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yannaryartside · 5 months

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Sydney Adamu; Donna's antithesis

THE BIG PARALLEL: THE QUEEN OF THE KITCHEN

Donna's introduction to the audience is in her kitchen, where she is the leader, the center of the action; all orders come from her, and the dynamic in the family is created primarily by her. She has assigned (indirectly or so) the roles of all the family members that keep the family working in the way it does. She is the queen, the leader—a role she was given by nature.

And what is Sydney's job in the kitchen? The CDC, even when she was a sous, she was already taking the responsibilities of the CDC. She is their queen, their leader in their kitchen—a role she was given by choice.

The writers had given Sydney every opportunity to be Donna so they could show us how much of Donna she is not. Here are my favorite examples of it.

Donna brings guilt, and Sydney brings grace.

Donna created her daughter's nickname after a mistake she made as a kid (probably when Nat was nervous and afraid to fail her), messing up a recipe.

Sydney gave grace to Tina when she messed up the recipe for the mashed potatoes. Sydney could have used that opportunity to get back at Tina for making her look bad in front of Carmy and all the other stuff. Sydney decided to be the bigger person; God, Sydney was not trying to make Tina own or like her. She just decided that is not what she is. She acknowledged that Tina was trying something new and wanted to be available in case Tina needed help. Sydney gave Tina clear expectations, recognized the task's difficulty, and offered help. Later, she was graceful when a mistake was made, and gave positive reinforcement when the job was well done. We learned then that Tinas was terribly afraid of being displaced or not good enough. Sydney is giving Tina all the things Donna should have given Nat.

Another exmaple of this is when Richie and Sydney are shopping for caulk. She just buys the right one; she doesn't rub it in his face or call him stupid or careless. In all their conversation, Sydney tried to understand more, not put more fire into the pile. Richie recognizes that, and I think this is when he starts to respect her, even a little.

Donna brings chaos, Sydney brings order.

Both women have the role of being the center (heart) of the kitchen. Only Donna can touch the food in her kitchen, while Sydney delegates the kitchen tasks to the restaurant employees.

Donna gives the absence of self, and Sydney brings purpose.

To please their mother, try to win her love, or just survive the household dynamics, the Berzatto siblings had to adopt behaviors/personalities that were not natural to them. Mickey was at least 18 when his father left; he took the provider position by helping her mom run the restaurant. He also took care of his siblings. He was his ultimate ally in helping the family feel like a family, particularly by always being capable of "dialing a room" to make everyone feel entertained, appreciated, have fun, and be a family. For all these reasons, he was Donna's favorite, and the other two siblings were neglected because of it. Neither Nat of Carmy felt really like she was there for them; she probably didn't encourage Carmy to draw or Nat in anything. Nat and Carmy grew up believing their talents/nature were useless because they didn't please their mom. Neither of them recognizes the things they are good at outside the kitchen: Nat diminishes her husband's compliments on her hard work, and Carmy ignores compliments on his drawings.

Sydney, on the other hand, can encourage Marcus to follow his passion for baking. She supports Tina in her culinary journey to the point of her becoming the third person in charge. She asked Nat to be the project manager because, in the few interactions she had with her, she perceived (or it was intuition) Nat's attention to detail, caring nature, and responsibility. In the climax of the second season, she trusts Richie to do the calling of the orders when she has no reason to believe he can, and he solidifies his purpose. Sydney "nurtured" everybody's natural talents and trusted them to walk independently. That is what a good parent or leader does. It is such a brilliant subtext. Important to note she doesn't do that with Carmy, because Carmy is her equal, her partner-to-be.

Other ones:

There is also to mention the fact that Sydney was a professional driver, and Donna tried to crash a car in her own house. Talking about metaphors.

Also, Sydney doesn't indulge in any of the toxic behaviors that the Berzattos learned from Donna, neither Carmy nor Richie's bullshit nor the rest of the staff. Little by little, she fought fire with water, and she won, maybe because she is more like a river than a drop. She had a purpose on her own, an identity, a past that she kept to herself, and a desire to move forward. People started to respect her the more they relied on her and the more she didn't give in to the toxic traits that were ruling them before. They saw the good and followed it.

Sydney may not rely on toxic dynamics to lead her kitchen, but she will not let others take advantage of her. She did not pick on Carmy's slack last season for him but despite him. She doesn't believe that is what she is supposed to do, not only as her employee but friend and possible romantic interest. She calls the bad behaviors/tendencies by it's name. And communicates she won't have it, while also saying she belives in him.

I think most of the audience (besides the ones in this fandom) really doesn't understand how extraordinary Sydney is. If she wasn't as well-written as she is, with defects and fears, people would think that she is the "saint woman/magic woman" archetype, making everything previously broken work in her presence. I also think it is because she is a woman, and women are expected to bring magic and be fixers and helpers. There is also the fact that she is a black woman, and everything that comes with that, but I cannot comment on that, so I am not going to. Just saying she is one of the most amazing role models I have seen, decorated with the price of also being one of the most complex female characters on screen. She is not perfect as a person and has not reached her whole potential, and she wants it. I respect and admire her so much. Even when Carmy seems to have a longer path of healing ahead, I want Sydney to win the most, not just heal. I want to know more about her, her intimate desires, and why is her heart broken. Long gone are the days when women lived on screen to make everybody around them better and happier. All the things she is extraordinary for, the ones I talked about, are not just reasons why Carmy had admired her or fallen for her. She is, for me, a champion preparing for live-defining battles. We know who she is, and we get to discover what else she could be, to grow in her self-confidence, her purpose, and what brings pleasure to her soul. She is considered now the show's co-protagonist.

And I hope in s3 we are in for a journey. She made all the difference. Thank you for reading.

#sydcarmy #sydney adamu #sydney adamu meta #the bear meta #the bear #carmy berzatto #natalie berzatto #donna berzatto #tina the bear #marcus the bear #richie jerimovich #Sydeny adamu is my champion

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zorrasucia · 10 months

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Teach Me Tonight - Part 3

[Part 1] [Part 2] Part 3: [Deleted Scene] [Part 4] [Part 5] [Part 6] [Part 7] [Deleted Scene] [Part 8]

Reader x Carmy Berzatto (The Bear FX)

Rating: Explicit (5k)

Tags: Smut, Set sometime after the opening of The Bear, Porn with a little plot, Virgin!Carmy, Oral (M and F receiving), Phone sex, Dream sex, P in V sex, a sprinkle of SoftDom!Carmy at Reader's request, Both Carmy and Reader have a bit of a praise kink

Summary: With everything you had heard earlier, it seemed like sex was another facet of his life where he wouldn't let himself just enjoy stuff. "I want to make you feel good too," you insisted.

It was a foggy day, the cold of Chicago promised a quiet afternoon with few customers. Sydney showed up at the store and invited you to family, saying something about a surprise for Carmy. You quickly closed up and followed her back to the restaurant. Most of the staff knew you by now; Tina cupped your face lovingly, Nat hugged you, and Richie showed you to your seat. Everyone was there except Carmy.

"What's going on?" you asked Nat in a whisper.

"He didn't tell you? Of course he didn't tell you," she rolled her eyes and sighed in exasperation. "It's his birthday," she said simply.

"Oh!"

You felt a weight settle in your stomach. How could you not know? You bit the inside of your cheek, trying to hide your nervousness and stopping yourself from crying at the same time.

"Oh, sweetie," Nat put her arm around you. "You shouldn't feel bad about it. He doesn't tell anyone. The only reason I know is because I'm his sister. We don't do presents or candles or sing because of all the- Well, you know," she gestured vaguely. You nodded.

You didn't know the whole story but Carmy had let you know bits and pieces of his unstable childhood and the fraught relationship with his Mom, from way before Mike died.

"But Syd wanted to cook something nice for him and Marcus wanted to test a cake recipe, so," she shrugged. You managed a smile. "He'll be happy to see you," she squeezed you to her side.

"Okay, everyone start eating and act fucking normal," Richie bellowed. "We don't want the birthday boy to feel ambushed or whatever. We're having a nice meal, with our neighbor, and there's a random ass cake here for absolutely no reason, okay?"

"Your ass is random, man!" Marcus replied from the other side of the table, cutting slices of what looked like tres leches cake. Fak chuckled between forkfuls of salad.

Sydney had already started passing plates around, it was lamb and salad and it smelled delicious.

"Thanks for inviting me," you told her once she got to you.

"I mean, you're practically family, right?" she smiled.

By the time Carmy appeared, you were all eating and talking, and he could sneak in and sit by your side almost unnoticed.

"What's all this?" he asked, looking frantically around the room.

"They asked me to come over for family," you smiled innocently. "It's very good," you added pointing at your plate.

"No, I mean-" he hesitated, his eyes kept searching for Nat. She was leaning against the door frame and when she saw Carmy, she put her fingers to the corners of her lips and pushed them up, to shape a smile. 'Be happy, okay?' she mouthed.

Carmy nodded, then looked down, a relieved smirk curving his lips. He tried to relax, leaning back on his seat and placing an arm behind your chair. He took the plate Richie brought him and started eating with gusto.

"So, you know?" he asked after a while.

"No presents, no candles, no singing," you repeated, knowing it would calm his anxiety a little. "I want to make a suggestion though."

Carmy turned his head quickly. "Yeah?"

"Yeah," you smiled mischievously. "I think this cake should be like a staple at the restaurant. No way I'm waiting for your next birthday to have it again."

Carmy laughed. After his first bite of the cake he had to agree. "That's fire," he hummed.

His face looked bright and lovely. Your hand didn't leave his thigh for the rest of the meal.

You leaned against Carmy's side; he kissed the top of your head and sighed, burying the two of you deeper into the cushions of the sofa. It had been a beautiful day. With his arms around you, you asked him.

"Why don't you like presents on your birthday?"

"Uh- I'm not sure," he replied honestly. His fingers drew pretty shapes on your shoulder. "I guess if you're not expecting anything then you can't be disappointed, right?"

"I get that," you said after a while. "I just think it's a waste that I sell vintage, and you love vintage, and you don't ask for presents, you know?" you added playfully.

He smiled. "I guess. I think I like it better when it's on a random day, for no reason at all."

"Yeah," you nodded. "Can I do something nice for you, though? Just because I want to, not because it's your birthday," you clarified.

He turned to face you. "Uh- Okay."

You disentangled from his embrace and knelt between his legs on the floor . He tilted his head in confusion. You smiled and grabbed a hair tie from your pocket, making a show of putting your hair in a ponytail. Carmy's eyes widened when your hands ran up and down his thighs, slow, sensual motions that sent shivers up his spine.

"You don't have to-" he started protesting.

"I want to," you said.

It had come up a couple of times. You'd offer to reciprocate after he'd eaten you out and he would refuse, saying he would rather be inside you. With everything you had heard earlier, it seemed like sex was another facet of his life where he wouldn't let himself just enjoy stuff.

"I want to make you feel good too," you insisted.

He seemed torn, one of his hands reaching to caress yours.

"You're absolutely free to say no. There's other ways we can have fun but don't say no just because you feel you don't deserve it, Carm. You do. I promise," you said earnestly.

He bent over to kiss you fiercely. "Alright. Yes. Please," he said.

You moved slowly, undoing his belt and unbuttoning his trousers, watching the rise and fall of his chest as his breathing became more erratic. You pulled his trousers down, towards you, and started touching his thighs gently, raking your fingers through the coarse hair that went down his stomach, palming at the growing bulge over his boxers.

"Uh-" Carmy swallowed. "I have never- So if I don't last just-"

"Hey, it's okay," you reassured him. "Listen, if you last five seconds but you enjoy it, then I'm happy."

He laughed at that and ran a hand through his hair. "I'll aim for six then," he quipped.

You removed his boxers carefully, his cock was already hard. He groaned when your breath touched his bare skin. You suspected he was right, he wasn't going to last, so you tried to make it worth his while.

You started by kissing his head, licking the drop of precum in a quick flick of your tongue. It made him shudder with pleasure - and it made you feel powerful, the effect you had on him.

"Let me know if there's something you don't like," you said, your right hand closing loosely around his shaft. He nodded. He was hardly moving and his hands were fisting the cushions of the sofa. "You need to breathe, Carm," you reminded him, your voice had turned husky. You took one of his hands and placed it on your head, his fingers intertwined around your ponytail and you heard him exhale. "Good."

You leaned forward again, kissing around his head, making the kisses open mouthed as you went, letting him get accustomed to the feeling of your lips on him. Your hand started pumping his length, softly, no rhythm to it yet, more a caress than anything.

"You're going to fucking kill me," he rasped, his hand holding tighter to your hair, loosening the ponytail when he massaged your scalp. You moaned against his skin, which made him writhe his hips in return.

You opened your mouth, taking the first couple of inches of him. You couldn't deep throat, but he didn't seem to mind- your hand was pumping and making up for the rest of his length. He moaned and it made your pussy tingle.

"You sound so pretty, Carmy," you praised. He chuckled, out of breath.

You licked the length of his shaft, wetting it enough to help your hand glide easier. You took him again, a little deeper this time, not far enough to make you gag, just enough that he threw his head back in pleasure, the veins of his neck visibly pulsing and his Adam's apple bobbing as he tried in vain to breathe normally. It was all quick gasps and the occasional groan. That was enough teasing, you decided.

You started going back and forth, the rhythm of your mouth echoed with your right hand, the left rested on his knee. He intertwined his fingers with yours, holding tight.

"Please, don't- don't stop," he begged. His face was downwards now, looking you straight in the eye, his pupils were blown and his mouth hung open. "It feels so fucking good. Please, please..."

You sped up, hollowing out your cheeks, moving your left hand so that you were sinking your nails into the muscle of his tattooed forearm. Your underwear was wet with arousal and the sounds he made weren't helping, you pressed your thighs together to get some relief and ended up moaning on his cock.

"Holy fucking shit," he gasped. "I'm sorry, I'm gonna-"

You felt him twitch inside your mouth, every muscle in his body growing tense. He groaned over and over, going quieter each time, letting go completely. Salt covered your tongue in spurts and you did your best to swallow most of it, a little bit of it fell down the corner of your mouth. You slowed down, pumping him until he pulled you off his softening cock, mumbling something about "so good" and "too much". His hand let go of your hair and cupped your face, his eyes were glazed over and blissed out, a loving look to his sweaty face.

"So fucking good," he managed to say in an exhale. His thumb cleaned the drop of cum off your chin - so carefully, so gently that it warmed your insides. "You're beautiful."

You laughed in disbelief but then you remembered how gorgeous he looked when he emerged from in between your thighs, half of his face completely wet, a turned on blush on his cheeks...

He pulled you up on his lap and kissed you senseless, his tongue caressing your tired lips, humming contentedly into you. You were both a mess: him naked from the waist down, you with your hair completely undone and your underwear soaked.

"Best birthday I've ever had," he said against your lips, his forehead to yours. "Thank you."

You smiled. "You're welcome. Happy birthday, Carmy."

You had slowly gotten used to sleeping in a bed that smelled like Carmy. Whether it was at your place or his, even if the sheets on his side were cold they still had a hint of salt, smoke, and his expensive aftershave.

"Get a fucking grip," you reprimanded yourself in a low voice.

Call me when you get home?

You sent the text before you could chicken out. He wouldn't leave the restaurant for another hour or so, so you settled on the hotel room bed, the unfamiliar cream colored covers suffocating, the sound of a movie on the TV only making you more antsy.

When the phone rang, it was a little before midnight. You were comfortable and warm - and completely awake.

"Hey, you okay?" Carmy's voice sounded raspy on the phone.

"Yeah, everything's fine. I just- I couldn't sleep and-" you chuckled without a hint of humor. It felt silly: it was an overnight trip, you were staying at a nice hotel, and you couldn't sleep because Carmy wasn't there. It was so fucking silly. "Never mind. I'm okay, it's late. I'll see you tomorrow night."

"Hey!" Carmy stopped you from hanging up. "Talk to me. What's up?"

"Fuck," you looked at the ceiling. "I don't know. Nothing bad happened. Actually, the estate sale went great. Uh. This lady had a big collection of dresses, fifties and sixties, beautiful pieces. And shoes! Just tons of them, barely used, Gucci and shit."

"And you got them?" Carmy asked, you could almost hear him frowning.

"Yeah! It's all good stuff and I think it will sell well too."

"That's good," he said, his tone soothing. "So, what's wrong?"

"Uh- I don't know," you repeated. "I came back to the hotel and it was so- just so fucking quiet and it feels wrong, you know?"

Carmy hummed in agreement.

"I get it," he said after a beat. "When I got here, uh, the apartment was very fucking quiet too. Creeped me out a bit."

You sighed. Maybe it wasn't so silly.

"It helps, though," you said after a beat. "Talking with you."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," you smiled. "How was your day?"

"It was absolute shit," he replied.

"Too bad I'm not there to fuck about it," you said.

Sometimes, when Carmy's day was too bad to even talk about, you would fuck - hard and fast - and then talk about it. Hence, fuck about it.

Carmy chuckled. "Yeah," you could hear him exhale as he fell heavily on the couch or the bed. "That would actually help a lot."

You bit your lip, feeling your stomach flip a little. "Um, Carm?"

"Mmm?"

"I know you said you hadn't been with anyone before me-" you prompted. "Does that mean you never had phone sex either?"

He coughed loudly on the other side of the line. You pictured him choking on his own cigarette smoke, a deep blush to his cheeks.

"Sorry?" he asked after a moment.

"I mean that we can still fuck about it... If you want," you offered. "You know, you can say what you would like to do to me, or maybe tell me what I should do... That sort of thing."

"Uh," he hesitated. "I do- I'd like to try but I- I'm not good at playing pretend, you know? Never been, not even as a kid."

