider i'm working with is so responsive & thorough in her approach & seems genuinely committed #to helping me finally get relief after all this time. she listens to my feedback & is flexible in her approach #and her assistant is a great communicator who's been handling most of the logistics of care coordination for me #and what a huge fucking relief that is. to not have to drag my doctors kicking & screaming towards maybe treating me eventually #i wanna cry. i finally feel like i'm being taken seriously and cared for. and i'm not BETTER yet (might never be the same as i was pre-op)#but i actually feel optimistic for the first time in over a year that i won't just have to deal with this agonizing pain on my own forever #i might actually see enough improvement that i can start to get back to living my life instead of just surviving it #money is tighter than it's been since i got laid off during early pandemic and that's stressing me out #but i promised myself that i would put my health first in 2024 and that means only working the bare minimum needed to pay my bills for now #genuinely i so fucking needed a break. i felt like i was trying to swim through a meat grinder last year #and it wasn't until i ended up in the ER about it that i finally was able to take my own pain seriously enough #to put my foot down & make some necessary changes that are now letting me focus on Getting Well With Myself at last #in hindsight it's like. really freaking me out how thoroughly i was able to compartmentalize & dissociate from how miserable i was #bc nobody who had the ability to help me would take me seriously & my shitty boss was like. extremely textbook emotionally abusive #and on one hand that was a survival mechanism that kept me on my feet during one of the worst times of my life. so props to myself there #but it was also very maladaptive how long & unnecessarily it went on before i snapped out of it & escalated things for my own safety #it was the same helpless frustration i often felt as a kid of like 'well nobody is on my side but me so i gotta suck it up & help myself'#and i think the family trauma shit that was going on last year definitely contributed to that. idk sense of doubling across time?#and things had to get Extremely Bad before they were bad enough for me to realize that although i felt like it #i am no longer an isolated & parentified island of a child who is beholden to the whims of ignorant & indifferent adults #i actually can and should take action to advocate for myself bc i am an adult and i CAN now change my circumstances as needed #instead of just enduring them as if i'm stuck there with no agency or chance to change things #and i have a really solid support system who helped me feel like it was possible to stand up for myself to get the help i desperately need #chronic blogging

15 notes · View notes

opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year

Text

I just wanna listen to music ragged with rage and emotional desperation. But it's kinda hard to search for that sorta thing.

#bc i guess i just Associate that sorta thing with screamo and i dont like screamo #like funeral or brutus both by the buttress are sung with so much rage and i want that #i too want to rage. i didnt get a lotta sleep last night #bc sometimes i make bad choices lol #and everytime i search like songs to rage to its like. no. u dont get it. i want songs that make me wanna start screaming and wacking #things with sticks. ya kno. a very common and universal feeling #listen. i apparently deleted a bunch of info off a backup hard drive today. like bro y didnt u tell me to b careful???#i picked it up like ok i gotta make it work on this old ass computer. time to clear the disk space and reformat #so rip whatever was on there i guess. no used crying abt it now. that bitch is empty #hhhhh ive got that i didnt sleep feel where ur brain feels like its peeling away from ur skull #i need to go run. burn away my ✨️ RAGE✨️#just gotta wait like an hr 🙃 unless i get call3d into a meeting rip #unrelated

40 notes · View notes

orcelito · 7 months

Text

Salty bitch in me sooooo satisfied by the fact that I probably make more money than the person who made my life hell last year lmfaooooo

#speculation nation #chatting with a coworker about how they ended up seeing her by chance #and she Asked about me. she seemed so preoccupied with me Specifically it seems!#and she apparently mentioned how shed consider coming back here and im just loke #lmfaoooooo girl im in charge of the hiring now and there is no WAY id hire her back #even without the personal grievances. she just caused some Real problems. like hell id accept her back.#but also she was a total BITCH to me. like really fucking nasty. and yeah maybe im still holding a grudge about it!#im a chill person but when someone makes me cry that hard for that long TWICE #yeah fuckin right id hire you back. keep dreaming.#anyways ive just been hanging out at work and chatting Whoops hfkshfj #my shift ended an hour and a half ago. i really should be going home soon.#the good news is i should be able to secure the lease renewal for only $40 more than the original renewal offer #the bad news is they havent replied since sending that which means its not in writing yet #WHICH MEANS the showing is still on for tomorrow. ugh.#which means i need to clean. blegh.#i guess having the pressure to clean isnt the worst but i really dont wanna lmaooo #at least i do have tomorrow off. i can make it work...#but yea my anxiety is a lot more manageable now. tempered by the satisfaction of being better paid than an old enemy #IT'S KIND OF FUNNY to call her that but she kind of is. it was mostly 1 sided bc she took issue with Me #i was fine being friendly work acquaintances but noooo she had to go and make my life fucking hell for several months #the social atmosphere has changed man. im not letting a snake back in.#im a nice person but i am a Resentful person. if youve wronged me i am never fucking forgetting.#but yeah i make more money than her ❤️ yay ❤️

10 notes · View notes

euphoricfilter · 4 months

Text

why can’t i ever like stuff a normal amount. it’s either there is no interest or i’m intensely obsessed where whatever it is becomes my entire life and the only thing i can think about 🧍🏻‍♀️

#imagine liking multiple things at once a normal amount #because i simply can’t do it #i guess bts and sharks are my constant love #but i actually am immensely obsessed with doctor who #like it’s an unhealthy amount of like #why am i dreaming of being the doctor #now i wanna write a script for the series because 1. we need more women doctors #and 2. i want a doctor that’s my age :(#like the new doctor is young but not as young as me 🤨#bbc give me a chance pls #i would actually shit myself and cry if i ever got to work on a show like that #genuinely the peak of my life #but also what if i just don’t like it in 2 months because i found something else i love #but also it’s all i can think about rn #i wanna be the doctor ☹️

13 notes · View notes

turdofanerd · 1 day

Text

I'm gonna be 16 in a week... yayy