"If I do the talking? Would that be better?"

"Maybe?" his voice sounded ragged but not just from coughing.

"I've never, uh, taken the lead before but that would, like, even out the playing field, right?" you reasoned, your heart beating faster.

"What- what would that be like?"

"I could tell you about the nice pajamas I'm wearing," you lowered your voice. "The blue ones?"

"With the shorts and the little bows?" Carmy asked. "You look good in those..."

You opened your legs, your free hand playing with the elastic of your shorts.

"I wish you would take them off for me, Carm. I wish you would touch me like only you know how. I want your fingers inside me," he cleared his throat on the other side of the line. "Would you like to do that?"

"Yes," his voice was breathy, "I would, yes."

"I want you to do something for me, Carmy," you started teasing between your legs over the fabric of your shorts. "Remember when we first fucked? You closed your eyes and touched yourself to get hard again. Can you do that?"

"Yeah. Yeah," you could barely hear his intake of breath and it still made you shiver.

"You looked so fucking hot, I still think about it when I finger myself," you confessed. You could picture him clearly, the veins of his arms and neck bulging, his head thrown back.

"Shit..." he rasped.

"Can you hold the phone close, Carm? I want to hear you while you touch your cock."

"I want to hear you too... Ah, fuck!"

The sound made you curl your toes with anticipation. You got your hand inside your underwear and traced lines on your folds, caressing slowly.

"I'm already so wet," you said. "Are you hard for me, Carmy?"

"So fucking hard," he drawled and you moaned.

"What would you like me to do?" you asked, trying to keep your voice steady. "If I was there, Carm, what would you like me to do?"

"Ri- Ride me," he managed.

His breathing was a quick staccato that made your hand pick up speed, spreading wetness around your clit. You sat up on the bed, imagined Carmy underneath you, holding tight to your hips, your hands on his sculpted chest.

"How? How do you want me to- oh, God- ride you?"

"Just- hard," he groaned but it was a muffled sound, he was holding back.

"Carm..."

"I want you to fucking wreck me," he blurted out.

If he felt like he had fucked up, like he had done something terribly wrong at the restaurant, he liked it to hurt a little, you knew that by now. Maybe the rhythm was punishing, maybe it was way too fast, maybe you denied him his orgasm for a while. Anyway, he was atoning.

"I want you to touch you like I would, Carmy," you said. "Can you do that for me? Put lube on your hand, hold your cock tight, and go as fast as you can, okay?"

"Yes," it was barely a whisper. But suddenly you could listen - deep growls from way within his chest, rhythmic gasps that grew quicker and quicker. You struggled to catch up with him, your middle and ring fingers pumped in and out of you in tandem with his sounds.

"Oh, fuck," he rasped. "I can hear it. Jesus Christ."

"It's not the same without you, Carm," you said honestly. Your hand was wet to the palm but you still wanted that fullness only he could make you feel. "I need you inside me, I need you."

"Oh, fuck!"

He got quiet for a second, then groaned a few times, your pussy clenching while he did. You were so close. He sighed into the speaker, relieved and spent - you wanted to be happy for him but you were still on the edge and desperate for release. You kept moaning.

"Have you come?" Carmy asked.

"Not yet," you managed to say.

"Shit."

"I'm close though. Just stay on the line, please."

You could feel it slipping out of your grasp. It wasn't enough to have him listen, you needed something to hold on to. You let out a needy whine.

He read your mind, and in that fucked out voice he said: "That was- holy shit- that was so, so fucking hot. You made me come and you didn't even touch me," you fluttered against your fingers. "Can’t believe you're mine. You're my good girl."

He had never called you that. That was it. The tension within you snapped and you could breathe again. Eyes shut and forehead to the duvet, you could almost feel Carmy's hands touching up your back, tickling at your sides. You let out a shaky laugh.

"Fuck, Carmy. Fuck," you repeated, something warm settling in your belly.

"You okay?" he said. You had dropped the phone and you heard him far away.

You wiped your hand on your hip and settled back on the bed, tired and a little sweaty. You'd have to shower again in the morning but you found you didn't care right now.

"I'm okay," you replied when you could pick up your phone. "So okay. You?"

"So okay," he repeated with a chuckle.

"Okay," you let out a big exhale. "Now tell me about your day."

You were at The Bear, it was late at night, the lights were dimmed down and there were no patrons. You turned around and found the place empty - ghostly and quiet.

"Hello?" No one replied.

Now that you thought of it, you didn't know how you got there - couldn't remember, actually. But Carmy was suddenly there too, hands on his hips, wearing his pristine chef's whites. The blue of his eyes popped with the ambience lighting in a way that felt supernatural.

"Carmy," you called but he didn't move.

"On the table," he said brusquely, pointing with his head at the only piece of furniture left in the restaurant. There was no tablecloth or cutlery on it.

"What?" you asked.

"On the fucking table!" he yelled and you obeyed, sitting quickly on it, facing him.

"What's going on?" you asked.

He laughed - it wasn't his usual laugh, soft and floaty - it was a cruel sound, glass like.

"What's going on, sweetheart, is that I'm going to fuck you, on this table, until you come three times," he said and it sent a shiver down your spine. "Or until you beg me to stop, whatever happens first."

You didn't say a word, you couldn't: he kissed you violently, biting on your lip and grabbing your throat.

"Carmy, holy shit! Slow down," you pleaded when you parted to catch your breath.

He stopped but only to spread your legs wide open, his fingers digging into your thighs forcefully, then going up your skirt. He leaned to whisper in your ear:

"You sure you want that?"

His voice was low, caramel like, delicious. You ran a hand up his chest, fisting white fabric, bringing him closer.

"Good," he said. His fingers shoved your underwear to the side and teased mercilessly.

"Fuuuck," you whined as he made you melt in his hands.

He was touching you just right, having you soaked and pliant so fast it left you dizzy. He thrust two fingers inside you and started pumping fast, his thumb circling your clit - you thanked your stars that you had showed him early on where it was. Your moans grew louder and longer.

"Are you gonna cum for me?" he asked but it sounded like an order.

You nodded frantically.

"Are you gonna let me bend you over this table, fuck your pussy as hard as I want?"

"Yes, please, fuck," you whined.

Just before the knot within you could unravel, the bright light of morning rushed through the window and made you squeeze your eyes and cover your face. And suddenly you weren't at The Bear, you were at Carmy's place, warm in his bed. It was Sunday, you remembered.

"Oh, fuck," you mumbled.

Carmy was right next to you, twisting to face you as he woke up too.

The mornings you shared were few and far between, the occasional day off, the days when you had to get up early to take a train for a sale out of town... They were precious, you loved to see Carmy with sleepy eyes, reaching out for you from under the covers. You smiled and stared at him.

"Morning," you said, feeling a little weird about your dream.

"Mornin'," he slurred with his eyes closed. "You sleep okay?"

"Uh-huh," you tried to sound casual. "You?"

"Yeah," you let him pull you in closer, his nose brushed the side of your neck. And his hard on brushed your thigh.

"Oh!" your heart raced - the one thing that still remained from your dream was the wetness between your legs.

"Shit," Carmy covered his face with his hand. "I'll, uh, I'll take care of it. Don't worry about it."

You cleared your throat nervously. "Actually-"

You didn't know where to begin so you simply grabbed his hand and showed him how wet you were, even through your underwear he could tell. His eyes widened.

"Wh- What- Why?"

"Uh, I dreamt of you," you said simply.

"What about?" he asked. You shrugged. "I mean, if you liked whatever happened in your dream that much, we could..." he let the offer float. He had that curious look about him.

You bit your lip. It had been good, so good. But it made you feel a little embarrassed about the things that you wanted, what they meant about you.

"We were- Well, you fingered me and- yeah," you hoped he would be satisfied with that.

"Oh," he sounded a little disappointed but he obliged. "Sure, we can do that."

He scooted closer still, his hand and the way he moved was gentle and sweet. And completely wrong. You took his wrist and stopped him.

Carmy looked up in concern. "Did I hurt you?"

You shook your head. "I'll- I'll tell you about my dream but promise me you won't laugh," you pressed your hands on his chest. He nodded solemnly. "Even if we don't end up doing it because it's not your thing just- Don't laugh, okay?"

"I won't," he promised.

"Okay," you took a deep inhale. "So I dreamt that we were at the restaurant. We were all alone, it was late at night and you- Well, you told me to get on a table and that you would make me come three times," you blushed furiously. "You kissed me and you fingered me. You said you would bend me over on the table and fuck me hard. And then I woke up."

"Shit," Carmy said.

"Yeah."

"Was I- Was I different?" he asked.

"You were a little mean."

"And you were into it?" nothing about his tone betrayed disgust or revulsion.

"I didn't think I would be, but yeah," you replied honestly.

Carmy ran a hand through his hair and stared at you for a little bit.

"You know I'm not good at the pretending thing," he said and you nodded. "But I think I can fuck you on the table until you come three times."

You felt like you had the wind knocked out of you.

Before you knew it, you were both naked, kissing in the middle of his kitchen, his hands under your thighs as he placed you on the table.

"I'm gonna need you to keep count for me," he said, lowering to his knees between your legs. That was the last thing he said before devouring you.

You knew Carmy was competitive but you didn't know it would extend to a dream version of him. He became laser focused: his only goal was to be a better lover than dream Carmy, make you come undone faster and harder than he ever could. Without preamble, he hooked two fingers inside you, curling non-stop, making you gasp for air. His mouth worked tirelessly licking and sucking at your clit, getting satisfaction every time you pulled at his hair. In minutes, he had you bucking your hips frantically, trying to fuck his face. You screamed and heaved and cursed, grabbing to the edge of the table for dear life.

"How many?" he demanded once he got up from between your legs, wiping his face clean with his forearm. His voice sounded rough and you could see a glimpse of the cut-throat chef he used to be back in New York. You felt the aftershocks of your orgasm go through you one more time.

"One," you replied.

He grabbed your hips and brought you down from the table, then flipped you over. You heard the condom wrapper hit the floor, then, immediately felt his breath on the back of your neck as he lined up his cock to your pussy. He wasn't careful before and he wasn't careful now, going all the way inside you in a swift motion. It was pleasure and pain in even measures, it was exactly what you asked for. Your knees trembled underneath you but Carmy held you upright.

"Holy shit," was all you could say before succumbing to the rhythm of his hips against yours.

It was slow, purposeful. One of his hands played with your nipples while the other pressed on your clit. It was too much. You took the hand on your clit and placed it on your neck instead, remembering the way Carmy had kissed you in the dream, holding you possessively. Your Carmy didn't press at all, he caressed the column of your throat with careful fingers, kissed the side of it with devotion. It made you melt onto the tabletop. The feeling of your bare chest on the wooden surface and the sound of his hips clapping against yours turned you on even more. It took you by surprise when you started fluttering on Carmy's cock, your release almost gentle, a series of soft needy moans the only outer indication that you had come.

When you regained your bearings, your cheek to the table and your ass up in the air, you said with an unsteady voice:

"Two."

One of his hands soothed down your spine, a silent question being asked: Do you still want to go on? Can you do one more? You reached for his hand and squeezed it, using the strength you had left to get off the table and turn to face Carmy. He was a sweaty mess, curls falling on his forehead, red in the face from edging his orgasm to give you three. You didn't think you could love anyone more than you loved him right then.

"Carmy."

"I'm here. I'm right here," he maneuvered you gently to lay on your back over the table, his eyes on yours. You hummed contentedly. He lifted your legs, placing one on each shoulder and giving you a shy smile - you realized he had actually read the sex book you had bought him as a joke. You giggled. He didn't do anything in half measures.

This time, his motions weren't calculated and cold. The tenderness when he soothed your back and caressed your neck had bled into everything else. His hips stuttered every now and then, his fingers touched your ankles gently, and his eyes were fixed on you. It was perfect.

"I'm close," you whispered, one of your hands playing with your chest, the other reaching behind you to the edge of the table. You felt weightless. "You can let go, Carmy."

It was all a blur: the swirl of electricity down your body, the beautiful sounds that you made together, and the feeling of him falling on top of you.

"Shit! I'm sorry I'm crushing you," he mumbled on your skin, his arms flexing as he lifted himself up. You looked up at him and cupped his face, the post-coital glow and the morning light making him look angelic.

"Thank you," you said and he smiled. "It was good, better than I imagined."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

Right then, your stomach growled audibly. You covered your face with your hands, mortified. He peeled them off and leaned to nuzzle against your cheek.

"Pancakes?" he offered in a whisper.

You laughed and turned your head to kiss the tip of his nose. "Yes. Please."

[Deleted Scene]

[Part 4]

#still not done with this apparently #soon the virgin!carmy tag will be completely obsolete and it makes me a little sad #carmen berzatto x reader #carmen berzatto x you #carmy berzatto x reader #carmy berzatto x you #carmy x reader #carmy x you #carmen berzatto fanfiction

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cosmic-light-fics · 11 months

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The Girlfriend Montage

I can't shake this moment from my mind and some interpretations of moments like this in this season have gotten me mad, so here's what I've got to say about the girlfriend montage. Carmy telling Richie he's gotta call his girlfriend, then we get splices of scenes containing Carmy making food for Claire, Claire working in the hospital, and for reasons that are highly debated by some but seem completely obvious to others including myself there are scenes of Sydney interjected into the couple's montage.

I have my thoughts as to why Sydney is in the montage but that's not the point I want to linger on, not now at least.

I am going to focus on this part in particular: the one where Sydney is undressing and we see the Three of Swords tattoo.

To me, nothing is unintentional in this show. Nothing is inconsequential. And this small, two second shot of Sydney proves that in more ways than I can think of.

What I can't shake is how freaking similar it is to a scene we will later see in ep. 9. The sex scene with Carmy and Claire. It's an intimate moment. The room is cast in blue hues. It's all close up shots, quick cuts, and we can barely make out who is who and what is where. The moment is completely intimate and sensual in all the ways a romantic sex scene typically is conveyed.

And it matches the picture above nearly identically.

The choice to show the audience Sydney's tattoo bathed in this blue light that they will later use for Carmy and Claire's sex scene, the choice to capture this extreme close up, the choice to include the strap of her bra and a tattoo with an image that symbolizes heartbreak and betrayal, the choice to put one of the most intimate and vulnerable shots of Sydney in this montage meant for a couple is.... pretty indicative of the romantic undertones hidden in Carmy and Sydney's connection. The first time I saw it, I was blown away by how intimate of a shot that was of Sydney. We've never seen her like that - undressing, her skin that is always covered exposed, seeing for the first time that she has a tattoo. Just like we never saw Carmy like that in his sex scene with Claire, him being so intimately exposed.

I don't know how else to interpret it. Because all of what's stated above is not coincidence. The creators of this show didn't coincidentally put scenes of Sydney into the couple's montage and they definitely didn't mirror the imagery from the picture above to the sex scene in ep. 9 on accident. Just like how they didn't coincidentally have Carmy think of Sydney to calm him down during his panic attack.

#I don't like when my intelligence is insulted #I'm not even talking about the showrunnners and actors denying the sydcarmy allegations because that's to be expected #i don't care about the ppl who don't believe in this ship #i do however care when they say the scenes must not have been communicated properly #how can you outright deny something and then claim the writers are the ones who got it wrong #sure jan #the bear fx #the bear #the bear hulu #carmy berzatto #carmen berzatto #sydney adamu #syd adamu #the bear spoilers #sydcarmy #carmy x sydney #carmy x syd #sydney x carmy

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berzatoe · 11 months

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I Can See You

Warnings: swearing, smoking, smut, fingering, oral (M receiving), p in v, cream pie, breeding kink, spanking, dom!carmy, sub!reader, lots of dirty talk, Carmy is mean.

Pairings: Carmen Berzatto x F!reader

Synopsis: reader is a new hire at the bear set to replace sydney while she goes abroad, and she and carmen do not get along. On a particularly stressful night, they find a great way to sort out their differences.

Authors note: okay I was listening to Taylor’s song “I can see you” and this came to mind so here. There’s not enough Carmy smut out there so I am contributing. ALSO ACCEPTING REQUEST RN SO PLEASE SEND!!!

18+ ONLY MINORS DNI

—————————

The clock was ticking. A few minutes to open and so far, everything that could go wrong, had gone wrong.

When you agreed to fill in as Sous for sydney while she went abroad to study in Copenhagen, you didn’t realize what you were getting yourself into.

Night after night, you had anxiety levels in that kitchen similar to those of someone being hunted by wild animals.

That’s why they call it the bear— the thought occurred to you the first rush you worked. Richie and Carmen had almost killed each other, Tina nearly walked out, you were down an oven and the damn fridge was broken. It felt like you were running for your life as you tried to gain control of that kitchen.

“Chef, I said hands.” His firm voice cut through your thoughts.

“Yes, chef.” you followed his voice and took his place mixing as he began chopping vegetables. His biceps flexed with the heavy rhythm of the knife coming down against the board, veins swelling with tension, knuckles growing white.

He was another problem. He was the essence of the bear. You two butted heads like no other. Ever since sydney hired you to take her place for her leave, he’d been at your throat, hungry for your blood.

You were an ingenue of sorts at a prestigious chef school, and went on to work in one of his competing restaurants in New York at a very young age. You had come in with confidence of your abilities, and had different ways of doing things than Carmy. He couldn’t quite accept it, and you knew he didn’t respect you just yet.

But you craved his approval, for some reason. Something about Carmy made you thirst for his praise. You were constantly showing him new dishes you wanted on the menu to only be turned down. You two would easily get in screaming matches over wether to dice or mince, which spices to add, how long to cook, until you were out of breath and both needed a smoke break.

It didn’t help that he was so goddamn handsome. Watching him work, watching him be impassioned by his work, in command of his staff, it set something off in you. Even when he was screaming at you, there would be a glint in his eye, a vein popping in his neck, or a tone he took that would have you clenching your thighs together.

Now, you stood next to him staring at his strong arms and hands cutting vegetables, falling apart because you’re so stressed and all you can think about is those hands around your throat.

“Chef! What the hell!!” carmy shouted

You’d somehow poured the entire stock pot of sauce all over the oven.

You were stood there just staring at it emptily, trying to understand how it had happened.

“What were you thinking?!” Carmy yelled again.

“I can make more! I’ll get right on it, Chef.”

“We are fucking opening in exactly one minute, chef, we needed that sauce. We NEEDED THAT FUCKING SAUCE.”

“It was only half of the batch, the other one is still there.” You pointed toward the other pot, still heating. Then Carmen let out a heavy sigh and pinched the bridge of his nose as your eyes widened.

The second timer for it immediately went off, meaning it had reset. The alarm rang through the kitchen like a death siren. The sauce was cooking for twice as long as it was supposed to.

“Yup, looks like you burnt that sauce. Congratu-fucking-lations. We can’t open. Are you incompetent chef? Are you stupid?”

The words hurt. “I was going to take care of that sauce before you called for hands!”

“This is the 5th thing you’ve fucked up this morning. You’re ruining my open.”

“If you ever listened to me, I swear I have a more efficient way to do this where we don’t need to call hands and everybody has a set job—“

“This isn’t your restaurant, chef.” He cut you off with a cold stare to match his words, eyes piercing into your soul.

You huffed and spun around, scared if you stayed everyone would see you cry. You ran to the back, out the door, and sat against the brick wall of the alleyway. You rolled your head into your hands, trying to collect yourself.

“What’s wrong sweetheart?” Richie’s voice rung out. He stood leant up against the fence, smoking.

“Oh god,” you sniffed, looking up and quickly wiping tears away. You didn’t answer, instead, you reached out your hand, silently asking for a smoke.

Richie obliged and continued, “you know, Carmy is really hard on you, huh?”

You stayed quiet, taking a long drag and looking off to the city as you exhaled.

“He has a really hard time with people. He’s not like me. And I think he’s really threatened by you, cuz you’re so good. He had to be a control freak and work for it, but you’re just good.”

You pondered this for a moment, “you really think that?”

“Uh, yeah sweetheart. You’re a natural. He has to at least believe he’s in control or else he’d go apeshit. Also, I think he sort of has a thing for you, so it affects his focus… or whatever…”

You paused. You never thought of the possibility that it could be mutual. That he’d lose focus looking at you the way you so often did with him. But he had just been such an asshole, and you were angry, and god, you wanted to make him pay.

“Richie, I don’t think that could be true. He doesn’t like me. He’s so mean to me.”

Richie just chuckled and then put the cigarette the two of you had been sharing out.

“I know the kid. Get back in there, make him think he’s in charge, and do your thing, little miss sunshine.” Richie smiled and squeezed your shoulders. That was his nickname for you, because of your general sunny disposition. It had changed the place a lot.

The rest of your shift until close, you did what Richie suggested. You made Carmen think he was in charge. You followed orders with a smile and a “yes, chef”, you trailed after him and cleaned up his messes without him noticing, and soon enough the two of you were doing a successful close, allowing the rest of the staff to go home early.

Through the night, you’d also found a way to combat how distracted Carmy could make you. Richie’s intel had allowed you to flip the tables on him. Instead of focusing on how worked up he got you, you started focusing on how worked up you could get him.

You’d always stare at him for just a second too long after saying “yes, chef”, you’d squeeze pass him, intentionally pushing your body close to his. You’d find opportunities to bend over in front of him, stretch out, let your hand linger on his too long when he handed you something. Anything to be close, any chance you got. You were doing your best to see if what Richie had said held any truth to it.

You’d almost given up, you thought for sure something would happen, but the two of you had wrapped things up and were turning down the lights in the restaurant as you got ready to leave.

Carmy had been suspiciously quiet since everyone went home and you were beginning to feel awkward in the silence.

You were standing in front of your locker, grabbing your bag, when Carmy turned around and said, “Wanna tell me what the fuck was up with you tonight?”

You swallowed and turned around to face him, “I don’t know what you mean.”

He took a step closer to you, “I think you do.”

He walked the small distance between your lockers until he was flush against you. He leaned forward until you were cheek to cheek, his lips to your ear as he whispered, “you think you could ruin my open, then tease me like a desperate little whore the whole fucking shift, and get away with it?”

His words went straight to your pussy. Your heart was beating faster than it had ever before, here you were; finally caught by the wild beast hunting you down. He’d fallen for your bait. You smirked.

He lifted his head from your neck where he was planting kisses, seeing the grin on your face. He gripped your jaw with a firm hand, forcing you to look at him.

“Oh, you’re proud of yourself, hmm?” His hand trailed down and came to rest at your collar bones. You moaned in response.

He knew what you wanted. His hand closed around your neck and you smiled again.

Carmen closed his lips around yours. It was unexpected, and even though his hand was rough against your neck, the kiss was slow and gentle. It felt almost nervous, hesitant maybe, and that just made you even more desperate for him. You let out a whimper, begging him to give your more, and his tongue licked into your mouth as his other hand came up to squeeze your breast.

After that he went feral. Pushing up against you, clutching onto your throat, licking roughly and desperately into your mouth, grinding his hard cock against your heat.

He came back up for air, staring at you for a moment, searching your eyes for any regret, hesitancy, anything but what he found; which was pure, eager, lust.

He trailed kisses down your neck and chest and latched onto your nipple as he quickly began pushing down your pants. His calloused hands slowly began teasing the soft delicate skin of your thighs, rubbing soft circles so close to your core.

You whined, and in response he let out a light teasing chuckle as he pushed his hand pass your folds, immediately landing his thumb right against your clit.

Your body convulsed at this, and he loved it. He studied your face, looking for every reaction and using them as cues as he began circling his thumb against your clit.

“Yeah?” He breathed, clearly enjoying it too, “is this what you wanted? Hmm? You’re so fucking wet for me. How long have you been thinking about this? How long have you wanted me to touch you?”

Any nervousness you had detected in Carmy before was long gone. He was in control. You were letting him be in control, again, and he was about to ravish you for it.

“Answer me.” His thumb stopped and he tightened his grip around your neck.

“I’ve wanted you since-“ he began rubbing your clit again.

“Since- my first shift- I-“ his ring finger poked at your entrance.

“I-I can never stop thinking about you and-“ his finger fully entered you now and you instantly clenched around it.

“And- I always fantasize about you fucking me which is why i can’t do any of my work right!” You spit out quickly as his finger began pushing in and out of you. At this, he curled it up to meet your spongey spot deep within and you let out a yelp.

“Oh poor baby” he said as he slowed his movements, adding another finger and thrusting them in and out at a torturous pace. Your back was still pressed up against the lockers and the sting of the metal carving into your skin heightened all of your sensations.

“Stupid little slut can’t do her job because she wants to fuck her boss so bad, is that it?” He thrusts his finger into you hard.

“Please” you begged.

“Please what? What do you want?”

“Go faster, I’m so close!”

He instantly removed his fingers from your and you felt the emptiness like a hole.

You went to complain before he clamped a hand around your mouth, “Don’t say a thing. You’re lucky I even gave you my fingers after the shit you pulled tonight, baby. You think you can tell me what to do? You think that’s how this is gonna work? I would just let you cum and then give you my cock and make you cum again?” He laughed.

His eyes were dark and full of want, his cock was hard and it was so painfully evident through his pants. It looked so big and you couldn’t get your mind off of it.

He noticed you staring and began undoing his belt. “Get on your knees.”

You gulped and froze.

He put a hand on your shoulder, pushing you down until you were kneeling, “I said, get. On. Your. Knees.”

He finished undoing his pants and you were face to face with his long, hard, thick cock.

“Be a good girl and suck it, baby” he said. You started towards him before he grabbed a fistful of your hair and pulled you back.

“What do you say when I ask you to do something, darling?” His tone was condescending, but you answered nonetheless.

“Yes, chef.”

He groaned and rolled his head back, “yeah, that’s right, good fuckin’ girl” pushing your head back towards his cock as an invitation. You accepted.

You were brutal with your movements, sucking and licking and pushing him as deep as you could get him. He was anything but shy with letting you know how much he enjoyed it, his grip tightening around your hair and pulling and pushing ever so slightly, his hips unintentionally bucking up, forcing his cock down the back of your throat.

And the sounds he was making, oh, they could only be from your dreams. He was unraveling at the seams and whimpering like a dog when you reached your hand up to cup his balls and lightly massage them, he pushed your head so far down you couldn’t breathe.

“Oh my fucking go-d” he said before pulling you off him with a “pop” and staring at your fucked-out face.

Blown out eyes stared back up at him, saliva coating swollen lips, mascara smudged and running, hair a mess. He was proud of himself, and the sight turned him on to no end. He knew if he let you continue he’d cum. However, you were relentless and as soon as he let up on your hair, you dove back down.

“Okay baby, that’s enough.” He said, tearing you away again.

“Why?” You asked genuinely, and it made his heart flutter.

“Cuz if you don’t stop, you’re gonna make m’cum. Can’t do that yet. Wanna do it deep, deep inside ya’… if that’s okay?” He whispered gently, cupping your face and wiping your cheeks.

“Please, god please.” You cried, nodding your head. He grabbed your hand and helped you up, leading you to his office.

There, carmy turned you around and placed, gentle, sweet kisses along your shoulder before whispering, “are you sure this is okay?”

To which, you nodded desperately. But that wasn’t enough for him.

“I need you to say it, honey. I need you to say that you want this. That you want me to fuck you right here on this desk, and fill you up with my cum.”

“I want you Carmy, I want you so bad.”

“Say it.”

“I want you to fuck me on this desk and fill me up with your cum.” You whined, slightly embarrassed, pussy swollen and begging to be fucked.

He pushed you down until you were bending over the desk, chest flush against it. He got a good look at how much you truly wanted him.

“Jesus Christ, prettiest pussy I’ve ever seen” he said, roughly spreading you.

“So fucking wet and tight too, could feel you squeezing my fingers earlier.” He spit into his hand and cupped your pussy with it, rubbing the spit down and over your folds.

You felt the tip of his cock tease your hole, slowly making little circles, just barely entering. At this point, you were so ready for him this actually felt mean. You needed relief and he knew it, he saw it, saw your clit throbbing and your legs shaking, body blushing all over. You beginning to make a sound you’ve never heard yourself make before.

He starts to softly comfort you but you know he’s proud of himself, with a smirk on his face as he does it, “ssshhh-sshhh… it’s okay, baby. I know, I know, it’s a lot. I just wanna make sure I don’t hurt you so I’m gonna start real slow, okay? Know you need me. Gonna take good care of you, promise” he slowly starts to inch himself in, and you have to admit, his size surprised you. You were glad for his patience.

When he finally burrows himself all the way within you, you both let out a moan in-sync at the new feeling. Both taking a second to adjust, you tighten and release your walls, making him groan.

“So. Fucking. Tight.” He says between thrusts as he begins, setting a good pace.

Once Carmen is finally fucking you, finally moving within you, taking you raw, you feel free. You let go of all the stress from the restaurant and let him drill it out of you, and you’re sure you’re serving the same purpose for him.

“S’good… so fucking good…” carmen is saying as he fucks you, pace picking up, getting more rough by the second. The praise makes you melt, you squeeze him again and revel in the loud moan you get out of it.

He grabs another fistful of your hair and pulls your head back, making your back arch and the position hit so much deeper. He leans over your body and reaches down to rub your clit with the hand not on your head. It makes you tremble under him.

“Doing s’well for me baby… knew this was all you wanted…. All I could ever think about too… taking you back here… fucking you hard and good just to shut you up… emptying my load deep inside you… leaving you to work the rest of your shift all filled up with me… you’ve been such a little tease every day since you got here… giving me those looks across the kitchen, wearing those little outfits in on your days off, pushing my buttons just to get a rise out of me… I’ve wanted this for so long, pretty baby. You’re so fucking pretty”

You cry out at his drunken confession. It gets you so worked up, you’re almost there, and you can tell he is too.

“Carmy…” you whine, feeling him so deep, hitting that spot every single time without pause, working you up and up and up.

“Yes, baby?”

“Cum inside of me, please. I want it all. Want you to fill me up. M’sclose too. Please please please, fill me up Carmy.” You’re practically in tears and it does something to Carmy. He hears you.

He quickens his pace, getting sloppier, rougher, more sporadic, the two of you making noises like animals, and soon he takes a hand and slaps it down across your ass, causing a loud thwack, as you scream in euphoria. He does it one more time, hard enough to leave a welt, before spilling his seed deep, deep inside of your pussy.

As he pumps his seed into you, again and again, you feel that coil come undone and are seeing stars before you know it, panting and moaning and sweating as Carmy holds you in his arms and snaps his hips back into you occasionally.

He’s collapsed over you on the desk, the two of you exhausted and decompressing. He places a few kisses against your cheek before standing up and pulling himself out, groaning again at the sight. He sees your welted ass, pussy red and swollen, knees shaking, body rising up and down from being out of breath and he instinctively pulls your dead weight into his office chair and runs to get you a water.

You decide that you and Carmy have found an incredible, healthy way to work out your differences in the kitchen.

#carmy smut #carmen berzatto #carmy berzatto #carmy berzatto smut #carmen berzatto smut #the bear #the bear smut #dom!carmy #carmy the bear #carmy x reader #carmy x you #Carmy blurb #carmy imagine #smut #richie the bear #the bear imagine

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faithfulpuppy · 1 year

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Something I've seen a lot of in the Locked Tomb fandom is John's irreverence/sense of humour held as evidence that he is and always was a piece of shit - his response to Wake's questions about the bombs, his general attitude in the Nona flashbacks. (This is not a defence of John's actions, so bear with me.)

This is a cultural barrier I've encountered before with New Zealand humour - Americans in particular have taken offence to my 'attitude' when I was making what would be considered a very chill joke here, and I think it's no coincidence that a large portion of the tlt fandom seems to be American. New Zealand humour is very, very dry and irreverent and relies mainly on sarcasm, understatement and self-deprecation. We're not overly sophisticated or witty. Delivering a very serious statement deadpan is considered very funny. We're (especially men) discouraged from showing honest emotions and often cope with tragedy by making casual remarks that are almost callous at times. This all frequently comes off as rude or disrespectful to non-New Zealanders, especially via text with no vocal/body language indicators. I've gotten in trouble online more than once before over it.

I think part of the reason I interpreted John as less sinister than a lot of other people on my initial read is because his humour and manner seem very normal and non-threatening to me. When he says flippant shit that other people jump on as "See? He has no heart he's evil he doesn't care about others!" I'm like what? He was just- that's what I'd have said too? That's just how kiwis talk? This is not always true of course - sometimes he goes too far because he's dead inside - the line about Sydney's tram service is, while in line with New Zealand humour, deeply disturbing. But I think it's really important that he's not just Some Guy, he's Some Kiwi Guy and to someone who's grown up in New Zealand his manner of speech is very familiar and not the evidence of coldness/evilness it's often perceived as by others.

#the locked tomb #john gaius #new zealand #I'm not saying he's not evil but sometimes y'all get the correct answer with the wrong math

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nevernonline · 2 months

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✧.* he's all that; lsm mini series

✧.*synopsis: every year the kappa sorority hosted a 'hot or not' greek life pageant show. you've luckily escaped having to bring your own "nottie" to give a makeover to and train in hopes of winning a big prize for the rest of your crew. but, just when you thought your lucky streak was going strong your name get's chosen as a representative and your sisters had just the guy for you to make over.

part of my seventeen movie series.

paring: seokmin x reader (y/n uses she/her pronouns.)

genre/s: fluff, strangers2lvrs, neighbors2lvrs or whatever.

warning/s: alcohol mentions, swearing, cigarette mentions, swearing, some pg-13 jokes. no funny business iykyk. lots of mean girls (rip)

word count: 4.2k

note: im notorious atp for not editing, pls. this edition of nmm is inspired by a true classic she's all that (w/ a bit of greek the tv show/sydney white energy if any of u have ever seen ALSO classics, this was supposed to be one part, BUT! I feel myself getting so carried away so … three parts.) i was going to post my gwag update today but im gonna wait till either tomorrow or Tuesday <3.

beginning ▸ middle ▸ end.

Y/n was dreading the meeting she walked through the front doors of the sorority for this afternoon, the pageant. Kappa and all the other sororities on Greek row participated in what they call ‘Hot or Not’ every year since supposedly the 1980’s something her now head sister Heather claims was started by the legacy that was her mother. Which maybe was true, but y/n could never figure out why it mattered? And while it was fun it was a little bit old school.

“Hey, girls. Everyone settled in? We have a very exciting tradition here at Kappa as you may know.”

The cheers rang through the sitting room, with its white walls, pale pink carpets, and sherpa couches, the cheers and claps of girls hoping Heather draws their name from the glass bowl with her perfectly manicured finger tips.

“Yes. It’s so exciting, we have a few new faces so since you haven’t been a part of this week in past years we left you out of the bowl, but we will have many things for you to participate in this week. Like dine and dash, our famous Good as Gold party, and of course judging the competition at the end of the week. Before we get to the drawing, I wanted to congratulate our last year's winner, Suni. Give it up for her.”

Smiling, y/n clapped along with the other girls, giving Suni her flowers. About to step out behind the two french doors to grab a water or something to drink, when you hear Heather call your name loudly. All of your other sisters and friends spinning around watching her looking like she was attempting to escape the reality of her name being the one chosen after three years of getting out of it.

“y/n! Finally, Come back here, girly.”

Walking through the clapping crown y/n took her place next to the blonde and pretended to smile with excitement as her gut was telling her it was absolutely the worst day of her life.

The only reason y/n was in this sorority was to get extra college credits, that and Heather and her mother met here and have been friends since that very day. Heather was obsessed with being a legacy and clawing her way to the top of the food chain at the university. Y/n was just there for the ride.

“Everyone, you all obviously know my very good friend and our smartest sister, y/n. I personally have been waiting for the day she got chosen out of this bowl. It’s something our moms, co-vp’s of their 1980’s class of Kappas have been talking about for years. So I’m just as excited as I’m sure y/n is to be our guiding light to another victory this year. Anything to say, y/n?”

“Uh, not really, you said it all.”

Another big fake smile appeared on her face. Laughing and giggling at all the congratulations coming her way.

“Girls, before we enjoy our lunch. Don’t forget tonight is dine and dash, please find your dates and bring them to Carol’s Diner at 8pm. See you there.”

Checking the time on your phone you had roughly 45 minutes before your lecture and enough time to take off the gaudy Kappa logo’d sweater you had to put on for what Heather calls “official business.”

“Y/n what are you checking the time for? We have a lot to do today.”

“I have a class in 40 minutes, I have to go back and change.”

“I don’t get why you won't just move back in here with us?”

“I told you, Heather. I can't. I have to focus on getting into Med School and no offense to you or the other girls, but this isn’t exactly the best place for me to focus when I have to study.”

“Med School can wait just one day right? We have to set up the table at Carol’s and set up for the party later. Would you mind going with the new girl Sam to grab the alcohol? And then you can meet me back here and we will go to the diner together. I’m going to have the girls go out and look for some Nottie’s for you today before that whale from Delta picks them all up. “

“No, but-”

“Thank you! Love you!”

“Also her name is not Sam, It’s Soyeon.”

“Okay got it, toodleoo.”

Searching the house for the person and so called new girl, Sam you stumbled upon her sitting out on the back patio writing in her journal.

“Soyeon?”

“Oh, hey y/n.

“Hey, sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you.”

“No, you didn’t. I’m just so used to everyone calling me Sam I forget people know that it’s actually not.”

“Yeah, it took Heather a whole year to not call Suni, Sunny and everyone just kind of follows her suit.”

“I thought you had class? I didn’t know you were still here.”

“I do. It’s just a lecture on the importance of mammograms and breast cancer research so, I guess it’s okay. I can just find it somewhere online.”

“Ready to head out?”

“Would you hate me if we stopped at my dorm? I cannot wear this fucking sweater for more than an hour or I may spontaneously combust.”

“Yeah, I don’t want to be seen with you in public while you’re wearing that.”

“I appreciate your honesty.”

“You should.”

Y/n and Soyeon escaped the general excitement of the rest of the girls by escaping out the outdoor gate and walked viciously together to change the heinous sweater on y/n’s back.

Turning the corner to finally reach the hall her single dorm room lived at the end of, she ran into a tall boy who’s books scattered all across the floor, a boy she had never once run into literally and physically.

“I'm so sorry.”

“No, no I’m sorry, I wasn’t watching where I was going.”

“You’re y/n right?”

“Yes? Why?”

“Oh, no. Nothing like that. I live across the hall from you. I see your name tag on your door all the time and all the photos of you from all your friends. Which now that I’m talking makes me sound like even more of a weirdo? I’m sorry. I’m Seokmin, my friends call me DK or Dokyeom , whatever. And now I’m rambling, please stop me.”

“No, you’re okay. Can we at least just get off the floor now?”

“Yes.”

Seokmin or Dokyeom whatever his real name actually is, crawled off the floor and stuck his hand out to you for assistance pulling your pink colored body off the floor.

“This is my friend, Soyeon.”

“Sorority sisters?”

“Wait. How’d you know? Oh, fuck the sweater. Don’t tell anyone you saw me wearing this, I know where you live.”

“Don’t worry, I never will. But, sorry to uh, cut this meeting short I have to get to class. I’ll see you again, I’m sure. Bye, nice meeting you y/n. And you too, Soyeon.”

“Bye.”

In unison you and Soyeon watched the tall boy walk towards the elevators. Both of you have differing expressions of looks on your face, one of pure enjoyment watching the awkward interaction and one of pure dumbfoundedness.

“He’s cute.”

Soyeon brought you out of staring at the boy walking away and stepping into the elevator, throwing his fingers up waving goodbye while clutching his mounds of books in his hands.

“What?”

“I said he’s cute and he’s your neighbor. Lucky girl.”

“Oh. Yeah, I can’t believe I’ve never met him before.”

“Why don’t you ask him out?”

“We just met. Plus, I’m busy with school and now this stupid pageant. I don’t have time for cute boys.”

“I’m sure you can make it work.”

Unlocking your door and letting Soyeon in before you so you can sneak a peek at his front door in front of yours. Plain, just a few funny messages and cute stickers of tangerines and tigers pasted on his whiteboard. Maybe he already has a girlfriend? But a boy like that with that many books is probably much like you and had no time for dating.

“Wait. Y/N your room is so nice? Maybe I should move out of the house. It’s loud as fuck anyway.”

“Why are you in the sorority? I’m not judging because I was basically dragged into it too. I’m just curious?”

“My mom always wanted me to join. She said it’s a good way to find friends, I always had a hard time making them. So I figured why not?”

“Got it. Makes sense.”

“What about you? You also don’t serve sorority girl to me.”

“Because my mom also got me to join, that’s actually how I know Heather. Our moms were co-captains of the sorority at some point in the 80’s.”

“Oh, so you’ve known her your whole life?”

“Mhm.”

“No offense or anything, but she’s… kind of a bitch.”

“Kind of? It’s only gotten worse since she’s been in charge. She was okay when we were younger, but you know.”

Slipping out of your jeans and sweater, you threw on a black pair of pleated pants and a loose white button down.

“Also you have tattoos and a sick body, stop dressing like an old woman.”

“I could never pull off what you wear? You’re so cool and confident.”

“Promise me. One party this year you’ll let me pick out something to wear?”

“Okay.”

“You’re very trusting.”

“What? You’re going to make me wear a hot pink dress and try to dye my hair blonde too?”

“Hell no.”

“Exactly.”

Hours passed on as you were getting to know Soyeon more, a part of you realized what you had been missing meeting girls outside of your own circle at school.

People who share your interests and enjoy talking about things other than clothes, shoes, and boys.

It was actually the least stressed you’ve been around someone at the sorority in a long time. Almost like a breath of fresh air.

Getting out of the Uber you took filled to the brim with alcohol and snacks, you were back at the big White House at the end of the street. Not a flaw in sight. Almost like it wasn’t a real reality.

“Should we ditch the diner? We could always go see my friend play at the bar across campus instead?”

“I would love nothing more, but Heather will have my head shaved or something.”

“Okay, well when we ditch later we can head there.”

“It’s a date.”

“Ew, you’re so corny. Save it for your new lover boy across the hall.”

“Shut up.”

Soyeon and you laughed, dragging the last box up the stairs into the foyer of the house. Met with the blonde at the bottom of the stairs.

“There you guys are! I was going to send a search and rescue team to come for you if you didn’t show up soon.”

“We got a little distracted. Sorry.”

“No problem. You’re here now, Sam go up and get ready, I’ll help y/n from here.”

“Okay.”

Soyeon or Sam, picked her poison and shoved down Heather still calling her by the wrong name and walked up to her room to change and get ready for the rest of her night. While you were stuck unpacking the boxes.

“Y/n. Don’t forget to look out for the boys everyone brings tonight. We can pick one from the litter for your Nottie.”

“Look, Heather-“

“I know what you’re going to say and don’t even think about asking me if you can drop out of the pageant, okay?”

“I just don’t think it’s worth it or fair anymore, why don’t we just get the other frat guys to do it? Like Mingyu or Wonwoo, Johnny? I don’t know. I don’t want to make anyone feel uncomfortable.”

“You raise a good point. And it gives me an idea.”

“Which is?”

“We have the other frats competing too, we’ll get more payout and the three uglies will be more profitable than ever for us. You’re so smart.”

“That’s not wha-“

“Ah! I’m so lucky to have you. I’ll let everyone know.”

Heather bounced off into the other room, texting rapidly with her manicured hands on her cell phone, making the fire bigger.

With your head spinning around and around you don’t even remember walking your way to the diner waiting for the freshman girls to bring their guys along to the large table set for someone’s embarrassment.

Taking a seat near the end of the table next to Soyeon and Heather on your other side, you sat and sipped at the Diet Coke in front of you, feeling your mix of anxiety and angel swirling in your stomach and begging for something a little stronger.

“Are you feeling okay?”

Soyeon leaned over and whispered into your ear, seeing the look on your face and noticing your obvious quietness.

“I’ll tell you after.”

“Okay, if you want to go early, let me know.”

“I will”

Heather had her vulture eyes on, waiting to see which she would inevitably have embarrassed by the groups around you with no remorse.

She looked into your eyes and signaled to a cute shy boy across the table, sitting and picking at his nails, making it clear she had made her mark.

“Let me use the bathroom first okay?”

“Yeah, of course. You wouldn’t want to miss it.”

“Right.”

Walking briskly into the old blue stalls in the bathroom, which you didn't even really have to use, but just needed an excuse to go somewhere and release your anxiety.

“Y/n? Hey. Y/n?”

Seeing Soyeon’s platform heels under the bottom of the stall door you jumped up and swung your head out of the blue metal.

“What?”

“Remember that guy you met today?”

“Yes, of course why?”

“He’s here.”

“Someone brought him?”

“No. He’s here with his two friends and Heather invited them to the table. One of them is that dude that’s friends with Mingyu with the that acts like a tiger, the hot nerdy one, and the other one is just some hot short buff guy, never seen him before. Anyway, We either have to get out of here right now or stay and hide in here until they're gone.” L

“Why don’t we just go-“

“No. I don’t want him to think you’re a bitch? Are you crazy? You can’t go dunking on nerds in front of three hot dudes?”

“Okay let’s go.”

As the two of you tried to make your exit from the ladies room you heard commotion outside in the dining room, so you both slipped back quickly into the bathroom, locking the door for some reason as you head the chairs scooting and the bell ringing meaning people were slipping out on one of the boys at the table.

“You think they're gone?”

“Yeah. I hear the sink running in the men’s room, come on.”

As you walked out of the bathroom in front of you Seokmin was sitting at the table covered in a turkey club sandwich looking at the long tab Heather left for him.

“Hey, what are you doing here?”

“Your ‘sisters’ dumped a sandwich on me and left the tab? Do you guys do this a lot?”

“It’s just some stupid shit Heather came up with when she became president. Me and y/n were hiding in the bathroom so we could come and pay the tab. But, you got to it first.”

“Right.”

Not saying anything and standing in your tracks cold, you watched as Soyeon took the check from his hands and waved you on to help him as she went up to pay.

“She dumped her food on you?”

“Yeah, my friends and I were just coming for takeout. I saw Soyeon so I went to say hi and she wanted to come get you. But the blonde girl,”

“Heather.”

“Yeah, Heather. She told me to sit down for a second and my friends went back to their dorm so they could keep studying and deliver food to some other guys. She was okay at first, but once Soyeon left she dumped her soda and sandwich on me and when I came back they were all gone.”

“I’m so sorry? Let me get you dry cleaning money or something.”

“No, don’t worry about it. I can handle it. I’m glad you two were here though, I don’t have my wallet on me. Are you okay though? Have you been crying?”

“I’m fine, just had a moment.”

The small black haired girl popped back over, tucking her card back into her wallet and smiling at the two of you sitting and talking with Seokmin covered in an orange beverage, a little bit of lettuce stuck in his hair.

“Want to come to a party?”

“If it’s at the sorority then sorry, no thanks.”

“No. It’s just some of my friends from the music department. They’re playing a show at O’Malley’s.”

“I don’t think orange soda is really a good look for a party.”

“That’s okay, y/n has to go change too. You guys just meet me there? I’m going to head out and get us a table.”

“Well I do owe you guys both a drink. So, sure.”

“Oh, and Seokmin?”

“Yeah?”

“Make sure y/n actually comes back out, she’s hard to get her hands on.”

“Of course.”

Walking back to your somewhat shared dorm, you and Seokmin walked in silence past greek row, watching all the girls running around to get ready for a greeting ceremony to the frat houses as escorts to their party.

The boy looked at you up and down, imagining you inside one of those grand houses gossiping and dishing on sister life just trying to figure out why you joined in the first place, your friend included.

Reaching your destination with only smiles and small giggles shared between the two of you on the walk over, you both slid into your dorm rooms and found clothes that were far more suitable for a night out.

You noticed the black tank top Soyeon had pointed out before and slid it on, matching it with a pair of dark ripped jeans and your go-to loafers, sliding back into the hallway, finding Seokmin on the other side of the door waiting for you.

He was somehow on your wavelength wearing an oversized black t-shirt and jeans.

“I figured I should try to match Soyeon's aesthetic somehow.”

“Me too. You look nice, I like your shoes.”

“Thank you.”

“Shall we?”

“Yes. I definitely need a drink.”

“So, y/n what is your drink of choice.”

“Anything strong and not sweet.”

“Oh, so not me then.”

“Shut up.”

Seokmin made you laugh, there was no way a boy like him was not taken or at least could be interested in you.

“Have you and Soyeon been friends for long? You guys seem close.”

“Actually, not really. We hung out for the first time today. I mean, I’ve seen her at parties and stuff, but she’s sort of been like a breath of fresh air for me.”

“Really? I’m surprised by that. Why are you in the sorority anyway? You don’t exactly have the same.. Vibe? Or whatever as the other girls. Especially the ones I met today.”

“My mom. The girl. Heather. Soda spiller, her mom and mine were friends when we were kids, they're legacy members. So I just thought it would be fun, but now.. I don’t feel that way.”

“Can’t you just quit?”

“I guess.”

“Why don’t you want to?”

“I guess I just want to be someone who sees things through. I also can’t offer Heather the satisfaction of knowing I left.”

“She really is that bad huh?”

“Worse. It’s a long story. Can we table it?”

“Of course.”

Reaching the door of the bar, you caught a glimpse of Soyeon’s shoulder tattoo near the stage, through the large crowd of people mingling.

“Go. I’ll order us drinks and meet you there?”

“You sure?”

“You said you needed it right?”

“What about your wallet?”

“Apple pay, y/n. Duh.”

“Your ID?”

“My friend is the bartender, just go.”

“So sassy.”

Walking your way through the crowd by pushing yourself through other bodies you finally reach the girl on the other side and wrap your arm around her waist as a hello.

“What the- Oh my god, you actually came? You look so hot. I’m proud.”

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“It’s fine. Where’s the puppy?”

“At the bar grabbing drinks.”

“On the leash already? You’re good.”

“No. He’s just nice.”

“True. But, he also likes you.”

“I don’t think it’s like that, but maybe someday you’ll tell me I told you so.”

“I look forward to it. I saved you guys a table.”

“My girl.”

Soyeon gestured her long manicured fingers behind you, noticing the boy making his way with two glasses in his hands and another tall figure following behind him holding a tray with various things on top.

“Hi, Soyeon.”

“Hi, Keom. Thank you for joining us. Who’s the glasses?”

“My friend Wonwoo, he works here, well he just got off. Is it cool if he joins us?”

“Of course.”

“Nice to meet you, Wonwoo. I’m y/n.”

“Hey.”

“So. Since I didn’t get to ask Soyeon what she wanted and I wasn’t entirely sure what you liked. We brought over options. But, we have to finish them all because Wonwoo was nice enough to gift them to us and it’s unfair to not accept gifts.”

“Very charming.”

You made your second flirty comment of the night to Seokmin, even though your sober self normally isn’t entirely as bold as you find yourself being with him now. But, in all fairness you were just trying to catch his vibe. He didn’t respond verbally, but just scrunched his nose in your direction almost as if he was letting you know that he’s interested.

“First, a simple vodka soda, little lemon, then just a couple of beer options, this is a sour, this is just a simple light beer, and an ipa, which ew, but I think Wonwoo likes, some tequila shots and some lemon drop shots, also a whiskey soda and a jack and coke, and then a uh, gin and tonic i think? Right, Woo?”

“Yeah, maybe you should be the bartender, Seokmin.”

“I have other talents.”

All eight of your hands reach every which way around the table and end up with different drinks sat in front of them, you beelined for the vodka and the sour beer, Soyeon went for the whiskey soda and the tequila, Seokmin for the gin and tonic and light beer, and Wonwoo for the jack and coke and the ipa.

“Who wants what shot?”

Soyeon dipped her arm back to the middle of the table covering her eyes with her opposite hand, grabbing a hold of the small glasses very carefully and placing them around the small group.

“There. Decided for you, me and Wonwoo get tequila and you and Seokmin get lemon.”

Smiling widely at your friend next to you, you grabbed a hold of the shot glass and held it up signaling everyone to cheers. Which they all happily obliged.

Soon after the alcohol was going through your bloodstream the band started playing their music that hit you right in the chest, songs about living your life to the fullest and choosing your own path, much to your surprise Soyeon was the one who wrote the music that spoke to your soul.

After the set ended, Wonwoo and Soyeon wanted to stay back and have a few more drinks to congratulate their friends, and enjoy their night, but you were beat thinking about all the work you still had to do over the weekend and dreading the choice of man Heather would embarrass. So you decided to leave with Seokmin walking you back safely to your dorm.

“What are you studying again?”

“Me? Oh, I’m studying to be a veterinarian.”

“Wow really? That’s cool, I didn’t know. You must be busy as hell.”

“I’m sure you’re just as busy, being a doctor for actual humans is way more complicated considering a lot of them are assholes.”

“That’s unfortunately true. But, I love it to be honest. I can understand why people are afraid of the hospital and surgery I guess.”

“That’s good, maybe we should study together sometime? I know it’s not the same exact thing or whatever, but it’s nice to have company?”

“I would love that, tomorrow? I mean if you’re free. We can go to the coffee shop or library or anything really?”

“Yeah, just knock around 10?”

“Okay. Cool. I’ll see you tomorrow??”

“Yes, absolutely. Have a good night, y/n”

“You too, Seok.”

Trying to get comfortable in your bed, some pesky person kept lighting up your phone screen, reaching over to turn on do not disturb you and realized it was Heather. She was asking a bunch of interrogating questions about your new friend Seokmin, begging you to bring him over tomorrow.

Unfortunately for you, you knew her interest in him was about to make your new relationship a very complicated one.

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sluts4matt · 1 month

Text

SECRET (part three)

pairing: nate doe x sls!erika sturniolo

summary: she had hidden her feelings away for years, but with growing up and toxic relationships it was all starting to resurface.

warnings: none

word count: 1283

authors note: i'm sorry updates for this are so slow. edit: sorry for not posting this last night my little brother was in need of cuddles to sleep.

view my master list here

the past two weeks had been agonizing. i wasn't allowed to hang out with nate for a month. yet here he was, sitting in the living room after school playing play station with the boys.

i rubbed my hands over my face, sighing as i walked down the stairs towards the kitchen. "hey erika," nate greeted, causing me to smile. "hey nate," i say, getting a juice from the fridge.

"where's mom?" i ask.

"garage maybe?" nick said, looking away from his phone for a split second to look at me. "thanks," i say, shooting him air guns.

"mom!" i call, walking towards the garage. "mooooom!"

"what erika?" my mom says, poking her head out from behind the garage door.

"can kayla come over?" i ask, looking at her with pleading eyes. she sighs and shrugs her shoulders. "yes! thank you!" i exclaim, smiling widely. "thank you thank you!"

i run over and kiss her cheek, making her laugh. "open doors," marylou states with pointed fingers, "open doors." i roll my eyes and smile at her, nodding.

i pull my phone out of my pocket and dial kayla's number. "hello?"

"my mom said you can come over," i say excitedly. "be there in five," the girl on the other side giggles.

"she's gonna be here in five!" i yell, walking up the stairs. i get no response from any of the guys, and sigh, knowing they can't hear me over their own voices.

i go into my room and change into a new shirt, tossing my previous one into the hamper. i sit at my desk and wait for kayla, "i'm here!" a voice exclaims, making me turn to the doorway.

"she's here," i repeat, giving her a hug. "what first? gossip about sydney?" she asks, i roll my eyes at the mention of one of the girls we hated the most. the only true reason being she was rude as hell.

"no," i say, sitting back down, "how are things going with you and jay?" she groans and plops onto my bed, her eyes closed.

"not well," she groans. i give her a questioning look and she sits up. "i'm pretty sure he has a thing for someone else," she huffs, her hands moving wildly around her face.

"no," i deadpan, "what? no way. i thought he really liked you?"

"that's what i thought," she sighs, looking up.

"i'm so sorry kay," i whisper, hugging her again.

"it's fine," she laughs, her mood changing. "so, let's talk about you," she smirks. "not much there," i say, not mentioning anything about nate.

"sure," she chuckles. "oh, did you hear about the party at liz's house?" she asks, her eyes wide with excitement.

"liz? party? you've got to be kidding," i scoff, laughing a bit. "my mom would never let me go, especially not right after i just got busted for smoking and drinking," i tell her.

"that's why sneaking out is a fun thing to do," she says and i shake my head. "did it once, do it twice it becomes a habit," i state.

"oh come on," she whines.

"kay, if i get caught, i'm done," i stress. "fine," she pouts, crossing her arms over her chest.

"you can go," i say, her eyes lighting up, "but i can't, kay." she smiles and hugs me. "thanks eri," she says, standing up. "i'll see you at school," she says, walking out of the door.

"bye!"

a few days later, it was the weekend, and i was bored. the boys were on a trip to california and kayla was sick. i sighed as i watched the tv hung on my wall, changing the show every so often.

knocks sounded from my door, causing me to turn my head. "it open," i call. the door opens, showing my mom's face as she peaks her head in.

"i'm going shopping, need anything?" she asks, i shake my head and she shuts the door. a few moments later i hear her car leaving and the sound of the garage shutting.

i walk downstairs and check the time on my phone. 10:49 in big white letters, i groan, tugging at my brown roots.

"i should dye my hair," i say to myself, pulling my phone back out to google ideas.

after 30 minutes, i had a few good ones, i instacarted black and red hair dye to the house, as well as hair bleach and began the process.

i grabbed bowels, going to the bathroom where i set out old and stained towels.

i took a deep breath, looking at myself in the mirror. "don't fuck up," i mumble to myself. i wet my hair, then began adding the bleach after mixing the toner and developer together.

as i applied the bleach, i foiled the strands. when i finished i set a timer for thirty minutes as i waited for the bleach to do its job.

after the timer went off, i rinsed my hair, the water running a gross, pale-yellow color down the drain. i washed my hair with purple shampoo to tone it, drying my hair some with a towel before parting it down the middle of my head.

i opened the red dye first, squeezing the contents of the tube out. i sectioned the hair on the left side and began adding the dye.

i repeated the steps until the whole left side of my head was covered in the red dye.

i repeated the steps with the black, waiting an hour for it to develop on my head before i rinse.

after i rinsed, i wrapped a towel around my head, blow-drying my hair and brushing through it. when i pulled the towel off, i smiled, running my fingers through the soft, now black and red strands.

i took a snap sending it the kayla, with the text 'thoughts??'.

'omg!'

'you look hot!'

'so much better than that boring brown'

i smiled at her texts, feeling a little more confident with my appearance. i put stuff away, throwing the empty tubes of dye in the trash and washing the bowels that held the contents.

i ran upstairs, grabbing my phone and flopping on my bed. i scrolled through tiktok, stopping to watch videos every now and then.

as i was about to fall asleep, my phone rang, making me jump. my mom's name popping up on my phone, the options accept or decline flashing.

"yeah?" i say, answering the phone. "be there in five, i need help carrying in groceries," she says. "ok," i reply, getting off of the bed as the phone goes dead.

i slip on some shoes and walk outside, the cold breeze blowing against my warm skin. i see my mom's car pulling up, before it pulls into the driveway. "you changed your hair," she states, getting out.

the trunk pops open, revealing the back loaded with grocery bags. "i was bored, do you like it?" you ask. she runs her fingers through it, squinting slightly due to the sun.

"looks good on you sweetheart," she says, smiling.

we make multiple trips, bringing in bags as fast as we can. "how was shopping?" i ask, helping her put the stuff away. "fine," she breathes, putting canned foods on a shelf.

"you have work later?" she asks, and i nod my head, "six o'clock sharp." she nods her head, "when's dad getting off work?" i ask, "four," she replies, checking the time.

"what's for dinner?" i ask, closing the fridge and grabbing my phone. "probably spaghetti," she says, "can you help set the table when it's time?"

i nod my head, "yep," i say and then go back upstairs.

tag list:

@hysteria-things @tillies33ssss @soimightlikeoldmen69 @sturniolossss @freshsturns @etvar12 @sstvrnioloo @junnniiieee07 @sturnioloa @chrryclouds @sturniolhoe @sturniolowhore @imwetforyourmom @novasturniolo03 @spencerstits @junovrsmp4 @breeloveschris @skyslondon @stars4chratt @monkeyscientist22 @sophssturn @hearts4chriss @l5ka @sturnlovr @blahbel668 @sturncakez @livvy4realll @raysmayhem-72 @jnkvivi @mssturniolo

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tofanasmuse · 1 month

Text

the use of blue light in The Bear (aka sydcarmy is gonna happen and they hinted at it hard y'all)

still trying to piece together why do they introduce such an overall blue tone in scenes for specifically the reveal of Sydney's heart tattoo (which for "some reason" is mixed in with the sequence of Claire and Carmy coming home to each other. Like what are they trying to hint at mixing all three of them when Sydney is not needed in that sequence at all... unless they are making a point) and Carmy and Claire's love scene right in the beginning of the next episode.

Like what does this blue light represent?

Anyway, I'm still very much trying to find all the "blue lights" but here is what I have so far:

There's a lot of blue is of course the heart tattoo reveal. I have so many questions, like why show this tattoo at this moments? What is it about? What does it mean? It clearly has some meaning and showing it in the middle of Claire and Carmy coming home to one another, WHY??

This sequence is what finishes episode 8 of season 2. Right after, on the beginning of episode 9 this scene comes:

Which is a completely blue lighted scene.

But there are moments throughout the season where there is a lot of blue or more specifically, this blue light cast over:

when Claire and Carmy reunite.

when Carmy breaks up with Claire.

and there is a blue light cast over Sydney on the end, when her dad comes to congratulate her:

I have seen other bloggers talking about the blue light but only specifically in the tattoo scene and in the love scene, not about the fact that the colour HAUNTS the background of Claire and Carmy's scenes.

#what are they trying to tell us #if you ask me blue light means Sydney and she is haunting the back of Carmy's mind while he is with claire #sydcarmy #I want them together #the bear is my hyperfocus #cannot wait for season 3 #the bear

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kookynella · 14 days

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So, I don’t normally write long posts and I thought this was important enough to type a rant, so you’re welcome, I guess:

I was reading a Sydney and Carmen is a slow burn article on Jezebel (they are my Roman Empire, I go down the rabbit hole willingly), and you know, it was clearly a SydCarmy shipping article, so readers were pre-warned by the title. I don’t know why I thought it would be a good idea to read the comment section, but YELP!

And yes, I was offended and outraged, because for what other possible reason would I then come onto tumblr at 6am in the morning to complain when my ADHD-ass should be asleep in bed?!? Well this is the reason.

The comments were all negative and trying to explain why SydxCarmy is a no-go or should be a no-go zone: Sydney & Carmen don’t have chemistry! I don’t see the romance! Romance between them would ruin a good show! Why can’t men and women coworkers be in a healthy platonic relationship! Me Too movement - say NO to boss employee romances! ClairexCarmy makes more sense!

Blah blah blah, [insert more pathetic, banal rationale here], I stopped reading the comments. The actual (cute) article I read with the shit-take comments is linked below, if anyone is interested.

… extended release rant is under the cut….

And really what they were NOT saying out loud, what I highly suspect to be the real reason for their negative stance: racial intolerance. So, here we are - I’m calling it out, as many others have before me: Some people refuse to see a strong, intelligent, woman of colour character have a romantic relationship with their white male lead on prime time television. They are in denial, they are not ready and frankly, not deserving. It’s intolerance.

Because for what other reason could there be for the outright denial of what is clear as day: the characters of Sydney and Carmy ARE romance coded in the story being told, and they (as played by Ayo and JAW) have amazing chemistry (romantic or not). Why else are people so quick to deny the chemistry? To deny the possibility, the opportunity, the overt displays and undertones of romantic coding that Sydney and Carmen have!?!?!

And I will also say this, it’s my opinion, that there is more chemistry between Sydney and Carmy than between Claire and Carmy, there is more emotion and expression in the former duo’s interactions than in the latter’s. And that’s part of the main point of having Claire there - she’s a tool, a distraction to compare and contrast of what is there and could be more/better (Sydney, the future), to what is there and is not fitting/insufficient (Claire, the past).

People really stay reaching with their non-creative excuses to being anti-SydCarmy. Give me an actual reason like, he needs to do a lot of therapy/personal work, she’s got her own baggage to sort out, before they could be in a healthy, emotionally stable relationship. Or if they went there and it didn’t work out and then work/business is impacted in the messiness. Give me actual arguments not made up ones because a black woman and a white man who are in fact compatible (not necessarily healthy), does not fit your aesthetic of romance, love, attraction and chemistry. I see plenty of popular toxic relationships be lapped up and popularised despite the clear reasons of the characters not to date, but because they are “white” it’s welcomed, acceptable and put on a pedestal, and the toxicity is seen as part of the appeal.

Interpersonal relationships is a huge part of the story being told in The Bear - family, friends, found family, colleagues, professional and unprofessional. And Sydney and Carmen’s relationship is the yin and yang amongst it all, they are two sides of the same coin - their passion, their work ethic, their vision, their growth, their trust - THEM, no-one else holds this dynamic, well maybe you could compare Sugar and Pete’s relationship of differences and balancing each other out but like a way chiller version.

As the story unfolds and we learn more about Sydney and Carmen we see that they are better together than apart, they thrive when bouncing ideas off one another and creating, thy are leaders that best lead their team together. When their commitment and communication is open, they are rolling, they are primed, they are evolved and so is their team. They are at their best when they are keyed into each other.

I don’t know much about twin flames (nothing actually, other than MGK and Megan Fox’s touting that title and journalists running with it), but I imagine if I did know anything, I would be able to write a shit tonne more about how Sydney and Carmen are twin flames, soulmates.

Canonically, theirs is definitely a deeper connection formed in a very short amount of time that these two have known each other, and the others in that kitchen see it. It’s palpable. And whether it gets to be romantic or remain platonic we have yet to see, the foundation for romance is there, regardless.

And you can’t tell me that Sydney is not the catalyst for positive change for Carmy. Sydney ignites his creative spark, he envisions something greater for their restaurant and he thinks it’s possible and puts it into action, again because of Sydney entering the scene - “You could do this without me” / “I wouldn’t even want to do this without you”.

Going back to the Jezebel article and the comments, the (majority female) commentators are denying, what I would say by season two, is undeniable - Sydney is Carmy’s person, their relationship has romance tropes/themes throughout it whether the characters are aware or not.

From my opinion, most romantic storyline’s are to entertain and hook in more female audiences, it’s key to marketing, whether done well or not. And sometimes it may not be initially intentioned but when two actors have undeniable chemistry, writers tend to play on that with the characters, and sometimes change storyline’s to fully realise and employ the chemistry. The romance tropes are definitely there for SydxCarmy, ~even if you have to look under a table to find it.

Another point, EVERYTHING in The Bear is intentional - I wasn’t sure what my points were, I came in here to vent, so “bear” with me. The show has great writers, great directors, great actors, great editing, and you can tell they do. Even if they didn’t win all those awards you would know the show is done well. I’m sure film schools will use The Bear for students to dissect the art, because it is exemplary. Anyway back to my point, they didn’t come to play, everything is planned and even if it wasn’t - when it’s left in the final cut: IT IS INTENTIONAL.

The set design, the menu, the costuming, the lighting, the music, the pacing, the dialogue, camera angles, the editing, it is all an intentional choice. And they are choosing to have scenes imbued with intimacy, vulnerability, intensity, emotional rawness, in small spaces, loud, busy spaces, quiet, calm spaces, it’s a busy restaurant after all - things get stressful and wild, and haaaawt for a variety of reasons (mainly people working in close proximity, under a lot of pressure). All these charged moments carry significance for the characters and none get more intimate than Sydney and Carmy in that under the table moment - they slow everything down in that episode for that scene, where he invites her to confide in him her internal worries and she relents, and he reassures her then recommits to her. The world is quiet for one moment so they can have this heart to heart, and they are both willingly exposing themselves emotionally, they bolster each other up as they are bolstering that table, and then he gifts her with an expensive, planned, personalised, gift that he knew she would love (the cost, the effort and attention to detail from Carmy= it’s a designer engagement ring your honour).

And on that note, even when Carmy is spending time with his “she’s not my girlfriend/is she my girlfriend?”, Claire, we have INTENTIONAL shots of Sydney interspersed. Why are they bringing her into the scene when she isn’t physically there? Because she’s important, vital even, to Carmen’s thoughts and feelings, and therefore his actions. Sydney doesn’t belong with them in their one-on-one interactions, (intimate scenes) and yet there she is. Why this call to attention??? Because Carmy is not where he should be, because Carmy is not with the person he is meant to be with, because his attention is split and his focus is not where it should be. And it is going to be to his detriment - as we see later for everyone involved, but mainly him.

Claire is a distraction for Carmy and not necessarily a welcome one on his part, and yet he is spending more time with her, and Sydney’s scenes cut in-between are reminding us of this.

It’s showing not telling, but some people really do need to be told because they cannot read between the scenes.

Sydney is Carmen’s partner/equal/inspiration/hope/muse/balance (read soulmate).

Meanwhile, the ClairexCarmy scenes had all the obvious - This is a romantic relationship! stuff. And yet it lacked, I want to say: chemistry, heat, warmth, fire, depth of emotion. How is this possible to be lacking such weighted feeling? When you have two very attractive people in such close proximity, developing a romantic relationship that - feels romantic, it should be child’s play right? So, how could the portrayal be lacking such vitality, when ClairexCarmy scenes ticked all the romantic/couple boxes? Because it’s meant to be portrayed as lacklustre. It’s a foil for what the, equally attractive yet somehow hotter, SydxCarmy relationship already has, without realising that’s the space their characters inhabit.

And some commentators/viewers trying to make some moral/workplace ethical ground along the lines of “but he’s her boss”, she’s his junior employee”, “it’s inappropriate”, to all of those persons, I say NO. Maybe Sydney, may have appeared green to some viewers as a newcomer to The Beef and to the not so well-oiled kitchen crew, but Sydney is experienced, well trained, and brings her own heat. So, come season two in establishing The Bear restaurant it is also firmly established to viewers that Sydney is Carmen’s partner (business partner, yeah-yeah), she is his equal, he identifies her as such.

The man offered her to go into, possibly lifeling, debt with him to open up their dream family restaurant - the one thing he wanted to do with his dead hero older brother, the brother that was busy fighting his own demons and pushing Carmen away, making Carmen believe his big brother didn’t value him or see him as an equal and leave and punish himself to become the best chef he could be, which was the best in the world according to Sydney.

And Sydney was already in deep financial debt, but she didn’t even hesitate, it wasn’t until her worried, practical father started asking her the tough questions that she thought on it, (got defensive), then doubled down on her decision, because, Yes, Syd trusts Carmy, she will invest her hopes and dreams in him and with him.

Carmen initially hires Sydney because she’s excellent (too good for The Beef), and over a short period of time he comes to identify Sydney as his equal. Very early on, he makes her his right-hand woman - season one “Brigade episode. He trusts her to lead and to share the load, even if he left her high and dry first thing, but he did apologise). He also, opens up to Sydney about Mikey which he’s avoided talking about with his nearest and dearest.

Then Carmen ups the ante (where Mikey had pushed him away instead of making Carmy an equal), he does what he wished Mikey had offered him - he invites Sydney to be his business partner and to co-create. We learn of the shared vision they have in the season one finale, witnessing how in-step and connected they are when Sydney returns, bringing Carmen the hope of establishing his dream, The Bear.

Let me re-cap it for the sheer joy, because the amount of times I rewatched this scene:

The gang is un-canning Mike’s cash stash, Sydney nervously walks into the restaurant after previously quitting, and she is stopped by the chaotic scene before her, the gang notices and welcomes her back, she questions WTF is going on but stays still as Carmen zeroes in on her, the world quiets, as they lock eyes, she stands there uncertain, clutching her bag, and he continues to stare with a dumb look on his face, looking at her like she hung the moon and the stars (like the episode one meet-cute, but on steroids), and then he speaks and they riff off each other, without any preamble, like they’re reading a practiced speech, about their Family style, two-tops, booths, Danish design, tasting menu at the bar, window on the side, restaurant.

And that is one way to tell me I’m witnessing a marriage proposal without telling me I’m witnessing a marriage proposal.

As for Sydney, what does she get out of agreeing to team up to open The Bear? Other than being saddled with a huge debt with a lost, sad, grieving, lonely, driven, awkward, anxiety ridden, CPTSD, OCD, brilliant little, white, chef man?

Well, to do “the thing” her father questions her about - to realise her dream: to be (co-)owner of a restaurant. And and to do it with a world renowned chef who cooked the best meal she’s ever had, where she can lead and create, and have the opportunity to work towards a Michelin star, and for her to have a found family in that journey, to have other people to rely on and support and work towards a common goal, because she tried alone in the past and it didn’t work out. And this is an opportunity that she won’t pass up, regardless of her father’s concerns.

Also, Jeremy Allen White is a strong actor, and Ayo Edibiri, who is relatively a newcomer, holds her own, and adds to the scene. She brought her A-game - she meets him at his level whilst maintaining her character, she balances him out well in his rawness in bringing her own dynamic, those two actors playing those specific characters belong in the kitchen together, the casting choices are *chef’s kiss”.

Well that’s all, it is A LOT, and I had to get it all out, now that I’ve said my piece bring on season three of The Bear, I needed it yesterday!

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sgiandubh · 4 months

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Offer and demand

For comparison purposes, kindly find below what a devoted Ozzie fan will have to be prepared to pay for a pic with one or several of the participants to the Hublander Australia 'A Visit to The Highlands' event, this week-end, in Sydney and Melbourne:

On top of that, there is an extra option I have never seen for European events (and correct me if I am wrong). You can buy signed personal items and autographed pics for somebody who cannot attend (personal items cost a little extra, no idea why). Here is an example, for S:

Just to have an idea, remember (I will always LOL at this word, from now on, and that's really a shame, because I use it a LOT, irl) these are the prices in Australian dollars. A pic with S would cost you around 115 euros or 125 USD and the most expensive group pic would lighten your purse by around 360 USD or 333 euros.

All this, like for the Paris Landcon, are on top of what you pay for access and the rest of the side gigs, depending of your tier of choice. Those can set you anywhere from 200 Australian dollars for the standard entry ticket to 1800 Australian dollars for the Platinum Tier, where I hope S will pour you a dram or something - nope, not really, that was really a cheap joke, forget about it. You do the math, it's easy.

If you take the time to compare with the Paris Landcon, the discrepancies are clear. The Australian Lollapalooza easily costs the double. But before you screech and wail, do remember two things:

Prices in Australia and France are not really the same. Same goes for the disposable wages of the people buying these tickets. Same goes for the logistical costs (venue rent, talent accommodation and fee, insurance - very important!, other administrative expenditures like legal costs: never forget these people also sell licensed merchandise, which comes at an extra cost itself, etc).

Also, event organization is a business in itself. There is a market and a pool of potential clients for this type of business. Demand and offer meet (or should do so) on that market and the result of this encounter of sorts should reasonably reflect what the people are willing to pay for whatever you peddle around, from bagels to Scottish fantasies. Too expensive - nobody will come. Too cheap - the talent you hope to attract would, in all likelihood, not show up, especially if it takes 10 to 20 hours of flight to get there.

Now add to this the need to satisfy just about everyone in the room. The simple need to make sure that the person who paid 200 dollars for the basic ticket would not feel left behind those who paid nine times (yes, nine times, for Australia, land of plenty) more. That is not an easy task and those figures you have seen are not what you may think they do represent, on face value.

Last, but not least, a wee secret: the bulk of the talent's fee comes from those autographed pics you bought extra, the Q&A sessions and the Platinum Meet and Greets - isn't that a strange form of Marxist distribution circuit (but I digress, forgive the scholar). The rest is probably going to cover operational costs.

Nobody robbed you. Nobody forced you or hypnotized you. You will meet the real people, not some denizen of Abuja who pretends he is Mr. Blue Eyes. And S will not get richer after Melbourne, only more tired.

You're welcome.

PS: merci à toi; chérie, pour l'info and also a heartfelt thank you to you, New Friend on the Block. You know who you are! 😘😘😘😘❤️❤️❤️

[Edit]: @joey-baby tells me the Oz fans can buy the recording of both days. That is a local exclusive and I surely hope we'd see some of it in here. Thank you! 🙌

#fandom #shitshow

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flaneur001 · 2 months

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CW- talks about mental health, child neglect, random character analysis and unnecessary deep diving into little details (lol)

Whitney Theory Time~

I went down a little rabbit hole pertaining to Whitney’s oral fixation. I have known that when something is brought attention to constantly during any story, then it’s not a simple coincidence. I feel like (how Sydney said in the library) that Whitney has a lot going on. And it’s probably not good. I feel like their back story will be very angsty and sad.

So as someone who has studied psychology for a while, I found this…and I feel like I hit the nail on the head (for those morbidly curious like me this is Freud’s theory on oral fixation…and yeah don’t judge me for going all Freudian analysis on Whitney/silly)

So chances of our Whit being a neglected child are very high. But from their general appearance in the game (m!whitney wearing a blazer and f!whitney wearing a long school skirt. Both items are on the costlier side in game) I feel like they come from a well off family? the general hate towards the privileged people they hold, points to either them living a life of privilege but they are so miserable they want to escape? (Tbh their whole schtick sometimes gives rich kid doing all kinds of weird stuff trying to get attention from their absentee parents trope)

Or maybe used to be a part of a well off family? I feel like they are not being able to cope with the sudden change in their lifestyle if this is the case. Thus are trying to sell this fearless image of themselves.

And Is it just me or do you find it weird too that although Whitney is sent to detention Leighton almost never does anything to Whitney besides scolding? I feel like they do come from a powerful background. Otherwise why would all these lackeys follow them around?! And they own a phone to top it all off. I know all the other NNPCs have a phone too but amongst the LIs only Whitney (and Avery) owns a phone?!

The lowkey neurotic and manic tendencies they have towards PC also screams of separation anxiety. (Ahem collection of stuff toys?) For example, them needing to control PC at all times. Their love stat going high only when PC willingly chooses to act on their every whimsical/cruel wishes, them wanting to tattoo their name on PCs face of all places, not being able to be more open/ vulnerable with PC because they feel that PC might leave them.

And their dismissal event also shows just how much their image matters to them, and why they crave to be in control. This is yet another trait they share with Avery, when on low dominance, you can see how humiliated they get whenever PC fights back with them. Add insecurity about looks on top and viola, you have some deep childhood issues (I love complex fully fleshed characters so much)

Also the not being sufficiently fed during nursing part (I’m referring to the picture above) makes me think that the Headcanon about their parents being divorced and maybe their mom moving out at a very young age, seems like a possibility. Hence Whitney not being able to withstand emotional cheating seems like a result of that (I’m just spitballing here…)

So yeah. Thank you for coming to my Ted talk. I feel good after hyperfixating about a fictional character.

[Bonus Angst Headcanon] I like to imagine, if it indeed turns out that Whitney lives in some mansion with their dad, and their mom left when they were young, why do I get a feeling that their mom left them/ said goodbye to them near the water fountain on a rainy day. Them just staring into the fountain with a solemn mood, feels like there is a definite reason behind it. Or maybe they used to come to the fountain and make wishes with their mom? (Yes I like to torture myself with sad thoughts)

#ashe writes #random thoughts #degrees of lewdity #whitney dol #dol #whitney the bully #rambles

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gh0stsp1d3r · 4 months

Note

I have this Carmy request if it’s okay hehe

Carmy x fem!reader where she’s new to Chicago and desperately needs a job, she’s newly pregnant (her bf having run off the minute she told him she was pregnant), so she walks into a new upcoming restaurant for a job, The Bear. She’s rambling and apologizing as she shows Carmy her résumé because she has no experience in the food industry (she was an elementary teacher for a couple years before), but also telling him she really needs a job because she’s alone with a baby on the way. He really wants to help her, so he hires her either as a hostess or an assistant (he didn’t want her in the kitchen just for safety reasons (her being pregnant), and because she doesn’t have experience in the kitchen). Anyways, The Bear staff embrace her like she’s family, always looking out for her, Tina mothering her, Syd becoming her best friend, Marcus making sweets whenever she’s craving it, even Richie being super soft with her, but Carmy especially gets REALLY close with her, like to the point where he’s driving her to and from work (b/c she doesn’t have a car), he’s taking her to her prenatal appointments, letting her take breaks in his office (her napping on his couch), him even being there for the birth of her daughter because she doesn’t want to be alone, etc…

Also The Bear staff throwing a baby shower for Y/n🥺 Her showing up at work and being surprised to it🤧🤧 Y/n definitely crying into Carmy’s chest🤧

Anyways, they officially start dating close to the end of her pregnancy, and honestly they both fall head over heals 🤧

Y/n’s daughter’s first word being directed at Carmy… “Dada”😭 Carmy melting😭😭

ℳℴ𝓇ℯ 𝓉𝒽𝒶𝓃 𝒶𝓃𝓎𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓃𝑔

stop this is so cute.

𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭

Your chances of finding a place to work were slim to none- you tried everywhere, the Walmart, Walgreens, even the random corner store. But because you were pregnant, they wouldn’t hurt you.

Of course your asshole of an ex boyfriend ran away the second he heard you were pregnant, while you cried and begged for him to stay. But you could get through on your own- you know you could.

You opened up the doors, a man conversing with a woman behind the counter. They both turned to the door upon hearing the bell ring.

“Hello..” you said, with a small wave, walking towards them.

“Hey, uh, sorry, but we’re actually renovating right now.. in case you missed the sign-“ the man started, but you handed him your résumé, and he stopped talking as he glanced over the words.

“I’m actually here for the job.” You said.

“Okay.. do you have any… actual cooking skills?” He said, picking up the paper and glancing at you, one hand was running through his hair.

“No. But I really need this job- any job. I’m.. pregnant, and my ex left me, and I’m about to be a single mother so-“ you said with an anxious laugh, “every other place rejected me, I swear I-“

Sydney’s eyes widened as she heard you talking, she felt bad. And so did Carmy as he nodded while listening to you, the paper on the counter.

“It says you were a teacher before..?” He pointed to the paper once you had stopped your rambling.

You nodded, “Yes. I’m very good with math, science, or anything really.”

He thought for a moment. Sydney spoke and interrupted the silence.

“Chef, can I talk to you for a second in the kitchen?” She said, he looked at her and nodded.

“Stay here, please.” He said to you, turning around and following Sydney.

“What’s up?”

“I think we should hire her.”

“I don’t wanna kick her out and leave her on the streets. But what could she be?” Carmy said.

“An assistant or something.” She shrugged.

“That could work..” he said, picturing it. He nodded and opened the doors again.

“Would you wanna be an assistant?” He asked you, your eyes lit up and you quickly nodded.

“Please.”

“You’re hired.” He said, and he felt like he did the right thing when you smiled, thanking him multiple times.

You were perfect with the rest of the family, they all loved you. Even Richie did.

Carmy had especially grown close to you and your child, so close that every day your daughter saw him, she ran up and hugged his legs with a giant smile.

He had taken you to doctor appointments, and he had made you any cravings you had when pregnant. It was close to the end when you both started dating.

He was there when you gave birth, holding your hand and helping you through it all. He loved your daughter and you more than anything else.

You smiled as you entered the bear, wrapping your arms around his neck as soon as you saw him. You kissed him, getting lost in it until your daughter started babbling.

You laughed as you both pulled away, you picked her up, and handed her to Carmy.

“Hey!!” He said in that sweet baby voice that you loved, it was adorable. He looked at her with a smile and tan a hand through her hair, moving it from her face.

“Addy.” She said, and you both looked at each other for a second and back to her.

“Is she trying to say…” you started.

“I think so.”

“Who’s that, baby? Is that daddy?” You spoke to her.

“Daddy.” She said. His eyes widened, as he smiled and laughed at her. You laughed with joy as well.

“Holy…”

“Awww!” You said, he smiled and gave her a small kiss on her forehead. His heart melted when she said that, he was overjoyed.

#carmen berzatto x you #carmy berzatto blurb #carmen berzatto fic #carmy blurb #carmy the bear #carmy berzatto x reader #carmy x you #carmy x reader #carmy berzatto

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acphengene · 3 months

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Chapter 26 - Dining room table

₊ ⁺ pairing: Jay x fem!reader

₊ ⁺ genre: brothers bestfriend!au, college!au, neighbors/strangers to lovers!au

₊ ⁺ warings: smut, fingering, voyerism, dirty talk, use of good girl, reader is afab

₊ ⁺ synopsis: you move from sydney australia to seoul to get your degree, what will happen when you spill coffee on a handsome stranger?

₊ ⁺ taglist: open - updates every monday and friday - might update on other times if i want a chapter out sooner rather than later

₊ ⁺ note: it's finally here! Please let me know what you think of the smut, its not something I'm used to writing, which is also why it have taken so long to get published.

₊ ⁺ word count: 4120

₊ ⁺ masterlist

You were seated in the restaurant, leg bouncing off the ground as you bit your bottom lip. You were nervous, something you weren’t used to being around Jake.

He had always been the one to have your back, even though the two of you grew up on different continents, he always had your back. That was until that night, where it all came crashing down.

You’d never expected him to react like that, to lash out at you. It had broken you to an extent you never thought possible, it had highlighted every insecurity you’d ever had. You couldn’t help but wonder if it was what he really thought of you.

You knew Jay had explained your past to him, but had that been enough to change his mind? He had apologized, but had he meant it? The anxiety had been eating you up from the inside out.

Deep in thought you didn’t see him as he entered the small restaurant. He was as nervous, if not more nervous than you. He had hurt the one person he loved more than anyone else.

Whereas you wanted nothing more than to forgive him, all he could think about was how he could show you that he deserved that forgiveness.

“Hey” he said with a small voice as to not startle you. You looked up, tears already threatening to spill.

He had spotted you the second he entered the restaurant, and he had never seen you seem so small. You’d always been a force to be reckoned with, but this? He felt how his stomach twisted by the mere thought that he was the reason for it.

“Hey” you answered, voice shaking.

You were glad you had requested a booth in the far end of the restaurant. It was hiding you from prying eyes.

Jake sighed as he sat down. “Come here” he said as he opened his arms up. A sob escaped your throat, and you had quickly thrown yourself into his arms. He rubbed his hands up and down your back as you sobbed silently into his shoulder.

“I’m so sorry” he kept repeating like a mantra he was determined to teach you.

It had been hard, you wanted to be strong for Jay and Sunghoon, and you knew the men would have your head if they knew you’d kept your emotions hidden from them, but you didn’t want to burden anyone. Least of all them with everything they’d gone through had been because of you.

“Sit down lil’ Sim, and let’s get you some wine to calm down that head of yours, yeah?” He ruffled your hair the same way he had done when you were a little girl, it earned him a laugh as you tried to wipe away your tears with your napkin.

Jake didn’t speak, he just held your hand until the waiter brought over a bottle, and as soon as he had gotten a glass of his own he chugged it.

“Easy there” you said as you sipped on the red liquid, a small smile on your lips. But he noticed instantly how it didn’t quite reach your eyes.

Red wine was somewhat of a tradition for the two of you, whenever you’d talked about your childhood, you had always done so while sharing a bottle or three. So it only seemed fitting that was what you were drinking.

You had both hoped you could meet in a more private setting, but because of your recent move that hadn’t been possible.

He ran his hands up and down his thighs. “Sorry, I’m just… nervous I guess” he said and you nodded in response.

“I really am sorry Y/N. If I’d ever known…” He began.

You held up your hand. “Stop that, okay? I chose not to tell you for this exact reason, I knew you’d blame yourself” You said, your eyes as kind as they’d always been. Leaving him feeling even more guilty.

“I talked to mom” he said. Confusing you a little by the statement. “Well talked might be the wrong word. But I texted her, so I guess I’m gonna cut her off too” he shrugged.

“You don’t have to do that Jake, I know what she means to you” you said, but you couldn’t help the warmth that spread through your chest at his loyalty to you.

He shrugged with a small smile on his lips, eyes as gentle as ever. “I know I don’t have to, but honestly I should’ve done it a long time ago. I should’ve kicked and screamed before letting her take me away from you. I should’ve insisted on staying behind, so that I could shield you from his schemes”

He squeezed your hand a little.

“I mean it Y/N” his gaze was firm, almost cold. “I should’ve stayed behind with you, I was your best friend, your big brother, I should’ve know you wouldn’t wanna stay behind”

“It’s okay” you said with a small smile, this time squeezing his hand. Gaze locked on your fingers, you feared meeting his eyes. Afraid of them spilling the truth behind your words. Yes, you should have …

“It’s not, and I’ll do my best to earn your forgiveness” he bent his upper body, forcing your eyes to meet his. “Okay?” he said as his grip tightened around your fingers.

You just shook your head as to get the lingering thoughts of your father, your time alone with him, out of your mind. “I want to apologize too,” you said, voice small.

“Sis you have nothing to apologize for…” His voice sounded almost disappointed.

“I do… The second I started catching feelings for Jay I should’ve sat you down, then this whole thing could’ve been avoided.”

He nodded. “That's true. But I think I at least needed it to happen like this. I know he can protect you now, I know he’s willing to risk everything to be with you… Even me” A small smile crept onto his lips, you saw how he looked down at his glass as he blinked furiously, desperate to get the tears that were now held in his eyes to disappear.

“Don’t say that” you said, voice almost a whisper.

He sighed. “It’s true though… I’m not saying it to be spiteful, and I’m not jealous, well I am but not like that. He deserves love as pure as the one you provide, just like you deserve love that I’m sure he gives you. And love like that should be allowed to come first, it should always come first”

His voice was stern, but it was in a loving manner, he meant every word he said, you had no doubt about it.

“Thank you” you didn’t know what else to say in respons.

“Or I assume you love eachother, right?” He said, as he raised his brows, wiggling them. It earned him a laugh.

“Yeah, it’s love,” you said as a blush spread on your cheeks.

“Good” he took another sip of his second glass of wine. “Oh did Jay tell you that mom wants me to break the two of you up?” he said.

Your brows furrowed. “Why?”

He shrugged again. “I have no idea, but she was very passionate about it”

A whirlwind of red was now to be seen in your glass as you groaned. “This isn’t over yet, is it?”

He pulled you close before he kissed the top of your head, resting his cheek there afterwards. “No, I don’t think it is… Dad still need to find out we went against his direct orders”

A dry laugh escaped you. “Don’t remind me” you looked over the menu, weighing your food options as the two of you sat close to one another.

“Do you think he’ll be as mad as the time we played in the mud while at that, what was it? Flower event thing, in Sydney?”

A laugh escaped you as you were suddenly reminded of you and Jake, 6 & 8 years old, bored out of your mind at some event your mother hosted and had insisted you join. You had at one point decided that the best way to pass the time would be to jump and throw mud at one another. In your pretty dress, in your pretty shoes, in Jake's first fitted suit.

“He was as red as a tomato!” You almost couldn’t breathe as you remembered your fathers face as you strolled through the white hall of the building who laid on the grounds, soiling it with your dirty shoe prints.

Luckily for the two of you, the babysitter had whisked you away before your fathers wrath had hit, and she had been replaced the next day.

Jake smiled. A genuine, happy smile. And in that second, you knew you’d be okay.

The two of you spend your meal and most of the night sharing memories of your childhood, laughing and crying, but only the good kind. And somehow you left the dinner, closer to one another than you had ever been.

_____________

Jay had texted you after about an hour into your dinner, the texts were somewhat cryptic, not making a whole lot of sense. That was until that one message.

I wanna bury my head between your thighs.

The Uber ride back to the apartment had you bouncing one of your legs once again, but this time it was in excitement. You couldn’t help the biting of your lips or the fiddeling of your fingers. You were nervous. He made you nervous.

You could feel how blood rushed into your cheeks by the mere thought of it. Is this really happening?

You were no virgin, but the dating scene in Sydney was something else completely than that in Seoul. Much more conservative, so you didn’t wanna just jump into bed with Jay in case he’d be uncomfortable.

The two of you had taken everything so painfully slow that your vibrator had been working over time when he wasn’t home. And you knew that he was as desperate as you were. His showers had gotten longer, colder, and the thought of him touching himself to the thought of you was enough to make you squeeze your legs together to get some sort of relief.

You took a deep breath before you pressed the code to the door, finally letting you see the man of your dreams.

The room was dark, only candle light, lighting him up. He couldn’t help but smile at you. You looked so pretty. Long coat, bare legs, little skirt. You were leaving so little to the imagination, and he absolutely adored you for it.

As soon as you’d dropped the jacket, and tried to remove your stilettos he was right by your side.

“Don’t.” He whispered as his cold hand came in contact with your warm cheek. “Keep them on” he said, eyes locked on your lips before he kissed you.

He was needy, his tongue was instantly asking for permission to enter your mouth, as your hands got lost in his locks, pulling the roots, leaving groans to escape his mouth in between kisses.

You couldn’t help but smile.

“Such a tease, huh?” He said as his hands finally traveled down the back of your thighs, urging you to jump into his arms.

“You have no idea” you said, kissing his nose before you did exactly that.

His hands were big, holding you up by grabbing your thighs, fingertips teasing your bare skin. He walked you over to the kitchen counter, sitting you down on the cold marble, earning him a choked moan as your skin came into contact with the stone.

He smiled at you. Mouth finally traveling from your lips to your neck. Nibbling and kissing your skin on the way.

He always knew you would sound pretty, but the moans leaving you at this moment were enough to make him lightheaded. Dizzy. Drunk on you.

“The boys aren’t here, so I want you to be loud for me. Can you do that darling?” His voice was in his lower register, and it lit a fire under you, desperately wanting to do whatever he asked of you. So you nodded, violently.

He couldn’t help but smile at your enthusiasm. “Good girl” he praised as his hands slid up your back, pulling your top from your torso, leaving you in your small lace bra. Nippels perky when suddenly exposed to the cold.

“You’re so beautiful” he whispered into your neck, before his hands came to rest on your hips, pulling you closer to him.

Your mouth fell open as he pressed himself into your core, earning you both a loud moan.

“I love you” you whispered in between kisses and grinds.

“I love you too” he whispered back, as he kissed your neck, down your chest, cupping one of your breasts, teasing your nipple with two of his fingers. He smirked at your reaction, as his pupils dilated even more.

He held you close to him, hands caressing your hips as he kissed from the top of your breasts down your stomach.

He then quickly picked you up from the kitchen counter, the sheer height of it making what he had planned impossible.

You couldn’t help but smile as he threw you around without a care in the world or any kind of struggle. It turned you on, him being as strong as he was.

Before you knew it he had placed you on the dining room table. “What a fitting first meal” he said before kneeling in front of you. His hands caressed your calves as he kissed the inside of your thighs, urging you to spread your legs for him.

“Let me help you out of those” he whispered, eyes trying to look up under your skirt to catch a glimpse of just how wet all the teasing would’ve made you. His hands snaked up underneath your skirt, pulling the useless piece of fabric that was your panties from his most prized possession.

He then moved your skirt up around your hips finally revealing you to him. The way he was staring down your dripping core, you couldn’t help but feel self conscious and tried to close your legs in front of him.

“Don’t.” he said as he spread your legs out in front of him. He couldn’t help the low curse escaping his lips.

“You’re so pretty darling. Look at you, all wet and clenching around nothing, so fucking eager for me to touch you” he licked his lips, eyes never leaving your dripping core.

He helped your legs over his shoulders, the back of your knees now resting on them. He steadied himself between them, giving the flesh a little squeeze. “Are you ready?” he said, waiting for the smallest indication of consent before he would lose himself in you.

It felt like he had been starving his entire life, all of it leading up to this. You let out a whiny please, just before he starts kissing up between your thighs as his grip tightened on them.

You feel how your breathing became heavier, as he got closer to where you needed him most. He’s so dangerously close you can feel his hot breath on you, but he doesn’t put his mouth on you yet.

“God you’re beautiful” he says as he looks up at you with blown pupils, almost drooling at the sight of you so close. If you had your phone on hand, you would’ve snapped a picture of him, he has never been more beautiful or pussy drunk than in this exact second, and it makes your whole body tingle with anticipation.

Before you knew it he dived in, tongue slowly licking circles on your clit. Your eyes close, as your body reacts instinctively to the sudden feeling of him. Your head falls back as your hands instantly find their resting place in his hair. It earns you a low hum from the depths of his chest, sending vibrations through your whole body.

“God you taste so good darling, I could eat you for breakfast, lunch and dinner” he says as he comes up for air before diving back in.

His hands pull you closer to his face, forcing you to lay back on the giant dining room table, arching your back as his tongue starts to drift up and down between your folds, slowly teasing your aching hole.

“Please Jay” you moan out, as his tongue comes in contact with it. He stops and looks up from his hiding place between your legs. The loss of contact with his mouth making you whine in need.

“Are you needy, huh? Need to be filled?” he says as if his voice has been dipped in honey.

“Please” you just repeat as you lay your head back down on the table, expecting him to begin again. But to your dismay, he doesn’t.

“Use your words like the good girl you are darling, no need to be rude now” he says before he tsk’s at your manners.

Jay had always been respectful with good manners, and the fact that he brought that with him into the bedroom, somehow made him even hotter.

“I need you to use your fingers Jay, just give me your fingers?” You asked as you finally looked at him with pleading eyes.

“As you wish” he said before removing one of his hands from your thigh, before putting two fingers into his mouth to wet them. You moaned before he even touched you, the mere sight of him being enough to send waves of pleasure through your body.

“You’re such a needy little thing, aren’t you?” he said, an open question he didn’t expect you to answer.

His wet fingers slid up and down between your folds, collecting as much wetness as they possibly could before he entered your hole with one finger.

“God you’re so tight and warm darling, I can't wait to bury myself inside of you” he said in a sinister tone before he once again latched on to your clit while he curled his finger inside of you. Earning him a loud moan.

“Can you take one more finger? Need you to get used to the stretch if I’m ever gonna fit” he states as you whine out yes's before he adds another finger.

“Fuck you’re taking them so well, you’re being so good darling, so fucking good for me” he says between his low moans as he pumps his digits in and out of you as you come undone on the table.

You can feel the build up in your lower stomachs, and he feels it too, how you tighten around him with every push of his finger, with every brush of your clit or touch of your g-spot.

The two of you are so lost in each other you don’t hear the door being opened, so lost that you don’t even sense the entering of your roommates.

The two of you stop for a second as you hear the sudden sound of bags hitting the floor.

“That table is for eating?!” You hear Jungwon scream out.

Jay quickly removes his head from your core, drying his mouth on his t-shirt's shoulder as he pulls down your skirt to hide your body. Jay was smirking, he was kind of happy he hadn’t pulled your bra off with his teeth now, as it at least covered some of you.

He looks at you with a sinister sparkle in his eyes.

Jungwon quickly turns around to give you your privacy. But Sunghoon just shakes his head at his best friends as he can do nothing but smile at him.

“I’m pretty sure that’s exactly what he’s doing,” he says with a small laugh.

“If you don’t wanna watch my girl come all over my face I suggest you leave now, because I’m diving back in, in like 5 seconds” Jay says as he finally looks at the two guys, sending his best friend a smirk as he lift a hand with glistening fingers, as he starts counting down-

Sunghoon rolls his eyes as he grabs Jungwon by the neck to pull him away from the obscene scene that is splayed out in front of them.

As the door shuts to one of their rooms, Jay stands up between your legs, and starts to draw circles on your clit with one hand, as the other once again start pumping in and out of your heat.

“You like that darling? Like that I’m showing them who you belong to? Like that people know I’m the only one who's gonna make you feel like this?”

He says it all in between kisses of your stomachs and boobs, before he bites down on your bra and pulls you up in a sitting position. Finally allowing you to grind on to him.

“Answer me darling” he whispers into your mouth. The circles of your clit growing sloppy, which somehow just makes him hit the right spot.

“Yes, I love it. Want everyone to know I’m yours” you almost cry out.

“I’m glad, thank you for not lying. My darling likes being caught, huh?”

He adds a third finger, stretching you out so perfectly it makes you wonder how big Jay is if he needs to get you used to this.

“God you’re squeezing me so tight, fuck!” He says as he looks down on his fingers as they get painted with your fluids.

“Can I come Seong? Please? Please let me come” you whine out as you kiss him, tasting yourself on his lips.

“What have I ever done to deserve you? Such a good girl asking me for permission and everything… yes darling, come for me”

As he finishes his sentence you grab onto his shoulders as you kiss him hard. Rocking yourself on his fingers, chasing your high, and when you reach it he looks at you as he moans out.

His hair clings a little to his forehead. Pupils still blown, as he smiles at you with both need and adoration.

And as your breathing is steadying, he pulls himself from your core, right before he shoves his fingers into his mouth, cleaning every single one of them as he holds eye contact with you.

“Park Jongseong, you’re fucking amazing” you say between breaths.

He kisses your forehead. “So are you”

You laugh a little as you look down expecting to see a massive tent in his pants, the lack of it worrying you a little.

He picks up on your somewhat disappointed expression quickly. “Don’t worry, seeing you in that much pleasure is more than enough” he says as he pulls you closer to him, helping your skirt to cover you up once more.

“Do you mean…?” You ask with big eyes.

“Yes darling, the taste of you is enough to make me cum” he smirks.

“Fuck” you whisper out before you lay back pulling him with you. He’s suddenly laying on top of you on the table, kissing you as you’re trying desperately to get him out of his clothes.

“No, nope, no no no!” You suddenly hear as a door shuts with a loud bang in the other end of the apartment.

“Eating her out is one thing, but you’re not fucking on the dining room table!” Jungwon yells as he comes right at the two of you, forcing you to stop the moment you were both riled up again.

“A little help?” Jay says as he looks towards his best friend.

“If you don’t wanna be watched or interrupted, don’t fuck your girl in public places” Sunghoon says with a grin as he leans against the doorframe.

You laugh as you hide your face in your hands.

“It’s a little too late to be embarrassed!” Jungwon groans as he buries his face in the couch pillows.

“Oh she definitely has nothing to be embarrassed about” Jay says as he looks at you with a loving smile, all the while he pulls a strand of hair from your face.

He kisses your lips so tenderly you’ve never felt anything like it.

“I love you” you once again whisper to him.

“Come darling, let’s get you cleaned up” He picks you up bridal style and carries you to your room.

“I’m totally gonna regret moving in with those two aren’t I?” Jungwon asks as he finally looks up from the pillows.

Sunghoon plops down next to him before he turns on the tv. “Well if you think this is bad, just be grateful you aren’t living with Jake, he’s a lot worse. Like a lot!” he says laughing, before Jungwon screams down into a pillow.

₊ ⁺ Taglist: @addictedtohobi @deobitifull @blackhairandbangs @eclipse-777 @luvnicho @aerivrs

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milamilamilax · 3 months

Text

Sydney's mental health

I’ve read plenty of theories about Sydney’s potential health issues, particularly whether she might have lupus, but I think the show could take a different approach. There are various clues throughout the two seasons pointing at mental health issues for Sydney, which I think these point towards things potentially getting worse for Sydney as she puts too much pressure on herself - or perhaps hints of a backstory for Sydney, but the clues are definitely there.

We’ve seen general hints about Sydney having anxiety, e.g. struggling to sleep, haunted by memories of catering, and the stomach problems she has, likely due to stress. We also know that she is closed off emotionally, to the extent that she arguably even hides the truth about her mother’s death. Although we haven’t seen it officially yet, her “c’est pas grave” tattoo feels like something someone with anxiety would say to themselves as a kind of motto.

Specific things I’ve noticed while rewatching that support this include:

Sydney talking to Carmy (1x05) about the collapse of her business “My whole shit got rocked. And there’s not a night I don’t stay up just thinking about what I could’ve done different.” Sydney refers to her shit getting rocked separately to her credit getting fucked. Notably, when talking with Marcus about the same thing (the collapse of her business) in 1x08 is how this affected her finances - her negative credit score and moving back in with her dad, so she must be thinking of something else here. (I also think this is a sign of Sydney/Carmy > Sydney/Marcus; she’s more open with Carmy when they barely know each other than she is with Marcus when they’re hanging out outside of work as friends.)

In the shots of Sydney's bedroom (also in 1x05) the choices of posters could mean something more. There are 2 film posters that we see clearly in Sydney's room: (1) Jumping' Jack Flash, a film named after a Rolling Stones song, which recounts stories of intense suffering only to come out stronger, and (2) Speed, a film about a bus that has been rigged to explode if its speed drops below 50mph. This also made me of all the references to Sydney driving and how this is a metaphor for her ambition and work ethic (see here) - could it be a reference to this drive also being a weakness?

Sydney talking to Marcus (1x08), after he compliments her for not taking a day off and getting right back to cooking: “I’m just the type, like, as soon as I stop I just *mimics falling apart*". Clearly, she’s experienced this falling apart before, but this is something we haven't seen on screen. We don’t know the timelines of Sydney’s business and exactly when it fell apart, but could it be that the collapse of Sheridan Road drove her to also collapse? (This is also the conversation where she explicitly says to Marcus "It would be weird to work in a restaurant and not completely lose your mind," but I think this is something different to her references to losing her mind when she's not working.)

Sydney talking with her dad (2x02), she differentiates The Bear from her previous business, saying: “I’m in a much better place than last time.” I found this choice of words interesting - separately, she mentions that she’s learned lots of lessons, and has a partner now, but the reference to a “better place” is distinct. What kind of “place” she was in when she started and closed Sheridan Road? It sounds like whatever her emotional and mental state was, it was at least a factor in her failure there. It’s also interesting that she didn’t mention this as one of the reasons for leaving catering when she discussed it with Carmy in 1x05: she didn’t refer to any personal factors, focusing instead on the logistical challenges (on her business getting too big too fast, and the difficulties of running it out of her garage).

Emmanuel to Sydney (2x09): “I know you can put a lot of pressure on yourself”; Sydney responds: “why can’t we put everything that we have into everything that we can?” And then, “I don’t know if I could do another one.” This exchange isn't subtle at all, because Emmanuel is a great dad and cares about his daughter, but I find it interesting how much he is focused on the pressure Sydney puts herself under; he's no longer focusing on the risky nature of the industry or her change in plan as he was in 2x02, he’s only concerned about her wellbeing here. We know how much pressure she is in fact putting on herself (to get a star, and to generally be the best) so could she end up pushing herself too far again?

Sydney talking to Carmy (2x09) in the infamous table scene: “What if I just, like, completely melt? Like I just, fuck up and fail?” Now, at this point, we haven’t actually seen Sydney completely melt. In 1x05 and 1x06 she handles crises at the restaurant like a boss and saves the day with her quick thinking, and even with the to-go crisis in 1x08, her initial response is to try to help - what makes her throw in the towel is Carmy’s attitude towards her. She could also be referring to the final pasta dish she did for Sheridan Road, but this also didn't sound like "completely melting" to me. I think she’s remembering another time here, a different memory that we haven't seen yet - or perhaps foreshadowing melting in the future.

I’m also interested in how the writers have made Sydney so similar to both Carmy and Mikey, two characters who we know have struggled with extremely poor mental health.

Now, Sydney and Carmy's clothes (think matching jumpers, uniforms, the Thom Browne connection - see post here), language (see this post), and even their names (see here) show how similar they are. This post, however, made me realise how much the writers have also made Sydney mirror Mikey. Maybe the writers are hinting at a similar spiral (although I couldn't imagine this involving drugs specifically, which is something we've never seen referred to in the context of Sydney).

When Mikey was spiralling, Carmy was away - he didn’t even know Mikey was using drugs, and he didn't go home in the immediate aftermath. Likewise, in 2x10, Carmy is (for all intents and purposes) away and unable to help Sydney when she begins to lose control of the situation. Just as with Mikey, Richie is the one who is available - and, this time, he’s able to save the day.

Generally, Sydney appears relatively stable on the surface, particularly when we compare her to some of the Berzatto family - but I think this is at least partly a case of her being a character who doesn't let her emotions show as much. My own theory for S3 is that the above is either hinting at a larger spiral for Sydney, or is some heavy hinting for Sydney's backstory, which I hope to God we get to see more of.

#god bless sydney adamu tbh #my baby #but i do think thinks will get worse for her #the bear #the bear theories #the bear meta #sydney adamu

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sxtvrns · 1 year

Text

publicly romantic

🎶 now playing: in my heart (demo) - grentperez

P: Lee Felix x Fem!Reader

S: He fell first, and he fell hard. When you were on the big screen behind him, he knew he fell for you even more.

W: fluff, drabble because im in my kpop era now, no knowledge of skz at all, short

N: if im being honest guys the only reason i decided to write this was because i got inspired by those fan dance things during their world tour ive only ever listened to case 143 and i apologize if this makes me an outsider but i thought this was cute okay enjoy the content

please interact if you enjoy!

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

When your boyfriend said he was going on a world tour, you did not think it was going to last for nearly an entire year. JYP better give them a break after this.

Dating Felix was a handful. He was always busy and his schedule was packed, you both were travelling constantly, having a home in Sydney and in Seoul. With the tour on his hands as well, it didn’t make it any easier. You saw all the edits of him flooding the internet, all of them reminding you of how much you missed your boyfriend.

So when you were told he was going to Australia, and you were conveniently going to be there at the same time as his concert, you had your fingers crossed you could get tickets. You didn’t care if you were in the pit or in the nosebleeds; you were happy to even be in the same room as him for a little while, even if you had to admire him from afar.

You texted him and called him as much as you could. Whenever your phone rang, you always assumed he was on a break or had free time, knowing that it probably meant the rest of the day was full of work. The amount of people that love him reminds you of how lucky you are to have such a handsome guy who seems so out of reach be your boyfriend.

Things weren’t kept secret for long. When you visited Felix one time, he forgot he was live, saying your name and three forbidden words out loud and straight to the camera: I love you. You never showed your face that live, your hand merely waving hello. It wasn’t until you left the room that both of you had realized what he’d done.

You came into his room after he finished his live, putting his phone away. “What the fuck did you do.” You say, more of a statement rather than a question. “I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to– it just slipped out!”

“If I knew you were going live, I wouldn’t have come. You slip up easily whenever I’m around.”

“That’s because I love you. And that’s also exactly why I didn’t tell you because I wanted to see you.”

You pace around the room, panicking. “JYP’s gonna kill us. He’s gonna kill you. Your fans are gonna come and kill me!”

“He already knows.”

“What do you mean, ‘he knows’?”

“Chan accidentally ran his mouth. If anything, you wouldn’t be in my room right now if JYP forced me to break up with you. He just told me to be careful… and I do. Ever since we started dating, I’ve been careful.” He sighs, setting his phone down and walking up to you. “I’m sorry. I… you can stay here for a few days if you’re too scared to go outside.”

He knew that people could find what you look like and all your other information with a mere search of your name. This wasn’t the same as other people knowing who his sisters were. Him getting into a dating scandal would jeopardize your safety and his group. He didn’t care about his group at the moment, he was scared for you.

“I… I’d like that, actually. I hope you don’t mind.”

“I assume that means you don’t mind sharing a bed? Unless you want me to sleep on the floor.”

“You really think I want you to sleep on the floor after the amount of time we’ve been apart?” Your response makes him smile, pressing a kiss to your forehead and pulling you in for a hug, his hand caressing the top of your head. “I’m really sorry. I know I messed up. And I’m sorry I can’t be there for you all the time.”

“I know. It’s okay. You’re doing your best, and that’s enough. I know you’re working hard and you’re busy. But… I’m hoping we can still try to enjoy ourselves for the time being.”

He pulls away to look at your face, being confused about your sudden switch up.

“Yes, I’m scared, yes, my life is probably going to be in danger at some point, but I did not come to see you just to worry about this and our relationship going public. It’s out there now, and there’s nothing we can do about it. I know I was panicking about it a few seconds ago, but I’ve come to terms that it happened already. I forgive you. And honestly, I’m glad that you’re that comfortable with me to say it in front of thousands of people.”

“I’m sorry–“

“You’ve apologized enough. It’s okay now.” You cut him off, going onto your tip toes to kiss his nose. “Can we order something? I’m hungry.”

“You didn’t think of doing that before my live ended?”

“I was gonna ask you, but I felt I intruded already.”

After that whole fiasco, people found your social media accounts, some of them even following you, flooding your comments with nothing but sentences that had the name Felix in it at least once. You got a few death threats even, but you tried to not let it get to you too much. It made you a bit paranoid, but the more you went out, the more you forgot about them.

Articles were written; Tiktoks and edits took over your feed about the ‘mystery girl’ or ‘Y/N’ behind the camera that gave Felix heart eyes whenever he looked at you. Eventually, they found out what you looked like, and though you were expecting insults, you were instead given compliments.

Pretty, adorable, beautiful… words that made you feel comfortable to be a part of Felix’s life publicly. He never brought it up during conversations or interviews unless another person did, which, he was very cautious with what he was saying.

You had your fair share of hate. It bothered you a little bit, but then remembered the only reason they hated you was that you had something they didn’t: Felix. His love and affection, his admiration and attention. It boosted your ego unhealthily, but you weren’t gonna get all full of yourself over it.

He wasn’t necessarily open about his relationship. He wouldn’t bring up the topic himself; usually someone else would have to. He would answer any questions, but there was always a limit to them. He was all nice about it though, always asking you after if what he said was okay to share with others.

“‘How’s Y/N?’ She’s good. She’s actually visiting, so I hope I’m not too loud.”

“‘How did you two meet?’ She does camerawork and paid us a visit, shadowing someone else. She always came along for a few shoots in a row, but I didn’t want to miss the opportunity so I just asked when no one was looking.”

“You wanna see her? She’s not too comfortable on camera, so I don’t think–“

“Felix, do you want this?”

You look at his tripod set up, then his surprised expression, as if he’d seen a ghost. “What’s wrong? Am I interrupting?”

“Nothing. What is that?”

“It’s a grilled cheese. I put the last of your gochujang in the butter.”

“Ah, thanks, we needed to get rid of it somehow.” You eye the camera. “Your face isn’t showing.” He clarifies, allowing you to walk into frame, letting him take a bite of the sandwich. His eyes light up, enthusiastically nodding. “It’s good!”

“Do you want it? I’ll make another one for myself.” He nods, taking the plate from you. “Thank you!” He says, mouth full as you walk out the door. “Look at this, guys. You guys summoned her, now I get good food.” He bites into it again, visibly enjoying the simple sandwich you made. “I love my girlfriend.”

The clip went viral. It’s now one of Felix’s iconic moments, and the first of your own.

You two were certainly romantic, private and in public. On the occasion you’d post photos of the two of you together, and you were also open about it if you were to do lives together. You weren’t in every live, but he invited you once and it was fun, so you were open to other opportunities.

You kept your hood on, which hid your face a bit well enough on camera.

“Y/N, what are we making?”

“Rose tteokbokki.”

“If you don’t know already, my girlfriend is an amazing cook and she gives me food sometimes during some of my other lives.”

“Then Felix makes brownies after and it’s a full meal.”

He notices your amount of clothing, greater than his. “Why are you wearing your hoodie? Is it not warm?”

“I’m hiding myself, I’m scared.”

“There’s nothing to be afraid of when you’re so pretty.”

“I cannot believe you’re flirting with me in front of over a hundred thousand people.”

“They deserve to know.”

His hand rests atop your head, his fingers gently gripping the hood. You let him take it off, fixing your hair right after. “Isn’t she pretty?” He shows you off to the camera before you hide your face in his chest.

You sat in an innocent little bubble tea shop, scrolling on your phone when you get a call from him unexpectedly. “Hello?” You greet, sipping on your drink. “Y/N, do you wanna come backstage after the concert? Feels like it’s been forever since I’ve last seen you.”

“Probably because it has. Can you really do that?”

“Chan’s parents and siblings are coming, and they’re going backstage, my sisters are coming too.”

“I mean, I’d like to, if it’s possible.”

He chuckles. “I’ll see you there.”

“Love you.”

There’s a brief pause, and you think about hanging up.

“Love you too.” He mutters, ending the call. It wasn’t very ‘professional’ of him to be calling his girlfriend when he should have been out there practicing, but he’s been kept from you long enough. He just couldn’t help himself.

And besides, he’d do anything for you.

As if it were a coincidence, it turned out you were sitting next to Hannah, who greeted you with a hug when she saw you sit down in the seat beside hers. Now you were sitting in your nosebleed seat, eagerly leaning forward to stare at the screen, the sudden random play dance coming on.

From your knowledge, a camera would focus on a certain fan in the audience, mostly in the further back, said fan having to follow one of the boy group’s dances. This would usually come on mid performance, meaning the members would be watching as well.

You’re so engaged staring at the screen, excited to see who’s on next that you don’t realize that it’s you. “Y/N!” Chan says, looking over at Felix. The choreography for God’s Menu begins to play as Hannah forces you up onto your feet, cheering you on.

You hand her your lightstick and place your bag down, forcing yourself to get over it and just do the dance for the few seconds you’re on screen. In your opinion, you did pretty well, judging from the screams that erupted from every inch of the room. You do the ending fairy, leaning against the railing again with a hand under your chin, sending a wink and a flying kiss across the arena. You immediately get shy, hiding your face in Hannah’s shoulder.

“Wow.” Felix starts, feeling Chan pat his back. “That’s my girlfriend, everyone.” He points in your direction, the arena flooded with screams as Felix’s ears and face slowly go red on the screen. You feel your own face heat up as you cover it, Hannah shaking you uncontrollably. “He’s blushing!” Han teases, pointing at your boyfriend’s crimson face. “C’mon, man, say something to her!” Chan says, ushering him closer to the edge of the stage.

“Y/N, I love you!” He holds a finger heart up, sending a flying kiss back to you. Your face goes warm at his bold move, yet you feel pride that he’s comfortable to do that openly in an arena full of his screaming fans. “Don’t cover your smile, you’re beautiful.” The screams somehow get even louder, and you feel as though a million eyes are on you as you wave your lightstick gleefully.

“Aww, so sweet!” Seungmin adds, poking at Felix’s open affection.

“Do you guys wanna know what Felix does? He scrolls through her photos sometimes before practice and he comes back all red. His excuse was that warm up was tough on him.” Chan exposes, though isn’t immediately stopped by his friend. You laugh at the thought, it being heartwarming at the same time.

You wait with Hannah, her parents, and Felix’s family after the concert, seeing Chan walk out first and greet his family, then you. “Felix ‘s coming, just grabbing something.” You nod, letting him reunite with his family for the time being. You smile at his feuding with his sister, feeling a tap on your shoulder.

Felix is standing right behind you with the biggest smile you’ve ever seen, and you practically jump into his arms. “Geez, I’m so sorry, I smell so bad.” His sweat makes your hands cling to him, yet when you look at his face, it made him all the more attractive. Still smelly, but somehow sexy at the same time. He had a towel on his shoulder, wiping his sweat off as best he could. He pulls away to greet his mom and his sisters, taking their pictures for them. You watched in awe how sweet their connection was and how close they were.

You overheard his mom talking to him before they left. “Treat her good, okay? You don’t want to lose her.” Your heart melts, now aware you’ve truly earned his mother’s approval. He walks over to you, stopping to simply admire you, his hand tucking your hair behind your ear.

“My god, you’re beautiful. I’ve missed you so much.” He mutters, the words making you blush and jump onto him for a long awaited kiss. One of those long, cheesy movie kisses was a way to describe it, but who cares if it was cheesy, you finally got to kiss him after months of being away from each other. “Loved your dance, by the way. When’d you get the time to learn that?”

“Circumstances. Figured it’d be best to be prepared.”

“You did fuckin’ amazing, then.” His hand covers his mouth, eyes widened in shock. “I didn’t mean to say that.”

“You aren’t live anymore, it’s fine.”

“Still felt wrong.”

“Do you guys want me to take a picture of you?” Hannah appears out of nowhere, startling you. You nod, handing her your phone, posing for a couple pictures, feeling Felix’s hand on your hip the entire time. “Alright, now kiss!” Hannah says jokingly, Chan shoving her shoulder.

“Seriously–“ You get cut off by Felix’s lips on yours, smiling into the kiss. Hannah eagerly takes photos, even when he pulls away, simply staring into your eyes as if he could see a whole world behind them. “Can you post that?” He asks, his lips curling into a smirk.

“Am I allowed to?”

“I’m the one that asked.”

That was a yes.

When Hannah hands your phone back to you after scrolling through the photos, she says, “You know I was joking, right?” You huff with a smile, staring at the photo of the two of you kissing. “If Felix was given a chance to kiss me, he would do it in a heartbeat, no questions asked.”

missed this goofball <3 love you always and forever, lixie (ps i love ur abs)

YALL R SO CUTE

AWWWW

i want this SO BAD you dont understand

that should be me

SHE IS SO PRETTY

tbh felix same id fold too

HAHAHA CAPTION IS SO REAL

“Have you been doing that for every show?” You ask, Felix running his fingers through your hair. “Doing what?” His eyes dart from your eyes to your lips and back. “Showing your abs. Lifting your shirt up and shit.”

He chuckles, his smile so pure talking about such a suggestive topic. “Yeah, why?”

“You’re telling me if I went to your Korea concert, I would have seen your abs there too?”

“You can see my abs anytime, Y/N.”

“I can?”

“You’re my girlfriend, of course you can.”

“Well, I don’t see you enough to see them that often but–“ When you turn back, his shirt is lifted up, showing them off in the middle of a Sydney sidewalk at an ungodly hour in the morning. You yank his shirt back down, Felix laughing almost too loud. “How indecent of you.”

“If indecent is what it takes to make your face like that, I’ll be it all the time.”

“Shut up.”

“You know you like it.”

“Maybe I do, so what?” You turn your face away from him, feeling his fingers rest under your chin to face you towards him again. “So… show me that you like it.”

“Felix, I am not having sex with you in the middle of the sidewalk at one in the morning.”

“So you’d have sex with me if we weren’t on the sidewalk?”

“I don’t think I can even have sex with you. At all.”

“Who’s stopping us?”

“Your fans. Your company.”

“They don’t have to know.”

“‘lix–“

“I know, I know. I’m just joking. Maybe when this whole idol thing is over.”

“It’ll be a while, then.”

“Hope you’re still in love with me by the time I’m 30.”

“I’ll always be in love with you, ‘lix.”

“Really?” He stops in front of you. “Really.”

“You promise?” He holds out his pinkie finger. You hook your own with his. “Promise.”

And he kisses you. Again, and again, and again.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

i wanna be where you are; feel so close though you’re so far, you’re my girl. 🎧

#lee felix #lee felix x reader #skz felix #felix x reader #stray kids #stray kids felix #felix drabbles #felix blurbs #skz x reader #skz fluff #fanfiction #sorry if this is bad

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